Sociopath Test

Is the sociopath being ‘nice’, are you confused?

So, you have read lots of things on the net, and possibly books about sociopaths. You are still in a relationship with one, and you are just ‘not quite sure if your partner is or not?’, how can you tell?

As soon as you make up your mind that you are dating a psychopathic loon, he changes, and has kind eyes, and a smile. Is kind, caring, thoughtful. So, you question yourself and you wonder if perhaps you have got it wrong?

Just as you were about to pack your bags (or his), he is back to his old charming self. In fact, more so. He is back into seducing mode. The rage has gone, he is trying to win you back, so that you are dependent on him.

Other people wonder, why do you stay? (this causes isolation from friends), after all you were complaining about his behaviour last week.

Perhaps you start reading this, and as you do, and start to assert yourself, he suddenly changes into Mr Perfect again. What you are left with, is confusion.

confusion2

 

You feel confused, because you feel you are with  two people. One whom you love, one who makes you happy, and another who is selfish, self absorbed, self  centred, who will make your life, simply an extension of his.

When going through the hearts and flowers stage, after an awful spell, when you were set to leave,  it is likely that you are going back to stage 2 -

Seducing…..

Remember the code of the sociopath, it is ALWAYS the same (they repeat behaviour over and over).

  • Assessment
  • Seducing
  • Gaming
  • Ruining

The sociopath has already  assessed that you are not happy, and that you are likely to leave. Which would mean that he is about to lose his source of supply. So, he resorts back to seducing mode…. to keep you captive.

What can you do to discover the truth?

If you are in confusion, and you identify with so many posts on this page, but are confused, is this person actually a sociopath, as right now they are being, nice, kind, helpful, thoughtful….. one thing will test whether this person is a sociopath.

Underneath the calm facade of the sociopath mask, is an angry narcissistic person, a person who is desperate for control. A person who sees you as part of himself. He can quite easily switch back to seducing mode, to lure you back in, if he feels that his prey is about to escape. After all, a sociopath never wants to lose source for supply, not before he has another willing victim lined up.

What you need to do is the following.

TEST HIM! 

If he is acting really reasonable, kind, calm, loving, seducing, hearts and flowers –   test him. Say something to him which takes away his control over you. Assert your rights, demand your freedom and your independence.

This can be ANYTHING which is for YOU, that DOESN’T include him.

The sociopath has narcissistic rages, which it cannot stop, or contain, when he feels that he is losing control. Remember that to the sociopath two things are more important than anything -

1. Winning

2. Control

IMPORTANT – This is NOT advisable for those involved with sociopaths who are violent!! If you are in a violent relationship – seek advice from a women’s aid project in your area, to leave safely. Never place yourself in danger. The ONLY advice for those in relationships with someone who is physically abusive, is to get out, but to leave in a way that is safe, and planned.

Witnessing the mask slipping

If the sociopath feels that he does not have total control over you, you will witness very quickly, the narcissist rage occur. You will see that the kind, helpful, caring, thoughtful person (that you had been telling him he wasn’t) will vanish, and in his place, will be a man who is angry, who becomes desperate for control. He will do and say anything to re-establish control over you and your life. His reaction will be very intense. This is the REAL character. This is real person, without the mask.

It really is quite that simple. If you are thinking, perhaps you have it wrong? Maybe, I was wrong? Yes, he has done bad things in the past, but he is just so nice and charming NOW – if you are thinking, maybe it was just a blip. Test him.

Confusion is simply a state of mind. Often the sociopath will do acts which deliberately confuse you. This can make you feel that that you are to blame. Nobody stays in confusion forever. So, take back the control, and test him.

In a NORMAL HEALTHY relationship, your partner will be happy for you to have a life of your own. In a normal healthy relationship, your partner will encourage you to grow.  In a healthy relationship your partner will encourage career progression and be happy for you to see friends and family and anything else which helps you to grow. A healthy partner will not feel threatened by external influences in your life.

  • A healthy relationship loves, but does not stifle
  • It cares, but does not contain
  • It offers freedom, but not restriction
  • Is honest, and not deceptive
  • Is supportive and not disruptive

If the person reacts, in a normal way, perhaps a bit of jealousy, perhaps this person isn’t a sociopath. But if you witness a full narcissistic rage, you will see exactly the person that you had witnessed before. You will be surprised to witness again the one which caused you confusion. Remember that this is the real person. This is the person inside, behind the charismatic mask. The person on the outside, the charisma, the charm, the kindness, caring, is really just an illusion.

If you are with a sociopath, who is being on his best behaviour and trying to lure you back into the relationship. If you are experiencing confusion, not really knowing is he/isn’t he? do the simple test. Press his buttons and see how he reacts. If the person is a sociopath, quickly you will witness the narcissistic rage – and you will witness the sociopath behind the charismatic mask.

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57 thoughts on “Sociopath Test”

  1. I’m truly amazed at the information I read on here and the connection with my story. I have learned so much about the working of the sociopath. I received an email with a response post. I new for a long time something was very wrong with my sociopaths family. Two sons, both equally as dangerous, manipulative, angry, irresponsible and narcissistic.

    I often wondered how this could happen in the same family; it never occurred to me that the pathology was genetic. While there is a life experience component the major trait is genetic. This explains a lot about my ex’s family. I have done training on how personalities attract.
    The antisocial gravitates towards a borderline personality. I often said my ex’s father was antisocial and his stepmother borderline.

