Why you should never warn the sociopaths new partner – about ‘who they really are’

It might seem like a great idea to warn your sociopaths ex about who he/she is really involved with. This is once again you trying to be ‘nice’.


Remember that the sociopath will always exploit your need to do the right thing, to be nice and good, against you.

What will really happen if you try to warn their new partner

  • The sociopath will make you out to be crazy, obsessed and not able to let go
  • This will (in the new partners eyes) make him/her seem like a good catch (after all if you can’t let go – he/she has to be great right?)
  • The sociopath will have followed the same pattern with the latest victim as with you. Already the sociopath would have assessed – and is now seducing. The sociopath would be grooming the new victim, mirroring back to them the image of ‘perfect person’, the new victim will not want to let this go, no matter what you say. As the sociopath seems so ‘right’ for them, they will only be convinced that you were the wrong person, and they are the right one.
  • Warning the new person, will only create a deeper bond between them
  • The new person wouldn’t WANT it to be true and wouldn’t believe you anyway
  • You are merely giving the sociopath further ammunition against you, to prove just how crazy you are.

The outcome?

Whilst you are trying to do the ‘right’ thing. And trying to prevent the sociopath from hurting someone else. Also, likely partly revenge (why should he/she be happy and you not) and I know the pain of discard hurts – but truly the only outcome would be that you would look crazy, irrational, obsessed. Of course (according to the sociopath) this is why he/she had to leave you.

The sociopath will likely say how controlling YOU were. You contacting the new partner will reinforce this.

The sociopath is a compulsive pathological liar. A person who lies easier than telling the truth. The sociopath enjoys the game of life, and others are merely players in the game. Stop playing the game with the sociopath.

Save yourself further heartache. Focus on YOU and not on the sociopath. Yes you know who this person really is, and you want to stop someone else’s life being ruined like yours has been. Realistically the outcome will only bring further negativity towards you. It will only cause you further heartache and pain. It will make you feel worse.

What to do when you feel a burning desire to reveal all

  • Write down your feelings on paper. This will ‘let it out’ – write a letter but never send
  • Know that you can only be responsible for you, and your own life. Take care of you
  • Try to do something today to make YOU happy. Just one thing. Try to do this every day.

Ultimately know that

  • The new person isn’t better than you (no matter what the sociopath says)
  • The sociopath WILL treat the new person the same way that you were (and probably worse)
  • You cannot change anyone else, or anybody else’s life or destiny, you can only save you
  • Realise that you are repeating a negative pattern of behaviour – trying to fix and save others – before fixing YOU
  • Bring your focus back to you, and your life
  • Know – that in Β the end the truth WILL come out. Let it go, you know that the sociopath will eventually hang themselves
  • The outcome with the new person, will be the same as it was for you. The sociopath will always repeat the same pattern of behaviour.

Remember the lesson that you have learned. You cannot change anybody else, but you can change you. So, if you do get the burning desire to contact the new partner and tell the truth, STOP…. instead write to yourself. Write a letter as if you were writing to them, let it out and let it go…

Love yourself instead… your worth it!! πŸ™‚

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

212 thoughts on “Why you should never warn the sociopaths new partner – about ‘who they really are’”

  1. Nice! Great post.

    I once “warned” the OW once, years ago, and yep, looked like the crazy ex that couldnt let go.

    This time around, I DIDNT warn her (because of course, I got sucked back in), and she eventually came to ME looking for answers.

    There may be a chance for you to calmly reconcile with the OW, if you both have been discarded, but we all know it takes something truly traumatic to be pulled from the throws of a sociopath, and a “crazy ex” isn’t strong enough.

    Actually, I just remembered, when I first got involved with my ex-soc, I was quite young. Some older girl saw me coming out of a store at the mall and followed me out to stop me, warn me about him, and tell me I should stay away from him because he did X, Y and Z.. Of course, I had to find out the hard way for myself… πŸ˜›

    1. For you GL πŸ™‚

      I think we are all a little Briget Jones crazy, & the Soc is Hugh & Ohhh MR Darcy….Mr Normal awaits, don’t give up πŸ™‚

      Love PR xoxo

    2. I can understand where you’re coming from. When I first met my ex he told lots of stories about his “crazy” late wife accusing him of all sorts of things. I was suspicious, but chose to believe him. Over time, I found out for myself that all of her “crazy” accusations (cheating, physical abuse) were nowhere near as bad as the truth!

      I sometimes wondered if I’d have left him sooner if I’d had the chance to ask his late wife, or prior girlfriends, about him. Now I realize I wouldn’t have believed any of them if they’d tried to warn me. I was SO wrapped up in wanting to believe what a great guy HE was, and that I’d be “different” or “better” than the others! I’m still working on my fear of making the same mistake with the next guy who comes along: going into denial when red flags are flying in my face.

      I guess the first step is learning to trust our own instincts. We don’t really need an ex to warn us about a sociopath. The spath does it for us, if we’re willing to listen. If he says things like “she was always accusing me of cheating” or “she called the cops on me” or “she was nuts/a bitch” or “all women are… [insert insult here]” it’s time to step back and wonder who’s *really* the one with the problems – and will you like it when he says the same things about you to another girl?

      1. How easy can be to ignore our instincts. We want it to be truth, to think that he is just honest, that with me everything will be different.

      2. Dear Ennesse (New Supply), I write to you today 29.01.2015, a letter I will not send, cannot send, with regret, but if you are reading this now I hope you will understand my reasons for not warning you about Narc’s behaviour before now. If you are reading this letter you have either been discarded (as I was 8 months previously) or you have discovered Narc is a either a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath and have suffered psychological abuse either resulting in illness in yourself, be it physical or mental, or are traumatised and do not know which way to turn. Please let me reassure you that IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT, I understand too well the brainwashing, the lies, the deceit which makes you feel crazy and that you might be losing your mind. I developed hypothyroidism and I can’t be certain but I do wonder if the abuse may have contributed to the illness, which I will have to live with forever. I wanted to warn you Ennesse, but I doubt you would have believed me, just as I did not take seriously when someone anonymously sent me a letter a few months into my relationship with Narc. I read into the letter that Narc’s Ex wanted him back and was jealous of me, just confirming what a wonderful guy Narc was, he was so popular, and wasn’t I the lucky one to have landed such a handsome, intelligent, charismatic, fit and financially secure guy. As I write this letter you will have been with Narc now approximately 8 months, possibly still in the love bombing stage – delicious, hypnotic, romantic,exciting, generous, all enveloping, wonderful moments. Shortly these tender moments will begin to fade, they will be replaced with some darker moments, you may already have witnesses some rage, but if not I doubt it will be long before his kind/generous mask will slip and he will begin to hurl hurtful accusations your way. I have discovered that this is projection. Whatever he is accusing you of is most likely what he is doing himself. Narc is a womaniser….he has probably admitted to you himself that he has never been faithful to any woman (which makes one feel all the more special if she can be the first/only one he has ever been faithful too…after all age 67 its about time he settled down now, as he says he wants to and is ready to, so I/you might be the one eh??) The abuse is so very subtle, intermingled with some fun, laughter and oh the wonderful holidays. But the rages get worse, the moods get worse, the blame gets worse but it is too late now…. you have ‘traumatically bonded’ and you are hooked. Because Narc has hooked you into his sob stories about his childhood, seeing his dad killed at 11, his abusive mother … (all very sad), he clearly has attachment issues and needs constant attention and adoration from you, but as a caring, nurturing, empathic woman, you are happy to lavish him the love that he so desperately and deservedly needs. So, you will no doubt have neglected some of your relationships with family and friends….for a good cause of course…for Narc….and I guess expecting it would be a good investment, as he will have promised you a commitment, possibly even marriage?? And somehow you find ways to cope with the abuse. Well, its not called abuse is it? Its called Nobody understands him like I do, He’s having a bad day, grieving his wife/mother/stepfather/the past, It’s not all bad. Whatever its called, its denial, and denial is natures way of protecting us. If you don’t read this letter, if you don’t come and find me, for closure, then I assume you have remained in denial, and I am sorry for at you Ennesse. It will mean that you are trapped, owned by Narc, and as long as you are not causing waves, allowing him to have affairs, or take other women out for meals, buy them flowers, or turning a blind eye to all of this, then maybe things will be ok for you. I could say so much more, I want to tell you how cruel Narc was to me, I want to tell you my side of the story, as I know that Narc told you how much I broke his heart and hurt him, but again this was all projection. Believe me (and I am sure you do now) that I gave everything I possibly could to this relationship, I loved him with my heart and soul and they were shattered in the process. It has taken a lot to heal……writing this letter is part of my healing, and I’m nowhere near yet. Feel free to contact me Ennesse, despite what Narc tells you I am a caring, compassionate, empathic and very kind woman, and my learning from this traumatic experience is to Not get caught again! To set boundaries for myself. To help and educate other sufferers and survivors of Narcissistic Abuse/Psychopathic Abuse and Sociopathic Abuse, and Dark Triad Abuse and any other label we might give ourselves. No one knows like one who has suffered, we need each other to validate who we are and what we have been through, and to help each other through the myriad of emotions and the road to recovery. It aint easy but with help we can get well and live our dreams, and we can live with without Narc in our lives. God bless you, keep you safe and bestow peace on you. Hissex

    3. Been there. Done that. Banned from his store for life. Ha! I know his temper tho. People will eventually hate him. His employees too.

      1. Hey J’bug πŸ™‚

        How’s Judah today?
        I sent a prayer for him & gave George a big cuddle from Judah whilst outside in the moonlight & we sent our love across the world to you & him πŸ™‚

        PR xoxo

    4. True to form the ex SP I was involved with has gone to Thailand a matter of weeks after our split and has met a very young (22 years his junior) thai girl. True to form too he is splashing pics of them all over his public FB and saying they are getting married after a few weeks! Poor, poor, innocent, young girl. He is trying to get her back to the UK to live with him and she will be totally cut off and dependant, just what they like! Funnily enough I was contacted by his ‘crazy’ not X to warn me! Since then I have shared some peace of mind with her that it was not her! All the while he is logging on regularly to a thai dating site , clearly showing how shallow he is. I like to keep track as it has really helped my recovery in realising the full impact of what he was like. I favs no feelings at all I am glad to say although I do hope he gets his come upance. I know he slurred me to all his friends and family and I am flabbergasted they are blinded to him especially given the details of his latest victim and his irrational behaviour. Beats me but I am free now and boy am I thankful I dodged a bullet!

    5. I can’t begin to explain how finding this website makes me feel. So far I’ve cried to know I’m not alone and maybe I’m not as crazy as he tells everyone I am.
      I thrilled to read the steps to healing, I am somewhere in the middle of recovering and feel this will be so helpful to me. I did try to warn his newest victim and of course she thinks I’m crazy! His ex before me, it was months before I knew her real name he always called her “Nutsy”. She has become someone who I can talk to about this and she is an angel to me.

      1. It is really good that you can talk to someone who understands Mimi, it can be really theraputic, as you know that this isn’t you. Also you know that this is repeated patterns of behaviour, that happened before you – and will happen after you also.

  2. I did that myself thinking I was helping and eventually found out the new gf is a psychopath as well. All it did was draw them closer and figure out ways to attack me and my kids. All I can see for the both of them in the end is total annilation of each other because they’re both psychopaths playing the same game against each other. Actually come to think of it, that would be hilarious to watch:)

    1. I’m preparing to watch the same game play out right now with his fresh new victim (we broke up last weekend and he already had her in his sights and moved in with her)! When I found out she is exactly like him, I can’t wait to watch the show. I’m stuck in the anger and hurt phase, but this might actually help my healing process. He just posted on FB that he is “feeling loved” and our mutual friends that don’t know of our split think it’s because of me. Stings a little, but I can’t wait for them to find out the truth.

      1. I know it’s really hard, but as with any relationship, not just the ones you exit with crazy people. I just remember what my mother told me (who should be certified as well). “There is never a reason for you to stoop to a level where you embarrass your self in public, or cause a scene. If the other person your with is causing a scene don’t part take making it worse, simply walk away”. I can’t tell you how many times that phrase saved my ass. The other thing she said which stuck out. “When your angry count to 10 before you speak, or else you may say something you will regret, especially in public, you don’t want to look stupid do you?” Lol? Eh – whatever? Anyway quote #1 is why I don’t ever warn my ex’s current (The One) he already has their minds made up about me, and I don’t care, the out come will be the same, the are last in a long line of many, I am just founder of the club, I wish I was never a part of. Some are still under his “spell”.

