Sociopath Test

Is the sociopath being ‘nice’, are you confused?

So, you have read lots of things on the net, and possibly books about sociopaths. You are still in a relationship with one, and you are just ‘not quite sure if your partner is or not?’, how can you tell?

As soon as you make up your mind that you are dating a psychopathic loon, he changes, and has kind eyes, and a smile. Is kind, caring, thoughtful. So, you question yourself and you wonder if perhaps you have got it wrong?

Just as you were about to pack your bags (or his), he is back to his old charming self. In fact, more so. He is back into seducing mode. The rage has gone, he is trying to win you back, so that you are dependent on him.

Other people wonder, why do you stay? (this causes isolation from friends), after all you were complaining about his behaviour last week.

Perhaps you start reading this, and as you do, and start to assert yourself, he suddenly changes into Mr Perfect again. What you are left with, is confusion.

confusion2

 

You feel confused, because you feel you are with  two people. One whom you love, one who makes you happy, and another who is selfish, self absorbed, self  centred, who will make your life, simply an extension of his.

When going through the hearts and flowers stage, after an awful spell, when you were set to leave,  it is likely that you are going back to stage 2 –

Seducing…..

Remember the code of the sociopath, it is ALWAYS the same (they repeat behaviour over and over).

  • Assessment
  • Seducing
  • Gaming
  • Ruining

The sociopath has already  assessed that you are not happy, and that you are likely to leave. Which would mean that he is about to lose his source of supply. So, he resorts back to seducing mode…. to keep you captive.

What can you do to discover the truth?

If you are in confusion, and you identify with so many posts on this page, but are confused, is this person actually a sociopath, as right now they are being, nice, kind, helpful, thoughtful….. one thing will test whether this person is a sociopath.

Underneath the calm facade of the sociopath mask, is an angry narcissistic person, a person who is desperate for control. A person who sees you as part of himself. He can quite easily switch back to seducing mode, to lure you back in, if he feels that his prey is about to escape. After all, a sociopath never wants to lose source for supply, not before he has another willing victim lined up.

What you need to do is the following.

TEST HIM! 

If he is acting really reasonable, kind, calm, loving, seducing, hearts and flowers –   test him. Say something to him which takes away his control over you. Assert your rights, demand your freedom and your independence.

This can be ANYTHING which is for YOU, that DOESN’T include him.

The sociopath has narcissistic rages, which it cannot stop, or contain, when he feels that he is losing control. Remember that to the sociopath two things are more important than anything –

1. Winning

2. Control

IMPORTANT – This is NOT advisable for those involved with sociopaths who are violent!! If you are in a violent relationship – seek advice from a women’s aid project in your area, to leave safely. Never place yourself in danger. The ONLY advice for those in relationships with someone who is physically abusive, is to get out, but to leave in a way that is safe, and planned.

Witnessing the mask slipping

If the sociopath feels that he does not have total control over you, you will witness very quickly, the narcissist rage occur. You will see that the kind, helpful, caring, thoughtful person (that you had been telling him he wasn’t) will vanish, and in his place, will be a man who is angry, who becomes desperate for control. He will do and say anything to re-establish control over you and your life. His reaction will be very intense. This is the REAL character. This is real person, without the mask.

It really is quite that simple. If you are thinking, perhaps you have it wrong? Maybe, I was wrong? Yes, he has done bad things in the past, but he is just so nice and charming NOW – if you are thinking, maybe it was just a blip. Test him.

Confusion is simply a state of mind. Often the sociopath will do acts which deliberately confuse you. This can make you feel that that you are to blame. Nobody stays in confusion forever. So, take back the control, and test him.

In a NORMAL HEALTHY relationship, your partner will be happy for you to have a life of your own. In a normal healthy relationship, your partner will encourage you to grow.  In a healthy relationship your partner will encourage career progression and be happy for you to see friends and family and anything else which helps you to grow. A healthy partner will not feel threatened by external influences in your life.

  • A healthy relationship loves, but does not stifle
  • It cares, but does not contain
  • It offers freedom, but not restriction
  • Is honest, and not deceptive
  • Is supportive and not disruptive

If the person reacts, in a normal way, perhaps a bit of jealousy, perhaps this person isn’t a sociopath. But if you witness a full narcissistic rage, you will see exactly the person that you had witnessed before. You will be surprised to witness again the one which caused you confusion. Remember that this is the real person. This is the person inside, behind the charismatic mask. The person on the outside, the charisma, the charm, the kindness, caring, is really just an illusion.