    His father abused his mother, I’m convinced today that both boys witnessed that abuse. I was told by Bobs aunt’s that his mother was badly abused by the father. I am sure this can account for some of the life experience piece. Bobs stepmother told me about times Bobs father would lose his temper, punch hole in the wall, this was Bobs behavior. I’m now certain that Bobs father is a sociopath.

    Bobs stepmother wasted no time in getting Bob and his brother out of the house, planning before she married Bob’s father. Bobs brother richard told me that she wanted no part of he or Bob. I sensed for many years her plan was to keep the children from the first born away from the family. That is exactly what she did. Bob had an irrational view of his parents, he idolized his father and stepmother. At first I thought it was because he wanted the close familial relationship that had been ripped from him, later I began to see the idolatry, it was misplaced and sick. His dad had a hold over him, a very sick hold and was the last person that he needed to be idolizing.

    I mentioned in a post, either here or on my blog that it was never truly over until one of the couple died. In Bob’s case this was his mother. She died violently at the hands of another sociopathic abuser. Her death was presented to Bob as an auto accident by his father, in reality she died from internal injuries after having been beaten by her then husband.

    The familial connection, the familial operating structure, the familial secret keeping and distortion is so strong that it cannot be described as mere dysfunction, it goes much deeper.

    1. Family dysfunction in childhood does play a big part in it I believe Drewe.

      As a child they likely witnessed lies – and also that the ‘good’ parent the victim had the raw deal. Whilst the bad parent – the abuser seemed to get off scot free and enjoyed his life.

      Which taught the child what? The ‘good’ parent was therefore forced to lie to cover for the ‘abusing’ parent. And the child grows up thinking that this is normal behaviour and the way to behave in a relationship.

      If you want a healthy relationship – try to pick someone who has either a) worked through their issues from childhood or b) who have parents with happy healthy relationships

      1. We are not parasites. A lot of us are quite intelligent and more rational than normal people. I personally find that a lot of what’s wrong with the way society is moving is do to normal people, like the fact that having a clutz moment and tripping or falling or doing something stupid that results in a bit of pain is a reason to ruin similar activities for people who possess common sense.

        But I digress.

        Personally, I can truly care about someone very deeply. I have people I am close to. Do I still lie to them? Yes. But I do my best to keep the deceit minimal in both frequency and severity. I see the world differently and I don’t always understand people’s reactions and emotions.

        I live by a code rooted in religion to help me differentiate between good and bad because the line in the sand is sometimes blurred by the waves so to speak. But by using this code I can help minimalize my negative impact on those I am close to. I am very forgiving but also very vengeful to those who consistently refuse to treat me respectfully when I have done the same to them. Again, I give many chances and I let others make the choice of how our interactions will be. I am descreet and subtle in my vengeance. I am not violent and very even tempered but I will defend my values and beliefs and those I’m close to with complete resolve unless in the case of beliefs, sufficient and concrete evidence is given to contradict my position.

        To summarize: we are not all the same and we are different from psychopaths. Please do not catagorize us as the same

      2. Hi sociopath,

        I quite often say how everyone is different. Just as the population as a whole is different, so are sociopaths. I think that sociopaths can indeed manage their behaviour by having a code of conduct to live to. It sounds like this is what you are doing. However, lying to people is a sign of disrespect. I am sure that you are also controlling too, and this can be destructive.

  2. I tried this test Tuesday, wish I would have read this article first. It warns against trying this if the sociopath is violent, He pretty much beat me to a pulp, thank God the neighbour called the police (first time anyone has done this for me) He is now charged and he has a restraining order to stay away from me.

    1. I am sorry that you have been through this lost :(… This is why it is not recommended for someone who is violent. In those circumstances you need to go through legal channels as you have done, keeping yourself safe is always No1 priority!

  3. I have been in a relationship with a sociopath for 15+ years. I have lost everything that I ever had. Anytime I ever had money, he helped spend it. He cheated off and on throughout our relationship and because I was so dependent on him, I stayed. He never physically harmed me, but there are times now that I question my own sanity. He has invoked a profound anger in me and a bitterness that is hard to shake. I am an attractive woman and the women that he always chose to pursue were much less than what am in the appearance department. I always felt that he would choose these women to give them some sense that he was wonderful and saving them or allowing them to have the attention of a man. Over the years when we would have our times of disconnection he always did just enough to keep me coming back. I moved out in March because of another woman and I have been miserably living with my grown daughters and granddaughter. He told me many times that I didn’t have to worry about my things that were stacked in the spare bedroom…they were fine. I left them up until yesterday when he said more mean things to me than I could stand. I drove to his house (I am using his truck, because I have no car) and started unloading the room… he never once came in to see if I needed anything or any help. When he did talk to me, he had no emotion whatsoever regarding the fact that 15 years was coming to an end and that I was actually taking my things from his house. I am in a position because we lived in an 1800 sq ft home that I don’t know where to put all the things that I had. Again, I lose….I have to get rid of things.
    I have found that many of the traits he possesses are so emotionally damaging to those around him and all the while he is convincing that it is all for the other person. He steals, lies, cheats, twists the truth, and has angry outbursts when he is confronted with the way he treats others. If he doesn’t like the conversation and the content, he states: “This conversation is over”…. He is a control freak, if he wants something, he will find a way to get it, but once he does, he will never take care of it. He has crazy ideas that he is going to start businesses and that he is going to make his own way financially, (and probably could) but never follows through or puts anything into motion. He is constantly starting new projects and rarely finishes them….He avoids opening his mail, avoids paying bills, has not filed income tax in the entire 15 years I have known him, has not managed to pay the property tax on his home this year…and quite frankly I believe that he is waiting for the death of his parents to see if he will get anything out of that. Everything is a big show for him….has to impress others, or try to and likes to toot his own horn. Eventually everything that he does, fails. I am going to seek counseling to try my best to get back on my feet again… At this point, I am devastated, lost and not sure where to turn for anything. It would be so easy to let him put his arms around me and make me feel that false sense of security again because I have done it for so long. When that is all you have because you have done it for so many years, it just feels right and where you are supposed to be. I want so badly to expose him, and I try to ward off others when he tries sucking them into his web. I have met a couple of the other women and actually gotten them to see him for what he is, but often times it has been at the expense of my own emotions. Anyone in this type of a relationship….get out….get professional help, and don’t look back. Never look back even if there were some really sweet moments. They were not REAL.

