If you have PTSD, please be aware that ‘talking’ about what happened to you, can trigger you. PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is caused when you are in a situation that is so terrifying that you think you will die. When you are unable to either fight or flight. You cannot escape. When you witness something that is beyond the normal human ability to cope.
Symptoms of PTSD
– Insomnia
– Nightmares
– Triggers when reminded of the events
– Panic attacks
– Avoidance of places and people that remind you of the event
– Going over and over what happened in your head, like a film replay
– Living in ‘small’ world. Only spending time with very immediate family/friends – or isolating yourself (not forced isolation by the sociopath)
– Feeling like you are living behind a glass wall and other people are on the other side
– Being ‘lost’ in what happened
– Emotional detachment
– Slowness in cognitive processing of the brain
– Poor short term memory
– Disassociation
– Feeling hyper vigilant – jumping at loud noises
– Feeling ‘surreal’
– Reminders of the event feeling like you are right back there
– When ‘triggered’ I felt a slight pressure at the front top of my head, where the cerebral cortex is. like someone was pressing down on top of my head
My PTSD was not caused by a relationship. So I can talk about it. In the last week, I have faced having to contact my daughters father for a witness statement for what happened in the hospital. I had a huge panic attack. I couldn’t do it. Not because he caused the PTSD, but because he was there when it was happening.
Yesterday I talked to a friend I hadn’t seen since 2010, and discussed events that I do not usually talk about. It made me feel awful.
If you recognise yourself in the symptoms raised in this post, please seek professional help. I did EMDR therapy, but this isn’t for everyone, as it forces you to go through what happened to you, over and over again, until your brain processes it in a different way.
If you are unsure, here is an online test that you can dohttp://www.healthyplace.com/psychological-tests/ptsd-test/ if you score very high, perhaps take the results to a medical professional and ask for help.
There is help for those with PTSD. But – sometimes talking about it CAN re- traumatise you, and it needs specialist help and therapy. Talking about it, can make you feel worse – not better. You might wonder why? This could be because you have PTSD.
The above are the symptoms that I have experienced with PTSD. I was diagnosed severe chronic. After an event where I was trapped and unable to escape, I witnessed death, and thought I would die too. What happens, is that the brain to cope, disassociates, and goes into ‘shock’. Whenever you are reminded of the event, your brain automatically goes to ‘safe’ mode, this is the mode of brain that coped through the trauma. Talking about it, can re-traumatise. If you score high on the online test, it might be useful to print off your test results and take to a medical professional for help.
Dating a Sociopath 
I feel anger every now and then. However, I refuse it to consume. Especially, when I see that Glenn Ratcliffe writes a comment on a posting I did on him on Report An Affair website saying a comment to make me appear as not telling the truth. I can tell he wrote it because no person would write such a comment without know the writer. If it wasn’t him, more likely it was his scubbag girlfriend disguising herself with a mans name. However, I know others will know its a true fact.
My freind actually seemed to get worse when going to ptst support group and now I see why. All that the group was was essentially everyone sharing their trauma. SO not only did she have her own to deal with but then she had great big lashings of other peoples stuff…
I went with my parents to a wine warehouse today and while browsing up and down the aisles, I saw a familiar bottle. A dessert wine that I really enjoyed and once I married the SP he “enjoyed” it too. With no warning, I started crying… right there in the store.
So I came home and took the test. I scored 14. Hmmmm…. maybe they doctor WAS right…..
Celeste =)
There was only one I didnt have. Now what? How do we live normally again? I dont think I will.
Hi Pos 🙂
I am so proud of you for writing about PTSD as it would be monumentally hard but, hopefully this is the start of even greater healing for you.
Revisiting the ordeal would be unimaginable & I admire your courage & bravery as you know, I think your AMAZING!!!!
Just be continually mindful of your ‘Power to Heal’, yourself.
Never compromise your own health as it’s paramount & we don’t want you overwhelmed….:(
I wish you joy & peace of mind every day 🙂
I mostly wish you LOVE 🙂
We love & support you, you are supported by us all 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi, I cant take it, I am stuck in a live of misery and cant seem to shake off the lies, betrayal, abandonment/discard effect of the sociopath on me. I think I’ve definitely been PSTD. But I also feel it’s too much and I want to go on with all this pain, I’m left with, yet he is carrying on with OW. It’s horrid.
How do you break this cycle, to free yourself from this?
Hi Sue 🙂
I am not sure what stage you are in as you run the gauntlet of the realisation of what you have endured & the trauma you have suffered.
I myself have gone through the ‘whole 9 yards’ & with the help of this site, medication, two therapists & a whole lot of self help books, plus great friends & family, I have walked through the hellfire & yes, I am still here but, at acceptance stage 🙂
You can get here but, there is no easy way 😦
Unfortunately you have to dig so deep into yourself that it’s very painful & traumatic.
In order to recover fully, you have to do this for yourself. You must however process this on your own terms & within your own safe boundaries.
Firstly, definitely keep ‘No Contact’, this is paramount.
If you keep any form of contact, begging for explanations, crying, angry texts etc…then the Soc will show the OW that you are crazy!
You are crazy for the moment because you are trying to rationalise & comprehend the abuse.
This is normal (believe me) sigh…I made a complete ‘dick’ of myself but, I was nice about it (lol)…..;)
I then walked that long hard road & found my ‘Self’ & my power of resilience is truly amazing but, it made me realise how much acceptance of the unacceptable I had perpetrated on myself 😦
Just stay here & read & share & support & know you are not alone in this, we are all different but, have all suffered at the hands of these malevolent creatures 😦
This experience will not only teach you about him but, yourself so, hang in there as the ‘rollercoaster ride’ does eventually come to a stop 🙂
I was contacted the other day by my (fool) after 10 months NC that he instigated after reporting me to the police for calling him a ‘sleazebag’ in a text! That was the only thing he took umbrage too, they hate the truth!
I heeded the warning & remained NC for over 8 months….
Took him out of my phone & got caught off guard last Monday!
I was however so much in ‘my own power’ I even surprised myself….you would have been impressed.
I was not angry, I was controlled & I forgave him his inability to be the person I thought he was!
I forgave myself for letting him into my life & I expressed my gratitude to the OW for setting me free 🙂
He was silent & lost for words…..closure for me….there is ‘trouble in paradise’ so, he is trying to triangulate me with the OW as punishment for her telling me & for me exposing his behaviour to everyone we knew 😉
It’s Karma & what goes around comes around & the OW is now reaching out to me for support….goes full circle.
I have no malice towards her, she is just another source of supply 😦
This source (me) is free & I hope she & you join me soon 🙂
Keep going, it passes in time, I can assure you of that as, I am living proof 🙂 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
gosh I love my medications. I could not go through this without them.
So true. I am also recovering.
I meant I dont want to go on with all this pain.
I am sorry you are hurting sue. I wish I could say something to take away your pain. Maybe go back through the early posts. I used to write every day almost a year ago. I know I was writing through pain. I know a lot of those earlier posts can be healing as people told me. When I had times of pain I read those early posts they did make me feel better. There are a lot of worksheets to do as well to bring back your power.
Hi Sue;
I know from experience the pain seems to be all there is, but it will get better. I know it will because I absolutely refuse to let him continue to control me even though I put him out of my life. He will NOT win.
Celeste
Yes I know know this has become about me, I got bad depression, and now out of it, but pretty much all areas of my life got affected, and gone to pieces. I guess I am still allowing him to control me. Terrible.
Hi Sue, I meant to tell you about those report a cheater websites. They will copy your posting and place it on their other partnering cheaters and liars websites. This happen to me where I posted one of my exes on a site a long time ago only to see it was copied and placed on their partnering sites. They still keep the writer as anonymous though. I just think its not cool of them to do such an act because it gives the impression that you are going from site to site writing about the same story. When in fact, that’s not the case.
Hi;
I never realized there were “cheater” websites until I read it here, so I went to look at one. To me, it seems kind of useless because it didn’t have a way to search for a name and I really don’t have the patience to read through pages of losers, liars, and cheaters. Heck.. all I have to do is look at my checkbook to know all about ’em.
Smiles,
Celeste
Hi Lost2camelot,
My friend said that the Cheaterville website let’s you search by name. I know “Don’t Date Him Girl” website let’s you search by name but that site is temporarily under construction.
Celeste, unfortunately sometimes you have to cut your losses re owed money etc… I prefer to turn it around that it was worth paying to have them gone!
Have you ever hired a dumpster to get rid of your rubbish etc…look how great it feels to visualise the Soc on the tip of life with all the other unwanted crap!
Lol take care & keep moving ahead, your way out front compared to the Soc, they are stuck in their own misery forever so, thats why they have to keep starting new lives etc…it always catches up with them believe me 😉 xxx
Phonix I like that comment.
Hi PR;
Funny you mention a dumpster. I have an entire storage unit that is filled with the physical remains of the relationship. No…. he didn’t get everything he wanted because my family helped me get some of my belongings safely away before he could make the trip from Texas to CA to claim them.
So… I finally have decided to start going through it all and cleaning out. One of the first things I ran across was a box filled with greeting cards, etc. I started going through the cards without reading them to see if there was anything else in the box….. and there was. He apparently printed every email we exchanged from the time we met until the time I was a dumb a$$ and let him move in with me. But there, in his own words… were all the lies.
I read through them until 3AM… and all the things he told me that I must have misunderstood, forgotten, or made up about him… it’s all there. Yeah.. it’s pretty obvious now and I understand that he plotted and planned all of this since we met. Yeah… I can see the mirroring. But it’s OK. I’m having a freaking epiphany!! The fog is lifting and I feel as I can breathe for the first time in years!
My friend tells me that her lucky charm is a dragonfly. I think from now on, mine is gonna be a dumpster!!
Hugs & Love to all!
Celeste!
Awww Celeste 🙂
That is a great move forward for you 🙂
I am proud of you for clearing him out of your ‘energy space’.
It’s so clear when the fog lifts & your awareness is growing & your proof is in front of you 🙂
I had a feeling the ‘dumpster’ would mean something to you 🙂
I am glad you are feeling better & had that ‘epiphany’ 🙂
I have had many, just ask Pos 😉 LOL…
It’s a sign of healing & you have done so well & I am proud of you 🙂
You are a fantastic person so, keep the faith 🙂
Go find the real Camelot 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Sue,I am there as well. I am exactly where you are. I am at anger stage. But I am sure I will go back to hurt. It rocked my world. I know exactly how You feel,and exactly what you mean. It is the worst thing I have ever gone through. But,I keep reading and reading these sights. Even broke NC,and got duped. But,the dupage made me realize I was not the crazy one. I so know how you feel. everyone on this board does.
Bobbie did you manage to see the video. Am sorry I deleted it on the video thread and put it into a post.
Hey all.
I’ve been having flashbacks lately. Not PTSD style or intensity flashbacks. Just dreams etc.
I went to two different psychics because sometimes I like an opinion outside of me. And, I went to two within a week and had two completely different readings…Is that weird?? I kind of think so.
Although, one thing they both consistently said about my ex S is that he is watching me. Either through a third party person or social media. One of them also said that he is not doing as bad as I think he is. I don’t know what that means except I’m sure i hope he isn’t doing great…and that I’m sure he has found another situation to milk. The other one said that he is backpedaling and has moved on with someone of his past.
Since we have maintained no contact for 6 months, i have no way of knowing and I have not asked around. But, I will tell you that it did sort of bother me to hear. Not that I knew this day wouldn’t come…but actually acknowledging that he can move on from what I thought we had.
I need some reassurance here…Im not sure where my mind is going but it doesn’t feel good. If he has moved on why is he supposedly checking back up on me. If he is checking back up on me, why hasn’t he reached out. If he has moved on, he can’t really be happy, right?
Hi Gaslighted, stop wasting your time going to psychics. They are nothing but rip offs because they build they fake fore telling on the little information you provide them. They run with whatever you tell. Secondly, stop worrying over weither he has moved on. Your ex soc is not worth it. These sickos never move on only recycle old source of supply. You on the other hand must move onward. There will be a few times of set backs but don’t beat yourself up about it. I would love to see my ex get his but I’ve concluded not to waste energy on it. Instead, focus on myself; this is what you need to do Gaslighted. That’s the only way! No more entertaining psychics who want to give you info on your ex. Its the same as still having contact with him in a different way. What’s good is reporting the socio on sites for cheating or crazy execs is a good way to release. After you’ve done this, let it go! You will heal faster and your ex is the damaged person who will always wonder what you’re doing or think of a way to recycle you for supply. However, you will have long forgotten about him and gone on with your life.
What are the sites that you can do that on?
I also went to see two psychics, both give very different stories. I have no idea if they are accurate or not. One couldnt even tell that I was not in work. Its hard to know, it’s possible they can just read people well.
Also, what is a definitive difference between a person being just a selfish b**stard and a narcissist?
Psychics (unless you know one you can trust) even they can get it wrong are really a waste of money. If you feel that way maybe buy a tarot pack and instruction book would save a lot of money. Psychics don’t always get it right and it can lead you in the wrong direction in life its better to follow your own intution and judgement and to trust yourself.
Hi Sue, the sites are “Report Your Ex”, Don’t Date Him Girl”, and “Report An Affair”. Those great site and its done anonymously too. “Daon’t Date Him Girl” is also on Facebook too.
Hi Gaslighted;
From what I have been reading here, they always move on, always have to have someone in reserve so they are never without a supply of victims to prey upon.
Mine came to me under the pretense of being divorced, yet before we could get married he admitted that he was still married! He cried when he told me but assured me that he hadn’t filed the divorce physically but was divorced “in his heart” as soon as he found out she was a “swinger”. I realize now it was just more lies. When he figured out his time with me was coming to an end, he lined up another woman. I filed for divorce, he never even hired an attorney nor show up in court for the hearing. Then has harassed me for the past 17 months because he didn’t get what he wanted out of the divorce (my belongings that he claims are his – like a @#$% betty crocker cookbook!!!).
So be glad that he has moved on because that means he has focused his attention on a challenge more fulfilling that you had become. Remain NC even if he contacts you – that drives them crazy because you have taken away their control, and it keeps them from turning your new, carefully recreated world topsy-turvy again.
Celeste
Dear Positivagirl –
This posting was particularly appropriate for me to read today. I’d been feeling i was doing quite well in my recovery until a few weeks ago. I’m totally creeped out.
Early in January, I decided to create a social media page for my business. While setting up this new account, the thought came to me to check the ex/soc’s business page & see what his group was up to. I have him blocked from my personal accounts, so there was no way for me to peep on him before.
As anyone could have told me, this sort of checking in on him is breaking NC and a huge mistake. What i saw really freaked me out. the ex/soc implied that he has plans for a creative project that are exactly the same as one of mine. I hadn’t posted anything online about my plans, but have been working on a slightly obscure design since the end of December. Intense feelings of paranoia came coursing through me. I don’t know why in the world he would ever be copying me, but the coincidence really creeped me out. It made me feel like my friends must be lying about talking to him or he is hacking my phone or email…regardless of how irrational it might sound, i felt like somehow he has a direct line into my head.
A good friend talked me down from my cliff of freaking out, saying it’s weird, but maybe it is a concept we had discussed while together – which i know never happened. I decided to move on and try to ignore it…but of all the people…
I also made the fool choice of checking his personal profile page & saw he deleted everything from his timeline that occurred after 2009. So, i was feeling erased and stalked at the same time.
During this time period a mutual friend contacted me, responding to an old message i sent her telling of my split with the soc. She was very supportive and very surprised. Apparently, he had called her weeks before he discarded me to tell her about our “love connection” and how excited he was about our “new” romance – even though we had already been doing this nightmarish dance for over a year.
In trying to synopsize our crazy relationship for my friend, i inadvertently opened floodgates i thought were sealed. Quickly i found myself emotionally back to where i was this summer. Except now i could add full-on paranoia to the mix. By trying to rehash what happened – especially because i don’t understand what happened – to my friend, it’s like i stepped into a time machine and am feeling just as raw, depressed, tortured, CONFUSED, and honestly, scared as i was last year. I felt like i was in the scene in Rosemary’s Baby, where everyone i know is in on some evil plan to see me destroyed. (i know i sound like a nutter here, but all of a sudden i don’t feel safe and feel like there is more evil in my life that i am naive to.)
I do not want to be the crazy paranoid woman who can’t get her life together and is reduced to nothing after a torturous relationship.
For those of you who have been able to progress into recovery and hold strong, how many times did you backslide, if ever? Is it common to feel even worse if/when you take backward steps?
This is going to sound bonkers, but have you ever felt psychically poisoned or stalked? I don’t know how else to describe it! I feel like he is back or can see me even though we aren’t physically near each other. I see weird signs of him in my day to day and i almost feel like i can’t hide – he is even back in my nightmares again. I never was one to believe in any kind of supernatural wackness, but i don’t know what to think of dark feeling/presence. Have you ever experienced anything like this? I feel so irrational.
Really thought i was doing a ton better, but i feel numb and so far away from that place now. I don’t know what happened :(. Reading this post helped.
I ended up taking an online quiz for Trauma Bonding and i scored frighteningly high. EMDR sounds like it might be very helpful. Thank you for making your insights & experiences available to people who need it. I am certainly still one of them.
Hi midnight. Remember that the sociopath controls through fear. Remember he did this in when you were with him? He wi’ll do the same after the relationship ends. Remember its all about control and winning. You might not have told him he could have hacked your computer phone anything really. I know it feels ‘spooky’ remember that film sleepless in Seattle when she opens the cupboards and everything is lined up in a row? It’s like that feeling. They get off on this. The sociopath likes to take. Money material possessions your friends family home work anything even your ideas If they can. It does feel like emotional rape. Are you also getting professional help to work through what is happening? You are not going crazy the sociopath just loves to make you feel like you are. You know you deleted him well in his egotistical narcissistic mind he would expect you to look at hI’m and what he is doing. Its all mind games. If he has stolen your ideas. You will have more ideas. Just try not to allow him to steal you x
Positivegirl, that was the movie “Sleeping with the Enemy.”
Yes that was the film I meant sorry. Will edit it when on my computer. But you know that moment when she opened the cupboards and everything was lined up in a row .. it’s that feeling. I remember a moment when that film sprang to mind. It depends who they are as individuals. Some play serious minds just to mess with your head 😦
Positivegirl, the one that tops that movie of a socio is “Enough” with Jenifer Lopez. She got his ass in the end though.
I have not watched that film. I used to love horror drama films. I can’t watch them anymore 😦
Omg I just watched the trailer. Yes just like that!! … It’s really scary 😦
Positivegirl, Its on cable now. Its scary but I love the ending because she kicks his butt.
Just tried to find the film on YouTube. But yt keep removing full films 😦 I remember when I used to watch those films scared. I never in my life thought that would be my life for real. I remember being really really scared I guess for me it didn’t help that I was already traumatised when it happeNed. One night (this was the psycho after my daughter died) I had said I was tired from work, I needed to sleep. I hadn’t slept night before due to insomnia, was exhausted. He argued with me about this on the phone for more than an hour. Eventually I switched my phone off. Went to sleep until I was woken by a figure standing over me over my bed silently staring at me. He was at least 6ft 3 or 4. I was terrified. He refused to leave. Said I had to call police…. Ugh I could write a million stories. Just so so scary.
OMG! Are you saying that your ex broke into your house after you turned the phone off? Or, a stranger came into your place? I understand now why you can’t watch spooky movies. I’ve never had my ex do some shit like that to me.
Yes. I woke and jumped he was stood staring at me over the bed. Not a sound just staring at me.
Thanks, Positiva. Your thoughtful response means a lot. I haven’t gotten prof. help yet bc i thought i was doing better & maybe could handle it on my own. Clearly to untangle from his web, i need some assistance.
You & all the contributors to this site give me hope and make me feel like it really might be possible to eventually escape his shadow. I’m trying not to marvel at the fear i feel from my ex or horror at how these sociopaths act out. It’s just so intense and bizarre.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this healing forum.
Hi Midnight 🙂
it is the intention of these fools (Socs/Narc’s) to keep you crippled in fear & not grow to your higher purpose.
Keep going & get treatment as I have done this & it’s hard but, worth it.
You must keep shoring yourself up & making yourself strong. Once you have that, try as they might, their effect lessens & once they cannot pull your strings emotionally/physically & spiritually, they skulk off & back down the sewer the scurry like rats!
Look for you power, it’s within but, you need help to tap back into it so, therapy & positives affirmations & whatever makes you feel good. All helps.
Stay Strong & be brave, your not alone 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
Ok! Thanks, PR! This is just the encouragement I need. Thank you for your words and kind support. Seriously. xo
After I was not with him, what about if they have threatened you not to speak to any friends and expose things. I feel I should, what then? Do I do nothing due to fear, or for my own safety? It seems wrong to be silent and not speak out.
Hi Sue,
I did speak out & expose him as I didn’t find this site til I’d literally gone on the rampage 😉 oops…I don’t regret doing it but,did look slightly unhinged 😉
Still, if your dealing with crazy what do you expect! LOL
My original story is posted way back under older comments June 14 under ‘My Story’…I think it’s still there.
My advice in hindsight is do not engage with them at all & stay NC as they feed off the drama & it comes back at you.
If you give out negative, it comes back & so on.
Give out love & forgiveness as they can’t handle it as its not
the response they expect. Nor can they comprehend it 🙂
Stay No contact & do all the healing recommended. Come here to vent & scream & cry & process & share & support as that’s been one of the greatest tools for me 🙂
I also had two therapist, med’s & great support which I gathered around me for protection.
I was pushed to the brink but, saved myself & haven’t looked back.
It’s been a hard climb back but, I am here & doing well.
I won’t say that I don’t have bad days but, they are less & less…I had 10 years with the ‘master’ & 10 months later am free.
He tried just last week to triangulate me back but, I stood in my own power & am okay 🙂
I hadn’t heard from him in 8 months so, they never leave but, you leave them, in your head,heart & finally your soul!
Take back your Power, he has no control unless you give it to him!
Reclaim your life, only you can!
