Sociopath and faking religion to abuse victim

When someone ‘fakes’ sharing your faith, it can shake your own beliefs, it can tarnish something that you perceive as ‘holy’ and special. It can attack the inner core of you. It can feel the equivalent of ’emotional rape’

Mirroring your religious beliefs to abuse, is a common manipulation tool for the sociopath
Mirroring your religious beliefs to abuse, is a common manipulation tool for the sociopath

Why do sociopath’s attach themselves to religion?

There are many different ways that a sociopath can attach themselves to religion. The first is through dating. If you recall, I wrote earlier how the first thing that the sociopath does is to:

Assess you

If you meet a sociopath and you are either a) strong in your religious faith or b) grieving, the sociopath will quickly learn this about you.  The sociopath will then use all that they have learned about you in assessment stage, to target you, and ….

seduce you. 

The sociopath might have no connection at all with religious beliefs. But they are intelligent, and smart, and the sociopath will become exactly what you are looking for, and what you need. The sociopath will ‘groom’ you to believe that they are someone who:

  • Shares the same religious values  
  • If the person is grieving, they see someone who will share and support them through grief, someone who understands, who can be trusted

This is an easy target for the sociopath, and it is also very effective. To abuse you by mirroring your needs for your faith, the sociopath finds someone who will immediately allow him into their ‘inner core’, this establishes a much deeper attachment and connection, than could ever be achieved simply by mirroring.

The victim will receive the following messages

  • This person is just like me
  • This person has ‘good’ values
  • This is a person who is dictated by God
  • This person wouldn’t do something to hurt me, because it would be against their religious beliefs
  • This is a GOOD person

This will lure you into a false sense of security, not only will it move the relationship forward quicker than than you otherwise would, it will lead you to believe that this relationship is special, there is a special connection, a spiritual connection, and this would lead you open up more than your heart, soul, and truly believe that this is magical. You would be left with the impression that this is a soul mate connection that you have waited for all of your life.

Once the sociopath has established this ‘special‘ connection with you. He now has something which he can continue to manipulate you with, easily and he knows that this will be effective.

Later in the relationship, when they wish to discard you, they can easily move to the next stage:

Gaming

  • The sociopath will use your religion against you
  • Will tell you that you are against your own faith
  • Will use your beliefs to direct you, to control you
  • The sociopath will behaves like he ‘is god‘ or sent by God, or Angels, or Allah to help you, to be with you (how dare you say that God’s judgement is wrong?)

Why this type of abuse is particularly damaging

Abuse of this type, is particularly damaging as it will create an attachment with the sociopath on a much deeper level than could otherwise be achieved. It attaches to your inner core, your values, your beliefs, and most importantly it attaches to what you feel is truly ‘right’. You will see the person as attached to your faith, this can create a particularly strong bond (or so you think)

If the person has came into your life when you are grieving, it will create a bonding triangle between your loved one who died, yourself and the sociopath. Making it very difficult to leave the relationship (and the sociopath will play on this).

Even after devalue and discard, the victim can be left feeling as if not only their heart and mind has been attacked, but also that their soul. The pain that is felt, is not only pain in the heart, and mind,  but also in the soul.

You are left confused, and as an attachment is made with your soul and your faith, you do not know where to turn for help, support and guidance.

It is also likely that the sociopath will continue to use your faith to abuse you, even after the relationship has ended. The sociopath will tell you that you are a  bad person, and that you are against your own faith. For many, when they are left isolated, the one thing that they do have left, is their faith, and without this, it  can feel an assault on all of your senses.  Worse, is it can make you question who you are, and everything that you believe in.

IMPORTANT: If you are in this position,  It is important to remember that what the sociopath has told you, is likely LIES. You are being abused, deceived. Focus on the truth, and what you know to be right. Realise and understand this type of abuse, and separate your connection with the sociopath, and your faith.

If you are grieving, the attachment the sociopath claimed to have with your loved one, helping you through grief was also false. It is likely that this is a LIE. Let go of the sociopath and hold onto what you believe. Give yourself time to grief, and rely on those you trust to support you. Do not question your own beliefs, these beliefs are a big part of your personal identity. Separate what you have felt for the sociopath with your faith, and grief for your loved one.

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

 

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101 thoughts on “Sociopath and faking religion to abuse victim

      1. This is exactly what my ex did. I believed it so readily and warmly, I was so hurt from my last relationship, he took advantage of my vulnerable state…..Fuck that guy….

      2. This is EXACTLY what happened to me in an ex friendship with a guy who seemed to be the OPPOSITE of a Narc I’m dating. I still don’t know if this person IS a Narc, just has Narc tendencies, or is just REALLY MESSED UP. But, he did a 180 on me in the pattern of the Narc cycle, & I was left BAFFLED. Because like the article says, “I thought he would never be “mean” to me etc” I thought God sent him into my life to help me navigate through the waters of my Narc relationship. I thought his “intentions” were good toward me in the platonic friendship. But, I was wrong, he love bombed me with friendship, devalued me, & discarded me. And BOOM, discarded me like Trash. It traumatized me, because I thought he had such “light” in him. But, in the end there were only excuses, & denial of him devaluing and discarding me. He just started ignoring me, telling me he needed time/space. He would even ignore meon posts on his page if I wrote a comment. He just dissapeared, & didn’t fess up to it until I wrote him a msg on behalf of his next Survivor he coaches. Oh yeah, I met him in a Narc FB group! And he is an Admin for another one! I thought he was safe, because my counselor knew him. Was she in DENIAL too!? Now, I don’t trust ANYONE. thanks for writing this article, it did “change” my Core.

      3. I recently met someone like this violated. I want to ask you this question were you abandoned at all in your childhood or has that been a theme In your life at all? I will tell you why I ask this question If you get back to me.

      1. Hi Joyce welcome to the site. Pretending to be your religion Is part of sociopath seduction. Read the post about sociopath seduction and also the one about sociopath mirroring. I think they were written Feb/March or try the search button.

      2. Most likely because his ‘beliefs’ were fake Joyce. As you would know a religious or spiritual belief, is who you are, at the core of you.

        If he has ‘given it up entirely’ this means that hose beliefs were never genuine!! 😦

      3. That sounds so logical. You are absolutely right. There was nothing genuine about him. He was a compulsive liar about everything, so why not that, too?

    1. This happened to me – almost word for word. Thank you so much for posting. It’s been a very lonely journey and it’s brought me to tears to read this today.

      1. Aww…. do you know why it feels so lonely, it feels lonely because they make you SWITCH OFF YOUR LIGHT.

        By focusing on your light, sucking the light out of you, abusing you, making you question your own faith, it can feel like you are all alone in the world.

        Faith – is the belief that you are not alone in this world. That there is a bigger universe. It makes us question, justice, fairness, and also how any god could possibly allow this to happen?

        I will never have the same beliefs that i did before this happened, but in some ways this wasn’t so much a bad thing. Rather than trusting in fate, faith, just blind faith – it taught me to trust myself.

