A guide for healing and recovery
When the truth comes to light of the crazy life that you have been living with a sociopath, when the lying, cheating, betrayal, deception comes out, you are left feeling massively confused and so very hurt, it is the ultimate betrayal.
The person that you loved, that you shared everything with has used you, for what they could get. No doubt at the end, there will be endless:
- Strives for contact – abusive emails and abusive texts
- Attempts at personal contact
- Lies told about you and smear campaigns against you
- Hacks into your privacy like emails and social networking sites
Your head is already reeling from everything that you have been through. Additionally, there is now intense ‘punishment‘ for establishing no contact. For ignoring them, and trying to get on with your life.
This isn’t easy. This is no normal break up. This time you are breaking up with someone who has lied to you, betrayed, and used you. You may be in debt, you might have lost your job, or even lost your home. You have probably isolated yourself from people who were close to you, or maybe they gave up and walked away.
Picking up the pieces of your life when this has happened, can be difficult. You would think, by the behaviour of the sociopath, that they would be glad to get rid of you? After all, they have treated you so badly. The point is, that they treat you this way because they can. So why will they now not go away?
When you have been controlled, manipulated, and abused in this way for a considerable time, when what you thought was real, actually isn’t real. Nothing you thought was true, actually was. When you were used as supply simply for someone else’s entertainment, you can be left in a fog and feeling massively confused.
Because of this, you need a plan to recover. You have been so used to being controlled, that spending time on you, and your recovery, is the best investment that you can do right now.
- Establish No Contact and stick to it
- Focus on you
- Try to catch up with old friends that you were isolated from
- Remove everything related to your ex, put them in a box, and put them away, photos, keepsakes, letters, cards. Anything at all. Put it away out of sight.
- Stay away from things that remind you of your ex, do not sit moping, listening to music that reminds you of him, or anything else, sat in memory of him. Get up, get out, and do something.
- Take one day at a time
- Read as much as you can, and reach out to others who have been/are going through same thing
- Try to do one thing every day that will make you smile. Put a post it note up to remind you
- Stick with the present, today, don’t let your mind wander back to what has happened, focus on right now, it is all that you have control over
- Do NOT contact your ex, or respond to empty promises from him – block him
- Write a list of EVERYTHING you have in your life that you are grateful for
- Write a list of all the reasons that you are better off without him
- Write a list of what you want to attract into your life – focus (it could be anything)
- Keep a diary so that you can track your recovery. Writing is therapeutic
- Make sure that you eat properly, and get enough sleep
- Treat yourself, and love yourself, like you would a best friend who is low, down and needs support
- Try not to focus on the past. Stay with the present. Do not focus on being a victim. Focus on being a survivor, and how you can use this experience to your benefit. Look FORWARDS not BACKWARDS
- Do NOT be afraid of being alone, learn to value your own company, for now. Focus on healing and loving yourself.
Take it one day at a time, and try not to panic (if you have lost your job, your home, friends, your finances, or all of this) DON’T panic!
Find someone you can trust. If you cannot trust anyone because of what has happened. Then go easy on yourself and treat yourself like your own best friend!!! – even this is therapeutic
You WILL recover from this. It is important not to throw yourself into another relationship before you are healed, as you risk meeting another one. Focus on you. And most importantly, learn to love you. Focus all of your love on you, because you are special. You are worth it, and YOU deserve YOUR time!!
If you are reading this, and you have recovered, is there anything else that you can think of which is good for recovery? Please add your comments, anon comments are welcome!! 🙂
Words © datingasociopath.com
185 thoughts on “How to recover from dating a sociopath”
O my word….I’ve just realised last night that my second husband is definitely a sociopath…and I’m devastated! This has now been going on for 5 years….and I am completely in love with the man I married (the lie) and I HATE the emotionally abusive one that just doesn’t want to go away anymore (the truth).. I have absolutely NO idea how to start to try and get my life and my self-worth back…I have never been so unhappy…I soooo wish he could stay the man I’m in love with…BUT I know it’s all a lie…..I just need to try and get my brain to accept this… 😦
How to start a new life….????
I am exactly the same. I have no idea how to accept the truth and let go of the illusion either
Me either. My boyfriend is a sociopath. I cannot wrap my mind around it. I’m in total shock. I don’t want to believe it. He’s so good at it! Sooo believable.Liias
With a decision., I have been with three sociopaths. Finally I realized that healing requires giving up any hope that they are different from what you are experiencing NOW! A drop of doubt and you back inside.
Ha, yes Anita!!!
I love your comment. You are right, you have to know that he is who he is. There is absolutely no possibility he will ever be anything different, unless he becomes worse. It’s a fact, he is like a disease slowly killing you. And the hardest part is that he has no empathy for you. If anything he gets more cruel to make sure he wins. I honestly believe my ex really looked at it that way. If he lost he would end up paying for it. He never considered an innocent person whom he had broken. All I ever longed for was an apology even one time. It was like he thought if I apologize she will leave. He did not love me. He needed me. And he took what he wanted when he wanted it. He rarely considered my feelings, unless it was to criticize me. He would start out of the blue. He mostly acted out when he got caught or when he had no dope or if it was bad dope.
Lols I dealt with two sociopathic girls one was my senior in research lab. Thank god I left that but she made me aware of people like her. And I was in relationship with a girl for 7 years.. For two years she was ready to do anything for me. Even I rarely showed any love for her but she was just too much in showing love with sincerity…i even used to treat her in a bad way but she was always used to be very nice to me. It was Bcs I never approached her and I never told her I liked or love her. She can be said forced herself on me. Initially she was just a friend then after our schooling she found me again on fb and then asked me about my contact number and within five days she proposed me… I didn’t understand that moment I just thought OK what’s my lose if some girl wants to be mg gf let it be. Finally when I felt that I also have a need of her in my life things got changed drastically but I could not understand anything till now. Suddenly she went away saying that I dnt deserve Bcs I treated her badly but I was telling her and pleading her I have started loving u I was wrong I didn’t give u much importance may be it was like she knew that I have developed a habit of her…. But then after four months when I thought she had gone forever even I forgot her completely she suddenly came and surprised me with a bitter truth.
Said she is married… It was like I had no earth under my feet…. But she managed to make me talk. Then I said now it’s over u are already married… Y u came to me. She said no I can’t love him, I said its wrong… No I wud die without u…. Means she made me do that again which she desired I dnt know how… Then all started again , first with intense love followed by ignoring, arrogance, hurt, breaking promises… It was totally a new experience worst than before she treated… But as I said I already got experience of such kinda persons that I got in my research lab work… I realized may be she was having those traits also… And even I told her that may be u are something like a sociopath… Guess what she agreed… Like she knew this all… But she just thrown everything on me, as she said I made her sociopath. She was just too arrogant that moment and m sure she was making me feel guilty of what I said and she succeeded also. And I run my words back that no u can’t be a sociopath Bcs she had made that kind of image of herself in my brain that she was too caring, too trustworthy like she always used to say she can’t have physical connection with his husband… To her he is just like that. She can’t have baby… If she wants she would get my baby… She alws used to say those things which I wanted to hear… And in the process I was so blind I could not understand that it’s totally impossible what she says and does. But finally I believed she is definitely a sociopath… She is still in contact with me. But I dnt give a dam about her now Bcs now the image is clear that everything was a lie. It’s easy for me to handle things when everything is clear. It’s Bcs I am an introvert and I really hate fakeness. This gives me energy to hate her… And truly I want her to be remain there not Bcs I wanted or any other wish of mine from her but just to see her pleading and changing herself from that abusive mode to very soft mode that actually she is not… I know I shud forgive her and move on .though I don’t keep any revenge on her but still wants to keep her in that soft mode only Bcs the reality is that she wud come again and again and this has happened a lot of times… So I will treat her like I used to be in the beginning of relationship and that way she can’t even dare to control me…..