Stay Strong & be brave 🙂
You are not alone 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi, Did you feel better though for having told him? I feel stuck and I think it’s because I haven’t spoken up, feels like I’ve not respected myself and it’s been eating away at me. I tried to walk away for a bit and just drop it, but that hasn’t worked. I feel I should contact the OW, even if it comes to nothing, I think there may be a sense of closure I get from standing up for myself and not being silent. Being silent makes me feel lIke I am being controlled. I am.
Hi Sue 🙂
To be honest, I did feel better 🙂
I felt that I took my ‘power back’…I don’t regret it but, I am not you.
I also kept it very clear & did not get messy emotionally so, I didn’t look totally stupid & la la 😉
I used the emails & facts etc,etc…the OW & I shared emails so, I had proof & text messages from him etc…to prove to others what he’s been up to.
I went all the way to his work colleagues, family & friends….he reported me to the Police!
I had the desired effect & it is still rippling out…I retained my integrity & honesty & stood in my truth. It was & is all I have.
I am proud of myself but, it depends on what type of Spath you are dealing with? Some are very dangerous & nasty…your safety mentally/physically & spiritually is paramount.
The police were very compassionate towards me when I told them etc…but, said to ‘let it go & move on’…so I did.
It made me journey within & I am grateful for that journey, I would never have looked so deeply had this not happened. My self awareness, love & worth are the ‘gift’ I got & that is our reward.
We walk through hell & out the other side a little singed but, we can still fly 🙂
Love & courage & just settle your soul before you do any damage…time will tell & Karma is a bitch! 😉
PR xoxo
Hi, That’s what I am worried about, even though I speak out, he may call the police on me. What did they do to you? (The police I mean).
I feel controlled and it feels wrong. Is karma there? What happened to yours? I sometimes wonder if it’s a myth and they carry on and nothing does happen to them. 😕
Hi Sue 🙂
The Police did nothing to me as I had done nothing wrong 🙂
He took umbrage to one word ‘sleazebag’ in a text & reported me from his best friends Police Station….did you find my original story?
The Karma bus is catching up to him & he rang last Monday to apologize 10 months too late!
He had the audacity to call me after he had asked I cease all contact, which I did!
I forgave him! ‘Told him, I forgive him his inability to be the person he portrayed…I told him I forgive myself for letting him into my life…I told him to thank the OW for setting me free :)….he was lost for words.
I thanked him for taking me to a much higher place :)….
Checkmate…Game Over…
The OW is now seeing him for what he is & he tried to triangulate me again but, I am armed with knowledge & my own power 🙂
I told him, ‘I moved on, like I was told & that he needs to do the same!’
Ciao…PR xoxo
Mine’s been over 1 year since last contact. So I am at the calm point now to possibly contact and expose it. I am just worried what the reaction will be. So far I have been controlled into non-response.
I’m not sure karma is working. Doesnt seem to be at all.
Oh Karma works but, you may not get to see it.
You don’t need too as your life is your testimony so, make it the best ever.
Just embrace you & live large…we aren’t here for a long time & you don’t need to waste anymore time on him.
He took enough of your time so, create the life you want & need 🙂
Time moves quickly & its too valuable to waste on him 🙂
I am 🙂 xoxo
For Sue 🙂
PR xoxo
Phonixrising, I agree with you. They must piss on any women who come their way. I laugh every time I get a notice that my ex- socio keeps opening up my old emails. It let’s me know they are in misery. I’m with a great man now who’s all the things that Glenn Ratcliffe could never be.
Hi Cher 😉
I am pleased to hear that you have a new guy thats fantastic 😃
Be careful putting his name up here as Soc’s come here & tell him. You dont want a defamation case after everything else 😔
They can be really nasty when roused.
Remember mine reported me for one word in a text!
Ask Pos to delete his name if you are worried.
I know how much damage they can do, but no point following them down.
Rest assured he will sink his own ship in time, karma has no deadline but, does catchup as you get what you give.
Stay focused on you & be courageous & live a far better life than he ever will.
You are worthy & deserve happiness so, what are you waiting for.
He’s a fool, your not 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Phonixrising, I’m not even worried about him because what I have stated; things he has done to me are true. I kept all the emails, and texts from him and the OW. Its only defamation where the statements are false and he knows this is not the case. I’m allowed to give my opinion of what I think of him. You have a write to opinions. Like when you called your ex a sleaze bag in a text. You should have worded it “In my opinion. You are a sleaze bag.” You are stating an opinion not calling him it. You can check it out in law books. My wx should worry about the other two execs who have written about him online. You know I thought we could be friends but its not possible. He even tried to manipulate that too. Its sad in a way.
Hi Cher 😃
Thanks for that advice & i did actually state what you said re the text 😉
As long as you are safe & happy thats all good.
They really are the most vile creatures to inhabit the earth 😦
Take care & stay strong 😘
Love & Light 😃
PR xoxo
Thats correct, defamation doesnt apply if it’s the truth that is said.
P.S. Sue, if you want to do battle with a ‘demon’ you must wait & make sure your power is at its peak where you are rational & can distance yourself emotionally.
Never wake a sleeping crocodile or it could bite you!
Wait & let time pass, work on you & garner your support & then, make your decision from a healed place not a painful one! Time is not the enemy, patience & positive actions all the way.
If you act out of negativity etc…it will reflect back on you & you are far too good for that reflection…be beautifully reflected always 🙂
You are beautiful so remember that!
Thats what I am worried, about how the crocodile might bite back. I’m sure he will react, but how? I would be exposing him, so he wouldnt like that at all, of course.
The other option of doing nothing that I am finding it hard to live from, and it’s causing me to be stuck.
Sue, Med’d,therapy, friends, a holiday & meditation…I have done them all & they all work….do the healing & look within.
You are stuck but, you will move I promise & you will join back into the flow of life. It’s bloody hard but, you can do this 🙂
Look for help & get it as only you can ‘fix you’ there is no magic cure or pill just aides.
You are doing the emotional battle but, the war is over & you win 🙂
You made it here so, stay & help others & share etc…you are never alone & you are supported.
Your mind is your enemy at the moment so, get some help to settle it & help you rest & think clearly.
Don’t obsess (i did) it’s natural, revenge & justice are two different things so, if you act now it will be revenge & hate driven.
You can seek justice in many ways. You can help others grow & you are wise & worthy & deserve the best.
Fix your heart, make it whole gain & you will survive I promise.
Dig deep within & you’ll find the gold hidden with.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
p.s. what did you mean by “it will reflect back on me”? Such as?
Our actions define us so, if you act out of a negative, you will look negative. Act out of love only 🙂
Part of me wants to expose him, part of me is scared, I know he will react in some way, that I will not expect. It’s hard to know how to proceed. (I dont think he’d ever be physical to me, he’d never done that to me.)
Hi Sue, you could tell the other woman but you won’t feel any closure. I’ve done that only to find out the woman Glenn Ratcliffe was seeing behind my back in my opinion is a liar as well as a cheater like him. She even bragged about him giving her money but I know she wasn’t getting as much claimed. I have a feeling its more like she doing for him. ThiS woman Lizzette was going on his phone reading and replying to my old emails. This went on for months until I made a point to him that the police will be called. So, you don’t want to bother exposing him to the OW. Your best bet is telling other women about that sicko on the sites I mention earlier. At least, others can avoid him. Of course, he will see it and pose as someone else and make a negative response on the posting. It doesn’t matter because the women he’s done this to before you will know its true. A reader with common sense will know its not a lie. Remember, they always call us crazy but we know who’s crazy. THEM!
Hi Sue;
I too had a business plan he knew all about, but I made him sign a non-comp and confidetiality agreement that is good for 5 years. With that said, he has tried repeatedly to find out where I’m at with the project (which is unfortunately stalled because he left me flat broke).
I find that I have good days and bad days. I was diagnosed with PTSD so I guess it’s to be expected. I have been told that a relationship with a SP is like being emotionally raped. So looking at it in that context, it is easy to see why those of us who have been through this might suffer from flashbacks, paranoia, etc.
It sucks, but PR is right… We are here for ourselves and each other – because no one truly understands what we have been through except for someone who has been through it.
Celeste
Awww Lost 🙂
Keep sending out the ‘positive vibes’ it will come back I promise 🙂
I completed my Soc’s Advanced Diploma In Business Management for him to keep his ranking in the Fire-brigade….So, I am putting those skills to better use, I may not have the diploma but, I have the smarts & I have the ability so….look out life 🙂
Keep looking within, the answers are there 🙂
Keep the faith & it will protect you 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Midnight,
In my experience, what you are going through is normal. I have also had a few complete freak outs and felt like he was stalking me. And the truth is that it’s no wonder you/we feel this way. The guy completely broke your trust, did things that you/I never dreamed a person capable of. My counselor pointed this out to me when i told her of my paranoia months ago. It is completely understandable.
It’s been almost 8 months for me since discard and I really am in a completely different frame of mind. I have been on an amazing “spiritual awakening” journey (I am completely atheist so i mean spiritual in the sense of internal realizations and growth). With all that said… I still have had times of ‘2 steps back’ and felt like i was back in those first horrible months. What I can say, from my experience, is that these times of grief and remembrance – shall we call them “slips” – last a shorter and shorter period each time AND there is more time between each one. What I have found MOST important from these slips, is that every time i slip, when I move forward again, its many steps further ahead of where i was before the slip.
My last one, which was only a few weeks ago, I was actually a little excited as i knew change was around the corner. And whola! I have in the last few weeks once again shifted my perception and healing, but more importantly i have learnt even more about myself and have a greater understanding of how my family of origin wounds have affected my whole life and am further on my path to healing these and to my ultimate goal of feeling worthy and accepting my vulnerabilities. As Brene Brown put it.. of being “wholehearted”.
So yes midnight, in my experience, what you are going through is normal for this un normal situation that we have found ourselves in.
Best wishes for your own personal journey.
Peace
xx
Yay It Is Done 🙂
So pleased for you, big hug (0)… 🙂
Even If the path gets a little winding, stay on it & see you at the end in the garden of peace & tranquillity 🙂
I am the one standing in the white light, see you soon 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
@PR,
I really wish there was a like button on this thing.
Double like for you 👍👍
A zillion likes back too you 🙂
Keep the faith, we are getting there together 🙂
Take good care & be Happy 🙂
PR xxx
Dear It Is Done,
Your comment is very comforting & reassuring. I’m so glad I reached out. I was embarrassed to say anything because I felt this recent slip (& how trapped it made me feel) indicated something much more sinister was afoot or maybe my situation is inescapable after all bc I really am nuts – I can’t explain how I totally lost all my footing mentally; it just was triggered and then got scary quickly.
Reading comments from you, Positivagirl, & Phoenix Rising about overcoming the trials (mental & physical) caused by these toxic people is so life-affirming and inspiring. Thank you for having the courage and honesty to reply and share your stories. It means more than you know. You guys have been some serious life boats for me. I hope more people are encouraged to speak up if they are reading these posts and struggling in confusion. Having friends out there who understand makes all the difference and gives me hope.
Thank you.
Yours in clarity & freedom,
MM
Hi MM 🙂
Be like the Sun & Shine 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Dear Midnight Maypop, I can relate completely to what you write. My Sociopath husband, who discarded me without warning a month after our wedding, spies on me for real, but I cant prove it, so the situation really plays with my head. When we were together I recall seeing he had written down the name Spyera on a piece os paper. I didn’t think anything of it until after the discard, and when I looked it up online, learned it’s one of those spy programs you put on someone’s phone to obtain their text msgs, etc. One day, I tried to get into his online account at Spyera.com using a password typical of his, and a film came over my phone. He typed, “You tried to get into my account!” So somehow he was able to watch me in real time! Ever since then, when I email someone about something he has done — where the evidence is on his FB page or his children’s FB pages — very shortly that evidence disappears. I know his kids can hack into my FB page, which he has presented as evidence in divorce court, even tho my page is private and he should not have access. The lies he tells in court are believed by judge without any evidence anyway, and I have to prove every single word I say. I probably sound paranoid, but I tell you, this world is notfair to women. Or not fair to people withot money, which my Sociopath Husband stole from me.
So… I am so much better than I was seven months ago, but it has been a cruel lesson beginning over again from less than zero at age 52. Never again will I allow this to happen to me. He was not my first Nar/Soc., but the most surprising one. I’ve lost my entire family of origine, but have since learned that they were where this kind of problem started for me. I was born into this scapegoat role. And I’ve ALWAYS been told I’m imagining things, I’m too sensitive. But I’m not. And you’re not.
If messaging via the OW does that still count?
The Katy Perry song and video I just loved when I first heard it, totally like me, my situation. I just haven’t quite got up yet. 😕
You will sweetheart you will 🙂
I was where you are & am sending you a huge hug 🙂
loaded with love & light 🙂
Listen to Katy’s ‘Dark Horse’ but, watch out for triggers 🙂
I’ve got your back 🙂
PR xoxo
Hey PR,
How are you doing tonight? Was just watching an advertisement for Sunday on Simon Gittany, the guy accused of throwing his fiancé off the balcony. So obviously a psychopath and the new girlfriend is so badly in his clutches. It gives me the shivers.
Xx
Hi It Is Done 🙂
OMG, I was just thinking about you & wondering what your ‘take was’ on the Simon Gittany case 😦
I just wanted to scream ‘he’s a Sociopath!!!’ & the girlfriend is brainwashed & their making the murdered girl look damaged because, she had bulimia/anorexia so, a very vulnerable soul 😦
Such a shame that the media etc…doesn’t get it 😦
I have to watch as it triggered me into feeling down & wanting to ‘speak up’ but, who would believe us 😦
We get it & I hope they lock him up & throw away the key!
I hope you are doing well & we can’t help that poor girl but, we can help each other 🙂
I am off for a girls weekend & feeling strong & happy 🙂
I hope you are feeling positive & in a better place, watch for those triggers 😦
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Enjoy your girls weekend away PR…. its funny. Once we know it, you see it everywhere, and you cannot mistake the traits.
Personally I think it should be mandatory and taught in schools… but am sure the psychopaths who are in power (certain politicians) wouldn’t want that.
Hiya Pos 🙂
Yes, a lot at the ‘top’ are probably Soc’s or Narc’s anyway as the true empath usually is toppled or betrayed before they can rise to the top.
The Soc’s would use the emotional/vulnerable/caring people against themselves as, I have seen repeatedly the world over & in person.
So, we just have to take care of the kind souls & support the little people that are striving to help those less fortunate & save the world in other ways.
Love & compassion for others is compulsory & they should teach it in school 🙂
I think they should get children to speak kindly to each other & keep affirming it daily.
As an exercise, all children should look at another & say something positive to them. ‘You are kind’, ‘you are a good person’, not physical but, a personality trait of strength 🙂 ‘I feel happy around you’ etc..
I think they should then be asked how do they ‘feel’, when someone says a negative to them 😦
Then, ask them to ‘hold’ & remember that feeling & that if you feel bad, then you have the ‘power’ to make others feel bad even, over something simple that you may not realise.
Self talk before you say something. Mindfulness 🙂
Sit with the feeling that a negative thought provokes & teach children to identify this feeling & not project it onto themselves or others & then we would all act & speak from love & not hate or negativity 🙂
It should be mandatory to teach children love & compassion always.
Now they don’t even embrace prayer in any shape or form in school but, prayer or affirmations of thanks are reinforcing so, just take the religion out but, keep the prayer for love alive 🙂
That’s my prayer for everyone, love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
P.S. This is my personal thought & not based on any religious persuasion but, from my heart & soul.
If you don’t agree then that is your heart & souls prerogative. Nemaste’
Hi Phoenixrising,
I agree with you that they don’t teach the compassion and interaction of courtesy in schools. They don’t go into the depths of a sociopath people and how to detect as well as handle that situation. They will never bring prayer into the schools (though it should be part of it) because with all these different people from other countries (who have a different belief) making a residence here. I say you want to be an American citizen than accept our school requirements as prayer being part of it. When you go live in other countries, its there way or the highway. There are no options. You are so right about schools need to reinforce having kindness, love, and respect amongst human beings. As you say, the ruthless and calculated people in power won’t have no part of that idea!
Hi Cher,
In all respect to your beliefs, I am sure there are many people born in USA and Australia that don’t believe in god and prayer (estimated 10% of the usa are athiest). I for one dont believe, yet my family can be traced back in Australia for over 100 years here.
I agree whole heartedly that kindness etc should be taught in school and believe that in many they try. You don’t have to be religious to do that. Still there is much more that can be done and i believe teaching awareness of personality disorders should be one.
Cheers
Hi It’s Done! 🙂
Thanks for your insight. However, I think my thoughts on prayer was misinterpret by you. I’m not baptized in any religion but I do believe in God. That’s based on things I’ve witnessed. However, Everyone is free to believe in whatever they want; its called free will. With that being said, every one can pray for bringing about good things wither it be to God or their own affirmations of prayer invoke good karma on to the world. So, what I’m saying prayer is to ones own interpretation. For me its to God. Its a shame we are not taught in depths the things we really need to know in life such as sociopaths, serial killers, the affects of mental and physical cruelty to a person. If we learn more of it, we would probably have less of it in the world.
Hi IID;
While I am none too happy about being taken in by a SP, I have to look at women who get involved with men like O.J. Simpson, Lyle Menendez, even Charles Manson, after they have been accused and convicted of murder. I actually went to High School and had a typing class with Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme – she was someone that I steered clear of… she scared me even back then because she had those “eyes”…..
To have that kind of malevolent charisma is truly evil and at least I didn’t have that to deal with.
Celeste
Hi Sue,
You know you could have rolled me up in a giant ‘Red Flag’ & tossed me into a bull ring once & I still would have run around like a clown 😉
LOL…or made a dress or covered furniture…ohhh I do love RED 🙂
I also thought I was part of an ‘elite’ group of specially chosen women & then I realized that my Soc was like a dog & pissed on every tree!!!
Unlike a dog though, never loyal so, give me my dog any day 🙂
Hope your smiling 🙂 xoxo
Here is a great story…and I should have taken it as a sign…4 years ago,before my Soc moved in and we got engaged…he had a key to my apartment…I was sleeping,I was expecting him,but he knows I was getting up early for my nursing job…he let himself in,came upstairs to give me a goodnight kiss…and my dog,jumped on the bed and pissed on my head while the Soc was trying to give me a kiss. My dog was marking his territory and must have known something wasn’t right with this guy. I have dated men in the past…and my dog never got in the way of a kiss and pissed on my head.
Bobby Jean, when a dog gets up and pisses on your head, you should have taken notice. LOL!! I remember dating this guy who reeked of sociopath tendency because his eyes would send me running. When we went to my house, my two cats who are very friendly wouldn’t come near him. The second time I had him over and he suddenly profess being in love with me. My cats ran away from him again. That time I knew he had a screw loose. You love me after four weeks. You’ve got to go! LOL!!
Awww BJ 🙂
Yes, animals are very intuitive albeit a little intrusive with the pee sometimes! LOL
My dog is very sweet natured & my Soc did not like him 😦
I never let my little man (George our Dog) near him as I couldn’t stand the way he ignored the blessed little fellow 😦 wish he’s p*@#ed on his shoes 😉 That would have made me laugh 🙂
I still have my beautiful boy & he brings me so much joy, in fact he visits the elderly & spreads the love 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
@BJ
Omg – sorry I am late here in the story, I had a HUGE 140lb Shiloh German Shepherd, do the same thing to me. The dog was fiercely protective of me, I should of took lead from the dog as well. My other German Shepherd bit NS, drawing blood. Obviously, they are better judge of character than I am!
NIBSIH!
NIBSIH 🙂
The ‘Alpha Dog’ always spots the ‘Alpha Man’, it’s all about territory & ownership & dogs recognize this & that’s why we love them 🙂
Remember the old Doggie Mantra when it comes to Soc’s…’Sniff it, Pee on it & Kick some Sh@t on it & Move On!’ LOL
Whereas, Soc’s aren’t dog’s, they just behave like them! LOL
Gotta love that 4 legged friend that’s for sure, woof woof & big tail wags to your doggie 🙂 I adore Shepards 🙂
Enjoy 🙂
PR xoxo
@PR
Well one thing is for certain, they only feign Alpha! All bark and no bite.
The NS I deal with, just runs his mouth and has his minions do his dirty work, because they are “saving” him from me.
Which is why I wanted to advise I don’t recall her name, (I am days behind, Grr!). You will only look like the crazy ex, because this is the pic he has already painted of you. So why give him the satisfaction of acting it out and proving him right? Plus this gives him more reason to talk to you, (gagging).
I HAVE to talk to NS because we have children, under 18. Or else I would move out of state and vanish. When people speak of the devil, I see him. He physically makes me sick. I want nothing to do with him.
I watch him cycle through his new women, yes it’s sad, (sort of), but it’s their (his) life, I can’t save my own children from his torments and lies, let alone someone else, who isn’t trying to hear me, while he is in Mr. Wonderful phase anyway. Best of luck to us all!
NIBSIH.
Hi NIBSIH 🙂
Yes, I know your journey & I don’t envy you having to interact with him 😦
I know the ‘followers & enablers’ also, & he is such a ‘Great Guy’ but, we know the truth & that in itself makes us aware which is an advantage 🙂
My Soc contacted me after 10 months & I am working out how to post it soon with Pos’s permission.
I have also had contact with the OW as the smoke & mirror games are wearing thin!
I do believe in Karma & will have more soon so, stay with us & we love you 🙂
PR xoxo
@PR
That’s funny, (not really) “smoke and mirror games are wearing thin!” The phrase applies to several situations.
I feel because of the situation I am in, I have to play his stupid game with him, it’s as if I have to wear the same masks to cover my emotions. Due to his NSness, I am unable to vent directly in his face, (which I thoroughly enjoy, and he hates). It literally causes me physically illness, I internalize his NS actions, I can’t say anything, do anything, offer no reaction. I have to sit there and “Poker Face”, waiting to counter whatever fucked up thing he is going to do next.
But, (as you all know, I have the best ideas in the shower), I was trying to think what did I do to spurn this “hatred” before he generally left me alone. I violated his loyalty, his trust. I was the “only” one who didn’t stay dedicated to him and screwed him over with our last custody agreement. Now I am “paying” for it. Lol. In a way he’s right “Kathy, your the only one I can trust, you’ve never turned your back on me, when I needed you most.” As I stood there and said “Your right, sign here and your thumb print”. The stipulation went into judgement in 3 days and to child support in 1 month. This is where he feels I turned on him. It’s all about money, I turned on him over his own children for assistance to care for them, where he makes double, I make? What a sorry excuse for a man!
