The sociopath ‘sickness saga’

sickness

The sociopath will work hard to at first groom you, then once they have ownership and control over you, will ensure that they maintain possession of you. 

The sociopath manipulates through 

  • Mirroring you
  • Compulsive lying
  • Fake love
  • Playing victim

The sociopath controls you with fear

  • Threats
  • Intimidation
  • False allegations
  • Leading you to believe that you are worthless, and not worthwhile
  • Telling lies  
  • Isolating you  (either from people, financial isolation, stopping you from working) –  all of these things create dependency

The sickness saga

The sociopath will most commonly pull the most elaborate sickness saga tale, when they are either about to be caught in a lie, or when they have been caught in a lie. 

The sociopath already knows that you are a kind, caring empathetic person. They checked this with you, when they first interviewed you, and decided that you were the right person for them. I.e. you can offer them what they want. (Be a source of supply). However, after the initial mirroring and seduction stage has passed. Once you have been groomed and captured, you might object to being controlled. To cope with being with a sociopath you become either 

  • Brainwashed
  • Brain dead

If you decide to leave, or the sociopath thinks that there is a chance for you to do so, they often pull the sickness saga trick. Sometimes they can pull the sickness tale in the beginning while playing victim, but this is not usual. As they would not know how you would respond.  You might not want to be with someone who is sick. The sociopath will assess you, and find out who you are. 

Faking sickness will almost always create a positive reaction from the victim

It would be a heartless person, who was hard and not forgiving towards someone who is sick. The sociopath knows this. It is their life to observe, and monitor other people. They are experts at understanding human responses.   

Without conscience

The sociopath is without conscience, and a compulsive pathological liar. They will literally do and say anything to get what they want. They do this to get their own way. 

It is being without conscience that the sociopath can fake illnesses that nobody in their right mind would fake. The sociopath is also attracted to drama. The sociopath enjoys drama. He/she enjoys drama as it creates what the sociopath does not have themselves ’emotions’. 

As the sociopath has no conscience and thinks nothing of lying to you, to tell you what you want to hear, they also have no conscience when telling you of the most awful illnesses. Cancer is a favourite, as it elicits a powerful response from the victim. No matter how angry you are towards the sociopath, once they tell you this, you feel sorry for them. You feel that they might die. You then start to make excuses for their behaviour. 

Swift change from perpetrator to victim

 By elaborate claims to illnesses such as cancer, the sociopath very quickly

  • Deflects attention from what they have done
  • Gains sympathy, care and compassion 
  • Has your full attention
  • Makes you feel ‘responsible’ for them
  • Becomes the victim – and forces you to now become the carer 
  • Has a ‘get out of responsibility’ card

Compulsive pathological lying

As you are likely not a sociopath reading this (you might be, but I am assuming you are not), once the sociopath starts the lie, it begins to spiral. Always remember that – 

TO THE SOCIOPATH, PROTECTING THE LIE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR FEELINGS. THE SOCIOPATH WILL ALWAYS PROTECT THE LIE. 

There will never be a point where they will feel a pang of conscience, to confess the lie. So they continue, and the lie spirals, and snowballs, getting bigger and bigger – until they become the lie. 

The sociopath will now become the sickness

Once the sociopath has started with the lie, this becomes part of their persona. They will be elaborate with their lies, so that you would not suspect that it is in fact a lie. After all, you wouldn’t think that anybody would fake an illness such as cancer? … a person without a conscience would. A sociopath would. The sociopath will do anything to retain control and will use any method to do so. 

The sociopath will not just use the words ‘I have cancer’ they will now become the cancer. So you will hear fully descriptive sagas of their visits to the hospital, their appointments or treatments. If you offer to go with them, there will be some glib excuse why you can’t.

If you come close to discovering the truth

If you come close to discovering the truth, your own empathy, and kindness will now be used against you. The sociopath will display moral outrage, at how you are

  • Heartless
  • Uncaring
  • Thoughtless
  • Selfish

You know that this is not true, and you protest. Of course, this creates exactly what the sociopath wants, yet more emotion from you. More drama. The sociopath can then use these emotions against you. 

The person I was with didn’t fake a major illness – does this mean he/she was not a sociopath? 

No, not all sociopaths fake major illnesses such as cancer. However, all sociopaths will play victim. They play victim to elicit sympathy and to receive attention from you, at a time when you are angry, or even thinking about leaving them. This is manipulation and control. If they are not faking an illness of either themselves, or someone close to them, (often the illness of someone who is close to them is more effective and less likely to avoid detection of the lie), they will, whenever they are about to be caught in the lie, feign victim for something or other. Turning the tables and making you the victim feel like the perpetrator, and that you should be feeling sorry for them. If you don’t well how heartless are you? 

All sociopaths play victim but not all sociopaths feign major life threatening illnesses for attention. 

How could you? 

Are words that often come from your mouth, as the reality of the lie sinks in. You cannot believe that somebody could go so low as to fake a terminal illness (often the cancer will be terminal, if this is what they claim). The sociopath can – simply because they can. They can, because they don’t care too much about you or your feelings. What they do care about is ownership, possession and control over you. There is no greater control than to have full control of your emotions. 

Having control over your emotions, the sociopath can then render you either:

  • Brain dead (switched off)
  • Brain washed (switched on and manipulated/controlled) 

The sociopath can tell such outrageous lies simply because they have no conscience. They do not feel bad about their actions. They do not feel remorse, guilt or shame. Once the lie starts, they almost enjoy the drama that it creates and the sympathy that they now receive from others. This is the ultimate high -they are now receiving praise, sympathy and attention for doing what they do best – lying and being manipulative. 

It is all about control

When the sociopath fears that they are losing control, they will do and say anything to regain control. There is no better way to have full control of someone than to fake a major sickness, and force the victim to become carer. When you become carer, you become owned by the sociopath and the sociopath is now very cleverly ‘victim’. You wouldn’t attack a victim, or throw them out on the streets would you? 

Learned behaviour

It is my personal view, that this is learned behaviour from childhood. Perhaps there was neglect in childhood, where the sociopath’s emotional needs were not fulfilled. Perhaps the only time that the sociopath DID get attention in childhood that was of the level of care that other children had from parents, was when they were ‘sick’. 

Coping with the sense of betrayal

When the lies are unravelled and you discover the truth, this is often at the same time that the relationship comes to an end, and the sociopath goes onto full on hurtful ruining and smear campaign mode.  It is the ultimate betrayal. Your senses, feelings, emotions, and who you are have been effectively controlled. 

The truth can be ‘shocking’. It can be difficult to comprehend, how anybody could stoop so low.  The truth is, like everything with the sociopath – they can – because they have no conscience. Without conscience they can do or say anything that they like. 

This is what makes it so shocking. It is beyond our comprehension. How someone could do this. The truth is – they do – simply because they can. 

What starts off with a small lie, can quickly spiral into a huge elaborate lie…. that can go anywhere. Who asks for ‘verification’ of someone’s illness? 

It is easy words to say ‘it’s just business’ to a sociopath and that it is not personal. It is not that you are stupid. It is just that you are not trained to detect someone who would tell such terrible lies.  As you would never think of ever saying this, let alone acting out the whole play of imagination that would go with it, the sociopath can – simply because they can. It is then that they ‘become the lie’ the lie becomes bigger than them. This is who they become and they will do anything to protect the lie. 

If this has happened to you

I wanted to write this post, as it is a topic that I haven’t written about before. I also know that it is quite common. It doesn’t happen all of the time, it depends on the sociopath, but it happens enough to warrant its own post. 

There are always extremes of behaviour dependent on the person doing the behaviour and their reasons for it. Faking a terminal illness, is an extreme form of playing victim. If determined the sociopath can do this well. 

If this has happened to you, know that it didn’t happen because you were stupid. Yes it does hurt, and you do feel used and abused as often you will give more than you otherwise would. The sociopath sets themselves up as their own ‘charitable case’ and you become the charity that they feed off of. 

Know that at first you will feel confused, as you go through everything that happened. How when you felt suspicious you questioned and were told that you were ‘heartless’. How your emotions were played with, manipulated and controlled. 

