How the sociopath takes advantage of the two primary emotions, to manipulate, control, and cause confusion in the victim

The sociopath exploits his lack of emotions to control

When you first meet the sociopath, you are bowled over by his self confidence. This, mixed in with a stream of lies, can dazzle you into thinking that you have met somebody who is:

  • Successful
  • Confident
  • Ambitious
  • Moral
  • Good guy/gal

The sociopath has absolutely no fear. The reason for this, is because they do not feel emotions the same way as other non socio’s do. Most people in life, are ruled by two primary emotions:

  • Love
  • Fear

We are attracted to love, fear separates us. Love is freeing, fear is controlling, love is unconditional, fear is judgemental.



The sociopath is not ruled by either of these emotions and because he is not ruled by these emotions, he has the upper hand over the victim. The sociopath manages to control by manipulating others with these two emotions. It is quite a simple trick, when people try to work out what the sociopath is doing, they over complicate the analysis of the manipulation tools, and this can cause confusion.

Most people are ruled through love and fear, every day in their waking life. The sociopath, not feeling these emotions, are able to rule others simply by showering with fake ‘love’ and attention, or installing ‘fear’ and control. It is often said that the sociopath can have a Jekyll and Hyde   personality.

In it’s simplest form, what the sociopath is doing is switching, from controlling through love and fear.

You might argue, and say that there are lots of other emotions, that people feel. There are, but each of these emotions are ruled by the primary emotion of love and fear.

Because the sociopath is not ruled by emotions, because he has a lack of remorse, guilt or shame, he can powerfully control a person, simply by providing ‘love’ or installing ‘fear’. By wielding these emotions over the victim – the sociopath gains control. Which is the most important thing to the sociopath (to have control over the victim).

Preying on these emotions at each stage of the relationship game

A good example of this, is to look at the structure that the sociopath follows in a relationship, and what primary emotions are being used at each point:

  • Assessment (neutral whilst assessing)
  • Seducing (love)
  • Gaming (alternating between love and fear)
  • Ruining  (fear)

Why you are left feeling confused

Whilst the sociopath is in gaming mode, the victim is left confused. As the emotions that are ruled, alternate between love and fear, the victim is left confused. Does the sociopath love me, or hate me? When you decide that the sociopath doesn’t love you can make attempts to leave the relationship, and the sociopath will often immediately switch – to love again (the Jekyll and Hyde personality), alternatively, if you are determined to leave, the sociopath will move to final stage (ruining) – which is based on fear.

By manipulating the two primary emotions of the victim, the victim is left stunned and confused. Whilst one of the emotions (love) feels positive, the victim is drawn to this (we are all drawn to positivity it makes us feel good). The other emotion (fear) the victim is repelled from. This is why the sociopath will switch from controlling through love and then fear.

What separates sociopaths from the rest of society, is their inability to feel these primary emotions of ‘love’ and ‘fear’, and their lack of ability to experience these emotions. When you realise that the sociopath has faked these primary emotions, can feel quite alarming to the victim. If a human being does not feel these two emotions, how can they even be ‘human’  you question?

What the victim is left with, is a sense of confusion. your primary emotions have been played with. Where you have experienced when in gaming mode, is an alternate state of emotions of being controlled with ‘love and fear’ and therefore the Jekyll and Hyde personality is shown. This causes confusion.

If you have came out of the relationship with the sociopath, and are feeling confused. Go back through what has happened to you, and understand what has happened. It might feel sinister. As it is out of the norm for what you understand is right, appropriate and normal for a human being to be.

Our ability to experience Love and Fear, is what rules us. It is what teaches us the difference between ‘right and wrong’. Because the sociopath is able to fake these emotions, we are lured into a false sense of security, that the sociopath is actually feeling these emotions. We are being shown a mask, but without actual genuine feelings there is no depth of emotions it is simply an act used for manipulation and control.



7 thoughts on “How the sociopath takes advantage of the two primary emotions, to manipulate, control, and cause confusion in the victim”

  1. The sociopaths neurons in the empathetic part of their brains do not connect, therefore they do not feel any emotions. It would be like trying to show a blind person what the color green is. They just cannot picture it. I believe sociopaths were not brought up being nurtured by their parents.The spath I was involved always did say his older sister took care of him.

    1. Yes if you look into the child of most Sociopaths, you see the same thing. Their backgrounds are so similar. I agree that they cannot feel it. It is difficult to ask someone to feel something that they cannot feel. They just don’t and can’t get it, Even if they try. I agree that it is like blindness or deafness, if they do not have it. They don’t 😦

  2. “The sociopath exploits his lack of emotions to control” “His?” In my experience the sociopaths I have dealt with have All been female. I am sorry that only males are labeled monsters.

    1. Hi luke, this is an old post….. they were all written about the male sociopath – as this was my personal blog. About my experiences of dating male sociopaths.

      After the first few months when I realised how popular this blog was – I wrote gender neutral. I am going to put it into a book and it will be gender neutral.

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