So when you say “The smoke and mirrors are getting thin” well so am I, if I get any thinner, I may very well fall through a storm drain.
NIBSIH.
AWWWW NIBSIH Don’t fade away, we need you bella
I have seen what my Soc did to his Ex who ‘took him to the cleaners’ & she is still paying for it!
He finally gave her a divorce after 35 years & then uses their children against her as I have witnessed so, I know exactly where you are & I am sure his Ex has many ‘shower epiphany’s’ but, is powerless against the ‘resident evil’ that he is. Mr Malevolent I call him!
I don’t think they ever let go as you are his possession so, you must fight to make a life of your own & fill it with as much joy & happiness as you can.
Have you read about Covert Narcissist’s?
http://www.energeticsinstitute.com.au/page/narcissism.html
This guy put the final piece of my puzzle in place so, when you get the chance read it.
I will post my recent discoveries etc…soon but, it’s a bit like ‘Gone with The Wind’ although my working title is ‘Gone With The Windbag!’ LOL
Keep going & really take care of yourself & eat nutritious food & come here for some well deserved love & compassion as we will help you as the ‘sisterhood’ only can
Love & hugs always PR xoxo
@PR
Okay I didn’t see the video on the stupid iPhone app, which I am deleting it’s a piece of SH*T! I love it. Thank you!
NIBSIH
@PR
OK JUST GOT THE SECOND WEBSITE!! Good lord!! Technology is so bad right now. 😡! Am reviewing it. Grrr!! Will get back to you!
Hi Everyone!
Well, I just had a morning chuckle because I received notice that my ex open one of my old emails. My guy & me just laugh about it. He thinks I will contact him and ask why is he opening my old messages knowing I get alerts. NOT! LOL!! Its nice to know he’s the one simmering over memories with me. It cracks me up. I promise you all will get to my point laughing at them.
Hello everyone,
Well, it’s funny how these sociopath people will go to any lengths to protect their false image of being this loyal and loving person. Today, I had noticed one of my exes has the nerve to request a post to be removed from one of those cheating sites that was published by one of his ex girlfriend’s he had done wrong.
What’s more insulting is that these report a cheater websites require the poster to spend the time and money for providing proof along with paying a fee to have a notarized affidavit stating it’s true. This is just another means of the sociopath to have the last laugh on their victims. Why should someone have to pay a notary to certify they are telling the truth while having written documents and photos of evidence? It should be that the reporter should just forward all their supporting evidence to the reporting cheater website. This is like the victim has been victimized all over again.
Finding out that one of my ex’s is taking any means to cover up his lies, it shows they will go to hide their true self.
Well, I wouldn’t spend a dime on paying a notary to certify my true statements while I have all the documented dialog between us. You know what he will probably do to prove his innocence is provide them with emails from his ex during the time they wanted him back or felt wrong in exposing him. He will omit any other information that proves other wise.
I tell you…his current woman must be on his back to clear his trail of cheating reports. All in the name to probably save face with her family and friends. It’s amazing that we were once under their spell to believe the lies. Now, it’s someone else in our shoes. In the end, the women he has done wrong know the story is true. That’s what matters and it don’t take long for people to talk about it from one person to the next.
Omg that is terrible there are sites whe’re someone has to pay to register their ex as a cheat? Why would someone do that?
Hi Positivegirl, no, not pay to have their ex posted as a cheater. If your ex denies the post is not true (that’s what mines did) this independent arbitration service post a notice challenging the posting on the cheater website. The poster would have to submit to them evidence of proof showing they are not lying along with a signed affidavit notarized by a notary. You have to pay for the notary’s service. That’s BS while the accuser has evidence proving other wise and shouldn’t need an affidavit along with notarized.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sounds like a nightmare. Plus they are better at lying too. .
Positivagirl, when you get a moment, please edit out my ex’s full name in my postings on here. It still showing. Just to avoid any nonsense from him. Don’t want any unwanted interaction with him.
Hi Positivagirl, I was thinking about what Phonoxrising said about not wanting any kind of problem from my ex. So, can you edit out my postings were I mention Glenn’s full name and location. Even though the parts I talk about the experience with him are true. I don’t want him to misconstrue the other parts where I am talking in general about past ex’s or the general topic about people who are socios. So, please remove his full name from those posts to avoid having any misunderstandings. Its like Phonix says some people can turn things around into something else. I don’t want to give him any reason that my entire comments are directed towards him because they are NOT.. Heck, I’m thinking out loud about other exes in my life whom I talk about in general within my comments. I just mention him because its one of my worse relationship moments. So Positivagirl, please edit out his full name mentioned within any of my posts on your site. Thanks.
Hi Positivagirl,
Hope all is well with you today. I keep getting read email confirmations from my ex opening up my old emails and forwarding them to another computer my service tells me. It’s flooding up my email box these confirmations. Should I just ignore the read notices or call him and tell him to stop opening my emails and forwarding them to someone elses computer? You know even the times of just being cordial they try to turn it into something else. That’s why I’ve stop communicating with him because it’s like you say they view it as having control on your emotions.
Mine took it one step further… he has recently started sending LinkedIn invitations to my 76 year old mother!
So I sent him and email explaining that he needed to change his settings on LinkedIn because they are “obviously” sending out requests to people he has in his email address book.
Of course, he replied and said he would.. because I knew if I confronted him directly it would lead to him losing his mind, etc. Because I desire to remain n/c I did not reply to him.
After a 12 year relationship, there are still things that pop up every now and then that need to be addressed. All I can do is keep it short \and ignore everything other than a reply to the business at hand,
Celeste
Hi cher If you asked him to stop reading he wouldn’t. Whatever you ask him to do, he won’t. Esp if he knows It is getting to you. Just ignore him he will try anything to get you to contact him. Don’t break no contact.
Hi Positivagirl,
Yeah, you’re right. He better not try some funny stuff just to save face with his current girlfriend or aplease her at my expense. Sometimes I wonder is it her accessing his phone and sending my emails and photos on his phone to someone. This is what she had copied my email address before (I mentioned in one of my earlier posts) from his phone to email me. They just want drama and attention. I’m just going to keep the read email notification alerts should I need them in the event my pictures turn up on a social network site. He and she just need to move on. It’s funny how he would assume it’s me posting about him while they don’t think ever the others who were done wrong won’t post him. I’m just going to stay in NO CONTACT mode for sure! Thanks Positivagirl. I’m going to not think about anything he wants to try and pull. By the way, can you remove his name in my previous postings? I notice it’s still showing up. I don’t want any excuse for him to contact me. Thanks.
Doing this is just keeping them in your thoughts. Remember when you were with him and he was constantly on your case. Invading your space. Knowing all about your life while keeping his own private. It’s a bit like that. It’s a shame you can’t block anything about him completely then he can’t get into your head space.
I will when I get to my computer cher I haven’t got access to comment modification on my phone.
Thanks Positivagirl. I most certainly don’t want any more antics from him or her.
Hi Everyone,
I still can’t believe that my crazy ex is trying to have a story about his cheating ways removed from one of those report a cheater sites. I’m tempted to provide the site with evidence to defend the post about him. What do you guys think? Should I send them evidence to prove he’s a cheater as one of his exes posted? Or, just don’t waste my energy on his latest activities?
I wouldn’t waste your energy on his latest attention seeking behaviour. As realistically – if you were going to date someone would you really look up on a cheaters website first?
I know I wouldn’t. I think it would only bring you harm, as he would retaliate. Next thing if he saw it – he would list YOU as a cheater!! Its not worth it.
Hi Positivagirl,
Thanks for your advice. Actually, its funny that’s how one of his ex found out about him through searching those sites. LOL!! I know he wouldn’t post me as a cheater because he knows I will seek the extent of law against him. He doesn’t want further exposure. However, I agree with you about not wasting time proving he’s that person. Its only a matter of time before another woman writes about him. I’ll sit back watching him spend the energy of covering his true self. Again Positive.
Yes, that relationship with him was the worst. One moment he could be nice and the next moment he was edgy. I was smart in knowing why my ex wanted to keep me around because they get bored with the new person after a while. Then, start acting brand new with me all over again. In addition, After taking time to analyze his actions, I began to understand why he didn’t want any one to know about me because I would tell the truth about him. Its like you say Positivagirl they don’t like to be exposed. I guess that’s why my guy now has so much patience with me. At times, I get flashbacks on things only to feel my man now may do that to me. However, I know its not true through him showing support and understanding to me being guarded at times. I almost was going to walk away from a life of happiness with him. My guy just let me have my space to realize I was allowing the past hurt from my ex keep me from happiness with him. My guy has a big heart and helps others. He doesn’t consume my world or make me feel like I’m not good enough. He treats me the same way I treat him. I never thought it would be possible to trust again. My guy tells me I have a special heart because I was willing to be friends with my ex after the way he treated me. After my ex denied being in contact with me as friends; my gf advised don’t talk to my ex anymore. That he doesn’t know how to be a friend to women but hurt them. I knew she was right because it will always be a hidden agenda with him. I have a great man now who has shown me there are good guys still in the world.
Hey Cher;
For normal people, a breakup is a breakup, but in many cases you can still be friends. When I left my SP, he already had hooked a new woman (they had started an online affair several months earlier and when I left, she bought a bus ticket and was there the week after the divorce was final) and because he was trying to hide her from me, he didn’t have much direct contact. He lurked down the street, snuck up on the porch to listen, etc. but nothing direct for almost a year.
I hadn’t found this site yet so I didn’t know the importance of NC, so when he contacted me and we started talking again, I thought it was an opportunity for me to rid myself of the persistent confusion I had been left with. He made a big deal of it, how mistakes had been made, we couldn’t change the past, but we could show everyone that we were mature adults by being friends – he was so grandiose… “I offer you my hand in friendship. I still feel very responsible for you.”
He sent me a FB friend request (I removed him when we split up) and I accepted it, but there was little contact, until he wanted something. He was very “stuff” oriented and he was using Facebook to try and pressure me in front of our family and friends. When I didn’t give in, he “unfriended” me……. boo hoo…..? LOL
Anyway.. bottom line is that you cannot have a mature, post-break up, friendly relationship with a SP because it isn’t about being your friend (or your lover for that matter). It is about how they can control you and what they can get from you (if they left you with anything at all).
Celeste
Hi Lost2cameot,
You are so right about its not possible to be friends with these types. I realized that now and I am stronger now knowing he wasn’t worthy of me. We share something similar with our exes is he did the same. My ex met the chick he’s with now online while juggling me and this other woman. He was tired of the other woman asking for money and she pressured him for commitment. At least, it was his story to me. In the end, he wanted nothing more with me being I’m the one who exposed his true character; along with the others he did dirty. Yeah, its all about them controlling us. Mines thought by romancing and saying he’s torn as a means to keep me hanging. I wasn’t falling for that game. That’s something your ex kept his new woman hidden for a year. Don’t these new gf realize that they will not be treated no differently than we were treated? They follow the same behavior all over again.
Hi Cher;
I know in my case that I had to find out about all his fun and games on my own. His first wife was in New Zealand, and according to him she tried to kill him, so being the super-straight, never even had a parking ticket kind of person, I had no desire to contact her! His second wife, mutliple suicide attempts, so she wasn’t right in the head. No contact there. His family had disowned him because he had disgraced them all by getting an MBA instead of becoming an educator and getting involved with the environment and conservation like the rest of the family, so there was little contact there. So, his lies kept him insulated and prevented me from being exposed to the truth.
He has done the same to the new woman – by keeping her hidden away from ME, he has been safe from detection. But since I know that she knew he was married at the time they started Facebook hanky-panky, I have little sympathy for her, but also have little doubt that sooner or later (especially after he drains her bank account) she will find out what he is about.
Celeste
Celeste, did you not inform the OW (the new one) and if not why not?
I have a similar situation and am torn whether to update the OW on the true picture.
Sue, I wouldn’t waste your time because you don’t know what kind of woman she is. She could be a SP like him and take the time to hurt you with false stories on the way he treats her better. She may flat out tell you to get a life. Do you want to get caught up in that kinda drama. Remember what I told you about my ex’s OW’s response. Let her find out on her own. Most of the time they believe the guy because they don’t want to feel like a fool.
Hi, not sure what you are referring to as your earlier reply, can you please repost.
I have a strong feeling to expose his cheating, also cos I think she has no idea about me, and I helped him do up the house, only for her to move in. Killed me. And I feel I want her to know that, even if they are then happy. I feel terrible that I am suffering in silence and no one really knows what he did only him. 😕 I am torn over whether to msg OW or not. This is now about my sanity, not his or her situation. Also I dont care if she defends him or doesnt believe, cos I think she will be too hooked in with love anyway, I know that too.
Hi sue,
I guess you need to look at what it is you want to achieve by this. What you really want to achieve by letting them know. Because the chances are very strongly against you achieving it.
If you want her to feel bad, understand, see the folly if her ways, she won’t. He will make it look like you are crazy. That you are lying, that you are trying to hurt him because you are bitter and twisted, and she will eat it up because she wants to believe he is the perfect man – just like you did when you were in the early stages.
Any reaction you want, you will not get. She will simply believe you are a nut job. Even with proof he will twist it. And she will believe him.
The only thing it will achieve is more pain for you.
That is my experience and thoughts.
Peace
p.s i’m assuming she is like me, empathy, caring etc. Surely two SP’s would not work as they clash over who manipulates the other best.
Hi Sue,
The OW is my saga, informed me & decided to stay for now?
I am doing a post that will help you so, stay tuned 🙂
My advice is to keep focused on you & your healing & don’t try & stop others making their own discoveries & mistakes etc…this journey is for a reason & you need to work on your healing & answers as the OW will eventually arrive where you are & hopefully, like you will look deeply at her own motivations & survive like you have etc…it’s a hard road back to you but, there is a reason for it & you cannot prevent another’s self discovery or demise, that is their journey.
It is natural to want to help another & that’s what makes you the wonderful person you are & you owe that empathy to yourself & others here.
Keep up the great support & let the OW find her way in her own time, needless to say, she will be in your shoes very very soon 😦
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Will she though I dont know. I have this vision of them being all ok and happy and living the life I was meant to have with no issues.
Part was to warn her sure, but part (mainly) was to stand up for myself and kind of say hey I was there first you were the rebound, etc. Just to have fairness, and point out how wrong I was treated. It would be nice if she had empathy and even if for a moment felt bad.
I am in turmoil. I have no closure and no peace of mind, cant sleep very well. The whole weekend was gone worrying about what I should or should not do, etc. I am emotionally exhausted (post trauma and possibly mild depression)
I guess it’s cos I want someone to know how badly he treated me and not to have suffered in silence as I have at present. No one knows only my close friends and family.
😕
The two people you want to confront are the least likely to be sympathetic. I haven’t even been able to tell my friends and family. I’d suffer in complete silence if it weren’t for this group and my therapist. I think… you might be looking for resolution and relief in a place you won’t find it. It does come slowly, I’m still struggling some days, other days, not so much.
I have a lot of self blame and hate myself for being so trusting and naive and getting myself involved with this non-human being, who has shown himself to be emotionally cold and wicked.
I think the best we can do (and what we are supposed to do) is take ownership of the parts that come down to us and changes we can make in ourselves. It may surprise you that you are so human, but it may surprise you even further to know God isn’t surprised.
I believe this can ultimately work for your good, though a tough route. PR is right… the OW’s journey is her own and actually different from yours anyway. And the guy? I know it is so hard to believe (I still can’t always grasp it), well, he is a facade with an exchangeable microchip that is now rolling out a new persona.
i dont know what to do for the best now, and that is also torture. Cant sleep and no peace of mind for ages now. 😥
Sue, I had my doctor prescribe some settlers so, that I could sleep & rest my brain initially & then weaned off them & am fine.
Your mind will be your enemy if you let it 😦
Go see your physician or therapist soon for help.
Sue, your still in the stages of loss & disbelief & grief & it is really hard right now 😦
I am sorry you are suffering so so much 😦
It is one of the most harrowing journey’s I made so, you have my full empathy.
You must rest & process & keep busy, really busy.
I kept reading & learning & searching & it was exhausting but, cathartic & slowly with help from therapy,Drs, friends, family & life in general, bit by bit the fog lifted & here I am 10 months later 🙂
Not totally fixed but, well under repair.
It has changed me forever & for the better as i have learned I will never accept the unacceptable again. That was my journey & you will work out yours 🙂
Reach out for help from trained professionals/holistic healers/self help etc…it’s all waiting for you 🙂
PR xoox
HI Sue;
When I met my SP I told him there were only a few things that were non-negotiable for me in a relationship. Infidelity was at the top of the list, but I even gave him an out – if at any time he no longer wanted to be with me, all he had to do was let me know and I wouldn’t try to stop him.
So.. when I walked into his office and found the text message, on his computer monitor, from the OW saying “I think it is best you create another Facebook page so she can’t see what we’re posting”, all bets were off.
For him, I knew he was cheating and it was only a matter of time before I would no longer be involved with him. For her, she KNEW he was a married man and proceeded anyway, because my ex has multiple Facebook profiles, under different names. The only constant is that all of the fakes are friends with my ex SP.
Using one of his pseudonyms to meet and get to know the OW. The pseudonym, told her all about his dear friend (my ex) and how hard his life was. The FAKE guy introduced them, the FAKE guy told her how brave he was because he was sick and too proud to tell anyone, the FAKE guy told her that due to his illness he had lost his job and the FAKE guy told her how much money she needed to send to my ex to help him survive, because he was too proud to ask.
This silly woman, working THREE menial jobs to make ends meet, was doing without and sending this a$$ clown at least $300 per week. He was in charge of our finances and our joint checking was always drained and bills never paid on time. What she didn’t know was while he was claiming that he was in love with her and her help made that so much stronger, he had just received the first installment of a substantial inheritance. He kept his inheritance money in a separate account in San Francisco – we lived in Texas!! – bought a new car, drank expensive French brandy, bought all sorts of electronic toys, and was living high off of both of us.
But to answer your question, no. I didn’t tell her anything. He had already lied to her, already fleecing her, and she was knowingly carrying on with a married man.
Celeste
PS – socio’s are pretty arrogant and think they are really clever, but how clever is it to use your wife’s laptop and then leave the chat record open and live??? LOL I can say from experience there is nothing like opening your computer and have a message to your husband from another woman saying “I love you”.
Do it, if you have proof do it.
Don’t, keep to your self this just involves you with it and it’s games more. Removing your self from its life is best. I would love to delete myself from ever knowing it. YUK!
NIBSIH.
Hi Sue, I’m not even going to worry about him requesting a post about his cheating ways be removed. You know why? He’s not worth the time and energy. I’ve moved on and I’m sure enough women he’s done wrong probably seen it and know it to be true. See people talk and especially women who were cheated on in his past. So, it don’t matter that he gets the post removed because it doesn’t mean he’s innocent. Enough people read it anyway and let’s count the past gfs he’s cheated on talk about his ass anyway. I’m loving my life now and he doesn’t have the power to yank my emotions or time.
yes that sounds like a good approach.
my life has been consumed by this, to the point my healthy is affected, not slept well for ages now.
Hey Positivagirl,
A poster’s email address is showing in this thread. Maybe its better for me to just read postings on your site rather than make a comment. I wouldn’t want to keep having my email appear every time I comment.
Cher, did the OW know about you though?
Hi Sue, I initially informed her the next morning after he claim to be ending the affair with her. I knew he was lying. After I felt bad about the way she had to find out, I had text apologizing to her sorry it was done in that manner. However, I was a fool because this tramp in my opinion came off as a SP as well. She had the audacity to brag about she was engaged to someone else while dating him and using him for his money. (this was a lie) It turned out this woman is already married to someone. Then, she acted like she was moving on from him. Well, it wasn’t the case. My ex started talking to me again and I called on his his house phone. She answered his phone and I asked who is this (but I knew it was her because I knew her voice)? The bitch wasn’t woman enough to admit her name. Instead, she says, “Don’t worry about who this is. Don’t call this number anymore.” Sue, if I was stupid and young, I would have came over their and shown her a real woman. Not only that, she started snooping through my ex’s phone after I stopped contact with him. She would reply to old emails on his phone with nasty messages. I wrote about this to you on a previous posting. Anyway, as you can see, it’s not even worth contacting the other woman. You don’t know what kind of woman she may be. In my case, the OW was a SP like my ex. She took joy in informing me about the things he was doing for her while having someone else. So, they are made for each other.
Cher, but didnt you say you exposed yours? Did you feel better for doing that? I think the problem I have is that I haven’t and I have a burning feeling of lack of action due to not having done anything like that, and its been festering in me for ages now. Cant seem to shake it off.
Hi Sue, I most certainly did expose the truth about his as along with the other ex’s of his that had done the same. He and his gf can lie all they want about me but the people who witnessed him with me; along with seeing him text me messages can profess he’s scum. I didn’t feel bad one bit about telling the truth about him wronging me for three years. He may be able to fool some of his relatives and so called friends but I’m sure is ex wife along with his past gf’s done wrong will know it’s the truth.
Exactly, so isnt that just why I should…. ? It’s for reasons of the truth, for me only I’d be doing it. Not looking for anything from either of them, but for my sanity. To break their little bubble of perfection she may have.
Hi Sue,
In my experience It is Done is right. In my case, the OW was a moral-less ex-wife who justifies having sex with him after divorcing, and knowing he is with another. She had the nerve to say to me that she was “just trying to be nice” by talking to me, that she had “moved on from him”—after I demanded she take down my photo on her Facebook, tagging me a “stalker” (she got the info rummaging through his phone so, who’s the stalker?)
Bottom line… I understand how you feel. In my opinion, if you have to do it, do it. You may find it won’t go as you’d hoped, but you may just need to know for yourself. Nothing wrong with that. All any of us want to do is protect you from hurt where it seems a strong possibility. But, you must experience your life, and maybe this is just one of those things you need to do. Keep us informed.
