How Sociopaths use illusion to cause confusion


Living in the world of fantasy was something that we all did as children. We would watch stories of magical fairy tales on the television and read fantastical children’s stories. We were raised with the Easter Bunny and Santa. But most of us grow up and live in the real world. The sociopath is different to this. For the sociopath the fine line between truth and fantasy is more than a little blurred. We all think that we would know a liar if we met one. But the sociopath is the master of illusion. After a while being with a sociopath you can start to question your own mind.

The bigger the lie – the more believable it is

There is an old saying that the bigger the lie, the more likely it is that others will believe you.  The sociopath can tell such elaborate lies, that it wouldn’t occur to you that it is a lie. After all who would make up that someone was dying of cancer? Or another lie of such an elaborate nature? The sociopath does this with confidence, and can stare you straight in the eye when telling elaborate lies.

Sociopaths are fabulous actors/actresses. I didn’t know that it was possible for someone to turn on the tears just when they feel like it. I can only cry when I feel sad. I try not to also. Or I try to hold it back. The sociopath can do the whole balling and wailing elaborate dramatic flailing of arms. This is the mask of deception.

Do sociopaths actually believe the lies that they tell?

Initially the sociopath knows that they are lying, it is a deliberate act to manipulate you to get what they want from you. However after a while the line between fact and fiction can become very blurred and the sociopath working so hard in their acting disguise can almost believe their own lies. They become the lie.

Illusionist tricks to back up lies

  • Telling BIG lies
  • Offering to call someone to ‘prove’ that they are telling the truth
  • Offering voluntarily to  provide any other kind of proof
  • Saying ‘speak to … whoever’ ….

The sociopath knows that you HAVEN’T asked for proof. So they volunteer it anyway. In your normal mind you don’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to offer proof – or evidence –  if it wasn’t true.

I knew someone who would go as far as to have actual conversations in front of me – he later confessed that there was never anyone else on the phone. He just faked this by setting his alarm for his phone to ring. This was a great tool for him as it allowed him to tell all kind of lies – and an easy illusionist fake ‘proof’ that he wasn’t lying.

Listen to yourself. Listen to your own inner voice

The sociopath is expert at getting you to doubt your own mind. Or to make you feel bad for thinking for yourself. They play on your emotions, using love to manipulate and fear to control.  You can have a nagging thought at the back of your mind telling you ‘this just isn’t right’!! Remember that not only is the sociopath the master of illusion and deceit, he/she is also incredibly manipulative. Will manipulate your need to do the right thing, manipulate your ‘goodness’

If you hear the nagging words in your head. Or the pull in your stomach telling you that this just isn’t right. LISTEN to YOU. NOBODY else is more important than you are. This might sound narcissistical, but it is not. You are a better partner and person by being whole within yourself. I am not talking about paranoia (as no doubt the sociopath will accuse you of being), just listen to yourself. If the actions do not match the words, pay attention. If you have that feeling something isn’t right. Don’t feel bad for the other person. If that person cares about you, expressing your concerns should not cause rage.

When catching the sociopath in the lie you will always witness

  • Rage
  • Anger
  • Accusations
  • Deflection
  • Blame

Suddenly all of your energy is spent defending yourself. This again is a manipulative tactic by the sociopath to distract you from the real truth.

Sociopaths are very dramatic actors

Sociopaths do not do things by halves. They do not do half measures. Neither do they do 100% – just to make sure they always have to go to town and over the top. They do 120%. If it looks fake, sounds fake, if it seems just too good to be true. It probably is.

Not only are sociopaths dramatic actors, they LOVE drama. Remember that life is a game to sociopaths, and you are just actors in the game of life for them. When interacting with you, they are merely playing the game. Sociopaths hate to be bored. So, if there is no fun going on, they will create entertainment. They will create their own fun. Often this will be at your expense, although you might not realise it at the time. You might just feel bad about yourself.

Your needs are not important – the sociopath is always centre stage

To the sociopath, he/she is always the lead player in the stage of life. You are just supporting actors/actresses. Supporting to the sociopath – to make them look better. It is never about you or your needs (even when they pretend that it is), it is always about them. How to be the centre of attention.

The sociopath can be whoever they want to be. They can fake anything. If it gets them what they want. Next time you hear the alarm bells ringing, stop being the nice guy – follow your own gut and intuition it will rarely be wrong. Learn to trust yourself. Learn to listen to yourself and your own inner voice.

Words copyright 2013


99 thoughts on “How Sociopaths use illusion to cause confusion”

    1. Do you think that someone with a degree in psychology would understand more about sociopaths than someone who has witnessed it firsthand? I think not. I have worked with human behaviour for probably 27 years. I worked with statutory homeless. Which did include a lot of sociopaths/psychopaths etc. I also have counselling qualification have studied psychology. But – to be honest no textbook can teach you the knowledge that I know. I have often written as I observed it happening. I don’t agree at all that someone who has a degree in it would understand better. I know this as I have an Hons Degree – and it was working in the field that taught me the most. This is true.

      1. Agreed! I feel this way in any field. Experiencing it.. A degree is not going to give you this type of knowlegde..

      2. Agree. I’m totally behind supportive formal education, but a person with a theory (even an educated one) never outranks a person with an experience.

      3. Amen girl,
        Experiencing it is like a Doctorate
        in trauma and pain.
        One then sees it. No education will
        beat living in this hell.
        Surviving it requires every ounce of strength one might have and more.
        Many of us have not survived.
        I have.
        I know others who have not.

      4. Hi B 🙂

        Standing strong together, that’s us 🙂
        Survivors that have lived to tell the tale fortunately & yes others have not been as lucky but, we owe it to them to do our best & live our best lives possible 🙂

        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

      5. You are CORRECTI im like you with the qualifications and they counted for nothing, in the face the the stealth and guise and deciet that sociopaths use to court and confuse you. At the end you feel like a ball of wool that the cat’s been at(a million times) you dont know the beginning from the end or the middle, of perceptions, of your reality etc etc. There is no book around that can teach you the human dynamics of that and only those with “insider” knowledge truly understand. like belonging to a secret club. If NotYours poses such a question it indicates no personal experience of it…………and thats good, as i wouldnt wish it on anyone!! pos you seem to have had the richest of experiences. I too am equated with the world of the homeless personally and there is no greater teacher of life than the underbelly of society that most would like to turn a blind eye too, and that learning never comes from a book.