If you are with a sociopath, who is being on his best behaviour and trying to lure you back into the relationship. If you are experiencing confusion, not really knowing is he/isn’t he? do the simple test. Press his buttons and see how he reacts. If the person is a sociopath, quickly you will witness the narcissistic rage – and you will witness the sociopath behind the charismatic mask.

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

151 thoughts on “Sociopath Test”

  1. I love reading all these comments, it’s a pity I didnt come across this site before I ended it so therefore I won’t be given the chance to test him. I don’t have a choice now because he’s blocked me and I’m not going go attempt to contact him! One of the last conversations went something like this (cutting it short) him to me ‘aren’t you talking to me? (Out of the blue we had said bye at least four times and had gone about 3 weeks without contact he had moved on in around three or so weeks after last sleeping with me) I replied ‘why wouldn’t I be talking to you? Apparently he had tried texting me ‘to see how you are’ but I had changed my number. After a few txt of him saying ‘remember when we did this, remember when we did that? I was waiting for you to come back from America, when you left you said to have a think about stuff and to let you know what I wanted, it was us but I never knew if u got back safe or not!’ (The night before he had hit someone for dancing with me, and I was sat in that flight in floods of tears because head called me a dirty little tramp just the night b4 for dancing with this guy, now here he was telling me he loved me not less than 12 hours later!) the day after I got back from America is when I found out about the new girl, no wonder I didn’t hear a thing off him those two weeks I was away, he was buttering up some other poor girl) I said ‘no you were not waiting for me I know u and u would have contacted me all day everyday if u had wanted to know how I was so much!’

    When we first met online and was just in the talking stage, I went away on holiday the day after, for a week and it didn’t stop the messages coming in thick and fast then, what was so different now? Someone better, a new challenge that’s whst was different! I was getting boring, he had got me hooked yes I had finished it but it didn’t mean I wanted to I just knew he didn’t really want me! there was nothing left to fight or pretend for anymore. Anyway he then goes on to say ‘Im just gonna throw it out there, I still fancy the arse off you if there’s any chance of us I want to really make us work’ and he threw me his number. I said ‘i would love to but considering you moved on in less than two weeks I can’t forgive you or believe a word you say it will never work’ he then actually replied….’what have I done?’ He seriously asked me that question!!!!! ‘How do you know it won’t work? (Is this guy for real??) I said ‘I don’t trust you and never will again, so just go back to your girlfriend’ he said ‘it’s a sham, I haven’t spoken to her in three days!’ I said ‘finish it then, cause your doing to her what you did to me, using and abusing’ he said ‘I will finish it’ the next day I see him in the car with her! a week later I get another message ‘I’m single!’ If there’s any chance of us I feel ready for a new chapter in my life without any drama’ I said ‘with you there will always be drama and again I can’t forgive you I’ll never trust you, you wouldn’t forgive me and besides I’m now seeing someone’ his reply ‘ok fair enough’ then in a separate message not a second later ‘your seeing someone?’ Me ‘yeah I am’ ‘ok I’m gonna go now cause I can feel myself getting wound up, I’ll block and delete everything of you, enjoy your fella I hope he does it for you,now it’s all about me f girls what’s the point if you can’t have who you want? Cheers I thought u were different!’ I said ‘after everything you put me through and what you did to me, you can’t expect me to sit in my bedroom and be heartbroken forever, that’s not fair a part of me will always love you’ he then asked me ‘honestly do u still want me?’ I can’t help but be honest and my reply is one I’ll always regret….’yes I do but it’s done it’ll never work’ he then said ‘ok there you go then we wanna be together but can’t, enjoy your fella. And that was it I was blocked in everything. The following week I found a note on my car wishing me a happy birthday and that he can’t stop thinking of me. I drove passed him the next day (not sure if he saw me but he looked at me he was in his car but it was dark so not sure he actually saw me or not) if he did he went the opposite way and I havent seen or heard ANYTHING since.

    I hope I got my test answered in all that long ass story though, he lied about wanting me again, when he knew he had lost control he turned a bit nasty and felt sorry for himself by saying ‘you have moved on and you’ll be happy and I’ll be forgotten’ fat chance of me ever forgetting him though, I wish I could!!!

