Sociopaths, like the rest of the population are all different. Some cheat, some don’t. Some are violent, some are not. All tell lies, all manipulate, all display controlling behaviour. All can be manipulative and deceptive. All are self motivated and interested.
However, there are different types. I have found, having met a lot of different types, that it is what is in the heart, rather than what is in the head, that often makes the difference.
Answering a comment to someone on this blog, I looked up something that would explain about the different types of sociopaths better than I could, and I found this on eHow.
http://www.ehow.co.uk/about_5371687_types-sociopaths.html
The common sociopath
Common sociopaths make up the majority of sociopathic personality disorders. The rarely use their conscious when making decisions that can affect other people. They seem in a constant state of travelling either as a runaway or living in shelters. Many are prideful about their anti-authoritative nature. Generally, these people are satisfied with their lives and shirking any responsibility for their actions.
Alienated type
Alienated sociopaths have problems empathising with other individuals. They are unable to feel emotional intimacy or connections to others in the world. Some causes may be inheritance through genetics or an unloving environment during youth. Many cannot contain violent urges and conduct in criminal behaviour. Numerous individuals show more feelings towards a pet or object than to a human. Common symptoms of this type are manipulation, irresponsibility, refusal to conform to societal norms and exaggerated sexuality. This group is further broken down into Disaffiliated Type, Hostile Type, Disempathetic Type and Cheated Type.
Disaffiliated type
Inability to connect to others affect the person in every aspect of life. All of the relationships in this person’s life are wrought with complete lack of intimacy. David Thoreson Lykken, author of “The Antisocial Personality,” contends that this type of sociopath lacked nurturing from a caregiver, which contributed to the sociopath’s underdevelopment of love and attachment.
Hostile type
The hostile type of sociopath is consistently angry, violent and aggressive. They feel completely rejected by society. These types prevent themselves from feeling sad and depressed by heavily relying on their anger as a sort of survival mechanism.
Disempathetic type
The disempathetic type is able to feel an emotional connection to a restricted group of people. This group may include friends, pets or family members. The sociopath regards people outside of the group as objects. Typically, people have a wide circle of empathy for others; however, many people may feel no compassion for certain people like murderers or criminals. The sociopath differs from normal people by having a tiny group of people whom they seemingly care about.
The cheated and aggressive sociopaths
The cheated sociopath feels disadvantaged by an uncontrollable circumstance in life. They may feel cheated by a physical disability or what they consider an unattractive physical appearance. These types refuse to follow rules set by society because they feel like they have been cheated out of having a good life. Aggressive sociopaths use violence, intimidation and dominating behaviour to get their way. Having control over their victims and experiencing the rush of power through their violence seems to be the only gratification that they get from life.
The dysocial sociopath
The dysocial sociopath is psychologically normal, yet aligns himself with a group that regularly breaks social norms and is violent. Militia groups, organised crime and guerrilla solders are parts of this group. These people have a circle of friends or co-conspirators for whom they feel genuine affection; however, they disregard the feelings of people outside this group.
I guess it sounds confusing? I wanted to publish this, as i think it is important. While sociopaths can share similar traits, not all are the same. Some are more dangerous than others. Some are more toxic than others. Some…. are quite simply laughable.
It really depends. Remember, always what is most important, is
It doesn’t matter so much who THEY are…. what is important, is how you feel about YOURSELF when you are with that person! How does being with that person make you feel about YOU?
What are your thoughts?
Dating a Sociopath 
Hi Pos 😃❤️️
My phone has gone ballistic & I knew you were back 😃
I found another type & it’s a Socialised Sociopath, one that knows what they are & are more high functioning etc…
They are more in control of their pathy & more covert. They are the more skilled & have honed their skills to perfection. The full charismatic type with extreme control over many.
My Soc is a ‘collector’, & keeps all his possessions in some way! He doesn’t do a full discard, he actually discards & then remains. He leaves his current supply emotionally but, not physically or he leaves physically but keeps emotional tie. He creates the perfect partner with numerous women, we all supply something the other doesn’t so, he has the ‘perfect woman’ but, they aren’t one person, just a collection etc…
Does this make sense?
He never leaves, just keeps ‘hoovering’endlessly & forever!
Love PR xoxo
Sorry, I had to take time out and time away. I decided that it’s better just to take time off, when the legal case is hitting hard. Hopefully a few months and it will be over. I so hope so (But I have to deal with psycho defence lawyers, and have no idea what they will do next) aragh – probably will be another post about high functioning ones.
Yes you have said many times about his collection of Royal doulton dolls 🙂 I think many of them don’t do full discard, they often keep a foot in the door, just in case. Even if this is tormenting their ex…. or they just pop up again at a later date. Well not all. Some just slither off…. (like Maya father)
Yes this makes sense, he sounds like a womaniser. I guess he does it, because he can.
