I woke this morning, and first thing, I was inspired to write this mornings status on the Facebook page. I wanted to bring it back to here. I do think it is an important message to relay.
FINDING YOUR HAPPY EVER AFTER
I had spent my entire life looking for ‘happy ever after’, constantly I was hurt and let down, as I put my faith and trust in others.
I needed to meet a liar, manipulator, thief, someone who would constantly turn my world upside down, removing everything that I thought was of value in my life, to learn what was truly valuable.
I needed this to learn the most important lesson of all. I learned that my happy ever after was closer than I thought.
It was never ‘just around the corner’, or with anybody else…. . For my happy ever after was within me.
Please don’t give your power and your light away.
No partner is more valuable than you are, particularly If they steal your happy for themselves. Your happy ever after has always been within you. Love you, cherish you, treat yourself like your own best friend.
You see, this is the psychological trap. With the sociopath, being charismatic and charming, they take a hold of you, and your life. They take YOU hostage. At first the mirroring is perfection. You think in this person lies your happy ever after, but they are simply mirroring your own happy ever after that you are FAILING TO SEE.
It feels blissful…..for a while. Then it changes as they later reflect back to you a distorted image, mirroring is now mixed with them, so they mirror part of them onto you (feeding back what you already know _the truth), with what you want to hear (the lie) this distorts you, and the way that you feel about you.
The light within you is altered changed, but because you recognise it, and this person has perfectly reflected your happy back to you before, you don’t know why you feel so bad. It’s all an illusion, a cheap psychological trick.
You don’t need anyone else to reflect your particular brand of happiness. For the light is never purer than when it is contained within you.
Sociopaths will always distort the light, always distort the truth. Will always distort your happy. Will always bring darkness into your light. Take back your power, find your happy ever after, it’s closer than you think….. It’s right within you.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2015
The meaning of this – and the spiritual lesson
It is probably one of the most important lessons that I have learned. I always knew that the secret of true happiness came from within. I tried to practice mindful thinking. Yet, it was just words of a mantra, that had little bearing on how I was living my life.
All of my life, I would say that I had sought my happy ever after elsewhere, than from within. So many people ask the question:
How will I trust again?
How could I ever love again? I feel so betrayed, hurt and let down?
By asking this question, you are missing the most important lesson that the sociopath teaches you, and this is….. to trust yourself! Additionally, it is more than this. It is about not looking for your happy ever after in anyone, or anything else, but YOU.
Did you know that this is how and why the sociopath IS so effective? They are effective because there are so many people out there who still haven’t got it, and are looking elsewhere than where they need to look. Within themselves.
Once you get this, that the secret of true happiness, and YOUR happy ever after comes from within and NOBODY can really give this to you, do you know that really it is also difficult to hurt you too? How can your happiness be taken away, if you are the one making you happy?
The sociopath will very happily break you, if you allow them to. They are happy to come in feigning to be your happy ever after, lying, manipulating and deceiving you, telling you all you want to hear. Did you know that they are only telling you what is inside of you? They see:
- What they hear you say is the truth of what you want, or are
- The real truth of how you are actually perceived
Then – they fill the gap in the middle. This is how you feel so content, how you feel that you are with the love of your life.You didn’t know that the greatest love of your life, is you? …….
You see what happens, is in the beginning the mirroring that they do back to you, is initially perfect. It is a perfect mirror image of you. Later that mirroring becomes twisted, now they are feeding back to you a twisted image of yourself.
Establish no contact
When you establish no contact, you start to purify and as long as you keep centred and focused on you, realise that this person is not only bad for you, but toxic to you. This doesn’t mean hating them, When you do this you are still giving your energy and power to them (and yes they can be energised by this)……. the best thing is to feel NOTHING let it go.
There is nothing to feel bad or hateful about. Yes they might have taken your innocence, altered your view, but you will always return back to you. Who you are. For some people they might see this as a loss, they might feel that they have lost the happiest time of their lives and that now all hope is gone. Lose that thought…… as if you are feeling that way, you still haven’t woken up to see the truth. That the happy ever after lies within the person that will ALWAYS be in your life – YOU!
All rights reserved copyright datingasociopath.com 2015
45 thoughts on “Finding your happy ever after…….”