        To listen to me, and my own inner voice. When I did, the light began to shine again….. I realised once again, that we are all part of a whole.

        They can take something from you temporarily not through your choice – they can take it forever, if you allow it – (this happened to me 2010/11) now 3/4 years ago. I can say that I have healed. (I think) – a lot of my blog posts were written with how I felt in this dark dark space, when i felt so alone ….

    2. Bit of a different twist here.
      I’ve been looking into the psychopathy of my wife being covered up by her religious beliefs, or if it’s due to them.
      Yet I’m the one told her I was “interested in learning bout hers”……Buddhism,………. which unfortunately I can’t buy into and won’t now because of being so fanatic.
      But maybe it was just explained why she could be psychopathic to me…….while her thinking it of me.

      1. I can see how such an experience can tarnish your trust. However, personally, I don’t think religion is to blame for some individual’s behavior. Just like there are “good” and “bad” Christians or “good” and “bad” Muslims, there are also “good” and “bad” Buddhists. I’ve met wonderful Buddhists and I’ve also met one or two who were fake, same with the Christians and Muslims. This I think is due to the peoples motivation. If they go into religion for selfish reasons, and use a religion as a “prop” for their ego, then things are bound to turn out nasty. The whole point of religion is to open our hearts to love our fellow human beings, animals and the like. To let go of our self centredness so that we can act compassionately to our fellow beings. This is the point of Christianity and Buddhism and I imagine Islam too. But some people practice that, and some don’t. Psychopaths by nature are interested in “what’s in it for me”, which means they are not interested to put the religion into practice, work hard so they can be of help to others, they are there to “use” a religion to get ahead. And religion cannot be used. Sooner or later it backfires, and sooner or later they are discovered. But it’s the individual and their motivation that damage the reputation of a religion, unfortunately. Terrible what has been done in Catholic Churches, yet I cannot deny such great people in Catholicism who have done incredible good too. It all depends on a person and unfortunately psychopaths want power and it’s easy to get “power” over people when you’re dressed in religious attire or pretend to be a psychologist, doctor and the like, alll these professions are the ones psychopaths like to go into. For that matter there are good and bad doctors, psychologists, surgeons—same—depends how individual is motivated… Good luck and I hope that you recover well from your experience.

  1. I get this too. When we were separated, he decided to go to counseling with my pastor. This was a ruse, and I knew it all along. My pastor saw right through him too. He caught him in several lies. When he started bombarding me with ‘hate’ texts, I forwarded them on to my pastor. His scheme did not last long. Faking religion is a horrible thing to do to try to manipulate people.

    1. It is, isn’t it, because it touches your ‘soul’ that is the only way I can describe it.

      It is the one thing that I have never read about, but it exists, and the damage that can be done, can have long lasting consequences, on who you are.

      They will stall for time, and make all kinds of false promises, to keep you there, and keep abusing you.

      I am glad that your pastor saw through his lies, hopefully you had support in that way.

      I do also think that it can give a different type of, or stronger connection which cannot be explained. Because you are connecting on a ‘soul’ level.

      Hope you are having a good day today!! 🙂

      1. Thank you. I am having a great day. The kids and I just got back in town from a weekend trip to visit family. My oldest son is coming over for supper tonight. God has blessed me through all this madness with closer relationships than ever before.

        Reading your blog helps keep me centered. You do not know how much it has confirmed what I already know. It has helped a lot. Thanks!

      2. Thank you Katrina, your kind comments really do mean a lot.

        Am glad that you are having a nice day, and that you are finding some peace after the madness. Sometimes, just for the abuse to stop…. there is sanctuary in silence. Am really pleased to hear that you are in a better space. You deserve it!! 🙂

      3. Hi Pos, yes I have strong soul tie or energy connection to my ex & can tell if he thinking angry about me or not thinking of me & my ex is very fundamentalist Pentecostal, very rigid black & white views & very prejudiced against other faiths. He called people blood pumps, poo shooters & said people suck the life out of you. Her only professed a deep love for Jesus Christ as a person, highly exalted. He didn’t really follow the 2nd commandment of love your neighbour. Only his parents & me, while I was useful as company, sounding board for his negative talk, gossip. I think recent healing has reduced the soul tie to him & have prayed for God to sever the cord to him. My pastor was supportive of me, as he met both of us, previously. He may see thru my ex also. Blessings to all.

      4. Thing is when you have a soul connection you can let go. You know you will see them again one day anyway. Let them go on their journey and know that one day they owe you karma. For me, it makes it easier to let go. You are more advanced than him you wouldn’t want to get tied up in his karma 🙂

    2. my so called christian boyfriend lied lied lied .. he could never admit he did anything wrong ..i am so messed up i need a support group cause of this crazy making behavior .. he sends me gifts in the mail and no return address .. he wants control..

      1. stay in the word and renew your mind… go to the book of proverbs and think about everything you went through.. you will see the pattern.. we believe our lying heart and we want to believe them even though we know they are lying.
        i had a woman say she wanted to learn the bible to try and draw me in and then when i ended the friendship she attacked me with the same thing she used to try and get her foot in the door. not many people are born again. do not believe their words if actions are always opposite. contradictions always point to lies.

  2. Boy howdy, can I relate. This is a particularly unnerving abuse. I have experienced this first hand and it made so many people question MY faith and see HIS “good” works and made it even harder for me to get help. Keep up the good work. 🙂

  3. I can’t believe what I am reading. Everything you say is exactly spot on to what I experienced. How do you know all this? I never have felt so validated. Thank you so much for your site. He got me grieving and I never did understand the connection I felt with him and my deceased friend. He also got me with the religion thing. Only I’m athiest and he is christian so it was always how I needed god in my life so I could be good like him and then we could spend eternal life together. I could go on and on. Its all just making sense now so I’ve got so much to say! Its sad too bc from afar it probably just seems um weak and couldn’t Get over this guy but man I just felt like my soul had been ripped out of me.

    1. I met one after the other. My daughter had died, I met him 10 weeks after she died. This is what happened to me. It left me so damaged. He basically used my dead daughter to abuse me. 😦 i felt like that too, like my soul had been ripped out. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend 😦

      1. Reading this POS,makes me want to hunt that fucker down. What a sick beast! I met my EX SP/FIANCE…9 months after my heart,my soul,my mother died suddenly. I was lost. Still am. I was going to the catholic church at the time,though I am not catholic,but needed something and I like the comfort of the catholic church. So,months into him moving in,I decided I was going to become catholic. As I was getting ready to go to the first class,he texted me from work,that he was drunk. He was going through a no drinking week,and reading that text shook me up so bad,I didn’t go to the first,class. In fact,I didn’t go to any of the classes. He came to church with me one time,and took out his cell phone,and was taking pictures,during mass! wtf??? Also,one time…we were at dinner,we were talking to one of his very attractive female customers. Her and I were engaged in a heavy conversation about the loss of a mother…I made a statement “my mother was a classy broad” He yelled,at the top of his lungs…”your mother wasn’t classy!” I got up,gave him a piece of my mind and left. FYI. He had never met my mother.

