The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame.
This is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened. What are you making a fuss about?
Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened when it is convenient for them. They are all different and they all do different things but examples would be:
- Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
- Deception and manipulation (conning)
- Cheating and infidelity
- Living like a parasite
- Faking ‘love’
It never occurs to the sociopath that the person that they are deceiving or cheating, has their own rights, and their own mind, and their own ability to make decisions for themselves. To the sociopath, what they need and want is most important of all.
The sociopath thinks only of himself, and if he seems to be ‘helpful’ this is usually because he has his own agenda to achieve. If he wants something, he will make sure that he obtains what he wants by using whatever means he needs to.
If you had something that the sociopath wanted, he could just take it for himself. He wouldn’t think about how this would make you feel, or your loss. All he would be thinking of, is achieving his own needs.
For most people, when we do an act which hurts somebody else, we feel guilt, we have regret, remorse and shame. The sociopath does not experience these feelings. He will only experience regret, if his actions have affected his own life, and therefore damaged his life.
In this circumstance, the sociopath will apologise and say ‘sorry’ but he is not sorry for pain that he has caused you, and your life, it is simply sorry for his own loss of supply.
This lack of conscience, is beneficial to the sociopath
Rather than thinking about the impact of his actions on others, as most people think, he thinks how his actions will get what he wants. He is always thinking of himself, and of what he wants to achieve. The other person, is merely an instrument to be used.
A sociopath, has learned from an early age to ‘mimic’ feelings that other people feel, so he will act guilty, or say the words that they are ‘ashamed’ but only if his actions have caused loss of supply for himself. He never experiences the conscience to think of how his actions have affected someone else. Or how his actions has made somebody else feel, because he is unable to empathise with anybody else’s feelings, he simply does not understand this.
The lack of conscience, can then go one further, to continue with the abuse by gaslighting. When you make complaint about what has happened to you, it is then made out to be YOUR fault?
- If they cheated, well it was your fault for how you treated them
- If they stole they deny and tell you have lost the item, or misplaced it, you are so scatty!
- If they have ruined by manipulation and deception, well it was because of x y or z
To the sociopath, nothing is ever their fault. There is always a reason, and that reason is often YOU.
The sociopath will, if you still have a source of supply that they want or need, apologise, and promise not to do these actions again. But as soon as his feet are under the table again, and you TRUST, your trust is once again betrayed, and they will repeat the same pattern again.
If it seems crazy, this is because it is. And these actions can be hurtful, painful, and make you think that you are losing your mind. If you think that it could get better, it won’t the same pattern would repeat itself over again.
The sociopath plays on YOUR conscience
The sociopath has an advantage, in that he is able to operate by playing on what he does not have, but what you have – ‘conscience’. He will play on your own conscience. His actions are therefore deflected back to you.
- Will remind you of your moral responsibility
- Repeat back to you your morals
- Will accuse you of what he is guilty of doing himself to distract you
- Talk at a million miles an hour, so that you do not have time to think
- Have a fake sense of morality, and what you should be doing
How and why the sociopath repeats the same pattern of behaviour
Because the sociopath does not have a conscience, he is unable to make long term plans, and thinks only of his own needs, and how he can obtain his source of supply, he will after a betrayal make apologies and promise that he will not do these actions again.
Within a short space of time, the same pattern of behaviour re-occurs.
The reason that the sociopath does this is because, when he makes new promises, he is (to his mind) starting again and putting on a fresh mask. However, because he is unable to learn from past mistakes, his brain works on default, so when faced with a new opportunity or temptation, he will will cease this opportunity and act on the temptation.
What has happened in the past is forgotten, and he will repeat the same pattern of behaviour. This is because:
- He does not learn from past mistakes
- He is unable to have empathy for anybody else
- He does not experience guilt, remorse or shame for past actions, and any displayed are fake
- He is selfish and thinks only of himself, and his own needs
- The past is quickly forgotten
The sociopath therefore will repeat the same patterns of behaviour. He is not dictated by others feelings, or others welfare. He is only dictated by his own needs and wants. At the time of making promises to you to change, he might genuinely mean it. Due to losing source of supply. He means it because he does not want to lose this source of supply.
However, the sociopath does not miss opportunities, and if temptation were to come his way again, he would likely repeat the same behaviour, the mask once again slips, and it is round ???? of the same behaviour that has happened in the past.
This is because the sociopath is reacting to what is happening right now. Providing supply for his own needs. No matter how he gets this supply, and no matter who he hurts in the process.
