That might sound like simplifying things. But realistically this is all that it is. That pain that you feel? Is just an addiction.
I don’t know how many of you have smoked and quit (or tried) you knew you quit because smoking was bad for you. Yet – you would still look at people smoking on a night out and just want just one puff of a cigarette…… After all you reason to yourself, now you are quit – you just want one you will be ok tomorrow.
Thing is, if you do take one or two puffs…. maybe even buy a packet of 10 for the night and swear tomorrow you will quit again. Tomorrow it is harder again. All of your good work has gone – and your addiction is back again. Trying not to smoke again – seems harder again. And you wonder why did you smoke last night?
The last time that I really did quit smoking, it was 2006. I had done well and had quit for longer than I had in my life. I went on holiday to Cyprus. Had a row with my partner (over nothing) and bought a packet – (they were cheap)…. I bought them and almost didn’t want to open the packet. But as I had bought them – it seemed stupid not to. I tentatively ripped off the cellophane. That first cigarette tasted disgusting. But I continued — after all I had bought them right?
I reasoned with my mind, that i would just smoke for the holiday and when I returned home I would quit again. This was in September 2006. That was seven years ago…. I am still smoking… I have never managed to quit fully since despite a few attempts.
My point is that if you are having a bad day ….. if you feel like making contact….. DON’T DO THIS….. stick to no contact.
If YOU are tempted – through pain to make contact. I want you to think of me with my cigarettes – seven years ago. Still smoking…. and you know — even today I would prefer to be a no smoker with the occasional desire to smoke – than a smoker with the constant desire to quit!!!
Yes No contact is difficult and painful (and might seem impossible at first) – but the longer that you go – the easier that it gets.
Sociopaths deliberately create addiction. That is all. A dependency and an addiction to them. They do this deliberately to capture you so that you find it difficult to leave.
If you have given up smoking – remember all the lies that you tell yourself – when you are desperate to just have ONE… cigarette?
- It relaxes me
- I can concentrate better
- I need it when I am stressed
- It keeps me slim – I don’t eat as much
- I don’t feel fitter anyway
- I am quit now I wont go back to being an addict – it will just be one
When thinking about breaking no contact rule with the sociopath – we tell ourselves the same lies
- I just want to see if he/she is ok
- I need to know the truth
- Did he/she ever love me?
- Maybe he/she isn’t a sociopath – what if I have it wrong?
- Maybe they will change?
- If I speak to them, this pain will go away
All that it does is suck you back into the cycle of addiction. Can you remember the cycle of abuse that I wrote about earlier? This is also the cycle of addiction.
If you break No Contact and speak to your former abuser – this is the cycle that you will go back through. You will start off at point three…. and the cycle will continue
- Tensions building
And around and around the crazy circle you will go. Unless and if you get the strength to leave again. And then again you start the No contact rule again.
No contact will empower you. It will force you to focus on you and your own needs. You cannot change anyone else – no matter how much you want to…. but… you can change you.
Sticking to no contact. Taking one day at a time. Will force you to focus on you. On your needs. Yes there might be an empty space – a space that was once filled with lies and false illusion to create confusion….
Today you are free…. so celebrate your freedom. Learn to find you again. Don’t take one more puff of the sociopath weed of addiction…. it is never worth it. Unless of course you fancy getting trapped back into addiction – always wanting to quit and leave ….. but putting it off….
Don’t be a person with an addiction with the constant desire to quit. If you have stuck to no contact, well done. Go you – be proud of yourself. If you are having a tough day. Just see it as an addiction – and tell yourself that you won’t make contact just for today – you can review again tomorrow… (then tell yourself the same again tomorrow).
Before you know it… days will turn into weeks…. weeks into months….. and eventually months into years. During that time you will find you….. Focus on you… stick to no contact you are worth it!! 🙂
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