Sociopath need for control, stalking, hacking, and snooping

Whilst in the relationship with the sociopath, you no doubt felt on ‘lock down‘, meaning that he knew, and had control about everything that you were doing, who you were speaking to. He will go to extreme lengths to learn what is going on with you. Remember that in the beginning the sociopath assesses you, for your worth? Well he is constantly assessing you, and to make sure that you will not escape him.

control

What is interesting, is that despite the sociopaths desire for control over your life, he is also very private about his own life. The sociopath will do everything to have control over your privacy (there will be no personal privacy with a sociopath), it feels like one rule for him, and another for you. Not only is he controlling, and you feel suffocated, you will have no idea what is really going on in his life in his secret life. He will:

  • Hack your email
  • Hack social networking sites
  • Read your phone messages and monitor calls that have been made
  • Read personal diaries
  • Ask constant questions to find out what you are doing and with whom
  • Expect you to always be open and honest about everything in your life – whilst being secretive about his own

At the same time the sociopath will be:

  • Extremely secretive –  will have passwords on his computer that he constantly changes
  • Have his phone on silent, password protected, and on him all of the time (even when he goes to the toilet)
  • Keep you separate from his own private world (people he interacts with)
  • Lie, deceive, and feed you false information to mislead you
  • Fake Jealousy, fake paranoia…. to control you
  • When guilty of something himself, will falsely accuse you, of exactly what he is guilty of himself (to derail you)

It can quickly feel suffocating in a room with a sociopath. Even when the relationship ends the need for control, does not end. The reason why the sociopath does this, is not just because of the need to control you, it is because he see’s you, once he has targeted and selected you, as someone that he owns, he sees you as an extension of himself. You belong to him, and you are his property, and his property alone. He doesn’t like anyone else trespassing on his sentimental property.

It is not just control, it is ownership. At first when you meet the sociopath, they will seem interested in you, and your life. This can be flattering, later in the relationship, and after it has ended, this intrusion into your privacy and violation of your personal space and rights can be overwhelming.

You spend so long, defending your own rights, that you hardly notice what is going on in his life, in secrecy from you. You will feel that nothing that you do is right. You constantly try to change to accommodate his needs and demands, but it will never be enough.

The reason that the sociopath is like this, is because he needs to have control over you. I wrote earlier, how a sociopath can have both fake jealousy and real jealousy. Faking jealousy, keeps you under control. You feel small, as if you are living under a microscope. But the sociopath will not show this side of his nature, until much later in the relationship, or indeed until after the relationship is over. It is the ultimate betrayal and invasion of privacy. When I say, they won’t show this side, likely it was always there, its just that you were not aware of it, the sociopath is better at hiding, than you are at looking for it…. Why? Because normal people, until they are abused, TRUST – the sociopath trusts nobody, because they know that they cannot be trusted themselves.

The sociopath takes great pleasure at having absolute control over your life, and knowing everything that is going on in your life, whilst keeping his life own top secret. Under cover the sociopath behaves like a military spy.

Some can even keep two phones. It is odd, that someone who is so determined to know about everything in your life, is so secretive about their own. This gives the sociopath great joy, as it is the ultimate control, to guard the secrets of his own life, to be doing things behind your back, whilst keeping control over yours.

To the sociopath the only freedom that is available, is his own. He has no concern for the rights or welfare of anybody else but himself. But he demands freedom for himself. The sociopath thrives on being fully hidden and will go to great lengths to deceive and be deceptive. The more control that he has over your life, the happier he/she is within the relationships. Sociopaths like to be private. They cleverly orchestrate what they want you to see from behind the curtain but in full front view, a whole different scene is going on.

While in the relationship with the sociopath, they will think nothing of closely monitoring everything in your life. They will think nothing of keeping tabs on your social networking, emails, private phone messages, phone chat apps. Even if you had been with them for years, with no reason to doubt you, they keep tabs. They do this for two reasons:

  • They think that you are capable of doing exactly what they are
  • They do not trust themselves, let alone anyone else
  • They monitor you to make sure that you do not escape

You would think that once the relationship is over, that the sociopath would give up the need to know everything about your life. But this is not always the case, not if they see you as a good source for supply, or they did not want the relationship to end. The sociopath hates to lose control, even from ex partners.

He believes that he has the right to move on and to do whatever he wants to do, but will not like it at all if you try to exercise your right to do the same.

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

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45 thoughts on “Sociopath need for control, stalking, hacking, and snooping

    1. They do it deliberately for control. Yesterday he got angry because he read MY phone….and read MY facebook (without my knowledge)….. I hadn’t seen him in 6 weeks, I am not even in a relationship with him and he went mental. Said I had spoken to a male on facebook 2 weeks ago? So what I said…. and how would YOU know anyway? So he had to admit he had read my phone. I looked at him whilst he was hopping around, and said that he was acting like a psycho, and that it was psychopathic to read my phone, and that is the real issue here. Not that I had spoken to someone who happened to be male. but oh no… lets deflect that one….. cos its ok for him to read my personal information. I said ‘well, I would say that will teach you, as everytime you do this you hurt yourself, maybe you will learn’…… but that is pointless as you are a psycho who can’t learn 😦

      1. Is it a Psychopathic to hack into your phone in copying and stealing your identity, hack into socia media to manipualte lies and follow you everywhere you go to run away grom them. I think I am dealing with a Psychopathic. –

      2. Kelly (I edited your name) NEVER put your full name, as they will google your name and find you. Yes, absolutely this is psychopathic behaviour. This is the type of thing that they do. You need to safeguard yourself.