      2. Hi NIBSIH πŸ™‚

        It’s smee & I am in your club so, we are the winners πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
        Soc survivor club, wow what an amazing bunch of people we are πŸ™‚
        We lose a Soc & gain a support group πŸ˜‰ not all bad πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        Love & Light πŸ™‚
        PR xoxo

        P.S. How many Soc’s does it take to change a light-bulb???

        Answer 5,
        1. To access the situation, flick light switch ‘On & Off’, AKA…Gas Lighting!
        2. Awww….Seduce the light….’Your so bright, you light up my life ;)’,
        3. Gaming….’On & Off’ to test the light!
        4. Ruining….’Stupid Light, not bright enough…must get a brighter one!!! hmmpf’
        5. Discard….’That’s blown it!’….pass me the next globe!’

        Ahhh a ‘Light Bulb’ moment…..LOL we finally get tired of the Soc ‘ON/OFF/ON/OFF:) πŸ˜‰
        You know how kid’s really s#*t you when they do that flicky switch thing…LOL

        Love & ‘LIght Bulb Moments’…
        PR xoxo

      3. PR

        Oh and it’s the on/off – that is just plain exhausting and causing the bill to go ridiculously high! Lol! How you been? I am hanging in there! Trying to be positive and find happiness!


      4. Ditto NIBSIH…keeping busy & moving forward with my life πŸ™‚
        Off to Bali with my old school buddies next week to EAT,PRAY,LOVE πŸ˜‰
        Cannot wait, I have wasted too much time so, I am being pro-active & focusing on what I really want out of life etc…I have many blessings & cannot change the past & I have no intention of letting it ruin the rest of my life…it’s behind me for a reason & I have learnt so much from this experience & will not go backwards πŸ™‚

        Keep Going & I shall be thinking of you all & cheering you on as I laze by a pool with a cocktail, good friends, lots of laughter & love πŸ™‚
        Make this your aim as well, something for YOU πŸ™‚

        PR xoxo

      5. BALI!! How wonderful!! Yes, I am getting there, baby steps. Lol. Sometimes this stupid injury, gets me down too!! But I am trying to fully focus on getting better too!! Have a cocktail oh shoot have 2 a day for me!! Be safe!!

      6. NIBSIH πŸ™‚ I will & don’t let that injury hold you back, POSITIVE Thoughts always…I was supposed to have a total hip replacement this year but, NO WAY, I got proactive & am now rehabing myself back & hopefully it will pay off? I turned 50 this year & wanted to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY not HIPPY BIRTHDAY & I didn’t πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
        Keep going & have faith in you, your AMAZING & INSPIRATIONAL :)…LOVE YOU HEAPS & HEAPS XOXO PR XOXO

      7. These guys that you’re all talikng about.. they’re not really sociopaths, you know — it’s actually only just you justifying your judgmental and pathetic weakness.

  3. Thanks πŸ™‚ I already did call. And everyone does think I am crazy lol. Good thing they are all trashy people I could care less about anyway. There are some starting to see who he really is…but no one on earth can imagine his dark side. They would just never believe me.

    1. Hi FS that is the worst thing to do. The hell with him an focus on u. Me an my spath broke up the 22nd of Aug, he had the balls to send my daughter a txt which said I love u an happy birthday so she could txt it to me, he dont have my # anymore changed it when we broke up. Then a couple of nights ago he asked her to call me, u believe the balls on him…. Still waitin for KARMA… Peace an love πŸ˜‰

      1. I was drunk when I found out he lied to me for months. Would have handled it better otherwise. I wish he had just been honest. Lol. She never questioned what I told her either…I think she just could care less that he cheats as long as he is living in her house shecould care less.

    1. Hi Jane,

      If they contact you, this is different. If they contact you they are for a reason. In this instance – be honest and tell the truth – as likely what you have experienced they have too. This is why they are contacting you!

      1. Hi Positiva πŸ™‚

        I was contacted by the OW to find out where I fit in etc…as you may remember?
        Anyway she did me a huge favour & I have a feeling it was all part of an elaborate plan to get rid of me from the Soc etc…although she was acting as the detective & he got slack? Or did he???
        I wish I had found your site before I did the whole 9 yards of looking crazy but, I don’t think she realised just where this revelation etc…would take me.
        The Soc also did not realise & was very alarmed by what unfolded.
        I was always one step ahead of the articles you posted in my actions which always threw me? I was living them especially the what not to do ones ;(
        Like others I fell across the site when I googled Sociopath etc…& low & behold my saving grace appeared, albeit a little late πŸ™‚ Story of my life!
        I had no idea how deep this whole episode was going to run & I have been buoyed by the experience & horrified at the same time.
        The kindness from you & the other wonderful, strong, admirable people here πŸ™‚
        I think I literally would have been very ill had it not been for you & your posts etc…
        In hindsight, contacting the OW is not a great idea as it also creates another conduit for you to stay stuck in the Soc trauma.
        Your advice for those contemplating sharing etc…is bang on, don’t bother as unfortunately like my OW who knows he’s a Soc won’t listen.
        They think they can change them, love them or whatever them & will join us here one day sadly.
        On the other hand, we will be here or others like us to help & support them back to appreciating themselves before the Soc destroyed them.
        I wish all here a compete recovery & I can honestly say that I cannot think of a more bizarre way to meet the nicest people & I am honoured to share this experience with very compassionate, loving souls.
        We are good souls discovering each other so, not all bad πŸ™‚

        “Learn to love the fool in you, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects you against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom you also harbor and who would rob you of your human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for y
        our Fool.”
        – Theodore Isaac Rubin

        Love & light always πŸ™‚

        PR xoxox

      2. Thank you PR, you have a beautiful soul, and help to make this site a beautiful place for healing and recovery. Thank you!! πŸ™‚ I didn’t get your answer – as there were so many I might have missed it. How is the gestalt therapy going?

      3. πŸ™‚
        Hi Pos,

        I am going to my 3rd session on Thursday, it’s Tuesday night here in Oz πŸ™‚
        It’s good but, confronting as it’s bringing up a lot of stuff which is good & bad but, needs to be dealt with πŸ™‚
        I am learning a lot from all of the experience here & the path it’s taken me on πŸ™‚
        I love helping others & am so grateful for the support I have received so, Pay It Forward is a great way to go πŸ™‚
        Lots of very inspiring people (especially women here πŸ™‚

        Love PR xoxo

      4. I can second that, I did reveal him to the other one,,two reasons,,,,,,,before I did, I knew for sure that he was doing the same to her, lying , using and deceiving her,,,,,,,,,,I honestly felt for her as well as wanting some answers myself. I’m sure she thought I was the crazy obsessed one, and being in the seducing stage she wouldn’t have wanted to believe me anyway.

        I knew she lied to me when she denied involvement, but I couldn’t tell her I was certain and how I knew at the time.
        I walked away knowing that in the end she would see it all for herself, and at least know I hadn’t been lying to her.

        It took me all the strength I had to speak to her, I knew it could go one way or the other,,,,,,it went the other way for me,,but I don’t regret it.

        She will know by now that I wasn’t crazy after all, nd if she came to me now for answers,,,I would still listen and be honest with her.

      5. You might find that she might come back to you at a later date Dorena, when he is done with her and has ruined her life too.

        I spoke to the sociopath in my life last two exes. I struggled to believe what they were saying was true. I was in love and I didn’t want it to be true. What it did was bring us closer together (for a while) – It reinforced his ‘victim’ persona where his ex wasn’t nice to him – and loving him I didn’t want to hear anybody say bad things about him….. ah delusion huh? πŸ™‚

      6. the OW contacted me after a mutual friend let her know what she was dealing with. I told her the truth, my ex denied it. Had actually told her she was just reaching out to me because her therapist had told her to make amends with the people she had hurt in her past (my ex and I had already had a previous history.) so even though my friends, without my knowledge initiated it, she OW did contact me by email. I told her the truth. She wanted to see text messages between us. I told her no that I needed to walk away. I was able to tell her enough specifics though about my ex. She said she was incredibly hurt, that my ex had already been lying to her for over a year about different things and that she believed me. Well, long story, they are together. The ex is so convincing in her games. I’m just waiting for the day when I hear from the OW after she has been destroyed. Might be awhile, she moved in with the ex recently. Such a mess. I have been no contact with either of them since 11/30. And I blocked the OW facebook page so I would not be tempted to look. The last time I looked, of course it is pics of the two of them all over each other and my ex looks as happy as ever. I often wonder if my ex is going to change and be that perfect partner to the OW. The trauma this shit can cause it sometimes unbearable. However, I’m getting stronger everyday!

      7. Well done for the no contact! you are almost at 2 months. I hope you are remembering to reward yourself too!!

        You know he has her brainwashed, owned and controlled. While you are gaining in strength and energy and finding your freedom -she is every day losing hers, and her life is being eroded.

        Keep going, it sounds like you are doing amazingly well. You were right to block her facebook, as that would only cause you pain. Remember she doesn’t have anything that you don’t have, in fact she has less than you, as she will only be a mirror image of whatever he is moulding her into!

    2. Be careful! Sometimes they contact you as part of the “plan” of the sociopath. His ex wife contact me, then he accepted he hear all the conversation because he wants to know what I think about him. His new prey contact me to ask stop bothering him, he was also present.

      1. A little late of a response, but I also say to this “be careful”. I e-mailed my ex about three or four months after the break up and received a response from his new “bigamy wife” and her “supposed” e-mail account.

        I was still coming out of my fog at the time and once the fog cleared, I now believe that was not his new fake wife (who likely has no clue that she is not actually married to him), but him e-mailing me back.

        After all, within a week of booting him out after he told me I could still call him, she was in the background in a rage screaming at me so I reasoned after the fog lifted (yes, you do get some “reason” back in your life lol) that the e-mail could’t possibly come from her because her tune was way toned down.

        I am convinced it was him and was glad that I replied to that with nothing more than an apology and short explanation that this was part of my own recovery from the breakup.

        Really, now that I think of it, it may have been his way of trying to start something.

    3. Jane his ex before me contacted me and my whole family. She looked crazy. Stalked my family and convinced some eventually when his behavior started to show. I still ignored and was blind. Lost everyone in my life. They still don’t care even tho he’s gone. She and I are now friends. She’s one of the few supports I have bc she’s been in my shoes.

  4. I only had to look at how crazy I looked trying to explain all this to my own family and close friends. Unless you have experienced it first hand no one is going to make sense of it. That’s how sadly crazy this whole situation is. Just glad I found this site because I knew I wasn’t crazy despite feeling like I was.

    1. Hi Soul Destroyed, the ONLY people who will understand you are people who have lived this insanity, stay on this site I promise you it will help you, No Contact with ur spath…….Peace an love πŸ˜‰

    2. Soul. I still feel crazy bc I still love the damn ignorant creature!!! I want the off switch!!! But I am staying away. Trying to get out. Make friends. See others. Just have no feelings yet. I’m numb.

      1. J’bug,

        I pretended mine was dead as all the other thoughts took too much energy 😦
        I know that sounds hard but, easier for me to deal with, when things were hard for me.
        Now it’s almost as if he is dead, weird but, true!

        PR x

  5. It looks like you have a crystal ball of my life. After his silent treatment he tries to contact me again, at first with texts and voice mails that says “I don’t know why we can’t be friends?” When I don’t answer back he begins with his playing of “touching my buttons” saying nasty things about me or of why I’m not answering his calls, he send me photos with his new “prey”, and a inadequate photo of her. I try to remain strong, but I react, asking him how is possible that he is capable of so much cruelty. Big mistake! This open the box to a lot of texts and calls with more insults, the last one? She called me from his phone asking me to stop bothering them. I try, really try to remain calm and after the surprise say to her with a broken voice “I was in the same position that you are now, he is the one who is playing with you and me. One day you will be the “crazy one” Please take care of yourself”
    She answered that he is honest with her. I try not to laugh and just say “Good luck with his honesty!” I’m still shattering. I am so sad, for me, for she, for him I never imagined that he will keep doing so much damage.

    1. My ex showed up on my mother’s doorstep at 3am on Easter, over a year after the break. When she told him I was not there (which I wasn’t) and also “don’t ever come here again” – he held up his cell phone and stated “look, can you believe she is still calling me?” – again, my fault even though I hadn’t called him in a few months. Everything to them is ammunition as well as when things are not going well with the new victim, a possible opportunity to see if you will again be able to support their agenda’s.

      About 8 months ago (more than 3 years after the breakup), he emailed me once and said, call me, giving me his phone #. A few minutes later, he sent another e-mail stating “better yet, email me at this e-mail address. This e-mail address was “new” and not one he ever had that I knew of.

