“In the process of letting you go, I had to lose many things in my past, but I found myself. It will be a permanent self, rooted in awareness and creativity once it’s captured, and then I can capture the world.”
I’ve learned a lot about myself lately. Some of it because of you, but mostly because instead of denying how I feel, I’m accepting it. It’s the only way I can make myself better. I can tell myself all day long what’s best for me, I can hear it from everyone around me, but it was never going to happen until I actually did something about it. It’s a big deal, and a huge step in improving me. I have so much potential, and because I see that I am successful already in a lot of areas, I’ve brushed off what’s really inside me for a long time. It’s crazy that now I see that instead of God putting us together for me to help you, it was actually the opposite. For the first time in my life, my humility has allowed me to reach out and ask for help. I know I can’t do it alone, so I have found someone to counsel me. My counseling does not focus on you, so don’t think all I do is talk about the things that happened between us. I hope that if you reread the letter I wrote, you can see that I didn’t dwell on the things you did, but I focused on how I felt during those situations. There is a difference. The whole thing, though it included you, was about me. It was about how I never saw the value in my true self. Once I learn to value myself, then I believe God will give me a relationship that will make everyone happy: me, that man, God, family, and friends.
I don’t hate you, and I never could. And just because I’m working on me and moving past you, it doesn’t mean I’m not still heartbroken that I will never have you. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. I love your spirit, you personality, your charm, your adventurous nature, and all of the different things you have to offer. That why God sent me you, you are everything that he knew I wanted and would love. He also knew it would take my experience with you to make my change. I can continue to pray, and I hope one day you will use me to make your change as well. I don’t believe that you will ever be happy until you make that change.
We are who we are, and we know each other well enough that we know who each other is. I know you accuse me of things, and SOME of those were true, but I know you accuse me because deep down you’re so angry with me, because I see exactly who you are. Remember, I love who you are, and I appreciate it. I’ll never back down or give up on your change because of my love for you. That is why I can forgive you. It’s because of my forgiveness that I am able to move on. As long as I’m angry with you or hurt by things, I will stay in the same place I’ve always been.
In accepting all that has happened, I have also learned that forgiveness and reconciliation do not go hand-in-hand. This is something that because of this change, we will never be able to do. We have to forgive each other for ourselves, no one else. Trust me, if it had been up to everyone else, you would have been history long ago. So all of this has nothing to do with anyone but us, my change and your change. They are both equally as important, but they having nothing to do with each other. I do not need you for this, and you do not need me. My change is me and what I’ll do for myself, and yours is your own. The only involvement I will have is what I gave you in the past.
It’s not me being hateful or vindictive, but me knowing there’s a purpose for you in my life, but that purpose was not to live happily ever after with you. And as I write that, even though I truly believe it, it still makes me sad: very sad. That is why reconciliation can never be a part of us. We can forgive each other, but neither of us will ever be able to forget about what we’ve done to each other.
I will always tell people your value to me. I’ve always stood up for you, even when everyone else was against it. I’m thankful I have the ability to see the best in people, because it’s a rare quality to have. In the future though, I have to add my own value of myself with each choice I make. That will be just as hard as making the change now, but for me to be better, it’s the only choice I have. I have to make choices that are best for me and Brooklyn. I made that promise when Lance left, and I have been letting her go without ME for too long. Giving her a home, clothes, food, and security could never outweigh the love I should have been and promise to give her from now on.
Hi my name is Brooke and 3 weeks ago I left my sociopathic husband. We had been together 7 years and married for 7 months. I am so glad I found this site as I have been having so many mixed feelings after 7 years of what I now know is abuse. The final straw for me was finding out he had been seeing a girl 2 weeks after the wedding and I was ready to end it but he spun more lies and said I didn’t love him enough and that he only wants me etc etc so I agreed to marriage counselling and had 3 sessions in which I found out after the third session he was cotinuing to see this person even having weekends away when he said he was on work trips.i guess I am most hurt because for the past 4 years I have paid for absolutely everything for us, rent flood electricity holidays and he would never spend a cent on me not for birthdays or Xmas and I found out he was blowing money on weekends away diamond earrings lingerie for this girl.
We moved to qld 5 years earlier away from my friends and family and he had no intention of moving back. I have recently found out he has moved this new girl into our house and they constantly flaunt it. Why do I care? After 7 years he made me feel like I needed him and couldn’t do it on my own. But the truth is I was doing it on my own and holding up his end of the rope. I really want to believe their is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel sick thinking how worthless I was that I could walk out and it didn’t mean anything to him. He got violent to me when j attempted to leave and that really scared me. I have so much love and support I just wish this phase wasn’t so painful
Hello, I’ve been reading this site for a few days now, gained enough insight and encouragement to post my story. I’m currently in a relationship with a medically diagnosed sociopath with bi-polar. We’re both 26. I met him 2 years ago through my job. He had recently been released from a 3 year prison stint for CSC with Intent. I didnt find this out until 6 months later. I was told he got busted for “drugs and stuff”. I had my fair share of troubles with the law as a teen so I didn’t judge nor prod for information, everyone makes mistakes. It was a whirlwind romance, I moved into his apartment within 6 months of dating. That’s when the mask dropped. He had a serious drug and alcohol addiction, I got swept up into that madness and began using as well. A few drunken nights and heated arguements lead to me being choked out until I blacked out, body slammed, flipped over furniture, backhanded across the face, pinned down, hair pulled, sexually assulted, called every name in the book. My belongings thrown off the balcony, locked outside of the apartment in the middle of the nignt during a snow storm, my car keys being held hostage. I had to shush and plead with the downstairs neighbor to not call the police, please don’t make it worse for me. To which every time I would beg to be let back in, beg to stay in the relationship, beg for forgivness for whatever misdeed I committed. I would cry myself to sleep, curled up in a ball at the end of the bed, just to be woken up hours later to soft kissess and soft hands, making love to me, never apologizing, just “making up” the only way he knew how. One nignt doing ecstasy (club drug) he got really emotional, started crying and spilled his life story. What crime he committed, how fucked up his life was, how he was bi-polar, a sociopath, stopped taking his meds and life was spiraling out of control. He got me right in the feels. Shortly after this confession we lost our jobs. Our industry has a lot of lay offs, it was bound to happen, and I took it as an opprotunity to find a new endeavour. Little to my knowledge did I know I’d be locked in the apartment with him for the next 6 months. A little about him before I get too far.. He is a functioning sociopath. Works, pays bills in full on time, cooks, cleans, saves money, almost thrifty. I’ve had to teach him how to do taxes, how to get car and health insurnace, the basics of being an adult. Being locked up during those crucial years he missed a lot of things he should have learned. He appreciated it, still asks me for advice. He’s very sweet, kind, generous. He asks me if I need/want anything, and gives me money whenever I ask. He’s very logical, smart, quickwitted, has common sence and a great sence of humor. He’s a true blue sociopath, chauvinistic, egotistical, everyone is beneath him. He’s very handsome, healthy aside for drugs, works out, eats right. He’s not mirroring a perfect man for me, he came that way. But at a price. The demons that live in his head. He’s very open, honest, almost proud to be a sociopath. He told me all the signs and how they act, how he acts and how he thinks. He’ll demonstrate his abilities to me. Says “watch this, bet I can get them to do what I want” or tells me how to swindle people into what I want! He’s said how he truly feels, or dosen’t, however you look at it. But he loves me. In his own fucked up way. Yeah he’ll treat me bad, but I can always leave. He’s not keeping me here. He lets me know when his bi-polar is kicking in, when he’s feeling off. I’ve researched bi-polar, I know the signs, the cycles, some of his triggers. He’s said a few times he’d like to see a psych, but I don’t believe there’s any weight behind in. Sometimes, its as if he’s a sociopath to me, but also clues me in when he’s doing it to other people? He has no friends. A close knit family but they live hours away. He’s a lone wolf. Which brings me to the 6 months in the apartment. He was glued to me. Everywhere I went. He did. From the store to sitting on the countertop while I used the bathroom. I had a lot of fun. Not going to lie, it was great to spend every waking minute with him. The abuse stopped, the relationship was like what it was in the beginning. Until unemployment started to run out for him. Panic set in. The shitty moods came back. The lease was going to be up. The drugs started again. We got into a car accident, his car was totalled. Bad luck back to back. I found a good paying job, busted my hump to pay rent and save for a deposit on a new place. He helped as much as he could, when he could. He always has. The move went good, this time the apartment is in BOTH of our names. I cannot be kicked out this time around. The relationship has changed since moving here. Either the honeymoon phase is over again or he’s getting bored. I typed him up a resume, sent it out and found him a great paying job he enjoys. He’s been using my car to get back and forth to work while saving for a new car for the last 3 months. He finished parole and has no major debt now. And that’s where he stops needing me. Now your up to speed.. Here’s what the last 2 weeks have looked like.. I work 1 week out of the month, but 130 hours, Sunday to Sunday, I had made of comment on how I’d miss spending time with him on Sunday, to which he said “woman I need at least a day break from you!” I took it in a hurtful way and carried about my day. His parents live 2 hours away, when we visit we stay the whole weekend, he usually makes these plans and springs them on me a day before or the day of. I had to work and it was Mother’s day weekend. I conjured put this plan that he could get some space from me, visit his family and enjoy the weekend away from home. I’d spring clean and my mom would come by on Sunday to visit me. Mind you, he’s taking the car. I’m left home stranded. That idea threw him into a rage. That I had alterior motives, that we should break up. And somewhere between then, him driving my car, got side swiped. And needs $1000 worth of work. Cannot be driven long distances. And conveniently, my work called off Friday through Sunday, and my mom cancelled on me. All which ment I made everything up. Life really screwed me last week. He ended up staying home, brooding that he didn’t get to go visit. Which lead to more arguing about how he couldn’t trust me. Made me spill a past relationship mistake from 3 years ago before I even met him, because he “heard” something, and that means I have a track record. Not to be trusted. I held my ground, said I will not be held accountable to a mistake I made in the past that had/has nothing to do with you. Its not your business! I learned a lesson and I will not have it rehashed in my new relationships! He backed off, swicthed back to neutral, has been “normal” for the past few days. He said his jealousy is over the top. He compares past relationships to me. How he wouldn’t stalk or track my phone, search my email or texts, which he has, multiple times. He wouldn’t have someone follow me or watch the house. He wouldn’t put that much effort into it. He’s just waiting for the let down. Ugh. I know. Shame on me. Please dont give me the 3rd degree or the GET OUT RUN NOW speech. I love this man. I’ve been through hell and back. I have a strong support system, although they don’t know my relationship, he’s always been portrayed prince charming, I will be taken care of if I leave. I just… Cant. I don’t know. He’s eveything I want. He’s perfect. Excpet for the obvious. Am I wrong to want to stay? I can have anyone. I’m petite, pretty, have a lot going for me. But I want him. Not to fix him. Or change him. I’m enthralled. But now that he’s on his feet. Its only a matter of months and he’s going to jump ship. My hearts not prepared. My mind is. But god it hurts already.
Hi, I’m back again. I posted my story yesterday. I hope it published? Thats the first time I’ve ever talked about us. I can’t have the site e-mail me for replies (he searches my phone) so I’ll keep checking back in. Figured this could be my diary of sorts? How living daily with a sociopath plays out until I figure something out. Yesterday was another round. After wrecking my car and accusing me of cheating, I’m put up to the task of buying replacement parts (with my own money) and finding a mechanic. Which means I have the car to myself all day while he’s at work. Oh no. It’s never that easy. The day begins with the usual silent treatment and coffee, pop some pills and get ready for the day. Its a half hour drive into work, limping my broken car, to find out “oh shit I forgot such and such, run home and get it for me?” Another half hour drive back, search for said item, drive another half hour. Drive all the way back home, go to the auto parts store (its within walking distance mind you). Get home, get settled, start cleaning and its close to noon. Back in the car to bring him lunch/whatever item he now needs. Except its noon. And traffic sucks. I’m not exactly on time when I arrive. No fight. No yelling. Oh no. He wants my permission to release his from a promise he made 2 years ago. His word is his bond. That’s his mantra. If you can swindle/blackmail him into a promise/agreement he sticks to it. With hatred for you, but upheld. I forgot to mention yesterday, you have to be very careful how you word things. Play semantics. For example, I said “I won’t be set up to say no to your request, because that is a sign/form/admittance of control, but I will decline to take back the promise I had asked for.” It’s all a power game, have to think and rethink what comes out of your mouth, have to play the game. Yet, he’s my best teacher? As for not releasing him, he sulked, silent treatment, upon leaving the car he says “how do you continue to love someone you don’t trust? Whats the point? I mean at one point I loved you with my whole heart, now I just love you less. Pick up coffee will ya? Bye.” I went home, set an alarm, and cried myself to sleep. Fuck fixing the car. Fuck him. I was pretty silent when I went to pick him up. He caught on. Tried to hold a conversation but I one word answered just about everything he had to say. Nothing got done around the house, I didn’t care. I didn’t plan dinner. I really haven’t eaten in 3 days. Per usual, he rolls his shoulders a few times, sighs, rubs his neck, all signs he wants a back rub. I relent. Whatever. My sweet man comes out when touch him. He melts in my lap. Kissess my thighs. Lays there for awhile after I’m done. The night continued in silence really. Not a angry silence. Just wore out. Nothing to say. He made himself food and prodded me to eat. I denied. Truthfully the thought/smell makes me sick. He kept prodding and prodding. I sat up and forced down what he offered with a smile. This he dosen’t like. On a deeper level. Not an angry one. He has feelings. Just not many. I can see worry/shock/confusion in his eyes. Asks me over and over why I won’t eat. I’m wanting to scream because of you! I’m depressed, sad, hurt, empty, I have no will or drive to care for myself cause I’m too busy wrapped up in you! I say, I’m just not feeling good. He registers the lie. You know how you can watch thier eyes change? The mask slip? Thats the last time we spoke. Went to bed. This morning was the same. Except he wasnt feeling good. Layed his head in my lap. Ran off late to work. And let today begin..
Hi. I was blind about my ex.
The story begins one day I had his cell phone and found a chat with his ex girlfriend. In this conversation he sent her kisses and told her he wanted her in a room without clothes. When I told him I saw the texts and I never wanted to talk to him again…
He said ” Why are you looking for stuff you shouldn’t, You don’t know how is to treat her, you have to go with her mood, It was a revenge, because she was so mean with me, look at me I’m calm, I know I didn’t do anything wrong”
He said he needed to tell me the story which was only that it was a vendeta and that he never saw her. I thought he was telling the truth, why? I don’t know, but I stay by his side. The same day I forgive him, her ex contacted me and told me he gave to both of us the same valentines day presents, and that they had sex like a month before. We were together like for 5 months by that time.
I told him I was so angry I wanted to hit him. He said yes please lets meet. And he started to telling me hoew much he loved me, that he wanted us to get married and have kids and he wanted to spent all his life with me.
I decided to take some time, two weeks to see if my mind was good and i could stay with him. To be fare I lovede him too much. So passed those weeks I told him that we will stay togheter. I tried so hard to forget, but it was so difficult for me. He was like so natural, like it never happened. And told me “the past is in the past”. It was a month, yes a whole month that we get together, ans brake up and get together and brake up. Because I missed him so much, and he never stopped sending me texts or calling. So when we go back I felt so stupid and used, I always told him I wanted to end the relationship.
The day before his bday I left him as many times before, but as many times before he still beg me to return, one day I decided to ask her ex girlfriend, just to corroborate the story if they hadn’t seen each other, and she told me that night before his bday they spent the night togethr.
When I asked him he told me ” we are not togehter when we are, I owe you an explanation, before I won’t, You weren’t there, tell me where were you Did you know how i was feeling?”
I decided for that very moment I will never go back with him, but he kept texting me , calling, going to my gym after his work, I was another month of him asking me , ” do you miss me, do you still love, don’t you suffer, we both are suffering” everytime he cried.
But I talked with her exgirlfriend and they are back together, and he is still begging me to go back with him. Each and every time he says ” it’s your fault we are suffering, your insecurities made all this. If you hadn’t look my cell phone and ask her anything we would be happily ever after”
I’ve slowly started my escape. Gathered all my important information (soc card, birth cert, debts) and took them to my moms. Fruitless, since he snapped pictures of everything without my knowledge. I found them one day when he asked me to find something in his phone. I sat there shocked, he laughed it off “have to protect myself babe!” no use in deleting them, its probably backed up and saved elsewhere. I wiped my pone and both computers to factory settings, if he has some kind of keylogger or tracking system, hopefully it was wiped too. I’ve started to delete myself from the internet. All social media down to my Ebay account, started sending e-mails to Whitepages, Intelluis, Radaris to take down my information and pictures they’ve gathered. Kind of regret signing up to vote as your address is posted online without your consent. I’ve gathered as much money as I can and hid a stash in the house. Changed my bank information and got a new card without him knowing. Amped up security on my phone providers service, explained to them my situation. Huge pain in my ass, but an even bigger one for him if he tries anything. I’m going to attempt to dissapear before I actually do. So when he jumps online or asks a friend, no search results or information pops up. Have to stalk me the old fashioned way. The house I can move into is on a dead end. So good luck being sneaky. Perhaps the neighbors bushes? Guess we’ll see if it gets to that point. There’s so many steps to take. I can’t jump head first. He’s 5 steps ahead. I have to be smart and work myself out of this mess, be logical not emotional. He’ll use my emotions, my weaknesses. I have to win these small victories to make progess.
He’s told me if I ever left I’d regret it. In the same breathe he tells me to get the fuck on. I’m not sure what to believe. He’s threatened other people before that have “done him wrong” like his old job? Throw bricks through the windows and stalk the manager so he can pop holes in her tires.. From 3 years ago. He whispered to me one time “if you leave, I’ll kill you” and kissed me so sweetly. My heart sank. I don’t want to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. He’s told me “I’d better go ghost, because if he finds me..” I know, I know, call the police. Well I don’t trust the police. Nor do I trust his swindling ass. Somehow I’d get locked in the looney bin and he’d waltz around with a victory. Just have to play/beat him at his own game. I may be slightly socio, or absorbed some of his traits, I’ve learned to watch, to listen, to move the right piece at the right time, one day I’ll checkmate his ass.
I think he knows he’s losing grip. Simple idioctic things he tries to wrangle me back, he’s saving for a car, hates the color blue. It just so happens to be my favorite color. Apparently he’s getting a blue car now. We live in an apartment and I had to give up my dog to move here, it was hard, I was heartbroken, I’ve been mentioning having a pet again. All of a sudden, he’ll buy me a cat, a dog, whatever fuzzy thing that will make me happy. He hates animals. Whatever I latch onto, he’ll bitch, piss, moan, tell me how stupid it is. Then next week he’s all about it. So I’ll use that to my advantage. Start liking/disliking something and he’ll hop on board. I don’t think he realizes how obvious/horribly played his “mirroring” tatics are.
I have introduced myself before. I am American married to a man from another country who is powerful. And very much addicted to the attention it provides him and his sociopath behavior. My story is different. I have four children with him and he has repeatedly cheated. With many at the same time. I don’t even know where he finds the energy!!!! There r so many!!!
Because I am here n this country with my kids I’m sort of stuck until he finished building the house he is building for me n kids. Maybe 6mo the? I can’t go to America. Kids were born here n I like it here but I can’t be n this marriage. He’s very much a sociopath n liar n cheat and selfish and attention seeker.
He’s not living with us.
My situation is different because he’s Muslim and he said I divorce u to me. Which in Islam means we religiously not man n wife. However that doesn’t me anything to me or this government as we have filed papers n the court we r married!
So he uses this as we r divorced but then uses the paper marriage as control.
It’s been six months r so and at first I was asked to keep it private we r not together cus his public image. However my 22 year old daughter received a call asking if her mom n dad r divorced cus her cousin said my husband was interested n marriage with her!?!?
My daughter called him and was screaming at him. He then calls me m tried to tell me he loves me. I ignore him n don’t text back. He then starts being mean n saying he will get married again. I then respond good Luck I wish u all best n ur new life. Inside I was emotionally a wreak. Then I notified the children as I thought it true.
He got upset I told kids n demanded I say to them I was joking!?!?!? Wtf? No…… U said it and they should know.
My 17 year old son got so mad because he finally had enough of me upset and told his father off! Which in this culture never happens!!!
Thing is I know he told a girl he was going to make arrangements to get the ball rolling for a marriage with her. But I have always seen him play this card before. Girls n this country will not sleep with u unless u r committed n like ma.engaged.
So it could be a game he’s playing who knows.
My sp was never abusive and never shouted and was just a prince until the day he left me.
But I’m n counseling and I’m learning how to not supply him with attention. I am not always positive on it but I’m way better than I used it to. And he can’t stand it.
I think I just experienced my first ASAP attack with deliberate attention to hurt me feelings. But thank god my kids love him but made it clear to stop sending her things that make her upset.
Like I said. We r still not paper divorced for reason u wouldn’t understand n this country. A woman gets nothing n a divorce here except a house she lives in. The man must leave the house n make monthly payments to the bank. Right now I’m renting n we r building. As soon as I get my house I will demand a paper divorce.
In doing this it requires me working with him on interior design.
I try n pick out the house things n he pays. But this is a very stressful time for me. U can’t walk away!!!!!! No it’s not this easy when u have four kids and r planning ur house. I wish I knew how to old why we do new houolsinf
He knows the system pretty well. He’s had his rounds. I’ve thought about it, but it seems to be more of a hassle than good. In my state I need proof, not just hearsay. It could lead to further court action and thats too much of a long drawn out process for my nerves. He would retaliate if a piece of paper was in order or not. Or send someone else. Or wait it out. I’d rather just fade into the darkness. Let him find another person to harass. If I let myself be boring enough, disinterested enough, he’ll get restless and dig his own grave. Some battles aren’t ment to be fought, untimalty its winning the war.
Thank you Cindy 🙂 Everyday I wake up, look myself square in the eye and remind myself how beautiful, happy, outgoing and a genuinely nice person I am. I won’t let him shape nor define me. I’ve fought to be the person I am. I won’t let him destory me. I love him. Very much. I always will. But my heart is guarded. I’ve reigned in my feelings and got my head back on right. Love blinded me. But I’ve learned a lesson. A valuable one. Be careful who you give yourself to.
Hello Shay.. I am so sorry read all those!! I am sure you will get what you want..As you said you should plan every step of yours and be careful while doing so! We are here for you
That means a lot Nykie 🙂 I feel safe speaking my mind here. With people who understand. Who won’t judge. I can’t explain any of this to my family or friends. They’d be concerned and push help onto me. I love them dearly and the support is wonderful, but I can’t have them at risk by involvement. He might retaliate agaisnt them as well. I’m trying to protect everyone from him. You guys are wonderful!
Sorry for this long post, I just feel like nobody else can understand what I’m going through…
I just broke up with a guy, who I believe is a sociopath, a week ago, after 6 months together (I knew him for almost a year).
He was everything you can describe a sociopath with, except for the abuse/violence part.
He pursued me hard, with the most passionate words, affection, gifts, everything.. and after 5 month of knowing him, he moved in with me and my children. he bonded with them well, do nice things for them, and they loved him.
I caught him with lies a few times, and he managed to look as if he’s deeply regretting it, saying it is all because of his insecurities. I forgave him.
Then, one day my daughter was missing 200$ from her drawer. he took it.. apologized to no end, saying how stupid he is, that he was ashamed to ask me for a loan (though he had no problem asking before and never paying back) that he was ashamed and felt less of a man, not being able to provide (he had a shitty job and was horribly irresponsible with money)…and all the time saying how I am the love of his life, can’t live without me ..
I kicked him out of the house, and agreed to try work thing out if he’ll go to therapy.
But, my gut wouldn’t let me rest.
I hacked into his FB account, I knew I will find my answers there.
And there it was.. hundreds and hundreds of lies he told people over the years, about who he is and what he does… he even told a woman once that he has kidney cancer!
I found out about the endless amount of drugs he did, and also criminal record since he was a teenager.
I found out he had a LDR with another woman right until the day he and I became “official”.. he told her he loves her everyday for months and talked about marriage– and also lied to her about the stupidest things.
I confronted him with all the knowledge I gathered, and he had a long pity story about how insecure he is, his troubled childhood, his PTSD (army) etc etc..
but his eyes. his eyes. they were emotionless and intense at the same time, scary even.
He always wanted me to look into his eyes, and he could stare at me forever, at first I thought it was sexy, passionate, but then it felt creepy.
The morning after this long conversation, I logged to his account again and I saw him hitting on 2 girls– a 16 yo, and his COUSIN!
That’s when I told him to never ever talk to me again.. he came to my workplace trying to convince me that there’s nothing to it, just a joke, denying everything… telling me he can’t have me thinking he’s not loyal.
He still haven’t payed back the money to my daughter, he actually told me that since he bought things for the house we shared- that this should cover this.
Also begged me to not tell anyone about him..
Looking back, I ignored things about him that I shouldn’t, the short temper he had with other people, the way he treated his dog- beatin the poor thing as a discipline, saying that’s the only way with pitbulls, laughing at a kid that fell because of his dog.. etc
people in my life can’t believe this story.. he showed such a different persona to everyone in my life
Now I feel like I’m touching madness at the edge of my mind, like I’m going crazy, realizing all this love was fake. he was fake. we were fake. he just used me for money and comfortable life, and for his public image to look good…
I thought after my narcissistic ex-husband, who abused me in any way possible, the one who molested our daughter and got out of it without punishment, that I will be able to see and acknowledged the signs. and I didn’t. because he lied so differently from anyone I knew, I could never read the lies on his face and body.
I cannot trust my judgment anymore… and even though I know I’m not to blame, and that people like him are predators looking for the most trusting and empathetic individuals, I still feel shame in my inability to see the signs..
This really hits close to my heart, and I just want you to know that I feel deeply for what you must be going through. Our situations are different – mine is far less intense in that I was the LDR in the scenario, always the promise that he would come soon! But he never did. I can not explain it out because of the shame that I didn’t see it coming a mile away. No one thinks they will be catfished, I had talked to this man intensely for almost five years. I’m an educated person, very well read – I have read a million stories just like this and still nothing – thanks brain! His girlfriend called me last December and told me the truth. I wish she hadn’t been as mad at me as she was. I was also heartbroken. I thought my prince charming was coming to me after his legal issues were through. If I had any idea that he was even talking to another girl, let alone being in a long term relationship, I would have never continued it. Everything was confirmed and more thanks to some quick Internet searches. I am starting on a path for Gratefulness – I don’t need a Prince Charming but he still might come along…now that my heart isn’t set on this other guy. Funny how charming and wonderful it all was in the beginning. I really thought something GREAT was going to happen to me. Instead, just the shame of online dating, being catfished, i’m out $110 and there’s a girl out there who thinks I’m a bad person. I’m disgusted with myself honestly, because I feel that the real me is lost. I don’t even know what to do on my own, it’s like I’ve been controlled for so long part of me is still looking for direction. I pray for myself and everyone else on this site for guidance, although I am not a religious person, mediating and prayer is the only thing keeping me grounded at the moment.
Yes ma’am!!! Been there, done that!!! You will be just fine!!! His loss. Yes, I love my sociopath also ( very much ) but I had to remember who I am and all that I have to offer someone who will appreciate me!!
@Freyja
Don’t give up. He is just trying to get control over you. He is not the answer. Please keep the no contact…give it time everything will be better.
Today was a difficult day for me..He texted me and asked me how is my moving process.(because of my job i am moving to his city.we had a long distance relationship for a year) i answered and told him it is fine i will be there..then he wrote me something about s.x..first he implied and i asked him what did he mean..it was obvisous that he wanted s..xting..( we were doing it when we were iin different cities) i told him after all those things that happened it is not ok to talk those,i am not a woman that will have meaningless s..x with someone.he said he didnt mean that..and then i told him he he wants to talk about dirty then first we need to talk what happened..his answer was things can happen and his job was a problem but also the distance..i didnt reply.
Am i just i s.x object? if the distance was the problem why didnt he tell me and didnt try to solve this problem..i am so confused and my love to him block my commonsences..
