Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame


The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame. Sociopaths are great at feigning ‘moral outrage’, or playing victim, giving a false persona that has the  impression of being truly empathetic and caring character. This, like most things with the sociopath, is merely for show. The facade that you see on the outside, has little resemblance to the reality that is going on behind the screen, well hidden, and only known by the sociopath themselves. They are the chameleons of society.

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Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened.

What are you making a fuss about?

Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened.  Just like everyone else in society, all sociopaths are different and they all do different things but examples would be:

  • Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
  • Deception and manipulation (conning)
  • Cheating and infidelity
  • Taking the victim hostage, and having full ownership possession and control (without them realising this)
  • Living like a parasite
  • Faking ‘love’
  • Theft (includes theft of anything, money, your life, your mind)
  • Threats, ruining and smear campaigns

It never occurs to the sociopath that the person that they are deceiving or cheating, has their own rights, mind, and that everyone should have the ability to make decisions for themselves. To the sociopath, what they need and want is of paramount importance, and anyone else, is there for the taking.

The sociopath thinks only of himself, and if he seems to be ‘helpful’ this is usually because he has his own agenda to achieve. If he wants something, he will make sure that he obtains what he wants by using whatever means he needs to. A sociopath will go to extra ordinary lengths to manipulate and deceive. Giving a false impression of who they are to the victim, to obtain whatever they want.

If you had something that the sociopath wanted, he could just take it for himself. He wouldn’t think about how this would make you feel, or your loss. All he would be thinking of, is achieving his own needs.

For most people, when we do an act which hurts somebody else, we feel guilt, we have regret, remorse and shame. The sociopath does not experience these feelings. He will only experience regret, if his actions have affected his own life, and therefore damaged himself.

In this circumstance, the sociopath will apologise and say ‘sorry’ but he is not sorry for pain that he has caused you, and your life, he is simply sorry for his own loss of supply, and lost opportunities. Also, saying sorry can keep you silent, and make you question what you already know. However, most of the time, when confronting a sociopath about their behaviour, you will be faced with

  • Anger
  • False accusations
  • Deflection
  • Changing the subject

This lack of conscience, is beneficial to the sociopath

Rather than thinking about the impact of his actions on others, as most people think, he thinks how his actions will get what he wants. He is always thinking of himself, and of what he wants to achieve. The other person, is merely an instrument to be used.

A sociopath, has learned from an early age to ‘mimic’ feelings that other people feel, so he will act guilty, or say the words that they are ‘ashamed’ but only if his actions have caused loss of supply for himself. He never experiences the conscience to think of how his actions have affected someone else, for he is only capable of thinking for himself, there are some sociopaths, the disempathetic type, that can have empathy for those in his close circle.

The lack of conscience, can then go one further, to continue with the abuse by gaslighting. When you make complaint about what has happened to you, it is then made out to be YOUR fault?

  • If they cheated, well it was your fault for how you treated them
  • If they stole they deny and tell you have lost the item, or misplaced it, you are so scatty!
  • If they have ruined by manipulation and deception, well it was because of x y or z

To the sociopath, nothing is ever their fault. There is always a reason, and that reason is often YOU.

The sociopath will, if you still have a source of supply that they want or need, apologise, and promise not to do these actions again. But as soon as his feet are under the table again, and you TRUST, your trust is once again betrayed, and they will repeat the same pattern again.

If this seems crazy, this is because it is crazy!  These actions can be hurtful, painful, and make you think that you are losing your mind. If you think that it could get better and hang on in false hope, that things will improve. Let me tell you, it won’t the same pattern would repeat itself over again.

The sociopath plays on YOUR conscience

The sociopath has an advantage, in that he is able to operate by playing on what he does not have, but what you have – ‘conscience’. He will play on your own conscience. His actions are therefore deflected back to you.

  • Will remind you of your moral responsibility
  • Repeat back to you your morals
  • Will accuse you of what he is guilty of doing himself to distract you
  • Talk at a million miles an hour, so that you do not have time to think
  • Have a fake sense of morality, and what you should be doing

How and why the sociopath repeats the same pattern of behaviour

Because the sociopath does not have a conscience,  he is unable to make long term plans, and thinks only of his own needs, and how he can obtain his source of supply, he will after a betrayal make apologies and promise that he will not do these actions again.

Within a short space of time, the same pattern of behaviour re-occurs.

The reason that the sociopath does this is because, when he makes new promises, he is (to his mind) starting again and putting on a fresh mask. However, because he is unable to learn from past mistakes, his brain works on default, so when faced with a new opportunity or temptation, he will will cease this opportunity and act on the temptation.

What has happened in the past is forgotten, and he will repeat the same pattern of behaviour. This is because:

  • He does not learn from past mistakes
  • He is unable to have empathy for anybody else
  • He does not experience guilt, remorse or shame for past actions, and any displayed are fake
  • He is selfish and thinks only of himself, and his own needs
  • The past is quickly forgotten

The sociopath therefore will repeat the same patterns of behaviour. He is not dictated by others feelings, or others welfare. He is only dictated by his own needs and wants. At the time of making promises to you to change, he might genuinely mean it. Due to losing source of supply. He means it because he does not want to lose this source of supply.

However, the sociopath does not miss opportunities, and if temptation were to come his way again, he would likely repeat the same behaviour, the mask once again slips, and it is round ???? of the same behaviour that has happened in the past.

This is because the sociopath is reacting to what is happening right now. Providing supply for his own needs. No matter how he gets this supply, and no matter who he hurts in the process.

Because he doesn’t think of long term consequences for his actions, and has a lack of ability to plan ahead, he doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions, and not having a conscience, it is unlikely that this will ever change, and patterns of behaviour will be continually repeated, it is not a case of if it will happen, it is when it will happen. Leaving the victim living in a state of anxiety and on edge waiting for the next drama which will cause disruption. This is about the only thing that is guaranteed and reliable about the sociopath, that indeed there will be further disruption. Not if, but when.

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195 thoughts on “Lack of empathy, guilt, remorse or shame”

  1. Is my ex fiancé a sociopath? He lied to me about serious things like molestation, and crimes he commited. He also lied about the stupidest things like how he owned 3 motorcycles when in reality he had none. How all his ex’s cheated on him and used him for his money, how he doesn’t have any kids but I found out he in fact has 5, and I’m carrying the 6th…. etc etc and the list seriously goes on. Every word that came out of his mouth was a lie. He cheated on me endlessly, and never fessed up though all the evidence was there, and he even got me to move across country for him, I gave up a great job, my apartment, my dogs, my cars, college, everything!!!!!! I loved him, I was so in love with who I thought he was… But now he walked out on me and I am left wondering WTF just happened, why it happened and how he doesn’t feel guilt at all??? My friend said as a joke he was a sociopath, I never knew what it was until I read up on it, and all the signs are there, but I don’t know….

    1. Hi ashley, It does sound very possible, or at least a display of sociopathic tendencies. The lying, the cheating, the faking of who he was. Not saying he has any children but he has 5 (who does that?) and now to leave – after getting you to move without support (isolating you), and then he walks out with no empathy, guilt remorse or shame….. it does sound very suspect to me. Welcome to the site.

    2. THE SAME THING WITH ME…. I NEVER KNEW WHAT A SOCIOPATH WAS TILL I LOOKED IT UP…. & YUP SURE ENOUGH MY BD IS A SOCIOPATH … HE HAS 3 5 KIDS & 3 MOM’S 2 THEM I AM #3 WITH BABY 5… HE CONSTANTLY CHEATS ON ME & LIES… ALWAYS TRYIN 2 PUT THINGS ON ME WHEN IT’S REALLY HIS FAULT … HE STOLE MONEY FROM MY BANK ACCOUNT & SAID IT WAS HIS 4 ALL THE YEARS I DIDN’T WORK… WHEN I BROKE MY ANKLE HE SAID IT WAS MY FAULT 4 ACTING ALL CRAZY, I WAS DANCING WITH HIS MOM HOW IS THAT CRAZY?! THE LIST GOES ON & ON ….. I STILL LIVE WITH HIM. HOW THE FUCK DO I GET OUT WITHOUT HIM COMING AFTER ME??? OR SHOULD I JUST WAIT TILL HE FINDS SOME1 NEW??? BY THEN HE WONT EVEN NOTICE I’M GONE!!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!! I NEED 2 LEAVE HIM LIKE A.S.A.P.!!!

    3. Hi Ashley,
      As a current sociopath myself, I can say you probably should leave this guy.
      He Might not be able to love you the way that you need to be loved.
      Sociopaths or SP’s as I like to call them are suffering from narcissistic personality issues or “I am too important” feelings.
      If you need a man that shows love toward you, he may not be that type.
      He may be the type that only wants you to show love toward him.
      You sound like a very caring, but vulnerable type, a nice girl if you will.
      After re reading your post, I can see that you need to run as fast as you can, and I’m not kidding, from this evil person, however you seem very stable in mind.
      You are the type of girl that everyman dreams of with your unjudgementalness and undying caring qualities. I only wish I could find a girl like you. The problem is that you now need help, yes? My advice to you is: RUN get away and sort out your thoughts then never go back.
      You will thank me later.
      Love: Anonomous

      1. I doubt u r a real sociopath. Being one myself, I would never have helped that girl unless it gave me a sense of power over her or I could see her face when she was in pain. I think u r probably a narcissist, but u r very close to fully psychopathic. I hope ur response is… Satisfying.

      2. H I can say that u r not only a sociopath,u r also quite a sadist.well,I’m actually both a sociopath n sadist top actually.I just realized it n started reflecting?wait…actually I didnt

      3. i retract my last statement, after returning back home from asia.. i realise that my ex was most likely a socio path and put such stress on me, it fed into my current relationship. i feel a renewed sense of hope knowing that i have my family and friends for support in this difficult time, finally i am no longer stressed from being 4000 miles from my homeland and can deal with these emotions and feelings properly, instead of just blaming myself!

    4. Knowing who a sociopath is just opens doors for you to get out of situations like that…for instance, I was with 7-8 sociopaths without knowing what that was…..I loved them all and moved either with them or for them…..it wasn’t until I took time for myself to see what was going on……now I am with a man who loves me for me…..I kno your Prince charming is out there…..just take time for yourself and he will find you!

