You should feel flattered when the sociopath goes to great lengths to deliberately make you feel jealous.
I know, in rational thought, you should be happy that he/she is gone from your life. Hurray, they have a new source for supply.
But deep down, there is this sinking feeling. A feeling where you wonder why is he now being the great guy? Why is it that he is now getting his life together? Why couldn’t he be like this with me?
You will notice that the sociopath, once discovered for who he really is, will not leave quietly, but will often do all that he can to make you jealous.
He loves to tell you, or to drop subtle hints, so that you discover what he is now doing with his life (often this will be after a few days total silence)
- How he has met someone new
- How great and fantastic this is
- How he is now successful
- How he is now doing EVERYTHING that you wanted him to do when he was with you
You should remember that the sociopath is the master of illusion. Whilst he was manipulating and deceiving you when he was with you, he will continue to do this to you until he finally finds a new source for supply and discards you altogether (he wouldn’t want you around ruining his new perfect image).
It might hurt that he has moved onto someone else (and so swiftly), and you might tell yourself, ‘why is it that i got all the crap, and the next person gets the good guy?’ or ‘why did he live off me financially and now he is supporting himself?’
Do NOT fall into this trap of thinking, for this is all that it is, a trap.
If you are thinking this way the sociopath still has power over you, and control over you. He will do and say all that he can to get a reaction from you.
- Remember he is a magician, a master of illusion
- Remember that he is a compulsive pathological liar
- Remember that he mirrors back to you, what you wanted
When all else fails, the next manipulation tool for the sociopath is to try to make you feel jealous. This will make the sociopath feel better, because he loves two things
- To win
- To be in control
You might think, but we are not together anymore, why would he do this? A sociopath will never fully let go of a potential form of supply, if there is a chance that he could milk one last drop of supply from you.
If you start to feel jealous. Stop – think!!! What are you actually feeling jealous of?
- Illusion
- Lies
- Deception
You are being manipulated again. Someone who is right for you will not make you feel this way. Will not play games with you. Will have more respect for you than to lie to you, and would never lead you on, or lead you into a false sense of security. Someone who is not a sociopath, will respect you, your welfare, your life and your needs. A sociopath thinks only of himself. If he is trying to make you jealous, it means only one thing, that you are moving forward and he wants to show you, how jealous he is of this. His attempts to make you jealous, show only one thing – how jealous he is of YOU!.
Copyright © datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
My ex went through great lengths to tell me how well he was doing. He commented on another blog I author, telling me I’m losing my “mojo” as a writer and he has big things planned. I have not lost anything, and his big plans include running for mayor of his hometown.
I didn’t respond, I would negate my restraining order if I did, but it would give me no greater pleasure than to watch him embarrass himself running for public office. I hope he wins.
🙂 they certainly do have high hopes…..
You are a fantastic writer. I keep reading back on your blog to see if you have written some more. He is probably just jealous of a skill that you have that he hasn’t got. Trying to minimise it and invalidate it.
Being Mayor is a big step…. wow…. he is still on your case then? …. and following you over the net 😦 I hate how they feel they can do whatever they like and get away with it. Hope you are doing ok? apart from this?
His ego is only usurped by his lack of intellect. He’s not making his stalking obvious, which makes me nervous. I’m hoping this is because he’s left the area…but I have a feeling this is not the case.
I’m doing ok, your blog is still giving me many “ah ha” moments. It’s certainly helping me make sense of all the insanity. Thank you.
You are welcome!! Knowledge is power 🙂
I always hated that ‘lull’ it was like the calm before the storm, and it always made me nervous too. They rarely give up as they hate losing control.
I saw the next victim. He set up a scene for me to found out he met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be pregnant with his baby. Yet, he left her one night to come with me for three days. Once I had enough, I started no contact. It’s been 4 days since I’ve heard or seen him. Wow! What an asshole.
My ex is doing this now. We split in 2012 after 6 years because of abuse and then he called cps and told lies that resulted in me fighting for my 3 boys. We started seeing each other again in November off and on. In February I found out that he was seeing a new woman through facebook since December. We were together on Jan afterwards he tells me hes engaged. February 8th he married her. Was with me on the 17th then cried b/c he felt guilty. That its different with her, shes so sweet,and she really loves him.Our son is Autistic so when I ask him to take him to therapy he says Im with my wife, never saying her name, always saying his wife. Wjen I say im moving on he says im a mother and should wait for love and nit seek a man for identity… Im angry because I got bulkshit and wasted 6 years out of my life while after 60 days shes married and hes happy and im severely depressed wondering if I was wrong to walk away.
Hi Gloria, welcome to the site 🙂
You say that he calls her ‘his wife’
This for two reasons
1. To wind you up
2. Because he sees her as a possession, something that he owns, she doesn’t have a name when he is talking to you, this isn’t important.
As for the
a)Its different with her
b) She is so nice and so sweet
This is bullshit and designed to BLAME you… SHAME you, and make you feel bad. After all it has to be your fault, right? HE is doing well and is now married and happy?
Rubbish…. he has simply put on a new mask of deception. She is being nice as he hasn’t yet destroyed her or played with her mind like he did with you…. not because she is better than you.
When he says to you ‘his wife’, this is said deliberately to you. Listen to his words. They always give themselves away. To the sociopath life is just the game…. people are just players in the game… and she is the new player.
I know it is hard not to react. It isn’t you… it isn’t that you are worthless and he has found better elsewhere, this is just what he does to make you feel bad and himself feel better and the winner.
Remember that they love two things
Being in Control
Winning
So right now he thinks he is the king of the castle… remember the reality – she has no prize. Just as he turned your world upside down, he will also turn hers, its not a case of if, but when…
He hasn’t done this yet. He is still trying to get me back. I will remember this when he does. I’m sure it will crush me…but I will remember.
It is so hard isn’t it, especially when you love them. But there are two choices
1. Walk away
2. Go back and go through it again – however many times 😦
I am walking away. There really isn’t any other choice. Sucks, but it is how it really is.
This is a really terrific blog explaining how a sociopath operates. It is really pathetic that they would waste so much time trying to make you jealous and fill you with regret, when in fact as long as you are living well and not affected by all the sociopath has done to you or is trying to do to you, that’s like daggers going through their minds everyday! It’s mental torture for them when you ignore them. When you tell them things like “oops! I forgot all about you! how have you been?”, they go ballistic lol. Great read here 🙂
I think when someone leaves initially, because of the deception, there is a lot of processing that needs to be done before someone can get to the final part of healing, acceptance.
Yes they do hate to be ignored…. they hate rejection, as they hate losing control. It is like being around a child having a meltdown when you see them going ballistic 🙂 Sociopath meltdown….. anything can happen during that time!
Hating to be ignored confuses me as my P tells me to stay away. I figure in the beginning before the letting go and the begging and crying is going on at my end he tells me to go away for what? To hear himself speak? He acts like if I left nd ignored him the his life will be perfect. So after my episode of interrupting his little date last night and seeing the trashy way he wants to live I have let go. So ignore him I shall and it prob won’t bother him a bit. Darn.
mine contacted me saying he’s married now, showed me his wedding video which is posted on youtube, and his new wife is pregnant…tells me how happy he is…says he wants to be friends with me because he feels so guilty for what he did to me…he says he doesn’t want love or sex because he is definitely not coming back to me…..omg!
these sociopaths are so pathetic…really…its really sad how they come back to hurt you again and again…they have no humanity…its really sad that we came across such individuals and had an intimate relationship with them.
Ugh…. Yeah he is so happy he had to show you his new trophy and possession. They often want to be friends. Wonder what his wife would think about this? This sounds like typical sociopath patterning it’s manipulative designed to put you down.