It is a miracle I found this site. I have a story so wild I thought I was the only woman who could possibly be stuck in a situation like this. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one. Im not strong enough to tell my whole story just yet, I’ve hashed it over in my head for well on three years now with this guy. We’ve been up, we’ve been down. He is the LITERAL definition of everything this site says he his. To put it lightly, he cheated on me with his mother’s half sister’s daughter….his half first cousin. Because they were distant family and have money. He left me at the airport after my grandmother passed away and my trust fund was frozen…which used to produced an extra 1500.00 a month. Once the money ran out, so did he…directly into the arms of his half first cousin…smh. he is currently using another piir girl named Ashley who is a single mom to fund a new art career. She has no idea I still live with him, due to our lease situation or that we still share a bed. We don’t sleep together, but we never did that when we were dating. She has no idea he tries to tell me every single day that ‘I have his heart’ that he is ‘simply using Ashley for her money and for me to be patient and he will get this art thing going so we can be together forever’. He has broken me. I didn’t know he was broken too and that I didn’t need to get in anxiety meds to deal with his lies and destruction….it was HIM that needed to be medicated!! I have story after story I could tell about his cheating and lying and using people….but for now, I just want to say you have saved my life. Honestly. With this info I may be able to get away while I’m still a glimmer of the undamaged girl I was before he sunk his grip around my heart.
@Mairi I posted a page back on my process of leaving. Remove yourself from the internet first. Everything. Down to Pinterest & game apps. Google yourself & find every site your listed on. Contact each website & asked to be removed. There are websites to help with this. Dissapear online first. Limit yourself to one e-mail address & guard it with your life. Change your bank info & passwords, get a new debt card. Cancel or back out of any obligations you’ve made together. Pay off your half of mutual debt. Have all your mail rerouted to your parents or girlfriends house. Even a P.O box will work. Don’t register to vote when you up date your lisenec, that info is posted online without your consent! Even your address. Try & dissapear as much as you can. Move all your important documents to a safe place, a bank deposit box, soc card, birth cert, etc. Make a copy of your house and car key, hide those with a trusted friend incase he takes those or locks you out. Change your phone number and block his when you do decide to leave. Hire a moving company, 2 men and a truck, witnesses and men there to back you up when your moving out and he becomes hostile. Tell close friends and family what is going on, tell them to act normal around him, but plot secretly with them. Don’t drag out the process. Make it quick. Like a bandaid. If you leave your favorite pots and pans set? Forget it. It can be replaced. Let a trusted supervisor at work know whats going on, incase he pulls something. Bad mouths or acts crazy. They have a heads up and your job won’t be at risk. I dont have kids, and I dont know how to go about protecting them if you do. I bet theres plenty of help counselors for that. I gave you my list/start, I hope it helps. We’re here for you.
@Mairi act boring. Really boring. Lose interest in everything. Want to do blank? Want to go blank? Nah. I’m tired. Start taking extra care of yourself. Spend an hour in the tub, an hour to get ready, paint all your nails, give yourself a blowout. Hit the library and pick up some books. Pick up drawing or art. Start knitting. Hit the gym. Surround yourself with girlfriends. Lone activities he cant share with you. Distance yourself. Be no fun. He’ll lose interest. He’ll find his next thrill. All the while you reconnect with yourself. Begin to love yourself. Discover a new hobbie. Give yourself hope.
It’s been a few days since I’ve posted. This week has been rather calm so far. The weekend went by with no drama. He drank Friday & Saturday night so he was feeling loose & talkative. Not to mention my cycle ended so I wasn’t “broken” anymore. Of course he has to amp up the sweetness, cuddles & kissess. He takes what he wants regardless. I think the affection is for my dignity really. They say drunk words are sober thoughts.. I was fixing lunch in the kitchen, lost in my own thoughts, oblivious to anything around me. I didn’t know he was watching me. He says to me “You’re an angel. Sent from heaven.” I scoff & roll my eyes. He says “you laugh. I’m being serious. You’re fucking amazing. I don’t know why you put up with me.” He’s never said anything like that to me. Ever. Not even to make me feel better, or tell a blatant lie. It caught me off gaurd. Tugged on my emotions. He was pleasent the rest of the day. Sunday afternoon we got back to “us”. How we used to spend beautiful days driving the country side until our butts were sore. It was so enjoyable. I felt happy once again. He said some off things to me though. He commented on how jealous he can be. How beautiful I am. He joked he’d “rearrange” my face so I’m ugly. So no other men look at me. How he knows my personality. How he loves my personality. He could live with that. I have major issues with my looks & he knows this. He’s never attacked that. Always said how sexy & beautiful I am. How lucky he is. Helped me stop caking makeup on, telling me how I don’t need it. It only enhances my beauty. Helped me fix my acne & gave me tips on taking vitamins for clear skin. Reminds me to drink water & eat healthy. Picks me up when I get down on myself. He’s never insulted my body or looks. It’s why I believe there’s hope sometimes. I’m so whishy washy about him. I love him more than I can hate him. Even for how badly he’s treated me. I got all done up today. Hoping to impress him. I feel good today. I hope it dosen’t get turned around on me though. He always queations when I do get ready. “Who’d you get all pretty for?” And acts.. Standoffish? I guess we will see..
The drinking continued throughout this week. It’s becoming tiresome. I’ve made dinner 3 nights, ate alone 2 of them. What’s the point? By 8pm he’s 3 sheets to the wind. I’ve stayed sober. Learned to pick my “loose” nights. He’s been normal? Until a guy in a decked out truck decided to rev his engine at us at a red light. My heart sank. Thanks guy. You have no idea how much you just fucked up my evening. I asked for it apparently. Staring at traffic, minding my own business. Like I wanted to choke down diesel exhaust. Ugh. Then began the charades. Women are whores. Bitches. Attention seekers. Dress like sluts. Wear makeup cause we’re all insecure. Been conditioned and trained since birth. We have no personalities. Just faces. We lie and fake about anyway. 99% of us are damaged. Oh by the way, this chick at the gas station had the hottest tattoo! Pretty much wanted to drive into oncoming traffic, but decided to hold back my anger and tears. Might fuck up all the time I spent applying eye makeup today.. For him. Cause he likes it SO much. Got home, threw on sweatpants, washed my face and sat quiet until bedtime. He called me out on “my shit” my body language screamed F-U! Even when I try and change my position he figures it out. Something as simple as palms up, down, hands clasped, open, fingers touching. Let alone the other 4 1/2 feet of me. Every day is a new challenege. Its 730 am and I’m already off to the races. Seeking a new job today. He had his 2 cents, but leaves me alone about that usually. I’ve worked before and after him. Long as I pull my weight we’re kosher.
Leave this poor excuse for a human being before he robs you of anymore of your life. I know it is easier said than done sometimes but with careful planning you can escape. I feel bad for you, no one should have to live their life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything you said about him screams that he hates women and you are his personal whipping post. You deserve better. I’ve been in your place before…there is a better life after the relationship is over.
He used religion to make me think he was a smart and incredible man, he always used it against me and made me think I was the bad guy.
1) He was a vegan.
-incorrect he ate meat and cheese daily
2) He was separated and divorcing his wife
-incorrect he made me and every one else hate her when she had no idea. I had no idea they weren’t separated
3) That he threw up blood and had stomach ulcers and was rushed to the hospital and stayed over night
-incorrect that literally never fucking happened
4) He lived in a condo by his work before he moved into his current home
-incorrect he would never be able to afford that condo and hasn’t even been in Chicago for a year now
5) He was a software engineer for Apple updates
-incorfuckingrect he fixes screens and helps people turn on their phone if it’s dead
6) He said his bike was worth 6k
-incorrect it was a trade he made with a buddy and barley worth $200
7) He said he made 25k off of his clothing line
-incorrect he never made a dime
8) He said his bed was worth 7k
-incorrect, it’s a $200 ikea mattress
9) He never slept with me
– are you fucking kidding me?
10) He bought his “ex wife” a brand new 2015 Mini Cooper that he keeps in Ohio during winters so it isn’t ruined
– dude, it’s a 2012 that your wife’s dad bought for her graduation from high school. You’ve never been in it.
First of all thank you for this web site. I didn’t realize my ex was a sociopath until after our relationship was over. I knew some things about him were very strange but I didn’t know he was a sociopath, I had never heard the word before. It is when he asked us to meet (after the relationship had ended) to tell me that he had met someone that it hit me. Why does someone ask to meet you when you are no longer together to tell you about a new relationship!! This is what made me go and search on the internet for comfort and light in this situation and I found this site. Then when I started to read the traits of a sociopath and people’s stories I started to “understand” what I had been through. My story is similar to many of the stories I have read here: seemed like a dream come true but with time things changed. What he gave at the beginning started to disappear, the disappointing reactions, the twisted abuse. I was with him for 3 years. I would have left earlier had I had the strength.
Sarah what I would like to say is the internet is a helper. Further, you don’t even know what hit you it is like something you have never experienced before. I think my worst feeling of all is that everyone I spoke with seem to not understand how bad it really is. I believe if you can just find someone who has encountered this kind of evil in your regular life healing could be so much easier. Going through it alone without anyone that seems to understand and basically telling you why you continue to deal with it. Well until they have experienced the wrath a a sociopath/psychopath they will never ever understand.
i completely lost myself. i ended the relationship with the socio 2 days ago after a one year relationship, a 2 month break and then i went back to him like an idiot thinking that change was possible. i feel every emotion. THE NO CONTACT is so hard – it’s impossible for me to block his number- why?!!?! he is a pathological liar, cheated on me so many times, gaslighted me to the extreme…….why am i obsessed with this man? i have no self love or self worth – i battled with that before – exactly why i was the perfect target for him. i’m so happy to hear the survivor stories – it gives me hope. i have no trust and second guess everything – i feel so crazy and have no control over my emotions. i hate that i feel all this pain and he just carries on hurting others.
Sorry this is a long one.
Im posting my story hoping for advice. I have been with my husband for a little over three years married for a year and a half. Wealso have an 18 month old together He is in prison for assult at the moment against me and from a case he got from his ex girlfriend before we got together. But while he was in there i found out he cheated on me while i was pregnant with his best friends girlfriend for a extended period of time. Im hoping yall can tell me if he sounds like a sociopath
It started in april of 2013 i was pretty bad on drugs then and id always heard his name when it came to where to get drugs so one day i messaged him on facebook. We started messaging on facebook alot and decided to hangout. It was amazing. I was going through alot and he just listened to me all night. I was 17 at the time and he was 23. I actually was friends with his nephew who warned me that he was bad news but i didnt listen. About a week after meeting and hanging out everyday we started dating. I actually broke up with him a couple days later due to my drug use and him not wanting to use. He started seeing this other girl for about a month but was constantly messaging me. He came back and we picked back up where we started. He moved in with me in june so we had only been together a really short time. Thats when he started telling me he loved me. A couple months go by and one day i notice an email pop up on his phone from his ex. I looked at it and i found out that the whole time since id met him hed been begging his ex to take him back. When i confronted him about it he said it didnt mean anything he was just angry about the drug use. I thought that he had quit talking to her and things got really good again then in october we were hanging out at his friend tonys and i asked tony to use his phone to call my friend to see if she wanted to hangout and the first thing i see is my boyfriends exs phone number in the call logs so i look at the texts. He is asking her to hangout idk if they actually did or not. He says they didnt. But it was still somehow my fault that he was talking to her. We went home and that was the first time he put his hands on me. He busted my lip open and he said he didnt mean to he did it in his sleep i was so frustrated and angry that i just left. He sent text after text begging me to come back how i was the only one for him so of course i came back. A couple weeks go by everything is great again he even asks me to marry him. I said yes. But after that day we didnt actually even talk about getting married. Fast forward to december we had been clean for about a month and his friend tony invites us out and we end up using. While were at this hotel room with his friend he is being secretive with his phone so i asked if i could use it he said yeah and gave it to me a few minutes later i guess he erased stuff. But his ex sent a reply while i had his phone and things got pretty heated we argued all night then he eventually just said that it wasnt about anything of that nature that it was just her seeing how he was doing. I didnt push it any further i was tired of fighting. Christmas was what i thought was the last straw i seen one text in his phone from his ex so i finally just message her first before confronting him. She told me how sorry she was and that he always messages her first and she cant help but reply. She sends me all the screenshots which are talking about them getting back together. So i confront him and he denies it. Then i show him the proof and i honestly dont remember what his excuse was that time. We started fighting he got violent slamming me against walls. Trying to keep me from leaving him. Eventually he quit and i left and i honestly thought i wouldnt come back. I was living at friends house. He continued to try and reach out to me every day telling me i mean everything he cant live without me blah blah. But i ignored it. I started hanging out with this guy david that i knew from hs he was awesome and we got along great. But i loved matt and i went back to him. The whole time we were apart he was talking to other girls telling them i was the one who was cheating. But we worked through it and things got really good. Valentines day we moved to a new city for his new job we were clean making decent money and just happy. We came back home in the middle of march and the night we return he goes and gets high and just leaves me at my parents house doesnt answer my calls or texts. I already had a job at home so the next day i get up to get ready for work and he calls around 8am telling me some crazy story about him getting lost at the casino. I just kinda shrugged it off. I didnt wanna fight. The next few weeks were just me working and him getting high in hotel rooms and it was horrible i wasnt using drugs anymore so there would be times id get so frustrated id lock myself in the bathroom and sleep in there. Its now the middle of april and i will never forget this day. This is the day i realized that he wasnt who i thought he was. We were at the lake fishing and drinking a little bit when we started fighting and he just punches me in the face in front of his friends. I got in his friends gf car and went to the police station and filed charges. I didnt talk to him for awhile. I called the guy david i mentioned earlier to see if he would come and get me and we started hanging out alot. Things were starting to feel okay again. Matt was in jail so he couldnt try and convince me to come back to him. I was content. I ended up having sex with this guy david. But after that i quit seeing him because i found out i was pregnant with matts kid. Matt got out and turned back into the guy that he was when i met him. He did everything to start getting ready for the baby. I was just really happy and i thought things were going to work. Then we moved in together. We started hanging out with our old friend christina and thats when everything went down hill. They were always getting drunk staying up all night then it got to the point where they were texting all day and calling each other while he was at work and she was still coming over to our house at night to hang out. I found condoms in his back pocket and he tried telling me they were for us but i was pregnant. One night he said they were going to have one drink at the bar theyd be back in an hour. A couple hours pass i start getting irritated and walk to my moms so i can call him hedoesnt answer . i walk back tothe apt and the doors are locked . Its raining and cold and im 18 months pregnant im banging on the door. Then i see in the window him run to the couch and pretend to be asleep. He finally lets me in the house. Christina is asleep in my bed and i asked him what happened and he started yelling about how i dont trust him and i just dropped it . i was tired and i just started to feel like i was going crazy. One night we were fighting about it and i walked out of the apt and he chased me down the street and was shoving me so the cops got called and they ccharged him with another assault. It countined to be like this until we had our daughter and christina faded out of the picture for a little bit. We got married in january We were still always fighting though. He was constantly accusing me of cheating. But i just didnt wanna fight anymore. In june he signed for 3 years tdc time and it wasnt until a couple months ago christina told me that matt and her slept together i told him if he didnt tell me the truth id leave him. He kept lying but i somehow got him to tell me parts of the truth. Little pieces at a time. What he has admitted to is cheating with her 4 times while i was pregnant then after we got married he slept with her on valentines day and then on april 23rd which was our anniversary before we married. I dont know what to do anymore.. He said he only cheated because christina kept telling him he was too good for me and she would bring up that i slept with david and that it could not be his kid but i was already pregnant when i slept with david i just didnt know at the time i slept with him. Then it became my fault he said i wasnt paying enough attention to him and just all the same bs its always been. He gets out in october. I want to leave but there is this weird part of me that cant picture a life without him. He said he will take counseling. Hes apoligized a million times. But i just dont know… I really hope someone on here can help and tell me if he maybe sounds like a sociopath. I dont want my daughter growing up thinking its okay to be treated like this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Thank you for this page. I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. I am still in the confused phase at the moment I believe. Going back and forth between the phases. Sometimes I wake up and I am sure that I am over her, but then I keep on falling back. Sometimes I think that maybe she is not that bad, maybe I am making it all up in my head, maybe I am wrong. But then I know deep inside that it is true. She is not who I thought she were, it was all a lie. I dated her for 6 months but it felt like forever because I thought we were soul mates. I gave everything to her, my whole life, I travelled to the other side of the earth to be with her and before I travelled she had on her mask for so long I believe. I gave her my heart, everything I could and I trusted her. I feel so stupid. It wasn’t until I had been with her a little time in real life that things started falling apart. Little by little the girl I fell in love with and thought I knew disappeared but I didn’t wanted to see it and she always knew how to make me “come back” if I got mad at how she treated me making me believe that I was the crazy one. Manipulating me, controlling me, extreme mood changes, silent treatment, frozed me out and made me think I was crazy, needy, selfish and stupid. I took the control and jealousy as a sign of love. She started picking on how I dressed, tried to change me little by little and she lied, tried to make me jealous and making me feel like she didn’t care about me, before it seemed she cared so much about me again always confusing me. She suddenly didn’t wanted to do anything of the things she seemed to love so much in the beginning – Things that I love to do and she ruined everything fun we were planning on purpose. I didn’t see it at that time. She did not even want to be intimate with me and everything was turned upside down. She kept on sending extremely mixed signals confusing me which in the end just made my head spin, making me think I was crazy or that I had gotten everything wrong. I started drinking alcohol before I was going to meet her because I was so stressed out and even then I did not wanted to see that something was totally wrong. How she discarded me is the worst thing someone has ever done to me and I literally felt that I died inside. I couldn’t sleep, eat, breathe and I got so much anxiety and fear that I didn’t go outside. The reason the whole thing got so much worse is because I was left totally alone in a different country so far away from home which she knew was one of my biggest fears because I talked openly to her about it and about all my fears before I came to be with her.I didn’t have anyone there besides her, her friends and her family which I felt had become my family too. What she did is that after treating me good and making me feel safe and a part of her family, she treated me then horrible, then good again, then horrrible over a long period of time and I was totally exhausted, I lost so much weight and I lost a part of myself but I didn’t see it because I was so in love. Our last days together she turned back into being the nice, sweet, wonderful person she was in the beginning and I had the time of my life and thought everything was going to be absolutely perfect. She took me places she knew I dreamt of, she took me in to her family again and she treated me so good. I was so happy and felt like I was walking on clouds. I went to bed alone in my apartment telling her on the phone how happy I was and next day I woke up feeling the same happiness. I was alone that next day, only texted her to hear if she wanted to meet up but she didn’t reply so I thought she was busy again. The next morning when I woke up I saw that I was blocked on all her social media which is were we had a lot of daily intense contact over the whole period of 6 months. I didn’t understand anything and started freaking out, my thoughts were spinning and I started believe I had done something very wrong. I tried to contact her family but they blocked me too. Tried to call but no answer. I tried to call from a different number and when she took the phone but heard it was me she hung up. I took a cab to her place but she wasn’t home and finally I got to talk to her a little on the phone. She yelled at me, asking me what my problem is and asking what is wrong with me. I told her I didn’t want to loose her, that I really care for her, tried to make her tell me what was wrong and she told me that she doesn’t care about me, that this is her choice and that I was selfish, not so smart and a bad person. I tried to ask her desperately what was wrong over and over again because I thought I did something but she said I was smart enough to figure it out myself and that “everyone” could see it. I refused to hang up the phone so she finally said that she could talk with me later that night. I stayed up waiting until it was almost morning and I realized she wasn’t going to show up. I realized she was gone and I thought for such a long time that it was my fault. Every day after that she did one little thing which made it all worse. Like blocking my family one by one. I searched for answers so long, went through everything in my mind over and over again but I couldn’t find anything and I felt broken. I went a whole month denying everything, waiting for her, felt so sorry for her and believed I hurt her badly .I wanted her to contact me again, to forgive me(!) just so we could make things right again and I felt all the good loving feelings about her again. I went through those feelings and at the same time feeling so confused and hurt. I wanted desperately to call her again or to send her emails saying how sorry I am, if she could forgive me but something inside of me said “No. You haven’t done anything, this is not your time to apologize. This is not right. Be strong”. I started to “stalk her” on social media with false accounts, trying to see how she was doing and my life still continued being all and only about her. I felt that I “belonged” to her. She even posted hints and pictures that was meant for me which made me believe she was still in love with me and wanted to be mine. I never heard anything direct from her which made me continue the madness, the hoping and the waiting which I realize is exactly what she wants. My family didn’t recognize me in the end. I became so jealous, so angry, so nervous and just like a stalker myself because I just wanted answer and I wanted to see her so desperately. It wasn’t until one day I was able to check up on her a place I know she thinks I can’t see what she is doing that I got to see how she really was doing. There I was believing she was heartbroken like me because that’s what she posted on social media, when in reality she was continuing her life with a new lover, she seemed so happy again. I was in shock. It was like looking at myself just a month back and I couldn’t believe my own eyes. I got so angry and started making up reasons for why this could be just a friend, that I was to jealous and crazy, I could be wrong etc etc but I had to realize what actually was the reality – She doesn’t care about me, she probably never has and she never can. She is not good for me and I want to continue my life being the happy person I am. I just don’t know how. I don’t really want someone like that in my life even if I still am madly in love with her and want her desperately at the same time. Some days it hurts so much I just want to give up, but some days I feel happiness and freedom again. I believe and feel that I deserve better, that I learned something, that I am in love with someone who doesn’t exist and that I am able to go on with my life because now I know it was all a big lie. At least that’s what I know 70% of the time when I am not confused. She doesn’t know that I know how she has just moved on with her life like I never existed and that gives me at least a little sense of power and control back. I don’t wish anything bad for her but I wish good for me as well and I want to choose me before another person who is treating me badly. I know I can never be truly happy with her and I pray that she never contacts me again because I am afraid that I will be too weak if she does. I am so sad and relieved at the same time that she has a new victim. If she had contacted me right now I probably would have answered when I know I shouldn’t and I hope that one day very soon I can make a final decision on choosing me before her and start living my life for me, not for someone who doesn’t deserve my love. I’m taking one day at a time but it is so hard and hurts so much.
It took about 6 months after breaking up for me to lookup my ex’s “symptoms” and it lead me straight to NS. I realize I look somewhat pathetic in some of the following scenarios so bear with me.
I first met him through his brother. We all went to the same college. He would call and text me all the time. He was very sweet and would bring me breakfast before class most days. He seemed very interested in me and my life. This all lasted for about 2 months then slowly the abuse started. The next six months were very rocky. All he ever did was sit around with his brother and friends and smoke weed, which I hated. I liked to go out with my girlfriends, so I just let him do his thing. When I would go out it started with accusations that I was out flirting with guys. He would say he “knew stuff” about me that he had heard. I had a very good reputation so I assumed he was trying to get me to admit something by acting like he knew something. Over the course of the next year it became a disaster. I found him more than once talking to two of his ex-girlfriends who he said “were just a friends”. When I confronted him he would call me crazy, a b****, and a slut.
When we were alone he was pretty quiet. He didn’t really let me in on a lot of his feelings or what was going on in his life. But when we got in a group of people he would suddenly come alive and tell crazy stories and jump around and be very hyper active and center of attention.
I was a bio pre-med major and he was general studies. He would act like his major was so much harder than mine and if he had to study it was a huge deal. (are you kidding) Then he would get mad at me if I needed to go to the library to meet with a study group because there were guys in the group.
Sometimes if we argued, he would disappear for a week and not answer his phone, withhold intimacy, or withhold any emotional relationship from me as punishment.
Then Sometimes he would stalk me and yell at me in front of our friends. Call me 100 times until I answered then beg to have me back (I suspect he was also bipolar).
This was the most draining part – never knowing how he was going to react or treat me.
He hardly ever apologized and constantly blamed his problems on other people, including me. He would NEVER admit he was wrong – and I truly believe that he believed he was right. I didn’t find out until later that he took Xanax, did Cocaine, and cut himself frequently the whole time we were together. I didn’t know he was cutting himself because he would wear a bunch of bracelets like a weirdo.
Soon after that, I graduated and got a job make $13/hour as a leasing agent in a city about 1.5 hours away from him. (He was still in school). He would NEVER come to where I was and always expected me to drive to see him every weekend. If I didn’t go see him he would tell me I was a “gold digger” and to “go find a guy to take care of me”. How does that even make sense? If I was a gold digger would I be struggling with a $13/hr job? I know his insults had no reasoning behind them – he just used any attempt to try to hurt me, make me feel insecure, and lower my self-esteem to give him power In the relationship.
At one point I had deleted my facebook. I noticed this girl kept texting him. I asked non-chalantly who it was because I had never heard the name. He said it was his sister’s friend and she was annoying and he didn’t know why she was texting him. I asked if they were FB friends or friends on any social media. He said no. Lo and behold I recactivate my FB go to his page and this girl is under his “new friends”. I asked him about it, knowing too well that this would bring the “rage” and he would break up with me, for the 50th time. And that is what happened. He dumped me and said he was getting back with an ex and called me an insecure b**** – ALL BECAUSE I CAUGHT HIM IN A LIE. But somehow him lying turned into me bring crazy.
Most of these stories happened on repeat 100 times. The “break-ups” never last more than two weeks before he would beg for me back, be nice for a few days, then back to his old routine of making me feel like absolute s*** about myself. But when he begged for me back he would never apologize.
I finally walked out and didn’t look back for 2 months – no contact at all. Then all of a sudden he wanted to drive to come see me. I did hang out with him and asked what he had been up to for the last couple months. He said hanging out alone all the time. We kept on hanging out about once a week after that in my city. About a month later on my birthday I was told he had been sleeping with/dating one of our mutual girlfriends. She didn’t know that he had been driving to see me every week. She knew how crazy he was and how he treated me and actually started dating him. I was actually just relieved he wasn’t my problem anymore.
They stayed together for about a year. All I knew of their relationship was it was physically abusive (mutually) and he told her that her 5 year old daughter “would be a loser, just like her”. sounds like a stand up guy right?
I’m not sure if this is all sociopathic behavior or he’s just an a**hole. You be the judge.
This all happened about a year and half ago. An update – He has wrecked 4 cars and daddy finally wouldn’t get him a new one so he walks everywhere. He hasn’t held down a job for more than a month or two. And started dating another girl who fortunately has some self-respect and dumped his crazy a** after the first red flag. She just saved herself years of emotional abuse.
It took me a very long time to recover from the pain he caused me. I have never received any type of apology, nor should I ever expect one. I hope that anyone in this type of relationship runs because as much as you think you love that person, they are not capable of reciprocating that love no matter how hard you try or how long you stay.
I think the most frustrating part of dating a sociopath is that they will never take accountability for the way they treated you. If I were to try to tell my ex about how terrible he was to me he would not see it the way I do because a sociopath sees their actions as normal. That is something I have let go and accepted in life.
It’s been about 4 months since I discovered everything about the man I was seeing and I can’t believe how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders… To anyone going through the pain right now- I promise you that time will heal and you will become such a more beautiful and strong version of yourself 🙂 It’s not easy- these past few months have been the worst in my life. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions and it’s far from over. But in between those crippling moments of pain, I have moments of euphoria over how far I’ve come and it makes it all worth it. And never underestimate the power of reaching out to others online who have gone through the same thing. There are tons of instagram and other social media pages that are run by people who know exactly how it feels, when the people in your real life don’t. Good luck everyone ❤
Thank you for your positive post. I am going thru this right now after realizing that he was a sociopath and I don’t know how to move on. I have already stopped contact with him, but my brain obsesses about the ways he so coldly hurt me. This website has really helped me because my family and friends don’t believe that he is a sociopath. They say “whatever you need to tell yourself to feel better”. So many stories are resonating with me, and it feels like there are so many evil people in the world. It is good to hear that you are starting to feel better 🙂
Kat, I completely agree! When I think back to how devastated and broken down I was, it makes me realize how far I’ve come. This week will be the one year anniversary of my discovery of what my ex-sp was doing. Just the other day, I had a complete meltdown over something that triggered a flashback for me. I am lucky that the man in my life is understanding and supports me through these moments. I’m proud of the person I’ve become, even as I realize that my healing is a work in progress. To those of you who need a reminder, every one of us is worthy of real love. We’ve been taken advantage of by truly evil people, in the majority of cases because of the caring people we are. It was a blessing that I found this site. You all have been an incredible source of strength for me! Just knowing what I was dealing with gave me the power to walk away and begin my journey to healing. I have been feeling a lot of anger as each day is the anniversary of a really painful time. I am thinking that I may write a letter to my ex-sp…not to send to him, but to get the feelings out and perhaps to share them here, with people who understand my pain…
Hi Susan
I’m with you on this. It’s been 9 mths since my ex sp left me for his on latest fling. He’d been cheating for 18 mths and I thought that I just needed to be a better gf!!!
