Compulsive Pathological Lying


All sociopaths lie. Most people tell the odd white lie. You might lie about why you are late for work to your boss. You might embellish the truth sometimes. You might lie to save somebody else’s feelings and to not hurt them.

The sociopath is in another category of lying. The sociopath is a compulsive, pathological liar. The sociopath lies about EVERYTHING. In fact, the sociopath lies more often than they tell the truth. They find it easier to lie, than they do to be honest.

Sociopaths lie for the following reasons

  • For protection – to create a false persona of who they really are
  • So that you do not find out about them and their past
  • So that they can manipulate and deceive you, for their own gain
  • To be in control
  • To lure you into a false sense of security, so that you become addicted to them
  • Telling you all that you want to hear
  • They don’t care about you or your feelings, winning and being in control, is the most important thing
  • They suffer from boredom easily
  • To gain sympathy and play victim
  • They find it easier to lie than to tell the truth
  • The sociopath feels safer behind the lie. The lie is the sociopaths friend and is the sociopaths mask of protection

Sociopaths lie to deceive, manipulate and to get what they want. They lie to obtain things from people by deception. Their lies can be outrageous. It is true that the more outrageous the lie, the more likely it is that it will be believed.  At the end, when the truth comes out, the victim is left spinning, and absolutely confused.

The sociopath will start lying from day one. You, to the sociopath are a target. The sociopath is the predator. The sociopath will assess you to see if you have what they want. If you do, they will mirror you, to be the person that you are looking to find, to build false trust, so that you will allow them close.

Here is a list of the lies that were told to me by the last person I was with.

1. He had a job, which was a professional job earned a lot of money.

Truth – he was unemployed. He got out of this one, by elaborate fake calls in front of me, that he was losing his job

2. He was going to get a large payment of money – and that he had temporarily lost his bank card. He wore clothes that looked like they cost money.

Truth – he never had any money in the entire time I knew him

3. He had no debts

Truth – if this was true it was because he had never taken financial responsibility

4. He owned his last house. He bought it outright and left it in a trust fund for his daughter

Truth – he never owned a house. The last house was rented from a social housing landlord. His ex almost lost the house when he didn’t pay the rent.

5. He is getting £3,000 put into his bank account and was buying an Alfa Romeo car.

Truth – There was no money – he couldn’t drive either

6. His last house was burgled

Truth – this never happened

7. He would pay 3 months rent in advance if he moved in with me

Truth – He never paid a penny

8. He was a very moral man. He mirrored my values. Would tell me what a good father he was. His phone would ring and he would take calls from his daughter every other day. He told me he had her to stay every other weekend.

Truth – He hadn’t seen his daughter in years. The calls were faked. He would set the alarm on his phone to ring to have fake calls (in front of my face) fake father to daughter caring conversations his daughter. None of this was true. He was talking to himself, and as his phone rang, I didn’t suspect that he was lying. These fake calls were designed to give the illusion that he was a trustworthy, reliable, down to earth man.

9. He had another 3 fake jobs. That he was always going to get paid for, (so I was forced to financially support him as he was living in my house). There was always the story that there was going to be money in the bank on Friday. He would get up, at 6am to go to work all day, returning home at 5.30pm. He would wander the streets all day – or sit in the library. He never had a job. He didn’t know anybody in my city either. He had dupers delight from conning me, and getting me further into debt. It would have been easier for him to have said that he didn’t have a job. Instead, he faked them, and the more that he got away with it, the more he enjoyed the elaborate art of conning and getting away with it.

10. The most outrageous and elaborate lie, that he kept up for months, before running away  was that he told me that the mother of his child was dying of cancer. He would make fake calls in front of me, to the hospital, his ex, his daughter, to solicitors. He told me that his daughter was coming to live with us, the mother would be dead in a week, then she would be dead imminently within 2 days, it was so much drama. At the time, it was also incredibly upsetting, and so very dramatic. He cried real tears. He really threw himself into actor in this position and carried it out for months.  When I suspected that he might be lying and faking the whole thing, he would yell at me “how could I be so heartless, his daughters mother was dying, his daughter would be without a mother”

Truth – She was alive, not in hospital, and was home and well and not dying of cancer. She was probably at home watching tv, having a regular day.

This is just a selection of lies that were told, in a short space of time. All of it was designed to manipulate and to deceive.

It is absolutely shattering when you realise that the person that you were with,  the person that you trusted, that you thought was your soul mate, that almost everything that has been told to you is a lie. This is when you realise that you have been dating a compulsive pathological liar. A person who finds it easier to lie than to tell the truth, a person that has no respect for you, your life, your welfare, or your needs. All that they are thinking is ‘what is in it for me’

Uncovering the lies at the end, brings another kind of grief. A grief of the person that you THOUGHT you were with. A realisation that the person that you thought you loved, does not exist. As the lies are unravelled, it is also a very confusing time. When the sociopath knows that their lies will be found out. They will take off and move onto the next victim

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265 thoughts on “Compulsive Pathological Lying”

  1. I can relate. Mine had a fake job, fake schedule, fake health insurance, fake savings. He faked paying bills, faked therapy, faked quitting smoking, faked everything down to some of the smallest, most insignificant things. It is so disorienting.

    1. What is that with the fake jobs? The conning, scamming, scheming. I re-read an email I had from his last ex before me. He did exactly the same to her, as he did to me. I know he will do the same to his next victim 😦

      1. I think my ex has just moved on to his new source of supply. I don’t feel sad. As it’s not the fault of the person before me, that he did what he did to me. She did email me to warn me as well. But I didn’t believe her. I am sure that he will go on to cause more carnage. He thinks he has changed yet he stole an expensive watch only a week ago….. he can’t change. I am sure that he is about to waste someone else’s life too!

      2. Its tapering off now. We actually split 10 months ago. I think he now has a new source for supply. To be honest I think he had to, as the government was going to stop his money as he wouldn’t work. So, he had thought about moving in with me – lol… he tried that from January. But I just became really difficult. Apart from that I knew him too well.

        I don’t hate him though. I feel sorry for him really. It can’t be easy being that destructive and he is really destructive of his own life. He thinks that he is going to start again and that it will all be different. But – in reality that isn’t going to happen. He stole a week ago, he was still lying and deceiving right to the end. I have heard from him today, the goodbye texts – whether I hear from him again will depend what happens in his life and with his new source of supply I guess.

        Is it weird, I don’t feel upset about it. He used to read here though all the time…. probably good for his narcissistic supply. Think he thought he was helping the world 🙂

      3. The job thing is so scary. My ex of two years lost 2 jobs in that time and both times didn’t tell me, just got up in the morning put on work clothes and pretended for months. He used to wander around the city until I had left for work or all day if I was working from home. Not once but twice!! I feel so foolish, but I don’t know how I could have known.

  2. He was an active artist employed by a well known.. Truth was he adopted someone elses background and became that person. Said he was in a car accident, the Benz is in the shop… No car, no license.. Said he had a trust fund, checks in the mail… Well — You get the picture! This guy told more lies before breakfast then we do in a lifetime!

    1. Hahahaha Jane, you are funny lol thank you that made me laugh! Its so true too!! They also cause more destruction in one day than a person can cause in 10 years, its just stunning. its so stunning you feel like a fool relaying that it happened to you (unless it happened to someone else too)

      1. I know this is a bit off the subject but I suspect that my ex-bestfriend was a sociopath. The guy would come up with some outrageous lies to make himself look good, to impress. He was also a control freak, his opinion only mattered and would flush mines down the toilet. He never had a stabled job. never owned or drive a car. His baby momma moved 3-4 hours away from him(Gee I wonder why). He would also burst into some terrible tantrums, but he was a coward. On Facebook people would often block him or delete him because he would insult and disrespect them, he felt entitled to write whatever he wanted on people’s post. And he wanted me to place him before my fiancé, he thought he was more important than her, incredible.

        Our friendship came to an end when he lashed out on me on FB. He sunk himself very low by attacking me personally, but the coward couldn’t tell me these things in person. Apparently he was mad because I wasn’t giving in to his bullshit anymore, he fed off my weakness for many years, and now that we were older and had reunited after 10 years he realized that I wasn’t the sucker I once was.

        A tip of advice to everyone, stay away from these kind of people, they are only poison and will ruin your life.

    2. Gosh my guy was an artist compulsive liar when we broke up he phoned my work to get me the sack by telling lies he also was in a car accident.