You think they (either of them) will fire back at me something hurtful in some form? hmmm, but what types of things could they do, really? We don’t have a common circle of friends.
Hi Sue,
What will hurt you is the unexpected. You may anger either of them and end up with middle-of-the night texts/calls (or a slashed tire?) Even on the mild side, it can be painful to hear the “truths” someone deluded will shoot back at you. In her mind, you are a trainwreck. You have to be for her to be perfect in her own mind, see? Otherwise, she’s the trainwreck and, well, that just won’t be a possibility so, she will have worked it out in her head some other way…with or without his help.
Regardless, you must understand that you will be an unwelcome intruder into their deluded little realm of deceit where they are co-existing nicely without interference. Interfere, and you will be the target (maybe only of verbal abuse, but the target just the same). If you’re okay with the repercussions of that, proceed.
I say this because, it didn’t bring me relief to talk to the OW. I thought she wasn’t with him any longer (like he’d told me), and that she would be an upstanding woman (she called herself a “business professional” like she knows I am, and claimed to not know about me…but she DID know he lives with someone else—I just didn’t know that until I talked to her and realized all the things he’d been saying had to be lies, then it made sense and that was the end for me.)
Learning she was self-deluded was somehow very disappointing for me. I’d imagined her to be a better woman. When you truly stand alone for what is right, you will feel more lonely, I can tell you that.
Thanks jusagurl, an interesting angle to it. I know she would not see it, and be how you say, because of the reasons you say. I’m in a catch 22. So I can’t speak out and let her know I was there before and give myself a sense of justice for it being open. This is very traumatic.
I think they, and he, would do something unexpected. When I tried to tell a health professional friend of his, she unfriend me on FB and he fired back a threat to call the police on me, that was very upsetting. And totally disproportionate, plus I’d never been threatened in my life ever.
So if I did, i would be concerned of something like that happening, i.e. the unexpected. But oddly I then am feeling very controlled too, which is also horrible to feel. I’m being controlled to not be truthful. 😕
Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
So if I don’t, how do I get peace of mind, because that is my biggest problem right now. Lack of closure and no peace of mind.
Hmm, I don’t like that he threatened you with police. You have to take that seriously as a liar will lie to the death to frame you up if they have to.
Case in point: my soc’s ex-wife pulled down my picture off my soc’s phone and published it, calling me the stalker. When I told her (then him) to pull it down, that it was illegal to post a pic I had taken and had not authorized for publication, she fired back at me that if I didn’t quit texting, she’d file the restraining order! Talk about irony.
He made her take the pic down because he knew me well enough to know I wasn’t playing and could get her entire account pulled if she didn’t back off. The moron is likely still crap-talking me to her friends or friends of friends publicly (small minds spend a lot of time in this way).
You really wish they could hurt like you hurt, but that would take feelings, morals and a whole host of things probably neither of these people possess.
Jusa, ruining & smear campaigns are normal but, rest assured it does them harm as ‘negative speak’ always does.
It also says more about them that you as they have nothing better to do.
A truly fulfilled person would not bother smearing another for long so, it shows insecurity, immaturity etc…it says more about them than you & others will get tired of listening to negatives anyway!
Rise above that behavior & at the end of the day, you will be better for it and not absorb their toxic behavior…you win 🙂
PR xoxo
Do you mean still expose them and just ignore what comes flying back at me? Or just ignore them and do nothing.
I feel I am being so controlled if I do nothing, by his threats really, and I am.
Hi Sue,
Your in the ‘payback’ faze & that’s normal but, stay No Contact with anyone associated to him etc…I know that’s hard but, I learnt this the hard way & it will only make you look like the ‘crazy one’.
Your not so, don’t let your ‘ego’ get the better of you as it only harms you more.
It’s normal to want revenge/justice & you will have it, just not the way you think 🙂
Hang in there & truly keep busy & focusing on your own answers & truth’s etc…we have all done this 🙂
Mine came in reverse as unfortunately I came here after I’d literally ‘cut loose’ with both barrels! Whilst is felt good at the time, hindsight has made me wish I’d treaded a little lighter (oh well oops)…I am very quick sometimes 😉 LOL….My Granddad is in heaven shaking his head again, must be sore as he watches me fluff about down here 🙂
Stay NC…heal, rest, come here & vent 🙂
We have your back & we think your great, time you did also:)
Love PR xoxo
But I really want her to know I was there before her, and she was swapped into the life I was meant to have, including the house I helped him do up, for us. And he cheated, when I thought he was coming back but bottled it. I just want her to know i exist, even if she remains I dont care about that any more. How do I cope with this unjust feeling if I dont msg her?
Sue,
Are you really doing it to help her or upset her? Ask yourself your motivation & need to keep feeding his ego or the game 😦
It’s called ‘triangulation’ & she will feel superior & that she has your prize etc…he chose her over you 😦
I know this hurts but, that’s what this is all about, it’s his game & you are a player.
Do what you must but, you may get more than you bargained for especially if she comes back at you.
Wait awhile until you process more & then if you still feel like this then you will be in a greater position of your own power etc…you have time & you will act more from the head & not the hurt heart 😦
I have waited over a year. What about if I got a friend to msg/mail it. So it appears to not be from me? Would that work?
They are wicked human beings, for treating others like this. The way I have managed to understand the SP is a bit like Spock on Star Trek, i.e. emotionless. So trying to get him to care, e.g. Spock is never going to happen as he is devoid of normal human feelings. Horrible.
They will frame you. But often if they are going to call police they will usually when they are threatening, they are using fear tactics to paralyse and control you.
Thats is exactly what it was and it worked, but more because I was so upset at his threat to me, who he claimed to love.
It’s why I still feel controlled … which I know is wrong. So where does that leave me, do I go against that, and refuse to be threatened/controlled and so message OW and expose things?
With hindsight I wish I had called the police myself then and reported him for threatening me, etc. They could have gone to chat to him about that. But I just didnt want to escalate it. Dreadful to realise and be threatened by someone you loved so much. Sent me into shock and depression at that time.
Sue,
I was reported to the Police also, but once again that says more about him than me 🙂
The Police woman aligned with me by the end…just wait until my post comes up as I think it will help you 🙂
Pos is going to put it up when I edit it etc…it’s like ‘gone with the wind’ literally & long winded so, I am trying to cut it down…hard after 10 years but, it has a happy ending 🙂
Be Brave & Strong 🙂
PR xoox
Hi Jus 🙂
I was disappointed that the OW chose to stay knowing what she discovered. I would never stay if the role was reversed & I know that for sure.
I find that level of undervaluing & acceptance truly disheartening for her but, I will let you know now, that the tide is turning & she is slowly seeing him for what he is.
I am free & so are you & that’s worth celebrating 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
If I dont, do you think they ever get their karma, or do they get away with it? Hurts so much. I just wish I was angry at the time and just did it. But now, feels awful, not sure what could be the outcome if I did. Maybe I am safer to walk away just that is hard to do in my head. i.e. nothing, and no truth exposed.
Jusagurl, you are so right about that. It’s a flip of a coin. You may feel better and you may not feel better depending on the other party’s actions that follow. In your case, that hefierhad the nerve to label you a stalker as well as tag your photo on Facebook. I would taken action against her trash butt. You see she sounds like a SP as well because my ex’s current girl friend used the same lie about moving on from my him. They try to save face for looking like such a fool. They think these type of men won’t do them the same way. It’s only a matter of time they get the same dish of ice cream.
This is all mental torture……. I feel so ill.
Oh sue, I am so sorry for your pain. As Jusa said, if you need to do this then do it. Just be prepared for the worst. There is a case in Australia at the moment where an obvious sociopath has been convicted of throwing his fiancé off a 15 story balcony. He has been convicted of murder and is waiting sentencing. His now fiancé (who looks exactly like the dead one) is completely brainwashed and has gone on tv screaming his innocence. The evidence is overwhelming including footage of him physically abusing her in rage seconds/minute before she dies, yet this woman is adamant that he didnt do it. My point – you may be surprised at how blinded she is by his lies.
The pain and injustice of this is completely unfair and totally painful. You have to look after you and what’s right for you. Maybe you need to do this. Just go in with open eyes.
You ask about karma, my response and wholehearted belief is that they are already paying. They can’t love, or care or hold compassion. They are empty souls with nothing but pain that they are hiding from. They crave feelings, hence why they are attracted to us empaths because we have what they can’t have. And when they realise they can’t have it… They want to destroy us. They live in an empty world with only hate, fear and jealousy. I would say they already are paying.
Be kind and living to yourself now.
Peace
Xx
Hi, ItisDone, I don’t think mine would be violent, he never was to me. But I know he is very unpredictable and can do things I would never ever expect. So that is a very real concern. And of course if I expose in this way, he would get really fired up to the most he could be.
I’m under no illusion she would be as described above, excuse him and see only the best in him, what she wants him to be to her, not a bad person at all.
btw – i was just a g/f of 3.5 yrs…. when he abandoned and discarded me, breaking up on my birthday and then giving me silent treatment for 1.5 yrs!!! plus various other things…..
OW even has a very similar name to me, it’s unreal. 😕
omg what a dreadful story, do you have a link to it?
http://mobile.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/she-said-what-rachelle-louise-defends-boyfriend-simon-gittany-in-exclusive-sunday-night-interview/story-e6frfmyi-1226822026240
I just did a quick google and this is the first bit I read but it shows her delusion and his obvious sociopathy. The story was either on a current affair or 60 minutes last night in Australia. U could probably view the interview somewhere.
You describe 3.5 years as of it was a short time. It’s not. I was with mine for just under 2 years and the damage was massive. Don’t sell yourself short. You had dreams and an intense love that he stole from you at the worst moment in the worst way.
As Jusa says, we all need to find our own truths. I have used this experience to grow and to find my own truths and heal myself. That is how karma also comes into play… Not with bad on them but with good on us. It’s been hard work but I’ve chosen to use this experience to my advantage. But it’s not easy. I get your frustration and pain. You have a right to it. There is no mutual closure. Your closure must come from with in you. But you know what? That is the most healing closure there is. I’m not 100% there yet – maybe 98% but the rewards are well worth it.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t be hard or mean to you. You are a good soul that was caught in a bad situation. It’s ok to be angry and hurt. But don’t waste that energy, use it to be kind to you and find a greater you.
I find it interesting that yours broke silent treatment after 1.5 years. Mine dumped me in the middle of ivf. Days before we were picking baby names and discussing marriage. The next day ge was looking for my replacement 2 werks later he had her. That was almost 8 months ago. I’ve heard not a peep in 7 months. I have a feeling that one day he will appear again.
Peace xx
Hi, It is done. Sorry to hear your dreadful story. I havent sent the msg yet, and decided not to, but feel awful, feel I should for me. I think it’s the anger phase I’ve just kept it bottled up and its eating away at me.
I think mine knew he’d not given me closure and that he reacted. I was asking him for answers, he didnt just randomly get in touch.
Maybe he knew what he did was wrong to me.
I still am feeling like I should msg her, but I’m torn over what to do. Its a feeling of wanting to them her know the truth, just for my openness sake. or like to message both saying, hey what you both done was not ok, etc. Am still wondering if to do it.
Living with this inner conflict is a dreadful way to leave people. 😕
@IID
It really makes me soo sad to have wasted a “true love” on these people. I remember giving (wasting) that away on NS, not deserving of it.
Sue, don’t give him anymore of your energy. I know it’s difficult but you need to take up a hobby. Keep busy and join some meet up groups, etc. You will find that the less time spent thinking about him; you will begin to heal. It will take some time but don’t give this situation most of your thoughts. Trust and believe everyone gets justice and we won’t have the opportunity to see or hear about it. They do believe me. Just look at his past trail of heartbreaks. My ex’s current gf isn’t secure in her relationship with him because she knows he lied to her. My ex was juggling her along with another woman besides me. He couldn’t handle the questioning and needed to drop both of us. Especially me because I was smarter than the other two women. I found out about both of them while neither had the smarts to find out about me.
I just wish I had exposed it earlier, and to make sure she knew I was there first and she was the rebound. I feel i am suffering in silence, and I am, and no one has any idea of this, cos I was discarded and so suddenly too 😕
Awww Sue, it took me 10 years & then discard was swift & uncaring 😦
I literally had no idea & now realize, that is was my integrity/values/truth reflected back onto me that he mirrored so well & that I loved:(
No wonder I loved him as, I am all those things & more & he mimicked me 🙂
I love the woman in the mirror for having those qualities & am disappointed that he couldn’t truly embrace them but, that’s his loss not mine as, I have always had them & so do you 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Cher 🙂
LOL, you made me laugh 🙂
The OW called me the smart one as she found me??
I was the one whose brains he picked & used to get his diploma to keep his commander ranking etc…but, I wasn’t smart enough to pick up his game 😦
The current OW is a Dr of Sociology & is tiring of the games & she is a very ‘astute’ woman…his words to me when caught!
I think we are all smart, just duped by the best con men ever…they sell us back to ourselves!
We are smart & wonderful & fools for love that’s all & ‘love is blind’!
In my case deaf/dumb & blind…the new OW wears hearing aides so, doesn’t hear all his BS…lucky her! LOL
I’m not dumb by the way, just numbed down by continual brainwashing.
My brain is sparkly clean now…the lights are on in my head & I’m busy cleaning out all the crap 😉
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi everyone,
I just thought of a perfect late celebrity who illustrated a personality of SP. The late Richard Pryor was a SP and his failed marriages are proof of it. I was watching his documentary and a former girlfriend described him has follows:
“When Richard is chasing you, he does anything to get you to fall in love with him. Once he has you, the game is over; he’s ready to move onward to the next prey.”
“When Richard Pryor wins a woman through marrying her, the next day he is thinking about how to get this bitch out of my house.”
Richard Pryor was displaying characteristics of a sociopath. The only thing that turned him around was becoming ill with MS. Hence the reason why his former wife came back and he remained with her up until his death. So, the karma does come back around on people. In addition, it takes tragedy to them for change to come about.
What about if I send a letter as if a friend does it, either anonymously or with another stated name, or by a friend or one of you to help me? Would it still come firing back at me?
Sue, its up to you but, it will hurt the OW more than him & if you want to do that then, thats up to you.
He won’t care & will feed off the drama.
Remember, the OW is just a pawn in his game & will be easily replaced with the next & so on 😦
You may inadvertently do his dirty work for him as discard will eventually happen with or without you.
Be mindful of what wounds it will open in you as you will not gain anything other than the thought of exposing him. He will have all his bases covered & the excuses well rehearsed. You cannot win the game here, its best to remove yourself & focus on letting it go as it seems to be consuming you still after 12 months so, you need to keep focusing not on what he did too you but, what you can do to move forward. Your still allowing him to torture your mind from afar, its your life but, don’t let him keep you stuck in your head.
Hurting others will inevitably hurt you, i know this firsthand & truly it’s not worth it.
He’s a fool for using & abusing you so, show your strength & resilience by having a great life that you deserve.
Dont be jealous or envious of him getting away with what he has done as, the karma will catch up with him eventually.
Rest assured if you give out pain, you draw it back to yourself. Don’t lower yourself to his level, life is not a game its meant to be felt & enjoyed. You have the ability to do this, he doesn’t.
He exists but, is never truly alive like we are 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Unfortunately I am long stuck and long beyond the point where I can consider the OW too much, I have to now put my sanity first, not her. 😦
I want fairness, for the OW to know she replaced someone… even if she is then happy, I feel a strong sense of being wronged and keeping silent is also making me feel totally controlled by him in that way, feels terrible. Surely I should not be allowing myself to be controlled by him still?
Also to be honest, being too kind, unselfish and nice is what has got me into this mess, the OW has had years of happiness, while I was suffering. Unfortunately I cant think of her too much. Sure at present she is likely to be blissfully ignorant, but maybe that is what needs setting straight. It’s all lies, I am enabling his behaviour by keeping quiet, surely, and allowing myself to be contorlled too,.
Hi Sue,
Yes, they do still have a grip on us because, they hurt us so deeply.
You have obviously made up your mind to tell the OW & that is your prerogative.
Just protect yourself from backlash as he will know it’s you.
Are you trying to provoke a confrontation with him?
Watch out for your motivations as they could do more harem too you than good.
Take care of yourself & I hope you have some peace of mind soon.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Ideally I want to msg her yes, because she I think doesnt know. But what stops me is the unexpected sure. But I also feel terrible because I am caving in to being control by him, which feels and is wrong. What o do, catch 22, and feels like hell. 😥
Aww Sue,
I know exactly how you feel & it’s awful.
I am so sorry you are in so much turmoil 😦
Have you had any therapy?
I saw two psychologists & it helped enormously but, was extremely hard.
I also made plans for fun stuff, in fact i am still on a roll which is great but, exhausting 😉
Do you have family or things that you love doing?
PR xoxo
Still seeing a counsellor yes. Things & family yes and yes.
Do you still suggest not to do it, even though I feel I should just to be open about the situation?
Someone has to expose him, surely? The narc.
Though I guess thats was riles them the most to be exposed for who they truly are.
Hi Sue,
I can not tell you what to do, this is your journey.
I think that exposing them just makes them up their game & they love the drama etc…
The more you make of your own life, the more that annoys them.
You see, at the end of the day, they want to destroy you so, that you are no good for anyone else 😦
If they can’t have you etc…they do such a great job on your demise that you find it hard to live a full & wonderful life 😦
I for one can tell you, that they coveted you for a reason & that’s because you are so freaking fantastic & that’s what draws them to us like moths to a flame etc…
Just remind yourself that you are so much better than him as, you don’t need to be fake or lie or manipulate etc…to get what you want.
Your the winner here, not him!
Prove it by being the best version of yourself & rise above his games!
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
I dont feel mine sets out to destroy me, but due to no empathy does that, and doesnt have a bit of care about me. Nothing, no remorse, no shame, no guilty, nothing. Who behaves that way, one minute you are the loved one, the next total abandonment and cut off. Right now he doesnt even know (or care) if I am dead or alive.
Hi Sue,
They don’t care as they do not connect emtionally or with conscience so, that is why they can discard you without a backward glance. Thats what does your head in the most, the complete lack of remorse, compassion & conscience.
Its all a game & you are expendable 😦
Everyone is a means to an end for their ego self gratification etc…have you read all the posts here & elsewhere?
Look up covert narcissism & see if that gives you any answers.
Hi what you described is him in a nutshell, and yes that is what has messed my mind up the most, especially when you care and support someone so much.
Hi Sue 🙂
I know how hard it is to comprehend but, I like to think about him as a business deal gone wrong, after all that’s how he views me!
Don’t take it personally as it is him, not you 😦
They operate purely on a ‘use’, as a source not an emotional connection.
He will do it to everyone including the current OW.
You cannot lose what you never had, it’s just realizing that fact that hurts the most. 😦
The person you thought they were is a figment of their imagination.
The stuff you liked about him was him reflecting you back to yourself, the mirroring & mimicking etc…you liked, he liked & so on. Right down to your moral coding that they then set about to break 😦
You would never do this to him etc…but, he was always doing it to you & is continuing to do it with your replacement 😦
That you can be very sure of and another will suffer as you have & on it goes as they are incapable of being any thing other than self serving, egotistical morons. Their selfish attitude & self gratification is their drive pure & simple so, find your ‘own power’.
Keep affirming, ‘I am better than that’, ‘I am worthy of better treatment’, ‘I am better off without him’…etc…
You are so, start believing in yourself & go & create the life you envisage for yourself 🙂
Stay on top of your own health & well being & slowly but, surely this experience will become a faded memory & one you can erase when you are ready.
I know it’s hard but, you can do this 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
ladies,let’s be honest with ourselves. The only reason,you want to contact the other woman is…..jealousy,rage,and HOPING to god,the OW believes you…so they will in turn,dump the sociopath,the way the spath dumped you. Correct me if I am wrong. I have no desire to even find out if there is another woman,and if I did….good for her. Her problem now. DO NOT CONTACT THE OTHER WOMAN. AND BE HONEST WITH YOURSELVES,AS TO WHY YOU REALLY WANT TO CONTACT THE OW.
Hi BJ 🙂
Yes, I agree that there is nothing to be gained from contacting the OW except looking like the crazy ex that he will have ready in his ‘bag of excuses’ etc…
The OW is not the enemy even if she plays his games at harming the ex as they sometimes do!
The OW is merely a pawn in the endless gaming of the Sociopath & the OW will eventually be the next EX & on the Sociopath steamroller goes…
I have had contact with the OW in my saga & the fog has lifted & she is now walking the road of reality & it sucks 😦
I have no malice toward her & she is a really nice lady, just another victim of my Soc as he has so so many 😦
I hope she finds a better life as I wish for myself & everyone here.
No one asks or wants a Sociopath, nor does anyone deserve such an experience. Like lambs to the slaughter, if only we knew, we would never get on the truck to the abattoir!
“What’s for dinner?”….”Spring Lamb or OW?”
My Soc loved a roast with all the trimmings! 😉
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hello Pheonix Rising,
I’ve never denied my motive for the OW to know about me. LOL!! Come on…we all had that fantasy of seeing the louse get dump while experiencing deep hurt at the time. However, I know they don’t care and I’ve left the entire situation behind me now. Although, it seems he or she wants to keep things going judging from the repeated opening of my emails. I’m not going to even contact him about causing me to have an overflow of email read alerts.
It’s what he wants and I’m through with being courteous as a means to end as friends note. I’ve learned he uses it as a game only to further hurt me and possibly use it as a tool to end his relationship.
Well, I won’t be that fool or puppet to anyone. I’m living life now. That’s what I was telling Sue about don’t bother informing the OW. The more she will seem to be out of control to her as well as giving the impression his lies are true. I can rest knowing that my exes other women whom were wronged; they know he’s done those hurtful things. Being, they have experienced the same. We are not ever alone in it because SPs leave a trail full of heartaches. Someone knows all about it relatives, ex girlfriends or wives, etc. I just wish to had read about SPs before encountering them.
Hi Cher 🙂
I wish I had known also but, I was in so much turmoil when he entered my life that I was literally ‘open season’ for him. My marriage had just ended with my ex leaving abruptly with our business receptionist so, I was flailing around like a ‘proverbial fish out of water!’.