Nobody stays confused forever. Once the truth is out and you have came out of the  fog of ‘this cannot be true‘ confusion, you will move into a sense of reality, it is then that you will see the sociopath is really – not like the person that  you thought you were with.

They were simply being ‘whoever they felt like being’ for whatever occasion that suited. …. at the time. 

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2014

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103 thoughts on “The sociopath ‘sickness saga’

    1. I know!! Feigning sickness is the ultimate way to gain control and play victim. Some go to extremes with it. They all do it, play victim feign illness. So you feel sorry for them and will be forced to take care of them.

      1. Mine took a slightly different route right at the end . Her Son had measles ( she had made sure he was never immunised ) then she pretended that he had meningitis on top ( I could see it was measles as his sister had it a week earlier )

        It was the right level of drama to create the ” relationship ending ” argument as I told her I didn t believe her . It was the excuse she had been looking for and that was it , ” if you go to work don t come back etc .”

        Just like that , over , (minus my money & possessions of course )

        She had told me several times that she had survived breast cancer previously , but didn t try it during the time I was with her ( it was always the children who were ” ill ” )

        “Pregnancy ” followed with “worries ” over the health of the “baby ” followed by an “abortion” after a month or so .

        It still fills me with dread even thinking about it .

        Nick

      2. Nick, Sorry you went thru that. There are users, abusers and liars in more places that an honest person can imagine. Luckily you came out whole again.

      3. Yeah Nick, mine once said “If I get pregnant, you’ll never even know”. Still I’m sorry you experienced something so terrible.

        Bobbie mine once said “You’re too good of a communicator”.

      4. Hi MrK75,

        They like to tell you your truth but, never tell you theirs!

        You are a good communicator & you should be proud of that & any other positive that the Soc said as, it’s the only time they tell the truth as they reflect you back onto yourself.
        That’s their way of deflecting you from ‘seeing’ their truth, which is all fabricated & make believe 😦
        They use flattery to slip under your radar & who doesn’t love to be flattered & flaunted etc…
        I am self-deprecating & he loved that as it showed vulnerability which he would use against me.
        Oh well, I am still self -deprecating but, that’s because I don’t need to act fake etc…I am what I am, faults & all & don’t need to pretend to be something or a misrepresentation of myself 🙂

        Keep communicating & representing the best version of yourself always 🙂

        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

      5. Mr. Knight;

        I recall that when I had the upper hand in any conversation (ok… argument over inconsistencies in his story) and he realized he couldn’t lie his way out of the situation, he would tell me that we were wasting our time “going ’round the mulberry bush” and then refuse to have any further conversation. I find it seriously weird that they all have so many of the same traits.

        Celeste

      6. Hi all 🙂

        Celeste,

        Isn’t it rich, how they think we are highly unintelligent!? He would never address anything, very cowardly. Whenever he tried to pull off another fictitious story, I was always telling him, “I’M TIRED OF PLAYING DUMB!” I was so tired of listening to his BS. Sometimes it was amusing, looking right into his eyes, watching him speak lies, and he was thinking I bought it all. HA! I was so tired of “living off of milk when we should get to the meat of the matter!” Milk is for babies, and adult COWARDS. They can’t man up (or lady spaths can’t woman up) and do their damn job as a grownup!

      7. Hi Bunny;

        I think they confuse kindness and empathy for stupidity and weakness, but more importantly, they personally believe they are so danged clever. When we were discussing things I would actually catch him slowly maneuvering around so that he could see his reflection in a window or a mirror – he was watching himself and would even smile at himself while doing it! I don’t think he ever had to contend with anyone who could keep track of a conversation and then would direct him to stay on the subject, so his methods of distraction to get out of a situation didn’t work. So.. we toddle off to “here we go round the mulberry bush” as a way to get out of it. Truly a childish response. LOL

        My dad used to say someone was so smart they were stupid. That fits my ex SP to a “t”.

        Celeste

    2. WTF hey like y would someone fake something so serious it bothered me at first the fact is my eldest sister Died lung cancer it angers me if anyone can relatr i now call em all evil seekers 3 tenants live here at first i paid no mind to it now what i do iz ignore anything they say i manage to change topics and say i juss dont wanna hear it i say look bring me bak the rezultz of your bloodwork o boy that gets them LOL like i now say iz if i want a bullshit story ill go to the library ha ha jokes on you now JOKER its got to stay that way keep it simple STUPID o that getz under there skin all 3 of them since i been studying there fuked up behaviors thats there last chance you have 2 options i say 1 fix it or fuk it the 2nd keep it up and your gone juss like the wind ok i get more intelliget each night i go to bed as i now no INSANITY = REPEATING THE SAME BEHAVIORS AND XPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT JUSS AINT GONNA HAPPEN SO GIVE IT UP THERE BUTTERCUP get it together or get the fuk out when you have managed to violate my space thats when i drew that fine line between us so u no ross it and your GONE KEEPING IT SIMPLE NOW NO MORE BULLSHIT LIEZZZZ😈😠😠

  1. was maried to one for 23 yrs. and I not a rich woman but paddling my own canoe now. but he still has a hold on my kids — like his fake cancer scare from a sebacious cyst on his head. bs Now since we divorced anything I say is taken negatively. sucks

    1. Hi Diane, welcome to the site.

      It is unbelievable, how anybody can just fake ‘cancer’. I used to think with the mindset, ‘how can you be so stupid as you would obviously be found out’…. but the truth is, they have little fear. No respect for you or anyone else. They don’t even have respect for themselves.

      They say it, because they care about nobody but themselves. They say it because its dramatic -because when they feel that they are losing control over you this is a great way to win control.

      There are a LOT of sociopaths who fake cancer… which really is beyond belief. Once they go down that path, they enjoy the drama and play acting that go with it – every day becomes a con – they know that one day that they can get caught, but every day that they don’t produces yet another ‘high’… they conned you one more time.

      Often this is also done in conjunction to force you to do something else that you do not want to do – like financial support…. after all, you wouldn’t suspect someone dying of cancer to be conning you…

      1. I dated a guy,who said he had a tumor in his sinus cavity. He was/is a musician..So the musician community got together,huuuuuuuuuge turn out,and had a benefit type thing to pay for his medical bills. I remember looking over,at tumor boy,during this benefit of so many different musicians….and he was sitting alone….looking down at the ground,in his own world…and I sensed shame. Come to find out…it was a deviated septum. I will never forget,looking over at him,hundreds of musicians at this fabulous music venue,and he was off by himself…and that look he had on his face whilst staring at the ground? I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I have dated so many spaths,Im learning…that I don’t know who is a spath and who isn’t.

  2. You know it’s funny, Positvagirl, that instead of saying he had cancer, when my beloved mom was first going to hospital this past summer I’ll never forget how right off my spath quipped: “she probably has cancer”! And, “Now I hope your mom did the right thing with her estate and house”… I was AGHAST that he would precognition something as devastating as cancer right off the bat for my mom! I wasn’t even thinking about that initially with regards to momma. How the hell ( and I told him this) can you be so callous as to say that when your lover’s mom goes in for stomach pains to cancer and make it worse for their loved ones to have to think about?! Well, he did and he acted only slightly apologetic at what he muttered. Such a negative, mean thing.

    So imagine my disdain upon the discovery shortly after that he was RIGHT, and my mom would be gone in only a couple of months?! And of course him lying about a cruise package he said he cancelled but took the week my mom passed!!! Turns out where he also met somebody new, but didn’t bother to mention until I had forgave him once again, because “he had changed and wanted to be there” BS. I knew then that anyone that can be so callous to you and your own loved ones is a bazerk bully prick. I am so sorry that it took me over a dozen times to get to where I am today~ In full discard mode. I thank this site for letting me recognise the traits, to fill in the blanks. My “spath” is a hybrid, not every trait, not that any one would be all of them together, GOD forbid! Man, it’s work to figure out they do such a mindscrew on you! The last few weeks of not talking to him regularly, well, I have more clarity, and have been able to work on figuring out the estate and getting affairs in order! And I don’t find myself in immediate anxiety or a state of flusteredness as these are the two “go-to” feelings whenever he calls, no matter the occasion. Gee, how nice not to start the weekend off without these emotions!

