Lack of conscience guilt remorse or shame, sociopath, Understanding the Sociopathic Mind

Sociopath lack of conscience, lack of remorse, guilt or shame

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The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame.

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This is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened. What are you making a fuss about?

Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened when it is convenient for them. They are all different and they all do different things but examples would be:

  • Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
  • Deception and manipulation (conning)
  • Cheating and infidelity
  • Living like a parasite
  • Faking ‘love’
  • Theft

It never occurs to the sociopath that the person that they are deceiving or cheating, has their own rights, and their own mind, and their own ability to make decisions for themselves. To the sociopath, what they need and want is most important of all.

The sociopath thinks only of himself, and if he seems to be ‘helpful’ this is usually because he has his own agenda to achieve. If he wants something, he will make sure that he obtains what he wants by using whatever means he needs to.

If you had something that the sociopath wanted, he could just take it for himself. He wouldn’t think about how this would make you feel, or your loss. All he would be thinking of, is achieving his own needs.

For most people, when we do an act which hurts somebody else, we feel guilt, we have regret, remorse and shame. The sociopath does not experience these feelings. He will only experience regret, if his actions have affected his own life, and therefore damaged his life.

In this circumstance, the sociopath will apologise and say ‘sorry’ but he is not sorry for pain that he has caused you, and your life, it is simply sorry for his own loss of supply.

This lack of conscience, is beneficial to the sociopath

Rather than thinking about the impact of his actions on others, as most people think, he thinks how his actions will get what he wants. He is always thinking of himself, and of what he wants to achieve. The other person, is merely an instrument to be used.

A sociopath, has learned from an early age to ‘mimic’ feelings that other people feel, so he will act guilty, or say the words that they are ‘ashamed’ but only if his actions have caused loss of supply for himself. He never experiences the conscience to think of how his actions have affected someone else. Or how his actions has made somebody else feel, because he is unable to empathise with anybody else’s feelings, he simply does not understand this.

The lack of conscience, can then go one further, to continue with the abuse by gaslighting. When you make complaint about what has happened to you, it is then made out to be YOUR fault?

  • If they cheated, well it was your fault for how you treated them
  • If they stole they deny and tell you have lost the item, or misplaced it, you are so scatty!
  • If they have ruined by manipulation and deception, well it was because of x y or z

To the sociopath, nothing is ever their fault. There is always a reason, and that reason is often YOU.

The sociopath will, if you still have a source of supply that they want or need, apologise, and promise not to do these actions again. But as soon as his feet are under the table again, and you TRUST, your trust is once again betrayed, and they will repeat the same pattern again.

If it seems crazy, this is because it is. And these actions can be hurtful, painful, and make you think that you are losing your mind. If you think that it could get better, it won’t the same pattern would repeat itself over again.

The sociopath plays on YOUR conscience

The sociopath has an advantage, in that he is able to operate by playing on what he does not have, but what you have – ‘conscience’. He will play on your own conscience. His actions are therefore deflected back to you.

  • Will remind you of your moral responsibility
  • Repeat back to you your morals
  • Will accuse you of what he is guilty of doing himself to distract you
  • Talk at a million miles an hour, so that you do not have time to think
  • Have a fake sense of morality, and what you should be doing

How and why the sociopath repeats the same pattern of behaviour

Because the sociopath does not have a conscience,  he is unable to make long term plans, and thinks only of his own needs, and how he can obtain his source of supply, he will after a betrayal make apologies and promise that he will not do these actions again.

Within a short space of time, the same pattern of behaviour re-occurs.

The reason that the sociopath does this is because, when he makes new promises, he is (to his mind) starting again and putting on a fresh mask. However, because he is unable to learn from past mistakes, his brain works on default, so when faced with a new opportunity or temptation, he will will cease this opportunity and act on the temptation.

What has happened in the past is forgotten, and he will repeat the same pattern of behaviour. This is because:

  • He does not learn from past mistakes
  • He is unable to have empathy for anybody else
  • He does not experience guilt, remorse or shame for past actions, and any displayed are fake
  • He is selfish and thinks only of himself, and his own needs
  • The past is quickly forgotten

The sociopath therefore will repeat the same patterns of behaviour. He is not dictated by others feelings, or others welfare. He is only dictated by his own needs and wants. At the time of making promises to you to change, he might genuinely mean it. Due to losing source of supply. He means it because he does not want to lose this source of supply.

However, the sociopath does not miss opportunities, and if temptation were to come his way again, he would likely repeat the same behaviour, the mask once again slips, and it is round ???? of the same behaviour that has happened in the past.

This is because the sociopath is reacting to what is happening right now. Providing supply for his own needs. No matter how he gets this supply, and no matter who he hurts in the process.

Because he doesn’t think of long term consequences for his actions, and has a lack of ability to plan ahead, he doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions, and not having a conscience, it is unlikely that this will ever change, and patterns of behaviour will be continually repeated, it is not a case of if it will happen, it is when it will happen. Leaving the victim living in a state of anxiety and on edge waiting for the next drama which will cause disruption. This is about the only thing that is guaranteed and reliable about the sociopath, that indeed there will be further disruption. Not if, but when.

Words © datingasociopath.com

205 thoughts on “Sociopath lack of conscience, lack of remorse, guilt or shame”

  1. I just want to thank you for this valuable blog. I was married to a sociopath for 13 years and am a case study with respect to the carnage they leave in their wake. The information you share truly helps to ease the burden of responsibility, shame and failure that I carry. I now know that one day, I will be able to release it. Thank you!

    Reply

    1. Hi mamazander,

      Thank you for your comments! 13 years is a long time, for anybody to come of a relationship, let alone a sociopath who has turned your world upside down and inside out.Confusing your head, and blaming you for everything that goes wrong.

      Thank you for visiting my site, I write for me, but also everyone else it can help too. Sometimes just knowing it is NOT you…. can set you free I will add your comments to my thank you page – so that other survivors can find you too

      Reply

      1. Hi there positivagirl – I also read you informative piece, and it did relate in some ways to my ex sociopathic wife, but only is similar way as opposed to being in all ways.

        I have these two questions for you as a result of reading your piece, and they are these:

        1 – Is there such distinct difference between one sex over the other, or was my experience an exception rather than the norm (I too had 13-years of misery, and have continued to suffer right up to this point some 3+ years later?

        2 – If sociopaths have no conscience, then surely that renders them as bieng livining dead/zombie creatures yes? I am unable to believe that a conscience is not found somewhere within that’s all.

      2. Hi, the biggest difference really between male and female, is merely society, and male and female expectations in society. Neither have a conscience, lacking remorse empathy or shame. Everything else is faked.

      3. I’m sorry, but I still struggle to accept that they are 100% conscienceless (it would mean that they operate exclusively via their subconscious minds – or left hemisphere of the brain – where it is found that all things are right regardless of whether they are or not – this would explain their spontaneous compulsive natures agreed? – And it would also mean that they are brain damaged in the right hemisphere of their brains where logical thinking only applies agreed again?).

        I refer to my conscience as being able to stay in touch with my higher power or God (and I’m forced to whether I like it or not), not that I am a religeous believer because I never have been, and never will be.

        If these types have no conscience, then mentally, who do they answer to? They surely answer to some invisible power do they?

        This lack of a conscience may well be the ACTUAL reason for their behaviours fullstop, and given that to be the case, then when it comes to attempting to rehabilitate

      4. I’m sorry, I got the hemispheres of the brain mixed up, the logical/conscious side is on the left, and the illogical/subconscious side is on the right.

        LOL, there, I made a mistake, and fixed it, will I make the same mistake again? LOL, hilghly unlikely but probable.

      5. Great blog. Reminded me of THE RING THAT KEEPS ON GIVING…When I first started dating the sociopath, within a couple of months he told me that he had been looking at engagement rings. I had previously shared that I would never consider an engagement or living together in the first year. So I had to remind him again of my beliefs. He said he understood. A month later, we go to Niagra Falls for a vacation. He is busting butt to get down to the falls in freezing rain in October, there he gets on his knee and proposes. My response angered him. We had dinner and it got worse, never spent the night and drove home. Of course the fight was my fault. It was as if I was not a part of this relationship. A couple of days later, when I would not wear the ring, he put a gun to his head and then to mine, then back to his, stating he didnt know weather to kill both of us or just himself. So I wore the ring for a couple of week, until his mother was informed and was mad. Then we discussed it again and I put it in my jewelry box to just sit.
        At the end of the relationship, I learned that he used the same ring to propose to M. She was the first man she dated after her divorce, so she had half of marital assets and he had a small surgery and they traveled. He proposed Valentines day(while she still had some money) by putting it on a string around a teddy bear, and he almost broke her arm getting it back when the money was gone. Then he proposed to L at a pro football game. He met her on line and convinced her to leave her husband and lured her to move to his city (of course bringing her half of marital assets). With the same ring in hand, another grandiose marraige proposal with the same ring, and after having her savings gone and the two of them moving in with his mother, he shoved her out the door and left her in the drive way and called the police to remove her.
        While the ring remained in my jewelry box, I asked him to postpone christmas until after his busy season and leave my house as he was too stressed out. After he took his time getting his bits of things packed (he did not live with me) he wanted back in my bedroom and I refused him access. He called police who told me I had to let him back in my room. I refused because I know the law. Sociopath would not say what he wanted as I offered to get him anything he forgot. The cop recognized me because I worked for a local domestic violence center, but he thought he had arrested me before. (we are not real recognizable in our pajamas at 6 am). The cop arrested me, assaulted me, put a gun in my face, and acted in every unprofessional manner. He left the sociopath in my house with my daughter and drug me off. The sociopath got his ring back, along with much of my belongings. My daughter blamed him for all of this happening to me. I blamed the police dept. because I had many clients abused by police. A normal person would not talk to the sociopath again, but not me, I really needed him now. So the relationship went on another year and a half before I could take no more. GOOD RIDDINS

      6. Wow what a story. Thank you for sharing bratgirl I really enjoyed reading it. But also a lot of trauma too, esp with the gun being pointed at your head. Did you think that he might kill you at that time? ….

        Those moments that are so eerie… you go cold. Silence. Those are the scariest times. My daughters father he did that with the ring. Within 2 months he measured my finger in my sleep, bought an expensive engagement ring. I guess to them a ring means ownership.

      9. Yes but they are professionals at what they do. You didnt know he was a nut job when he lured you in. Did you of course not he lied. So when you did find the truth it hurt and it was easier to accept the lie that he resold you. You wanted the good again that you saw in the beginning

      11. Is it not normal for an empathy to feel empathy? Maybe you feel sad because you love him, or did love him, and you know that he can never change and nothing that he could say or do would ever make him right? It is long term, it isn’t going to change, its in his brain. And maybe you know that his life will always be doing this and then moving on?

      13. This sound literally just like me. I’m only 12 but this sounds like my own mother typed this up just for me to find it. I’m not 100% sure if I’m a sociopath or not but I have all traits for this.

