Hey sweet ladies.
Good job with not sending that email! 🙂 and good luck on your date 😉
Yes, going back to the narc still feels like coming home in a way and them telling us all this time that they were the only ones who could truly handle us (at least mine did) doesn’t help much in moving on either. But I can really see how going back for just a little for our needs or some affection usually always ends up bad in the end. I’m thinking maybe I should talk to my narc only in emails I don’t send or as a character in a novel. Because also the more I tell other people about my experiences, the clearer everything becomes to me.
I don’t have a date for today’s day. I’m in LA so the day has just begun. I’m also a pretty girl and many guys would like to date me but I’m very hesitant as well and also picky. Still anybody should be picked over the narc from a smart point of view. Which of course doesn’t always happen that way.
I feel like this is like overcoming a serious addiction and we all need to go cold turkey to realize our full potential.
My valentine is my cat, he has given me way more unconditional love than my narc ever was able to haha 😛
And here’s what my narc texted me last night. He still manages to make me feel guilty and wanting to apologize to him and come back to make things “right”. What a weird pull they have:
Hmmmm…..
I tell you I love your feet late last nite so when you wake up you’ll see my compliment….no response.
I give you compliments by telling you you’re adorable & that’s the response I get.
But all you ever remember is all the many millions of times I said bad things about you, and it’s valentine’s day tmrw….hmmmm. makes me feel and think that you’re purposely & slowly wanting to & trying to detach from me. I offer you a deal to get your nails done but no real response or interest it seems. Especially when all you’re doing is just reading a book, and playing with your cat & probably taking pictures of yourself….
🤔
This is what he really thinks of me….
Enjoy your dates ladies!!
Thank you, KindSpirit! It sounds like he is trying to get you to feel sorry for him — look at all I do for you and you reject me! Mine would do that too but more by complaining about his life. In fact he seemed jealous of mine. He never said anything negative about me. In fact it was rather than opposite.
It is an addiction and we do need to go cold turkey. Stick to draft emails and the novel. Enjoy your kitty and Happy Valentine’s Day!
Awww. Mine didn’t even say Happy New Year when HE contacted me 3 hours after I landed on New Year’s Eve day and after a month’s silence on my end. They are all about getting what they want. If yours does say HVD it will only be to string you along :-(. Might be better that you don’t hear from him.
I actually had a WONDERFUL Valentine’s Day at work!!! I was showered with treats from my Supervisor and co-workers!!! And I laughed all day!!! I didn’t miss him at all!! 😊
Thanks Positivagirl!!! I’m happy yours was great too!! God knew we needed that!! It will make up for going home to an empty apartment… but that’s ok too.
Ok so he emailed me about 7:30 pm ( still didn’t wish me a Happy Valentine’s Day) BUT to reply to an email I sent him days ago ( it was nasty) with some bs about it being his dead bother’s birthday ( it was) and that yes he’s hurting, he will always be hurting about his brother’ death and he hope that I never have to feel that pain…. and that if I knew what that pain was like I would understand that it’s hard to be around or talk to people…BS!! Then sent another email stating he was going to send me a nice message but didn’t because of what I sent him. That bs infuriated me!! I told him that I didn’t need for him to send me “nice messages” that if he wanted to he would have done so and done so earlier. I told him that I don’t care that he’s in “pain” and that I truly hoped that he was and it’s too bad that the pain won’t stop him from hurting others. I’ve been through a lot with him and because of him and I wasn’t worth a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY wish!! My LAST words to him were ” FUCK YOU AND YOUR PAIN AND I FINALLY DONT CARE ANYMORE”!!! I’m good now!!!
You know they are sick bastards… I really think he was trying to get ME to apologize to him!!! That ain’t happening!!! Alothough it was his deceased brother’s birthday ( he died young in a tragic accident) and I believe he thinks about it, I don’t think that stopped anything that he wanted to do yesterday. He was probably with a woman. Well, for some reason I feel great and like I can move on!! Low life scum!!!
Whoa. More pity party stuff from them – just like KindSpirit’s message, at least that’s how I see it. Come to think of it, I think mine wanted me to comfort him when he told me — after I was away for five months (pissed off much?) and he chased me down — that he had two other women, neither of whom he was sleeping with, fighting for his affections (lots of “drama and tears,” he told me – neither of which I ever indulged). And come to think of it, just as yours contacts you on VD but doesn’t say Happy Valentine’s Day, mine contacted me on New Year’s without saying Happy New Year. They are like toddlers!! Anyway, a year ago you (we) would have been understanding and indulged them. Glad you are at the point where you can say you don’t care anymore! 2 steps forward!
I’m hurting so bad tonight. 😪 God, I just want to not think about him and how much he’s hurt me… how much I’m nothing to him. I just can’t grasp how people like him treat people like me. I feel like dying right now… it hurts so bad!!!
Hey Cindyt,
Head up. You’re not alone. A friend of mine posted something very true this week and I think it might help to see things in a different light.
“When you get screwed over and over in life, don’t trip. It will make your life documentary and or book(bio) that much more interesting and inspiring to others.
So keep grindin’ and moving forward.
YOU’RE A SUCCESS STORY!
Quote by me.”
You can get through this. It’s mostly In your head. Just try to see it from the outside. Try to look at your life as if you were someone else looking at your situation. It can help you see all the wonderful things in your life that actually might take up a very big space if you decide to recognize them. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I’ve been doing well this week but at the same time I’m not really moving forward much. My narc is trying hard with me right now, sexually emotionally and everything else. For some miraculous reason I don’t get emotionally attached anymore, but I am still seeing him and sort of taking advantage of the attention, the money and food offers… I don’t feel too bad about that but know I need to leave it all behind soon.