      Talk about trying to “game me”.

      1. Oh and one more thing – speaking of his new prey. When I was with him, my hair was bleached blonde and growing out. When he told me he preferred brunettes, I was all for going back to that and he went to the store and actually matched the perfect color without me being there (this is why I say they are super intelligent).

        Now – he then was with his new chick – her hair was also bleached blonde. Within a month – she was also her natural color again – brunette. It spoke volumes to me and really shows the control.

      2. They are very intelligent, and also…. I dunno like they have an x ray radar to know what is going on. I do wonder how to be honest. Or how that was even possible. I know that I have read that both sides of their brain work, and of course they are not held back by emotions. But how do they know everything. To avoid accusations I completely withdrew from everything. it was easier that way. He still did the accusations. I have never met anybody more nosey and focused on someone elses buisness than a sociopath.

  6. I did it allllllll wrong. I confronted him on his affliction, I left him, I went back, turned a blind eye to the abuse, left him again, warned the women in his life through emails and friending them on Facebook, wrote his family a letter, filed a report with child services ( he is controlling, love and affection is performance based, belittling comments to the kids : all EMOTIONAL ABUSE ) and neglectful and yes, he has made me out to look like I’m the obsessed one, crazy in love. All I wanted to do is let those around him know why thing always fall apart for him, the man he really is behind closed doors. He sent me an email stating that he was going to file a restraining order against me and that I could state my case in court. To date, it reads that he may let this threat go after I replied that I am exiting his life since notifying his family. (Of course no one believes any of what I shared with them and my ex did state that’s brought he and the other women closer together.) My actions were no in revenge, my actions were intended to help others understand this man. Turns out that his “attitude” will land him in a big pile of poop at his work place. He has used others at work to get things done for his personal benefit, looks down upon others in the work place, holds himself in high regard, believes that everyone is stupid, etc…. Because he lied about me being his spouse ( we are not married, we were together 4 1/2 years ) I received a nice company perk. The ONLY way to get away from this man was to call the company, tell them the truth and get my social security number out of their system. (If I ever wanted to work for this company my SS# would come up with a married status and in possession of the company perk…The ex told me should I want to work for this company,to lie and say we were going thru a divorce. I told him I wouldn’t lie for him. The company is Disney. My ex : a Disney Imagineer, very full of himself ) Benefits fraud and abusing his position at work has lead to an investigation. So although the ex stated that I have harassed him, ( pleaded with him to get awareness on his affliction, to please be a better person and father ) contacted 3 of his friends and 5 family members, my report to child services was “false” and get this, said I “reported things about his kids”. I reported things about HIM and shared the destruction he left behind for the kids. He didn’t get it. With his being let go from his job, perhaps this is the kick in the butt he needs to finally see that he truly has a problem that needs addressing. My heart bleeds for his kids. I shake my head at letting myself “let this be ok” for so long. It’s all painful but the hurt does subside. We all just want “healthy” people at our side. Relationships shouldn’t be “this hard”. Thank you for this site and this “outlet”.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story, Sunflower! I’m sorry to hear that you had such a rough time. Yes, relationships with sociopaths are always “hard”, and ironically that’s why we try so hard to keep them going. We feel that the harder it is to “win” something, the bigger the reward at the end.

      I don’t think you were “wrong”, people do what they see is best based on their feelings and their circumstances at the time. If you classify yourself or your actions as wrong or right, black vs. white with no shades of grey, you will usually end up feeling badly about yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about the past, which you can’t change. Instead, cut yourself some slack and focus on the future, which you *can* control.

      It’s time to put him in your past where he belongs and stop worrying about his afflictions, his family, his job, his new girlfriends etc. Being in a relationship with a sociopath is like being sucked dry by an emotional vampire. They suck you dry of your feelings and replace them with their own. You lose touch with your own feelings because they make you think the only feelings that matter are theirs.Time to work on your own feelings towards yourself – and your kids!

      I’m currently in therapy thanks to my own 4+ years of hell. When I first got out, I was like a zombie with no idea what I really wanted or how I felt. Now months later I’m finally starting to feel a lot better and not think about the ex every day. If you’re interested, there are many places that offer free or low-cost group and individual therapy, especially for women who have suffered trauma (physical or mental). They’re a great place to share your story and your feelings without being judged.

      1. I would be interested in learning of a therapy group with others that have endured the same trauma. Thank you for this offer. I am located in Los Angeles.

      2. Hi Sunflower, I’m in Toronto, Canada, so I can’t recommend any specific therapists to you. I did a quick Google search for “trauma therapy los angeles” and found that the psychologytoday.com site has a searchable database of therapists and groups, and you can sort by price, type of therapy etc. That’s a good place to start. Even here in Canada where a lot of our health care is subsidized, therapy isn’t free, but we have clinics that charge fees based on your income (“sliding scale”). I’m guessing there are similar clinics where you are. Another place to try is to call an assaulted women’s helpline, as many of them can help you find affordable therapy. Even if you weren’t physically abused, mental abuse is still abuse and you can get counselling for it. Even your family doctor can often refer you somewhere.

        I hope you find what you need! In the meantime, this site has a lot of good articles that help as well.

      3. @sunflower. I have been undergoing counselling for the last 9 months and is ongoing. I did recently have Cranial Sacral Therapy. I had two sessions. One for the emotional tie and the trauma and one for anxiety. They have both worked really well for me. I still have a long road ahead of me because he is taking me to court for contact with our lo although he has been having it he just doesn’t like the fact its supervised and wants unsupervised. He was abusive to me in every sense and just want to safeguard our lo. His attitude and outlook on life terrifies me when it comes to our lo. He doesn’t believe in setting good examples etc and always undermined me to sabatage any boundaries I used to try and put in place.

        I have to keep reminding myself what will be will be but atleast I done all I could early on in safeguarding our lo. At least its out of my hands now. Ive had no direct contact with him for 9 months. Zero contact. All done via solicitors. I so don’t want to be in the same room as him but I don’t have a choice. I have to remind myself I’m the better person and I refuse to allow him to get to me any longer. I’m out of the toxic environment that he himself was responsible for creating not only for himself but for those around him and our lo is going to have to be re-introduced in to all that. I never bad mouth him in front off or too lo but I don’t promote him either. I’ll be glad when its all over but somehow I feel it never really will be because we share a child. I will just have to distance myself. I’m hoping lo will eventually work it out for themself as they get older. I will just carry on doing what I do and thats encouraging good behaviour, respect, honesty, empathy, love and kindness and everything else. Just hope its enough.

  7. I wish I had realized all this 2 1/2 years ago. But then, I didn’t know what he was other than I was badly hurt and emotionally bleeding. I blogged to help myself heal, tried to warn the new prey (still not sure how that worked out!)…It didn’t break them up, but while she initially referred to him as her “husband” in March (he was moved by April.

    Where is this woman’s boundaries?, by December, she turned down his marriage proposal refusing to marry him! I can’t prove it as she’s a very private person, but I think he has probably abused her horribly, and she may have even kicked him out or he may have threatened to leave (which is a favorite threat of his!).

    BTW side note: When I first became involved with him, I searched high and low numerous times for background information on him…his social, mental and criminal history. He kept coming up clean! I could find nothing out there on him! So then I figured he was “safe”. Ha!

    I wish someone had warned me, and I think I would have paid attention if I had only known!

    I’ read other women elsewhere say that when they were warned by the previous victim resulting one of two outcomes…the new victim couldn’t, or didn’t want to believe it or that her being warned probably saved them from total financial devastation. It took cancer to save me and without lots of money, he was hot on the trail of his current victim on Match.com.

    He at one point claimed to be in a hurry, looking to quickly rent a room or house for a homeless “friend”. Word got around – he smeared me to his fans as the obsessed ex who couldn’t let go (surprise! Not!).

    Now I don’t know what to think… 2 1/2 years living with this woman – I wonder, when and where it will end? No devalue or discard in sight I know of. BTW, she’s his ATM ‘Cash cow” with high income, successful business and luxurious, expensive home.

    I’m happy now. Don’t need revenge, not angry, getting on with my life and doing great! :>D Life is good! He’s not my problem anymore – now he’s HER TRASH!

    1. I agree with you that it’s up to her. In my case his new gf is also a psychopath. I told her via email and they just got closer. They get off on hurting people together as a team. It’s so funny they mirror each other and you can tell its 2 psychos playing the same game with each other. I’m at the point now that I look at them both as jokes:)!! I see them as 2 mentally disordered clowns happily looking like over 45 something idiots skipping down the yellow brick road in Mickey D outfits. I’m not giving out any more fucks for them.

  8. Good post! It so happens that I was recently contacted by a lady asking me about a guy. This guy friended me out of the blue on Facebook, called me his “soul mate” and immediately started pushing me for a serious (but long distance) relationship. Red flags galore of course! I told him I wasn’t interested and blocked him.

    Not long after, a girl who had previously seen me on his friends list contacted me. He’d done the same number on her and she’d gone along with it. Now he was telling her sob stories about his poor starving child (who probably didn’t exist) and asking her for money. She wasn’t sure what to do.

    I told her the red flags I saw and that I’d seen his type before (true), and not to give him a dime under any circumstances, as she’d never see her money, or him, again. I suggested she not only block him, but report his (probably fake) profile to Facebook. I told her she deserves better in a relationship than a long-distance mooch. Finally, I included the link to this site! She replied and seemed pretty thankful for the heads up. Hopefully she learnt a lesson and will apply it to the next creep she encounters.

  9. A couple more thoughts: In general I agree with the advice in this post. If the ex’s new person contacts you and asks about him or his stories, it’s one thing. Contacting them out of the blue is another – you’re not doing her any favours, it’s all for YOU!. Deep down inside you’re trying to scare her off so you can have another shot with him, OR you’re trying for revenge on him to gain closure for your dead relationship.

    Exception: If you know *for certain* that this person is or will shortly be in immediate physical or financial danger from your ex, by all means speak up! Don’t tell her what to do, just calmly tell her what you have experienced which makes you believe she might be in danger. Leave it at that and let her decide what to do. Offer your support if you want. Don’t take it personally if she’s too emotionally invested and chooses not to believe you.

    1. This is exactly what I did, I knew for sure it was happening, I had proof, but I never told her, I just told her all that had happened to me, told her i had reason to believe he was doing the same to ‘someone else’, that I had trusted him very much, just revealed some of the sentences he had used on me, how there were contradictions and a few lies, etc. I said that I felt for whoever it may be, because he was so damn charming and believable. That I wouldn’t want anyone else to be duped like I was.I didn’t ask any questions, just let her hang herself with the ones she asked me, it was those that confirmed I had been right,those and the undeniable hurt in her eyes when I mentioned things which rang a bell with her, and she didn’t even know she had told me!!!

      He had told me she meant nothing to him, denied her, said some awful things about her which were not even necessary to say,and that on its own told me I should not blame her,,I knew I would never have back what there had been in the beginning, I knew he would have said similar things to her about me.

      I also knew with the answers I gave her that she would know I wasn’t lying, and that was enough for me.

  10. I would add one more item to the “What to do instead…” section, that being to post and interact on this site. It is therapeutic to talk through your own experience, hear the perspectives of others, and just talk to someone about the situation in general who doesn’t have ill intentions! I believe another post says something along the lines of, if you’re trying to get resolution, comfort, answers, or anything really from the soc, this is one instance where the person who potentially could give you relief is the last person who will.

    1. On top of the world all wknd. Dying today. Why why why why why do I want him back? I don’t but I do why? I miss all the good times. I know they were fake. Fack. I want revenge. Something how do I close this???

      1. I don’t know your specific story, but I would ask myself two questions that have helped progress me through to stronger resolve…

        1) Is there any long-term possibility with this person? In my case, if he turned out to be what he looked like early on in the relationship (he did), I knew I wouldn’t be living that way indefinitely. He couldn’t stick to his word, he wouldn’t make plans ahead so I ended up being alone a lot, he did a regular disappearing act for no good reason (weren’t we supposed to be figuring out how to be together more?), when I did need help, he wasn’t within reach to support, although he claimed differently, he couldn’t be trusted with fidelity, he had a gambling habit (possibly an undisclosed drug habit), and an illegal employment choice.