    1. thank you. I feel like some of your words are my own. But I am 10 years and 2 kids in and I know NONE of it feels real and I’ve been saying it for years that I wanna get out… for a while I’ve been saying I will wait till my kids get a little older. but omg. your story makes me want to RUN. smh

      1. Run. I am divorcing after 21 torturous years to someone I now recognize is a sociopath. I recognized too late the damage it has done to my children. I was getting divorced ten years in and I was convinced to try Marriage counseling as a solution because of my children. I should have focused on getting them away from him. I don’t want to rehash every hurt as I am moving past that but if you are sure that he is what he is, prepare yourself and run.

      2. Thank u Elsa. He just hid a box cutter inside on my bra drawer.
        Smh I am ready to move on its just I cant believe I believed a LIE for so long… Let aline loved a sociopath/bipolar hateful person. It has changed me in ways that I never imagined. I guess it sorta woke me/shook me up to the ugliness of the world. God bless you and thank u

    2. Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing your experiences – they were my experiences too! I felt so empowered listening to your story – we have been separated for almost 7 months and somedays you do want those ‘love bombing’ moments but remember they are not real or genuine! Counselling has been an enormous help to me and the support of my family and friends.
      As I prepare for the birth of my child – which he has no interest in at all (he has moved on to his next victim who like you mentioned is plainer and slightly desperate) I take a deep breath and know that my son will NEVER see that behaviour as ‘normal’! Keep strong my friend

    3. Wow Karen you were ?married to a true sociopath, my eyes open up after 10 yrs married. They are parasites, you try to make thing work, but they drain you on all levels..

    4. Holy heck! I feel like I’m reading about MY life with MY husband, pretty much word for word! I’m beginning to think he really is a sociopath..

    5. I hope that at this writing, things have come together for you. I want you to know how your story has helped me see things much clearer in my own circumstances. Hopefully, I have your courage to finally change my things in my life.

  4. I was married to a sociopath for 20 yrs. Was very young when we met and vulnerable to his humor, charms, gifts, etc. The abuse started as soon as we married. We had 3 children while he built his business as a psychologist. He Filed for divorce without notice while all our kids were teenagers. After our divorce was finalized, he chose how much he would pay for child support, leaving me without sufficient funds to support our children; I had to get a second job to pay for our bills while he sued me to lower support payments (lied about his earnings and was making over $250,00/yr). Cashed-in our sons’ college funds to buy himself a house. Then, was informed he was a homosexual, had told our children 2 yrs after our divorce and made them promise not to tell me. Several yrs ago, he lost his license due to sexual misconduct with clients. Was told that his sexual escapades occurred throughout most of our marriage. Our dgt became suicidal, and one of our sons now has mental health issues. All of these events have taken quite a toll on me, to say the least. But, I persevered, have a good career, and put my children first and tried to shield them from their father’s behavior.

    My kids are now all in their 20′s. Two of them idolize their father; my youngest son has basically ceased contact with me, for no logical reason. He seduces them with money, gifts, etc. He has shown no remorse for the harm he caused our family, clients, employees, etc. My question is, do I tell my children about his past behavior, or just wait until they ask (if ever). No one who knows about my ex can understand why my children want a relationship with him. And, I have been judged quite harshly for staying married to him, although I was unaware of his behavior until after the divorce.

    Any comments, feedback, would much appreciated.

    1. OMG. 1st of all I am so sorry for all that you went through! I am happy however that you established your independence. (Good for you) As far as telling the children… I would just simply show the children this post. If they love you and honor you as their mother then hopefully no matter how much they praise their dad they will see you as more than “just mom” You are a real woman with feeling and shouldn’t be made to feel like less because of all that you had to endure trying to keep your family together… DESPITE all of his bullshyt. It’s sad that these people exist but they are out there. And if I were you, I’d start SPEAKING OUT way more about it because your story is helping me and I am sure it will help countless others. Think of it this way… would you ever want any of your children or ppl that you love to end up with someone like your ex?

  5. Him/Her maybe? It always astounds me how women scream sexism until being sexists suit thier needs. I am in a relationship with a woman whom I would desribe as above. It is difficult for men to come away from these things because “big boys aren’t supposed to cry”.