Mind you…. there is never ‘taking time off’ its like a job. I now have 300 comments to get through and a load of emails…. like going on holiday from work, I always came back to a stacked up desk.
It’s nice to want to read every comment but maybe it’s not really necessary. I think people would understand you can’t do it all. Most of us are empaths, after all..lol
Unfortunately I have to Blue. As those were comments that were in ‘pending’ some of them had been there for some time. I have to read through them to let them through.
But it’s all done (I think) 🙂
Yes i know that Soc so very smart right?!! They collect as they get bored. My power is this …they don’t feel thus they don’t care. KNOWING that it then takes the pressure and humiliation off me. Does that make sense?? 🙂
Hi Phoenix, Its bewildered but I go by boopsiekisses now, thanks to you to I am no loger feeling bewildered. I feel alive again, and this April my transformation took place, I never would have went to my daughters party months ago, had to much anxiety even on the celexa sometimes, I feel good. Thank you..love you for that. Now to answer this , my spath never ever slept , maybe a couple of hrs. Why do t they sleep though?
OMG!!! This makes complete sense!! My 6 year Sociopath hell was with a man exactly this way!! EXACTLY!! I’ve been reading up on sociopaths for almost a year now and the one element that just didn’t fit was how he would constantly devalue me but than only Temp discard me…. Long enough to get the point hurtfully across that I did “something” wrong again and to obtain his complete control over me again. Sometimes it was only a few days of ignoring me while he focused on the new target than he would emotionally rope me back in, using my weakness from his withdrawl in his favor, but he would only allow contact through texts, facetime & phone calls at first- no personal one-on-one contact yet (I had to earn up to that) It was just another way to control me like a puppet.
During this time, he would Happily be displaying his NEW trophy all over town, meeting his family & friends, Posting pictures all over FB so everyone could see (something he constantly REFUSED to do with me for 6 years) It was his way of saying- see…I’ll do it for her though! SHE’S good enough!!
Than he will slowly start to allow me to see him in person. Usually around the 6 week mark with his new trophy and as he becomes less satisfied with her the more he would start to spend with me again.
Adventually I find out and after the pain calms down- I usually end up exposing him and his lies and the fact that he has been cheating and with me the whole time during his “I’m perfect and Happy now” stage. He turns us woman against each other to fight over him, while he’s playing the confused victim to his “fan club” of friends and family, Publicly Blames me for destroying his relationship (he was detatching from anyways) Proves to everyone that he was “right” about me & the fact that I cant move on from him or whatever he tells them currently. He than will preceed to “attempt” to make thing work between us- but only in complete secrecy from everyone – (he needs to appear to be grieving and tramatized because of me to complete his final pitty story act)
Aragh yes it sounds like you know the script well.
Wow!! I can’t help but wonder if we were dating the same guy. My now recent ex fits your description to a tee.
Yes like they have swallowed the same instruction manual. Its uncanny huh?
Can someone on here tell me how I can join this group..or become a part of it somehow? Im so desperate for friends to talk to about my life time with a sociopath-I’m broken and dying slowly..I have spread Myself so thin. . And when I had about nothing left. .I pushed myself even harder. .
I too am interested in joining this group or one like it. I can feel ur pain ( beautiful disaster)
I also lost many friends due to him slowly isolating me from my friends and family☹😥 My guy was also a “gym goer” we met there . He was very married and failed to tell me in fact I asked and he denied it.
Alcohol and Steroids were a hugh part of the relationship. He verbally. Emotionally and Physically Abused Me …. I am 5’3″ 110# he is 6’6″ 245 # of muscle . He put me in the hospital ( ICU) 3X !!
SO PLEASE TELL ME WHY DO I FIND IT HARD TO GET HIM OUT OF MY LIFE COMPLETELY!!! ??? DO I MISS THE GOOD PART OF HIM?? Its been 10 + yrs !!
Sociopathic men are magnets for attracting women allegedly because they appeal to the “mother” in all women! MES
Interesting thought Martin, I hadn’t thought of it in that way. But I think you are right…
When it come to being a dad what kind of damage does the Sociopath do to the kids? Example, I know a dad who laft his wife and kids for the 19 yr oldbaby sitter. He was 45ish! Sorry to say… yeah I dated that guy and only just found out he did that! He likes hanging with 25 ish or younger trying to be a hipster! Poor dude!
He is losing his job because they found out he has been accessing my emails. not for the first time, he has to face a disciplinary on tuesday and they will dismiss him. he actually asked me to lie and say i had given him access. Knowing that this could mean a disciplinary for me too. so many lies, so many excuses. i forgave them over and over. i cant let this one go.
I am presuming that you work with him? No, you shouldn’t let it go. Try not to let him
– Threaten you (if you continue I will do this)
– Increase pressure on you
– Play victim
– Slander you
Although I suspect that he might try all of those tactics, stay strong. You know that if he loses his job because he looked at YOUR email…. he will blame you for losing his job, as nothing is ever their fault.