      6. I couldn’t agree more, I don’t know what it is that we’re sorta targeted by sociopaths, since they’re that brilliant to predict the outcome or more in an either/or option way, they gotta to some degree also know should their guise, plot and plan be dismantled by their own doing or the game is up ode to fooling people some of the time, but not all of the time. It just makes no sense why their efforts could not be put to greater good or into the worthwhile joys and desires of life, bc I’d love to be with my soul mate in the end, sharing the spoils of our labour of love, memories, joy, our purpose, finding it and sharing it being one conflate of an existence.

        I guess the ultimate lesson learned is that we will inevitably see and find ourselves precisely where we belong, roll up our sleeves, take no bs… and play the best hand we have, I’d say all we’re ever gonna need will just gladly walk into our lives just as we start living…

        It’s indescribably amazing, breathtaking how good and irrevocably one will feel at the rebirth of yourself surviving sociopathy, when hate dissipates, the overwhelming peace will be most noticeable – sociopaths too – but as assassins aim to please, our aim is already achieved as survivors and no book, philosopher, sage can beat life’s preceptor…. experienIt’s indescribably amazing, breathtaking how good and irrevocably one will feel at the rebirth of yourself surviving sociopathy, when hate dissipates, the overwhelming peace will be most noticeablIt’s indescribably amazing, breathtaking how good and irrevocably one will feel at the rebirth of yourself surviving sociopathy, when hate dissipates, the overwhelming peace will be most noticeable – sociopaths too – but as assassins aim to please, our aim is already achieved as survivors and no book, philosopher, sage can beat life’s preceptor…. experienIt’s indescribably amazing, breathtaking how good and irrevocably one will feel at the rebirth of yourself surviving sociopathy, when hate dissipates, the overwhelming peace will be most noticeable –

      7. I agree Pos. my own counselor admits to not knowing much about socios/psychos. I enlighten her every week with what I learn from reading and investigating. Yes I am still in that stage.

      8. I have learned and benefited far more from this blog than I did from seeing
        a licensed therapist with a masters degree in psychology. I directed her to this site so that she too could have a better understanding. Unless you have lived through the experience of surviving a sociopath – you really don’t have a clue. Those who have survived belong to a special club that if given the choice, we would never have joined. I am so gratefull to Pos and to all of my fellow brave survivors here who have found their way to this special place of knowledge, sharing & healing. We all have so much in common and we now know that we are not alone in our quest to understand and heal . How fortunate are we to be able to feel empathy, love and compassion. I am humbled and thankful to know you all and be part of the DAS Club :).

      9. I was very independent ten years later I’m on social sec. and very reliant on him I’m sure that is where he wants me he sure let’s me know it what do I do

    2. No , Positivagirl has been to hell and back . There is no degree or manual for this . You have either looked evil directly in the eye and survived, or you haven ‘t .

      That’s how it is .

      1. Ditto Nick….from hell & back…thanks to Pos, we are finding Peace on Earth 🙂
        Love & Ligght 🙂
        PR xoxo

      2. HI all, love & light, blessings to you all, yes my ex i was told & felt he had a dark spirit, dark side, could see it in his eyes & in some photos it shows! he created drama, was jealous, possessive & was lying i suspect but covered his tracks well, i suspect he was unfaithful to me, but very clever. I felt drained, being consumed by the dark spirit, intution gut feeling in my stomach, told me to get out, but was addicted, very painful to get out of, as felt addicted, feelings, emotional upheaval. this site is an inspiration, to me, all of u who are survivors, warriors, the Truth will Set us Free xx

      3. @Dragonfly and Positivagirl …

        I have a few comments … A friend of mine has a sister who is a psychologist and has a counseling practice. When I told her that I thought my ex-bf was an sp, she quickly countered by saying something like – “well, don’t be too quick to label without having experience in the field of psych, and just because someone has a website doesn’t mean they’re an expert.” So, while I believed you all along, it’s nice to see that you have studied in the field – it makes it easier to defend my opinion based on your information … (but I still felt your information was credible, and my friend over-analyzes EVERYTHING, which is quite frustrating at times, God bless her)

        AND, as for my ex, he once told me that he was scared that he could be like his father, who was an incredibly vicious and violent man (this was confirmed by my exe’s sister). He said that in 2 previous relationships, he had been white with rage on a few occasions, and was afraid that he could have easily hurt the women he was with who had made him angry. He actually said that he though his father was “possessed” and he thought he might be, too. Regardless, there was definitely something “off” with him – at the very least, my gut tells me that there is some mental illness, whether or not it extends beyond being an sp, or is part of that, I do not know.

        Anyhow … It IS hard to believe unless you’ve lived through it, as it is so outrageous, anyone who is normal cannot fathom treating another person the way the SP does.

        God bless you, Positivagirl, for striving to enlighten and help others.

      4. Really, it matters not, what label the other person has. What really matters is for the victim to understand and to feel understood. For the victim to realise that this wasn’t them. For them to be able to move on. Understanding the behaviour can be really key in your own recovery. Otherwise you can carry for a very long time the wounds and hurt that the sociopath can inflict on you. Also, as they are so very confusing (due to the mask of sanity) and how lovely they are to your face it can really affect you. This website isn’t for sociopaths (although I know a lot do read here). There are sociopaths who email me. They are diagnosed, for the most part, they know that I write the truth. I do think that what a professional can learn in a work capacity and from text books is limited – as sometimes you have to feel it. As sociopaths are incredibly deceptive and manipulative it can be difficult to feel it (unless it is actually hurting your heart). Also as they are masters of isolating people, playing with your mind, making you feel that it is all your fault, leaving you so confused and hurt – it is just good that someone else understands how this feels – and what has happened and why. It is about the victim feeling ‘believed’ … this is all that is important. If this helps others to heal and recover and move on with their life. This is all that is important to me.

      5. Positivagirl, you say that sociopaths email you. Do you know what is their motivation in doing that? you see in my relationship with one i saw nuggets of “wanting to change” and “trying to change” and to me even now after the mask has slipped it still seemed genuine. I think he knew what he was and realised there was no future or happiness in it! I think he seemed genuinely like he wanted to be like other people, but i may be wrong. Do you think this is their motivation to email you as they realise you are GENUINE and know the TRUTH of them but are not bitter with it? Id be really grateful for your thoughts. Thank you x

      6. I don’t know Daisy. I do wonder if it is a cry for help? I know that almost all start off with ….. condemning me for my evil site!! 🙂 Further interaction – is usually on a more adult level. One person (and a few) have said that they still have the same impulses but that they have learned to manage it – otherwise their own life becomes more difficult (so this is in their own interests) others have said that they focus the sociopathy within the working environment – some say that they are fine with certain people who are close to them…. so I guess – they could work hard to manage it. But there will always be relapses…. due to poor impulse – lack of long term planning and the need to control (and not lose control)…. as you know things are often fine…. until they start to lose control. And they don’t deal with boredom too well either… so that is always against them….