Because he doesn’t think of long term consequences for his actions, and has a lack of ability to plan ahead, he doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions, and not having a conscience, it is unlikely that this will ever change, and patterns of behaviour will be continually repeated, it is not a case of if it will happen, it is when it will happen. Leaving the victim living in a state of anxiety and on edge waiting for the next drama which will cause disruption. This is about the only thing that is guaranteed and reliable about the sociopath, that indeed there will be further disruption. Not if, but when.
Words © datingasociopath.com
206 thoughts on “Sociopath lack of conscience, lack of remorse, guilt or shame”
If you replace “he” with “she”, it’s also true. When is it okay to say he when all is negative? Aren’t we striking all words of “he” from all history? “All men”. Why is it “she” only for pretty things, “she is my boat”? Why don’t we bring back original dialect and use “thee” or “thou”, it refers to any sex. It’s better than to say, “he or she”, or “he/she”. I don’t like the context of this post, it makes it seem like men are prone to or usually the suspect of being a sociopath. I literally and honestly have never met a male sociopath, could be that I don’t date men; as I am a man. But I was raised by a single sociopath, a woman with serious issues with men and other people in general. I have dated sociopath women when I was younger and didn’t know the signs of sociopath behavior. How some people can look you in the eye and lie so convincingly and cheat and have no remorse. It’s truly ugly. Other than the use of “he” referring to this post I totally find it very interesting and clarifying.
This is because you are replying to a post that was written when the blog first started 3 years ago. All posts in the last few years have been written gender neutral, although I wish I could go back to ‘he’ as it reads better, hopefully you can understand the message and convert to he.
Omg.. Really… That offends you?? I’m a woman and find your gender comment absurd. It’s such a “snowflake” comment… Im guessing you’re not over age 25 for sure. This whole women discrimination thing today is so overly dramatic…. Theres way more important things in life to worry /complain about than someone referring to an imaginary person as “he” in an informative article. Quit stirring the pot and grow up. Comments like this make me embarrassed to be a woman.
Sick M.f. really?
I know like most people,the difference between right and wrong and good and bad.
It’s a shame that there are people like this walking around looking for there next victom.
It seems Thay never been held accountable for there actions.
I realize that my mother was a sociopath and that this post describes her to a T. But I can not figure out if she chose to be that way or if she had some kind of brain damage or psychological damage and couldn’t help it. She had problems with abstract thinking. But I do not know if that was a result of her bad childhood, and she did suffer traumatic events in childhood that I’m sure affected her psychologically – or if she had physical brain damage. I have met several other people who have had very similar childhood backgrounds to my mother, and they act in a very similar way, so I am suspecting the problem was not physical brain damage but severe psychological trauma at an early age. It is interesting how this psychological problem even affects all of these people’s abilities to think abstractly and to do certain tasks that normal people don’t have any problem doing. What is so horrible though, is how dangerous these people are. I’m not sure if they can get better or not. I suspect it’s possible, but I think it could be very dangerous to help them if you really don’t know what you’re doing. But the sad thing is, their bad behavior seems to get worse the longer it goes on. And it also seems like they are the victims of manipulation a lot of the time too. They seem to crave attention, and sometimes they end up very successful financially. Sometimes people will influence them to reject some people and to do bad things and to favor them. Sociopaths are like perfectly capable adults who for some reason are stuck thinking like a child – they are very self-centered and childish and easily manipulated by others, although – they are much more capable than any child even if they simply cannot get past a certain stage in their development, which affects them even in simple tasks that require abstract thinking that normal people can do. Because they CAN actually do these abstract things, but it requires an extreme amount of effort. They also tend to focus and concentrate very hard on certain people who they are close to- I think this helps their development to improve… but not at a fast enough pace, and they can become very toxic and clingy, trying to keep these people from having a choice of leaving them.
It is a birth defect of the brain just like any other birth defect that creates the Sociopath, the brain has separate area’s like empathy/conscience etc and they dont develop the same in everyone … within the last 20 years studies have found that excess stress during pregnancy is a contributing factor ie: World War II births
Reblogged this on Narc Bait Diary – Ex Files and commented:
Male or female: these creatures are demented, reprobate and just plain evil. They will drive you to suicide and consider that “winning”. Delete them from your life as soon as possible.
@lev4yeshua, you have said everything all – “Delete them from your life as soon as possible” irrespective of your affinity (mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, nephew, niece etc., etc.,) with these evils.
Its the only way. Even if you still have love for them you must do so from afar, sadly.
Sociopaths have narcissism plus more.