    But can you imagine if he HAD NOT met someone to get involved with ( his next victim) on that stinking cruise? I was already dreading how to keep him off of any assets that come my way from my mom’s estate and he even would sing a pop rap song he knows called “Million Dollar Pussy”! Nasty I would say of that and him for even listening to the garbage, but I wonder if he really thought of himself that way! LOL- pussy indeed ( no offense to the lady’s in the audience!) as he is a big time materialistic jerk ( fast luxury cars, new gadgets, new trinkets for HIM, mostly). I am just so sad that I had to endure him during my grief for mom, but through her loss ( some price), I managed to lose him after nearly 5 years! And yeah, him acting like a pussy to the bitter end.

    Final thought on this 1rst day of February. I am still running high on this new fella I have met through online dating service! We talk every day, have our 3rd date for next week, and the more I learn about him I become even more enamoured. He works in a respectable field, and I’ve come to find him a most gifted musician who had been in a band back in the day but now collaborates with another mate on songs that are mind-blowing and wonderfully written that he he is involved with!
    I actually got my first intimacy with him the other day, and he was so shy and awkward! He apologised profusely for his “performance anxiety” but I just told him how wonderful it was to be a part of it all! My ex would make me feel awful if I had any issues in the bedroom, and one time even got up and left me in the night because of! Intimacy for me was never a script or a mandate. It’s just two souls exploring each other on a most personal way. It’s beautiful on more levels then assigned mechanics! But my spath made it dirty and all about his needs. He made it and me feel cheap, scripted, and ultimately obsolete without any emotion. I am mad I gave myself to him under these conditions, really mad!
    I feel my new fella is indeed a gift from the Universe. It’s too uncanny, even our political views are the same and he is a level headed as anyone I’ve met, online dating notwithstanding ( I know all the horror stories, I am no spring chicken in this dept!). I am being very astute this time with this experience! I had my first kiss from someone new and my first baby step intimacy after 5 years and I am on top of the world! And I am not divulging too much about me, my past, and especially the spath in my recent life that seeked my destruction! One thing my psycho taught me, don’t give too much about yourself away right off. The time will come for all of you, but keep some of you a mystery. I sure hope everyone can have a great February, keep the hope, keep the faith- Love Grows, Plant Some! SPRING IS COMING!

    1. OMG…. you know that first comment… even I said to myself OMG… simply a display of NO CONSCIENCE… unbelievable.

      Eldaldude, please go careful with this new guy. I so hope he IS everything that you want him to be. But also remember to VERIFY everything as someone who has SO much in common with you, that it feels like a gift from heaven…. NOTHING is perfect. VERIFY VERIFY VERIFY and try not to give your heart until you have verified everything. Take care of you first. You are too precious 🙂 – But I also hope he is everything that you think he is. Remember that EVERYONE puts on their best image the first 6-12 weeks…. so be mindful of this x

  3. Hi all;

    Mine didn’t fake cancer, but told me he had been diagnosed with cancer before we met. He explained how he had to go through chemotherapy and as a result was now sterile, therefore, did not need to worry about procreation. I suspect he actually had a vasectomy.

    About a year ago he contacted me to tell me that the doctor had given him 5 years to live because he has hypertension and asthma. I knew from professional experience he was lying because no doctor is going to give that kind of prognosis for that diagnosis but to force him into a corner, I jumped all over him and told him to get a second opinion and what questions to ask. He was really into my attention, but when I started asking subsequent questions he became evasive and would change the subject.

    The strange thing is that I had excellent insurance and he did have several pretty significant conditions, but refused to go to the doctor. He wore dentures that were ill fitting and my dental plan would have paid for new ones, but he wouldn’t go to the dentist either. He continually complained about the pain in his legs from varicose veins and the ill fitting dentures, but I guess if he actually obtained treatment he would lose legitimate attention getting devices. The scary thing is that he has serious sleep apnea (he would stop breathing in his sleep to the point of physically struggling and thrashing about) and told me after I left him he had a sleep study and I was wrong. So I doubt he had the study done or is just lying because he can’t admit I was right.

    Everything about what makes him a socio now seems as plain as the nose on my face, but at the time it was all part of the relationship and I always thought it was me…. I didn’t understand… he even helped me along by telling me not to worry, I didn’t understand because of our “cultural” differences. SIGH!

    Celeste

    1. omg….now this is funny. I am a nurse….to say you have x amount of time to live d/t hypertension and asthma….is sooooooooooooooo fucked up…and funny,to a nurse,that is…..That’s like saying “I stubbed my toe,and the docs told me I have a week to live” If I weren’t a nurse…I would buy into any of these sick fucks fake malignancy’s!

  4. This is an excellent topic. It makes me think of those few individuals who fake cancer to get “donations”. Vile, repulsive people. I made him a “non-person”. He no longer exists. I cut him off. They deliberately calculate doing these things, not just to one person, but MANY. What an abomination. Epic failures even when they get what they want. Before long they are “losers” again, nothing to show for their cons. HA! Idiots!

  5. Aww yes the cancer ploy. He tried to pull that on me but it didn’t work. He would always say either I think I have cancer or I am dying. It did not work with me. I just told him hecwas a hypochondriac. A week before I got my order of protection he claimed he fell off the roof of the house and almost died. At the point I was so fed up with his abuse and lies I didn’t care. I just sat there staring at him like I didn’t care so he called ip his mother and gave her the story. What a joke!! She fell for it and told me to take him to the hospital. I said he is fine he is walking around normally and it’s all a ploy. Thank god I’m rid of him. The best way to get rid of these evil entities is to get them arrested after they put there hands on you and get order of protection.

  6. This is so good to read. Thanks Pos for writing this post. Mine wasn’t cancer but instead he ended up with an illness I already had. When he told me of his diagnosis I thought it was odd because only 2 per cent of the population have it, so what were the chances that we would both have it? Our relationship came to an end eventually when he told me he was “too sick to be in a relationship”. Actually, he had moved on to someone else by then. I pity her but I’m happy to be free..

    1. Oh, that too, I forgot to write about that…. if you have something wrong with you, they can say that they have it too (mirroring you) —- only their strain of illness will be worse than yours… always! 🙂

  7. Hi Pos & fellow survivors & sufferers of these fools,

    My Soc used illness by proxy & I lost count of the amount of people close to him that had cancer etc…that he had to visit endlessly etc…appearing almost ‘Godlike’ in his compassion for others.

    The piece de résistance was his mothers Dementia (which she did have) but, his dedication to visiting her for hours on end, seemed extreme in the least.
    Naturally during the time of his mothers decline & eventual death, the OW was being wooed as he needed another financial backer etc…source of money/housing/networks etc…
    They met at his mates funeral! He loved a funeral, such a great place for supply, widows, ex-wives etc….more women go to funerals than men, I have observed this personally 😦
    Yes, in his grief at losing his friend, he had time to assess & ‘pick up’ his new supply source.
    The ultimate lie was telling me the wrong day for his mothers funeral so, that I could not attend & then made his ex-wife the reason for the lie etc…
    He turned up at my house for dinner the actual night of his Mothers funeral to perpetuate the lie but, I had been tipped off by a mutual friend.
    The weirdest thing in hindsight was that he looked quite happy in his demeanour considering, he had just buried his mother that day & being Italian it was a big affair (literally,)
    He looked like he had just won the ‘lotto’, whereas, I would be devastated & not off to my favourite roast dinner to tell more lies!

    When I told him I knew, you should have seen his face, the evil twitching eye that I now know was the ‘being caught out look’ & the quick mental calculation as to ‘how do I play this one’….
    I asked him to leave & all he could say was, “but what about dinner?”

    He later rang & all the lies & excuses came & I ended up feeling sorry for him as he blamed his ex & couldn’t have me at the funeral.
    I told him he could have just told me not too attend & his excuse was, ‘sorry I was not thinking straight s I was grieving & under pressure from my family’. naturally this was a viable excuse so, back he came for more games!
    About a couple of weeks later he went on a so called business trip with the OW as she was overseas at the time & in his grief he joined her for ‘fun times’.
    I asked why his work was sending him away when he had just suffered such a huge loss & he told me ‘that was how it is’ etc….
    He was away for my birthday & texted me how busy he was but, would make it up to me on his return & that he was missing me blah,blah…..I never even got a gift when he returned, he forgot!

