All sociopaths will at some point or another display a sense of moral outrage. This is displayed, as fake often over the top outrage about something that they consider very ‘immoral’. This gives the sense and belief to the outsider that the sociopath is a good guy/gal. The audience receives the message of a moralistic person who is honest, and truthful, a good person. Of course, this is just an illusion and the reality is nothing like the act that is now being played on stage.
I often get comments on this site displaying moral outrage from sociopaths. It is a ‘how dare you’ display of rage, that fights for truth and justice. Which is kind of ironic considering they are the most dishonest people on the planet, and become so twisted in their web of deceit that they do not know what the truth is. Comments are all over the site, but especially so, on the I LOVE YOU post. Sociopaths hate that post for some reason, so with this in mind, before I generate yet more moral outrage, I agree that yes, you can love, but your definition of love, is really not the same as mine! 🙂
What is the purpose of sociopath moral outrage and what does it achieve?
Sociopaths can display moral outrage about lots of different things
- Standards of other people
- Items that are in the news, politics and current affairs
- Anything that is a sense of ‘injustice’
- Anything that they can point out to be just ‘morally wrong’
I was with the sociopath in my life for three years. When I first met him, he was full blown, go to town displaying moral outrage. He continued to do this throughout the relationship. Usually when he was displaying moral outrage about whatever, he was also being manipulative and deceitful, and trying to steer attention onto something else. Moral outrage achieves the following for the sociopath:
- Takes attention from their own actions (deflection)
- Reflects them in a good or different light to who they really are
- Makes them appear stronger than they actually are
- Diversion tactics
- Attention seeking behaviour
- Makes you feel that you should also feel this way, and if you don’t then you must be ‘bad’ (another mind control and brain washing technique)
- Dupers delight and the joy of conning
- Is part of the mask of disguise
Over the years, I witnessed this moral outrage many many times. Always it was fake. I remember in the early days we were out in pub and a young mother was sat on a chair, almost in tears about the actions of her ex, she was upset, staring at her phone talking out loud texting her ex. He looked at her in sympathy and said to me with concerned eyes
It’s terrible how some guys treat women and the impact on the mother and also the children. Makes me sick how men can do this to someone, she doesn’t deserve it
This was in the very early days of our relationship, I was too trusting and blind. Telling me this information was a great deflection technique and I have no doubt that he got great dupers delight from my reaction that he was a great guy. I told myself how lucky I was that I didn’t have a man like that. I shouldn’t laugh about it, but today I can as at that moment in time, the man that I thought was a good honest man, a good father, hardworking, was anything but….. His moral outrage was a perfect ‘cover mask’. The truth is, that at the time he was duping and conning me. He was:
- lying about his ex dying of cancer
- Faking he had a job
- Stealing from me
- Faking he was a good father
- Deliberately presenting a false image and living fully behind the mask
This is all part of the games that sociopaths play. Being without emotion they get bored, and so they get off on duping and conning the victim, misleading, derailing, and psychological abuse. This makes them feel superior, as internally in reality they are very insecure, like the child age that they are stuck at.
Feigning moral outrage, mirrors the behaviour of decent honest people
I would imagine how often that you experienced moral outrage, would really depend on the sociopaths initial assessment of YOU. With me, I was at the time still working with homeless people. I was offering support to women who had experienced stillbirth. I was fighting a legal case – for no other reason than for a sense of justice trying to prevent what was happening to me, happen to someone else.
I was therefore a good candidate for moral outrage rants and outbursts, as he had already assessed me and knew that justice and equality was important to me.
The sociopaths sense of moral outrage is always over the top. You look at them surprised, when these outbursts come, and think why do you care so much?
The truth is that they don’t care. It’s all part of the game that they play.
The last time that I experienced a moral outrage rant, was after we had split. We were no longer together, and had been split for a while, at least six weeks. I knew that he was already dating, and using online dating sites. Although he thought he was clever and keeping it hidden, I knew and had enough, so I put my own dating profile online. Psychologically it was my way of moving on. Something that I hadn’t done in three years of knowing him. Well, that REALLY KICKED OFF.
Now this is the absolute hypocrisy of the sociopath. They have a sense of one upmanship and do not like it if you do what they are doing. It is quite odd, bizarre and particularly crazy. They like getting one over on you.
He was outraged the day that he saw my profile. After pretending that his friend had seen my profile (he couldn’t admit that he was on there himself) later that day he went to my local pub, told that I was cheating on him (look at my profile he showed the barman who knew us both when were together – and probably didn’t know we had split). Giving the illusion that the reason we split was because I had cheated on him. The truth already on a the dating site and had been probably for months, he was dating other women…. typical sociopath double standards. He turned up outside my house three times that day. Shouting and yelling
Your’e mine, you belong to me, you slut you whore. I loved you, you cheated on me.