  3. If I list all the stories that this ex girl told me..wow..she did not get way with my money ..she tried to ask few times..but she was smart ..she played the way too proud to ask me! From me she never wanted a penny..she play the victim…so many times..all the bad things came to her life..so many stories and it seems every time I left her she came back with a sad or scary story..I never really believed ..but I took her back because I was still hooked and ..why do we know and still stay? Emotional dependency? Lack of self love? I guess! Amazing sad stories they tell ..but if you doubt! Oh you don’t trust! With no trust there is no love, ..somehow in a little time she got all..new apt for herself, best job, and a new great love ! wow..So great for her! I am reading all here ..I am just feeling a range of emotions ..feeling shame..anger…sadness, I feel like there is so much to say ..its really very hard to realized it was all lies! and I let this happen! Its my fault…they don’t even care!! We ache and talk about it..and they are there looking for another person ..they feel no heart ache.. do they?? No ..no right?
    I pray to get this sick liar out of my head. I dont even feel love anymore..I stop feeling love for her for a while..I woke up while ago.. but after I read her posts lots came to me… so why she is on my head..that loser!

    1. No it is not your fault. Absolutely not. You were honest and looking for an honest relationship, you met someone who abused your trust. This is no reflection on you. It is just the way that she is, and likely she has been like it in the past, and will be this way again in the future!! 😦

      1. She was just 20..now 23..that young?? Already this mean..you know I read that we should pay attention the things they tell you about the past..they would do to you! She told me she was not nice as a teen..she bullied the ugly and over weight girls on school..but it was because of the bad friends she hang out with and and she was just a kid ! aha..once a bully always one!
        Just tell me ..I cant find this answer.. do they feel heartache? Do they suffer? Only us ?I will never go back to her youtube to read more of her new best love and all her lies.. but she is so self assured I will I am sure thinks I am crazy about her.. that she is there enjoying posting this..weird..she has no friends there..so she is tell this to her “new love” but not even him is there! heheheheheheheheeheheh do they hurt?

      2. Yes they can hurt, but usually this is because of a loss of

        Control
        Source of supply

        Once they have someone else to have a source of supply from, the new mask goes up and they just move on. Their connection to anyone is ‘what is in it for them’….. they blame other people when things go wrong, not taking personal responsibility.

        So when a relationship ends, there is hurt from there side, if you were still of further use. This could be that quite simply they ‘liked’ your company. But they won’t really dwell on it, and find it quite easy to move on, because their connections and attachments are not too deep.

        See it like a job….. you might feel sad to lose your job, missing colleagues, and also the pay you get in your job, but once you have another job, and are being paid again, you move on…. its a bit like that, if that makes sense?

    2. Is she is a sociopath, females are quite rare so excuse me for being so insensitive not that I feel sorry at all but you’re quite lucky to have met a female one. Wish I could meet a female like me although finding one is hard as they don’t occur as often as they do in males 😦

  4. Great analogy about the job..but how pathetic they are!! Simply not human! I am into gardening and I notice by talking they grow better ehehe they have life plants do..this monsters have nothing..they are vain and spoiled trash kinds! I recall I would ask ,, why dont you see your friends anymore , I thought you loved them, “oh I don’t hang with the same friends for too long they get old news, I don’t get attached to friends ” how odd I love mine! She would say I have my grandmother my brother and you I don’t need anybody else! Oh when she abused me with words, and she did that a lot! she then would be so sorry and the honey mom faze, you are my life! Is not just you I make cry I make my grandmother and brother too with my word, I feel so bad and she become a victim..the world turns around her!
    Go figured!

  5. Ialmost fell to the floor when I read this!! Its unbeleiable! I lived this horror for 4yrs! Mine had fake jobs! A nurse! He even wore scrubs to go to work!! He was always switching hospitals! Getting a big sign on bonus soon! For two yrs! He also had a rare blood disease! Kinda like luekemia..I forget what he clld it! Went for treatments..painful ones in other states it was so rare!! His ex gfriend was in a coma from a blood clot in her brain! I eventually spoke to her and found she was his EXWIFE who never had a blood clot! Ohh yes he used to be an airtraffic contrller too! His fathers has been on his deathbed 20times! I can go on and on…he’s truly sick and shld be put away! Thank u for this!! It means so much to read this!

    1. Yep me too, every job was fake. He would leave the house every morning pretending to go to work. It really was just crazy. He too preteneded each job was getting better. Faked his exes imminent death of cancer, (yes all lies), you are most welcome. I have been through that brand of crazy too!!

  6. Mine lied for three years straight,he had two other women which he gave out my number to one cause i told her i was pregnant he says i was lying i was suppose to b pregnant by live n boyfriend,which was him.

  7. Omg everything here describes my ex fake everything, lied about every thing …. Unfortunately we have a real four year old and I’m 5 months pregnant now. Where was this aha moment 6 years ago

  8. I confronted my ex with proof of his lies. He has been on dating websites and actively seeking out women for the entirety of our relationship . When I showed him the messages things became violent . He pushed me , choked me and kicked me out of his house . I kicked scratched and slapped him to get off of me.I ran into my car where he followed me . He held my door open and wouldn’t let me leave . Finally I drove off . I then received a phone call from the local police department and he was pressing charges against me . I was beaten down emotionally and physically and then spent the night in jail. He is so cunning and played the victim so well. I’ve blocked his number and he showed up at my work a few day ago. I don’t know what to do . I’m afraid of him , afraid for myself and for the ones closest to me .

    1. You need to go to the police. The reason he got the police on you is to make you feel like you can’t call them. Also seek out your local Womens Aid or Domestic Abuse helpline. There is help out there! Good luck

    2. Hi Mv90, I would recommend seeking advice asap from your local Domestic Abuse or Womens Aid. They can offer good advice and help. You do qualify for help, they may help you speak to the police too if you ask them. The reason he called the police on you is to make you feel that you can’t ask them for help and to seed the idea that you are untrustworthy. Don’t fall for it. Good luck

  9. I dated a fake doctor. Complete with fake calls from the hospital. It was short-lived because I could smell his bullshit from a mile away. But now I’m flashing back to all the times he had to break dates because “the hospital called.” My overwhelming question is: WHY? Why do people do this. It’s so self-destructive and they usually don’t get away with it for long.

      1. Lack of conscience yes 😦 but as another comment says “insane”, no we just don’t view the truth the same way you do… Kind of a you got played thing?

      2. Not at all he is still around in my life, sorry but yes It is pretty insane even working against their own interest. Insanity doing same thing over and over and expecting different results.

  10. I was in a short-lived relationship like this myself. He knew I was getting over my ex-fiance and that heart was fragile. That didn’t seem to matter to him. My heart might have been weak, but I’m probably the smartest girl he’s been with so it didn’t last too long. He was a charmer. We went away for the weekend. I met his family for Thanksgiving. I was finally feeling happy again. And then whammo! All the lies started to reveal themselves. Damn it! it makes me mad that I fell for him and his BS!
    I

    1. I know the feeling I had 18 months of it he called me devious and clever because I was always one step ahead of him. Thank god he is out of my life it has scarred me though.

  11. How many of them are there out there!?!?! I am completely mind-blown that a person would go to such lengths to be totally fake! I am still stuck on the “why”. Thankfully, I busted the predator in about 6 months. He was so stupid and that’s why he got caught. He couldn’t get a cell so I added a phone for him on my bill (dumb, I know) and so I had complete access to every single call and text that he made. There was obviously more than one girl that he spent a lot of time communicating with. He blocked me from his social media because he said that I did things that upset him. Turns out it was because he was publicly with one of the other girls. When I told him what I knew he just made it my fault. I can’t believe he wasted my time without any remorse. To be more accurate – he doesn’t even fathom what he did to me. My solace is that I am fully capable of having an honest, real relationship with a good person that is based on loyalty and love. He will never ever know what that’s like. He’ll never know the peace of mind and security that comes from being 100% ypurself. I imagine insecurity is a big part of why they create a totally false persona complete with Plan B, C, D girlfriends. The part that I’m having trouble realizing is that none of it was real. All the memories and moments and things that I miss were never worth a penny. If I had one wish at this point, it would be to have some sort of radar for sociopathic lairs because I am an eternal optimist and I think that I was all to eager to drink the Kool-Aide without any hesitation. Thanks for this site 🙂 best wishes to all xx

    1. it took me a while to catch mine, her contradictions led me to do a gps on her and it was shocking she was either a call girl or a drug dealer on her days off work. she was the best liar i ever me tin my entire life. she even tried to gaslight me saying she did not kick me when i had the spot on my leg. one very crazy woman for sure!

    2. Not all have a million girlfriends btw I don’t have a single one, they just want to be loved I guess in a weird creepy way that no one other than a sociopath understands.