    What does everyone else think? Did I get my answer there? Or was it just a young lad being a young lad? My story gets even more ridiculous see, I’m 29 (28 when we met) he was 23 (24 when we were seeing each other) with two very young kids. One day I will find this laughable, I really should have known better!

    1. he is absolutely sociopath. I had exactly same experience. I was so surprised when i read your story since i felt as if there are identically same guy i met.
      I’m still hurt and difficult to get over from the experience. the best way is run away from him as faras you can.
      you can’t change him whatever you do.
      I could recommend books ‘victim of love’
      if you really can’t avoid contacting him read ‘who is pushing your button’ to remind that you have to have control.
      however I’m warning you never ever go back to him otherwise you can’t get out of from the deep desperate nightmare confusion.

  2. Ahhh spoke too soon when I said I hadn’t seen or heard for a couple weeks just saw his car! Yes his car….not him his car and I’m an absolute mess! He’s literally round the corner at his moms and I’m here sobbing while my 6 year old niece is eating her tea. What the hell have I become? This is not normal.

    1. Aw diggs, its better out than in. Tears are healing. I know that this hurts right now. It must be so tough to be so close to where his mother lives.

      I know that you are hurting, but try to stay strong this, if you can get through this day, you can get through another day too!! :)

      1. I have never experienced anything like this in my life and I don’t know which way to turn. After a very very loving 9 year relationship with my ex fiancé my one and only real relationship I have never really had my heartbroken, let alone by someone like him. It’s hard, I found him so attractive, the best looking guy who’s EVER looked twice at me and I thought I had hit the jackpot. Until he steered me down a path I knew was wrong and dropping hints to colour my hair because I would look ‘hot’. AND guess what muggings here coloured her naturally blonde hair and is now in the process of getting it back to blonde from a dark dark brown. Don’t get me wrong it looked nice nit why did I do that for HIM and not for me? My hair was my pride and joy and its now so badly damaged from stripping and colouring I had to have a fair bit cut off. I was desperate after it ended to try and get me back. I have always been blonde or medium blonde and I did whatever made him happy :0( I know I’m going off on all types of subjects but today I’m having a very messed up day. If you do get a chance positive I would love to see what you think of my comment on ‘the test page’ I mention him playing the victim and feeling sorry for himself then being angry to asking me if I still want him etc the last time we spoke. Thank you so much in advance

  3. My ex-sociopath’s nick-name from me was Dr. Jekel / Mr. Hide. He was and is exactly the person described above…to the T!!!!! It took me 5 years, a black eye and an order of protection to realize how INSANE HE was and how I helped him continue in his insanity. But I am free & sane!!!! I am victorious