  4. THANK YOU! I have been reading your blog for weeks now since my abrupt confusing painful discard from a charismatic sociopath . I went through “withdrawal” I was so addicted to him it is the only way to describe it. I feel finally like I’m emerging from some kind of “trance” and fog. 18 months of my life..of care and love just wasted …he caught me yes grieving a death and of course his brother had just passed away a few years before …and he shared my faith etc etc . No need for all the details ..everyone here knows it felt like the most amazing relationship that there ever was.. Yes the connection was so deep ..right into the core of me…it is emotional rape ..it will be with me a long time. But my faith is strong and helped me through ..the whole time I was in the relationship I actually felt God and others trying to warn me away from it but I was too enamored. So now ..I feel as if I have “come home” and am “free”. I have finally been sleeping again normally. Sigh. So much I could tell…but basically I am on the road to recovery and I am sharing this blog with So Many women of all ages that I know . This info should be taught more! It would have helped me had I known! So again a huge thank you! My prayers for anyone reading this..you will get through.. The pain of the devalueing over the past six months ..the pain of the discard last few weeks has been incredible but you can emerge from the other side and let it be used in your life for some good. That is what I am learning. I am not not will I ever be the same but I have learned a lot about myself and also about how to appreciate the “real ” love and “real ” things and people in my life . 🙂

    1. And … You often ask how do you know he was a sociopath …. Perfect “mirroring ” , felt like a “soulmate ” , lies lies and more lies uncovered ..incredible stories I can’t believe I actually believed ..constant I love you ..promise never to leave or stop talking to me spoken late at night..songs that were “our songs ” that I knew he knew I would play over and over that we’re really very manipulative in their lyrics in this situation. Check out Zac Browns “keep me in mind ” a great song but not good in hands of sociopath…he was very charismatic so dark side very rarely seen.. Gas lighting took the form of “pulling back “phone calls, loving things and texts…final discard included stealing money from me….just something unbelievable unless you’ve been through it…

      1. Oh…and now I’m “crazy ” and he has a new “soulmate” on Facebook . LOL . The fact I’m now laughing is a very very good sign I think.

      2. yes this is common too. I went through the same. Truth, you are not crazy, you were grieving, and you were abused when you were grieving. this happened to me too. I was also labelled as crazy, whilst he put on a smiling face to the outside world. Behind closed doors he undertook the worst kind of psychological abuse, I could think of . this post wasn’t written about the last charismatic sociopath, but a distempered. narcisstic on before him. i understand where you are. Its so painful, especially when you have grief to cope with too (and likely – he hasn’t allowed you time to grieve either)

  5. I got caught up by a preacher. A female and I am a heterosexual female. It started with our shared family name and I wanted to trace our family trees. She took all she learned of me and played on my heart and desire to help “family”. Everyday it was a different sob story. Her family didnt like her. Her 4 ex-husbands abused her. Yes 4. She didnt have a car. Wasnt getting child support. She stressed me out completely. I let her borrow my car. Let her borrow money. Bought food to her. I didnt understand why I was bending over backwards for her. I have very limited faith in the church so i couldnt figure out why I was doing so much for a self proclaimed “Women of God”. So though I have limited faith in the church I do have a tremendous amount of faith in God. I just felt like maybe God had bought that women into my life to help her. Or maybe God was calling me. In addition to that she also reminded me of my mom who had struggled and it was like if I could help her I would save her from my moms tragic fate. It got so crazy in my mind. I kept searching for any reason as to why i was doing so much. The spiritual connection I felt with her she would not acknowledge or validate. I who have never been attracted to women was starting to believe that I must be gay. Nothing else made tangible sense. She dropped me from her life a few weeks ago after she gained a substantial about of money. No more phone calls, messages, she just disappeared. My father recently died and she didn’t even reach out to me in this time of my need. Her title is apostle and prophetess. Another false prophet as the bible speaks of.

    1. Hi Debbie, thank you for your comment. I am sorry that you have been through this, with someone that you trusted. It is common for sociopaths to use religion and your faith to obtain what they want. My thoughts are that it is good that she didn’t come back after your father died, as this is common to, to latch onto people who are grieving. As when you are, you are vulnerable. I am sorry that you have lost money, but also that your kind heart and faith has been abused. I understand how this can hurt you at a core level. It is just cruel. I hope that she has now moved on. I wish you well with your healing recovery, and that you can be in peace to grieve. It isn’t that you are gay (well you might be) but I would have thought that it is more likely that she mirrored you so affectively that you felt a stronger connection to her, than you otherwise would. This combined with attaching to your faith, can create a deep bond that is fake. Remember confusion doesn’t last forever, you will process it for a while. It can shake you up to think that you have met someone like this, and can be very hurtful. Thank you for your comment.

  6. Here’s one by a true sociopath, his latest. One moment in his wrath he’s all about serial killers, stalking, intimidation, fear. As soon as I contacted police and his probation officer about him violating my restraining order again, this is his latest:

    God is my protector. Today I have turned from sin. I have had enough of the devils company.In the name of Yeshua the one is almighty and able to save I command all evil to depart from my life. For all my life I choose to serve my loving all powerful creator. Amen I love you lord and in public state that I repent and am now accountable to live a holy life this day forward.Let me serve your Kingdom and be a light to all those who know me and allow your precious saving grace to be seen . I was wicked no longer do I want to be evil. I hate sins and destruction . Thank you for touching my heart through all your amazing ways.

  7. Good article – it raises awareness to how sociopaths gain access to “good people”. 1 out of every 25 people are sociopaths, and they tend to gravitate toward churches, and most of us are completely unaware of how to recognize them and handle them once they begin to abuse us. How to extricate yourself is tricky business, so this information is helpful to prevent giving your heart to someone who is so deceptive! Thank you for presenting this – I appreciate you 🙂

    1. Thank you Susan. You are right, using the church is a great place for sociopaths to go. People are trusting, and giving, and the sociopath can mimic scripture, and really get a victim hooked. In some senses, it is the sociopaths almost perfect place. Esp if they could find someone who was grieving too, that would be jackpot time for the sociopath 😦

  8. I love this article! It makes perfect sense. I was in a casual relationship with a sociopath and I found out from a friend he had a girlfriend. When I found out, I confronted him. He didn’t deny it, he exploded at me and said ‘who told you’. He kept aggressively asking. Eventually he realized I wasn’t going to expose who told me and left it with ‘ I already know who told you’ and said ‘Bye’

    Fast forward a couple years later. He married her and even taken up her faith. I was surprised someone that is so self-centered would actually convert to another religion who was originally atheist. For awhile, I thought I was the one going crazy and I was holding a grudge for what he did to me, thinking he may have changed because he loved her. I heard from sources he had taken up her religion because he wanted to marry her. Being from a conservative religion, it was the only way I could imagine he could marry her. It made me upset, that he was progressing with life and I was left with a broken pieces. Reading article like this and other articles on this website, I have found closure. I have accepted I was a victim of a sociopath, the only way to move on is to forgive and forget because a sociopath can’t empathize or sympathize with one’s emotion. They’re not on same wavelength as us. Religion will help us nurture our spirit and not there’s.