Speak your truth – as if they can use anything against you to save themselves…. they will.
Hi, yes we do work together. I even applied for a new job and it looks as if i will get the call to say i got it, ironically also on Tuesday. 3 years of this S has caused me so much pain. i am angry that my attempts at NC has driven him to do this. I feel guilty.
So (don’t laugh), can you be a cross breed of sociopath? I feel ex- NS has several traits of all of these, so do graduate to psychopath then? (not being offensive you point blank)? Just wondering. Oh and thank you for coming back long time no hear!!!!
The personality disorder (cluster B) have many similar characteristics. Many professionals/researchers believe that NPD and APD should be one in the same diagnosis. In addition, research also indicates that when someone has one personality disorder, they often meet criteria for another. Considering the multiple similarities, this is not really surprising. It is possible your ex is a malignant narcissist, which is basically a highly narcissistic sociopath.
Sigh, lately, I am just done trying to understand him, he is a narcissistic psychopath with addiction (drugs, alcohol, women, gambling, everything!) issues. I only communicate with him via email. If it’s verbal it didn’t happen, and I pretty much do what I want, inform him before hand, if he doesn’t like it, take me back to court. As long as I am within our order he can kiss my 🐴!! Rules do not apply to him, as long as I can prove I am following, he has no leg to stand on.
Its hard work, tiring, and emotionally draining always being on guard, and feeling that you have to be ‘perfect’ do the right thing, or he will ‘report you’ as they love to do 😦
Ugh, I know – I am just done being pleasing, or accommodating, (Manipulated). He needs to save his masks for the people that crap works on, not me. Because he is wasting his energy!! Is my attitude toward him. I almost think, he is trying to “get me back”?? Because sometimes he tries to be nice? (Fake nice) You always covet what you can’t have!! I see through all his “faces”. Ugh, just makes me sick. And it’s not hard for me to “act right”, it’s how I’ve always lived, and he knows it. Him calling police is annoying, but I worked for police, I know what they are doing? It’s their job! If the allegations were true I understand, but they’re not so the police wind up getting upset because their time is wasted on false allegations. So it’s good, truth sets you free, what is done in darkness is always brought in light!!
Lovely to hear you all again , Pos , I hope things go well for you in court – I m sorry this is happening to you 😕.
I was just wondering ……..
Is there an ” evil genius ” sub catagory ?
😇😇😇
Cheers
Nick
Well, this spath has more than several,traits of the subtypes I’ve been reading. Wow, what miserable hollow ntiities.. Well like NiBSIH described.them as crossbreads, I agree. M
Hello Pos, THIS To SHALL Pass. You will come out of this mess totally on top., and remember Leave your troubles with the Lord, and he will defend you, he never lets honest people be defeated.. Peace an love
Yep mine was a few of those sociopathic traits, thank God my daughter and I are out of it! Today is the six month anniversary since the whole bombshell and I feel great. Thank God x
6 months!! Go you. 6 months of pouring energy back into you. Which is better than being 6 months further away from yourself like you would have been if you had stayed.
My socio/narc fits every type to a T, except for the dysocial sociopath. He doesn’t fit that one. He is leaving the country for a month in a little over a week to see his son, and I am going to try to make an exit then. Send me some positive energy. I am sure that I will need it. Thanks for the great blog!
Sending you some love and light dia. Don’t tell yourself you will need it, visualise energy strength and tell yourself that you WILL beat him!! And then you will! 🙂
I fear i will get weak when i see/run into my soc!
I will try to stay strong and steady when it happens
I will remind myself he feels zero for anything about me and our past, he never did and never will. It does help but.. I feel I’m going hyper ventilation when we run into each other. @%#&!
Excellent! Your right, although it is confusing for people who are just learning who these types are or what they are dealing with. Personally, I would have said at the end, “Not only does it matter how you feel when you are with them, which is important, but I mean…even normals (or empaths) can feel crappy at times with others (normals or empaths)….I would have said, “No matter how they appear on the outside, no matter what type of mask they are wearing to fit into society, be it; Extrovert, introvert, successful or unsuccessful, family oriented or not family oriented, outdoor or indoor person, Etc…They can appear in all different types of socioeconomic lifestyles/situations. Their personal preference on dress, atmospheres, social choices, jobs, on, and on, and on….does not matter. They come in all different, shapes, and sizes. The bottom line is the same. Lack of empathy, controlling, inability to reason in a rational way, and manipulative…They have no ability to put someone before themselves in a true sacrificial way. Granted some people fall into this out of fear due to past hurts….but their rationale tells them quickly that being this way will only make things worse for them. The Sociopath will never have this epiphany. They come in ALL packages…Thank you for this Pos. A great breakdown.