So just be proud of yourself! You’ve come a long way!
Do something that makes you the happiest and become yourself again, because that’s something I stopped doing while I was In that toxic relationship.
I hope you’re feeling better and that whatever I tried so say made some sense 😉
Much love!
And instead of seeing yourself as the victim try to look at yourself as the survivor! You made it out and that means you are strong. Take pride in that 🙂
KindSpirit…. thank you for your words but it’s just not helping tonight. I feel so low, so hopeless. It’s just not a good day!!! I will let the tears flow and hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
Sorry you are struggling so much Cindy :-(. Trust it will pass. Very wise words from KindSpirit. KindSpirit, it sounds like you are moving forward just by not getting emotionally attached!! I hope you both have a good day!
My female narcissistic sociopath is similar if not the same as your male counterparts. It has been 1 year 8 months since I took the scary bold step and freed myself. The confusion, turmoil and pain that I have read in these posts are the same as I have lived and experienced. But IM FREE
Believe me I hear you and I feel you every time I read your posts but in my opinion YOU ARE DRAGGING THIS OUT!!!!
One rule that it appears none of you are following is NC=NO CONTACT!!
No contact is not meeting for food or money! Not sending emails and texts! Not having sex!!!
No contact means just that
NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER!!!
Yes, it is difficult but if you truly want to change your life and your thinking and you future then you MUST FOLLOW NO CONTACT.
Take that first step to a new life of peace and freedom
It’s just not that easy…. when I love I love hard!!! It’s so hard for me to completely let go. I try… I’ll keep trying. I’m happy for you that you are stronger than most of us.
Excuse me, Flylearner, but I have been NC for a month now. It would have been longer except he stalked me online. Still, I left that conversation and I haven’t initiated any contact whatsoever in at least six months. Please don’t yell. Thank you.
Thank you and I agree it is terribly important but it’s not so easy when some of these guys (usually guys) find sneaky ways to break it or break you down, even months later, and no one in your regular life really understands because they haven’t dealt with a sociopath. I’m glad mine stalked me because my friends understand. If I say “he’s stalking me online” they get it. If I say, “he’s hoovering” (when a narc comes back for supply) they don’t get it. This board is really important. I’ve come on a few times to stop myself from breaking NC – just this past week, in fact. We all know how important it is. It’s just very hard to do.
That’s great! I figured it out on my own because my guy’s behavior got so bizarre. Finally landed on narcissistic personality disorder (covert, cerebral). He ticks every single box. But I really needed a place to talk about it because no one understands unless they’ve been through it.
I’m ashamed of myself, that I’m back to where I am: hurt, angry, feelings of low self worth. My biggest problem is getting over my questions of ” what is wrong with me ( in his eyes)? Why wasn’t I ever enough? Why does he treat me this way when I loved and cared about him? It just hurts so bad!! I gave him so much of me… and yes I do understand that I am dragging this out. I just don’t know what to do… I need help!! I’m going to go back to therapy. I thought I was over him and life was good… 1 text and phone call and I slowly slid all the way back!!! I’m not going to doing anything to harm myself but I wish I would just be gone as not to feel this pain!! I just don’t know how to get myself through it right now.
Flylearner, I completely agree. No contact is the only good way to end this. I’m not trying to promote anything else and I’m also not proud of not doing NC right now.
But I am still happy that my feelings have changed and I’m not attached in that way anymore and I don’t get so hurt anymore by whatever he says and how he tries to pull me down.
The next step will be no contact for me. Again, because I did it before.
Congrats Valerie! One month can be pretty long!
And Cindyt, I understand the shame you feel and I too sometimes feel stupid to not already be over it and still let him play his part. After people have told me for so long he wasn’t good for me.
I’m thinking of getting therapy myself.
And you should if you have it available to you. Whatever makes you feel good is the way to go now. This isn’t some “I broke my leg and it just needs to heal”
The damage was done in your mind over a long time and that’s harder to fix.
Just know you aren’t stupid for that. Those people pick people like us who are so kind and loving and love so hard. And it’s so hard for us to understand why they would do what they do because we can’t even think about doing such things to someone else!
I know you feel down and bad, and take your time to cry and let it out and watch sad movies and listen to sad songs and cry more.
But also know that once that is done you are the one to pull yourself out! And you CAN even if it doesn’t seem so from your position right now. I’ve been there and it sucks and it doesn’t feel like you can do anything to feel better.
But you just gotta try. Watch something funny, meet with your best girlfriends, take yourself out for dinner or movies, meditate or read any book by Eckhart Tolle or Wayne Dyer if you haven’t yet. I’m not trying to stop you from feeling bad, it’s ok that you feel bad. But keep moving and trying! That’s what life is all about. Always get back up. And those books are AMAZING! Makes you see things differently and gives you hope.
Regardless of how bad you feel, you are loved. Remember that 🙂
Cindy, The question is not what is wrong with you. The question is what is wrong with HIM. Unfortunately, it’s nothing you can fix no matter how loving and generous you are. They are missing a part of what it means to be human.