  4. Thank god for this website!
    My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. I’ve only found this website today and I feel such a whilwind of emotions but mostly I’m glad to know I’m not insane and there’s a way to regain my life.
    I guess I figured out on some level that a person who seems to have 2 personalities can only have one true one and wanted to see which one it was. This was my version of the “test”, if I may call it that, as I only read this article 3 minutes ago.
    That day I told my now ex she’d hurt my feelings by saying a certain thing and all I wanted is acknowledgement, like any normal person would do, even if they don’t mean to hurt you and it’s a misunderstanding, some sort of clarification like “I’m sorry this came out wrong, I didn’t mean to hurt you, it was just a joke”. This was all I wanted to hear, but instead I got a bunch of accusations of not being able to see the humour and that I needed to grow up. I informed her she’d hurt my feelings, whether intentionally or not, it’s not about her now. She read the message but didn’t reply until the following morning and the reply was “sorry I was too busy at work and couldn’t reply” then proceeded like nothing happened about something totally unrelated. I was still quite upset but didn’t want to bring back the argument. At the same time I didn’t feel like letting go as I was still hurt so I guess I was a bit cold the next couple of days trying to figure things out.
    In the meantime she was being super cheerful and light and fun and the complete opposite of her usual self. I kept thinking that maybe we were just not meant to be and I couldn’t give her what she wanted so I still wanted to have some sort of a serious talk to clear the air and maybe have a better understanding of each other’s needs.
    So that one evening I asked if she could tell me what made a good partner in a relationship. I wasn’t surprised when her answer was all about her expectations of what I should be and not what she can give me or what we can mutually do for each other, I’m saying I wasn’t surprised because I knew she was quite a selfish person but I kept making excuses for her in my head telling myself it was all due to her difiicult childhood and an abusive mother (haha, classic!). So I did point out that I sort of expected to hear a more overall answer not just one sided about what I must be and she said I had barely talked to her for a couple of days and now was asking weird questions and that it wasn’t nice of me so she was going to bed, so I replied that I felt we needed to know each other better if we were still having such misunderstandings and one can make a comment that feels like a slap on the face to the other. She acted like she genuinely did not know what I was talking about and asked “Did I make such a comment?” and that was something that had only happened 2-3 days prior. I was in shock I didn’t know whether she was playing a game or actually my feelings mean so little she would forget our fight so quickly and easily. I replied with a dry “Yes.” and we didn’t speak more that evening.
    We were both working and weren’t living together so would spend all our time texting and chatting on the phone when not physically together. This may not seem like a serious relationship to some but I had developed serious feeling for her over a few months and even let location prevail over other perks when choosing between 2 job offers, I picked the one closer to where she lived. So the next day was a Tuesday and we were going to chat in the evening as we both had work in the morning. We didn’t normally see each other unless one of us was off (99% of the time it was me spending my days off at hers and that led to me not having seen any of my friends for months but that’s a whole other story) so that evening I happened to be too busy until it got late and she went to bed. I explained it and she seemed to understand, no negative feelings expressed and the following morning she asked how the situation resolved and even complimented me so it didn’t seem like an issue.
    We assumed we would speak that night, it must’ve been around 5 p.m. when she asked if I wanted to talk and I said that sure and that I’d be available at 9-ish. To which she immediately replied something like “Ah, never mind then”. I did want to talk as I missed her voice and was confused as I knew she wasn’t working that evening but thought maybe she had other plans and I asked why and did she want to talk or not because I did but not now (I was at work) and that is when the rage came out. And when I say rage I mean RAGE. She told me I didn’t seem interested, I’d chosen “chores” over talking to her the night before (weren’t chores but somewhat of an emergency and she seemed understanding the night before), that I clearly didn’t care about her. The rest of the evening I spent foolishly trying to work things out, apologising and telling her I cared, the next morning started with me saying all she did was make me cry because the more upset I seemed to get the night before the more she seemed to enjoy herself. I told her I wished she knew how to give and accept unconditional love (not proud of that one, shouldn’t have said it) The word “love” acted like a drop of blood to a shark. We’d never said to each other “I love you” so what she heard revealed to her that she had control and could play with me a bit more. For a minute she acted all soft and said she wanted to get past this. I thought it meant she was open for discussion and I asked her what “feeling important” that she always talked about meant to her because I frankly felt I was doing quite a lot already. She told me to stop acting stupid and that it didn’t suit me. Asked in a sarcastically concerned manner if she was my first girlfriend because I didn’t seem to know anything about women etc. it went on and on. It reminded me of being beaten to death, not that it’s ever happened to me, thankfully, but I felt like I was in tears confessing my feelings to someone and already down on the ground completely destroyed I’d look up at the face of my tormentor only to see their victorious smile before they deliver the last blow. Sorry for being so dramatic but I felt physical pain and did not see her willing to compromise and say let’s not hurt each other, let’s treat each other with respect. She would say things like “How many times do I have to apologise?” and I’m not very proud of reacting to that but I did reply “Once would have been enough” because I was emotional and I knew she hadn’t apologised EVER (I even read back through our messages thinking maybe I missed one in the heat of the argument and ran a word search, sorry for being so meticulous but emotions make us do crazy things) to which I believe she replied “Ok, you win” and I proceeded explaining that there are no winners or losers in a relationship… I felt like I was talking to a toddler having a tantrum, or like talking to a wall or a tree, remember one of the things I said was “I just want you to admit that my feelings are as important as your ones” and telling her that she treated me the way she would’ve never let anyone treat her, I wasn’t even allowed to talk about how I felt. Every time I’d speak of my hurt feelings it was considered “critisism” and if she was so bad why don’t I go find someone else. I said that too was hurtful to hear because for me personally to say that to someone would’ve meant I didn’t care about the person any more. It went on for ages.
    We did not come to an understanding. She said I had my priorities in the wrong order because I had to go to a class that evening instead of coming to hers to “show her she was important”. I reminded her that it was about two people trying to work things out not about me showing anything and 4 hours of fighting was exhausting enough. Having said that I must admit I was questioning my decision and knew that if she’d said “please come over let’s talk I want to see you I miss you” I would’ve done anything for her. But she said “I’m going to call you now, make yourself available to talk” and I said I was on my way to class as I had already missed half of it because we just talked on the phone an hour before that and got cut off, the I had to get ready and was running 45 minutes late. She then said “Well you could’ve missed the whole thing”. I sat on the train on my way to class crying my eyes out but she made no attempt to make me feel wanted, I was scared by that stage as she shouted at me on the phone in a voice that didn’t sound like her. I was crushed and I could feel it would’ve been the last step in destroying me, having me drop all my plans and come over to her doorstep like a guilty dog even though she’d never apologised for all the bad things she’d said or done. Once again she made it look like it was my own fault, the last thing she said was that I’d always failed to demonstrate to her that she was important to me, which was so painful to hear after all the things I’d done for her, things I sacrificed and all the insults I let slide.
    Sorry about the essay and thank you to those who read to the end. I needed to vent and I’m feeling better now.