        2) Does he make you feel bad about yourself/lower your self-esteem? I don’t mean things he did/said in the 2 minutes when he was being nice (aka: manipulative), but today. I can look at the consistency of my soc’s behaviors and see where he hasn’t been there for me, has chosen to give his time to others when he could’ve been with me, has made plans then let me down, hasn’t put near the effort into improving things with me, and doesn’t care about giving me the stability I need, when he’s been asked for it directly. I don’t need to know the next level down (the details of where he’s at, who he’s with, what he’s doing) to know how his treatment is making me feel about myself…and it’s no good.

        I hope you’ll hang in… there are probably very good reasons you are not with him.

      2. I have so many posts on this site. I am unsure which one to direct you to, but I know that this feeling is common. You see he mirrored you (after assessing you) – they are fun and charismatic. Afterwards you feel a sense of loss without them. But you have to ask yourself what are you REALLY missing ? What is the truth (not the lies that you were fed) what is reality – and do you really miss someone who lies to you, disrespects you, is selfish and manipulative. Who uses you for their own source of supply? Do you not deserve better than this? And if you struggle with this… look at why you feel this way? Also read the post about take me to your drug dealer – how the sociopath creates addiction — as this is what it is like coming off of a drug – as he deliberately manipulated you to make you addicted to him – what you miss is your fix, but honestly that fix is NOT good for you!!

      3. @fs. I went through all this as I think we all have/are. Their like a drug that we need to wean ourselves off. Its all the manipulation, the lies, the I love yous. Its the cycle they constantly use. Leaving us feeling really loved and special one minute then feeling like we are nothing to them.

        I questioned myself so many times after I ended it. Have I done the right thing. I love him. I want him. I need him. I miss him to I hate what his done to me. Im better off without him. You name it every emotion possible. Hating myself. Blaming myself. To realising it wouldn’t have mattered what I done or didn’t do it would have had the same ending. I feel you may be going through the grieving process which I have many many times. Im glad im past the pining stage. Thats very distressing. I promise you it does get easier. I wouldn’t have believed that at first but it does.

        Just take hour by hour. Day by day and be kind to yourself. There is no time limit on this. We all heal at different rates and yes fall backwards on our journey too but we have to pick ourselves back up and carry on. We are only human at the end of the day with feelings which have been trampled on by someone who didn’t really deserve us in the first place. We are all so much better than they will ever be. Im sending you a big hug and hope tomorrow will be a little easier for you. Just remember you are worth so much more than this. Love yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself. We are all this together and yes, we are ALL survivors. Xx

      4. That’s what I’m feeling. Not good enough. He picked a young skinny girl over me. But why run us both at the same time. I’m not that jealous. .. its the lying part. I am grieving an actual death. The person I loved died… he never existed but he did to me. I’m feeling awful today. I wasn’t when he told me he was running back to his wife I felt smug. But I know he spent time with the young one all wknd. And all day today. We used to have such fun on rainy days. fuck this hurts

      5. FS. That’s moving forward bc I do the same. On too of the world. Then down below. On top. Down. Top. Down. But farther apart. We will get there.

      6. @feelingstupid – it’s a cycle, so don’t beat yourself up – you’re not backsliding, you’re just coming around the circle again. It will get better, hang on.

      7. J’bug, would you truly wish your Soc on someone else?
        I wouldn’t because he really isn’t worth the trouble he causes.
        Not to mention the heartbreak & devastation ;(

  11. Wow! This is exactly my experience! Two lessons you accept the things you can’t change and that no one is worth the hell they put you through. For whatever reason we are put through this hell to learn these things and the next girl is gonna have the same lesson. Don’t interfere … Shift the focus and your mind inward. I’am fighting to use the pain and anger to fuel myself not my ex.

    1. Well said. I haven’t mastered the no contact thing yet but I’m really happy with my decision to take my life back . I can’t fix what happened, I won’t ever have answers, apology or closure. It wasn’t real, he doesn’t care, I could keep wasting my time pouring my out heart in emails text messages letters hoping something may click inside of him and a miracle will happen….IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!! I could keep wasting more time learning to accept what happened but I got fed up with myself and my day and night war with my thoughts.

      It hasn’t been easy and i have my moments but gone are the days I thought I would never recover from the pain I was feeling.

      Stay strong everyone, take your lives back.

  12. I have looked for a place to leave a question.. but what I want to know is do some of them not have a clue they are doing this, I mean that it is not consciously done but an innate personality characteristic ?

    1. Hi Jamie, I wrote this post about ‘if sociopaths realise that they are’ https://datingasociopath.com/sociopath-character-traits/confusion-of-kindness/do-sociopaths-realise-that-they-are-sociopaths/ they would know that they are different to other people. But they might not know the label for why they are like they are? After all. that is all that it is a label. What they would know is that they have to fake emotion that seems to come naturally to other people. Having poor impulse control – they can’t resist temptation and life…. just keeps turning upside down.

  13. This is a great post, and as tempting as it may be, I agree that contacting the new
    lady of your sp/ex-bf is a bad idea.

    I was contacted after my break up by the previous ex-gf, and she told me that she had hated his ex-wife just as I had hated her (she was right). However, to be honest, I think the other ex-gf is a sociopath as well, but he and she collided – it always seemed to be a case of each of them trying to outplay the other. I put an end to her olive branch quite quickly – I don’t want to be her friend and collude in her revenge. (I have my own means of getting back at him, but I’m not sure if I’m game for it) What a sad life it must be to always have to remember your lies, and he has insomnia – It must be trying to stay one step ahead of everyone else, and to remember his web of lies.

    In my case, the new wife KNEW we were together, and she didn’t care. So, as far as I’m concerned, she’ll get a nasty lesson eventually – he’s so dysfunctional, he won’t be able to keep up the facade of a great guy – he really cracks under pressure.

    Living well is the best revenge, and I plan to go balls-out and live the best life I can.

    1. and I will say that her description of him was bang on – he is a vile, abusive, treacherous man. But he’s such a loose cannon, that most normal people take a step back from him (I did at first, but he worked on me over the course of our acquaintance)

      1. I LOVE THAT SONG!!! Never heard it before. My high school mascot was a tiger. AND when my psyc left I had a dream about a tiger roaming the city and attacking Judah and Hannah. The tiger I that case was my ex. But still. There are tigers among us!!! LOL

        P. S. Judah is still sick an trying to recover after eating rat poison yesterday.

  14. At the time, I didn’t realize who I was dealing with. When I found out he was cheating on me, I immediately contacted the OW. For a couple of months, I was “playing detective” and narrowed my suspicions down to two girls. She was one of the girls. Luckily, her gut was telling her something wasn’t right about him either and she took the time to listen to me. He went on to tell her EXACTLY what you said: I’m a psycho ex who couldn’t let go! Then when I provided screen shots of the texts of him telling me how much he missed me, couldn’t wait to see me…blah blah blah…he told her he was just using me!!!! Here this guy is trying to swoon a single mom by admitting that he was USING another pregnant, single mom!!! He had me scratching my head on that one, because that’s just plain stupid. Although it was the truth, he was just using me.

    For whatever reason, she did not end contact with him, but just 4 days later…guess who he ended up with? The other girl I had my suspicions about!!! He tried telling me they were like brother and sister!! Two weeks later, they got married!!! The OW tried to get me to tell her, but I was like, “Nope! She’s ghetto, desperate, immature…she will not listen to what I have to say. She will learn the hard way.” Sometimes I regret it and often thought of doing it annomously, but at this point, his mask has more than likely slipped and she knows what she has. Something tells me, she will be with him for a very long time because she is not the type of girl to walk out of a relationship with dignity or pride for herself. Sad, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna get caught up in that shit storm drama! No thank you! Let those hood rats drive each other crazy….

    BTW: me and the OW are still Facebook friends and occasionally check in on each other. Having her to talk to and put the pieces of the puzzle together immediately after was a little therapeutic for me….but I will admit that sometimes I would question why he pulled out the red carpet of the “I love yous” for her and not me? He obviously wore different masks with the both of us. I know that now that I finally realized who I was dealing with. At first, I was crushed because I though he genuinely loved her…HA! Poor fool doesn’t even love himself!

      1. Soooo true!!!! I wish I knew then, what I know now!!! Funny because if you had asked me before the spath, I would have thought I was wise….not!! NOW, I’m wise….

        And the fact she mentioned falling from Cloud 9…the OW posted on FB (while they were still friends) “There was a hole in my cloud nine.” I could relate….

      2. Hi Lenore πŸ™‚

        I thought of that song when I read your post, funny about the cloud 9 πŸ™‚

        Like you I thought I was wise also but, i think this experience tuned me back into my own wisdom.
        The Soc’s disconnect you from yourself otherwise they cannot do their evil.

        Finely Tuned now & much wiser than ever before πŸ™‚

        It’s funny how ugly the creature is without it’s mask but, the OW will see it eventually 😦
        I see a really awful gargoyle when I think of mine now, he comes looking like that in my dreams/nightmares πŸ™‚

        Love & Light πŸ™‚

        PR xoxo

    1. @Lenore – isn’t it shocking how quickly they move on? I was so devastated until I found this website, and I realized that he is actually a sociopath. I recognized all of the signs without knowing what to call it …

      Here is a part of what I said in a lengthy and NASTY email to him when I found out he was married:

      “You sure do move fast – is that so women will say yes before the ‘real You’ shows up and they realize what a disaster you are? I was really encouraged by (insert name here) to NOT move in with you, and to not get too involved with you – now I know why – but you really did pressure me. I couldn’t understand what the rush was. I now know that anyone who needs to shack up and get married that quickly is desperate and needy – it’s NOT true love. Once the whirlwind romance and the honeymoon are over, you are both still going to be dysfunctional, and you’ll be stuck with each other and it won’t be so easy to walk away. I am SO glad it’s not me, you have no idea … Karma IS a b!tch.”

      It was so cathartic to write and send that. Of course, he whined afterwards in an email to me saying “I’d never send a horrible email like that to you” (no, but he’d not pay me the money he owes me, he’d lie to my face, sneak around behind my back and bang someone else all while dangling the moving in and getting married carrot to me. I’m sure I hadn’t EVER done anything to deserve a nasty email, unlike him, but whatever)

      I read that nasty email a few times a week to remember all the things he did that hurt me. But, I actually believe there are good men (and women) out there.

      1. Yes, I remember when we (me and the OW) found out he got married, we were in a state of shock. We were like, “Who DOES that after a couple of weeks of dating?” Once I finally realized what he is, it makes perfect sense!! And I know he’s got her in his spell, since he knows what buttons to push on a woman…..I can’t help but to feel sorry for her and her kids. Not even a week after they got married, we found another profile of his on a dating site we met him through. It showed he had logged in recently (after they got married). That told me, he was never going to change and I really didn’t know him at all.

        I’m glad you got some closure with that e-mail. I would LOVE to tell him now what I know of him….that would drive him CRAZY….or shall I say CRAZIER…LOL.

        And I’d like to believe that there are good men out there, but I have a pessimistic view that they’re all taken 😦

        Oh, and I read on FB the other day, “Karma is when you cheat on me and end up with the bitch you have” Hahahaha….his wife seems very childish, hot-tempered, and on an emotional rollercoaster (this is what I observed before they even got together, she was still not over an ex of hers)….yes I’m sure he’s playing his games on her, but I’m sure she’s not making it easy for him either…

      2. Well, Lenore, it will crash and burn around them, and thankfully you will not be caught in it.

        I didn’t know they were married until I texted him to ask him to settle up his debt to me and SHE responded to the text (and in the process told me she knew when we broke up because they were already together) I texted her back and said “cheating is his pattern – if he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you. He also lies a lot, too. Just ask XXX and XXX. Good luck.” So, there is distrust right there – but she knows he is perfectly capable of cheating because she participated in it. She should be worried, and I bet she is soooo jealous and controlling – I’m sure his nuts are in a vice, and he’ll HATE that. If that doesn’t piss him off and drive him away, nothing will.)

        Something tells me that it was a very unpleasant evening in their house that night. LOL

      3. LOL, I love it & I made mine very uncomfortable also πŸ™‚
        The OW can have his Nuts cause he is Nuts, probably come back in his next life as a squirrel πŸ™‚
        Or better still a slippery, slimy slug πŸ™‚

        PR xoxo

      4. I am so thankful for site, truly a blessing! I still cannot comprehend and grasp the magnitude of devastation these predators inflict! I was 2nd wife and of course his first wife was soooooo crazy according to him BS! God only knows what he is saying to his new Mrs about me!
        I am so happy he is now Her problem. After the hearts and flowers it should be interesting to watch it all play out, after all I will be the winner of his twisted game because she will be stuck with his psyco ass and I am free from his Torture!