Still, I was then sent to discard the mistress another OW & as I had no time for mistresses, I was not concerned for her & that became my ‘Karma’ 😦
I have since contacted her & apologized as I had no idea about triangulation etc…& I acted without thinking about her or what he led her to believe!
I was so traumatized by my own situation & took up with the Soc out of revenge on my ex :(….
She was very gracious but, has never moved on really & he still contacts her as a source etc…just for business but, still a source of supply.
She’s a lovely lady & much older than him, in fact that’s what he told me, ‘she was too old 17yrs his senior so, where was it going anyway?’….She felt differently & had been made to believe differently 😦
He targeted her as he was her deceased husbands mate! He always wants what others have & she was very attractive for her age & I suspect still is 🙂
I was then ousted by the new OW so, Karma found me big time!
The OW’s are all lied to & manipulated & made to feel as if they are the ‘chosen one’.
We are made to think we are the ‘winner’ in the competition but, as we can attest, we don’t get the prize just the BOOBY!….LOL
Karma comes to us all so, I figure these Soc’s have a lot coming their way & if we learn compassion for the OW’s then it won’t rebound on all us crazy ex’s as, we all become eventually.
No matter how normal we behave, we will always be the ‘crazy ones’ because we act with emotion.
Whereas the cool & calm Soc, sits & delights in the drama he creates.
Don’t give him any satisfaction, rise above him with no reaction because they cannot stand it!
They hate it when we act like them, all detached & uncaring. They really are spoilt little brats & when they don’t get the attention they desire, they have a tantrum or burst a gasket 😉
Ahh, don’t you love too hear the gasket’s blowing 😉
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Great post PR, and yes I think we all do end up crazy due to our emotions having to deal with the reality of this crazy situation. 😕
But all of you did contact your OW. Is there anyone on here who didnt and just walked away?
There is a sick feeling I have, maybe a need to express that anger and deceit of the situation, I think that’s why I feel as I do.
Breaking them up is of no interest to me, because I dont want him back anymore.
Sue, just stay here and vent. It’s the best remedy and you deserve to get it all out of your system. Keep posting on here until your fingers fall off girlfriend. LOL!! That’s what I am doing talking here amongst fellow victims and recovery people as myself. You keep staying here venting and you will slowly evolve from wanting to say anything to him or the OW. You will see that he’s not worth it. She’s not worth informing and must find out on her own. Trust me she will just as you did too.
Yes i know OW will find out in time. But i feel very wronged and want really for her to know i was there before and she was the rebound. Really to make a point …. must be a feeling of a form of justice/openness. 😕
Hi sue,
I just walked away. I knew that nothing I did or said would change anything. All contact would have done is hurt me.
We bought a million dollar house in the suburbs, we were landscaping our beautiful garden and growing a veggie garden. We were in the middle of our second ivf and he dumped me out of the blue with no remorse or care about me at all. He was looking for my replacement not even 24 hours later. My spot in the bed was still warm. 2 weeks later he was dating my replacement that now lives in my house with my dogs that i raised from pups eating my fruit and veg that I planted. Swimming in my pool that I fixed. But I know that contacting her will achieve nothing but hurt me. It won’t change anything. It won’t fix my pain. It won’t hurt him. It will only keep my pain alive. But this is me.
I have often contemplated contacting the ex wife who is still stuck in his web. I even think she slept with him when we were together. I want to contact her and tell her what he is for the sake of their two children whom between the two of them they are fucking up royally. She even tried to kill herself and the two girls before he finally left her. But she won’t believe me. She won’t care. She is so caught that nothing I do will change it. All it will do is drag me back in.
So I am someone who has completely walked away and never heard from him again. For me thus is the best for my self and my happiness.
No one can tell u what to do. Only you can make that choice. You say that you feel like he is in control because he is keeping you silence. You can look at it the other way too. He is keeping you in his control by you contacting the ow, because you are still tied to him.
Just do it. Tell her. Then you will know. Maybe in your case it’s better to say something as then you won’t have to wonder about it anymore. It will not achieve what you want but you need to find that out for yourself. None of us will give you the approval you are after because we know from experience or believe completely that the only damage it will do is to you.
Good luck. I hope you can soon find a healthy solution for all this pain. There is one in there. Only you can find it. We all have our own truth-meaning of life.
Peace
Well said It Is Done. 🙂
Thanks Cher.
I actually feel a sense of pride that I walked away and never looked back. He tried to hurt me as cruelly as possible and I showed nothing. This made him go into a narcissistic rage. Then I ignored him. It didnt take much for him to stop harassing me and I think that is for two reasons. The first because he had met an easier mark and two because he knew with me he would never win. His ex wife was still fawning after him, he didnt know how to deal with someone that stood her ground and did not bend. (That would be me) He has no idea of the destruction and pain he left behind. He also has no idea that he was the catalyst to my spiritual awakening that has/is leading me to a much more loving and fulfilling life. I look forward to the day when I feel nothing but gratitude to him for putting me on that path. I know a day will come when my revenge and satisfaction will come from not needing revenge. How’s that for an enigma!
Peace
You said it, IID!
I’d also like to chime in & add my support to Sue & urge her to stick to NO CONTACT. There is something really beautiful on our horizons. I know I have slid back, frighteningly so, after I thought I was finally making healthy strides towards recovery. But I have glimpsed something that looks like resolution and emotional evolution.
Our experiences with these monsters will eventually yield positive outcomes. That is an almost absurd notion to me at times, but I know this experience was the only way for me to discover that I need to cultivate true self love & acceptance AND establish healthy boundaries. I never knew I was lacking such things, but I bloody hell do now.
As it has been said many times, you can only change yourself and how you react to things. We get to decide what we are going to think about and give our time to each day. I’m struggling with my experience daily, but it feels good when I get closer to finding peace. Breaking NC stirs up a bunch of dirt that no one, namely you, needs. I can’t explain it and it feels like fresh hell, but it WILL pay off to not look back.
Giving our ex’s even a minute each day is too much (that includes reaching out to the OW’s). We have given them enough. Now we need to focus on ourselves – and breaking NC / contacting the OW’s is not going to lead to progress in this endeavor. Spend your precious energy on you. You deserve it.
I can’t remember which book this was in, but there was something comforting I came across when feeling particularly stressed – about being honest with yourself regarding what you want and what makes your heart feel happy. Instead of fighting an uphill battle/paddling upstream, realize that your purpose is to feel good and enjoy life AND that nothing that you want lies upstream. Somehow I took that as permission to end the struggle to be everything for everyone (or my ex), rising to others’ (his) expectations and denying myself what I know I want. We deserve peace, quiet minds and happy hearts. We need to let these experiences go – remove ourselves from them best we can – in that release comes strength and satisfaction. Living well may just be the best revenge and key to escaping the broken record of torment.
This is from the I Ching: “Never confront evil directly. Never call it evil directly because evil always finds weapons to defend itself.” Your task isn’t vengeance, but caring for & about yourself. We created our connection to them & we can un-create it too. (I’m trying!) The only closure is what we give ourselves in this journey to become more complete. Keep your dignity and consider it labor pains of your rebirth!
Where is the like button when you need it??? =)
Hi MMP 🙂
I like the ‘labour pains for your rebirth’, that’s very accurate 🙂
I want a like button also 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
Ah midnight, where is that like button?!? I resonate so much with what you say. I believe, regardless of our theological beliefs, that this is the truth / completely totally and wholeheartedly!
Someone said to me, days after discard, and yet separate from it, sometimes you need to lay back in the stream, put your feet up and let the flow take you where it needs too.
The best revenge we can have on these arsewipes, is to live a loving and fulfilling life. Something they will never have.
Peace x
Hi, thanks for that, presumably with yours they knew of your existence when you were replaced, I mean the OW. That is the difference for me I guess. Still torn, dont know which is best, probably because neither is for difference reasons. : (
Sue, If you contact the OW he will tell her your the crazy ex & that’s why he left you 😦
She will believe him over you as she loves & knows him. You are a stranger & she has no connection to you so, you will just hurt yourself more as it will reopen all the wounds & he may contact you & then what?
Concentrate on you, move the focus from him & her too you 🙂
You deserve better & have wasted enough time on him.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
👍Exactly PR.
I hope you are well lovely. I’m looking forward to your post.
Big hugs xx
Hi IID 😃❤️️
Thanks gorgeous girl 👸,i am well & just emailed Pos my post for her to approve etc…its very long so, she will probably need a nice glass of red to keep her going 😁
I have been thinking of you & sending you love & light on your journey.
I hope you are staying strong & on track towards the best life has to offer.
PR xoxo
Yay! I will enjoy a glass of red when reading it.
I did my final transfer this month. Not pregnant. It was the last of his embryos. I feel like the final chord is broken. It’s heart breaking and scary that I still can’t get pregnant. I still have a few options left but my fear is tangible. However, I feel … Lighter.., there is nothing left of him. It really Is Done.
Xx
It Is Done, you are a very strong woman. I’m completely sincere in saying that your courage is inspiring. I was just feeling so much gratitude (again!) for the truth and candor shared in this forum. Sending love & comfort through the ether to you.
Thanks guys,
Feeling the much needed love.
Xx
Am glad “it is done” with the soc, but sorry to hear about the embryo not taking; know you must be disappointed. Good things will follow for you though, in the right time.
I want her to know she was the rebound and how she was swapped into my place,while i was left suffering. Even if she is happy about that, I want her to feel that. Sure she will tell him, and he will be furious I guess. And tell I am crazy/obsessed, etc, which is a little true but due to his behaviours and also very hurt.
I doubt very much that she knows of my existence. My ex soc told me he had broken up and moved out from his ex 8 months before he met me – he actually broke up with her and moved out 4 weeks after he met me. Why would he tell the truth to the new woman? She would be ignorant and what she does know about me would all be lies saying how horrible I was and psycho I was … The same that he told me about the ex wife.
There is little difference from my replacement to yours. If your ex
Is a soc, then they all follow the same path because they don’t have the emotional intelligence to do otherwise. We all have been badly wronged. We all want justice. It is your choice to do what you think is right. We have all gone through this, you are no different to the rest of us. Some of us have contacted the ow and most have seen it as pointless or painful. The only justice you will get is learning from the experience, letting go and moving on. Everything else will just be playing his game.
However, I understand your need and your doubt. As pos, pr and multiple others have said, read as much as you can, read everyones stories. Posts and comments and you will realise you are not alone. Vent as much as you need and you will get love, understanding and support. This is a horrible horrible thing we have had done to us by the one we loved the most, the one that we gave the most too because he promised he would make it all right. He lied.
Peace x
P.s. sorry if my post comes across as harsh. I’ve had some really bad news today. But on the upside my last connection to the soc has finally be broken.
Awww IID 😦
I had a feeling something wasnt right
😔
I am so so sorry & wish I could deliver this in person ( biggest squeezy hugs too you )
I am thinking of you & hope you are okay.
Please remember, you are not alone & I hope my post comes up soon as I’ve shared something very personal that may give you further support hopefully?
Take care of yourself, i am here 😃👸👼❤️️💋💃🍷xoxo PR 👩
😦 I hope you are OK
It is done this is spot on, and I am fairly sure she probably doesnt even know I exist, which is really why I feel I should let her know the truth. I know she wouldnt leave him, its quiet similar to yours yes. They are too in love and dont want to see the bad person, so see the good things and ignore the bad.
Dear Sue,
I keep feeling the need to comment/testify, as I too feel your pain. I’ve had many of the same queries as you’ve been expressing.
I wanted closure; to stand up for myself; stand up for women; pull back the curtain and reveal my ex to the world for what he truly is…maybe if i took action against his abuse, I could find some sort of satisfaction knowing i didn’t just sit there and “take it”. Dreadful Catch-22.
I thought I owed it to the world and my conscience to speak up & do something; take a stand. However, as I read & listened to other’s stories, I realized this situation was not so cut & dry. In fact, my desire to speak out publicly, or privately to mutual friends, was still a function of me searching for something from him. He has nothing to give. He only takes.
I know ALL of my ex’s recent OW’s. He was triangulating me w/ his ex-wife(whom he announced was a “crazy bitch” & would never want to be with again) and countless other “friends”. Upon discard, I wanted to tell his ex, whom he IS still sleeping with, about his indiscretions & warn her to get tested for STDs…but I know, even though she liked me at the time, she would never have believed me. The father of her son versus me? Who knows what he said to her to explain the fact that I was suddenly no longer in his life…none of his harem, women who claimed to be my friends, believed me when I indicated something was fishy with him. I no longer talk to any of these women. They chose him over me. Trying to warn them about him didn’t work at all.
Narc/Soc’s are good at what they do. They fooled us. They hide in plain sight. If these other victims can’t see it, it’s because they aren’t ready to. Nothing you do or say will wake them up.
Truthfully, people warned me about my ex, but I didn’t believe them. I seriously thought, “they don’t know him the way I do. We have a deep soulful connection. I know the real him. They are just jealous. Etc…”
You might think you want to help or wake up OW’s – but it turns out, contacting them at this point, from the place you are in now, will not have the outcome you may think it will. Instead, it will get you focused on him and the trauma he brought into your life. The only way to move forward is to not participate in anything relating to him. No Contact is torturous, but it’s got serious benefits…any contact with him or OW’s will serve to keep you in the abusive loop.
Positiva once said something like, It’s not your job to save other people right now. It’s your job to save you. YOU are the most important part of the equation. Focusing on you & your health will clarify things.
Splinters have a way of working themselves out & things that don’t belong rise to the surface and are exposed, eventually. Trust in that. Focus on you. Be gentle. No one said it was easy.
Hi MM, If I do it, it would be for my sanity more than alerting her, more for my fairness and peace of mind, to stand up for myself and make them both know it was not right what happened.
What do you mean about splinter, i dont understand that.
Dear Sue,
I just meant the OW will figure out who he is and how he treats women in her own time, with or without your input. I was trying to make the comparison to a splinter you can’t quite grasp with tweezers, but you know it needs to come out. If you do nothing, although painful or irritating, it does eventually work its way out. As It Is Done was saying, sometimes the best attention you can give something is no attention.
Truly you know what is best for you. I just wanted to offer my 2 cents. What you are saying makes sense, but this is not a situation where sense prevails. I swear, at one time, I wanted to graffiti my ex’s studio doors, pass out fliers, send emails, anything to expose him & warn OW. He doesn’t care that what he did was wrong…& she may not care or believe you either. If she is with him now, she is drinking his Kool-Aid. (Just as I didn’t heed my friends’ warnings and input.) Your involvement, regardless of intention, will most likely not help the situation.
There is some serious truth in this blog. It is a treasure of insight & resources. I didn’t trust that absolute NC would be a good thing. I felt like it was me rolling over and playing dead. But I read more, stuck with NC & started to see the beauty in turning the other cheek, so to speak. My advice is for you to be patient with yourself and do the same. You stand up for yourself by focusing on you and treating yourself well. Peace of mind will come.
Good luck.
Hi MM, I dont know what I want to do that is the problem. Part of me really does want to just scream it out and message her; without it I seem to have had no peace for ages now, also out of fairness to me; I can’t be concerned about her in the sense of I need to look after what is best for me right now, cos I am too weakened. But my head is also telling me about the NC sure, as it will of course anger him, but to be honest I dont see what he can really do other than fire back mean words, and she may too in her defence (delusional) of him too.
It’s very hard to do nothing, that feels bad too.
MM, But also with the splinter analogy, doesnt that help it out quicker? i.e. if you intervene and help.
MM, you say you wanted to do those things, so what did you end up doing nothing?
Hi MM, But what if I feel I need to have my own say, for my sake, (not OW’s or his), …. just to have a voice and say no what you’ve both done to me was not ok. (Obviosuly OW indirect involvement).
If I do NC, …. how do I resolve this feeling of needing to expose and speak out for me?
If you break NC you will put yourself back into the game & you will suffer even more rejection so, my advice is, let the time pass & it will do his ‘head in’….they always return & I didn’t think mine would bother as I literally ‘blew’ him out of the water.
I didn’t have this site before I had done this & I wish I had as I looked ‘crazy’ 😦
My Soc reported me to the police for one word ‘sleazebag’ in a text rant!
That was it, one word that he took umbrage to!
So, I figured that he wouldn’t bother me again as he had the police warn me off.
I was absolutely horrified!
He then rang 10 months later ( a few weeks ago) & I was in full acceptance & life was back on track 🙂
He rang to tell me, ‘he missed me’ etc…WTF!!!
I told him nicely ‘move on’, as he had told me to do after 10 years.
I was in my ‘full power’ & it really surprised him 🙂
He didn’t have a ‘way in’ & was very despondent & disappointed that, I was happier without him 🙂
He hates losing anything, including me but, I found myself & took myself right out of the game….NO CONTACT EVER 🙂
I have asked Pos to post my story & journey so, hopefully that will help you?
OMG PR, I can’t believe he contacted you after all that time. Wow. I still wonder if one day mine will contact me but I don’t think he will because I completely took my power back and he didnt like loosing (again! )
Good on you. I bet that was super empowering! Yay you!!!
Xx
Hiya IID 🙂
Good Morning Sunshine Girl 🙂
Well, I thought I had taken my ‘power’ back & was clear of the silly malevolent little man!
I was so in my own power when he called that I actually ‘forgave’ him his inadequacy to have been the person he portrayed 🙂
That threw the fool 😉
I said, “I forgive you for not being the person of integrity that I believed you were” etc…& I told him “I forgive myself for allowing him into my life but, that I am grateful to the OW (I know her) for setting me free from his games”
I told him that it allowed me to gain my own power & awareness & I will be eternally grateful for the lesson I have learnt 🙂
He was silent (he’s usually never lost for words 🙂
He then started with the flattery which I thanked him for, he said he missed me & I said I missed me for a long time too 🙂
He said I was a fantastic person & I said ‘I Know’ 🙂
I told him to give my regards to the OW & that I hope she is well 🙂
Obviously his need to triangulate us was back on the agenda so, trouble in paradise I suspected & contacted OW (she asked me too) & I told her I wanted no part of his games or to be triangulated as it was a ploy to hurt us both. Me for my reaction & her for cutting off his supply of me!
She responded & the mask has slipped & she is fully aware that he has a personality disorder etc…& is trying to remove herself from the ‘addiction’.
I wished her luck & sent ‘love & light’ her way as i have always done & she will eventually see the ‘light’ but, that is her journey, not mine.
All Good Here 🙂
PR xoxo
Wow PR, wow wow wow!
That’s so good. He is gone from your life because the choice was yours. You respected yourself and owned your truth. You passed with flying colours. Poo to him and hopefully that’s that forever!
Thank You for your special thoughts. I’m having a tough day today. I’m now looking into doner embryos and eggs. I want a child more than life itself. Australia has so many tough laws that it makes it so hard. But I will not give up. Not ever.
Awww IID,
I hope your dream comes true & I will try & engage my ‘angels’ to help but, you must ask yours to help as well 🙂
We need as many Angels as we can get so, everyone here can also send you ‘love & light’ & healing energy & Angel Raphael will be at your side 🙂
Start believing as I am living proof that the Angels are always around you 🙂
Look for a sing today, a feather, a butterfly, coins, scents, rainbows etc…all signs coming so keep aware 🙂
Big Hug (((0))) that’s a hug not a spider! LOL
PR xoxo
Hi PR, mine already came back once, and I did tell him a lot of angry stuff, so I dont think I will hear from him again. I was also very upset at him to go from loving me to when I had a mutual friend who I messaged to get help as I thought it was aspergers at that time, he then threatened me with the police. I was horrified too, never in my life would I have expected to be threatened over a minor thing too and from someone I loved so much who claimed to love me. Interesting you say he still came back.
I doubt mine will. Surely they only do when they think they can get something from you, i.e. narc supply.
They come back because they think of us as possessions & never let go of possessions 😦
They like the game even if you finish playing, they are like vipers & strike when least expected so, always keep your guard up for the return & be fully in your ‘power’ to kick him to the curb where he will scurry back down the drain he crept out of 😉
The game is not just to get back but to triangulate, put you off your power & keep the memory of them alive. Anything even hate feeds them so, be warned to ‘power up’ & move forward so, that when he comes calling he will only see your dust as you prance off into the sunlight! 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
My counsellor and a friend said they think he’ll come back, but mine has already and gone again, but they still think so, I dont. hmm.
Last time he came back at the point I finally got it into my head to move on and I was in a good place, well and moving on, then he came back and messed me about.
Mine came back 3 times over the years until the final discard & then 10 months later after pure hell & back so, they are very cunning & insecure & somehow sense when you are ‘moving on’ & then appear!
I was well into my own power thanks to this site & my own healing power so, he had no idea what I had learnt & it ‘sunk his ship’.
Hopefully that’s the end of it?
I really don’t want anything to do with him & I don’t care what he does.
He was upset that I told him our time together meant nothing?
He was upset that I turned it back onto him as he had done this originally!
The audacity he has defies belief ,it was fine for me to suffer but, dare I say it meant nothing to me anymore, he was shocked!
His exact words ‘you cannot tell me the last 10 years meant nothing to you!’….Pardon!!!
I told him his actions had negated those years & as he was an illusion, I view it as that.
He did not exist & does not exist to me anymore 🙂
A figment of my imagination & not a very nice one too boot! 😉
PR xoxo
Thanks for sharing that PR. xx
Hi Sue,
I understand what you are saying. I understand your need. We just believe that you will not feel better but worse for doing this.
I think you need to do this to find out. The truth is that nothing will make you feel better. It will for a short period but then it will eat at you, because in best case scenario, it will change nothing. In worse, they will make you look and feel like a psycho and that they won. This will drag you back in.
It won’t change what happened to you. It won’t change your pain. It won’t change the Injustice of it. It will only keep all that alive for you. But it seems it’s all being kept alive anyway – that u can’t let it go… Maybe this is one of those times you need to do it, otherwise you may be held in this state for many years to come.
You keep arguing that you should do it. What is holding you back? Why do you keep pushing for a different answer when we are not going to gove you one? We have all given our heartfelt advice, but ultimately only u can do what is right for you. We will not judge you for doing it. Some here have gone back to their soc many times and we don’t judge them. We just take them in our arms and comfort them when they come back.
