questions (1)

The one question that is often asked when you find out that the person you are in love with is a sociopath, is:

“Can a sociopath change?”

The short answer is NO.

It is important that we get the short answer of No, out of the way as quickly as possible. No they cannot change. Currently there is no cure or therapy for sociopathy that has been found to work effectively. In fact, therapy, couples counselling etc, can make things worse, as the sociopath learns to sharpen their tools to manipulate. It can make them more manipulative. If the sociopath is begging for another chance, and promising that he will change, he is, quite simply, lying. 

The reason why they cannot change, is because they lack conscience. Which means that they feel no guilt, no remorse or shame for their actions. Not only this, but because of this, they are unable to learn from past experiences. A sociopath is unable to make future realistic plans in life, and is not goal orientated or focused.

  • Lack of conscience
  • Lack of genuine feelings
  • Inability to feel remorse or shame for past actions
  • Unable to learn from past experiences
  • Lack of life plan and inability to make target focused goals to create a life plan


 A sociopath might feign sorrow or apologies. And you, as the victim, after all of the hurt and pain you have been through, might feel relieved. This is what you have wanted to hear. You just want a normal relationship, with someone who doesn’t lie, cheat, betray and use you.

You reason that if a person feels sorrow for their actions, that they will learn that they have hurt  you and will not repeat those actions again? This is reasonable thought when making judgement about somebody who thinks with an ordinary mind. But it is not reasonable thought when making judgement about a sociopath. A sociopath does not, and cannot feel genuine sorrow (Unless it is sorrow for himself).

They might feel sorry that they have done something which has reduced their source for supply, or that they have lost someone out of their life which is useful to them. But once they have regained your trust, and got their source of supply back, the acting ‘sorrowful’ will be gone.

A sociopath is unable to experience empathy, which means that a sociopath has an inability to feel how anybody else feels apart from himself.

Emotions that he expresses are those that he has learnt from other people, they are not genuine feelings or emotions. Remember that the sociopath is a chameleon, he is quite able to be whatever anybody wants him to be, if it serves his purpose.

Whatever he is doing or saying, to convince you that he has changed, and is now sorry,  is simply an ‘act’. He will act out what he thinks that you want to hear. There is nothing genuine about it. And as soon as trust with you is won, he will return to the same person doing the same actions as he did before.

no change

The longer that you stay with it, the more repetitive the behaviour will become. This is because they cannot change. They are manipulative and conning. They love to dupe and deceive you, as they have little else of value in their lives. It gives them a rush of endorphins to do so.

What might be genuine, is that they do not want to lose you out of their life. But this would not be because of love, it would be because you have further supply that they wish to use you for. Quite simply, you are useful to them.

If you are in love with a sociopath, and hoping that he will one day change, and that things will get better, you are simply wasting your life. Any change will be temporary. It is an act that the sociopath will find it impossible to keep up.

Whatever it is that he/she has been doing, lying, cheating, stealing, the sociopath will soon (no matter what false promises are made) return to the same pattern of behaviour.

There is unfortunately no hope that this person will change, because they will not and they cannot. You could waste years of your life ‘waiting’. The best outcome that you could wish for, is for you to love unconditionally no matter what they are doing. But this wouldn’t be a good outcome for you, as you would be denying your own needs.

At what point was the sociopath thinking about YOUR needs, YOUR welfare? ….. see? Never at any point. He was always thinking about himself and what he could get from you. Is this all that you are worth? Someone to be used? Now focus this love, onto You! You deserve it…


 A sociopath is Wordsworth at words, false words, empty promises. But he isn’t too great at action and following up those words. Which leads to constant disappointment, let down and heartache. So learn to trust you. Learn to take care of yourself. Learn self love. Learn to love the inner you. Because truly, the secret of true happiness lies within.

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  1. emil says:

    I can see by your writting that you have experience.

  2. N. Benetti says:

    This is not true. I personally cured a sociopath myself. Yep. He was and currently still is my boyfriend. It took me almost 3 years to stabilize him and make him feel sensitivity in his life. You have to be very patient and deal with a lot of bullshit but if you continuously throw love and affection into someone’s face regardless of them being rude or mean. something has got to give. They WILL change. So your statement that there is no cure for a sociopath is FALSE. His personality made a complete 360 degree turn.

  3. Melissa says:

    Thank you for this article. I dated a man whom I completely fell in love with. He deployed to Afghanistan for 8 months at the beginning of our relationship but because I felt he was such a wonderful, faithful man that I felt was my soul mate I chose to wait for him to return. All of the lies and hurtful things he did he claims were due to his deployment. Once he came home, nothing had changed. I couldn’t understand how this amazing man I met ended up being so horrible. He lied so much that I think he believed himself. The stories he created to justify his actions were absolutely ridiculous. He made sooooo many broken promises. He twisted everything to put the blame on me. More and more things began happening which were bringing me way down, he had complete control of me like a puppet. He knew exactly what to say and do at just the right time. I can go on and on. I also found out during our entire relationship he was seeing other women. I caught him red handed. After doing extensive research on sociopaths, the man I was dating not long ago fits the profile 100%. I once thought if I stuck by him, eventually he will change but it never happened. Instead, I was destroying myself. I share my story in hopes that if anyone is going through this, PLEASE end it now. Yes, it will hurt but I promise you will heal and be much happier! Remember, someone who truly loves you will treat you with kindness and respect. You deserve that!

  4. Myturn says:

    A while back I wrote that my soc came home to take care of me during breast cancer. Someone said he’s not a sociopath then, because they can’t do that.that they wouldn’t take care of someone for free. Oh it wasn’t free. He had a roof, food and I was paying his bills. He fits EVERY SINGLE story and detail of these blogs so I just don’t believe that!

    • positivagirl says:

      Yes this is it exactly. You being sick, is perfect. Mine loved me sick too. He kept me sick, in return for caring for me when I was sick (and he did this well too) It cost me, financially, every way when you are sick, you are least likely to be able to take care of yourself. They have what they want. 1. To win 2. To control you.

  5. Teeemeoni says:

    This is so true!!! I dated a sociopath for 2 years and he had done such a good job convincing me that he was the way he was because of his previous marriage breakdown and that tough time he was going through gave him the right to have a 6 month affair and fall in love with someone else whilst still trying to be with me… Even after I found out, he begged me to come back and that it was a mistake (a six month mistake?really?!) and that he wouldn’t contact her again, he continued to find ways to contact her… A text here and there then sending her gifts to her work place two months after they’d parted because he knew she was seeing someone new and couldn’t stand it… The whole time telling me I was his world and he’d give his life to fix us.
    I believed I could change him and I thought with enough love and nurture, he’d feel safe and secure enough not to lie and cheat, but the bottom line is, it was impossible for him to not lie. Even over simple things about taking his kids to the park… He would lie.
    The advise I would give to anyone in that situation is that if your man/woman displays signs of lack of empathy, compassion,respect for your feelings and shows no emotion, get the hell out of there, because he will only get worse the longer you stay. Have confidence in yourself to know that it’s not a reflection on you…

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