      1. Lovely words amie and true. The sociopath will never love you for you.

        A conversation I had with the Sociopath was how was this fair? I had so many opportunities I gave everything to him and now I have nothing to share with the right man…

        He replied… well yes… but at least you will be with someone who loves you for you.

  2. The lack of shame or guilt is so scary to me. My ex never felt guilty or shameful about anything. And in his past he did some pretty bad things and has hurt a lot of people, mentally and physically. I’ve had to make him apologize for things and it’s just hollow and he never says what he’s sorry about. Sometimes he’d say it on his own but I know he didn’t mean it, he was just trying to get me back with him.

  3. One of my ex’s comments a couple of months after I reported him was, “I still don’t see why you overreacted.” My “overreaction” was to report him for sexual abuse of our daughter. He later was convicted of this. I’d say that he clearly had no empathy or remorse. Pretty scary!

    1. Being guiltless or remorseless isn’t something to call scary. It does bother me. And I’m sick of people calling me a psychopathic killer just because of an accident I have no feelings over. Yes, I feel guiltless. He treated me badly so I returned the favor, if anything, I stuck up for myself. Just because we don’t feel guilt doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother us. And the whole thing about us just caring for ourselves makes me angry. I actually do care about one person at least in my life and would do anything for them. So it’s annoying you’d state such a thing. And saying that any feeling we do portray that is caring is “fake” also bothers me. For a long time I was scared of myself due to not having any guilt. And when others called me a monster I started to believe it. Sometimes we’re more than just “abusive” people.

      1. It is about having no regard for the welfare of someone else DK. Other people are not there to give you what you want/need. I know that you say that you care about this one person. I would suggest that this is because he fulfils your needs right now. However, how would you be towards her, if he decided he didn’t want to be with you, and wanted to be with someone else? I do get your point about the whole being called a monster, and I don’t believe this, it is a personality disorder. Patterns repeat over and over. Even when you don’t want them to, they do….if you are a sociopath/aspd/psychopath

      2. I am having that same problem right now myself. The thing is I somewhat limit myself to only dating people with sociopathic tendencies same with friends. This though causes the constant blame game in my relationship. The thing is we hurt each other but don’t care yet still feel the pain inflicted on myself. I am also a sadomassochist so sometimes I enjoy inflicting pain on people and let that slip among my more empathic friends and then they become overly worried about me. Those I think I haven’t harmed find me cold hearted. And it really is annoying. But recently I have been crying over this. I have always been envious of displays of emotion and how real they look. More then anything I want that but I don’t know how.

  4. My ex has no remorse or guilt at all. The first time we broke up and got back together, one of the things that he said was that he was “ashamed” of his actions (his exact words) about the last night we were together and that he went straight on Eharmony when I was still living in the house and promised me that if we were to ever break up again that he would wait until I had moved out till he went on. The next time he broke up with me I felt like I was in Groundhog day. When I found out that he went straight back on EHarmony again, I was gutted but I also realised that he just didn’t care and nothing was ever going to change. There was no remorse. There were no emotions. There was nothing. Everything that came out of his mouth, completely undermined our relationship… we weren’t together long at all, I was a flat mate, It wasn’t that serious, he never said it was forever, he didn’t want a child with me but wanted a child, never implied marriage… all lies, and all said with a factual unemotional speaking – not because he was blocking out the emotions but because there was none there. The lies he told me both in the relationship and out of. How heartbreaking, how disrespectful. Who was this guy? where was the man that had told me how happy he was? that he wished that he had met me 20 years ago and therefore was with me rather than the ex. I was his mini me …. then I was too different to him… then I was the love of his life…. then i was nothing. Nothing. He replaced me like I was nothing. Because to him I was now nothing.
    What sucks about all this is that 6 and a half months later, I am still shocked that he jsut walked away with no remorse and never a thought about me again (except I suspect to emphasis to the new girl what she needed to do to be the perfect wife where I and the ex wife failed) and yet I still think about him everyday.
    I have happiness again, I have started a new life, I am looking forward to the future. I have much to look forward to… including falling in love again and having a real happy ever after.

    Sometimes I just I wish imaginary him was real. Life would have been so much better now.

    You cant help at this time of year but to think how unfair it is that they are sitting in my house, enjoying Christmas. It should have been real and it should have been me.

    1. Reading this really hit close to home, because I too am going through something so similar. My ex left me on Christmas day. It’s been an emotional hell, and when we broke up he was so cold and hollow, like it didn’t phase him. Although weeks before he was proclaiming his love for me, and how he couldn’t wait to marry me. I just don’t understand.

      Now I’ve been informed he’s moved on to someone new. It has only been a month. I keep holding on to hope that he’s going to realize what he has done to someone that literally did everything for him, but I feel like that time will never come. I’ve read stories from some women where their ex contacted them months later begging for them back, but in this moment, I feel as if that is not my reality.

      1. Alexandra.

        You deserve better. If he comes back or not it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t change the fact he’s a sociopath and will repeat his behaviour again.

        My ex girlfriend left me after 4 1/2 years, we were newly engaged and buying a house, she had affair at work. No guilt, remorse or shame.

        After the devastation, the confusion and depression you have to realise you deserve more, someone who has the ability and emotional depth to love you and care for you the same way you can for them. It’s hard to take, but it’s a valuable lesson that makes you have more respect for yourself eventually.

        You deserve more!

      2. What people need to realise is there’s a difference between a complete dickhead twat, and a sociopath.
        It makes up horrible stereotypes for sociopaths. You can be a sociopath and be a dick. You can be a sociopath and a generally nice person. You canbe a sociopath and just plain neutral. Just like ‘normal’ people.

      3. While I agree there are varying degrees. All sociopaths have no conscience and are capable of whatever. All sociopaths lie, manipulate deceive. Use people for their own ends. What is nice about that and what about threats false allegations etc etc the list goes on.

      4. Uh My ex gf is one. She was with me for four years and i was the emotion and eeverything in all ways. She just fed and used. She slept with someone else the very same day we broke up after four years. I turned to Jesus and she left me because she knew she would have nothing to gain and that i realized she was evil. She is currently on a even better victim who has more to lose than her ha. She never said sorry or felt guilty, unless it was sorry that she lost, or she would cry every now and then but only because she would regret what she lost . But she was incapable of experiencing empathy and never felt guilty for actually hurting me! The only reason we would fight is because she had no feelings and i saw that so i would confront her, and then she wouldnt give me anything back and i would force her to say sorry. I became controlling and bad myself since i knew she was bad. But she was a sociopath, at least no guilt! It was bad, I was the one with the morals and feelings and love, i gave her all my love, and she gave nothing. She said i love you, but really she meant i love what love i gain from you. She just took and took and never gave me anything but would buy me small things to act love. I cant wait til i find a girl with real feelings. I have never been with anyone but that socio and i wondered why when most girls have emotion she didnt? But now i see. I am excited to have a real love. She didnt cheat on me though so i was wondering, can sociopaths stay faithful? If she did it was because she knew if she didnt i would leave for sure, i told her all the time, i am a strong man, and i laid down the law on her so she knew what would make me leave and what i would put up with. So she was faithful for her own gain. Because if she was faithful because she loved me, there is no way she could sex another man the very same day of our break up. All about them even when you think its about you , its not

    2. I went through the same thing, I found out my charming and wonderful husband of a year was lying, deceiving and engaging in illicit online sex behind my back, before me and during our relationship. Even now, stacked with evidence I found and kept in the form of screenshots, he has NEVER taken full responsibility, continues to say he treated me well, and only did it because I was depressed.
      Your ex will NEVER be happy, he is sick and at least it is better now that you can go on, because what he gave you was a lie. You are so much better than that. ❤

  5. Lyss,

    Having no conscience by default makes you a ‘dickhead twat’. Anybody who can’t feel guilt, remorse, empathy, shame and only thinks of themselves, I.e a Sociopath is a bad egg. They may be the nice person on the surface as you say, but this is only superficial and the true colours of their personality (or lack of) will show.

    Hard to understand to anyone who hasn’t been there, but crystal clear to all those who have.

    1. I have been there. More than once. But I am also an empath, so I have empathy for pretty much everyone. Including sociopaths. I write about the behaviour, but not a huge fan of labels as everyone is an individual, even sociopaths.

    2. @positivagirl
      I don’t think it was an attack, merely a misguided comment. I’ll try my best to not let this get anywhere near out of hand ;3 If things start to go bad I promise I’ll swallow up my pride and apologise and leave >.> and that’s damn hard to do for me ;3

      @JShaba
      A sociopath is merely someone who does not have a conscience. That doesn’t mean they all do bad things or like to do bad things. Also personality and empathy are not correlated just want to put that out there >.>

  6. Positivagirl,
    My post was not meant to be a personal attack, I can see how it reads now and I apologise for that. The message I was trying to get across was Sociopaths are not generally nice people, because how can a person with no conscience and so self centred be considered ‘nice’. I am also an empath, and I understand it is not the sociopaths fault they were born or brought up this way, therefore you can only move on and feel sorry for them.

    1. I tend not to feel sorry for people John. Or at least I hope not. Perhaps at one time during understanding I did. Now I just think it’s different. As an empath I feel how someone else feels and their point of view. Even if it is different to my own. In all of my working life, only client group I couldn’t work with was child abusers. When I did counselling training, my tutor said that this was an issue within me. But it never changed and in work I couldn’t work with those clients (peodophiles). I never did. I could work with anyone else. When you do that type of work (statutory homeless) there isn’t something that you haven’t heard. I found I could connect to everyone, pretty much. I see the person behind the behaviour. I had worked with homeless from age 17 to when I left work in 2012. (In my 40s). I don’t know whether it’s because of that. But I do believe that judgement says more about the people judging than the person who is being judged. Also for me, for many years there was something wrong with my brain when I was left in trauma and I saw things differently again. I don’t know…. I have witnessed cruelty from people who are not sociopaths, I have witnessed kindness from people who were sociopaths. The brain is complex and I strongly believe (there is a psychiatrist in UK who has done research into this) that there is a correlation between Sociopathy and a forrmer trauma related incident. Not always, but in a lot of cases. I started my blog with these views, and I will continue the same. Why the blog is called dating not hating a sociopath. A sociopath can learn to manage their behaviour. While there isn’t outright change, they can learn to manage it. Should they choose.