      1. i am the same man and i friging hate it i often wish that i had never been born when i read sites like this and as with ur earler comment yes i to just seem to enterperate the truth and its worth very differently from the normal person and i absoutly hate it

    3. Oh my gosh! I just went through the very same thing. I even had the guys ex call my phone and warn me of the type of man he was because she didnt want me to end up like her, lonely with a child. The sad part about that is that she confessed to sleeping with him knowing that we were together just to keep him close to her and the baby. I was totally mind blown and ran away from crazy town as fast as I could. Its hurts because my feelings were involved but Im glad I dodged that bullet. After all the truth came out he blamed his actions on his loneliness and that things wouldve been different if we lived together smh. Thank God it only lasted 3 months though. I would seriously invest in that sociopath/compulsive liar/ narcissist radar.

      1. Ha wouldn’t it be good if you could purchase a radar for them off ebay?? That would be a sound investment for everyone and probably save a lot of heartache!! 🙂

  12. The description totally fits my ex. We dated for 7 months. I met him on Plenty of Fish (Libradreams). He told me he was a social worker who worked for an NGO and his previous relationships didn’t work because the people he met had tried to scam him and take advantage of him. Whenever we went out, he would avoid main streets or public places in the Gay Village (Toronto, Canada) because he said he had panic attacks and phobia to the crowds (he probably didn’t want to be seen by other people he tried to scam/cheated on). He pretended to be jealous of my Facebook friends, saying that I had had sex with all of them in the past. I discovered he’d been lying to me when I went to his place one evening after work and he’d been having sex with his ex boyfriend (both came running to me at the door from the bedroom; my ex buckling up his belt). He had previously given me the keys to his place – now I realize it was part of his game to make me feel more secure as the ex bf lived in the same building – told me that nothing was going on between him and his ex, which was a big lie. The thing that hurt me the most was realizing that he wasn’t the caring and loving person he’d pretended to be. The ex is HIV+ so I’m still waiting for my final test which is due in Feb-2014. I still don’t know if I have AIDS or not. The blindfold fell down from my eyes and I needed to go to a psychiatrist as I was having panic attacks and couldn’t sleep at night. I’ve read about that personality disorder and it usually happens to people who had some kind of trauma in their childhood – in my ex’s case, his mother had tried to kill him with a kitchen knife when he was a kid, but I don’t know whether that was true or not. People like him should get some treatment in an institution, not wondering free between the sane ones! I went to his place the next day because he asked me to pick up some of my stuff and he was like another person, very defensive and cold. The next day he tried to get me back sending me text messages but had already decided to move on. Thank God he didn’t take $$$ from me, just a few diners and drinks, as I’m not a wealthy guy, but he was very pushy, almost desperate for me to move in with him, and offered me several reasons: that he missed me, that he had a huge credit card debt to pay from his gum surgery, etc. In the end, all that he wanted was a sugar daddy. Good luck with that, you’re not getting any younger R.T.!!!

    1. Hi and welcome to the site. I do hope and pray that your HIV test is negative. That must be terrifying to go through! A wild hope, is that they do tend to lie about their exes for sympathy and to play victim and the hero…I so hope that this is the case for you!!

    2. Just intuitive from reading your post, i do not feel that you are infected by HIV.
      Thinking about all you wrote, i too have meet a man (in my case over the internet) and had my share of 24 months being involved with a man, eventually finding out he is most definitely sociopathic.

      I will soon post my experience. I think, at least in my case, there is some work and time i need to spend on myself and immunize myself to be able to avoid people with lack of higher social values in the future.

      All the best to you!

    3. I was recently reading a book, “the sociopath next door”.

      I can only highly recommend this book that i purchased as an audible book from Amazon

      1. I bought that book back in 2012, but never read it, I take it is good? I don’t even know where it is. Maybe I should look out for it. Thank you.

  13. Dear God I have lived through the sociopathic hell. Married my high school love after over 25 years of absence….my knight in shining armor…destroyed me..God above knows… Will I ever recover. Lies every breath. Con man, liar thief, and pill junkie. And a long horrible criminal record well covered. Had to divorce him 7 months in. We lived together 2 years first. He knew the love I carried for him for many years and claimed he was moving back home from another state for his kids. Wrong guess he targeted me…Want to tell my whole story but hurt so bad. He is still lying and trying to play on my love for him….

  14. I know that I’m young, 17, but I have a guy friend who is my ex twice. I know ,it’s stupid that I dated him twice and I’m still friends with him. but I first saw him in mid October after he transferred to a couple of my classes due to enlisting in the marines. I’m a senior as well as he is. I had a crush on him the minute I saw and talked to him. the first lie I noticed was he said he was about 4 in a band called “As I lay dying” he played bassist. I knew it was a complete lie. he then later told me that his ex, during a class I didn’t have with him, told him that she was sorry for something and proposed to her. my friend told me , who has that class with him, that he said our relationship was fake and it was only to make his ex jealous. he then “proposed” to her. this was right before halloween. the night of halloween was fun as went trick or treating. I thought my suspicions had gone away. he then broke up with me. 4 days after asking me out . I was so depressed, but as soon as I got back to school after a long weekend , he started talking to me again like everything was fine. this went on for a little longer. he then told me he had gotten a job as a bail bondsman. which I also knew was a lie. you have to be a lawyer and have a college degree to do that. which were still in highschool. he told me that he was in another band called ” snow whites poison bite” which was also a lie. they were a Finnish band and I live in America. I even wikied it and it said all original band members are still in it without changes. he came to school one day with his head completely bald and he said he had to go to the hospital to get surgery to remove a small brain tumor and he was on a lot of morphine. that was also a lie. there was a scar on the back of his head, which he showed me and told me that was the incision. if it was the incision spot, there would still be stitches and he would still be in the hospital. when I first met him he told me he got into a car crash, broke his neck and a couple of other bones and was afraid to drive. today he told me that after we graduate he’s moving out and once his car gets out of the shop, he’s gone . if he was afraid to drive, he wouldn’t have a car. i can kind of figure out, he never drove, never had a license, and never had a car. he also told me today that he got a new job working at a horse ranch cleaning up horse poop somewhere in leesburg virginia. I know for a definite fact that he doesn’t have a job. I talked to his younger sister, who is 10 by the way and is very knowledgeable about what is happening, during Christmas and told her that it might be my last visit, and she wanted to know why. I told her that he lies a lot and she told me she knows. he goes to therapy for it, which apparently is his “job”. I seem to find myself unable to say no to him when he asks questions, due to me being a caring person , and seeming that I don’t care that he has hurt me and I still like him. I want to tell him how I feel and what I know about his lies, but I feel like he wouldn’t care about what I’m saying. I also want him to realize that I’m someone he can trust and that he doesn’t have to lie around. I didn’t fall for him for who he portrayed himself to be. I want him to start telling me the truth but I’m thinking it’s not going to happen. I know I’m stupid for falling for him and dealing with his lies. what is your take on my story?

    1. You are not stupid. Not at all, although he would love that you feel that way about yourself. As you say he is twice your age (and should know better). It is not stupid to trust and believe in someone. That is normal and healthy. What is not normal is pathological lying and being deceptive and manipulative. Welcome to the site 🙂

  15. I remember the first time he lied…I was so shocked because I knew what he was saying couldn’t be true. But then it kept happening…so I confronted him about it; and of course he had no idea what I was talking about. Eventually we broke up (due to lots of emotional abuse and other)….Then, he said that he’d been attending therapy and that he had changed. Now that I’ve broken up with him again (for good this time), I’ve realized I think he lied about going to therapy. There is no feasible way that he could have when I look back at the evidence of it and what all he said about it. I think he just told me he went to therapy because it fed what I wanted to hear…

  16. OMG I’m so glad I found this website because I’ve been feeling so alone, confused, and traumatized after finding out my ex is a sociopath pathological liar. We were dating for two years and within the two years I broke it off three times because I always felt that something was off about him and felt a disconnect. But of course he would come back with sob stories of him not being able to give it his all because of an ill uncle (that was a lie), he lost his job (that was a lie), his mother is mentally ill (that was a lie), and the list goes on. He always promised things would be different and to just be patient and give him time. I always felt something was off with his stories but who would dare question family illness/death? Whenever I would confront him, I was always to blame, I was the one with issues, my favorite “you let people mess with your head”. He would call me selfish for not understanding that he’s going through a lot. Heck he even went as far as complaining to my roommates and friends of how I’m not being a supportive and that I am not as interested in the relationship as he is. He would tell me he cares about me and loves me and wants to take the next step and get a place together. Sadly, throughout the whole relationship, I really did believe I was the messed up one and couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t trust him. I thought I had trust issues with people when in reality my trust issues was with myself because my intuition was telling me to run and never look back. Well luckily, the universe showed me the truth about this guy. Turns out he’s engaged and is active on match.com claiming he’s single…When I confronted him about his engagement, he denied it got really defensive and said I always believe rumors and let people get in my head. Unbelievable. It would be nice if there was a sociopath registry site…

    1. Hi tk welcome to the site.

      Wow he sure sounds like a classic sociopath. All the same behaviour. Feigning illness, lying to others about you, playing victim while faking they are the nice guy and victim, playing with your emotions.