    1. Thank you!! 🙂 What made you think that he was a sociopath other than cheating (they don’t all cheat), sociopaths are very manipulative and are pathological liars. Usual response with a sociopath if you caught him, would be to lie further, deflect the blame, blame you and make you feel guilty, and in NO circumstances would be admit to the lie.

      He might have just been someone who cheated?

      1. In regards to the situation, a friend confronted him as this friend was concerned about my emotional welfare. When confronted by a mutual friend he denied the fact he was hurting me and showed no reaction from what my friend told me. I don’t think he made the effort to find out who told me about the girlfriend and I assume, he’s only making educated guess who could’ve told me based on who we know mutually. The response was quite prompt, there was no way he could’ve got an answer from someone in that short time frame.

        He was highly egoistical (e.g. If I made a criticism about his appearance, he would say something along the lines ‘I don’t care what you think, I am great), selfish, very sexually promiscuous ( is known to openly talk about his sexual escapades to me and his friends, did not show shame or was embarrassed about it. Seeing multiple woman at a time), manipulative (I was vulnerable, asked for advice as I was going through a tough relationship a group of people, his advice was to take revenge which nearly got me into trouble ), deceiving, aggression (e.g. Every time I criticized him, he would abused me for it and turn it back on me and questioned my ability to do things), showed no remorse or guilt ( I got upset once and raged through a message, his response was that something along the lines of ‘haha…I don’t care. Just deleted your message. I never read it . Just wasted your time’ , never apologized (if he was in the wrong). In the beginning, he threaten to ruin my life, if I ever dared exposed our relationship as it would tarnish his reputation. Used reverse psychology on me a few times ( e.g which he later said that if I did expose the relationship I had with him, he couldn’t careless if I did that it was my lost if I did). I think he knew I know I had low self esteem and would degrade me as a person based on my personality and looks. The list could go on….

      2. Sounds like you have been through a rough time, how are you feeling about it today? Sometimes i don’t think it matters what their disorder is. As the truth is, its not about them, its about you, and how it makes you feel inside.

      3. PS: Could you please delete the post below which is a double up on the one above. Thanks 🙂

  9. This was two years ago, I was self destructive about two weeks ago because I couldn’t find clarity and understanding of the craziness that happened two years ago. My deduction that he had traits of a sociopath was my only answer, it fitted well and made me feel better. When people I know started saying nice things about him, it would make me upset as no one would ever see or experience what I did. I am feeling a lot better now, thanks for asking. So you don’t think he is a sociopath? From what I deduced, he may have some sort of ASPD.

    1. If it makes YOU feel better, I think that is all that counts. Sometimes just thinking that, it wasn’t you, it was him, and his own disordered head. When you dont take it as a part of you you are free to move on.

      1. Thank you positivagal girl for your perspective. You’re right that if I don’t take it as part of me, I’m free to move on. Love your positive energy 🙂 I think it’s great you have this site.

    2. Survivor123, I just had to respond to you in particular, because I feel like I am that woman you describe.. the one he ‘converted’ for and married. I remember reading a note I found in his bedstand from his last girlfriend (w/ whom I’m relating as in you) saying she ‘didn’t understand what happened.. that she thought everything was going great in their relationship.. except for their one sex issue..’ I confronted him on the note (I think it was in a card), feeling partial sorrow for this girl he seem to have just dropped, partial ickiness reading a ‘love’ note (with a reminder of his previous sexual relations) from another woman, and partial (and somewhat intense curiousity) as to wth could have happened sexually that was ‘serious’ enough to bring up in a note?! I never got my answer.. and have had the most intense rollercoaster of years since. We got pregnant in 2011 and married later that year. I left a few months ago, but without our two children, as he has manipulated CYS into seeing me as the issue.. despite him being the reason my older two had to be taken to live with their ‘disordered (I am not sure what each of my children’s fathers are.. SP, PP, N)’ father. He filed for divorce and emergency custody of our younger two, with the day after these filings, coming to me crying and claiming he only did what he thought I wanted, as I had left. These last few months since I left have switched between me attempting boundaries and gaining strength, to me allowing him to come in with our two, with flowers and promises.. yet even less action than ever to back up the words. I am either begininng to go crazy again, or he is monitoring me in now this home too. I am desperate to rescue my babies (all of them actually) and be financially and spiritually free.. yet desperate to see my marriage mean what he says it does.. and that God will perform the miracle my husband says he believes in. I’ve had a sinking feeling within though that tells me it’s all a lie. And have had that feeling since before we married.. even when he came to me and said he wanted to ‘do that prayer and have Jesus apart of his life also (which perhaps conveniently was after I had cried out to God to tell me what to do.. I had gotten myself into a pregnancy with an ‘unequally yoked man.’ And so that seemed to be my answer).’ Positivagirl, you asked in response to one post from Survivor123 if she had been abandoned as a child, etc. I have.. what or how are you relating it to our experiences with these partners?
      I guess I owe a thank you to all of you survivors sharing your stories.. I feel as though I am another victim.. but herein lies my confusion. And as a serious question.. has anyone experienced monitoring.. ie hidden cameras or the like from theirs? How do you find and prove this sort of thing? I don’t even know if he is reading/monitoring what I type here.. there are signs.. but then again I am on ‘high alert,’ for lack of a better term at the moment. Thanks again. I will pray for all of you as a whole.. as I feel unable to for myself.. that each of you now has only a distant memory of the trauma that is written on this page. I am so sorry for you, my children, and perhaps myself.. and the darkness in this world. May my story someday help point others to the only saving grace that I know.. my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.. despite how distant He feels right now.

  10. Could this be what my ex sociopath is doing with the new girl he’s met. She has just lost her husband eight months ago and seems to be a God fearing woman. He’s now seeming to be holier than “Thou” As if he is just the most religious person on earth. Yet he would still try and have sex with me after saying he wants to save himself for her? Im confused. This is the same man who hid the fact that he had a wife and 3 kids…along with another woman with 3 more kids from me. In the same sentence he abandoned me while i was pregnant with his child that previously he wanted to have oh soo bad.

    What have I gotten myself into? Is he the Anti Christ? He told me he had alot of demons at the beginning of our relationship. I was warned….

    1. Oh, absolutely Victory. Don’t be confused, what you are seeing appears right.

      They can target people who are grieving/religious using religion to manipulate, control and deceive. Try to read as much as you can, to understand what is happening. I think this article writes about a very similar situation.