Kind Spirit, you and Valerie are literally saving me right now!!! Thank you so much for those words. I receive them and I know I’ll get back to me. I just wanted to let you girls know that I just came back from a long walk with a good girlfriend. She knows him and knows all about our relationship and what he’s put me through. She mostly listens to me (that’s a good thing) because hearing it out loud reinforces the idea that I have to let this guy go!!! He will never be good for me…. he will never want to be with me. The wall itself was great!!! I have to get rid of this extra 30lbs I’ve gained since last spring. I feel so much better. I’m about to shower and change my clothes and go to a new casino with another girlfriend. Thank God for girlfriends!!! Thank you two ladies as well!! You gave me the encouragement to get out of bed and do what I’m doing today!!
I do understand that but when it’s you that they do this to it feels like ” what does he find wrong with me”. I know there’s nothing wrong with me… I think that I’m great!!! He treats me like I’m less than. I think I keep going back to try to prove that I’m good enough for him. Intellectually I know that I’m too good for him!!! I told you there is no one else on the radar and I live alone and get lonely sometimes. He’s what I know and to be honest who I still love so I go back to get that fix. When I’m with him I’m euphoric!! It’s crazy!!! When I get ignored or discarded it’s the lowest time of my life!! I literally feel unlovable. I made it before and I’ll make it again. Going to make an appt to go back to therapy next week. Thank you so much!!
Glad you’re up and out!! Have fun! And good idea about the therapy. It’s all baby steps. You’ll start to feel better when you’ve lost some of that weight too. Sounds a lot like depression (understandably).
Yes Val… I get depressed, I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m making an effort to get out more and be social. The more I’m alone I think of him. I’m sure he rarely thinks of me, unless he’s bored or I meet a need. Spring is coming and I’m trying to get in shape and be more social. I have to change my life!!
Awesome! I’m happy to hear that and I’m glad our words helped. 🙂
It is always good to talk to somebody and simply get heard, and often times you don’t even need advice because as you say it out loud it already becomes even clearer to you. Like you said. I made that experience myself.
So you’re on the right track!
And I definitely understand when you say you’re feeling so high and good when you’re with him but he also has the power to make you feel at your lowest. Same here! And I was always walking on eggshells because I knew the power he had and how bad I’d feel if “i did something wrong again”…
but I also experienced the feeling of feeling free! And that actually feels even better than the high, because you feel relaxed.
Don’t worry about your weight too much. Do what you love and what makes you happy and just eat what makes you feel good (not heavy after) and I’m sure the weight will drop automatically then.
And I’m very into nutrition, so if you do need anything, healthy advice let me know 🙂
I am starting the process of divorcing a raging sociopath, I am facing the fight of my life, I’m scared to death what he may do to me before I have a chance to start my life over. We have been together 21 years, married 18, have 6 children. I never knew what was happening to me, what he was and what he was doing to me until about 2 years ago. My story is long, it’s terrifying, it’s violent. I have zero support, I have been isolated and torn from my friends, and my only family is one sister, who is a narcissist, and doesn’t care at all about what has happened to me.I feel really alone. I would like to share some of my experiences, if there is anyone willing to listen. I am exhausted from trying to keep the monster calm, I want out, and I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be free. I am a heart failure survivor, a breast cancer survivor, and I pray I will be a sociopath-psychopath survivor.
Hi S (I edited your name for your protection). You have been through so much. You already are a survivor. You must be absolutely exhausted. I am willing to listen to you. It is 2am in UK, I will be back tomorrow, if you want to write, maybe someone else can help you in the meantime? If not I will reply tomorrow.
Hey Ladies,
I’ve had a great couple of day!!! The weather here in Maryland has been sunny and 70 degrees, so I’ve been out walking and enjoying the weather and my friends and family. Today my son walked the bridge with me ( 5 miles round trip ), then we shopped and got something to eat!!! It was a great day!!! My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a new casino tonight but I overdid the workout. We’re planning to go tomorrow… staying busy and not. being sad. Thank God!!! I thank you girls again for the support!!
That’s great cindyt! I’m happy to hear you had a great weekend. Being outside in nature or simply out helps me too very often!
Good to hear you’re filling your time with wonderful things 🙌🏻☀️
Hi S!
Pour your heart out! We are here to “listen”!
And getting it all out by itself is a little act of healing I believe!
Kudos to you for being strong for so long!
Thank you!! And I’m so grateful for the support! I’ve decided to make him an object and not a person… in an effort to disconnect emotionally. It’s working so far.
Hi everyone, So very sorry about your situation, S. Your story reminds me that loneliness is not nearly as bad as being in a nightmare relationship. I hope you can find some support but yes, we are here!
Cindy, so glad to hear you had a nice few days! I like the idea of making him an object rather than a person. That is what he is. Hollowed out human is not a human.
I went on that date yesterday. The guy was interesting but maybe psycho. I should listen to my gut. Before we met he told me he was a bit sociopathic, believe it or not. I was taken aback (understandably) and asked him a bunch of questions. I don’t think he is one but he seems to attract nutters and then pride himself on not getting involved. Says he doesn’t like drama but every ex story was dramatic, some scarily so. I think he must create drama somehow. Maybe a good chat buddy but not partner material for me.
Problem is that I am attracted to complex people but I don’t want my own life to be so complex. I’d rather watch from the sidelines. Afraid I will get dragged into more emotional drama. I’ll ask him if he doesn’t think he actually creates these situations. Or maybe he is a fantasist. In any case, I need to trust my feelings about it this time (remember I dumped my narc a month after I met him and then went back! Didn’t trust my gut).