      You should relate to a lot on this site. Try to start from early posts last Feb (on left hand side in months) and work through. I was writing as I was witnessing the behaviour.

      Life is just a game to them and they play the same game repeatedly over and over.

      1. Unbelievable. I’m still in shock and traumatized over this. Interestingly enough, he goes to church every Saturday and pretending to be a man of God with high morals. I guess church is another perfect place for him to prey. Lesson learned. This experience taught me that I need to follow my inner wisdom and don’t need to see what is making me feel uneasy. I plan to read all your post because I’m truly enlightened and relieved that I dodged a bullet.

      2. Yes again classic, to act very moralistic when in reality they are anything but. Church is good as they can hide there. Often they are not even religious they fake this too. I think it does leave you feeling traumatised and so confused and dismayed how could anyone do one of these things and they do such shocking things over and over. Discovering the truth will be the best gift to yourself.

    2. I met mine on pof dating site I’m left torn apart from a man whom I thought I loved he told constant lies but blind me overlooked it and thought he will change but engaged calls for long periods 2 hours saying he was on the phone to his brother he hardly has 2 words to say to him when visiting. Said he owned a porche I didn’t press it as I wasn’t interested in his money but 18 months later no porche.
      He accused me of having affairs because I didn’t phone him at my work.
      Thank god I’m away but scarred for life they should be locked up seriously.

  17. I am looking to talk to others who are in close connection to a sociopath. Which is what I think she is. My heart breaks. I have talked to her in the past about bipolar disorder and that she may suffer from this. She yells and screams at me to mind my own business. That I don’t know what I am talking about. But I see it….everyone sees it. She has always lied I mean really lied. About being raped, abortions, miscarriages, how she was never loved and treated so poorly.
    None of which are true and she was never treated poorly. No abuse, spankings, anything.
    So the poor childhood hurts, I was there I know she was treated with love.
    Recently I have learned of a whole new level to her lies.
    Owning a house, being married and abused, owning cars, large trust funds, and the list goes on….
    It makes my mind exhausted and it hurts.
    Then on top if all of this she smells. Bad a feminine smell that makes your nose burn. And body odor. She showers very seldom. I have tried and tried to help her. Told her she smells and needs to maybe go to the doctor or ministrat or tea tree oil and to shower and wash her clothes more. Which results in me getting told off. She’s going to loose her job.
    I’m so confused, concerned, and heartbroken.
    She just won’t listen or get help.
    And people believe her lies. We’ll some of them some are to out of this world. I guess I don’t know what I’m looking to accomplish with this post. Maybe just knowing that we are not alone helps….

    1. i am a scociopath and i am incredibly frustrated with it and am willing to talk to you about what we are like and how we think
      i will say however that i appear to think things like the consiquences to my long term well being of my actions through allot more than most scociopaths are discribed as doing so i may not be the best of help in terms of the more extreem cases

  18. i still feel loss and pain after 3 months of no contact from my xfb. i broke up with him a wk before xmas because i just couldnt do it anymore. We were 2gether 3yrs with major ups and downs. Hes lied about jobs that didnt exsist and would go into detail and make up situations that “didnt happen” cuz the job didnt exsist obviosly. This nonexistant job was at a towing/repo company he claimed a friend owned and made that up to cover up still seeing an xgf at the time.Even went as far as to say he had a child wit her and she was horribally abusive to him keeping his son from him. Cried in front of me and all, which i felt so bad and comforted him. i found out later the kid wasnt his. All lies to distract me from finding out he kept contact with this x because she was giving him money at the time and he didnt have anyone. Of course i was stupid and already in love and used excusses for his behavior . I justified it because i felt bad for him knowing the stories he told me about his family not wanting him. I still to this day dont know the real truth about his mom and why she wont speak to him.
    About 1yr later the funniest thing happened. The guy friend he told me he worked for at that towing company contacted me on fb cuz in the begining i made friends with him but never spoke. Just trying to find out info back then. Anyways this so called towin comp owner instant messaged me asking me if i had a bf and basically saying he was interested in me. I asked him if he knew my bf and that he used to work for im. He was like “i nvr owned a towing company and didnt kno him” . So there was the real truth a yr later. Yes i brought this whole situation to the liar bf at the time and he just told me how sorry he was etc etc n how hes changed and loves me so much. I was angry but let it go and went on with the relationship. As much as he lied n made things up all i could see is how in love we were n how much he showed his love with every touch and kiss. Doing all these things for me without me even asking. From bringing me flowers to cleaning my car or jumping out of bed going to the store to get me tylenol for a headache. I was blinded i guess and didnt wanna see all the red flags.
    As time went on so did alot of random situations. He always had legal problems in trouble for fighting and his temper. Hed throw temper tantrums like a child sometimes when we’d get into arguments. Broke things , threw things etc…. I’d sit back at that point and say nothing and look at him like he was crazy. When i would want out of the relationship hed cry, beg me not to leave, take my keys so i couldnt etc, Til i gave in or id leave and hed presistantly txt and call me begging til i took him back. Which then i always did and i looked past all the crap cuz i loved him like a dumby.
    He was working and would pay here and there but majority or almost all the time it was me. I made more than he did so i took on most of the financial responcabilites. I stood by him through it all put clothes on his back, fed him, roof over his head etc etc was faithful , loyal and honest and loved him unconditionally. At the same time i was scorned and hurt by so much he had lied about and done and would make comments bringing up the past alot. My trust level just wasnt there because of so many lies that he told and there were way more than the ones i mentioned.
    A month before xmas was the breaking point for me. He had his own place and was going through legal problems and his moods were hard to deal with so i started seeing him less and distancing myself. I was still helping him financally to a point but not like in the past. Being away from him because of my job and wanting time to myself yet keeping in contact hrs upon hrs daily i started sencing things like he was up to no good again with another girl. I started snooping around and lies upon lies would spew from his mouth about where he was down to him stranded outa town cuz his car went in a ditch. Just so far fetched all over again. Then i accused him of being with his xgf from 3yrs prior. The one he was using in the begining and he decided to call her and give her my number so she could call me and confirm my accusations were wrong and he was right. Well she did call and me and this xgf ended up meeting up for drinks and WOW!!!!! I found out lie after lie after lie . The fact he was with her the whole 1st yr of our relationship etc etc. Then i find out about some new girl he was seeing before i broke up with him because his x knows this girl from living in the same neighborhood. Then i go on this girl fb page n wow a pic of her and my so called bf that was posted days before i broke up with him. I was devistated and felt so betrayed! No matter all the things he did i loved him n it hurt and breaking up was a reality. Of course bringing all this new info to his attention he made up lies and excuses which i stood my ground . For days n days i stood my ground n he begged me back crying trying to twist the truth and no matter how much i loved him n wanted him i still said no. He finally came out and got angry. Said he didnt want me for along time and he was using me etc. He never loved me etc n after everything said n done we were done . I ended up calling his job one day also and his boss answered. Ive met him in the past so he was open to talk to me and spilt sum info about where my fb was when he told me he was working. Which lied to his boss to and he told me things made sense now to him cuz he caught him in so many lies but couldnt put it together. All that from me mentioning the fact he lied to his boss saying he was outa town seeing his son and couldnt work. I was pissed and said he doesnt have a son. So now yrs later hes using that lie of having a kid to his boss. The lies dont stop and not just me i see.
    In a month later of no talking he txted me but it was to be rude and throw something in my face as he said. Wanted me to know how happy he was etc. I didnt say much except saying he lied ,cheated, and took a good woman for granted . Then told me i was crazy i didnt do that much for him like i claim i did etc . Now its been 3months total we have been broken up. Havent talked for 2 and i hear about him on fb saying hes in love and this girl is so perfect. Little ecards with sayings on them that real couples stick together through hard times, nrv take any1 for granted that sticks by your side through hard times, to not breaking some1s trust. Im like WHAT THE HELL?????? This was what he did to me in the beginig. Ive heard hes made comments to these new people in his life only in his life 3months….. about what a crappy gf i was to him and how i did him so wrong. They actually must believe these lies n hes already calling them his family . I dont know whether to laugh or cry just know i feel so betrayed and hurt. I dont get why hes mentioning me by name also quoting song lyrics putting my name in them n how imma wish my nxt man is like him n regret leaving him basically. Like hes just this victim that i did so wrong trying to drag me through the mudd and make people feel sorry for him just like i did 3yrs ago.
    Now i ask myself why do i still love him to a certain extent. He moved on so fast in im single in havent even attemted to talk to anyone else and it was me who broke up with him. My head is all over the place and im still picking up the pieces. Trying to focus on myself. I know i am not crazy like hes told me and i had every reason to question him and think things cuz in the end those things i thought all came true even though all i wanted was him and trust he wanted me the same . My family even excepted im and my mom treated him like a son. Cards and gifts on his bdays etc or to just help him out if he needed it. We all feel betrayed. Hes even threatened to smash my car windows or mess up my life and make problems for me trying to be meaner i guess, Never did anything all threats. I think hes gone for good this time though cuz its been no contact what so ever and in the past hes always come back .
    Thats some of my life and situations hes done to me. Sorry it was so long explaining and prob all over the place . Its not easy even explaining everything id have to write a book…. In the end we all have a sociopath liar in common and all need to be strong and try to move on. N i personally know now what a real sociopath and compulsive liar is . Wish i could just forget him . Im so glad i found this site and not alone. Others are dealing with te same issues .

