The one question that is often asked when you find out that the person you are in love with is a sociopath, is:
“Can a sociopath change?”
The short answer is NO.
It is important that we get the short answer of No, out of the way as quickly as possible.
No they cannot change. Currently there is no cure or therapy for sociopathy that has been found to work effectively. In fact, therapy, couples counselling etc, can make things worse, as the sociopath learns to sharpen their tools to manipulate. Therapy can make them more manipulative. If the sociopath is begging for another chance, and promising that there will be change, this is quite simply, A LIE.
The reason why they cannot change, is because they lack conscience. Which means that they feel no guilt, no remorse or shame for their actions. Not only this, but because of this, they are unable to learn from past experiences. A sociopath is unable to make future realistic plans in life, and is not goal orientated or focused.
- Lack of conscience
- Lack of genuine feelings
- Inability to feel remorse or shame for past actions
- Unable to learn from past experiences
- Lack of life plan and inability to make target focused goals to create a life plan
A sociopath might feign sorrow or apologies. And you, as the victim, after all of the hurt and pain you have been through, might feel relieved. After all, this is the news that you wanted to hear, that there will be change. You just want a normal relationship, with someone who doesn’t lie, cheat, betray and use you.
You reason that if a person feels sorrow for their actions, that they will learn that they have hurt you and will not repeat those actions again?
This is reasonable thought when making judgement about somebody who thinks with an ordinary mind. But it is not reasonable thought when making judgement about a Sociopath. A sociopath does not, and cannot feel genuine sorrow (Unless it is sorrow for himself).
They might feel sorry that they have done something which has reduced their source for supply, or that they have lost someone out of their life which is useful to them. But once they have regained your trust, and got their source of supply back, the acting ‘sorrowful’ will be gone.
A sociopath is unable to experience empathy, which means that a sociopath has an inability to feel how anybody else feels apart from himself.
Feigned emotions that are expressed are those that are learnt from other people. They are not genuine feelings or emotions. Remember that the Sociopath is a chameleon, They have the ability to be whatever anybody wants to see, if it serves their purpose.
Whatever he/she is doing or saying, to convince you there will be change, and is now sorry, is simply an ‘act’. It is all a drama play, and the Sociopath will act out whatever it is that he/she thinks that you want to hear. There is nothing genuine about it. And as soon as trust with you is won, he/she will return to the exact same person, with the same hardwired personality, doing the same actions as before.
The longer that you stay with the Sociopath, the more repetitive the behaviour will become. This is because they cannot change. They are manipulative and conning. They love to dupe and deceive you. They have little else of value in their lives. It gives them a rush of endorphins to manipulate and con you.
What might be genuine, is that when they claim that they do not want to lose you out of their life, this could be true. But it would not be because of love, it would be because you have further supply that they wish to use you for. Quite simply, you are useful to them.
If you are in love with a sociopath, and hoping that there will one day be change, and that things will get better, you are simply wasting your life. Any change will be temporary. It is an act that the sociopath will find it impossible to keep up.
Whatever it is that he/she has been doing, lying, cheating, stealing, causing drama, creating chaos, whatever destruction – the sociopath will soon (no matter what false promises are made) return to the same pattern of behaviour.
There is unfortunately no hope that this person will change, because they will not and they cannot. The hardwiring is in the brain.
You could waste years of your life ‘waiting’. The best outcome that you could wish for, is for you to love them unconditionally no matter what they are doing. To put up with their crap. However, this wouldn’t be a good outcome for you, as you would be denying your own needs.
At what point was the sociopath thinking about YOUR needs, YOUR welfare? ….. see? Never at any point. The Sociopath thinks about one person, THEMSELVES and what they can get from you. How you meet their needs.
Is this all that you are worth? Are you just someone to be used?
It is time to make the change, change you. Focus the love that you are giving externally, and give this to you. Be your own best friend. You deserve it… Because truly, the secret of true happiness lies within.
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