      1. I know more than anybody not to judge a person until you have walked two moons in their moccasins. But whether its nurture or nature, it is a great shame such promising relationships are torn apart from sociopathy. As you said in your post on this blog in March, all sociopaths lie, manipulate, cheat, etc The fact this is something they can only manage and not change, well yes I do feel sorry for somebody like that, because I wouldn’t like to be that way and it isn’t their fault. It is simply a great shame for everyone involved.

      1. @positivagirl

        Holy crap.
        Wow.
        What.
        Shows how little I understand about empathy. I was under the impression empathy and being an empath were the same thing, as they both feel emotions for others (hence the definition for empathy).
        Man, this is depressing >.> and confusing.
        So an empath is someone who can sense it or some crap? Is that where cognitive empathy and affective empathy come in?
        I can know immediately what someone is feeling and their thoughts, but I do not have empathy, I do not care, I just can read other people’s faces very well. That’s -apparently- some form of cognitive empathy. And affective empathy is where you feel guilt and are connected to other’s emotions, yeah?

        Sorry, it’s late, I’m tired, and I think that article just confused everything I’ve ever known.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Not really, it alters the reasons behind how people would react to a situation, but not particularly how they react overall. I believe that’s more on a cognitive level, rather than an empathetic/emotional one.

  7. Thanks positivagirl, although I have empathy I’m probably not an empath. I still standby my comment that empathy does effect personality. I do agree with Lyss that Sociopaths can be nice, my ex was nice and has a great personality, but to be discarded like I meant nothing at all after 4 and a half years, it is hard to keep thinking she is ‘nice’. I just know what happened was unfair and not deserved. Thanks to this site I have been able to understand what happened and not lose my mind. So thank you.

  8. Getting a bit complex for my Lyss. I would say as empathy effects how you act and feel it essentially effects who you are, who you are is your personality, right? …. Regardless given the choice of being with or without empathy, what would most choose? Given the choice of a conscience, what would most choose? I would like to think people would choose to have them. It was a grave assumption of mine to think this could not be a missing part of a persons mind. It has really made me look at the world differently, with less innocence and sadly it’s now all a little bit scary to me.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Complexity is not the issue, the time of night and my lack of sleep, was >.> I am rested now, and much more able to comprehend things.
      Empathy, again, does not affect how you act, it affects the reason behind it. For example, one with empathy might help someone who fell because they’d feel bad if they didn’t or because they can know that person wants help and feels for them or however that works. A person lacking empathy, however, might still help that person, but for the reason of avoiding public conflict for the consequence of not helping, or something along those lines.
      In the same way, it is entirely possible for one with empathy to not help because they’re too busy, and the same with one without.
      It changes the reasoning, not the reaction.
      There are more factors affecting the attitude-behaviour link than you’d think. Inconsistency is common among neurodiversity.

      Also, may I ask why you think the world is a bit scary now that you aren’t quite as clouded?

  9. Interesting points Lyss, I think I need to understand the difference between personality and cognitive mechanisms, such as empathy, if they are indeed not correlated.

    With regards your question, I feel the world is a totally different place now rather than it being clouded before my realisation of sociopathy. I now come across people in everyday life and question if they have a Conscience, I never did this before.

    Also with regards to relationships, I always thought what you put in is what you get out. Believe me I put in all I could, only to be discarded so methodically as I have now read and understood. I’m now scared this could happen over and over. I suppose forewarned is forearmed moving forwards, but I’m still vary wary now.

    I do believe I am a wiser person from my experience, but my rose tinted view of the world has long gone, as naive as that was in the first place.

    1. @Cantona201
      The world has always been filled with varying levels of everything; empathy, intelligence, manipulation. Everything. It is no different to when you had that rose-tint. You had a perfectly fine life when you had that naivety, so then why does one experience have to change that? You learn from your mistakes, just make sure you don’t make new ones by missing out on opportunities because you’re too wary.

      1. Because you destroy it forever lyss. Once it has gone (the innocence) it can never be given back. Like a child who is told Santa isn’t real. The following year they might desperately want to believe. Christmas will likely never be the same again… But once that innocence is gone it can never be returned. Ever.

      2. @positivagirl
        But knowing Santa doesn’t exist doesn’t (or shouldn’t) devalue the entire Christmas, if you know what I mean. Just because you know something, doesn’t mean it should be any different – just a little less naive.

      3. If you are told when you are five that santa doesn’t exist…. and you see other kids still believing, it isn’t the same. You know that you have lost something that you had before. it’s like losing some of the magic.

        When someone has abused your trust, it is difficult to ever trust anyone 100% again. I don’t think I ever will.

      4. @positivagirl
        I guess that’s another thing I won’t understand. I’ve (obviously) had my trust broken throughout my life, at very young ages, yet I’m able to think of it completely objectively, make myself learn from it what I need to learn from it, and move on, discarding the emotions connected.
        Ugh, man life must really suck for you guys >.>

      5. @positivagirl
        Yes, and I have a mole on my back but that doesn’t mean I have cancer.
        Symptoms, symptoms, symptoms. Not everything is black and white.
        Emotional disconnection is a ‘trait’ of sociopathy as you put it, as well as PTSD, autism, and depression. Doesn’t mean it’s anything related to them.
        Plus, what I described is not emotional disconnection, it’s mere understanding of what is necessary and what is not in a situation – and emotions rarely win their argument.

  10. Thanks Lyss, I suppose it’s all still raw and I’m still in the process of healing and understanding. Hopefully I will eventually be empowered and strong to move forward. Currently though I can’t get the Sociopath from my mind, albeit has now been 3 months no contact. I know there has always been varying degrees of all sorts of people and personalities, but the fact people can have no conscience or gaps in their conscience had never crossed my mind. This grim reality is demoralising, although I suppose less clouded as you say.

  11. In my case a lot less naive now. The absolute shock to me was the fact I never even got an apology. I honestly treated the girl like a princess and we travelled all over together. However when she was caught having an affair, there was a scary smirk, no remorse, no guilt, no shame. This is when I found out Santa wasn’t real! To this day I am still gob smacked even though I understand sociopathy now. Some of my friends who haven’t been there and don’t understand just think she is so overwhelmed with shame that she won’t apologise, but they don’t understand. Unless you’ve been there it’s hard to comprehend I guess, this is the most shocking trait to me. Scary stuff!

  12. I think some people can learn to trust again easier than others, back to personality types, etc. For others at the the other end of the scale it can be incredibly hard to ever trust again. I believe I sit somewhere in between. The marble jar was a great metaphor I will be using from now on to ensure i don’t fall back to trusting too easily again.

    Positivagirl can I ask what are your feelings towards Sociopaths now? The advice given is to always remove them from your life if possible. However you said they can learn to manage their disorder, therefore is it possible to have a relationship that will last with a Sociopath, whom has learnt to manage the condition?

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Sorry for the intrusion on your question to positivagirl, but thought my input may be of somewhat value >.>
      I’ve been in a lasting relationship for a few years now. (Also side note to positivagirl, I do believe I’m getting somewhat better with the whole stirring up shit thing). If the non-sociopath learns what the triggers are, how to deal with it, and how to distinguish real emotions from impulsive but shallow ones, it’s fairly simple. Bumpy, but simple. The things that go on in the relationship are never exactly conventional ‘relationship things’, but I guess that’s subjective.
      Depends what you mean by ‘manage the condition’, as well (although I disagree to call it a condition, but I digress). Some people who do not have a full understanding of the mentality may think of ‘managing the condition’ as showing more empathy, but that would just be more lying, so not really managing it, instead showing it more but in less subtle ways.
      Managing can also mean impulse control. Or lying. It’s more getting out of habits, rather than controlling something, when it comes to the lying. Impulse control however comes onto the partner’s control. They NEED to know triggers and what actions will come from that to avoid being shocked and to also minimise frequency of these rage bursts.

  13. Lyss, apologies for stating it as a condition, I was going to put disorder but thought that sounded even worse. Maybe mentality is the correct term.

    I think from your comments the crux is, the awareness of the sociopath mentality in the first place. In my case neither of us knew, I didn’t know about this mentality and I believe she still has no clue. Also I think even when the couple are aware of the sociopathic partner, both need to be of a certain intellect level to understand and cope/manage the shallow/fleeting emotions and impulse control.

    Sadly in my case, I believe the sociopath believes there is nothing wrong (apparently common) or nothing needs to be managed with their mentality, therefore impulse control never happens, not sustainably anyway.

    She was always crossing the line in the relationship, showing no respect, no shame or guilt. I blamed it on immaturity for a long while, until the betrayal came and the reality of the mentality became clear.

    Still all very sad to me, this is going to happen to a lot of people and it really does take the non sociopath to rock bottom and suicidal levels.

    I do worry for the destiny of the sociopath who is not aware of the mentality. They surely end up lonely?

    1. @johnkdean1982
      It’s cool, it’s not as bad as the people who say you’re not human or you’re a monster ;3

      I would think under most circumstances a sociopath would become aware of their condition, unless they had an extremely straight forward, no conflict life from the ages 10 and up or so. It’s fairly easy to tell if you have had a family member/friend die and to feel nothing, or if your triggers are relatively commonly found in society. Obviously, some sociopaths have different ‘symptoms’ (again hate that word but do not know a replacement) than others. One might hurt animals, which is a fairly obvious sign. One might have never had animals or just never felt like hurting them. It’s a common mistake to think sociopaths are never introspective – I am one of the most introspective (and introverted) people you will ever meet. However, again, empathy and personality are not correlated, so I assume someone who is much less introspective and happens to be a sociopath would be much less likely to realise. But in my opinion, they’d have to be pretty thick, too, to not realise. From a young age you say/question things that shock people, not understanding why they were shocked at all, or why people felt the need to exhibit so much emotion. Again, amount of emotion may depend on many other factors aside from lack of empathy.

      There are things that can push both to suicidal levels, I just believe these things are very different.

      Not really, not if they wisen up and realise it eventually. Until then, however, yes, relationships are generally very fake, forced and lonely.

  14. Thanks Lyss, I’m an open minded person and although what has happened to me is horrible, I’m not going to have a blinkered view against all sociopaths and generalise that they are all bad people. She was a nice girl, up until the affair and that changed everything.

    I do believe looking back that our relationship was fake, forced and left me lonely at times. I think she will realise eventually, she is probably putting it down to immaturity herself (24 yrs old). She will probably repeat this to a few more guys before she twigs its not the guys who are at fault and she needs to look in the mirror and realise her mentality is causing the relationships to be and end how they are.