Each time I have one of these dates (not that many, but a few now), it makes me miss the narc because at least he was familiar. Right? So again I am trying to keep myself from contacting him and saying look, I know you are a nut but at least you were my nut. People are just so weird and it’s a bit tiring dealing with new ones all the time!
Val… girl I swear we are so much alike!! If you lived in Maryland we would probably be besties!!! I too like complex people, not necessarily drama but men that are interesting to the point that I have to work a little to capture them. I’m sorry that the date didn’t work out… you tried. I decided not to even entertain a date with the guy I’ve been talking to. First, he seems way too eager…. texts me before 5am on a workday, then if I don’t reply within a couple hours he texts again with an impatient tone!!! Calls my office before I get in ( after I’ve replied to morning text stating I’m on the way into work ), he’s 43 (looks older) but has a 2 year old. I’m 50 with a grown child and have no interest in spending time with a toddler or someone I’m dating having limited time because he has his baby. I can relate to how going out with someone else will bring back thoughts of him. I too have tried the ” I know you’re a psycho but I know what I’m dealing with and you’re my psycho… let’s stay together ” thing… but once they know that you’re aware and accept who they are they treat you worse!!! That’s when he started to just not care and wouldn’t call or show up. He didn’t do that prior to me finding out he was a sociopath. I can’t just accept that, it’s extremely hurtful!! I wished for the days when he was lying to me about why he couldn’t see me, at least I got an explanation and planned something else. Well, I have another good day planned. I’m getting to go to the gym, I have to stop by the grocery store for healthy foods then meeting up with a girlfriend to FINALLY hit this casino!!! Have a great day girl!!!
Hi Cindy! Yes, it would be nice to be able to hang out in real life. The 43 year old sounds very needy. My ex husband was incredibly needy and drove me crazy. I had to fight to get out of that suffocating situation. The narc was not needy at all, and that’s what attracted me to him! Go figure! Ha! I guess you are right about the unmasking because at the beginning, when I was completely innocent, he would charm me into bed, be relaxed, be fun, but as soon as I started noticing the weirdness and began to lose my innocence, he got more and more controlling, until it was all weirdness all the time! It’s some sort of punishment, I guess, for being too intelligent?
Glad you have a good day planned! It all sounds fun! Don’t lose too much money 😉
Yes, I am the same way, unfortunately. I like interesting people and people who can “pull me in”. But I’ve went on other dates before only to find out that either the guy was a weirdo or didn’t know how to “handle women”, like in “charming” me. So that made me wanna go back to my narc who i was used to and who knows how to charm me and “handle” me and who is or was “home”.
It’s the feeling of home and familiarity, of somebody knowing me, that makes me want to go back and spend time with him. Not even get back into a relationship, but getting the love that’s probably not even love.
I don’t trust him and I think he cheated on me, but he would never admit that.
I’ve told him all my doubts except that i think he’s a narcissist or sociopath. I just have a feeling that would put him in rage in a way or make him mad and eventually he’d try to convince me I followed the wrong clues and brainwash me more…
glad you’re going for your happiness cindyt!
That’s inspiring me to finally go out and get my workout in 🙂
Yes that’s exactly it. Mine knew how to charm me and how to talk me down when I went over the edge. He became familiar and soothing. I even told him he was like my port in the storm or security blanket. When we were together – either in the flesh or online – it was like nothing else existed. I would joke about our little sex bubble. I found it bizarre, but didn’t mind, really. I would have continued had he been more consistent and not brought other women into the picture. To this day I do not really understand why he threw away what we had. He said he wasn’t sleeping with either of the other women and I don’t think he was. He did not have to tell me about them. I never would have known. I really think it was the classic inability of the narcissist to couple intimacy with sex. It felt too intimate with me and so he had to do something that he knew would disrupt it. I don’t really think he ever cheated or if he did it was while I was away or was virtual/internet porn.
Yes girl…. I’ve worked out really hard 3 days in a row!! The first 2 days were fun because I had someone doing it with me. I still enjoyed my day today… worked out, grocery shopped and shopped for household items, went to my old house to spend some time with my estranged husband ( he has cancer) we are good friends and I’ll always be here for him. I came home to prepare my meals and clothes for work for the week. I’ve been busy and I love it!! Of course he sneak into my thoughts ( almost everything reminds me of him) but I quickly move on to the next thing. Yes, he’s very interesting, not needy at all, cute, sexy, outgoing personality, funny, we connected quickly and yes he’s the first man to ” handle me”. How ironic that he’s by far the youngest guy I’ve ever dated. I used to like older men ( husband is 10 years older)….. sociopath is 15 years younger. And yes he’s like ” home” to me. It’s amazing how they do that!! If they used their powers for good, they would be awesome!! If he was real he would have been the perfect man for me!! Oh well… I just try to stay focused that all that charm was an act!!
Dating a Sociopath 
😉
Ok STOP!!! Don’t send it!!! Don’t open that door you’ve tried so hard to close!!
I distracted myself and didn’t send. Also reminded myself that it is Valentine’s Day, which would be really inappropriate! Haha. Thank you!
Hey sweet ladies.
Good job with not sending that email! 🙂 and good luck on your date 😉
Yes, going back to the narc still feels like coming home in a way and them telling us all this time that they were the only ones who could truly handle us (at least mine did) doesn’t help much in moving on either. But I can really see how going back for just a little for our needs or some affection usually always ends up bad in the end. I’m thinking maybe I should talk to my narc only in emails I don’t send or as a character in a novel. Because also the more I tell other people about my experiences, the clearer everything becomes to me.