Hi I managed. to get spinal surgery on Saturday that I two day ago, the sociopath new I was going to have surgery and didn’t even call to find out how I am. They JUST DON’T care about anyone but themselves. Had it been the other way around I would more than likely have visited them in hospital with chocolates and a book to read! I am hoping to be pain free soon and sociopath free for the rest of my life
Am sorry you have been poorly. I know it hurts that he just doesn’t ‘care’….. he never did anyway, the rest was faked to get what he wanted. This is more of a reflection of him, than you and your worth. I know that his hurts, but knowing this will help you later down the line, when you see the truth of him, and when you are strong and well, would you really want someone like this around in your life? …. sounds like he was capable of offering a big fat nothing.
I was in the hospital with a herniated disc. I had to be carried to the car because I could not walk. The pain was horrible. The soc “husband” took me to the hospital and while I was in the this horrible pain did NOTHING to comfort me. He just sat there. I had to comfort myself by talking to myself to get through the pain. I think he was hoping it was something more serious and I would have to have surgery and die so his problems would be over and he would get my things. When I was in a wheelchair for a while he called me “invalid”. I knew something was wrong but did not know what was wrong then. I do now.
I wish you a speedy recovery and years of health and joy and happiness.
I woke up today feeling very empty and worthless when I got a notification about this being posted and wanted to say thank you.
I’ve been no contact for a while now and some days are rough when I think about those questions you mentioned.
This part really resonated with me though – “You don’t need anyone else to reflect your particular brand of happiness. For the light is never purer than when it is contained within you.”
Thank you for being part of my journey too!! 🙂
How do I begin… this is a journey which I thought was over… and yet it is not. I know that I only have myself to blame – and yet deep down inside I know that my feelings of love for him cannot go away. After being apart for almost 9 months, he moved to where I live for work reasons. (When we were together he always said he would move here for us). I didn’t think he would – but he did. The moment he arrived he sought to re-establish contact with me and I thought I was strong enough to handle it. Apparently not! I know that all too well now! After days and day of attempting to convince me that he is now a change person, and after days and days of my telling him that I will never believe anything he says to me, he sought to tell me that it would be his actions and not his words which will help me regain my confidence in him, especially now that he is finally ‘home’ to quote him. After one month, he had to leave on a two month work mission. In the meantime, before he left, he left all his things in my posession, includng his apartment keys, documents and all his clothes, etc… I know that you must all be thinking how silly I was to have accepted them! Anyway, when he first went away, he was lovely and caring, and for a moment I honestly began to believe him. Only last Friday, literally out of the blue, he told me that he is walking away from us (again!). I have allowed him to break me again, and this time I somehow feel that it is worse, because he now lives in the same city as I do and we literally work 2 minutes from each other. He is away for another month… and in the meantime I am completely broken!! I am maintaining NC but it is so incredibly hard!!! For some reason I cannot explain, I love him and I just wish I did not!!! When I am with him and we are together, all is so great. He is calm, kind, loving, patient and caring. The moment we are apart for a while, he becomes a changed man. Honestly. I don’t know what to think… and I certainly don’t know what to feel. I am in pieces!!!! My friends and family, albeit exceptionally supporting, live in another countryi, which is hard. Thank you to all of you who have taken time to read this and thank you for your support. As I have said before, this site is a lifeline for me at a time when I think I have nothing more to live for.
Hugs to all.
I kind of understand this, but say me for example, my friends aren’t local, now I know I have to do something about that, BUT, if my friends aren’t loal or I don’t get any texts for a few days how can I be happy?. Surely you need people to make you happy too?.
Hi Martin, no, you don’t need people to make you happy if your happiness comes from within. Yes, other people can enhance your life. By finding your happy within, you won’t allow other people other people to be the determining factor for you or your happiness. This doesn’t have to be forever. If your friends are not local, well then meet new friends. Why are you away from where you feel is ‘home’ where your family/friends are? Was this for work reasons? If so, can you not make friends from work? We are all different. For me, I would rather have one friend, or no friends, than people who would make me feel bad. These days, there is no reason to be out of contact with other people as connecting with people, no matter where they are in the world, is easy? Think about what you can do to build your social networks, start small, and branch out. But this shouldn’t be the deciding factor on your happiness. It shouldn’t matter if someone doesn’t text you for a few days – not if you are happy within.