      7. Also Daisy – remember that you can never give them what they do not have conscience… that will never change. Any bad feeling is usually for themselves and their own lives…

    3. You cannot be taught the intricacies of narcissism, you have to experience it in a significant relationship, and you especially learn a lot when it’s a romantic one. People for the most part who haven’t been through it just don’t get it, even open minded intelligent learned people. Experience is paramount with this topic NotYours.

  1. The “Pinocchio Clan” looking for their “Oscars”…thanks for the great post, and for taking the time to put on words what we experienced and lived when our lives are “touch” by these kind of “people”.

  2. Hi Pos 🙂

    I hope you are well 🙂

    My Soc was a great storyteller & his best friend a Policeman even said ‘He’d never met such a great wordsmith’…but, unfortunately he’s an enabler/follower so, doesn’t get that the word smithing equates to massive lies & manipulation 😦
    The Whoppers I was told seem unbelievable & laughable but, he did supply proof & the call to such & such & faked conversations etc…I had the master himself.
    He belongs to the Masonic Lodge so, that’s even creepier! Secret handshakes etc…or does he?????

    One lie was as follows;

    ” I am going away but, it’s highly secretive to an undisclosed place for terrorist training etc…,
    I cannot tell you where I will be but, if you need to contact me just text & I will try & respond”.
    Ooooh he was so, Important (all BS!)
    When he returned he told me he had been on a top secret island for training & only a select few went from all over Australia, only top ranking people.
    They were tested under extreme conditions as to how they would respond in an emergency situation, extreme temperatures (one minute hot then cold etc…), whilst managing groups of people & a terrorist situation, bit like James Bond really….
    Oh & how he loved James (lol), I am not Pussy Galore though…I am Miss Moneypenny (lol) OR maybe I am Pussy or one of the other ladies James was so fond of!!!….Sorry I digressed…humpf! James BEYOND Belief!
    Well, out of 12 only two passed the tests of endurance/stamina etc..& guess who was one of the two???
    Ah Huh….my little Rolly Polly, ingrown toe-nail, achilles heel suffering James (beggars belief) Bond….my hero…Twat!
    Hmmm came back with a brilliant tan for someone who had been locked away in a special contained area etc…
    Oh & had gained weight, more than a few kilos/pounds I can tell you…he was sooo exhausted!
    Sitting around a pool at a luxury hotel, I guess would do that!
    I wouldn’t know…but,will soon though, off to Bali, Eat, Pray, Love, that’s me 🙂

    I kept thinking why would they put a 55 year old, nearly retired, very obese man through such stress induced exercises, surely the younger, up & coming officers (firemen) would be considered, not to mention the cost etc….Hmmm but, I never said a word because how dare I doubt James (bloody) Bond…sheesh!
    Hilarious & what a Pinocchio!

    If you think that’s funny, you should hear the one about his Mothers funeral, that’s a corker!!!

    Back to healing, just sharing 😉

    Love & light 🙂

    PR xoxo

      1. The Soc’c Mothers Funeral….

        His mother passed away (I think???) last year (RIP)
        Out of respect I said I would like to go to the funeral, the Soc had come to my fathers funeral in 2010.
        He kept stalling about the day & finally told me it was to be on the Wednesday etc…
        I requested the day off work & made a hair appointment ( I wanted to look my best 🙂 I always get my hair done once a week (just blow dried ) my little treat for me 🙂
        Anyhow the Soc & I had arranged dinner for the Tuesday night before the funeral.
        I got a call from the hairdresser ( a mutual friend) on Tuesday night to say, why hadn’t I come in that day, as they knew I was getting it done for the funeral.
        I said the funeral is tomorrow???
        My friend said “No it was today!!!” WTF….Here it was Tuesday night & I’ve been slaving over a roast din din (his favorite as requested Roast Pork)….I was fuming 😦
        He arrives all normal, a little down…
        I said “how’s your day been???”
        He said, “oh you know, the usual running around trying to organise the cars etc…for the funeral & finalise the arrangements etc…”
        Awwww gee….I sat & watched him getting all comfy on the couch, shoes off etc…wouldn’t think he’s been at his Mothers funeral that day!!
        I said, ” Anything you’d like to tell me?”, he just looked at me confused.
        “What do you mean???”, he asks.
        Me, “The funeral was today apparently?”, shock registers…thinking very quick.
        Soc, ‘I’m sorry, I was going to tell you after dinner”(yep after he’d eaten my delicious roast). “My ex (not divorced remember) was kicking up a fuss & it all got too complicated so, yes it was today & I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but, I was just trying to sort everyone out”, blah, blah,…I asked him to leave then 😦
        Soc, “But what about dinner???”….I was so upset by this & just said “GET OUT!”, he scuttled off.
        I gathered myself together, I was incensed…then I dished up my beautiful meal, gave all the cracking to my children etc…opened a bottle of Red & enjoyed my Pork!
        He then texted his apology & me wanting answers was really looking for an explanation,
        who does that? who says come then lies about the day, who comes after their Mothers funeral acting normal (I would be a mess & eating would be my last thought, in fact I will be booking a double coffin when my Mum goes, she’s my best friend 🙂
        In a spring loaded coffin filled with confetti though (lol) can you imagine being discovered by an archaeologist in 1000 years, ‘Surprise’ bells & whistles…Digressed again 🙂
        So he then gives me the sob story, my ex, the family pressure etc…he’s Italian so, big hoopla etc…I ended up feeling sorry for him (his Mother after all 😦
        So back he came & on it went until….but, that’s another story…oh & the ex did get upset but, that’s because he used the funeral to get at her…the old Soc punishment for taking him to the cleaners when she finally had enough of him. He still controls her via the adult son (lives with Mum & collects predator figures just like Daddy :)…little boy is Daddy’s wing-man & the OW was overseas so, wasn’t there but, he wouldn’t be able to explain my presence so, had to keep me away.
        Still as you know it’s much better to create a drama rather than just have said, “please don’t come, my ex-wife isn’t comfortable & may make a scene?”
        His poor ex-wife has been kept in the picture because of family & I think as pay back so, that she does not meet anyone else because, he has his adult children sabotage her relationships with men…he openly told me this once!
        Still she made a small fortune selling her half of his Royal Doulton ladies on Ebay, good for her 🙂
        I wonder if my dolly is still in exile in the china cabinet?? I bet I’m at the very back jostling for a view of the new OW (lol)….we’re all there & it’s all gossip, tears & shits & giggles till one giggles & shits 🙂
        Who cares, he can take his lady figurines & shove them up his porky bum 🙂