  19. I met my sociopath on POF our first date he told me so many lies! It took me a year and half to find out all the lies. He ordered a BMW it was coming in 12 weeks, he had moved back home to take over his fathers bussiness,he was 3 years divorced, he had 2 daughters, and he was renting a house a block away from his mother for himself and his 8 year old daughter. He owned a gun bussiness in Arizona with 2 ex navy seal buddies and he was financially set. He started looking for a house about the time the BMW was supposed to arrive , a 500,000 house for his daughter and him( of course he would like me to move in) we had only known each other a couple of months so I was in no hurry. I meet his daughter and she tells me that they live with grandma not down the street I ask him about this and he tells me that he was embarrassed to tell me that he lived with his mother cause he had moved here 6 months ago and was buying a house. Of course I believed this because we had just spent 4 hours that Sunday with 2 realtors and the owner of the house and he signed a real estate contract for this 500,000 with the closing being on August 30th then I get a phone call from his father screaming that he wants his equipment keys back that his son hasn’t been coming to work and is always late and he’s going to call the cops. I was thinking what kind of father calls the new girlfriend( we had only been together 4 months) he was screaming at me. When I called the sociopath and told him he said damn right he wasn’t going to work his father wasn’t signing over the bussiness like he promised and he wasn’t paying him and he had to cancel his BMW because he gave the 160,000 to his father to buy equipment.At this point he cuts his father out of his life( wouldn’t you if someone borrowed a 160,000 and wasn’t paying it back lol) his daughter is leaving to go spend a summer with her mother the woman who abandoned him and his daughters was finally taking her daughter after a year and he wondered if he could come and stay with me until the house closed( of course everyone I was crazy about him he loved me and I loved him)

  20. Two weeks before the closing the owner of the house comes to my place of employment( did I mention I own a business) perfect for the sociopath. She tells me that they have been trying to get ahold of him and he’s not answering and he wrote them a check for 50,000 and that account was closed that they called the bank instead of depositing it and she was confused because she knew how much sociopath wanted that house. I called him and told him she was there and he said tell her ill call her when u get home. When I got home he called her right in front of me and told her he would meet with her on Saturday he still wanted the house he was paying cash had to wait for his financially advisor to transfer funds( by the way he showed me a Bank of America statement that said he had 20,000,000.00 dollar) when he got off the phone he apologized to me for this crazy lady who came to my work and involved me and that now he had a bad taste in his mouth about this house and he might not want it anymore but he would take care of all this on Saturday. Jesus I own a business I know numbers why didn’t I run at this point! Why, why, why, It was only 4 months in so much heartache I caused myself staying with this man over another year!

  21. I myself have been in relationship with a woman for thirteen years. She had a very hard life as a child. Her mother was put in prison for bank fraud while she was in high school.Her siblings and her were split up & put into foster care for most of her years in school. Just in the last 6 months she has lost her job not once but three times. She never told me . She would leave for work as usual. She would come home from work with stories of a day she never had.I would receive text messages thruout the day on how work was going. I made the mistake of not once but three times to give her access to my bank account & various other pass code accounts. She has gone in & blocked banking statements ,my leasing dept,etc from me being notified from my push notifications on my phone. She has sent fake e-checks to my landlord for rent.knowing that it would be a matter of days before it is found to be no good. She has caused me so much financially .legaly&the embarrassment to me in my family,coworkers,leasing dept. She has had cars repoed..caused evictions to the point of near homelessness . I am a intelligent person& she has fooled me so many times. I still love her yet haven’t thrown her out. She won’t tell me the truth unless I find it out myself . Literally wanting to run off before I figure it all out. I have delt with bipolar in my family..& at least when they are on a manic episode u know. When they are back to normal u know it. This pathological lying I honestly don’t understand .how do u know who they really are & how can it be treated?? I am at my end of my rope here& just don’t know how much more I can take& what I’ve shared is just the tip of the iceberg.

    1. You won’t know it’s hard and horrible and while you are enabling her there will be no change at all. She would have to understand who she is and want to manage it. You need to get away from her before she absolutely destroys your life. And she will too. What you witness now when you are with her, is nothing compared to what you will witness when you try to leave and she doesn’t want that.

    2. Just wanted to thank you all for your posts. It really helped me realize the sick truth about these type of people. I would of never thought in my wildest dreams that so many others have gone thru the same type of things.i am amazed dateline or some other media source hasn’t addressed this sickness. People need to be informed so they don’t waste a decade trying to figure out what is going on!

  22. Just been left by a sociopath after 3 years together, three years that I thought had their ups and downs like any usual relationship, he never worked citing his depression, i was the sole breadwinner for everything, when he needed money he would go to his mum, he confided in his mum or sister constantly, I would hear information about him from them as they all discussed it together,, whilst I his partner sat there dumbfounded. He was pretending to claim job seekers, even leaving the house to sign on, when I enquirer where the money was there was always an excuse, 3 times he did this and I found out each time he lied, he never even filled out the paperwork, all this whilst I was struggling desparately for money. He would even lie about the times we had his daughter, we had her every weekend, she’s disabled and I adore her,, but Sunday morning he would say we are taking her home at 6, by the afternoon he would swear he had said 7, only all small things but they were day in and day out, I felt like I had to be one step ahead. He left Sunday after realising I would not and could not carry on financially and emotionally supporting him and his daughter, he already has his next victim lined up, he hops from one to another, living with people for a few years until they wise up to him, seriously this guy can lie, he has now twisted the whole thing to make me feel it’s my fault he left because I was insecure, after being lied to constantly it’s enough to make anyone insecure, early days but I know I will be fine and better off once the tears stop, I keep asking who on earth was he, I thought thought I knew him, but my charming, loving partner of 3 years left me and told me it was over by text, I have served my purpose

  23. I have had such relief reading this website. I Don’t feel so alone or stupid that I just got taken by a sociopath and pathological liar.

    He swept me off my feet ten months ago with his compassion and his ability to move in from some (likely made up) tragic events such as childhood trauma at the hands of his older brother, and the loss of his child.

    My internet research pointed out some discrepancies with his infant son lost in a supposed car accident ten years ago. The details he could provide of this event were astonishing. Day to day he was wonderful so he got a lot of leeway (sp?) with the inconsistencies that were not enough to prove anything.

    Fast forward a few months to me hiring a private investigator … The best money I have ever spent… I have learned he lied to me from our first date and never stopped. He blames me for things just to not have to confess to another lie. He never had a son, and other lies have surfaced.

    I changed the locks yesterday and he is out of my life.

    1. Welcome Jo, were you living together? ….. as they do have a tendency to come back, if they don’t want to leave, or they think they can scam some more. I remember the time when I learned that pretty much everything was a lie. My head was spinning. It wasn’t just one things, it was just so much… my head struggled to comprehend it all. Welcome to the site 🙂