Yes. Psychopaths even more so.
I disagree i live with a sociopath and how do you get someone diagnosed as a sociopath and wow i hope you two dont breed
Lots of reasons. Often because they have been in trouble with the law. Other times, for manipulative reasons. Although that wouldn’t be common. The one that I was with, he would fake to go to counsellors, etc to get help. But this was only for manipulative reasons. NOW if he was in jail or in trouble, and he thought that diagnosis would help, am sure would have gone along that route. They only do what is beneficial to them – unless forced.
Aside from that its amazing ti me that you cant soell narccisist? Thats not a trait of one at all. Lol
If her husband is ‘honest to a fault’ then she is NOT with a sociopath 🙂
Being dishonest, manipulative, deceptive, mirroring you – is a huge part of their personality. If Narsist is with someone who is honest – defo not a socio/psychopath.
I wish I could get to the point where I can say NO for sure if he reappears in the future. right now he is searching for his next victim. It has been two and a half months. How long will it take me to say NO – instead of sure, hurt me again.
This is really up to you. TO escape you need three things I believe. 1. Hope (of a better life) 2. Opportunity (to build a better life) 3. Belief (in yourself and that opportunities will arise – this relates back to hope).
I really would recommend, if you could afford it Mary to get professional help with a therapist. You have already been through a lot. It will be difficult to make accurate decisions that are right for you, without it. You know in your heart that this man is not right for you. I hear you, that you need help. You need access to it.
Great description of Sociopathic traits, but why choose “He” to describe a sociopath?
I know plenty of women who are sociopathic. It seems very slanted, almost like the author is bitter towards a certain “He”.
Because this post was written in 2013? One of the earliest posts on the site, when I was traumatised and writing to HIM?
I think my boyfriend is a sociopath. We broke up last night for the sixth or seventh time. He has all the characteristics mentioned in the article. He will do the same hurtful things over and over and then when I get upset and he thinks he might lose me he will provide a fake apology lacking emotion, remorse or any indication that he understands the consequences of his actions and how he impacts others. If i don’t accept the apology right away or if I don’t go right back to normal once he says sorry, then he turns rageful and flips everything around on me and suddenly I’ve gone from feeling hurt to defending myself for the things he’s accusing me of. I have almost gone crazy too in this relationship. I would have moved on long ago if I didn’t love him. The last time we got back together he told me he knew he has a mental illness and he went for an assessment and is awaiting consultation with a psychiatrist. I wanted to believe this could get better and we could make it work but after last night I feel hopeless. I love him and I have stood by him because I know he’s ill but I can’t stay while he’s tearing me down and hurting me so much. The hardest part for me is thinking that he really believes I’m the problem. He can twist reality and convince himself of anything to make it easier for him to deal with. I really love him and I am devastated that it’s over but I know I have to face the fact that he’s probably not going to get better. I would appreciate any feedback on this. Im so messed up over this. It feels wrong to give up on someone I love because of a mental illness. Im torn and so heartbroken over the way he treated me yesterday. Is he even capable of love? The way he acts doesn’t make me feel loved. Its always all about him.
Do you know that he has REALLY seen a psychiatrist? Do you have evidence of this Cynthia? While I cannot say he is displaying sociopathic behaviours (there is too little information), I do know that Sociopaths fake that they are just about to get better/treatment, to delude you and manipulate them, to forget their behaviours. Like a soothing balm to the soul…. almost…. What you are describing, does not sound like a healthy relationship for you. It is its impact on you (not who he is) that is important. You say that you feel wrong to give up on someone for a mental illness, what about your needs? What about your own mental health? I used to think like you. By the time we split, I was so broken, I could barely speak. The longer that this continues, the more of you that is lost. It will take at least twice as long to recover you. Search on the site for ‘I love you’ post for answers about how they see love, and read the comments, from diagnosed ones. You will see how they think/see the world very different to neurotypical people.
Oh my god, run, you are wasting your time with a boa constrictor that will warp you rmind and keep you wrapped aorund his finger as his humbled slave. Don’t even think about staying. Sociopaths are such much worse than they seem. Once you get out of a relationship – you’ll see.
I had a sociopath for a boyfriend. I didn’t realize he was murderous for years and years after the relationship. It took YEARS of re-living, suicidal ideation and trauma.
GO! Go home to your mother if you have one. Don’t stay.
Trust me. RUN!
Good advice. Thank you.
Rewrite it with something that doesn’t individualized sexuality. Both men and women do this throughout this reading it was always he.