    Reading through this article hammers home the idea that only men are the problem and women are always the victims – even when the problem stems from them – ‘men gotta (sic) be nice’.

    1. It doesn’t hammer the idea that only men are the problem. I don’t get paid for this!! This was my personal blog that I only started in Feb, I had no idea that it would be so popular, or that men would visit my site. I was writing as I observed the behaviour, and the ones I write about are HE!! When I realised that it was popular, and that guys had also read this blog, I wrote the article http://datingasociopath.com/2013/05/22/dating-a-female-sociopath/ where i made it quite clear that it could apply to either sex, really the only difference is society and expectations in society. Men are also more seduced by sex than women. Since then, articles are written gender neutral, which is difficult to write – and not as easy to read!! …. I am sure that if you can recognise the person that you are with who is female from this post, then it isn’t too far talking about men!! I have more than 90 posts – which are between 1000 – 2500 words long. One day, when I put this into a book (which I have started to do) it is being changed to gender neutral. It is a very big task…. if you read recent posts you will see that they are written as far as I can, gender neutral. recent posts – (look at the front page) – its gender neutral, the post you are commenting on was one of the earlier posts!

  6. Very interesting. I do find it somewhat offensive, however, that the article automatically assumes that the male in the relationship is the sociopath. I’m a man, and I’m starting to think that my wife is a sociopath. She has violent rages where she throws things around, or throws them at me, hitting, screaming at the top of her lungs and cursing in her native language (not English). One time, she managed to punch me in the nose, causing a massive nose bleed. I had two black eyes for the next two weeks. She often threatens to hurt herself. She’s quick to anger, and slow to calm down, especially during her worst episodes. Often I can get her to calm down with the promise of an expensive purse (Gucci, Louis Vuitton or Burberry). Or if I promise to send $1,000 to her parents, which has been happening a lot lately. She has her own circle of friends, but I find that I don’t have any friends outside of work. She doesn’t like my family, and after my Aunt visited recently, she told me she doesn’t want to have any more visitors from my family. We are in the process of moving, and will be visiting my family for two weeks until we settle in to our new home located in another part of the country. She doesn’t like that we will be visiting them, and complains about it regularly. A few times it has sent her into a violent rage, where she referred to my Mom as a b***h several times.

    When she’s not angry, she can be very sweet and playful. She has a really sweet smile. That’s what I fell in love with.

    I’m in the military, so I can’t really discuss this with any of my co-workers. In the military, someone who shows that they have an unstable family life will not go very far, because it’s assumed that they are unable to lead troops.

    I’m not too sure how I can get out of this situation. I’ve been considering divorce, but I would be the first person in my family to get one. My wedding vows included the line “‘Till death do us part”, which has me wondering if suicide might be the answer. She’s ruining my life, my career and my relationship with friends and family. I don’t see any other way out of this…..

    1. I would not worry about being the first in your family to be divorced. The longer you spend with someone like this the harder it is to leave. Would you want her to be a mother to your children? What would she treat them like? You have to think about your future. As far as the military goes she sounds like she could cause trouble if you have a clearance.

  7. I stumbled onto this blog by accident. I am amazed by how these experiences mirror my own. I left a crippling relationship three years ago. I moved into a small unfinished fixer upper house that I had purchased years ago. I have been doing a lot of the work myself and it has been a lifesaver. I still miss that poisoned relationship at times, But I’m working hard at getting over it.

  8. Wow this article is amazing the father of my daughter has this condition hes controlling and gets jealous of every guy/man I know including my dad and family members, I left him a couple Weeks ago and hes playing Mr nice again. So my family hardly belive me they think im being mean to him. At this point I cant be with him anymore its to much but im concerned about my daughter would he hurt her? Should I request a restraining order? hes very responsible when it comes to her but he always puts her as an excuse to talk to me but I dont fall for that anymore.

  9. My experience with children involved…his not mine…his daughter he treats with kid gloves. He is so nice and sweet to his daughter that it is sickening. With his boys he tries to show them that he’s really “cool”….he is NOT! He doesn’t want his family to know how sick he is and at times has even told me to stay away from his family. He knows I will share his ugly truth. I must say…get whatever you can either in writing or pictures…document everything and date it. Good luck, I was diagnosed with PTSD because of 16 years with him. Get out…don’t look back!

  10. ohh my god!!!!after reading all your stories i feel totally lost and sad…because he’s completely changed my way of life.I’ve been married for the past 2 years and once even got a black eye which was shut for 15 days!!! I wanted to leave then but he kept me coming back…i tried your test unknowingly and he threw huge suitcases towards me and banged my head on the wall.This marriage was against my parents will and i dont know how to go back.I’m extremely hurt and have too muster up the courage to stand on my feet again.

    1. This is why I say that it is not recommended for someone who is violent. Now that you know the truth you need to get out safely. Do you have people around you for support? Someone who can help you to leave safely?

      If he is violent – do not play games. Do not let him know that you are leaving or where you are going. Make sure that you have things that are important to you. So that you do not need to return (birth certs, passport, mobile phone, access to bank accounts) as soon as you leave cancel joint bank accounts. Go careful with internet or phone anything that he could track you to see where you are going.

      Getting out safe is the most important. If you do not have support if you have been isolated from everyone, look up if there is a local domestic violence project in your area. If he has been violent towards you, this will not change. Please get out safely.