Hi Postiiva, & all & hugs to all & especially to Sandy, Chin up. I’m no contact with my ex narc, 3 wks now. I was also stupid enough to take him back too, but he was kind to help me get over the loss of my mum & go with me on plane to see her in hospital & later drive me to funeral interstate, all in xmas,new year period. He never stole money or possessions off me, just argued all time, angry,negative but tried to isolate me from my friends, tried to persuade me to drop 3 very helpful kind people from my life. That was very hard, tiring, wearing. I got sick of all his negative talk, drama, division he was causing wherever we went (except his parents & he was on good behaviour with my family at funeral.) At hospital he came across as bossy arrogant to my sister who doesn’t contact me, have time for me, for most of our lives, but my ex narc widened the gulf between us I sense. I know he cant wont change but I always miss him & find No Contact very difficult. I love whatever dream he fed me, I guess. But its peaceful here albeit lonely, no arguments, yelling at me & going on like broken record about my friends who offended him but he upset them deeply & I lucky to be repairing friendship with them, it took 3 months to receive phone call, see them again to talk to. They are happy with me but would not be happy if I weakened & saw him again. He used to take care of me when I was sick, fluey & would keep me warm. He had good qualities he would use to get me to take him back into full blown, full time 7 day a wk rship. He never accept just friends or see once or twice a wk. He wouldn’t ever compromise to every 2nd day together so I could have much needed space. I love him but not his toxic dysfunctional behaviour, frequent anger, bad temper, tantrums, dramas. He never accept compromise. He stifled me after few wks together, watching what I’m doing & questioning me like a cop, inquisition, never trusting me, highly jealous of me looking at or talking to any other man. So when he leaves its always relief. I must not weaken & take him back. I empathise, support you all & your posts are inspiring Postiva, thanku for keeping us strong. We would be lost without your pages, forum. Thanku from my heart. God bless all. Dragonfly xx:)
Thank you so so much for your post – which makes so so much sense. My ex also never took money from me – on the contrary. He showered me with so many gifts, including anything I wished for, furniture and even a car, as we were setting up our ‘home’. How I will ever cope with this, I don’t know. Honestly. I know that he is not good for me but to be honest, deep down I love him and that is what makes it all so hard. The fact that he has moved to my city just makes it all the more difficult. I know that I need to be strong… but anyone who is going through a similar situation knows what I am going through. He is in my thoughts constantly. I sincerely feel so very very broken… completely broken, especially now that he has moved here and we were in the process of finally living a real life – or so I thought!
Thank you for your support. This site is a site which keeps me going. Honestly.
Love and hugs
Sandy x x x
Yesterday was the Ironman 70.3 event at my country. My Pinnochio is an athlete, and he used to participate on these events, when we were together these events turn to be a real nightmare. Everyone was happy when they crossed the finish line, my sociopath turned on a monster. Last time some of the orgsnizers have to act because he start to yell at me saying horrible things as I carried part of his belongings….they thought it was the adrenaline, what they and me don’t know at the time was that this is the real him. Yesterday I reenacted at my dreams all the memories of these days and I woke up scared…literally trembling…I have to check that all the doors were closed…I thought that I will begin to cry…when I returned to my bed just one thought came “You are safe, you are free”…not a tear, just a big smile crossed my face. Maybe at last I am at my ever after. ..
That is when you know you are healed when you feel nothing just indifference and can smile.
🙂 🙂 Yes, and you always were!!
It is the first time I was able to remember everything, his reaction, the people around us, how they saw him and me…how little and ashamed I felt, how my mind worked at the moment just trying to understand what I have done wrong, what I can do to make him happy. …It was so real that I awake to be sure everything it’s fine on my home…and yes I was able to smile knowing he is no more in my life. The scar is here and maybe will be all my life with me, but now it doesn’t hurt.
Wow that really is moving forward isn’t it? 🙂 Yay go you!