  11. My ex was living two distinct lives: the one with me, and one as a “Christian” husband and father of three holding weekly Bible study classes to convince his local church community that he had changed and was no longer a serial adulterer. Of course, I had no knowledge of his extra-marital past OR his attempts at reuniting with his very religious wife. I left a year ago and she’s taken him back AGAIN. He still attempts to contact me, which shows that it’s all a ruse to keep his various forms of supply intact. After a year of no contact, I view him with almost complete indifference and also with the knowledge that, when it comes to sociopaths, religion can be a blinding illusion that only keeps its victims in a constant state of cognitive dissonance.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story Lacey. It sounds a similar story of a charismatic sociopath, hiding behind religion and using to abuse and get what they want. It’s an easy one for them, as it presents the image of ‘moralistic man’ to the outside world!

  12. I worked with rehabilitating teen gang members. On Sundays we had to bring them to church as this was a Christian organization. I would be horrified at how they would latch onto these church raised girls who would become hellbent on saving them. The fact that they were attracted to these bad boys was not admitted. It never ended well , especially for the naive girls. There is nothing more promising to a sociopath than to latch onto someone who feels they can love them into who they want to believe they could be.

  13. Wow, what an insightful read this article was. I’ve never responded to anything I’ve read on here–and I’ve read quite a bit–but I feel compelled to in this case. How did I miss this article earlier? Anyway… My dad is in a relationship with a sociopath. My mother died very suddenly last winter and out of the blue, this woman I’ve never seen or heard of comes to the funeral and hits on my dad. The bereaved spouse. At the FUNERAL. She then found him on facebook and within a few weeks he started bringing her to his (their–my mom and dad’s) church every Sunday, even though she already went to a different church and she wasn’t even on the way to this one. I didn’t go to that church with my parents when my mom was alive, so I didn’t see this all unfold personally. But I heard from people in the church that she would hang all over my dad and make it really obvious that she was into him. She asked to become a member of the church and apparently freaked out when she was put through the process that everybody goes through–she didn’t want to answer the questions about honesty and morality, etc. SO she convinces my dad to LEAVE his church (the church that he attended with my mom, for years, and was a big part of) for a new denomination. And of course, she quotes Bible verses and asks people for prayers on facebook and makes a big deal of being “Christian”, even though my mother is barely cold in her grave. I am Catholic (which is why I never went to this particular church with my parents–they had been Catholics too and then left to go to this Protestant church, but I stayed) and I don’t walk around making a big deal about my faith, listening to Gospel music, quoting verses and such… but she does. She has my dad totally convinced that she’s a good person because she goes to church with him. She has all the other “boxes” checked, too, btw: a compulsive liar, she’s been maried three times and she’s only 50 (she left her last “abusive” husband after my mom died and my dad became “available”), she has no job/career/house/car, she’s a huge fake and a suck-up, she plays the “victim” at every chance, she’s moved about 475 times, and she has no close friends–just some passing acquaintances who are all drug addicts/ex-cons/generally dysfunctional folks in her ghetto apartment building. Dealing with her has been so much more stressful than even dealing with my mother’s death. I never thought I would look back at fondness at the days immediately following my mom’s death, but I do. My family was close, we all leaned on each other, and this terrible distrust that this “Christian” (snort) woman has introduced into our lives was non-existent. I hope my dad figures it out sooner rather than later.

    1. Oh wow. Thank you for your comment. Please keep an eye on your father. Whilst in bereavement he might not be able to make rational choices. Whilst you on the outside might be able to do see things that he cannot. If he sticks with her, do not take this personally. Watch out for the signs. This happened to me after my daughter died. He quickly isolated me from other people. I felt sorry for him as he played victim. Whilst in reality he actually sucked the life out of me. You must be worried about your father? I hope that she doesn’t have access to any of his finances?

      1. I am worried, of course. My little sister lives at home with us and I don’t want her influenced by the sociopath, either. I don’t think she has direct access to the finances, but I wouldn’t be surprised if my dad is paying stuff for her. Sigh…

  14. I’ve had my own issues with my spath but am getting over them but I am worried for a friend of mine who lost her husband recently and has been befriended by this guy whi is in the process of changing his life for her, becoming involved with church, saying all the right things. I hope it’s just my judgement that’s clouded by my experiences and not that she’s just met her worst nightmare ever!

  15. Hi 🙂
    It would be fantastically interesting to read a article about Religious Sociopaths, do you think they operate in a different way or can even exist?

    1. There are sociopaths who are religious. They use this as their ‘moral code’ to keep them in check. Or at least try. However the majority who claim to be very religious are anything but. Just like the majority who claim to be ‘moralistic’ they are anything but – but claim to be – to mirror the victim – to later use and abuse them for their own needs.