First of all he isn’t happy and likely he never will be. Sociopaths are not really happy people they have little peace in their soul. You know saddest thing is he thinks what he is doing is completely acceptable. It’s a’ll about him. His poor wife too.
thanks for replying positivagirl……”he” says his wife knows that he has contacted me because he is now a new and honest person and doesn’t want to keep any secrets from her or from me. hahahahahahahaha
Hahahahahaha don’t you love how they say ‘I am an honest person now’. ..I have changed. I am different with this one (cos it was all you and your fault) …. And I bet his wife doesn’t know. What a liar. How stupid do they think you are?
I dated a guy for nine years who moved on, got engaged and eventually married within a year. Never even told me he moved on, but let me find out on Facebook with pictures of them kissing posted. After he got married his wife tried to make me jealous by texting me on Thanksgiving. Then, since I am college educated and have a professional job, he tells everyone he married a talented ER surgical nurse. Meanwhile, wifey-poo is merely a surgical tech. No judgment because that’s a good job, but come on. Why the need to lie to try to impress people. SMH!!!
I think it is about their ego, and their need to ‘win’ to feel that they have the upper hand, and that they have control. its stupid and mind games… but…. well at least you got rid of him and moved on!!! 🙂
HooooooooooooooLeeeeeeeeeeeeee Shit! This is my Ex. He has moved on, met someone knew and she is “wonderful”, “special” “you don’t understand, it is different with her.” “She reminds me of my mother” “She is the sweetest.”
What you wrote above describes my Ex and my reaction to his news. I mean, why is he hell bent on hurting me when he was the one who wanted out? Why did he rub in my face the fact that he has met someone and is “in love”. Why would he care to continue hurting me?
Now I understand.
I am going to print this post as a reminder.
I am too for animals liberation..as I said on my comm all I wanted was a animals lover kind real person…..we are all for animals liberation and caring..and we get horrible mean liars as lovers ..go figure..
I got told how this one is great lover..in posts on yt..where she has no friends..pathetic people they are..we got to laugh at them..they are sick and empty inside… ..animals are the best thing!
Best luck you are now liberated! =)
Animal girl why would he want someone who reminds him of his mother? That’s just sick!! Almost incestuous if u think about it.
I asked myself the very same question and I couldn’t agree with you more — it is sick! Then again HE is sick.
🙂
I wondered how he could sit through more than an hour of animal slaughterhouse video at the Animal Sanctuzry in watkins glen, ny. Not a single tear. Didnt care when my dog had her last day and said what if I took her for a walk and her seizures started and you werent there. This all sounds like what I went through. He was buying meat to eat in another town. I got him jobs and then he acted so superior. His room has so many holes in it from me throwing things to get his attention but never worked. I wish there was someway for people here to be in contact because this is so painful. I helped him through so much and he said oh your car accident cause me so much stress..that was him talking..the pain is sooo bad
Thank you… I have to admit that this is like my guide too, often when I am hurting, I come here as a reader, and read back, and you know the pattern is always exactly the same!! (same person) it is tough and what they do ;(
Hello, I replied to a comment earlier without even introducing myself. I chose the name lost puppy because I thought it would be the only comment I left here, the dog analogy hit me like a ton of bricks. I have visited many sites and read many blogs, your blog is the most connected I have felt in my isolated world. I seem to be struggling, going back and forth between is he the N Spath or am I. Then I find myself crying and remember when I asked him (on repeated occasions) to explain his apologies for cheating repeatedly, going to strip clubs while “working” on us, for calling me horrible names only to call me them again soon after the apologies, for making and calling me crazy/insane/psycho when I accused him of the “truth”, for giving me access to accounts/passwords only to enable/disable as punishment for asking the very thing I’m talking about here now, to explain his apologies, “with feeling, honest emotion”. The silence, followed by the words, “I got Nothing” so matter of fact, is the constant I hold on to. The anger/rage, twisting, deflecting and blaming if I pushed for more. This is the mild stuff I endured because I let him back in while I was still making excuses and actually trying to figure out how to better deal with someone who has ADHD and I must be Bipolar like he says. All this ‘trying to fix’ myself led me to the truth. The worst of it all came after my Mom 10-2012 and my cousin 02-2013, who is a brother to me, suddenly passed away. How could someone be so cold and intentionally cruel? My defenses were down and I couldn’t hide from the truth. I watched the mask not just slip but fall right off. The devil showed his horns, to not just me but my children. My life has been threatened, I believe he messed with mine and my daughters cars with intent to harm. It has been and still is a scary ride.
Sorry so long, though I imagine you all know that is just a tiny bit of my story. Our story.
First, I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. To not feel crazy, is freedom.
Second and most importantly, Reading all of the above, I realized for the first time in 9 yrs that I was his, “look at the woman I am with” to make the other jealous. The hold he had to stay in her life was a son, that he obviously had no real emotions for. And that FAKE LAUGH! Oh, how I hated it! As though he was enjoying him when he thought someone was watching. I was the mirror to make her jealous. That is why he kept me for so long and grew distant, increasing the manipulations between his family and I after she “convinced” him to sign over his rights. I thought she was cold and calculating as a person. I saw what he wanted me to see. She knew the truth.
Hey I SO needed to read your story right now!! Thank you for sharing. I have just written my story of him – (well as you know – briefly) on my share a story link.
I know how it feels to feel so alone after the damage that they do to your life. He has done final discard again, but even though – how bad he has treated me, I still feel this massive void. I even struggled to tell my story. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. A lot of this blog was written when he was still in my life, exactly as it was happening. Am just trying to get it into a book.
I do know how it feels being treated like that when someone has died. My daughter died one year my grandmother (who was like my mother) the next. So much has happened, that even explaining it, i feel ashamed or that I am crazy. It has smashed my life to pieces. I will put your story on my story page, as what you write will help someone else – are you in USA?
It took me 1 1/2 years to realize what I was dealing with and then I spent a solid year reading, reading, reading and more reading. Last week I was ignored for no reason at all and then told what a bad person and friend I have been. He was losing control and he knew it. He ended his ranting with the old “I’ll give you one more chance” routine. “Come and see me and we can work this out”. Yeah Right. So instead of defending myself I threw myself under the bus. I agreed with him that I sucked and I was a horrible person and how selfish of me to put my needs before his and I acted as if I was so upset and so sorry for not being there for him…blah blah blah….and then I said that I wasn’t good enough for him and he deserved more. (he deserved more alright..lol) I told him that I didn’t deserve to be in his life, that he was amazing and I was not. I told him that he would be better of without me. He ended our conversation and I haven’t heard from him since . I wanted to him to think he won. I don’t care if that’s what he thinks. Let him win. Win it all. Just stay away from me.
🙂 Brilliant Michelle!! I expect he went off with his narcissistic ego intact. Which is all that counts. Knowing that you are not going to expose him, he can move on and leave you alone!! 🙂 Well done you!