Of course, I was embarrassed. I felt humiliated and degraded. He didn’t care. The final time he showed up shouting and yelling I called the police. I wasn’t going to play his game anymore. But …. well maybe I did, as I removed my profile, and made it hidden.
Sociopaths are takers. They are users. Believe me, when they are feigning moral outrage, be it about world politics, a local sense of injustice, how men treat women – or how women treat men…. believe me, it is all just a distraction and diversion. It is just another illusion. Yes an illusion. Sociopaths are the masters of illusion. Everything in life is a lie, they are the lie, they fake the lie, become the lie, they even believe their own lies.
Sociopaths are the biggest hypocrites on the planet. You will see them feigning moral outrage about things such as drug use, while banging up as many drugs as they can. Moral outrage about cheating and infidelity, yet be complete womanizers or man eaters. Make comments about peoples poor parenting skills, yet not see their own children for years. When they did see their children play games lie to their children, and then go further to play victim to everyone else, how they are hard done by and cant see their children.
Sociopaths are a league of their own. this is beyond false accusations moral outrage to give persona to the outside world about just how GOOD they are.
Sociopaths, they are in a different field. you have to understand that everything in life IS a game, other people, are audience members on their stage of life. Real normal people display moral outrage about things that they feel passionately about. However the sociopaths moral outrage is rarely genuine and is often just a tool behind the sociopath mask of deception.
Another form of moral outrage, more subliminal – used in the beginning of the new relationship to mould and shape the new victim to do what they want
Moral outrage is a very good tool for the sociopath to use, to get someone to do what they want. This is particularly effective in a new relationship. The new victim, not knowing the whole truth, will be told all of the ‘bad’ things that the previous victim did. Often this is made up, lies, or just a twisted fabrication of the truth. By telling the new victim tales about the ex – they can now get the new victim to do what they want. Examples of this are:
- My ex was really lazy and didn’t do housework
- My ex didn’t like sex
- My ex couldn’t fix things around the house
- My ex didn’t give me enough attention
- My ex was a taker and didn’t pay their way
- My ex cheated on me with another man or woman
Saying this sets a message in the new victims mind as they are now trapped in the ‘feel good’ factor. The new victim is keen not to be what the ex was, and so complies, stage one of sociopath brain washing has begun.. The new victim has no idea that they are now on their way to becoming the next stepford wife/husband.
All rights reserved copyright datingasociopath.com 2015
Dating a Sociopath 
This is like reading my own story. Tbe lies,game playing,moral ohtburst about kids, . When in reality he never bothers of his own unless some ulterior motive to use the kids as a pawn in his games. . I could not describe whole tbi g any better. I too worked with people who had been marganalised by so iety. Perfect victim for a screwed up sociopath
Yes! If you work In it you think you can fix it!! That is pat of the problem I think.
They use the same script over and over…no matter where they are, no matter with who they are…
Like groundhog day….. 🙂
I did feel like I was losing the will to live in the final six months. I also thought – you know what I know…. you know I know you…. surely you can’t be that STUPID…. once they go into patterning of behaviour it seemed to me to be automatic In the brain, little logic was applied. I found the same when he was slipping further into the lie, in that he would become the lie, and lie about EVERYTHING.
pg groundhog day! LOL That really made me smile 🙂
Sociopaths don’t learn from their mistakes, or at least my ex didn’t. Groundhog Day was all about learning from one’s mistakes and getting a chance to do it differently the next day. But, I get your meaning…doing the same thing, over and over…
So weird that sociopaths are capable of learning to con, lie, cheat, and manipulate, etc, especially the more intelligent, high-functioning ones. Yet, they don’t seem to be able to learn from their past mistakes.
This is all so very true. Unfortunately my first experience with this is my mom, who is giving me the silent treatment as we speak. I confronted her with something she did. How dare I!! Haha. Soon the moral outrage will take place. Abuse used to be “comfortable” because of her.
So I dated a sociopath for about a year. He “felt like home”. It’s crazy but true.
By coming to this site, knowing his symptoms, I learned quickly that this treatment is absolutely 100% unacceptable. I now take care of myself. I no longer accept weird behavior or comments. I listen to my GUT, and we all need to learn to do that. Dating people is much easier now. I don’t tolerate anything that feels “off”. Thank you positivagirl! Xx 💕
Thanks to you, and your continued support bunnyshy. How are things going in your world today? It is a change moving from sociopath dating to normal dating – I have found that this too is a process that requires an undoing of sociopath brain washing. Their actions stay with you for a long time.