        Sincerely,
        Vincent Williams

      14. Hey Vince dude I saw your comment XD your right you are a sociopath but that’s just why your my homies XD I still can’t believe you legit told everyone that see you later today bro

    2. I am just finalizing a divorce with one. We walked into the marriage equal. He refused to sign a prenup. He promised he would never touch my home well guess what the emotional trauma has cost me my job I have a dependant to care for he has taken away from me everything including the home I paid for myself he has come out double what I have. I finally just gave him everything as I could not play his mind twisting games which were well assisted by his lawyer. It’s like a motion picture

      Reply

  2. This is a great article and I really hope more people read this because sociopaths are the biggest SHITS we’ll ever meet in mortal form and completely behind help. They destroy lives, in fact they destroy anything and everything that doesn’t fit into their fuzzy and self obsessed agenda.

    Whats more and unless you know what you’re dealing with a sociopath will do his/her level best to send you around the bend especially if there’s a quick opportunity presenting for them somewhere else.

    I learned the hard way just what sociopaths are and I’d never let another one into my life again……how you may ask? By accepting just who and what they are and spotting them now from a hundred yards aka your brilliant post and all their repetitive traits.

    Very big thank you for sharing this wisdom, sincere regards, Barry

    Reply

    1. Hi Barry, you are very welcome I hope that what I write does help with understanding how things work with a sociopath. To realise that the crazy is not you. Am sorry I often write ‘he’ instead of ‘they’ I do sometimes, often it is easier to write in singular term. But it does apply to both male and female. Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving comments 🙂

      Reply

      1. i am a female and am a sociopath, there are several types such as with being a sociopath. in my condition, i can remember and believe what i do wrong, but as far as when i was doing the things it was like i could only focus on that one task. and as for other emotions, sadness and remorse, it turns to anger. honestly i didn’t know i was one until my lover had committed suicide, the last thing i said to him it was your fault for making me stay. every one made excuses for me like i have a right to do so because i am a woman, or he made you go insane… honestly i could say he was the only one i loved, i since moved on and found someone else. he knows of my problem, and he understands my condition. my psychiatrist is still working with us to keep our love alive even though i am incapable of love or like you stated fake love, i am able to show him my infatuation on him and he accepts it. dont get me wrong i still have other things that we still have to work on but i am handling it OK.

    2. Hello:

      You guys have no idea what I’m going through right now. I’ve been with one for almost 8 years after having survived a Narssicistic Sociopath. Back then I was really 100% positive this would never happen to me again. But this time around was a lot worse since I really came to believe I knew him and now with no warning signs he has discarded me for another very cruel woman and they love to make people hurt by using Facebook to harm other people. It would be nice that positivagirl would write an article on this particular subject. He cheated on me more than once and I believed when he cried like a baby, threw up and begged me to forgive him. Now I’m paying the consequences as I’m the one dealing once again with feeling like an idiot who has been robbed not only years but I also became ill while being with him. Now I’ve been left sick with all this horrible feeling that everyone outhere wants to hurt me. Thanks for your help and comments.

      Regards

      Reply

      1. Hi, I know that it is common for female sociopaths especially to use social networking to hurt you. I didn’t think so much the male did this. The best thing that you can do, is to establish NO contact. Which means blocking not only phone email text but also ALL social networking sites, including photos on instagram.

        I am just writing a post about this same thing. About focusing your energy on you. It is not true that everyone wants to hurt you. the smartest thing that you can do, is to remove yourself, even from mutual friends, and remember that as he manipulated you in the relationship, if he can, he will manipulate you and feed you an illusion afterwards – remember – his new girlfriend is only his new victim – remove yourself and his energy will go onto her…. and she will go through exactly what you did.

      2. Waaw Shocked! Your story is as I wrote it for myself! So similar! I am still married to a Sociopath for 13 years while being together for 15 years. We have two small children and it is very difficult for me to separate him because I am unemployed and in a foreign country that I don’t speak well the language. He has taken control over me throughout my entire life here, in his country, so I have been left alone, lost, trapped.

        He has also cheated on me many many times with several women (and flirted right in front of my face ) including a mistress, online encounters and prostitutes….He has been caught and cried as a baby on my shoulders begging for forgiveness. He has tortured me since the beginning of our marriage by diminishing my femininity and personality. I found out about his cheating only few months ago and the hardest part is that he cheated on me while being pregnant and after only 2 months I gave birth.

        Everything started right after our marriage. Before he was so different! He was another person. He was very reliable, extremely trusted and always there for me !!! We were living in UK but after our marriage we moved to France for a better family life. His parents are very narcissists and sociopaths too. My husband , since we moved in France, apparently has been going through a childhood trauma caused by them and he sees a psychologist some times. ( I had no idea about his trauma) . In France, I have been emotionally tortured by him and his family. They kept insulting me since I stepped in their country. They transformed me to a powerless inferior housewife from an ex independent working woman. They have been sabotaging and manipulated all my professional steps I have been taken in order to stand on my own feet.

        Now my sociopath husband tells me that he has changed and he doesn’t want to cheat on me again. He tells me that he has realized all what he has done to me and his children, his family. He says that he loves me extremely and he doesn’t want to loose me. He does everything he can to make me believe him. He even hugs me much much stronger now. He cries!

        I am not 100% sure but I think he hasn’t cheated on me since I caught him 8 months ago. But he has caused me a great trauma that I will carried till the end of my life. He also stole from me the best years of my life ( all my 30s and half of my 40s. I am 46 now!). I have been severally ill for the last 10 years including anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I talk to him about my feelings and he just stares the TV or his computer or reading something. I still see on him some sociopath’s characteristics.

        I will never be able again to be in another relationship because of the cold feelings I have developed towards the opposite sex and of course a 0% trust to any other man. I also feel that everyone out there is after me only to hurt me.

        Great article positivagirl 🙂

        Love and Light!

  3. This is a great article and I really hope more people read this because sociopaths are the biggest SHITS we’ll ever meet in mortal form and completely beyond help. They destroy lives, in fact they destroy anything and everything that doesn’t fit into their fuzzy and self obsessed agenda.

    Whats more and unless you know what you’re dealing with a sociopath will do his/her level best to send you around the bend especially if there’s a quick opportunity presenting for them somewhere else.

    I learned the hard way just what sociopaths are and I’d never let another one into my life again……how you may ask? By accepting just who and what they are and spotting them now from a hundred yards aka your brilliant post and all their repetitive traits.

    Very big thank you for sharing this wisdom, sincere regards, Barry

    Reply

    1. can someone help me? He has had my son taken and no one is listening to me. He did a great smear campaign. My son is my life and I am scared.

      Reply

      1. Hi Lynn,

        I am so sorry to read what you are going through can you give anymore information? When you say he has taken your son – do you have legal representation? What kind of help do you need? Do you want to tell your story. It might help us to help you.

      2. I am dying, almost literally, for someone to hear me, but even as I am typing this, I am locked in my workshop terrified. I need legal representation, but he has done such a good job of trashing (for lack of a better word) me to everyone that I am scared to even try to speak to anyone. He told me when I removed him from my home a year ago that if I did not take him back, he would bury me. He proceeded to do just that by having my son taken away. I was afraid so I took him back in order to get my son back, but to no avail. He does not want my son back. I don’t even know what he wants, other than a free place to live. But he knows my son (Cary, who just turned six) is my world. If I do not keep him, he will keep my son away from me.
        Can anyone help? I am, was, a very intelligent woman. Now I feel crazy.

      3. Hey Lynn, they DO target intelligent people (they suffer with boredom so need the mental challenge) – so this is not a reflection on you or your stupidity. They are just very good at being manipulative, deceptive and playing the game.

        You need legal representation that understands and has experience of sociopathic behaviour. Do you really think that long term he would want to be a single parent to your son? (as they are not too good at responsibility)

        I know that it sounds like you are panicking. What I want you to do is to take a deep breath and begin to focus on what you can change.

        1. Get legal representation – when you make the calls ask if they have any experience of dealing with a parental ex spouse who is sociopathic? (this is important)
        2. NEVER ever show him emotion. (even if you are dying inside) do not display this to him – he will manipulate your emotions – and control you through fear – if he can
        3. Remember that he is hurting you through the way that he knows he can hurt you most
        4. Its easier said than done but do not be scared – sociopaths are weak people inside.
        5. Never allow him to know ANYTHING about your life (as he will use this against you)
        6. Even if you have ONE friend that you feel safe with (or family member) – it is better to have one than a whole heap of people that he can manipulate
        7. For now try to steer clear of communication with mutual friends as much as possible. Retain your privacy
        8. Go through legal channels to have access or gain custody of your son
        9. Keep within the law
        10. Use the law to back you (again why I say its so important to make sure that this person understands sociopathic behavour – and has experience of this) before hiring them
        11. Try to make sure that you get support for you. Even if that is just one person that you can trust.
        12. This CAN get better…… tell him if you have to that is fine you will go through legal procedures to have contact with your son. Follow through
        13. Do not back down or ever show weakness (even if inside you are dying)
        14. See this (as hard as it is) – as a business transaction – don’t give him your emotions. Just be cool calm — and business like
        15. ALWAYS (obviously) put the interests of your child first and display this.
        16. Remember that everything can and will be used against you
        17. Sending you are a hug — you are not alone – there are millions of victims throughout the world. I hope that someone else can offer some advice and support too.

        Keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing.

      4. You can do this… you are not crazy….. this is why I say its important to not display any emotion….. he will use this against you.

        Business transaction….. I know this is hard – but share your emotion with your trusted friend. Trust this person with your life – but choose this person wisely. Sociopaths are great at isolating person. One person is better than a group of fickle friends who would only add more stress and make you doubt yourself more.

      5. It is too late, I could not stop showing emotion. I will find out in a couple of hours if he drove me to a panic attack to keep his place to live or if he is telling the truth. If he is telling the truth, I have lost my son. That I cannot stand.

      6. This is ok. Make tomorrow a new day. Do not show emotion. As a far as possible NO CONTACT none at all (then emotion cannot slip) the sociopath cannot manipulate a constantly moving target that displays no emotion.

      7. Unfortunately he is still in my home. No contact not possible and since I served him w/30 day notice, he is on the offensive in a very forceful way. But your support is the first I have ever had and it is making all the difference in the world. Without it, I fear what I would have done. Thank you with all of my heart. God Bless. I will try to stay strong.
        Lynn

      8. @Lynn… if you can remain calm/cool, he doesn’t get the pay off of seeing you emotionally crack up (which is really all he is going for). If he gets no payoff, he might back down, saving you some of the rest of the trouble.

      9. Lynn,

        Really sorry to hear about what you’re going through.

        Based on my experience with a female sociopath, here’s my quick advice: Remain as calm and collected as you can, as this will allow you to problem-solve effortlessly on the fly – which you will need to do until this EVIL DULLARD is out of your life.

        The “air” a sociopath breathes is our discomfort, confusion, pain and rage. If you take away this air, they do not know what to do. Think of your sociopath as a meat puppet, essentially as a robot that looks human. He is NOT human. So you owe this personal nothing morally or spiritually. Nothing.

        If you’d like some inspiration, there’s a great scene from Man of Steel where a young Clark is having a breakdown at school because his super senses allow him to hear and see too much. He’s overloaded with pain. Clark’s mom shows up at the school and Clark says “the world is too big Mom.” Her response is classic: “Make it smaller, Clark, focus on my voice.”