      1. Thank you, positivagirl.
        I didn’t think I would remember it in such great detail after a few months and I have moved one since the break up and started seeing people, but I keep wondering what I did wrong as in what made her think she could treat me the way she did and trust me it was bad and I never would’ve let anyone talk to me like that not even people I’ve been in relationships with so I keep wondering what is wrong with me. Of course it didn’t happen overnight and at first she was more careful, didn’t seem like a monster, just unattractively arrogant at times and maybe possessing a vivid imagination as her stories of how everyone dreamed of jumping into bed with her didn’t seem real (I am not a jealous person, for me it was just a laugh). I have a long way to go in self healing and your website will help me so thank you once again.

  5. I’ve brought this up a while ago, but I’ll say it again here: It’s very upsetting as a man having been abused in a relationship with a female Narcissist to continuously read He when referring to the one with a marked pathological spectrum. This reinforces a stereotype that is terribly damaging.

    I sympathize with ALL victims of sociopaths, narcissists, histrionic PD… Yet your litmus tests above are substantially based in gender bias. Let me explain:

    * A healthy relationship loves, but does not stifle – but what happens when the alleged ‘stifling’ is a defense mechanism of the victim of an N who claims to be exclusive but can’t lead herself to missing out on all past, present and future ‘opportunities’ she encounters?

    * It cares, but does not contain – again, when the caring is only one-sided, that’s how you recognize the Personality Disorder. Containing a N is impossible! That’s a good test right there!

    * It offers freedom, but not restriction – again. Freedom to do what? …to enhance her career, to care for and parent her children, to have ‘clean’ fun, to visit her family, to see friends that don’t have any interest in getting her in the sack or over the kitchen counter? SURE! But to deceptively hold on to and visit with prior intimate male relationships, and constantly entice new ones? MAYBE NOT. You can recognize the N when everything she does is about empowering her IMAGE to everyone that can be of use to her, regardless of how that may affect her prior commitments. And you can test it by asking her to stop cheating on you. Either she will lie about it, or [try to] ignore you, or turn into a Fire Breathing Dragon, but NEVER will she be reassuring (because that runs against her grain).

    * Is honest, and not deceptive – watch carefully her actions, in opposition to her words. Boldfaced lies, evasion, humorous responses to core questions, manipulation are the weapons used by Ns.

    * Is supportive and not disruptive – that would make sense if it means supporting healthy activities. If her usual is to go to bars without you, maybe you should be disruptive. Then again, better to run from the relationship altogether.

    See, positvagirl, I would have a whole different list of litmus tests if consideration was given as to include female narcissists!

    1. Hi there are quite a few posts here from perspective of a female sociopath. To be honest it is easier to write in gender terms. It can equally apply to both. Earlier posts were he. Some were amended to read he/she or they. But, i think it reads easier when it is one gender. I won’t be going back to change them all. I am sure that somene could change the gender in their head when reading? I would hope so. There are quite a few posts that are gender in terms of female sociopath specific, and also comments from guys. Most later posts are gender neutral – sometimes it does come in though simply it is easier to write he than they…

    2. If you read the title of the blog. It is called dating a SOCIOPATH. Not dating a narcissist. They are very different. So iI wouldn’t write about female narcissists, i don’t write about male narcissists either?