One year ago I hit bottom and for the 3rd time I finally ended a 20 year marriage to a sociopath.
Everything I just read on this blog over the past 3 days has signaled all the red flags I needed to recognize the truth. I haven’t been able to move forward with my life before now.
I believed that my husband loved me soooo much in the beginning and he was my Soulmate who described his sol purpose on Earth was to ‘be my protector’.
I felt so responsible for his happiness and for allowing him to fulfill his purpose.
I ignored all the red flags and became his source as I witnessed him betray and abandon his and my family members and friends over the years. I knew that if I crossed him I would be discarded just as easily but chose to beleive I was ‘ the only person who he ever loved’.
Once he found his next victim he made it so unbearable for me to stay in a relationship with him that I finally called it off.
I put myself through hell over the past year not knowing who I was dealing with because I truly loved him and still wanted the relationship I deserved to have but could never have with him.
I am so grateful to have found this blog and realize that I was waiting for the impossible.
The truth has set me free
Now the true healing can begin!
I was married to a “sociopath” or so my opinion and therapist opinions suggest. I have an intj personality. I think constantly. So for a very long time I was very disappointed in myself and I hated myself for what I allowed to happen because I sensed something was wrong with his emotions from the beginning. What I mean is, his words didn’t reach his eyes, his reactions and actions were text book reactions to human emotions but they didn’t seem real. He was in love with himself. I think he mistook me as a fellow sociopath at first. He described to his mother finding someone like himself. I read that intj’s are often mistaken for sociopaths because our emotions don’t show easily. (I’ve been screamed at by other girls for being unfeeling before… I was only trying to suggest a solution to the complaint) Anyway, I always had a low self esteem (I’m my harshest critic) I grew into confidence later but my time with this sociopath I had esteem issues. Also, I want to add that I grew up with a highly intelligent bi-polar sibling and another sibling who has Dravet Syndrome (a developmental disability in the epilepsy family) so I started out making friends and dating allowing a lot of wiggle room for strange behavior because abnormalities were kind of normal for me growing up. So I excused a LOT of abnormal behavior for him while we were together.
Before I met him I had a list. (Intj’s often plan out their lives… Anyway I’m aware plans don’t always happen but anyway I had a list) The list contained negotiables and non negotiables for my future husband. Plain and clear. I was raised Christian I wanted someone who was Christian as well but not excessively judgemental. Someone who had logic and goodness in him. Also on my list was someone who would accept that should anything ever happen to my parents that we’d take in my developmentally disabled sibling. He had to be taller than me of course… Anyway, he was everything on the list to the t. Gradually he changed after we married he started isolating me from people. Toward the end I wasn’t allowed to be around friends who got divorced or my mother because he claimed I was too emotional after seeing them… intj remember? I started questioning my well thought out list… he was everything but then I was worth a group of his friends who were all atheist and he was claiming to be atheist and he told them to be careful what they say around me because I’m “super religious”. I questioned him on it, he said he never told me he was religious… He went to premarital counseling with my pastor and we had a religious ceremony??? Also on my list was to want children. He didn’t want children… Anyway, a lot of these things may not sound like a big deal but what bothers me is the lie… The claim he never said it. My husband now, yeah sure things change but we discuss it, like adults. Oh, I should also mention I happen to have type one diabetes and during our arguments (my ex and my) I would suddenly get separated from my insulin for hours upon hours also all of my money went toward insulin, food, gas and my car. I believed we were right on cash (but he made way more than what I knew about, oh and we didn’t have an account together I was an “authorized” user unknowingly and I was putting my earnings in that account. Thankfully I followed my mother’s suggestion of keeping a side account with some money because thankfully that’s how I survived) anyway, I would go grocery shopping and the food would disappear in a matter of days, every last trace. I’d go to work far away, so I cut into gas and insulin money. Eventually, I wound up going to work 7am-7pm no food my schedule changed a bit so I went 8-5 no food or scrounging for crackers then break at home then I’d go to college 7-10 and when I got home if he was in a good mood and I was in his good graces he’d get me fast food. I went from a size 12 to a size 4 during that time (in less than 8 months). My a1c was very bad (who knew it could go up without eating) Anyway, a lot of my thinking abilities were non existent during this time, I was in survival mode. After getting married I finally had insurance and I was put on the insulin pump. (Ding ding ding… constant flow of insulin.. finally) all of a sudden logic came back. He had this habit of telling me that I was imagining things, things never happened, he was embarrassed about something I said, etc. A lot was manipulation, I was paranoid about the bi polar family history so I’m sure he used it to his advantage to say things never happened. I walked around thinking I was literally crazy. But then suddenly logic came back and “if I’m crazy, I should see a psychologist or a psychiatrist and get help” I told him I was seeing a therapist about my past. After listening to everything, the professional showed my the circle of behavior and informed me if I tried defending myself I might get attacked physically. I didn’t want to believe her because I wanted to focus on the “Christian” thing and focus on proactive things for the marriage. Anyway after setting some boundaries for him he attacked me,dragged me, slammed me down and spit in my face. I lost 8 toenails. It’s been almost 5 years since. The big toenails haven’t grown back and I had to get 5 surgeries for the damage done to my types.
Shortly after the attack, I made up an excuse of babysitting my sister and I went to my mother’s friends house (who was a police detective at the time) I told him everything, (my ex happens to be a police officer and I was terrified to leave him but he also told me about a lot of rules that aren’t true, etc. And threatened to have his officer buddies drag me out of our home when I was out of line) anyway, I was sent to the department where they tried to do a phone sting but it was unsuccessful. (He didn’t answer) the next day I got a temporary restraining order and a police escort happened a few days later to get my belongings out. An OIM was filed but there wasn’t enough evidence to do anything. When toenails are damaged it takes months for them to fall off and during the time of the attack they were painted blue so I had no clue they were damaged.
Also during the week I stayed with him after attacking me I didn’t sleep one night. The last night I stayed with him he went down to the gun safe, dialed the code for the safe, opened it, closed it, walked upstairs, opened the door, I sat up asked him what was going on, he said nothing and that he was messing with the air conditioning (the air conditioning doesn’t beep). He did this over and over and over. I was beyond terrified. Also a few days prior he cleaned his assault rifle. During dinner he commanded me to look at the site, he pointed the barrel at my face, I was looking down the barrel. He kept commanding me to look at the sight and asked if I could see it. I kept telling him yes I see the sight. I was never so terrified in my life.