No idea why that happened it linked to your Facebook? I deleted it and deleted the link. I also changed your name as it came up with your full name. I hope you are doing ok? Did you get away from him or is he still around?
hi girls, I found myself in an uncomfortable situation and I need to be reassured. I met a guy at a gig who seemed nice and was only here for a couple of day on holiday. Feeling it wouldn’t be a big deal I agreed to go to a concert with him on the following day. He seemed sweet if goofy. I was relieved to be with a “normal” guy, as people in this metropolis are highly disfunctional (I’m moving to a smaller, much more “normal” and healthy city in june, so it’s not a big deal anymore, but it really feels that here everybody is fleeing from normal relationships,includin friendship).
Today me and the goofy guy spent the afternoon sightseeing, and it was OK, if slightly boring, but then he started being overenthusiastic about me (relationship-commitment-like you a lot) and I internally freaked out.
You see, I am a socio-survivor, as my ex-fiancee was a socio of the “alpha male” type, always cool and rational and ruthless, his mask only slip once (and it was enough). After him I was with socio number 2, of the “histerical” type, he had huge issues with family and ven suffered from PTSD (night terrors). Socio-2 was the final wake-up call and I am now in a very good place: life is flowing, I am focusin on myself, I am finally living the life I want and not the one I should accordin to family, hometown, my own guilt, etc.
But of course having to deal with 2 socios scarrs you. So I am now freaking out (I can’t get asleep) because I let this guy take pics with me, at the park (just our faces smiling, like friends), and because he knows where I live (he took me home, but we didn’t have sex, of course, merely kissed and I didn’t get any weird vibe). I should meet him tomorrow for a coffee and a goodbye but I won’t, I am too scared. I am panicking and I am taking this emotion seriously, as in cutting all communication with the guy as a precaution, but I hope I am just being slightly paranoid (rightly so).
Please help!
Do you think that maybe it is too soon to be dating? (Only you will know this) I remember after a particularly abusive relationship trying to date again. The first one after I didn’t connect to. I was miles away. The second one abused me (financially). I have also had ptsd and it takes a lot to recover from. I also panic but only for reasons related to the trauma that caused the ptsd (not to do with a relationship) … When I do when triggered, relationships with ANYONE can feel impossible. I can even stop writing this blog and switch off. Have you ever had therapy or treatment? It can help. Maybe you need some more healing before dating again? But.. . Only you would know this. It can be difficult to trust someone else, when you do not trust yourself.
Yes, I should have been more cautious. It’s just that I was feeling very good and this guy seemed harmless and well, I guess I needed a bit of human warmth after 12 months. Also he leaves in another country so I felt safe in letting my guard down.
“when you do not trust yourself”: this.
I definitely need a therapy, as I have been facing all the crisis in my life alone, and then the aftermath, the re-building of my life…it might be that I panick because I am exhausted and every imbalance freaks me out.
Past traumas lurk underneath the surface of socio-drama. It’s probably because of these traumas that the socios could hook me in the first place.
I guess I should breath deeply, get some sleep now, tell the guy tomorrow that I can’t make it but I wish him well without being too cold, and not worry too much about him having a couple of pics or somehow stalking me from 2000 km away.
Thank you for answering! I know you are busy now and I am very grateful that you took some time to write me 🙂
by the way, happy easter and I hope everything goes better and better for you. This site of your has been of incredible help.
Happy Easter to you Layla. I found EMDR to be really good for PTSD (it isn’t for everyone as you have to revisit the trauma). It can help to reprogramme the brain. So that when you come across something ‘similar’ it doesn’t retrigger the brain into PTSD response, which can make you panic and fall into (what I describe) as the black hole of trauma. I understand how horrible it is to experience. It is also difficult to offer a logical reply here, as I know that responses, just aren’t logical. What I found was that the trigger was always exactly related to what happened. So this might be what is happening here. I think you are right, in that you could benefit from therapy, perhaps look EMDR, as this can be really useful in freeing those who are trapped with PTSD. As for him, just be polite, if it doesn’t feel right or you don’t feel comfortable, it wouldn’t be a pleasant experience. DO what what is right for YOU – this is about learning to trust yourself and act in your own self interests. If it feels wrong – it probably is – even if that is only that it is wrong for you! 🙂
Happy Easter,
. Looking through my spaths fone.. Big mistake, hugh. My son brought it home with him because that prick wennt to jail and mailed his junk to my son. Anyway I must be a gluton for punishment cause I went thru his photos and found his 11/2 yr. Old. daughter. He used to say I wanna baby, then we had fight and he said I can tell u something to break ur heart. Ha that’s what it was, Pos was right again, she said they tell u little truths with lies. Thank God I’m in the acceptance stage and getting on with my life, that would have crushed me in the beginning phase of recovery. Love an peace. .😆
Happy Easter Bewildered. I did start to write a post yesterday….. I don’t know what is wrong with me, as I think I have lost my confidence. I have about 100 posts in pending that I don’t publish. I was going to wish everyone happy easter, it just didn’t get done.