    Even then I think she will struggle to change/manage, but thats because of her personality not sociopathy.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Wow, I must say you’re one of the very few people I’ve spoken to about this topic that’s been intelligent enough to realise scary monsters don’t exist and not everything you read is true.
      It’s hard to find open minded people today. Biggest trigger for me, right there, is when people are so closed minded because of emotion clouding their judgement, that they cannot realise what they’re saying is completely illogical >.>
      Kudos to you, my friend. I’d applaud you if I could.

  15. At the end of the day Lyss when did you choose not to have a conscience? You didn’t, therefore how can it ultimately be your fault that you can’t feel guilt. It’s something you have to learn to deal with, to hold it against you would be unreasonable.

    My life was torn apart from a sociopath, but I genuinely believe she is a nice person, but hasn’t learnt how to control the mentality for impulse control. The fact that she never apologised will always hurt, because I deserved one.

    I am a lot wiser now and will eventually be strong enough to start again (31 yr old) and have the relationship I want. Thankfully no kids, house or marriage to the sociopath.

    Is it common sociopaths don’t want children or is that a misconception?

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Well I hope you get it one day. Sorry, but I can’t guarantee you will.

      Personally, I never want children. I hate kids with a passion, plus I never want to find myself hurting them. And I would, if I had kids. I don’t trust myself with them. I have to refrain half the time if there’s a baby on the train crying ;3 It gets me scarily frustrated.
      That being said, I have heard others say they would want children because it would be nice to have power over the development over someone, to be able to mold them, almost like having a minion of some sort, and that is why they want kids.
      I guess it depends on your personality, there.

  16. Positivagirl, first comment rings so true to my situation. We were just about to buy a house, literally days away from signing the contracts and the betrayal came out. She admitted the long term responsibility was too much. It was a shame she felt she could not tell me this and have an affair instead, but that’s how it went.

    Glad to contribute towards a new post 🙂 I understand your concern on making sure the message doesn’t portray to stay in an abusive relationship.

  17. Thanks Lyss, I think the not wanting children is quite common amongst sociopaths. With that being the case you would have thought the cause behind the mentality isn’t inherent and is more likely to relate to trauma as a child and an upbringing in a loveless environment. Although I’m generalising again…

    One final question, I have been struggling with cognitive dissonance since it happened, almost 4 months now. What is so hard to take is all the memories are tarnished now, obviously this would’ve been the case in any normal break up, however what kills me is the sociopath seems to forget these memories and just move on. So my question is do they never look back fondly on the great times you had and is there a chance they could feel regret at losing a good person? Everything thing I read suggests not and they quickly forget the past. I’d like to hear if this is true from a sociopath, because it seems illogical to me that a person can forget such good memories and not store and cherish them.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      I think it’s more common the more quiet you are if that makes sense. People who are openly manipulative are more likely to want children to manipulate, while I only manipulate when necessary. Not to mention I think it’s stupid to bring another human into this world when a) the population is increasing at an alarming rate as it is and that’s making everything go downhill, and b) I wouldn’t want to bring a person into the mess this world is.

      Of course it’s possible to regret losing something that was good, however I do doubt if your partner was more unlike me and was much more social, and he planned the ordeal of how it would go down beforehand, he would never feel regret.
      May I ask what happened so I can further elaborate? Did they con you or..?
      Also how have you been suffering from cognitive dissonance?

  18. It’s a female sociopath we are talking about. In a nutshell 4 and a half years together, bumpy but great times, we were recently engaged, buying a house. She was caught having an affair with a man at work. 14 years her senior. (24 and 38). Everything seemed perfect in our relationship, no sign of unhappiness, she was actually crying she was so happy when we got engaged . Anyway I was discarded so brutally and ruthlessly it took me to those sucidal depths. 4 months on and I’m a lot wiser and stronger but I think about her at least hourly still and it’s wearing me down.

    I know from what I’ve read she is a sociopath, I’m an honest genuine guy and not just a bitter man scorned with a bias judgement , she honestly fits most if not all of the traits listed (I believe they say you only need 3). Despite my knowledge and clarity of her mentality the CD is whereby I still don’t accept this fully and I blame myself for things, which deep deep down I know wouldn’t have made any difference, but it’s still a constant battle in the mind.

    I just want her out of my thoughts so I can get on with my life, but everyday is like groundhogs day, constantly battling with CD. I think I am slowly getting better, but it looks like this is going to take years.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Well, the first thing I wish to say is the list of ‘traits’ is a lie. Sorry to sound brutal. The only thing that makes someone a sociopath is the lack of empathy, the list of traits are things that may or may not be a result of this. If you are still sure this is what she is (as I cannot judge on little knowledge myself), I shall continue.

      She didn’t plan anything, it seems. It seems to me as if she forgot about her emotions. May sound weird to you. But it’s entirely possible. You forget what you usually feel. That doesn’t make it any less true or real. She may very well have loved you a lot, she just forgot. When you found out about what happened, she sort of thought ‘well, fuck it, let’s just forget forever now’. It’s difficult to explain, sorry.
      But I do think there is a slight possibility she may apologise. Very slight. Please do not hold your breath. Depending on if her personality is too stubborn or not. Or stupid. Whatever works.

      I’m sorry, but I do not think you understand the meaning of cognitive dissonance. You’re ‘battling’ with anxiety about the issue, but not cognitive dissonance, that is a totally separate phenomenon.

  19. Lyss, my understanding of CD is you have an ongoing mental stress of two contradictory beliefs, I believe this is the case for me and it is indeed cognitive dissonance. My mind is flipping between the sociopathy and blaming myself. My anxiety levels have actually dropped, I’ve suffered with anxiety attacks for the last 8 years, but since the separation the anxiety attacks have pretty much disappeared. I’m pretty sure my understanding of CD is correct.

    I thank you for your comments on my situation, I disagree with your statement that the sociopathic traits are a lie. They all tie in for me, they are well documented and I believe they are true. However it’s subjective, your entilted to your opinion and regardless my ex had no empathy so that ties into your method of diagnosis.

    I think it’s all pretty heartless what happened and I’m not expecting an apology if I’m honest, I don’t think I will even hear from her again now. Pretty sad seeing as she was crying she was so happy in November last year. Scary how a persons mindset can change 180 so sudden without warning.

    You seem an intelligent person, which is probably why you are dealing with/managing the mentality so well. My ex was not the brightest I must say, which is why the mentality is having a more profound effect on her social life. Like you said it’s not just the sociopathy that makes a person bad, it’s also to do with personality, intelligence, upbringing, guidance.

    Sadly in all cases it transpired against me and it wasn’t meant to be.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Cognitive dissonance is not where there are two contradictory beliefs, but rather attitude and behavior are inconsistent. For example, you might be against smoking but you have become addicted to smoking. Cognitive dissonance is quelled by changing the attitude to match the behavior, for example, then saying ‘everyone dies at some point, smoking isn’t that bad’. So unfortunately, no.

      Saying that some of those traits are prevalent in each and every sociopath is ignorant. As I said before, lack of empathy is the only thing that connects each one. They may tie in for you because that’s just the personality of your ex, and the outcomes of her sociopathy.
      And ‘professionals’ are all fools ;3 I’m not trying to sound malicious in the slightest here, but they are almost easier to fool than most.

      Honestly, her mindset may not have changed so suddenly. She could have felt ambivalent for a long time beforehand. I guess you will never know.

      On a side note, wouldn’t it be funny if you ended up with another sociopath, but instead of a dipshit one, a ‘good’ one? ;3 Sorry, I’d find that somewhat humorous.

  20. I think I’ve had my fill of sociopaths, I’d like someone with empathy, depth of emotion, compassion, genuinly caring. I’ve got the sociopath radar switched on now, so when I am ready to start again any sociopaths will be having the discard done to them, before it gets me into this state.

    Still disagree with your understanding of CD, it can be two beliefs and not attitude vs belief. Lets agree to disagree.

    She possibly did feel unhappy for a while beforehand, but she hid that well if she did. I just want a relationship where if you’re starting to feel unhappy you talk about your concerns rather than cheat. That’s the mature, normal relationship for me.

    1. @johnkdean1982
      Well, good for you I guess.

      Sorry, I couldn’t help but pick, I’m a human psychology major.

      Hiding pretty well is fairly easy to do in a relationship unfortunately. But yes, truthfulness in a relationship is the way to go.

    2. this is a desease ,theres the guilt and shame of being wrong. that prohibits them from speaking ,their terrified and dont respond normally .i watched my girlfriend almost just meltdown because she wasn,t accurate with directions.it is a mental disorder which stems from childhood.they really believe that everything they say and do is right and conclusive im moving out of the way only God can help them

  21. I have a question — my ex was definitely a sociopath and this post describes him to a tee.
    I was part of his family for 8.5 yrs and he left one day , just walked out after causing a big fight the night before .Of course he had his new source waiting and in fact less then 2 yrs later married her.
    His mother is now dying of cancer , she has been sick for the past year and 1/2. I still love her very much, and have kept in contact with her since the split about once a month. I have NO CONTACT with my ex, and no his Mom and I do not discuss him, as I knew lots about her and her friends so we talk about a lot of other things.
    I have been invited by her cousin to go to the hospital– they live two hours away, but I have decided that that is too close, and do not want contact with him.
    I guess my question is if I should go to the funeral? I feel in many ways it is not my place, but I was part of the family for a long time. I am so torn as I do not want to see him at all, but would like to go pay my last respects once she passes. Maybe some would think I am crazy for being torn, but if you are a real person, with real feelings, the love for the parents just does not go away. I can’t sleep and it is almost 2:45am– have to work at 8AM but just have my mind turning and turning!!

  22. No More Sociopaths please: I would send card of sympathy to your ex mum inlaw to her other half or children you know & feel comfortable with & later in the day after the funeral if buried or cremated as flowers ect should still be there….& say a personal farewell without worry of bumping into ex sociopath. An idea & hope it helps…always think those who pass on can see the truth…it is a comfort for me & may be to you 🙂

  23. I think I may be one, at least slightly. I always completely ignore guilt, and when I get angry, I easily slip and the person who angered me ends up with a bruise at least. I also accidentally lie, and also pretend that I do not remember things, and that I am guilty. I do have a conscience, and I do feel love and happiness, as well as sadness, but when someone who I do not love dies, I simply don’t care, though I try. Anything I can do about that?