  16. I cannot believe my eyes as to what I’ve just read. I am exiting what I regret to admit was a relationship with a sociopath. I am highly spiritual a reiki master I do spiritual therapy very into energy and were both tattoo artists. We moved in together very quickly and I had never moved out before. I swore he was the one and my soul mate. He made me feel like I was on cloud 9. Both tattooers claimed to be heavily spiritual and a positive energy type of man and I’m so into my work and a positive energy speaker. He was amazing I mean I swore I had the love of my life. I had stopped most of my life to help people and younger people who struggle with confidence ect ect went on a total 2 year journey of the self with my reiki master and came out knowing myself and loving myself so much I felt I was finally great in life serving a purpose. I constantly post positive help and words to give faith, you get the idea. After that journey we started talking so I really swore the universe was proud of me and bringing me a great man. He treated me like gold we did everything together and he was so into reiki and energy. I started seeing he was very obsessive with his Internet following he never got off his phone which bothered me because I enjoy living. We’d fight time to time and he started to show improvement which was excellent. We were engaged 5 months later. It was the most magical beautiful day of my life. I was so happy my life was going exactly as I’d ever dreamed. I started picking up on his insults than compliments though. He’d put my work down and then act like he knew all the answers, but I slowly realized he knew nothing. He needed to be center of attention and anytime people showed me any kind he would roll his eyes. In public he was amazing he treated me like royalty around others and then at home I felt like he stopped even wanting to talk to me but would tell me how much he loved me and I’m the love of his life and he doesn’t know what he ever did before me. He was 38 I am 25. I thought him being older meant we would mentally connect, and we did. So I believed whole heartedly. We traveled the country together worked together cooked dinner together but then it all became about how much he does for me when I’d complain about something. He called me fat (I am 5’0 100 pounds) and then proceeded to tell me how beautiful he thinks I am and he can help me work out. It wasn’t so often but it was things I’d pick up on and they’d feel really weird. He hated me around friends and family he was nice to family but he’d barely speak making them think he was weird. Show off in front of my friends but then say secrets out loud id previously said knowing what he was doing. At this point my gut told me I was being abused. He’d criticize my cleaning and say you missed a spot ask me to do everything for him and then make me feel like a fucking maid. Then there would be days of bliss but then right back. He’d lie about things and I’d call him out and he’d get angry. He has a fake Internet persona and I called him out and he threatened me. His persona online is me in real life. Encouraging a spiritual path and love and caring about one another. It INFURIATED ME. He was not a positive person he was negative but he swore to be like me so imagine my suprise when he’d steal things I said to post for attention and to be worshipped when it was all me. I was able to get past all this because I loved him and assumed we rushed and just had to work on our issues. I ALWAYS find a positive and never chose giving up, after all this was the love of my life. Everything was his way, but he’d spend so much money on me and bought me my dream home so I just saw it was even. He was out of a movie romantic it was insane. Flew me all over and always took care of me. But everything was always about him his fans his work his life. I started losing myself and when I’d say I was going out with friends from home he’d give me the silent treatment or text me halfway into the night preying on my anxiety of there being an issue between us and making me freak out and leave for it to be nothing. It was all the biggest mindfuck. I won’t bore you but I left because he would t allow me to work one day a week in another state with an opportunity of a lifetime because he wouldn’t trust me and have me an ultimatum. Our dog had gotten sick. He was mine I fed him loved him changed his water walked him the dog was extremely dependent on me, and he barely blinked an eye. I shortly after came down with a kidney infection and called him crying to bring me to the hospital I was so scared and he stayed at work when i felt bad and told him to. He worked 4 minutes down the block. I felt unsafe for he was extremely selfish. He’d mind fuck me anytime I had an issue and it became me begging for an apology. Anyway I went home when I got sick to feel safe and he said I abandoned him and HIS dying dog. He used the dog dying for sympathy while I was almost in kidney failure and he made me feel like a horrible person for not being there. He was leaving the state to see family and I asked to be flown out the week after so I could take job and he said no go with him or we break up. I was so crazy I said fine we break up next 2 weeks constant texts and calls of I’m sorry I love you I need you pictures of us memories and then he became nasty telling me I was evil and my work is fake and I don’t help people for good reasons he attacked everything about me I loved and lied and kept saying I abandoned him and our dog then cry and make me videos of pictures of us and how much he loves me and needs me how we’re a family. It is still in a bounce back stage and I am devastated. I cannot leave my bed I have anxiety attacks I don’t know how to be ok. He literally ripped my soul out of me. The second I apologized for something that wasn’t even wrong of me he said I hurt him way too bad and made him cry so hard by abandoning him. I am completely lost and disheveled. I cry to god every night for help. This man stole my life and soul and heart. I am such a strong individual and I have never felt so weak and dead inside. I can’t be alone I’m so torn. Everyone has told me he’s insane and I need to stay away even his “friends” he has none. Everyone really cared about me though and told me he’s a really selfish egomaniac who only cares about himself. I don’t get it. I don’t get any of it. How do you hurt and abuse the woman you proposed to? How do you flip flop and leave her in the dark. I’m scared. I’m completely terrified of myself and being alone. Somewhere in my sick head I still believe. I know it’s wrong but I believe and pray and find myself begging him for forgiveness. He loves me so much how is this even possible. If anyone could email me and help I’d really appreciate it. I have never felt so lost and darkened in my entire life. I cannot go 5 minutes without crying. I hate this.

    1. YOU POOR THING! It will get better I promise. Remember that you are the normal one with a nice soul and he took advantage of that. Keep busy and count yr blessings, even though it may seem like you have none, you sound like a positive ‘half glass full’ type of girl and in time you’ll struggle to remember this waster. Hugs. xx

    2. I know exactly want you mean by feeling weak and dead inside I had those exact feelings a few weeks ago luckily I’m doing better now. I also pride myself in being strong and confident but my ex just screwed with my head and heart so bad. Just know that he doesn’t love you because if he did he never wouldhave treated you the way he has. would you ever hurt him like he hurt you? No you wouldn’t…because you love him. Men like these can’t love. They probably never even liked us. It was just fun for them using us to pass time. It’s been 2.5 months since my ex cut me from his life and I still cry over him. Sometimes it feels like it never will get better but keep telling yourself that God removed him from your life because you deserve soooooo much better! It’s hard I know. I still pray for him to come back to me but men like him never will change and God is doing us a HUGE favor. This temporary sadness and heartache is SO much better than a lifetime of misery.

  17. Mine told me he was in a cult. Yep, a cult. and i was the one person he believed could draw him out because i was a church going girl. He used to call me and tell me to look up this scripture or that scripture to see why he needed me and why he was so afraid to leave if i wont be there to give him strength. I took this on so much that i would lose sleep over it. Praying like crazy that he would be ok! And being so worried about his physical and mental well being that for days at a time i could barely sleep! Then a few months after him not going on about it, i asked if all was well in the whole cult situation and he was like What?? What are you talking about? and when i went over the many convos he was all … come on baby i was just joking about that. SMH. After all the anguish i went through, he was just joking with that.

  18. Its sickening the way this guy uses the faith & mirrors you==seriously diabolical–I never suspected the faith, but reading this article first, it was tipped me off that he was a soc–operating his game on a Faith Based dating site. What a jack ass. And really, this sites are scams anyway, there is no screening, and any Joe, Dick or Harriette can hide, assess and target–this is so lame and low, it shows the true character and lack there of…Im so glad I kept my conviction–as this was what turned on the light for me–and as a counselor –this experiential learning is priceless. Thank you Positiva again, this article saved me, and made me aware of something I would have never suspected–it was a major tripping up and tipping point 🙂 Lord, have mercy!EL PS this is also were the mask kept cracking-

  19. I wasn’t that surprised at all by this post. He does this to me all the time! Being a religious attack or grief (my granddad passed) Either one works…. detaching myself from him is the hardest.

    1. Yes it can be difficult but if you take one day at a time. Establish no contact it does get better. The guy that did this to me no contact was what I did. Years later he contacted me. I still ignored him.

  20. When I first met my Soc he told me that he knew he would meet a woman at that particular place where we met .
    That he was coming there for the last 5years every day around lunch time to find her .ow and behold , one day I was there and the rest is history.
    He also said that we were put together by a higher power ( meaning God) and he just knew it would happen .
    When the crazy bullshit started I remember saying once that maybe we were matched up by the Devil .
    At that time I had no idea how right I really was !!!!!!!!!!!!
    Big Hug!!!

  21. I’m not certain where you are getting your info, but
    great topic. I needs to spend a while finding out much more or working out more.
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  22. I made mistakes. I texted awful things…and emailed. I was so mean at times. He has all of this in writing. He will use it to convince others I was the crazy one and they will believe him. He is so convincing. It’s hard to wrap my head around. He is the most tender and loving man – does so much for me – so generous. And yet his life is a mystery – He said his ex had mental disorders. I met her – she was wonderful. I was unable to talk to her though about it. I am very confused.

