It might seem like a great idea to warn your sociopaths ex about who he/she is really involved with. This is once again you trying to be ‘nice’.
Remember that the sociopath will always exploit your need to do the right thing, to be nice and good, against you.
What will really happen if you try to warn their new partner
- The sociopath will make you out to be crazy, obsessed and not able to let go
- This will (in the new partners eyes) make him/her seem like a good catch (after all if you can’t let go – he/she has to be great right?)
- The sociopath will have followed the same pattern with the latest victim as with you. Already the sociopath would have assessed – and is now seducing. The sociopath would be grooming the new victim, mirroring back to them the image of ‘perfect person’, the new victim will not want to let this go, no matter what you say. As the sociopath seems so ‘right’ for them, they will only be convinced that you were the wrong person, and they are the right one.
- Warning the new person, will only create a deeper bond between them
- The new person wouldn’t WANT it to be true and wouldn’t believe you anyway
- You are merely giving the sociopath further ammunition against you, to prove just how crazy you are.
Whilst you are trying to do the ‘right’ thing. And trying to prevent the sociopath from hurting someone else. Also, likely partly revenge (why should he/she be happy and you not) and I know the pain of discard hurts – but truly the only outcome would be that you would look crazy, irrational, obsessed. Of course (according to the sociopath) this is why he/she had to leave you.
The sociopath will likely say how controlling YOU were. You contacting the new partner will reinforce this.
The sociopath is a compulsive pathological liar. A person who lies easier than telling the truth. The sociopath enjoys the game of life, and others are merely players in the game. Stop playing the game with the sociopath.
Save yourself further heartache. Focus on YOU and not on the sociopath. Yes you know who this person really is, and you want to stop someone else’s life being ruined like yours has been. Realistically the outcome will only bring further negativity towards you. It will only cause you further heartache and pain. It will make you feel worse.
What to do when you feel a burning desire to reveal all
- Write down your feelings on paper. This will ‘let it out’ – write a letter but never send
- Know that you can only be responsible for you, and your own life. Take care of you
- Try to do something today to make YOU happy. Just one thing. Try to do this every day.
Ultimately know that
- The new person isn’t better than you (no matter what the sociopath says)
- The sociopath WILL treat the new person the same way that you were (and probably worse)
- You cannot change anyone else, or anybody else’s life or destiny, you can only save you
- Realise that you are repeating a negative pattern of behaviour – trying to fix and save others – before fixing YOU
- Bring your focus back to you, and your life
- Know – that in the end the truth WILL come out. Let it go, you know that the sociopath will eventually hang themselves
- The outcome with the new person, will be the same as it was for you. The sociopath will always repeat the same pattern of behaviour.
Remember the lesson that you have learned. You cannot change anybody else, but you can change you. So, if you do get the burning desire to contact the new partner and tell the truth, STOP…. instead write to yourself. Write a letter as if you were writing to them, let it out and let it go…
Love yourself instead… your worth it!! 🙂
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