    1. Look up the wellness coach or love life on face book and listen to the podcasts over and over…in the end when you hurt another you hurt yourself even if you don’t care

  24. Pretty sure my ex girl was a sociopath ..lying sexting cheating constant criticism against me “your not worth the financial convienience” “your hobbies are an embarrassment” “you really don’t understand women” “your fat (I was only 10kg overweight now she is dating a rich obese older man ?? ) …when caught there was no apology no remorse no guilt no tears nothing she was stone cold expressionless after getting caught only 3 months after our breakup I couldn’t even touch her without her brushing me off with disgust …definitely not the woman I fell in love with so she wore the sociopath mask well…now 7months on and I’m still in recovery…I never knew what one was till now

      1. I doubt it 😏 I’m reading all these comments thinking the same thing and what makes me feel like it’s the worst is the time span, and I guess age at this point.

        22 years married, and now 51 and 2 girls, both who now seem to be possible “carriers” of the same mentality.

        I’ve known for about a decade now. Used to write in journal about. I do not write anymore I guess maybe bc I just couldn’t handle the truth anymore. I just completely shut that activity down.
        Not to mention, I got a BA in psychology (sadly never did anything along that line)
        All my family has been gone. I’ve struggled with depression for years, and for a time several years back, suicidal thoughts.
        Bc of poor choices in past, as well as taking too many years of being that stay at home mom, I at this point and for a long time really, have no substantive employment to take care of myself and my daughters, although they are older.
        I really don’t know if it’s worse. I’m not one of those “types” to say those kinds of things. It just feels very unique and a little bit lonely not meeting anyone with a similar experience, although reading this makes me know, there’s at least this many here who understand, so I am glad I found this site

      2. Hey Lisa, I struggle to believe that it was ‘poor choices’ in the past. You have raised two children, and did a degree in psychology (Its a BSc in UK).

        It is a lonely journey, as they isolate you. Remove you from anything that gives you life, and independence. Force you to be reliant upon them. Brain wash and mind control you. I understand you. I am pleased you found us too 🙂

  25. Pretty sure my ex girl was a sociopath ..lying sexting cheating constant criticism against me “your not worth the financial convienience” “your hobbies are an embarrassment” “you really don’t understand women” “your fat (I was only 10kg overweight now she is dating a rich obese older man ?? ) …when caught there was no apology no remorse no guilt no tears nothing she was stone cold expressionless after getting caught only 3 months after our breakup I couldn’t even touch her without her brushing me off with disgust …definitely not the woman I fell in love with so she wore the sociopath mask well…now 7months on and I’m still in recovery…I never knew what one was till now

    just curious in reference to the above could my ex be described as a sociopath ? she wasn’t physically abusive and she didn’t start the emotional abusive until our 3rd year of a 4 year relationship. she was however hyper sexual and promiscus ( no judgement intended)

    1. Noting her traits :
      gaslighting
      no empathy
      no conscience
      no guilt
      no remorse
      with holdiding affectionand sex
      mood swings
      hyper sexual
      moderate alcoholic (drunk weekly)
      attractive
      charismatic
      flaunted her sexuality and attractiveness
      constant need for my validation she was loved

  26. In my opinion, it would be a curse to live longer and not fully experience life. You will have the more enriched experience—long or short. Imagine what it means to not have the depth of emotions, to see others obviously having a different experience than you, and knowing you cannot feel it but can only imitate it. She is not happier than you, she is simply void. In the moments where she takes stock of herself, she has no choice but to, both, recognize who she is, and then quickly rationalize it. It is a pattern a sociopath is doomed to (or cursed with). You don’t want that. However painful, you are privileged to have an authentic experience in this life. Never regret that.

  27. I’m trying to come to grips with who I am and I came across this discussion. I think I exhibit a lot of the characteristics of a narcissist. I don’t do many of the things talked about here, but I feel I lack empathy. An example: certain things trigger a microburst of rage, in which I can say something very vicious and hurtful to someone else, but achieves a momentary release of the anger. I usually feel remorseful afterwards. The whole thing (for me) quickly passes and I can act like nothing happened. The rest of the time I don’t feel malice towards the person — really I don’t feel much of anything – instead I can be polite, social, charming even. I even say I’m sorry and I truly want to believe I am. But it isn’t enough to keep me from doing the same thing the next time I am in that moment. Even some level of awareness that the other person is hurt, and the effect on them is lasting, doesn’t keep me from acting the same way again. During the last iteration of this behavior, my latest ex-gf told me I was “psycho.”

    Now here’s the thing. I really don’t like that part of me and I think that once I was not like that. I used to have a high level of empathy, at least one form of it. But to deal with a lot of pain and depression and abuse I became detached. One friend saw it in me and described it as losing touch with my humanity. I didn’t want to feel ANYTHING. I saw the behavior described above as a defense mechanism – a way to deflect pain from myself. I felt justified because hey, they hurt me first.

    One of my coworkers told me his is definitely a sociopath, diagnosed by therapists, and he never feels emotion, and at one point he was addicted to meth because it allowed him to experience what he otherwise couldn’t.. I told him it was an irony, since I spent so much effort trying NOT to feel.

    I’m coming to realize I am still hurting, and the ways that I impulsively act or react don’t help. Intellectually I understand that I hurt other people (I think that’s what’s so dangerous — that understanding can be used to manipulate). But I don’t feel their pain, and up to now I haven’t cared enough to change.

    So getting to the issue of empathy I’ve read something recently that it seems some people can turn empathy on an off. And I’d like to think that if I used to feel empathy but don’t now, then maybe I’m not doomed to never feel emotion. Maybe I can achieve a state where I can have healthy relationships again, I can be intimate with someone again, without her eventually running away while calling me a psycho. So finally the question: is it possible for me to learn empathy?

  28. Thanks everyone for posting.
    My situation is slightly different. I’m a father of 5 children. At one point I divorced and solely raised my now 13 year old since he was 4. I love my son dearly but I think I’ve made a few mistakes along the way. You see, I raised him like a typical guy would, in very manly fashion, not sure if you can relate to that. I’m convinced that he a pathological liar and is on his way to becoming a full blown sociopath. He lies about anything regardless of what it is. He can to the extremes to make his lies believable. When he begins the school year the teachers love him as he’s very charismatic and smart but over time that changes as he’s found out to be dishonest. The face he shows me now doesn’t seem to be him anymore, at times he doesn’t seem to care about his lies or have empathy for the people he angers. I’ve taken him to a therapist and had a bad experience. I know.. I need to find the right one. I’m not sure how to help him.

    1. Hi fearful, this is a tricky one, he is 13 and that is one heck of an age (and it doesn’t get better for a few years)…..

      I am going throw something out there, that I don’t know if you have thought about before? You say that you raised him in a ‘manly’ way…. do you think that there is a possibility that he felt that he had to be a certain way? Ie masculine – not wanting to let you down? Wanting to be what you wanted from him? If he didn’t keep you happy, then you could leave him too?

      It is just a suggestion, and not a diagnosis….. i do know that sociopaths are sometimes created when they feel that they have to live behind the lie?

      Has he ever had therapy about losing his mother out of his life? How that felt to him? He might also feel detached because of this.

      You say that you made a few mistakes along the way, and raised him as a typical guy? What does that mean?

  29. What I find amusing/disappointing about this blog, is that it suggests that sociopaths are some how worse or defective from non-sociopaths.

    Amusing because not having a conscience means not having to care about hurting people (which seems like an evolutionary benefit), and disappointing because you seem to suggest that if a person doesn’t care about hurting people because they don’t have a conscience, then they will willfully, stupidly, repeatedly and with no control, hurt others.

    And that’s just plain wrong. If you’d like some evidence, please look to exhibit A, the Roman Catholic Church. There are millions of people who are shamed or routinely filled with guilt over their actions. It doesn’t change that they’ll make choices in their own best interests that hurt other people’s feelings, or that they’ll be selfish or cruel. Having empathy does not create a saint just as having no empathy does not create a devil.

    What is better? Someone who hurts you so bad that it feels like they’ve ripped out your heart, but they feel terrible about it, or someone who hurts you so bad that it feels like they’ve ripped out your heart but doesn’t particularly care. Oh wait, the result for you is the same! You think how someone’s actions make you feel means they have to do what will make you happy? Now who’s being manipulative? Does that make you a sociopath? Ha.

    Sociopath, not a sociopath, it has nothing to do with the demeanor of a person. If it were inherently evil, wrong or predictable, it would have been weeded out. It is a fairy tale, I believe Pinnochio, that suggests having a conscience is beneficial or necessary.

    It isn’t empathy that is necessary to society. It is a will and a desire to help each other, with the understanding that helping others is helping yourself, that there is no altruism in the end, only selfishness, that can guide humanity to greater heights. When I open the door for a person at the grocery store, it makes me feel good because they felt helped. They will then take that feeling of gratitude, and help others, and they will help others, and they will help others, and down the road someone touched by that so called act of kindness, will help me. Kindness is of more benefit to a manipulator like myself than cruelty. Love a more powerful motivator than fear. The author of this blog is attempting to manipulate people into believing their perspective. Is that wrong? No, it is what we all do.

    Petty grievances over someone breaking up with you, and therefore they must be a sociopath because they tried to lie about their feelings (probably to spare you until they just couldn’t put up with your shit anymore and up and left), and then saying because they were a sociopath all sociopaths must be liars and etc etc. Well it’s just boring, ignorant, and misinformed.

    Some people are jerks, some people break your heart, some people don’t feel bad when they do stuff, and some people feel bad and it doesn’t stop them when it comes down to it.

    I would rather date a sociopath with a good head on their shoulders who can see the value of keeping me happy and furthering humanity over a prick with a conscience who is selfish but is “so sorry” they hurt my feelings, who will endlessly talk about their guilt over how badly people have it in different areas of the planet yet do nothing to change anything, ugh. Because yes, sociopaths have feelings. That’s what makes anyone good at being manipulative. If we didn’t have feelings, we wouldn’t have first hand experience, and we’d be really terrible at getting other people to feel what we want them to feel, like joy, love, or fulfillment… or on darker days, self doubt, self hatred, or insecurity. If being a sociopath means actually actively trying to assess what it is we’re instilling in others, then again that just seems like an active awareness that would bring more to a relationship and not less.