  11. Grammy. My problem is my grand daughter she is quick to anger, and manupliate, I thought is was just me because she was hurt because no one else would take her in because she was pregnant. Well she met a great man and they were married about a month ago, she is trying to control his life the way she has been doing to me. She keeps inviting his best friend over when her husband is at work, and flirts openly with him in front of her mother in law. The other night the friend fell asleep and she had her husband go to bed and she sat all night by the friend. I am so ashamed, she seems to justify her behavior. I did not realize she was so bad. I always felt her bad behavior was because she lost her father to brain cancer when she was six, he was my son. I just am at a loss. I did tell her if she was unhappy in her marriage to leave, I rented the house for them, but he says in the house because she can not hold a job, and according to her it never her fault. Heart sick.

    1. Hi sally, no doubt you feel a sense of responsibilty and also sadness thatb your granddaughter is like this. Especially since the loss of your son many years ago. However only she can be responsible for her behaviour. Ok her father died when she was young. But she shouldn’t use this to justify her behaviour.

      Also this is not your fault. It sounds as of you care deeply about her. And her actions have caused you to feel shame and hurt. Remember that we are all responsible for ourselves in life. You cannot be responsible for her. Many of us have had rough childhoods and do not use this as an excuse for treating others badly. If she feels this way perhaps she would benefit from counselling. You know it’s ok to love her but to not love her behaviour. Seperate the two things. If you can. You do not say how young she is? Do you think that this is perhaps a sense of immaturity?. If it all goes wrong because of her actions. Remind her that it is her own actions that have caused this and perhaps she needs to resolve it.

      Sometimes you have to distance yourself from someone. Make it clear whilst you love her. You find her behaviour disrespectful. Bear in mind nothing you can do will change her or her behaviour you can only change your reactions towards her behaviour.

  12. It still blows my mind to read of other people’s experiences and understand that this type of psychiatric pathology exists. I was shocked to discover the details of my ex-husbands manipulation, lies, and alternate lives. The best policy by far is “no contact”. Despite his maneuvering via the legal system to continue to play a role in my life, I have been much clearer with my thought pattern and plan of action in my life. Best of luck to all!

  13. My friends and family didnt like him and saw him as a liar and parasite. . I felt sorry for him and excused his behaviour and drinking due to his sad life stories and the trauma he went through when his wife and child were killed by a drunk driver . Thought it strange tho he drank and drove esp with me in the car . He always questioned me if I was with another man and accused me of lying . He told me I was the love of his life and wanted to marry me . He said noone would love me like he did and if i left him i would end up old and lonely .After 4 yrs of me not giving in to marry him he found someone else behind my back – an exnun would u believe ! As soon as she said yes to marry him his “love’ for me completely stopped – he didnt want anything to do with me – he just went from hot to cold instantly . Still never believed he was a sociopath until I found out his wife and child were not killed and are alive ! He told that story many times and cried each time – OMG – what a good liar . So many other things he said were more than likely lies too . My friend who had known sociopaths picked it when she met him, why didnt I listen ! I wrote his new wife a letter , which she read – hope she sees through him and is saved years of unhappiness .

      1. My daughters sociopathic ex-boyfriend faked having terminal cancer. I got suspicious when she told me he never had surgery, chemo or radiation. Then he started making trips to Mexico and wouldn’t take her. He said he was going for alternative Cancer treatments, yet he took his single buddy with him and they stayed at a 5 star resort. He is pathetic, and thank god she initiated no contact a few weeks ago. He is 46 she is 25.

  14. My husband of 9 yrs exactly now the new victim is wealthy and also married.I m in eureka ca. RUSSELL ll mark Thomas. Hers. Christie Ann peters she’s forging PitBull bites his cert service dog. Federal crime. And I did brake free I told him “I have no more respect for him don’t touch me again. Blew. Up.

  15. Run rabbit run run run. – that’s what I’ve done. Or rather he couldn’t find a job in our town in SA and had to go 1,100Km to find work. I point blank refused to leave Town, My excuse- I have grandchildren and am NOT leaving. That was 2010.
    I had a nervous breakdown in 2008 after living abroad with him for three and a half years. He abused me for most of our time together, mentally and physically. He is a big man with hands like spades. I had broken ribs. Blue swollen eyes, blue jaws. He spied on my phone, knew all I was doing and going, he down graded my looks and my personality, my clothes. He spiked my drinks.
    Then one day I bought a book. Read it and hid it away and then I started very innocently , to do the same to him. Cold and calculating and mean, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
    When he made remarks. I turned on him, what his face and big neck looks like, his fat drooping ass. His big ball of a tummy.