I am amazed! You described my ex gf down to all she is doing ..wow ..3 years I waisted on her ..she was seemed to be all I never had found.. ..but all she had was looks..very cute not the prettiest I have dated..but very cute.. and the bad part is..she thought she was so cute! Or did she? For her everything was make up..magazines fashion…looks.. I got my looks..but who cares ..all I wanted was a person who share my love of wild life ..nature..care for animals.. ..etc A kind sweet loving companion to share the simple things in life.. she acted to be all that.. even became vegetarian like me… time passed she was controlling ..jealous..she owned me ..she thought, she did.. she played games.. I was only hers..the love of her life..don”t look at other girls” you are mine ” my life” I’m crazy for you” ah you get hook on so much love you think they have! I could write pages.. So much manipulation ..lies….but god forbid if you say you don’t trust..or this could be a lie! How can you distrust me! ” There was the days of abuse..she knew how to hurt like no one! they know all your pain and they use it against you! To make short ..I left her many times and she came back after me..never let me go..and I felt sorry she had no mom ..a bad father….god knows what is real or lies … point is 4 months ago I left for good..and never looked back… I blocked her..I left her in a nice way ( I knew she is nuts she hacked my msn once.)” I will love you but this does not work” she acted like ok I don’t want this anymore too.. .she has a youtube she does not use .. has no friends, .out of my stupid curiosity, I entered just to find many comments. she knew I might look..stupid me! 😦 when she was with me she had nothing, could not get a better job she said no qualification blah blah always a poor thing… on the comm she found the best job! wow with no qualification a add company? ah maybe serving coffee =D But she had no money lived with family and now even a new apt all for herself! she posted all that ..I gave no reaction, then she was the happiest person finally she was complete! I gave no reaction, she would post more and more, then she was sure this new town was the place she was to have kids! ( she never wanted any) then I gave no reaction..On distant past i use to post something on my yt..) no more..nothing.
so she added make up video for a first date! Ok I knew it..new love ! Next day she posted about the “making love with another ” was hard to read..I care for this monster.. then I did not go back..but i failed today and entered after a week and there she posted this talk as if she was talking to him..you enter my heart so fast! you make my dark days light up with your dark eyes looking at me.. ..and more love crap..in 3 days from sex on the first date..she found love.. lies or bull well ..good riddance..your site helped me! Thanks
Its finally fun to watch him go through psychological changes for a change. These hollow people are the wordt people on the planet. But there is a God and one day they will be held ACCOUTABLE for their actions…
I believe this too. Even if not in this lifetime. There is karma to be paid for those kind of actions.
Oh thats so true positiveegirl, I used to tell him on judgement day I hope Im right behind you, and he would give me this chuckle but it soynded like an evil chuckle. The devil in disguise, a wolf in sheeps clothing. Peace….
Okay, you could consider that I have multiple personalities, all very well hidden and seamlessly sewn together in a way that makes me seem almost normal. One of them is extremely sociopathic, bordering on psychopathic. I will admit that I have done stuff like this, but only a couple of times. I like to focus my hatred on people who genuinely disturb the world I have created around myself. But, one thing you must understand is that a true sociopath doesn’t care, and never will care about you. We couldn’t care less if you’re jealous, happy, sad, alive, or dead. The only thing we want to do is make you suffer, and make those you care about suffer. We will stalk you until we find you, and if we find you, there’s no telling what we’ll do. If we are unable to find you through any conventional means, many of us have learned to utilize unconventional methods. Some of use government records, online or otherwise, some of us are skilled in hacking, some of us will even turn your friends and family against you in an effort to find you. Sometimes, we will steal your identity and put you into desperate situations, sometimes we’ll get you fired so we can laugh about it later. Others lives become putty in our hands, and when we’re bored with it, or angry at it, we’ll attempt to destroy it. So-called “morals”, “ethics”, “sympathy”, and “empathy” are foreign to us. They only get in the way. We’ll take a life, or several if we have to. If you encounter a sociopath, and wish to save your life and the lives of those around you, then do not try to reason with them, be nice to them, or fight back in any way. This will only make them angrier, and see you as weak, and they will become more determined to destroy you. My advice is to put as much distance between the two of you as possible, and end all communication.
sociopaths are insignificant and trivial human beings.
NEVER be afraid of them!
they are below you.
You are everything i have encountered. Everything i lived with, slept with and loved. Reading your post sends chills down my spine for im not a stupid girl. Naive … for sure. These are all the things my conscience whispered to me about this individual. However, my heart would argue. Everything is now in perspective. Thank you.
Yes this is the sociopath behind the mask of charisma i leave their posts up as long as there are no personal attacks, so you can see who they really are behind the mask of sanity
Great blog! I too after my husband died fell for a sociopath in the neighborhood. He was my soulmate and perfect. But apparently had a lot of girlfriends, and those who were just entertainment. Since I did not have money and a young widow I was filed under just entertainment value! Like the others they probably didn’t know that like me.
Long story short he threw me under the bus, since I was just sex for him, whilst he was everything to me and I loved him. I fell into a deep depression, not understanding what happened. Now only a few months later now has a new girlfriend whom he’s going to marry.
Ironically she has a young autistic son like one of his victims in the neighborhood, who lost everything and had to move… He has a biological autistic son which he abandoned after he was born 18 years ago who is in jail! Now you see a pattern to his predatory tendency including women who have a black lab (dog) like his. It is how he hooks you! He is not good looking but has a lot of charisma.
Anyways, God sent me men and women in the neighborhood who knew of his reputation. God lifted the fog from my eyes. I now have a great new job, running for neighborhood board (which his services will no longer be required), having a lot of fun and talking to people.
He’s stares at me since he no longer has control over me. Especially after he threatened me when I met one of his Ex’s and learned the truth about him. Amazing what a police report can do! The “I’m getting married and etc.”, isn’t working, particularly when he sees a big ass smile on my face. He should worry when I report him to the state inspector for working fraudulently for the board not being licensed and bonded and being paid over the max of $200. I’m got to go now I have a date. He can stare all he wants, its not going to work a second time on me : )
Since we live in the same neighborhood is it possible for me to make him jealous. We won’t acknowledge each other, but he’s not treating me like the plague like he did during his smear campaign. Matter of a fact our comfort zone with each other is getting smaller when were in the same area. Sometimes times he’ll look at me. He knows I’m doing well.
Mine acts jealous and looks me up too. I think it’s a control thing. He sees me as HIS OBJECT OR POSSESSION. He tells me to move on but doesn’t want me to bc he feels good w all the drama of me begging and crying over him.
Yes, I too did all that when I was lost and discarded. No closure. Now I know the truth about him and it helps me see him in a different perspective. Like I said we don’t acknowledge each other, it’s been months since we exchanged words. But I get the occasional look, glare or stare as brief it is. Most of the time I don’t even glance at him… I’am still struggling over the fact I do miss the fake persona he sold me. But now I’m having fun, dating, have great new exciting friends and new good job. I didn’t roll over and die like he wanted me too when he devastated my heart! God and friends have helped me through this turmoil.