  24. Can I join the club?!
    I’ve been together with my man for almost three years. He was the most beautiful person I’ve ever met: kind, loving, generous, smart; 10 days into our story he said the three magic words, and I fell for him. He used to say that I was the first woman that he really loved, that he never married before because he was in the military…He wanted to be a family, to have kids with me, to move together to my country…we got to know each other better although being in a distance relationship (we skyped every night and met every month).
    6 months into our relationship he met my family, asked my parents approval to marry me, and he proposed. I said yes.
    3 days later I found (looking into his passport) that he was 10 years older than what he had told me (and he absolutely didn`t look like). Destroyed by this lie, I started digging for the truth, and shortly much more appeared: he had at least other 2 relationships going on in different countries; the engagement ring that he had given me belonged to another woman until one month earlier.
    Then I found that he had been married for 15 years and he had 5 kids and 7 grandkids (from different women). He never told me nothing about them until I unveiled his lies. I had to prove every single thing that I found, because he lied even when presented with the evidence.
    At that point he played the pity game: asking forgiveness for his mistakes, promising that his feelings for me were true, that he just feared losing me if he had told me the truth…he did everything to take me back. And I fell for him, every time. I never loved no one like I loved him.
    I chose to keep loyal to my promises and to give him another chance: I followed my feelings and against anyone’s advice, I decided to move 7000km away to be with him.
    2 days before my departure I found other deceptions, but it was too late! I had already signed for a new job, and my life was going to change forever.
    Over the past 2 years of living together between ups and downs, he fed me with illusions and dreams. We spent beautiful moments together, he introduced me to his family members and he did an effort to come clean (or at least I believed so), but at the same time he kept destroying my trust and self esteem through big and small lies…he was always very protective of his privacy, using passwords and hiding things; I found that he was flirting with other women in FB, or via messenger…obviously he always denied and even said that he did it to check if I was nosing in his phone.
    He lied to me, daily. And without even knowing, I forgave everything because I was addicted to him.
    After all, he started blaming me for my bad moods, for bonding him to the past. He used my “negativity” to justify why he doesn’t want to have a family and kids with me anymore.
    Recently I moved away, exhausted by his lies and by the lack of plans for the future. He has tried taking me back saying that he cannot live without me, that he understood that I am his real partner in life. I was going to believe that he could really change…until he lied again yesterday.
    I want to help him, I want to be his redemption. I am not able to leave him alone with his sickness.
    I have become more insane than him.

  25. “After all, he started blaming me for my bad moods, for bonding him to the past. He used my “negativity” to justify why he doesn’t want to have a family and kids with me anymore.”

    Wow my guy used to say the same exact thing. They must come from the same factory or something.

  26. Hi Tkresia,
    I read your story and these two characters have a lot in common.
    Also mines tried convincing me that “there is something wrong in my mind’, that I carry around negative vibes, that I have character flaws…yeah, right!
    Also mines pretended being religious and having a good moral…Bible always open on the table, strong belief…he still sends me e-mails with Bible readings….claiming that I am not a good Christian because I question his faith and the word of God!
    I told him several times that he should be ashamed of his actions and that he’s lying to himself, beside lying to me.

    Once he even convinced me to report one of his ‘lovers’ to the police, swearing that she was bipolar and that she was telling me lies to ruin him!
    Same story about another ex: she was a pathetic liar who cheated on him all the time…nevertheless he asked her to marry him!
    And another….just an ignorant worthless woman that exploited him….
    but he kept texting her while living with me, telling her that he was lonely and he missed her.
    And so on…God knows what he’ll say about me to the next girl!
    I would like to reach out to his previous victims to hear their stories.

    He cannot have been like this al his life, what did trigger it?

    HE ALWAYS STARTS THE SEDUCTION PHASE ASKING HIS ‘VICTIMS’ WHAT THEY ARE SEARCHING FOR IN LIFE, AND TELLING THEM THAT HE’S LOOKING FOR A WITNESS TO HIS LIFE…HE TALKS ABOUT THE ‘LAWS OF ATTRACTION’. FEW DAYS LATER HE STARTS TALKING OF MARRIAGE …At that point you`re already in the net!

  27. E,
    Were we dating the same guy? Unbelievable! Mine was a “man of God” as well and would text/email me quotes from the bible. It’s so pathetic that they have to lie, scheme, and keep up this facade just to keep you around. Mine told me similar stories about his exes. Said one of them tried to kill him and the other was “crazy” and funny enough he’s now engaged to one of them lol. So pathetic. Although my situation ended a long time ago, I still feel some pain from this because I thought we had a genuine connection and placed him on a pedestal thinking he was a great guy who was going through some rough times. It’s hard not to take it personal but at the same time, I know I escaped hell.

    It’s either they are born that way or their reality must be so horrible they have to live in a fantasy world. Who knows…

  28. Are they degenerative? Do they get worse in telling lies and get stressed out themselves when the victim put them against a wall?
    My partner recently was lying about the smallest things and at the same time he was giving me clues of his lies: I think his shady phone activities were becoming more explicit recently, as if he wanted me to find out, to watch my reactions… or maybe was he trying to open up with me?
    Then to avoid confrontation he would just walk away and keep silent for hours or days.
    I ask if sociopath stress-out or suffer breakdown because I’ve noticed some changes in his way of talking and writing: spelling mistakes, contorted speech, messy ideas…while in the past he always proved being very proficient and highly educated, a good speaker, and a poet too.
    When I made him notice the mistakes in his spelling he became defensive and lied on that too, saying that I’m not a native English speaker and I don`t even know how to consult a dictionary…All this in front of the evidence of his mistake. That’s when I thought “HE’S SICK!”

    1. Yes, they hate being caught in the lie. Being silent could be passive aggressive behaviour. Some use silence to keep control (you can’t argue with someone who is saying nothing at all).

      1. He had a difficult childhood and adolescence. Divorced parents, bad relationship with his mum, he had kids at very early age and i think he felt ashamed of it, but with time he tried reconnecting with them and even i tried helping with closing the gap with his past.
        That’s why i feel that i should helping him rather than running away and leaving him alone.
        He has done well in life for many other aspects.

      2. He had a difficult adolescence. Divorced parents, bad relationship with his mum. He had kids at very early age from different relationships, and I think he felt ashamed of it, but with time he tried reconnecting with them and even I tried helping to close the gap with his past.
        He has done very well in life for other aspects and he’s a well esteemed and valuable person: successful at work, remembered as a great model by former colleagues, students and cooperators…
        Personal relationships are really his problem: he wears the mask only in presence of his ‘loved ones’. I think that what he’s looking for is ACCEPTANCE.
        That’s why I feel that I should help, rather than running away and leaving him alone.
        However by being deceptive he prevents acceptance, so that he can keep playing the game.

  29. Ah, and have you guys noted anything strange in their way of sleeping?!
    Such as frequent nightmares (especially dreaming of evil presences, dark rooms, scary creatures…), screaming or groaning in the sleep…and the need of being surrounded by pillows and holding them as if they were sleeping with other people?
    At times he would put a pillow between his legs, one between me and him, and he would hold all his pillows instead of me…
    I told him several times that this thing disturbed me, but he said that he has always slept that way because the doctor said that it’s better for the spine. Was I paranoid?

    1. Do you know what my initial response was to this E? Was he doing this deliberately to manipulate you. You said that this disturbed you – he could have been presenting a persona to you…. I haven’t experienced this behaviour. You know that they tell lies and can go to great lengths to tell lies. Even ‘acting out’ things that have absolutely no bearing on truth or reality.

  30. Mine said he could read minds. He’d stand with his hands on his temples, closing his eyes and telling me what he could see – being able to “apparently” hone into other people. It was all a ploy to have me on my toes believing he would always know what I was doing. I thought “is this guy for real?” 3 weeks after moving in he said he couldn’t afford to pay rent. Wanted my name on the lease and all bills which I didn’t. I had moved a long way to live with him. I began to see everything he said down to the smallest thing was a lie. All people are a game to him to all be used for his own purpose without them being aware of what hes really like. Everything he said and did was a lie. Last girl friends apparently were crazy he said. He was always the victim. He spoke on the phone with make believe people that weren’t there. He set the tv on a timer and it came on the same time every night. He made out it was a relative that had passed away 5 years prior, trying to make contact. This guy really was not all there. Everything he did was to confuse me so I would question my own thoughts. He lied about everything. Mirrored everything about me. Tried gaslighting me. The crocodile tears were always on tap. The list goes on. I moved out I was stalked. I’ve never met anyone so mixed up in my life… I moved and have never looked back – ever…

  31. I just want to tell you how glad I am I found this website! I feel like I am not alone. My situation is slightly different. I never was in love with this guy. I knew it was going to be trouble getting rid of him. So I played his game until either I moved or he disappeared. Now we have a child together. What do I do to keep him away from me? He is in jail right now and it says he wont be released until 2016. I have this sick feeling he will get out sooner and will come looking for me. I talked to his brother and he told me he always asked about me and has he seen me. I DO NOT want to be with him, I never did! But he just doesn’t get it. After I did not respond to his letters, he still wrote me and probably wrote more. I just never forwarded my mail to my new address 🙂 Of course he lied to me and my everyone else that I was evil! He was playing both ends from the middle. He lied about having a non profit legal business. He lied about his family. He even lied about why no one liked him. It was always someone else’s fault. Nothing but drama.