    Ultimately though, sociopaths are just like any other person. Ever single one of them is broken and struggling and trying to make the best of this go they have before they get shunted into the ground. Give’m a break.

    (Oh, and yes, we might be a teensy bit manipulative, but to be fair, everyone is. Those that say otherwise are just in denial. Whether we care about if you actually truly agree with us, or just agree with us enough to carry out the actions we’re requesting may be up in the air.)

    1. I noticed that my sociopath used the word disappointed (in me) several times, he was disappointed in my outfit, my thoughts, opinions and everything else. It is a strange phenomena to be disappointed.
      He was extremely disappointing himself, lacked an identity and held fixed ill informed views which he could not talk about. His ‘ideas’ and ‘jokes’ all copied from tv or those in his circle.
      Nobody has the right (entitlement) to express disappointment.
      Being disappointed is not a reasoned argument, not a new perspective it holds no value to understanding the primitively brain.
      Lacking a lambic system is nothing to feel superior about, there might be short lived gains with careers or relationships.
      The fact is sociopaths are identified emotionally, they can’t care have no third dimension or insight into humanity.
      The dysfunction is only negative and nobody will disappoint and harm quite like a sociopath. They enjoy doing it and it is a deliberate behaviour due to a lack of imagination and original ideas.
      Evolution shows that this brain is older, less evolved, less human, it’s that of a predator . The paradox is the superiority complex normal people don’t care about stuff like that !

  30. I am so worried. I slept with my best friend on a drunken night while he had a girlfriend. We have always expected to hook up eventually but we had sex again the morning after when we were both sober. In the moment I knew I was being a slut but I have always thought he was the one? So now the guilt of our actions is literally eating me up inside and I cannot deal. He has no regret, guilt or any feeling whatsoever about it all. He is a youth worker at a high school, in a committed relationship with a highly Christian girl so they don’t have sex. But he has no feelings at all… one minute he can tell everyone he loves me and the next minute say he’s going to marry his girlfriend. I have been there for him when his mom died, his dad bailed and his guardians misunderstood him but now I think it could all have been fake and now I don’t know how to move on from this.

    1. Hi Sue,

      I hear so much self blame in your comment. How is this your fault? Just because you made what you see as a mistake, it doesn’t mean that you are one! He sounds at best a user, taker and selfish man. You know that you would be so much better off removing this toxic man from your life, do you have to have contact with him?

  31. Exactly!! I have finally realized that he never loved me, he’s not capable. I know he will never change as he is already doing the exact same thing to his new supply. I’m sure he will try much harder with her as he has recently been kicked out of his Dad’s house and has no place to live. He stole from his Dad after he had supported him for years and after he had always professed his utmost respect and love for his Dad. If he can do this to his Dad, he can do it to ANYONE. He is currently being investigated on several felony charges and I am sure the new supply knows nothing of this. He has her completely fooled just like he had me fooled. She is paying for his hotel room just as I did a few years ago because he had no place to go(I later found out he had other women staying with him in the hotel I bought for him). He cheated multiple times and was constantly looking for more on craigslist, Facebook, match.com or ANY other social media site he could use. After 5 years with him he discarded me like I was trash and was professing his love for the new one on Facebook in just two weeks. This article is him almost exactly!

  32. Exactly!! I have finally realized that he never loved me, he’s not capable. I know he will never change as he is already doing the exact same thing to his new supply. I’m sure he will try much harder with her as he has recently been kicked out of his Dad’s house and has no place to live. He stole from his Dad after he had supported him for years and after he had always professed his utmost respect and love for his Dad. If he can do this to his Dad, he can do it to ANYONE. He is currently being investigated on several felony charges and I am sure the new supply knows nothing of this. He has her completely fooled just like he had me fooled. She is paying for his hotel room just as I did a few years ago because he had no place to go(I later found out he had other women staying with him in the hotel I bought for him). He cheated multiple times and was constantly looking for more on craigslist, Facebook, match.com or ANY other social media site he could use. After 5 years with him he discarded me like I was trash and was professing his love for the new one on Facebook in just two weeks. This article is him almost exactly!!

  33. I have finally realized that he never loved me, he’s not capable. I know he will never change as he is already doing the exact same thing to his new supply. I’m sure he will try much harder with her as he has recently been kicked out of his Dad’s house and has no place to live. He stole from his Dad after he had supported him for years and after he had always professed his utmost respect and love for his Dad. If he can do this to his Dad, he can do it to ANYONE. He is currently being investigated on several felony charges and I am sure the new supply knows nothing of this. He has her completely fooled just like he had me fooled. She is paying for his hotel room just as I did a few years ago because he had no place to go(I later found out he had other women staying with him in the hotel I bought for him). He cheated multiple times and was constantly looking for more on craigslist, Facebook, match.com or ANY other social media site he could use. After 5 years with him he discarded me like I was trash and was professing his love for the new one on Facebook in just two weeks. This article is him almost exactly!!

    1. He will try for a while. In the beginning they think they can do it be a new person but quickly it slides back downhill even if they dont want to. They always press the destruct button. No matter how much they have it will never be enough. They are very greedy!!

      1. Yes, I know, I was already told by a friend that he had another girl over his dad’s before he got kicked out twice while he was professing his love on Facebook to the new supply!!

      2. Yes I wrote a post about this recently called sociopath photo snapshot social media or something like that. I spoke to the socio not long after I wrote the post said ‘do you love her’ he laughed and said no of course not. But she didnt know that. It was probably easier to live the lie with her than be faced with the truth and be with me.

  34. I’ve been noticing that I’m not normal. So I have been looking for an answer and i think i have just found it. I think I’m a sociopath.everything you describe i do. The lying, playing the victim all the time and i don’t feel remorse or empathy.
    I don’t want to be like this.
    I want to be normal

  35. 99% sure my ex wife was a sociopath. She was a compulsive liar, where she tell me shes going somewhere with a family friend but really she’s out cheating on me. My parents would call that “family friend” up and she wouldn’t even have any idea what we going on. Then when she is confronted about it she’ll blames others for being too nosey, once it got really bad and she didn’t have any answers she’ll blame you then chuck a tantrum.

    We were in debt, she said she’d lie to get mum for money to help pay the credit card debt because she didn’t work, but all she did was spend the money on clothes and useless stuff n eating out and soon as she got the money.

    She was very impulsive, would burrow money off of family friends but tell them that it was 1500 instead of the original amount so I’d give her extra to pay it back so she’d pocket the rest. Mind you we had a daughter then

    She’d lie to my parents n tell them she’s visiting me at my night shift work. But she’s really gone to her friends house (which she tells me) but she really gets a guy she’s been cheating on Mr with top pick her up from her house. Then I’ll pick her up from the girls house after I finish work.

    She lives in a fantasy world where her life is so great, her mum is so rich etc, well thats what she says. Her mum wouldn’t let me know about this condition with get brain when we got married.

    When she gets angry its absolute rage, but she’ll get over it very quickly.

    She’s stolen my daughter taken her overseas n left my daughter there while she’s back here with her bf. I think its her 3rd or 4th bf in about a year.

  36. I met what I thought was the first true love of my life. Now I’m embarrassed and ashamed to the point of seclusion and suicide. We met through a friend so my guard was down a bit. We talked later that night and I felt as though she had my diary in her fingertips. She said all of the right things. Asked the right question, and within days, used every bit of information o have against me.

    It wasn’t a week later that the drama started. We never argued about anything one of us had done to one another. Or, so I thought. One day she asked me what coded racism was. I gave her an example of my own experience thinking that, because English was her second language it would be easier to explain through real life situation….. I’m black and attended a top ten university. When I’m with a group of people and the question of where we were educated arises, I’m the only person in the group that’s asked if Ive graduated. I received my degree 20 years ago. This has happened on hundreds of occasions. When I explained this to her her first attack was, “you’re reading to much into this.” Then, “so what! Why are you talking about something hat happened one time?” Then, it was “it think you’re self conscience about your intelligence.” Finally, why do you care what people think?” I simply thought there was a language Barrie but when I asked why all of her assumption started with attacks on my character she screened at me and walked out of my apartment…..:: Skip to she asked me to go to Europe with her while she worked. She would be working in Italy where she is from and we could stay at her mothers. I agreed and as time went on I began to look forward to the trip. Three weeks ago we were texting and I gave her my plans for the weekend which included an activity for the two of us Thursday thru Sunday. Her immediate response was, “it funny how the weekend comes and you suddenly have plans with your friend.” I screen shot the text and sent back to her….. Nothing…. This went on for 12 hours with me asking her everything from her health, if she met someone, or if she was having second thoughts about Italy. She never responded. But continued to accuse me of breaking up with her and making up thing in my head.

    Finally she asked me what I wanted to know. I asked he again about Italy. She claimed she didn’t understand the question and didn’t owe me shit. I then said, “I’m going to assume that Italy is off. “You’re damn right it’s off. I don’t trust you and if be embarrassed to be seen with you and embarrassed for myself to be seen with you.” She then ignored my calls for the next four hours. I drove to her place and totaled my car in a hit and run. I was blocks from her place so I went there, crawled through an open window and passed out. I didn’t remember the accident. And her neighbor guided me to her place and suggested that I let myself in because I looked bad. She came home 40 minutes later. Saw my car. And before asking me if I were ok, she asked me if I were sure it wasn’t my fault. The next morning she yelled at me and kicked me out. Accuse me of breaking in and said I should have taken an uber home.

    The next day she came over as though nothing happened yet whenever I brought up Europe she would start a lecture on how I need help with my issues, accusing me of being a scary man that was serving at poverty level when compared to my potential. If I attempted to interject in any way, she would accuse me of being defensive and unable to take criticism.

    I’ve never experienced this before and honestly stuck around to witness the low. She would cry and tell me how I damaged her dream of us going to Italy. And that I pushed into a corner and made her call it off. She sent me cards , wrote me notes, and planned a dates. When I asked her how she was getting to the airport, she said that she hadn’t gotten that far yet. The next day during dinner, I asked her what time her flight left and she got defensive and late Wednesday night. I couldn’t fake it anymore. I felt disgusted by her. At that point nothing made sense. Not even her once a month a year business that somehow sustains her financially through the year.