        That’s sort of what you need to do – focus on your own inner voice, the strongest part of who you are, the part that will overcome this and flourish in the future.

        Good luck.

        MG

  4. It’s interesting that you bring up their inability to learn from past mistakes and that this has a correlation with their inability to feel remorse. It made me think about how pain can be a great learning experience.

    Reply

    1. Yes definitely, we all know how it feels when we feel a sense of remorse or shame.

      It is an awful feeling, and this makes us strive not to do those actions again.

      The sociopath doesn’t have this. He doesn’t feel those feelings. Only if it affects his own life.

      You know that saying, where we hurt the most is where we grow and learn the most. The sociopath doesn’t benefit from this.

      Pain can bring growth. I think it is the reason why sociopaths actually are quite immature. I think when they are young, they often go undetected particularly the charismatic type. As they just seem like a ‘cheeky boy’ amongst their peers.

      As they grow and age it causes more problems as more responsibility is expected of them. Sociopaths do not deal very well with responsibility. They are not even responsible for themselves, let alone anyone else.

      Which is the same way that a child is.

      Reply

      1. Haha, I actually didn’t know that saying before! Thanks for the article and the learning experience! You do well in keeping this topic fairly fresh, even with your prolific writing.

      3. Also, writing once a day does seem to be working. New people who visit read a lot of posts. And others have something new to read every day.

        If someone has been through it, because of the gaslighting manipulation and control, they are the ones who are left feeling crazy. Sometimes I might write the same thing, but if someone has been abused, it needs to be said again. If that makes any sense?

      6. THANK YOU, it is what I want too. I think it will happen too. There are a lot of comments coming in, but they come in all over the site, so you might not see them. This is growing daily. What other people used to do, was to mark posts that they were interested in, so that they also had emails when there were responses. How long ago did you split with your ex? Are you still having any contact, or has he gone completely?

      8. Yes I was shocked when I read an email that I wrote to him in May 2015. I was a nice person too. Too nice, too kind, and just too vulnerable at the time. They take advantage of nice people. People who are strong and assertive are not too much interest to the sociopath, its too much like hard work.

      9. Best place to write, if you want a response from more people, is often the ‘share your story’ section. As I know that a lot of old readers have this on send to email, and do come back to reply.

      10. Well you bought him a hot dog and a coke. Also, narc supply – he doesn’t like being ignored. So now he can tell himself reason you didn’t contact is because you didn’t have his number. You know that this guy is bad news!! Right? He wont change, and he will only bring further heartache, pain and losses.

      11. You know that this is breaking the no contact rule, so it sets your healing and recovery back. However, it wasn’t your fault, as you didn’t mean to see him. Just know though that you have to start no contact again, or risk being sucked in. It WONT get better either. In fact, it will get worse.

      12. Don’t be ashamed. It could happen to anyone. Buying someone a coke and a hot dog because they look hungry isn’t a bad thing to do. Its just that they are messed up and you can’t treat them like normal people. Sadly. As it will just affect your life.

      13. No, and he won’t change. I want you to think now how long did it take you to get him OUT of your life? It is quicker to allow a sociopath back into your life, than it is to get rid of them. So think of that one…

  5. One post a day is fairly prolific, especially with the quantity of facts, in my book. 🙂

    And yes, that is absolutely understandable. I think it’s appropriate to drive the points home in whatever way you can. I think what you could do though is talk more about how you went through this stuff and came out with a learning experience that you’re able to share now.

    As far as I remember, I’ve only seen you talk a little bit about yourself in the about page, though I haven’t pried through all of your posts or anything. I think it’s something that you should bring up again, if you haven’t done so already, so it adds more relevance to your blog.

    Otherwise, people would think that you’re just a regular shrink. 😉

    Reply

      1. Your blog has actually made me question that, but I realized that I’m too empathetic to be one. Sorry if I come off as one, but this stuff genuinely interests me.

  6. Ah, I see. Thanks for the explanation! I’ll be keeping up on your work and see what I can make of it. Best of luck!

    Reply

  7. Once again…right on.
    You said, “A sociopath, has learned from an early age to ‘mimic’ feelings that other people feel, so he will act guilty, or say the words that they are ‘ashamed’ but only if his actions have caused loss of supply for himself. He never experiences the conscience to think of how his actions have affected someone else. Or how his actions has made somebody else feel, because he is unable to empathise with anybody else’s feelings, he simply does not understand this.”
    I remember several times when I was crushed by the lying and betrayals that he made such a point of how ashamed he was for what he had done. He wasn’t ashamed…he was just sorry he got caught.
    Then you said, “The reason that the sociopath does this is because, when he makes new promises, he is (to his mind) starting again and putting on a fresh mask. However, because he is unable to learn from past mistakes, his brain works on default, so when faced with a new opportunity or temptation, he will cease this opportunity and act on the temptation.”
    He promised me that he would never do these things again to me…but he did…over and over. The very last time was a set up on my part. He failed the temptation. He could never learn. He would apologize, but then turn around and blame everyone, including me. It was my fault I set the trap…how dare I go and search for the truth. If I hadn’t done that then things would have been fine…until the next temptation.

    Reply

    1. You are so right Katrina. Isn’t it funny how they are different people, yet I can write about him as if I had met him?

      This is how you know that it really isn’t YOU and there was nothing that you did to cause it. And there was nothing that you could do to change things.

      Its good to see you moving forward so well!!! Am glad that you can relate to what I write! 🙂

      Reply

      1. It is uncanny, because I can relate as if I wrote it myself. I still go through the grief of what could have/should have been. I never worked harder at a relationship than I did that marriage…to have it all go to hell. The last few days, I have just been angry. I am angry for how he treated me and my family. We didn’t deserve what he did. That is over though, and all we can do is go from here. I am only making positive choices…letting myself go through the stages of healing and bettering myself. We have been separated 4 1/2 months and divorced for one. I am going to be ok…and he can go to hell.

      2. Yay go you!!

        Me too. I put more into the last relationship and the one before than I had ever done. Financially, emotionally in every way.

        It felt that nothing i did, and no matter how much I gave it was never enough he always wanted more. It actually felt like a drain, with the last one a financial drain and the one before an emotional drain. Taking and taking until there was nothing left, and I had been bled dry.

      3. Yeah, me too. That isn’t going to happen anymore. I am going to get strong again on my own. I have a great family and good friends. No men until I get my act together and do what’s right for me.

  8. I can’t say thank you enough. Knowing I’m not alone and reading my story in your voice has inspired me to FINALLY (8 years in) kick my sociopath to the curb (though I’ll be sure to cancel my credit cards and all our joint accounts first). Your blog entries are the first glimpse I’ve had at a way to move on rather than mourn the time I’ve lost and continue to try and salvage the relationship.

    Reading this gives me the courage and confidence to begin moving forward without him.

    Thank you. A thousand thank yous.

    Reply

    1. Aw what beautiful words!! Thank you so much for your kind words! It really means a lot to me. 8 years, wow!!

      Stay in touch, and let me know how you are doing. No, you are not alone. There are millions of victims of sociopaths. In fact, more victims than there are sociopaths. I am glad that what I have written has helped you. Your feedback helps me too!! 🙂

      Reply

  9. Thank you for sharing this blog. I recently just broke up with a sociopath who was divorced with three children. He lied to me and used me,he couldnt keep a steady job was always getting fired I was always there for him financially and emotionally because I was never exposed to these types of people never knew they existed. I feel very bad for his children because they had to grow up to see this I was attached to them they were also attached to me. Emotionally I feel damaged by this man he has manipulated me in every possible way no matter what I did for him he still treated me like garbage and I could imagine what he put his ex wife through. Its sad to know these people do exist and they wl keep coming back till they leave you with nothing more to give.

    Reply

      1. Im trying to move past this I was with this man for about a year if I told all the awful things hes done it saddens me and I do not understand why they would want to hurt those who have helped them.

    2. Truly relate never imagined one would find his way into my life, talk therapy helps, left alone in my head the voice I hear is his which is truly evil and lies. Find a way to relieve your anger or it will destroy what’s left of you

      Reply

      1. My heart goes out to you. These creatures are pervasive parasites. True social predators.
        You did nothing wrong, remember that. You did not know it at the time but he chose you because you represent something he can never have – goodness. They have no real emotions, they only mimic yours to get what they want/need “narcissistic supply”. You fell in love with someone that never existed. He learned what your weaknesses were, stole your hopes and dreams and then sold them back to you. Recovery is a long, hard road but it is possible. Trust your inner voice. Work on what was broken in you so you never are targeted again. One on one counsel helped me – there are also support groups. I find a lot of peace doing guided meditation. Focus on the good things in your life not the evil that found it’s way there – you must let it go to move forward.
        There are a lot of good books out on the topic of psychopath/sociopaths – educate yourself, I have been doing a lot of reading. I wish I would have known the signs, but we can not live in the past – focus on what is – and move forward. There are still a lot of good people out there, so don’t be afraid to open your heart, just remember to do what I forgot – “take your head along”. If it seems to good to be true, well you know what they say.
        Most of all love yourself, you are worth it or he wouldn’t have tried to steal your soul – he wants what you have, that he can never possess – a conscience.
        Still healing – but “getting stronger”. 🙂
        Blessings for you.

  10. He used his two beautiful children to manipulate me and keep me around. I am emotionally destroyed.

    Reply

      1. Its been two weeks and there has been no contact between us things will get better thank you for writing this blog I can relate to it. I just hope he no longer contacts me he is a master at manipulation and hopefully I can move on thank you.

      3. I hope not last week we broke up it ended badly & I kicked him out of my apartment he pretty much hates me. So wish me luck I want this vicious cycle to end between us.

      4. I don’t know whether they do actually ‘hate’ – the strongest that they come is rage when losing control. BUt it isn’t hatred as we know it? Just like love is based around ownership, possession and control? At least that is what I observed. It is more a game to them. Without feeling those emotions themselves, they don’t really comprehend how it feels what they do to others. I could be wrong, but this was my observation. It is early days – you will hear from him again – I bet!! 😦

      5. Thats exactly what happened! After I left him he was harrassing me saying he was going to make me lose my job and putting me down saying ill never see his kids again im worthless etc. After all I did for him & all the mental and emotional abuse he put me through its just to much to handle. Did you go through a similar situation and why do they comeback?

      6. Yes I went through similar. Threats and actual doing things to. Do they come back, usually yes. Why? Because whilst you might be traumatised by their bad behaviour. They tend to forget. I don’t know whether the word forget is right, more that they don’t see that they have done anythin really wrong. Different day different drama and they cant understand why you are so upset, or — they enjoy seeing you upset,. its a reaction which is better than no reaction at all 😦

      7. That is what I never understood the more harm he made to me the more he came back it seems kind of sick and twisted as if its a high for them to see you suffer. He admitted to me once that he felt no empathy. He makes those suffer those who care about him.

      9. Yes, especially when that behaviour is causing you destruction of your own life. You have no choice but to remove yourself from that person. It’s so destructive. Sometimes you can love the person, but just not be able to tolerate the behaviour anymore.

      10. Im glad he hasnt not attempted to call me he might be trying to find his next victim. I no longer trust anyone I only speak to my family its hard after being emotionally abused and manipulated by someone else.