I don’t have a date for today’s day. I’m in LA so the day has just begun. I’m also a pretty girl and many guys would like to date me but I’m very hesitant as well and also picky. Still anybody should be picked over the narc from a smart point of view. Which of course doesn’t always happen that way.
I feel like this is like overcoming a serious addiction and we all need to go cold turkey to realize our full potential.
My valentine is my cat, he has given me way more unconditional love than my narc ever was able to haha 😛
And here’s what my narc texted me last night. He still manages to make me feel guilty and wanting to apologize to him and come back to make things “right”. What a weird pull they have:
Hmmmm…..
I tell you I love your feet late last nite so when you wake up you’ll see my compliment….no response.
I give you compliments by telling you you’re adorable & that’s the response I get.
But all you ever remember is all the many millions of times I said bad things about you, and it’s valentine’s day tmrw….hmmmm. makes me feel and think that you’re purposely & slowly wanting to & trying to detach from me. I offer you a deal to get your nails done but no real response or interest it seems. Especially when all you’re doing is just reading a book, and playing with your cat & probably taking pictures of yourself….
🤔
This is what he really thinks of me….
Enjoy your dates ladies!!
Wow!!! They are just sick
!!!
Thank you, KindSpirit! It sounds like he is trying to get you to feel sorry for him — look at all I do for you and you reject me! Mine would do that too but more by complaining about his life. In fact he seemed jealous of mine. He never said anything negative about me. In fact it was rather than opposite.
It is an addiction and we do need to go cold turkey. Stick to draft emails and the novel. Enjoy your kitty and Happy Valentine’s Day!
I know I shouldn’t…. but I’m sad because its Valentine’s Day and I have not heard from him 😔
Awww. Mine didn’t even say Happy New Year when HE contacted me 3 hours after I landed on New Year’s Eve day and after a month’s silence on my end. They are all about getting what they want. If yours does say HVD it will only be to string you along :-(. Might be better that you don’t hear from him.
I know but it hurts.
I know :-(. Well, it’s already evening where I am so I am just about done with Valentine’s Day. Next year will be better!
Yes it will!!
I actually had a WONDERFUL Valentine’s Day at work!!! I was showered with treats from my Supervisor and co-workers!!! And I laughed all day!!! I didn’t miss him at all!! 😊
I had a wonderful valentines day too. And i laughed all day. Pleased to hear you had a good day Cindy
Thanks Positivagirl!!! I’m happy yours was great too!! God knew we needed that!! It will make up for going home to an empty apartment… but that’s ok too.
Thank you Rachelle!!
Great!
Ok so he emailed me about 7:30 pm ( still didn’t wish me a Happy Valentine’s Day) BUT to reply to an email I sent him days ago ( it was nasty) with some bs about it being his dead bother’s birthday ( it was) and that yes he’s hurting, he will always be hurting about his brother’ death and he hope that I never have to feel that pain…. and that if I knew what that pain was like I would understand that it’s hard to be around or talk to people…BS!! Then sent another email stating he was going to send me a nice message but didn’t because of what I sent him. That bs infuriated me!! I told him that I didn’t need for him to send me “nice messages” that if he wanted to he would have done so and done so earlier. I told him that I don’t care that he’s in “pain” and that I truly hoped that he was and it’s too bad that the pain won’t stop him from hurting others. I’ve been through a lot with him and because of him and I wasn’t worth a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY wish!! My LAST words to him were ” FUCK YOU AND YOUR PAIN AND I FINALLY DONT CARE ANYMORE”!!! I’m good now!!!
You know they are sick bastards… I really think he was trying to get ME to apologize to him!!! That ain’t happening!!! Alothough it was his deceased brother’s birthday ( he died young in a tragic accident) and I believe he thinks about it, I don’t think that stopped anything that he wanted to do yesterday. He was probably with a woman. Well, for some reason I feel great and like I can move on!! Low life scum!!!
Whoa. More pity party stuff from them – just like KindSpirit’s message, at least that’s how I see it. Come to think of it, I think mine wanted me to comfort him when he told me — after I was away for five months (pissed off much?) and he chased me down — that he had two other women, neither of whom he was sleeping with, fighting for his affections (lots of “drama and tears,” he told me – neither of which I ever indulged). And come to think of it, just as yours contacts you on VD but doesn’t say Happy Valentine’s Day, mine contacted me on New Year’s without saying Happy New Year. They are like toddlers!! Anyway, a year ago you (we) would have been understanding and indulged them. Glad you are at the point where you can say you don’t care anymore! 2 steps forward!
I’m hurting so bad tonight. 😪 God, I just want to not think about him and how much he’s hurt me… how much I’m nothing to him. I just can’t grasp how people like him treat people like me. I feel like dying right now… it hurts so bad!!!
Hey Cindyt,
Head up. You’re not alone. A friend of mine posted something very true this week and I think it might help to see things in a different light.
“When you get screwed over and over in life, don’t trip. It will make your life documentary and or book(bio) that much more interesting and inspiring to others.
So keep grindin’ and moving forward.
YOU’RE A SUCCESS STORY!
Quote by me.”
You can get through this. It’s mostly In your head. Just try to see it from the outside. Try to look at your life as if you were someone else looking at your situation. It can help you see all the wonderful things in your life that actually might take up a very big space if you decide to recognize them. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I’ve been doing well this week but at the same time I’m not really moving forward much. My narc is trying hard with me right now, sexually emotionally and everything else. For some miraculous reason I don’t get emotionally attached anymore, but I am still seeing him and sort of taking advantage of the attention, the money and food offers… I don’t feel too bad about that but know I need to leave it all behind soon.