What I found strange, was that I had two relationships with the same man. The first time I was traumatised, you can’t manipulate or brainwash someone who is traumatised, simply as there isn’t the emotions to control. So I saw him for who he was, it was more a fascination for me. I was upset that he wasn’t who he said he was as I wanted to be wrong.
The second time, was so different. As he had full control over me. Despite all that I knew, he was able to manipulate control and brain wash me. When the relationship ended, it has taken quite some time to undo the brain washing and get back to ‘me’. Not the person he moulded me into. For weeks I couldn’t think straight. It was more than the fog of confusion. What was also weird, was although I had written this blog, I had to go back to old posts, to see the truth of what had happened to me. As this time, I was so brain washed, I couldn’t see it!! …. how does that work?
I guess my experiences second time around, were perhaps more similar to normal peoples experiences.
So good to hear that you are moving forward, and that he doesn’t have the power to hurt you anymore x
Hi all, how I wish I were at that place, where they have no pull at your heart strings, are not important to you anymore, when u don’t miss them anymore. I will get there eventually. I seeing the best counsellor I’ve ever had. He’s very supportive caring & I can see him 1x a wk if I want. In the past counsellors were booked out, 1x a mth was all they could give me. I’m very grateful happy I can see this kind soul often. Practicing being grateful for what I have & finding out who I really am, again, after 2.5 yrs on & off with ex narc. Doing a list of my hobbies, true values, interests. Bit of a challenge but I was very busy & creative before I met the narc & was inbetween. The fog has lifted but having cravings, thoughts of the happy dream, façade that wasn’t really him anyway. He did drain, feed off my energy & light. My eczma I got when we together last time, still hasn’t left my body yet & I got a bad cold/flu this week, had it 4 days already. I did feel healthy initially when he 1st left 3wks ago. Blessings, love to all.
after four months of no contact i saw this woman again and there was nothing. she lost that control over me .and now i see her in a different light.the haze or fog i had in my head is gone. i am now moving on with my life
Good for you!! I have never in my life been brainwashed but he managed to brainwash me. Truth is they are incapable of caring about anyone but themselves. They go on to ruin other people’s lives even if they think they won’t.
Well done to you for four months of no contact ivo. Really pleased that you have come out of the fog of confusion. It’s a liberating feeling huh?? 🙂
The last time we were together was the second time after more than 18 years, and this second time last more than 4 years with an innumerable new opportunities. I don’t know if I was brainwashed too…I just know that the great joy I felt with him, the great feeling that I had loving him, turns to be as if I was split in two… as if my body and my spirit were at two different dimensions. Loving him, means to lost my soul…I almost lose it…Now after more than 18 months of his last goodbye I’m feeling like my soul, my spirit is getting back to me.
After his last attempt to reach me with his only script from sweetest to ugliest in five minutes I hope he at last has understood my words, “I love you with all of me, I gave you everything, I don’t have anything more to give you.”
omg nibsih wow wow wow omg do you know how your words resonate with me? That is exactly what happened to me too. At the end I had nothing more to give. The same it was taking my soul my spirit. I sank into depression. Switched off. Became a different person. THANK YOU your words have helped me today. Your words are a mirror image of me. You know when you love and give everything….. I knew that no matter what he said or did. It would never be enough. The relationship was truly over. Weird thing is I haven’t had huge grief as I know I gave all that I could. I gave more than I should have. I gave myself and lost myself in the process. No matter how much you give it will never be enough. Always you will give more than you receive. The emotional bank will be depleted and in deficit. Like being on a see saw….. You start off equal equally balanced soon your ass is touching the conctete beneath your feet whIle he is in the air. After a while you have no strength to pull yourself back up. You know the only way to get back up, is to walk away. Such a strange feeling. We went through so much. Yet at the end. I felt like that too. That there was nothing more to give and that the relationship was unbalanced I was not only giving more than I was receiving I was also sinking fast…. Sending you a hug thank you for your words which I know came from your heart x
I’m the one who will be always thankful to you. It was your blog that at last put a name to the insanity I was living. When I started to read it I was with him, trying with all my heart to make things better, I read it and post on it trying to make sense to all the insanity, when I thought that at last everything will function I stop visiting the blog and then I have to come back as we said on spanish “con el rabo entre las patas”, learning that for him it will never be enough, reading each of your words and the experience of so many people that have a close encounter with their own Pinnochio, with their own vampire. With him I become so empty that he doesn’t have more “blood” to take from me…that what he think, that what I think, but when at last I have the courage to see in my interior I found something that was left, the few “drops” are so valuable that they give life for me again. There was my soul, it was not lost, just hiding of what I believed, of what I allowed…
Thank you Positiva!