So anyway, this type of person does not like being caught or losing control. To this day I’m terrified he will murder me. I have all sorts of security devices to ensure my safety because I have seen him follow me and watch me from afar on multiple occasions. So my advise to anyone involved with this sort of person is to run as far away as possible. Don’t give any sort of clue you’re leaving just go. It’s not worth your life. Also, when you start dating someone, if they mention that all of their exes left town and you can never meet them… that’s a huge red flag.
Please be safe… everyone.
Omg thank you for sharing your story. I am pleased you are safe. This is exactly what they do. Mirror you to be what you want. Play with your mind, take everything they can from you and then some more so that you are left with nothing. Do you have ptsd now as well? From the gun incident? I am sorry that this has happened to you.
I am not formally diagnosed with ptsd. It has been said I could have it. I’d like to think that people who have seen far worse things such as combat in a war are the ones who get ptsd… that is not true, many people can suffer from it. The way my therapist explained it to me is my experience is like a bruise on the brain. Emotions get triggered when reminded about the incident. For example, what happened to me for a while was I’d see a police officer or a police car and I’d have to pull over because I’d start crying uncontrollably. And I’m a calm person. So I opted for neuro feedback. You watch a movie or play games. Every time your brain thinks about something it shouldn’t the game or movie stops working until you’re back on task. I did that twice per week for about 3 months. I was much better after. Now I can see a police car without panicking. I don’t have any sort of ptsd diagnosis, it was suggested I could have it and the neuro feedback was the treatment I used. I don’t like the idea of medications. I’m the type that starts least intrusive to most intrusive. Neuro feedback can also help control add and adhd and it helps people who have chronic pain. There are military studies on it right now too. Anyway, it doesn’t work for everyone but it helped me. However, I also have a security system, that gives me peace of mind as well. Besides I think he knows that for his job it’s best to keep a distance. From what I read, sociopaths attack when exposure is threatened. I’m not really exposing him. I let certain things go so I could get away safely. There is a police report but I dropped the restraining order hearing because I knew it was a his word against my word case and if they did (however unlikely) grant the order he would’ve lost his job. I didn’t want to get stuck with a house payment or vehicle payment so I dropped the restraining order (which was denied but also had a hearing or something like that). I didn’t know the laws for divorce so I didn’t want to get stuck paying for his lavish lifestyle so I dropped it and got as far away as quickly as possible.
Wow, just read all of this. One year ago I left a person who I believe was a sociopath. I am still in the “how could someone treat another person like this” stage. My ex had a 2 year affair, then we went to counseling, only to find out that the affair never ended. I went back 4 times!!! Apparently the affair partner was being told a story as well, they were told that I was still in the house because I could not afford to get on my own, it was crazy. I was told that asking them to make a decision was like asking them to cut off their right or left arm. geez…. Anyway, I ended the relationship. The affair partner and I are now friends, lots of talks, discovered lots of lies, lies from the very beginning. My ex is with another person, they had a commitment ceremony 6 months after I moved out. This blog was helpful. I have had such a hard time getting over this. I am very bitter about my retirement money and the years going poof. Rebuilding when you are 55 is not fun. For the past months I kept looking at cards, pictures, and thinking about the fun times we had. I kept thinking “what happened”? this person loved me. I now realize it was the con, the being exactly what I wanted, being the perfect person. It was exactly as described here. It is good to know that I am not the only one that could be taken by someone like this. So, what do I do now? My gut feeling is to warn the new person. But that person is convinced that I am some horrible person that did horrible things and took advantage of my ex. How could I get them to believe the truth? I now realize that my ex had no friends from their past. That should be a give away. But I didnt see it. So to anyone reading this. What are your thoughts about me trying to warn the new person? I am struggling with this and feel guilty for lettingn them walk into the trap.
Hi Deb, I am sure that there are millions of victims around the world. If each one goes through how many victims? Just think how many of them there are?
Yes, you are right, in terms of what you are thinking, yes it was a con. If you tried to warn the new person, she wouldn’t believe you, simply as he has already covered that ground, and already said that you are crazy and how he was so hard done by, if you tell her, it is doubtful that she would believe you, and likely it would cement their bond further. As he had already warned her, and then he looks more desirable than he actually is. You cant get her to see the truth, this is something that she will have to learn for herself. Please don’t feel guilty for her, as bad as that sounds, it would only keep the game going with him, which is what he wants. Try to focus your energy onto you.
i was warned but i never listened..he convinced me … do i wish, i had listened and saved myself the anguish…yeah, but now that i am moving on, i am doing it because of what i went thru and not what peoplw said…besides, it helps to know that i contributed but it wasn;t all me…should you warn them? yeah, but you will be regarded as a jealous scorned woman, they are grown, it is not your responsibility to save people…that is what makes us attracted to these kinds of people to begin with..you have u to care for..worrying about others takes attention from the work u have to do..maybe subconsciously that’s what you r doing..sorry, i do not mean to diagnose you
I am just leaving a relationship if you can call it that with a sociopath who is on every dating sight known to him. I had warned one women he was trying to date and he found out he now tells every women that he meets about me. He tells them I am the Sociopath and I may try to tell them lies about him. He then threatened me if I ever try to contact anyone he knows again he will make sure I hit rock bottom and never be able to get back up. So yah don’t warn anyone unless you know they won’t tell them. I have just started my recovery from this I am still in the WTF stage where I’m so hurt so confused and lost part. Good luck to all .
I found Omg , that sounds like me.When I met “ann” she was visiting her mother who lived nextt door .we engaged in conversation about ourselves and how my girlfriend lived 35 miles away and never came to visit me. Ann asked me if I knew anything about toilets because hers was broken and the good for nothing ex who crashed on her sofa woildnt fix it.I agreed to pop in and have a look. (How easy was that for ner to do).
The next day I popped round as agreed and and did the easy fix on her loo , and then it began.Her ex had been kicked out but came back , rashed in the spare room or sofa and wouldnt leave. Was this a red flag? She then proceeded to repeat my story from yesterday about how cruel my girlfriend was and how she wouldnt do that to her boyfriend.
Before I realised it we were rolling about over the floor .
For the next six months this carried on with stories of , dont tell anyone , we dont want to upset Rich (the ex). Our daughters were in the same class , so I brought her with me to play and often spoke to Rich..
He was a rubbish dad and did nothing but play on his ipad (her words) whereas I was a fantastic single dad..We wnt to the same village functions and hung about all the time and still Rich came to the functions with her.I used to think he was such a sad case.
Six months later she went on holiday with friends and she told me that Rich insisted on going too as he had a ticket , but he would be staying in the friends appartment.
Two days later all hell broke lose when he read her phone texts from me. And I still believed he was an ex that had hopes of getting back with her.