  15. Since I am stuck with The Monster (we have children), until death. I don’t speak ill of The Monster to The Current “The One”, they change every three to four years. I am always nice, pleasant, polite etc. actually to both of them. I just don’t care. She will find out he’s evil, he knows I know he’s evil. It takes more effort to dirty stinky eye ball them, then to just smile (thinking to self “GO F YOURSELVES, NO FOR REALS”) and move on.

    1. Hi NIB πŸ™‚

      Smee again πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      I do the same with my ex-husband (not the Soc) but, he lives with the woman he left me for & I knew her as well!
      I am always nice to them because of my son & I really do not care πŸ™‚
      They have been together on & off for 10 years & have a pathetic life for real πŸ™‚
      I have seen Karma working on them both so, I don’t have to be angry or bitter, it’s not my stuff anymore…thank god πŸ™‚

      Love PR xoxo

      I am also nice to the OW of Soc although she has stopped contacting me (who cares) but, she said I deserved better than the Soc πŸ™‚
      I told her she does too πŸ™‚
      Life will be hell for her & I am sorry for her 😦 still not my stuff so, karma will take care of it πŸ™‚

      1. I am tired of his games on the kids, they are so riled up. Court is over he was awarded everything so he is gloating. I am sad, because my children are about to enter a nightmare. I wish them well because they asked for hell.

      2. 😦 😦 NIB 😦 😦

        Well that’s just the shittiest of the shitty news I’ve heard today 😦
        I am so sorry & I hope you are okay?
        If I lived close I would grab a shovel, ski mask, duct tape & come over & plan his demise.
        I’d also bring alcohol to toast to you for being the most couragess & strongest lady πŸ™‚
        Then we can cry/laugh & pretty much commiserate.
        Then tomorrow we rebuild once again a life for you πŸ™‚

        It’s such a shame that only we get it because they are such great actors 😦
        He hasn’t won in our eyes, it’s a hollow victory reducing a wonderful person like yourself to what he has done.
        Shame on him, he’s an ugly cold hearted ass!

        Stay strong, we are here & once again I am deeply saddened 😦
        Just stay the loving, devoted mother you are but, mother yourself as you need it now.


        PR xoxox

      3. Hi PR, Thank you for the psychopathfree link, greatly appreciated and Very helpful and right on the mark. I read everything I can on this subject. I know it is easy to say never will I go through this again. I think I will recognise the red flags now but am so afraid of ever experiencing anything like this again. It is actually frightening. It will be 1 year October 4th that he dropped his bombshell on me-the I love you but I am not in love with you like that anymore.What the hell does that mean??? And it was lust not love-maybe on your side of it buddy-always was-but that is not what I Felt or Thought! Alot of years invested emotionally, financially-Lost. I am not sure how long it will take me to feel like I would like to try and date? I still cannot think about dating-Scary

      4. Hello Sandra -The Monster, used “I am in a “Loveless Marriage” line on me. Yeah, maybe on your end bucko, until he finally got honest and said “I never loved you”, (only truthful thing I ever heard come out of his mouth). Of course, you spent all my money, Jerk! Anyway, on Elisse Stuart’s weblog, she has a article called “Missing Pretend Guy” I figured out what to call it! LOL! Best Wishes to you!

      5. Hi Sandra πŸ™‚

        While you feel jaded because of this experience just remember that is part of the Soc control also, they like to think you will never find anyone as good as them.

        My advice is once the ‘scared to’ take another risk subsides, that you get back to the fabulous, funny, happy, carefree girl that your are πŸ™‚

        You are changed from this experience & armed with so much more knowledge of behavior etc…so, if the person is to full-on or, seems to good to be true or, is so much like you etc..
        Then take a good hard look at the red flags & other indicators as there is nothing wrong with approaching the next relationship with caution but, don’t let the Soc take the hope of happiness with another away 😦

        Let’s face it, life is to be lived not avoided πŸ™‚

        Love & light πŸ™‚

        PR xoxox

      6. I REFUSE to change who I am. I have never dated a bad man before ever… and I’m almost forty. I refuse to feel stupid (despite my name lol) I realize I am all fucking heart and I intend to stay that way. I just will never date a man again who has nothing to talk about but how victimized he has been by his mean wife and his mean mother. Dead giveaway. I can see it so clearly now. What a trap!!! I promise myself to love just as much (smarter) next time because THAT is who I am. (As you see much better day today lol)

      7. Yay Good Girl FS πŸ™‚

        Proud of you bella πŸ™‚

        From the guides to help you stay strong πŸ™‚

        PR xoxo

    2. Yes I understand, maybe his new wifey would like to take a look at the pics on his cell from one of his college students in her undies, wonder if she made the grade??@#% Yes he has alot of female friends-yes he is brilliant a legend in his own mind-Loser!

      1. Paloser just like mine, legend in his own luchtime πŸ™‚
        Still must be nice not having a conscience?
        They are not worth it are they!

        Love PR xoxo

      2. & I can’t spell πŸ™‚
        Lunchtime & not worth it! Sheesh time to go πŸ™‚

      3. Eww, yep “trophies” so nasty. Wouldn’t The Monster’s #2 be so upset if she knew my daughter saw “her photo spread”. Just another form of control. So glad I am too old for this technology.

      4. Hi NIB πŸ™‚

        I’m not sure if I told you about my Soc’s trophy cabinet of Royal Dalton ladies & his son
        (aka the wing-man) collects Predator figures & has them displayed at the Soc’s ex-wife house! Creepiest of the creeps & lucky me didn’t get it until recently (doh!) biggest red flags ever!

        Love & light πŸ™‚

        PR xoxo

      5. I wasn’t a “trophy” either per se – but I have my name stilled tattoo’d on him. Middle of his big FAT CHEST, CREEPY. we separated in 07. WTF? Whatever, maybe it gets him sympathy sex? Idk?

  16. Positivagirl,

    thanks for another great post! You really explained it well. I agree with everything that’s written. I also thought to tell everyone about real him, but something held me back. I was thinking I would appear as ‘crazy ex who can’t let go’…. and in the end, we all do have problem of letting go because of the betrayal bonds … But, it gets better and better. This last month I felt that I moved away mentally from him a lot, the betrayal bonds are weakening πŸ™‚ I am occupied with some new plans in my life, thinking more about myself, less about him… Now I really don’t care what he is doing, who are his latest victims (women of his life lol some 1000 of them probably)… I feel happy that the nightmare of being with him is over, that I got the truth about him and doing things to recover myself πŸ™‚ Yes I think PhoenixRising was right on the spot for me with the song “Piece by Piece” (I will let go of you)… there is determination of this girl in the song that she WILL let go and I am kind of like that πŸ™‚ (struggling but… “I’m still standing!” (Elton John’s song :))
    I also liked very much how you wrote “Realise that you are repeating a negative pattern of behaviour – trying to fix and save others – before fixing YOU” – yes, that is true! Every time when you ignore him,you respect the NC, you respect yourself !

  17. You know I can’t fight it anymore, I just want to be happy. And this is not the path I want to travel. I don’t care anymore what anyone thinks of me. I am not healthy, and it’s effecting my physically. He literally makes me sick. I tried everything. So, I am out of money. They all want each other. I wish them luck. I mean don’t get me wrong. I did my best, my attorney fees r well over $10,000. Just for this year. But I am 5ft tall and I wear 00 in jeans. Kinda gross, in my opinion. It really does break my heart, but I can’t change it when everyone is against me,acting in the children’s best interest, doing what the children want and “liar liar pants on fire” is sitting there just watching them roast me. So? I do nothing. What else is there? Hmm exit gracefully and smile.

    1. Hi NIB πŸ™‚

      I think it’s time you got healthy as your body is also showing the signs of this trauma.
      The mind & body & soul are all hurt so, now it’s time for you to get healthy in a mindful way πŸ™‚

      Be Brave, you’ve come a long long way πŸ™‚
      Not sure if I’ve sent this to you before but, it’s time for you to listen again & gain strength πŸ™‚

      Love PR xoxox

      1. NIB your welcome re video πŸ™‚

        You will like this also πŸ™‚

        Wendy Mathews is my favourite artist πŸ™‚

        Love PR xoxo

    2. Hi normalisboring, thank you for the Missing the Pretend Guy link..so informative I just go Wow! It is like a light at the end of the tunnel …granted a long tunnel but I am seeing the light.
      My ex spath while married to me this time last year had been pursuing his newest victim online on Skype in another country. He pawned and hocked gifts I had bought for him to have an engagement ring made for this women because he was going to meet her (while still married to me) over holiday (Christmas) I could not believe this, that he could humiliate and degrade me like this why could he have not divorced me first? He was going to anyway. They flaunted this on FB for everyone to see our families our friends watched this disgusting “Love” relationship play like bad theatre my nightmare but my reality!
      The only honest thing he said to me before he left was ” you know this had nothing to do with you, this is all about me” NO Kidding! Thank you all for sharing & caring!!!

      1. Sandra they always want to look like they’ve done you a favour etc…mine always said you deserve better blah blah…dead right!
        Oh & how about you’d make a great wife & if I (he) was twenty etc..years younger he would have married me (DAH!)….thank-god he didn’t cause I still feel so sorry for his wife of 25 years + & he even told me he’d never loved her or ever felt real love??? How sad after 3 children.
        Obviously I thought he’d love me cause I’m so lovable but, a Soc can never love anyone except themselves 😦
        He said once that he felt something like love for me??? I hung on that for a long time 😦
        Still if I’d loved myself more then I would have jumped ship years ago but, I was determined & stubborn so, never let it go for fear of losing also…damn my pride!

        Love & light PR xoxo

      2. Male or female, ugly, handsome, young or old. NS’s are all the same. Which is the ONE thing we can all rely on. They have the same tired bag of tricks. It’s text book. They prey on the unassuming.

    3. It is amazing what the soc will do to win over their newest victim.
      My spath when he went to visit the OW over holiday rode a camel (this gives you an idea of the part of the world he was visiting) which is hysterical because I could never get him to ride a horse because “he was deathly afraid” and boy did it show on his pic that was posted on FB! I did take a great deal of pleasure knowing what must have been going through his head and the terror he must have been expeiring..just a little piece of Karma that I was able to witness-Delicious! πŸ˜‰

  18. Can 2 sociopaths have a successful relationshio with each other? Is it possible for them to coexist together without trying to destroy each other? Or they will just have numerous affairs on each other and get bored and just leave?

    1. I have been trying to research this concept. The very thought is frightening to me personally, 2 people trying to out lie, manipulate, control and destroy each other? Yet make it look totally socially acceptable and pleasing to the eye? Hmm! Sounds like The Mean Girls Club in high school.

      1. @NIB – yes, I think that 2 SPs can be in a relationship, because they both love drama and trying to get the upper hand. I really think that my ex-bf/sp and his other ex-gf were both SPs. Their relationship was one constant drama, and the manipulation and violence escalated – they were always trying to one-up the other. Of course it would never work. Very pathetic.

    2. Two socio’s would be constant games. The sociopath loves to control, but doesn’t like to be controlled. For this reason alone it would be unlikely to work. But… at the same point they would never be bored. There would be some element of respect between the other – and lots of constant games – the winning part would be fine – but the constant striving for control would not be fine.

      1. I’ve seen it work. It works really well when they are joined together in business or in leadership of an organization. They are like two partners in crime who support each other, and together use and destroy those around them while protecting their own little nest. It definitely can work. But they lose friends constantly and have dramas just the way the lone socio does.

  19. Fantastic article – informative, clear and spot on! I have done a lot of stupid things, and unknowingly played into the idiot’s hands many times, but thank God, this is one thing I did not do. It didn’t mean I didn’t feel like it at times. Knowing you are being lied about is infuriating and frustrating and I think this is the real reason we would like to warn others. Silence is golden, it keeps them guessing, and that’s what they hate. They like predictable, they like control, they like information. You take all this away when you remove yourself and remain silent. It’s not what my ex was expecting, I received a message from him out of the blue last week, after more than 7 months of complete silence. He wrote as though we’d remained friends and nothing had even happened. Even though I was tempted to be polite and reply, I deleted and ignored. This also shows respect to the new partner, and removes yourself completely from their playing field. I remembered how I felt when his ex’s used to message him as though they had some special rights, and I would never play his game and be that person. I know all about him and his new target, because he made it that way, but he knows nothing about me and my life, and that’s how I like it. That’s how it will remain.