I just wanted to say that had I know about this website I probably wouldnt have stayed with my ex-sociopath and narcissist for 2 1/2 years and I know I wouldn’t have stayed and endured the lies and the manipulation and the emotional and psycological abuse this sick man put me through……I almost lost my career, I failed 4 classes that I now have to pay for again and re-take in college and he almost ruined me financially…….now that I stopped paying his bills and seeing right through him and how he is he walked away from me……the last time i seen him we made very passionate love after we had not done that in a year! I waited and waited for any kind of intimacy which I know he has a fear of and he would hug me and kiss me real quick when I would leave at night but stopped having sex with me saying that he was afraid that I would get pregnant and he didnt want any more kids and he was on so much medication for his migraines and health issues that it made his libido drop…….so he stopped taking so much meds and tried to go cold turkey and low and behold for some reason it miracously came back so he texted me and said he missed me…….he wanted to make love to me so I went over his house and it lasted maybe 5 minutes……..then he said he was scared I was pregnant which we took precautions and I am not thankfully! after that he has not wanted to see me……called me a couple times to ask a stupid question and texted me about his car radio being broken and teased me that someone broke in and stole it…….I think he was doing something shady to turn it into the insurance company to get money……he is a mortician and a funeral director and runs a funeral home so he is the boss which makes him have a ” big head ” and he has a motorcycle which he has won numerous awards for thanks to me putting $5,000 chrome rims and custom paint job and chrome accesories on it yet I am never invited to go on weekend motorcycle trips with him……..he told his mom I am the heaviest girl he ever dated and yet when I first met him ( we met on POF of which he came on to me!) he said I am beautiful and have the biggest heart of anyone he has ever known, etc. He seen I had a good job and nice home with a pool and drove a nice car and that I fell for him from day one……..he would say stuff like he wanted to move in with me but when I would recipocate and yes he would say ” no…….I want my freedom and to be on my own ,etc. ” and he would say stuff like ” lets go to vegas and get married for 99 cents ” and he is lucky to have me and he may not show it but he thanks me for everything I have done for him and no woman has ever done anything like that….etc. One time he called me to come and meet him at a bike show three hours away because he was leaking oil…..only for him to get mad at me for something stupid and yell at me in front of a crowd of people and drive away and I couldnt find him……here I am looking all around for the campground he said he was staying at and was sitting in a field in the dark not being able to find him and he was at HOME ……..I was devastated and cried all the way home! He left me there not knowing where I was and thinking he was there because he texted me and said he was lying down and had a headache and to come there……i had no idea where his campsite was and no one would tell me so I had to drive around looking for it……I doubt he even went back there…….once he broke up with me because he said I gave him a dirty look……when his daughter moved in with him he said I was jealous of her yet her and I got along better than he and her did….she eventually couldnt take him either so she moved back home with her mom and she still keeps in contact with me but not with him! I would buy them dinner and groceries and movies etc. and when he got paid he didnt even know me or wouldnt even buy me a sandwich! so he mistook resentment for jealousy! I would catch him taking his phone in the bathroom with him and one time I caught him turning the volume down! but when I said something he would get mad! I could go on and on but I just wanted to tell everyone that I am sorry for what they went through and it is a horrible experience I wouldnt wish on anyone and I now have to sit and wonder where to go from here and it has been almost a month and no more contact from him in three weeks….he just stopped contacting me and wont accept my calls or text messages so I just left a message that I wished him well and I wasnt pregnant and I didnt do anything wrong so I will leave him alone if that is what he wants…..and no reply ………..so I know I am better off in the long run just as everyone else is on here and people tell me to go to counseling and not to get depressed and he is no good and I should be feeling lucky I didnt waste any more time and etc. and maybe someday I will feel that but right now I am still hurting and upset and trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered illusion and get back to living……i am turning 45 in a couple of weeks and it is hard to be alone but someday I will find the strength to go out and date again…….somewhere there has got to be a good guy looking for a good girl ( and people tell me all the time I am pretty and guys say hi and stare at me all the time) and even his own mom and daughter told me that whenever he gets with someone the girl always suffers and I need someone who deserves me………sorry this is so long but I just wanted everyone to know that we have no choice to fall for these a-holes…….but we do have a choice let them continue to control our life after they are gone…….time to cut the supply off and move on to better days! there is nothing we can do or say to them that is going to be as bad as the KARMA that god is going to give them…….aventually they get old and tired and lonely and used up…….and discarded like us! I admire you guys who are dating and having fun and going out…….I will get to that point someday also!
Reblogged this on branchalisa and commented:
I saw the next victim. He set up a scene for me to found out he met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be pregnant with his baby. Yet, he left her one night to come with me for three days. Once I had enough, I started no contact. It’s been 4 days since I’ve heard or seen him. Wow! What an asshole.
I saw the next victim. He set up a scene for me to found out he met a woman 20 years younger who claims to be pregnant with his baby. Yet, he left her one night to come with me for three days. Once I had enough, I started no contact. It’s been 4 days since I’ve heard or seen him. Wow! What an asshole.
All that above has happened to me.
I was with my ex SN for over 24 years and I was discarded from his life like garbage. I had to figure out how to support myself and my 2 sons which he happens to be the father. A woman came in the picture and she also drove me insane. She wanted the end of the relationship so she started to do things to give me clues. She would send pictures of her and my ex together to my house. I lived in hell and I can’t ever forget what they had put me and my children trough. Since my older son turned 18 I decided that I no longer needed to communicate with my ex so I took the short cut and started the process of accepting the facts. 4 years later I’ve heard trough some common friend that he still talks trash about me…by saying that he has remarriage, I am still alone and I don’t get to leave my place to go anywhere. How does he know and does he care? It shows that he still bother to ask my sons about me.
Not too long ago, he decided to rob the OW in my face by driving in front of my window with her in the car. He also brings her to eat in my neighborhood…actually this one is amazing…he will eat half a bock away from my residence. I have ignored him and I feel comfortable by doing so.
He drops subtle hints
he is now doing EVERYTHING for the OW that I wanted him to do when he was with me
he uses my son to send me messages which I completely ignore. He will never get the reactions he’s expecting to have from me. I will let him to starve himself on that one.
This is what I fear most when you say above. A sociopath will never fully let go of a potential form of supply
Will he always try different games to try to get my attention? So far seems that way. I refuse to be his supply and I refuse to be his old toy. I am trying my best to heal and to live a life of peace that I know I so much deserve.
Hi Chloe, 24 years is a long time!! It is good that you can ignore him and feel empowered to do so.
Yes I would imagine he will still try games to get your attention. If he is a sociopath life is a game and others are merely players in the game. You ARE right you do deserve peace. You also deserve a medal for coping for 24 years.
Thanks positivagirl. I don’t know how I made trough the end. I can’t even explain with words the cruelties this man used to punish me. I didn’t know how I would survive but nothing would stop me from leaving. That was my chance and I couldn’t miss it. I had a beautiful house and a comfortable life financially but nothing of that meant anything to me. I was becoming sick with the mental abuses that they both were doing to me…So you know, I have no relatives here in the US so it was very difficult for me to even think how I would start my life with two kids. It was horrible. I do not wish anybody to go trough what I’ve experienced. The most horrifying thing was to see the OW acting as if she was the wife and I was the OW. I would try to contact him to help out with my younger son that was emotionally affected by the mess and he would tell me to ask my friends to help me. It was horrible! my younger son started to rebel himself in a very harmful way and all I could do was to pray and to be there for him. It got to a point which either I would lose my son due to his self destructive behavior or I would scream to the system for help which I did. I begged the judge to help me because I had never felt so alone in my entire life. My life didn’t know half of what was going trough… I couldn’t tell them due to the distance and my mom’s age. Sometimes I would fall apart crying alone and feeling a deeply desire of dying. I prayed many times for god to take me away but now I understand why I couldn’t leave…I was having high blood pressures and my doctor was thinking of getting me under medication. I told him not to do that, not yet… For two years, I had ignored all the emails the OW had sent to harass me. The system was great, at least worked on my sons case… All I can say is that now I have a good boy going to college and working part time. When he turned 18 I decided to cut all the communications with my ex and it’s been about a year and half NC. When he provokes me, I keep telling myself that my weapon is lethal and he’ll never get the pleasure of even hear my voice ever again.
I didn’t come to the US to try a better life, I had all that in my country…I came here because he brought me. We met each other very young and there’s nothing he would not do for me. He didn’t marry me… he marriage the other woman to hurt me and I know he never loved her and he never will and that will be her karma for doing what she did to me. She has put me down many times for not knowing how to write in English and for been a foreigner in this country. One thing that as a foreigner I may have and they both lack (moral values and ethics). I want all of you to know that I am not upset at this woman for just what she (as a woman) did to me but what was also done to my kids…they didn’t deserve all the pain. I am still trying to deal with my older son. He became very disrespectful and abusive to me. I decided no longer to be the victim so I kicked him out of my place. He hasn’t talk to me for about a year. It hurts me deeply, sometimes I miss him so much that hurts but I need to do what needs to be done to be respected. I had made myself a promise that my sons would never be allowed to abuse me, they can try but won’t ever succeed. I got my own job, yes I work very hard but I have a place to live and I am little by little getting to where I want to be.