    I politely said told her I couldn’t do it anymore. I confessed that I didn’t believe she was who she said she was and reminded her of the things she said when we first met and how from day one she was the complete opposite. I told her how hurtful her words were concerning the trip and she continued to blame me. She asked if I wanted to break up and I said I wanted the truth. She refused to answer any question I had, and insisted on me ending it, so I did. She spent the next few days accusing me of ripping her heart open and losing the love of her life.

    On the day she left for Italy, I told her to be safe, careful, and if for any reason she needed me, or was uncomfortable with her situation in Europe not to hesitate to call me. She responded with; you never loved me, you never cared about me, you’ve never done shit for me! Keep your fake kinds words to yourself.” It was early afternoon. I opened another Instagram account since she blocked me on hers and learned she was actually on the plane about to take off for Italy. It was at least 8 hours prior to when she said she would be leaving.

    I sent her three emails and haven’t gotten a single response. My first question to her was, if I danced the danced she wanted me to, what would she had done on the day she left? It was a viola she didn’t want me Europe and she didn’t want me taking her, but she wanted to be with me. I believe that whomever took her to the airport is the same person that finacially supplements her income. I’ve spent virtually every night with since we met, but she had a tends you to disappear for hours during the day.

    Now that she’s gone, the lies have piled up so much that I feel like I was a mark. I don’t approach or persue her, she pursued me. She never even acknowledged the plans, arrangements, savings, and family members and friend that till this day think I’m in Europe with her. I’ve gotten nothing.

    I feel like the perks is laughing at me. I see couple and wonder how can I be that bad that I can’t find someone that hasn’t betrayed or chewed on me in 15 years. I’ve never been married or lived with a women. I’m 45 and only 10 pounds heavier than my days as an all American track athlete in college. I don’t have kids. Never been in prison. Don’t have addiction. Never been physical with a woman. I have wonderful friends that have been friends for at least ten years. I’m a writer. Stared out as a teacher. Owned three night clubs. Have a graduate degree, if it matters, I’ve done print modeling and commercial acting for 20 years. Trust me. I have along way to go. I know that women want stability, but I’ve been on my own literally my whole life. I don’t mind taking risk if I’m only responsible for myself.

    This woman was the worst, but she one of a few. The only Savin grace is three months was the longest I’ve stuck around, but if I deserve to be treated like this. Why in the hell should I stick around? That’s not weak. That common sense.

    1. You don’t deserve this treatment. You know this too. This woman doesn’t value you. Your comment made me feel sad. You shouldnt have to feel like you have to be better due to someone elses ignorance. I truly am sorry that you have experienced this. I felt your pain reading your comment. It will happen. You will meet the right person one day. If it makes you feel better. I often wonder why things don’t work out for me either.

      I do think maybe you would benefit from some therapy to work through this message that you send to yourself about you. I do believe that this could be healed and you turn your life around for you. Maybe despite the pain, this could end up being the best thing that has ever happened to you.

    2. Anyone that does the disappearance act is up to no good I went through 9 years of this. Last Christmas he disapired so when he did turn up to our home I confronted him. He said he had been at a friends so I contacted his friend. Guess what his friends replay was. Oh no haven’t seen him for months. I confronted my partner. He then spent months of telling me off eventually I was brave and threw him out. He moved his new love in with in days. Once a Sociapath always !!!! I have been in touch with others he was doing this to. Unfortunately I ended up suicidal. Don’t let someone do this to you. They are life’s parasites. Stear well clear.

  37. Hi positivagirl:
    I’m researching the sociopath lack of regret and guilt for a short story I’m writing. I have a question and hope you know the answer. Can a sociopath have a high IQ?? The sociopath I’m describing in my story has to have a very high IQ in order to follow the path in the story line and I need to know if I’m on the right track with the story. Thanks for your help and thanks for a great website lot of interesting info.

  38. While dating me, my ex, Brandy, was living a double life with myself and another guy. During both of these relationships, she lied about having a terminally ill cancer and told us both she was dying and only had months to live therefore I needed to marry her. I didn’t because k knew she was lying, so ahe dos the next best thing. She got pregnant….. Thinking she could try and get myself or the other guy to be forced into marrying her. Well the other guy seriously thought she no longer had cancer and was pregnant so they were going to get married because of the pregnancy…. Long story short, he found out through a mutual friend who is now my wife and he left her. The kid ended up being mine and now I have 5050 custody; fortunately because this poor kid needs some stability in his life.

  39. Hi Positivagirl!

    Perhaps you could provide some insight. I think my ex gf could be a sociopath. But not one is is mal-intended, just unaware.

    A little background: she’s 10 years younger (30/40) and was married when we met. We began dating we she told her husband she’d like a divorce. That divorce became final halfway through out time together. Also, I was 1 1-2 years out of an 11 year relationship.

    I was feeling great about things until our first break-up. There must have been 6 over 18 months. The break-ups, coupled with my significant made it difficult to become emotionally invested. She told me she loved me in December and I didn’t say it back. Less than a month later, she slept with an old friend and said she didn’t feel guilty. My response was to tell her that I love her and I’d like to be married. She said her feelings had changed. Is that possible in a month?

    To further complicate things, we live 2 hours apart (hasn’t always been like that, she moved). One of the earlier break-ups, she said she doesn’t want to date someone in a different zipcode. The friend she slept with lives 3000 miles away. They’re talking- and she brought him to my town 2 weeks ago, one month after the affair. I pleaded with her not to bring him here.

    She’s brilliant. A phd at a young age and immersed in ivy league academia.

    I love her. And I’d still like to be married, and I believe she loves me, but we’re currently not talking. She seems to able to ignore feelings and not experience empathy. This is also a pattern: ex husband, me, old friend/ new guy.

    Aside from the multiple break-ups, she’s moved around regionally and left and returned to her job. She’s wealthy. She seems to be struggling to find herself.

    Do you think she’s a borderline sociopath? Do these people ever mature and face themselves or their feelings?

  40. I have recently been diagnosed as a sociopath. So much in my life makes sense to me now, but in ways that frighten me. I’m not happy about this, and I am told there is not much help besides CBT which does not work on me due to my arrogance and manipulative ways…. Some of us with this issue are truly disturbed by ourselves, regardless of the fact that we don’t “feel” it.

  41. Hello, i get the feeling my use of language and vocabularly choice with grammar use may get examined to determine my state. (Something that just went through my head and so in order to be completely honest on this message i thought i would write that).
    my brothers x2 and mother have aspergers so let me also set the scene of my childhood. I rarely talk about it as i feel i have done alot of counciling (i think thats how you spell it) and in alot of ways overcome alot of my totally fucked up childhood, which i can emphasise really even does rear its head on ugly issues on occassion but i mostly have the wisedom (i hope) and fortitude to resist them but not always.
    So then taking that and my families aspergers into concern in which i could have it i will begin.. ( also to note my tought childhood may have made me more calculated but its just a theory).
    I lied alot as a child in order to pretend to people i was something i wasnt to fit in, like large lies. Sounds hilarious but i came from the north of england and when my mother was moved to the south by her family.. and my father died i started school mid highschool. I said i was in a gang in crewe (my home town) which still sticks in my mind even now 10 years later. I also said other lies to people. One day i was tired of the lies. I have always been very needy in relationships and have never really been able to find balance in life). I am either infatuated or flat in relationships. In friendships i am anxious (i have GAD) about meeting there needs as i care so sometimes i just retreat as i am afraid to dissappoint them. I have large needs of friends though or they dont get into like my exclusive club of friends which need to maintain good standards (which i am a proud of in times) just things like be there for me when i need them, trustworthy, genuine etc nothing taxing and not at my becking call, i feel healhy things as i will do the same if i can for them -but this is my first thing to note, i feel very worried and uninterested in them alot of times, feeling they are alot of energy and i dont want to fail them-
    moving on i think thats a good overview of friends. Family is not even worth discussing i think my family and relatives are just ignorant, pompous or plain stupid.. oh well.
    Next relationships this is my main reason fkr writing this post, i am 24 now and starting to see patterns i am seeling to break in partner choosing. Heres an overview of my mistakes:
    cheated on a girlfriend 2 years ago (my mind said the experience was to ‘learn’ from the the experience at the time.. i didnt want to loose her so i told myself ok dont do that again.. i have collected that experience for dragging rights lala.. so move on. (She was in a different city at the time and it was with a temporary worker i had sex with her a fex times and consequently blamed the girl as she seemed to be attracted to superficial men and i just acted superficial to get her to like me.. too easy). I feel only regret at the thought of her finding out and loosing her. Not so much at the moral standing as i reassured myself it was just a lesson at the time.

