The sociopath is ghost on a hamster wheel of life. They feign that they are not ghosts, and that they are real solid people. You won’t realise that their physical manifestation of love, everything that they are, is made up of the essence of you.
They are ghosts. Empty vessels. While their mind and brain power is sharp, the rest of them, is empty. Like a ghost. They need to find a target who is
a) Willing to become a victim
b) Is offering what they need and want
We all do trade offs in relationships. The problem is, that the trade off that the sociopath offers, exists only in their mind, it is a product that is as real as the emperors clothes, a figment of their imagination. If you dare to object that the clothes are not real, and therefore this is an unfair deal, you will be met with anger, deflection, false accusation, which will confuse you even further. The sociopath will stand by the lie, as it is always more important than your feelings. The lie is their protection, it is their friend, and sadly, the lie is less transparent than the invisible clothes worn by the emperor.
The sociopath will become angry with you, when you decide that you no longer want to be
a) A victim
b) Used for whatever it is that you are being used for
This leaves you with little to no rights. You are forced, by way of obligation, usually because you have been forced to invest, but only your investment will be real. The sociopaths investment, is merely words, and an illusion.
The sociopath will maintain that they will stick to their part of the deal, but realistically, they can’t as they do not possess the product to keep to their end of the bargain. All that that they can do, is confuse you further, feed you more lies, illusion and confusion, and stall for time.
You could be waiting for a long time for the sociopath to be everything that they promised they would be. You would be waiting for the rest of your life. Waiting, merely means playing the game.
Yes, it hurts, it hurts that someone lied to you. Yes it hurts that someone manipulated and deceived you. Yes it hurts that someone played a game with you and your life, it didn’t allow you to make decisions for yourself. This is why the sociopath will always have the upper hand. For they are the only ones playing a game. How can you play a game fairly, when only one party is playing and only one knows the rules (that they make up and change as they go along?)
If they say that they will be everything that you want from them and that they will change, they will tell you this, it is like everything else, a lie. As the sociopath will never possess the products that you so desperately want, they can only sell a product that is made up. That doesn’t exist, that isn’t real.
The children laughed, when they watched the emperor walk past naked, they knew that he was wearing no clothes. Children are smart, and see the truth….. the emperor had pride, didn’t want to admit that he had been duped and conned….. the sociopath manipulates, controls, and keeps their partner, exactly the same way.
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Dating a Sociopath 
Great posting. I needed to read this today!
Thanks Kimberly – its not really a post. I am struggling to write on WordPress, I don’t know why so this was a creative spurt I had on Facebook page the other day. For some reason I find it easier to write there, than here. I come here and get ‘writers block’….. How are you doing? are you having a tough day? I had pangs of ‘addiction’ this morning…… it is just like quitting smoking, get past the first pangs, and you can keep going. Hope you are ok! 🙂
I am doing well, so thanks for asking. I said that because it is so easy for me to slide off into illusions with those with sociopathic personalities. I am always giving them the benefit of the doubt!!!
Anyway, I think your writing is excellent and was surprised to read you had “writer’s block”. You really helped me !
It is only here I have writers block. I can write freely in response to emails or on Facebook. Fear based I guess? I don’t know. Yes those illusions …. I get that too. I think that is because we want to see the good in people. Or I do anyway.
Reblogged this on From Torn 2 Pieces 2 Peace and commented:
What do you think about this take on a fairy tale? What makes someone have antisocial personality disorder? Do you think they are born that way? Do you think it could be preventable?
This is so spot on it’s eerie. Everything was a lie. A con. A fake. Thankfully I think people are catching on 🙂
Great post, so accurate. What interesting is my daughter never ever liked the SP in my life. We didn’t know he was A sociopath, or even there was such a thing, but she could always see him for what he was. I was blinded however and too proud like the Emporer to admit that I was being conned.
Yes I think it is true countrygirl, children see the truth. They sense it. I often wondered whether it was our ego as adults that clouded our judgement? Or life experiences? Children almost have sixth senses….
Thank the Goddess for this site…..finally got to court after 21 months years….am a free woman. Got up feeling great, snuck out of bed so my dogs wouldn’t wake up, took a long long walk by myself to watch the sunrise. Then my head jumped off and starting running around saying “you should have told the judge this and that.” Got no support after almost 15 years as he is no where to be found…I could of made big trouble for him if I told the judge of the grossly illegal stuff he has done. Then I open email and here is just what I needed……….He is a mirage and was NEVER really there at all……..and he needed me so much more than I needed him for anything…..loved the analogy of the ghost. Thank you so much for starting this site and sharing from your beautiful heart.
Thank you Johnny and hey HURRAY to you for finally getting to court and having some closure (even though you would never get any from him), and so you are now free, to begin a new chapter in your life. What are you going to do with your beautiful life??? It is true, they are ghosts, empty on the inside – like a ghost, they fill themselves up – with other people and their lives. Now you can have all of your energy back for you. It’s win win for you. As you have lost nothing, as he is nothing. You cannot lose what you do not have in the beginning. …… how strange huh? You have lost nothing at all. Just a ghost on the empty hamster wheel of life.
without this site when I left and had no one to talk to that really could understand the devastation I would have exploded. I call it death by a million paper cuts.