I’m doing great Pos. I really want you to be happy too. I date. The one big change I notice is that I listen to my intuition. I do not “take any garbage” from a guy. I have a new self respect, now that I realize I’m a worthy human being, who deserves love. We put up with way too much with a sociopath. No more! Xx
Sociopaths live by the concept “a good offense is the best defense.” They know they’ve wronged you. By attacking your morals and behavior they think they’re deflecting attention from their own heinous behavior.
I was driving my friend to see her dying parents. She was next to me in the passenger set of my car, which was equipped with BlueTooth. She was crying while she spoke.
My phone rang as we drove along. My twenty seven year old, ED son’s name appeared on the screen. Had it been anyone else, I would have ignored the call. When I answered, he complained about the background noise of my friend’s tearful sobs. I explained who it was, she was like an aunt to him. He’d known her all his life.
He made fun of her, imitating her crying voice. She told him, “that’s not nice.” He repeated her words back to her like a taunting five year old. I changed the subject and got him off her case.
The next day, he called and asked me if I’d be around to have lunch with him in the city. I said “yes” and proceeded to ask him to call my friend and apologize.
That was it…… the floodgates opened. I couldn’t get a word in edge-wise as he screamed and ranted. I was a horrible mother who “set him up” and he would never speak to me again. I was morally reprehensible for doing such as dastardly thing. My crime?
………I’d answered the phone.
I’d survived the horror of his sociopathic father’s rage, lies and manipulation. But hearing the blame hurled from the mouth of my child ripped my heart like nothing else possibly could.
He’s been true to his words. I haven’t heard from him in 7 years.
I’ve learned since that a pre-disposition to sociopathy passes down genetically from parent to child. While I’d seen the signs as he aged, I didn’t know what they were, and thought maturity and raising him to be a decent, morally intact person would correct the problem. Now I know, in weighing the value of nature vs. nurture, that nature is a vastly stronger influence.
Not all children of sociopaths grow up to be sociopaths. But if emotional empathy is not visible in your child by the age of 6, you need to secure professional help.
I have always suspected that my ex’s father was also a sociopath. Charismatic and charming, and cheated constantly on his mother womaniser. I know that his fathers behaviour affected his behaviour as an adult as I observed the triggers. He wasn’t overtly mean unless in a narc rage, this was always hidden, he was on the surface almost always composed charismatic and charming. I did often wonder, was he a result of nature or nurture?
The situation with you son & your friend – I had a similar experiences with my elderly Mother as she became more & more demented. She tormented both my daughter & I after the death of my husband in a similar fashion. The exaggerated imitation of crying & laughing at us when we did. My daughter had not yet turned 16 when he Dad passed, & it was difficult enough for her without this being done to her by her Grandmother.
Perhaps, this behaviour is a form of part of the brain being absent? I know my Mother would never have done that when her brain was whole & functioning normally.
A question keeps coming up in my mind when I read through these posts. How do you know that you’re not one (a sociopath)? Rationally, I know I’m not, because I had a full battery of psych tests to get diagnosed with ADHD, especially for getting an accommodation (a quiet room) to take my comp exams in grad school. But, I still wonder sometimes. LOL Because I’m pretty passionate and can be outspoken about animals and the environment and feminism and fiercely dedicated to causes of social change. So, where is the line drawn? Just seeking some clarity, because sometimes I read these posts and ask myself “Is that me?” *wry laugh*
Sociopaths lack emotional empathy. Without it, they simply can’t develop a conscience. Their disordered behaviors develop around this important but lacking moral imperative.
If you are a person who gasps when someone falls off a chair, if you see someone in distress and are drawn to help, not because they will thank you or other people are watching, but because seing someone in distress causes you distress, YOU are NOT a SOCIOPATH.
People with ADHD do have conscience (feel bad, feel guilt, remorse and shame) sociopaths do not experience these feelings, although they fake them well.
Great Post & my ex was such a fine upstanding pillar of the community!
His moral outrage was epic!
Ripping off his demented mother, beating up his mistresses etc….really such a charmer in so many ways!
Mr Moral Integrity, me thinks not. More like James Bondage, make it up as you go along, love em & leave em, drive in fast cars, fast women etc…la la land.
Absolutely outraged when I called him on his shit so, in his moral outrage, reported me to the police for calling him a sleazebag in a text!
Yep, that was it, one word & he reports me! Lol….soon set that record straight! 😉
Love & light xoxox
haha you always make me laugh! James bondage haha omg! Yeah and how they report YOU to the police.