You are right. You are in control. It is your life. It is your choice.
I never made a scene with my ex because I knew it would make no difference except to feed his ego. I took back control and I took back my life. That was my choice. After seeing how pitiful his ex wife was and how crazy he made her look, I knew that walking away was my only saviour.
Each case is different though.
Good luck
Xx
I wanted to before christmas, the only thing that stopped me was worrying about what he could do back to me, i.e. the unexpected.
And he will do the unexpected. He does not love you. He does not love the ow. He is incapable of love. You think it will hurt him and make him suffer. It won’t. It will just feed his ego. They do not think the same as normal human beings. They have no compassion remorse or care. Think about that. Really try and be without those emotions and all that means. He does not care. And if it does adversely affect his life enough to matter – then watch out!
I sometimes wonder if the ex got back with me the second time just to make me pay for not being controllable enough the first time. He then tried to financially and emotionally ruin me. When he realised that wasn’t going to work he discarded me again.
Hi, Yes I know he doesnt care, and has not remorse. I think of him like Spock from Star Trek, totally emotionless, it helps me rationalise the type of robot I am dealing with
Though sometimes I wish I didnt think or analyse too much and just did it, whatever the consequences will be. We have no mutual friends any longer, so I would think he’s limited in what he could do.
But then I would never have expected him to threaten me with the police, over a facebook friend msg. So he is quite capable of doing unexpected and disproportionate actions.
But equally am I just overthinking it and he may not bother doing anything at all. Though he could be furious if I shatter OW’s illusion of him.
Sorry to hear about yours too.
Have a look at Daring Greatly by Brene Brown (I think that’s how it’s spelt?) & Stephanie Dowrick Choosing Happiness 🙂 really helpful books for healing & understanding 🙂
PR xoxo
We can paralyse ourselves with fear, fear of the unknown… I think that the sociopath plays on that fact too.
I want a LOVE IT button 😉
Ditto that IID….I cannot get over the continual questioning…hmmm???
Hope your feeling better today bella, I sent you love & light last night & asked the Angels to protect & guide you 🙂
LOVE ALWAYS 🙂
PR xoxo
Re your reply to Sue…LIKE LIKE LIKE….:) 🙂 🙂 this will have to do & a big (0) that’s a hug! LOL
PR xoxo
Hi all;
I didn’t think NC would work for me.. it didn’t seem right.. almost rude not to reply to someone, and to be honest, I craved contact with my missing love – you know.. the one created to feed YOUR ego, mirrored to reflect everything YOU ever wanted in a mate, but doesn’t really exist??
But it has saved my sanity, and for those of you who feel the need to do something to let him/them know what they did was wrong – ignoring them sends a message they understand and absolutely do not like because you have removed their ability to control you. NC puts YOU in control for most likely the first time in the relationship, and I’m pretty sure it drives them crazy. I’ve already said someplace earlier, mine got so desperate that he sent my 76-year old mother a LinkedIn invitation.
They just don’t work like normal people, so normal responses don’t work.
Celeste
Celeste, very good point, thanks. i.e. that silence itself is a powerful message and me being in control if I did that, and them not.
Yes Celeste, at first you want contact as confirmation that what you had was ‘real’ & that you didn’t imagine it all 😦
Once you realize it’s all a tragic game of ‘mind power’ & that you were duped, you sink into the quicksand 😦
Ahh but, then that good old resilience you have ‘survival instinct’ aka anger & pay back throws you a rope & off you go on adrenaline pumping conniving & thinking of ways to ‘get him’ for what he has done
;(
Then, the adrenaline wears off, as sleeplessness & copious amounts of information start throttling into low gear & you resign yourself to the reality of ‘what is’ & depression starts to chew at your shattered heart 😦
Then, suddenly with help, resilience & your own inner strength, you start to pick-up the pieces & reassemble YOU 🙂
This requires a few strategic moves & sometimes the pieces don’t quite fit but, you force them into place until you realize you need to try another tack 🙂
Finally the ‘puzzle’ is complete & there YOU are but, your different, you’ve changed & you have to decide that’s a good thing albeit hard 🙂
Acceptance of the past, ‘Deal with it, Feel It Fully & Heal It Forever’, no going back there ever.
No Contact is the biggest ‘piece to the puzzle’ so, keep it & never forget it 🙂
I think your 76 year old Mother should hang with my 78 year old hero Mother. The most amazing wise woman I know 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi PR;
Just as everything the Socio’s do seems to come from an owner’s manual, so does the path we all inevitably take in order to go from being a victim to survivor.
If there is anything at all I’ve learned from this blog, and one thing I would pass on to anyone else… it is absolutely No Contact. It is the key, the foundation, the cornerstone of getting your life back and out of the clutches of these despicable people!
Watching Mom at her age now is a trip! In fact, I think she and I have a date on Valentine’s Day to go to dinner and dancing at the Elk’s lodge with her friend’s actually… but Dad won’t dance!!
Celeste =)
Awww Celeste 🙂
Happy Valentines Dancing to you & your Mom/Mum LOL.
I’m in Melbourne Australia so, no lodges but, plenty to celebrate regardless.
Do me a favor & request a song like ‘I will survive’ or something like that & dance like a little girl & think of us as you ‘boogie on down’ 😉
My Mum loves a dance & has better moves than me 😉
Oh & she’s a little charmer so, I have to ‘beat’ the men off her with a stick!
She cared for my Dad for 25 years with dignity & compassion so, she is always my hero & best friend, she ‘gets me’ 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hey Pheonix Rising, guess what a guy I went out with one time who was clearly an SP text me since July of last year. His ass wrote “Who R U?”. He know’s this is my number and just wanted to see would I feed him. Guess he thinks being that V-Day is coming up he figures I must be alone. NOT! I got a man and a good one at that. LOL!
Cher 🙂
You have far more than a New Man, you have Soc Freedom!
Yay YOU 🙂
Happy Valentines Day & I hope your guy appreciates you & spoils you & likewise you him 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
You ladies are amazing. I never tire of reading affirmations and the stories of your journeys. Your responses are comforting & empowering. I’m in a place where I still need the wake-up call that you all wonderfully provide. They might be baby steps, but I start to get excited seeing that there is light and growth at the end of the tunnel. Cheers to perseverance, patience & peace!
MM
Strength in knowing & Peace in sharing 😃
Love & Light 😘
PR 💃❤️️💋🎉🍷🙏👼
Hmm Valentine’s day tomorrow, will be hardest.
Hi Sue;
Show yourself some love and treat yourself special!
Celeste
Aww Sweet Sue 😃
Treat yourself like a special gift, you are you know 👼❤️️So, spoil yourself with something for you. Self love is a great gift so, give yourself YOU & your radiance 🌝💃😘
PR xoxo
Maybe tomorrow…. is a good day to start loving YOU…. Pour all of your love into you. Love you, treat you, be your very own best friend. Even if just for tomorrow…. then the next day, do it all over again.
Hi MM 🙂
You are so right & No Contact is the only way to gain & keep the clarity.
The OW’s are not your responsibility nor do they deserve what the Soc will do to them, no-one does 😦
The reason these Soc’s get away with so much is because they can!
Women are emotional so, we tend to cry & scream etc…when faced with the reality of the Soc’s true character!
We look like emotional ‘basket cases’ & other women don’t necessarily like to see that weakness either 😦
We ‘get it’ & each other’s pain so, it’s best to stay here & be supported by others on the same journey as it’s really a ‘godsend’ that women haven’t had before.
We are connected via this chain of events & we a literally connected via the internet & the ether which is fantastic & I know, it has saved my sanity.
It’s hard to see others suffer but, the empathy that pours over these post’s is amazingly beautiful & supportive 🙂
I was warned also re the Soc but, I was on a mission to show my ex (he’d walked out dramatically after 19 years with a friend & our business receptionist) it was messy & a nightmare 😦
I was ‘all over the place’ emotionally & the Soc appeared & I thought ‘wow, I am not dead’ as I had felt that way 😦
He built up my confidence & I felt like a woman again & not just the deserted wife & mother so, I grabbed it all with open arms & legs 😉
Oopsy 🙂
He re-lit a long dead fire within me & I needed that at the time.
As the years rolled by, I was so busy grappling with being a single mother, traumatized children,divorce, losing everything, relocating, working full time (ex doesn’t pay child support!), an ailing father & death etc…so, life was never boring!
Thereby my exposure to the Soc was impaired & I just kept moving along & here I am finally! Phew, no wonder I’m exhausted 😉
I am happy to report that it’s been one hell of a ride but, I hopped off finally & am slowly arriving at gate ‘Peace’ 🙂
Love & Light & Strength & Happiness too you 🙂
PR xoxo
Sue, I knew the first OW personally & the Soc had me contact her to confirm he wasn’t seeing her. She had already told me this so, I called to ask if she minded me ‘dating him?’.
She went ballistic & I did not see him but, he wore me down over time & as I had literally ended her & knew it was over I eventually ‘caved in’ & the rest is history!
The current OW contacted me via an email & ‘the rest is history’.
I never knowingly contacted anyone of my own volition.
The Ex OW I knew & the new OW contacted me.
I was made out to be the villain in both scenarios’s so, NO CONTACT is my advice as you will just feed his ego & her pain!
He would actually ‘get off’ on the fact that you are still ‘marinating’ out there so, don’t baste yourself any longer!
Vent here as others have said & you will cycle through at your own pace & reach acceptance with me sooner, rather than later I hope 🙂
It’s really freeing & wonderful so, don’t waste too much more time stuck here in ‘pay back’.
‘Pay Back’ will come in the form of Karma, I have seen it firsthand!
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Phoenix Rising,
Amen to that! Yes, I’m going to just stay in NC mode and I’ve aligned myself with a group that supports women who have been victimized by SPs. So, I have support along with my special man too. I’ve even moved out of my state to get far away from being near his location. I remember the day I told him about her calling and texting my phone and he apologized for it. She was out of town at the time we were talking again as friends. I later found out that she had been out of town for sometime and he wanted to gaslight me for the moment to fulfil his loneliness. Once she came back from being away, I started receiving phone texts and emails from her accessing his phone. I text him the next day to talk about it but he denied her doing such. My ex even went further to deny us talking about this problem before. He started saying “I can’t talk to you now my girlfriend is here and it’s best we don’t contact each other.” I was like is this guy serious or sick! Well, I sent him proof of her emailing through his phone. I realize it was all a game for him. To have me upset as well as get her all jealous to find he was still talking to me. PR you are so right about the OW is game to him as well and it’s funny that the OW don’t think it won’t happen to her. SPs really are pathetic creatures and they should be placed in cages at a zoo. lol!!
bobbie, it’s not to split them up no, it’s not revenge or I could do a lot worse than a message/letter, i’ts just a huge feeling of unfairness and that no one really knows, and just to let him/them know what happened was wrong, very wrong.
HI Sue;
We ALL know how you are feeling, we ALL know what your SP did was wrong, because I for one, have had the same feelings you have.
The problem is that even if you talk to the OW, you will never get the response you crave from your ex because his responses are not normal. They do not react like you and I. Your ex will take anything you say, twist it around and make sure that anyone who will listen knows what a swell person he is and how you wronged him. They thrive on this, especially any situation they can create that makes them look like a victim. I know mine was like a chess master at the sympathy ploy.
As much as I want to see him brought down and suffer the way he has made me suffer, I realize that by the time he puts his spin on it, I will have played into his hand, and I will be the one worse for it.
And Pos is a genius, because NC is driving him crazier than anything I could say or do. Desperate enough to send my mother an invitation to join his LinkedIn network (phony profile there too!!!).
Celeste
You are so right Lost2camelot. There is nothing a SP will do to make the OW think we are crazy ex and so on. Mines went as far to appear the loyal and true man by letting the OW (now current gf) answer his phone and left her in his house while he went to work. After knowing her probably a month or so because he had just broken up with the other he was juggling a month before. She posted a picture of his property once he discarded the other gf. Once the new OW knew about my presence, he changed his tune with me. He knows that I don’t stand for anyone treating me with disrespect and I will make a point of conveying it to him. I realize the more I fed into the drama; the more I looked like the crazy ex. He called me terrible names all in the name to give her the illusion he’s loyal to her only. Ha! What a joke that thought is. Presently, I’m learning not to entertain or doubt I was wrong about him. You can’t be friends with them either because they will manipulate that relationship too. Like I said before my ex current gf called me only to make herself feel superior to me. However, it only shows deep down they know it’s only a matter of time their in our shoes. Then, who’s got the last laugh now.
Hi Cher,
It still amazes me that the OW’s stay even when they have proof that the Soc has been cheating on them as well!
I am like you & could not stand the total lack of respect for women in general that the Soc demonstrates.
There are ‘cheaters’ & then there are ‘serial cheaters’ & the Soc is the ‘serial’ one.
As the saying goes, ‘Once a Cheater always a cheater!’.
In future any guy I meet will have to have been in a monastery before I believe his ex is the crazy one 😉
Actually, if he’s been in a monastery he’s probably crazy so, perhaps I’ll join a cloistered Nunnery! LOL
A guy with loads of baggage will be ‘off limits!’
So, more than two or three ex’s & girlfriends etc…See you later Alligator (snap a doodle).
Stay Strong, there are ‘good guys’ out there but, you just have to keep your knickers on for much, much longer & wait & see the patterns before we invest anything into them 😉
I have my ‘big girl’ undies on that are built for comfort & not for speed 😉
LOL….the birds nest in them sometimes! LOL x
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
P.S. I have been drinking coffee so, one of those days 😉 LOL 🙂
Hi PR;
I have come to the conclusion that nothing good can be gained by having contact with the ex, the OW, or even his family members.
It has been a hard decision to make, because I do feel guilty lumping his family in with him – but on the other hand, they knew what he was capable of, knew he was deceitful and dishonest, yet they did nothing to warn me. One of them said that “he told me you changed him so I believed him”. Really? Do I look like I had a magic wand that can change a sociopath into a normal human being??? I think they realized that as long as he was hooked up with me, that he was now my problem and their problem… solved!
And I feel good about this decision. It has given me more peace than I have felt since my entire world came crashing down around my ears. Yeah.. I’m still looking for a job, I’m still as broke as a church mouse, but I’m learning things about me and making changes that will carry me through the rest of my life socio-free!!!
So.. my wish to everyone else…. do what you must for YOU to find peace and join me in the socio-free zone. =)
Celeste…..
(I used to have a sign on my desk that said “Drama-free Zone”…… I wonder if I can find a Socio-Free sign… LOL)
Hi Celeste 🙂
Ditto that & I would have been free years ago if his friends & family aka his enablers & followers hadn’t perpetrated more lies on his behalf!
He had the audacity to have Fire Men (grown men whom he controls) call me in the early days to tell me, ‘They had never seen him so smitten with a woman!?!’ This was after I ended things with his as he was always coming & going etc…so, I was flattered that he was upset at the loss of me but, now realize he was just exercising his ‘control over the followers’.
He had his son & daughter in on the games as well, to cover up his dirty dealing so, I was like a lamb (sacrificial) & right til the end, he had his best friend ( Snr Detective Sargent ) contact me when he was exposed to apologize but, tell me that my accusation that he was a Sociopath was incorrect!
My oh my the power he has literally blew my mind 😉
If you only knew how deep his covert activities ran you would be enthralled 🙂
I will tell you all about his covert narcissism at work but, that is still unfolding in the media & I am just waiting to see what happens next?
Love & Light & Soc Free at last, ‘Knowledge is Power’ & so is communication & we have it all now 🙂
PR xoxo
👍👍👍👍💜💜💜💜
Hi PR;
Being NC has been the simplest, yet most profound statement I can make to him, and the best thing I’ve done for myself since I met the creep!!
I’m waiting to find out any details you can share!! I know it’s bad but everyone slows down to look at accident.. LOL
Celeste
harm not harem! LOL 😉
I also want to tell him he has NPD I feel, cos I think he / her dont know it.
Sue, what’s NPD?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Oh silly me Sue. lol!
Want to hear something funny Sue…I even directed my ex to this site and told him to find out about himself. LOL!!
They are very cruel, cold, unfeeling, in-humane beings.
To cause so much distress to another, who they claimed to love is appalling too.
tomorrow here in the states valentines day. Was supposed to be my wedding day. my 1st time ever being engaged. I hope he catches the clap,and thank you god I AM NOT MARRYING A SOCIOPATH….Sue,I understand your urge,and I have been thinking about you. When I broke NC,it was kind of like “wait a minute,I have some things to say,I WANT TO SPEAK UP”
Awww BJ 😘
Thinking of you & sending you a big hug ❤️️😃 sorry if Valentines Day brings you sadness 😔but, you are not alone😃
Stay Strong & Love & Light too you today/night 👼❤️️💋
Bobbie Jeane your back on it again huh? lol!
Hi Bobbie, yes, that’s it. So what did you do, did you tell them, and if so what was the reaction? Sorry to hear of yours.
Please, V-Day should be for getting our vagina’s checked out to be sure these SPs didn’t pass us something we can’t get rid of. lol!!
@Cher
😱 I can see the public service commercials now……
“This Valentine’s Day you and THAT special someone(s) have yourselves checked for VD, please! As a testament of your TRUE LOVE to each other, just do it. This is a public service announcement”.
NIBSIH 😘!
@BJ
I married the NS, we have 2 children. 13 and 10. My life is a nightmare. Be super happy! Grieve, go through the cycle. But do the Snoopy dance. This NS had a marriage, kids the whole 9 yards to tell me 8 years later he never loved me! Really! What a waste of my life! Oh but he had no problem cleaning my bank account out, and now mind f*cking the kids. So it may be sad at the moment, but it’s the moment. I have 7 years and 5 months of NS BS!
NIBSIH.
HI NIBSIH:
My SP wanted to “give me a child” soon after we married. He wanted me to have a pregnancy where I was loved and supported, and to experience raising a child together. He was 41, I was 38, so it was possible. We tried for 3 months and nothing, so I spoke to my doctor about it. My insurance (I had a Cadillac plan) would pay for everything, including 2 rounds of IVF. But then the SP told me that when he was in NZ they thought he had lung cancer and he had taken 6 months of chemo. They warned him that the treatment might make him sterile, but he was hoping that they were wrong. He the got religious and said that if God believed that we were the right parents for one of his children, that he would give it to us. He didn’t want to go for fertility testing and wanted to keep trying and if it was meant to be, it would happen.
So, I let it go and never went forward with the fertility testing, etc. Thankfully, God knew that he was a liar, because we had no children and I don’t have to deal with that connection. I feel sorry for any of you that have to put your kids through the insanity they bring into our lives.
As an aside….. after I left the SP and was talking to his relatives, one of them told me they thought he had had a vasectomy after his 2nd child, pregnancy was probably not in the cards. And of course, no cancer, no chemo.
They are such schmucks.
Celeste
Hi Celeste,
The Sp/Narc will literally ‘feed’ you false hopes etc…as this gives them greater access to your vulnerability & eventual ‘shame’ for believing all their lies.
This is designed to keep you ‘tied’ to them emotionally & spiritually because, even in your ‘pain’ at not being able to conceive & your eventual demise into the torment of knowing his ‘game’, this keeps the bond that they desire.
The whole scenario had been designed for his benefit & ego with no regard or respect for you.
Celeste, they all do this in some ‘shape or form’ to attack your most deepest desires to be loved & give love.
This is why we all suffer so deeply the trauma of these relationships as they basically ‘rape’ your moral coding & use you against yourself.
They want to ‘break’ you as underneath they are full of self hatred & shame but, rather than deal with their own inadequacies to ‘feel’ they steal your ‘feelings’ & undermine your vulnerabilities.
You are a wonderful woman who has had a terrible trauma & survived a relationship with one of the worst personalities known,
Remember that, YOU are worthy & beautiful & a ‘true’ survivor.
You are not alone & you are a valid & wondrous soul & you will eventually process this trauma & become an even greater example of ‘truth & honesty’ but, most of all, you have nothing to be ashamed of & the SP does not feel ‘shame’ & never will be anything more than a fabrication of someone else’s ‘SELF’.
Find yourself & protect ‘Self’ & live the life that you are meant to live.
Keep clear & healthy boundaries & surround yourself with those that ‘love you’ & don’t take from you.
Do not let this defeat you as you are so much better than this experience, you are more than just this trauma. Remember who YOU are 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Reading comments full of insight & awareness such as yours never gets old. I’m finding the need to remind myself of these truths regularly in order to feel grounded/safe. Thanks for keeping things in check.
Hi PR;
I can’t argue with you. Everything he did was designed to hurt simply because it made him feel good. But as I replay all of these things now, I realize he was one messed up jerk, but I’ve realized that it’s kind of like the old saying about “beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.” I will recover from what he did to me, but being a SP/Narc goes all the way to the center of his soul, he will be that way until he dies, and he will never have a meaningful relationship that lasts. I’m ok with that.
I am working on getting things back to normal, but with this nasty economy and the job market as it is, finding a job is truly a challenge. But facing challenges and coming out on top is what my new life is all about. =)
Celeste
Hi Pos & all;
I’ve been reading up about PTSD and I am wondering if anyone else who was diagnosed with it has also noticed they have difficulty crying?
I often feel like I am going to cry, and I might even work up a tear or two, then it just stops. It is so very strange because as emotional as I have been over all of this, I have never really broken down and cried.
Celeste
Hi Lost, yes I think that this can be common. I know that I can feel ‘numb’ just feeling nothing at all.
Recently feelings are starting to come back, and with that, comes emotions. I can end up crying for hours. This is a shame too, as crying can also be healing, it releases pent up frustrations and emotions.
I felt absolutely numb and struggled to cry.
Hi Pos;
I actually read where crying releases hormones which is why when you are done crying, you feel better. I certainly remember having a good cry and then feeling “all cried out” but calmer.
I guess this too, shall pass. =)
Celeste
Do you really WANT to cry? I read the other day on a PTSD support group where there were a few people saying this that they cannot cry. I think that this happens, when there is so much pent up emotion, you feel so sad, that you can’t cry… when you do, it will pour like niagra falls (I found anyway).
Feeling numb, might be a protection for you right now.