I found she had manipulated things from the start by breaking the loo to get me round.She had used my insecurities from my girlfriend to twist my mind. She told me I was the best dad , partner soulmate and sucked me in.I felt soo sorry for her for having good for nothing ex , that wouldnt leave .
3 years later , after I have totally refurbished her house , I am now (the ex on the sofa)
Confused , heartbroken destitute….how on earth did this happen
I tell myself that no one could be so calculated , but then remember back to the lie that started it all…that bloody broken toilet
Go on dating psycho.com and register and fill out a profile of your ex and any alias he may have . That’s a great way to warn future victims. If they Google his name hopefully they will find him
Your so right every thing you said I experience it for 4 years now I’m out of it I can see what he done to me he had done to his past partners feel such a fool he will just carry on doing what he does to his next victims you so need to be a were feed you stuff like your the only one he wants and loves to keep and manipulate you he so ghood at that feel gutted I did not see sighns
I wld like to say thank you to all of tht commntd. My question is prob going to shock all but wat does the sociopath do with their disorder if they r to recognize it, lets say…or mayb they already do but dont realize tht they r hurting people they really want to love? Wen i went thru childhood and young adulthood, i had too late to realize tht my anger as a rage aholic was killing every relationship i had and tht i truely had an addiction (to rage) tht needed recognized and changed if i wanted to keep any of those who i loved who were still around. Thts my example…
Anyway wat abt the sick person in all ths?
Im in love whom im inclined to diagnos as a sociopath and although im now informed, i actually feel much more relieved tht he is not intentionally hurting me and confusing me but he is sick.
Did he choose to b a sociopath? From other material ive read recently, it is very likely childhood related and environment ally induced. The issue being the inability or lack of being taught to trust and therefore , understandably, emotionally detatched.
Therefore, i wanna love this,man and help him if i can where no one else has tried. Any thing from anyone will b helpful. ..thank u
Jen, they cannot change their patterns of behaviour. I wrote this website an then returned. He had read everything on this site, he knew who he was. He really tried and wanted to make some change, but he pattern repeated and he went around in the same circle. You cannot help him. You need to understand and realise this. You cannot help him because the issue is in the brain. Even if they wanted to be normal, they can’t be, they have a need to control to dominate to own and possess. They can’t help it, they thrive off of other peoples energy. They cant even see that there is anything that is wrong with their behaviour. To them they do nothing wrong and if you react to their irrational behaviour you would be the one who is in the wrong. Any change is only minor and temporary, always the pattern will repeat.
Absolutely the sad truth!
I was in a relationship with (what i know now as) a sociopath. HE convinced me about things i had proof of. eg. i caught him out sleeping with someone else. I LITERALLY saw the messages. Till this day he says he did not. I FREAKING saw the messages. He would even lie about stuff he didn’t need to lie about.It craziness I tell you!
I am over him, as a person. BUT I am not over the love I felt for him. He became everything I wanted in a man. We even planned moving in and getting engaged. We were going to build our careers together. I thought I was the only one for him and he for me. That we were made for each other. But what i realised that all our “dreams” and “life goals” were actually all MY dreams. He became everything I wanted in a man. He made me believe that he couldn’t live without me. He cried in my arms and went down on his knees in a public place, begging for me to take him back AND I foolishly did. 2 days later a friend of mine saw him in a club with another chick.
Getting over the fact that the EVERYTHING was a lie yet to me it was so real makes this the worst thing ever.
I always had my guard up with men. but he really pulled every stop to make me love him, and eventually when I let my guard down, I started to see a different person, and even seeing THIS person, I still loved him.
At this point, he still with the woman he cheated on me with. I have made a new life for myself, moved into a new apartment, making new friends, going to different places, i even have a new hobby.
I have blocked him from EVERYTHING! I pray every night and day for strength to get over this and my prayers are being answered.
The most positive thing that came out of this is that: i have achieved so much more in these past 5 months then I ever did in the past 3/4 years.
The best tip I got is: you can never really lose something you never had.So there was no love lost.
“I always had my guard up with men. but he really pulled every stop to make me love him, and eventually when I let my guard down, I started to see a different person, and even seeing THIS person, I still loved him.”
Gah! This sentence really hits home. I’ve dated a sociopath for two years… still dating him. My heightened sense of self-awareness is a blessing and a curse. I know the man I met in the beginning was a facade. He’s even admitted such to me. He has opened up to me about more than I ever expected. Perhaps because some part of him is fond of me. Perhaps to warn me in the future against people like him. I don’t form attachments with people very easily, and yet I can’t let go of the bond I have with him. He’s never been cruel. He’s not unkind to me. He’s done so many self-less things for me and gone above and beyond to make me happy…
I’ve known he was a sociopath for a long time. It really shows in how he treats other people and how little he regards their feelings. He doesn’t understand feelings… doesn’t understand why people have them. I was convinced he had feelings for me (in his own way), but lately things have been a little different. I’m questioning every interaction. I wouldn’t consider myself a gullible person–but then again who ever does consider themselves gullible?
He’s doing well at his new job… very well. He’s quit drinking, bought his own vehicle, and plans to move into his own place. He doesn’t ‘need’ my help now. And now I question if this is why it’s felt different. I question whether any of the interactions we’ve had in the past were genuine. I feel like some of that had to be real, but I have doubt. For the first time I don’t know what my gut is telling me.
Hey he was around in my life, for most of the time that I was writing this blog. SO you might relate, often posts were written as it was happening. You know, they are exhausting I do believe that they can drive you to the point of insanity.
This is my current situation. 4 years of taking him back and breaking up has taken a toll on me. I finally realize that I cannot change him. His patterns will remain constant regardless of what he says each time about “change” , “final
Chance (s)”, “keeping me happy”, etc. I deserve so much better! And mind you it was a long distance relationship (overseas) yet i made him my world and way so loyal. It’s sad because I still love him, but I constantly have to read all of his conversations with other women (ex’s ) with the same lines he uses for me, to remind me of his reality and why I shouldn’t take him back for the trillionth time. He is a psychopath and can’t see his abnormal behavior. I pray that I heal and find some peace.
Dearest laila, you will heal in time. It is a process. Grieving a man that wasnt who he pretended to be. It does take time to undo the brainwashing and mind control. That too can be done. They take complete dominance and control over their victim. Being free is strange at first..but totally worth it.