How good is it though – that you are moving forward. Even if step by step. Each time you overcome something you will realise that you are getting stronger…. and stronger…
I’m pretty confused on the disempathetic sociopath type, I had a sociopathic gf (who I have not contacted for several months) leave her family to migrate to a different country where I met her. She regularly kept (and probably still keeps) in contact with her family (despite it being 2 years) even though it seems like they serve no real purpose to her, would she fall under this category??
Bryan, it is quite possible that your ex gf fits that category. (This is not directed toward you; rather, many people in general/overall). There is an enormous amount of misinformation, bias, stigma, and just enough anger/hate for many to assume that “one size fits all” regarding sociopaths/NPD, etc. I am not suggesting that the useless, low functioning sociopath does not exist…because obviously they do and there are many out there who simply enjoy hurting others. I am suggesting though that the one size fits all idea makes about as much sense as saying everyone with depression is on the severe end of the spectrum (requiring hospitalization, life time on meds, psychosis…). Personality Disorders, among all the other mental health diagnoses, are on a spectrum with a very low end and the high end regarding the traits and potential behavioral patterns. Because of genetics, environment, culture, etc…no one single person is going to have equal distribution of all the traits, nor to the same degree. Regarding your ex and her family, sociopaths do have friends and some care about others. In addition, sociopaths do not spend every waking moment plotting and planning the demise of those around them. So why would your ex socio interact with her family? Maybe she enjoys their company. Simple as that. People seem to want to demonize sociopaths …all of them. I can certainly appreciate this based on many posts by survivors. Truth is, lacking empathy does not equate to not having feelings. Can socios care for another? Sure. Let’s just say the emotional intelligence is rather limited.
This is a great post. After reading it, I can really relate a lot of points not only to my ex, but also a former co-worker, a former room-mate and a former friend. It is so frightening to know that this is so prevalent in our (North American) culture.
What they ALL have in common is the constant lies, narcissism, deceit, manipulation and slander. With 2 of them (female) SPs, the exaggerated sexuality is also predominant. Sick, sick people – and they have no remorse or conscience. If one is not in their close little circle, they’ll throw anyone under the bus to get ahead and not take the fall for any of their wrongdoing.
On a more positive note, I have referred a close friend to this site after she told me about this guy who keeps pursuing her, and won’t take “no” for an answer. It’s her story to tell, but I am so glad this site exists to educate and support people.
Hi,
I’d like to add something I have been told about on previous sessions with my therapist. He was talking about Deceptionists and Perceptionists. The Deceptionist is big on words but very poor on proof (a sociopath who wants to hide his own fault behind the participating fault of someone else. Suddenly, the less person to blaim becomes the ‘main suspect’ in the crime).
The Perceptionist can be any person with compassion and understanding forward the sociopath. A perceptionist SEE’s the truth in the sociopath’s words and not in the evidence showing otherwise. A Perceptionist see’s you the way the sociopath describes you and not how you truly are.
I think Isabelle (the sociopath who screwed me over) is such a deception type. Her main tool against her victims who FINALLY escaped her is pitting people against them. Fake accusations. No proof but big on words. The “hurt innocent lamb” card to gain peoples “aaawwwwww…poor thing!”
Does this make sense?
Kind regards.
Interesting thanks Mira, I haven’t heard of this before. But it is an interesting concept.
I looked into this issue years ago as I have a number of the traits normally associated with sociopaths. I do care for those in my immediate circle but outside of that I don’t really give a damn about anothers feelings other than how it may affect me or those I care for. I care about things in general, such as disability groups, the environment, racism etc but a lot of that comes from a purely practical approach.
It makes no sense to judge others based on gender, race or sexual affiliation so I don’t understand the concepts. Destroying the environment makes no sense as long term we are only hurting ourselves and as such I get frustrated at the stupidity of short term thinking.
As for those with disabilities be they physical or mental it makes no sense to blame then and more sense to create a system that offers support, to do other than that is impractical and will make a huge mess economically and socially so once again I have trouble understanding those who would penalize someone for something outside of their control.
It’s not that I don’t feel it’s just I don’t see the point in being emotional in situations where such behavior has no practical use. I remember a flat mate of mine being incredulous about my reaction to a situation. My mother was in Mexico on holidays when there was a quake. There was an announcement saying where it was and the Australian embassy had a number you could ring to give the name of the relative who would then go on a list of missing. Once they were found or made their way to an aid station they would be given a phone to contact us. I did all that and tried my mothers mobile a number of times but it was off. So I sat on the couch to wait and while waiting read a book.