With all the readings and with a lot of help from some psychologists I have been told that I was a super wife and a great mother so I am guilty free now. I am not crazy like he tells everybody to some he even told that I take medication… Hahahahaha I didn’t know that I have been diagnosed with mental problems. I feel sorry for him, I really do… He can’t ever be who I am or ever take away from me the treasures that I have inside myself…He didn’t kill the person that I was, I am actually a better person.
After doing some reading, I realize that everything my ex focus is always about me.. he marriage the other woman to hurt me and he continues to use her with the intentions of hurting me. She may think it is about proving to me that he loves her. Lol ! She’s so ignorant and wrong…A few stupid little examples: He bought me a Mercedes for my birthday, I had to come up with the down payment about $8.000 somehow he disappeared with the car after we separated… 3 years later, I see the other woman driving my car and I was shocked and very upset. I learned to let it go…
– He knew that I loved to collect watches… he gave me a fake Rolex so recently, my son told me he bought her a real Rolex.
– he moved away from the city where I live, and all of a sudden he brings her to eat in a restaurant just a block away from the place where I live.
What the heck he wants from me? Can’t he see that I am not giving in to him?
– The latest one, was to send a message to me trough my son to ask if he could park one of his car in my garage for my son when he turns 21.. Well, the boy is 19 but by law he can’t drive until he’s 21 and he knows that. Would he leave a car in my garage under his name for 2 years? Knowing my son that well, he knows the boy would never wait two years to drive. It was another attempt of hearing back from me… He lost again.
I decided for my own sake to create an invisible boyfriend.. yes, I did that…I work as a family assistant so my boss is super nice to me. He doesn’t like me to be without a car in the weekends so he tells me to bring his convertible Lexus. Lol! my son started to come up with this idea that I had a boyfriend so I thought that wasn’t a bad idea to let my own son to think that way because I knew the news would be spreaded pretty quickly. In deed, that happened… The SN hasn’t come around and he seems quiet lately. I am crossing my finger that he’s not too happy to know that his ex little bird is finally feeling free.
My dear friends, we all have something here in common, some in different ways but we all have dealt with sick personalities and it takes time for us to get our feet again.. takes time to even know who we are after the storm… for me took me one day to look at myself at the mirror and what I had seen really scared.. I saw a deeply sad and suffered woman.. I saw how much I had aged and I took a deep breath so I told myself: this is me, I have been punished in many and different ways, I don’t need to self punish me anymore… enough is enough! I will go to rescue myself now… I am strong I am a fighter and there’s nothing to fear…No one will destroy me…I live for a reason so let it be. I am who I am and I feel comfortable in my own skin.. I don’t wear masks so I don’t have to hide my pain…who one day saw me falling apart will from now on see me smiling again…I have a billion reasons to live, I am responsible for my own happiness and my well being. I feel since this day much lighter and free…We’re all survivors!
Sorry you all for my poor English.. I hope you can understand what I am trying to say.
Wow! Bravo!! Your English is good and I read all of the way through. I can hear you shouting your need to be respected and to be strong.
I cannot believe about the car for your son. But I can. He knew that if you said no (not to have his car in your garage 2 years) who would say yes to that ?? He could turn it around to his son and say see I was going to give you a car it’s your mothers fault you don’t have one. Ugh!!
It is good you are finding your self respect. Sad about your eldest son. But I do think you are right to stand up and not be disrespected.
Sounds like you have been through the equivalent of three wars you are on the other side and winning. I hope your eldest son can one day apologise.
5 years and little girl with a sociopath it has drained and aged the heck out of me. Not being from here (europe) never knew of the word and meaning until a counselor explained to me.
I been trying to change and protect that man from his ex and her bitterness tours me him and our child,forget about the numerous cheating aspects.
Sometimes i fill like JFK wife,dose anyone one needs to know how horrible her father is or how horrible of a man he is ?! lol
I know what you mean by draining you and aging you, I have aged 10 years!!!!
Welcome to the site Alba 🙂
I could write a book about him and the big incredible love i had for him. Sometimes im scared thinking what if i fall back to his manipulating games.
And funny thing about them is that for them is always about another women,they cant stay single for a week,thats because the so insecure in their own skin that they need always someone to remind them how hreat they are.
Im kind of sad i will have to deal with him for the rest of my life,i hope he gives up on his child just like he did with his previous baby mama and kids
They always need someone else to give them attention and to reflect back just how amazing they are. They are also narcissists. They cannot bear to be on their own. This is what is also hard for the victim. While they are reeling and devastated the socio is off with someone new, just showing how little they thought of the person.
Thank you for doing this,we women by natyre are meant to love and care for others especially the men we meet,but sometimes we dont realize how powerful and beautiful we are 🙂
Thank you ..great post
Thank you for reminding me of this post too 🙂
This blog is amazing; just what I needed to read after looking up my son’s name on YouTube and finding a video of him being cuddled and tickled by ex’s OW. Why the need?!
My son is almost 2 and calls this OW “Mama”, I feel sick to the stomach.
I only lasted a year with this monster, got pregnant within a few months and believed every word he said about me being the best thing that ever happened to him. I felt flattered he wanted me to move in so soon with him and relished in the bombardment of texts I received asking me silly things like was it me that was “making the sun shine”. I fell for this complete and utter cr*p hook, line and sinker!
He was everything I dreamed of how a man should treat a woman and I actually felt sad for his “mental” ex wife for treating him so cruelly that he’d finally had enough and had to end the sheer hell she had put him through. How could she have done this to such a great man?!
Fast forward 4 months: I’m pregnant and he’s acting delighted, but the tension builds up and suddenly he explodes on me. But hey, I’m just very hormonal and if it wasn’t for my mood swings, I wouldn’t have wound him up. This persists and gets worse and eventually I am convinced I need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist at the maternity hospital. Of course she finds me of sound mind and tells me to do a few CBT exercises online, but this was not good enough and ex was furious. “I’m coming with you next time!”, he snapped. Why couldn’t I see through him at this time?? I think when you’re in a very vulnerable position like I was, it’s easier to believe it is you than accept you’re being trapped by a lunatic.
Things will get better I kept telling myself, holding back the real misery I was experiencing from friends and family; they would only tell me to leave him and there was no way I wanted to be a single mum!
He’d already started to try and alienate my family from me by phoning them up and telling tales on me, I was beginning to think I really had lost it.
He’d smother me with a pillow if I complained about the dog sleeping in the bed with us, knocked me about (only when I provoked him) and would never apologise. This was when i started to stand up to him and say it wasn’t my fault and try with all the exhausted strength I had to reason with him – all to no avail. The whole relationship was about punishment and rewards, “if you’re good you can have this…” etc. If I was bad (probably for complaining about his dog being in the bed again), he would drag me out of bed in my pyjamas and drive me to my cold apartment that hadn’t been leased out yet and just leave me there in the middle of the night. What.a. sicko.
To everyone who has escaped the evil clutches of these ruthless people, well done to you! I I feel your pain, just never ever show them your weak side, don’t rise to the manipulation, it will drain you. Rise above it and always smile. I have the most beautiful little boy out of this toxic relationship, he has moved on, but I still suffer extreme verbal and emotional abuse; he even ruins my son’s clothes to get to me when i have asked him nicely not to. He is pathetic. Currently going through legal proceedings now because enough is enough.
Remember you are better than them!
Hi and welcome to the site. I also understand the crazy making behaviour when pregnant. I was with someone like that too. At first I thought it was me, I couldn’t understand why Mr Perfect, was changing, into Mr Stonewalling, Mr Runner, Mr refuse to speak to me for 3 months of pregnancy – I couldn’t figure out why people I thought were my friends, also kept away from me in pregnancy. It never occured to me that he was spreading lies about me. The last two months of pregnancy were almost perfect, except of course I was paying for everything – every day telling me how he loved me….. then our daughter died at the end of pregnancy….. I couldn’t figure out how he could just leave after spending a week in the hospital with me. How could he go off on holidays? I couldn’t understand how people would say ‘poor him’….. huh? He never spoke to me ever again. Yet he was the victim…. it took years for everything to make sense. Welcome to the site.