        1. Change passwords to all your social media
        2. Check your friends list as they can plant friends on your list, in case you delete them, remove anyone you do not know
        3. Go careful about mutual friends, they can be manipulated
        4. Yes, they stalk manipulate and harass. IF you think you are being followed, this is harassment, and stalking. Are you still with him?

        He sounds like he is attached to you. Which is why he is hacking into your personal info. This he obtains information to either threaten you with at a later date, or to manipulate you if you are still with him.

        Stealing your identity is likely a criminal offence. Speak to the police. Stay safe.

  1. The sociopath I was involved with still attempts to hack into my Facebook – I’ve been banned from Facebook a few times because someone has tried to log in too much, particularly when I’ve not even been online for a good two to three days. I change my password fairly regularly after noticing a new location in my account settings where someone else had logged in – and the new location was the city he lives in.

    I was once very good friends with his – well, they originally stated they were brothers, then all this rubbish happened and now they seem to be friends working together. I originally met the sociopath through my friend, who was dating the brother/friend/whatever he was. – but anyway, I was friends with Sociopath’s friend and I trusted him far more than I trusted Sociopath.

    Now I realize they really are working together, and I’ve cut off almost all contact with the friend. Scary how easily people are duped. I never expected this to happen to me.

    1. I know. I remember last year, constantly trying to get into my hotmail, and I was logged out, it wouldn’t accept my password. I couldn’t understand it, it happened day after day after day. Then one day I couldn’t get into Facebook either. He had hacked that too. I ended up forgetting what passwords I had, as I had so many passwords. Life was so complicated with him.

      Then he used the information that he found from private emails with members of my family, friends, lots of people even before I met him – and then used that against me. It was really disgusting.

      They have no moral compass. I never expected it to happen to me either. That violation of your privacy, and the betrayal with turning others against you, really did feel like being ’emotionally raped’ that is the only way that I can explain it. Have you changed your passwords now?

      1. Emotional rape is a perfect description . I feel queasy when I even think about it for 30 seconds . It’s the most disgusting and depraved behaviour . Anybody else who has had this done to them has my sympathies . Its extremely unpleasant . Mine had copied all my passwords from my diary within a couple of days of us bring together ( I had no reason to doubt her integrity ) . She monitored absolutely everything for 8 months before changing all my passwords and recovery info to reset the passwords , the day I left . Incredible .

      2. I understand perfectly, for almost four years I had my cell phone either hacked or cloned. While texting my daughter up would pop a smiley face ect..one time a text that I should contact the police. Sounds like they had some type of keystroke logging /tracking on your computer. We did, four long years of this stuff. To make matters worse they started the same thing with my friend who has ms and she almost committed suicide. The police? That was a joke, of course everything had been spoofed back to my own ip address. Am hoping it had now stopped, but time will tell.

  2. This stalker is ruining my life and ruining my friendships by hacking me and posting my personal information with my family and friends, cops cant do anything because they dont have the hackers that can find this person, i believe it is someone i met at some point but it is not someone i see everyday but they know exactly who i am talking to what i am talking about whjere i amj what car i am in and who i am with and i am at wits end with this crap.

    1. Hi Steve, can you set up new social networking accounts? Change all your passwords. On everything – email and social media. Put it as something that cannot be guessed. (numerical and lower case and capital letters), have different passwords for different things (in case does get guessed).

      Also put spyware controls on your computer. Do you not have any idea at all who is doing this to you? Or why? I feel for you, as it is hell when this happens, I had my social networking and email hacked – and it was pretty awful. Also stalking I felt emotionally violated – it was really horrible.

      if it is a random hacker and not somebody that you know, changing all of your settings (as much of a pain as it is) – might make them go away. But – if they know what car you are driving – that is spooky 😦 and probably is someone that you know….

    2. Steve, be sure to change the sim card in your phone as well as change your number. The hacker got all of my phone numbers from my google contacts.Also change your passwords at a library or someone else’s computer. Change every single account. Remember with key stroking they know pretty much all you are dong from your home computer.