      11. Hi October, I think that this is common. When you come out, you are in the fog, feeling isolated, even struggling to talk to people who were close (for fear of feeling ashamed, or foolish that this has happened). After this, we start to trust only a very limited amount of people. If those people do not let us down, then very slowly you can start to trust others again. Go easy on yourself, it is traumatising being emotionally and mentally abused, and that is what they do. You will make recovery, it just takes some time. Take each day step by step, and try to keep the focus on right now, today – that is all you have control over. Keep the focus on you!!

  11. How sad people have hurt innocent children because of sociopath issues. We haven’t seem our grandchildren in over 5 years. Our daughter in law used her 9 year old daughter filed assault charges against our son. Her mental illness leaves her feeling no guilt. After using her child she signed daughter away but gave birth to new baby 8 months later. What’s even more scary is she now has taken medical training class. She was accused of stealing from elderly nursing home residents years ago. Think any one checks her for mental illness before hiring her? Thank God I didn”t allow her to use my younger son in her sick twisted crime. But she tried and most people don’t believe the truth. Who protects her children from their mentally ill mother? We protects nursing home residents?

    Reply

  12. Wow,I cannot believe the amount of chaos that the Sociopath leaves in their wake,very distressing :0(
    My sociopath is high functioning & has two jobs,one a Commander in the Melbourne Metro Fire Brigade & the other a car dealer…he gets a lot of his victims by appearing the savior type & is often introduced via his jobs to unsuspecting,vulnerable women!
    My Sociopath was discovered by the other woman who in turn contacted me,she is a Doctor of Sociology & studies Human Behavior!! She is still with him but,I have been discarded as a source (which is a relief after 10 years of supplying this creature for his use & abuse).
    I even completed an Advanced Diploma Of Business Management for his credentials,that he submitted to hold his rank in the Fire Brigade!!! Oh well at least I know I am smart,just too obliging! He worked so hard & I felt sorry for him!!!
    My sociopath has continued on as if I did not exist & even used his family to cover up his lies which was even more humiliating!!!
    I am well on the road to healing but,cannot believe the lengths that a Sociopath will go too,to secure what they want & how his next victim is aware of his behavior yet is staying with him???
    How does a woman that is aware that he has been cheating on her the entire time & lying & manipulating wanting to keep him in her life? How does she comment on Social Behavior for the Police etc…yes she does reports etc…for organisations into this type of thing!
    Is this neediness or complete madness?
    He is that clever he has somehow convinced her he won’t do it again….his history is littered with his victims,what does it take to make a person wake-up to gas lighting!
    Gee I wish someone had alerted me years ago….I am so grateful for these articles/posts.
    I even forwarded some onto my Sociopath’s victim….but alas,she has shut me down….until he does it to her again & again then who knows,maybe she’ll realize she deserves much more than him,I hope so anyway for her sake :0)

    Reply

    1. Only thing is Pheonix (in response to the other victim) is that you cannot be responsible for anyone else – only you. Yes, she won’t see it. I didn’t!! One of my exes ex said to me ‘he can’t change for his child, what makes you think he can do it for you?’ ….. she was right, but I was deluded!! 🙂

      Reply

      1. I feel sorry for the girl that has been with mines for the last 3 years. He is very rich so he makes up for his poor behavior with fancy gifts, trips etc and I have only been with him for 3 months.
        I cut contact with her because speaking to her made it hard for me to move on. It has been a month since we last spoke and everyday I am tempted to ask her how she is doing but I don’t. Should I?
        She is use to his lies, cheating, tantrums. I bet I am smarter than her as I got more truth out of him in 3 months than she did in 3 yrs. I feel sorry for her. she was conversing with both me and my bff and when my bff told her about the term and she was like” I don’t have time for the insults bye”.

        So that’s another reason I don’t aks how she is doing
        I have been cut off as a source too, I know she is not my business but I am the kind of person who cares, what should I do?

      2. I bet he let you BELIEVE That you had more truth than she did, leaving you to think that you are special. You cant worry about her, he has likely sucked her in. Is lying to her and making you out to be the crazy one…. but one day in the future she will be the crazy on and someone else will be the latest victim!

      3. Hi positiva girl its me again. My ex has not contacted me but his friend has she sent me a message on facebook wanting to know how I am. Im afraid hes using her facebook to talk to me shes an older lady so hes probably manipulating her I do not want to fall back into his trap again.

      4. Hi October, I would recommend blocking his friend too! This gives you back control. Otherwise it wont be long before he is drinking your beer in the fridge, sleeping in the warm side of the bed, and his feet firmly back under the table. Usually if you feel something, follow that feeling and that gut pull in your stomach. If it feels suspicious, it probably is – trust yourself!! 🙂

      5. Thank you! my friend told me the same thing she thinks its him since hes obviously not done trying to destroy me but I wont allow him im getting better and every day. Your blogged & reading other peoples stories has helped me move on.

      7. Remember I told you my ex bf friend was messaging me on facebook? Well long behold she was trying to find out what I have been up to so she could inform him and he recently just called me on wednesday. She was doing this to help him she actually has a degree in psychology & she works for the state as a social worker how funny is that?Ive been having nightmares about him & boom there ya go he reappeares in my life.

      9. This is going to sound crazy but he can feel my spirit like when I think of him or when ive moved on its freaken weird.

  13. Your right positivagirl ;0) & we can only save ourselves. I don’t think your delusional just trusting & we all want to see the good in people. We hope that we are the person they will change for, because we are worth it. Eventually we realise that nothing will ever change were the Sociopath is concerned ;0(
    We do however have to reinforce to ourselves that we are worth it & just have to hope we find that someone that appreciates us for ourselves & not what they can take from us.
    Most importantly is finding ourselves & not letting these damaged individuals undermine our self worth which does take a battering. I am gradually taking back my own power but,as you know it’s a slow process but,worth fighting for ;0)
    Stay Positiva!

    Reply

    1. Hi October, Stay Strong !
      They do in fact attach themselves to our energy as I have learned through this wonderful site. I have been doing a lot of the meditations and the ones involving “cord – cutting” have been most helpful. Not only does it empower you but it helps you to begin to heal some of the damage done to your spiritual side. I am 30 days NC today ! Still struggling but I know now I will be OK 🙂

      Reply

  14. Reeding this comentas I understand, that I was really lucky.
    I just want to thank you for this blog. It is incredibly valuable to know that I am not the only one who fall in that tramp, and that is nothing wrong with me.
    After two years of relations I discovered that everything was a big lie (he had two girl friends at the same time, and other women had a much longer history with him, and was victimased more), the break up was easy for me, I was prepared and knew with whom I am dealing, I took al precautions, block al contacts, expose him with my side of the story with friends and business partners to prevent his lies. But I could not stop thinking why it happens, how he frame me so easily. So it was really grate to understand that it is nothing wrong with me.

    PS: as I know, other women suffer from the same escenario which you described – he constantly tried to contact her with all possible and imposible promises, which he easily changes to insults when she refuses him. I just close my door at his face when he tried to speek with me.

    Reply

    1. Hi Munital, thank you for sharing your story. Well done you for closing your door in his face…. take one day at a time. Now you have energy for you. No there is nothing wrong with you, there are many many victims, all with similar stories!!

      Reply

  15. Every word on this blog is 100% true, and worth gold to victims of a sociopath. I devoted 15 years of my life to a sociopath, but came to my senses and managed to escape at the very last moment, before the point of no return, of being unable to recover and regain mental, social, and financial health. Of course I will never attain the financial security I could have had, if I had not spent all that time being drained by the bottomless pit of the sociopath, but I consider myself very fortunate not to have been completely ruined for the rest of my life. I have posted a link to this blog on my Facebook – hopefully others will read and be forewarned. Brought up by a mom who believed nothing but the best of everyone, I had no inkling that there was such a thing as a sociopath, and I did not even put a name to what I had gone through until after I had put it behind me.

    Something I noticed about my sociopath, which was probably the first warning signal that really made me think, was his reaction on two occasions, to his narcissistic rages. When it got to the point that I was driven to the point of hysterical tears, I caught a glimpse of his face when he thought he was unobserved – he was smiling. I think you used a term which would describe account for this type of reaction, just doesn’t come to me at the moment. I can add another variation too – he used my mom as means of controlling me. She was already a victim, in a mother-son type of relationship, when I first met him, and remained under his control until she passed away. I was only really 100% free after that, as I had the constant emotional blackmail and worry about her, and could not entirely cut off contact until then.

    Reply

  16. Dr. Martha Stout has a great book out called “The Sociopath Next Door”. It’s definitely worth reading and really goes into detail with examples she gleaned from a mixture of her patients. Kind of scary, actually, but now I can kind of think of a few people in my life who are probably sociopaths. Glad I haven’t had to deal with them in a while!

    Reply

  17. I am looking for information on how to deal with a sociopath who is your own child…..I say child but really she is an adult and I am her “go to” person, and have been for more than 20 years. I realize this blog is about dating a sociopath, but I was hoping you might have an idea where I can find information about being the mother of sociopath. She is really wearing me down mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
    .

    Reply

    1. The only thing that I can suggest Linda, is to separate the behaviour from the parent/child role. To say that you love your child, but you do not love and will not tolerate the behaviour. If the behaviour doesn’t improve you have to remove yourself for your own sanity. That you love your daughter, but you won’t be abused. Its not acceptable. When you separate the behaviour from the love, you turn the responsibility back to her – but of course you know, that she will in turn play victim and tell everyone what an awful mother you are (even if you are not). It’s not an easy one, and it is the reason that a lot of sociopaths become estranged from family (i worked with a lot in the homeless field) many were estranged from family.

      Reply

  18. Hi positiva girl its me again. My ex contacted me again yesterday can you believe it? After I blocked him from all social media & also his friend he seems to not understand he calls me from different numbers. After putting me in a hospital,using me financially and manipulating me and threatning to get me fired from my job he has no empathy unbelievable

    Reply

    1. Am sorry to hear this October. It is like getting rid of a virus – just keep blocking new numbers. The worst is when they show up at your home or work shouting and yelling. Have you thought of contacting the police and filing a report for harassment?

      Reply

      1. I think its going to be the next step in my book I need to get rid of him completely he is talking to other woman yet keeps bothering me its unbelievable.

      2. Yes they do this, as they are so insecure, they need to keep a source of supply going. It isn’t that they care just their ‘just in case back up plan’ life is after all (to them) a game.

  20. This site is great, so helpful. My sociopath has just gone, maybe forever, won’t speak to me, and maybe that is good. I had never heard the word before. He had said he couldn’t do relationships, he had tried and always messed up. I thought he would get over it, it was just fear. He said he couldn’t empathise with anyone, he even had to ask the meaning of the word. He said he only saw himself and what he wanted. He always pushed women away if he felt they were getting closer, although he hadn’t been able to do it with me.

    He had several faces, the over the top entertainer, charismatic, cultured…the boy with simple sense of humour, devoted son, … the romantic…the loner…the frustrated Mr Angry, Mr Uncaring. He was an onion,, ,layers hiding and protecting the inner, preventing change.

    He was aware of his issues but had no name for the, only that he wouldn’t change. I would say anti social personality disorder, narcissism, ocpd, to name a few.