    He also told me his daughter had cervical cancer yet was trying & did conceive a child etc….I thought that was a big risk as cancer can ‘speed up’ due to hormonal changes in pregnancy. Apparently this was another lie to get my sympathy 😦

    I am so glad to finally be free of this malevolent little man.
    I would never lie about illness when people are actually dying & battling such horrific diseases.
    That just typifies how disgusting & deluded they truly are, pure evil at its height!

    Love & light & continual Ascension to our higher place 🙂

    While the Soc stays on the descent & deception, we continue to rise & discover our own truth & freedom….
    Time to let go of the ghost of lies past!

    PR xoxo

  8. thanks for writing this post Positivagirl.

    my long distanct sociopath faked a car crash and got his wife to call me to inform me. he claimed he was paralysed from waist down, and he and his ex wife kept this on for two months until I finally found out the truth.

  9. Classic. My SP told me his parents (both of them) were ‘dying’ of cancer, and he told others that knew him ‘briefly’ (I never met anyone who knew him more than 4wks)…things just did not add up though…how he told me his mom wakes up at 5am to make his dad breakfast before he went to work a 12 hour shift, they in in their 70;s and have terminal cancer? Ummm….no. And he spent his summers away from them, only visited during Christmas, yet he is so sad about them dying….sadly, he is waiting for them to die as he is waiting on his inheritance which he spoke of often; 36 yrs old and has never made his own living…sickening and sad.

    It has been five months since I have seen him and almost two months since I have heard from him. My book is almost finished and I will be happy when I can fully close this chapter; sometimes I find myself replaying his awful behavior and wondering why on earth I allowed someone to treat me so horribly….after I was properly ‘in love’ and ‘groomed’ the horrible Abuse started….such a prick of a person…I am embarrassed though I have taken a deep look into how I let this happen and it Will Not happen again….these fools have Many Red Flags,…..

  10. Mine just texted me yesterday that there is a lump in her thigh. She is going to a doctor soon to see what is up. Ha. Throughout our relationship she banged on about her gall bladder, her menstrual issues and so on that could be serious. She even tried to convince me I was sick all the time. I had a bruise that wasn’t going away so she said that could be a sign of leukemia. Such loving ways she had.

    1. SAY GOODBYE!! I followed the rule which is NO Contact . NONE. you will be happier and mentally more stable. Trust me I know. Loving my freedom and peace.

  11. Mine once faked an overnight stay at the hospital for a panic attack – said that they did all kinds of heart tests and scans. Was a complete lie and a reaction to me questioning some obvious indicators that he had spent the weekend with another woman.

    1. Hi all;

      More giggles…. one of the last times I had contact with mine (this was a year after the divorce was final) was to tell me that his doctor had given him 5 years to live. Because he has high blood pressure and asthma.

      Being in the MEDICAL FIELD, I started asking questions about tests, drugs he was taking, etc. and guess what….. he had to go lay down because his blood pressure was up. Then, no more talk about being on death’s doorstep. The next time we spoke there was absolutely no mention of illness. Instead, it was to let me know he was going to a “world class” chef’s academy and his mentor was Guy Fieri.
      1. The world class chef’s academy is Le Cordon Bleu – the one they advertise on TV.
      2. He couldn’t boil water without burning it.
      I wonder if Guy knows that he is my ex’s new BFF??

      I should have reminded him he once told me that when he died he didn’t know where he would go because “heaven doesn’t want me, and the Devil is afraid I’ll take over”. Arrogant even in “death”. ROFL!!

      Celeste

      1. LOL Celeste 🙂

        Let’s hope he blows a gasket & ends up in a casket 😉

        My guy whispered in my ear at my fathers funeral, “are you feeling horny!”….I just thought I’d heard wrong & said, “the only horns I see here are coming out the top of your head!”
        He snickered & I turned away is dismay & just carried on talking to my family & friends that were their to support me 🙂
        I told him later that was totally inappropriate & he said, “I was just trying to make you smile because, you were so sad”.
        Gee sorry but, it was my DAD’s funeral & I was hardly at a party:(
        It was a wake!

        You have to laugh at them, even at a funeral they try it on!
        Lol, I will be dancing on his grave one day with my horns on! 😉
        I will have this song blaring out 🙂
        Come on & dance & clap with me 🙂

        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

      2. I shouldn’t laugh but it is so ridiculous you do have to laugh. 🙂 🙂 the sickness tales and the outrageous stories and lies are, when you are not caught up in it ridiculous.

  12. lAh yes, I always heard that one I’m sick it’s not my fault what I do. He meant mentally unstable, he felt like he had a free pass to do the horrendous things he’s done. I couldn’t be happier he is in jail, his kind belong there. Peace and love 😌💚

    1. Hi Bewildered;

      Early in my SP relationship, we were all cuddled up and sipping wine in front of the fire when he said “you know, I have dark desires you don’t want to know about.” OK… WTH?!? But not having any idea that he was a certified nut job, I asked him what he was talking about. He laughed and told me it had gotten too quiet and he had to say something. All I could think of was a Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club when he said, “Tension breaker. Needed to be done.” So I just thought he was being silly and let it go.

      Honestly, it was probably one of the few truths that ever came out of his mouth!

      Celeste

      1. Aww Celeste,

        They often give us glimpses of who they really are & we miss them because, its irrational or just stupid.
        Mine said, “you have never met anyone like me in your entire life. I am not like most men” i thought it was just his ego talking! He was telling the truth for once. Most ( not all obviously ) are okay but, these fools are most definately not like others we meet!
        Remember all the things you did love/like about him us actually you, your reflection back onto yourself as they mirror you/us.
        Its when they are not mirroring & the mask slips that the ugly truth is evident.
        So Celeste, love yourself as you are worth being copied & mimicked because your fantastic 🙂
        Mine constantly told me he was the “devil or a bastard” ahh , another truth!
        You fell in love with someone imitating you so, whats not to love.
        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

  13. Hi PR ,
    This is just to funny , but mine said the exact same thing , that I never met anybody like him . It was one of three times he ever told the truth . The second thing was ‘ I’m not a good person ‘ and the third thing I don’t even remember any more . These things were said early in the relationship , before the mask slipped for the first time . I wish they would all rot in hell and in a way that is where they dwell anyway .
    Sometimes I actually let myself feel some sympathy for him , when I think about the horrors he must have endured to become the way he is , but I don’t go there to often .
    After all that was said and done , why do I still feel this way at times ?
    Is there anybody out there who feels that way ?
    Stay save !

    1. Awww Ladybug,

      You feel sympathy because, you are an empath with a kind heart & soul.
      I feel pity for them leading such a barren desolate life of never really achieving much except destruction 😦
      Their lives are littered with people they use & hurt etc…I can honestly say that my life is not like that, past, present or future & if I’ve ever hurt another then I am truly sorry & I hope they forgive me 🙂

      The Soc does not want forgiveness as they never think they’ve done anything wrong!
      Mine called recently & I forgave him but, he said he wasn’t calling for forgiveness etc…but, I forgave him anyway for not being the person he portrays & for having no integrity etc…
      I forgave myself for allowing him into my life 😦

      He was lost for words (for once) & knew I was onto him & that I was finally free & nothing he said or tried to excuse would be heard.

      I told him ‘how would you have felt if I pretended to be something I was not & betrayed you whilst pretending to be your friend etc…he was silent.

      I told him to ‘move on’ as I was no longer part of his entourage & the game is well & truly over!

      I got Closure & I did not expect it.
      I was at acceptance stage, that he is a malevolent little man. His call was the ‘cherry on top’ of all the hard work I have done rebuilding my self worth….’I am free’ & happy 🙂

      You will be also, so keep striving to self love, self awareness & mostly know that you are loved & valuable & just being here shows that you care 🙂

      Thank you for being you & never change that lovely heart, repair it & make it whole again & love yourself wholeheartedly 🙂

      Karma exists so, let it take care of the rest for you 🙂

      Love & Light 🙂
      PR xoxo

      1. Hey PR ,
        Thank you for being the sweet soul that you are . Your words mean much . Non of us deserved what we got , but now many of us are standing up again and taking charge .
        A weak person could not have accomplished what we have after being with one of THEM !
        I’m so happy that you’re free and this THING is nothing but a memory .
        I’m right behind you , my lovely Bird of Paradise from the land down under. Keep going and show us how it’s done !