  42. Part 2 anyway the thing bugged out which upsets me so yea i will continue without able to edit it i am afraid (kind of upsets my logical thinking mind) anyway.
    so after that lie i also lied or rather inflated alot of my accomplishments i thought it was because i was insecure. But i reviewed it i may have have low self worth but i definately wasnt insecure. Anything i didnt do i would bring some reason like. Not going uni as its a waste of time or money, sometimes even doing things just to prove things to people. I do online uni now as a healthy medium but my grandmother said i am not intelligent enough for university. She did go cambridge mind like the worlds best uni so perhaps she has no idea the youth that get all these wierd degrees these dayd but i want to finish just to prove her wrong now. I also examine my exstensive travelling to myself to prove to them i am a somebody as they again delated me for this alottt when i wasa child as i couldnt stick a dead end job i was full of glee and adventure. I am currently living in korea as i am writing this.. more ont hat later. Anyway so i have my first girlfriend was mega insecure and she like put me maybe in some situations but i did the same for her, i even tried to find a girlfriend while still with her leading me to my second problem -it seems now i review my current life i alwayd end up in a relationship- now i review it its always so sort of gain. In australia with a girl it was a place to share bills and a place and you know the excitement of a relationship with my first chinese girl. One before that was someone to prevent me from being lonely or bored living in the city with her as i hated my mothers house so moved home (this is the first girl i cheated on). I think as relationships goes i have had a few turvy ones but i always tried to maintain my cool and tried badly to do respectul thing. Anyway third trouble my current girlfriend in korea where to start. Its a big wrong but i am stuck i feel. I live with her family which is uncommon in asian culture. I use a tourist visa and teach currebtly. I lied to her about hacing aa degree as well i didnt want her to judge me and i dont want the auhorities kicking me of from travelling this glorious country. I did sacrafice a mega ton when i met her. Plane flights living in her country and quiting my unlegit job in japan etc and after the honeymoon the real her came through. i felt very unhappy and more now than before so -i feel i dont love her anymore but i am still with her because a. I dont want to tell her i cheated on her which i promised on the buddha (im a pretty serious buddhist) i would tell her if i married her which i kind of had planned (also making visas a non issue which i feel very again using and calculated aboht still feel this way with japan.. get a visa marry a women. But my inner conscience fights back and suh anyway.. and b. I will break her heart and she isso lovely i dont not want to hurt her as i feel she is very emotionally dependant on me-.
    My ex was a 33 girl a little too old but it gave me the false belief older girls were wring for me, now it is over i miss older women i am ready to settle down and asian women the type i like dont get like fully indendpant till lile 26+ so yea.. in korea nearly 30 before they move out parents house!! Ouch! I had constant anxiety my ex didnt love me and she really tried to use me alot and well i wguess that was mutual.. but it did mess me up with needing girls to like me etc. I was in the mind to seek other female attention but i was able to guard myself as this girl in my mind was so disireable and amazing (she had been a bikini model..) so yea. My current girlfriend doesnt give me that feeling. I dont desire her i dont even like her no more even. But i burden myself here as i am bound to her right now given my situation. So yes i cheated on her also with a japanese girl at my work place in japan.. same situation girl came on to me. I didnt say i had a girlfriend and it led from there. I had sexual experiences with her perhaps for 2-3 weeks before i decided to go back to my currently only month old relationship with korean girl in korean quit job bought a hotel for a month and flights in an effort to escape my mistakes and redeem myself in my show of love and knight in shining armor theme.. this is also preluded to my ignoring her vertually as i was sleeping with the japanese girl which i felt very guilty about too at the time. But i couldnt do both at once that would be too much for me..
    So yea wow.. i feel conflicted inside i love this place i am livi g korea but have no credential yo stay and have to lie in order to stay and i lie to her to tell her i love her when i dont. I just say at it all i do carw and have a heart and feelings etc but i quieten then as this is to me one big young teenage adventure travelling yet again doing all these amazing things etc. I just worry i have no heart then its time to talk about the elephant in the room. My over acting over worrried, over thinking, calculating and critical mind and inner voice. I literally have recently identified his like nagging voice in my brain and i feel like i am goig insane i have dialogues with it in an aim to subdue my guilt and pain and well prevent it from sabotaging my ljfe further -this voice gives me great concern i call it a 2nd person to identify it as not me and objectify it but still.. it makes me feel like i am going crazy- i have done alot of meditation and healing exefcises but why do i have such a distaste toward my female compronday.. my other half. Women who are single i respdct i honour i treat kind, i dont persue if she has a boyfriend as its against buddhust view of breaking up a haply couple and bad karma, i am supprotive etc but keep girls at distance because.. -when i get close to them i/they sleep together as i do not want to engage emotionally in friendship girl sstuff as i am insecure about my sexuality yet as soon as i am in a relationship with a girl i see them as a tool to be used to plough my metaphorical fields-.( Sorry women i do care andi generally want to do better but maybe my conbination of feeling lonely sk rushing into relationships as well as a bad moral compass (attracted to bad girls) and my bad personality is keeping me bond to a loveless state where i give myself only contempt and send that out to the world.. side notr i hate telling people my current girlfrienf is my girlfriend and when once i celebrated it i now hide it always. Thanks alot sorry for the mistakes i am writing on my phone and secondly sorry it is like an essay :))) look forwarf to cobstructive replies. Martin

  43. This is really hard as a parent but I think i have a boy who is my step son turning 9 a sociopath. No respect for me or his siblings, lies, manipulates, has been cruel to animals in the past but is more observant of me in the back yard, getting smarter on a daily basis on how to make it look like I’m the bad guy and he is he victim, does things totter children that can potentially hurt them but shows no emotion and disregards he ever did anything wrong. Always trying to get his brothers in trouble. Is unorganised at home but can come home with little certificates that shows everything other than the behaviour he displays at home, is sneaky and takes things and try’s to say they were his, and then says well there mine so what is the problem….only thing is they were never his, look the list goes on. Please can you help me with weather I should go somewhere from here?

    1. I take it that you have tried to speak to him to see if he is unhappy and why he is acting out? Maybe take him to doctor as he might have some other condition that he could receive help with. Maybe also speak to teacher to ask if they have noticed any change in his behaviour and if they have any suggestions? Even if it was early signs of psychopathy they wouldn’t diagnose until 18 plus.

  44. I lack guilt and I am callous towards most people,but I sometimes feel some shame and love. If I could, I would remove several things I consider vermin on this Earth. I do not know wether I am a sociopath or a psychopath

  45. Wow, I know how you feel this is amazing how others have gone through the same things.
    The guy that proclaimed he loved me so much, replaced me in a minute as soon as I left him for the final time. His plan, which backfired, was to try to make me jealous. Funny thing is I was not I was actually sorry for her. So it didnt get the result he wanted in me so he kept moving on, trying to get a reaction from me whenever a new one would be displayed to me. Most of the time I laughed and kept thinking this time he will finally leave me alone cause hes got a new victim. But of course not, he didnt get the reaction from me. So this last GF he has been living with is a viper just like him and shes his ‘slave’. Yes, I found his Aol profile and always wondered what D/s was I thought it meant divorced/single. What a big awakening that was because I googled it and found out what it really was. Dominator/slave! He had been hinting through out our marriage as to why I dont want to have sex with a woman! Hello I’m hetero through and through, no way I would do that. He was oversexed and sexually abused as well as mentally abused me. I felt like I was in a porno every time we were in bed or wherever he wanted it.
    His ad was that only women should contact them because he wanted a threesome. It also said No men reply, so he wanted to be the only guy.
    He had finally found the right one for him, but do you think it stopped him from bothering me…NO! So its been 15 yrs and going. We have a son and he has been using him to get to me for all these years. I have had 2 breakdowns. But Im still alive.
    My friends couldnt believe what I had gone through.Of course these are new friends because he alienated me from all my friends. Even from my parents for 2 yrs til I woke up. Alot of people were praying for me to leave this monster. Little did I know he would still be controlling my life even when I wasn’t with him through the court sytem. He doesnt stop.

      1. Ms. Positivagirl…

        My name is Andrew Benjamin. I’m in the midst of writing my third book discussing my broken engagement with an Narcissisc.

        I would like to use your copyright of this topic and utilize it within my book.

        My intentions is to use your copyrigtht of what sociopath is and cut and past excerpts that falls under your descriptions of sociopathic behavior.

        I’m humbably asking to use your work and give you credit within my book.

        Would you please call me at 347-898-3739 asap becasue I’m on the chapter disussing sociopaths.

        Your work would be very helpful to those in need.

      2. Hi Andrew, what in particular would you like to use? My work is my book also, but of course I don’t mind, as long as you don’t use it in whole? And if you credit the work? I apologise if I need to catch up with emails. I will get back to you tomorrow. I can’t call you as I am in UK, but you can add me on skype smartchick00101

  46. My husband, never apologizes for anything, he was under the influence fell asleep and killed a woman, he was charged, he swears he was not under the anything he was not high. He says I’m crazy. No matter what he does, he won’t admit it. And yes he makes me think I’m crazy but I know I’m not. Now he has found God and he’s like Suoerman. He has been forgiven of all his sins, so in his mind they never happened. When he speaks it’s i, me and my. And there is no discussing or trying to fix our marriage because he will not discuss the past.

    1. Oh gosh Mitzi, how are you doing? Did he go to jail for killing someone? This man sounds at best very mentally unstable. I also sense from what you say, that you do not feel safe.

    2. If he found God he would discuss the past because he knew he was wrong and even though he was forgiven by God, since you are clearly right there, he would ask you for forgiveness also! And discuss it with you showing you he has changed and that he wont do it again. If he wont discuss it with you or apologize, get away from him and find Jesus yourself because he clearly isnt doing it right. I am a man and i know sociopaths, if he wont discuss that for you to feel better then he cant relate to how you feel, no guilt. You are not crazy. i was also made to be crazy and the woman i was with even drove me to be crazy and I turned bad myself , but i still felt guilt and cried on her shoulder every time i did her wrong, and she never cared about what she did wrong. She would abuse me, then i would abuse her back after a while, and hate that she had no feelings. Then after i abused her i would hate myself and cry and feel so guilty because i loved her, she would care less for what she did.

  47. Am I a sociopath? I don’t have empathy unless you count letting tears during a movie (it’s not a joke, only on movies like Armageddon, Titanic, Brave Heart…). I’m a lazy college student wasting years and pretty much get what I want from my parents but I think they’re the cause of my detachment, They annoy the hell out of me and if you believe me they’re simply stupid. I rage so much having a simple conversation with them so I started ignoring them around 10 years ago. Seems to me that’s why I started losing emotions. I found a wonderful girl in college, I told her I loved her but it was lie which took me 11months to admit. Though I was not sure coz we were pretty great together, I could only compare it to one ex which I think I loved. I had my guilt moments but confessing was sudden due to some minor event otherwise who knows how long would I keep stalling her, ofc we broke up, she is quite decisive and my life turned to shit after but that doesn’t matter… Later I took a girl from a friend(not a good friend though, I may only have one real friend), well former friend and kept making excuses to myself, he was cheating on her, they were not serious, he was ignoring her, she came to me… and I didn’t feel any guilt.

    Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies) no
    Deception and manipulation (conning) no
    Cheating and infidelity I never cheated but I don’t have much experience so maybe?
    Taking the victim hostage, and having full ownership possession and control (without them realising this) no
    Living like a parasite yes
    Faking ‘love’ no, that was due to inexperience
    Theft (includes theft of anything, money, your life, your mind) no
    Threats, ruining and smear campaigns no
    He does not learn from past mistakes yes
    He is unable to have empathy for anybody else yes
    He does not experience guilt, remorse or shame for past actions, and any displayed are fake yes other than shame, I keep remember anything shameful I’ve done since I was a kid
    He is selfish and thinks only of himself, and his own needs mostly yes
    The past is quickly forgotten yes

  48. Kind of scary, the traits of a sociopath are very much like any other person at one time or another in their life. You could be having a bad day or a bad experience and act like a sociopath without really being one, who knows for sure? Who in their lifetime can really say they have never acted like one? We will never know for sure. The only thing that I can trust is my gut, if it feels wrong, get the hell out and soon!!!!

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