    I was naive, thinking he could learn and change. He didn’t want change, accepted who he was, although deep down he had a deep, hurt hole in his soul.

    Unlike what you said he never felt the need to keep saying he loved me, his game was that women wanted to show him how love could make him better, ,,then he could lap it up.

    I still find it hard to think that it was all manipulated to get what he wanted. He seemed so genuine. Eventually it was my demand for exclusively that sent him away, commitment was anathema to him, although he wasn’t seeing anyone else while I was with him as far as I know.

    Anyway he is on the loose, looking for conquest. He works in a job that brings him into regular contact with women, in a romantic environment, relaxed, him in a responsible position over the group, where he can choose, work his charm, take what he wants and run, potential destruction in his wake. I feel sorry and in some way wish I could help, before his destructive wave continues.

    From discussion with a psychiatric doctor friend, he wont change so long as it doesn’t affect him badly. From his perspective the OCPD tells him he is right, everyone else is wrong.

    Only defence. Keep clear, danger..beware

    S

    Reply

    1. Thank you for your comment Sue and welcome to the site. You cannot change the sociopath – they can’t even change themselves – so offers to help might be taken up, but it will only be an opportunity for further manipulation and control. Take back the control of you and your own life….. it does get better and easier (also read the posts about coping with pain after discard)

      Reply

  21. I just have read your blog…and i went out of relationship with female psychopath few months ago.Whats bad ,i work with her at the same company…and i doubt that she even cheated me there.I feel totally destroyed and stripped of my manhood,everything.
    I wonder…do you think you can take revenge on psychopath…and what will hurt them the most ?
    Time passes by……but i still cant forget what has been done to me….i even feel shame in my company cause i feel that many other people know some “specific” things about her….like that shes an easy girl or something,some even made jokes with her about it.
    Please…anyone….if anyone ever succeeded in taking revenge on psychopath,please do let me know….i just cant stand the feeling of what has been done to me…..and feel such a shame there.
    Hope to hear some good advice from someone soon,thanx in advance.

    Djuran from Belgrade,Serbia

    Reply

    1. Hi Djuran. There really is little point in trying to get revenge as the sociopath will simply turn it around on you!! What hurts them the most – is you living your life well, being successful and happy despite them. I have written a post how to get even with one… but that is ONLY recommended usually if the person is still in your life and making your life hell. Otherwise you will look like the bitter ex and she will make you out to be a complete lunatic who is obsessed with her. Which will not help with your healing and recovery. Your best thing to do, is to focus on you on your own healing and recovery. So that you can move on from her. And you will one day meet someone who is so much better for you!! 🙂

      Reply

      1. Thanx a lot for your reply Positivagirl…and i really think you are right,no matter how much i would love to see her being hurt for all the things i went through,its almost impossible.
        After all thats why i asked if anyone has any advice.

        Being happy and all smiles i guess will bother her the most…and after all,as you said,if i try to take revenge on her…she could turn that on me (especially cause we work at the same place)

        Once she even tried to use the situation in her office when i tried to stop her from going out of her office and she didnt want to talk (since i was talking about some bad things i was doubting she has done) ….she even threated me and warned me that she will call the security…and i havent done anything besides standing in her way and wanted to talk.

        Thanx again,i hope ill go over this soon…even that we still work at the same company and i see her everyday 🙂

      2. Yes they love to threaten when things are not going their way. Remember that they use their lack of emotion to control yours. Love and fear and primary emotions that they control you with. The most healthy way for you to recover is to let go with love. As difficult as that might be. It is difficult when you have to still work with her…. but just try to never display any emotions towards her – hatred and anger is an emotion, and they get off on having a reaction. So give none… it will get better.

  22. I want to ask…have anyone figure out what kind of supply they provided for the sociopath? My sociopath used me to help him gain and drop his new supplies. Okay he see something he needs he torture me then he blames lies and neglect later its time to, prove he doesn’t care in public because his supply is near, ok now she’s convinced and ready to care for him while im the crazy woman they can laugh together about. Soon these ppl are showing their faces in stores etc. seem familiar. Suddenly i remember them they were his new supply. What puzzled me was these women looked stressed and worn since the last time i saw them. At this time now he want to show me off and be nice in public. Then the in between garbarge starts back to square one again. I helped him collect and discard his other supply.He manipulated them by saying im crazy and he will provoke me to react just so he can look like a victim. I stayed with my sociopath for an extra two years on purpose to study his bahavior after i heard about sociopaths on bio channel. I almost wanted to kill him i was so angry but i swallowed it. I was devastated that i wasnt ready to move on. I couldnt see my self healthy enough to think about leaving. So i stayed and everything i discovered i let him know i started revealing him to the public family and friends he call me crazy then i really started showing him crazy with threats im making a scene at places he take me where i know it was deceit involved in the environment, i harrassed the hell out of his new supply i truly was displaying a nut, but to add spice i would threat. It was a hot mess! Lol. It was my rage. I had to feel like i was fighting back instead of feeling like i just laid down and let this sicko walk away with my stuff i need to be strong for me. All of that just enhanced his games.lol. GOD can give them everything or punish them for everything and it wont change not one thought in these sociopath heads yet their hearts. The last part was more like the tina turner and ike movie scene in the limo and hotel. It wasnt violent butthe temperment was there. I finally gave it up because he was getting worst not better. Now he started again after the cool down period. He found another temporary supply, like always she called me to hear my voice and say she have the wrong number. Like all them done before this time i text her and told her i will kill you and him if you bother me again. She was so scared she swore in the name of the lord she dont what im talking about, she kept texting to get my response to make it right? I laughed in anger and saw that she was his new victim, and decided to warn her of him. I basically told her to research sociopath just to give you a headstart of his upcoming episodes and her calling me was his plan. He set it up that way because he did the same to me about someone else. She still told me to get some help. Lol

    Reply

    1. @Shannon… why did you participate in helping him get and deceive new marks? Was he telling you that you were the #1 girl? BTW, I don’t know what state/country you are in, but there was a “Shannon” in my scenario so, a little curious about that as I know the other side of the coin with respect to what he was telling me about her.

      Reply

  23. Hello. I am a 22 female.
    This may sound strange. But judging on what I keep reading, I very much think I could be a sociopath. I feel no remorse for the things I do and it has been the same for each of my relationships. It is weird and awful realising how I act and even though I still feel no guilt I want to and I want to change and be a better person and having a long proper relationship with my partner of 18months, I feel for him dearly and have done some very evil and nasty things including cheating. Is there anything which may help me to resolve myself so I can make him happy or is it best to walk away because I’ll probably hurt him again?

    Reply

    1. Hi, whilst you might not have a conscience. Maybe you could learn to control your impulses? To manage yourself. You need to ask what this person means to you (what does he offer you?) – if what he offers is valuable to you – is he worth losing? If not, then what do you need to do to make the relationship work?

      Reply

    2. You need a therapist to help walk through with you why you are doing the things you are doing. That you see it and want a change suggests some conscience.

      Reply

  24. I often found that aspect in her lying, even if I would find out, it worked or delayed for right then. If needed she would hop from lie to lie, which would make a normal person feel ridiculous …” I did it because of x”, if I got to actually say that couldn’t be the case and manage to eliminate that as a reason, she would say “i did it because of y”…. “hell is the impossibility of reason”.

    Reply

  25. So true and disappointing when there are children in the equation who will suffer due to the break up. The likely hood that an SP will change there way is zero to non. Simply put they do not have the capacity to do so. It is very important to not feel sorry for the SP or try to change them. Can not be done. As I write this I am pondering the course of action I must take to end a ten year relationship with my SP girlfriend. For over a year since I discovered one of her many infidelities I have been doing my best to forgive and forget and move on. I will not lie to myself and say it is for our beautiful little daughter, even though this plays an important part. It is primarily due to the co depency and physical attraction I have towards her. After some really great counseling and returning to faithfully renew my relationship with God I have prepared myself for that inevitable day all partners of SP will have to face if they wish to have a happy and normal life, ending it. I read a lot about no contact but would like to see more on handling situations where no contact is not fesable such as in the case of shared parenting. Leaving a child in the hands of an SP spouse is not practical or fare to the child so contact is most likely going to be an issue. My suggestion and this is where sites like this are an invaluable tool is educate yourselves on these social predators. They are easy to figure out once you have the information. It will surprise the reader how similar these predators are. Stop as soon as you can feeling like a victim. I have read too many posts where some people have a hard time moving on from the victim stage. It is normal, it happened to me but you are at a great disadvantage when you try to interact with the SP and see your self as a victim. Do not play games but try to show little or no emotion if at all possible. Do not try to take revenge or think bad thoughts about the SP. This will back fire and cause the obsessing in your mind to go into an endless loop pattern. Truly go to your higher power. What ever that is for you and forgive the SP and desire only the best for them as you move on to your new and well deserved life. Releasing anger and spite towards the SP is most beneficial. Well folks wish me luck as I venture forth into that difficult task of separating from an SP partner and wish all of you success and happiness in your situations.

    Reply

    1. Hi peter it’s not going to be easy after 10 years. Expect drama threats sociopaths do not like losing source of supply. When they do not want to. The best advise I can offer when co-parenting is to not display emotion towards her. See it as a business transaction. That is if she lets you walk free. The nightmare starts if she doesn’t want you to leave and uses access to your child as a weapon against you.

      Reply

  26. Hello all,
    Alright, my experience of a sociopath is a bit unusual and very uncommon. I was part of a virtual world called role play via Twitter. It is some kind of time waste for people who want to role play their favorite movie/show characters, meet new people and have some good laughs. I role played vampire Lestat from the “Vampire Chronicles” books by Anne Rice. It was fun and… it was a game. I met so many wonderful people who role played their characters on a literate and beautiful way. I enjoyed reading their stories.

    However, things changed for me in march 2012 when I met a girl role playing a Lethal Doll. She was very handy with real life informations and represented herself as a French 26-year-young named Isabelle.

    As a role player (especially if you are a good one), you gain a hell lot of Twitter followers. I had over 7000 at that time and my followers number was constantly growing. Isabelle played the “hurt lamb” card. She told to everyone that she was brutally raped and beaten into coma by a guy she refused to date in her real life, that her little daughter Elea is taken away from her because she is incapable to take care of her as she had to focus on her healing process, that her father disowned her and her mother hung herself when she was barely sixteen. As someone who survived one war (The war in Bosnia at the beginning of the 90ies), I knew what suffer mend… loneliness… the constant fear and loss of your loved ones. I had a lot of compassion and… the stupid wish to protect her.

    People loved her. They supported her recovery. Role played more with her than with anyone just to “Distract her from recalling her painful past”.

    But this was not enough for Isabelle.

    In June 2012, she came up with the surreal story that she needs to have a back surgery because her spine was deformed from the “fatal night” she barely survived. Again… lot of people gave Moral support. Love. And distraction. Isabelle had her surgery and for 10 days she was not online. Then she appeared with “bad news”: A bone fragment the size of a fingernail penetrated into her heart during the surgery and the surgeons could not remove it instantly because she would bleed out on the surgeon table. Again… Pray for her. Love her. Distract her from “The horrors she is passing through”.