  23. Holy crap!!!! My ex made up a cult type thing so he could use my religion against me!!! I lost my faith because of it and he used to mangle my beliefs into a pulp. Then, when I was completely atheistic, he would happily tell me to trust Jesus and to ask him for help. It was like a knife to the heart. I’m sharing this post with everyone I know. Thank you for writing this! ❤

    1. Hi stark,

      Welcome to the site 🙂 it is tough isn’t it when someone attacks your religious beliefs. This is more than brainwashing…… it’s sadly soulwashing too!!:(

      1. It was soulwashing! You’re right! As a consequence, I don’t believe in that version of religion any more, as it’s kind of linked in my head with the abuse I had from him. I have reblogged your post because it just made so much sense, and showed it to my mum- she thought it made what she had thought about my ex concrete, so it’s done a lot of good so far! x

  24. Reblogged this on StarkravingInsanity and commented:
    Well doesn’t this just explain everything.
    My ex told me and my best girl friend at the time we were all angels sent to prevent the antichrist, and save the people of God. The cult-like atmosphere of our secret destroyed my friend B’s sanity and her faith, as it destroyed my faith. He let me continue to believe in my delusion for another year after creating it, at which point I confronted him about it.
    He told me he had been waiting for me to come out of it, that he was letting me down gently. Right. Sure. Leaving me delusional and cracking down the middle- between faith and reason- was letting me down gently?
    I am to this day frightened and suspicious of religion. I will never go back to its smothering grasp. The feelings of guilt and betrayal I permanently had whilst worshipping are not worth the sense of complete freedom I have now.
    What I do have now is a huge understanding as to why he did this to me: why he eviscerated my belief system and left me to bleed out. I understand that I am not to blame for his machinations- but, in turn, the church wasn’t either. He foisted the blame upon them and pretended hardcore atheism- I followed, bitter, resentful and hurt.
    Imagine the anger when, as we broke up for the last time, he told me to ‘trust in Jesus, despite us having a weird relationship with him,’ ? I was livid later when I realised what he was saying. He was telling me that I was to blame for the way I’d taken all his lies, and I was to blame for believing his spiel about atheism. I believe now is a pantheon, but that is beside the point. The point here is that he DID manipulate me through religion too, causing massive internal scarring.
    I feel vindicated and excited that I know this- another tool in my recovery war against him.

  25. There is a special place in hell (if you believe in such things) for assholes like this, who include cult gurus, paeodphillic priests and holier-than-thous friends/lovers/parents who in their heart as cold as ice and full of hatred. I too am wary of gurus and preachers as even if their intentions are good, none of us is perfect including them and we are all prone to believing our own assumptions and deluding ourselves. Above and beyond all the preachers, sadists, icons and holy wars, God is God and whatever he/she/it means to you x

  26. Reblogged this on theraineyview and commented:
    Spiritual abuse happens. Most spiritual abusers are not sociopaths, but a few are, and they are the most dangerous, because they are hard to read and you can’t “get through to them.” They’re missing an important piece of their consciousness, the conscience and ability to bond.
    Spiritual abuse is the use of spiritual ideas or religious status to abuse someone in any way, or the act of teaching a child or vulnerable person that he or she is beyond saving, or the deliberate act of falsely leading a vulnerable person to believe that they are in great spiritual danger and must serve the abuser’s needs to be safe, e.g. New religious movements have a higher than average rate of spiritual abuse, since they have not developed safeguards, but established religious groups — all of them — have spiritual abusers among their number as well.
    Just because someone is friendly and talks about spiritual things, that is not enough reason to trust him or her. Remember that the devil himself quoted Scripture right to Jesus’ face in the desert. Judas Iscariot had fantastic credentials — he was an Apostle! Bring exactly the same precautions when getting to know someone who seems really spiritual/deeply religious/active in the church as you would bring when getting to know anyone else. No more, no less.

  27. New to this site and not sure who sees. He did this to me too. Told me how he would love to be spiritually one with me. When we went to church he was always walking out making a phone call or saying he was sick… otherwise I would go alone. Later he would try to say I wasn’t a Christian and use my faith against me. He didn’t respect my beliefs but acted like his were superior he e end said he wanted to see my pastor for pastoral couples counseling but when I set it up, he was too busy… always an excuse. How did I not see what he was doing?

    1. Hi Susan, its tough when they attack your faith, I know. For me, it was when i was grieving so he attached to that to manipulate and abuse me. How are you doing today, has he moved on?

  28. wow, this is so accurate. I was a beginner in a religious institution and my “ex” was actually a monk who made me believe it was ok and this relationship wouldn’t hurt his vows. I was actually worried about him and consequences and tried to stop this…But he made me feel this was a special spiritual connection. I began thinking he was an angel who was helping me purify. It took five years to even begin believing that there was actually something wrong with him by which time I have become thoroughly broken. I stopped the relationship because I myself had became a nun, but he continued being my “spiritual guide” via letters. Took a few years to see that something was odd, and to open up to senior teachers who immediately established a “no contact” rule and even after this it took so long to realize this was deeply wrong and this wasn’t spiritual nor special. I was fotunate for the unconditional love, care and support by the elder teachers, otherwise I was suicidal. Yes, emotional rape is the correct description. I am begining to heal and I try (after getting extremely angry at first) now not to think about him and to just find that deep compassion for people who can’t help but be evil It’s very, very sad. I have found though, that now I have a better understanding of suffering and can emphatise more. Hi sbehavoiur is not justified at all, and if we could recognise sociopaths and psychopaths, we could prevent so much deep harm and hurt of these highly dangerous individuals…

  29. ps. He’s not considered a monk anymore, but none of us knows whether he really stopped wearing robes and pretending to be a monk. He started behaving extremely superior as if he knew better than all the elders. He was shockingly denying that he ever gave me any romantic inclinations, but couldn’t continue denying since I had kept an email written by him which had all the evidence that we were in a “relationship” which I deeply questioned on many occasions and we could actually see that I wasn’t prepared to make trouble, in fact my insticts were right from the beginning. However, he was a senior to me and was incredibly intelligent, kind and angelic in the beginning, that he managed to use all kinds of tricks to justify this “relationship”. Main thing he used was that his motivation was above all for the greater benevolent good… He was well versed, but now I can see holes in his knowledge and understanding. I can see how beginners can easily be fooled though… What a shame. Good lesson though! Appearances can be incredibly deceitful. On top of everything he looked angelic, just like innocent, blond long haired choir boys look… Very hard lesson…

  30. I’ve found quite a lot of religious people are sociopaths, whether they are attracted to religion or the religion makes them this way. I’ve found this especially noticable within Islam where rape culture is endemic within the religion.

    1. I agree that it is evident within religious groups. I don’t know that it is worse within the muslim faith. Most of the abuse I have seen on this site, have been within Christian churches.

  31. Everything published made a great deal of sense. However, thiknk on this, what if yoou
    werfe to write a killer headline? I ain’t suggesting your content isn’t good., however suppose you added a title that makes people want more?
    I mean Sociopath and faking religion to abuse victim | Dating a Sociopath is kinda vanilla.
    Youu should glance att Yahoo’s front page and note how
    they create news headlines to get people to click. You might try adding a video or a
    pic or ttwo to get readers interested aboout everything’ve got to say.
    Just my opinion, it could bring your website a little bit more
    interesting.

      1. Sidenote:The commenter above “apex” appears to be using your blog to get better SEO rankings. You might want to remove the spammer’s website name.