  3. It’s been 6 weeks of no contact for me. Yesterday I really started feeling like I was turning the corner. Yet, for the past 4 days I have been getting blocked “Unknown” calls. 9 calls in 4 days. The last 4 were today one after the other. I picked up the last one after forwarding the first 3 to voicemail. When I picked up, I didn’t say anything and it was silent for 5 seconds and then a hang up. The first call 4 days ago was in the late evening. I said hello, nothing for a few seconds and then a hang up. My ex knows not to text or email me because I have the contact info of his new boyfriend. I have no intention of contacting the new boyfriend at this point, but my ex doesn’t know this. I think that’s why he is blocking the calls, so there is no proof or evidence of him contacting me. I know I should continue ignoring the calls but how long will this continue? It’s getting very annoying. The 6 week mark is typically the timeframe when he’s started contacting me again after he gets a new boyfriend. In the past I have responded, we have gotten back together, and then he continues with the lies and cheating. I know the patterns will continue forever. I don’t ever want any contact with him again. I’ve deal with this for too many years. I seriously think he is the devil. I’m starting to move on and heal. What can I do about these phone calls? It has been 4 days in a row. I just want to be free from his control and manipulation. UGH UGH UGH

    1. I hate to say this (because I know it will be coming my way soon), but I believe this is your test. If you can stay the course and get through this in tact, I believe you will have won back your freedom and you may not have to cross this bridge again. Stay strong; I know it is trying.

      1. Thanks. It is trying but I’ve made my mind up and I’m not turning back on my promise to myself of no contact. I have too much to offer someone who will respect me as much as I respect them. No more trips to the clinic to sit and wait to see if I have an STD, no more 5 day stints of silent treatment when the phone was “lost”, no more bullshit excuses, lies, manipulation, lack of conscience, etc. Get lost and lose my freaking number you coward! 🙂 That felt good.

    2. My now Ex is exactly the same. It has ruined my life. Funny that 6 weeks is the same time frame I experience from him. Silence, then out of the blue, contact. The contents of every email I send is known, every phone call made. Changing passwords does not help. The pattern of all of these people is the same… needing to know everything their victim is doing and being top secret about their own lives… right down to fake names, addresses… it is unbelievable, and the lies, the pathological lies, in retrospect are astounding. These people are the scum of the earth and the internet has simply made it easy for them…I don’t know if freedom from them is possible unless our memories can be completely erased. Just know and understand, they don’t care about their victims, the more hurt and pain they can cause, the more pleasure they derive. And worse, they likely have a few on the go…I would like to warn them.

      1. Depending on the psychopath “TYPE” and “CATEGORY” he/she falls into, the sooner OR later the real mask of the psychopath is revealed.

        My recent psychopath took about a month and a half ( SIX WEEKS) to reveal herself. Since each psychopath typically has “TIME-FRAME:” behaviors, patterns and revelations…

        To me, this would indicate that he/she has a lover overlapping with you or immediately after you (and me) and that 6 week mark has the true mask showing (jig is up with current lover) and the psychopath recontacting past lovers like clockwork.

      2. Funny, My Narc has exactly the same time frame… repeating over and over. Gone whenever confronted and bang 6 weeks later he comes back. It is like clockwork.

  4. I can relate to many of the comments here. I’ve had it in various ways now for 7 years. I was so nieve and open, a prime target. I used to be so freaked out, hyper vigilant etc, as time went on though, I realised that this could only affect my reality and being if I allowed it to and that by me focusing on this entities actions, I was giving away MY power and allowing this to control MY life.
    We all have the power not to take it on board for any length of time. being aware of course, but not letting this entity have control of ” you”..
    I spent my whole life living in fear, then one day I realised I was still here and going forward, I’d spent my full life fearing what had actually never came about. I now believe ” what will be will be ” I also realised although things had happened to me, some higher force also protected me and I’d also gained many valuable lessons.
    I live in the ” now ” these days and focus my mind on the positive things, it becomes easier with practice. I’ll do my upmost not to let outside forces upset my reality I’ll not allow my mind to dwell on things detrimental to my well being, especially if there’s no resolve.
    Shadow beings, that’s what they are, out to snuff out your light. Well my light comes from within and is inextinguishable.
    What others think of me doesn’t really matter now, the truth always prevails in the end. people can hear and think what they want, that’s their reality and perception. I know who I am and what I stand for. Love and light is the greatest power, so is the power of ” self “.
    In fact, I’d like to thank him. 🙂 Without those dark days, I wouldn’t have gained the knowledge I now have, achieved the beauty to balance the darkness and the development of my artistic skills. Nor would I have felt empowered in my own self and being like I do today. 😀
    Every time you rise above another’s actions, you gain an empowerment in your ” own self ” Their control is your disempowerment, so don’t allow it, you know within who YOU ARE. Bounce that dark energy right back to them by achieving this. 🙂
    Leave them to their dark reality where they thrive, don’t let their actions drag you down into that pit, you are more powerful than they’ll EVER be, as you are all love and light beings. 🙂
    My motto, ” What can I do today to put a smile on my face? ” A funny thought can bring a smile and when you smile, that in itself makes you feel better. Focus on feeling better and focus on doing positive things that has you feeling better, it doesn’t have to be anything big, the smallest of steps, all help you to go forward, the brain soon latches on and it becomes easier with practice. 🙂
    Chins up and stay strong, I hope some the above that helped me, can also help in your journey of healing. 🙂
    Love and light your way. 😀
    Jen. XXX

    1. Some of what you say “sounds” good? But honestly, a lot of it sounds like rationalization too. You talk about “balancing darkness”? But there is no balance of darkness vs. light. If you are letting darkness/evil into your life for any amount of time, you are at risk as “light” is absent. You can wallow in dirt, stand up, brush yourself off and walk away, but you can’t do that with evil—it infiltrates your mind and heart and can possess your soul. If you don’t walk away from it, you become lost in your own confusion and eventually come to have an altered reality, where you only “believe” you are in control. The reality of your decisions (example: having sex with a soc who is married and justifying it continually to yourself) may be the only symptom that your soul is evilly-owned.