    Bulls**t started smelling like bulls**t when someone started investigating about her “fatal life experience” and “1001 illnesses” + Isabelle included more and more people in her endless story about misery and suffer. Suddenly, Isabelle’s love interest Nick appeared online. Her cousin Jessica. And her mighty ignorant lawyer daddy who, earlier said, disowned her.

    Isabelle started behaving very odd. She had a huge sexual hunger forward male role players and she compelled most into cyber sex. Now figure: A RAPE VICTIM INTERESTED IN CYBER SEX WITH STRANGERS? This was very suspicious as rape victims are ashamed of sex in their later time and feel guilt and shame for what happened to them. Isabelle didn’t feel any of that. Then, her love interest dies due drug abuse because he could not bear the fact that Isabelle was incapable to bound. Also strange.

    Her online fame was fading.

    The more people she included in her deceiver net, the more surreal details she said, that more people backed off from her. They started unfollowing her in great amount. She could not endure that. She started acting impulsive. Accusing people for things they weren’t even responsible for. She started pitting friends against each other with the constant “__ told this to me. He/she caused me high blood pressure I can not have now so close to my heart surgery” or “Please don’t leave me, leave __ instead. I need you. You are all I have in life”.
    She was playing the hurt lamb card wherever she could and some people were wrapped around her little finger. But she was angry her online fame faded. Her goal was the compassion of people with a high amount of followers, people who could have a greater influence on the online society. Me included. I, Idiot, was attached to her because of her life story. I thought it was real. I was one of these she pleaded to not leave her because she has no one to rely on. But… Isabelle could not tame the online crowd already devoted to unmask her deceiver net.

    October 19th, 2012: “Isabelle’s cousin” announces to online society that Isabelle died at the early morning of that date. Many who trusted her, loved her, believed her, were crushed. Me included. I cried as if I’ve lost a sister. I simply didn’t want to believe what people were saying around. Isabelle got her spotlight. She was dead and everyone tweeted “R.I.P Isa Angel” in memoriam of her life suffer and never achieved dreams.

    But cousin Jessica started behaving odd.

    Suddenly, the finger pointing game Isabelle ended Jessica continued. Jessica went even that far to IP-Track peoples emails. To create doppelganger accounts of the ones who were wrong to Isabelle just to make them appear as black sheeps among white ones.

    I was never wrong to Isabelle but I refused on cyber sex. I refused on being her puppet whenever she felt like it. I had my own voice. My own dignity. For that I was to blame and harass too. + She believed that, because I was role playing a male character, that I’m a guy in real life too although I’m a girl. Isabelle, disguised as cousin Jessica, discovered that.

    The months following: November 2012, December 2012 and January 2013 were my highway through hell. Cousin Jessica started blackmailing me with suing via “Isabelle’s lawyer daddy” for triggered death because I broke her sick heart with my distance and lie that I was a guy when I’m a girl. She went even that low that she posted a faked death certificate to prove Isabelle’s death. She even ditched my phone number. I was hardcore cyberbullied as several others for almost 4 full months til someone was brave and smart enough to pay a detective to check on the Identity of Isabella V and Jessica G.

    The detective came with shocking results: Isabella V doesn’t exist. There was no rape. There was no beaten into coma. There was no back surgery. There was no daughter. No lawyer father. NOTHING. Just lie after lie. We, the four of us, got court protection from her cyberbullying -but- deceiver stays deceiver so… after the Isabella V shocker lost intensity in online world. She reappeared with a new identity, now claiming to be someone suffering under anorexia and all on her own with a small income.

    She has destroyed so many lives.
    Hurt so many people.
    Broke so many trusts.
    She is STILL ON TWITTER and, probably now as we speak, deceiving new people.

    I’m sorry this was too long but I had to share this with you.
    After the experience with Isabelle, I’m addicted to Bromazepam 5mg to keep me calm because otherwise I’d get panic attacks and anxiety.
    I should’ve never joined role play on Twitter.

    Reply

    1. Wow… thank you for sharing your story Mira.

      That must have really affected you? She could also have been BPD? They have fantasies and can also pathologically lie.

      Faking death, potential death (like cancer) – or that they are in hospital and might die (or their family member has died) – is a favourite for sociopaths.

      I guess that this was a place, where you were roll playing – and felt safe to do so… and this happened. Are you seeing a therapist to work through this Mira?

      Welcome to the site!! 🙂 🙂

      Reply

      1. Yeah. I’m seeing a therapist to get over my fears of her cyberbullying. I had nightmares after everything with her ended. I have to drink pills to “cure my demons” she left behind which was never the case before.
        Often, I hear her yelling (Representing herself as cousin Jessica) in caps lock “IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT ISABELLE DIED!! IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT HER DAUGHTER IS AN ORPHAN NOW!! YOU BROKE HER HEART!! YOU DRAGGED HER INTO DEATH!!”

        I’m free from her deceiver claws ever since 15th of January 2013. And ever since then I get this shiver to even open my personal Twitter or Facebook profile in fear she’d pop up from somewhere.

        As far as I recall, here are the things she did to me and to people:
        – She faked her Identity, used pictures of a beautiful girl and claiming they are hers.
        – Cyber sex addiction.
        – She would get furious when rejected or not given attention to.
        – She is NEVER wrong, for all the “bad happening to her” someone else is to blame.
        – Lie after lie. Each time bigger and more complex than the previous.
        – Obsession to be in the center of attention.
        – Obsession to have the affection of popular Twitter users.
        – Pitting people against each other.
        – No remorse. No conscience. Complete numbness forward the ones she hurt.

        After I told my Therapist about this experience, he claimed Isabelle is HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder) and Munchausen by Proxy.

        I don’t know. I just know the tears I shed because I truly believed she’s in great pain, suffer and truly died. I was simply a fool with a heart.

  27. I’ve read this blog so many times over the last few months making checklists in my head and, more than anything, looking for validation.

    My brother is a sociopath. When we were younger ( I’m 50) I used to flippantly call him that not really knowing the true definition and not knowing how right I actually was. Over the years he’s stolen from employers, hasn’t been able to hold a job in many years and has never really had a stable work record. After his last ‘lay off’ I’m not sure he even looked for another job until his benefits ran out and he was evicted from his apartment. At which point it was all “poor me, I have no where to go, no one cares”.. blah blah.

    Everyone in our family has tried to help him in many ways for over 20 years; places to stay, thousands and thousands of dollars that were never paid back, emotional and medical support. He was given a car last year which he promptly took out a title loan on (without a job) and just waited around for it to be repossessed. And all the while he has this attitude that he’s owed all of this.. that we owe him.

    I started pulling away a few years ago when I realized he was just a toxic person to be around. When he’s ‘on’ he’s charming as hell and people love him. But when he’s not, he’s scary, mean and.. vacant. Even when he’s having a good spell, there’s an unsettling darker energy that looms just beneath the surface and you never know what’s going to set him off or when. When he gets angry it’s completely over the top and irrational, sometimes physical, but all he can focus on is how mistreated he is and how he’s never felt like part of the family. He treats us like shit, by the way. Like we’re completely beneath him. He only wants to be a part of this family when it suits his needs. I was the first to pull away and was told over and over ‘he’s family, you can’t just block him out’ and there was so much guilt. There was also mourning the loss of a brother I never really had.

    We also have been alerted, by his ex, that there is very likely an addiction too.. porn. I’m not surprised as both my sister an I have had some ‘uncomfortable sexual experiences’ with my brother when we were kids. I won’t go into that. But now my sister has also had enough of his drama and put her foot down. She has 2 young girls and doesn’t want our brother anywhere near them.

    My brother is now homeless, living in a shelter downtown. He’s actually got it pretty good, getting all his legal matters in order for free, free surgeries and dental work. He even has a job there. If they keep this up, he may never leave. I laugh at that because it’s true. He’s been there since mid summer and I’ve heard no evidence he’s trying to get out.

    This is all very hard, as you can imagine, on our parents. While it’s killing my dad, he’s distanced himself as well. He gives my brother money every month to maintain his cell phone but that’s it. He’s upset that my sister and I refuse to spend the holidays with our brother. If my dad invites him to his home, that’s his decision and I’ll respect that but my brother will not be invited to my sister’s house where much of the holiday ‘events’ happen. My mom, on the other hand, offers him a place to stay every other weekend so he can see his son. I forgot to mention that little fact.. he has a 6 year old son who adores him. My brother just uses him as a pawn. My mom opens her small 1 bedroom home to him for the sake of her grandson but knows this arrangement can’t go on much longer. It’s not healthy for anyone, least of all my nephew.

    There’s so much more but it’s so emotionally exhausting that I have to stop. I guess I just needed a place to vent and get all this off my chest. I think I came here for validation that it’s ok for me to cut him out of my life but as I read through this I find my own validation. The man is toxic and potentially dangerous. If he were a friend or a boyfriend this wouldn’t even be a question.

    Thanks for being a place to vent and thank you SO MUCH for this information. It’s helped more than you know.

    And HI to my mom and sister if they’re reading this because I know they’ve been here. lol xo

    Reply

    2. I’m sorry about your brother. I’m sure your whole family wishes it could’ve been an enriching relationship instead of the h*ll it’s probably been. Welcome!

      Reply

  28. Hey, I had a quick question that’s a bit off topic from this blog, but I figured it’s the most recent post so I’d go ahead and see if anyone has any insight. So I know it’s been discussed how spaths never learn from their mistakes, yet a lot of them are in fact very intelligent and function in high level jobs such as CEOs, doctors etc. So obviously, they have a high ability to learn things. Do you think it’s their narcissism that eventually leads to them getting sloppy and getting caught doing harmful things in the business world as well as in relationships?

    Reply

    1. @mrknight75

      Like the NS becomes complacent because they are the “master of their universe”? I am just trying to understand your question. Big corporate CEO’s, attorneys, surgeons, politicians, some evangelist types, have similar traits. Very fascinating. Makes for good people watching.

      Reply

    2. Hello MrKnight75,
      I will reply this for you. Sociopath’s are mind gamers. They will simply guilt trap you and make you believe that you are fault for everything bad happening to them or to you. A Sociopath likes to play with peoples compassion and trust.

      In my case,she knew all my interests and all I was missing in life. She used that to twirl me around her little finger. The moment when I counted two and two together, intimidation started.
      She was threatning me. Cyberbullying. Using her skills to manipulate with peoples feelings against me. Pitting people against me.

      You must also know when a sociopath lies, he/she lies too much and,very often,their lies have lacks. It is that few tiny pieces of a deceiver puzzle which simply don’t match to you -but- the deceiver is not aware about their own Bulls**t being discovered.
      In the stage of rage, when a Sociopath seeks for revenge for “the injustice done to them”, they lack on feeding their original story with more more details which make sense.

      Also understand that 98% of the sociopaths are cowards and run from justice. So once they get exposed, they escape the “crime sceen”.