So just be proud of yourself! You’ve come a long way!
Do something that makes you the happiest and become yourself again, because that’s something I stopped doing while I was In that toxic relationship.
I hope you’re feeling better and that whatever I tried so say made some sense 😉
Much love!
And instead of seeing yourself as the victim try to look at yourself as the survivor! You made it out and that means you are strong. Take pride in that 🙂
KindSpirit…. thank you for your words but it’s just not helping tonight. I feel so low, so hopeless. It’s just not a good day!!! I will let the tears flow and hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
I completely understand! I know the feeling. Just let it all out! Tomorrow is a new day!
❤
Sorry you are struggling so much Cindy :-(. Trust it will pass. Very wise words from KindSpirit. KindSpirit, it sounds like you are moving forward just by not getting emotionally attached!! I hope you both have a good day!
My female narcissistic sociopath is similar if not the same as your male counterparts. It has been 1 year 8 months since I took the scary bold step and freed myself. The confusion, turmoil and pain that I have read in these posts are the same as I have lived and experienced. But IM FREE
Believe me I hear you and I feel you every time I read your posts but in my opinion YOU ARE DRAGGING THIS OUT!!!!
One rule that it appears none of you are following is NC=NO CONTACT!!
No contact is not meeting for food or money! Not sending emails and texts! Not having sex!!!
No contact means just that
NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER!!!
Yes, it is difficult but if you truly want to change your life and your thinking and you future then you MUST FOLLOW NO CONTACT.
Take that first step to a new life of peace and freedom
It’s just not that easy…. when I love I love hard!!! It’s so hard for me to completely let go. I try… I’ll keep trying. I’m happy for you that you are stronger than most of us.
Excuse me, Flylearner, but I have been NC for a month now. It would have been longer except he stalked me online. Still, I left that conversation and I haven’t initiated any contact whatsoever in at least six months. Please don’t yell. Thank you.
Congratulations !!!!! The first month is the hardest. You are getting to easy street now
Excuse me I’m not yelling I’m just accentuating how important no contact is!!
Congratulations !!!!! The first month is the hardest. You are getting to easy street now
Excuse me I’m not yelling
I’m accentuating how important no contact is!!
Thank you and I agree it is terribly important but it’s not so easy when some of these guys (usually guys) find sneaky ways to break it or break you down, even months later, and no one in your regular life really understands because they haven’t dealt with a sociopath. I’m glad mine stalked me because my friends understand. If I say “he’s stalking me online” they get it. If I say, “he’s hoovering” (when a narc comes back for supply) they don’t get it. This board is really important. I’ve come on a few times to stop myself from breaking NC – just this past week, in fact. We all know how important it is. It’s just very hard to do.
Thanks Val…. thank you fir understanding. It’s so hard to move on!! I feel like I don’t know how… my heart is destroyed!!
This site showed me the way
That’s great! I figured it out on my own because my guy’s behavior got so bizarre. Finally landed on narcissistic personality disorder (covert, cerebral). He ticks every single box. But I really needed a place to talk about it because no one understands unless they’ve been through it.
Oh I totally understand, Cindy. That’s why I am here! 😉 If it were so easy we wouldn’t need the support.
I’m ashamed of myself, that I’m back to where I am: hurt, angry, feelings of low self worth. My biggest problem is getting over my questions of ” what is wrong with me ( in his eyes)? Why wasn’t I ever enough? Why does he treat me this way when I loved and cared about him? It just hurts so bad!! I gave him so much of me… and yes I do understand that I am dragging this out. I just don’t know what to do… I need help!! I’m going to go back to therapy. I thought I was over him and life was good… 1 text and phone call and I slowly slid all the way back!!! I’m not going to doing anything to harm myself but I wish I would just be gone as not to feel this pain!! I just don’t know how to get myself through it right now.
Flylearner, I completely agree. No contact is the only good way to end this. I’m not trying to promote anything else and I’m also not proud of not doing NC right now.
But I am still happy that my feelings have changed and I’m not attached in that way anymore and I don’t get so hurt anymore by whatever he says and how he tries to pull me down.
The next step will be no contact for me. Again, because I did it before.
Congrats Valerie! One month can be pretty long!
And Cindyt, I understand the shame you feel and I too sometimes feel stupid to not already be over it and still let him play his part. After people have told me for so long he wasn’t good for me.
I’m thinking of getting therapy myself.
And you should if you have it available to you. Whatever makes you feel good is the way to go now. This isn’t some “I broke my leg and it just needs to heal”
The damage was done in your mind over a long time and that’s harder to fix.
Just know you aren’t stupid for that. Those people pick people like us who are so kind and loving and love so hard. And it’s so hard for us to understand why they would do what they do because we can’t even think about doing such things to someone else!
I know you feel down and bad, and take your time to cry and let it out and watch sad movies and listen to sad songs and cry more.
But also know that once that is done you are the one to pull yourself out! And you CAN even if it doesn’t seem so from your position right now. I’ve been there and it sucks and it doesn’t feel like you can do anything to feel better.
But you just gotta try. Watch something funny, meet with your best girlfriends, take yourself out for dinner or movies, meditate or read any book by Eckhart Tolle or Wayne Dyer if you haven’t yet. I’m not trying to stop you from feeling bad, it’s ok that you feel bad. But keep moving and trying! That’s what life is all about. Always get back up. And those books are AMAZING! Makes you see things differently and gives you hope.