    He, I could see was amused. I kept on with it and soon he stopped it. When he hit me again – I slipped into a mad rage. I had a nervous breakdown on the plane on my way back home. (Had to come back my father of 90 got ill). He still said we all (my family) made it up, its a lie.
    When I got home I went to see a Dr and was sent to a Gov Hosp for a month, I was litterally locked up in there. He followed when he heard and wanted to take over my bank acc’s and bond. Lied to my psychiatrist, he so good at lying and manupilated the poor young inexperienced woman Doctor, and she believed all his lies. Sic ,,
    Then he came home for good from overseas, then the drinking got worse. Started to abuse me again
    I turned on him. I did the same. I hit him I pushed him I scratched him. Scarred his face. I was so aggressive, couldn’t stop myself. He was so scared of me then, when I move closer to him when he yelled at me, he begged me not to come close and hit him. . And that made me felt Good. Sorry NOT the right thing to DO. But I wanted to pay him back for the misery heart ache abuse and all he did to me!!!
    Today, 3 years later, I am a happy woman, I made lots of friends, have a friend, he is a lovely person and what a pleasure to be with a person who has the same personality every day. Always the same good caring loving person.
    How did I see this website. I bought the Longevity edition IX 2013, magazine. The article “The Pathology of Sociopathy – The Wolf among the Sheep was excellent describing THEM !!
    “In Martha Stout’s book -(she is a clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School) – The Sociopath Next Door – she describes them as people lacking in guilt and remorse in relation to other people’s rights. — someone with little’ if no, conscience. For the sociopath, people are pieces on a chessboard, objects strategically moved as means to an end for sexual, financial or social gain; they give little regard to the effects or aftermath of their actions.
    Sociopaths learn from an early age to mimic normal emotional responses. It is this crefully crafted, chamelion-like nature that makes them the perfect boyfriend, the loyal friend, and the primary reason why it is so difficult to disegage from a sociopath: they’re an untouchable breed of radiant.
    My wish for you all, leave them as soon as possible. May this help you to recover after your ordeals, and to love yourself again, like I do now!, and be a happy person again.
    Eli. God bless

  16. Such horrific stories and I could add a few, I was married to a sociopath for 20 years I really believed I was the crazy one after a strange chain of events I had a window of opportunity to get him to leave. I could never leave him as he threatened I would never see the kids and be destitute as it was I was pretty socially isolated and had no access to bank accounts. I have tried to be amicable but known deep down I should have totally severed the cord there and then but have now. Masie above is right and certainly the best advice I would give to. Breaking all contact has given me full closure on all the crappy abusive events of the past and he can no longer show up at the door with his nice guy win you over smile. Although I am concerned for my 18 year old and 15 year old daughter. As it is my 18 year old has endured abuse physical and mental from him. It was actually her who raised it to me that he was a sociopath. I had spent so many years trying to make him happy and protect the kids from his anger outburst and just get through the day with the help of alcohol that I couldn’t see the trees for the forest. She takes or leaves him, but my 15yr old just has a beautiful personality and cant see the bad in anybody, and I am deeply concerned that she will be his next victim although she is not blind to his faults or the abuse I have suffered. I am treating both the girls as adults and allowing them to sort their own relationship with their dad as they see fit. They both have mobiles to communicate with him. I don’t think he cares about them at all but will need to be seen to do the right thing, although hasn’t seen much of them at the moment he is being totally charming to her at the end of the day he is her father but I am concerned. If he mistreats her I really don’t think I can be held accountable for my actions. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. As someone who co-parents with a person who has several (okay, all) traits of a NS, it’s very difficult to try and “protect” your children. If you keep them from the NS, to protect them from the abusive behavior, your keeping them from said parent. If you let them be with the NS, you didn’t “protect” them from their abuse. Either way you lose. I think it depends on the age of the child and what they witnessed first hand. Sometimes the children have to learn first hand, the difference between your house and a NS house, no matter how much you try to protect them from it. I had a very high attorney bill, obviously the court didn’t care either. Best wishes.

    2. Hi titanium, welcome to the site!! :)

      Must be tough for you, that you have broken contact, but then having the concerns and the worries for your daughters. Sociopaths are selfish and think only of themselves. It think they see their children as their own possessions. I expect you know this. As your daughters are getting older. They will make decisions for themselves. And if you stopped them from seeing their father, he would only turn this around on you.

      1. No I don’t really know to much about sociopaths. It was clear from honeymoon 20yrs ago that my husband was a very difficult man to please and keep happy and I couldn’t do anything right with out meals been thrown at walls or doors kicked. It’s only now things have become crystal clear and the realization that he was a sociopath with high intelligence, the king of manipulation and charm used to his advantage from people he could get something from, that I have real closure on our relationship and confident in the fact that I am not crazy. Yes I was aware that courts aren’t really interested and as my daughter 15 needs to make her own choices at least my head is in a good space now to monitor things. I didn’t mention I had a 13 year old boy but it is the only thing I allow my husband to txt me over what time he picks him up. It was near impossible to even set this up but was quite clear that my husband deals with me over him or provides me with a parenting plan. He has complied but my sons relation ship very different with his dad than my middle child. He treats his son more as a friend and best buddy talking about all sports. So thanks for the advice. So is it good or bad that he see the kids as possessions? because he was never that interested in the middle child or even son when they where born it was all about the eldest. I was shut out not let in emotionally at all he convinced her I didn’t love her. He was always so over the top with her and she became quite a difficult attention seeking child and she does have some odd personality traits as she got older her dad and her used to gang up against me and he used to always agree with everything she said it was a real double whammy, the other 2 are fine but then he just wasn’t in their life as much as infants/kids. He wasn’t interested in them much. It was the eldest that pointed out her dads sociopathic behaviour because she could identify with some traits so am not concerned about her, just the middle one. Also for the record my eldest knows it was all wrong siding with him but easier to be on the winning team with her dad and we have an excellent relationship now she knows I love her and has been a real tower of strength to me. She to has had counselling.