It’s my bday soon and I know I won’t hear from him (haven’t heard from him in mths and he’s since blocked me). But I’m angry.this should be a time of celebrating. Like you.
I hope the passing if the first anniversary is a milestone for you (and me) and we all get through this battle
I have recently gotten off a roller coaster ride with a sociopath/psychopath. My biggest issue was is finding someone to understand the trauma these truly evil people bring to your life. I have dated but the arrangement with the psychopath was like nothing I have experienced in my waking life. I have dated not so good guys, you have the liars, control freaks, lack of respect for women but even with that said as I entertained them i have never experienced the cold, heartless, and just plain cruelty that I experienced with my ex. I will give a somewhat brief encounter of what i experienced. It begin in 2011, I worked at a automotive manufacturing plant with him. All truth told initially he seemed to be respectful but in actuality it was just to appear respectful. I had been out of a long term relationship for about 2 years wasn’t really ready to get in the dating scene again. I was content with the way my life has become. Later, he admitted to speaking with another friend on the job that through conversation discussed my past relationship and it resolving. I had known him to be a married man all along which was not me being a respectful woman to know that he was married and I still entertained him. He had been in constant pursuit of me but it was in the manner of a friendship no intimate relationship at that point. I would say he befriended me at a time when i had suffered a loss of my mother and it began there. Often we see signs of what is not good for us but constantly overlook them and just by those mere oversight can be the cause of longtime pain and suffering. As we worked together I always saw him as being a person that could never be wrong, he could make not so nice jokes about others but when the joke was on him it was like World War 1, and not to mention always seemed to be the one to drop that bit of poison to cause others to be at odds. Now what made me just kind of mark that off is because he would joke it off and others seem to think he was just a clever life of the party type. These are the signs i just clearly disregarded when it was right there. No matter what other people thought my gut told me this is not really a nice person. Moving back to the time of what i would say a very weak place in my life i had just recovered from the loss of a long term relationship totally deceived (this ex cheated and got another girl pregnant). Keep in mind again you meet not so nice guys but even through that situation after all was said and done i saw the pain in my ex boyfriends eye when all was revealed. He tried to save our relationship but it was just something i couldn’t accept. So I ended our relationship which was hard but I just couldn’t live with that deception. Loss of my parent was during the same time so I was all over the place. He would constantly ask me just to go out and have drinks with him. Typically, i always refused but our company gave a dinner and we ended up being seated together. From that point we talked more and this was not conversation about things that went on at work. It was more along the lines of asking me why wouldn’t I just go out with him, he wasn’t asking me to do anything but spend time with him outside of work. I still refused at that point but later i accepted and invitation to a socialite party to join him. As the time came I backed out and told him i had forgotten about a shower i was to attend for a family member but said to him i promise the next time i will take him up on the offer. We went to a happy hour it begin, to start we were suppose to meet at a location an a specific hour and he was 30 minutes or so late without contacting me. I patiently waited because it was just a happy hour date he’s just a friend. When he finally made it to the meeting spot I said it sure isn’t appropriated to have someone wait for 30 minutes without letting them know you’d be late, I said to him that sure is disrespectful to the person waiting. He playfully said “o, you never been late before”. My response was yes I have been late before but not without letting the person waiting for me know that i would be late. Down the road every time after if i was a minute later than the time we were to meet he would comment about it. He never understand or understood comparing apples to rocks. Back to our first date, we get to the happy hour he talked, we talked, he was tuned in holding on to my every word. At that moment I thought my first impression of him being not a nice guy was now maybe he just acts that way to entertain people at work. After, that date we went back to his vehicle and it rained we just sat in my car. He begin to tell me of his life with his wife and the conditions of there relationship. He shared with me how sick she was and he has spent much of his marriage taking care of her. He told me they hadn’t been together in that way in over 2 years. He was loyal to her but there relationship as husband and wife had been over many years ago. It was so much he spoke of i started to feel sorry for him he even shed tears. I will never justify me being involved with a married man but i did and from that point we saw each other ever day and talked on the telephone all through the day when we weren’t with each other. He would say you make me feel alive again and I didn’t know we had so much in common. He even went so far as to tell me he always felt like he loved me. He just loved the person he saw everyday for all these years. Never stopped talking about how much he respected me for standing up to people even if i stood alone. For months it went on this way never being sexually intimate with him only him hugging me and maybe a kiss. The kiss was probably two weeks after us actually going out the first time. It had now become a trend of us going out to the club together every weekend which was something he has been doing according to him for more than twenty two years. We worked, talked on the phone, partied, and this was the trend for the first few months. During this period we had a conversation and it was deep he told me that people take advantage of you when they feel they have the upper hand or you care about them. I couldn’t help but agree with him not knowing what he had in store for me did I ever. It is now 4 months we had planned to go to a juneteenth celebration. I had then made up in my mind that i would now engage in an intimate relationship with him. He had no idea that I planned to comply with him initiating a sexual relationship. Prior to us going to our room we stopped by another gathering, when we got there they were having a spade tournament which it was a gathering of other coworkers. We played in the tournament and by this time he was ready to go home (house with his wife) I had a hotel room in town for the weekend. So he tells everyone he was leaving and i was still playing so i told him i was staying and finish up just text me when you start to get ready for us to go out. O boy what did i say that far he turned into a different person immediately almost like a child having a tantrum because i wouldn’t leave and go to the room while he went home. He said if I’m leaving why are you staying you need to go cause I’m leaving keep in mind these are our co workers not people he knows and I don’t. I’m sure you’ve gathered I followed him out and asked omg what’s really the issue he had his tantrum and i complied to keep the peace. He later text me and said I’m so sorry for acting like that I just wanted you to leave because I wasn’t going to be there. You can hold this one against me. I moved forward no hassle over the situation. That night it happened it was a very different experience at first i couldn’t put my hand on it but since researching sociopath/psychopath I have a better understanding for what happened even the first time. It was like he was performing for someone that was watching never that connection that he talked about. The actions were there but the emotions were absent as they were every time in my opinion. I wouldn’t say the next day but shortly there after it started to be if i didn’t answer my phone or a text in a timely manner in his opinion it was question after question. I have to shortcut through this somehow or i will be writing a book. I will reference some of the things that led me to researching his behavior which i had dealt with it for about a year(Actually 4 months of being everything I would like my ideal mate to be and about 7 months of something i couldn’t recognize) before I really just had enough and went to the internet. We still continued to work together he begin to ask me to name every person that had tried to pursue me at the job which i thought was a joke but after i laughed at him i got my first 2 days of silent treatment. I called i text no response and when he decided that was punishment enough he acted like nothing had taken place. It was day in day out not knowing what person i would get. He would start off that morning ok by then end of the day he would call me and just hold the line with only replies to things i may say just to have a conversation. I then ask what’s wrong with you, you’re so moody, his response nothing it’s Tuesday and I would say well call me when you feel like talking just a up and down roller coaster. We still would go out by the end of the night we are in an argument because someone speaks to me or they looked at me and then he accuses me of knowing them. Another few days of silent treatment. Once I decided that i didn’t want to go out, I was accused of not wanting to go because i must be hiding being with him from someone. Even more i stayed at the room while he went to check in home and would return at a certain time hours pass he has gone to the night club while i am waiting in a hotel hadn’t even went to my own house after work. Just stayed after work because he asked me to. I bought clothes to be able to change the next day just to stay with him after work because he asked me to. After, I confronted him about how he disrespected my time going to a club as i wait at a room for him and i could have gone to my own home. His response well what you going to do fuss cause i stopped to the club for a while or do you want me to go home. I said no cause I’m going home and left. These type things happened frequently. I would like to add that he is almost 50 and i am almost 40 I just didn’t expect or know what the hell was going on with this kind of behavior. This particular incident led me to look for help. We met up and i asked him you must have on another deodorant or showered with another kind of soap you smell like melon he thought about it and said no just the same thing i usually use. He had been drinking which he is even more out there when he drinks. In a few sentences later he then says yeah that’s that melon deodorant. I said that what i just said he said you a dam lie you didn’t say nothing about no deodorant see what i’m saying you so nosey trying to figure shit out you didn’t say that. I was arguing with him about what i said. He said you know what i’m about to leave you don’t even fucking remember what you said. I said yes the fuck i do don’t tell me what i said. He said i’m leaving i don'[t have time for this shit. I begin to tell him he was just nutting up for no reason making a big deal out of nothing. I basically pleaded with him to stay. Here is what is going to blow your mind because it sure did blow mine. This man said you think i’m going to stay here with you lying about what you said if you want me to stay you either tell me a secret you never told anyone or lick my ass. I mean the actual sex act. I said o you a crazy sick mothe*ucker you can take your sick fa**ott ass on then. I’m not sure how many fools will do some shit like that but not me. He left and I headed home to the internet. Lord what I found will have an impact on my life until the day I day. This is nothing but bits and pieces of what i went through. Everything about him lines up perfectly with psychopathic personality. A couple of days passed he called this time i didn’t answer. He begin to text me with apologies of he don’t know what came over him. I didn’t reply but still in disbelief as to what i found. I was in then my whole belief as i took his abuse was that GOD couldn’t create such a thing there is nothing that prayer couldn’t help. I thought if i loved him i could fix him no that was not the case. I didn’t want to believe what i was reading but i was living it. When i say cruelty to a degree of no understanding and when they want to keep you they will go to great lengths to do so. On the other hand when you are no use or they are bored with you the evil in their eyes can pierce your being. This is nothing of what i have been through but it would take a hard back to give a true account. Some shame embarrassment uncertainty moral compromise you name it i have been there. I just ask others to listen to people you care about when they express the pain they have experienced at the hands of the truly evil psychopath/sociopath. I’ve heard the response why didn’t you leave? why did you stay so long? my answers to their questions or responses would be until you have been plagued by such you will never understand a victim of a psychopath/sociopoath.
Thank you for this amazing website. Now everything makes sense. His love bombing as well as the lies, including the lie that he was single, or the fact he has Facebook. I knew that was a lie, I could see it in his eyes. I am
two weeks into no contact because he ignored a text from me for 4 days. I’ve since found out he is a girlfriend with a baby and I’ve found his girlfriend as well as him on Facebook. It’s very tempting for me to message her with some screenshots from whatsapp including naked photos he took of himself! Fortunately he has got nothing like that of me. I’m trying to stay strong and not seek revenge. Thank you again for such a valuable website that absolutely and completely makes
my experience with this man understandable.
Thank you for this amazing website. Now everything makes sense. His love bombing as well as the lies, including the lie that he was single, or the fact he has Facebook. I knew that was a lie, I could see it in his eyes. I am two weeks into no contact because he ignored a text from me for 4 days although he was online and instigated the conversation so he could then hurt me by ignoring me whilst he was on whatsapp. So sick, so twisted. I’ve since found out he has a girlfriend with a baby and I’ve found his girlfriend as well as him on Facebook. It’s very tempting for me to message her with some screenshots from whatsapp including naked photos he took of himself! Fortunately he has got nothing like that of me. I’m trying to stay strong and not seek revenge. Thank you again for such a valuable website that absolutely and completely makes
my experience with this man understandable.
I’ve been in a real head-spin for quite a while now and having confided in a friend he rather bluntly stated that the girl I was dating was clearly a sociopath. At first I didn’t accept or even know what a sociopath was, but having read your site and looked into this a lot more I can clearly see that there were (now obvious) patterns of sociopathic behaviour that I was too blind to see at the time. I’ve taken the decision to end our relationship and have now gone No Contact thanks to sites such as yours.
I would like to share my story….
A few years ago I met a young, slim and extremely attractive girl at work. At the time she was 23 and I was in my early 40s and happily married. From the very beginning this girl was very flirtatious with me, to the point where I started to feel quite uncomfortable around her. Her skirts would get shorter every time I saw her and she seemed quite at ease dropping sexual related comments to me, even in front of other people at the office. It felt to me like she was just playing games and I didn’t want to be the classic fool who falls for it. I kept ignoring her and she moved away a few months later. I thought nothing more about it.
Over time my marriage suffered a few set backs to the point where separation became an option, so I was pretty down for a while. I was sitting in a cafe alone one lunchtime and who should walk in the door but this young girl. She is now 26 and still as stunning as ever. She asked if she could join me and I agreed. We chatted for a little bit and she made lots of eye contact, asked me lots of questions and seemed genuinely concerned about seeing me looking so depressed.
The emails started to roll in from her, about how she was concerned about me, then the texts arrived more and more. I tried to keep my replies short and to the point but I was slowly opening up to her. She seemed so genuine and understanding. She asked if we could meet for a coffee and a chat, and again I agreed.
She turned up wearing the skimpiest clothes you could possibly imagine. Heads were turning everywhere and yet she was only looking at me, directly in the eye as if I was the only person on earth. She told me directly that she had always been in love with me and that all she wanted at that moment was to take me to bed. That she knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t help how she felt, that the age difference meant nothing and that all she wanted was to feel me inside her.
Now, I’m being quite graphic here because I want others to understand how that made me feel. Here I was, a man in mid-life, facing the prospect of a bitter divorce, wondering what the future holds, staring at the prospect of losing his family and his home and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes this young ‘goddess’ who makes me feel alive again, valued again, proud again…
Call me weak, but the inevitable happened and the following few weeks were just heaven for me. I’d met my soul mate at last, she was everything I had ever dreamed of, sexy, smart, funny, caring, the works. The sex was mind blowing. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was and started to imagine that there was a life after my marriage. A life with HER…
Now, from a very early point, she was telling me that she loved me. I kept saying ‘you don’t even know me yet’ but she was adamant that her love was true and real, and of course I wanted to believe her. However, I was reluctant to fall in love with her. Something in the back of my mind was telling me to be careful. I suppose it was my own self defense mechanism kicking in. I knew deep down that something was wrong, that it couldn’t be THIS perfect. But, I decided that life was too short to miss this opportunity and I completely let myself go, let my guard down, opened up and told her truthfully that I loved her. I was at my happiest….
That was the day it all changed…
The very next day she sent me a text saying that she was pregnant with my child, and was leaving to have an abortion in another town and that I would never see her again.
I was completely distraught.
I did everything that I could to contact her and eventually we started talking again a couple of days later. I felt sick to my stomach, trying to juggle all of my emotions but it was hopeless and I was just a nervous wreck, while she stayed calm and collected.
The sex stopped, she stopped saying ‘I love you’ and from then on it was just an emotional drain on me in every possible way. We’d arrange to meet and she wouldn’t show up, making some excuse. Then she’s promise to call me and I’d sit there staring at my phone for hours on end wondering why the phone wasn’t ringing. I kept checking the volume levels and signal strength….. seems so silly now.
Then she agree to have the ‘abortion’ at a local clinic and I offered to go with her. She said that she’s rather go alone as she didn’t want me there as it would make it harder. I went to see her the day after the appointment and she seemed quite cheerful. When I questioned her on how it went she seemed puzzled ‘How did what go?’ she said. ‘At the abortion clinic…’ I replied. There was a moment’s silence and then she said ‘Oh yes, something came up so I didn’t go.’
‘Something came up?’ I asked her. What can come up that would be more important than an abortion appointment? At that point she became quite defensive and gave me a story about not wanting to bleed whilst on holiday.
So yet more confusion – ‘What holiday?’ I asked. ‘Oh. I’m off to Spain for a week with some friends’. That was the first I’d heard about any trip.
Not wanting to cause a fuss, and still believing that she was pregnant I offered to take her to the train station. She accepted and we sat waiting for the train in relative calm. It was probably the last time I saw her as the girl I fell for. As the train doors were closing, her parting comment was ‘Maybe I’ll kill your baby whilst I’m away, bye!’
My head was just in a spin. I felt about as low as I could and she was now leaving me for a week without contact. The longest week I can ever remember.
When she came back, the first contact I had was of her telling me that it was over and it was my fault. She’s read some old comment of mine on Facebook to a friend which ‘confirmed’ that I was not a nice person. I apologized profusely for the comment, even though to me it was completely innocent. I felt bad about all sorts of things that I shouldn’t have felt bad about. I started to feel worthless. Empty. Every time I questioned something I was accused on ‘over thinking’ matters, like it was my fault. I’ve never felt so confused in my life.
We agreed to meet again, but she never showed up, saying that she had to baby sit for her friend instead. By this time I was having serious doubts about everything she was telling me and my guard was starting to come back up. I was away on business for the day of the ‘abortion’ so offered to take her out to lunch the next day.
During lunch she’s told me that she had had doubts about the abortion, and that the second pill given to her by the doctor was not an easy one to take. That she started to imagine us as a family, with the baby growing up, learning to ride a bike, taking him to school, etc. She was painting a picture of an ideal family and maybe a week earlier I would have gone along with it…. Luckily for me that I had put up some defense because the next line from her could have finished me off….
She said ‘but in the end I decided that I should get rid of it and took the pill. Right now I can feel it crushing and ripping your baby to pieces inside me. It will be dead soon’.
I didn’t flinch or make any response. She looked at me waiting for something. I gave her nothing and carried on eating my lunch even though I was hurting so much inside.
The next few days were tough. She’d really lay on the abuse and guilt trips, make me out to be useless and unsupportive. I kept agreeing with her. She seemed baffled by my responses. We sat in a coffee bar on a Saturday at the end of June and she blamed her behaviour on hormones. and that it would be fine soon. That we should get back to having great sex and stop thinking about things too much. I wasn’t buying any of it.
The next morning I received a text from her saying that her step-father was drunk and being abusive with her and that she had decided to leave the area for good and would never come back. I sent a short reply wishing her all the best and she went absolutely crazy on me…… Obviously she was expecting sympathy but I wasn’t playing anymore.
I was really hurting inside more that you can imagine. I felt like I had been put through the mincer, but I wasn’t going to let this girl take any more of my soul with her. I blocked her on everything from Social Media to email. These first few days have been tough, but I’m getting through it and thanks to your site I have become empowered enough to realise that it wasn’t my fault and that I should not feel bad about myself.
Some of you will no doubt be thinking ‘serves him right’ for cheating, and that’s fair enough. I feel bad about what happened, but when someone is at their lowest and they’re given a glimpse of what seems like true happiness, it’s hard to resist.
I followed the Yellow Brick Road only to find that there was nothing there but tricks and
lies…..
I’m still trying to understand whether or not she knowingly and willfully made my life hell or whether she behaved like that because she knew no better and had no conscious knowledge of the pain she was causing.
I would like to think that it is the latter and that she was unaware of how her actions affected me, rather than it was all premeditated and heartless with an intent to harm on purpose.
She often told me that she found it hard to understand other people’s emotions, that she sometimes hurt people and didn’t really know why they reacted in a certain way. So I suppose that points to a lack of self-awareness about her condition.
On the other hand she did ask me at an early stage if I had had a vasectomy, which suggests that she was doing her homework for the fake pregnancy.
I unblocked her and had a look at her Facebook page yesterday, and instantly regretted it. There’s a new picture of her holding a little puppy with dozens of ‘likes’ and comments about how cute and beautiful they both look. I felt sick.
How can these people carry on as if nothing has happened, whilst there’s a trail of destruction following them wherever they go?
It’s now been 7 days without any contact, other than my weak moment when I took a look at her FB page. My first two comments are still awaiting moderation after three days, so I do hope that this site is genuine and that at some point I will be able to interact with other members. Maybe you’re on holiday 🙂
She hasn’t called or tried to get in touch, which is good news. I deleted her mobile phone number in a rage before I had chance to block it, so I still fear that she will call or text at some point, but so far so good. I hope she’s moved on to someone else, although that sounds selfish as I wouldn’t wish her on anyone.
As each day passes and the fog starts to clear, I am able to see things with much more clarity. I’ve read some posts on here about people who spend months or even years dealing with the emotional after effects, so I consider myself quite lucky to have escaped it relatively unharmed. I do have dark moments when I go through the ‘bargaining’ stage of separation, where I almost convince myself that there must be a reason for what happened, maybe it REALLY was my fault, should I have done things differently? etc, She was so sweet and perfect, where did it go wrong?
Then reality kicks in and I remember how she was towards the end.
I’m reminded of the film Primal Fear with Ed Norton and Richard Gere where Norton’s is playing a character who is trying to get away with murder by pretending to be schizophrenic.
When Gere realises that he’s been duped, his reaction is similar to what I felt.
He asks: So there never… there never was a Roy?
And Roy replies: Jesus Christ, Marty. If that’s what you think, I am disappointed in you, I don’t mind telling you. There never was an Aaron…
Please read this and comment if possible because this situation is tearing me apart and I have no idea what to do now.
Okay. So, this’ll be somewhat of a long story. He and I just broke up and I have considered the possibility of him being a Psychopath for weeks, even during our relationship.After reading, let me know what you think about the possibility.
Let’s call my boyfriend my the name “Nick.” So, I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship with a guy I liked prior to Nick. He and I didn’t date, but I had strong feelings for him and he messed with my emotions for months. Nick was an interesting person who I had been in class with for the past 2 years at school. I had always been strangely drawn to him, and not knowing exactly why. He was very careless, the stoner type of kid who didn’t do his homework but still managed to be smart and get decent grades. He was cool. The year before, I remembered how he had complimented me about my band t-shirt for the Ramones, telling me how cool of a band they were. Ever since, I had thought he was cool, and was strangely compelled to get to know him for almost 2 years. So, in an attempt to become his friend, when I was out one day and missed the homework, I DMed him on a social media account and asked what I had missed. Instantly, he was very nice and offered to send me the work. After he did, we got into a long conversation and immediately bonded over the fact that we both loved history class. Then, we got into a long and detailed conversation about politics and talked for quite a while about how we both supported the same presidential candidate, etc. We talked about music too, and at the end of the conversation I was about to go out so I told him I had to go and he said that he would see me at school the next day. I immediately felt refreshed and happy. He had this kindness and intelligence that most guys didn’t seem to have. He had common courtesy that the guy I liked before, didn’t have at all. The next day I walked by him in the hallway at school, and he smiled and greeted me. I liked him a lot, and hoped to get to know him more. After this, I waited about a week to message him again, and we talked and talked about endless topics that I never felt I could discuss with anyone else: religion, music, family, and more. He asked me for my number so we wouldn’t have to talk over the social media anymore. We talked about deep topics, and I told him how I had used marijuana to self medicate in the past but then quit. I said how it had helped with my anxiety, and he told me that he too had quit smoking. He said he understood my anxiety because he had “really bad depression.” I felt like I could relate with him so easily and he understood me more than anyone else. It seemed like everything I said, he had something to relate with me somehow. Politically, we agreed about almost everything. We had many of the same interests, so much that the both of it almost thought it was creepy. We both liked psychology, neurology, astronomy, cosmology, religion, history, similar music, everything. We had the same goals and the same fears. I felt like he was my soul mate and I fell for him immediately. We had a break from school, April vacation, and it got to the point that each day he and I texted from the moment we woke up until somewhere around 2-5 AM. He would call thing about me cute that nobody else thought were cute: the fact that I was innocent and had not even had my first kiss, the fact that I was nerdy and loved Star Trek, the fact that I had a weird lingo and said things like “‘Tis” and “‘Twas.”He opened up to me about very personal things on one of the first few times we even talked, telling me his insecurities and more. He said to me that he had only ever told this to 2 other people, and that I had a very welcoming personality that made him feel comfortable telling me right away. He said that I was so sweet and so great about making him feel better. We stayed up late into the night, talking about absolutely everything and anything. We asked each other questions, and we would play this little game where one asked the other a question and then we would both answer. Sometimes, we asked questions just about life and random thing, sometimes he would want me to ask weird or dirty questions. If he wanted that, then I did it. We connected so fast. Then, this one night, he told me that there was this conflict he had with two girls. One of them he called “the other girl” and the other one he called “prom girl” because he was taking her to prom. I got afraid that he didn’t like me that way, even though he acted so much like he did. He said that he had a very genuine connection with the other girl,but he had already asked prom girl to go to prom. I was disappointed, but I assumed this other girl was me and he was trying to indirectly tell me. The next day, I told him that I liked him, because I didn’t want to continue what was happening if he didn’t like me back. Then, he said to me that if I hadn’t guessed it already, I was the other girl. He said he would text prom girl the next day and tell her they could only go to prom as friends. He started calling me cute things like sweetie and flirting with me a lot more now. We stayed up late every night, and when he got really tired he would get loopy and tell me how pretty I was and say cute things about how he loved my soft, quiet voice or even say things like, “Your voice is the personification of a rose petal.” I was so in love. Every day all I could think about was talking to him. I already felt like I was in love. When break ended and we returned to school, we would walk together in the halls and talk and laugh. He would compliment me and tell me I looked pretty. We would joke and tease each other in a sweet, cute way. I felt so comfortable with him already, and I am very shy and do not open up easily at all. We had a very strong bond, it was undeniable. But, unfortunately, he said that he didn’t want to look bad, so we couldn’t hold hands in school or go on dates or anything like that until after prom. So, we went through about three weeks until then. The wait sucked, but I felt like I would wait any amount of time for him. Right before we hung out for the first time, he got a job working at restaurant. He started working crazy long hours. On saturdays and sundays, he would start work at 10 AM and work until 11 PM without a break, or so he told me. When we finally hung out for the first time, he came over and then we went to see a movie. He was sweet and gentle and kind the whole time. We talked a lot, watched TV, and I would just lay my head on his shoulder and feel like I was the happiest girl in the entire world. He was very charming and nice to my parents when he introduced himself, and said hi to my younger sisters as well. When we went to the actual movie theater, we talked and laughed during the movie and he kissed me for the first time. After the movie, we walked around the parking lot holding hands talking and laughing, and then he went home. It was the happiest night of my life. I was head over heels in love with Nick already.
It was not long before things started to get a bit strange. The next time we hung out was on his birthday, and I gave him a gift and a letter that were very heartfelt. He loved them and told me how sweet and cute they were, how sweet and cute I was, and how he had never liked anybody as much as me at all. And he had had quite a few past girlfriends/encounters with girls. I felt so special. He said he had never had a genuine connection like ours with anybody at all. I believed him when he said this. The way he touched me and looked at me, felt like he already loved me too. When we hung out that day on his birthday, he finally asked me if I wanted things to be official, to be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. But later on that night, he and I went to this little waterfall in my town. It was dark and we could barely see, so we were a bit scared. When we got to the top of the waterfall, we sat down and it felt so romantic, but at the same time it also felt like a scene in one of those horror movies where someone dies any moment. That was when out of the blue, he asked me if I had ever thought about killing someone and how I would do it. I sat there, surprised. I told him that it had never really crossed my mind. Then, he said something along the lines of, “C’mon, you never lay awake at night thinking about it? I do, I think I’m a bit of a Psychopath.” Then he laughed, and proceeded to tell me exactly how he would kill someone if he had to, how he would dispose of the body, everything. I sort of just brushed it off because afterwards we got up and walked around and talked and then kissed for a while. The night was pretty perfect.