Hi,
I can’t believe what you have all gone through, your all so strong ,hope I become this strong soon 🙂
Was wondering the more you question your sociopath do they pull away more maybe go off go silent no contact ? mine did, and Is it the more you let things slip they know they have more control over you and manipulate you more so they stick around longer ?
Faith-
The short answer is “yes”. Most sociopaths will pull away when they realize that you’ve wised up to them. There are loads of fish in the sea that will grab their bait. Why should they mess around when they find that the one on their line has teeth?
Thought morals was a great place to post this.
So I went to see my counselor Sunday night. Seeing I’ve had no communication with my no completely alienated daughter in 7 months.
He has been involved with this drama for about 11-12 years. All the time supposedly my advocate. Well long story short he mad a remark near the end of of our session that made me think? So I come home Google my ex face book account and find it after trying various searches. Low and behold my gut was right. My counselors wife is friends with my ex. Posting recent remarks directly related to my child’s birthday picture that my ex had posted.
Here is the man that’s told me for years she’s a nut case but his own wife is BFF with this demean!? You can’t convince me he doesn’t know! So my next question is. Where and what can I do to shut him and her down! I’ve been betrayed, lied to and manipulated once again. I can’t tell you the number of times my ex deliberately seeks out my colleagues , friends, relationships and whatever else she can conjure to spread her poisonous sociopathic personality. Has he violated me!? I sure feel he has.
Wow that must be incredibly painful as counsellor is one person you should trust.
I know his wife well, she knows the deal.
well, unfortunately, the world caters to sociopaths as they are considered “strong”
Yes they are on the outside matt but inside they are very weak people why they need others to survive. Its like they never grew up and still need a parental figure to survive.
Well I cannot be his parent anymore, I have a son to raise. They love to cripple you then ask why you can’t keep up with them.
It’s like give up on this game because the cycle never ends. Apologies for the negative attitude but I am drained as this is my second socio totaling 15 years and both are drinkers.
He would have maybe convinced me it was me alas his wife is not happy with his act either.
He poisons my attitude everyday he stays with me.
Thanks for having this website to read and vent!
Yeah, yeah. I know that this is an older post, but I figured that I’d leave my two cents behind.
As a sociopath myself, I will say that we definitely do this, especially me.
A few days ago I was volunteering at an animal shelter. I saw an animal with both eyes bulging out of its head from an infection. I asked about him, bringing up a conversation with the front desk manager, and it turned out that the animal was neglected by its owners and dropped outside of the place.
Safe to say, I immediately broke out into, “Well that’s awful,” and “Who the hell would do that?”
Yeah, I do this a lot.
Yeah, they all do the same. So you going to write a site?
I honestly don’t know. I was thinking about it, and I already have a handful of posts wrote, but then I thought, “Shit… what if someone recognizes me?”
I use the same username on multiple accounts with a slight variation, so people may notice a trend involving my mannerisms and drawings.
Unlikely…. are u sure you are one as they don’t care what people think anyway?
It would not benefit me if people knew about it. Weren’t you the one who said that one of the biggest fear of someone like me is exposure?
It would be a pretty bad move to expose yourself.
And yeah, I’m pretty damn sure, even though there are a few traits that match. I’ve done enough things that are obviously messed up, and I got in trouble for it, such as killing a dog for fun when I as twelve and flipping all shit when someone walked out of my life. Heck, I even spent a good bit of time debating about if I should legitimately kill their friends just so that they would kill themselves, which I obviously never decided to do… (They’re fine now, and the fact that they legitimately moved still pisses me off.)
Well yes, if you are exposed to someone and risk losing supply, that would be a bad thing. Then you would need to move onto someone else, mirror them, until you get bored, or the supply runs dry. Um, I would think that kiling a dog for fun with no remorse probably flags up there, on the psychopathic scale.
Pfffffshhh… The somewhat awkward ‘um’ there just made me laugh.
And yeah, I do fit a lot of the psychopathic traits. The only few that I would say that I don’t fit with include how I genuinely like company. Yeah, sure, most of it is from getting quick benefits and money, but heck, I do love a good conversation.
I suppose not everyone has all of the traits. I’d say around 15% of me is a normal guy. Everything else- yeah, I know that it’s abnormal and that my parents would probably cry if they saw me do it, but it doesn’t bother me at all.
Actually, on second thought, yeah, I’ll take the risk and go ahead and publish it. 😛
Nobody knows who you are. Why not? They become quite popular sites. I wrote this site as I was in one and it was happening. But had spent a year on the old sociopath world forums observing and interacting with them. So this site at least first few years was written while it was happening and he would read it too. It saved me arguing with him. I would read it if you write it.