She asked me if I was worried and I said of course and then she asked how could I just sit there and read. I didn’t understand the question so she said if it were her she’d be on the phone every few minutes and talking to other members of the family and probably be crying. I just said what good would it do, it wouldn’t make my mother appear faster and the rest of family had already been informed so what would be the point of it. I finally understood she meant I should be putting on a ‘show’ of grief and worry and because I didn’t it made me heartless.
Eventually I said how would ‘appearing’ to be upset make me any more or less worried than I was so she gave up and stalked off. I obviously missed something and it is most likely due to that quirk in my nature that allows me to step outside of a situation and approach it in the most practical manner but may leave me blind to other aspects. It’s also what makes me immune to those people who like to deride others because I simply don’t care about their opinion so why should it affect me.
There are things I wouldn’t do based on cause and effect and in weighing the odds I’m not prepared to deal with the outcomes but often it has nothing to do with a moral judgement. I do have them, ethics I mean, it’s just I don’t think I have as many as most do or at least I am more honest about it. I can make hard decisions that cause me emotional pain but are for the best, what upsets people I think is that once I make the choice I simply deal with it and don’t go about looking like I’m five seconds away from tears. Once again it’s the show that most want to see.
So I’m not sure where I fit on the scale but I know that I am different to most people I know and in a way I am glad. I don’t think I’d like to feel so conflicted and emotional all the time it would make life irritating and dislike being irritated. Just out of curiosity where would you place me on the scale or categories above. Promise I won’t be upset I’m just honestly curious to see how someone would see me.
Thanks for your honest response Jenni. Would you think leaning towards disempathetic? As they can be close to those in their close inner circle? Also common sociopaths can be at the lesser end of the sociopath spectrum. I have found that there are varying degrees. Some people, simply have sociopathic tendencies. I think that there are a lot more out there, than thought. Lots more. I Learned this after my daughter died. I was shocked at some people…..
I think it would be close – net exact but closer than the others. My traits tend toward dis-associative when pushed into a corner – by that I mean the ability to emotionally remove myself and walk away or to draw a line and not be overly harmed by the emotional fall out from it. [this doesn’t apply to those I considers close to me of which there are 4]
It was an interesting read.
Did you have a situation in your past jenni, where you had to ‘switch off’ to survive and get through. At any time in life either childhood or any other time? I did see a lot of correlation with patterns of the brain caused by previous trauma.
Yes – once as a young girl and then when I was 21.
As a child the neighbor boy was supposed to watch over his brother and I while we walked to and from school. He was about 6 years older which is a lot when you’re 6. He father beat him and he passed it on.
I can still remember the actual moment of the ‘click’ when I stepped aside. Tied to a tree while he punched be over and over in the stomach and I just stepped sideways in my head and wouldn’t give him the tears of pleas. After that he didn’t bother me as much or as often.
Years later I was stalked and assaulted, left for dead and it took stepping sideways again to prevent total mental collapse. It was a lot more brutal than that bald statement but I had a coping mechanism from childhood.
I’ve always been immensely practical [family trait] despite the very creative side of my nature so I think I trained myself to respond to life from that perspective. Taking a step to the side to dispassionately observe a situation and make choices accordingly. It’s not something I can unlearn now as strong emotions actually cause me physical pain – my brain trying to forestall hurt by a form of physiological aversion therapy would be my best guess.
Still I’m not sure I would change it even if I could. I enjoy my life as it is and feel comfortable in my skin. I also recognize the potential to do things others wouldn’t based on their morals or feelings.
Whereas with me it is more a case of understanding that breaking certain rules would only cause me to face the consequences. I’m not sure if I would be really capable of true harm in general [in fact I doubt I am] but in defense of those close to me well I wouldn’t have a problem with it and likely wouldn’t lose sleep over it.
It’s probably more a case of a predisposition to sociopathic traits that would most likely have remained dormant without the added stressors.
Thank you. I have witnessed varying degrees. From someone who literally had no conscience at all (nothing was like a light was out behind their eyes) to intermittent when triggered by what appeared to me to be a previous event. There is a psychiatrist in the UK (Bob someone) I will have to look it up, who strongly believed that it was related to previous trauma. I was a victim of more than one whilst traumatised and noticed a lot of similarities.
Oh I have a conscience all right I just have the ability to bypass it if I deem it necessary and do so with little regret if the situation calls for it. It’s why I am very careful about who I allow close to me and how I interact with others. There is no excuse for taking advantage of those who don’t deserve it or causing pain to reduce my own but it doesn’t mean that I couldn’t so as I said very careful.
Hey Pos just wanted to let you, phoenix and everyone know that I,have changed my name from bewildered to boopsiekisses, tell phoenix she can still call me b now. Thanks to you and phoenix and others here worked with me for 18 months. I think that how long I’ve been here I don’t feel bewildered any longer, April is truly my come back mo nth, I feel alive again, I feel like me again. Thank you for bringing me back to life, I love you that. Thank you. Peace an love 😊
Well good. It’s been good therapy and free and this is the service we like to offer 🙂 🙂
@Jenni
Sorry for the intrusion on your post. I found it intriguing, to say the least.