Hi Positivagirl,
What you went through must’ve been horrific. If the pain of losing a baby wasn’t bad enough, to have your SO leave your side when you needed him the most then act the Victim is absolutely disgusting and must’ve been heart rendering. What a nasty loser he was (is).
Please take solace that to go through all that heartache has made you an even stronger person, and to choose to want to actively help others who have encountered similar experiences is truly remarkable.
Why do they lie so much? The father of my child has manipulated others into thinking I constantly harass him when that couldn’t be further from the truth. What actually happens is that he aggravates me in a passive aggressive way, usually by showing disrespect to our child so I rise to it after helplessly going into lioness mode. I’m learning not to, but it’s so hard. Then there’s the verbal abuse and squaring up to me at the handover; he’s a bully and he makes my blood boil.
He threw us out and made us homeless when DS was 3 weeks old. This was all in a bid to manipulate me to “conform” to his ways by allowing the bullying to continue without standing up to him. He said I could move back in again if I showed an improvement in my behaviour and I was “good”. I so wanted us to be a family and begged for him to let me move back in, he took my keys off me and everything, I had no access to my clothes or the baby’s, just took what I could. He said he needed to see a significant improvement within 4 weeks, but I’d just had his baby, was emotional wreck so I eventually told him to go to hell. Don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for this, and guess what? He played the victim.
This is typical behaviour Valeria. You know no matter what you would have done it still wouldn’t have been enough. He still would have complained and deliberately picked fights just to upset you. If you went back it would be more of the same. If you were mother Theresa he would still find fault. Who does he think he is? Does he think he is your father telling you to be a good girl? I am so sorry that you are going through this. All that I can say is that If you went back the outcome would always be the same.
There is no chance I would go back to him. That’s what was so hard at the beginning: to let go of the idea of being in a happy family. He’d shattered my dreams and I really wanted to believe it was my fault because I was conned into thinking he was the one for me, had put him on a pedestal and became self-critical. I couldn’t get angry, I was just upset, but gradually like you say nothing would’ve made him happier. He’d always be shouting at me, “what have you ever done for me?”, in one of his rages, and nothing I reminded him of was ever enough.
He’s had a girlfriend for over a year (half his age), and he denied it when I mentioned it in passing only 2 months ago at the handover. It’s none of my business and I couldn’t care less at the stage I’m at now, but yet again, why blatantly lie like that? I know it sounds awful but I really hope she’s seen his mask slip once or twice within that time so I don’t feel singled out but she’s young and probably naive – perfect target. Anyway if he was truly happy he wouldn’t be trying to make my life more difficult, would he?! Idiot.
I feel sorry for the new girl, I am probably going to catch hell for saying so. I hope they stay together and he stays with her. They deserve each other. She was joking about me like she knows me! She don’t know me and she sure as hell heard a way different version of what went down. She is jealous of me and he is jealous of me and they can be bitter in bed to the end! But she will know deep in her heart why he is so angry. He has small penis syndrome. Im not just saying it. 3 inches is all he has. She can have it! I dont need to post pictures or make a spectacle of my current relationship. I dont need a jealous insecure dramamongering fool with a small penis and small bling to make me happy. I moved up in that game.
What bothers me is the gossip. OOOH it gets under my skin! I dont respond but I know its there. I hope they last in mediocrity and bitterness! The best revenge is living well. Eventually the gossip will lose its effectiveness. His 3rd major love in less then a year. Eventually people will see the drama in front of their faces. He is drama! Glad Im out!
The gossip is hurtful isn’t it? I think that can be a really tough part of being with a socio is the lies that they tell about you when it ends. I know that I found this tough. No doubt he has told the new girl a pack of lies about you, making him out to be the good guy and you the bad one. Everything with them is dramatatised for effect. Your best off having no contact and not looking at his social networking as it is often designed to get at you.
My ex of 24 years, keeps trying to make me feel jealous of the other woman. After a few tries he decided again two days after my birthday. I honestly believe that I rent to much space on his mind. I also come to believe that happy people don’t have to show to his ex they are happy,
I still have my own struggles with his smear campaigns against me. He goes as far to tell other people that I have mental problems and I take medication. Lol I was shocked to hear this from the mouth of some authorities in the city. I was so shocked that my reaction was to say WHAT? So I’ve been diagnosed with mental problems without knowing? I can only say that I am now in control of my own life and he’s probably going nuts not to be able to control me. I no longer waste my reserve of compassion with someone so heartless. They are monsters in ship’s skin. I used to question myself everyday “What did I do to deserve all this”? Now, I have found those answers deeply inside. I’ve done nothing wrong, my mistake was to getting involved with someone like him. I have made peace with myself and I hope every woman who goes trough what I did can also regain their own strength and courage to put this monsters behind and close the door on the past and leave there where it belongs. 🙂
I’ve just discovered this site and have been amazed by the Truth here. Like many here, I’ve been duped and dumped by my ex who has many characteristics of a classic sociopath or some type of personality disorder.
Together for three years he one day discards me. Reasons being mostly because his image would be scarred by his peers and family. I thought, thru three years and NOW you decide I’m trash? It was hurtful because although slowly I felt him changing to a depressed and paranoid man, he still would tell me he loved me. But I realize it was more about how I made him feel or how he felt about himself. His mask and world were slipping off and he couldn’t handle his divorce(which he wanted from his wife), financial distress, career change, child custody, etc. And this probably added to his strange and erratic behavior towards me.
I felt like he was scared of something REAL and tangible we had. Nothing was ever Good enough. He wanted to relive his twenties that he felt he lost because he had been unhappily married for 15. For all I know he was going and is going thru MANopause.
After he ended it he was hot and cold. Lots of gaslight. Lots of smear campaigning. Lots of immature attitude. And in between there were moments of caring, affection, etc. But those moments were fleeting and conditional to how HE probably felt about himself….
He started dating someone a few weeks after he left me. Threw it in my face a few times. And then had the audacity to accuse me of wanting him back left and right and out the blue in many conversations we had. And yet he still comes back and reaches out. I feel like he accuses me of not letting go when in fact he has this problem on some level. Did I mention he does a lot projecting?
The recent incident involved him giving me a container with a woman’s name on it. When I asked who that was he replied “my friend”. I changed the subject and acted nonchalant. He seemed upset because I didn’t react the way he wanted or because I even asked. Then a week or so later he was texting and leaves his phone next to me. I saw the same name on the container. It was weird because he left ho’s phone there almost for me to look at. Bit I didn’t and talked about work related stuff. I wondered if genes trying to get a rise out of me? This same woman is the one he has blamed me for being late to see but yet he’s the one who called and texted for an hour to argue with. This same woman he voluntarily tells me he asked to take on vacation and three seconds later says “but she couldn’t come”. Why even tell me if she wasn’t going? Why even tell me at all? The same woman he says he THINKS he loves her SOMETIMES. Why tell me about her and his feelings for her? To make me jealous? Inside I was dying….but I’d always play it off which would result in him getting snippy.
Jealousy is not Good. Trying to make someone jealous is just as bad. I ask myself, why the hot and cold in between. Selfish comes to mind as well as wanting an ego stroke. My friends say it’s because he is trapped and doesn’t know how to go about being with me after all the damage he’s caused. But I don’t fully agree because why even continue to torture me with it? I feel he wants attention and wants his cake and to eat it too. I know when he’s not getting along with her, he seems to be Mr. Nice guy with me…reminiscent of all our Good times, going out of his way to do things for me, and being playful. But again…..all fleeting.