        Love&Peace always !

    2. I feel some sympathy, but not to the extent that I’d try to help. That would mean re-contact, & anyway, there is no help from outside. He must recognize that he has problems, & deal with them. (if that is actually possible) His family seems to be in denial.
      This relates to an on going NONE relationship with a stalker, cyber stalker, socio., gum shoe, who pleads mental problems.
      In attempting to “land me”, it was the old, “So you are liberated & rebellious, so to hell with convention & come F*ck me”. (back then he dressed as a hippy/biker type) He was already in a relationship@ the time!
      Since I wasn’t interested in a sex only relationship, he announced that he was going to ‘Sex only hook up web sites’. (to make me jealous? A kind of sexual suicide?) Maybe he did? That would fit… sex addict? (now he’s Macho dressed, with the para military haircut)
      Then it was “loneliness, depression, & he has no friends” Funny, cuz there always seem to be a roster of good time Charlies around him..? Trash talking women I assume?
      Now it’s, “Please come & visit me in my apartment. I’m so alone & desperate after breaking up with my GF.” ( 3rd breakup with same GF. He always seems to be seen everywhere I go after he breaks up with her! Stalking.)
      Now it’s, “I’ve changed my ways & want a Serious Committed Relationship.” When I didn’t go for that old fib, it’s, “I’m going on web dating sites to find a Younger woman & have kids.” The ultimate neg…my age. 😉 I’m sure he shaves a decade off his age, & checks out the 24 year olds. He seems to get no where with them.
      I guess he forgot that he always needs to be The Kid.
      He completely changes his appearance several times a year to mirror his next victim. (& it probably helps with stalking.) This man clearly has no time for kids.
      He has told stories of a sad childhood, a violent anal rape by 2 older boys in high school. If these things happened as he says they did, I am So Sorry for him, but he has said so many transparent & absurd lies that I don’t believe much of what he has said any more. I’ve stopped reading that web site, so I don’t have to put up with it any more. I can’t help him, & I won’t hurt myself trying to deal with his craziness.
      He has hurt me enough, without there being an actual relationship.

  14. Mine lied to me that he couldn’t see me for while because a family member was going to be staying with him (private family business to sort out for a full week),I didn’t believe him and actually watched that family member going to work, and leaving work,,,when i pulled him up on it,,,,,,he came back with,,,I was rushed into hospital, kept in overnight for scans and tests, and haven’t been alone for the last four days, so couldn’t contact you.
    If I hadn’t watched him drive past me ‘on his own two days before’ (he hadn’t seen me) I would have given him hell for leaving me to worry.
    I lost count of how many emergencies he had while out shopping, all rendering him unable to contact me for two or three days, and his life is one long round of headaches, tummy bugs, back pain, and yes,,,he even had the fake cancer !!,,,,,,If it isn’t him,it’s someone in his close family,,,it’s quite sickly really when you stand back and see it.
    They do it because they know you can’t yell at them,,,,yes,it would mean you are uncaring, adn it’s very frustrating that you can’t prove they aren’t ill.
    When I stopped showing any sympathy if he said he was ill,, miraculously he would recover immediately,,,,,,,,,,,,,says it all really!

  15. Mine really made me laugh. Told me he was experiencing a combination of symptoms that with my medical knowledge I realised could only possibly be ebola!!:) If he picked something a bit more realistic I probably would have believed him. I do believe he was a little sick, but exaggerated it significantly out of some desperation for my attention. This was immediately after discard, and just after I had blocked him on all forms of social media. Clearly he was scrambling to regain some attention and control, probably reeling from the fact I had not crawled after him begging to take me back.
    He also told me much earlier in the relationship that his mother had died, this was also not long after I had stopped contacting him following some egregious behaviour on his part. Something about it all was off, he told me inconsistent stories about what had happened that week. Despite research (it happened in a country I cannot speak the language) I have not yet been able to establish if his mother is alive still or not, but my instinct tells me she is. Still, I had to pretend to believe him, who would be callous enough not to show sympathy after someone’s mother has died – that is the kind of bind they put you in. You have suspicions but don’t act on them for fear of being callous in case it really were true.

  16. Curious; could you get off the illness trip? I have no doubt they do, for mine did; however, whenever I read anything about sociopaths, the writer “always” places emphasis on their own, personal experience; therefore, the readers come away with a very narrow and limited view of what a sociopath actually is. What’s more, they’re not anti-social. If they were, they’d call them Antipaths. Fact is, they’re insatiably social; to the point that they can’t deceive, sleep with, or befriend enough people. In many ways, they’re a lot like monkeys; they won’t let go of one victim (branch), til they have a firm grip on the next. This requires a vast resource of victims, in addition to a vast number of accomplices; who ultimately become victims themselves…

    1. Hi Greg,

      Look up/ google socialized sociopaths & covert narcissists & you will find your right in regard to having many supporters/followers/enablers etc… My soc/narc, never discards but, covets all his possessions, the material & human ones. I would still be in his ‘collection’ but, an OW accidently left the cage door open! Lol
      Love & Light 😃
      PR xoxo

  17. My sociopath moved out of town after the first year of dating, and a further two or three years of long distance took its toll and I finally broke up with him. When I started seeing a new man he got melanoma, and when the relationship became serious, his cancer became terminal. I gave up my boyfriend to move back in with my ex and cared for him through two years of sickness. A couple of months ago I discovered he’s been married since the second year of our relationship, and the cancer (and his Dad’s heart transplant to boot) was completely fabricated. I met him eight years ago. It was incredible to find this post – I’ve been searching for stories similar to mine for support and haven’t been able to find any terminal cancer cons that weren’t for monetary gain. Any recommendations on other sites to visit would be great. This blog feels so much closer to the experiences I had, and what I believe is in my sociopath’s head than anything else I’ve read. Thanks for creating it.

    1. The cancer con is a common one. I experienced it, and I know that a lot of others have reported it. i think that cancer is a favourite, as it really pulls on your heartstrings. it makes you feel responsible for them. It also makes you feel like you cant be mean to them, afterall they are about to die. This gives the ultimate power and control and ability to manipulate you. They can do this as they have no conscience, and don’t feel remorse or shame. Often once they have learned this pattern and learned that it was affective (and powerful) they will use it again and again with future partners.

  18. I’m not entirely sure my ex is a sociopath although my friend who is a consultant psychotherapist thinks he may be a psychopath! But I did laugh when I saw the title of this post. I was never allowed to be ill during my marriage. If I ever had a cold etc I was met with ‘oh, I’ve had a cold all week but you haven’t noticed, you don’t care’. He was constantly ill with one thing or another and if I didn’t play the sympathy game he would get very angry. It was exhausting. I felt sucked dry.
    The funniest thing was at the end of the marriage when he was given antidepressants by the Dr and he told me she was trying to kill him and that he had erectile dysfunction after just one tablet. I am a nurse so I know that antidepressants take at least a month to get into the system. It was just a ploy to not have to take the tablets. So weird.

      1. Mine lied about “being in a motorcycle accident, with 2nd degree burns, and unable to walk. Absolutely devastating as a dancer (we are both professional dancers), and it’s changed how I treat people.” (Her exact words.)

        I really believed her and was willing to take her back! But then she blocked me on Facebook after requesting that we “resume our relationship” (huh?!), so I decided to just do a quick search on Instagram and sure enough….she posted recent pictures of herself, walking, posing…and actually dancing!? (What?!) I know, she would accuse me of “stalking her” because I decided to check there, but I just had to know, and to me, “stalking” is for the goal of keeping the person. After seeing pictures that contradicted what she said, I WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM HER!

        She would also say that I should trust her and not check up on her, but considering that the last time we were together, she lied about quitting doing drugs and drinking (she’s an alcoholic by her own admission and possibly why she wants to be with me, because I don’t drink and I also teach fitness), and that when I called it off because of that and catching her cheating with several other guys(!), she stalked me, sending harassing and threatening(!) text and Facebook messages before I tried to get a restraining order on her…I felt I should at least check to make sure that she’s telling the truth this time before blindly taking her back again on her word alone.