      Reply

  29. I hate to admit it but socialpaths are exactly what I find attractive in a man. . I just wish I could shake it so I’m not doomed to terriable relationships for the rest of my life : It’s come to a point where if I find a man attractive there is probably something wrong with him like this(

    Reply

  30. I hate to admit it but socialpaths are exactly what I find attractive in a man. . I just wish I could shake it so I’m not doomed to terrible relationships for the rest of my life. It’s come to a point where if I find a man attractive there is probably something wrong with him in terms of being like this : (

    Reply

  31. hi, im glad to see your blog. just now, i felt so so angry with my older sis. she has no remorse about what’s happening to my parents… now that they’re having troubles and getting old. she just doesn’t care at all. she even told me we have to let them be so they could be strong to face what’s happening to them. she even shouts at my mom and dad whenever she sees them. she only knows us when she needs something. now i understand that she’s a sociopath. i’d just let her be, i won’t let her get near to my parents either. i’ll just do my part as a daughter. i don’t think we can still fix her. thank you. i wasn’t aware about this disorder.

    Reply

  32. My ex gf cheated three times ,admitting to only 2 of those times..she showed no remorse ,no empathy,no regret,no guilts,there was no apology,no explanation..she was stone cold and emotionless..for 2 years she was the perfect partner save for her lack of help in housework and financial support..then last 2 years she began drinking heavily getting blind drunk weekly and hurling abusive criticisms..everything I was that she supposedly loved became everything she hated…the worst insults I have ever heard in my 50 years and they came from the mouth of the woman I was in love with..the end came when her equally abusive teen had a fit over something I ate and so my gf moved out a week later she broke up..4 weeks later she was sleeping with a friend of ours..3 months later I learned she had cheated with 2 different men and although denied it ,possibly with our friend too..in any case she had 4 men lined up before she broke up..she exhibited all of them traits in your blog except for the theft..she wasn’t violent..

    I ruminate as to wether she will treat our friend as she did me..ironically she insulted my weight which was only 10kg above average and the man she has been with this past year is obese ?

    I wonder too wether I somehow triggered the insults by not being the man she wanted..I didnt drink,was quiet,wasn’t wealthy,and not the pornstar in bed,I still believe she restsented me for not living up to her expectations..

    She said I was not who she thought I was… It took her 4 years of living together to come to that conclusion ?

    Reply

  33. I need some advice about a family member. 13 yr old boy. He lies constantly & the lies often make little to no sense & are ridiculous, extremely destructive of his own property & most often others. He steals from family, friends, classmates, basically anyone. He can be violent. When he gets in trouble for something he’ll start screaming & yelling & saying ridiculous things. When I say “gets in trouble” I mean he’s told to clean up his belongings, put his dishes in the dishwasher, or to throw his trash away. He’ll ignore the instructions & not do any of it. If you tell him again the screaming begins. He screams curse words & says things like “throw my stuff away I don’t care. I’ll just kill myself. Maybe if I was dead people will leave me alone. ” He’s never acted on these threats & only says them when he’s told to do something he doesn’t want to. He’s extremely manipulative. If he knows he’s caught & people know he did it he’ll try screaming & crying telling his mother she never believes him, believes everyone else over him, & never has his back. If he gets caught for something everyone gets a different story from him. In fact, he’ll bring up situations that never happened or happened a long time ago out of no where but not say a word about the current problem. If you don’t know him & have spent little time with him he’s friendly & charming but once he’s used to being around you’ll start seeing his true colors. He’s hurt animals in the past. He has put things in people’s food while it cooks. Things people cannot/should not eat. He has no remorse or guilt for anything he does. If he sees someone else crying/upset he’ll immediately go into hysterics & want others to hug him & console him. Minutes later its like it never happened. He has a lot of trouble making & keeping friends. If he has a friend over they’ll be playing fine, all of sudden he’ll say extremely rude & cruel things that are uncalled for & unprovoked & kick his friend out. I could go on & on. His mom refuses to see the truth no matter what he does, how often he does it, how much worse the behavior is. His school has called CPS saying his mental health isn’t properly cared for. CPS has been called more than once by others as well. Nothing has been done. His mom has taken him to therapy sporadically but he refuses to talk so that’s the end of it for months. This kid is going to seriously hurt someone one of these days. What can we do?

    Reply

    1. I would like to add the police have been called about him destroying others property & threats of violence with a weapon. Police visited the house twice this year for him so far. He’s been suspended from school this year for violence with a weapon, destruction of other student’s property, & stealing. He was suspended from school at least four times during the last school year for similar reasons. If he feels as if he’s not getting enough attention from a specific person (particularly if they are upset with him for something he’s done) he’ll hurt himself on purpose (nothing serious, scraped knees, shins, elbows & such) & go get help from said person. After he feels he’s had what he wants he’s immediately better & goes back to whatever he wants to do. Certain family members who see the truth about his issues & refuse to feed into them in any way, he’ll go out of his way to show his best behavior & act friendly for this person while carrying on his typical behavior for everyone else when he thinks said family member isn’t watching. He’s tried to start fires & we’ve found objects he’s burnt. He will take glass bottles, light bulbs, & almost anything else that shatters & break them all over the back patio so you step right out onto broken glass when going out the door. He does this knowing the dog goes out there to go to the bathroom & his mom usually steps out there barefoot to let the dog out. This has happened more than once & explaining who it will hurt & being forced to clean it up has not mattered. He has taken pictures with animals he’s supposedly killed (squirrels in the woods) as well as pictures of cuts & scrapes on his body claiming he cut himself & posted them on more than one social media site. As soon as someone sees them they tell his mom & she deletes them before anyone has a chance to do anything with them. This has happened three times I’m aware of. If he has caused issues with neighborhood kids (cruel comments & threats of violence) he’s gone so far as to say the kid’s parent threatened him & has even said one parent kicked his dog. If a family member fusses at him out of frustration for his complete lack of respect for the family home & possessions he has claimed the family member hit him. I have witnessed most of these events & his claims are completely false. I apologize for another long rant but I cannot stress enough how serious this situation is & we are at a loss as to how to proceed since the avenues one should take haven’t worked. What do we do? I’ve tried calmly & rationally discussing his behavior & things he’s done with him more than once so have other family members in his household. It’s never his fault, he admits to nothing, if you saw him do it he just won’t speak at all & when he’s speaking to those that refuse to see the truth is when wild stories, lies, situations involving something someone else did having nothing to do with the current situation are brought up & the focus is temporarily off the subject of him. When the subject is brought back to him the screaming & ranting return.

      Reply

    2. The thing is his age Donna, they won’t give a diagnosis of psychopathy until he Is older. It would be down to the parents to do something with him. Are social services involved with him?

      Reply

  34. I hope that you have changed the door locks!!! If not, make sure that you do. I don’t know some return, some don’t. It really depends on the value they had with you, what you have to offer them, and also what they are doing, as they always need someone. So if current source of supply comes to an end, they can return. it depends on how they feel. Sometimes they leave for good, but often they pop back up in the future, as if nothing has happened.

    Reply

  35. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if everyone else experiencing problems with your site.
    It appears as though some of the text on your posts are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them
    as well? This may be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously.
    Cheers

    Reply

    1. Thank you for letting me know. I am having real problems with wordpress at the moment, So much I have not written here much recently I will try to look into it tomorrow. Am going to attempt to change the format of the site, as it is too difficult to navigate and read. Thank you.

      Reply

  37. Thank you for the encouragement, through confirmation, I have been married for ten years (8/27) now we are faced with the divorce and a four year old, in a state where the father had limited rights in the event of a separation,and it’s been extremely difficult, I seem to be the only one remorseful of our situation, this article helps confirm the suspicion off my wife and her tendencies…..anyway, without airing the proverbial “dirty laundry”, thank you again

    Reply

  40. Positiva girl
    HELP! tonight was a friend she said that she believes my current husband was a sociopath. We’ve been together for 7 years and in seven years he has cheated or had inappropriate relationships at least 7 times every time he says he’s sorry he’s one of those sweep it under the carpet kind of people that passed instantly becomes the past to him and he doesn’t want to hear about it again I’ve always told him that he has a lack of conscience and that I don’t believe him when he says it’ll never happen again I realize that this can go on in relationships that are normal but in his case he never takes the blame for anything everything is always my fault coming from a previous abusive relationship it’s easy to convince me that everything is my fault my last husband did the same thing accept my last husband was also physically abusive. My current husband is a police officer one who acts above the law and in 7 years he s she did or had inappropriate relationships at least 7 * every time he says he’s sorry he’s 1 of those sweep it under the carpet kind of people the past instantly to comes to pass to him any doesn’t want to hear about it again I’ve always told him that you have a lack of conscience and that I don’t believe him when he says it’ll never happen again I realize that this can go on in relationships that are normal but in his case he never take the blame for anything everything is always my fault coming from a previous abusive relationship it’s easy to convince me that everything is my fault it’s my last husband of the same thing accept my last husband was also physically abusive. Mike her husband is a police officer 1 who acts above the law in today’s times it’s bad to say that about a police officer because they’re so much scrutiny against police officers. My husband was responding to a call screwed me against police officers. My husband was responding to a call foreign accident well on duty and pulled out in front of a motorcycle that he didn’t see coming resulting in the motorcycle t-boning his cruiser and the man being seriously injured. 17 days later this man passed away I started becoming very concerned as my husband got angrier and angrier and I never saw what I would consider true remorse for the accident listening too many excuses of why the man was in the wrong driving under the influence driving without insurance about how he had been a bad father to his children so many things never once did I just hear from him it was my fault. The media began hounding us our life became a nightmare and the only emotion that I ever saw from him was anger every day everything became more and more my fault I’m writing this from a hotel room where I’m supposed to be on vacation with him where he left me after becoming physical with me after the last 3 days of yelling screaming blaming telling me that everything’s my fault im mental I’m psychotic and then denies saying it an hour later we have a friend in the same room with us because it’s a big group party vacation and our friend even tried to talk to him to tell him he was in the wrong he’s never in the wrong and I don’t know how. 17 days later this man passed away I started becoming very concerned as my husband got angry renee greer and I never saw what I would consider true remorse for the accident listening to many excuses of lies the man was in the wrong driving under the influence driving without insurance about how he had been a bad father to this children so many things never once did I just hear from him it was my fault. The media vegan hounding a our lives became a nightmare and the only emotion that I ever saw some hummus anger everyday everything became more and more my fault I’m writing this from a hotel room where I’m supposed to be on vacation with him where he left me after be coming physical with me after the last 3 days of yelling and screaming blaming telling me that everything’s my fault I mental I’m psychotic and then denying saying it and hour later we have a friend in the same room with us because it’s a big group party vacation and our friend even tried to talk to to tell him he was in the wrong he’s never in the wrong and I don’t know how to fix this or is there a way to fix this? Please respond I desperately need help I feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t know what to do

    Reply

    2. What is it that you would like to fix? IF it is your relationship if he is a sociopath, he will not change. He is the way that he is, and loves to hide, and be deceptive. If it is him, the same. If you want to fix you – that can be fixed.