Regardless of how bad you feel, you are loved. Remember that 🙂
Cindy, The question is not what is wrong with you. The question is what is wrong with HIM. Unfortunately, it’s nothing you can fix no matter how loving and generous you are. They are missing a part of what it means to be human.
Kind Spirit, you and Valerie are literally saving me right now!!! Thank you so much for those words. I receive them and I know I’ll get back to me. I just wanted to let you girls know that I just came back from a long walk with a good girlfriend. She knows him and knows all about our relationship and what he’s put me through. She mostly listens to me (that’s a good thing) because hearing it out loud reinforces the idea that I have to let this guy go!!! He will never be good for me…. he will never want to be with me. The wall itself was great!!! I have to get rid of this extra 30lbs I’ve gained since last spring. I feel so much better. I’m about to shower and change my clothes and go to a new casino with another girlfriend. Thank God for girlfriends!!! Thank you two ladies as well!! You gave me the encouragement to get out of bed and do what I’m doing today!!
I do understand that but when it’s you that they do this to it feels like ” what does he find wrong with me”. I know there’s nothing wrong with me… I think that I’m great!!! He treats me like I’m less than. I think I keep going back to try to prove that I’m good enough for him. Intellectually I know that I’m too good for him!!! I told you there is no one else on the radar and I live alone and get lonely sometimes. He’s what I know and to be honest who I still love so I go back to get that fix. When I’m with him I’m euphoric!! It’s crazy!!! When I get ignored or discarded it’s the lowest time of my life!! I literally feel unlovable. I made it before and I’ll make it again. Going to make an appt to go back to therapy next week. Thank you so much!!
Glad you’re up and out!! Have fun! And good idea about the therapy. It’s all baby steps. You’ll start to feel better when you’ve lost some of that weight too. Sounds a lot like depression (understandably).
Yes Val… I get depressed, I spend a lot of time by myself. I’m making an effort to get out more and be social. The more I’m alone I think of him. I’m sure he rarely thinks of me, unless he’s bored or I meet a need. Spring is coming and I’m trying to get in shape and be more social. I have to change my life!!
Awesome! I’m happy to hear that and I’m glad our words helped. 🙂
It is always good to talk to somebody and simply get heard, and often times you don’t even need advice because as you say it out loud it already becomes even clearer to you. Like you said. I made that experience myself.
So you’re on the right track!
And I definitely understand when you say you’re feeling so high and good when you’re with him but he also has the power to make you feel at your lowest. Same here! And I was always walking on eggshells because I knew the power he had and how bad I’d feel if “i did something wrong again”…
but I also experienced the feeling of feeling free! And that actually feels even better than the high, because you feel relaxed.
Don’t worry about your weight too much. Do what you love and what makes you happy and just eat what makes you feel good (not heavy after) and I’m sure the weight will drop automatically then.
And I’m very into nutrition, so if you do need anything, healthy advice let me know 🙂
I am starting the process of divorcing a raging sociopath, I am facing the fight of my life, I’m scared to death what he may do to me before I have a chance to start my life over. We have been together 21 years, married 18, have 6 children. I never knew what was happening to me, what he was and what he was doing to me until about 2 years ago. My story is long, it’s terrifying, it’s violent. I have zero support, I have been isolated and torn from my friends, and my only family is one sister, who is a narcissist, and doesn’t care at all about what has happened to me.I feel really alone. I would like to share some of my experiences, if there is anyone willing to listen. I am exhausted from trying to keep the monster calm, I want out, and I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be free. I am a heart failure survivor, a breast cancer survivor, and I pray I will be a sociopath-psychopath survivor.
Hi S (I edited your name for your protection). You have been through so much. You already are a survivor. You must be absolutely exhausted. I am willing to listen to you. It is 2am in UK, I will be back tomorrow, if you want to write, maybe someone else can help you in the meantime? If not I will reply tomorrow.
S….I am here. We will listen and support you. Feel free to tell your story and don’t worry about how long it is. We all have long stories 😊
Hey Ladies,
I’ve had a great couple of day!!! The weather here in Maryland has been sunny and 70 degrees, so I’ve been out walking and enjoying the weather and my friends and family. Today my son walked the bridge with me ( 5 miles round trip ), then we shopped and got something to eat!!! It was a great day!!! My girlfriend and I had planned to go to a new casino tonight but I overdid the workout. We’re planning to go tomorrow… staying busy and not. being sad. Thank God!!! I thank you girls again for the support!!
That’s great cindyt! I’m happy to hear you had a great weekend. Being outside in nature or simply out helps me too very often!
Good to hear you’re filling your time with wonderful things 🙌🏻☀️
Hi S!
Pour your heart out! We are here to “listen”!
And getting it all out by itself is a little act of healing I believe!
Kudos to you for being strong for so long!
Thank you!! 🙂 I need to go to bed. I appreciate your help. Very kind of you!
Thank you!! And I’m so grateful for the support! I’ve decided to make him an object and not a person… in an effort to disconnect emotionally. It’s working so far.
Hi everyone, So very sorry about your situation, S. Your story reminds me that loneliness is not nearly as bad as being in a nightmare relationship. I hope you can find some support but yes, we are here!
Cindy, so glad to hear you had a nice few days! I like the idea of making him an object rather than a person. That is what he is. Hollowed out human is not a human.