Pos;
I sometimes feel like if I could just let go and cry it out I would be over it – I guess in some ways I am hoping that, just like when I was younger and cry, it made everything better.
Perhaps that is just too simplistic for such complex emotional issues that this moron caused.
Celeste
I think that crying is a good release Celeste. I am sure that you will find that once you do cry you won’t be able to stop… all of the pent up emotion will come out.
It is horrible walking around with a heavy heart. Like a raincloud that is dark and ready to burst… when it does the heavens open.
This is interesting, because I can not show emotion, (weakness) unless I am alone. I have built a barrier (desensitize) against it. Mostly due to the type of job I have, the rest due to NS, I have this “great” ability to compartmentalize everything. I really don’t like it. I have feelings, I just hold them in until I am alone.
Hi NIBSIH;
I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t able to cry until just recently. It’s weird because I frequently feel like I am going to cry, then I can’t. From what I’ve read it is apparently a sign of depression. Imagine that. LOL.
But because I had a near panic attack when I went to the store the other day, I decided that I was going to start doing something to get out more.. library, Starbucks…. Just something to get out for a little bit so that I can integrate myself back in to the world.
It is all so strange. I got stressed yesterday while out, but I also realized that there was no reason for it, so I was able to settle myself back down.
It’s hard to explain – I know that freaking out in public is something that I have never done before and there is no need, and it really makes me mad that it is happening. So I am cognizant of what is going on, I know it’s not normal, but I can’t control it until after it starts. I suppose I am looking to get back to the point where it doesn’t happen at all. I mean….. I used to love to shop, and I am actively looking for a job – I can’t have a therapy session every time I need to go out! LOL
Celeste
@Celeste
I thought it was depression, at first, but as I was explained the situation in a different way.
While someone (we) are carrying for other people because we love them and while carrying for these people we are nicked by a knife, (their non-loving behavior, and hurtful words and actions), initially the wounds are not bleeding heavy, but after years of being pricked by this small knife, all of a sudden in certain areas, you have a gash. Well what do you do? You slap a bandaid on it, because that’s what kind of people we are, we are strong and we don’t want to address the fact something is really wrong with our lives, we are being abused. The knife pricks (NS, kids, work place and all GP assholes wandering the earth), injuring us, as much as we fend them off they still injury our brain and our soul. So the anxiety, the not wanting to leave the house, the panic, the mistrust, this is the result of being nicked over and over again. Not crying, why cry when you have felt the same pain for years, you are used to it, it doesn’t hurt any more. Also crying shows you are wounded, hurt and they other person “got” you, better to cover it with emotionless. But in the long run, what normal person thinks in this manner?
The reason why, I relate, I had the same thing happen, a panic attack, I never had one in my life, ever. I couldn’t find my boyfriend in a stadium and I freaked out and it was so stupid. But everything I experienced with NS 6 almost 7 years ago came flooding back. And I panicked. Almost crying in public. It was bad.
This analogy was explained to me after hours of coffee with my father he’s trying to “fix” me! It’s sweet, and very helpfully, He got this analogy from a book called “Black Swan”. I don’t remember the author, and no it’s not the movie, lol. He’s on vacay for 3 weeks, I am a hater. I will ask him when he comes back.
I understand being angry, I don’t like not being able to show my emotions publicly, especially when my heart is breaking, it would be easier if I could just cry, it makes me look like I am cruel and emotionless, I am getting better though, I never used to cry at all, at least now I can cry alone.
NIBSIH.
Hi NIBSIH:
Let me know about the book. I would be interested in reading it. A 3-week vacay?? I am green with envy and I don’t even know you or your dad!!! LOL.
I am happy for you in that you have support and understanding from your family. My family pretty much feels that because I don’t live with him anymore and we are divorced, that everything should be OK now.
They realize what went on – hell, he even made a pass at my own daughter – but they do not understand that this kind of life leaves damage in it’s wake. My parents are the “pull yourself up and move on” kind of people,
Just another reason that I love this blog!
Celeste
@Celeste
Sigh, I too am incredibly green with envy, and to rub salt in the wound, I have to drive him back and forth to the airport. 😐! As he and his wife go twice a year for 3 weeks. LOL, some time share. Did I mention it’s to HAWAII!
Anyway, this entire whole story of “family understanding” didn’t initially start out so pretty, the divorce began in 11/2007, NS and I meet in 1/2000 – my father’s only words of advice when I said we were going to marry “Live with THAT BOY forever if you must, but marrying him will ruin your life”! My father just didn’t know how to explain the NS traits of who and what “THAT BOY” was. Add in a little bit of betraying NS mother, and POOF, there you go, ruined life. He knew “something” was wrong with NS but couldn’t explain what. A few years after the separation, I was finally able to begin to explain what happen during the course of our marriage, mostly at first because I didn’t want to admit I had been in abusive relationships, He researched it on his own, he also had his own co dependent issues with my mother. His current wife, (dad and she married for 24 years), is realizing she may have had some encounters with parties with NS traits, not just addicts and alcoholics etc. I didn’t realize NS had the traits until I found PG blog in April or May of last year, I believe. And now here I am with all of you.
I think there is such a stigma to any type of mental illness, people do not want to talk about it, think about, nothing. Brush it under the rug. It’s quite sad. It’s not 1955 anymore, if people can walk around with every part of their face pierced and chained together, why can’t we talk about mental illness, and amongst our family?
Hi NIBSIH;
Hawaii?!?! I have a cousin who lives in Waikiki, but have yet to visit. But I do have it on my list of things to do with me, for me, when I get things back on track. =)
I had a different experience with family. Everyone (save my brother) loved my ex. What wasn’t to love??? He was charming, polite, and was always trying to help. He used to brag about how he was their favorite now. Little did I know, he wasn’t bragging – he truly believed that he had taken over the family and everyone just loved him. He was probably trying to make sure he was in the will because he always speculated about how much “the old man” was worth. =/~
Once I left him, it was a completely different story. Family and friends came out of the woodwork to let me know they didn’t like him, that he creeped them out, or he spoke and/or acted in a manner completely and totally inappropriate. Just a few examples include making a pass at my best friend in front of her husband and he told my elderly father (who had just been diagnosed with kidney failure) that he wasn’t going to live long enough to see the trees he had just planted grow.
I have another interesting monkey wrench in all of this. I have come to realize that the reason my brother and my ex hated each other is because they are BOTH SP’s. My brother has always used people, lied, conned, etc. and my Mom & Dad continue to blame themselves because they think they “did something wrong” raising him. so my brother plays it for all it’s worth.
Now that I am getting a handle on my ex, I can see the similarities in both of them. I wonder if SP’s can “sense” each other and don’t want another SP elbowing in on their turf…??? Kind of like a couple of dogs sniffing each others booty’s…..
I know.. that was bad of me…. >:-)
Celeste
Hi Celeste & NIBSIH 🙂
Tick for mental illness in family especially past & present exposure to toxic personalities or NS 😦
My family has a history so, I agree that our own pasts & families hold clues as to why we are susceptible to NS personality.
We have often had other exposure either via a parent/sibling/workmate/boss/friend etc…it’s amazing what I have learnt & discovered & my own part to play 😦
Tick for everyone telling me after the discard that they did not like the NS.
They were concerned for me & yes, my NS flirted & ‘hit on’ my girlfriends! They didn’t tell me as she thought I would not believe them?
They may have been right as the NS was so good at lying he would have created suspicion in me that the GF was jealous etc…wanting what I had or wanting me for themselves etc…how do I know this, it happened! 😦
I am reading a few books at the moment that I purchased on Amazon & they have once again given me a lot of food for thought & more pieces of my own puzzle.
I think, we will all have a PhD in NS by the time we finish this journey 🙂
They are:
Why Is It Always About You? Sandy Hotchkiss.
Narcissists Exposed, 75 Things Narcs Don’t Want You To Know. Drew Keys.
Free Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, Linda Martinez-Lewi.
Also Daring Greatly by Brene Brown 🙂
These books are a valuable resource I believe to our continued survival & healing.
You must have a read of one if not all.
Keep yourself surrounded by healthy relationships & less around the NS’s in your life.
NIBSIH these books are a great resource also when you have no choice but, to engage with the NS so, have a read please.
I don’t cry either & yes, partial depression & partial protection. I have always suffered at the hands of NS’s & my outside shell is well formed like you.
I just keep going but, have suppressed a lot as that is what I have learnt to control when all else fails. I have always had the ‘shame’ & ‘vulnerability’ that has also left me a target for more abuse.
This has been my lesson & I am now creating healthy boundaries & understanding my own inability to detect the NS’s until after it’s to late etc…still learning but, much more aware of my ‘Self’ & that’s a good lesson 🙂
Love & Light Ladies 🙂
PR xoxo
@Celeste
Now this is a very interesting post, while my father couldn’t stand MY ex. He LOVES my sisters husband, who is a carbon copy of my ex, NS. Only difference sisters hubby has a job which pays him 6 figures, (NS had no job) but the rest of the bio is the same big time cheater, alcoholic, drug addict, poker player, gambler, etc. GREAT friends with my dad, he has a EXCELLENT mask, only thing I can think of. I did bust him out a few times, because he KNOWS I know who and what he is, he steers clear of me, when we are at functions. In fact, one time, he angered me so badly, I exposed him on a few issues to my father and he wound up getting an ass chewing on Xmas Eve by my father on my behalf in my sisters house. So he treads very carefully with me. I believe sis hubby and NS (my ex) hang out with each other, as NS works in the same town as the prick grew up in. My sister believes or is in denial about what the prick is. She has nothing to fear, I have the top three divorce attorneys in her county picked out already for her. 😊
Why do all parents blame themselves? Nobody holds their child in account anymore? I must not be a super good parent, I don’t blame myself entirely, I am one of two parents, hello! I blame my children for making bad choices, and praise them for good choices. They know the differences between right and wrong. Not my fault they choose the dark side or my great parenting they did the right thing. It was hopefully, the fact they used their own brain and made the right decision. We all made mistakes, eh it’s a life lesson hopefully it’s not permanent!
I do believe NS are territorial, they don’t want other predators on their victims. So I concur with that statement.
I’ve never been to Hawaii either, and I am in CA. Eh one day.
NIBSIH.
“The Black Swan” author Nassim Nicholas Taleb, I should of known he’s some financial stock market wizard. Ugh, lol.
@PR
Books on the book list
I got the forgive/forget healthy boundary going with my mother, (least amount of contact), kid 1 and 2, when they need me is fine, her boyfriend, he can feel free to drop dead any time. I really don’t want to do people a whole lot anymore. I am tired of being lied to. I just kinda given up a people.
I just want to win powerball! Seriously. I think it would alleviate some of this PTSD!
Hi Nibsih 😃
I hear you re the Powerball & if I win, i will be there to pick you up for our NS free vacation & we’ll grab the others here & off we go to our ‘higher place’.
Lots of healing/meditation/massage/therapy
& Happy Hour of course! Every hour will be Happy Hour as we will be free of NS types & only Empaths allowed 😃
Stay Strong, we are all battling alone but, someone way over here in Australia thinks your worth it & you deserve peace of mind & the freedom to be YOU.
Your alive so, live your life the way you want. You dont need to please anyone else except yourself. Accept Your ‘Self’
Love & Light 😘
PR xoxo
I am so there with you, apparently the winner was a few hours from where I live, I keep playing! 2xs a week! It’s GOTTA be me eventually!! Lol. Just pick somewhere great and WARM! I am happy, most of the time, it’s when the kids are gone I am not. Sad but true. I try to fill my time up with things, it’s not enough.
NIBSIH.
Hi NIBSIH 🙂
I will keep taking my tickets here & who know’s, maybe the Gods will finally smile down on us.
Luck will come our way so, that our choices & options & freedom must be our aim 🙂
My 21 year old daughter moved out to live with her partner which is great for her & he’s a great guy 🙂
I miss her though & my 16 year old son has been struggling to ‘find his feet’ for 18 months but, we are slowly getting him back on his feet 🙂
It’s been a long haul but, my children are my reason to ‘get up’ & keep going & so, is George my little dog 🙂
Just keep focused on those little things & finding your ‘own power’ etc…those books will help as I found out, my attraction to a NS started way way back but, that’s another story! LOL 😉
Love & Light & ‘Power Ball!’
PR xoxo
There was a comment Aragh I don’t know where it is where a socio had taken this woman’s eldest child and now the younger ones are wanting to see them and she fears losing them too. I thought you might have been able to offer some advice.
Hmm I haven’t come across it yet, but sometimes WP, sends me things 10 days later, grrr, I am thinking about writing a post and sending if to you via email for you stick on co parenting with NS because I find, I am very upset of late. Long story.
Oh please do. This would be great. I know that it is a subject that comes up over and over again. I will have a hunt through and find the comment. Poor lady sounds as if she is going through he’ll and then fearing going through it again and losing all of her children. If you could do write a post about it. I am sure would help a lot of people.
If you do send it to my email. With stars. – I have 256 emails from this web site, it’s out of control! Lol, I let it go for a week! Yikes!
Sorry you are still going through a crappy time 🙂 you need to win the lotto…. It’s due 🙂
I totally agree!! 2xs a week!
Honestly, when you have children with NS, you can only be you. Strong, fierce and honest. You can not allow yourself to play the game. Get a court order early on. Follow it to a T! When he/she violates it. Call law enforcement to report it, this is why they are there to enforce the law.
As far as the children, unless there are several non fit parental safety issue, no judge will severe ties between a child parent relationship and give one parent sole custody, (I pray for this constantly).
Even in my own screwed up situation as much as I dislike it, my children literally threw me under “the dad is great bus” a year later, they want me to help them out of their fucked situations they choose! Sorry Charlie’s, you picked Daddy, bottom line, you can not fear something you love, love and fear do not go hand in hand. They will realize the mistake, if you hold them away from it they will resent you. If you let them go, he will be dad of the year until they r of no use, discard them back to the mother, children heartbroken. We r on our third time of this now. Hopefully the last.
Thank you 😦 Such a horrible situation to be in.
It Is Done, I just finished watching that link you posted and will someone shake that woman senseless! Is she nuts or what? Is the brainwashing that strong not to clearly see her man is a cold blooded killer and psychotic person? Just when you thought it was safe to date, now this.
Hi all;
I was talking to Pos last night about my inability to cry, and how it is associated with PTSD, but for the past few weeks I have been feeling really good emotionally.
I have not been going out alone for quite a while now, but today, I went to the grocery store by myself to shop for my elderly parents. I was good until I had, what I think may have been a panic attack. Over a loaf of bread. I wasn’t sure if it was the brand Dad had asked for and I started feeling bad because I was going to disappoint him if I brought back the wrong bread, and I felt like I was going to cry, but I couldn’t…..
I am so fed up with this and want it gone, but I’m not finding the key to ridding myself of it once and for all. Am I being too hard on myself???
Thanks all!
Celeste
Hi lost It might have also been because you hadn’t gone out alone for a while. Agoraphobia is quite common and panic attacks can be severe with ptsd. I know both of those things have affected me.
Thanks Pos… Like I’ve said previously, this is the gift that keeps on giving!!
I’m beginning to see the biggest problem is that because of professional reasons I have not gone for therapy, as I have to report any mental health issues as a condition of employment – which I am diligently trying to find since I’ve been unemployed since my last contract was up last August.
So it’s kind of like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Thank heavens for this blog!!! =)
Celeste
Celeste, You could go to your local women’s centre, not via the GP.
Hi Sue;
I find everyone here so accepting and supportive but realize that once you start dealing with people who don’t know or understand, I fear that I will end up being labeled and made to look like this is all my fault.
I never was paranoid before………. LOL
Celeste
I really uunderstand. My work was for decades with homeless I had to be risk assessed for my job. So I feared getting any help as it would stop me working. Panic attacks are horrible. I had one so bad around 6 weeks ago I ended up in hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. My ptsd wasn’t caused my a relationship but it has impacted my life.
Hi Pos;
It helps to know that this is all part of a process, normal considering what happened to cause it.
But dang it all, I suffer from impatience and want to be over and done with it!! =)~
Celeste
Ptsd is a normal reaction to a very abnormal event. It can happen to anyone. Literally anyone. Are you having any therapy for it?
Awww Celeste 😔
I did not realise your situation & having to deal with this without counselling etc….so, as some of us have been to councelling, we may be able to guide you for free 😃
Firstly, everything your experiencing is completely normal.
You have been traumatised & your senses have been betrayed.
I say this because, the betrayl runs deeper than just being left etc…for another. The betrayal goes deeper into your physchy? Cant spell 😁
The Soc betrays your vulnerability & thats the deepest of all betrayals as they have used you against yourself.
Youv’e shared your hopes & fears & your honesty & trust & loyalty has been betrayed 😔
The betrayal of vulnerability is the worst thing that one person can do to another 😔
Vulnerability is what makes us who we are, the feeling, compassionate, empathic, caring people that we are.
They take all your armour from you when they abuse your vulnerability so, that leaves you overly exposed & then the PTSD or depression or deep anxiety & shame take hold.
So, we have to rebuild ourselelves & allow our vulnerability to eventually return but, we must create healthy boundaries & never let someone see our total vulnerability.
We must always keep some of us for ourselves so, that we are protected 😃
Does this make sense?
Now you need to start finding the healing sites & there are many & self help yourself until you feel you can see the ‘light’ & move towards it with us all here.
We are here, you are not alone & ask us how we can help 😃
Baby steps & big hugs too you 👼
Love & Light ❤️️
PR xoxo
Hey PR;
Thanks so much! And I have been reading and reading and I am truly getting a lot just out of the posts and talking on the blog.
But I am also realizing that I am going to have to make some decisions and decide if it is more important to worry about having to report mental health issues for a job I don’t even have yet, or take care of myself and look for work along another line.
It’s a lot of things to think about, but I’m finding that by having all of the folks on the blog to bounce things off of (especially since you all KNOW what I’m talking about) I’m becoming better able to look at things a bit more rationally and realize the emotion is normal and I’m not as crazy as he made me think I am.
HUGS!!!
Celeste
I think you are being hard on yourself my dear. It’s ok to freak out. The more you accept those feelings when they happen, then slowly they become less each time.
To be honest with you, even as far as I’ve come, going shopping can still trigger me and tear me up. But I have to keep doing it and it does get a little easier each time. I don’t beat myself up about it, I just accept that is where I am. I might even do a little analysis on it to understand myself more and I practice my mindfullness….How my body and heart feels in that moment. This helps geal ne and It does get easier with time.
You are a wonderful caring person that has been through so much. It’s ok to feel sad and hurt and shitty. But know it won’t last forever. You are well on the way to recovery. Celebrate the wins! You just went out by yourself and survived. Yay you!!! Next time it will be a little easier and the next time. Maybe the time after that and it’s horrible but that’s ok. Because its going to get better after that.
Be kind to yourself. It is more than ok to feel sad, hurt etc. but you are going to rock this! We all are xxx
Hi IID;
I know that I am always striving for perfection in the things that I do…. I tear out rows of crocheting if I find a stitch that isn’t uniform, etc.
So I’m sure that I am being unnecessarily hard on myself because I am horribly impatient. I want it and I want it now {insert Veruca Salt song here}. hehehe
Now that I’m home, and thinking about it, it was ridiculous to get stressed over buying the wrong loaf of bread, which in fact, I did not. Actually, how can you buy wrong bread??? LOL
Celeste
Maybe you were stressing about just getting it wrong? Maybe you fear trusting your own judgement?
Hi Pos,
I know why I freaked – I didn’t want to disappoint my Dad because we got some bad news about his health the other day, but it certainly wasn’t any reason to freak in the store.
Crazy as it may seem, I have taken on the full responsibility of being the caregiver for my elderly parents. I wanted to make sure that my parents are safe and comfortable in their home, it is kept clean and tidy, My mother is ambulatory, with great difficulty (she fell just the other night) and my father has kidney failure and we have just found out that one of his vertebra is beginning to deteriorate – so right now, he is in moderate/severe pain, barely able to walk and he is unable to care for mom.
One of the last conversations I had with the SP was over my parents. He informed me that without him to help me, I was going to have a terribly hard time of things and he wished me luck. I don’t know if I took this on for my parents, for me, or just to prove him wrong.
Is there such a thing as being too giving??
Celeste
I think that you can be too giving, if giving is taking away from you so much, that you are stuggling to have the resources to cope and are feeling overwhelmed. If you feel this way, then this is the time that you reach out to others for help. Are you receiving any treatment? If you are finding it hard with your parents, do you have any siblings who could offer some help and support?
And as for what he said… how you would struggle and ‘good luck’ they all say this… put you down and then say ‘good luck’ like they will be better off without you. Its just words, designed to knock you down.
I know that with PTSD, if it is severe, that you can feel a lag in your brain, and because you were not like that before, it can really impact. Or at least this is how it was for me. If you hadn’t been out on your own for a while, this can affect you, as there are lots of things for your brain to process, other people you are not usually around, noise. So if you look at it in a simplistic way – just going out, getting to the shop, then having to choose the bread, can be a lot for the brain to process. I know that sounds silly as it is just buying a loaf of bread, but it is about your brain coping with information and processing that information.
Also there is the feeling that when you are at home, you feel ‘safe’ that nothing bad can happen to you. When you are outside (again esp if you haven’t for a long time) – you know that you are more vulnerable. You also feel ‘on guard’ a self preservation tool that your brain uses to protect you from harm. But this again can add to overload.
Are you having any treatment for it Celeste? As it can be treated. I did EMDR, . I still get panic attacks. (I never had them before) – its horrible as it feels so real.
Working through it with a therapist can be really useful. It sounds like you might need some extra support, for you.
I know Cher. The second part was on last night so going to watch it today. The guy was given 26 years with no chance of parol before 18 years. Obviously his family are going to fight it.
She has been quiet since the sentencing so I’m interested to see if she realises she’s been conned.
Hiya IId 🙂
That Rachelle (Simon Gittany’s gf) is still totally in the Sociopath Haze of illusion as she only knows the ‘good guy’, & has been brainwashed by him.