But the next day, I thought deeply about what he said, and about him as a whole. Over the course of our friendship/relationship, he had said a lot of little, strange things to me. I had never paid much attention to them. But now I had reason to, since he had detailed to me exactly how he would kill someone. For example, he talked to me a lot about his crazy ex girlfriends and how weird they were, how one of them made him depressed in their relationship and how he had never really liked her but only dated her so that it would make him feel more confident. He told me that people called him cold because he could drop people out o his life very easily and not miss them at all. He told me that he didn’t feel any remorse, that he didn’t really have a conscience at all. He even told me that he had thoughts about punching, strangling, or ramming into people with cars. I myself was pretty messed up with my anxiety and depression issues, so I had just brushed it off. But now, it all seemed a bit strange. He also had an obsession with crazy serial killers like Manson or Dahmer. I thought this was cool, because I was also really into psychology and criminology. But he took it to stranger levels. He had videos of Manson saved in his phone that he would show me sometimes.
So, the next day I asked him if he was actually a Psychopath because he had joked about it the night before and he had many characteristics of one. He immediately acted like it was stupid for me to think he was serious, and said it was only a joke.
So I just moved on. For the next 2 weeks or so everything was normal and he didn’t act weird about anything. He was working a lot, though, and was extremely tired and started to be a bit distant from me. He still treated me very well whenever we hung out and everything felt like magic, almost too good to be true. We were very comfortable with each other. His family loved me. It was all so perfect, excluding the Psychopath stuff.
A few days later, though, things got weird again. We were talking on the phone and he told me very dark secrets about his family and himself. He said how his mother was abusive when they were younger and would hit them but call it discipline. He even said how once she had whacked his head so hard that it started bleeding everywhere. But he said that his mother hadn’t hit them in 6 years and she denied a lot of it now. He said he had a really [censored] up childhood and was lucky he didn’t have PTSD or something. Then, he told me how everyone in his family had some issues, mostly mental issues. He told me crazy, almost unbelievable stories about his schizophrenic aunt or his alcoholic grandfather. He said that all of his parents and siblings had issues, except him. One sibling was bipolar, another had anger issues. But him, he said, had nothing. He said that his mom said he would be the savior of the family because he was normal. He even said, “I’ve never had depression or anxiety in my life.” I was astounded. When we were first talking, he had told me he had really bad depression. And at one point he had also mentioned that he had anxiety and was shy in his freshman year of high school. Anyways, he continued to tell me that now he was very confident, the most he had ever been. It was strange, because when we first talked he told me about his insecurities about his body. But now, he was overly confident. I feel like he was contradicting himself left and right. The next day, he acted like he never even told me about his abusive mother. He even said, “I’ve had a really normal, average life.” I was freaked out because it was constant, him changing his story a lot.
Still, I tried to tell myself to just get over it. I loved him. I had to accept him, despite the weirdness. But then it got worse. My friend Sally’s dad died of cancer and it was terrible. So, he asked how my day was and I said it was bad. He treated me with care and nicely called me and asked what had happened and why I was upset. I told him about Sally’s dad. This was after work, and he was a bit tired. But, when he called, he sounded alright. Immediately, though, after I explained Sally’s dad, he got strangely emotionless and weird. He said, “Well that’s depressing.” I remember exactly what happened next. I said, “Yeah, kind of.” And he sounded angry as he asked, “Kind of?” and I said back, “Well pretty depressing.” That was when he said, “Yeah, now you’re right.” He sounded irritated, angry, and cold. His voice then turned blank and he just said, “I have nothing else to say.” And I asked if I could change the topic, if Sally’s dad bothered him. I started talking about something else. All he responded was “Hm. Well, I’ve got nothing to say. We should hang up now.” I sat there, astounded. I said good night and we hung up. Afterwards I somehow felt like I had done something wrong by telling him what happened so I texted him and apologized, even though I knew I hadn’t done anything deep down. He ignored my message completely. The next day, I was hurt and upset when I saw him at school. I texted him that morning and told him we needed to talk. When I saw him, his normally gentle and beautiful green eyes looked angry and full of rage. But the second I started talking to him, he acted charming and sweet. He acted like there was no problem and nothing had happened. HE asked what I wanted to talk about, and I almost felt like I couldn’t complain anymore because he was acting like nothing was wrong at all. I said never mind, and he said no, you have to tell me. Instead of being specific and asking why he was rude on the phone, I asked why he had been distant lately. He just seemed like he barely even wanted to talk to me, and wasn’t really treating me like a girlfriend. He then told me that he was only distant because he was tired from work. Then, he said, “Oh, and the reason I didn’t reply to you last night was because I was sort of in a meeting with my boss.” I highly doubted that he was, though. Not at 11:30 PM when he was normally the last one in the restaurant and cleaning up to leave. Then, he said, “So, issue resolved then?” Unsure of what to do, I just agreed that it was resolved and moved on because I felt like he was acting like it was ridiculous for me to be upset about anything at all. I spent the next few days obsessing over my theory that he was in fact a Psychopath. We had plans to hang out that weekend, and I decided that how he acted that weekend would determine my next course of action.
The day he was coming over, Sunday, we had previously talked about possibly advancing in our relationship, meaning doing sexual things. But I didn’t want to do that, not now when I felt like there was something weird in our relationship. Also, my parents were going to be home and it felt wrong. So, the morning he was coming over, he was acting happy and excited. Then, I told him that we couldn’t do that today, because my parents were going to be home. He acted strange, just saying “Oh” and seeming upset. Then, he said, “Well, our parents are aways home, so you know we are going to have to do it with them home at some point.” It was almost like he wanted me to feel bad for saying we couldn’t do it. So, I asked if he was upset and he said, “No, just tired.” Seemingly, though, he was upset. I felt like he was telling me passive aggressively. I got upset and told him that he couldn’t take out his being upset on me just because I didn’t feel comfortable doing that with my parents home. Then he got very angry at me. He acted childish, telling me that he wasn’t upset and I was silly to think so. I felt like he wanted me to react the way I did, but once I did he got angry at me. When he showed up at my house, he turned on the TV and sat there folding his arms and sort of pouting. Usually he would wrap his arms around me and stroke his fingers up and down my arms or kiss me. But not today. I tried to lean in and kiss him and he told me no, just watch the movie. He wouldn’t even let me. He wouldn’t even touch me until I reached and grabbed his hand. He was so angry. When the movie ended, I put on a different one, one that I actually wanted to watch, and he just layed face down on my bed and wouldn’t watch it. I got hurt and upset. It felt like he was acting like a 2 year old because he didn’t get what he wanted. Eventually, I did what I had to do to make things normal again. I apologized for what I did earlier and for how I acted like he was upset. Then, he started treating me like an actual human being again. By the end of the night, we were back to normal again. But during the day, he teased me a lot. We used to tease each other in a cute way, like he would make fun me being a nerd. But that day, it wasn’t cute. He called all the music I showed him “garbage.” And he called me stupid names like “you uncultured swine” or “you [censored].” I knew he was joking, but it hurt because I am a bit of a sensitive person. That night, when he left, he texted me and apologized for teasing me too much. He just said, “That was wrong of me. I’m so sorry.” I started to feel better that he actually was sorry about something. It made me think he couldn’t actually be a Psychopath.
He did, however, lie sometimes for no apparent reason. He lied about when he was going to work, and if I asked him about it he would make up another lie that I could easily detect. It was careless lies, like it was so easy for me to figure out that he was lying. I felt like he thought I was stupid. Or if we were supposed to call each other, he might say, “I can’t because I’m talking to my mom.” Then I would see him liking things on social media. I wished he would just tell me the truth and say he didn’t feel like it or something like that. I would rather that than being lied to.
After these incidents, everything got better and went back to normal for about 2 weeks. He treated me extremely well for the next few weeks, calling me almost every night and being sweet and calling me babygirl all the time. It started to feel like when we first talked again. I went over his house a few times and we were so in love. We said we loved each other for the first time. All my worries about him being a Psychopath disappeared. He couldn’t be if he loved me right? It seemed hard for him to say it sometimes, though. I usually had to say it first. But the way he touched me, spoke to me, held me, made me sure that he loved me. I believed it when he said he had never felt this way about anybody. He talked about the future. He talked about going to college and was asking me which college seemed good. We had plans for the summer, to go to a concert together, to go to the beach, to go to his restaurant. We talked like we really would be together a long time. And I believed it. So did he. He even once said, “I’ve been with 8 girls. And I’m really planning to stop on this one.” I really believed he was serious and I still do today. There was this one time where we were just laying there, listening to a love song and staring into each others eyes, saying nothing for like an hour. And the way he looked at me was so loving. His eyes looked like a little puppy dog, I couldn’t stand how adorable it was. After all the silence, he finally looked me in the eyes and said “I love you” in the most genuine, sincere tone. I really think he loved me. Then he said that it was like that quote from Pulp Fiction, “You know you’ve found someone really special when you can just shut the [censored] up for a minute and comfortably share silence.” I was sure that he really did love me. And I loved him very much as well. This was the last time we ever hung out. He had work almost every day the next week, and then I was leaving to go on vacation. I was afraid that we would somehow start to argue if we were away from each other that long, since we normally saw each other almost every day.
I was, unfortunately, right.
The next day after we hung out for the last time, we called each other on the phone and were talking for hours and hours. We were in love, it was all perfect. He had gotten out of a long day at work and it was late, somewhere around 3AM. I told him he should sleep, because he had been very overtired lately from work. But he didn’t want to, he wanted to keep talking. So, I said alright, just for a little bit longer. I cared more about him feeling well than us talking longer. So, we are talking and talking. All of a sudden, I don’t even remember how, but the topic of Michael Jackson and how he sexually abused children came up. He talked about it like normal, it was all normal. Then, all of a sudden, something happened. It was completely out of the blue. Nick just says, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I was nervous so I asked what was wrong. He said, “All of a sudden, I don’t feel anything. I’m completely emotionless. I feel numb.” I was confused. His tone of vice had completely shifted from happy to totally blank. He didn’t even sound like the same person. I asked if there was anything I could do. I asked if he wanted to go to bed now. His response to every single question was, “I don’t know.” He said he had;t felt that way since when he used to smoke marijuana and it would make him feel very numb and emotionless. I was afraid. I felt like I had done something wrong to make it happen. I started hearing a loud noise and he said that he was hammering nail. At 3:30AM. I asked why he was hammering a nail, and again I just heard a blank “I don’t know.”I was so afraid, for him. I loved him and was concerned. At this point, I told him he had to go to bed. We said our usual I love you and then hung up. I texted him and asked if he was sure he was okay, and he said yes. His responses were robotic. He said “I think I will be okay if I sleep.” He was not himself at all. I said I wished I could be there with him to hold his hand and help him and he just said “Oh.” I was astounded and afraid and hurt. I told him good night and that was the end of it. Millions of scenarios ran through my head about why this might have happened. I wondered if the Michael Jackson discussion had triggered memories. Maybe he had been sexually abused. He had only ever told me he was physically abused, though. I was afraid for him. I wondered if he really was a Psychopath.
The next day, he acted like nothing happened. He sad he felt normal again and he said that the night before had just been due to him being very tired. He said work has been stressing him out and his thoughts are all jumbled. I felt that this wasn’t possibly true though. It had happened so suddenly, in the blink of an eye. It was not like he had gradually become tired or something. He acted like it was no big deal at all and acted like it was stupid for me to think that it was.
After this night, nothing was ever the same. He was distant again, like he had been that week when we talked about Sally’s dad on the phone. I tried to talk to him, but I got a lot of empty responses over text. I would get upset and ask him why he was acting like he didn’t want to talk and he would say, “How am I being distant?” He didn’t even see it, when he was just giving me one word or short answers to almost everything. I told him I felt like he was two different people, one loving and kind, the other cold and distant. He was not even treating me like a girlfriend, but more like a chore to talk to. If I had any problems, he would ask about them, and after I explained he would only say something like, “Oh that sucks” or “Oh, jesus.” He didn’t seem to care at all. We would call and talk on the phone and things would seem normal. Hw would still say he loved me and call little thing I did cute. But it didn’t feel the same. He would tease me and call me lame and I would tell him that it made me start to worry I actually was lame. Then he would do it again the next day. I felt like he did;t understand my feelings at all. Where had the Nick I connected so well with gone? I felt like I was talking to a wall half the time, because he was barely showing emotion anymore, or caring about mine. Whenever it bothered me that he seemed so distant, he would act like I was being oversensitive and it was;t a problem. I think that I probably was oversensitive about it because I’m a sensitive person, but I still think there was a problem. He treated me nicer when he was trying to get me to like him, then he was treating me when I was his actual girlfriend. I was hurt that he didn’t see my side of things. Some nights were okay, we would say how in love we were and stuff, but others just felt weird and wrong. He seemed distant, but I still knew he did love me. Then one night, when I was on my period and I was very upset, I exploded. I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him I felt like he was sometimes rude to me and didn’t care about my problems. He was so strange back. He said “I don’t know what to say. I’ve told you I love and care about you, I don’t know what else you want.” I told him I wanted him to stop being rude. He showed no emotions back to me. I said I didn’t know how it was going to work out if he never saw that there was a problem at all. He literally just said, “Okay.” I asked if that meant he wouldn’t care if things didn’t work out, and he literally told me, “My prefrontal lobe has not yet fired off a response to that question” or something stupid like that. He wouldn’t show any emotion. He said he was keeping his emotions out of it and being logical. Then he said we should go sleep on it and see how we felt the next day. Then I said I loved him and didn’t want it to end, and he said something rude like, “Okay, I’m going to bed now, good night.”
I was so hurt. He did not seem to care at all. I didn’t know what had happened. The past week or so, he just wasn’t quite himself at all. The next morning, I asked how he felt and he wouldn’t tell me. He again said he was keeping his emotions out of it and only using logic. I said that made no sense, because emotions are the basis of every relationship. He then said “I don’t know how I feel. What are you thinking?” I lost it. I did’t want to be with someone who would act like he did’t care and would not even feel anything. I flipped out and broke up with him, saying he never cared about me and loved me and the Nick I loved would never treat me the way that I was being treated then and there. I wasn’t thinking logically, though. I knew deep down I didn’t want to break up with him. I should have worked through what was going on because I love him, I still do. I expected him to apologize and fight for me to stay with him. But he had the strangest attitude about it. He acted like the breakup was mutual, even though when asked how he felt he said he didn’t know. I don’t think he expected me to actually break up with him. But, in response, he said that if I thought that it was best, then he agreed with me. He even said, “Well, it was fun while it lasted. But [censored] happens.” I got even angrier. I didn’t understand how he acted like it was no big deal. I acted even crazier, accusing him of never caring about me. He then said, “I did, and still do, but if I’m hurting you, the best thing I can do is let you go.” I should have left if there, but I still was getting angry because I was so hurt. I was saying I put in so much effort and he put in so much less. He literally just said, “Alrighty, goodbye. Best of luck in your future endeavors.” I said goodbye and told him that I recommended getting help because he clearly had emotional issues and acted sociopathic sometimes. Then it got even worse. He said, “Oh no my emotions are totally fine, I just wasn’t as invested in this relationship as I cared to admit.” He said that in the past two weeks everything had dwindled in our relationship. That made no sense because we had first said I loved you just 2 weeks ago, and we had been discussing our future less than 2 weeks ago. I was so hurt, I wrote him this long paragraph about how I trusted him and he hurt me. He just told me it was over, there was nothing else to discuss, goodbye.
That night, I realized I made the wrong decision. I still loved him so much, I overreacted and ruined everything. I texted him and told him I was changing my mind, that I wanted him back. I don’t know if he read it because he never replied. A few days later, on my doorstep I found a box containing a movie I accidentally left at his house, plus all the sweet love letters I wrote him and the birthday gift I made and worked so hard on for him. It hurt so bad. It felt like he was doing that to make me hurt. He texted me and said the stuff was outside my house. I texted him back and asked him to listen to me, I apologized and said I still loved him and all he said was okay. He told me he didn’t want to listen and he had [censored] to do. I asked if I ever meant anything to him at all and all he said was “sure.”
I got in contact with his sister and told her I thought he needed help because he was showing so little emotions. She said she noticed it too and acted like she would get him help, but I don’t think she is. She found a letter in his room that was addressed to my house and he was going to mail, at least before I broke up with him. The letter said how much he loved me and was very sweet. I felt terrible for breaking up with him. I knew that he was invested in the relationship. that it was a lie of him saying he wasn’t, if he wrote me that letter. His sister told me that he was a difficult person, but also very nice. She said he didn’t like showing his emotions. But she said that he liked me a lot, and that she never saw him as happy as he was when he was with me. She also said that their mom was telling Nick to give me another chance because she liked me a lot. She told me to fight for him if I really still loved him.
But he has been cold and doesn’t seem to care. Last night, I tried calling him and he didn’t answer. I left a voicemail saying how I thought us ending was wrong and I was sorry. I told him we couldn’t give up the genuine connection we had. But I don’t know if he listened to the voicemail. I don’t think he will. I think he wants nothing to do with me now. I don’t understand how you can stop loving someone so fast, how you can care so little. I don’t know what to do.
So the question is, is he a Psychopath? Something else? I have considered everything, from sociopathy to bipolar to narcissistic personality disorder to depersonalization disorder to alexithymia to borderline personality disorder to cyclothymia to even more… He is so confusing and I have no idea, any ideas anyone? please answer to this if possible.
I wanted to share some recent learnings I have discovered not only about myself, but also about my previous partner. We as survivors are the strong ones. It is an incredible journey, but at the end we are stronger, have learned something and can grow. Our previous partners, the sociopath (or more accurately psychopath) will not grow. They are constantly searching for something better, someone else to take advantage of, someone else to cheat on. They will never be truly be happy for any length of time. They cannot maintain friendships, or relationships. Unlike us, they will end up lonely and alone. We on the other hand can use what we learned to build a strong meaningful relationship with someone that is worthy of us. M
Amen!!! I’m still recovering ( currently in therapy ) but yes, I’ve come to that realization as well. They hurt us tremendously but we will recover and most likely go on to new, healthy and loving relationships. They will just keep repeating the same pattern, getting the same results which has to be a miderable life. I still love and care about my ex, so I continue to pray for him… But I’m working on me and moving forward with my life. God has so much better in store for me.
M – you are 100% right. They might’ve temporarily brought us down, but at the end, they will always lose. What kind of a life is living with no love or happiness, just a sad satisfaction of abusing people?
Something else that I’ve experienced recently and want to warn others about is the chance of bumping into another sociopath… Last week I met a guy who was absolutely perfect. He agreed with everything I said, we had the same taste in everything, he was a perfect gentleman- how could someone be this great?? Then I started thinking… could it be? A few months after leaving a 5 year relationship with a SP, I’m being groomed by another one? I started being careful and sure enough on one of our first dates, the red flags went up. I caught him on several very sneaky lies, and he tried convincing me that he didn’t lie I just “remembered incorrectly”. He even went so far as to begin the process of turning one my closest friends against me (who he met) in an extremely discreet way. All in ONE WEEK.
So please, please be careful!! They truly do look for the strong, intelligent, and happy people, and try to strip you down and turn you into something as worthless as them. It was really painful, but at the same time I am so grateful I had the knowledge to nip this in the bud. It could’ve gone on for so much longer if I didn’t already know the signs.
If it’s too good to be true… unfortunately, it is.
Hey everyone. It’s wonderful that this support system is here. Thank you to all who have shared their story as it gives me the strength to share as well.
My brain has been extremely kind to me up til a few weeks ago.
A year and a half ago, I went no contact and my brain has kept me safe. I couldn’t remember the details of my two year encounter with my sociopath. What I could remember were the pivotal moments: moving to another state with him, his personality changing almost overnight, planning my escape, moving back home depleted on multiple levels. Up until two weeks ago, that’s all I could remember. The generals.
A recent event triggered me, and now I remember my story. I feel like I am reliving it again. I see his face when I close my eyes as I fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night from the nightmares. Memories are back. I’m recovering two years of my life that were too painful to process at the time. If I had, I probably would have had a psychological breakdown.
I’d like to share the memories here as they surface. I hope you can find solace in them as I find solace in yours. It’s relieving to feel validated that I’m not the crazy one.
Hi all,
Bit sad it’s my birthday tomorrow and for the first time in 4 years it won’t be with him. Last birthday was another beautiful gift and loving card, this time too busy for dinner and then found tine for a cheap diner meal a week late. So yeah he was done. This year I guess whet I have – from famiky and reinvigorated marriage – is all totally real. No more lies or anxiety. But it’s still a bit sad
Is he a sociopath or sex addict or borderline etc?
My heart is breaking reading these. I met my bf 8 months ago and he swept me off my feet. He had a history of serial cheating, divorce and his exes thought he was a sociopath. He had a break down when he was caught with multiple women 2 years ago ( some were friends with each other) but I believed when he said he spent so much time alone and went to a therapist and figured out why he needed that constant attention. I should mention these women he cheated with were not the most attractive.
His cell phone is the issue. He has to contact people for his marketing job. This includes women that are married and single . In the past he would start flirting by email with the unhappy ones and complimenting them and get their phone numbers. Then he would start to text, sext etc. Lie constantly and manipulate even talking to the husbands of the women he was cheating with to see them ad space.. I think their is a sexual element to his addiction too.
His phone is always a source of secrecy and I have caught him in a lie when he tried to quickly delete a ex girlfriend text that came in while we were watching a video…. then he even tried to deny that I saw her name. Finally after I was getting really angry saying I SAW HER NAME … he admitted that she still tries to contact him but he never responds. I can see changes in him over the last month ( less affectionate. distant and his phone becoming more and more the center of his attention) I saw another name later at night last week and he stormed out saying we are over…screaming. He called the next day saying we need to talk and that he doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship and he doesn’t know why. I should mention that he makes little money and supports 2 little kids from his marriage so I pay for almost everything. We only see each other 3x a week. Im just sitting here feeling so used. I never ever have had a relationship like this. I was always treated really well. Here I am paying for everything, hardly seeing him and watching him on his phone all the time, I feel like when Im with him he would rather be sitting alone on his couch on his phone. I know his business is all in his phone and there are a lot of legitimate calls and texts – he is a busy worker but I really feel in my gut that he met someone else. He said he still wants to see me while he sorts out what he wants but I told him no way. I should say Im in a small town in the south so its not easy to meet people and I almost want to still see him but i know its not the right thing. What should I do and what disorder does this sound like to you? He has lost his marriage and relationships for this but i guess he won’t stop. He somehow justifies his behavior. Im so hurt and I put on the brave face but I am dying inside. I stupidly thought he may have been the person I grow old with.
I am in pain again ladies..My sociopath reached me 1,5 month ago..and then we started to talk again.He said he wants to talk to me,loves me etc,he said he wants to visit me(Right now we leave in different cities)for a month everything was good,we didnt get back together but we were flirting,talking on the phone etc..And suddenly he disappered which how we broke up after a relationship.No explanation,nothing..and he did it again!(when he called me he said he is sorry he made a mistake etc)
Now i am broken in tears again..
My name is Rod Lovell and I married a sociopath and her maiden name is Debra Parsel of which became Debra Parsel Lovell. The biggest and saddest mistake I ever made was allowing myself to be deceived by her. It is something I will never get over, the hurt, the pain, the very thing (at my age) I painstakingly went to extra lengths to avoid. I was lied to on a scale difficult to get my head wrapped around. It’s a very long story so I won’t write it unless someone really wants to hear it. The woman I fell in love with I still love, but that woman doesn’t exist. The pain I went to great lengths to avoid, for both parties, myself and the other person, not only did I fail but it’s way worse than anything I’ve experienced before. I have been betrayed to a degree that I will not completely heal and I have accepted that. I fight the hate that wants to dominate me. The evil that comes with these types of people is deep reaching and life changing. Every fiber of my being is either broken or damaged. I allowed a liar, thief, adulterer, and I’ll say liar again because its not that they lie, its all they do, and don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Check their stories, thoroughly, don’t feel guilty or believe you don’t trust or can’t trust, you’re being smart and safe. Remember, the sociopath will find out everything that you want and become that person. Be extremely careful and do your due diligence and protect yourself. DO NOT end up like me, not only falling for it, I defended her lies and manipulation, believing in her. Maybe, just maybe, the hate that pushes so hard at me will subside and that alone will I consider a victory.
I’m so sorry you’re in pain. We all know what that’s like.the hardest thing is letting go but you have to.otherwiae this cycle will continue and continue.they never change
I cannot believe I have fallen again into the clutches of a sociopath. I thought I was older and wiser. I was aware that I was emotionally vulnerable, but that didn’t stop me from being sucked in by very convincing lies. I live in a small, rural village, gradually I heard stories about this couple – yes, a married couple. Both parasitic, but with the appearance of respectability to many. He would turn up and do jobs for single women – grass cutting, hedge trimming etc. All in the guise of helpful neighbour and friend. No one asked for the help. But they both expected to be paid, and the woman (always a woman) ended up paying more than she would to a professional gardener or handyman, and also having to appear grateful, as well as buying a meal for them or drinks in the local. Worse than that, he then made advances, he’s a good looking, gentlemanly type, used to be a police officer, “trustworthy” – fatherly. Many fell for it, including me. His wife went away to Canada to visit relations, he began to love bomb me. At first I rejected him, he’s married after all and I felt uneasy. He told me that because of his wife’s illness (she has MS) they hadn’t had a physical life for years. I was lonely, he made it sound as if she understood. She constantly sent me photos and messages on What’s app. They both bombarded me.
Anyway, I have discovered the truth, he is a pathological liar, so I believe is she. Many people know this, but don’t like to gossip. Now I don’t even think she’s got MS, she has no major symptoms, has gone on like this for years, and they receive huge amounts from the state, including an allowance for him as a carer. She doesn’t require any care. They are always on holiday.
I am astonished that I didn’t spot the warning signs. Astonished that I’ve been swept along again. It’s a comfort to know that I’m not alone in this, even among friends and neighbours, we are all sticking together, and now we hope this evil couple will move. I finally snapped when he “gas lighted” me – I was so shocked that he tried to make out that I was the one who was wrong!
These sociopaths are so manipulative, and have a talent for assessing a person who is a in need. Knowing about their behaviour doesn’t necessarily prevent us from being sucked in again, how awful that being kind and trusting is seen as weakness.
Thank you for your all support..As you said letting go is difficult and painful..When he first reached me i was strong.Then because i still love him,i melted with his affection and interest.I thought may be i was wrong and he was a decent person who is going through a difficult time.And yet he did it again on purpose,he knows that hurts me and doing it again.Why a humanbeing gives pain to others like that..In the beginning of this silence i was better but now last 4-5 days i am constantly in tears..I know i need to let it go again.What a painful end
Nykie, thank you for your comment. It is so very painful to put your faith into someone, to trust and then have it destroyed. I think the clue is in what you said about how you thought he was ” a decent person going through a difficult time.” You are a person who looks for the best in people, I am the same, sadly a sociopath makes full use of that and sees it as a weakness. Why should we alter our personalities in order to defend ourselves? How sad that being a nice person is seen as a fault by some in society. I have the same problem with builders I employ, if I am kind, they assume I’m stupid and rip me off.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, decent people don’t give so much pain to someone they say they love. It’s “deeds not words” as the old saying goes….
I’m so sorry. There’s only one answer, no contact. They will always try to contact you this is the way they know if they still have power over you. Just be grateful that anything more happened. So please take a big breath, delete his phone number, email, Facebook account and all the ways that can make you curious about him. And begin again with no contact. The best to you.
@Nykie and all of you who struggle with no contact…do it! Cut all ties as best you can! I think what helped me realize that this was the only way is that when I found his text messages with all five other women, he was saying all the exact same things to them that he had used to suck me in. When I knew that the man I shared my life with didn’t even actually exist, it became much easier to block him from my life completely.
@Susan
We have a daughter in common and believe it or not the no contact is possible. After almost two years of our last separation and almost 6 months after his last attempt to contact he reappears, not to ask for his child, but to “know if I was with someone, cause he is with someone and at last he can be happy with his new family. If I can do it you can do it too.” Before I will cry with these words, now I’m so happy that he is not part of me or our daughter. She deleted him from all her social media…
I deleted his message and continue with my life. No contact is the answer.
Dating a Sociopath 
“In the process of letting you go, I had to lose many things in my past, but I found myself. It will be a permanent self, rooted in awareness and creativity once it’s captured, and then I can capture the world.”