        I broke our date to spend a Sunday together and I’ve since blocked her on my phone and on Facebook.

        It really hurts, however….

    1. Interesting that if you got sick, he would use little disparaging remarks to try to make you feel guilty for being sick, but if he got sick, you have to be sympathetic. (Sounds like what mine did.) 😦

      Sociopaths really do have a pattern of behavior, don’t they?

      Sorry to read about this, but I hope you are healing. (I’m trying to.)

  19. The ex Sociopath I was with claimed he had Cancer
    even said a friend of his committed suicide on his Birthday
    Claimed him and his family was going to be evicted from their house
    Even his family messaged me saying how much he missed me
    I lost control of my thoughts and my minds (Brainwashing)
    I am gradually picking up the pieces of myself.
    I was so stressed out I lost a lot of weight being with him,
    I was too naïve and seen good in everyone. I have learnt

  20. Mine likes to talk about ‘ending it’…all the time. He’ll be all dramatic and do it because he’s knows he’ll get my attention, and then seem completely fine the next day. It’s a mind fuck. They are master manipulators.

  21. I have fibromyalgia, then all of a sudden she had fibromyalgia too, except she lied about how it’s diagnosed – she’s supposedly special because she had some brand spanking new super whizz bang blood test that had to be sent to Canberra, yep so special that numerous doctors and rheumatologists have not heard of it and in two large fibro groups I’m in not one person h been diagnosed by some new blood test. She had no empathy for my pain but expected sympathy for her pain.

      1. No doubt I have not experienced this yet! Just knock-down unbelievable and will be on the lookout for~ they always got something from left field!Thanks everyone for sharing! Love to hear different stories…Edaldude, peace

  22. In my case, the disordered one had severe concussions. She truly did – but would NOT follow any treatment advice or plan. Would not go back to see her doctor, or any specialists. Then spent the next 3 years blaming things on the head injuries – anytime the arguments weren’t going her way – bam – she says her head is pounding, she needs to lie down.

    But the crazier thing is – she was obsessed with her dog having cancer. For years. She would be palpating the dog all the time – but wouldn’t talk to the vet or take the dog in. When it finally was getting worse (dog was getting old) she obsessed more, then set the date for the dog’s euth – even though the dog wasn’t going downhill. It was totally crazy. Dog was put down (because she chose to!) and that became a central focus. She started lying way more around that time, probably because everything she did could be excused as “upset due to dog’s death.”

  23. Mine told so many lies even to this day I don’t know what the truth about him was,even more disturbing I don’t think he knows either.He hooked me at the beginning by saying he tried to commit suicide when his wife left him, I later discovered he drove her to leave him,but conveniently omitted that as that wouldn’t be a good ‘pity play’. He lied about his past life because if I had known the truth I would not have entertained him.. Now he has a brand new victim I wonder what lies he is telling .her Probably what a terrible person I am and I too drove him to suicide..He is still alive, mores the pity.

    1. Hope,

      Don’t feel bad. Lies lies lies. It’s what they do. All socios. The ex hid his REAL residence for the entire YEAR we were together, hid his religion, faked his nationalities (he said he’s Italian and Puerto Rican, but he’s Arab and Muslim) had two other girlfriends (living with one of them). He FAKED JOBS to have free time with the others. He seemed like a real boyfriend since I was at his FAKE apartment every weekend overnight. How would I not think he’s all mine? Lol. They are a different species. We will NEVER know EVERYTHING about them. We have to move forward. I’m 100% healed after coming to this sight for months. You will be too. You’ll see. Xx

  24. I’m curious if anyone knows of a specialist in detecting sociopaths? We are absolutely sure that my husbands ex wife is a sociopath, but she’s easily able to fool doctors and courts into thinking she’s either perfectly normal, or “just having some hard times” that she’ll get past. (The victim of course, poor thing).

    She hasn’t seen or spoken to her kids in years, and now all of a sudden she wants them back. We’d like to find someone who can tell the court exactly why they shouldn’t go back to her, but we can’t seem to find anyone to take on this daunting task.
    Any input would be appreciated.

    1. It would be difficult for someone to diagnose a sociopath, as they are such great actors, and prolficic liars, and rarely book in for treatment themselves (although they claim that they do) if this is what you want to hear? Nobody could diagnose, unless they had worked with that person and were a trained professional, even then – it would be difficult, as they love to ‘play the game’.

  25. I am right now in emergency room, my husband who two days ago physically attacked me, for which he has not apologized nor is he remorseful. Now he says he is having chest pains. I am questioning this, he texted me before we went to er that I don’t care. I feel like this is a ploy for sympathy.

  26. I just found this blog and I am SO DAMN GLAD I DID!!! FIrst of all I have to comment on the post from Erica…this is exactly what was happening to me for years on end with my soc/narc. He cried wolf over and over and when I would finally have enough and force him to seek medical attention, he would have a “true” ailment, and then use the “see see, I wasn’t lying” ploy to keep me questioning my sanity. I am a nurse, and I knew 95% of his illness/injury was faked so he could get out of something. Majority of the time it was so he could isolate himself in bed and play on his phone. {lazy} Otherwise I would ask him to be an adult and do chores around the house or repair things, you know, like husbands do? Or the time he injured himself on the job but refused to follow up with a doctor until we were 2 weeks away from moving to another state. Then he decides its time to have his knee operated on, after we purchased another home and I accepted another job….ugh…. But anyway, after about 5 years of my life being utter turmoil with 2 major spine surgeries, losing my mother, my brother and nephew to unexpected death and losing our house because he chose to go to school rather than keep a job, I was in no condition to question the crap he was pulling on me! I was in a mental and emotional fog for so long, I couldn’t and didn’t have the strength to fight all the mental battles he was putting up in front of me, so I let alot of stuff slide. I do recognize my lack of fighting those battles has led this to drag on and on, but in my defense I did kick him out for 6 months and made him do 5 things before he could return. Which he did but it wasn’t long after he moved back in when he went right back to his borderline soc behaviors. Like after my 2nd surgery and I was in ICU the night of recovery and he showed up to “take care of me” but instead kept me up the entire night with his coughing because he decided to quit smoking the night before. Finally my surgeon came into the room and made him leave because he wouldn’t stop and when the surgeon asked him why he was so ignorant to show up the hospital and be in ICU when he was sick, he got so angry he finally left and I was able to sleep! {true story}
    I am now 15 years into this relationship and have had enough!! I have held his hand through getting a good job and license to do it, and he is know making a great living so I can get back the $35,000 of my retirement I had to spend to keep us afloat while he dilly dallied around and jumped from job to job. I have a plan in place to recoup my funds, pay off my debts, and get a large emergency fund in place. I have just submitted an application for a job for him in another state, and if it goes through, I will send his butt down there in a RV to work and quietly back out ever so slowly, mental emotion and financial health in check. I know alot of people would probably say Why are you waiting, just get out now? Well, I am pretty smart cookie, and I know exactly what I am dealing with. I am medically not able to work anymore, so recouping that money is a #`1 priority, and as with many couples, and you all well know, the trait of the soc/narc is make you dependent on them. Which mine did, but I was smart enough to get control over the finances. So I know where the money is, how it is spent and I also know how to skim enough off to make a nice nest egg for myself. I am not callous enough to leave him with nothing, although I am sure he would think nothing of doing it to me. Plus I also know he is planning on making himself the victim in all this, so I have not one qualm of making sure I am prepared in every aspect before I send him packing. I will make sure he has a roof {RV} and job, and at least a few thousand to sustain himself. But there is no way on earth I could see myself with this type of human being when I become invalid. Its is very sad to say that, I do actually love the guy {like a friend} but after this many years of emotional, financial and verbal abuse, the lies, the turmoil and having to listen to his “I am a genius” and everyone else is beneath me, on top of the absence of affection or attention on his part, it is time to regain my life, my sanity and find someone who truly adores me. I think I deserve that….
    I would suggest to all the older females {and males for that matter} on this blog to ask yourself if you can leave your pets alone with this person for any extended period of time, and if the answer is no, then you need to do some serious planning to get out now before you are at their mercy!!

