OK, so you might think – ‘realistically what is there to laugh about?’ You might feel duped, conned and pretty angry that this has happened to you. You will feel, betrayed, like you have been stabbed in both the hear and the back at the same time. Laughter is the best and the most enjoyable way to recover from the sociopath relationship.
The sociopath deserves my contempt
This might be so. But you do not deserve this. The truth is that when you laugh you remove the behaviour as part of you. It is true contempt to laugh at their behaviour. It removes the behaviour from you (it doesn’t belong to you). It lifts your energy and your vibrations. I read once that the best way to lift your mood even if you were feeling really low (or grieving even) is to smile. That if you cannot manage a smile, if things are that bad – put a pen or pencil in between your mouth. Sounds silly? It will force you to smile. When you smile it releases something in your brain which does make you feel better. Are you feeling angry? Try it…. if you can’t smile – put a pen in your mouth horizontally – (don’t worry about feeling silly). How does that feel? You should feel an energy lift. You see laughter and smiling will lift YOUR endorphins. It will naturally make you feel better. You can look at the relationship with the sociopath in two ways
- With anger and hatred – that they are all evil monsters and you wish that they would die and rot in hell
- With laughter. To look at the behaviour and laugh at it
When you look at it with laughter it sets you free. The reason that it sets you free is because you remove it as part of you. When you have hatred – you are attached. At some point you have to get over the hatred. You can’t be hating forever. Truthfully when you hate – what you are really doing is hating yourself!!…. don’t you deserve better? When you laugh – you are loving yourself!! 🙂 It IS normal and part of the grieving and healing process to feel anger.
If you are still focusing on anger and hatred more than a year later, you have to look at your recovery plan, and realise that it is not really working. Hatred is negative. Laughter is positive. At this, you might think that I have gone quite mad. You might think ‘but you were not in this relationship, you have not been through what I have, this is easy for you to say‘. No. I haven’t been in your relationship, but if the person was a sociopath – and you read this blog, you should know that I write the truth. Whilst I might not have dated your sociopath, they are all very similar in terms of patterns of behaviour.
What does hatred do – and why am I so opposed to it?
Hatred is a negative energy. It will only serve to make you feel more depressed. Whilst for a short period of time you might have a quick blast of empowerment, you will quickly slump back into depression. So the cycle continues. Hating – really, you are only hating yourself!! It is only you that hurts. Hating someone else and hoping that they will hurt, is like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die. its not very realistic. It is a longer road to recovery and a more miserable one too.
What does laughter do – why I am for it!
Laughter is the opposite response. Please do not tell me you cannot laugh. You really can. After my daughter died, I had a friend come to live with me and she made me laugh – a lot! You see when she did, I stopped focusing on grief, instead I found ‘normality’ I found where I wanted to be – rather than where I didn’t want to be. I know that there is no situation in life that you cannot find space for a smile.
The truth about attachment and how it affects you
Hatred can form a negative attachment to someone. Whilst you are hating you are giving your energy away for free. Hatred keeps the relationship with the sociopath ongoing. Don’t you want to be set free? Don’t you want this pain to finish? For it to be over? Don’t you want to be happy? I am sure that you do. Whilst I am not advocating love for your sociopath – I am sure that there were times when there was love. To be in the final stage of acceptance – the final stage of the grieving and healing process – you need to let go with love. You will never do that if you are still hating. it will keep you in the recovery cycle.
Why hating keeps you ‘stuck’ – how anger is part of the 5 stages of grief
Hating keeps you stuck because it keeps you in the cycle of bereavement and grief. You might recall the post where I wrote about the five stages of grief and the healing process. How you will go through these stages and this is normal. (in no particular order)
- Denial and isolation
You will note that anger is there in the 5 stages of grief. It is normal to feel this way, after all you have been treated badly and abused. However if you are still feeling angry and feeling hatred towards both your sociopath and all sociopaths on the planet a year later, you will only hamper your own recovery. It stops you from moving onto the final stage – Acceptance.
To reach acceptance, you understand that what happened was not your fault. You accept that the sociopath has something wrong with their brain. Their wiring doesn’t work the same way. You know that it has happened, but you accept that there is nothing that you can do about it.
Whilst the other stages of grief can come in any particular order. Acceptance is always the final stage. Laughter you will note, unlike anger is not part of the grieving process. Laughter is closer to acceptance. The peace that you feel. The calm.
With any other relationship you wouldn’t be hating the other person forever. If you did it would be slightly odd. It might be the last thing that you want to do, but letting go with laughter and indifference and not hate – will be better for you in the long term. Learning to laugh, will make the grieving process quicker and doesn’t keep you stuck in the grieving process loop. It will set you free.
Don’t give the sociopath satisfaction
The sociopath as you already know, loves to create mayhem and damage to others. They dissect and destroy. It is part of their psychological make up. The sociopath would love to know that you are left bitter and ruined. They think ‘job done’… do not give them the satisfaction.
Just as the sociopath used love and fear to control you….. use appropriate use of laughter and hatred to control you, and work through healing.
If you are still hating more than a year later…. maybe it is time to revise your strategy for recovery? Is it working? Hating will only (in the long term) keep you trapped in cycle of bereavement. Surely you deserve more!! 🙂
I guess this is a long winded way of explaining why this site does not focus on hating the sociopath. How evil they are etc – it’s pointless. Focus on you. You are worth it!
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