My groups that helped me get the boobs to go…… were all in San Diego….esp the NO CONTACT………. I think this site deserves at least a grammy!
Aw bless you am sure though it was the wonderful people that were here that saw you though. Am so pleased you are moving the other side and that the legal case is finally over. No more games you are free (it’s like being let out of jail woo hoo)
Your so right, mine thought I would come running back when I was lost without all that he was, after looking after me for 40 years! Trouble for him was he never brought anything to the relationship and it only took me a few days to realize it after I left. Then everything unraveled for me and the truth started to appear.
WOW hola!!! Pinky if you had the power of the mind to see the truth, and see the truth about him so soon after splitting after he was ‘taking care of you’ for 40 years. You must have done grieving while IN the relationship. When I returned to the sociopath for the second time, this is exactly what I did, I grieved the relationship, whilst in it. So when it finally did end, there wasn’t too much left to grieve. How did he take it when you didn’t want him back?
Yes I cried everyday for over a year, at the ruins that I thought I had caused in the relationship and promised him I’d be a better person.I couldn’t think of anything else to try. I stopped taking care of his needs, the cooking, the laundry, his comfort. I was accused of changing the relationship without his permission. I bought books, a lot of books with his money in the self help section about controlling ,abuse, manipulation etc. It angered him and I was accused of being off my rocker mentally like my mother. He even went behind my back and talked to friends and relatives about how I was not right (the smear and ruin began?) He told the neighbours I started to lose my mind after I lost 90 lbs. (really). The kicker came to me in a day while I was standing in the same room as him crying yet again for another put down and he rarely ever looked me in the face while putting me down. But this time he turned and smiled. At that very moment I knew that it was all out of my control and he had no desire to do anything that didn’t centre on himself. I did the inventory of my life right up until I found your site and I did as you said no contact. I then started to not look back, although a few things still trigger the most hurtful memories, I believe they will be with me forever. I believe he has nothing in himself capable of real love. His only empathy was for himself and what he lost. He was wreck until he found his new supply ,took up drinking and ranting about what I did to him, (poor victim). He did find his new supply pretty quick, the first needy one he could latch onto.
A year and half later, I still have no home or an income but I ran into an old friend the other day and he asked, how was I really?. I said I was doing great, and his reply! He asked because for the 20 minutes we talked I hadn’t quit smiling.
Oh Pinky bless your little Pink heart……mine was almost 14 years and it was really bothering me that I threw away those years waiting hoping, for some reciprocation re: ANYTHING from him…….one time I looked him straight in the the eyes (which were spinning of course) and said basically “I am your adjunct”….everyone that knew him I find felt the same way…this is his 5th divorce and he is only 69…..,,really funny thing keeps happening, his 4th ex is shown as someone I might like to friend…….WTF?.
Is your Facebook open Johnny? That could be one of two things. Either you have mutual friends or …. She has been looking at your page?
my attorney at Legal Aid and I were trying to find ANY information about him and her name came up as one of his ex….when I went home I put in a search using her name……so FB is doing it not her…..although it is tempting to commiserate and share horror stories…that part of my life is now OVER NADA NO MORE GONE
they only thing I know for sure is, He raped my good nature….I am way smarter than him…and he did not deserve me! I love me self which is something he is incapable of……..I only feel a tiny bit of PITY for him.
We can’t get those years back, of course its sad that we had to learn those lessons in life but I believe we had to live them for a reason. Its funny though I’ve come across a few other fellas recently and in one line I can pick a red flag. Maybe it was my imagination or a fluke, BUT MAYBE NOT. I’m going with my gut. Ha
I’m good with the dog, she’s pretty loyal.
walked early into the sunrise…..went a new way, saw new things …..then all of a sudden thought “why didn’t I tell the judge when I met him he was selling luxury cars….then mortgages, then we were investing in Real Estate and had many homes….that he is studied for the bar, had 5 different race cars…….and alhough he is in another state will be making money for sure and $300.00 is nothing to him…I just sat there like I was paralyzed. Then I thought what does it matter even if I got an order against his SS he would find a way or lie and never honor even a court order…..This keeps coming up over and over in my mind…thank goddess I have you guys……Have been conversing on FB with lots of our old neighbors, we had had NO friends….like people on the outside could see him for what he really was….someone out to FUCK people over..which he did regularly….also any time I am thinking anything about HIM I am back in that dark dungeon of living with him,,
A couple of days ago I got a bunch of really nutritious healthy food….have been walking every morning- well twice. Today I am going to start writing in a little book, everything I used to do before him. I had just gone back to get a degree in Computer Graphics..at 55, biked 20 miles every weekend…….hiked, belly danced yadayadayada….he didn’t want me to do ANYTHING but take care of him…put down anything I liked to do….after I get the list done I an going to start doing all of the things I can. Last night when I started obsessing on the court thing and it felt like my head was going to explode….I got down and prayed and prayed.and counted my blessings….. like I am NOT DEAD from one of those 3 guns he bought…WHEW thanks for listening…I love and identify with all of you. THANK YOU so much for starting this site.