  27. I dated a psychopath medicine man spiritual leader who lives in California. I always felt he was a con artist but he played so well I spent a lot of time with him. He was saying I was the love of his life, but later I found he had many other women. He once left me without saying goodbye in a wisdom gathering in Sedona. Later I found out it was to have a threesome with 2 German ladies.

    Um, now he has stage 4 cancer. I took care of him for a while. He was still constantly lying, but I decided to unconditionally love him. After a while I was sick myself and he didn’t want to help with rent and whatnot while staying here. So he went to Arizona for a while. This woman was helping him and went to the doctor with him and he didn’t have a tumor on his pancreas, but ulcers and a small tumor in the colon.
    ALL this time he is getting DONATIONS and MARAJUANA donations to cure his cancer. He told me that people wanted to give him money but he didn’t want it. I knew he had gotten one donation of $300,000 a year before. there is a famous doctor that treats cancer with cannabis and Bavado went there for treatment. The lady in Arizona found that he was an angry narcissist who lied about everything and stopped working with him. The LA doctor also said that he didn’t have cancer and that a group had given him $150,000 six months earlier. He said that he had seen this guys papers from 4 years ago when her had cured his stage 4 cancer and the papers said he just had ulcers. He had been trying to get that same group to pay for his treatments.

    I could go on for hours. I was with him for a year. I live on the east coast.

    I realized that something was fishy, that he had been on heavy MARAJUANA and pain killers for 4 months, living for free and me putting up with his intense anger because I thought it was the pain and the drugs making him so angry. He wanted me to go take care of him out there, but I required to be publicly acknowledged. Odd that I was the love of his life and that he had changed but keep his hiding tricks. Also, I said he had to pay, because taking care of him was a full time job.

    I realized he was just lying in bed, drugged up. His personality had not changed at all when faced with stage 4 cancer. He is a famous medicine man, yet he did nothing spiritual at all. It was awful.

    People explained to me that the sicker he is the more Money, Cannabis, Drugs and DONATIONS he is getting.

    Just like in some of the other stories he would go to the hospital for a few days, get morphine and pain killers and lots of tests. He went to the hospital in DC. Palm Springs, LA and Arizona…all for a few days and to get tests. He lost lost of weight. I was sure he was really sick all that time.

    Until I got suspicious and found the psychopath narcissist websites where I found his every behavior to a T, including faking cancer. Well now with the medical MARAJUANA (which I think is great for those who need it) it’s going to be drug addicts looking for drug donations. That’s what he did. It came in the mail from all over!! He was stoned and high on pain killers for the last 4 months.

    I have since learned he has gotten millions in donations. Blue Thunder, Bavado OMG full blown con artist psychopath. I was happy to find this out and glad he is not going to die at any moment. That was so stressful.
    It was sad thinking he was dying, because I did love him, even he he was not capable of loving me.

  28. one night she just flat out fainted and dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks it scared the shit out of me I picked her up and she fainted on the bed again..when she came to she looked at me and said what happened and I told her and she said I turned white as a ghost….thinking about it now how could she see i was white as a ghost..i really think she faked it to hook me in deeper than i already was

  29. In a twist on this, the one I knew actually did have cancer…I do know that for sure. It was how I fell back into the web. This article really hit me in the gut, but also helps me forgive myself a little bit. Thanks.

  30. Is there are way to find out for sure if they are really sick or not? To push the issue without saying you dont believe them ? Maybe go to the doctor with them and see what they say for yourself ?

  31. Can I ask a question regarding the lack of conscience? If sociopaths are created in childhood, surely they would still have a conscience? If you are born with one, would it really just disappear? I’m still trying to decide whether or not my ex fits into this category, as he has all the characteristics but I just can’t believe the no conscience part. I think he’s a seriously emotionally damaged person that caused me an indescribable amount of pain, but in the end he let me go because he knew he was bad news for me. He did, however, to then proceed to triangulate me with his new fiancee and when I called him out on it he told me I was an awful person and the biggest mistake of his life, so who knows. Either he was genuinely feeling bad for all the crap he put me through, or he just had this girl in his sights since I told him I was leaving and was saying all the right things…. People say I should stop thinking about it and just move on, but I don’t think they can comprehend the effect that 13 years of emotional abuse can have on a person.

    Regarding the faking illness, this was a hard one for me because he genuinely did had encephalitis and meningitis early on in our relationship. However 10 years after that, every time I went to visit my parents for a few weeks there would be some terrible flu/recurrence of previous symptoms that miraculously disappeared the moment I got back and there was always an excuse for me not going to the doctor with him. He even tried it on me last week and we’ve been broken up for over 9 months! I’m tired of the mind games, as I still fall for them despite knowing better! Luckily we only talk once every couple of months because we still own a business together.

    1. I don’t think that conscience is something that is developed from birth. If you think about your life as a baby, it is all about you, and your parents are there for your own needs. I think that this trait continues in early childhood. You think that your parents are there to serve you. I am unsure at what age you begin to have conscience and thought for others in a truly empathetic way? Possibly 7/8? I don’t know I will look it up. Maybe that is the age that the damage is done? I do know that sociopaths can act like a child, like a stuck record where they do not know where to go next, it just around the circle again, until the cycle completes one more time, then again and again….

      1. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I hadn’t thought about it that way. I guess I just always thought that most people were born inherently good with a conscience that they could either ignore or listen to when they got older. I’m pretty sure my ex had a conscience that he managed to suppress so I guess just has some sort of a borderline personality disorder. I suppose I’ll never know and need to accept that and find a way to stay positive that I’m not the person he managed to convince me I was.

      2. I think that psychopaths are born without a conscience. Sociopaths i think that they do have a conscience and some have empathy especially disempathetic types. Many have no real conscience it is what it sets them apart from other types of personality disorder.

  32. Mine had regional pain syndrome in his leg following an accident at work…the first six months together he constantly had hospital appointments that I could never go to with him…turns out he was cheating on me with numerous women. Stupidly, I took him back five months later (after some top wooing, marriage proposal etc)….anytime we had an argument or something was wrong with me, his leg suddenly got really bad again, or he would say that he had a fall but there were never any marks to back this up. Thankfully I have been free of him for two months now…I just pity his next victim.

  33. Interesting by the way that regional pain syndrome is something that nobody can really prove is real or not…I really do have doubts as to whether this is just part of his ‘mask’ to gain sympathy x

    1. Mine would have a variety of ‘illness’es’ always it was dramatic, and nothing that could be proven. Look how evil I am not believing him. 9/10 it was manipulation. I felt really bad when he did get sick. It never made sense to me, why lie? But then he lied about pretty much everything 😦

  34. What if someone might have faked cancer but doesn’t want your attention and care?Why would he lie if just didn’t want to start or keep a relationship?mainly to avoid dating you?I think someone has done that to me. He told me he had cancer and for that reason we couldn’t start an affair.Why would he do that?

    1. Hi Angie, faking cancer is a common one. It is about manipulating you. Being in control, of you your emotions and feelings. It isn’t much but this is the way that they are. However, with what you say, they just like lying, they love lying. They would say that black was white and the sky was green if they could get away with it, and if they couldn’t get away with it would love it more!!! It is all about the lie. The fact that you are thinking of him, trying to figure it out now, means he won. Control of your thoughts!