Great site/blog. Sorry for the vent.
Hang in there people!
Thank you danica welcome to the site 🙂
Just reading this a wondering if my ex is a sociopath!
I ended it due to violence but can relate to all aspects of what a sociopath is and I pretty sure he is!
The jealously part, he got a new supply and moved her in just under s year after we split, he never introduced her to our kids! He told them she’s real fun and playful! I never acknowledged this and he kept sending me junk mail texts and emails! Then he tells our child her full name and she got a FB with endless selfies of the 2 of them! I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t set her account for her! I felt sooo hurt! But am actually thinking now he did this on purpose and her posting all those pics she must be smitten with him it totally insecure! It felt like she was saying, he’s mine now!
7 Years of my life whit this Sociopath in one second hy throw my away, i was in a shock have to find out hy was whit a women because hy was borred, the puting picture together on fb, we have sex one week before that and i was his everything , i takes my about two years to find out wat hy was, than hy comes to the same place where i aways come, says his girlfriend is a whore and each morning see look at him whit strange eyes, his still living in her house sleep whit here in the same bed, hy was begging my to take him back, but i recoverd in those two years read everything about Sociopaths and no one deserve this so so bad abuse, i know his ways now the will never change the do it over and over again. Dear women and men when you see the red flags about Sociopaths and Narcisme step out of it let them do what the won,t but not whit you, let them life in there own illusie the are empty and don,t realy care about you!!!
Hey Luna are you ok? You sound like you are hurting?
Dear Positiviagirl I oke now after two years of rollercoast,the abuse is a trauma but I am a strong survivor. I am laughing at him hy have to survivor al his life by taking someone and destroy them, thats not a real life, the will feel so empty one day, stuck in the own fake brain and hart.one day the wil feel the pain of the people the have destroy . I am now at the point to let al the posion out, to clean my mind and body, the run in all day in there mind to catch every victim, thats now life slowly my mind is going in peace and love thats my victory x
Yay I am glad that you are feeling in a positive frame of mind. Time to unclutter, to undo the brainwashing, let go of the fog, let out the toxins and bring in the sunshine of you! Wishing peace within and true self love so that you see your true potential and shine from within.
Yes i wil put my self in peace and love thank you for your twitter it helps a lot of people keep going on the good work
Its easier said than done sometimes isn’t it. I think it is riding through the pain and the grief to get to where you want to be. Making plans and starting to rebuild a new life for yourself. You can do it, I bet you will be amazing at it too!! 🙂
I have two beautiful kids there I life for no men (S) is worth to take that happiness away from a mother thank you very much positivagirl x
My story began last year – my ex socio is married w/ 3 children ( 1 1/2, 7, 10 at the time). I am married as well & having marital issues- feeling neglected & some verbal abuse going on. He had left his wife on 2 other occasions claiming he only went back for the kids. I worked w/ the socio & confided in him. He started out as only wanting to be “my best friend”. After a short time he invaded my life & quickly started making arrangements to leave his wife & kids. I admit I felt very rushed & uncomfortable w/ everything happening so fast. Also I was very hesitant to sleep w/ him. I know it sounds strange now but because I was married it felt wrong. Well he bi passed that & of course we ended up having sex. Funny tidbit- he had issues in the beginning w/ ejaculating. We were very hot & heavy into each other but the ending act seemed difficult to him. Come to find out he was still sleeping regularly w/ his wife- yes she contacted me. Once that came out I never trusted him again. He did apologize finally & actually said he was an “asshole”- his words. So we continued the relationship w/ him in his own place w/ his mom & me moving out of my house. He had to be near me all the time. I actually couldn’t breathe. I was a very independent person & he suffocated me & said how diff he was from other guys. Like he was “special”. He was an only child w/ a crazy mother who supposedly neglected him & abandoned him when he was little. So the fear was of being abandoned so I didn’t dare want to make him feel that way again. He also said a few very strange things to me that stand out – 1st -he always said if I was upset he needed to see me in person to “feel it”. I never could understand what he meant until now. He doesn’t have the capability to “feel” anything so I think you needed to see my reactions & body language to understand me. 2nd -he actually asked me if he could take the place of my father?! Now I’m a def daddy’s girl- he knows this. I’m spoiled but it was so odd of him to say. Maybe to control me? So time goes on & I’m hating living where I was so I move back home- he starts w/ the threats. I tell him I’m looking for a place but it takes time & money & now he suddenly has run into a friend from his past that he’s been confiding in about our relationship. He’s so happy he found her & she’s having issues w/ her man btw too. All the while he’s still sleeping w/ me & still hasn’t filed for divorce. Finally I’m thinking I may want to work on things w/ my patient family & he pulls the card- move into his apartment. I agree- aargh – but the night I’m to pack up suddenly his mother freaks out & I’m not allowed to move in or even go over?! What are we 12 yrs old?! My believe Is the new girl was already going over there. So I’m totally confused & upset. He gets me to pay rent somewhere for a quick “fix”- has sex w/ me 3 x’s that night. Files for divorce the next day. Tells me he loves me & ready … Drum roll…. Discards me for other girlfriend. Had her lined up all along. Yes I embarrassingly begged & pleaded for him to see me- I had no idea what was going on! I don’t the girlfriend has any idea he was still leading me on the whole time either! He even sent a text to one of my friends to tell me to stop reaching out to him. Three days later he sends me a happy holidays email! Loser! I’ve never heard from him since & he’s all over FB w/ pics of the two of them w/ blended families together- my guess to upset his soon to be exwife. Yes he is blocked as well as his girlfriend. I was thinking he was keeping her around cause his lease is almost up & will need a place to stay for him & kid visits- but I maybe wrong. Maybe he does love her. She is completely diff then his wife & myself. I mean just visually & she’s religious which he had a few “thank the lord” quotes– crazy! I’m sure she strokes his ego. Why after 6 months after discard am I thinking of this loser & comparing my marriage- we are trying to reconcile- to my relationship w/ him?
My ex narc/psychopath/anti-husband is trying to pull this. He gave our daughter some kitchen containers to return and in the bag he places a “foreign” dish. Perhaps from a lady friend of his? Pshaw! I threw it in the trash. I hope he does have a girlfriend. Someone else to focus on besides me.
Mine broke contact to tell me he is now buying a Porsche, and got a dog. Two things that hit triggers in me. When I caught him cheating on me a day after our one year anniversary (and three weeks after my breast cancer diagnosis), I caught up to the “other woman” the next day. She had no clue about me and was angry at him as he had done this before to her. Found out they have been FWB for the last 18 years! So the birthday week he said he took with his buddies, which was the week before our 1 year anniversary; he was actually with her. She told me he rented a Porsche and they drove 8-9 hours down the coast of California and spent that week together in San Diego. The other trigger is he knew my dog meant a lot to me, and he started to accuse me of bringing fleas into his home (when my dog wasn’t even there). Then in devalue stage he started calling me “cat hair girl” (as I had just bern diagnosed with cancer).
Does a sociopath really know what’s going on deep inside? My ex which has all of the characteristics of a ns…he really talks deep and admitted what he did was wrong but he really gets deep and analyzed things and even know how I was thinking and must of felt
I really needed to read this again today.
I’m going through the silent period and just waiting for that text which will be an excuse to let me know what a great time he had on a trip.
So many female “friends” and also found out weekends away with the “boys” were spent with a social group I was never allowed to be involved in or know about. I dread to think what he told them about me, or most probably what he told them about himself (probably bullsh@t).
So true about the children. Texts me “xxx” is really missing you, melting my heart.
I call “xxx” and they’re fine and busy playing.
It’s weird and I fall for it everytime.