(As I’m writing I’m crying with a smile at my face and at my heart…happy tears!!!)
do you know I didn’t reply …. As as you wrote this comment I was crying too. I am grateful to all of you for sharing my journey too.
¡El mejor de los viajes! ¡Que tu camino siga lleno de luz! (The best journey! A path full of light!)
They certainly do suck the life out of anything good, I even told mine that, man his feelings were so hurt I could say such a thing! If you ever enjoyed anything while with him he would kill it and make it dark, ourselves included.
I’m totally with you…. In my latest post I wrote about forgiveness.. It’s the hardest thing to do but its the one thing that’s helped me get through all of this…
I just let it go. It probably sounds blasé. I just don’t want it as part of me, and part of my life. It’s not my issues, and not my issues to carry. I think anger, hatred etc has its time in processing….. at the end, its about removing it as part of you. Thanks for the lesson, but this isn’t my lesson to learn anymore. Its time to move on. I think that this is also about acceptance too. Acceptance of what you cannot change, and that it isn’t about you. It’s just the way that they are.
That’s so true,, it took me nearly 3 years to realize but at least I did realize it… Thanks for helping me throughout my journey 🙂
Thank you for being a part of my journey too!! I never forget when you gave me my first award back in 2013, I was so happy!!! Seems such a long time ago. At that time I was still so traumatised that I had no concept of the outside world. Thank you also x
Thank you for being a companion on this journey. As I have written recently, I am much happier but often being alone is taking it’s toll.
These days I’ve had to face a couple of “social aggressions” that have left me bruised. I am much stronger, I deal with them without doubting myself too much, but they still hurt. It was a (old, sexist, embittered) professor telling me all my plans for the future are bullshit, and a woman today at my drawing course attacking me in the most passive-aggressive way.
I am used to being judged stupid (childish, vain, silly, arrogant, naive) because I am a good looking woman who looks much younger than she is, with my round cheeks and doe eyes *damn*, and I try to ignore the attacks, as they come from people who have nothing in common with me. They see life differently, so I let them surf their own wave.
I am also fully aware that I shouldn’t make these episodes bigger than they are; that I shouldn’t have reacted to the woman’s first remark and just smiled on, OK, whatever.
But today it was so unexpected, and it felt so unfair.
I was bullied in school so things like this always strike a bad chord.
Plus I talked about it with my mum but she is not very good at empathy, nor does she admit it (she is emotionally autistic, and this is at the root of many of my issues, even though I know she loves me and does her best, withing her possibilities and abilities), and in the end I always have to explain the hows and whys, as if saying “I am hurt” weren’t enough.
So I am here for a hug 🙂 I use this blog to vent, and I am not sure it’s fair, because I would like to contribute in a more positive way now that I am rid of the socio. But there are always weaknesses that reemerge, and it’s hard to deal with them on my own. I wrote as a comment to this post because I think this vulnerability of mine reflects a huge lack of self-love. I am trying to work on this, trying not to be desperate to “fill the void” withing my heart with other people’s affection, I am trying to be my own fairy godmother 🙂 but sometimes it’s hard, especially when I am tired because of my insomnia resourging.
Thanks for listening! Big hugs xoxo
Read another inspiring essay on Bitterness by Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat,Pray,Love Author) on her Facebook page yesterday. Also worth a read for those struggling to move on to a happy ever after.
A friend sent me a picture of him and his lover today. It broke my heart. The pain is so intense.
Aw am so sorry Justone 😦 You know she has nothing that you don’t have. Because she has ‘nothing’ just an empty shell. As that is all that he is. she might as well have a cardboard cutout….. as he is just a mirror of her….. all that he was, is still within YOU!!