  32. Mine lied to me on the first date, second date and every date in-between. He said he suffered abuse by his father and narcissistic mother. He was locked in a cupboard under the stairs for days, when he was naughty as a boy (that was a lie). How he was always treated badly and he was always the underdog. Was bullied at school and had to leave school because of it. (that was a lie) He never got anything for Christmas and when he did it was all hand-me-downs (that was a lie). He told me he had numerous illnesses, constant pain (that was a lie). His ex cheated on him (that was a lie) his other ex stabbed him (that was a lie) his friend killed himself, (that was probably a lie) another was murdered (that was probably a lie).
    Wow and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What on earth goes on in their heads to make up such outlandish stories, I don’t know.
    They feign illness and injury to elicit sympathy and love playing the victim. They so love playing the victim that they can even cry fake tears to back up their story. Urgh! Mine also said he could ‘read’ people and deduce who and what they were simply from observation. He fancied himself as a part time Psychologist, loving to quote sayings from research and history as if he was an expert. He said he had 2 academic degrees (that was a lie). You get the picture. The thing is you don’t expect your other half to be telling you a load of rubbish and why would you check up with the family if he’s telling the truth, you wouldn’t would you? No one starts out disbelieving someone, but now we simply have to.
    It’s crazy behaviour. I can laugh now when I look back that I went along with some of his stories, not challenging them, but later when I did, I saw him fold under the pressure of questioning. The hero/victim soon became the villain.

  33. I dated a liar and user. At first, he will agree with everything I said and that looked fake. Then I love you came too quick. He had a toothache and he needed me to pay for it so I did, next he calls me the next morning after meeting me the night before that the cops pulled him over and gave him a ticket of 700 dollers on his way from my house. I never responded and no money came out from me. Then he said he was going on a show in las vegas and called to tell me he loved me with all his heart. I looked on facebook to see if the show was true and there he was with a picture of himself and another woman kissing and he called her wifey. Her profile page says she is a nurse so that made sense, when I asked him about this woman, he said it was his assistant and that he will never cheat on me, yet, her facebook timeline says she was in a hotel with him. He also had a pic of himself and the woman’s daughter on facebook, when I asked him who the girl was, he said it was his cousin and his facebook page had been hacked by his ex. Damn, Eddie Kelly the user, how many lies will you tell?

    1. I am so sorry nice a, you don’t deserve this and deserve so much better. She isn’t nothing that you are not and what he does to you. … He will do to her too. Can you place him on block so you can’t see and go no contact?

      1. Yes. I put him on block on my phone and on all social networks, I didn’t trust him and something about him did not feel right. I thank God that I caught his lies early, he didn’t deserve my goodness and in a way, I feel sorry for her because of what she will go through with him and from what I see, he uses alot of women also for money because he only works temp jobs.

  34. I went through a very similar situation. He hid our relationship for 3 months from the opposite sex, spoke to numerous females romantically behind my back til I caught him, had a porn addiction (dude couldn’t even get his shit up from it) then lied about it meanwhile the evidence was left on his phone and said “I don’t know how that got there.” It happened over the 6 months we were “together”. He even admited to never taking the relationship seriously even after buying me a promise ring. I even found a used condom (not from us) and he lied about cheating on me. He’d look at females as if they were nothing more than a sexual object then admitted to being on “the list” for child molestaion when I broke up with him. I left confused, yet happy. My cigarettes are better for me than he was to say the least. I learned a lot going through that roller coaster and it even have me a stronger backbone if you would.

  35. The most wonderful thing just happened. My borderline personality disordered bipolar alcoholic narcissistsociopath finally pushed two women too far. He has three domestic violence convictions from abusing his ex. I didn’t even know his real name and bailed him out three months ago on a warrant for a “little infraction” he had forgotten about. He is going to be sentenced in three days on the final DV against her – IF he shows up for court. Which he doesn’t intend to do. His ex and I spoke for the first time last night. We filled each other in on this cretin’s activities. He has just gotten off an involuntary mental health hold for threatening to kill his sister. And a “friend” gave him a shotgun, since he couldn’t legally obtain a firearm – “for home defense”. His ex recorded his loving phone call to her tonight, telling her how he intended to skip out on the $35,000 bail I had guaranteed for him. “Oh well”, was his comment when she told him I would lose my home if he did that. Sooooooooooo . . . she called me and played the recording for me – and I contacted the police department to let them know this man has a shotgun in violation of both his bail and of federal law. He’ll be going to jail by tomorrow morning for a total of at least a year-and-a half, hopefully more. Yep, keep it up, you crazy sociopaths, you. But don’t let two strong women put their heads together. We’ll beat you every time!!!!!

  36. But that was not my statement

    I opened my comment with:
    “Just intuitive from reading your post, i do not feel that you are infected by HIV”

    Please reread my comment!

  37. Uncovering the lies at the end, brings another kind of grief. A grief of the person that you THOUGHT you were with. A realisation that the person that you thought you loved, does not exist. As the lies are unravelled, it is also a very confusing time. When the sociopath knows that their lies will be found out. They will take off and move onto the next victim.” —- This is so spot on!!!

    1. This is where I am at. Absolutely sad at the loss of what I thought we had. Found out he is married, although he lied about that, saying it is a marriage of convenience and they have never been intimate. Says his 18 y.o son is adopted, even though he is the spitting image of the wife. This site is helping, but I still feel sad.

      1. Its normal to feel sad. It is a loss. Like a death, bereavement as the person you were sold didnt exist. Good news is that you CAN meet someone who does exist for real that isnt fake. Feeling sad is normal when experiencing loss, death, bereavement. Feel your feelings and own them … It will get better. I promise. Allow the tears to release the toxic of him and breath new life into you.

  38. I dont know if anyone will bother reading this … but ill write anyways.

    I am so relived (and horrified at the same time) That i found this site, horrified that that there are so many of these sick people out there hurting us.

    I meet a guy online, and i just felt this instant connection. I was so drawn to him and we started skyping (note, i really dont do this with anyone and can not for the life of me explain why i did so here.) And we talked, laughed and smiled for hours, to the early mornings. I hate to admit it, but I fell for him, his smile, voice and just..him immediatly, now, i never have crushes and i have never falled for anyone like this so this was completely new and confusing for me.

    However, I guess in some ways i have had since i was a kid a very.. pessimistic look on people. Dont trust anyone, i dont trust people whenever im feed compliments, i immediatly think that theyre trying to play me. So when we started talking and he was going on and on about how amazing i am, and how he never felt like this before. I nodded and smiled but damn it, it got to me because he sounded so goddamn genuine..horribly so. And he really made an effort to stay in contact, skyping, texting and saying over and over that he was coming to see me and “just wait, you’ll meet me up when i come right? I see you dont belive me, but ill prove you wrong, i promise!”

    And i trusted him. I dont understand how i could do that when i at the same time did not belive a word he was saying to me. I didnt belive him when he told me about his profession (he lied and said he was an army man, a sniper) started off with telling me that please to hear him out and not to judg him as he continued to explain about how he shot a kid and woman after the woman gave the kid a grenade and started walking in their direction (sounds familiar? oh thats right its the scene from American Sniper. How very clever of him.)

    Then he went on to tell me about his upbringing and what he’s been through and then whenever we talked something awful and horrofic seemed to happen to him. I mean shit happened to him in a week that doesnt hapen to people in a lifetime. Im talking about police arrests (oh not his fault of course, infair treatment from the police buhu ) and horrible car accident (friend is in a coma and now paralized) and his single mother losing her job (well first he said losing her job, then he changed it to being transfered)

    Now. I hang on to every word he was saying. He tells everything in detail. I nodded, threw out a question or two. Made sure to ask him about the same thing later. I noticed the details seems to change. To much for it to be a mistake, sometimes i call him out on it and watch im tell another lie i dont belive. Just like that. He did not even flinch for a second when i tried to subtily tell him that the story seem to have changed “I thought you said that you had one friend visiting. Now you mentioned a whole group” “Your car, are you sure? Oh you said a rental earlier today” and not even time for me to exhale he offers me a “oh no i mixed the details up im a bit tired” or a “Oh no your mistaken i meant that. Oh god i miss you so much. Youre amazing i wish i was with you right now”.

    I hated how he after a lie threw in pretty words to try to distract me. I knew the second he did this that it was to distract me. And i let him. I saw through his tricks, his so very pretty words and the illusions and the victimazation of himself and trying to guilt me when i asked him to prove a lie (which i knew there was no way for him to do.).

    I guess i can call myself lucky.. that this didnt go on for long, that It is in my personality to be reserved and to observe..and fixate, think about it day and night no matter what, when something just does not feel right. I used to hate this quality of mine. It keeps me sleepless and thinking when i simply dont want too. However This made me hand on to every word he said. This made me research him. Things he said, if they checked out; buildings, dates, instutitions. His friends, social media, whatever i got my hand on, And i have to say, he thought he was clever telling me he did not have facebook. That he used two phone numbers. One, the one he gave me, for his ‘victims’. and one for himself and his ‘normal life’. Yeah. the sick fuck did not give me enough credit.
    I know how to research. And i do it well and thorugh. (oh and im kinda mad at myself for wastin so much time on him, in the end i had a good picture of his life, what he did, what his real job was, his hobbys and whatnot. Some of it was matching things he told me. but almost all of it was different)

    Yeah…My gut feeling and pessimism; it helped me from falling deeper into this mess which i will forever be greatful for.I trusted him (Blaming this on the heart.). But i never belived him (thank you brain). For some reason i thought treated trust and belif as two different things, i shouldnt have.