Obviously, I am no expert, but if anything, I would say going for disempathetic. If you are at all. Little information gives inaccurate assumptions. at the very least, you’re extremely in control of your emotions in most situations, so it seems. Which is uncommon.
May I ask a few questions?
You said you feel little regret in certain situations, but do you feel guilt? Guilt is not equivalent to regret. It takes a lot to be able to distinguish that – the difference between hating the action or hating the consequences.
Have you ever done anything to hurt someone/something, purposely or not, and been able to throw it out of your mind with no afterthought? While that is tied to guilt, it’s also tied to responsibility.
Are you always in control of your emotions? Are there any emotions that sometimes let through? Obviously, sadness is not one of these I gather from your writing. But do you ever find rage slips and is still possible to control but is extremely hard compared to others? Or maybe pride?
I apologise for all the questions >.>
Don’t apologize I don’t mind at all.
Yes I have felt guilt or pain over an action but as I said I have the ability to not let it impact on my actual day to day life. I’ve never deliberately harmed a person and wouldn’t unless provoked severely.
Even then it would have to be very bad as the same ability to take a step to the side lets me deal with pain that others cause without great impact. I have on a couple of occasions set out to stop a person harming others. I’ll try to explain.
I had a good friend with a very bad husband, he had mental health problems but that wasn’t the issue the real issue was that he was a narcissist and quite destructive and I recognized in him the potential for much worse.
He was very clever at saying the right thing to doctors and as such got away with a great deal. His wife left him but he stalked her, harassed her and at the same time was running around doing countless other things that were harmful to others.
She got a restraining order, he broke it and was taken to court. He had the doctors say he wasn’t mentally responsible and should be hospitalized so the judge didn’t jail him. Due to the revolving door policy and his guile he was out within a week as they hadn’t placed him on a forensic order.
This happened numerous times and his wife approached his case managers etc but they said they couldn’t step in unless they saw it was warranted and as he was their patient they couldn’t take her words into account.
I spoke with them on her behalf and explained that Glen was a manipulator and they couldn’t just accept what he said at face value. This of course went nowhere so I felt it was fair to change the rules. Now while he may have been manipulative he was no where close to my league and on top of that I am extremely bright [not ego just fact].
His weakness was that when questioned on his statements or backed into a corner it here his explosive and dangerous aspect came out. He would become abusive and make violent threats which would then be recorded.
I waited until the next time he broke the restraining order [having already spoken with the police and found them just as frustrated] and set up a meeting with the hospital Chief of Staff. My friend named me her rep so we met and I laid out everything including the times he’d been released and they didn’t warn her because of client confidentiality etc.
I may have mentioned legal avenues due to the deep distress and they all blustered for a bit but agreed if the judge ordered hospital again it would be at a high security facility but they couldn’t keep him forever only as long as the jail term would be.
That was fine I just needed him in there. So court comes and his lawyer trots out the same thing but this time the prosecutor got the judge to rule that if he was too ill to be in jail then he was in hospital and when the doctors felt he was well he would then finish the remainder of the sentence in jail.
That was all that was required because once in a lock down facility with none of the leeway and surrounded by those who don’t fall for manipulation from patients he wouldn’t be able to hide his true self. [plus I may have made it worth someones while to push his buttons from time to time]
So that even once the period determined by the judge was up he wasn’t released as every time he earned enough brownie points for a trial day leave he’d be so wound up that he’d do a runner of create a huge mess and so back to the lock down.
That was nearly 10 yrs ago – he’s still there and from my last report [I like to keep an eye on the matter] he’s never getting out. In this case the only thing I feel is utterly satisfied with the outcome. Probably not the most moral or ethical way to do things but I feel it was the most practical thing to do.
I do feel sadness about some things but once again am able to take that step to the side and not allow it impact me they way it did all those years ago. As for rage – oh yes I have it, blinding rage but I have had that since I was a child and have learnt to never let it master me – that step to the side again.
I do believe in cause and effect and owning the consequence of actions maybe more than most as I see it as fundamental to life. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and so before I take a step I question whether the consequence is something I wish to take.
Some things are worth the price others not and as such I act accordingly. Pride – maybe but if so I don’t see it in myself but then again it may be that I wouldn’t be able to.
Mostly it’s confusion as I find it very hard to understand why people must be so emotional about things and yet do nothing constructive about it. What is the point. I do feel I just don’t let it determine what path I take.
I’m lucky in some ways, attractive, smart and well educated and I don’t see that as making me better than others just luckier. What was created in me as a child scarred me but didn’t break me and I did my best not to become disassociated from my feelings as I grew older.