    1. That’s exactly and totally right Simone!! Give them the exact opposite of what they expect! It fucks their head up each and every time!! I have to keep reminding myself that P’s are the polar opposite of us empaths. They’re not human. Work their game in reverse and their circuits are blown. Don’t feed them any supply they can’t get any even in triangulation, no response is the best response. Totally jacks them up!

      1. Dam straight Bluegal on every count! I have been reminding myself this, just today – that they think completely differently to the way we do. It’s what’s so damaging and infuriating. Being taken for a ride, then watching them con the next victim using bullshit about you, I don’t know of anything more frustrating. I am definitely tempted at times to blurt it all out, but I know he would absolutely love it. He’s got every around him and her conned, fully believing he finally deserves the best, now that he is rid of that neurotic woman! You can only pity the next one really! You know what she’s in for.

      2. And you just have to sit and wait. Because really, if you said anything, it takes all the focus off the new target and keeps it on you. They always need someone to project onto, and best to remove yourself as fast and as far away as you possibly can. This will speed up the process and make him let down his mask a lot quicker, and project onto his new target, rather than remaining centered on you.

  20. Hi PR,
    Love the Wendy Matthews song.. Spot on and brilliant! Thank you!
    We are all strong, resilient, kind, thoughtful, caring, compassionate we are all this and more…

    1. Yes Sandra we are & we just need to keep reinforcing that to ourselves πŸ™‚

      Love & Light πŸ˜‰
      PR xoxo

  21. The girlfriend contacted me and told ME to look up the definition of psychopath as that is what she believes he was. After 4 weeks they have got back together and I’m the one who has told all the lies( even though everything I told her was the truth and she said it made her feel sick as it was all making sense!!)
    So thanks to her I have found this site which has helped me beyond belief, I have had nc for 4 weeks and I’m feeling much better and gaining control, it’s nearly a year since he left for her and has tried to keep control over me all that time, pathetic I know but I still thought I loved him and let him come back into mine and my sons life over and over again only to watch him run back to her, now all the truth is out he is pushing for a divorce as his mask is starting to slip and he needs to snag her quick. All I can say is karma.

    1. Stay strong. Mine always wanted the best for my daughter (6yrs) but rarely interacted with her and I’m glad it happened that way now that everything unfolded this way. I can’t wait until I’ve recovered from this but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and every day gets better for me.

  22. Thanx absorption,I am trying really hard to stay strong it’s just so hard,especially when you see and hear them telling your child how much they love them etc.there is nothing worse than somebody hurting your child and knowing that they truly don’t give a shit!!
    I’m having a difficult day again today partly I think due to the fact that I have spoken to his mother and sister last night and uncovered yet more untruths.His father died only 8 weeks ago and already he’s borrowed £££ of his mother saying that its for the divorce which is totally untrue,it’s to feed his gambling and drug addiction!!
    I just can’t get over how a man can be so callous and self centred especially when he is carrying on with his life without a care in the world, booking holidays with his gf and moving apartments,when my son and I are sitting here in total shock and struggling with day to day living. x

    1. I know, it’s very frustrating when your children see these people who damn near walk on water, and your treading to keep your head above it. They profess love for everyone so adamantly and fiercely, yet when it’s time to put their cards on the table they fold. It’s a beautiful mirage, which is only held for so long. Sad because who is hurt in the long run, children. Adults we can heal, children can be scarred forever by their parents.

      1. Too true,they are an absolute disgrace, not only are we left dealing with our own emotions we also have to deal with our children’s as well. It’s just so unfair. My ex has moved on with somebody who has two children one not even a year old! And even though she’s admitted that she can see how myson is nervous around his father she’s still letting him into their innocent lives, how sad..But at least my conscience is clear because I have tried to warn her, it’s her choice to not listen, so it looks to me like she has got an awful lot of heartache to come!!!! x

  23. I finished such a relation 4 weeks ago. I didn’t know he was sociopath until last week. I’ve read a lot about it here and others sides, and it ‘s all him. I’ve loved him so much, he did so much for me and my children. I could’n understand why he started cheating on me (now i do). All the lies he told me… I did warned his new girlfriend with whom he already moved in.. It’s 2 days that i’ve not checked up her FB. he deleted his new one (i’ve hacked his old one) and he changed hin number of his cell phone.. I keep wondering, would he be diffrent now? Did he loved me? Does he leve her more than he loved me.. I’m completly messed up by al this…

    1. Hi welcome to the site. If you read the posts in the drop down sections at the top of the site. I have written about those questions that you ask. I wrote a post on did he love you? I also wrote a post about don’t be jealous of the person …. have a look in healing and recovery and is he or she a sociopath?

  24. I made full of myself trying to warn his new girls. I had proves but he played one against the other (there were a few of them at the same time). each one believed he truly loves only her. His current wife thinks I am crazy, she did not want to listen to the tapes (I recorded our conversaton) to see how he played her….She couldn’t deny pathological liar he is so now he convinced her God is changing him….

    Looks to me that everybody has to see by themselves. I did not listen either.

  25. Does a sociopath ever get too old to carry out another game? Just wondering if they will do this their whole life, or if they actually can settle down with someone?
    Asking because my ex is now 55 and apparently getting married to his OW (well she was the OW at the time when he was with me).Or will the urge to dupe and carry on always get the best of them?
    I wanted to warn her so many times , but resisted because I knew he would make it look like it was me and I was nuts etc. I feel bad for her, but she was and is definitely old enough to make her own choices. I have kept up on my end of no contact for almost a year now — only a couple times saw him of his accord coming to where I was. I am so much more at peace not talking to him. I realized that all he ever did since he was done with me was make me feel rotten.
    If someone had warned me at the beginning I would not have listened and nothing would have changed. I would have thought they were a psycho ex and to leave US alone.
    So again — can they ever make it for the rest of their days with one person????

    1. No, all they do is lather rinse repeat. They can’t sustain with anyone. Just because he’s getting married does not mean he’s gonna be faithful to her. It’s all an act. If she’s being gaslighted, the abuse can go on forever or until she wakes up and gets enlightened. The honeymoon is over the minute the psychopath knows you’re 100% into them or they extract what they want from you. If she’s clueless to him, she’ll probably stay that way no matter what you tell her. If she has no concept of what a psychopath is, she won’t get it.

      I tried to warn the OW telling her about my psychopaths deviant sexploits with videotaping having sex with underage teens, his online masturbation, his STD’s, his online porn accounts and instead of questioning it, she ran right into his arms, even offered up her own daughter to him(according to him) then after him confronting me about it, he said she’s also disordered and doesn’t judge him. So I think she’s a psychopath too!

      Trying to warn the OW is a waste of time and won’t get you anywhere especially if they aren’t knowledgeable of what a psychopath is.

      1. Oh I am aware the abuse can go on for years — usually until they find another source for themselves. I was with mine 8-1/2 yrs, but I did not understand a sociopath either. I often thought he had issues, but I was not sure what they were.
        I guess the definition of insane is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That is what a soc does, only I think they enjoy doing it. They have a really sick sense of winning something, when the other person did not even know they were playing

      2. NMSPlease πŸ™‚

        It’s just a game for them to relieve their boredom & boring persona! Bit like chess, the king sacrifices everyone for his own safety & to win….checkmate! I played chess with my Soc once & he cheated, couldn’t even play a game of strategy properly without cheating. I knew the cheat moves also, so did it back to him & he was pissed then πŸ™‚ LOL πŸ™‚
        The OW told me she’d heard my words come out of his mouth so, he even mimicked my personality, that’s probably why she likes him πŸ™‚ his own personality is drop dead boring!
        LOL they really are vile little creatures but, the best revenge is knowing & escaping & living a better life without them πŸ™‚

        Love & light πŸ™‚
        PR xoxo

      3. Hi Bluegal,

        So true & the OW in my saga knows as she caught him red handed & even after all the betrayal & lies (I had been with him 10 years & she has been with him 3 1/2 at the stage she discovered me) so, he’s been betraying both of us the whole time, yet she stayed?
        Some woman never learn & if the situation was reversed, I would have run a mile & I did πŸ™‚
        A woman in her position chooses to stay & doesn’t do any of us justice, least of all herself.
        I am free & loving it, as I posted before, she will be here with us all sooner or later 😦

        Love & Light & Freedom to us all & all the OW’s
        PR xoxo

    2. Hi NMSPlease πŸ™‚

      My Soc is 58 & last I heard engaged to the OW or at least she thought so?
      When I fronted him on this he said, “I am not engaged, I am single & can do as I please!”
      I met the OW & she was like all of us here, confused, betrayed & shattered. None of his family knew he was that serious & getting engaged, not even his best friend, not even the Soc but, she was adamant he’d proposed but, as we know that’s part of the game 😦
      We talked about him & the fact he was a Soc & even laughed that he used all the same lines, gifts & even called us both Darling etc….but, then she decided to stay with him?
      She is a Dr Of Sociology & studies & lectures in human behaviour so, if she chooses to stay even after she knows well, so be it?
      I can not fathom wanting to stay with someone after what she found out but, I am grateful she alerted me otherwise, I would still be in the game probably?
      They really are the most evil demons I’ve ever come across but, they cannot help themselves & we targets are many so, endless supply for them.
      I don’t think things would be too comfortable in their house though as he knows she knows his games so, it would be doing her head in with suspicions & games & he will be trying to prove he’s not a Soc, what a nightmare. She will be here with us all one day I’m sure of it!

      Love & light πŸ™‚
      PR xoxo

      1. Yes I don’t think it matters what kind of smarts you have you can be taken in by them. Eventually when you are aware something is terribly wrong, you have tried to build a life and a future with them. I believe my ex is getting married this month some time — not sure when — his Mom knew about it. I know he asked me at one time too , but I had told him a couple of things that needed to happen first and of course they never did.
        They do not really care if they marry because they have no sense of responsibility or commitment- it is just what is good for them at the time and they can walk away just as easily when it suits them. I think his wife to be will end up as an older woman ( she is around 58 or 59 now) looking to see what happened to her.
        Actually this is how I stumbled onto this sight was after everything ended suddenly, I was seeing closure and some sense of understanding what had happened.
        It has been comfort to me to know I am not alone (not that I want anyone else to go through this mind you!) and I wasn’t stupid.

    3. No, a true sociopath is hard wired for this – can’t be changed. I’ve heard that in childhood, they have the “possibility” of being like this and what actually brings it out and hard wires it is their childhood surroundings and experiences.

      It is possible to birth a sociopath without them turning into one, but once they are one, you can’t undo it.

      Also, for me in just the last two months, I have really narrowed the term sociopath down to the term opportunist. They have agenda’s going on all the time with whoever they are in contact with and through their lives, they have actually learned the ability to fake “feelings” such as sadness and empathy without actually feeling it inside like a normal person would.

      There is a movie about someone who does this – I think Nicole Kidman stars in it though I haven’t seen it – what I’ve read about the movie is that she actually goes up to a mirror at some point and “practices” facial mirroring so that she can easily fit in to emotional situations without feeling the actual emotion.

      If there is an opportunity for them to do better, they will take it and will not care about your feelings even though they may at times make you think that is what they are doing. You are (and everyone is) nothing more than an object.

      You can bring this down to the simplicity of a piece of furniture in your house, when it becomes useless or you just get tired of it, you replace it.

  26. My eldest son was just told by his wife that she has been cheating on him, and the 1 year old baby isn’t his. She was right, a DNA test confirms he is not the father. We have not spoken to my son in 2 years. We only know about these turn of events from my second son who was still communicating with him. She told all kinds of lies about us, my husband specifically and despicable things about myself and my eldest daughter. Sadly, my son rejected us- screaming hateful things. He was once a good son, although somewhat selfish. Now, they are divorcing. She is a true psychopath and I so want to warn the new family (baby daddy’s). They are in some ways so similar to ours- almost the same name-Catholic-same family structure. This man is younger, her bosses son and I am starting to think she may be several years older that she says. This was her second marriage. After the first marriage she didn’t speak to her family for 4 years, because they asked her “what did you do?” They are siding with my son and call her a psycho. I suppose they could have warned us. At the wedding, her dad wouldn’t dance the father daughter dance. Looking back there were signs, but my son was so enthralled with her. Yes, she is charismatic and I can see why he was attracted to her. He could always get any girl he wanted and never had a broken heart. He was a star athlete, played college football and is blessed with a photographic memory. Sadly, I sometimes wonder if this was a cruel but needful lesson for him. Maybe for me too, since his accomplishments were a source of pride for us. We went from pride to humiliation and depression.
    I am so overjoyed that I don’t have a grandchild I am not allowed to know. I pray for the baby that she will be well taken care of by the new family. Although, it was heartbreaking to be so rejected, she must have known that we would have guessed the baby wasn’t his. Also, that my son is getting help from a therapist. We still haven’t spoken, but he has texted his father.
    God Bless to all who are tied to these monsters through family or children. I have prayed relentlessly and so have my extended family ( Oh yes, she tried to turn my sisters against me too, and they live in other states!) I think she may have grown tired of my son because he bought her lies without question and she needed some new victims. In the midst of this, my second son married a wonderful woman and having a close relationship with her has been a God send. I know it’s not over yet, but we are looking forward to a reconciled family. My you all find peace, happiness and laughter again!