  17. Also I my 15year old is aware that other houses were not like ours used to be and that other dads weren’t like theirs. They never understood why I never left. so do have insight and guess this is reassuring that he will not manipulate her.

  18. Wow…my husband meets all of these criteria!! I’M DONE!!! …and we just got married July 17th….OF THIS YEAR!!! 5 1/2 months and this behavior came with a vengenance, little things happenned in the past but I shrugged it off, but not now…gotta get out

  19. My ex-husband was a classic sociopath. I know that now and suspect his father is also a sociopath. I was targeted because I had access to something he wanted and a great job. Now I am on an invalids benefit, because his maniputlation and abuse drestroyed my career and my health. His father’s lawyer basically saw that I got as little as possible out of the marital split. I got something, but lost what really mattered to me. My friends had tried to warn me, but I had also had a sociopathic boss as well who was exploiting me too. I finally escaped after he threatened to murder my grandmother, he had already made two attempts on my life after my career went down the gutter.

    I have PTSD from childhood abuse as a ward of the state, and this has lead me to be targetted repeatedly by sociopaths.

    I met a Pastor called Brent Jones (Christ Our Redeemer Anglican Church, Okalahoma City, OK, United States) at a PTSD site. I am a compassionate Christian and felt for him as he told a story of how his mother had been abusive towards him etc (probably lies now me thinks, as she took him to the hospital). Over a period of 4 days he had gone from lovesongs and a promise of marriage latter in the year after we had gotten to know each other better, to telling me I was ‘a bit off’ an unfriending me. I’ve had some othe majar trauma recently and this rollercoaster E-relationship left me very raw. My only guess is that he was bored as he was sick and housebound, and when he couldn’t get any advantage from a relationship with me (He wanted to move country, and get disability benefits here), he moved on to his next victim. The worst part of this is he had me apologising to him repeatedly and trying to contact him.

    I’m generally a ‘strong’ person and don’t like being duped. I don’t know if naming him here and his parish will help anyone. But I can’t bear that another Christian woman would be hurt by him.

    1. Hi Elizabeth, welcome to the site…. if you copy and paste this post onto the http://datingasociopath.com/my-story-tell-your-story/ you will get support from others too.

      I am really pleased to see you here, as I saw you on the PTSD group and was alarmed by your post.

      My thoughts when you said that he had said you were ‘a bit off’…. rang alarm bells. He has said that he also has PTSD yet he called you off? That sounded alarm bells for me. Welcome to the site!! :)

  20. I am currently dating a sociopath yet again….. He lies about any and everything but mostly to benefit himself. He has no remorse for the pain or problems he causes me. He will even say he’s been crying and will try to fake cry but no tears…. He’s currently begging me for one more chance which I will not give him thanks to these posts. He says he’s going to commit suicide and has no reason to live without me. Now he’s rushing to start therapy because I said he needs to get some help. He’s happy and sweet and very lovable and fun to be around until I begin to doubt his lies. He then becomes full of rage and will not stop trying to convince me that he’s telling the truth. He will go to any extent to make me believe him until he is finally pushed against a wall and the truth is obvious. The bigger problem is this, I seem to attract and be attracted to these type of people. When we first meet it is intoxicating we are so much in love. Then I start to see the lies, jealousy and anger. I am an strong person, gainfully employed in the medical field , a very good mother…. I am also very sweet and caring. I have a problem with wanting to help everyone and believing that everyone is generally good until proven other wise. I really don’t want to change that…but I really want a long term healthy relationship. I want to really be loved by someone with the ability to love me in every sense of the word. As we know sociopaths are not capable of this…. So what do I do?

    1. Hi Kimberly,

      Welcome to the site. They love to throw on the waterworks display. I guess you need to ask yourself, why are you attracted to people like this? Is it because they sell you back exactly what you are looking for, by mirroring you, offering you everything that you think is missing in your life? If so, you can change this, by fulfilling those things for yourself, and being happy within yourself. Then you might not want to be with someone like this.

  21. Wow!!! Reading these posts is like reading about my life! I met my husband 5 years ago and married him a 1 1/2 yrs ago. He wooed me and made me feel like the most amazing woman in the world. He was very intense about his love for me and said he was always going to be there for me. But……when he didn’t like something or didn’t get his way he would lose his temper and fly into fits of rage. He would throw things, punch holes in the wall, yell and scream. The list goes on and on. He threatened suicide several times to gain control. He never held a job for more than 4 or 5 months. As a result I have lost all my savings and my house. The latest incident was 6 weeks ago in which I woke up and took control. He was arrested and remains in jail. I am an educated intelligent woman that fell for the master manipulation of a sociopath. They are so skilled it is mind boggling. I have started my life over again but I am safe and have started my journey to recovery. His charm and intense passion makes it confusing and difficult to move on but it is necessary to do in order for me to find happiness and contentment in my life. Thanks for making me feel like I am not alone!