      I hope this is not delusions compared to real truth. If you are “thanking him” and he is absent from your life, that is one thing, but if you are thanking him and he is still in your life and you “believe” it is on your own terms? You are deluding yourself. I don’t mean any harm, but I also don’t want anyone to mistake what we’re really dealing with here.

      You call him an “entity”. What kind of entity is that in your mind? Good or evil? It can’t be both. The elements of “good” as perceived in the sociopath are fake and only mirror images. You may “still be here” and believe you are “moving forward” while still being under evil control. The reality is only apparent in the day of reckoning as Satan has succeeded if he’s been able to delude you that what you traded for in this life was “good enough”.

      You talk about “self” a lot and, forgive me, but that is a sociopathic viewpoint. I don’t know who you are, or if you are still involved with a soc, but if you are, the reality is you can’t do half what you are proposing. You can’t “bounce back” to them their darkness without getting any on yourself. That’s the beauty of the evil one’s techniques. It’s like paint. All he has to do is spatter some to get it on you. You may or may not know it’s there. In such a scenario, if you are protected by a higher power, it’s because He is hoping there is still time to get you to turn.

      Again, my concern here is the many that read these posts that are in soul danger knowing and understanding fully that any connection to a sociopath puts them at the highest kind of risk. From that standpoint, your comments are concerning if you are still involved.

      1. Hi Jusagirl, 🙂
        I have been through all the emotions people describe here, believe you me!, I had no outside help back then,( it’s a long story, my apologies for not putting al the gory details, but I don’t feel writing it all down here will serve any constructive purpose for me at this point ) but it does happen, people slip through the net. Here’s a link to a poem I wrote in 2008, It’s a condensed version of my life journey up to the last encounter I had, maybe this will shed some light on my way of thinking. 🙂
        http://arthousewijnton.com/2010/12/31/the-journey-part-one/
        I’m not in touch with any sociopaths and haven’t been for a long time now. 🙂 I’m very careful who I interact with too as a result of the last encounter.
        I still get the odd event happening, but it’s few and far between these days and doesn’t affect my life like it did at one time, I just became immune for survival in the end I suppose and yes I had to rationalise it in the end or I would have lost my sanity I feel.
        My creativity IS my balance and always has been, I can feel in the depths of despair, but it always balms the wounds so to speak and I feel so much better for it every time and have a real sense of achievement with everything I create. I consider my gifts spiritual and feel blessed to have them.
        The analytical ( left ) side of the brain can understand with knowledge about these entities ( people) etc, but the feelings and emotions lie in the right hand side of the brain, the same side as the creative side, Art therapy is proven to work and I feel this is because the emotions are accessed and healed with creativity along with the understanding and rationalisation of things.
        IE: When you hear certain music ( creative sound ) that relates to past or present events, emotions are evoked, brought to the surface, showing a link between the two.
        I can assure you, that when I mention ” self “I mean the self that’s in us all, the inner child. I’ve also passed knowledge gained, to others over the years with positive results.. I’ve worked long and hard on myself to get to where I am today and really don’t underestimate the damage these entities ( people ) can bring about,
        I’ve undertaken extensive reading about all aspects of abuse and things relative to it,( it was my only way of healing and going forward, I had 2 children to bring up on my own, ) I still do a lot of reading, hence I’m here still learning. I would never pretend to know everything, we are learning until the day we pass over.
        I was doing fine I thought until the last encounter, something I’d never dreamed would happen after all the work undertaken on myself, this came to be my reality and destroyed my very being unlike anything ever had, I just wanted to die, but my children only have me, so I had to find a way forward again, for their sake at the time, I had no self love or self esteem, but the love for my children overrode all that.
        I say ” entity ” because there’s no feeling or love in them is there, only darkness resides in them, or negative, or evil, whatever the term used, it amounts to the same.thing
        I’m an artist, hence the terms I use. I also have autism spectrum syndrome and yes, outside of interacting with my small family unit, I spend most of my time in my own thoughts and on creative endeavours. I have a lovely family unit and feel I’ve ” broken the chains ” with my children, they would happily vouch for me there. 🙂
        I wouldn’t consider the way I am as having sociopathic traits though, although it’s well documented, that Autism spectrum can isolate you socially etc, I have do great empathy towards others, that’s how the last encounter came about, I was ” duped ” ” conned ” dispite the knowledge I had. I lost a full art collection and had my heart ripped out, on top of that, I’d been unwittingly filmed, without my knowledge doing things I thought were private between a “” loving couple “, I still live in the knowledge he can post this on the internet at any given time, the damage has largely healed, I can’t know for sure though, I live in a very small world, only interacting with family and a couple of long term friends. What I do know though, is I have inner peace now in my reality, so that works for me. 🙂
        My future dreams involve using my creative skills for art therapy purposes as I strongly believe it works along with knowledge etc, hence I tried to express above what helped me though hard times,
        The term I used about bouncing back the energy was meant in the context of protecting yourself from them negative forces by not allowing their actions to send you under, not to react or give any feedback to their actions, also channeling the negative impact, into constructive things that have you feeling better.
        Feel free to browse my site in every area of it. There’s a variety of things, including info, illustrating what I do and why. For obvious reasons I’ve not elaborated on future plans as of yet, but you’ll get a fuller picture of the person I am. 🙂
        http://arthousewijnton.com/
        I hope this answers your questions. If you still don’t feel reassured after this and looking at my site, please feel free to say and I’ll try my best to answer your concerns. 🙂
        Love and light your way.
        Jen.XXX