Are you unable to read and work out what it is saying, or translate it Victor? If you look at the date of this post, it is 2013. Look at the name of the website DATING A SOCIOPATH. It is about me dating a sociopath. Who was a man. Therefore the post is accurate.
Thank you again for these posts.
Psychopaths simply have a “worthless mind” from birth as a result of a spiritual choice they made that God allowed them to have, per their decision.
Romans 1:23-32, “God delivered them over to a worthless mind to do what is morally wrong. 29They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness. They are full of envy, murder, quarrels, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, arrogant, proud, boastful,bo inventors of evil, disobedient to parents,bp 31undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, and unmerciful. 32Although they know full well God’s just sentence — that those who practice such things deserve to die, — they not only do them, but even applaud, others who practice them.”
If we had been forewarned about this truth by truthful bible teachers or if people in the psychology field had come forward with the truth that they’ve known about for decades, we may now have laws in place to protect us and our children. We may have had screening practices for our partners, coworkers etc., so we could grow healthier and stronger in the truth and then turn and help others, thus improving many lives and strengthening humanity itself. But this is coming from a mind and heart that seeks truth and desires to help others…the exact opposite of what a psychopath is. Each psychopath, like their spiritual father satan, desires to be god and to be worshipped, and truth resides no where in their heart or mind.
If you use the above bible verses as a checklist, keeping in mind that this is true of all psychopaths ALL OF THE TIME and that NOTHING GOOD resides in them at all, it may help keep you grounded in truth snd reality…a place where psychopaths can never live because their mind is hard-wired to live in a world of one supreme being…themselves. And make no mistake, they LOVE WHAT THE ARE and have NO REGRETS about the decision they made to be a psychopath….they absolutely LOVE being evil. 👺
I am a 50 year old woman, who had been dating a sociopath for several years. Never wanting to believe that was truly him, but trying to have faith that if I loved him, he would come around and act, care, relate, and live life in a healthier more productive way for himself. He lives in drama and I got stuck in that drama with him. Until after almost 4 years, I moved away and just like the article says…..hoping for a better life, taking the opportunities to get away, and start over without him. Since then, life feels so much less stressful, hurtful and I feel better about myself. He was everything this article describes a sociopath to be. It is sad to believe that there are people out there in life like that, and I have always believed in helping people who need others. But there comes a time when you have to think of yourself if they are hurting you and your life, taking away all the good about you, just to live in their drama.
Steve Winfrey in San Diego, CA – I pray for you!
Just read this- and I must say it’s outstanding! My daughter just divorced, after 1.5 years of marriage. Her ex is a true narcissist and sociopath. I thank God every day she is done with him. Thank you for sharing!
I’ve known plenty. There are a lot more around us than we know. When you’re vulnerable, down and out, exploitable, have few resources, they’ll swarm you refusing to let you say “NO”.
I’ve been the victim of a sociopath – he broke into my home. He’s a confessed murderer and a child sex predator.
I’ve had another man break into my home and kill my pet bird. He needed control, respect, a date, attention… sympathy. He stalked me and made me fear he might literally kill me. I had to take taxis home from work (to a shelter). His community supports him. I’m used to this now. It’s honor culture (something I don’t participate in or affiliate with and am extremely sensitive to, now).
(S)He’s good at making people think it’s their fault and that they owe her/him something. They all are.
I stick to myself (completely) now. I saw too much evil around me and am no longer open to men (as a woman), relationships, religion, pressure and coercion got the best of me.
I’ve become suicidal numerous times, self-harmed, I’ve had to move over 50X with people robbing me, stalking me, terrorizing me under my roof. I’ve had my job destroyed. I’ve had my sleep destroyed and have been kept up all night by people who need attention and for me to “stop abuse accusations”. I’ve landed in the ER.
I’m apparently “imagining” all of this and “money” is god, I should learn to “respect a man for what he has????” <—— laughable, hahahaha.
I can't even begin.
They're monsters I don't even consider human anymore. Incomprehensible.
To be isolated, safe, hiking, a free lunch from a shelter and protection from them now is all that I need.
The above stated: "he gives" – is a JOKE
People are filthy animals with malicious minds who like to see people suffer under the weight of a master. I will have nothing whatsoever to do with them. They're just so EVIL. It's hard for me to believe that it came from earth and not from the sewer, like "IT".
Thank you for sharing your story. It is quite unbelievable the drama, chaos, fear they can put into your life. Then switch, calm smiling, intelligent and charismatic. I hope you are doing ok today?
Greatt post thank you