      2. Ah very funny PR. I did especially laugh at the part ‘create a drama rather than just say please don’t come my ex wife will be there’ …. this is exactly how it is isn’t it? Drama is always a great deflection. Occupy your mind for long enough so that you don’t actually notice what it was that they were doing. Oh and the asking YOU for an explaination when you were the one who was planning to get your hair done and look nice for his mothers funeral, taking the day off. But you are also right – who isn’t upset the day that they have buried their mother? Could have been shock… for some people takes a while to register – but you would have thought there would be some tears. They fake enough. Thanks for sharing your story!! Good example.

      3. Pos, he wasn’t in shock & that’s what made me realise, he didn’t even care about his Mother, he was more upset by missing out on the roast & even said so later!
        he never mentioned his Mohter even after i asked was he happy about how the funeral went, he was angry at his ex for insisting on being part of the family cortege etc…not the event itself, the OW told me also that the ex had insulted his Italiano pride, my guess is she stood her ground & the Soc doesn’t like not being the center of attention & in total control of the minions. His ex stood up & he tried to make he look bad, as only Soc’s do.
        He knew she would be upset by being excluded from her children on the day they were grieving their Nonna.
        I told him he has never divorced her so, she considers herself ( rightfully) part of the family & had known his mother since childhood.
        His ex is the same as others here, gamed endlessly then discarded but, kept for punishment to parade others in front of her etc…we & she are all his puppets 😦
        I hope she realises one day, she may already know?

      4. You mean he told you that he was angry at his ex!! As for him and his ex – he probably feeds her a load of lies – and she thinks she is the ‘special’ one. Yes you are right they hate not being in control and their pride is dented if they are not centre stage. When they are not they get paranoid that you are moving on or have something better than them to do. I thought I was happy and in love when I was having my daughter – then she died – her father was soon out of the door (when I said he now had to financially contribute) i was stunned when I called him night that we buried her – and he said ‘cant talk now, bit busy with my friends’ at the time I thought how can anyone be so heartless and cruel….

      5. Awww Pos 😦
        What an awful lowlife your Soc is to say that,”he’s busy” at such a time 😦
        Really hateful & shallow but, never connected as you were 😦
        I am sorry, as if it wasn’t bad enough 😦
        And yes, he will be telling lies as usual, why change when it works so well & look at the life of high drama he leads.
        He even told me he met the Rolling Stones! No proof however & I was like “did you get their autograph??” “No, Ronnie & I had such a great rapport, I didn’t want to look like a groupie”, Yeah right….I would have got proof 😉
        Take care & I hope life is getting better for you 🙂
        PR xoxo

      6. P.S. Yes he told me he was angry & he told the OW the same thing, he said she was being a bitch, you know I always defended her 🙂
        I had been the ex once so, always two sides too a story 🙂

      1. OMG. Mine idolized, was obsessed with (to the point of scary obsessed) a number of 80’s bands/singers.

    1. Hey PR:)

      So funny to read:))) Mine was also obsessed with James Bond. In his posts to women on dating sites he would sign with his name in “Bond, James Bond” style and then he would write how he was a huge Bond fan. Sadly, women seemed to like his ‘joke’….so he was repeating it all the time… In the early period of our relationship (when he cared about his look) he even found the body exercises that the Bond actor used, so he was exercising so he could have the same muscles … At the end of the relationship all muscles were gone…and replaced with the big fat My ex spath also loved Batman and hockey masks ( it seems sociopaths love masks, that is their life philosophy after all :))

    2. Absolutely hilarious…………….adds a whole new meaning to the phrase “TELLING PORKIES” ha ha sorry im sure it wasnt funny at the time but youve just cheered me no end with that funny tale. No better recovery than laughter for all of us!

      1. Hi Daisy 🙂

        Yes laughter is the best medicine against these shallow creatures. They really are quite laughable so, hang onto your humor & remember you are not alone 🙂

        Love & light 🙂
        PR xoxo

    3. HA HA your funeral story adds a whole new meaning to the phrase, “telling PORKIES!” Thanks for making me roar with laughter!

    4. @PR – that’s SO funny!!! I’m sure you didn’t call him on his B.S. just because of how offended he would get that you questioned his credibility. But honestly, being obese and out of shape, you’d think he would have thought of a more intelligent excuse. Unless he’s so delusional that he really thinks he’s that hot and sexy (Fcuk) Sometimes I think they tell lies that are so ridiculous because they want to see how “out there” there they can be before someone calls them on it.

      You know, the night my ex shifted on me, and I knew in my heart it was over, was when I called him out on the money he owed me (which I wanted paid back to me before he bought a Porsche), and I knew he didn’t like that. In my email to him (after I found out he got married to the woman he started seeing while he was with me), I said “I’m sure it’s very stressful to have a woman see you for who you really are and call you out on it.”

      It’s only a matter of time before his new relationship loses it’s lustre, and his new wife starts calling him on his bullshit and extreme behaviour. He’ll get bored and his eyes will start to wander. If I was her, I’d worry if he starts to travel a lot for work, because apparently he used to go to sex clubs when he would travel to Thailand “just to see what it was all about” (yeah, right. Based on the bi and trans-sexual porn collection I found, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him) It would be interesting in a few years to see how long it lasts. Of course, his wife knew about me when she started seeing him, so maybe she’s the type who will be complacent in a relationship just to have a man in her life. Who knows?

      FREE AT LAST. Thank God!

      1. Hi Darling 🙂

        Yes FREE AT LAST! Yay us 🙂 😉 🙂

        My Soc went away on business a lot also so, I think Asia was on his itinerary more than once.
        That’s made me realise what others have said, that perhaps more weirdo stuff was going on??
        He certainly had a predilection for some kinky pics etc…ewwww
        I was always horrified by them & I thought he only showed me to provoke that response but, not so sure now!

        Still like you I think the OW’s have taken over where, we left off & ‘oh boy’ what a ride they are on 😦

        I am glad you are feeling great & we are moving through this saga with dignity & grace 🙂

        I hope dignity & grace don’t mind the odd expletive or two 😉 LOL

        Love & light 🙂

        PR xoxo

      2. @PR – yes, I hope that Grace and Dignity are fine with the occasional profanity and expletive. Oh well.

