Sociopath’s not having ‘real’ range of human emotion and feelings have to fake their emotions and fill in the gaps with what is termed as ‘flowery language’ …. this is language that nobody else would use. It is over the top. When you look back to the beginning of the relationship, or even when the sociopath was trying, you might feel confused, after all the sociopath was just ‘so nice’. In fact nicer than anyone else that you had met. The sociopath is armed with a dictionary of words in their mind – that they use
They learn this behaviour by
- Observing what others say
- Observing positive responses to things that are said
- Observing negative responses to things that are said
Words come from the head – not the heart. Words can seem overly sentimental – gushing with enthusiasm, you almost feel ‘bad’ if you turn them down (after all you don’t want to hurt someone). The sociopath knows this and plays on this fact.
From observing others, sociopaths learn a code of conduct. Like an encyclopaedia in the brain of the ‘right’ thing to say. These words are manipulative and designed to pull on your heart strings. The language is over the top, too descriptive, and just sickly sweet ‘nice’. This is a deliberate attempt to manipulate and ultimately control you.
The sociopath speaks sometimes like a 18th Century wordsworth poet. When trying to woo or seduce someone you can guarantee that the sociopath will go overboard.
It is this that can make you feel ‘uneasy’ or the words might seem sleazy. Something about the language that the sociopath uses is just not right.
Why does the sociopath use flowery language?
- They are talking from their ‘head’ and not their ‘heart’
- They are talking to manipulate you
- They have no feeling connected to their words, although they will use big words to ‘describe feeling’ often this will be words that nobody else uses.
- The sociopath uses words as the mask of illusion. The reason that they do this, is because words are easy. The sociopath is able to use words from their memory bank of ‘right words to use’ learned from observing others — to deliberately create a mask to deceive you
- Flowery language can confuse you
The importance of confusing and ultimately ‘stunning’ the victim with language
It can be difficult to turn someone down who is making such an effort to be ‘nice’ to you. The use of flowery language can confuse the victim. You know in your head that something is not right. That pull in your stomach can send off red flags warning you that something is wrong. But you do not want to hurt someone who appears to be trying so hard to be open and sincere.
Language and bombardment of communication can stun the victim. The sociopath knows this.
- It gives little time for you to think
- It focuses attention onto the sociopath – in the guise of the attention being focused on you
- It is ultimately ‘brain washing’ ‘grooming’ and ‘mind control’
If you fail to respond to the flowery language
The sociopath, having used what they perceive to be the ‘right’ words to say to lure you and manipulate you, will become frustrated if you object and fail to respond.
Remember that for the sociopath, two things are important
If attempts are made to lure you, win and control are not working. The sociopath will feel frustration. When the sociopath feels that they are losing control, the mask will slip. You will then witness another character who will display the following behaviour
- Feigned hurt, pain and victim mentality
- Blame (of you)
- False accusations against you
- If none of the above work, ultimately narcissistic rage will occur, using derogatory words against you, putting yourself and your person down.
You, the victim might not have said a word. The sociopath’s ultimate motive is to control you. To own you. To possess you so that they can manipulate you for their own source of supply. If you are seen as a good source, and are objecting to being controlled – they will react in the above ways.
You will then be left feeling
- Guilty and confused (after all the sociopath was just being so ‘nice’)
- Doubting yourself
- Or – numb
I have written about the cycle of abuse, and how the sociopath follows this cycle. Operating from the ‘head’ and not the ‘heart’ the sociopath uses an armoury of words and language, to manipulate, control and confuse you.
In some senses this is the worst type of emotional abuse. You the victim are left confused, wondering what is real and what is not. If you are still in love with the sociopath, you might be tempted to go back through the cycle of abuse again. Wanting the ‘nice’ sociopath to return again. After all, you are now hurting and in so much pain. You want the pain to go away.
The sociopath can change in an instant when they are losing control. If you are looking back on the beginning of the relationship, how things felt so perfect in the beginning, that you felt that you were living in a mills and boom novel, it felt like Romeo and Juliet – and how did things go so very wrong?
Remember that – the sociopath
- Assesses you
You will see this cycle repeat again and again. The longer that you are in the relationship, the more regularly you will see this cycle repeat. You the victim are left in a state of confusion and pain, desperately wanting the nice person back…. the honeymoon period in the beginning when everything was so very perfect.
However, it wasn’t perfect. It was never perfect. All through the relationship, from start to finish you were being manipulated and controlled. Brainwashed even.
See the truth, see the pattern, love is not control. Love is not ownership. Love is not manipulative. Love is loving you for who you are….. in the relationship with the sociopath – you are loved for whoever the sociopath wants to mould you into.
See the truth…. set yourself free.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013