I have been in a relationship with a sociopath (at least I believe he is) for almost 20 years. I am 7 years older than him and when we met I was 44 and he was 36. My daughter at the time was 16 and my son already in the Navy. When me and my S met, he pursued me. I was not in a relationship and I took him up on his offer. He moved in with me 3-4 months later. We lasted 8 years before I fond out he cheated on me. I was devastated. Absolutely, he blamed me for throwing me into her arms. Not true. In any event we worked through it only for him to encounter with another woman who he told I was an old hag. this time when I found out it became violent and I had him thrown out of the home for 6 months with a restraining order. He beat me up in front of my granddaughter who was 9 at the time. After the 6 months were up the court made me move as the house was in his name and I just participated in the payment of the mortgage, utilities, food, etc. I left and found an apartment and moved out for 4 years. One day as I was picking up my granddaughter from school, as the bus stop was two house down from where my S lived (and my daughter and I didn’t want to change her school and we kept the same address because my daughter and granddaughter always lived with us), my S approached me with asking to become friends again, maybe with benefits. As I was not involved with anyone during that time, I at first told him no. he kept pursuing me until finally I became weak and gave in, thinking he still loved me. What a joke. Even worse, after 4 years, I moved back into the house where we purchased together and it’s been 2 years now. He did it again, the cheating and blaming it on me. This time I am so devastated that the hurt has turned into extreme rage wanting to just hurt him so bad. It doesn’t work. He just throws it off as if he has nothing to do with his actions and it’s all my fault and has told me so. I can’t move out right now as I have custody of my granddaughter who is no 16 and my daughter is incarcerated. My goal is to be there for another year or so and move out to another State wherein I can save enough money to move comfortably and not struggle or suffer any financial loss. I have told him so and his reply to me is you’re going to do that to me? My answer is Yes I am. I hold nothing back verbally and let him know exactly what damage he has done to me and that I will never be sexual with him again (and I’m not) and that it can never work.
What a nightmare, and 20 years of this! Do you really think that you can move on from him, after such a long time of conditioning?
I got lucky. After a year the sociopath moved on to another victim and I’m free at last ! Sure I feel sorry for her but she will have to figure it out herself. The truth always comes out in the end
Well honestly I am trying to Dee if *I* am the sociopath and not him. Very long amd dramatic story cut short, I am 12 years his senior. We met at work. I sensed he was more than friendly with other lad is at work. He was. 4 or 5 women prior to me. I use to kid and call him sly or ladies man. He would convince me of my wrong observation. I was not happy in my relationship prior to him. He felt trapped or obligated so he say in his what he called situation. We “bonded” over that and would flirt at work. He persisted. Invited me to a fun event with our team. I went. At this point I had broke it off with the guy I was seeing. So me and the potential sociopath had sex. We had conversations of friendship but nothing to explore a relationship. He says I automatically required a relationship of him after that. Well things were HEAVY pretty soon after. On both parts. I felt he needed love and me (learned this about myself) and my pattern to rescue was there. I invited him into my home around my family and to church. When I met him he was looking for a church. He told me a couple of months into dating that all along I was right, he had slept with those women and he was in a relationship with someone else. He told me this at church. It hurt for whatever reason. Maybe because it was a lie from the start. Months of arguing, yelling, name calling and rhe Im sorry lets do better from both parts. He cheated on me and kept company with other women he had slept with. He would treat me harshly almost as if I was replaceable or a place holder until someone else gave him attention but when I called him out on it or just plain out said, “Hey do you want to date other people” he urged me and said firmly “no” and pleaded with me to believe him. He then suggested counsling, I eventually agreed and he changed his mind. He ended it and I said okay fine I was tired of fighting and arguing and quite honestly tired of trying to decipher the truth. Like the night he cheated I was at his apartment and he told me he was with his brother and dad and I recall him being on the phone with me when he arrived at where I thought was his family and him saying “Im here, I love you” and I woke up at his apartment at 2:33 AM and felt something was not right and proceeded to call him at least 30 tomes (****this is now tapping into my behavior that has me wondering about my own sanity and if I am or was the sociopath or if we both were or showed those tendencies) the next day I prayed and was calm. I cleaned his apartment from top to bottom. Made lunch and waited for him. He got there ready for a fight but I just said, “Hi I made lunch, and will you vacuum the living room.” He did. We ate then talked. I thrn notice lips, someone had kissed his shirt. He then said that was his dads friend when she went to hug him. I got extremely angry and the yelling started because not only was he lying but even when given the chance to tell the truth he would not. He started to cry and so did I. Days later he told me the truth. We broke up. He started being with her. ****but I pleaded with him to come back**** because I felt I could “do better” (please dont judge me. I know this was marks of my own self esteem and worth. Now I do). He had told me and his mother if I just trusted him and stop arguing and created a peaceful environment then he would be happy and we would work. Now logically my argument was how can I do this when there is a lie every time I turn around. But emotionally I just wanted to see the sweet kind gentle spirit I caught glimpses of or when he would do randomly sweet things. I wished I could go back and receive them well. But instead for the whole entire year or so, it seems like I was always on guard or edge and he says he was too. I had a temper where I would yell and scream and I would try and control things or aspects of things like who he was friends with on social media (he met the girl he cheated with on social media) and I woukd show up uninvited to his home. Well it all ended and NOW or I was the one trying to get him to engage. He respected the no contact rule or when I did engage with him and he responded he would say I reached out and he dont reach out, when things would circle back to the cycle and he would tell more lies or half truths. We were over for about a month and I stopped trying to reach out or engage. He came up to me or waited for me after church to introduce me to his mother (she lived out of town) and I was curious as to for what he said he did not want me nor was he the one for me and I had FINALLY begun to accept that … well I met his mom and the next weekend we all went to go see a movie. I purchased the tickets for them to go and said I will leave your guys ticket at will call. But he invited me to join them and with self hesitation I did. I was honestly actually excited for him to see me … I felt stronger, more secure and had been work in out. I felt at peace. Well in the movie he would grab me and pull me close. He asked if I was uncomfortable I said yes. After the movie he grabbed my hand to walk out and I stopped him and turned to him and asked, “what is this? What are these emotions, what are we or where is this going because we were over” he hugged me and said “I know but … okay well can we just talk about it later tonight” I agreed. He flaked. He was with another woman, his ex, that night … I showed up uninvited and she was there. I felt so betrayed and stupid and just got hard on myself. He then asked for another sincere chance and he was done well cutting this short that didn’t work he was still dealing with his ex. And now he just acts like he did nothing wrong it was all if my accusations argumentative nature and control issues that caused everything and I should just moved on regardless. I wholeheartedly agree that I should I am just really at a loss as to What in the world happened?! I can barely tell WHAT is real versus fake. He was one way then he could ne another. He said he could say the same about me. My comeback has always been to stand my ground and say I came from a place of integrity truth and authenticity. I am just not sure.
This blog was very helpful. I was with my ex for 2 years. After a year I discovered he had these fetishes I was unaware of. He seeked outside of our relationship to fulfil them. We then went to couples counseling, but I never really gained trust back for him. 6 months later after constant arguing and almost ending our relationship he put a ring on my finger and asked me to marry him. Of course at the time I was delighted but I knew deep down something was not right. This carried on for another 6 months where I discovered he had this whole other life. He posed as a military officer on craigslist to get men to our home while I was working and have sex with them. He spent all the money we had saved. He put us both in severe debt. It’s been 2-3 months since our breakup and he still tries to come back telling me how much he loves me and up until recently I always believed him. My therapist actually opened me to the idea that he may be a sociopath. Now researching into this subject more he fits the exact profile. Everything was fake and I used to try and figure out why. I recently blocked him on everything and every time he tries calling from a different number I block that number too. I’m actually disturbed now at the power he has over me and feel this is the only way. To cut him off cold and hard. He’s sick and twisted and I realized I can not help him as bad as I feel for him. I don’t know who he really is.