  6. I have a universal test to recognize when you are in a relationship that may be with a person with PD (personality disorder): After the initial courtship period when everything seemed so incredibly great no matter what you did together or apart, if it declines *rapidly* into bringing out the worst in you: fears of what s/he could be doing, waiting for his/her every phone call or text to reassure you, discovery of lies and his/her subsequent response is wholly unsatisfactory, or… take note of this… you start to feel paralyzed, to feel powerless to rectify the new course your relationship has taken so quickly, far removed from all the passion and wonderful feelings of the beginning… you know there’s a major problem and it may very well be that you are with a PD. Your sudden emotional decline may very well be your self-protection sensors trying to tell you something!

    1. If I am honest, i think that most people have ‘issues’. Of some kind or another. I don’t know too many people who don’t have issues. Those who say that they have none, usually have the most. As they might be totally out of charge with their issues. Realistically if we were perfect, would we be here on this earth plane? I don’t think so (of course this is from a spiritual not a scientific perspective). Again, bringing out the worst in you, what does this teach you? It can teach you a lot about yourself. There are many people who go through life, and expect someone else to be ‘the one’ and fulfill all of their needs. I think that this is partially due to upbringing and unrealistic expectations.

      I also think that it is quite normal for a relationship to be full on passion in the beginning and then to wain. This happens too. In normal healthy relationships. Defence mechanisms, is an important one. I was a fan of psychoanalytic theory, I can see the relation that childhood has to play. It is true, that for many victims of sociopaths, their partners came from dysfunctional family backgrounds, this has a big impact, on who the person is, and who they become.

  7. positivagirl – I said: “*rapid* decline”, which is very different – the opposite really – of “waning”, suggesting instead a gradual change.
    I explained what was meant by “Bringing out the worst in you” and it had nothing to do with someone else “fulfilling all of their needs”, but hardship reactions to lies, cheating, deceit… can’t that make you not at your best… bring out the worst? Maybe YOU are perfect and you are immovable, stoic and always on even keel regardless of what you are being subjected to. But most people don’t have a great time given those kind of offenses. I think the Devastating Sorrow written all over these pages from so many victims definitely suggests they have been hurting. Some people recoil, others get angry.But either way, us victims are not displaying our best when so harmed.

    1. Well, I think that is because on the whole, most of the people who come here, ARE in pain and are looking for answers and also closure. That is why. I think that we all go through that, we cannot go through pain without it changing us. Sometimes I wonder if this is the purpose of pain? To change us?

      I am unsure what your point is?

  8. My points are this:

    (1) Classification of PD (personality disorder) is a technicality of interest mainly to psychiatrists, who have established various PDs share same or similar characteristics, and employ a Spectrum Chart to arrive at the closest analysis of the PD. In layman’s terms, S (Sociopath) and N (Narcissist) share in common: Lack of Empathy, Deceit, Self-Gratification, etc…

    (2) It is crucial to understand that everyone possesses attributes of PD – i.e. who hasn’t told a fib, or wanted that best piece of the pie, or ignored someone in distress? – the difference between ‘normal’ people and PD people is the intensity of that characteristic.

    (3) Because relationships and people are so varied, you cannot possibly make a short list of characteristics of a “NORMAL HEALTHY” relationship, especially when your focus is gender-biased from the start. A universal barometer will be hard to establish.

    (4) PDs can be incredibly savvy, clever, creative and original in the way they ‘graft’ themselves onto victims. This leads me to the conclusion it’s best to have a means to identify this damaging relationship ASAP. The means/tool/instrument I am suggesting as a universal gauge: Measure the DIFFERENTIAL (in satisfaction in relationship) and SPEED (how long has it taken to go from A+ to C-) of the decline.