Hi Positiva Girl & Just One & all, I know what it feels like. I heard my ex has lost weight, probably due to seeing a new lady friend, exercising more for her too. Been 4 weeks of no contact at all. He tried 2 control me, isolate me from friends & I endured almost daily ranting, rages, jealousy, created drama, division where ever he went. I think to myself, yes i’m sad, it does hurt me, empty void in heart, not feeling good today but i’m free of his control, jealousy, angry words, belittling. Their poor new ladies, girlfriends. We are lucky to be free of their control, abuse, hurt. Peaceful lonely life is better than angry controlling, walking on eggshells, no time for ourselves, waiting for him life. We can do better, but i know its hard, i get very lonely some days & feel sad. Other days are better when i see the counselor but hes not free until 15 April, due to Easter break, hes away during whole break. Love & hugs to you xxoo we can do it, chin up.
Thank you for your words pigletta, for your words mirror my own feelings today. I am having sad day. You know he will do the same to her. As that is what they do. They love drama. Not good no counsellor until 15th April. I know only a few weeks away, but can seem a long time when you are reliant on the voice of reason.
I am at the point now where i just want the hurting to end. I dont want to think of him all the time and it is getting easier, but i think of him first thing in the morning and last at night and a couple of times during the day. Before i could not focus on anything but him for the whole day.
I want the pain to end, I dont want to see him and his new girlfriends posts on FB or anything so i have blocked them both. Knowing that he replaced me hurt me so badly because, well, unlike him, i cant just move on.
I dont want to be angry anymore either, or resentful – i just want to let go
I am focussing on me now, getting fit and healthy and trying to be happy again, I feel good for most parts of the day and i busy myself so that at night i am too exhausted to even think of him.
I really really want this all behind me
Last night, i could not fight it, i had to send him a message saying i knew about him and the new girl. That it had been going on behind my back. We have not been together for a long time after it ended but up until last week he was still messaging me saying he loves me and wants to be with me and that there is no one else. Yet after seeing that pic last night i finally believe that he is the monster i hoped he was not. He was seeing her while he was stalking me, while he was professing to love me. while he was holding me hostage. he was setting her up to be his next target.
Its apparent though that he is repeating the same things with her. taking her to the same places he took me, and meanwhile he is still married. Probably promising her he would leave his wife and she is believing it, just as i did.
i realise now that everything we had was based on fantasy, a fantasy that he only felt like that for me.
It hurts so much, today feels so bad. he has robbed me of so much. i know i have to start no contact again. I so badly want to send him the pic i have of them. i know that if i do that i am just playing into his power trap again and that he will know i am still hung up.
I wont send the pic to his wife. I would just be hurting her and doing his dirty work for him. i just dont know what to do for me. How do i get through this again.
i know i should not be feeling this hurt, i mean we are over, but i am hurting. i am
Hi Pos 🙂
I am officially 2 years down the track from discard & at indifference 🙂
I thought acceptance was the last stage until, I saw him & it invoked a big ‘NOTHING’.
No stomach churning, no cold sweat, no heart pounding etc…just nothing 🙂
You know how I feel about you & your amazing site & the journey we have all been on together but, once again Thank You for being YOU Positiva & being brave enough to start a blog & run the gauntlet with us all.
Sending Love & Light to everyone here some old & some new.
It does get better & the ‘pay off’ is a better & brighter YOU 🙂
I’ve never been so at home in myself ever & it’s truly amazing 🙂
All is well 🙂
Nothing indifference is acceptence 🙂 x
For me acceptance was that I received the message that, ‘it is what it is/was’ & that my experience was valid & real & that I recognized it for what it taught me etc…Such a huge lesson in life for certain!
I resigned myself to the fact that I could not change what happened but, I must move on & learn all the lessons that were mine to learn (hopefully).
Indifference for me meant that I was no longer concerned about the events or him. I feel apathetic about the whole experience & him in general. It/he no longer effects me at all, zippo!
I am more conscious of myself & my internal work & my external environment. I am whole for the first time in a long time, I feel my authentic self 🙂
I think acceptance is receiving the message that you cannot change the events but, you can learn from them & move forward once again.
Indifference for me was that I have moved forward & the shadow of him has finally gone & I am no longer affected by him & his behavior.