  3. I am experiencing all of these things that I am reading, that comment makes me so mad… These things are very true… I have been following this for a while, and although I knew things were very wrong, this gave me strength to actually move on… And to know that what I knew was absolutely right!

    1. Good for you, Debra. The sps turn things around on us, making us question ourselves in order to deflect from their actions. It’s crazy, but that’s their m.o.. I am so glad it is out of my life, and that it wasn’t me who is crazy!

  4. I often doubt that my ex was a sociopath, and then i read one of your posts and too much clicks into place. Every time. This one is him to a tee.

    More memories of wrong doing and red flags have come back through reading this. At the time i believed him because i so desperately wanted too. But my instinct were screaming otherwise. At first i thought as you mentioned in your post, when he said “feel free to look at any of my stuff, i have nothing to hide” and when i did and i found stuff he got really angry. after a while as i kept confronting him about stuff he would get angry “why don’t you call my boss… he will confirm what time i was at work” etc etc. Or “i’ll send you proof that i need to be in another state” and i said yes please, then of course what he sent through was not proof at all.

    Oh My God. He really was/is a sociopath. It finally hits home.

      1. Exactly. I feel like I have made a huge step forward. Both my rational AND emotional glasses are now clear. Wow, what an eye opener.

  5. Yup. Fake phone conversations. Fake financial documents. Created a fake new husband for me while being questioned by the police. Questioning that lasted hours with each lie topping the one before. During a brief lucid period following a suicide attempt, he wrote, “I started to believe my own bullshit.” By this point, I believed nothing coming from this man. But that statement rang true. He was as much of a victim of himself as I (and his other wife) were.

  6. I had all this too! he would say, you can look thru my phone anytime, I have nothing to hide form you….I would back down,,,and every time his phone beeped he would scramble for it, read it,answer,,,,,,and then place it face down so I couldn’t see it. His phone has been one of the biggest bug bears for me, probably because most of our contact was by texts, constantly mixing me up with someone else, it always made me wonder if he was scared to see me face to face because he always slipped up, and he knew I could read him just from watching him?

    Just today I’ve had texts after no contact for a few days,,,,,,,,,,,,loves me,misses me,needs me and wants me badly,,,,,said he was out for a while alone,,,,,,,,,,,,I asked him to call me then,,,,,,,,,NO answer!!

    Sicko just wants me to answer, and probably sat there smirking to himself when I did!!

    i’ve had him arrange to see me,,,then an hour before due time,,,,,a really pitiful excuse as to why he can’t now,,,,,,I even know when he is lying,,,,,he doesn’t stop for breath,,,not even in his texts,,,no punctuation,just one long barrage of words,,,,,then an hour later saying he CAN make it now because his dogs vet appointment is tomorrow,not today after all,but that wasn’t the reason he sent me an hour ago, no mention of his dog!!!! totally different excuse,,,,,within an bloody hour,,,,he actually forgot what lie he told me!!!

    Sick,just sick,,,,,I just hope that one day he will pick on someone who turns on him and doesn’t care about the aftermath!!
    and what really hurts is that I could have destroyed his family life,,,his job,,,everything,but I loved him so much that I spent all this time just trying to believe I got him all wrong.
    I just couldn’t face the truth even though it was right there under my nose and I was seeing it and feeling it.

    Three years down the line and when I look back on all the ridiculous lies, excuses, stringing me along, false promises, sweet talk,,and it was all there right from the start,,he even managed to make me believe I hadn’t heard him with the other woman,it was me imagining it all!,, I gave him a second chance while listening to his promises of “I will prove it somehow, time will tell” and all he has done with time is string me along with minimal contact,,,,and then reel me back in when I hint that I’ve had enough,,,,

    what a total waste of my time, I put off holidays because I worried he would move on to someone else while I was away, ??

    I just can’t believe i’m still sat here waiting for texts, knowing damn well that’s all he really wants from me, and most of the time he asks me what I’m doing,,,,,,,i’m sure it’s so he knows his coast is clear for the morning!

    Just a total waste of my precious time!!

    1. Mine did what you said here as well:

      “he would say, you can look thru my phone anytime, I have nothing to hide form you….I would back down,,,and every time his phone beeped he would scramble for it, read it,answer,,,,,,and then place it face down so I couldn’t see it.”

      So i started looking through his phone. Found a few odd things but i think after that he cottoned on and got a second phone (although i have no proof of this – just a very big red flag)

      1. Deflection. Divert your attention elsewhere. Offering information – when they do not need to…. to show they can be trusted (when that is the last thing they are) – beware the person who offers proof if you haven’t asked for it. They are covering — and have something to hide!!

  7. This pretty much sums it up for my Psyc. His rage accusations blame etc. I’ve lived it all. Then was accused of never being able to trust him – like that was a character flaw in ME. Truth is trust is earned and easily destroyed. One can forgive but not forget. He used to always tell me the one mking the accusations is usually the one who is really doing what they are accusing another of. Im finally starting to get to the point of realizing he makes me sick bc he is not normal.

    1. OMG Judahbug…that is the same as me. My not being able to trust him was MY flaw and that trust was everything! Yet he was lying and when i caught him out he blew it off. Also, as well as him saying that the one making the accusation is usually the one who is really doing it. I wonder if that is another way of shutting us down, dis-enabling us from making comments. Of course.

      1. Today, after more than three weeks of no contact (from me) or silent treatment (by him) -it all depends of the point of view- he sends (again) a text message that it was intended to his new prey. at first I read it on awe, then I wanted to say so many things, and then I saw that he was playing -again-with me, his illusion play. I just deleted it and decide to not react. He send three hours after, another text, saying that it was a mistake, that he is so sorry. I didn’t answer back. He just send now, another text explaining all the details of his first text of what he and his new prey have planned for the weekend…I can’t believe it!

      2. Ugh they love to do that the fake message that was meant for the other woman to make you jealous. So pathetic huh? Some of them will come out and tell you what a great time they are having and how happy they are now. They hope you will be too. They have now met someone new and she is great… you would like her. And thank you… he wouldn’t be the person that he is today without you and all of your help!! 🙂

      3. Ps I only read the first four lines of your comment before replying lol…. seems he is typical classic behaviour. It is just to try to make you jealous. Remember that he needs emotion from you to manipulate and control you. With no emotion he cant control you. So he does all that he can to get you to display emotion. Show him none and focus on you. In fact… block his number!! 🙂

      4. I know. This is the second time he made the same thing. And before, when we were trying – let me correct myself- when I was trying to made everything better between us, he has used all his tricks with this jealousy thing, he send me photos of them together, saying that he wanted that I was her instead, sending intimate photos of her new prey, making her to call me…I made all the effort to no show him any emotion, but the reality is that his behavior is so cruel that I really can’t understand it. It is like seeing a human being with flesh, but without spirit.

