Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
In the very beginning things feel extremely promising with the sociopath. But you will not know why.
You have met what appears to be the person of your dreams. He appears to be everything that you ever looked for in a man. What you do not realise, is that this man has already assessed you.
He has assessed you by
- What you say
- Body language
- Talks of needs and wants
- Information about your life
- How much do you have to take?
- Do you have what he wants?
- What is the support in your life – and what opposition would there be to achieve his objective?
In the beginning the sociopath will ask a lots of questions? You were flattered that he seemed to know and understand you so well? How he knew you like nobody else, this has to be a soul mate connection – right? He is just like you….. and has same values, same goals, and seems to have similar to offer as you.
The sociopath is a predator and has the ability to read a person better than anyone Despite his warm charismatic extererior, behind this lies a cold calculating mind, not inhibited by emotions. The sociopath will do lots of things to assess you, and to decide what you are worth, and if what you have to offer is what he needs. To the sociopath, a victim/target is no more than a tool to be used.
He is the slick, smooth salesman, and will assess you, for what you want, what you need, will mirror back to you, and then ‘sell’ you exactly what you want. Its the ultimate deception. The sociopath is expert at selling himself, to be exactly what you want and need.
The assessment and how they mirror you, will depend on what they want from you.
If they need money? They will ask
- “how much is your house worth”
- ”how much do you earn”
- “do you have any debts”?
From an early point, the sociopath is assessing you. He does not want you to be suspicious (who wants to be with a free loader) and so he will counteract these questions with outright lies
- “I own a house, its rented elsewhere, its worth xxx”
- “I earn xxx” (usually a ridiculously high amount)
- “I work as x x x” (a job which will match your professional level)
- “I have no debts, never got into debt” (giving the illusion of financial stability).
Of course these are all all lies, the lies are designed to ‘match’ you and to sell you what you are looking for. This is all part of the strategy for him to be the ‘ideal man (or woman)’ . These lies will lure you into a false sense of security. You will feel that you have met someone who is
- Just like you
- Holds the same values you as you
- Has the same interests as you
- Likes you for all of the values that you hold
He will offer you, whatever you are ‘advertising’ as lacking in your life
- If you are lonely – he will offer companionship
- If your ex was unfaithful or you were hurt in the past, he will sell himself as a person from long term stable relationships
- If you need money, he will tell you that he has financial stability, a good job etc
- If you are seeking stability, he will present himself as a stable person
- If you need fun and excitement, he will be fun and exciting
Whatever you want and need – the sociopath will be keen to provide it.
Assessing and then being who you want, is called mirroring
A sociopath will mirror you Which means that he will reflect back to you, exactly who you are, or even who you think you are. He positively enforces your good qualities, or what you perceive your good qualities to be. He will not mention your bad points or your weaknesses. You might assume that he is so blinded by love, that he hasn’t noticed your weaknesses. But he has. He will test you for weaknesses, then store your weaknesses in his mind for a future date.
By mirroring you, naturally you will assume that you are with someone that you
1. Feel safe with
2. Can trust
3. Someone similar to you. Similar values, goals, and long term life outlooks
We all like people who are like us. People who reflect us.
A sociopath will affectively mirror you, both in the assessment stage, and throughout the relationship. They will continue to mirror you, until they have used you for all that you are worth.
This gives the false illusion that you are with someone who is special. Someone who is just like you, who is a soulmate, and someone that you have known for a considerable period of time, it feels ‘comfortable’ and it feels ‘right’……
If you have met somone, and the relationship has progressed extremely quickly, and you have been swept off of your feet. That this person feels ‘perfect’…. just take a step back, and remember that perfection does not exist. It s a mythical tale, real relationships take work , effort, and adjustment. No two people are identical, not even identical twins, so what are the chances of meeting someone almost identical to you in this life? Really? It is not very realistic, do not let your heart run away with your head. Stand back, and think, what do I REALLY know about this person? What is verified? How much of this is real?
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