    But what hurt me the most, and the only reason why he i cant simply just not forget him is because i dont understand Why. Why lead me on? Why try to get me to fall for you? (which is what he was trying to do) just why the hell would anyone go through this charade?!

    I consider myself a reasonable person that likes to thing through thinkgs logically. but this. its not logical for me, i dont understant why and its driving me crazy. and also allowing him to be in my head. and i want him gone.

    1. Hi, i read your story.. I don’t know if i’m being paranoid or if this guy has the most elaborate dating strategy I’ve even heard of. Will you please contact me…

  39. Mine was in a car accident that his fiancee was killed in. He was in a coma for a month & hospital for 9 months. Had to learn to do everything again. Then he told me his fiancee had been pregnant with their child. He didn’t know. Found out when he came round from the coma. The accident key him with a steel plate in the back of his head. Must say the scar looked very small for the size of the plate. Then he was married to a Russian woman for 8 years so was living a double life. They had a business together in the UK & she took him for just about everything he had while he was in hospital after she’d tried to kill him by poisoning him with herbal teas. He was in such a bad way when this all happened he was close to committing hari kiri. He then meet someone with a young son & they split after 2 years because her son was completely undisciplined. Would cut up his clothes, wee on them. Scratched his car with a screw driver & stabbed the dog. All the while he was best friends with his ex girlfriend still as he fixed up & renovated her house for her & looked after his finances for him while he was staying in SA. He would go away on trips for weeks to a month at a time, sometimes barely communicating with me & the one time I heard from him constantly. There was no consistency. He took me to choose a new car he wanted to ‘buy’ me. Got a builder to come & quote on fixing & renovating my house. None of these things ever materialised. The net was closing in on him. I expect I was asking too many questions because I’d become suspicious so he took off on ‘another trip’ to the UK to fetch his ‘daughter’ to come live with us because her legal guardian mom or adopted mom was called back to Syria & the child was asking for him & she decided she’s not cut out to be a full time mom. I phoned so many schools trying to get her in somewhere & even went to look at schools. Then when I emailed him forms & told him he needed to fill them in so I could get her in somewhere, he told me the forces social workers had placed her with a military family she knows & she seems happy & doesn’t want to come live in SA. When I asked how 6 year old can be allowed to decide that for herself he never gave me an answer. He’d change the subject. The ‘daughter’ they found at sea when he worked for a special unit of the British marines, called rescue team or SBS, when they were stationed somewhere near Syria & her parents were escaping Syria & drowned. They’re tied empty milk bottles around her so she stayed afloat. They found her when she was 4 & he & his forces partner adopted her. First it was that they were her legal guardians then at a later stage be said they adopted her & told me that he had said they gad adopted her in the first place but I know he hasn’t but made me think I was wrong. He said if they hadn’t taken her in she would have ended up someone’s child bride or concubine. His last trip be was going back to resign from the forces because he’d had an operation on his ankle & was going to get his pension. This latest trip he said he was going to the UK to fetch his ‘daughter’ but I eventually, after a few weeks of him leaving, I found out he never went there & I’m sure had no plans to go. His car wasn’t in the ‘long stay’ parking area at the airport where he said he was leaving it. I was going out my mind as I was very suspicious at this stage, the very little communication & long lapses didn’t help, so I went to the airport to check. His cousins here didn’t even know he was going anywhere & hasn’t heard from him in a while. His great aunt said he’s a mystery man & he lies. She also said he lives like a gypsy going from place to place. I had also realised it by this stage. He never put roots down. He was staying with me before his last ‘trip’ but strangely never unpacked much of his things & when he left on his latest ‘trip’, he took everything with him. When I questioned him about it, he gave me a story that if he couldn’t get his daughter a study visa for SA be may have to stay in the UK. What a load of bull he told me & when I think back I really believe his stories initially. I felt sorry for him & I think I wanted to believe him. He obviously had to move onto his next victim before his lies were found out as I was already becoming too suspicious. Questioning too much for his liking. And they hate confrontation! He would become very silent & look sad (it was probably an act). Some of his ‘stories’ were probably true but I wouldn’t know which because he lied so much. Oh & we were planning a future together, talking marriage. I was very hurt but I realise the person I loved wasn’t real. I don’t know who he was & now I’m just so relieved I got a lucky escape & just feel very sorry for him as how can someone like this be happy! He’ll end up with nothing & no-one & it’s impossible to be with someone you can’t trust & believe in. Oh yes, he had really bad headaches often, (from the plate of course), a kidney infection, bad diarrhoea & tick bite fever all (which he’d forgotten he told me it was a kidney infection so then told me it was tick bite fever & when I questioned him, he said he had both & he’d been nowhere where he could have got it), all in the space of 4 months! !

  40. We should put their names up here or on Facebook to warn others. Oh yes, he wasn’t allowed to be on fb because of being in the forces & didn’t like me putting photos of him on my page! I wonder why??!! Haha!

    1. Oh facebook is the best toolbook for sociopaths. they can glean information from people. they can manipulate, they can get information to threaten people with. they can catch people unawares, they can get contact details of those close to their victims. they can play the game and go to town on facebook, and indeed – they do too.

  41. He wasn’t on Facebook & didn’t want photos of himself posted on fb. I think because he was worried someone may recognise him. Perhaps one of his past victims & he’d be found out.

  42. Hi all
    I’m feeling absolutely wretched. I’ve been seeing my bf for over 4 years. I see him every day we don’t live Together. we have coffee every day, we go away weekends. We are very close. Two years ago I started to get concerned that his last name didn’t seem to come up in anything – He wont let me meet family or friends yet as we are both just separated and have kids etc. So I find out he lied about surname. 2 years on I’ve foundbout that his first name is also a lie. He told me he and his wife are yet to separate assets and then I find out its all done!!! Now ive looked a bit and found him on dating sites!!! Wtf!!
    I’m crushed!!! Please help.

  43. I’m dumping one now👍 met him on dating site end of March chatted til May met him we kicked things off & I realized he was on some lying bs it started when he was in Cali on memorials day but didn’t tell me however I said some things that made him tell the truth where he was Rigjf when he was there 👎 then it just has been lie after lie after lie it’s only been 2 months of kickin it however I’m DONE with him last straw he volunteers to help me in a situation however he ain’t did crap to fulfill handle or take care of it JUST AINT HEARD NOTHIN from him LIES💩 thankfully I’m able to take care of the situation myself 😊🌟👍 now this fool some where’s thinking I’m gonna call him of text NOPE it’s over he’s a missing a finger LOSER LIAR👎 THANKFULLY I have no tolerance for bullsheitt clause for myself on & he was pushing living together marriage unnn unnn lol not with him👑

  44. Has anyone ever exposed their sociopath after finding out who he was ? I’m tempted to send messages over social media to those I’ve found (family) to tell them what has been done. I’m wondering if action can be taken against that ? Simply sending it surely isn’t harassment or stalking as he put it. He’s still trying to call and is still messaging. He’s trying to play the nice guy now and how sorry he was trying to protect himself !

  45. I wonder the same Lrj…

    I recently discovered my ex cheated on me while we were still together. IDK why, but I just couldn’t let a certain situation go and after investigating it, he was not whom he said he was with… Plus, not letting me come over the next morning, the robe in the bathroom being moved. He lied to my face numerous times without flinching or raising his voice. Looking back now I see so many other signs that this could have been going on throughout our entire 7 month relationship. Did I even know this person? “Good guy looking for good girl” is what his title said on the dating site… Yeah, so I wouldn’t ask any questions and he could dupe me. I feel so dumb and hurt!!! How long does this last?

    1. Omg how come there are so many!! How is that possible? Everyone i know is going through this and its weird to have these patterns of human behavior so prevalent. Three years for me and trying to secretly destroy your self worth with sex…their husbands all wanting to be treated as a woman…some with strangers…i can’t believe how many of these people are risking others lives with no regard…mine is scary i don’t know who or what she is meeting up with…aids?

    2. I knew 4 or 5 people like this.. They have this unique way of mindset.It can be very detrimental in many ways. They all need to be placed in a mental hospital to have a clear understanding of what they are doing from all aspects to all of who they know. Get a dose of the same treatment from the other side and that’ll get them
      To see it the way they need to

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