    1. Hi CiCi,

      I hope you son comes back soon πŸ™‚
      I have a feeling he will but, thank you for sharing your story…Wow she did create havoc but, you are stronger for it & appreciate the truly good relationships πŸ™‚

      Love & Light πŸ™‚
      PR xoxo

  27. I still think there must be the way to warn someone. Just feeling guilty to be quiet for my own sake. Maybe if we don’t talk straight to new GF but her friend or family member and if we act normal,not in rage, they might take us seriously.

    1. If you remember the lies he told you and how you believe them, you will know there is no way you can save someone else the pain. They just don’t want to listen — we have all been there and after being victimized feel it is our duty to warn the next one — lets admit it also it is partly jealousy that they have moved on so easily to someone else.
      Unfortunately it will always get turned against you and the friends and family will believe their own before they will listen to you. Even if they do see it , it will just alienate the GF from her friends and family as she will be caught in the web of deceit he is weaving.

    2. Keep something in mind – the sociopath will likely also have the family or friend fooled as well, at least to the point where their behavior may be questionable, but not an actual mental disorder (such as schizophrenia).

      It is not until after the damage is done that people may believe, but like those of us with first hand accounts, they will have a hard time NOT believing that the socio – deep down – is really a good person, just with bad habits.

  28. Hi everyone,

    In the end… I did it. But anonymously. I sent some logs and screenshots that I took from his computer and I sent it as proof to his two female ‘friends’ ( better say long time unaware willful victims) so that they know that behind the ‘nice, sweet, good’ guy facade he is a sadistic porn addict and serial on line dater and trying to establish ‘special connection’ (better say flirting, cheating, betraying) with almost every woman he gets in contact with. I also sent them some of his emails where he was talking nasty about them to his sister (insulting them, calling names) so that they know what is behind the facade. I also sent his aunt the mail he sent to his sister where he called his aunt f*c&ing bi^ch (for last Christmas they were having ‘issues’ where they will have it). To those two long time female ‘friends’ (he is keeping them in ‘reserve pool’ for dating) I sent screenshots of his porn videos, mails he sent on dating sites and mails where he was badmouthing them behind their back. I also sent to him some of those porn pics that he watched on his screen (his desktop icons can be seen too so he can see that it is from his computer) and wrote the subject: Have you been enjoying it, (his name)? Then I wrote in the mail: “Do you recognize the screenshots from your computer? I’m sure you do.”
    I also sent extract from the mail of one woman he was dating and discarded after me so I gave him a false lead that it is maybe her behind all this. Now he is exposed and he won’t know who did it, he will never be sure is somebody monitoring him again. I was lingering with this ‘retaliation’ all this time… and this last month I wasn’t feeling well, I was kind of going back to depression phase. Then I decided to do it, to expose him and that will finally be the end of it for me. And I wanted those women to hear the truth. As for him, well, let him hear the news and that is that there are consequences of ones actions …. you can’t just fool someone and then spit him out (like he did to me). I mean he can and he did it, but he will get some consequences for what he did, although he thought that he won’t.

    1. @Caerra – I LOVE IT!!!! This is awesome – and the fact that you did it anonymously is SO smart!!! Now that you’ve exposed the f@cker for who he is, please close the book on this chapter of your life and do nice things for yourself, you’ve sure earned the right to do that. Hugs …

      1. @Darling
        Thank you for your reply! I too feel that this was another step to close the chapter… so I hope I will… as you know the sociopath’s venom .. it’s not easy to get free from it, but when I think how much I got better during this past year and if I get that much better during next year …it will be good:)

    2. Hi Caerra πŸ™‚

      I love it!!! You go girl…Yay…:)
      I also did the exposure with proof & whilst it’s not recommended,they cannot hide when you actually have evidence πŸ˜‰
      I created quite a storm so, he would have been reeling in damage control πŸ˜‰
      I didn’t come off looking bad either as, I had the actual proof.
      I even had his signature as an executor on my will, which he denied to the OW so, I showed her a copy πŸ™‚
      I have changed my will obviously but, he couldn’t deny knowing me & signing my ‘Last Will & testament’,….oh that’s right, I would let a random passerby sign such an important document….lol….:)
      I sent emails of my exchanges with the other woman & from him to me etc…to his brother, daughter (the nice one), his ex-wife oh…& his work colleagues πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰
      Oh & they are forming the basis of my book :)….so, I am not revengeful but, the truth will be told as I really detest liars 😦 😦
      He often accused me of cheating & I said, “I would never do that, I would tell you if I wanted to be with others etc…that’s a really cowardly act & hurtful so, I am better than that!”…LOL
      He agreed with me!!!
      He then proved what a coward he was by having his Policeman best friend call me to say,
      “He’s not a Sociopath!”…Really ya think!!! Here’s some fact’s for you buddy (follower,enabler)….ring any bells…LOL what a game, oh what a game!
      I am like you Caerra & you do have to be mindful of not staying obsessed with the whole drama as it only does you harm 😦
      I have phased through it now & have ‘let go’ but, I can talk freely of it without it affecting me, like it is a story…& I am a great storyteller :)…the difference is, I write the truth not the fiction!
      Hmmm, what book title do you suggest, ‘Cock of the Talk!’…’The Soc that Suc’s!’….or ‘Pardon my Delusion, your just an Illusion’…LOL…

      Love & Light to you my friend πŸ™‚
      PR xoxo

      1. Hi PR πŸ™‚

        That was so funny! “Cock of the Talk” πŸ™‚ How about “I lie, therefore I am” – Life philosophy of a sociopath πŸ™‚
        I feel good that I shared what I found out and not just on this site but to his friends and family. He is exposed:) and his nasty sister… I also told about her email to my ex spath where she wrote how her marriage to her husband is bullshit, that he never gives her gift for her birthday (he doesn’t acknowledge it at all), Christmas etc, that he only spends time with the dogs and that he is like a random roommate. To the outside world, they, off course, pretend to be happy couple. So, she is exposed too πŸ™‚ Let her pretend now to her friends and family πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ And my ex spath – he often signs his mails with “God Bless” because he is such a good, religious man of faith… so how about when people now know that he calls his aunt f*c$ing b^t*h and watches sadistic porn? I just gave the facts and the facts speak for itself…

      2. Hi Caerra πŸ™‚

        I think your guy is as delusional as mine, aren’t they all!!!

        ‘God Bless’…he means he’s God & he’s giving all his subjects his blessing!
        Yep he thinks he’s a Demigod…..really he’s a dem


        an evil spirit or devil, especially one thought to possess a person or act as a tormentor in hell.

        “he was possessed by an evil demon”

        synonyms: devil, fiend, evil spirit, fallen angel, cacodemon; More

        incubus, succubus;




        “the demons from hell”

        a cruel, evil, or unmanageable person.

        “I was a little demon, I can tell you”

        synonyms: monster, ogre, fiend, devil, villain, brute, savage, beast, barbarian, animal More

        “the man was a demon and he had hurt her to the depths of her being”

        a powerful, often destructive compulsion or obsession.

        “he is plagued by demons which go back to his childhood”

        something very insidious and harmful.

        “the demon of sexism”

        reckless mischief; devilry.

        “his eyes are bursting with pure demon


        a forceful or skilful performer of a specified activity.

        synonyms: genius, wizard, expert, master, adept, virtuoso, maestro, past master, marvel, prodigy;

        Satan was an angel that fell from heaven & became the Soc, a seducer of humanity.

        We have survived the demon & united we stand & they cannot divide us ever πŸ™‚

        Love & light πŸ™‚
        PR xoxo

    3. Ha ha ha… the really ironic thing about it all is that, they do so much bad stuff in all the relationships in their lives, he probably will never figure out it’s you who did it!

      1. @jusagurl

        yeah it really is so… there are SO many women that it can come from (but they generally don’t know for each other), so if you wait for a year or so, so that you are not the last one discarded, it’s unlikely that he can connect it… I am glad that these two female ‘friends’ know it now… because they still haven’t been in a relationship with him so they aren’t zombified in that sense that they would not accept it, so I think it will influence them not to become his next victim…

  29. I did this. I warned. The first girl luckily started dating someone else and left him. The recent one I didn’t know about until my ex and I had been talking again for a couple months. So he was long distance cheating on her. And I told her. He was ahead of the game though since he knew I warned the first girl. So he had spent their whole relationship conditioning her that I was crazy and unstable and to never believe me if I told her anything. I just wanted to help her. I didn’t want her to end up like me and the past exes of his. But I’ve learned now to keep my mouth shut. It just turns around on you. Even if you want to help, they probably won’t believe you and you’ll end up getting hurt. And possibly harassed.

  30. Oh my word! I am right now out of a year long dating relationship with a sociopath. I am exhausted, and emotionally beaten up. My self esteem is at it’s lowest. I’ve gained 25 pounds since meeting him from stress eating. He immediately went to a new woman and I’m watching him treat her like gold and am believeing that maybe it WAS all my fault. Maybe I am insecure and argumentative and cold and distant and not able to may any relationship work (the list goes on and on).
    I’m a semi intelligent person and my friends do not understand anything I am saying. I have nobody who understands. My friends just can’t understand why I am not relieved and how I could put up with him for so long to begin with. I feel great relief at finding that I am not alone

  31. This website has helped me more than thought was possible! In understanding what happened to me, helping heal, and helping me move forward with my life. I am so grateful that I came across this; it is absolutely wonderful support that I needed so so much!

  32. I struggle at times with Facebook creeping to find out the status of my ex sociopaths relationship in a misguided way I guess to get closure, but everytime I do this I learn something new that enfuriates shocks and hurts me. That I struggle with wanting to contact the new “victim” to get answers closure to get revenge. But really what I ultimately want to do is just end the whole obsession of wanting and feeling like I need to know more. It feels so infinished a part of me likes seeing these hurtful things so that it solidifies and smashes to illusion I had of him and it doesn’t make me miss him less. But I feel like enough is enough! I have my own life far away from him and I am doing good things for myself and my future. I see the benefits and the peace I feel now without him in my life but maybe I am not completely used to the positivity yet?
    I know what helped me today when I had a strong urge to contact her I called a family member to get my mind off of him and than I decided to go out to eat to do something nice for me.
    Funny enough the song playing in the restaurant as I walked in was “tainted love”
    But I did feel better about it all. It’s getting easier. It’s been about two months without contact.
    The first month I was a wreck! Crying not eating drinking a bit could hardly leave my bed. I was very hurt and depressed.
    I hope that within a few more months I will overcome the urge to check their Facebook pages for juicy info and that I don’t have any urges for “revenge”
    I feel like I am better than that. I don’t want to stoop down to his level. I just want to get to a point in my life where he doesn’t matter I can see him as an evil loser and be able to be open to receive and presue positive things and relationships.
    I love the website it’s so relevant specific and valuable to me. It’s good being able to share and read others who have been through the same thing! Thank you

    1. Sydney, Utilize NC..
      You’re going to be fine in no time. Just remember you are strong and have a heart. He made you weak and tried to remove your heart to put into the black hole in his chest where his heart should be.
      My boys and I are in counseling. She got a trifecta with us. I was so ashamed because I let my children get hurt trying to love her. We all suffered.. It’s been two months and the boys are smiling again, I even heard my youngest laugh out loud. After 3 years of mental abuse we are recovering.
      The only advice I could possibly give is to forgive yourself, get up, get out and realize you were a kind, loving, caring, honest and generous target. Read all you can and no matter how wonderful they look and act, pay attention to the red flags and be ready to walk or RUN away.
      I’m rebuilding my self esteem and it’s not always easy. I still think about the what if’s from time to time. But I have a good friend to call when my mind wanders there. Good people like you will have people that love you and will help you. Talk to them, ask for an ear and support. They are your lifeline I promise.
      And very soon you’re going to be just as wonderful as you’ve ever been: Only stronger and more aware..
      Have a great day and be good to yourself.

