The most important thing to a sociopath is control. A victim is of no use, if they are unable to be manipulated and controlled. When a sociopath feels that he is truly losing control (either by other people coming into your life, or if you find new hobbies and interests, that he feels will take you away from him), you will see the mask ‘slip’ and a narcissistic rage can occur.
What this means is that the sociopath can feel real or perceived injury by you ignoring him, or doing something which they think has injured their pride, or by doing an action that lets them think that you will leave them, in fact anything at all.
The first time that you witness this rage, it can be quite alarming. After all, all you have seen up until this point, is Mr calm, Mr smooth, Mr charm, Mr in control, Mr perfect, Mr ‘tell you all that you want to hear’. However, when the sociopath loses grip of control over someone, his character will change.
What you witness when the mask slips, is a man who shouts, who yells, and who gaslights. Someone who tries to isolate you from support of other people (people who he perceives might talk sense into you and lead you away from him). Now you are witnessing, Mr angry, Mr control, and to your face, Mr manipulative.
You might be confused, and wonder what it is that you have done wrong? The truth is, that you have done nothing wrong. This is the real him, it is the way that he has always been, behind his mask of charm. When you assert your own right, your own personality, when you try to grow yourself away from him, his desire for control becomes more desperate, and narcissistic rage will occur. He will
- Minimise your experiences with others
- Invalidate your feelings
- Gas light you and try to make you feel bad or guilty for wanting to do something else
- Become angry and try to make you feel guilty
- Try to hem you in, and pin you down
- Invade your personal space
I can only describe the narcissistic rage, as a meltdown of insanity. Everything that he is saying makes no logical sense, and you protest your innocence. But this is another form of manipulation designed to control you and manipulate you. Remember that the sociopath is about control, and he uses brain washing to achieve his ends.
And then, just as suddenly as he can have a narcissistic rage meltdown, he can equally regain composure, and return swiftly back to the charming, useful, helpful person that he was before. It is as if the mask slips for a while, and then he quickly regains composure, and puts the act back on with a smiling calm face. Sometimes this experience can feel quite eerie, and can make you question your own feelings, and your own sense of rational thought.
If you truly knew that this simmering need for control, and inner energy was behind him all of the time, he would risk losing you. And if he did, before he had used you up for all of his source of supply, this would be his loss. Sociopaths do not like losing.
They always have an agenda. They come with agendas and leave with one too. You might feel overwhelmed when you are on the receiving end of narcissistic rage. You might feel confused, at this sudden change of character…. and then just when you assert your rights, he will quickly turn back into Mr charm and Mr helpful again.
You might feel bitter and resentful towards him for hurting you, but he will
- Gas light you to make you believe that it was your fault
- That it was something that you did wrong
- That you are making a bigger scene than is really necessary
If you have just been on the receiving end of this, pay attention. You are seeing a brief glimpse of the real man behind the mask, and what he really thinks of you. His real feelings of contempt for you. It will not be a one off either. As this is the real man and you will witness this again, and again and again. Pay attention, because at the time of narcissistic rage, the sociopath is showing more of his true self to you, than he does at any other time.
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