      2. Hi Arthouse,
        Thank you for your reply; it does help shed light on your thinking. And I did take a look at your site and relate. As I’m a musician, I’ve used music deeply in the past for healing for self and others.

        I also relate to your drive to create a good life for your children, and the struggles with raising them singly. Thanks again for taking the time to clarify your points. With what I’ve been through recently, it’s hard for me to take things at just face value. Apologies if my comments came across as suspicious. I will have to assimilate the understanding that not everyone is a soc. 😦

      3. Hi Jusagurl,
        No worries and no need for any apologies, I was happy to clarify my points for you and I totally get where you’re coming from. It took a lot for me to write anything here, even now, I still get that niggling fear that things will happen again as a result.
        I’ll play my guitar when I finish writing, to counteract the fear and refocus on the positive, it’s a daily challenge in many situations for me.
        Only for my children and my creativity, I don’t think I’d be around today. That’s one of the reasons why i say love is the greatest power. 🙂
        When I found this site not so long ago, I began to feel it was the first place I felt I could speak my thoughts in 7 years, I didn’t realise so many had experienced similar things to me, or the way it affects your very being, I thought my lack of answers and the fact nothing made sense, was because of the autism spectrum, social skills aren’t my strongest point, partly because of my past and partly because of the syndrome.
        I’d found a way with the internet to communicate online in an articulate way, like I couldn’t voice because of anxiety etc.
        He came through online around that time. I was fairly new to the internet and knew nothing about hacking and suchlike, I was nieve in that respect,
        I’d come out of a relationship 9 months earlier back then and had joined a dating site thinking I would learn about men and how to “be ” with people in general, given I felt, my poor social skills. I shake my head now that I thought like that back then.
        I also ran another blog where I used to put my every thought and what I was doing daily, not realising I’d left myself wide open. :/ I learned the hard way as per. 🙂
        I’ve never really spoken as such about the last encounter as I felt a fool, a real fool, I cringe to this day about it.
        I suppose deep down, on reflection, I’m worried that actually writing it down could take me back to that dark place, now I have found the peace within by stumbling along in my own way, maybe it’s like a threat to that inner peace..
        I’d had 3 years of councilling and various healing therapies prior to meeting him and had read extensively about the mind etc in my journey of healing. None of it prepared me for what would happen.
        I can honestly say it was the worst time of my life, no one believed I was being stalked either, as it was mainly online and very subtle. He played with my head, knowing all my past and that I had High functioning autism ( aspergers ) It was only when the txts started to come through and my car got sabotaged etc, that anyone believed me.
        The art and my children saved my life, albeit I’ve been left with health issues from overwork and lack of food.
        I’ve stayed on my own since that last encounter, I swore that I’d not enter into another relationship until I was fully healed and well informed, that somehow I was attracting these entities into my life.
        I don’t regret that decision I’m stiil having my eyes opened now and gaining valuable insights, being here.
        I suppose it must have looked a bit suspicious, just jumping in with ways to try and help, without first telling my story, typical of me I’d read so much here, the heartache, the pain, the confusion, all of it, I could totally identify with everyone here and just wanted to show what helped me when there was nothing else.
        I hope being here will also help me go forward with my dreams, there’s a fear to make that move in me still. Also though, is the desire to share my skills and knowledge gained, to help others empower themselves.
        I never realised the severity of my anxiety until I made attempts recently to go forward, outside of here. This is what led to me researching again and led me here.
        IE: I have a car on the front, bought for me recently by my children, as I now have difficulty walking very far through osteoarthritis in my hips, but it sits there most of the time. Yet I used to drive all over the place and loved it. I also have a fear of interacting with people outside of my close circle in case my persona is misunderstood or someone takes advantage again.
        I’ve focused on what I could do in the last few years, it’s only recent events that have highlighted some of the challenges I’ve talked about here. 🙂
        You will get past the point you’re at now, 🙂 I did, well I think I did. :/ I’m still wary though, maybe that’s not a bad thing though, given the way the world is today. 🙂
        Love and light your way. 🙂
        Jen.XXX

      4. Hi Arthouse,
        Thank you for your kind words. I have the anxiety issues too. Because I always “sucked it up” to get through things, I didn’t know I had a real issue, per se. But, looking back, most of my life has been “sucking it up”, not enjoying interactions, and just dealing with it. I sang/played onstage for years and always had diarrea beforehand. Entertainers will tell you it’s “normal” to get sick before performance, but I’m not sure that’s true since it isn’t that way for everyone. It may be unique to creatives with similar issues.