      Reply

  41. Positiva girl
    HELP! tonight was a friend she said that she believes my current husband was a sociopath. We’ve been together for 7 years and in seven years he has cheated or had inappropriate relationships at least 7 times every time he says he’s sorry he’s one of those sweep it under the carpet kind of people that past instantly becomes the past to him and he doesn’t want to hear about it again I’ve always told him that he has a lack of conscience and that I don’t believe him when he says it’ll never happen again I realize that this can go on in relationships that are normal but in his case he never takes the blame for anything everything is always my fault coming from a previous abusive relationship it’s easy to convince me that everything is my fault my last husband did the same thing accept my last husband was also physically abusive. My current husband is a police officer one who acts above the law and in 7 years he s she did or had inappropriate relationships at least 7 * every time he says he’s sorry he’s 1 of those sweep it under the carpet kind of people the past instantly to comes to pass to him any doesn’t want to hear about it again I’ve always told him that you have a lack of conscience and that I don’t believe him when he says it’ll never happen again I realize that this can go on in relationships that are normal but in his case he never take the blame for anything everything is always my fault coming from a previous abusive relationship My husband is a police officer 1 who acts above the law in today’s times it’s bad to say that about a police officer because there’s so much scrutiny against police officers. My husband was responding to a call for an accident while on duty and pulled out in front of a motorcycle that he didn’t see coming resulting in the motorcycle t-boning his cruiser and the man being seriously injured. 17 days later this man passed away I started becoming very concerned as my husband got angrier and angrier and I never saw what I would consider true remorse for the accident listening too many excuses of why the man was in the wrong driving under the influence driving without insurance about how he had been a bad father to his children so many things never once did I just hear from him it was my fault. The media began hounding us our life became a nightmare and the only emotion that I ever saw from him was anger every day everything became more and more my fault I’m writing this from a hotel room where I’m supposed to be on vacation with him where he left me after becoming physical with me after the last 3 days of yelling screaming blaming telling me that everything’s my fault im mental I’m psychotic and then denies saying it an hour later we have a friend in the same room with us because it’s a big group party vacation and our friend even tried to talk to him to tell him he was in the wrong he’s never in the wrong and I don’t know how. I started becoming very concerned as my husband got angry and angrier and I never saw what I would consider true remorse for the accident listening to many excuses of why the man was in the wrong driving under the influence driving without insurance about how he had been a bad father to this children so many things never once did I just hear from him it was my fault. I’m writing this from a hotel room where I’m supposed to be on vacation with him where he left me after be coming physical with me after the last 3 days of yelling and screaming blaming telling me that everything’s my fault Im mental I’m psychotic and then denying saying it and hour later we have a friend in the same room with us because it’s a big group party vacation and our friend even tried to talk to to tell him he was in the wrong he’s never in the wrong and I don’t know how to fix this or is there a way to fix this? Please respond I desperately need help I feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t know what to do

    Reply

  42. There is not a single human being walking the earth who doesn’t embody every single trait of sociopathy listed. The conscience is disrupted when certain emotional states take over. All this article has served to do is promote a sense of an “evil they”….when you are admitting that sociopathy is a psychological and possibly biological condition that doesn’t make them evil or “shits” but rather having a different internal webwork. But as I said….the definition fits everybody.

    Second of all you have created a support group of victims. Victimization is a self employed state of mind that serves to spread an angelic white sheet over the “victim”, which manipulatively covers and distracts from the myriad flaws and sh**ty things they have done. It hides their own “sociopathy”.

    This is not prolific writing…..this is logically inconsistent and heavily biased propaganda. Imagine having everybody looking at everyone else in a state of paranoia thinking that they are surrounded by hollow, soul consuming zombies.

    Reply

  43. It’s unreal how you can choose to be in a relationship with someone who has “more control” over their emotions and has a completely different paradigm through which they view the world. Then you assume that yours is Righteous and label them as a having a disorder, a disease, as being a monster…..simply because you’re wit and character are underdeveloped. So your mission is what? Alienate those that don’t fit your personal preference of “normal” which is actually just an ambiguous way of saying “people who I can easily control”?

    What you stand for is selfish, without an expanded world vision….it is the prissy expectations of a nuclear relationship that you were trained to believe in. The world becomes better through understanding and adapting to the multiplicity it presents, not labeling and self-victimizing. You’re attitude is the reason that such brokenness and segregation exist in the world today. If you have any conscience yourself….you will think about the bigger implications of what your actions represent and shut this site down immediately. Go live your life as you choose….but stop pushing propaganda on the susceptible people who have lost heart by chasing a perfection that does now and will never exist.

    Reply

    1. Curt,

      You sound like a person who will justify this type of behavior forever.
      Best of luck to you and remember that you how treat people matters.

      Reply

    2. Curt,

      You sound someone who will justify this type of behavior forever.
      Best of luck to you and please remember that how you treat people matters.

      Reply

  44. This explains A Lot of my 18 yr old son, he only thinks of himself, and will do anything to get what he wants, blames me for everything, then “acts” of empathy/sympathy to feed on my emotions to go around again to get what he wants. Of course, that could be the norm of many teenagers these days. (Sadly, and scary, he is about to have a daughter to raise.) At Bratgirl17 and a few others on here I have read, it sounds like the person in your lives may be a hint of psychopaths, Is this easily confused with sociopaths? I would think putting a gun to someone and threatening death would make them more of a psychotic.

    Reply

  45. Hi everyone

    I thank God I read this on time.
    I thought I was going crazy I wasn’t good enough
    I was not loyal enough
    I wasn’t saying the truth enough
    Just to understand today after 6 years that I was dealing with a sociopath.

    Have you ever felt hopeless ,less of yourself?
    It was me two days ago .
    I caught my fiancé cheating and he blocked me on all socials networks and said he didn’t have time for such childish people
    He had 3 kids with different ladies by cheating on me
    He said he was with them because they forced the relationship with him

    He abused me physically he said I shouldn’t upset him
    Even his mum said “daughter in law you should not upset him when you know he can get mad easily”
    I should stay calm and understand his wrong actions are caused by me
    I wasn’t submissive enough
    While all his friends left him because they could watch me being treated like a trash
    But the worst is I would leave him for a year then he would come back ask for forgiveness say how the devil tricked him he couldn’t leave without me in his life
    But just to find out after weeks he is having an affair with two ladies .
    They were sending each other porno pictures he said that wasn’t called cheating may be I don’t do enough.i should the exact thing

    It was crazy I lost one of my year of studies being he beat me up once day that I had a migraine for months couldn’t study but he said it wasn’t his fault that I am not clever at school
    While he never finished his school but always ly that he has an MBA and many other degree.
    He could lie to his friends and I had to back his lies .

    I went through this thinking I was the one having an issue only to find out today that it is not me
    It is him.all the characteristics of a sociopath God is my witness that what he does exactly.
    I went through all that he could beat me up and throw me out of the house and tomorrow say hi as if nothing happened.

    Such people all I have Learned they need Christ their hearts are full of bitterness

    Reply

  47. I’m really wondering why in America guys so consistently get accused of stuff like this. I know several women who have cheated or are still currently cheating on their husbands. I am married to someone to “cheated” on me while working on a cruise ship, then blamed me for the reason it happened. Actually she was in bed with two different men, but only got physical with one, or so she says. Then now since I’m standing my ground and not giving in to her and her rich Father’s financial manipulations she is suspicious that I’m cheating on her. haha, it’s crazy. I think it’s possible that she belittles me, communicates doubts about my ability or right to do something without even knowing it. And of course she is never wrong, but it’s more like it never occurs to her that she could be wrong, it’s a very “Bambi-like” innocence. I still remember her Bambi eyes when she told me that nothing happened with her and this other guy. The most innocent looking eyes ever. Even after a heated conversation which eventually withdrew the confession, she is so convincing that both her parents and my parents doubt whether these things (actually a much longer list) happened. No one is perfect, I am not, but I have learned that in life, many people have no problem at all throwing others “under the bus”, and will do anything to protect their image. She is not like everything talked about in this article, it’s different, much smarter and trickier to identify. I’ve never met anyone with the ability to almost never say they are wrong, have very strong opinions about things, blame others etc… yet have almost everyone I know think they are an absolute angel. I really want to have a romantic relationship with someone but do not want to break my vows either. I just don’t have much left for a relationship where I am always in the wrong about 99+% of the “discussions. It makes it very difficult to succeed in your career because it robs you of your focus, confidence and joy. It forces you to defend yourself and become more calculating.
    Anyways I could go on here….Psychology is interesting to me.

    Reply

    1. Hi B, what is written here could apply to male or female, it is just that the earliest posts were written in male context later posts weren’t. This is an early post from 2013.

      Reply

  48. Oh wow I can’t believe this I sounds like me. I mean every single one of them is completely right. I wasn’t even sure about me being one until I read this. It’s true that I don’t care for others and do things only for my benefit, I just didn’t know I was a sociopath. People always told me I was cruel but I never cared to listen.

    Reply

  49. I just found out about a friend I knew years ago the man raped his daughter over and over over the lenth of 4 years plus his cousin plus more his daughter was killed in a horrible car accident this man feels no remorse he says it was in the past get over it tells the other children there mother cheated on him plus he has abused her till theres not much left this man is sick they are trying to arrest him I for 1 hope so the daughter that died was so afraid of him plus the other daughter fears for there life there are some that are really sick in this case yes . This is just so sad for this family..

    Reply

    1. Oh gosh Debbie, sadistic psychopath? …. what a horrible case 😦 Is this someone you know personally? People talk of ‘monsters’….. I still think its mental health, and wonder why someone like that isn’t behind bars, they should be. This type of individual comes closer to the monster label, although I don’t believe in it.

      Reply

  50. I was searching for “How some people can sleep without conscience”. Then I came to your blog, everything you wrote is 100% exactly like my ex fiance. I had been wondering if he is a sociopath or bipolar disorder all this while. I have had severe anxiety when I was in the on off relationship with him. Always wondering why he never feel remorse or apologize for the things he had done that hurt me deeply. Then motherhood made me strong. I am now a strong single mother, eventhough I am struggling financially. But nothing can be worse than having to deal with sociopath. I had asked if he wants to co-parent because I don’t want my son to feel left out when he is going to preschool soon, I gave him rules, he can date or get married which I don’t care or bother at all, as long as his whatever don’t appear in my son’s life,he said he wants to co-parent. But after that contact with him, I was like gosh I regret asking him to co-parent because I realized I have to deal with him again and there is no guarantee that he will see our son consistently. Now since he didn’t put any effort in seeing his son even when I kept asking him to see our son. I actually feel relieve that I can get away from dealing with him now, hope he will not want to co-parent for real. All I need is to work harder make as much money as I can to raise my son well, better without more problems from the father. Sometimes raised by single parent is better than growing up in a dysfunctional family. My son’s mental health is my priority. I am so glad and thank God that I have finally come to a stage of letting him go, that means I am completely fine if he will have new gf or wife. Because just like you said, his next lover is his next victim. I refuse to put myself in that situation anymore. Even if him and his future gf or whatever look happy together, I know he is the same sociopath that will repeat again and I RATHER don’t want to deal with him. Let his next victim deal with him. I thank God so much that I have become a strong woman now.

    Reply

    1. Hi Tinkerbell, welcome to the site! 🙂 I am pleased to hear that you feel stronger and have moved on. They only pull you down, and make your life miserable. Even if they are dancing in front of you playing the happy clown. I hope that you get the money that you need to raise your son as you want. if you go to the bottom of the page, you will see the link for Facebook page, I put an article about co-parenting with one on the page earlier.

      Reply

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