Some of these stories are so sad reading down the comments. You are all an inspiration and truly deserve the best life has to offer x
Ugh they love to rub your face in it don’t they? Sadie, I want you to remember that he doesn’t have any real connection to anyone. He will get bored. They love to play the game for as long as they can play the game. They like to keep people separate as they are pathological liars….. so they can’t have different groups meeting each other. He is a different person, mirroring different people. You are right, about what he likely told them about you, another reason that he keeps people separate. How horrible. I know.
I feel i’m moving on, then am slung right back to square one.
Swimming around a small round fish bowl with no other direction to turn is the only way I can describe it.
I do have a lot to be grateful for but it’s the constant gentle poking in the background. It grinds me down.
When it goes quiet i’m on alert waiting for the next prod. It’s tiring!
Hi Sadie, what you said about the fish bowl…. reminded me… I knew that I had written a post with photo of fish bowl. This is the post https://datingasociopath.com/2015/02/25/how-to-untangle-the-mess-in-your-life-and-move-to-full-healing-and-recovery-in-the-quickest-way-possible/
Here is what I wrote to my Ex, after three mos no contact, and he is still trying to send me videos about his happy new life with his new woman and new job
I guess I’m just trying to get things out for my own peace of mind, not that it will even sink in with you or mean much to you, I am not trying to get you back, Like I said , you were long gone way before I ever stopped seeing you, in fact you were never mine in the first place, if you were even you at all..From the beginning, I was crazy about you, and really was very accepting of all your multitude of issues, I believed in the good in people still. The closer I became to you (in my own heart and mind) the more things would reveal themselves about you, and in fact the more I realized how little I really knew you. I now see that my experiences and feelings with you were all based on the false persona that you used to keep me close and hooked. You had a double life the whole time and that is exactly what kept me at a distance. Change? No, you can’t change who you are, you can only put on a costume or a mask for a while…I was deeply in love with someone who doesn’t exist…all the special memories meant nothing to you, or else you wouldn’t have destroyed everything over and over despite my pain, you enjoyed my pain, it gave you power. Love and sex were things so special to me, and for you to go sleep with every ratchet in your neighborhood, or strange man on craigslist, made me realize that I was nothing special it sacred to you, and therefore no one ever will be…
What happens when we give sociopaths right back on a dish what they gave, …”happy life on fb and ig etc… Telling them how WE ARE HAPPY AND ENERVETIC AND SUCCEEDING” without a constant vampire we are strong again
Yes Rachel…
I don’t know if the last guy is a sociopath but he lovebombed me, rushed into a relationship, made me truly believe I were special. He was convincing as he introduced me to people and said things infront of them. Like how he’d waited a long time for this.
I was sucked in, he met my kids etc.
Then he started devaluing me, told me he’d got others interested in him, that he usually went for younger women.
I felt insecure. After a brief period of quiet he abruptly dumped me. No emotion nothing not even a sorry if I hurt you.
Then silence. Didn’t even tell me to my face just sent a text. When I’d told him I’d had feelings he ignored me.
10 wks later he’s in love again with a younger lady, changed his profile pic to him and her.
How does a person go from telling you that you have his heart to suddenly being loved up with another. It’s like you never meant a thing. And why put the pic on fb when other people knew he’d been dating me. Do they not care that they look like assholes
Hello all well to start this post I don’t really know where to begin, but here goes.
My sister has been married for about 15 years. About three years ago he cheated on her. She forgave him and he became ill last year with advanced prostrate cancer. He can not work now with his illness.
She allows him now on face book as he is ill. I am wary as I believe he is only acting like he is a changed man now as he has this serious illness.
He wrote a post saying this …
Wishing my wife happy anniversary 15 years and I love her more now than ever. A true partner friend and lover she knows me more than I know myself supports me more than anyone would ever know and puts up with all my problems and pains bless her what would I do without her. We have had ups and downs but she is truly special and I love her dearly.
I will explain more in depth about this story so you all know everything about my worries and concerns.
He has been married twice before he married my sister. The first wife he was married to for 15 years and he cheated on her with his brother’s wife. The wife left him after finding out for another woman. I don’t know of any other occasions he may have cheated more than once on that wife?
He then got married for a second time to a first cousin. She was much younger than him. He cheated on her he said as she never gave him much love and attention, he cheated on her with a close friend. She then later left him and yet again I do not know if this was the only occasion he cheated on her.
Three years later he met my sister they dated for three years before getting married. I found out also when they were engaged he had cheated on my sister with his ex girlfriend. She forgave him for cheating when they were engaged. My sister writes all over face book that she is in love with her husband, most days. Even though my sister writes on facebook that she is in love with her husband, I know a different story as she tells me everything. She finds it hard to trust him even now.
She had two daughters to previous man and he took them on at a young age. They think allot about him. They also write on facebook how much they love him. If you met him you would think that he could do no harm to anyone. As he is very quiet and he portrays he is a big softie.
About three years ago I found out from my sister that he had cheated on her with a younger girl, that affair went on for about two and half years. Whilst that was going on she was still writing how much she loved her husband all over facebook and acting like the marriage was fine. And they still did everything like a normal married couple would do. Why I am saying this I don’t understand why he cheated on my sister when to me everything seemed like they had a good marriage? Anyways she found out he was having this affair with a younger girl and she told him to end it. He ended it but then he went back to his younger lover again, my sister found out about this and she threaten to leave him if he didn’t stop contact. So he said that he would stop contact. Then I found out off a friend of mine that he had been sending emails to his ex lover saying that he could not talk at the minute because his wife would not let him, and could he talk later when she was less suspicious? He then became redundant and my sister had to go find work. Then six months later he become ill. Now she allows him to use facebook as before she did not let him use it, as she was wary about him cheating on her again. Now since he became ill he writes how much he loves her and how amazing she is. I don’t know if he stopped cheating because he got sick and could no longer cheat, because he now has to rely on my sister, as he is too ill to cheat now. He is a very charming man he knows what to say on all occasions so how do you believe this man? He even blamed all of his ex wifes and lovers for the reasons why he cheated. He blamed my sister for him cheating with the younger girl. My sister didn’t understand herself what she had done wrong because even whilst he was having his affair he kept up a normal marriage. I am sharing all of my sisters story as I still have doubts about him. I don’t understand why he cheated on my sister on both occasions, my sister did say that she has suspicious that he has done it more than the times she has caught him. She knows I am writing this post as we share everything.
I care about my sister very much and I don’t like to think that he is taking her for a fool again. All I want to see is my sister happy and I think that he is only like this now because he has no other choice.
My sister’s children real father does not bother with them. So he took them on as his own. They always go to him for advice but he has said to me on many occasions that they are too needy. And they always check up on him. I believe they do this because of him cheating.
My sister likes everyone to think they have a perfect marriage and a perfect little family. She could not bare to admit the truth to anyone else but me. I feel he is a deceitful man and this illness is the only thing that stops him from cheating. So his messages I think are what he thinks she needs to hear now. And this breaks my heart for her to be used. Do you agree or have a different view on this?
Hiya thank you all again for your comments. I know I should mind my own business its just so hard when I care for her so much. And it breaks my heart to see this. What upset me the other day she is working long hours he was at home posted on facebook he had cooked her this meal and a friend said isn’t she so lucky to have you. He said yes she is lucky to have me I could not believe that comment. Then the next comment was but she is so special I thought to myself always blowing his own trumpet saying how great he is.
Also his illness he says he has no testosterone now and he had his lymph nodes removed and prostrate. They said his cancer has spread to other parts of his body and he is now on hormone replacement tablets.
He is now renewing their wedding vow’s and he has wrote this post on facebook public.
I wonder if he is doing this to show his lover? He write’s constantly on facebook public now about his love for his wife. I wonder if this is for his lover? Even though he says that he has no contact with her now.