        I always have gotten the most joy and felt most comfortable writing. I am in therapy about the anxiety and confronting my past/upbringing. Coming across the soc and his mirroring brought all this to the forefront. I work from home to avoid in-person contact on a consistent basis. I’ve only recently started enjoying my work interactions that are largely phone meetings, emails and IM conversations. Though I felt more comfortable with the work scenario than personal, I never had more than surface relationships in that capacity either until recently.

        It has been suggested to me by an ex-boyfriend that I may have Aspberger’s. He said I was one of the smartest, most beautiful women he’d ever met, but a social trainwreck. I didn’t take this too kindly. I was wondering how you came to be diagnosed? Please forgive if I’m prying and you don’t feel comfortable sharing with respect to this.

      5. Hi Jusagurl,
        No worries, you’re not prying, you’re just asking a question about something that one of your exes mentioned you may have, you do sound very similar to myself on reflection and reading what you’ve wrote here, even the way you initially questioned what I’d wrote. 🙂
        Einstien had aspergers, so did Beethoven, I’ve mentioned this as I’ve found people can misinterpret it as low intelligence etc because you may not be able to convey your thoughts eloquently like others can. Also I’ve noted by reading up on stuff myself, many creative people/ground breakers seem to have the traits .
        It was my sons support worker at school who after talking to him, suggested that I had it.( I didn’t take kindly to it either. 🙂 ) She sent initial tests home with him and told him what reactions to look for etc.
        My brother has ADHD, also most of my family have various traits of the spectrum. I was already aware of this. I went to see a mental health worker after the initial test showed that I had it, I’d also scored 28 out of 30 on the scale of another test my son found online, I think, through the Autism spectrum society, I’ll have to clarify that with him as I’m not sure and it was a while back now.
        The mental health worker talked at length with myself and my son and also gave me a set of questionares to fill in, She also found info about aspergers as she hadn’t really read up about it herself. She agreed that indeed I did have it and my coping skills were very good, given the full picture.
        I’d always felt there was something ” different “, about my persona and the challenges I faced each day, than the effects of trauma, others seem to heal, I had aversions, it’s like groundhog day for me, same old and always had been for as long as I remember. Finding out that I had aspergers, put a word to my persona, that put in a nutshell how I was and still am.
        Type the word aspergers or Autism spectrum syndrome into Google, that’s how I found info about it initially. I’m sure your therapist will know how to go about getting a formal diagnosis, it’s more recognised now than it was back then for me. 🙂
        Jen. XXX

      6. I relate to what you mention about having difficulty conveying thoughts eloquently. I was probably in my 20s and out of college before I started having “internal conversations” with myself to even systematically think things through so I’d be able to express myself with some continuity.

        I recall an employer once looking at me with confusion as I floundered for words to express complex understandings I held. Soooo frustrating. I was already deep into withdraw by choosing to write over speak (writing gave me time to think), this particular interaction pushed me to REALLY work on my impromptu in-person speaking. I’ve since become better than average at presenting, although I really have to prepare to not be flustered.

        I thought all this made me unintelligent too. I’ve since learned I’m higher than average in that capacity as well. I’ll do the searches you recommend and see what resonates. Thanks so much for your responses.

      7. Happy to help Jusagurl, I feel it’s worth your time to find out, it helped me.:) Well done btw that you managed to succeed in your impromptu in-person speaking. 🙂
        I’ve always had problems communicating verbally, same as yourself, I’d have complex understandings about things, but couldn’t convey it into words eloquently, it would come out ” fragmented “, many have looked at me in confusion too and still do. 🙂 The anxiety would kick in as I felt like I was irritating people, then it’d get worse, then I’d get even more anxious and feel more foolish and frustrated, then the headaches would kick in, I’ve always had bad headaches, my anxiety being the biggest trigger of them. I’ve still not got past this to this day really. The internet brought relief for me, as I can type on a keypad and finally convey who I am.
        It still all comes out fragmented when I write, then I have to go through it a number of times, as I will put the wrong spellings, words, write the same words twice, miss things out etc. But at the end of it I have a well put, eloquent letter, post etc. It’s helped me tremendously in that way, I can then read in front of me, what I actually want to say.
        It is frustrating, extremely so sometimes. I found people in general would be dismissive, patronize me, treat me like a fool, growing up especially, I was bullied, so spent a lot of time lost in my creativity, nobody put that aspect of me down, as I set myself very difficult challenges to conquer on the artistic front and would create very complex accurate drawings freehand from a very early age.
        I was always reading too, I was reading Enid Blyton books by the age of three.
        Mum taught us with flashcards to read and I took it on board, even though I wouldn’t communicate with her, I just rocked and cried apparently. Today a child like myself would probably be diagnosed with full blown Autism, the answer back then when mum took me to see a phsyciatrist?
        To put me into school, I was the youngest child to attend school, they thought it would, ” bring me out of my shell.” I hated school and was always trying to ” escape ” My mind would ” frazzle ” like an overload and I just wanted to get away from them all.
        All the signs were there, but because of traumas, it was overlooked. The way I was, just put down to these traumas. I wonder if this is commonplace?
        Only a few weeks ago I had to state to a home councillor I’d been allocated, that just because I’ve had traumas, doesn’t mean I don’t have aspergers.. I couldn’t continue with her after that, my children both agreed that I should stop seeing her. We all agreed that she had no clue about Autism spectrum and her coming here was becoming detrimental to my well being.
        A general query, to anyone who knows. Are there any councillors out there that deal with both?
        Jen.XXX