      5. I have a question, does this personality disorder show any signs on the brain? When we were together, he had a bad accident and he went on some MRI, the doctor discussed the results with me on details and show me as a curiosity that instead of four hemisphere, he have five (the doctor explained to me that this is an anatomy difference that some people have on their fetal development)and that they are larger than average. I keep thinking about it.

      6. Do they ever finish the playing or it just,a repetition of all his tricks over and over again?
        I will not react. I will not answer. I will not break the “no contact”, but I’m just sadly amazed…

      7. No they never finish playing. Not ever. life is a game to them. yes they do repeat the same thing over and over. They can’t help it. This is why we all identify with what I write as they all repeat the same pattern of behaviour. it is something in the brain… 😦

      8. No More Insanity.
        Wow. I am so sorry that you are going through that but all the info points to if you just keep NC he will eventually give up. Good on you and very well done for not responding. Be very proud of yourself for achieving this step. You are breaking free.
        Responding will just lead to more and more heartache. This way is short term heartache that leads to freedom.
        Eventually this annoyance will be like a little fly.

      9. Instead of looking for more insanity reactin to his cruelty, I decided to write at this site to see sanity! Thanks for understanding!

  8. Hi everyone,
    a quick question………….does the soc ever give up trying to harm you or get you back even when you yourself actively stop playing his game? my has tried to destroy my life in many ways and so far hasnt achieved his aim. professionals around me who are helping me keep saying that the soc keeps returning even years later. Has anyone got any comments or experience of this please? id be grateful! oh and also despite knowing that you definately dont want them in your life does anyone feel a sort of “compassion” for them like i do………….for like their wasted life, their inability to love, the way they poison everything around them? or am i completely warped for feeling that?

    1. Hi Daisy, Sociopath’s don’t like losing. Yes they can boomerang back into your life over and over. The best way to stop this is to keep to no contact. This will empower you. He cant get back in if you don’t leave the door open for him to do so (Jerry Springer).

      – Stop playing the game (stick to No contact) – or the addiction can start again

      – If by some sneaky chance he manages to get into your field (despite all your efforts to establish no contact) NEVER display any emotion.

      I think eventually they will give up – but ONLY if they realise that they have no chance. What you would find is that at first the attempts to get back will be full on. Later it won’t be – as it will be a half arsed attempt to see if they can use you as source of supply.

      Yes absolutely I can identify with the feeling compassion. Why wouldn’t you – you have the ability to love and to feel. You can empathise. Unfortunately they can’t.

      But – when it comes down to it. You can’t fix them. You cant change them – they cant even do that for themselves. But you can fix and change you!! 🙂

      1. Long time no hear, but I’m ok going threw alot of anger which I didn’t when I was with him, only hurt. I always brushed it off even when he hit me I always forgave but now after 8 months of not dealing with him, Iam very angry at all the stuff he did to me. I just can’t understand how I let this man treat me so BAD. When he sent me that text chain letter about angels I got so angry where before I would have jumped for this kind of thing in the past. I don’t want to give him the satisfactory of changing my phone he caused me to have to move after 24 years living in my home and losing all my friends. I only got angry for a minute but I see how he just wants to get a emotion from me and I didn’t bit I’m proud of myself for not jumping and I know he just thinks I’m mad but it’s healing for me.

      2. Hey Daisy – if you are angry – you are healing….. you are deciding that you are worth more than this crap. Also…. it means that you are removing yourself from his control and manipulation. I bet he hates that. I am so sorry to read that you had to move from somewhere you lived so long, and losing your friends. I do understand that and how it can leaving you feeling so isolated and alone. BUT…. sometimes when you lose everything – it can be liberating as you can rebuild your life your way. I think it sounds like you are healing. It does take a while. You being angry at him – is blocking him from contacting you. It is protecting you also and not allowing him back into your life – I just hope that he doesn’t manage to smooth talk you (as they often will try when they think that they have lost control) they can then switch to ultra nice – but you might already know this…. but well done as well though it sounds like you are doing really well.

    2. Hi, Daisy mine left me for another woman and came down to San Jose and wanted to see me after 7months of not seeing me. I stopped all contact and he still to this day tries to reach me in some form or another. Either by having someone say how in Love he is and how good he is doing now, working not taking drugs and oh is such a good boy now. Yeah right he has never keep a steady job and has been taking drugs for over 30 years but he meet the right one now at 52. BULL SHit. He send a chain letter to me via text about angels no response from me, but hes a changed man. Its a game to them and even when they try to contact you its because they want to piss you off or just see if you will play there sick game.Iam in the angry state and it toke me 8 years to accept this and I will get over the angry part but it was much needed for me to see how abused I was physically and mentally and I ask God everyday of my life to help me not see the harm he did to my arm and many beatings. He sold from me, lied cheated and still to this day can’t understand why I don’t want anything to do with this sick F. I tried to warn the woman about him but she just said that they would have to work things out and that she would pray for me. Shes a so, called Christian woman letting this man smoke maryjane and drink and sleeping with her. So, she needs to pray for herself because she is not a true Christian either. So, two sickies don’t make a wellie..