        Anyhoo,
        My boyfriend and I have just broken up after several years together because he lets his brother abuse people and has seriously conviced himself that his brother is a good guy.
        His brother attempted to gossip about each other behind our backs.
        His brother got drunk and even grabbed at my breast in front of my bf when my bf and I invited him along for NYE years ago.
        My now ex-bf (weep) excused his brother for being drunk and lonely.
        His brother is a hideous thing inside and out. But somehow has delusions of being amazing.
        Anyway, when I found out his deceit behind my back (I was size 6 and he kept telling my then boyfriend I was so “much fatter” than every petite girl my then BF usually dated) I confronted him.
        Oh boy. I then discovered just how bad a sociopath’s wrath can be.

        Fast forward and ex-bf’s brother has landed a decade younger nice religious girl.
        The brother always made fun of religion.
        And now he pretends to be uber Catholic.
        But the mask slips and I see through it.
        We were all recently at a Funeral Mass for a close friend of exBF’s family.
        I should mention exBF’s Mom is super devout and used to have a high level position for Church fundraising.
        Exbf’s brother is always simpering and kissing up to his Mother.
        Well at Church when is was time to offer Sign of Peace, ex-bf’s Brother was one over from me.
        I attempted to offer the Sign of Peace twice and each time he stared at me and quickly reached over to other people.
        Finally after he had leaned forward to shake everyones’ hands I finally quietly said his name and stuck my hand out.
        My then BF was watching finally and he quickly shook my hand but said nothing.

        Last night ex-BF brought up hwo great it is that his brother is now fidning Jesus since he has a serious GF.
        I tried to remind him that his brother didn’t offer me the sign of peace and that that was seriously odd.
        BF exploded and defended his little sociopathic sibling to the hilt.
        So Sociopath 1
        Caring Human 0
        I would love to tell the girl the details , but since I am stuck living with my ex-bf for a while, I am far too petrified to out him.
        Plus I can imagine that she would convince herself these were just sour grapes.

        They’re such monsters.
        I guess my only cold comfort is that now I don’t run the risk of having children who turn out to be little socios.

  32. Its amazing the number of sociopaths out there. Our pastor Victor Kim of Remnant church was recently caught in an 10 year affair. Pastor Victor’s name is everywhere on the internet. In additional to the affair, he has been discover taking church property and selling it for cheap to his family members. pastor victor is pretty well know.

    We had a sociopath pastor at the previous church I attended. It’s amazing how sociopaths seem to find their way in churches. Why can’t other leaders identify them until they do harm? If sociopaths are so different than normal people, why can’t other pastors identify these sociopaths? I’m just so surprised that sociopaths can get into pastor positions. Are they vetted? Church leaders and pastor need to do a better job identifying these sociopaths and protect their people.

    1. Makes me wonder why are they attracted to the church? Is it because it is a place where people are meant to be kind caring and giving and they can use this to their advantage?

  33. Our pastor victor kim of remnant church was just outted as a sociopath. He had been hiding as the big bad wolf for over 20 years. He had been taking advantage of women during that time. I guess my question is, do these sociopaths get better. Another important question is… how should I think of his wife and daughter, if she didn’t really object or go crazy when she found out. Is Sociopathy genetic?

    1. I have read that psychopathy can be genetic. Or….. it is the childhood that they have experienced, that brings out similar traits, or missing normal developmental growth in childhood.

  34. My experience is the exact opposite but nonetheless true to the sociopaths’ M.O. I have studied many religions but am an Atheist. He mimicked my humanistic beliefs and my disdain for organized religion. He was well read in all religions so we studied articles together and had long conversations about religion. The times I caught him on dating sites, “assessing” and “seducing” his next “source of supply”, he was selling himself as “saved” and quoting Bible verses like an alter boy.

  35. A few years before my father died, my sister realized she needed to cozy up to our parents to make sure she would be at the top of their list of beneficiaries once they both passed away. So, after living a lifestyle of never marrying, but living with one man after another, an amoral and selfish free-for-all, she decided she would start going to church with them on Sundays. So for about 3 years they went to church together and then out to brunch afterward. When my dad died my mom was saying it was sad that none of us “kids” could go to communion since we all quit the Catholic Church years ago. So sociopath sister decided to go to confession with all of us standing there, so she could be the one that could go to communion out of all of us. It was strictly for show, since all of our parents’ friends would be there to witness “her holiness” in action. It was funny to watch her pretend to be religious, but it certainly was very effective in getting our mom to trust her with her finances, legal matters, medical advocate, and 100% of her well-being. She is still in control of every aspect of our mom’s care and finances. She had her name added to my mom’s bank accounts, and talked her into dissolving the Trust my dad had set up. She has positioned herself as the one in power over our mom and she has now dropped the religious act…she no longer needs to use it to keep my mom’s trust and confidence. It also helped my mom to bond to her after losing my dad, under the cloak of religion. I haven’t described the whole disgusting story very well here, but what I am saying is that feigning religious belief and devotion is just another ploy in the sociopath’s bag of tricks. And it works like a charm, I must say.

  36. I replied in an other section to another topic, but this is EXACTLY what my ex did. He reeled me into believing he was a Godly man. He played in the church choir and helped at all church functions. Everything was about God & Jesus and doing good by people. Except he was hitting on 22 year olds the whole dang time. He was coercing others to give him investment $. He would have scripture up all over the house, his Jesus wall calendars, and would even stoop as so low to promote all his businesses using the family man card and all happy at home card, Christian, family, everything was just hunky and at 1 with God. More like at one with the Anti-Christ. Funny how smart, cunning, deceptive some of these guys can be!!!! What better way to dupe someone? To prey off women? To deceive the public in business? Than pull the at one with God card. Found God. Nice, decent, caring religious men? Well, here’s a tip…..how can some of these men fear God when they already think they are God? Narcissistic men already think they are above the law, God, and everyone else? It pisses me off so bad it makes my blood boil to this day. To waste all my time, effort, $, youth, on someone that duped me from day 1. Thanks for the topic!

  37. Wow, what an eyeopener this site has been – I have found much resolve and healing from it and I thank you . How uncanny that their traits are spot on. I will get into my story a little later, feeling quite raw after my recent break up, but wanted to chime in here and share my relevant His Holyness story. While I was raised Christian, I was an agnostic going into the relationship and can officially confirm that I am an atheist now thanks to my SOC. I live in quite a secular environment and he was the first partner I came across that was into his faith – of course that made my guard go down considerably and believe everything he said – because he was the good moral man. And then I noticed his judging of me and everyone I knew – never married up with his actions. I am a very social person where my interests as well as job have allowed me to meet many people, globally and from all walks of life – and i can confirm that my ex would have to be the most immoral, hypocrital being I have ever come across. I still think that my ex knew what an evil being he was inside and used religion as a way to justify his evil ruthless behaviour – because it made it more bearable for him. What are everyone’s thoughts? Forgot to add that my ex would read the bible in his private time – I know this to be true – because I’d always find it in his browser history – always searched amongst the dirtiest porn you could imagine – the biggest hypocrite I have ever come across.

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