  5. Fell in trap of a sociopath’s false marriage proposal. Learnt a lesson of a lifetime:
    1. Always have a background check of your date before you say yes for the relation, remember the sociopath like an aggressive salesman try to persuade you and get a yes for the relation to tie you.
    2. Also sociopaths often have a past record and quite likely police complaints against them, since their old victim may have filed. So, don’t forget to check with the police also in the smallest possible doubt.
    3. Notice small habits like spending (they are spendthrifts), obsession for luxury, anger, unusually soft sometimes, very confident even after wrongdoings.
    4. Worst case, if you are with one, and being abused, think only of getting out of the relation as soon as possible. Don’t try to change them or justify the allegations they challenge you of. The only way to get some time to escape is by giving them a dose of their own medicine, fight back and counter them with same accuses, this confuses them, because they expect you to cry and come down on your keens but when that does not happen it confuses them. They come back with bigger thrust, don’t get scared and fight back with bigger anger. Trust me it works. Simple reason you have to be a bigger sociopath to defeat one. Don’t feel disheartened it never was a relation, it is a war (it always was and built to harm you) and you have to survive.
    5. Gather people in your favor before he does, he / she will not show but it breaks their confidence.
    6. Most importantly, never ever marry a sociopath hoping love will change them. These people stop many anti-social behaviors after marriage, not because they respect the nuptial relation but because they have found their biggest victim, their spouse.

  6. My ex husband is a sociopath and tried to destroy my life. He is still hacking into my computer and i have gone to court many times. I am having the internet company pul the ip addresses fro the 3 time ( twice after the judge forbade him to continue) He is in a happy relationship now but why is he still stalking me? What worries me is he is on a green card that I sponsor and about to inform the immigration office of his real estate scam, alcoholism and not paying taxes . His parents has sent over 1,000,000 for ” investment” and to defraud the Au government so they will receive a larger pension. I am slowly moving on but his interference is not helping. I am turning him in but worried about my actions. Any advise?

  7. I realized a week ago that the word sociopath was an actual thing, not just like saying someone is crazy or nuts. Then, I realized that maybe I wasn’t crazy. Every single thing that I’ve read on this site and others made me cry b/c before, I thought it was just how things were. I cant believe that this is REAL….I have no idea where to begin or what to say or think. My whole life has been destroyed over the course of a ten year relationship/marriage to someone who I would have to say now is a sociopath. If you can imagine it, it’s happened. At this point, he just got out of jai from a year. I believed he had changed. I believe that there is no life without him, but I can’t stand being around him. I think he has been trying to make me crazy for a long, long time. I’m a professional, educated, well read and informed person, yet even after YEARS of therapy, I had never heard of this concept. Of course, over the marriage, I spend most years in therapy, working on me, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I am shocked. I just didn’t know. I had no idea that this is who he is…I can barely wrap my mind around it. It’s like hearing the truth for the first time in a long, long time. So, he not only knows where I live, but has been here. I think he comes now when Im at work. When I sat down to the computer tonight, there was a new user account. I’m scared. He went to jail for trying to kill me, then out on bond, breaking into my house for the weekend when I was out of town. I divorced him over two years ago, and literally he did something pretty much every day for a YEAR to sabatoge my life….did I mention we have a daughter? So, he basically did anything and everything from the time I filed papers to the time I begged him to come back (like he said I would btw) b/c he made it impossible to live without him. He destroyed my entire life, and now it’s happening again. He spent months on a computer, and now he has hacked everything. I know b/c he has told me, that he is framing me for something. I’m scared to call the police or even his probation officer b/c he will set whatever psycho plan he has into action, Ill end up framed and in jail, and my daughter probably with his (seriously, I believe she is, too) mother- the plan from the beginning, years ago. He set in to motion things about me to other people well before I divorced him. Every thing that he does he says I’m doing to him…he says I create drama, I am abusive, it goes on and on. This is the first time I’ve written or even thought these things. I am suicidal. I don’t think I would kill myself b/c of my daughter, but I feel like there’s no hope. No matter what, he’ll get me, ruin me, destroy me over and over…and now I realize all those years of trying to reason logically were wasted- I can’t believe someone can just not care. I’m over the top emotional and compassionate. I’m saying this- he doesn’t CARE about me, his child. Nothing I do or say matters or will make a difference, so what am I supposed to do? I’m a teacher, at a new job after having to quit mine of 9 years October 2 years ago b/c of him. He refuses to pay any support for our child. It goes on and on…I don’t know what to do. My family is pretty much alienated b/c of the situation. I have a best friend who believes me…and even the people who just don’t like him still stay away from me- no one has a clue, just like I didn’t until now, that this is an actual personality disorder, and that the partners of these sociopaths are damaged and its not like anything they can know or understand. Im broken and I have no idea how to find myself again. I can barely function and I’m trying to raise a very gifted 10 year old. I want to crawl into bed forever and not think about this.