      1. Hi Marion 🙂

        Anger is normal & part of the healing & you have done so well 🙂
        Keep up the good work, you are on your way to finding You so, it’s all worth it, just as you are 🙂

        Love PR xoxo

    1. My psycho father used to sign off his letters with “peace and love”!

      By the way, I think we get targeted by these people because there’s familiarity… my father had NPD, my mother’s father also, I suspect…

  9. Hello you all =D I have been busy minding my life free from that nasty sociopath gal ..and bum she writes me mail with junk on the title she knows I wont open .. then I came here ..the place to vent and read positive girl words she has the perfect words for the stuff that happens.. .. by the way to the first comment here… maybe she does not have the “title” as you say..but let me tell you she was the one that has been always right on the money …I mean she describe exactly each situation as if she could come here to usa and meet my weirdo ex and see all she did like she was a bird flying over us and the way they do things how they do how they react all that they will like …how can a title tell you such sure details ?????????? how???? you tell me !
    This site turned my life around I was hurt mad confuse I was feeling like I was going nuts..I was so many things…this site showed me I fell on a nasty trap and with perfect down right details!

    now for the lies and illusions..gosh they have a way to make you feel confused…is all lies right????
    or is now true? if was true she got married and she so much wants me to know why the hell wont she post a pic of her wedding? or of her with her hubby? the jealous one that she beg me not to make contact heeheheheh
    with weeks of peace she sent me a title
    ” planing how to celebrate 1 month of marriage ❤ " with the 3 thing heart

    I never reacted as usual…I did nothing…so today I get another
    " just when I thing my life's direction was to study ..god send me a more beautiful direction I will becomes a Mother <3"
    and the heart thing
    oh poor poor child hehhe this is a person that hated babies and could not stand to ever have one nor could she stand to touch or care or even play with her baby nephew.. or hold him.. or mother me never I wont lose my figure for that and you need to give them too muc atttention
    " but now god gave her this beautiful direction eheehhehehe
    mind me this is the 3rd time she lets me know
    in june she was going to be a mom then in july she post in youtube comm under mine.. not pregnant nothing inside of me..
    then aug she wishes she could be a mom then she send me love song
    when I was your woman
    then no reaction
    I never react to anything ..I post here my reaction

    so then she send me this mom crap
    well 23 married 1 month during that month she sent me love songs.. a nd a mail asking I dont contact her "man"
    then more love words
    then this plan to celebrate the marriage then now she will be mom
    so fast all no????????

    sorry my rant
    illusions bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe she believes or maybe is true maybe she is married and have a kid
    poor kid
    I never wanted kids with her..gut feelings you know ..I always had bad gut feelings
    I was just telling myself maybe just maybe im paranoid!

    best wish to you all here and keep non contact!!
    thanks for reading and for helpful comm =D

    1. Hi Smarter =D

      Keep focused on you & definitely NO CONTACT EVER, she’s nuts!
      Maybe she was a squirrel in a past life or maybe in her nest one 😉 LOL
      You must try not to read her communications from her as it doesn’t help your healing but, I know the temptation is there 😦
      Just remember you have a better, brighter future ahead without this lunatic in it so, WOW that must make you really happy 🙂 smile & go out & live your best life ever 🙂
      She’s in the past, leave her there & move forward, it’s your life & only you can control you.

      Love & Light 🙂
      PR xoxo

  10. I just met up with my spath. It went well, a walk on a nice day, long talk for hours. I am strong and determined to keep it friendly since I do care about him. Problem is, he kissed me. It can be addictive , and frankly it’s just not worth it. I keep my life pretty full these days. Yet, I wouldn’t mind seeing him this way again to talk. Not one of my most brilliant ideas.. Lol. Has anyone here succeeded at just a caring friendship with major boundaries? It’s sick but I want him happy. Idk why.

    1. yes you can do it. As long as you want no other life. Apart from him.

      I being serious. They would see this friendship as just a way to sneak their foot in the door…. then the cycle begins again.

  11. I have gone through a lot not knowing the affect my soc had on my and my life until I got dizzy, passed out and split my head open to be taken to the hospital by ambulance only to find out I had lost 4 units of blood due to a bleeding ulcer. I know when it started. On my birthday April this year by him ruining my b’day then a girl knocking on my door looking for him as she fell for him via texts and phone calls and one brief date….he can be that charming!!. Then 2 months later I let him back in wanting to believe his words only to be crushed by his lies again and a text by a girl.
    bringing us to now. With me being so ill he showed up at the hospital at night claiming to be my fiancé (he was at one time with a 6 karat diamond ring. he likes to act like a millionaire with really no money).
    Anyway he proceeded to profess his love and being so scared that he wanted to use again (Xanax was the main drug he lost everything to). Somehow it turned to be about him when I was so ill due to the stress of this relationship.
    I let him back in and saw him as he cared for me since Thursday only to cause a fight because of his baseball cards I took out and looked at. He accused me of going to sell them because he owes me money. I wasn’t. Got mad and left again. Drama all day today breaking up with me for the thousandth time.
    He has promised to go to the dr and get meds etc. WHY the F do I keep letting him do this to me!!!!!
    I am an attractive woman who men want to date. I own my home and have a good life and great grown kids!!!
    HOW in the world do I believe or want to believe in him?

  12. Not sure where to put this but anyone in the UK there is a drama on tonight (Tuesday 01 October) on Sky Living at 9pm called the Psychopath next door I have know idea how good or realistic it will be, hopefully it will not try and show a psychopath as an axe murderer anyway!

  13. Just beginning to learn about my spath and work on recovery. He is still here but ended us a month ago to pursue new victims for many reasons. He told me 3 months ago that he is a spath and that I should research it. 13 years with him, knew something was wrong with him, he was diagnosed for anxiety and abandonment issues, but he has huge misplaced anger, is emotionally abusive, places blame, unfairly accuses, on and on. I found he fits all the markers for a spath. I cried when I found that out because it is so sad and I know in my heart there is no hope. He has been very cruel about the break up. Still in same house as we have a lot of joint assets to separate and I am making a buyout attempt for our home. I have realized that my first experience of 30 years was a spath too and I never recovered before this one got me. I didn’t know I needed recovery then. First one was violent. This one is just mostly emotionally abusive with explosive anger over stupidities.. The addiction to him is very strong, he does everything by the spath book. Has told me about his search for a wife his age because he suddenly wants kids after telling me all these years he doesn’t ever want kids. I am older than he is, I had three kids, grown now, I couldn’t have ever anymore when we met due to health reasons. He only let’s my kids visit on holidays 😦 he told me he knows he is sick but that he thinks it is a gift from God. He will ask for help and then say he can fix himself. I had all the red flags early on but I was still so destroyed by my first marriage wreck that I followed the same pattern of avoiding, forgiving and self delusion. My kids are upset that I didn’t tell them everything but I didn’t want them to relive what their father did to us. This time I know I have to recover myself. I have been under control of a spath since I was 16 years old when I met my first husband, married at 18 despite a little voice, very faint telling me I was happier away from him 😦 same little voice told me to get away from second spath early on, but when I tried he convinced me to stay. Yes, I am older, but obviously not much wiser. Funny thing, I sponsored both spaths out of Mexico to North America. My spaths always worked but did change jobs a lot for more money. Both got bored easily, and spent lots of money. I was the springboard for both to achieve their careers from my influence, and connections to paying for and supporting them during their education. With both I could never measure up, couldn’t fulfill their always changing requirements. I always fell short. I used to cry to myself that I wasn’t good enough. Oh yes I was really under their control in a bad way. Trying to break the addiction now, it is so darn painful and I am so afraid. I have never been alone in my life. Good thing is I have been working hard on my health, and weight so I am in great shape physically, overcame rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, almost off all blood pressure meds,look at least 10 years younger than my age so don’t come across as a weak elderly lady. Good thing as I will need to work until 73 for full pension. I work in social work. So, here I am, learning so much from everyone’s posts, thank you. I need to recover to find out who I really am, where did I go all these years? Why did I attract and fall for these predators? And I need to stop crying and break free. He is still gaming me, but I just call a friend or son. Ticks him off. We have three dogs that I think he will leave behind. So sad, they are rescue dogs so I really don’t want to re home them again.

