There have been a few readers recently who have made comments about being friends with a sociopath. If this is you, or if you have found this site, by thinking this, perhaps this post is for you.
Can you be friends with a sociopath?
Before I move on with this post, I want you to ask yourself HONESTLY WHY do you want to be friends with the sociopath?
Is it because:
- You enjoyed the Sociopath company?
- You accept that they are a sociopath, now that you know who they are – they can’t do the same to you?
- You hope that one day they will change
- Being friends is better than nothing
- You are scared of them, and their threats, being friends is better than them doing further damage to you?
- You share children or business with them?
- You want to ‘appease’ them?
- You hope that one day, they will learn their lessons and sort themselves out?
Whatever your reasons for wanting friendship with this individual who is
- Hell bent on causing destruction and carnage, wherever they go…..
Let me tell you. All that FRIENDSHIP with this kind of individual will bring, is FURTHER LOSS
Perhaps you are rich, perhaps life is still ‘ok’. Perhaps you have been SO isolated, that the sociopath is all that you have, and so you settle for the scraps that are thrown towards you?
let me tell you, that you are worth so much more than this.
How sociopaths see ‘friendship’
Sociopaths do not have friendships, what they have is ‘associates’ people who they use, to help with their own deception. Do you not think that you being friends with the sociopath, is a great alibi for them to tell the tale that:
- They are not the bad person that you say they are
- That you are the obsessed one – you won’t leave them alone
- That you are mentally damaged
- That they are ‘good’ and ‘great’ …. look my ex is still ‘friends’ with me
- They care about
- That share common grounds or interests
- They want to see the best for
- They enjoy spending time with
I am not saying that sociopaths do not enjoy spending time with their associates. I am sure that they do. I am sure that they appreciate having another individual to do things with, after all, they burn bridges so often, and fuck things up so regularly, that they appreciate having someone to do things with, someone that they can share interests with. You might think, that you, being someone who knows who they are, would be a good companion? You couldn’t be more wrong.
Sure, sociopaths can have people who are associates who give them what they want. I knew the sociopath in my life for FOUR YEARS. In that time, only friends he had were those who:
- Gave him a place to stay and listened to his bullshit (until he had enough and moved out)
- Gave him lifts to work
- Sold him weed
- Were work colleagues (I met them once)
Sociopaths do not have normal friendships they do not understand the concept of friendship. They are not that way inclined, always it is WHAT IS IN IT FOR ME?
I have never met anybody who had ZERO friendships aside from the sociopath
The divide and conquer rule
Sociopaths, unlike other normal people, need to keep people separate, and keep people apart. They do this to keep in control, and later they can use those separated people to prove their point about the lies that they tell. Often they will tell the same tales of woe to each person, but this will be personalised, dependent on who is listening. By keeping people separate, and making sure that they do not meet each other, the sociopath is able to weave their web of lies and deceit, and keep people deceived.
Of course, if that person is ever needed to ‘prove’ or ‘verify’ their lies, they are of course at hand. Although it is unlikely that you would ever meet them.
I knew the sociopath for 4 years. In that time, I didn’t really meet anybody that he knew. Although he did hang on to people that I knew.
The sociopath will take parts of each persons life, and adapt them as his/her own. By keeping people divided, they ultimately remain in control.
Why you cannot be ‘friends’ with a sociopath after you have been in a relationship with them
You really CANNOT be friends with a sociopath. it simply will not work. I know that you might argue with me, and say that perhaps you have ‘things in common’ or there are ‘things that you like about them’. This does not matter, the point is, how sociopaths see ‘friendships’. I would argue that they do not have friendships, they only have associates.
Sociopaths will NOT suddenly make a full recovery, and be a different person. Who they are, is part of their personality. it is ingrained, a pattern that repeats in the brain. They are hardwired this way. If they pretend that they aren’t, this is a lie, perhaps one that they subliminally believe, but it is a lie, even if it is a lie that they also tell themselves.
You cannot be friends with a sociopath, because they will always bring further loss to your life. Having them in your life you:
- Give them knowledge about you (that can be later used against you)
- Stop yourselves from meeting someone who is ‘right’ for you (sociopaths don’t like anybody else trampling on their sentimental property, whether they are with you or not!
- Enable the sociopath, to use YOU further for their own ends (and they will)
- Will continue being lied and disrespected
Please don’t think that because you are ‘friends’ that you will be treated better. You won’t be. Sociopaths use people. They use people for their own ends. Which is quite sickening, and the only thing guaranteed is that you will suffer:
- Further loss
- Be prevented from moving on with your own life
Even if you have children together, you still can’t be ‘friends’. Since when did you have a friend that you didn’t trust? For sure, you cannot and will never be able to trust the sociopath.
I do not believe that there are any exceptions to this rule. You cannot trust a sociopath. You cannot believe a word that they say, and it wont be long before they will stab you in the back.
At the end of the day they do not deserve your friendship. You deserve to treat YOU as your own best friend. You deserve to love YOU. You deserve to pour love and energy into YOU. Each day, pour love and energy into you. Let go of the sociopath. I mean really let go. Even if you have children, only have contact for the children, NOT you (if you have to) but you take care of that liaison, see it as a business proposition.
If you don’t have children, walk away and never have anything to do with them ever again. Only by doing this, by loving you, will you begin to find yourself, and your life again. Then the quality of your life will improve.
You CANNOT be friends with a sociopath, as they are lying, cheating, snakes in the grass, and they WILL stab you in the back, whenever it is convenient for them.
They would use your friendship, to further their aims. Like for example, they might tell you that you are friends, but then tell new supply or other associates that you are a stalker, increasing their ‘fake popularity’. Believe me you deserve so much better.
Letting go of the sociopath, forever, is the best gift of life that you can give to yourself.
Let go, and never ever look back. Please don’t ever be deluded that you can be friends with a sociopath, because truthfully, you really cant. Not ever. Unless to you, friendship is a snake that will stab you in the back, not a case of if…. but when….
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