Does that make sense? 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
Yes absolutely pr. For me indifference comes when the journey is over. Nothing more to learn. Nothing more to teach x
i am still feeling so damn down.. up and down, thats how my emotions go, I am trying damn hard to fill the time with activities, all focussing on bettering me… but i am so damn down
Hi Positiva, Just One, Sandy & all,
Its been 6 wks no contact now, my narc ex sent my disability sticker back & I had a bad feeling sad, weepy day last week & I put photos of him on discs, deleted off my pc & in garage & not lookg at pix anymore. If u look at photos it seems to tune u into their energy, remembering the façade, dream he fed me of happier times. But I don’t forget the constant arguments, belittling me, rants, raves tantrums, projecting his negatives, putting his view onto me. Its more peaceful & I see my friends whenever I like, its good being free agent. I do love him deep down but know he’s dysfunctional & can never change. He only pretended to change then did his gaslighting, arguing control moves again. He cant be happy so I wont let him sabotage my happiness. Take back our power & our happy ever after, don’t let them spoil our pure light within, strikes a chord with me. I also crossed paths with negative friends who hold grudge, are judgemental, negative. They ignore me if they see me in st, they walked right past me 3x in local plaza on Easter Sat. They said they wouldn’t be my friends if I saw my ex again, & I did spend time with him before xmas, as was supportive while my mum was sick & when she died. They are as bad as him almost. They have their own path in life to walk & so do i. They were never true friends then. I didn’t know them that well & I’d had had trouble with them being possessive, jealous, in the past too. Love, & blessings to all. Thanks for sharing in my journey too Positiva Girl & you all. Dragonfly
It sounds all too familiar. I just cut off contact with a sociopath and as much as I am saddened by it I also feel good at the same time. When I first met him I knew something was off right away. The problem is I couldn’t validate it because we met while I was on vacation in Europe and I only knew him for two days. I will spare you of all the on and off drama, lying, manipulating and requests for money from this guy. He also was in jail for a couple of months during the time we were in contact and somehow he made it seem like it was all his friend’s fault, that he really didn’t do anything wrong and that no one ever believed him. I did believed him that time, because the friend he was referring to was also not the most honest kind of person. But as my relationship deepened with this guy, I began to realize more and more that it has to end and it has to end for good. At the same time though I had conflicting idealization of this man, thinking he could change and become my soulmate. It also didn’t help that we were in a long distance relationship – him and Europe and me in NY. In the end I am thankful we were. All it took was for me to continually block his numbers when he tried to reach out to me. I am immensely lucky that he is unable to travel here or just come to my house and cause harm, as he’s done to other people. He is constantly stealing and using drugs too. Sadly he will not end up in a good place but I can only feel bad from the distance. Yes I know he had a rough childhood being a Romanian orphan. I internalize and understand it every little bit, but I am also immensely happy I broke free. This isn’t my fight to fight and I know I can do so much better than him. Its been rough to disconnect from him, but I’ve always been a positive person who recently realized that there is no room for everyone in my life, some unworthy people have to go. I know there will be days where I’ll feel like shit about this and remember the good times we had and shed a couple tears but to go back to him is to validate his lying, stealing, cheating and hurtful ways. My last visit to see him is what really made me realize that I no longer want anything with this man. I could tell he was apathic, distant and forced me to only do things he wanted to do, even though it was my vacation. Sexual intercourse was the last straw of this – he only wanted to do it in one position, which never involved pleasuring me in any way, he would finish in minites and then just walk away. No cuddling, no touching, just get up and walk off. Then was the constant nagging for money, which I was stupid enough to give him every time. Anyway, this man like all sociopaths will never change. I wish him well and only keep good memories but I’m happy to be on a different continent, out of sight, out of mind and out of contact.
Absolutely true! The lying, cheating, manipulating conman showed me MY loving, decent and kind self in the beginning, then revealed his cruel, disgusting true self and it was very, very ugly. Something throughout the whole relationshit didn’t feel right but I stupidly didn’t listen to my intuition. Well, it’s 5 months on since I realised what an evil, disordered being he is and I couldn’t be happier to have gotten away from him. I’ve even come to the forgiveness stage – I’ve forgiven myself for staying so long, I’ve forgiven him for his nefarious actions and am now totally indifferent = bliss!