    1. Hi Sher,

      great post and welcome to the site. I can totally relate with what you wrote. I didn’t know people like sociopaths exist before my ex spath. But now I recognize sociopathic characteristics in some of my family members, colleagues, past loves … I liked how you wrote ” emotionally abusive with explosive anger over stupidities” Well written! It is hard, but we have to take it day by day and find strength to move on…

  14. How are we all a part of this? How are these people like this? It’s like a nationality such as myself being Italian. I just don’t understand what is wrong with them and how they are like this?! I have spent 5 years with mine off and on the past year. Wanting and believing in his promises and words but waiting when I allow myself to believe or for him to prove it first. Which of course NEVER comes to be without drama and blaming me for things….starting fights etc. But I have gotten better and I make sure I don’t do or say something he can use against me or blame me with. Doesn’t matter as he still does it.
    He promised over and over to go to the doctor to get meds as I think its a bi-polar type situation. Then I go back and read these posts and you hit the nail on the head each and every time!!
    The almost five years got to me and my health by giving me bleeding ulcers. He knows it from him and gives me the fake empathy only to hurt me a week later. Now I am dealing with getting healthy and my mom’s last stages of cancer.
    Yesterday was the beginning of my NO CONTACT after I showed up at his place when he said he was all cute and ready to go out knowing it was a lie….he was in bed. He flipped and threw me out of his house and broke up AGAIN.

    I vow to myself to stay strong and read these posts because no one understands but someone who has/is going through this type of person.

    staying Positive!!!!!

    1. Day one of no contact is the first day. Take it one day at a time. Remember this now YOU can love you the way that he never could. If you take it one day at a time. Soon will be seven days then a month then six months. You can do this. Remember that they deliberately create dependency to create addiction. See this as an addiction. Keep going. Well done for day one!!

      1. You truly are an angel for what you do!!! NO one knows about this unless you lived it. No therapists etc. I have tried. This site is the only place that makes sense and gets it right!
        I did it for 40 days Jan 1st until he started posting of FB to hurt me and I contacted him to stop. Lesson learned. NO looking at anything!!
        Thank you Positivagirl!!

      2. Thank God you are all here to turn to. I am stuck and I’ve really had my fill. We are back together for over a month now. My spath is starting so many fights. I cannot stand being with him anymore, yet I hang around “in case” I change my mind?! My skin is crawling, replaying in my mind the conversations/arguments we’ve had. Constant lies, name calling, intimidation, a bit of physical pain, the list goes on. Wth am I thinking?! Like Positivagirl always tells us, she’s here to support us, for whatever stages we come in and out of. I cannot wait to woman up and get the heck out of this evil mess. He has a black ugly heart. I’m tired if being empathetic :-/

      3. It’s just going around in a circle bunny. Yes it might feel nice when there is peace or being seduced. But you know that out of nowhere they will pick a fight. The clycle of abuse repeats quicker the longer that you are with it. Sociopaths have no conscience. They don’t care. They lie and pretend they care. But they don’t really.

      4. Today was the first time I went off on him. He judges every expression I make. If I giggle slightly about anything, he says ” WHATS SO FUNNY?” Gimme a break! It’s not gonna happen. I yelled, took control and he cowered like a quiet baby. I’m getting real sick of this crap. Still won’t tell me where he works, never met friends or family. I MUST be a dirty little secret. Yet he always answers his phone…bizarre. This is no relationship….not at all, period!

  15. They really don’t care. But boy oh boy can they pretend like they do!!! Mine has gotten me back each time no matter how much I think I am going to make sure he changes. Only to do the same thing each time!! Always my doing and my fault. Then the circle starts again. He just broke up with me telling me how much he loves me and always will but just can’t do this anymore. I know he will be back as it’s like Groundhogs day….over and over and over again.

  16. This rang so true! Our sociopath (not a dating one but a friend of many) carried on phone conversations in front of her multiple victims with the assistance of her husband. She would text, he would ring, she would answer and low and behold it was her “Boss” or her “friend” about to enter a property deal or “the travel agent” justifying why your tickets hadn’t arrived. Any idea if these people can operate in pairs? Is the husband’s involvement for fun or could he be a socio too? He certainly enjoyed the spoils!

    1. Well I guess there certainly are couples who operate in pairs Jeff. Off the top of my head I think moors murdering pair Myra hindley and Ian Brady. If they are both involved in hurting someone else this would indicate either they both have issues, or one is very in love and blinded by the other?

  17. Psycho lied about having cancer, being in a car crash, came out of toilet with a mark around his neck in my house, lied about being evicted from house, lied about starting up a business, lied about passport being stolen and being stranded out all night, when I challenged him in a lie he would go mad at me and threaten me. When I finally had the courage to stand up for myself and call him out on what he is, he sent me suicide poems, death threats, ‘if you accuse me of lying I will rip your f*****g head off’ he would not accept the truth and always would twist every thing I said, with projections, he triangulated me up against his aunt (who he never sees) she phoned me and went mad at me and told me I should be ashamed of myself for treating N the way I did. After the phone call psycho sent me a picture of a rope around his neck to my inbox (with a message I told you I’d do it) it still gives me nightmares, I got awful messages from other people he knows etc, the day after I got a msg from someone telling me that psycho misses me and can we still be friends, then he made fake accounts and sent me images of him and his new friends now and a new relationship, and messaging me what he has all achieved since the break up. I have had no contact for 10 months and heard nothing at all from him
    I ended up with. Two stomach ulcers and lost 3 stone within one month due to stress. I was with psycho for 6 months

    1. Mine lied about cancer and being in a car crash too! It is incredible the amount of psychological terror and emotional distress that they can inflict in just 6 months. They are bad news. Like cancer to ordinary people.

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