It’s sad to see but, in time she will come to realise this especially, when he snaps behind bars with no source for his supply etc…I hope the other inmates treat him with the same respect he showed poor Lisa 😦
Now that will indeed be ‘Justice’ & he won’t be able to sit down for ages 😉
Oops that’s mean but, who cares, he doesn’t!
Only that he got caught & he bites off ears so, hope he still has his?
PR xoxo
Hi, everyone thanks for your views. MM, Itisdone you seem to have very similar situations to mine, especially Itisdone.
I still feel bad about not messaging her, I think its’because I feel I havent stood up for myself. Like a weakling allowing myself to be walked over and do nothing. I feel spineless doing nothing, like it’s saying, sure you can mess up my life, trash me, and what do I do … nothing. I feel terrible right now.
I wonder if my own fears of what he / OW would do is over exaggerated, as we dont have any common friends now either.
I feel dreadful. 😥
Oh Sue, if it’s killing you that bad to do this, go ahead and do it girlfriend! After you do it, just block both of them and move onward to clearing him from your mind.
Hi Cher, Im stuck by my own fears of how he/she will react with something unexpected. I’m in a no win situation, either way won’t be happy for me, hence the inner turmoil.
And my head feels in a muddle, turmoil ….. this is a terrible state and position to be in. 😦
Ok sue,
Let’s try this… But you HAVE to be completely honest with yourself… What is the best case scenario if you say something? What will give you the most satisfaction? Be totally honest. Think about all the best scenarios, even if its him realising his mistake and begging you back. Doesn’t natter how unrealistic. Just measure what makes you feel the best when you imagine it. Write down the top three answers. Then do the same with the worst case scenario. The very worst.
Share it with us and we can give you what we believe will happen in each scenario. Or don’t.
But for yourself think about how and what this will do for you long term…. For example: if your best case is that she dumps his sorry arse and walks out and he is left all alone and empty and you get deep satisfaction. Fast forward a few months, what then? Logical answer, he would have a new woman that replaced the old one without a care. If your lucky, he will not have threatened you and stalked you and made you paranoid that he is out to get you. If the ow is lucky, that hasn’t happened to her and then the new woman is now living in your house and your life. I.e. nothing has changed! Worst case scenario is the other woman thinks youre a complete loon, they file a court order against you and he makes your life a living hell. Your job and other security is threatened. And you don’t feel any better but ten times worse because now his f’d you over even more.
But let’s go back to the best, no matter what you do, it won’t change your situation. U may get short term satisfaction but then what? You feel that by doing this you are standing up for yourself. If you need to do that for your own mentality and to prove to yourself you are strong then my suggestion is DO IT. But be aware of the fall back. Because one of the two above scenarios is likely. If they don’t bother you as much as this need to prove to yourself that you are strong then the need out weighs the bad. Please realise though that just walking away and not doing anything takes more strength than anything else. But you need to figure this out.
THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS whatever you do is your choice. I am not a professional counsellor, psychologist etc.
Thank you!! 🙂
Thanks itisdone.
First, I dont want him back. So whether it breaks them up or not, is no longer any interest to me. I guess I have the anger in me which I never released, leaving me stuck.
OK best care:
i) tell her (she tells him) – just so OW knows. I feel better, and They do nothing and ignore it.
ii) tell her (she tells him) – just so OW knows. I feel better, for it being open, and exposing things as they really are, and either fire back messages at me, and just words, I ignore them.
OK worst case:
i) tell her (she tells him) – and he gets furious and comes after me physically, loses it because I have fully exposed his character.
ii) tell her (she tells him) – and she gets furious and comes after me physically turning up to find me
iii) tell her (she tells him) – and he is wealthy with power, so he gets lawyers on to me and does whatever he can. (Can he really do much from one message if I clearly indicate it’s a one off message and I explained my unfair treatement?)
iv) tell her (she tells him) – and they call the police, who then visit me and whatever consequence I dont know, never involved with them before. (But he has been re the ex-wife, so I dont think he’ll do that)
Ok. So lets go best case. so now they know and nothing happens at all. How do you think you will now feel and why?
I think I would gain some satisfaction from telling, feel better and feel closure from that. And be able to move on.
Why? Cos it exposes the truth, and I have stood up for myself saying it was not ok what has occurred.
But why does exposing the truth make you feel better?
I feel exposing the truth would, i.e. saying I was there before.
Q: why did you not do that in your situation? You said your OW didnt know about you.
What would it achieve? Right now you are still focusing on him – which is understandable as you are hurt. Interaction only brings pain…. and further ammunition to use against you.
I think I am stuck because i have not openly expressed my anger. A sense of fairness to me, and that I have stood up for myself.
But I do see the possible risks, of of course dealing with exposing or challenging someone who has no conscience, or empathy, nothing stops them from attacking you at all if they go for you.
I have thought about including in the message that he is a narcissist/sociopath and clearly state that, so OW would know too, and to seek help for it before hurting anyone else even OW.
He has already done unexpected things, totally disproportionate to what you’d expect, so it’s a real possibility of that again sure. That worst option would be high risk for me.
And part of me then feels my hands are tied/controlled if I want to eliminate the risk.
Hi Sue,
Whatever you do, there will be nothing to gain.
You will feel temporarily ‘powerful’ & then your mind will absorb you back into your own pain.
I was sent an email by the OW exposing my Soc & it literally shattered me as I was the innocent party 😔
I then agreed to meet the OW as I at least thought she would ‘kick him to the curb’ knowing what he had done to us both.
The OW had been told, she was ‘The Chosen/Preferred’ one .
The OW aligned with me & then decided to stay with the Soc?!?!
I was thrown into the ‘hell’ of trying to figure out how my partner/boyfriend of 10 years had done all this 😔
How had I missed the flags etc…& here I am after 10 months, 2 councellors, loads of help from here & elsewhere & finally free of the malevolent man!
Do I appreciate being told so callously?
No, it could have been handled very differently & if the Soc cared at all, he could have just told me it was over etc…relationships end & shit happens.
The Soc likes that the OW discarded me & hurt me as it gave him power over us both!
The OW accepts his infidelity & betrayal so, she will accept anything.
Me, I have been thrown to the wolves without a backward glance & he likes to think I’m ruined!
If he cant have me, no-one else will either!
At least that’s what he thinks but, he did not reckon on me finding this site & others & figuring him out so completely.
The other OW’s as he has many are still part of his games & may never realise what he is etc…???
The Soc wont care what you do, if he takes offence he will make you & the OW pay because once she knows, the game is over & he will torture her via you & vice versa!
How do I know this, because after 10 months my Soc called to see how I am & was floored to find I was in my ‘own power’ 😃
He told me he is unhappy & that the OW will ‘pay’ for alerting me.
I have had contact with the OW & she is now moving from gaming to ruining stage.
He will eventually destroy her & move to the next OW already in the ‘harem’ or ‘fresh meat’ will be at the groomers!
You must stop asking everyone here, what you should do because, we cannot tell you.
Whatever you do, its a trainwreck so, either get off or stay on?
Your choice but, no one wins except the Soc because , they don’t care 😔
Love & Light 😃
PR xoxo
Hi PR, you were sent an email by the OW who was with the soc. That’s odd isnt it.
The thing I feel I will get is the satisfaction, I guess it’s to do with fairness, and standing up for myself, not taking it lying down quietly.
Yes it may upset the OW and him, due to the reality of the content, who innocently involved, but it’s the reality and she has a right to know the reality.
Why should I be left hurt to pieces, with no care at all about me, he doesnt even know or care if I am dead or alive, when I supported him much; and he be allowed to carry on to get happiness?
Though I do understand this is a psychologically damaged person I am dealing with, which I have to factor in.
Oh, I am so overanalysing this… and see if I’d done it before Christmas, I’d not spend all this time worrying, analysing, it’d be done. Paralysis through analysis I believe this is called. 😕
Sue, when you are confused, or you don’t know what to do, do nothing.
That was advice given to me a long time ago, and I think it is true.
You see, if you contact them, or her, you only give energy – and he feeds off of yours or anyone elses energy. They like the drama and attention. So why give him the satisfaction. The best revenge is living well 🙂
Thanks P, how would I deal with the unexpressed anger then, and unfairness feelings I have? If i did nothing.
The “do nothing” option, is the only one where I know he will not fire back at me, and so am in a physically and reputationally safe place; but with no mutual friends, it’s hard to see what he could do.
Have you read this post Sue? https://datingasociopath.com/recovery-and-healing-after-dating-a-sociopath/establish-no-contact/how-to-get-your-feelings-out-without-breaking-no-contact/
Hi P, Thanks for that article link, just read it, and yes that is him in a nutshell. And the time when he came back, because I think he thought it was breaking up with OW, I went suddenly from silent treatment, to “you can call or contact me anytime if you want to ask anything”. Unfortunately for me, I told him off and what he should have done, i.e. talk resolve things, etc, find out both peoples needs, and I suspect he did this (my advice) with OW, and remained with her, and duly abandoned me again.
That article is him. My contact would not be for him, but aimed at her, who I presume has empathy, but of course he would see it, and react which is why I hesitate but hate that I feel stopped from acting, due to his control.
But do understand I am dealing with an unpredictable character who is disordered and can be volatile.
https://datingasociopath.com/?s=coping+with+pain+after+discard
there are lots of posts here, that could help you. Read those posts instead. I could point you to any post really. I know that sticking to no contact is difficult, and if you feel you have to break it to contact, then you can. It is your life and your choice. People are different. I was in constant contact with my ex, but he wasnt with someone else. Sometimes you have to have your hands burnt by the fire so many times, before you realise that it is painful to put them there.
https://datingasociopath.com/recovery-and-healing-after-dating-a-sociopath/dont-feel-jealous-when-he-moves-onto-someone-new/
https://datingasociopath.com/2013/09/03/why-you-never-warn-the-sociopaths-new-partner-about-who-they-really-are/
https://datingasociopath.com/recovery-and-healing-after-dating-a-sociopath/do-not-look-for-closure-from-the-sociopath/
Im really sorry if my next comment offends people but im getting frustrated by this….Sue, just do it. You don’t listen anyway so find out for yourself. We have all told you why we think you shouldn’t. Please stop asking and even worse, please stop justifying with the same thing over and over. There is a very slim chance it won’t fuck you over. But you are so caught up in it and it appears to me, are lying to yourself, on reasons why you want to do it. Because if it really was just to get your power back you would have made your mind up now and done it instead of this continual looking for approval. You are an adult. Make your own decisions. Stop looking for us to agree with you. We won’t.
Guess what? He isn’t going to care. Full stop. He won’t care that you tell her, in fact, he will take great pleasure in it because you obviously cant let go… ’cause guess what? by contacting her u are proving you cant let go. it will confirm everything he has told her about you. You will look like a complete crazy and bind her to him more. Tell her. Find out for yourself. Don’t compare your situation to ours and then justify it as a reason why u should tell her. We don’t agree. Sorry to be harsh, But to me you are like a smoker trying to convince yourself that having one more cigarette is beneficial to you. IT IS NOT!!!! Derrr!!!!! I gave up smoking so I intimately know how the brain does that and this is what you sound like. Sometimes you need to have the cigarette to show you how dumb smoking is.
I am sorry if I have over stepped a boundary here but this is how I feel. I’ve had a really bad couple of days (not soc related) and have no more to give other than what I believe is the truth. I won’t comment on this anymore. Good luck Sue. We are here for you whatever the outcome.
ps.. if either way there is nothing to gain, then surely I should do it?
PR, when you write:
“Whatever you do, its a trainwreck so, either get off or stay on?
Your choice but, no one wins except the Soc because , they don’t care”
– yeah this is the issue. There is no good solution, whether I do or don’t. It’d just be able satisfaction, closure, fairness, etc for me now.
– He is a soc, he is cruel (when he choses post useful phase) and with no remorse, or empathy doesnt care at all.
I read somewhere that encounters with a Soc are like a tornado… they suck you in, up, then spit you out and leaving a trail of destruction, they carry on and on.
I just dont know if I can do the “do nothing” option, knowing that is how I keep my power.
Sue,
There is never full closure with a Soc, unless you have a lobotomy but, you choose how you deal with this, it is your choice.
There is no ‘right or wrong’ it’s your journey but, I don’t understand why you keep asking the same thing???
I know you are traumatised, we all are but, it doesn’t help when our advice is questioned & counteracted etc…what do you want to do?
PR xoxo
ps. I think I would gain some satisfaction from telling. That’s hard to quantify.
ok another best case could be:
It breaks them up (though I doubt that), he tries to come back to me, I say no too late. I get a sense of karmic justice.
Hi Sue, I haven’t been ignoring you, but I missed your initial post which is why I haven’t responded.
Trying to expose the sociopath is a waste of time completely. It wouldn’t work you exposing him and they split up. It doesn’t work like that. He has already covered his ground and told her how crazy you are. In fact he is playing victim to you… so when you contact, you look like the crazy jealous ex. She thinks what a prize she has for you to be jealous of their relationship. Which brings them closer together. Likely she wouldn’t believe you, and secondly it would provide ammunition for him to use against you and tell people (even the authorities) that you are harassing him.
You cant win against a liar – he is practiced at being manipulative and deceptive, he has no conscience and will say and do anything – not being like that yourself, he would win and it would only cause you further pain.
This is in response to you saying that you are going to expose him – I apologise if it is not relevant, as I haven’t read your story to know the background.
Thanks P: “You cant win against a liar – he is practiced at being manipulative and deceptive, he has no conscience and will say and do anything”
– this is SO true. Plus he has money/power so can easily do that to me, when I don’t, I’m an average person. And I am not like that at all, I could be mincemeat, but would he really be that viscious back at me. He has only ever used “harsh or threatening words to me”.
Yes and the worst thing he could (and would ruin is your reputation) and this can be more mortifying than you think. Do you want this as he WOULD almost likely come back at you.
We dont have any common friends now so i dont see how he could do that? i.e. ruin my reputation?
Does he have access to your friends list on social networking? He could do a mass email to friends. He could contact your work and accuse you of all kinds of things (this is if he is a sociopath) if you reported him he would see it as fair game. And remember all those weaknesses you confided in the beginning? This is what he would target. He could report you to the police for harassment and slander. Etc etc etc let’s hope you are squeaky clean as anything you are not (late taxes anything at all) he would report you for. Doesn’t matter if it’s true he would make it up. At least this is what sociopaths do anyway in retaliation 😦
Hi, he has no access to my friends list, as I have him blocked now, nor to work people. I have a good record, so yes squeeky clean, unlike him due to his past. So I doubt he’d go to the police, because he is the one at fault not me, and he knows it too.
(gotta go, late here, tired now).
I’d like to think he wouldnt do anything other than just words back at me, in anger, and it’s horrible that I feel prevented from exposing his bad behaviour due to his.
Maybe the only good solution is just to remove myself from all aspects of the situation, that way he has no reason to act against me, etc.
Such a mean person. Really bad.
I think you need to think about what you want to achieve and whether realistically you would achieve your objective?
That’s good sue. That’s being completely honest with yourself which is hard to do with so many conflicting and confusing emotions going on.
To me everything you have said -bar feeling like you are standing up for yourself – is coming from a desire of revenge or justice. And my thoughts on that (again I’m just an everyday person not any where close to a professional) are that nothing you do or say will achieve that. NOTHING. Nothing will change who he is. Nothing will make it better. Nothing will make him see he is wrong.the other woman is not going to believe you. And if on the off chance she does he will just replace her the same as he did you. Nothing will fix this or make it right. This is only going to hurt YOU. Best case scenario, you just get more frustrated… We know the worst and its scary!!!
The only reason I personally think that you should say something is because you feel that he has taken your power by making you silent. You need to find your power.
For me, my silence was taking my power back. I knew that even if he came begging for me back, that I could never go back and have any self respect. I knew there was a chance if I had continued to play his game by staying in contact, any contact, that I would loose my self respect because I knew that nothing I said or did would change who he was. I won because I walked away and held my head high. The guy had let me down and hurt me so badly, anything i did or said would not change what had happened. Nothing would change him dropping me at the hospital and driving away while I miscarried our child. Nothing would take back the lies. Nothing would make him be the man he promised me he was. Nothing would change. All he would get is satisfaction from my pain. His ego would be stroked. As his ex wife was still tragically doing.
I knew that me saying anything to the new woman would be seen as crazy. The same as I thought the ex wife was. He will lie through his teeth and she would believe him ten fold because she just met her soul mate. THE SAME AS I HAD. All it would do is make me feel a million times worse. I know this so completely. There is no justice or revenge. This had happened. It is life. It is how we deal with what has happened that counts for us. To gain our own sense of self respect. I HAVE won because from this I have learnt I have self worth issues and I know that I am addressing and changing this wgich will give me a much fuller and happier life than if I had not met him. When I finally do fall in love again, I will live with my whole heart but I will also be able to receive love with my whole heart. There is my revenge. There is justice. There is karma. He will die alone, never knowing love. I am not going to risk that for a bit if short term satisfaction when the chances are there will be no satisfaction because nothing will change what happened. Nothing will change him. But I can and will change me so I have a wonderful fulfilling life.
Thus us me though, my thoughts, my situation… But you aske 😎
Hi Itisdone, thanks for that, Sorry to hear about that type of thing in your case, horrible.
Most of what you have said is identical to my situation. I feel cornered yes. Maybe I do need to walk away knowing I am dealing with a volatile unpredictable person and to not stir up that hornets nest in case it bites back in any way. But by doing so he controls me and stops me speaking out, not a good feeling.
You are correct, there is no good solution, that is long gone, i.e. he doesnt leave in the first place or soon after realises his mistake and fixes it. Neither of which he did.
I’m dealing with an abnormal character who when I pleaded with him to give me peace of mind in a matter, he simply said “no”.
p.s. some ex’s are REALLY bad to their partners. Really poor and realyl damaged.
It Is Done, I agree totally with you regarding Sue and don’t find your comment offensive. I too have been holding back wanting to say those same words to her but debated on should I say it. However, I am glad you have said it first. To me, it seems like Sue wants to continue being a victim in order to continue receiving attention from others. Reason I say this, we have all told her our advice but she counters them. Secondly, she starts the same question all over again and says why she should do it. It’s just too much for someone to continue having sympathy towards her being everyone has told her the consequences. Third, some of us have told her to go on and make that call only for her to continue saying “I’m torn and don’t know what will happen. Or, what will he do to me.” Sue, you have already received answers on these dilemmas you claim to be indecisive about.
It resembles too much lake the case of criminal women who intentionally keep a loved one sick in order to receive attention. I’m done too with entertaining your round and round do I do it or do I not do it. I’m sorry but there is only so much one can keep entertaining. The bottom line is like It Is Done says, “There will not be a good outcome should you go through with it. You won’t get the response from the OW you seek.” Enough said!
LG, So because I am unsure what to do, because of having been worn down by my situation of having been abused psychologically and emotionally by my sociopath ex, you liken me to a “criminal woman who intentionally keeps a loved one sick in order to receive attention”. ….. ….wow, that is heartless, cruel and disgusting. I am not after any attention believe me I would rather not be in this situation at all. What a heartless, horrible, uncompassionate and disgusting thing to say to me, you have NO IDEA about me none what so ever to say such nasty comments. I am appalled.
Hi Sue 🙂
I am sorry that you are distressed as I am sure that is no-ones intention ;(
I think everyone is just a little frustrated by you asking the same question re the OW & whether you should contact her or not.
Everyone has reached out to help you but, then you backflip & change tack so, very confusing as to what you are really seeking here.
We have all be through the ‘wringer’ so, when we offer our personal advice, it is hard to then have it questioned repeatedly with the same responce over & over?
Correct me if I’m wrong but, do you want us to help you or not?
If you want to contact the OW, that’s fine & if you don’t then that’s fine also.
Do what you think is right for you & we will continue to support your healing but, don’t keep asking us whether you should or shouldn’t & then challenging our response ;(
You may need to keep reading & seeking answers before you decide so, stay strong & remember, you are not alone 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
p.s. I find the comments offensive. You have no idea about me or my situation, How heartless.
Sue,
I truly don’t believe LG meant that as a direct attack upon you but, you are traumatized so, are reading too much into it 😦
I found this & thought of you repeatedly asking the same question as to what you should do re the OW, read it & hopefully you will understand the frustration that some have felt towards your questioning but, never towards you as a person 🙂
Discover your current attitudes towards life in general. There is no point in striving to be progressive and successful, when you yourself possess the negative energy that holds you back. Take stock of your actions and words. If your own behaviors head in the direction of self-pity and pessimism (a self-perceived victim status), it’s time to re-track and start over by making a choice to adopt more optimistic beliefs and attitudes. Life will give you what you expect, so that your expectations need to be balanced with realistic measures and a more positive framework. This starts with you as a person before looking to blame others for your failures and miseries.
I hope you are feeling better & able to put up your story soon so, that we do actually ‘get your battle’?
I can’t find it so, if you have posted it then can you please tell me where & when & I will read it & try & help you 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
@Sue
I totally understand how it feels to be shocked and thrown into this whole “fog” of information. I believe the advice everyone is trying to give you is to save you from additional pain. Speaking from their own personal experiences. Having come from a great emotional liar, whom I have the displeasure of dealing with still, the NS and I were married for 8 years we separated in 2007 and continue to have WWIII (the custody battle) over our beautiful children, (his personal arsenal, my maternal love). He has already divorced wife #2, the women he left me for, is on his current ex, (the women he left wife #2 for) who he should be discarding before 12/2014. These women are all part of his “collection”, I am the only one he fights with, he always says “Don’t tell them anything about me”! To which I reply ” Don’t worry, they can find out how much of a asshole you are with out my help!”. He still sports my name tattoo’d on his chest, as if THAT isn’t a HUGE SHINING RED FLAG, there is something wrong with this wanna be man! So NO, I never say a bad thing about my ex, but the children do bust him out when he lies. Awesome thing about children. So I sit back, and watch, I am sure the tattoo thing makes her hate my guts too, oh well. They are “SOULMATES”. I never heard of a soulmate with another women’s name on their chest, but who am I to judge? And this is his second “soulmate” after me, so I just consider him, a California, trailer park version of Jerry Soringer! You have to laugh at their ridiculousness and not get caught up in their drama, it’s very consuming.
NIBSIH.
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