I only dated this guy for about 7 months and we were emailing each other before that for a few months..so it was a buildup. I was so blindsided and swept off my feet that I didn’t even realize he was a sociopath..or had sociopathic tendencies until months after we broke up. Its only been 6 months since the break up. But this guy really did a number on me..totally fkd me up. I can’t even believe I let myself get in this situation. But…I am regaining control of my life!! I’ve blocked him from my cell and all social media and do not even ask mutual friends how he’s doing. If you encounter a sociopath or what seems like one..run!!! Don’t walk. They are sick sick individuals who fuck with you just because they can and it gives them a thrill. Please do not involve yourself!!
Wow. Everything everyone us saying sounds alot like my story. I have been with my sociopath for 5 yrs. At the beginning he couldn’t stay Away from me. Its like he was mildy obsessed. But it felt good to be wanted all the time. Everything is a game with him. A game that he always wins. He always has to manipulate and control if not u better get ready cse this is gonna get ugly he’ll threaten to take the car threaten to do this and that to get his way. Including putting me down. He even puts down my appearance my butt my tummy my boobs. Oh god hell do and say anything to leave me hurt and feeling helpless. He lies alot Im not even sure I know who he really is to be honest. I feel like the man I know is wearing a mask. Hes been threatening to divorce me alot lately I think he says this just to hurt me. Nothing is ever his fault Im always to blame even when Im not. I have felt so down by his words I have had several suicidal thoughts. My suggestion if your with a sociopath. Run! Run like hell.
I bet he was obsessed with you in the beginning. They are. They find someone then hone in on them, it takes all of their focus and attention. This isn’t really flattering as it is like a predator hunts it’s prey with its beady eyes on the prize. The victim will come under the microscope. They might even lie to themselves and tell themselves that this time it will be different. But then, they can’t help themselves, they have to destroy everything, and in doing so, make sure that they destroy their victim too, so nobody else would want them. Sounds stupid, but any investment, they think that they have a right to get back from you, and this includes any time that they spent making you feel good – they have to rip this from you. You know that you need to get away as it won’t get better. I know that is hard to hear, after you have invested 5 years, and probably faced losses during that time. But – you will incur further losses if you stay with him 😦
I fell in love with a sociopath. Sorry correction….I’m STILL in love with a Sociopath. we are not together anymore because I found out about other woman, drugs and just another life he was living. he used to come with me to church and even used to say things like “our children will be your religon”. it went as far as we even discussed it with his parents.
it felt like he would say anything to make me happy or anything for me to not second guess him, because i questioned EVERYTHING. I knew there was something but I could never figure it out. I JUST KNEW!
after 3 and half years with him I found out about his (now) girlfriend and many other woman. he would literally wake up with me, and tell me how he cannot wait to spend the rest of his life with me and how beautiful our children are going to be, even mention the names. THAT very night (after I go home) he would spend the night with her.
whether she knew about me- it didn’t matter. because I have no doubt in my mind that after a few months she will be going through the same thing.
I questioned him about it- he told me he is using her for business. she is a well connected woman and he wants to build us a future and she has the connections for it. he told me he isn’t into her and its NOT love. he LOVES me and that THAT is enough. I ended things IMMEDIATELY.
A month after we broke up he moved in with her, how do I know this?? because she lives around the corner from me. He told me it was because HE WAS LONELY. AND SHE MEANT NOTHING AND HE IS HURTING… not even ashamed or remorseful… he IS THE VICTIM here. for months i had to face it- it was one of the the hardest things ive EVER had to do.
its now been almost a year since we broke up, he STILL messages. telling me he misses me and he is hurting.and she is nothing to him. he tells me he still thinks about us everyday and i such a huge impact on his life. – yet after a few months he has made their relationship public-yes i got sympathetic looks everywhere I went –
I NEVER reply. I refuse to- he wants to see how much control he has over me. he wants to see if i will still comfort him in those hard times or still sacrifice my life for him.
I now realise my life was miserable with him. I ALWAYS had to question everything he told me or who was this new friend he keeps mentioning etc.
Word on the street is he is STILL on drugs, he is drunk ALL the time, been arrested, had his car stolen, been in a serious car accident and Lord alone knows what else. (AND that chick is STILL with him- SHAME)
I am much happier without him (on the REAL), I have achieved more in life than any other time. I’m not bitter any-more. I am making an effort everyday to forgive him, little by little. the thing is WE have no choice but to forgive and move on because there is nothing to fight for, besides YOU CAN NEVER LOSE SOMETHING YOU NEVER REALLY HAD.
I’m still in love with him. I always will be. I will always have the scars of being in love with a socio path. I’ve learned that if something doesn’t FEEL right- even if it LOOKS right- it most probably ISN’T right. Will they ever really be happy, I doubt it. Do I want to be happy? HELL YES!
I spent three years dating someone that I feel is a sociopath. We broke up about a year ago, and I randomly got an email from him over the weekend. He needed to let me know he was thinking about me, and that just because we aren’t together anymore, we could still be friends. This was after years of being called fat, ugly, hairy, stupid, a whore.. I was accused of sleeping with his friends if I was friendly but given a hard time if I sat quietly without speaking. Constantly caught him talking to other women on social media and he denied anything ever happened, and the icing on the cake was our last rendezvous last summer – he failed to tell me he had a new girlfriend but proceeded to be intimate with me. I found out on Facebook! I went through months of therapy, did all I could to get myself away from him and I truly thought he was done with me until Sunday. He sent me another email after I mistakenly thought I blocked him. He said he wanted to apologize for everything he did to hurt me. He said that something big is going on in his life and he wanted to right his wrongs, to make peace. And all I keep thinking is WTF?!?!?!?!
Ugh ugh ugh….. I hope you haven’t even thought of responding. Please block him! The nerve of them, no empathy and no clue about what they have done wrong.
OMG! my ex does the same thing. he just wants to see if he still has control over you. dont give in…take that messages with a pinch of salt.
It took me three years, a divorce and two times break up from him to realize that he is a sociopath. He says he is a good person needing for love. That he didn´t realize until NOW, what he has done, that he is just heart broken because I left him after knowing he was having sex with other women. He tried until the end to put some guilt on me. But now that he realized he hasn´t me under his control he ist getting just crazy. It is about control and feeling great and it is about HAVING you. And then? The game starts all over again. And the consequences are inmense. Getting to trust again. That is what they do to you.
I remember saying to him ‘it isn’t that you want me, you just don’t want anyone else to have me’. In his mind, if I wasn’t there chasing him, there HAD to be another man. As that is the way that he is, and his mind works. I get it, trusting people is tough. I still haven’t got there with that one.
Interesting that I just got -another!- package from him telling me that he can’t Trust Ort believe in me anymore because I decided to go in with my life After he Lied and Cheated Again…. An at the Same Time he Sends me chocolates… How could I ever Get to Understand this mind? I am confused and tired.