    In my case, I had a 31 month relationship with a woman at times I thought (towards the end of relationship) was Sociopathic, other times Narcissist, or Borderline, or even at times a lesser PD of Histrionic. The thing is, when I look back, I see how our relationship was created: I was a very susceptible target at the time and she played up so well our instantaneous Greatest Love. 7 weeks into it, she was back with her ex for 4 days before she decided to choose me again. That was the start of a rapid decline, whereas trust had been broken but never repaired. In our case, she was utterly unable to apologize or to take responsibility, and of course would repeat same transgressions after that. My point is her way of deceiving (to nourish her Narcissistic Needs) was customized to her personality and mine. Yet if I had been told about the idea of SPEED of decline in conjunction with the DIFFERENTIAL of feelings, I could have closed out the relationship 7 weeks into it rather than the torturous 29 months that followed, questioning myself, trying to be what she demanded, etc…

  9. I am a sociopath, and I must say this test would never work on me. We’re not “desperate” for control, we just do control things. This test has been done to me before, though likely not because they read this site. It’s a common thing to pop up from time to time. That’s the key, an occasional juggling of the reins is okay with me, because I’m winning the war. That’s my outlook. I’ve become a much more successful sociopath over the years. In my teens, I’d just be dumbfounded that people would be hurt by things I say and do. Each time that happened, I improved my ability to blend in a little more. Actually, easy success as a sociopath is kind of preventative of achieving greater heights overall. The more successful I am at manipulation, the less I care to work on it. Websites like yours are good for me to read to stay sharp. I haven’t had any revelations from reading the “spot a psychopath” articles but it keeps me thinking about what others are looking for, or what clues may tip them off as to who I really am. I can devote time to that because I really enjoy it. Obviously, with the narcissistic element of our condition, we take a keen interest and fascination with reading about ourselves. Most importantly though, it’s the game that holds my interest. All of these sites are about the game and how to win it. That really is my life, a series of games. It’s not a bad life; we really don’t need sympathy for not being able to “love” as you do. The lack of love doesn’t give us any bad feelings at all. Also, we’re calculating and fearless. Our “greatest fear” is not being found out (hence the anecdotes of bragging post-reveal), we don’t have fears at all. It is a high stakes game, though. Often our livelihood and quality of life depend on winning. You’ve no idea the deviousness we’re really capable of.

    1. I would say that you have fear of losing control (control doesn’t bother normal people so they don’t need or want it in their life no big deal) I would say that as only time you saw mask slip and narc rage is when you suspected about to lose control and you do anything to keep control and keep winning. And not so much a fear, but it can make your game more difficult. Fear of exposure. Again this keeps with the need for control. You think your winning? Lol your not though as you get to live a superficial life. You have no ‘real’ relationships it’s Just empty and hollow. You don’t know how to just ‘be’. I think we have the much better deal. I wouldn’t like to be a liar to impress people. It’s quite sad.

      1. At least in the context of relationships, the mask has never slipped so far. I don’t fear losing control, I am in control. I equate my control over my relationships as to how one controls a vehicle. I probably “fear” losing control in a relationship as much as you fear a steering wheel jerking out of your hands and send you plummeting off a cliff. Not likely to happen. If someone who is not a sociopath were to live like a sociopath, then yes, it may be unsatisfying and superficial. Your greater emotional depth allows you to call my life superficial, but my personal depth is all I will ever know, so the shallowness of it all will never weigh on me. My psyche is “fooled” into being satisfied with a life you call shallow. However, as is often lamented, we can certainly do the same to you. Fool you into being very happy with something that is quite superficial. You don’t have to feel sad for us; we don’t feel sad for you. We know how to use you. You could do the same to us. We are a particular breed, just use what you know about us to determine what we’re good for. For instance, if you have an acquaintance who is a sociopath, use them to determine if emotion is clouding your judgement about some important decision you have to make. Seeing through emotions is something we love to do, and would give you the honest truth just for the asking. If you know a sociopath, you should keep one around to root out others. We’re not especially loyal to each other. There is no psychopath code we follow. I’d dive right in to a request to analyze a relationship to determine whether someone is a sociopath. I’d love it, that is a great game. We don’t feel bad for being used like that; it’s what we thrive on. One caveat: You probably should not use a sociopath you were previously romantically involved for anything.

      2. Your seeing this too simplistic. I did to him what he did to me. Maybe worse as he might never see his child again. He only had the power to affect superficial relationships in my life and even that was temporary. Sociopaths fuck themselves up. Which to me seems pretty stupid. And yes we can use you too.