I’ve learned a lot about myself lately. Some of it because of you, but mostly because instead of denying how I feel, I’m accepting it. It’s the only way I can make myself better. I can tell myself all day long what’s best for me, I can hear it from everyone around me, but it was never going to happen until I actually did something about it. It’s a big deal, and a huge step in improving me. I have so much potential, and because I see that I am successful already in a lot of areas, I’ve brushed off what’s really inside me for a long time. It’s crazy that now I see that instead of God putting us together for me to help you, it was actually the opposite. For the first time in my life, my humility has allowed me to reach out and ask for help. I know I can’t do it alone, so I have found someone to counsel me. My counseling does not focus on you, so don’t think all I do is talk about the things that happened between us. I hope that if you reread the letter I wrote, you can see that I didn’t dwell on the things you did, but I focused on how I felt during those situations. There is a difference. The whole thing, though it included you, was about me. It was about how I never saw the value in my true self. Once I learn to value myself, then I believe God will give me a relationship that will make everyone happy: me, that man, God, family, and friends.
I don’t hate you, and I never could. And just because I’m working on me and moving past you, it doesn’t mean I’m not still heartbroken that I will never have you. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. I love your spirit, you personality, your charm, your adventurous nature, and all of the different things you have to offer. That why God sent me you, you are everything that he knew I wanted and would love. He also knew it would take my experience with you to make my change. I can continue to pray, and I hope one day you will use me to make your change as well. I don’t believe that you will ever be happy until you make that change.
We are who we are, and we know each other well enough that we know who each other is. I know you accuse me of things, and SOME of those were true, but I know you accuse me because deep down you’re so angry with me, because I see exactly who you are. Remember, I love who you are, and I appreciate it. I’ll never back down or give up on your change because of my love for you. That is why I can forgive you. It’s because of my forgiveness that I am able to move on. As long as I’m angry with you or hurt by things, I will stay in the same place I’ve always been.
In accepting all that has happened, I have also learned that forgiveness and reconciliation do not go hand-in-hand. This is something that because of this change, we will never be able to do. We have to forgive each other for ourselves, no one else. Trust me, if it had been up to everyone else, you would have been history long ago. So all of this has nothing to do with anyone but us, my change and your change. They are both equally as important, but they having nothing to do with each other. I do not need you for this, and you do not need me. My change is me and what I’ll do for myself, and yours is your own. The only involvement I will have is what I gave you in the past.
It’s not me being hateful or vindictive, but me knowing there’s a purpose for you in my life, but that purpose was not to live happily ever after with you. And as I write that, even though I truly believe it, it still makes me sad: very sad. That is why reconciliation can never be a part of us. We can forgive each other, but neither of us will ever be able to forget about what we’ve done to each other.
I will always tell people your value to me. I’ve always stood up for you, even when everyone else was against it. I’m thankful I have the ability to see the best in people, because it’s a rare quality to have. In the future though, I have to add my own value of myself with each choice I make. That will be just as hard as making the change now, but for me to be better, it’s the only choice I have. I have to make choices that are best for me and Brooklyn. I made that promise when Lance left, and I have been letting her go without ME for too long. Giving her a home, clothes, food, and security could never outweigh the love I should have been and promise to give her from now on.
Hi my name is Brooke and 3 weeks ago I left my sociopathic husband. We had been together 7 years and married for 7 months. I am so glad I found this site as I have been having so many mixed feelings after 7 years of what I now know is abuse. The final straw for me was finding out he had been seeing a girl 2 weeks after the wedding and I was ready to end it but he spun more lies and said I didn’t love him enough and that he only wants me etc etc so I agreed to marriage counselling and had 3 sessions in which I found out after the third session he was cotinuing to see this person even having weekends away when he said he was on work trips.i guess I am most hurt because for the past 4 years I have paid for absolutely everything for us, rent flood electricity holidays and he would never spend a cent on me not for birthdays or Xmas and I found out he was blowing money on weekends away diamond earrings lingerie for this girl.
We moved to qld 5 years earlier away from my friends and family and he had no intention of moving back. I have recently found out he has moved this new girl into our house and they constantly flaunt it. Why do I care? After 7 years he made me feel like I needed him and couldn’t do it on my own. But the truth is I was doing it on my own and holding up his end of the rope. I really want to believe their is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel sick thinking how worthless I was that I could walk out and it didn’t mean anything to him. He got violent to me when j attempted to leave and that really scared me. I have so much love and support I just wish this phase wasn’t so painful
Hello, I’ve been reading this site for a few days now, gained enough insight and encouragement to post my story. I’m currently in a relationship with a medically diagnosed sociopath with bi-polar. We’re both 26. I met him 2 years ago through my job. He had recently been released from a 3 year prison stint for CSC with Intent. I didnt find this out until 6 months later. I was told he got busted for “drugs and stuff”. I had my fair share of troubles with the law as a teen so I didn’t judge nor prod for information, everyone makes mistakes. It was a whirlwind romance, I moved into his apartment within 6 months of dating. That’s when the mask dropped. He had a serious drug and alcohol addiction, I got swept up into that madness and began using as well. A few drunken nights and heated arguements lead to me being choked out until I blacked out, body slammed, flipped over furniture, backhanded across the face, pinned down, hair pulled, sexually assulted, called every name in the book. My belongings thrown off the balcony, locked outside of the apartment in the middle of the nignt during a snow storm, my car keys being held hostage. I had to shush and plead with the downstairs neighbor to not call the police, please don’t make it worse for me. To which every time I would beg to be let back in, beg to stay in the relationship, beg for forgivness for whatever misdeed I committed. I would cry myself to sleep, curled up in a ball at the end of the bed, just to be woken up hours later to soft kissess and soft hands, making love to me, never apologizing, just “making up” the only way he knew how. One nignt doing ecstasy (club drug) he got really emotional, started crying and spilled his life story. What crime he committed, how fucked up his life was, how he was bi-polar, a sociopath, stopped taking his meds and life was spiraling out of control. He got me right in the feels. Shortly after this confession we lost our jobs. Our industry has a lot of lay offs, it was bound to happen, and I took it as an opprotunity to find a new endeavour. Little to my knowledge did I know I’d be locked in the apartment with him for the next 6 months. A little about him before I get too far.. He is a functioning sociopath. Works, pays bills in full on time, cooks, cleans, saves money, almost thrifty. I’ve had to teach him how to do taxes, how to get car and health insurnace, the basics of being an adult. Being locked up during those crucial years he missed a lot of things he should have learned. He appreciated it, still asks me for advice. He’s very sweet, kind, generous. He asks me if I need/want anything, and gives me money whenever I ask. He’s very logical, smart, quickwitted, has common sence and a great sence of humor. He’s a true blue sociopath, chauvinistic, egotistical, everyone is beneath him. He’s very handsome, healthy aside for drugs, works out, eats right. He’s not mirroring a perfect man for me, he came that way. But at a price. The demons that live in his head. He’s very open, honest, almost proud to be a sociopath. He told me all the signs and how they act, how he acts and how he thinks. He’ll demonstrate his abilities to me. Says “watch this, bet I can get them to do what I want” or tells me how to swindle people into what I want! He’s said how he truly feels, or dosen’t, however you look at it. But he loves me. In his own fucked up way. Yeah he’ll treat me bad, but I can always leave. He’s not keeping me here. He lets me know when his bi-polar is kicking in, when he’s feeling off. I’ve researched bi-polar, I know the signs, the cycles, some of his triggers. He’s said a few times he’d like to see a psych, but I don’t believe there’s any weight behind in. Sometimes, its as if he’s a sociopath to me, but also clues me in when he’s doing it to other people? He has no friends. A close knit family but they live hours away. He’s a lone wolf. Which brings me to the 6 months in the apartment. He was glued to me. Everywhere I went. He did. From the store to sitting on the countertop while I used the bathroom. I had a lot of fun. Not going to lie, it was great to spend every waking minute with him. The abuse stopped, the relationship was like what it was in the beginning. Until unemployment started to run out for him. Panic set in. The shitty moods came back. The lease was going to be up. The drugs started again. We got into a car accident, his car was totalled. Bad luck back to back. I found a good paying job, busted my hump to pay rent and save for a deposit on a new place. He helped as much as he could, when he could. He always has. The move went good, this time the apartment is in BOTH of our names. I cannot be kicked out this time around. The relationship has changed since moving here. Either the honeymoon phase is over again or he’s getting bored. I typed him up a resume, sent it out and found him a great paying job he enjoys. He’s been using my car to get back and forth to work while saving for a new car for the last 3 months. He finished parole and has no major debt now. And that’s where he stops needing me. Now your up to speed.. Here’s what the last 2 weeks have looked like.. I work 1 week out of the month, but 130 hours, Sunday to Sunday, I had made of comment on how I’d miss spending time with him on Sunday, to which he said “woman I need at least a day break from you!” I took it in a hurtful way and carried about my day. His parents live 2 hours away, when we visit we stay the whole weekend, he usually makes these plans and springs them on me a day before or the day of. I had to work and it was Mother’s day weekend. I conjured put this plan that he could get some space from me, visit his family and enjoy the weekend away from home. I’d spring clean and my mom would come by on Sunday to visit me. Mind you, he’s taking the car. I’m left home stranded. That idea threw him into a rage. That I had alterior motives, that we should break up. And somewhere between then, him driving my car, got side swiped. And needs $1000 worth of work. Cannot be driven long distances. And conveniently, my work called off Friday through Sunday, and my mom cancelled on me. All which ment I made everything up. Life really screwed me last week. He ended up staying home, brooding that he didn’t get to go visit. Which lead to more arguing about how he couldn’t trust me. Made me spill a past relationship mistake from 3 years ago before I even met him, because he “heard” something, and that means I have a track record. Not to be trusted. I held my ground, said I will not be held accountable to a mistake I made in the past that had/has nothing to do with you. Its not your business! I learned a lesson and I will not have it rehashed in my new relationships! He backed off, swicthed back to neutral, has been “normal” for the past few days. He said his jealousy is over the top. He compares past relationships to me. How he wouldn’t stalk or track my phone, search my email or texts, which he has, multiple times. He wouldn’t have someone follow me or watch the house. He wouldn’t put that much effort into it. He’s just waiting for the let down. Ugh. I know. Shame on me. Please dont give me the 3rd degree or the GET OUT RUN NOW speech. I love this man. I’ve been through hell and back. I have a strong support system, although they don’t know my relationship, he’s always been portrayed prince charming, I will be taken care of if I leave. I just… Cant. I don’t know. He’s eveything I want. He’s perfect. Excpet for the obvious. Am I wrong to want to stay? I can have anyone. I’m petite, pretty, have a lot going for me. But I want him. Not to fix him. Or change him. I’m enthralled. But now that he’s on his feet. Its only a matter of months and he’s going to jump ship. My hearts not prepared. My mind is. But god it hurts already.
Hi, I’m back again. I posted my story yesterday. I hope it published? Thats the first time I’ve ever talked about us. I can’t have the site e-mail me for replies (he searches my phone) so I’ll keep checking back in. Figured this could be my diary of sorts? How living daily with a sociopath plays out until I figure something out. Yesterday was another round. After wrecking my car and accusing me of cheating, I’m put up to the task of buying replacement parts (with my own money) and finding a mechanic. Which means I have the car to myself all day while he’s at work. Oh no. It’s never that easy. The day begins with the usual silent treatment and coffee, pop some pills and get ready for the day. Its a half hour drive into work, limping my broken car, to find out “oh shit I forgot such and such, run home and get it for me?” Another half hour drive back, search for said item, drive another half hour. Drive all the way back home, go to the auto parts store (its within walking distance mind you). Get home, get settled, start cleaning and its close to noon. Back in the car to bring him lunch/whatever item he now needs. Except its noon. And traffic sucks. I’m not exactly on time when I arrive. No fight. No yelling. Oh no. He wants my permission to release his from a promise he made 2 years ago. His word is his bond. That’s his mantra. If you can swindle/blackmail him into a promise/agreement he sticks to it. With hatred for you, but upheld. I forgot to mention yesterday, you have to be very careful how you word things. Play semantics. For example, I said “I won’t be set up to say no to your request, because that is a sign/form/admittance of control, but I will decline to take back the promise I had asked for.” It’s all a power game, have to think and rethink what comes out of your mouth, have to play the game. Yet, he’s my best teacher? As for not releasing him, he sulked, silent treatment, upon leaving the car he says “how do you continue to love someone you don’t trust? Whats the point? I mean at one point I loved you with my whole heart, now I just love you less. Pick up coffee will ya? Bye.” I went home, set an alarm, and cried myself to sleep. Fuck fixing the car. Fuck him. I was pretty silent when I went to pick him up. He caught on. Tried to hold a conversation but I one word answered just about everything he had to say. Nothing got done around the house, I didn’t care. I didn’t plan dinner. I really haven’t eaten in 3 days. Per usual, he rolls his shoulders a few times, sighs, rubs his neck, all signs he wants a back rub. I relent. Whatever. My sweet man comes out when touch him. He melts in my lap. Kissess my thighs. Lays there for awhile after I’m done. The night continued in silence really. Not a angry silence. Just wore out. Nothing to say. He made himself food and prodded me to eat. I denied. Truthfully the thought/smell makes me sick. He kept prodding and prodding. I sat up and forced down what he offered with a smile. This he dosen’t like. On a deeper level. Not an angry one. He has feelings. Just not many. I can see worry/shock/confusion in his eyes. Asks me over and over why I won’t eat. I’m wanting to scream because of you! I’m depressed, sad, hurt, empty, I have no will or drive to care for myself cause I’m too busy wrapped up in you! I say, I’m just not feeling good. He registers the lie. You know how you can watch thier eyes change? The mask slip? Thats the last time we spoke. Went to bed. This morning was the same. Except he wasnt feeling good. Layed his head in my lap. Ran off late to work. And let today begin..
Hi. I was blind about my ex.
The story begins one day I had his cell phone and found a chat with his ex girlfriend. In this conversation he sent her kisses and told her he wanted her in a room without clothes. When I told him I saw the texts and I never wanted to talk to him again…
He said ” Why are you looking for stuff you shouldn’t, You don’t know how is to treat her, you have to go with her mood, It was a revenge, because she was so mean with me, look at me I’m calm, I know I didn’t do anything wrong”
He said he needed to tell me the story which was only that it was a vendeta and that he never saw her. I thought he was telling the truth, why? I don’t know, but I stay by his side. The same day I forgive him, her ex contacted me and told me he gave to both of us the same valentines day presents, and that they had sex like a month before. We were together like for 5 months by that time.
I told him I was so angry I wanted to hit him. He said yes please lets meet. And he started to telling me hoew much he loved me, that he wanted us to get married and have kids and he wanted to spent all his life with me.
I decided to take some time, two weeks to see if my mind was good and i could stay with him. To be fare I lovede him too much. So passed those weeks I told him that we will stay togheter. I tried so hard to forget, but it was so difficult for me. He was like so natural, like it never happened. And told me “the past is in the past”. It was a month, yes a whole month that we get together, ans brake up and get together and brake up. Because I missed him so much, and he never stopped sending me texts or calling. So when we go back I felt so stupid and used, I always told him I wanted to end the relationship.
The day before his bday I left him as many times before, but as many times before he still beg me to return, one day I decided to ask her ex girlfriend, just to corroborate the story if they hadn’t seen each other, and she told me that night before his bday they spent the night togethr.
When I asked him he told me ” we are not togehter when we are, I owe you an explanation, before I won’t, You weren’t there, tell me where were you Did you know how i was feeling?”
I decided for that very moment I will never go back with him, but he kept texting me , calling, going to my gym after his work, I was another month of him asking me , ” do you miss me, do you still love, don’t you suffer, we both are suffering” everytime he cried.
But I talked with her exgirlfriend and they are back together, and he is still begging me to go back with him. Each and every time he says ” it’s your fault we are suffering, your insecurities made all this. If you hadn’t look my cell phone and ask her anything we would be happily ever after”
Shay,
What you gonna do to stop all this insanity? Please take care of yourself.
I’ve slowly started my escape. Gathered all my important information (soc card, birth cert, debts) and took them to my moms. Fruitless, since he snapped pictures of everything without my knowledge. I found them one day when he asked me to find something in his phone. I sat there shocked, he laughed it off “have to protect myself babe!” no use in deleting them, its probably backed up and saved elsewhere. I wiped my pone and both computers to factory settings, if he has some kind of keylogger or tracking system, hopefully it was wiped too. I’ve started to delete myself from the internet. All social media down to my Ebay account, started sending e-mails to Whitepages, Intelluis, Radaris to take down my information and pictures they’ve gathered. Kind of regret signing up to vote as your address is posted online without your consent. I’ve gathered as much money as I can and hid a stash in the house. Changed my bank information and got a new card without him knowing. Amped up security on my phone providers service, explained to them my situation. Huge pain in my ass, but an even bigger one for him if he tries anything. I’m going to attempt to dissapear before I actually do. So when he jumps online or asks a friend, no search results or information pops up. Have to stalk me the old fashioned way. The house I can move into is on a dead end. So good luck being sneaky. Perhaps the neighbors bushes? Guess we’ll see if it gets to that point. There’s so many steps to take. I can’t jump head first. He’s 5 steps ahead. I have to be smart and work myself out of this mess, be logical not emotional. He’ll use my emotions, my weaknesses. I have to win these small victories to make progess.
He’s told me if I ever left I’d regret it. In the same breathe he tells me to get the fuck on. I’m not sure what to believe. He’s threatened other people before that have “done him wrong” like his old job? Throw bricks through the windows and stalk the manager so he can pop holes in her tires.. From 3 years ago. He whispered to me one time “if you leave, I’ll kill you” and kissed me so sweetly. My heart sank. I don’t want to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. He’s told me “I’d better go ghost, because if he finds me..” I know, I know, call the police. Well I don’t trust the police. Nor do I trust his swindling ass. Somehow I’d get locked in the looney bin and he’d waltz around with a victory. Just have to play/beat him at his own game. I may be slightly socio, or absorbed some of his traits, I’ve learned to watch, to listen, to move the right piece at the right time, one day I’ll checkmate his ass.
I think he knows he’s losing grip. Simple idioctic things he tries to wrangle me back, he’s saving for a car, hates the color blue. It just so happens to be my favorite color. Apparently he’s getting a blue car now. We live in an apartment and I had to give up my dog to move here, it was hard, I was heartbroken, I’ve been mentioning having a pet again. All of a sudden, he’ll buy me a cat, a dog, whatever fuzzy thing that will make me happy. He hates animals. Whatever I latch onto, he’ll bitch, piss, moan, tell me how stupid it is. Then next week he’s all about it. So I’ll use that to my advantage. Start liking/disliking something and he’ll hop on board. I don’t think he realizes how obvious/horribly played his “mirroring” tatics are.
I have introduced myself before. I am American married to a man from another country who is powerful. And very much addicted to the attention it provides him and his sociopath behavior. My story is different. I have four children with him and he has repeatedly cheated. With many at the same time. I don’t even know where he finds the energy!!!! There r so many!!!
Because I am here n this country with my kids I’m sort of stuck until he finished building the house he is building for me n kids. Maybe 6mo the? I can’t go to America. Kids were born here n I like it here but I can’t be n this marriage. He’s very much a sociopath n liar n cheat and selfish and attention seeker.
He’s not living with us.
My situation is different because he’s Muslim and he said I divorce u to me. Which in Islam means we religiously not man n wife. However that doesn’t me anything to me or this government as we have filed papers n the court we r married!
So he uses this as we r divorced but then uses the paper marriage as control.
It’s been six months r so and at first I was asked to keep it private we r not together cus his public image. However my 22 year old daughter received a call asking if her mom n dad r divorced cus her cousin said my husband was interested n marriage with her!?!?
My daughter called him and was screaming at him. He then calls me m tried to tell me he loves me. I ignore him n don’t text back. He then starts being mean n saying he will get married again. I then respond good Luck I wish u all best n ur new life. Inside I was emotionally a wreak. Then I notified the children as I thought it true.
He got upset I told kids n demanded I say to them I was joking!?!?!? Wtf? No…… U said it and they should know.
My 17 year old son got so mad because he finally had enough of me upset and told his father off! Which in this culture never happens!!!
Thing is I know he told a girl he was going to make arrangements to get the ball rolling for a marriage with her. But I have always seen him play this card before. Girls n this country will not sleep with u unless u r committed n like ma.engaged.
So it could be a game he’s playing who knows.
My sp was never abusive and never shouted and was just a prince until the day he left me.
But I’m n counseling and I’m learning how to not supply him with attention. I am not always positive on it but I’m way better than I used it to. And he can’t stand it.
I think I just experienced my first ASAP attack with deliberate attention to hurt me feelings. But thank god my kids love him but made it clear to stop sending her things that make her upset.
Like I said. We r still not paper divorced for reason u wouldn’t understand n this country. A woman gets nothing n a divorce here except a house she lives in. The man must leave the house n make monthly payments to the bank. Right now I’m renting n we r building. As soon as I get my house I will demand a paper divorce.
In doing this it requires me working with him on interior design.
I try n pick out the house things n he pays. But this is a very stressful time for me. U can’t walk away!!!!!! No it’s not this easy when u have four kids and r planning ur house. I wish I knew how to old why we do new houolsinf
Have you ever considered a protection order?
He knows the system pretty well. He’s had his rounds. I’ve thought about it, but it seems to be more of a hassle than good. In my state I need proof, not just hearsay. It could lead to further court action and thats too much of a long drawn out process for my nerves. He would retaliate if a piece of paper was in order or not. Or send someone else. Or wait it out. I’d rather just fade into the darkness. Let him find another person to harass. If I let myself be boring enough, disinterested enough, he’ll get restless and dig his own grave. Some battles aren’t ment to be fought, untimalty its winning the war.
Shay….. You go girl!!! That’s right honey, don’t be a victim!! So proud of you!!!
Thank you Cindy 🙂 Everyday I wake up, look myself square in the eye and remind myself how beautiful, happy, outgoing and a genuinely nice person I am. I won’t let him shape nor define me. I’ve fought to be the person I am. I won’t let him destory me. I love him. Very much. I always will. But my heart is guarded. I’ve reigned in my feelings and got my head back on right. Love blinded me. But I’ve learned a lesson. A valuable one. Be careful who you give yourself to.
Hello Shay.. I am so sorry read all those!! I am sure you will get what you want..As you said you should plan every step of yours and be careful while doing so! We are here for you
That means a lot Nykie 🙂 I feel safe speaking my mind here. With people who understand. Who won’t judge. I can’t explain any of this to my family or friends. They’d be concerned and push help onto me. I love them dearly and the support is wonderful, but I can’t have them at risk by involvement. He might retaliate agaisnt them as well. I’m trying to protect everyone from him. You guys are wonderful!
Sorry for this long post, I just feel like nobody else can understand what I’m going through…
I just broke up with a guy, who I believe is a sociopath, a week ago, after 6 months together (I knew him for almost a year).
He was everything you can describe a sociopath with, except for the abuse/violence part.
He pursued me hard, with the most passionate words, affection, gifts, everything.. and after 5 month of knowing him, he moved in with me and my children. he bonded with them well, do nice things for them, and they loved him.
I caught him with lies a few times, and he managed to look as if he’s deeply regretting it, saying it is all because of his insecurities. I forgave him.
Then, one day my daughter was missing 200$ from her drawer. he took it.. apologized to no end, saying how stupid he is, that he was ashamed to ask me for a loan (though he had no problem asking before and never paying back) that he was ashamed and felt less of a man, not being able to provide (he had a shitty job and was horribly irresponsible with money)…and all the time saying how I am the love of his life, can’t live without me ..
I kicked him out of the house, and agreed to try work thing out if he’ll go to therapy.
But, my gut wouldn’t let me rest.
I hacked into his FB account, I knew I will find my answers there.
And there it was.. hundreds and hundreds of lies he told people over the years, about who he is and what he does… he even told a woman once that he has kidney cancer!
I found out about the endless amount of drugs he did, and also criminal record since he was a teenager.
I found out he had a LDR with another woman right until the day he and I became “official”.. he told her he loves her everyday for months and talked about marriage– and also lied to her about the stupidest things.
I confronted him with all the knowledge I gathered, and he had a long pity story about how insecure he is, his troubled childhood, his PTSD (army) etc etc..
but his eyes. his eyes. they were emotionless and intense at the same time, scary even.
He always wanted me to look into his eyes, and he could stare at me forever, at first I thought it was sexy, passionate, but then it felt creepy.
The morning after this long conversation, I logged to his account again and I saw him hitting on 2 girls– a 16 yo, and his COUSIN!
That’s when I told him to never ever talk to me again.. he came to my workplace trying to convince me that there’s nothing to it, just a joke, denying everything… telling me he can’t have me thinking he’s not loyal.
He still haven’t payed back the money to my daughter, he actually told me that since he bought things for the house we shared- that this should cover this.
Also begged me to not tell anyone about him..
Looking back, I ignored things about him that I shouldn’t, the short temper he had with other people, the way he treated his dog- beatin the poor thing as a discipline, saying that’s the only way with pitbulls, laughing at a kid that fell because of his dog.. etc
people in my life can’t believe this story.. he showed such a different persona to everyone in my life
Now I feel like I’m touching madness at the edge of my mind, like I’m going crazy, realizing all this love was fake. he was fake. we were fake. he just used me for money and comfortable life, and for his public image to look good…
I thought after my narcissistic ex-husband, who abused me in any way possible, the one who molested our daughter and got out of it without punishment, that I will be able to see and acknowledged the signs. and I didn’t. because he lied so differently from anyone I knew, I could never read the lies on his face and body.
I cannot trust my judgment anymore… and even though I know I’m not to blame, and that people like him are predators looking for the most trusting and empathetic individuals, I still feel shame in my inability to see the signs..
This really hits close to my heart, and I just want you to know that I feel deeply for what you must be going through. Our situations are different – mine is far less intense in that I was the LDR in the scenario, always the promise that he would come soon! But he never did. I can not explain it out because of the shame that I didn’t see it coming a mile away. No one thinks they will be catfished, I had talked to this man intensely for almost five years. I’m an educated person, very well read – I have read a million stories just like this and still nothing – thanks brain! His girlfriend called me last December and told me the truth. I wish she hadn’t been as mad at me as she was. I was also heartbroken. I thought my prince charming was coming to me after his legal issues were through. If I had any idea that he was even talking to another girl, let alone being in a long term relationship, I would have never continued it. Everything was confirmed and more thanks to some quick Internet searches. I am starting on a path for Gratefulness – I don’t need a Prince Charming but he still might come along…now that my heart isn’t set on this other guy. Funny how charming and wonderful it all was in the beginning. I really thought something GREAT was going to happen to me. Instead, just the shame of online dating, being catfished, i’m out $110 and there’s a girl out there who thinks I’m a bad person. I’m disgusted with myself honestly, because I feel that the real me is lost. I don’t even know what to do on my own, it’s like I’ve been controlled for so long part of me is still looking for direction. I pray for myself and everyone else on this site for guidance, although I am not a religious person, mediating and prayer is the only thing keeping me grounded at the moment.
Yes ma’am!!! Been there, done that!!! You will be just fine!!! His loss. Yes, I love my sociopath also ( very much ) but I had to remember who I am and all that I have to offer someone who will appreciate me!!
@Freyja
Don’t give up. He is just trying to get control over you. He is not the answer. Please keep the no contact…give it time everything will be better.
Today was a difficult day for me..He texted me and asked me how is my moving process.(because of my job i am moving to his city.we had a long distance relationship for a year) i answered and told him it is fine i will be there..then he wrote me something about s.x..first he implied and i asked him what did he mean..it was obvisous that he wanted s..xting..( we were doing it when we were iin different cities) i told him after all those things that happened it is not ok to talk those,i am not a woman that will have meaningless s..x with someone.he said he didnt mean that..and then i told him he he wants to talk about dirty then first we need to talk what happened..his answer was things can happen and his job was a problem but also the distance..i didnt reply.
Am i just i s.x object? if the distance was the problem why didnt he tell me and didnt try to solve this problem..i am so confused and my love to him block my commonsences..