Ugh they all say the same things Su. So let me get this straight, he is now accusing YOU, and you are the one who is in the wrong, and he is offended? Dear dear, I hope that you can see how he is deflecting from his own wrongdoings….. This reminds me of a post, I just cant think which one….. if I find I will post
Hi, my ex contacted me after 7 wks. The first time he left the Ow, he was there for 5 wks, The second time he left the same woman he was there for 10 wks. Im guessing things are getting tough again so he contacted me. I called him filthy names, I shamed him I told him to go slither into a gutter and die like the predator he was. When he hung up on me, I got on email and finished him off. I sent him bloggs about who he is, I shamed him about our children and grandchildren. We were married 30 yrs with dozens of affairs, and he always came back. I ran into him at the store the other day and he called me a f…ing bitch. The difference is I always felt sorry for him and wanted to help him, so I never treated him like that before! I am done, I cant take anymore. My question is, is there anyway this time he will have enough shame to move on, stay away and leave me alone, after being treated like that or will it not matter?
I am pregnant with his child. And all I want is freedom from this insane man. It was hard to accept that he never loved me and never would but it’s even harder because he is so sadistic and literally believes me being pregnant gives him complete reign over my life. He is a person so empty it depresses my very core. Yet he finds some sort of fullness in destroying the lives of others to hide the truth of his own. He is a monster. And I am now stuck with this man for the rest of my life. What do I do?
Hi Rachel, I am sorry that you are going through this. Let me tell you, even if you weren’t pregnant, he would still think that he has ownership, possession and control over you, That is the way that he is. You are not stuck with this man, you could get out, but would need help from your local domestic violence support to do so, They could help you with a plan to get out safely, and to find somewhere stable and safe, for you and the baby. I say this as you also say that he is sadistic. You do have choices, please don’t let him make you believe that you don’t.
Your not stuck with him there are support groups to help.
First time falling in love with a sociopath for 2 years but I decided to cut him off completely. I was stronge enough to disappear and Now I can say that I’m happy without him and my life has been better. karma is going to get his ass and he can go to hell. I know there will be someone that will appreciate me and show me nothing but love and respect.
I was dating someone who I believe to be a sociopath for 2 years. We met online and he was my first love. His ethnicity made it difficult for us to be completely public with our relationship. I chose to trust him and be patient with him telling his closest friends and family about our dating.
7 months ago, I found out after 2 years of dating that he was living a double life – and had been dating a girl from his college for our entire relationship. To outsiders I may have seemed like the “other woman” but it didn’t feel that way at all. I never knew they were dating. He always swore she was his best friend and would tell me about her other boyfriends. If I would’ve even known they had any sort of dating past, I would’ve figured out a way (around his ethnicity boundaries) to talk to her first to make sure she was comfortable with us dating. He also made their relationship a secret for other reasons. Even his own sister (and best friend of his other girlfriend) didn’t really know if they were dating!! Once everything came to light, his other girlfriend and I had a chance to talk and discuss all the lies he told both of us.
I am having a REALLY hard time moving on from the hurt he caused me. She chose to stay with him which has been really difficult for me to swallow. Not because I want to be him AT ALL – it just hurts to see him continue on with his happy little life.
Since we broke up, he has called me a few times but I’ve never answered. I’m not sure what he was planning to say when he called. Maybe that he misses me? Maybe not. I will never know.
After those phone calls I tried my best to go “no contact” with him but not knowing why he did what he did to me is killing me inside. I did try and contact his first girlfriend in college to try and understand if this had ever happened before. He told me this girl cheated on him – so i was really curious if he lied about that and if he actually cheated on her! I know now that was a mistake to contact her – as he found out and reached out to me to try and shame me for making contact.
Since then, I tried to blocked him on almost everything I could think of. He did start playing games with me again on whatsapp – blocking and unblocking me on a daily basis. I could tell because some days I could see his profile pic and other days I couldn’t. I know I should’ve just blocked him and moved on – but I got sucked in.
I now have him blocked again but I need help moving on from the hurt and pain without having any closure.
Any advice would be much appreciated! I feel like I’m a little different then other people on here since when I found out the truth I was the second woman he was dating. But the pain and lies and manipulation are still so real.
Thank you very much.
Just trying to make sense of what happened to me. To give her credit she warned me but being an emotional person I fell in love with her only to be crushed. I know have a full understanding of the experience I had thanks to this article. I guess in the end I was the only one who was truly invested emotional. She was just pretending and I was taken away by her charm. I thought by showing her that she means the world to me that I would win her over but I guess that was my downfall. Ohh well, I not going to lie I’m hurt and devastated but at least I know that I still have feelings and I’m still capable of truly loving someone which in the end she wasn’t. The long road to healing begins, I just need to have the strength to stop thinking about her and looking at the pictures we had the past year together.
Thanks for shedding some light.
Literally just left a relationship with one. He abandoned me and our son at the hospital right before I had my c section. After months of abuse and lies, I stayed loyal. He’s cheated, and now has his new girl believing I didn’t want him at the hospital, and that I’m a crazy, jealous ex, when I’m trying to warn her before her or her 2 children get hurt. He stole a dead man’s medals and pretended like he was in the military, using said man’s medals. Tried to isolate me from everyone and control me. Ugh, so hurt, but very grateful I got away from him. Calls himself Jonjon, after I gave him the nickname. Loves pretending to be the victim and turning things around so you’re the guilty one.
Aw bless you. My heart goes out to you. You are left alone to recover from a C section. My daughter died full term stillbirth. I left hospital thurs night and he had left by the Monday. I was so stunned and shocked. Don’t waste your energy trying to warn her. He has already told her you are crazy and many other lies. Probably said u got pregnant to keep him. I understand how hurt and devastated you must feel. Try to focus on your baby. As hard as that is. Take care of yourself too. It takes at least 6 weeks to heal from a C section. I think when pregnancy and you have been cut open is also involved it can be very traumatic. The trauma of their abuse combined with the traumatic injury to your body can have deep impact. I know it did for me. You deserve so much better. Him.. he is disgusting. Only a person with no empathy would steal a dead mans medals. I am sorry to read all that you are going through. You will heal. You will recover. This will get better as tough as it seems for you right now.
Thank you. I feel for you too, I really do. He hasn’t even seen his son. We had a Joker and Harley kinda relationship, he knew that was what I wanted. How devoted I was. I got on his big rig with him, and he took me anywhere I wanted to go, and we did anything I wanted to do. I fell SO hard. It was my first time ever truly being in love. Deep down in my soul. His abuse started during my third trimester. He wanted a son, he got one, but them abuses the mom and abandoned them both? I still cry to this day because of how much I’m hurting. My son is a month old. And I refuse to let him around his dad, now that I know he doesn’t care about him. He only asks about him when he needs something. And finally, the last straw, he said that Jace is my son, basically denying him. And I sat his stuff outside and blocked him. He then tried to contact me through my friend stating that he would be with me and leave his girl if I get away from my family because he wanted to be a family. Actions speak louder than words, if that’s what he wanted, he wouldn’t have left to begin with.
