I wanted to say welcome as there are so many people visiting this site. I have slowed down on writing articles, as I didn’t want to repeat myself. Every time I went to write, I found it was repeating a post that had already been written.
I began to write this site in Feb 2013, at the time, there wasn’t anything that I wanted online that I could find, so I decided to write my own work. I didn’t want something that was serious, or psychological, although I appreciate that the subject matter is.
The final sociopath in my life, was to teach me patterns of the socio/psychopath of relationships (two) that had came before him, and a narcissist too. I don’t write about narcissists here, I try to focus on sociopathy, as I think the behaviour is specific, and as it is mostly hidden the effects can be devastating and confusing for the victim.
This site began, as, at the time I was writing to the sociopath in my life. As any of you would know, if you have dated a sociopath, trying to raise anything that they have done, is never going to achieve anything at all, as the only response from them would be
- Be angry
- Blame you
- Say what about what someone else has done (deflection)
- What about what you have done (projection)
- Another war would begin
I grew tired of the wars and battles that we had, so I wrote to him online, or at least that is where I began in the very early days. He had moved out of my home but wouldn’t leave me alone. No contact wasn’t easy, and pretty much impossible at that time. If I tried, then I would have
- Third party abuse
- Shouting and yelling outside of my home
- World war three
- Police at my home
Doing it this way, at first was easier. I would smile, and say nothing as if I were dumb, and knew nothing, then wrote a post. He knows all about this site, and the posts that are written here.
We went our separate ways in 2013, and I continued to write. Despite all that I knew, I took him back in 2014. For the first six months, things were not too bad. By the end of the year things were rapidly going downhill again, and we were back in the crazy circular pattern of behaviour that is the sociopath.
Sociopaths do not change, you need to know this. They don’t and cannot change. They will bring
To your world. Even if they don’t mean to, they will almost always bring this, it is like an inbuilt switch within them.
I had two relationships, with the same man. Firstly back in 2011/12 he didn’t care about me. I was just a supply to be used, he had no emotional connection to me at all. I could have been anyone.
By 2014, he did care about me. I was valuable to him. But – his patterning of behaviour repeated, albeit nowhere near as bad as it was in 2011/12 when his behaviour was out of control.
There was change though, and I would be a liar if I said that there was no change at all. When I first met him, he didn’t work, although he faked a lot of jobs. By 2013 he did get a job. I didn’t think he would keep it, but he did working 12 hours a day.
That said, he is still a sociopath, and still does sociopathic behaviour. We split in January this time without the ruining and smear campaigns (he couldn’t do further damage, I was left so damaged there was nothing left for him to damage). We went our separate ways on amicable terms, both dated other people.
I had written back in 2013/14 – that what is important, is not who they are, but rather how their behaviour affects you. What is the impact on you? How do you feel about you when with this person? I know that I had a negative response when I wrote this, and certain people strongly disagreed. I still believe this to be true. We are all different. For all the drama caused to my life, for all the losses and damage, for me, it was not that bad. That doesn’t mean that I tolerate bad behaviour, it just didn’t affect me too much. I had as a mother been through teenage years – which was hell, being with a sociopath can sometimes be similar to having an angry teenager. Almost as if they are stuck in teenage years, like kicking out at the parent that they want to hurt, or at least this was my experience.
They are all different, and the final one in my life, was a funny guy. At least he made me laugh, and often he made me laugh hard. He also made me angry too, upset, frustrated.
When I began writing this site, I had given up work a few months earlier. I tried to write this, as my work. But like most things we enjoy in life, it doesn’t pay the bills, I therefore had to return to work in the real world.
While I have written this site, my real life work, is working with vulnerable people. It is work that I love, so I don’t have time to write this site so much anymore. I will, if something comes up that I observe, see, notice that I haven’t written about before.
My focus is changing and shifting, as I am too. I am seeing that it is not about them, or their behaviour, it is about us. For me, I am glad I met the sociopath in my life, I was to write this website. Which has helped a lot of people. I was to learn a lot about myself too. I am also a different person to who I was before I met him. I am grateful for that too.
Recently there is a LOT of traffic to this site, so please do not think that you are alone (11,000 people a day)…. there are a lot of people who have been targeted by sociopaths, around the world. I prefer not to call you victims or survivors, you are more than that. To exist, live through, the relationship with a sociopath is beyond the scale of what is normal. Pat yourself on the back that you have got through, or if you are still going through, I promise you will come the other side, far stronger and wiser than you ever knew that you could be. You are stronger than you realise.
I want you to know, if you are still in it, or thinking of returning or still in contact, that the game with the sociopath will continue, for as long as you allow it. Life to them, is a game…. and other people are players in the game.