It is a miracle I found this site. I have a story so wild I thought I was the only woman who could possibly be stuck in a situation like this. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one. Im not strong enough to tell my whole story just yet, I’ve hashed it over in my head for well on three years now with this guy. We’ve been up, we’ve been down. He is the LITERAL definition of everything this site says he his. To put it lightly, he cheated on me with his mother’s half sister’s daughter….his half first cousin. Because they were distant family and have money. He left me at the airport after my grandmother passed away and my trust fund was frozen…which used to produced an extra 1500.00 a month. Once the money ran out, so did he…directly into the arms of his half first cousin…smh. he is currently using another piir girl named Ashley who is a single mom to fund a new art career. She has no idea I still live with him, due to our lease situation or that we still share a bed. We don’t sleep together, but we never did that when we were dating. She has no idea he tries to tell me every single day that ‘I have his heart’ that he is ‘simply using Ashley for her money and for me to be patient and he will get this art thing going so we can be together forever’. He has broken me. I didn’t know he was broken too and that I didn’t need to get in anxiety meds to deal with his lies and destruction….it was HIM that needed to be medicated!! I have story after story I could tell about his cheating and lying and using people….but for now, I just want to say you have saved my life. Honestly. With this info I may be able to get away while I’m still a glimmer of the undamaged girl I was before he sunk his grip around my heart.
@Mairi I posted a page back on my process of leaving. Remove yourself from the internet first. Everything. Down to Pinterest & game apps. Google yourself & find every site your listed on. Contact each website & asked to be removed. There are websites to help with this. Dissapear online first. Limit yourself to one e-mail address & guard it with your life. Change your bank info & passwords, get a new debt card. Cancel or back out of any obligations you’ve made together. Pay off your half of mutual debt. Have all your mail rerouted to your parents or girlfriends house. Even a P.O box will work. Don’t register to vote when you up date your lisenec, that info is posted online without your consent! Even your address. Try & dissapear as much as you can. Move all your important documents to a safe place, a bank deposit box, soc card, birth cert, etc. Make a copy of your house and car key, hide those with a trusted friend incase he takes those or locks you out. Change your phone number and block his when you do decide to leave. Hire a moving company, 2 men and a truck, witnesses and men there to back you up when your moving out and he becomes hostile. Tell close friends and family what is going on, tell them to act normal around him, but plot secretly with them. Don’t drag out the process. Make it quick. Like a bandaid. If you leave your favorite pots and pans set? Forget it. It can be replaced. Let a trusted supervisor at work know whats going on, incase he pulls something. Bad mouths or acts crazy. They have a heads up and your job won’t be at risk. I dont have kids, and I dont know how to go about protecting them if you do. I bet theres plenty of help counselors for that. I gave you my list/start, I hope it helps. We’re here for you.
Good advice Shay, thank you.
@Mairi act boring. Really boring. Lose interest in everything. Want to do blank? Want to go blank? Nah. I’m tired. Start taking extra care of yourself. Spend an hour in the tub, an hour to get ready, paint all your nails, give yourself a blowout. Hit the library and pick up some books. Pick up drawing or art. Start knitting. Hit the gym. Surround yourself with girlfriends. Lone activities he cant share with you. Distance yourself. Be no fun. He’ll lose interest. He’ll find his next thrill. All the while you reconnect with yourself. Begin to love yourself. Discover a new hobbie. Give yourself hope.
It’s been a few days since I’ve posted. This week has been rather calm so far. The weekend went by with no drama. He drank Friday & Saturday night so he was feeling loose & talkative. Not to mention my cycle ended so I wasn’t “broken” anymore. Of course he has to amp up the sweetness, cuddles & kissess. He takes what he wants regardless. I think the affection is for my dignity really. They say drunk words are sober thoughts.. I was fixing lunch in the kitchen, lost in my own thoughts, oblivious to anything around me. I didn’t know he was watching me. He says to me “You’re an angel. Sent from heaven.” I scoff & roll my eyes. He says “you laugh. I’m being serious. You’re fucking amazing. I don’t know why you put up with me.” He’s never said anything like that to me. Ever. Not even to make me feel better, or tell a blatant lie. It caught me off gaurd. Tugged on my emotions. He was pleasent the rest of the day. Sunday afternoon we got back to “us”. How we used to spend beautiful days driving the country side until our butts were sore. It was so enjoyable. I felt happy once again. He said some off things to me though. He commented on how jealous he can be. How beautiful I am. He joked he’d “rearrange” my face so I’m ugly. So no other men look at me. How he knows my personality. How he loves my personality. He could live with that. I have major issues with my looks & he knows this. He’s never attacked that. Always said how sexy & beautiful I am. How lucky he is. Helped me stop caking makeup on, telling me how I don’t need it. It only enhances my beauty. Helped me fix my acne & gave me tips on taking vitamins for clear skin. Reminds me to drink water & eat healthy. Picks me up when I get down on myself. He’s never insulted my body or looks. It’s why I believe there’s hope sometimes. I’m so whishy washy about him. I love him more than I can hate him. Even for how badly he’s treated me. I got all done up today. Hoping to impress him. I feel good today. I hope it dosen’t get turned around on me though. He always queations when I do get ready. “Who’d you get all pretty for?” And acts.. Standoffish? I guess we will see..
The drinking continued throughout this week. It’s becoming tiresome. I’ve made dinner 3 nights, ate alone 2 of them. What’s the point? By 8pm he’s 3 sheets to the wind. I’ve stayed sober. Learned to pick my “loose” nights. He’s been normal? Until a guy in a decked out truck decided to rev his engine at us at a red light. My heart sank. Thanks guy. You have no idea how much you just fucked up my evening. I asked for it apparently. Staring at traffic, minding my own business. Like I wanted to choke down diesel exhaust. Ugh. Then began the charades. Women are whores. Bitches. Attention seekers. Dress like sluts. Wear makeup cause we’re all insecure. Been conditioned and trained since birth. We have no personalities. Just faces. We lie and fake about anyway. 99% of us are damaged. Oh by the way, this chick at the gas station had the hottest tattoo! Pretty much wanted to drive into oncoming traffic, but decided to hold back my anger and tears. Might fuck up all the time I spent applying eye makeup today.. For him. Cause he likes it SO much. Got home, threw on sweatpants, washed my face and sat quiet until bedtime. He called me out on “my shit” my body language screamed F-U! Even when I try and change my position he figures it out. Something as simple as palms up, down, hands clasped, open, fingers touching. Let alone the other 4 1/2 feet of me. Every day is a new challenege. Its 730 am and I’m already off to the races. Seeking a new job today. He had his 2 cents, but leaves me alone about that usually. I’ve worked before and after him. Long as I pull my weight we’re kosher.
Leave this poor excuse for a human being before he robs you of anymore of your life. I know it is easier said than done sometimes but with careful planning you can escape. I feel bad for you, no one should have to live their life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything you said about him screams that he hates women and you are his personal whipping post. You deserve better. I’ve been in your place before…there is a better life after the relationship is over.
He used religion to make me think he was a smart and incredible man, he always used it against me and made me think I was the bad guy.
1) He was a vegan.
-incorrect he ate meat and cheese daily
2) He was separated and divorcing his wife
-incorrect he made me and every one else hate her when she had no idea. I had no idea they weren’t separated
3) That he threw up blood and had stomach ulcers and was rushed to the hospital and stayed over night
-incorrect that literally never fucking happened
4) He lived in a condo by his work before he moved into his current home
-incorrect he would never be able to afford that condo and hasn’t even been in Chicago for a year now
5) He was a software engineer for Apple updates
-incorfuckingrect he fixes screens and helps people turn on their phone if it’s dead
6) He said his bike was worth 6k
-incorrect it was a trade he made with a buddy and barley worth $200
7) He said he made 25k off of his clothing line
-incorrect he never made a dime
8) He said his bed was worth 7k
-incorrect, it’s a $200 ikea mattress
9) He never slept with me
– are you fucking kidding me?
10) He bought his “ex wife” a brand new 2015 Mini Cooper that he keeps in Ohio during winters so it isn’t ruined
– dude, it’s a 2012 that your wife’s dad bought for her graduation from high school. You’ve never been in it.
First of all thank you for this web site. I didn’t realize my ex was a sociopath until after our relationship was over. I knew some things about him were very strange but I didn’t know he was a sociopath, I had never heard the word before. It is when he asked us to meet (after the relationship had ended) to tell me that he had met someone that it hit me. Why does someone ask to meet you when you are no longer together to tell you about a new relationship!! This is what made me go and search on the internet for comfort and light in this situation and I found this site. Then when I started to read the traits of a sociopath and people’s stories I started to “understand” what I had been through. My story is similar to many of the stories I have read here: seemed like a dream come true but with time things changed. What he gave at the beginning started to disappear, the disappointing reactions, the twisted abuse. I was with him for 3 years. I would have left earlier had I had the strength.
Sarah what I would like to say is the internet is a helper. Further, you don’t even know what hit you it is like something you have never experienced before. I think my worst feeling of all is that everyone I spoke with seem to not understand how bad it really is. I believe if you can just find someone who has encountered this kind of evil in your regular life healing could be so much easier. Going through it alone without anyone that seems to understand and basically telling you why you continue to deal with it. Well until they have experienced the wrath a a sociopath/psychopath they will never ever understand.
i completely lost myself. i ended the relationship with the socio 2 days ago after a one year relationship, a 2 month break and then i went back to him like an idiot thinking that change was possible. i feel every emotion. THE NO CONTACT is so hard – it’s impossible for me to block his number- why?!!?! he is a pathological liar, cheated on me so many times, gaslighted me to the extreme…….why am i obsessed with this man? i have no self love or self worth – i battled with that before – exactly why i was the perfect target for him. i’m so happy to hear the survivor stories – it gives me hope. i have no trust and second guess everything – i feel so crazy and have no control over my emotions. i hate that i feel all this pain and he just carries on hurting others.
Sorry this is a long one.
Im posting my story hoping for advice. I have been with my husband for a little over three years married for a year and a half. Wealso have an 18 month old together He is in prison for assult at the moment against me and from a case he got from his ex girlfriend before we got together. But while he was in there i found out he cheated on me while i was pregnant with his best friends girlfriend for a extended period of time. Im hoping yall can tell me if he sounds like a sociopath
It started in april of 2013 i was pretty bad on drugs then and id always heard his name when it came to where to get drugs so one day i messaged him on facebook. We started messaging on facebook alot and decided to hangout. It was amazing. I was going through alot and he just listened to me all night. I was 17 at the time and he was 23. I actually was friends with his nephew who warned me that he was bad news but i didnt listen. About a week after meeting and hanging out everyday we started dating. I actually broke up with him a couple days later due to my drug use and him not wanting to use. He started seeing this other girl for about a month but was constantly messaging me. He came back and we picked back up where we started. He moved in with me in june so we had only been together a really short time. Thats when he started telling me he loved me. A couple months go by and one day i notice an email pop up on his phone from his ex. I looked at it and i found out that the whole time since id met him hed been begging his ex to take him back. When i confronted him about it he said it didnt mean anything he was just angry about the drug use. I thought that he had quit talking to her and things got really good again then in october we were hanging out at his friend tonys and i asked tony to use his phone to call my friend to see if she wanted to hangout and the first thing i see is my boyfriends exs phone number in the call logs so i look at the texts. He is asking her to hangout idk if they actually did or not. He says they didnt. But it was still somehow my fault that he was talking to her. We went home and that was the first time he put his hands on me. He busted my lip open and he said he didnt mean to he did it in his sleep i was so frustrated and angry that i just left. He sent text after text begging me to come back how i was the only one for him so of course i came back. A couple weeks go by everything is great again he even asks me to marry him. I said yes. But after that day we didnt actually even talk about getting married. Fast forward to december we had been clean for about a month and his friend tony invites us out and we end up using. While were at this hotel room with his friend he is being secretive with his phone so i asked if i could use it he said yeah and gave it to me a few minutes later i guess he erased stuff. But his ex sent a reply while i had his phone and things got pretty heated we argued all night then he eventually just said that it wasnt about anything of that nature that it was just her seeing how he was doing. I didnt push it any further i was tired of fighting. Christmas was what i thought was the last straw i seen one text in his phone from his ex so i finally just message her first before confronting him. She told me how sorry she was and that he always messages her first and she cant help but reply. She sends me all the screenshots which are talking about them getting back together. So i confront him and he denies it. Then i show him the proof and i honestly dont remember what his excuse was that time. We started fighting he got violent slamming me against walls. Trying to keep me from leaving him. Eventually he quit and i left and i honestly thought i wouldnt come back. I was living at friends house. He continued to try and reach out to me every day telling me i mean everything he cant live without me blah blah. But i ignored it. I started hanging out with this guy david that i knew from hs he was awesome and we got along great. But i loved matt and i went back to him. The whole time we were apart he was talking to other girls telling them i was the one who was cheating. But we worked through it and things got really good. Valentines day we moved to a new city for his new job we were clean making decent money and just happy. We came back home in the middle of march and the night we return he goes and gets high and just leaves me at my parents house doesnt answer my calls or texts. I already had a job at home so the next day i get up to get ready for work and he calls around 8am telling me some crazy story about him getting lost at the casino. I just kinda shrugged it off. I didnt wanna fight. The next few weeks were just me working and him getting high in hotel rooms and it was horrible i wasnt using drugs anymore so there would be times id get so frustrated id lock myself in the bathroom and sleep in there. Its now the middle of april and i will never forget this day. This is the day i realized that he wasnt who i thought he was. We were at the lake fishing and drinking a little bit when we started fighting and he just punches me in the face in front of his friends. I got in his friends gf car and went to the police station and filed charges. I didnt talk to him for awhile. I called the guy david i mentioned earlier to see if he would come and get me and we started hanging out alot. Things were starting to feel okay again. Matt was in jail so he couldnt try and convince me to come back to him. I was content. I ended up having sex with this guy david. But after that i quit seeing him because i found out i was pregnant with matts kid. Matt got out and turned back into the guy that he was when i met him. He did everything to start getting ready for the baby. I was just really happy and i thought things were going to work. Then we moved in together. We started hanging out with our old friend christina and thats when everything went down hill. They were always getting drunk staying up all night then it got to the point where they were texting all day and calling each other while he was at work and she was still coming over to our house at night to hang out. I found condoms in his back pocket and he tried telling me they were for us but i was pregnant. One night he said they were going to have one drink at the bar theyd be back in an hour. A couple hours pass i start getting irritated and walk to my moms so i can call him hedoesnt answer . i walk back tothe apt and the doors are locked . Its raining and cold and im 18 months pregnant im banging on the door. Then i see in the window him run to the couch and pretend to be asleep. He finally lets me in the house. Christina is asleep in my bed and i asked him what happened and he started yelling about how i dont trust him and i just dropped it . i was tired and i just started to feel like i was going crazy. One night we were fighting about it and i walked out of the apt and he chased me down the street and was shoving me so the cops got called and they ccharged him with another assault. It countined to be like this until we had our daughter and christina faded out of the picture for a little bit. We got married in january We were still always fighting though. He was constantly accusing me of cheating. But i just didnt wanna fight anymore. In june he signed for 3 years tdc time and it wasnt until a couple months ago christina told me that matt and her slept together i told him if he didnt tell me the truth id leave him. He kept lying but i somehow got him to tell me parts of the truth. Little pieces at a time. What he has admitted to is cheating with her 4 times while i was pregnant then after we got married he slept with her on valentines day and then on april 23rd which was our anniversary before we married. I dont know what to do anymore.. He said he only cheated because christina kept telling him he was too good for me and she would bring up that i slept with david and that it could not be his kid but i was already pregnant when i slept with david i just didnt know at the time i slept with him. Then it became my fault he said i wasnt paying enough attention to him and just all the same bs its always been. He gets out in october. I want to leave but there is this weird part of me that cant picture a life without him. He said he will take counseling. Hes apoligized a million times. But i just dont know… I really hope someone on here can help and tell me if he maybe sounds like a sociopath. I dont want my daughter growing up thinking its okay to be treated like this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Thank you for this page. I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. I am still in the confused phase at the moment I believe. Going back and forth between the phases. Sometimes I wake up and I am sure that I am over her, but then I keep on falling back. Sometimes I think that maybe she is not that bad, maybe I am making it all up in my head, maybe I am wrong. But then I know deep inside that it is true. She is not who I thought she were, it was all a lie. I dated her for 6 months but it felt like forever because I thought we were soul mates. I gave everything to her, my whole life, I travelled to the other side of the earth to be with her and before I travelled she had on her mask for so long I believe. I gave her my heart, everything I could and I trusted her. I feel so stupid. It wasn’t until I had been with her a little time in real life that things started falling apart. Little by little the girl I fell in love with and thought I knew disappeared but I didn’t wanted to see it and she always knew how to make me “come back” if I got mad at how she treated me making me believe that I was the crazy one. Manipulating me, controlling me, extreme mood changes, silent treatment, frozed me out and made me think I was crazy, needy, selfish and stupid. I took the control and jealousy as a sign of love. She started picking on how I dressed, tried to change me little by little and she lied, tried to make me jealous and making me feel like she didn’t care about me, before it seemed she cared so much about me again always confusing me. She suddenly didn’t wanted to do anything of the things she seemed to love so much in the beginning – Things that I love to do and she ruined everything fun we were planning on purpose. I didn’t see it at that time. She did not even want to be intimate with me and everything was turned upside down. She kept on sending extremely mixed signals confusing me which in the end just made my head spin, making me think I was crazy or that I had gotten everything wrong. I started drinking alcohol before I was going to meet her because I was so stressed out and even then I did not wanted to see that something was totally wrong. How she discarded me is the worst thing someone has ever done to me and I literally felt that I died inside. I couldn’t sleep, eat, breathe and I got so much anxiety and fear that I didn’t go outside. The reason the whole thing got so much worse is because I was left totally alone in a different country so far away from home which she knew was one of my biggest fears because I talked openly to her about it and about all my fears before I came to be with her.I didn’t have anyone there besides her, her friends and her family which I felt had become my family too. What she did is that after treating me good and making me feel safe and a part of her family, she treated me then horrible, then good again, then horrrible over a long period of time and I was totally exhausted, I lost so much weight and I lost a part of myself but I didn’t see it because I was so in love. Our last days together she turned back into being the nice, sweet, wonderful person she was in the beginning and I had the time of my life and thought everything was going to be absolutely perfect. She took me places she knew I dreamt of, she took me in to her family again and she treated me so good. I was so happy and felt like I was walking on clouds. I went to bed alone in my apartment telling her on the phone how happy I was and next day I woke up feeling the same happiness. I was alone that next day, only texted her to hear if she wanted to meet up but she didn’t reply so I thought she was busy again. The next morning when I woke up I saw that I was blocked on all her social media which is were we had a lot of daily intense contact over the whole period of 6 months. I didn’t understand anything and started freaking out, my thoughts were spinning and I started believe I had done something very wrong. I tried to contact her family but they blocked me too. Tried to call but no answer. I tried to call from a different number and when she took the phone but heard it was me she hung up. I took a cab to her place but she wasn’t home and finally I got to talk to her a little on the phone. She yelled at me, asking me what my problem is and asking what is wrong with me. I told her I didn’t want to loose her, that I really care for her, tried to make her tell me what was wrong and she told me that she doesn’t care about me, that this is her choice and that I was selfish, not so smart and a bad person. I tried to ask her desperately what was wrong over and over again because I thought I did something but she said I was smart enough to figure it out myself and that “everyone” could see it. I refused to hang up the phone so she finally said that she could talk with me later that night. I stayed up waiting until it was almost morning and I realized she wasn’t going to show up. I realized she was gone and I thought for such a long time that it was my fault. Every day after that she did one little thing which made it all worse. Like blocking my family one by one. I searched for answers so long, went through everything in my mind over and over again but I couldn’t find anything and I felt broken. I went a whole month denying everything, waiting for her, felt so sorry for her and believed I hurt her badly .I wanted her to contact me again, to forgive me(!) just so we could make things right again and I felt all the good loving feelings about her again. I went through those feelings and at the same time feeling so confused and hurt. I wanted desperately to call her again or to send her emails saying how sorry I am, if she could forgive me but something inside of me said “No. You haven’t done anything, this is not your time to apologize. This is not right. Be strong”. I started to “stalk her” on social media with false accounts, trying to see how she was doing and my life still continued being all and only about her. I felt that I “belonged” to her. She even posted hints and pictures that was meant for me which made me believe she was still in love with me and wanted to be mine. I never heard anything direct from her which made me continue the madness, the hoping and the waiting which I realize is exactly what she wants. My family didn’t recognize me in the end. I became so jealous, so angry, so nervous and just like a stalker myself because I just wanted answer and I wanted to see her so desperately. It wasn’t until one day I was able to check up on her a place I know she thinks I can’t see what she is doing that I got to see how she really was doing. There I was believing she was heartbroken like me because that’s what she posted on social media, when in reality she was continuing her life with a new lover, she seemed so happy again. I was in shock. It was like looking at myself just a month back and I couldn’t believe my own eyes. I got so angry and started making up reasons for why this could be just a friend, that I was to jealous and crazy, I could be wrong etc etc but I had to realize what actually was the reality – She doesn’t care about me, she probably never has and she never can. She is not good for me and I want to continue my life being the happy person I am. I just don’t know how. I don’t really want someone like that in my life even if I still am madly in love with her and want her desperately at the same time. Some days it hurts so much I just want to give up, but some days I feel happiness and freedom again. I believe and feel that I deserve better, that I learned something, that I am in love with someone who doesn’t exist and that I am able to go on with my life because now I know it was all a big lie. At least that’s what I know 70% of the time when I am not confused. She doesn’t know that I know how she has just moved on with her life like I never existed and that gives me at least a little sense of power and control back. I don’t wish anything bad for her but I wish good for me as well and I want to choose me before another person who is treating me badly. I know I can never be truly happy with her and I pray that she never contacts me again because I am afraid that I will be too weak if she does. I am so sad and relieved at the same time that she has a new victim. If she had contacted me right now I probably would have answered when I know I shouldn’t and I hope that one day very soon I can make a final decision on choosing me before her and start living my life for me, not for someone who doesn’t deserve my love. I’m taking one day at a time but it is so hard and hurts so much.
It took about 6 months after breaking up for me to lookup my ex’s “symptoms” and it lead me straight to NS. I realize I look somewhat pathetic in some of the following scenarios so bear with me.
I first met him through his brother. We all went to the same college. He would call and text me all the time. He was very sweet and would bring me breakfast before class most days. He seemed very interested in me and my life. This all lasted for about 2 months then slowly the abuse started. The next six months were very rocky. All he ever did was sit around with his brother and friends and smoke weed, which I hated. I liked to go out with my girlfriends, so I just let him do his thing. When I would go out it started with accusations that I was out flirting with guys. He would say he “knew stuff” about me that he had heard. I had a very good reputation so I assumed he was trying to get me to admit something by acting like he knew something. Over the course of the next year it became a disaster. I found him more than once talking to two of his ex-girlfriends who he said “were just a friends”. When I confronted him he would call me crazy, a b****, and a slut.
When we were alone he was pretty quiet. He didn’t really let me in on a lot of his feelings or what was going on in his life. But when we got in a group of people he would suddenly come alive and tell crazy stories and jump around and be very hyper active and center of attention.
I was a bio pre-med major and he was general studies. He would act like his major was so much harder than mine and if he had to study it was a huge deal. (are you kidding) Then he would get mad at me if I needed to go to the library to meet with a study group because there were guys in the group.
Sometimes if we argued, he would disappear for a week and not answer his phone, withhold intimacy, or withhold any emotional relationship from me as punishment.
Then Sometimes he would stalk me and yell at me in front of our friends. Call me 100 times until I answered then beg to have me back (I suspect he was also bipolar).
This was the most draining part – never knowing how he was going to react or treat me.
He hardly ever apologized and constantly blamed his problems on other people, including me. He would NEVER admit he was wrong – and I truly believe that he believed he was right. I didn’t find out until later that he took Xanax, did Cocaine, and cut himself frequently the whole time we were together. I didn’t know he was cutting himself because he would wear a bunch of bracelets like a weirdo.
Soon after that, I graduated and got a job make $13/hour as a leasing agent in a city about 1.5 hours away from him. (He was still in school). He would NEVER come to where I was and always expected me to drive to see him every weekend. If I didn’t go see him he would tell me I was a “gold digger” and to “go find a guy to take care of me”. How does that even make sense? If I was a gold digger would I be struggling with a $13/hr job? I know his insults had no reasoning behind them – he just used any attempt to try to hurt me, make me feel insecure, and lower my self-esteem to give him power In the relationship.
At one point I had deleted my facebook. I noticed this girl kept texting him. I asked non-chalantly who it was because I had never heard the name. He said it was his sister’s friend and she was annoying and he didn’t know why she was texting him. I asked if they were FB friends or friends on any social media. He said no. Lo and behold I recactivate my FB go to his page and this girl is under his “new friends”. I asked him about it, knowing too well that this would bring the “rage” and he would break up with me, for the 50th time. And that is what happened. He dumped me and said he was getting back with an ex and called me an insecure b**** – ALL BECAUSE I CAUGHT HIM IN A LIE. But somehow him lying turned into me bring crazy.
Most of these stories happened on repeat 100 times. The “break-ups” never last more than two weeks before he would beg for me back, be nice for a few days, then back to his old routine of making me feel like absolute s*** about myself. But when he begged for me back he would never apologize.
I finally walked out and didn’t look back for 2 months – no contact at all. Then all of a sudden he wanted to drive to come see me. I did hang out with him and asked what he had been up to for the last couple months. He said hanging out alone all the time. We kept on hanging out about once a week after that in my city. About a month later on my birthday I was told he had been sleeping with/dating one of our mutual girlfriends. She didn’t know that he had been driving to see me every week. She knew how crazy he was and how he treated me and actually started dating him. I was actually just relieved he wasn’t my problem anymore.
They stayed together for about a year. All I knew of their relationship was it was physically abusive (mutually) and he told her that her 5 year old daughter “would be a loser, just like her”. sounds like a stand up guy right?
I’m not sure if this is all sociopathic behavior or he’s just an a**hole. You be the judge.
This all happened about a year and half ago. An update – He has wrecked 4 cars and daddy finally wouldn’t get him a new one so he walks everywhere. He hasn’t held down a job for more than a month or two. And started dating another girl who fortunately has some self-respect and dumped his crazy a** after the first red flag. She just saved herself years of emotional abuse.
It took me a very long time to recover from the pain he caused me. I have never received any type of apology, nor should I ever expect one. I hope that anyone in this type of relationship runs because as much as you think you love that person, they are not capable of reciprocating that love no matter how hard you try or how long you stay.
I think the most frustrating part of dating a sociopath is that they will never take accountability for the way they treated you. If I were to try to tell my ex about how terrible he was to me he would not see it the way I do because a sociopath sees their actions as normal. That is something I have let go and accepted in life.
It’s been about 4 months since I discovered everything about the man I was seeing and I can’t believe how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders… To anyone going through the pain right now- I promise you that time will heal and you will become such a more beautiful and strong version of yourself 🙂 It’s not easy- these past few months have been the worst in my life. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions and it’s far from over. But in between those crippling moments of pain, I have moments of euphoria over how far I’ve come and it makes it all worth it. And never underestimate the power of reaching out to others online who have gone through the same thing. There are tons of instagram and other social media pages that are run by people who know exactly how it feels, when the people in your real life don’t. Good luck everyone ❤
Thank you for your positive post. I am going thru this right now after realizing that he was a sociopath and I don’t know how to move on. I have already stopped contact with him, but my brain obsesses about the ways he so coldly hurt me. This website has really helped me because my family and friends don’t believe that he is a sociopath. They say “whatever you need to tell yourself to feel better”. So many stories are resonating with me, and it feels like there are so many evil people in the world. It is good to hear that you are starting to feel better 🙂
Kat, I completely agree! When I think back to how devastated and broken down I was, it makes me realize how far I’ve come. This week will be the one year anniversary of my discovery of what my ex-sp was doing. Just the other day, I had a complete meltdown over something that triggered a flashback for me. I am lucky that the man in my life is understanding and supports me through these moments. I’m proud of the person I’ve become, even as I realize that my healing is a work in progress. To those of you who need a reminder, every one of us is worthy of real love. We’ve been taken advantage of by truly evil people, in the majority of cases because of the caring people we are. It was a blessing that I found this site. You all have been an incredible source of strength for me! Just knowing what I was dealing with gave me the power to walk away and begin my journey to healing. I have been feeling a lot of anger as each day is the anniversary of a really painful time. I am thinking that I may write a letter to my ex-sp…not to send to him, but to get the feelings out and perhaps to share them here, with people who understand my pain…
Hi Susan
I’m with you on this. It’s been 9 mths since my ex sp left me for his on latest fling. He’d been cheating for 18 mths and I thought that I just needed to be a better gf!!!