  10. No, what I’m saying is we understand you much better than you understand us. For instance, I doubt he cares if he sees his child again. If you understood us, you’d see we don’t fuck ourselves up. We quite simply don’t care about the things we don’t care about. I don’t know your story with him. I hit articles on here from google, but I like the way you present them. I’ll have to search for an origin post of yours. You only understand us as we relate to you. That’s why you think it’s sad that we have to lie. That’s why you think superficial is unsatisfying, because it would be to you. Not us.

    1. See my last comment. He didn’t want to not be with me. But his previous actions made it too difficult. One day you might do a number on someone who really does mean something to you. In terms of real value for you.

  11. Your story is intriguing, and I like you. I think I’m going to have to get a little more background on you and him via your early blog posts. I will say, that if he is a sociopath, think objectively, and you’ll know the “real value” he held for you. If he really wants you like other people want people, then perhaps psychopathy is a misdiagnosis. I bet your readers gave you shit for giving him that second chance. I have done numbers, but I don’t think I could ever connect deeply enough with another person for it to cause me regret. We’re really not like you. We’re animals. I don’t feel sad for mama antelopes that have to watch their slower, weaker babies get culled by lionesses. That’s the only way lions can survive. On another note, happy St. Patrick’s Day! It’s a great holiday for us addiction-prone party animals.

    1. Yes it closed my site. I wanted to know…. What if? What if he knew and I knew? What if we had enough common interests could he manage his impulses? I needed to know to see from a different viewpoint. I am glad that I did as I learned a lot. One of the things was that he did treat me different second time around. If sociopaths can love … I think it’s the closest he would get to it. His games didn’t bother me too much, as often they would backfire. He tried so hard. But patterns always repeat even if what’s seen on the outside is different. The fact that blog posts written two years earlier (I think, sociopath mind control how it works and it’s effects on you, and the sociopath exit strategy) were so accurate. Shows how patterns will keep repeating. Weird thing is. Second time I had to read my own blog posts to see the truth. I think that is because second time I did have emotions so could be sucked in. First time events happened day by day. I would always forget yesterday’s events due to trauma. Second time I stored those events and they built up over time. Which I guess is how a normal person would be. I don’t think its possible to manipulate someone with a traumatised brain without emotional connection. I wish I could write it but I can never seem to do it justice. I remember him wailing clutching his daughters photo as his ex was dying of cancer. I looked at him and thought that’s a bit convenient. He said I was heartless. So he has to go one further so the fake phone calls in front of me started. And then he got on a roll….. This all happened first time. I was never emotionally connecting to him though. Not the first time so he couldn’t ever take ownership then. If anything I found his behaviour fascinating. Reminded me of clients I worked with with long term drug problems. Thinking back they were probably sociopaths too.

    2. His value of me was money. Even that is quite funny really. So he spent most of 2014 paying out. First time. Hotels flowers he put so much effort and time money in. A legal case was due to end…..it was meant to be a big pay out. Last minute at the end after a 4 year legal case it changed. Pay award dropped to virtually nothing and I invested most of it into an asset within hours lol…. From that point he didn’t really have money. But I was glad he was there for Christmas. Then I said he had to leave. I think he is happy with his life right now… But I also think he will never forget meeting me.

  12. Yeah, maybe so. I could fake love better than Don Juan De Marco could mean it; if the patterns were there, you were probably right about what he is. I don’t think fighting back or pulling one over on psychopaths is advisable, though. The best thing for you to do is the antelope thing and run. It’s like that saying, ‘When you fight with a pig, you both get dirty, but the pig likes it.’

  13. Flying down to break up with my sociopath boyfriend on our 5yr anniversary. This website has helped me find clarity. Took me a long time to get here. Everything described is him and I’m just not sure what route to take Do I tell him I know about the other first or do I tell the other woman about me or about the lies or idk

    1. Hi Christine, you could tell the other woman. But it would likely achieve little. For a start, he would use this to show how desirable he is, and that you are obsessed with his great wonderful self. She would think that she had a greater prize than she actually had. Secondly he would also use this to make out that you are crazy. I would save the airfare, book a trip for you, and just block him out of your life.

    2. NOOOO. I wasted 5 years on my sociopath too. The last year in denial, thinking I could navigate his lies and manipulation. He will only try to twist your words and pull you back in. In the end, I texted him…I”m done! He beat his head against the wall trying to get me to explain, but I stayed firm. It give me a certain satisfaction that I left him confused.

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