  33. I have been enforcing NC with my exS. But she is prying to find out info on me from family members, friends, anyone. She even had someone hack my email and social media. I have changed my phone #, new email and turned off all social media. She even called my neighbors house to see if they could go ask me a question.
    I’m a single dad, my two boys and I are in counseling and just want her leave us alone. Nothing she’s done I can prove and it wouldn’t matter anyway. Her father is a detective at the local PD.
    I fear I will have to sell my house, quit my job and move to another state at this point.
    Will she ever leave me alone?

    1. Aw Daniel. It sounds like a nightmare. Esp when you have two boys to care for too. What she is doing is trying to break you down. Keep records of everything. I am uensure If she has visitation rights to the children. If she doesn’t would an Injunction order be useful. What she is doing is akin to emotional rape. She is acting like a social terrorist, it sounds extreme but when this is happening it is how it feels. Make sure you keep people around you that you trust. Those people can help to rebuild you. It’s good you are in counselling for support too.

      1. NC is the right way to go but it could also be a nightmare. These people just will not let go until they get a new source of supply. In my case, I’m going through a divorce and my stbx has a MN gf. She’s unemployed and has nothing better to do with her time than to stalk me for him, prank call me, stalk my FB page, talk shit about my kids, they both drive by my house, he poured gasoline around the parameter of my home, tampers with my mailbox, I mean when these people don’t get any attention and yet they both have each other, they must be bored as fuck! I’m thinking any “normal” woman would want her mans attention on her. But when all he talks about is me to her, I’m wondering why she doesn’t feel like a useless pos dating him. Must be fun to have a man that all he thinks about when he’s with you is his stbx wife. What a bored bitch!

      2. Positivagirl,
        It is a nightmare.
        With her straight no contact..
        Her dad: Internal affairs, the DA and Attorney General of Texas have complaints filed.
        My attorney is involved, court is in 2 weeks.
        I just want to her and her family to leave us alone.
        The boys are from my first marriage.
        You’re correct in that it feels like terrorism and unfortunately she hasn’t broken the law per say. Her father did abuse his power as an officer.
        Family, friends and counselors are our way of healing. We are on track I believe.
        She must know that with no contact and my attorney moving forward against her father for his harassment that we only wish to be left alone. My attorney even told Internal Affairs that we do not wish to move forward. We only wish for there to be peace.
        I don’t understand why all this is happening because she left me.
        So why all this insanity? Is it because I won’t respond to her?

      3. That’s exactly right Daniel! She’s going into what’s been called narc rage bc somehow some way she’s been offended and her fake ego is bruised. I find women that are MN do that a lot. One small blow to their ego and they go crazy.

      4. Hi Daniel,

        I am sorry you are being tormented by this woman & her father 😦
        I know what its like to have people in power jobs use their power & persuasion against you 😦
        Look up Covert Narcissism as I suspect that the father of this woman is one?
        The fruit never falls far from the tree & i have seen this up close & personal.
        I have had the high functioning Sociopath/covert narc & the games he plays with work colleagues/family/ex wives/girlfriends is amazing!
        Remember you are not alone here & as hard as it is now, it will get better.
        Just try & show them love & light, i know you are thinking NO WAY but, believe me they hate it as they want to break you & make you suffer 😦
        Take the higher ground & watch them squirm as they cant understand that at all πŸ™‚
        Believe me as I did this & he couldn’t cope as he wanted me broken, not standing in my own ‘power’ of self love & self awareness πŸ™‚
        They know all your weakness & vulnerability & use you against yourself so, take back your own power & you will triumph.
        Shine on them, they can’t stand the light πŸ™‚
        Love & Light too you & your boys πŸ™‚
        PR xoxo

      5. Yes they hate being ignored. And will do anything to get attention (if you think about the relationship no doubt she always had to be centre of attention there too). I really feel for you as it’s horrible to go through (read my posts on ruining and smear campaigns)….

  34. And what if the New Supply DOES believe you and leaves him? I’m sure the Narc would have tried to come back and I’d be living in a nightmare of abuse, confusion, fear and unhappiness. I wanted my marriage and wanted to be happy, but he never could accept a shred of accountability for anything. It wouldn’t have changed especially since Narcs often get worse as they age (and he seemed to be right on track with following that pattern).

  35. In my case the sociopath is my brother. His last two engagements ended with a restraining order against him. I want to tell his new girlfriend about that and all the harm he has done to all of his ex-friends and family but he has already launched a smear campaign against me and my other family members and his silver tongue can lie it’s way out of anything, including prison.
    His new fiance is half his age and apparently has a lot of money. He’s already been planning what he’s going to do with it. I could go on all day about the evil things he’s done to his friends and family but I don’t want to bore anyone. Suffice it to say, he manipulates everyone he knows and then stabs them in the back.
    Recently, along with stealing everything from our family storage unit and nearly bankrupting my parents AGAIN by scamming them out of everything they had in the bank, he was also arrested for about the tenth time on drug charges. To get out of spending time in prison, as he’s done many times in the past, he snitched on his criminal friends, including many of his minions that he recruited. He has also blamed at least three of his ex-girlfriends for crimes he committed.
    I feel like it’s my duty to warn his new fiance and his neighbors he’s turned into accomplices about him, but I realize it won’t do any good. He’s too good at lying and manipulating. My parents are very respected in my town so some people might listen to what they have to say, but they are too afraid of him to say or do anything. They are so accustomed to being his victims that they hardly even think about it anymore, which is so frustrating for my other siblings and me.
    I guess we’ll all continue to be his victims until he dies. With as many enemies as he has it may not be long before that happens.

      1. @Frustrated, maybe the ones that you need to warn are your family. When we know what we are dealing with we are able to make informed decisions that can make a change between been a victim or a survivor. The mom and sisters of the SP didn’t know how to call his condition, but they made a common effort to give boundaries to him. They never see him without being accompained by other person and they limit the interaction with him. They are family and the no contact rule is difficult, but setting those boundaries have helped them to regain the peace. (The boundaries are more or less that he can’t stay at his mom house, they dont lent him money, they don’t tell lies to cover him…) When I bwgan to understand what is happening with him, his mom, sisters and me discussed everything and it made sense to all of us. They also are learning about sociopaths. Best of luck on your journey to regain the sanity of your family

  36. Hi,

    this site is so educating. I was confused when my exbf got mad and physically hurt me when what I only did was asked about his OW. I found out that he’s trying to get her in the US via fiance visa (i dont know if that’s true but i only read their viber thread messages) and he is sending her money when he’s telling me that he’s broke and living on paycheck by paycheck basis.

    when i found out this website, i realized that i dealt with a SP. he was manipulative. he showered me lots of attention in the early time of our relationship. and he’s been telling me recently before we broke up the he hates his ex.. i shouldve asked his exwife of the reason of their divorce before i let him into my heart. i just found out that he’s been having an affair with the OW since December. i talked to the other woman and told her about what happened and guess what, she said she doesnt believe that he could do what i told him he did. Oh well, i already warned her.. its up to her if she wants to blindly believe that SP.

    Im on my 2nd week of no contact with him, its hard but this website is helping me to hold onto my ground and not contact him. Its inevitable that I’ll see him in one of the criminal hearings he’s facing for physically hurting me, but i wont let emotions eat me again. I believe i have a better life without him. πŸ™‚

    1. Hi moving on, welcome to the site, and thank you for sharing your story!! Also, well done you for going into second week of no contact. Don’t forget to reward yourself!! πŸ™‚

  37. @positivagirl Thanks!

    its just hard. sometimes i cant keep myself from thinking about what happened. if he really loved me or was he just using me? we were talking about family and kids before the incident happened that night, he told me that baby and him are package, without him, there will be no baby and he even said i love you to me twice that night… that’s why it left me confused when he went mad that night.. how could a sweet guy become so violent?

    im trying to forget him.. but memories keep on coming back.. i always have dream about him every night which makes my moving on a struggle..

    1. I am on my phone but a useful post is the one about how they sell your dreams to you. The post has picture of an angel at the top. I can’t link to it as its on my phone, but try the search in top right hand corner.

  38. Interesting posts here…
    I don`t know who’s his next victim but I have the contacts of some women that he’s been flirting with…and I was definitely going to contact them. Thanks to these posts I won`t. It pointless! Sorry for the next, but she will have to found out herself.

    When I found the first huge lies of my sociopath, I contacted his mother via FB asking for clarifications: I received a reassuring answer. Then he called me saying that Mama told him that I contacted her…well, Mama never read my message: he was controlling even his mother’s profile and he read and replied my message! He confessed it months later.
    Then I contacted his ex fiancΓ©, which at the time was living in his house while he was dating me…she told me of his lies, of how he cheated on her, how he left her broken, without a job and without a house. She has been a friend, even if I hated her at the time. She gave me the contacts of other women, which I contacted too: they warned me of his sickness, of his two-facedness, of his multiple marriage proposals. They all gave me proofs: letters, poems and e-mails identical to the ones that he wrote to me.
    I spoke with at least 4 ex girlfriends, I believed to their stories and suffered like hell, but I kept finding comfort in his presence and giving him more chances, because he was so damn convincing, playing the pity game, selling me empty hopes…

    Recently I spoke with his youngest daughter, who is my same age, and she warned me about “living his dreams and wasting my time”.
    She opened my eyes…wonder why he never told her about me and he avoided us to meet for 3 years! She knows him better!

  39. I struggle daily with wanting to warn her new guy. I found out that he is a clone of me in many ways. It’s like she’s trying again with someone more wounded and naive. She interviews potential targets by using okcupid to date every day of the week she can with anyone who has a remote chance of fitting her profile or money, naivety, and sensitivity.

    Her plans are to have a baby and use this as the reason she isn’t working. Societal roles will accept her as the stay at home mom and him as the breadwinner, rather than the freeloader and the victim.

    I feel so much wiser because of her. I feel like the pain she caused me has opened my eyes to the reason I chose people like her almost every one of my relationships. I, thank god, FINALLY took the correct lesson from her because her abuse was so blatent: it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t that I wasn’t lovable or giving enough. It’s that I ASKED for too little and feared losing too much.

    I know contact would backfire and I will not. It’ll be very hard to not give a loaded one liner to him if I see them at a bar I like to go to. I know he’ll ignore it, but maybe, just maybe, it’ll shave a month off of his suffering.

  40. “Properly speaking, there is no such thing as revenge. Revenge is an act which you want to commit when you are powerless and because you are powerless: as soon as the sense of impotence is removed, the desire evaporates also.” — George Orwell, Revenge is Sour

    1. Great Jonathan πŸ™‚

      Yes, don’t seek revenge, seek awareness but, share your story & support others as it definitely helps the healing process to know you are not alone.
      Knowledge is crucial & once you have that, it’s game over.
      Knowledge is power & once the perpetrator realizes you ‘get it’, they are
      no longer fed your energy.

      Love & light πŸ™‚
      PR xoxo

  41. This is great and I wish I had seen this post before. When I got together with my sociopath bf he told me stories of how some ‘crazy girl he used to date ‘ would show up and harass him at his work. The stories were so misplaced when he told them to me, it felt strange even then. When he disgarded me I traced his online social media trail and discovered not only was he back with an ex, but he had BEEN back with her a large part of our relationship. Having discovered his secret gave me immense power. I contacted her with facts ands proof of his cheating. He apparently had cheated on her before (he told me SHE cheated on HIM ) and I later discovered he was boomeranging back to her when I discovered he was a socio thanks to this website. Well, she dumped him and turned her life around. But when I discovered what he was later, I couldn’t help sharing that info with her. She wasn’t grateful and continued to tell ME how well she knew him. But she eventually DID make a clean break of it. He was livid and the anger he contacted me with was so frightening. I had stolen his supply and exposed him. He even tried to boomerang back to me 3 months later, but I was knowledgeable thanks to your site and never made contact. It felt great to be the one in control.

    1. Yes this is it, and why I say its pointless to warn the other person. As you do it in good faith and heart. But you have to remember that she is now brainwashed by him. She has been captured now her mind is controlled. In her mind you are just the jealous ex, and this reinforces how fantastic and wonderful he is (so she won’t let you near him) as your contacting her shows what a ‘prize’ she is, words by him reinforced by your actions. Ha but it is really good that you both did break free. I guess the seeds that you planted in her mind, did some good, in that she started to wonder when she saw the same behaviour. its good that you are back in control πŸ™‚

  42. Thanks for these awesome posts. Some days I laugh because the sociopath that was in my life is so ridiculous on in retrospect and it took me way too long to pUT my finger on this , and other days I cry grieving anonexistent person

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