I’m sorry, my brain is still stuck on the full term stillbirth. I can’t even imagine how that feels and what you went through. I sincerely apologise, and I hope everything goes well for you. I truly can’t imagine going through that. All the way up to full term.
I am 5 months into a relationship with a sociopath and I am trying to end things and stay strong with no contact. But it’s so hard!!
I met him at a bar five months ago a week after his mom passed away. I had been lonely and really just wanted a one night stand and I really think me telling him that started it all. I was a mission to be more than a one night stand. He said all the right things and sucked me in!!!
He gave me his phone password and I looked at like 2 months in and of course found messages with women from Craigslist. He then went on to tell me that he wanted to get caught so he could stop. He said there was no physical contact just messaging, he use the term “it was a cat and mouse game”.
He promised to always show me his phone and give me his password and of course that has never happened since and says that I should just trust him.
On 12/20 we had plans to visit his mom‘s grave because it was her birthday. And of course he disappeared again that night to not show up again until the next day. I later found out that he met a girl at a bar. I got her information and she confirmed that they slept together and even sent me screenshots of text messages were he was talking about wanting to be with her. Of course he denies sleeping with her because I can’t prove that part but he can’t deny the text messages. He tried to say that she was talking about committing suicide and he felt bad for her and that’s why he was saying those things.
He claims to be an alcoholic and that he will stop drinking and makes all these promises. But none of them are for filled. Again saw his phone where he was messaging females and getting pictures and telling them that he missed them…
I’m just so hurt and learned the word Sociopath and started doing research. It fits him to a T. I used to say he was a pathological liar and a cheater before learning the word Sociopath and realize that they all go hand-in-hand.
He has many children with like 6 different women and 3 ex wife’s.
It’s so so hard to not want to give him another chance. He continues to text and I have not been able to block him yet but I have been good about not replying or if I do I tell him what I think of him.
But I love him or what I thought was him!! But I can’t help but to think what if this is not him and he can change. But if he is a sociopath I am happy I found out after 5 months and not 5 years!!
Question.. I divorced the sociopath 3 years ago. Raising his 2 kids… now 4 all by myself.. how do I move on?? I’m exhausted , broke and completely alone. Suggestions
Hi I changed your name for your own protection. Does he have any involvement in your life still? Does he still see you/children? How much influence/control does he have over your life? It is difficult to offer advice, without having further information about your current circumstances.
I just found out my new husband ive been with for four years is a sociopath too!! He was sooooooooo good! But I am doing all the steps and everyday is better and better. But it hurt like riping out my insides threw my breastbone! But i am getting threew it and so can everyone else! There is an end to the pain and abuse and that starts with no contact and no more chances! I deserve better and I know it!
I’ve just escaped from my sociopath after a year. During that time he’s stolen money from myself and my work credit card which has resulted in me losing my job and having to sell my house as he lies locally. He’s also driven my best friend and housemate out of my house and she’s had to take sick leave from work because he’s been harassing her. He took credit cards out in my name and hers and when she reported him to the police he took a harassment order out on her! He’s got this huge story about how my house has been bugged by my ex husband who is doing all the card fraud to try and hurt us. He’s stolen and destroyed my camera and all copies of my photos from my marriage, so ten years of memories are gone. He even stole a special bottle of wine I was saving and then tried to tell me that someone must have snuck into the house and stolen it even though I have a security camera. Every single week there was some huge drama with his family. I don’t even think he was really on the phone most of the time. He would always have an ‘emergency’ that he needed me to speak to him on the phone about if I was out with work or family and if I didn’t answer the phone he would scream at me for hours when I came home. He would shout for hours at me, always at night for 2/3 hours at a time threatening to do terrible things to people but afterwards tell me that I should know he never means it he just says it when he’s angry. Once he put a knife in his belt. If you ever called his bluff he would always come Back after five minutes saying he’d had a realisation that he wasn’t a bad person and didn’t want to do whatever it was he’d been threatening after all. Once he wrote a suicide note in front of me but ‘changed his mind’ about it when the person he was calling at 4am didn’t come to collect him. He constantly needed money for ‘his kids school dinners’ and would threaten and shout till I gave in and gave it to him, he never repaid me. Although he lived and ate and had everything provided and never paid me rent while he stayed (he would pay it then need most of it almost straight back for some kind of emergency) he would constantly tell me that everything I did and paid for for him was not as valuable as the ‘emotional love’ he gave me. Sometimes he would just leave the house if I was cooking a nice meal without telling me and then when I served it and couldn’t find him and called him he would say it was my fault for not having hugged him properly, said I love you sincerely enough. He screamed abuse at my neighbours and punched the walls and doors of my house so I had to hand pictures over the dents. For the last two months he woke me up every night with drama or to shout at me for something. He turned me into a zombie. He constantly told stories about how he got beaten by his dad when he was young and anytime anything didn’t look like it wasn’t adding up he’d have some kind of terrible emergency and be in tears or scream at me for not trusting. He even accused me of defrauding myself ‘are you sure you didn’t do it’ I don’t know how much he believes of his own web of lies. It’s horrible looking at it all now it’s over you just feel so stupid and even when it’s happening you know that things aren’t right but my time you try and investigate anything or ask questions you just get bombarded with aggression, manipulation, so you are the one who ends up apologising. I wanted to share my story because reading all of yours has made me realise I’m not stupid and I’m not the only person to have gone through this, and I want to do the same for anyone else coming to this site after me. He’s destroyed my career, lost me my home and security but I’m not going to let him win. It’s really really hard right now but I know it will get better. Love to you all, stay strong! ❤️
Hi Yorkie thank you so much for sharing your story. Do you mind if I use it as a post. I can identify with so much that you say. If not all. Are you free now?
My sociopath was my extremely intimate lover since 2012. He was married and I had a partner. So our secret life together was extremely private. I recognized him as a Narcissist very early in our relationship when I was still able to separate my self from him. I gave him every aspect of my self and my sexuality, but Looking back At it, I paid for most of the expensive hotel rooms we were in. When it came time for him to reciprocate payment of dinner, drinks, etc. He usually wasn’t hungry or didn’t want to drink. i recently have been reading about sociopaths and quickly realized what I was involved in. I started the persistent denial of him in my life and he started behaving very immature and trying to get my reaction by giving me dirty looks and not talking to me. I recently had enough strength to deny and disagree with him and the reaction I received from him scared me so much that I called a friend and we talked through my emotions. The fear of him that I felt made me fight back.
I work with this person and he has controlled where I sit, which is right beside him. He retires in 2021 and I am keeping cool until then. I have gotten over the worst of it but I remain vigilant and aware of every word he says. I am very grateful for blogs like this as I would never be able to define what I was feeling and have my feelings validated and reciprocated. Thank you for all you help getting through this mess. I still continue to fight through this but I am almost back. To all those who are not as far along, keep reading and fighting to get back to your true selves. It’s not too far away and completely worth it. Good night all