Sociopaths are very predictable creatures. It might seem a shock to you, the sudden ending of the sociopath departure. But this is just an illusion, just like everything else in the sociopath box of tricks.
Unlike other relationships where there is warning, or fights and arguments, this part will be missing. Or when there are arguments leading up to the exit, you will be at a loss, what the arguments are about. After all the sociopath will pick a fight with you, over nothing at all. The week before the sociopath exit you will notice
- Edgy behaviour
- Picking fights over nothing at all
- An attempt to sleep with you one last time night before
- After a huge fight – that is about nothing you have done – the sociopath leaves
- You will be surprised that when the sociopath does leave – despite there might be tears (or might not) on their part – that they are remarkably calm. The ‘love’ that could have been shown to you the previous day is gone. It is evident that the sociopath had already planned their exit strategy. Even if, just the day or the week before they were talking of marriage, children or life long commitments. It seems sudden to you – but it isn’t to the sociopath. Behind your back they were already planning their exit. Without your knowledge they had already sourced a new place to live – and in some cases a new partner (victim) too.
Of course the sociopath has already sourced their new source of supply before leaving you. Sociopaths need someone else to lean on. They are unable to be on their own. They wouldn’t let you know that they have already sourced supply behind your back. Of course not, because the sociopath would like you to believe that it is YOUR fault – something that you have done – this is why they have left.
This isn’t the case. It simply means that for the sociopath they were either:
- Had found a new source of supply – that fitted their needs better
- Wanted to escape from responsibility
Duality of the sociopath
If you have dated a sociopath you will already know that the sociopath is a master of mind games, tricks and illusion and that nothing is ever as it seems.
Whilst smiling to your face, behind your back they have likely been giving others the sob story, and others wanting to help the poor sociopath victim in their plight of need, offers a place to stay.
What the new target or accomplice does not realise is that they are the next future victim. And whilst there will be tales of you, and how you are a crazy psycho – in the future – they will be labelled as that person too. Sociopaths are not particularly loyal and when moving into mode of discard will tell others just how awful you are. To gain both sympathy and to obtain support to leave – with their halo shining looking like the great guy or gal. The sociopath loves to make a clear exit, and will tarnish your name without a thought, if it makes him look better.
Sociopaths have a dual personality. Life to them is a game, and everyone else are actors in the game. It can be hurtful to realise that the only person who was in a relationship – was you. The sociopath was merely playing a game. Perhaps they grew bored or tired of the game with you, or they felt that there was easier source of supply elsewhere. Whatever their reasoning, in their mind you have served their needs. Now they are justified in moving on.
Why create a fight deliberately beforehand?
Sociopaths always pick a fight. This could be over anything. Usually it is over nothing. There is absolutely no sense to the fight either. Often you will be accused of something that you haven’t done. The sociopath will play victim at how their feelings are hurt, and just how awful you are to do what you have done. You protest your innocence. You witness the narcissistic rage. Yet you have no idea what this is about? It makes no sense at all.
Well at least it makes no sense at all at the time – until the next day when the sociopath with a big drama packs their things (They often leave a few items so that they can return at a later date should they wish) – they almost always keep their options open. So they pack their things and off they go….. you are amazed – how did they find somewhere to live so fast? You wonder as perhaps the day before or a few days before you were (you thought) happy and in love? You haven’t even came to terms that you have split up, yesterday, perhaps even this morning, you were happy and in love? How can he/she be so cold? How can this be happening?
The truth is – that the sociopath has a duality of personality. Whilst smiling to your face and faking love – behind your back they were already moving on. The fake row that they created, the drama and accusations that made no sense and caused so much pain, was a deliberate calculated event engineered by the sociopath to get them out of the relationship and to move onto whatever else they had planned behind your back.
Sociopaths do not end relationships like normal people do. Sitting down and having heart to heart conversations trying to work out where the relationship is going wrong, and what you can do to fix it. This is not the sociopath way. The sociopath has their own exit strategy. This of course achieves
- Retaining control
If you had done anything to the sociopath that they had smiled through in the relationship, now will be the time that they tell you exactly what they think of you. It is now that you see the real person behind the mask. The anger that you witness is the simmering anger that lies behind the mask of deception all of the time. It is just that normally it was hidden by a charismatic smile and twinkling eyes….
Coping after discard
Discard can be really painful. Especially when it was sudden and unexpected. The sense of betrayal and confusion cause intense pain. You might have a longing to find out the truth. It might be difficult to come to terms with the truth. It is hard that the sociopath would have designed this and planned their exit strategy behind your back, whilst smiling to your face and playing the perfect partner.
- Stay with the present. There is truth in the saying ‘the power of now’ right now is all that you have control over. Manage in small pieces of time. Operate on a day to day basis as much as possible
- Find one person that you can trust and confide in this person. Ensure that this person is not a mutual friend, and is someone who will be 100% on your side. Someone who believes in you
- Write down how you are feeling
- If you feel the need to write emails – do – but do not press send. Instead save to draft when written. It can be healthy to get out your feelings onto paper – later this will also help you to see your progress and how far you have come
- You might feel the need to rant for a day or two…. but go careful-the sociopath has a habit of warning you that if you continue to contact them – they will file charges for harassment!! They love to call the police on you (now you are discovering that your needs are not important at all to the sociopath)
- Do not expect ANYTHING from the sociopath. If they owe you things and those things are important to you, advise that you want your belongings back (send an email) put it in writing – but don’t pursue them for it. This is simply a waste of time. The sociopath will love the attention – and if they were going to give those items back to you – they would anyway. If they have no intentions – they won’t (even if they feign that they will give them back to you). Sociopaths love to stall for time – to retain control over you – so just say what you want/need from them ONCE – then let it go. Even if this is painful to do. Never continue playing the game with the sociopath. End contact. Ask for your things. If they wont give them, or make false empty promises that they will deliver – soon. If your items are important to you, and you can prove it, call the police and report a theft.
- Realise that you will not get the answers that you seek from the sociopath – they couldn’t be truthful in the relationship – they won’t be truthful now. So read all that you can about sociopathic behaviour. It will help you and help you to understand that there was nothing that you did. This is not your fault.
- Make some plans for the future. Try to be goal focused and reward yourself for achieving small goals. This will help with self esteem and confidence
- Avoid mutual friends (as much as possible) at least for a while. Definitely don’t go to mutual friends for advice or for information about the sociopath. This usually backfires as the sociopath will convince those people that you are crazy and cant let go etc…. This would only lead to more pain. This separation with those mutual friends, needn’t be permanent but distance can be good for your health for a while. It is time to take care of you and your needs.
- If you have been left in debt, or even financially ruined – seek expert advice and try not to ignore it. Usually this financial pressure has been building for a while. Gaining some support financially to sort out your finances, can feel a relief
- Remember that with nobody turning your world upside down – you are free to rebuild your world. This might be so painful if you have been left isolated and alone. But realise that this is also an opportunity to build a new life. If you had old trusted friends that you stopped seeing due to the sociopath – call them up, you might be surprised that they have missed you too!
- I know that it hurts someone leaving like you meant nothing – when only days before you were with what you thought was the love of your life. Just remember – it was the mirror image of YOU!! That part of you…. is still inside you…. you just have to find you again.
- Finally and most importantly – implement no contact rule. Stick with it. Take it one day at a time. Soon that day will be a week, then a month, then 6 months – a year — and as time passes you will become stronger – and so proud of yourself for doing so.
Love yourself – you’re worth it!! 🙂
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