Keep posting and get it all out everyone, WE CARE…one of the things we did at my very first understanging abuse groups was the leader would suddenly say…”what do you do?”…the reply is “I LOVE MYSELF”
I am looking at a big card on top of my monitor that says this.
Have a good day all
Hi Pinky & Postiva, would they really try to come back to u after 20 or even 40 years? gee, OMG how almost unbelievable. Our ex spaths/narcs must be desperate. They must have rocks in their heads.Lol. I guess after they cant find other sources of supply. That’s weird, creepy 40 yrs is such a long time, a life time almost. One would hope to be over them by then. Will we never be free of them lol. God bless, love to all, thanku for inspiring, helping me to stay positive, helping with no contact, addiction, cravings too.
Hi Pinky, I think I may have misunderstood the 40yrs, time frame. My apologies for that. I’m glad you are out of the Rship with him Pinky & I hope you are healing, rebuilding your life. It is good to return to doing the things you loved before u met the ex spath/narc. Artistic things are healing, balm for the soul & I struggle to love myself but are slowly getting there. Blessings, love to all. 🙂 xx
They are fakes, cons but believe people will see through them. Their stories are different to everyone they speak to, to suit themselves.
They’re self absorbed boring individuals.
Johnny your right get back to doing for yourself, looking back will only keep you on negative re-enforcing, suck more life from you. He didn’t deserve you, right from the start. You mentioned so many positive things in your last comment. Your fabulous that you can do all these things, I am 56 ,doing things that make me feel good. I can even pick my own clothes! , I even changed my hairstyle, I walk differently. I bet your beautiful too. Get that degree in graphics and you’ll boost yourself into a whole new world. Then take a picture of yourself and put that on top of your computer.
Take that you empty vessel of a wanna be man.
Hello…It’s been awhile. Thankfully 3 years almost since I left my monster, and almost year no contact at all!! Oh yes, he tried to manipulate me back, I just continely reenforced my knowing truths and telling him how he’s ruined me. Therapeutic it was, finally tired of repeating .myself, to which he never understood or agreed to any of it, I told him that I was seeing someone else!! That did it!! Thankfully so. Unfortunately I didn’t have and have struggled with since. I feel ruined..I can t trust and am so fearful. I am 60 now and feel too why bother?? I would love to be loved by someone capable for once before my life ends, but feel too I have nothing more to give! This monster took all I had and wanted more..I feel like Humpty Dumpty and can’t put pie es back together again.. Counseling doesn’t help!! He loves I live on very little and now have no transportation , because he ran the hell outta my car, cause I owed him!! He loves what he has done to me,, that he does! I now am disabled fibromyalgia, and pstd but rid of him yes, the affects of him, probably never.
IMHO, what makes us a potential victim is that we want to believe their lies. We want to believe them desperately. I surely did 🙂 It was my perfectionism that wanted me to believe he was the knight in the shining armour. I even used to tell him “You are my castle” when I was in his arms. For all my being strong and cultured and … I wanted the fairy-tale and the prince, and I expected from me to be nothing short of a princess.
Finally understanding (not merely rationally but with the heart) that perfection doesn’t exist has allowed me to cut the last ties that still bound me to him.
I have also realised that wanting to believe the fairy tale equals wanting to be in control. We are scared of taking a risk, of not controlling our lover’s heart, and this is why we accept the deal with the sociopath. We let him bind us in order to bind him to us. But of course what we don’t get is the only “magic”, the only real bond there is, love: warmth, acceptance, a soothing embrace, a sincere smile, eyes that see us as we are and love us because of it.
I am working on this, and it feels good, it’s liberating.
I think we can have a healthy relationship, even after years with a socio, if we manage to finally set ourselves and other people free.
Big hugs to you all xoxo
Hi positivagril!
you probably here this a lot, but i want to tell you how much this blog helps me.
I experienced a burnout 2 months ago and suddenly I saw a whole new side of him… a side that had been there all along without that ive even realised it. now i can see how horrible it has been these 4 years, (met him when i was 19) and how ive viewed things from his twisted perspective, like under a spell.
The word sociopath came to my mind, from no where. i didnt even know what it meant but i knew i had to look it up. I was in shock. every trait was a match. down to the smallest detail. I had no idea that i had been dating a sociopath.
you put words to so many feelings i have. that i didnt even know that i had until i read it.
everything has been soo hard. and every day it still is. i just want you to know that through your blog ive found courage and trust and most of all hope.
Thank you for telling the truth.
lots of love from sweden
Hey indica (what a beautiful name) thank you for your kind comment. You are so right. Did you know that they manipulate your thoughts, perception and reality. Taking away your right to think for yourself. The bad is smoothed over, and you are made to feel like this is your fault, as they steal your life and give you a twisted perception of yourself. I do hope that you are sticking with no contact. It is the best thing to do to take back ownership possession and control of you and your life. I also want you to know that what has happened is no reflection on you, or your sense of worth. I hope one day that you meet someone new who is truly worthy of you.Thank you for your kind comment.