  35. Hello my dear,
    I was seeing a man, I broke up with him recently. I learned how to trust my gut feeling after being engage to a sociopath for 3 years. For some reason I could not trust this new man, he seems elegant and classy, and very calm in the beginning. He doesn’t drink, and smoke, and I felt like he doesn’t care that much about being physically intimate right away. So I thought he’s being gentlemen and really interested in knowing me for the good reasons. I’m single mom I have 2 daughters. It Took me a long time to recover from the first relationship. Now this man I broke up with him, we met 3 years ago and I broke up with him 3 times in the past, but he keeps coming back and find a way to get my attention again only for a short time, then I feel like I need to run away from him for some reason. first time I met him I was not ready to see anyone because I was just recovering from my ex, and I could not since he cared about my girls, I had to broke up with him anyway cause I thought I need more time Before I get involved with anyone. once he sensed that I’m done, I believe he faked an injury to get my attention, followed by very mean text and he crossed the line by calling me names, then he apologized. In my mind I thought He was acting like a child to get the parent attention. I Ignored him completely, because I can sense he’s was trying to manipulate me. I changed my number because of my ex fiancé and I moved from my city to a different city. After 2 years he found me again (man number 2) I decided to give him another chance, because I thought I wasn’t fair giving him enough time the first time. He always seems sweet to me when we meet, He act like a complete gentlemen, But when I go back home I have this uncomfortable feeling, I can’t describe. When we text I can since he’s hiding something and he’s pretending to be the man of my dreams. We’ve talked about the future and marriage, but not so much my girls. I am looking for a family man and he doesn’t seems like a family man , even though he’s a single father and his mother lives with him full time, helping him raising his kids, and he takes care of his mother very well, I really admire that about him and I liked so much him for that, but I have never met the mother. One time We came so close to meet but something came up and I had to cancel. He told me many times he’s in love with me And I’m the one, and there is no girl would match me ever. For some reason I couldn’t believe him, but I thought I’m still having some issues because of my ex fiancé. Again when I decided this time to walk away from him for good, because a gain he did not show any signs of caring for my girls and he told me he’s not ready to be involved completely because of his financial situation, I was shocked. Financially he’s doing great and I did not asked anything from him. When I was about to broke up with him again, we were texting back-and-forth and I try to be as nice as I can and very gentle, once he sensed that I am done with him again he faked another injury, this time I knew for sure he was lying to me, because I offered to pick him up from the emergency room and I knew he will come up with another lie to cover the first one, he said his friend is coming to pick him up shortly, and he’s about to leave, based on the injury he was fakkinf he should stayed all day at the hospital and no way they would released him within an hour or so, there on that spot he lost my trust and my respect completely! And I was glad to walk away from him this time feeling no guilt. I’m not so sure if he’s going to leave me alone completely, I’m worried he will come up with another way to find me again, but I pray not, because if he tries to communicate with me again I’m getting a restraining order. I have no patience for people trying to manipulate me. I changed my number now so he won’t communicate with me again, but I keep wondering about him, is he a sociopath or what…. ?
    Thank you so much for your time! 🙂

  36. My sociopath ex after years of faking every flu,cold illness or sinus problems and now has arthritis in both hands. His family has a history of heart problems and now he’s plays on that He is with another victim now and my daughter went to see him at his moms the other day and sure enough he had to go and have a lie down because of another head ache and put it down to stress from work. I on the other hand know it’s just another excuse for sympathy and probably hiding another lie . I even wondered if he was cheating on her .My kids feel sorry for him thinking he has to work for two homes and that’s why he looks so ill all the time he’s even gone to the extreme of loosing loads of weight. He has lots of sociopathic traits eg telling me he loved me after two months, lies a lot, cheated repeatedly, dragged my name through mud since splitting even as far to say I abused him. I also think his mother is a narcissist. Need some advice please

  37. I ended a LD relationship with a guy because he was a prolific lier and was chatting up other women behind my back while saying I love you and other sweet words. This happened about 6 months ago.

    He popped back up with a text asking how I was doing. My temptation was not to reply at all, but I did as my anger toward him had dissipated considerably during that time.

    He told me he has leukemia and is getting a bone marrow transplant the following month. He gets chemo treatments several times a week. Naturally I felt bad for him and said how sorry I was, etc. In the back of my mind I was wondering why he made contact with me after all this time. Said he missed me, thought of me often and called me honey, sweetie but not my name.

    The guy was famous for posting CL ads looking to give women massages and start a FWB with married or attached women. By the way he is divorced, so i don’t know why he is targeting these women, and not the single ones.

    Anyway, I go to the site and sure enough I recognize several of his ads. In fact there are 6 of them where he varies his age a bit. I also see two ads posted on another site far away from where he lives (toronto). This is where his brother, sister and mother live. He visits them from time to time on holidays.

    In this ad he says he is lonely and married, looking for a lonely married women to text. He said he was not from there but will be visiting due to a medical issue. He suggested they meet up when he is there.

    Can you folks confirm, from all this behavior, that he is faking it? Why would a guy who is so sick with cancer be posting these types of ads, meeting up women for massages and planning on seeing a married women while undergoing such a hugely serious procedure? It just doesn’t make any sense.

    His online behavior does not seem consistent with someone who actually has such a serious, life threatening disease. Comments?

  38. That’s just it, I am not sure he is being truthful about having cancer. There is no way for me to verify his information either as health records are private.

    Given his past history of frequent lying, I am taking it all with a grain of salt. Who knows, maybe he does have the disease. It’s a great way to have someone feel sorry for you and shower you with loving attention.

    Does anyone agree with my reasoning on this? If you have such as serious disease, you surely would not be entertaining the idea of dating?

    1. Ok, this is my knowledge and understanding. Because they lie SO much. When they DO have a reason for getting attention – they provide EVIDENCE = if he isn’t and he knows that you know about his history of lying, I would bet that this cancer claim is possibly untrue.

  39. this is very very helpful. Thank you all for this site. I am adding some of these to a reminder thread on my twitter, because it is so easy to forget. or want to believe they can be better. They can’t.

    1. Thank you Dorothea this is one of my favourites – I remember the constant sickness ruse to manipulate and control me. Rarely was it true. Sadly when he genuinely did become sick I struggled to believe him 😦

  40. Just been through all of this myself doubt ill ever recover they put you through hell and back, trust no one!!!

    Eevry bit of what i read i went trough its hell on earth

  41. Just been through all of this myself doubt ill ever recover they put you through hell and back, trust no one!!!

    Eevry bit of what i read i went trough its hell on earth

  42. When my SP met me he confessed to Etectile Dysfunction at the outset. For 2.5 years I put that aside as I enjoyed his company so much (actually, probably my own company if he was mirroring, lol!) Either way, I now recognise that he used this plus a mind-boggling string of proclaimed ailments to justify his hot/cold behaviour (I am now a walking medical encyclopaedia!!). When caught out lying, over anything, or challenged on any way he would disappear and claim a weekend of high temperatures 🤕🤒 or day’s of mysterious flu over weeks sometimes to avoid contact. Cowardly. And yet comes across as such an Alpha male. His twitter persona / alter ego is all macho extremism and ex military bluff. He’s a gorgeous, tall 56 year old with charm and intelligence and wit to die for. But he is impotent in more ways than one. Day 13 of no contact which I am finding excruciating but necessary. This site helps keep me on track!!

      1. Interesting that, at the point of discard (or, rather, me discarding him) he suddenly came up with the epiphany that all his ailments were now cured and had probably been psychosomatic!!! In hindsight, that was probably an attempt at making me wish I would now be with him; a way to torment/dangle the carrot (so to speak, lol). I’d put nothing past him.
        Thanks for brilliant and reassuring posts!!

  43. This JUST happened to me. However this was a 16 year lie from my best friend of over 23 years! I am still in shock as this was only recently confirmed (a week ago). The worst part of all is that she took her own life a few months ago and we will never have answers to so many questions. I am not only devastated by her death, but I feel betrayed, confused and angry! I also feel like an utter fool. The person I have loved for the majority of my adult life was not the person I thought she was! I want to cling to her good side but I have no way of knowing what was true and what was not! So many unanswered questions!

  44. My ex psychopath physically and sexually abused me for 7 years. After I filed for divorce and he took a plea bargain giving him only 45 days in jail plus probation he denied all the all abuse (despite pictures, doctors notes, video, audio & admission letters.)

    He then used an Ontario radio station to launch a fundraising campaign for himself. He said he needed $20,000 of the public’s money to pay for a service dog for himself. He said *he* had ptsd from being with me. The man who strangled, smothered, punched, threw me into walls, threatened to hurt my family on tape, raped me on tape, gave me an intimate area injury and a traumatic brain injury….was now claiming victimhood.

    He mentioned our kids in this gofundme-like campaign (zero child said up port x4.5 yrs by thus time) and me. He ended up getting the dog.

    When I reacted as any major domestic abuse and rape victim would via text/phone he claimed harassment (6’2″ black belt 48 yrs old, me under 5’0 and still traumatized).

    Turns out he was doing all of this to hide the fraudulent disability and welfare cheques he collected.

    My advice is watch for red flags. They and are always there.

    *The number one red flag is the pity play (“poor me”).

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