I went on that date yesterday. The guy was interesting but maybe psycho. I should listen to my gut. Before we met he told me he was a bit sociopathic, believe it or not. I was taken aback (understandably) and asked him a bunch of questions. I don’t think he is one but he seems to attract nutters and then pride himself on not getting involved. Says he doesn’t like drama but every ex story was dramatic, some scarily so. I think he must create drama somehow. Maybe a good chat buddy but not partner material for me.
Problem is that I am attracted to complex people but I don’t want my own life to be so complex. I’d rather watch from the sidelines. Afraid I will get dragged into more emotional drama. I’ll ask him if he doesn’t think he actually creates these situations. Or maybe he is a fantasist. In any case, I need to trust my feelings about it this time (remember I dumped my narc a month after I met him and then went back! Didn’t trust my gut).
Each time I have one of these dates (not that many, but a few now), it makes me miss the narc because at least he was familiar. Right? So again I am trying to keep myself from contacting him and saying look, I know you are a nut but at least you were my nut. People are just so weird and it’s a bit tiring dealing with new ones all the time!
Val… girl I swear we are so much alike!! If you lived in Maryland we would probably be besties!!! I too like complex people, not necessarily drama but men that are interesting to the point that I have to work a little to capture them. I’m sorry that the date didn’t work out… you tried. I decided not to even entertain a date with the guy I’ve been talking to. First, he seems way too eager…. texts me before 5am on a workday, then if I don’t reply within a couple hours he texts again with an impatient tone!!! Calls my office before I get in ( after I’ve replied to morning text stating I’m on the way into work ), he’s 43 (looks older) but has a 2 year old. I’m 50 with a grown child and have no interest in spending time with a toddler or someone I’m dating having limited time because he has his baby. I can relate to how going out with someone else will bring back thoughts of him. I too have tried the ” I know you’re a psycho but I know what I’m dealing with and you’re my psycho… let’s stay together ” thing… but once they know that you’re aware and accept who they are they treat you worse!!! That’s when he started to just not care and wouldn’t call or show up. He didn’t do that prior to me finding out he was a sociopath. I can’t just accept that, it’s extremely hurtful!! I wished for the days when he was lying to me about why he couldn’t see me, at least I got an explanation and planned something else. Well, I have another good day planned. I’m getting to go to the gym, I have to stop by the grocery store for healthy foods then meeting up with a girlfriend to FINALLY hit this casino!!! Have a great day girl!!!
Hi Cindy! Yes, it would be nice to be able to hang out in real life. The 43 year old sounds very needy. My ex husband was incredibly needy and drove me crazy. I had to fight to get out of that suffocating situation. The narc was not needy at all, and that’s what attracted me to him! Go figure! Ha! I guess you are right about the unmasking because at the beginning, when I was completely innocent, he would charm me into bed, be relaxed, be fun, but as soon as I started noticing the weirdness and began to lose my innocence, he got more and more controlling, until it was all weirdness all the time! It’s some sort of punishment, I guess, for being too intelligent?
Glad you have a good day planned! It all sounds fun! Don’t lose too much money 😉
Yes, I am the same way, unfortunately. I like interesting people and people who can “pull me in”. But I’ve went on other dates before only to find out that either the guy was a weirdo or didn’t know how to “handle women”, like in “charming” me. So that made me wanna go back to my narc who i was used to and who knows how to charm me and “handle” me and who is or was “home”.
It’s the feeling of home and familiarity, of somebody knowing me, that makes me want to go back and spend time with him. Not even get back into a relationship, but getting the love that’s probably not even love.
I don’t trust him and I think he cheated on me, but he would never admit that.
I’ve told him all my doubts except that i think he’s a narcissist or sociopath. I just have a feeling that would put him in rage in a way or make him mad and eventually he’d try to convince me I followed the wrong clues and brainwash me more…
glad you’re going for your happiness cindyt!
That’s inspiring me to finally go out and get my workout in 🙂
Yes that’s exactly it. Mine knew how to charm me and how to talk me down when I went over the edge. He became familiar and soothing. I even told him he was like my port in the storm or security blanket. When we were together – either in the flesh or online – it was like nothing else existed. I would joke about our little sex bubble. I found it bizarre, but didn’t mind, really. I would have continued had he been more consistent and not brought other women into the picture. To this day I do not really understand why he threw away what we had. He said he wasn’t sleeping with either of the other women and I don’t think he was. He did not have to tell me about them. I never would have known. I really think it was the classic inability of the narcissist to couple intimacy with sex. It felt too intimate with me and so he had to do something that he knew would disrupt it. I don’t really think he ever cheated or if he did it was while I was away or was virtual/internet porn.
Yes girl…. I’ve worked out really hard 3 days in a row!! The first 2 days were fun because I had someone doing it with me. I still enjoyed my day today… worked out, grocery shopped and shopped for household items, went to my old house to spend some time with my estranged husband ( he has cancer) we are good friends and I’ll always be here for him. I came home to prepare my meals and clothes for work for the week. I’ve been busy and I love it!! Of course he sneak into my thoughts ( almost everything reminds me of him) but I quickly move on to the next thing. Yes, he’s very interesting, not needy at all, cute, sexy, outgoing personality, funny, we connected quickly and yes he’s the first man to ” handle me”. How ironic that he’s by far the youngest guy I’ve ever dated. I used to like older men ( husband is 10 years older)….. sociopath is 15 years younger. And yes he’s like ” home” to me. It’s amazing how they do that!! If they used their powers for good, they would be awesome!! If he was real he would have been the perfect man for me!! Oh well… I just try to stay focused that all that charm was an act!!