  22. I was for out of a 3 year off and on relationship with my ex-boyfriend he’s in his early forties I’m in my early twenties. We met in church, he was charming, funny, romantic and caring…or so I thought. He acts like he really loves God, but I’m confused why he would be mistreating me I he really loved God.My family didn’t like him from the start. Mainly because he kept playing games with me saying one day he loved me and that I’m the one. A day later or after a stupid argument we had he would say that ” I think we need to just end it.” He had bought me an engagement ring four times when he didn’t have money to get it and still have any left over to pay bills or have money for gas. He accused me of lying to him, being sneaky or deceptive, saying that he needed a godly Christian woman. The only reason I felt like I couldn’t be fully honest with him was because how he reacted was unpredictable. Most of the time he would over react to something that didn’t need to be reacted that way too. He would have violent outbursts is what I mean. Quite a few times when we got back together(we were in a long distance relationship, so he would drive down to pick me up and bring me to his place), I would get in the car, I would be hesitant to say anything. Once we opened up more and felt a bit more comfortable with each other, he would start to talk about the future with me again. Next you know…I began to shake, my whole body was quivering with fear. He would ask “are you cold, I have a jacket in the back.” I tried my best to play it off and say no I’m not cold. I was scared to tell him that I was afraid of him, because of how he’s acted out. Recently he cut off all communication with me for no logical explanation except the fact that he couldn’t stay just friends with me, that it was too hard for him. How would talk about his ex-girlfriends in the past at how “crazy” they were. I feel like it was just the opposite. I think he benefitted from me more because he loved having sex with me more than anything and a lot if time while we were lying next to each other in bed, he said “right now you feel more like a woman more than any other time we spend together.” He was very manipulative, controlling, arrogant, self-center and all the other traits a sociopath has. I could go on about what else has gone on between me and him. But I think everyone gets the idea. Help, I still feel like I want him back at times. Why should I miss someone who has screwed me over for the past three years and probably isn’t even shedding a single tear over me, causing me emotional damage, causing me to second myself and my self worth, and causing my family constant pain and worry for my safety?! :(
    I mean he doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, he goes to church and participates in a church prayer group every week, is there a chance at all that he really did love and care about, that maybe he doesn’t realize that he’s a sociopath?!
    PS: He was my first love.

  23. Wow! You are such a prick Mr. or Ms/Mrs. Author. First of all, sociopaths each have their own code that they live by, we are not all concerned primarily with winning and control nor do we all wish to ruin people. Sociopaths are not cut black and white but scaled on a spectrum of severity. We don’t understand how normal people think in every situation and we enjoy learning about it. The only reason we lie constantly is to avoid persecution based on biased opinions. Sociopathy is not genetic either. So family has nothing to do with it, unlike psychopathy which is genetic. I will admit that you made a few true points. But saying “all sociopaths do ….” Is like saying every mexican is part of a cartel or that every American is stupid compared to the rest of the world. It simply isn’t true.

    1. Thanks for calling me a prick. I am female. I don’t even have one.

      But anyway. You say that sociopaths have a code of conduct. This isn’t true. Many have no idea that they are sociopaths. It really depends where your head is at. With regards to childhood. Psychopaths are born that way, sociopaths are made that way. In my experience anyway. I don’t know whether its true that you lie to avoid persecution, that is a bit ridiculous. You lie to manipulate con and deceive, and because – just being yourself, isn’t good enough. Everybody is infallible if only sociopaths could realise that. nobody is perfect, if sociopaths stopped trying to fake being perfect, things might be a bit easier – I think. But maybe I am wrong?

  24. i found out july,, 2013 that myhusband had a double life.we have been together almost 8 yeears now. he has always had anger issues and never accepted any blame. Ifelt he was jealous that my troubled children needed my help and took up too much of my emotional energy. he made me believe that because I didn’t want to marry again, that I didn’t love him; so I married him and I resented him for it because it didn’t make our relationship any better. I talked him into talking to a therapist about his anger issues; he did, things got better but i felt no true intimacy between us and every time we had sex a day or two later, he would find some reason to holler at me. I gave up, quit having sex until i felt he earned my love. 2 years went by with both of us in counseling to make our marriage better; then one day a woman brings me a letter stating that she’s sure he never thought I would find out but that he was cheating on me for 4 years and lying to her. I was devastated as I believed we were getting better it was because he was calling this woman at least 3 times a day and seeing her every chance he got. He quit calling her and I guess then she decides I should know. It has been difficult for him to be truthful and truth always came after a screaming match and proof of his lies. I was diagnosed with cancer a month later and had surgery and chemo. He has been there for me and has tried to showhis love and regret; but because I still feel he is not being truthful totally I can’t get beyond it and wonder if he is a sociopath or just a louse and do I want a man that is capable of such cunning and evil actions and what can I do now, still feeling lousy after chemo and not knowing if this cancer is really gone or will return. I feel devastated and at his mercy.

    1. Hi Kathleen, I am sorry to read what you have been through. Being diagnosed with Cancer must be frightening and traumatic to go through. No doubt you do not want the additional burden of someone who is behaving like a child supporting you. I can’t say whether or not he is a sociopath. What is important is to trust yourself, and your own feelings. How do you feel about yourself when you are with him? There are a few things. Firstly that he has tried through counselling to get some help. And he tried to call it off with the other woman. It is really hard to be able to give an opinion on someone without meeting them, You have to ask the question, how does he make you feel about you? Do you feel good or bad with him? Do you feel energised or drained? Does he make your life better or worse? I think those are the important questions to ask. Labels are not particularly helpful as everyone is different (even sociopaths) some have a heart and some do not. Some want to change, some have no insight, some manage their behaviour, some have no interest in doing so, they are all different, so what is important is how you feel about you.

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