    1. Hi Meme,

      I want to tell you that where you are right now, is where many of us have been. When the truth first comes out, you continue to read, and read, hoping and praying that it just wasn’t true. But the more that you read, the more that you are unable to deny the truth.

      When the truth first comes out you feel numb, confused, scared. Panicked even.

      I want to tell you, that you CAN recover from this. That this truth, this reality, while scary, when you begin to connect with other victims, who really understand (as friends and family won’t) how can you explain crazy without looking crazy yourself? …..you begin to heal and recover.

      I am not going to say that it is an easy journey. It isn’t. But you are at the beginning. Which is further than you have been for the last 10 years.

      This is time now to focus on you, your life. This isn’t a rare condition, there are millions of them around the world. When the truth first came out for me, it was everywhere, on tv, I saw it so many places, politicians, newspapers and I was terrified. This is normal.

      They control you by using fear. They keep you by fear. They use mind control, to brain wash you, and make you question yourself. Suck the life out of you, until you become ‘nothing’. I know you say that he refuses to pay child support, but this might be a good thing, as at least he won’t be demanding access rights. There are many women out there who have been dragged through the court system, and been proverbial hell, as they lie about you, and character assignation.

      You are you, you are REAL and believe me, you are on the first stage to freedom …..

    2. Hi Meme, https://datingasociopath.com/2013/03/17/sociopaths-and-why-this-is-has-happened-to-you/

      First of all, I want to tell you, how you are feeling, is NORMAL, this is how everyone feels. Shocked, confused, not wanting it to be true, so read more – so that it isn’t true. Scared and frightened (what are they capable of). The truth, will set you free.

      Everything that you are describing is how I felt too. I kept reading and reading, hoping that I would find some information that would NOT be true.

      1. I agree… for I too keep reading and reading, studying and learning and the only reality is that all these people are, everything you read about the pathology is true…. the pain of realizing we were never loved or cared about is overwhelming… that we are never thought of again after the end has occurred and that there were many others he/she was involved with at the same time is incredibly hurtful…. and as I say this, not even close to healing, just know YOU are not the bad person…it is your sociopath that is the most horrible person on earth.

  8. Hello, I myself am a sociopath, now I’m here to find out why you are all so interested in us and are always trying to figure us out. Why are you so concerned with how we tick ? Now before I go on a “mind your own business rant, I’m going to introduce myself. Hello, I’m Alex. Now I know what you’re thinking, “what the hell is a sociopath doing on this site?” Well frankly, I love reading about us and Psychopaths. It’s quite flattering that everyone worries about us. Honestly, it was just earlier that I realized “I’m a stalker” yes, it may come as a shock to you brainiacs but we actually don’t know about our condition until we’re either told about it, or research it. I was not aware that I was a sociopath or a stalker until I was told. Will I change? No. And fyi, it’s a lot easier to mask with people like you on the internet telling everyone how you spot us. Well, thanks for the info, I’m out.

    1. Hi Alex, sorry to burst your bubble, but your not the first sociopath to visit this site. There are quite a few that come along every now and again. I have one rule, and that is no personal attacks. Have respect, that is it really 🙂

      1. Well Alex, As a victim who can’t get rid of his “path”, yes I am stalked and found where ever I go… let me tell you that all the love I felt for my “path” has turned to abject hatred. The tact I have taken is to fill him full of lies which he gleefully plays on.. thinking he is hurting me… Ha! When the hurt to me eases and I find a way to be out of his reach I will let him know that it is now HIM that has been played..Won’t make any difference to him… but I will feel better tho the damage to my life caused by this man is not repairable.

      2. Good to know. That is what I am hoping for…guess I am in revenge mode…wish there was a site to expose these people and keep other out of their grasp.

  9. Im amazed at how this all describes my ex perfectly. He hacked into all my accounts, would find private conversations I was having with friends….then proceed to royally flip out on me for daring to talk to people without his knowledge/consent. He has stalked me and attempted to monitor every aspect of my life. I stayed with him hoping he would change as he kept acknowledging he had a problem and wanted to stop. But it kept getting worse. I had to constantly censor myself and walk on eggshells to avoid doing or saying anything that could upset him or be used against me. It was so mentally exhausting. I grieve the loss of the illusion of love and caring he would display. I thought he was my soul mate and it is the most painful feeling in the world to realize that I gave my entire world to someone who only wanted to exploit it.

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