It’s my bday soon and I know I won’t hear from him (haven’t heard from him in mths and he’s since blocked me). But I’m angry.this should be a time of celebrating. Like you.
I hope the passing if the first anniversary is a milestone for you (and me) and we all get through this battle
I have recently gotten off a roller coaster ride with a sociopath/psychopath. My biggest issue was is finding someone to understand the trauma these truly evil people bring to your life. I have dated but the arrangement with the psychopath was like nothing I have experienced in my waking life. I have dated not so good guys, you have the liars, control freaks, lack of respect for women but even with that said as I entertained them i have never experienced the cold, heartless, and just plain cruelty that I experienced with my ex. I will give a somewhat brief encounter of what i experienced. It begin in 2011, I worked at a automotive manufacturing plant with him. All truth told initially he seemed to be respectful but in actuality it was just to appear respectful. I had been out of a long term relationship for about 2 years wasn’t really ready to get in the dating scene again. I was content with the way my life has become. Later, he admitted to speaking with another friend on the job that through conversation discussed my past relationship and it resolving. I had known him to be a married man all along which was not me being a respectful woman to know that he was married and I still entertained him. He had been in constant pursuit of me but it was in the manner of a friendship no intimate relationship at that point. I would say he befriended me at a time when i had suffered a loss of my mother and it began there. Often we see signs of what is not good for us but constantly overlook them and just by those mere oversight can be the cause of longtime pain and suffering. As we worked together I always saw him as being a person that could never be wrong, he could make not so nice jokes about others but when the joke was on him it was like World War 1, and not to mention always seemed to be the one to drop that bit of poison to cause others to be at odds. Now what made me just kind of mark that off is because he would joke it off and others seem to think he was just a clever life of the party type. These are the signs i just clearly disregarded when it was right there. No matter what other people thought my gut told me this is not really a nice person. Moving back to the time of what i would say a very weak place in my life i had just recovered from the loss of a long term relationship totally deceived (this ex cheated and got another girl pregnant). Keep in mind again you meet not so nice guys but even through that situation after all was said and done i saw the pain in my ex boyfriends eye when all was revealed. He tried to save our relationship but it was just something i couldn’t accept. So I ended our relationship which was hard but I just couldn’t live with that deception. Loss of my parent was during the same time so I was all over the place. He would constantly ask me just to go out and have drinks with him. Typically, i always refused but our company gave a dinner and we ended up being seated together. From that point we talked more and this was not conversation about things that went on at work. It was more along the lines of asking me why wouldn’t I just go out with him, he wasn’t asking me to do anything but spend time with him outside of work. I still refused at that point but later i accepted and invitation to a socialite party to join him. As the time came I backed out and told him i had forgotten about a shower i was to attend for a family member but said to him i promise the next time i will take him up on the offer. We went to a happy hour it begin, to start we were suppose to meet at a location an a specific hour and he was 30 minutes or so late without contacting me. I patiently waited because it was just a happy hour date he’s just a friend. When he finally made it to the meeting spot I said it sure isn’t appropriated to have someone wait for 30 minutes without letting them know you’d be late, I said to him that sure is disrespectful to the person waiting. He playfully said “o, you never been late before”. My response was yes I have been late before but not without letting the person waiting for me know that i would be late. Down the road every time after if i was a minute later than the time we were to meet he would comment about it. He never understand or understood comparing apples to rocks. Back to our first date, we get to the happy hour he talked, we talked, he was tuned in holding on to my every word. At that moment I thought my first impression of him being not a nice guy was now maybe he just acts that way to entertain people at work. After, that date we went back to his vehicle and it rained we just sat in my car. He begin to tell me of his life with his wife and the conditions of there relationship. He shared with me how sick she was and he has spent much of his marriage taking care of her. He told me they hadn’t been together in that way in over 2 years. He was loyal to her but there relationship as husband and wife had been over many years ago. It was so much he spoke of i started to feel sorry for him he even shed tears. I will never justify me being involved with a married man but i did and from that point we saw each other ever day and talked on the telephone all through the day when we weren’t with each other. He would say you make me feel alive again and I didn’t know we had so much in common. He even went so far as to tell me he always felt like he loved me. He just loved the person he saw everyday for all these years. Never stopped talking about how much he respected me for standing up to people even if i stood alone. For months it went on this way never being sexually intimate with him only him hugging me and maybe a kiss. The kiss was probably two weeks after us actually going out the first time. It had now become a trend of us going out to the club together every weekend which was something he has been doing according to him for more than twenty two years. We worked, talked on the phone, partied, and this was the trend for the first few months. During this period we had a conversation and it was deep he told me that people take advantage of you when they feel they have the upper hand or you care about them. I couldn’t help but agree with him not knowing what he had in store for me did I ever. It is now 4 months we had planned to go to a juneteenth celebration. I had then made up in my mind that i would now engage in an intimate relationship with him. He had no idea that I planned to comply with him initiating a sexual relationship. Prior to us going to our room we stopped by another gathering, when we got there they were having a spade tournament which it was a gathering of other coworkers. We played in the tournament and by this time he was ready to go home (house with his wife) I had a hotel room in town for the weekend. So he tells everyone he was leaving and i was still playing so i told him i was staying and finish up just text me when you start to get ready for us to go out. O boy what did i say that far he turned into a different person immediately almost like a child having a tantrum because i wouldn’t leave and go to the room while he went home. He said if I’m leaving why are you staying you need to go cause I’m leaving keep in mind these are our co workers not people he knows and I don’t. I’m sure you’ve gathered I followed him out and asked omg what’s really the issue he had his tantrum and i complied to keep the peace. He later text me and said I’m so sorry for acting like that I just wanted you to leave because I wasn’t going to be there. You can hold this one against me. I moved forward no hassle over the situation. That night it happened it was a very different experience at first i couldn’t put my hand on it but since researching sociopath/psychopath I have a better understanding for what happened even the first time. It was like he was performing for someone that was watching never that connection that he talked about. The actions were there but the emotions were absent as they were every time in my opinion. I wouldn’t say the next day but shortly there after it started to be if i didn’t answer my phone or a text in a timely manner in his opinion it was question after question. I have to shortcut through this somehow or i will be writing a book. I will reference some of the things that led me to researching his behavior which i had dealt with it for about a year(Actually 4 months of being everything I would like my ideal mate to be and about 7 months of something i couldn’t recognize) before I really just had enough and went to the internet. We still continued to work together he begin to ask me to name every person that had tried to pursue me at the job which i thought was a joke but after i laughed at him i got my first 2 days of silent treatment. I called i text no response and when he decided that was punishment enough he acted like nothing had taken place. It was day in day out not knowing what person i would get. He would start off that morning ok by then end of the day he would call me and just hold the line with only replies to things i may say just to have a conversation. I then ask what’s wrong with you, you’re so moody, his response nothing it’s Tuesday and I would say well call me when you feel like talking just a up and down roller coaster. We still would go out by the end of the night we are in an argument because someone speaks to me or they looked at me and then he accuses me of knowing them. Another few days of silent treatment. Once I decided that i didn’t want to go out, I was accused of not wanting to go because i must be hiding being with him from someone. Even more i stayed at the room while he went to check in home and would return at a certain time hours pass he has gone to the night club while i am waiting in a hotel hadn’t even went to my own house after work. Just stayed after work because he asked me to. I bought clothes to be able to change the next day just to stay with him after work because he asked me to. After, I confronted him about how he disrespected my time going to a club as i wait at a room for him and i could have gone to my own home. His response well what you going to do fuss cause i stopped to the club for a while or do you want me to go home. I said no cause I’m going home and left. These type things happened frequently. I would like to add that he is almost 50 and i am almost 40 I just didn’t expect or know what the hell was going on with this kind of behavior. This particular incident led me to look for help. We met up and i asked him you must have on another deodorant or showered with another kind of soap you smell like melon he thought about it and said no just the same thing i usually use. He had been drinking which he is even more out there when he drinks. In a few sentences later he then says yeah that’s that melon deodorant. I said that what i just said he said you a dam lie you didn’t say nothing about no deodorant see what i’m saying you so nosey trying to figure shit out you didn’t say that. I was arguing with him about what i said. He said you know what i’m about to leave you don’t even fucking remember what you said. I said yes the fuck i do don’t tell me what i said. He said i’m leaving i don'[t have time for this shit. I begin to tell him he was just nutting up for no reason making a big deal out of nothing. I basically pleaded with him to stay. Here is what is going to blow your mind because it sure did blow mine. This man said you think i’m going to stay here with you lying about what you said if you want me to stay you either tell me a secret you never told anyone or lick my ass. I mean the actual sex act. I said o you a crazy sick mothe*ucker you can take your sick fa**ott ass on then. I’m not sure how many fools will do some shit like that but not me. He left and I headed home to the internet. Lord what I found will have an impact on my life until the day I day. This is nothing but bits and pieces of what i went through. Everything about him lines up perfectly with psychopathic personality. A couple of days passed he called this time i didn’t answer. He begin to text me with apologies of he don’t know what came over him. I didn’t reply but still in disbelief as to what i found. I was in then my whole belief as i took his abuse was that GOD couldn’t create such a thing there is nothing that prayer couldn’t help. I thought if i loved him i could fix him no that was not the case. I didn’t want to believe what i was reading but i was living it. When i say cruelty to a degree of no understanding and when they want to keep you they will go to great lengths to do so. On the other hand when you are no use or they are bored with you the evil in their eyes can pierce your being. This is nothing of what i have been through but it would take a hard back to give a true account. Some shame embarrassment uncertainty moral compromise you name it i have been there. I just ask others to listen to people you care about when they express the pain they have experienced at the hands of the truly evil psychopath/sociopath. I’ve heard the response why didn’t you leave? why did you stay so long? my answers to their questions or responses would be until you have been plagued by such you will never understand a victim of a psychopath/sociopoath.
Thank you for this amazing website. Now everything makes sense. His love bombing as well as the lies, including the lie that he was single, or the fact he has Facebook. I knew that was a lie, I could see it in his eyes. I am
two weeks into no contact because he ignored a text from me for 4 days. I’ve since found out he is a girlfriend with a baby and I’ve found his girlfriend as well as him on Facebook. It’s very tempting for me to message her with some screenshots from whatsapp including naked photos he took of himself! Fortunately he has got nothing like that of me. I’m trying to stay strong and not seek revenge. Thank you again for such a valuable website that absolutely and completely makes
my experience with this man understandable.
Thank you for this amazing website. Now everything makes sense. His love bombing as well as the lies, including the lie that he was single, or the fact he has Facebook. I knew that was a lie, I could see it in his eyes. I am two weeks into no contact because he ignored a text from me for 4 days although he was online and instigated the conversation so he could then hurt me by ignoring me whilst he was on whatsapp. So sick, so twisted. I’ve since found out he has a girlfriend with a baby and I’ve found his girlfriend as well as him on Facebook. It’s very tempting for me to message her with some screenshots from whatsapp including naked photos he took of himself! Fortunately he has got nothing like that of me. I’m trying to stay strong and not seek revenge. Thank you again for such a valuable website that absolutely and completely makes
my experience with this man understandable.
Hello everyone.
I’ve been in a real head-spin for quite a while now and having confided in a friend he rather bluntly stated that the girl I was dating was clearly a sociopath. At first I didn’t accept or even know what a sociopath was, but having read your site and looked into this a lot more I can clearly see that there were (now obvious) patterns of sociopathic behaviour that I was too blind to see at the time. I’ve taken the decision to end our relationship and have now gone No Contact thanks to sites such as yours.
I would like to share my story….
A few years ago I met a young, slim and extremely attractive girl at work. At the time she was 23 and I was in my early 40s and happily married. From the very beginning this girl was very flirtatious with me, to the point where I started to feel quite uncomfortable around her. Her skirts would get shorter every time I saw her and she seemed quite at ease dropping sexual related comments to me, even in front of other people at the office. It felt to me like she was just playing games and I didn’t want to be the classic fool who falls for it. I kept ignoring her and she moved away a few months later. I thought nothing more about it.
Over time my marriage suffered a few set backs to the point where separation became an option, so I was pretty down for a while. I was sitting in a cafe alone one lunchtime and who should walk in the door but this young girl. She is now 26 and still as stunning as ever. She asked if she could join me and I agreed. We chatted for a little bit and she made lots of eye contact, asked me lots of questions and seemed genuinely concerned about seeing me looking so depressed.
The emails started to roll in from her, about how she was concerned about me, then the texts arrived more and more. I tried to keep my replies short and to the point but I was slowly opening up to her. She seemed so genuine and understanding. She asked if we could meet for a coffee and a chat, and again I agreed.
She turned up wearing the skimpiest clothes you could possibly imagine. Heads were turning everywhere and yet she was only looking at me, directly in the eye as if I was the only person on earth. She told me directly that she had always been in love with me and that all she wanted at that moment was to take me to bed. That she knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t help how she felt, that the age difference meant nothing and that all she wanted was to feel me inside her.
Now, I’m being quite graphic here because I want others to understand how that made me feel. Here I was, a man in mid-life, facing the prospect of a bitter divorce, wondering what the future holds, staring at the prospect of losing his family and his home and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes this young ‘goddess’ who makes me feel alive again, valued again, proud again…
Call me weak, but the inevitable happened and the following few weeks were just heaven for me. I’d met my soul mate at last, she was everything I had ever dreamed of, sexy, smart, funny, caring, the works. The sex was mind blowing. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was and started to imagine that there was a life after my marriage. A life with HER…
Now, from a very early point, she was telling me that she loved me. I kept saying ‘you don’t even know me yet’ but she was adamant that her love was true and real, and of course I wanted to believe her. However, I was reluctant to fall in love with her. Something in the back of my mind was telling me to be careful. I suppose it was my own self defense mechanism kicking in. I knew deep down that something was wrong, that it couldn’t be THIS perfect. But, I decided that life was too short to miss this opportunity and I completely let myself go, let my guard down, opened up and told her truthfully that I loved her. I was at my happiest….
That was the day it all changed…
The very next day she sent me a text saying that she was pregnant with my child, and was leaving to have an abortion in another town and that I would never see her again.
I was completely distraught.
I did everything that I could to contact her and eventually we started talking again a couple of days later. I felt sick to my stomach, trying to juggle all of my emotions but it was hopeless and I was just a nervous wreck, while she stayed calm and collected.
The sex stopped, she stopped saying ‘I love you’ and from then on it was just an emotional drain on me in every possible way. We’d arrange to meet and she wouldn’t show up, making some excuse. Then she’s promise to call me and I’d sit there staring at my phone for hours on end wondering why the phone wasn’t ringing. I kept checking the volume levels and signal strength….. seems so silly now.
Then she agree to have the ‘abortion’ at a local clinic and I offered to go with her. She said that she’s rather go alone as she didn’t want me there as it would make it harder. I went to see her the day after the appointment and she seemed quite cheerful. When I questioned her on how it went she seemed puzzled ‘How did what go?’ she said. ‘At the abortion clinic…’ I replied. There was a moment’s silence and then she said ‘Oh yes, something came up so I didn’t go.’
‘Something came up?’ I asked her. What can come up that would be more important than an abortion appointment? At that point she became quite defensive and gave me a story about not wanting to bleed whilst on holiday.
So yet more confusion – ‘What holiday?’ I asked. ‘Oh. I’m off to Spain for a week with some friends’. That was the first I’d heard about any trip.
Not wanting to cause a fuss, and still believing that she was pregnant I offered to take her to the train station. She accepted and we sat waiting for the train in relative calm. It was probably the last time I saw her as the girl I fell for. As the train doors were closing, her parting comment was ‘Maybe I’ll kill your baby whilst I’m away, bye!’
My head was just in a spin. I felt about as low as I could and she was now leaving me for a week without contact. The longest week I can ever remember.
When she came back, the first contact I had was of her telling me that it was over and it was my fault. She’s read some old comment of mine on Facebook to a friend which ‘confirmed’ that I was not a nice person. I apologized profusely for the comment, even though to me it was completely innocent. I felt bad about all sorts of things that I shouldn’t have felt bad about. I started to feel worthless. Empty. Every time I questioned something I was accused on ‘over thinking’ matters, like it was my fault. I’ve never felt so confused in my life.
We agreed to meet again, but she never showed up, saying that she had to baby sit for her friend instead. By this time I was having serious doubts about everything she was telling me and my guard was starting to come back up. I was away on business for the day of the ‘abortion’ so offered to take her out to lunch the next day.
During lunch she’s told me that she had had doubts about the abortion, and that the second pill given to her by the doctor was not an easy one to take. That she started to imagine us as a family, with the baby growing up, learning to ride a bike, taking him to school, etc. She was painting a picture of an ideal family and maybe a week earlier I would have gone along with it…. Luckily for me that I had put up some defense because the next line from her could have finished me off….
She said ‘but in the end I decided that I should get rid of it and took the pill. Right now I can feel it crushing and ripping your baby to pieces inside me. It will be dead soon’.
I didn’t flinch or make any response. She looked at me waiting for something. I gave her nothing and carried on eating my lunch even though I was hurting so much inside.
The next few days were tough. She’d really lay on the abuse and guilt trips, make me out to be useless and unsupportive. I kept agreeing with her. She seemed baffled by my responses. We sat in a coffee bar on a Saturday at the end of June and she blamed her behaviour on hormones. and that it would be fine soon. That we should get back to having great sex and stop thinking about things too much. I wasn’t buying any of it.
The next morning I received a text from her saying that her step-father was drunk and being abusive with her and that she had decided to leave the area for good and would never come back. I sent a short reply wishing her all the best and she went absolutely crazy on me…… Obviously she was expecting sympathy but I wasn’t playing anymore.
I was really hurting inside more that you can imagine. I felt like I had been put through the mincer, but I wasn’t going to let this girl take any more of my soul with her. I blocked her on everything from Social Media to email. These first few days have been tough, but I’m getting through it and thanks to your site I have become empowered enough to realise that it wasn’t my fault and that I should not feel bad about myself.
Some of you will no doubt be thinking ‘serves him right’ for cheating, and that’s fair enough. I feel bad about what happened, but when someone is at their lowest and they’re given a glimpse of what seems like true happiness, it’s hard to resist.
I followed the Yellow Brick Road only to find that there was nothing there but tricks and
lies…..
Janos
I’m still trying to understand whether or not she knowingly and willfully made my life hell or whether she behaved like that because she knew no better and had no conscious knowledge of the pain she was causing.
I would like to think that it is the latter and that she was unaware of how her actions affected me, rather than it was all premeditated and heartless with an intent to harm on purpose.
She often told me that she found it hard to understand other people’s emotions, that she sometimes hurt people and didn’t really know why they reacted in a certain way. So I suppose that points to a lack of self-awareness about her condition.
On the other hand she did ask me at an early stage if I had had a vasectomy, which suggests that she was doing her homework for the fake pregnancy.
I unblocked her and had a look at her Facebook page yesterday, and instantly regretted it. There’s a new picture of her holding a little puppy with dozens of ‘likes’ and comments about how cute and beautiful they both look. I felt sick.
How can these people carry on as if nothing has happened, whilst there’s a trail of destruction following them wherever they go?
I know that I’m not going to find any answers…
It’s now been 7 days without any contact, other than my weak moment when I took a look at her FB page. My first two comments are still awaiting moderation after three days, so I do hope that this site is genuine and that at some point I will be able to interact with other members. Maybe you’re on holiday 🙂
She hasn’t called or tried to get in touch, which is good news. I deleted her mobile phone number in a rage before I had chance to block it, so I still fear that she will call or text at some point, but so far so good. I hope she’s moved on to someone else, although that sounds selfish as I wouldn’t wish her on anyone.
As each day passes and the fog starts to clear, I am able to see things with much more clarity. I’ve read some posts on here about people who spend months or even years dealing with the emotional after effects, so I consider myself quite lucky to have escaped it relatively unharmed. I do have dark moments when I go through the ‘bargaining’ stage of separation, where I almost convince myself that there must be a reason for what happened, maybe it REALLY was my fault, should I have done things differently? etc, She was so sweet and perfect, where did it go wrong?
Then reality kicks in and I remember how she was towards the end.
I’m reminded of the film Primal Fear with Ed Norton and Richard Gere where Norton’s is playing a character who is trying to get away with murder by pretending to be schizophrenic.
When Gere realises that he’s been duped, his reaction is similar to what I felt.
He asks: So there never… there never was a Roy?
And Roy replies: Jesus Christ, Marty. If that’s what you think, I am disappointed in you, I don’t mind telling you. There never was an Aaron…
J
Please read this and comment if possible because this situation is tearing me apart and I have no idea what to do now.
Okay. So, this’ll be somewhat of a long story. He and I just broke up and I have considered the possibility of him being a Psychopath for weeks, even during our relationship.After reading, let me know what you think about the possibility.
Let’s call my boyfriend my the name “Nick.” So, I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship with a guy I liked prior to Nick. He and I didn’t date, but I had strong feelings for him and he messed with my emotions for months. Nick was an interesting person who I had been in class with for the past 2 years at school. I had always been strangely drawn to him, and not knowing exactly why. He was very careless, the stoner type of kid who didn’t do his homework but still managed to be smart and get decent grades. He was cool. The year before, I remembered how he had complimented me about my band t-shirt for the Ramones, telling me how cool of a band they were. Ever since, I had thought he was cool, and was strangely compelled to get to know him for almost 2 years. So, in an attempt to become his friend, when I was out one day and missed the homework, I DMed him on a social media account and asked what I had missed. Instantly, he was very nice and offered to send me the work. After he did, we got into a long conversation and immediately bonded over the fact that we both loved history class. Then, we got into a long and detailed conversation about politics and talked for quite a while about how we both supported the same presidential candidate, etc. We talked about music too, and at the end of the conversation I was about to go out so I told him I had to go and he said that he would see me at school the next day. I immediately felt refreshed and happy. He had this kindness and intelligence that most guys didn’t seem to have. He had common courtesy that the guy I liked before, didn’t have at all. The next day I walked by him in the hallway at school, and he smiled and greeted me. I liked him a lot, and hoped to get to know him more. After this, I waited about a week to message him again, and we talked and talked about endless topics that I never felt I could discuss with anyone else: religion, music, family, and more. He asked me for my number so we wouldn’t have to talk over the social media anymore. We talked about deep topics, and I told him how I had used marijuana to self medicate in the past but then quit. I said how it had helped with my anxiety, and he told me that he too had quit smoking. He said he understood my anxiety because he had “really bad depression.” I felt like I could relate with him so easily and he understood me more than anyone else. It seemed like everything I said, he had something to relate with me somehow. Politically, we agreed about almost everything. We had many of the same interests, so much that the both of it almost thought it was creepy. We both liked psychology, neurology, astronomy, cosmology, religion, history, similar music, everything. We had the same goals and the same fears. I felt like he was my soul mate and I fell for him immediately. We had a break from school, April vacation, and it got to the point that each day he and I texted from the moment we woke up until somewhere around 2-5 AM. He would call thing about me cute that nobody else thought were cute: the fact that I was innocent and had not even had my first kiss, the fact that I was nerdy and loved Star Trek, the fact that I had a weird lingo and said things like “‘Tis” and “‘Twas.”He opened up to me about very personal things on one of the first few times we even talked, telling me his insecurities and more. He said to me that he had only ever told this to 2 other people, and that I had a very welcoming personality that made him feel comfortable telling me right away. He said that I was so sweet and so great about making him feel better. We stayed up late into the night, talking about absolutely everything and anything. We asked each other questions, and we would play this little game where one asked the other a question and then we would both answer. Sometimes, we asked questions just about life and random thing, sometimes he would want me to ask weird or dirty questions. If he wanted that, then I did it. We connected so fast. Then, this one night, he told me that there was this conflict he had with two girls. One of them he called “the other girl” and the other one he called “prom girl” because he was taking her to prom. I got afraid that he didn’t like me that way, even though he acted so much like he did. He said that he had a very genuine connection with the other girl,but he had already asked prom girl to go to prom. I was disappointed, but I assumed this other girl was me and he was trying to indirectly tell me. The next day, I told him that I liked him, because I didn’t want to continue what was happening if he didn’t like me back. Then, he said to me that if I hadn’t guessed it already, I was the other girl. He said he would text prom girl the next day and tell her they could only go to prom as friends. He started calling me cute things like sweetie and flirting with me a lot more now. We stayed up late every night, and when he got really tired he would get loopy and tell me how pretty I was and say cute things about how he loved my soft, quiet voice or even say things like, “Your voice is the personification of a rose petal.” I was so in love. Every day all I could think about was talking to him. I already felt like I was in love. When break ended and we returned to school, we would walk together in the halls and talk and laugh. He would compliment me and tell me I looked pretty. We would joke and tease each other in a sweet, cute way. I felt so comfortable with him already, and I am very shy and do not open up easily at all. We had a very strong bond, it was undeniable. But, unfortunately, he said that he didn’t want to look bad, so we couldn’t hold hands in school or go on dates or anything like that until after prom. So, we went through about three weeks until then. The wait sucked, but I felt like I would wait any amount of time for him. Right before we hung out for the first time, he got a job working at restaurant. He started working crazy long hours. On saturdays and sundays, he would start work at 10 AM and work until 11 PM without a break, or so he told me. When we finally hung out for the first time, he came over and then we went to see a movie. He was sweet and gentle and kind the whole time. We talked a lot, watched TV, and I would just lay my head on his shoulder and feel like I was the happiest girl in the entire world. He was very charming and nice to my parents when he introduced himself, and said hi to my younger sisters as well. When we went to the actual movie theater, we talked and laughed during the movie and he kissed me for the first time. After the movie, we walked around the parking lot holding hands talking and laughing, and then he went home. It was the happiest night of my life. I was head over heels in love with Nick already.
It was not long before things started to get a bit strange. The next time we hung out was on his birthday, and I gave him a gift and a letter that were very heartfelt. He loved them and told me how sweet and cute they were, how sweet and cute I was, and how he had never liked anybody as much as me at all. And he had had quite a few past girlfriends/encounters with girls. I felt so special. He said he had never had a genuine connection like ours with anybody at all. I believed him when he said this. The way he touched me and looked at me, felt like he already loved me too. When we hung out that day on his birthday, he finally asked me if I wanted things to be official, to be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. But later on that night, he and I went to this little waterfall in my town. It was dark and we could barely see, so we were a bit scared. When we got to the top of the waterfall, we sat down and it felt so romantic, but at the same time it also felt like a scene in one of those horror movies where someone dies any moment. That was when out of the blue, he asked me if I had ever thought about killing someone and how I would do it. I sat there, surprised. I told him that it had never really crossed my mind. Then, he said something along the lines of, “C’mon, you never lay awake at night thinking about it? I do, I think I’m a bit of a Psychopath.” Then he laughed, and proceeded to tell me exactly how he would kill someone if he had to, how he would dispose of the body, everything. I sort of just brushed it off because afterwards we got up and walked around and talked and then kissed for a while. The night was pretty perfect.
But the next day, I thought deeply about what he said, and about him as a whole. Over the course of our friendship/relationship, he had said a lot of little, strange things to me. I had never paid much attention to them. But now I had reason to, since he had detailed to me exactly how he would kill someone. For example, he talked to me a lot about his crazy ex girlfriends and how weird they were, how one of them made him depressed in their relationship and how he had never really liked her but only dated her so that it would make him feel more confident. He told me that people called him cold because he could drop people out o his life very easily and not miss them at all. He told me that he didn’t feel any remorse, that he didn’t really have a conscience at all. He even told me that he had thoughts about punching, strangling, or ramming into people with cars. I myself was pretty messed up with my anxiety and depression issues, so I had just brushed it off. But now, it all seemed a bit strange. He also had an obsession with crazy serial killers like Manson or Dahmer. I thought this was cool, because I was also really into psychology and criminology. But he took it to stranger levels. He had videos of Manson saved in his phone that he would show me sometimes.
So, the next day I asked him if he was actually a Psychopath because he had joked about it the night before and he had many characteristics of one. He immediately acted like it was stupid for me to think he was serious, and said it was only a joke.
So I just moved on. For the next 2 weeks or so everything was normal and he didn’t act weird about anything. He was working a lot, though, and was extremely tired and started to be a bit distant from me. He still treated me very well whenever we hung out and everything felt like magic, almost too good to be true. We were very comfortable with each other. His family loved me. It was all so perfect, excluding the Psychopath stuff.
A few days later, though, things got weird again. We were talking on the phone and he told me very dark secrets about his family and himself. He said how his mother was abusive when they were younger and would hit them but call it discipline. He even said how once she had whacked his head so hard that it started bleeding everywhere. But he said that his mother hadn’t hit them in 6 years and she denied a lot of it now. He said he had a really [censored] up childhood and was lucky he didn’t have PTSD or something. Then, he told me how everyone in his family had some issues, mostly mental issues. He told me crazy, almost unbelievable stories about his schizophrenic aunt or his alcoholic grandfather. He said that all of his parents and siblings had issues, except him. One sibling was bipolar, another had anger issues. But him, he said, had nothing. He said that his mom said he would be the savior of the family because he was normal. He even said, “I’ve never had depression or anxiety in my life.” I was astounded. When we were first talking, he had told me he had really bad depression. And at one point he had also mentioned that he had anxiety and was shy in his freshman year of high school. Anyways, he continued to tell me that now he was very confident, the most he had ever been. It was strange, because when we first talked he told me about his insecurities about his body. But now, he was overly confident. I feel like he was contradicting himself left and right. The next day, he acted like he never even told me about his abusive mother. He even said, “I’ve had a really normal, average life.” I was freaked out because it was constant, him changing his story a lot.
Still, I tried to tell myself to just get over it. I loved him. I had to accept him, despite the weirdness. But then it got worse. My friend Sally’s dad died of cancer and it was terrible. So, he asked how my day was and I said it was bad. He treated me with care and nicely called me and asked what had happened and why I was upset. I told him about Sally’s dad. This was after work, and he was a bit tired. But, when he called, he sounded alright. Immediately, though, after I explained Sally’s dad, he got strangely emotionless and weird. He said, “Well that’s depressing.” I remember exactly what happened next. I said, “Yeah, kind of.” And he sounded angry as he asked, “Kind of?” and I said back, “Well pretty depressing.” That was when he said, “Yeah, now you’re right.” He sounded irritated, angry, and cold. His voice then turned blank and he just said, “I have nothing else to say.” And I asked if I could change the topic, if Sally’s dad bothered him. I started talking about something else. All he responded was “Hm. Well, I’ve got nothing to say. We should hang up now.” I sat there, astounded. I said good night and we hung up. Afterwards I somehow felt like I had done something wrong by telling him what happened so I texted him and apologized, even though I knew I hadn’t done anything deep down. He ignored my message completely. The next day, I was hurt and upset when I saw him at school. I texted him that morning and told him we needed to talk. When I saw him, his normally gentle and beautiful green eyes looked angry and full of rage. But the second I started talking to him, he acted charming and sweet. He acted like there was no problem and nothing had happened. HE asked what I wanted to talk about, and I almost felt like I couldn’t complain anymore because he was acting like nothing was wrong at all. I said never mind, and he said no, you have to tell me. Instead of being specific and asking why he was rude on the phone, I asked why he had been distant lately. He just seemed like he barely even wanted to talk to me, and wasn’t really treating me like a girlfriend. He then told me that he was only distant because he was tired from work. Then, he said, “Oh, and the reason I didn’t reply to you last night was because I was sort of in a meeting with my boss.” I highly doubted that he was, though. Not at 11:30 PM when he was normally the last one in the restaurant and cleaning up to leave. Then, he said, “So, issue resolved then?” Unsure of what to do, I just agreed that it was resolved and moved on because I felt like he was acting like it was ridiculous for me to be upset about anything at all. I spent the next few days obsessing over my theory that he was in fact a Psychopath. We had plans to hang out that weekend, and I decided that how he acted that weekend would determine my next course of action.
The day he was coming over, Sunday, we had previously talked about possibly advancing in our relationship, meaning doing sexual things. But I didn’t want to do that, not now when I felt like there was something weird in our relationship. Also, my parents were going to be home and it felt wrong. So, the morning he was coming over, he was acting happy and excited. Then, I told him that we couldn’t do that today, because my parents were going to be home. He acted strange, just saying “Oh” and seeming upset. Then, he said, “Well, our parents are aways home, so you know we are going to have to do it with them home at some point.” It was almost like he wanted me to feel bad for saying we couldn’t do it. So, I asked if he was upset and he said, “No, just tired.” Seemingly, though, he was upset. I felt like he was telling me passive aggressively. I got upset and told him that he couldn’t take out his being upset on me just because I didn’t feel comfortable doing that with my parents home. Then he got very angry at me. He acted childish, telling me that he wasn’t upset and I was silly to think so. I felt like he wanted me to react the way I did, but once I did he got angry at me. When he showed up at my house, he turned on the TV and sat there folding his arms and sort of pouting. Usually he would wrap his arms around me and stroke his fingers up and down my arms or kiss me. But not today. I tried to lean in and kiss him and he told me no, just watch the movie. He wouldn’t even let me. He wouldn’t even touch me until I reached and grabbed his hand. He was so angry. When the movie ended, I put on a different one, one that I actually wanted to watch, and he just layed face down on my bed and wouldn’t watch it. I got hurt and upset. It felt like he was acting like a 2 year old because he didn’t get what he wanted. Eventually, I did what I had to do to make things normal again. I apologized for what I did earlier and for how I acted like he was upset. Then, he started treating me like an actual human being again. By the end of the night, we were back to normal again. But during the day, he teased me a lot. We used to tease each other in a cute way, like he would make fun me being a nerd. But that day, it wasn’t cute. He called all the music I showed him “garbage.” And he called me stupid names like “you uncultured swine” or “you [censored].” I knew he was joking, but it hurt because I am a bit of a sensitive person. That night, when he left, he texted me and apologized for teasing me too much. He just said, “That was wrong of me. I’m so sorry.” I started to feel better that he actually was sorry about something. It made me think he couldn’t actually be a Psychopath.
He did, however, lie sometimes for no apparent reason. He lied about when he was going to work, and if I asked him about it he would make up another lie that I could easily detect. It was careless lies, like it was so easy for me to figure out that he was lying. I felt like he thought I was stupid. Or if we were supposed to call each other, he might say, “I can’t because I’m talking to my mom.” Then I would see him liking things on social media. I wished he would just tell me the truth and say he didn’t feel like it or something like that. I would rather that than being lied to.
After these incidents, everything got better and went back to normal for about 2 weeks. He treated me extremely well for the next few weeks, calling me almost every night and being sweet and calling me babygirl all the time. It started to feel like when we first talked again. I went over his house a few times and we were so in love. We said we loved each other for the first time. All my worries about him being a Psychopath disappeared. He couldn’t be if he loved me right? It seemed hard for him to say it sometimes, though. I usually had to say it first. But the way he touched me, spoke to me, held me, made me sure that he loved me. I believed it when he said he had never felt this way about anybody. He talked about the future. He talked about going to college and was asking me which college seemed good. We had plans for the summer, to go to a concert together, to go to the beach, to go to his restaurant. We talked like we really would be together a long time. And I believed it. So did he. He even once said, “I’ve been with 8 girls. And I’m really planning to stop on this one.” I really believed he was serious and I still do today. There was this one time where we were just laying there, listening to a love song and staring into each others eyes, saying nothing for like an hour. And the way he looked at me was so loving. His eyes looked like a little puppy dog, I couldn’t stand how adorable it was. After all the silence, he finally looked me in the eyes and said “I love you” in the most genuine, sincere tone. I really think he loved me. Then he said that it was like that quote from Pulp Fiction, “You know you’ve found someone really special when you can just shut the [censored] up for a minute and comfortably share silence.” I was sure that he really did love me. And I loved him very much as well. This was the last time we ever hung out. He had work almost every day the next week, and then I was leaving to go on vacation. I was afraid that we would somehow start to argue if we were away from each other that long, since we normally saw each other almost every day.
I was, unfortunately, right.
The next day after we hung out for the last time, we called each other on the phone and were talking for hours and hours. We were in love, it was all perfect. He had gotten out of a long day at work and it was late, somewhere around 3AM. I told him he should sleep, because he had been very overtired lately from work. But he didn’t want to, he wanted to keep talking. So, I said alright, just for a little bit longer. I cared more about him feeling well than us talking longer. So, we are talking and talking. All of a sudden, I don’t even remember how, but the topic of Michael Jackson and how he sexually abused children came up. He talked about it like normal, it was all normal. Then, all of a sudden, something happened. It was completely out of the blue. Nick just says, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I was nervous so I asked what was wrong. He said, “All of a sudden, I don’t feel anything. I’m completely emotionless. I feel numb.” I was confused. His tone of vice had completely shifted from happy to totally blank. He didn’t even sound like the same person. I asked if there was anything I could do. I asked if he wanted to go to bed now. His response to every single question was, “I don’t know.” He said he had;t felt that way since when he used to smoke marijuana and it would make him feel very numb and emotionless. I was afraid. I felt like I had done something wrong to make it happen. I started hearing a loud noise and he said that he was hammering nail. At 3:30AM. I asked why he was hammering a nail, and again I just heard a blank “I don’t know.”I was so afraid, for him. I loved him and was concerned. At this point, I told him he had to go to bed. We said our usual I love you and then hung up. I texted him and asked if he was sure he was okay, and he said yes. His responses were robotic. He said “I think I will be okay if I sleep.” He was not himself at all. I said I wished I could be there with him to hold his hand and help him and he just said “Oh.” I was astounded and afraid and hurt. I told him good night and that was the end of it. Millions of scenarios ran through my head about why this might have happened. I wondered if the Michael Jackson discussion had triggered memories. Maybe he had been sexually abused. He had only ever told me he was physically abused, though. I was afraid for him. I wondered if he really was a Psychopath.
The next day, he acted like nothing happened. He sad he felt normal again and he said that the night before had just been due to him being very tired. He said work has been stressing him out and his thoughts are all jumbled. I felt that this wasn’t possibly true though. It had happened so suddenly, in the blink of an eye. It was not like he had gradually become tired or something. He acted like it was no big deal at all and acted like it was stupid for me to think that it was.
After this night, nothing was ever the same. He was distant again, like he had been that week when we talked about Sally’s dad on the phone. I tried to talk to him, but I got a lot of empty responses over text. I would get upset and ask him why he was acting like he didn’t want to talk and he would say, “How am I being distant?” He didn’t even see it, when he was just giving me one word or short answers to almost everything. I told him I felt like he was two different people, one loving and kind, the other cold and distant. He was not even treating me like a girlfriend, but more like a chore to talk to. If I had any problems, he would ask about them, and after I explained he would only say something like, “Oh that sucks” or “Oh, jesus.” He didn’t seem to care at all. We would call and talk on the phone and things would seem normal. Hw would still say he loved me and call little thing I did cute. But it didn’t feel the same. He would tease me and call me lame and I would tell him that it made me start to worry I actually was lame. Then he would do it again the next day. I felt like he did;t understand my feelings at all. Where had the Nick I connected so well with gone? I felt like I was talking to a wall half the time, because he was barely showing emotion anymore, or caring about mine. Whenever it bothered me that he seemed so distant, he would act like I was being oversensitive and it was;t a problem. I think that I probably was oversensitive about it because I’m a sensitive person, but I still think there was a problem. He treated me nicer when he was trying to get me to like him, then he was treating me when I was his actual girlfriend. I was hurt that he didn’t see my side of things. Some nights were okay, we would say how in love we were and stuff, but others just felt weird and wrong. He seemed distant, but I still knew he did love me. Then one night, when I was on my period and I was very upset, I exploded. I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him I felt like he was sometimes rude to me and didn’t care about my problems. He was so strange back. He said “I don’t know what to say. I’ve told you I love and care about you, I don’t know what else you want.” I told him I wanted him to stop being rude. He showed no emotions back to me. I said I didn’t know how it was going to work out if he never saw that there was a problem at all. He literally just said, “Okay.” I asked if that meant he wouldn’t care if things didn’t work out, and he literally told me, “My prefrontal lobe has not yet fired off a response to that question” or something stupid like that. He wouldn’t show any emotion. He said he was keeping his emotions out of it and being logical. Then he said we should go sleep on it and see how we felt the next day. Then I said I loved him and didn’t want it to end, and he said something rude like, “Okay, I’m going to bed now, good night.”
I was so hurt. He did not seem to care at all. I didn’t know what had happened. The past week or so, he just wasn’t quite himself at all. The next morning, I asked how he felt and he wouldn’t tell me. He again said he was keeping his emotions out of it and only using logic. I said that made no sense, because emotions are the basis of every relationship. He then said “I don’t know how I feel. What are you thinking?” I lost it. I did’t want to be with someone who would act like he did’t care and would not even feel anything. I flipped out and broke up with him, saying he never cared about me and loved me and the Nick I loved would never treat me the way that I was being treated then and there. I wasn’t thinking logically, though. I knew deep down I didn’t want to break up with him. I should have worked through what was going on because I love him, I still do. I expected him to apologize and fight for me to stay with him. But he had the strangest attitude about it. He acted like the breakup was mutual, even though when asked how he felt he said he didn’t know. I don’t think he expected me to actually break up with him. But, in response, he said that if I thought that it was best, then he agreed with me. He even said, “Well, it was fun while it lasted. But [censored] happens.” I got even angrier. I didn’t understand how he acted like it was no big deal. I acted even crazier, accusing him of never caring about me. He then said, “I did, and still do, but if I’m hurting you, the best thing I can do is let you go.” I should have left if there, but I still was getting angry because I was so hurt. I was saying I put in so much effort and he put in so much less. He literally just said, “Alrighty, goodbye. Best of luck in your future endeavors.” I said goodbye and told him that I recommended getting help because he clearly had emotional issues and acted sociopathic sometimes. Then it got even worse. He said, “Oh no my emotions are totally fine, I just wasn’t as invested in this relationship as I cared to admit.” He said that in the past two weeks everything had dwindled in our relationship. That made no sense because we had first said I loved you just 2 weeks ago, and we had been discussing our future less than 2 weeks ago. I was so hurt, I wrote him this long paragraph about how I trusted him and he hurt me. He just told me it was over, there was nothing else to discuss, goodbye.
That night, I realized I made the wrong decision. I still loved him so much, I overreacted and ruined everything. I texted him and told him I was changing my mind, that I wanted him back. I don’t know if he read it because he never replied. A few days later, on my doorstep I found a box containing a movie I accidentally left at his house, plus all the sweet love letters I wrote him and the birthday gift I made and worked so hard on for him. It hurt so bad. It felt like he was doing that to make me hurt. He texted me and said the stuff was outside my house. I texted him back and asked him to listen to me, I apologized and said I still loved him and all he said was okay. He told me he didn’t want to listen and he had [censored] to do. I asked if I ever meant anything to him at all and all he said was “sure.”
I got in contact with his sister and told her I thought he needed help because he was showing so little emotions. She said she noticed it too and acted like she would get him help, but I don’t think she is. She found a letter in his room that was addressed to my house and he was going to mail, at least before I broke up with him. The letter said how much he loved me and was very sweet. I felt terrible for breaking up with him. I knew that he was invested in the relationship. that it was a lie of him saying he wasn’t, if he wrote me that letter. His sister told me that he was a difficult person, but also very nice. She said he didn’t like showing his emotions. But she said that he liked me a lot, and that she never saw him as happy as he was when he was with me. She also said that their mom was telling Nick to give me another chance because she liked me a lot. She told me to fight for him if I really still loved him.
But he has been cold and doesn’t seem to care. Last night, I tried calling him and he didn’t answer. I left a voicemail saying how I thought us ending was wrong and I was sorry. I told him we couldn’t give up the genuine connection we had. But I don’t know if he listened to the voicemail. I don’t think he will. I think he wants nothing to do with me now. I don’t understand how you can stop loving someone so fast, how you can care so little. I don’t know what to do.
So the question is, is he a Psychopath? Something else? I have considered everything, from sociopathy to bipolar to narcissistic personality disorder to depersonalization disorder to alexithymia to borderline personality disorder to cyclothymia to even more… He is so confusing and I have no idea, any ideas anyone? please answer to this if possible.
I wanted to share some recent learnings I have discovered not only about myself, but also about my previous partner. We as survivors are the strong ones. It is an incredible journey, but at the end we are stronger, have learned something and can grow. Our previous partners, the sociopath (or more accurately psychopath) will not grow. They are constantly searching for something better, someone else to take advantage of, someone else to cheat on. They will never be truly be happy for any length of time. They cannot maintain friendships, or relationships. Unlike us, they will end up lonely and alone. We on the other hand can use what we learned to build a strong meaningful relationship with someone that is worthy of us. M
Amen
Perfectly said
Amen!!! I’m still recovering ( currently in therapy ) but yes, I’ve come to that realization as well. They hurt us tremendously but we will recover and most likely go on to new, healthy and loving relationships. They will just keep repeating the same pattern, getting the same results which has to be a miderable life. I still love and care about my ex, so I continue to pray for him… But I’m working on me and moving forward with my life. God has so much better in store for me.
M – you are 100% right. They might’ve temporarily brought us down, but at the end, they will always lose. What kind of a life is living with no love or happiness, just a sad satisfaction of abusing people?
Something else that I’ve experienced recently and want to warn others about is the chance of bumping into another sociopath… Last week I met a guy who was absolutely perfect. He agreed with everything I said, we had the same taste in everything, he was a perfect gentleman- how could someone be this great?? Then I started thinking… could it be? A few months after leaving a 5 year relationship with a SP, I’m being groomed by another one? I started being careful and sure enough on one of our first dates, the red flags went up. I caught him on several very sneaky lies, and he tried convincing me that he didn’t lie I just “remembered incorrectly”. He even went so far as to begin the process of turning one my closest friends against me (who he met) in an extremely discreet way. All in ONE WEEK.
So please, please be careful!! They truly do look for the strong, intelligent, and happy people, and try to strip you down and turn you into something as worthless as them. It was really painful, but at the same time I am so grateful I had the knowledge to nip this in the bud. It could’ve gone on for so much longer if I didn’t already know the signs.
If it’s too good to be true… unfortunately, it is.
Hey everyone. It’s wonderful that this support system is here. Thank you to all who have shared their story as it gives me the strength to share as well.
My brain has been extremely kind to me up til a few weeks ago.
A year and a half ago, I went no contact and my brain has kept me safe. I couldn’t remember the details of my two year encounter with my sociopath. What I could remember were the pivotal moments: moving to another state with him, his personality changing almost overnight, planning my escape, moving back home depleted on multiple levels. Up until two weeks ago, that’s all I could remember. The generals.
A recent event triggered me, and now I remember my story. I feel like I am reliving it again. I see his face when I close my eyes as I fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night from the nightmares. Memories are back. I’m recovering two years of my life that were too painful to process at the time. If I had, I probably would have had a psychological breakdown.
I’d like to share the memories here as they surface. I hope you can find solace in them as I find solace in yours. It’s relieving to feel validated that I’m not the crazy one.
Hi all,
Bit sad it’s my birthday tomorrow and for the first time in 4 years it won’t be with him. Last birthday was another beautiful gift and loving card, this time too busy for dinner and then found tine for a cheap diner meal a week late. So yeah he was done. This year I guess whet I have – from famiky and reinvigorated marriage – is all totally real. No more lies or anxiety. But it’s still a bit sad
Is he a sociopath or sex addict or borderline etc?
My heart is breaking reading these. I met my bf 8 months ago and he swept me off my feet. He had a history of serial cheating, divorce and his exes thought he was a sociopath. He had a break down when he was caught with multiple women 2 years ago ( some were friends with each other) but I believed when he said he spent so much time alone and went to a therapist and figured out why he needed that constant attention. I should mention these women he cheated with were not the most attractive.
His cell phone is the issue. He has to contact people for his marketing job. This includes women that are married and single . In the past he would start flirting by email with the unhappy ones and complimenting them and get their phone numbers. Then he would start to text, sext etc. Lie constantly and manipulate even talking to the husbands of the women he was cheating with to see them ad space.. I think their is a sexual element to his addiction too.
His phone is always a source of secrecy and I have caught him in a lie when he tried to quickly delete a ex girlfriend text that came in while we were watching a video…. then he even tried to deny that I saw her name. Finally after I was getting really angry saying I SAW HER NAME … he admitted that she still tries to contact him but he never responds. I can see changes in him over the last month ( less affectionate. distant and his phone becoming more and more the center of his attention) I saw another name later at night last week and he stormed out saying we are over…screaming. He called the next day saying we need to talk and that he doesn’t know if he wants to be in a relationship and he doesn’t know why. I should mention that he makes little money and supports 2 little kids from his marriage so I pay for almost everything. We only see each other 3x a week. Im just sitting here feeling so used. I never ever have had a relationship like this. I was always treated really well. Here I am paying for everything, hardly seeing him and watching him on his phone all the time, I feel like when Im with him he would rather be sitting alone on his couch on his phone. I know his business is all in his phone and there are a lot of legitimate calls and texts – he is a busy worker but I really feel in my gut that he met someone else. He said he still wants to see me while he sorts out what he wants but I told him no way. I should say Im in a small town in the south so its not easy to meet people and I almost want to still see him but i know its not the right thing. What should I do and what disorder does this sound like to you? He has lost his marriage and relationships for this but i guess he won’t stop. He somehow justifies his behavior. Im so hurt and I put on the brave face but I am dying inside. I stupidly thought he may have been the person I grow old with.
I am in pain again ladies..My sociopath reached me 1,5 month ago..and then we started to talk again.He said he wants to talk to me,loves me etc,he said he wants to visit me(Right now we leave in different cities)for a month everything was good,we didnt get back together but we were flirting,talking on the phone etc..And suddenly he disappered which how we broke up after a relationship.No explanation,nothing..and he did it again!(when he called me he said he is sorry he made a mistake etc)
Now i am broken in tears again..
My name is Rod Lovell and I married a sociopath and her maiden name is Debra Parsel of which became Debra Parsel Lovell. The biggest and saddest mistake I ever made was allowing myself to be deceived by her. It is something I will never get over, the hurt, the pain, the very thing (at my age) I painstakingly went to extra lengths to avoid. I was lied to on a scale difficult to get my head wrapped around. It’s a very long story so I won’t write it unless someone really wants to hear it. The woman I fell in love with I still love, but that woman doesn’t exist. The pain I went to great lengths to avoid, for both parties, myself and the other person, not only did I fail but it’s way worse than anything I’ve experienced before. I have been betrayed to a degree that I will not completely heal and I have accepted that. I fight the hate that wants to dominate me. The evil that comes with these types of people is deep reaching and life changing. Every fiber of my being is either broken or damaged. I allowed a liar, thief, adulterer, and I’ll say liar again because its not that they lie, its all they do, and don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Check their stories, thoroughly, don’t feel guilty or believe you don’t trust or can’t trust, you’re being smart and safe. Remember, the sociopath will find out everything that you want and become that person. Be extremely careful and do your due diligence and protect yourself. DO NOT end up like me, not only falling for it, I defended her lies and manipulation, believing in her. Maybe, just maybe, the hate that pushes so hard at me will subside and that alone will I consider a victory.
Nykie… Sweetie this is what they do. Been there, done that!! Delete and block him. Him continue to do this. Sorry.
I’m so sorry you’re in pain. We all know what that’s like.the hardest thing is letting go but you have to.otherwiae this cycle will continue and continue.they never change
I cannot believe I have fallen again into the clutches of a sociopath. I thought I was older and wiser. I was aware that I was emotionally vulnerable, but that didn’t stop me from being sucked in by very convincing lies. I live in a small, rural village, gradually I heard stories about this couple – yes, a married couple. Both parasitic, but with the appearance of respectability to many. He would turn up and do jobs for single women – grass cutting, hedge trimming etc. All in the guise of helpful neighbour and friend. No one asked for the help. But they both expected to be paid, and the woman (always a woman) ended up paying more than she would to a professional gardener or handyman, and also having to appear grateful, as well as buying a meal for them or drinks in the local. Worse than that, he then made advances, he’s a good looking, gentlemanly type, used to be a police officer, “trustworthy” – fatherly. Many fell for it, including me. His wife went away to Canada to visit relations, he began to love bomb me. At first I rejected him, he’s married after all and I felt uneasy. He told me that because of his wife’s illness (she has MS) they hadn’t had a physical life for years. I was lonely, he made it sound as if she understood. She constantly sent me photos and messages on What’s app. They both bombarded me.
Anyway, I have discovered the truth, he is a pathological liar, so I believe is she. Many people know this, but don’t like to gossip. Now I don’t even think she’s got MS, she has no major symptoms, has gone on like this for years, and they receive huge amounts from the state, including an allowance for him as a carer. She doesn’t require any care. They are always on holiday.
I am astonished that I didn’t spot the warning signs. Astonished that I’ve been swept along again. It’s a comfort to know that I’m not alone in this, even among friends and neighbours, we are all sticking together, and now we hope this evil couple will move. I finally snapped when he “gas lighted” me – I was so shocked that he tried to make out that I was the one who was wrong!
These sociopaths are so manipulative, and have a talent for assessing a person who is a in need. Knowing about their behaviour doesn’t necessarily prevent us from being sucked in again, how awful that being kind and trusting is seen as weakness.
I am so sorry to hear your story..Their lies are increadble.They damage our trust to humanity
Thank you for your all support..As you said letting go is difficult and painful..When he first reached me i was strong.Then because i still love him,i melted with his affection and interest.I thought may be i was wrong and he was a decent person who is going through a difficult time.And yet he did it again on purpose,he knows that hurts me and doing it again.Why a humanbeing gives pain to others like that..In the beginning of this silence i was better but now last 4-5 days i am constantly in tears..I know i need to let it go again.What a painful end
Nykie, thank you for your comment. It is so very painful to put your faith into someone, to trust and then have it destroyed. I think the clue is in what you said about how you thought he was ” a decent person going through a difficult time.” You are a person who looks for the best in people, I am the same, sadly a sociopath makes full use of that and sees it as a weakness. Why should we alter our personalities in order to defend ourselves? How sad that being a nice person is seen as a fault by some in society. I have the same problem with builders I employ, if I am kind, they assume I’m stupid and rip me off.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, decent people don’t give so much pain to someone they say they love. It’s “deeds not words” as the old saying goes….
@NikIe
I’m so sorry. There’s only one answer, no contact. They will always try to contact you this is the way they know if they still have power over you. Just be grateful that anything more happened. So please take a big breath, delete his phone number, email, Facebook account and all the ways that can make you curious about him. And begin again with no contact. The best to you.
@Nykie and all of you who struggle with no contact…do it! Cut all ties as best you can! I think what helped me realize that this was the only way is that when I found his text messages with all five other women, he was saying all the exact same things to them that he had used to suck me in. When I knew that the man I shared my life with didn’t even actually exist, it became much easier to block him from my life completely.
@Susan
We have a daughter in common and believe it or not the no contact is possible. After almost two years of our last separation and almost 6 months after his last attempt to contact he reappears, not to ask for his child, but to “know if I was with someone, cause he is with someone and at last he can be happy with his new family. If I can do it you can do it too.” Before I will cry with these words, now I’m so happy that he is not part of me or our daughter. She deleted him from all her social media…
I deleted his message and continue with my life. No contact is the answer.