But what happened when I was 21 broke me, shattered really and I rebuilt myself and now I don’t run from this part of my nature anymore I embrace it and strangely I am more at ease in my own skin than most people I know.
It’s hard to explain it, I know right from wrong, good from bad but it is filtered through logic, practicality and the concept of cause and effect rather than an emotional recognition of these things.
If this doesn’t answer what you want to know feel free to ask – it is a subject that I’ve looked at since understaning why I saw things differently and felt apart from others was important to me at one point. Not so much now and I actually quite like my life.
There are exactly 8 people in this world I hold dear one of whom is my husband and they accept me as I am without any desire for me to be different. They are also the only people on this planet that I would let the leash off the nastier side of me to defend if someone harmed them. I don’t hate the rest of humanity I just don’t really care about them in anything other than a general sense.
By that I mean I work with groups that fight for human rights and environmental protection, assist those who work against discrimination because why wouldn’t you, not to want the world to be a cleaner, safer and more equal place just doesn’t make sense.
@Jenni
Your response is very thorough and well-written, if I may say so myself.
I would say that you are indeed not a sociopath, as you display empathy (the single solid defining fact one has). However, all of the other things you described lean towards tendencies. I would say you, because of your intelligence, have been able to adapt extremely well from your past, better than most, and so have become like you are today. Don’t label it, is what I can say. None of this PTSD, BPD, label bullcrap. You are who you are. If you can’t change it/don’t want to, why bother trying to define it. Label yourself as unique, if that makes it better ;3
“Had” a good friend. Meaning no longer? If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the story behind that? Related to the previous one?
Trust me, stop trying to understand the people who are controlled by their emotions. It will make you want to crack your head open in frustration. But it’s also extremely irritating because you want to gain knowledge. There are just some things you cannot possibly fathom, and diverse minds is one of those things. You are, however, older than I, so you may already know this and I may be saying this for nothing.
If you ever feel like chatting to someone, perhaps blindly ranting or anything, about these confusing people that inhabit this world, feel free to talk to me ;3 I promise I won’t give lying pity or beat around the bush or tell you ‘it’s gonna be alright just cry it out’. ;3
I’m able to share with you all my knowledge, but keep in mind I may not have any more than you on the side of more neurotypicals. I can talk about having a lack of empathy, though. I know a lot about that ;D
Hi, due to you feeling guilt and other mentioned factors, I would go with PTSD…possibly anyway as people with this can disassociate when under “threatening” circumstances….It is the ability per defense mechanism (learned from previous trauma/experience) to take a mental vacation and be detached from the threatening stimulus (based on an individual’s own perception).
They don’t give a damn to you too. When an empathy is helping you, she secretly and selfishly hope for Gods’ reward in near future. Everyone has a direct and indirect selfish intentions for others. what makes you different is the fact that your intentions are direct.
Pos, please pull my name off here ugh
Was that the last comment? Removed if so 🙂
Thank you Pos…. 💛
Hi Positivagirl! This is Lux. I was on here a while ago, less than a year or so, but got swept up with life and became so busy. We’ll I am doing a lot better. I was a Suicidal train wreck before on this site. I am doing a lot more better mentally, not sleeping my life away anymore. Now, I have met someone new…and I am in pain as I am questioning again ‘is he a Sociopath? ‘
Long story short, he was charming, perfect , sweet, intelligent beyond his years and attractive. He was the one who first wanted to be with me, and soon we we’re talking about relationships, moving in together, texting like crazy. He said he had just got out of the worst relationship of his life, so I offered we could take it slow and I resured him I would not hurt him. I opened up to him about me being molested as a child after two months or so and was that I was hesitant to move too fast sexually and we decided to wait. (Didn’t mention about being raped by my ex Sociopath boyfriend) I didn’t want to tell him about my ex to scare him off.
Later on he eventually met my family, we had a few dates, spent the night, we messed around, but no sex though.
Then one day NOTHING……Just NOTHING….cricket, cricket……………..like it was all a dream. Text, no response, call no answer, then I let it go…it was a week before I got a response with the exuse of ”I’m so sorry, I’ve been so busy!”
Then he cancelled twice on me. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen him, and now two weeks since I spoke to him. I’m ready to call it quits and change my phone number to reduce the pain of not knowing if he ever tried to contact me again or not. Makes it easier for me to just not know. Is he a Sociapath or just a douchebag or player? Or both? Please help….I need closure. He made so many claims and promises that I know most likely will never become reality. It hurts.
Hi lux good to see you back again. The truth is that it could be that the relationship naturally came to an end, the average relationship lasts 6 to 12 weeks. After this two people decide if they want to go further (Tracey cox author of hot relationships and how to have one). This might have nothing to do with you. Maybe take back your own control and decide that as he has been absent and not thinking about your feelings, maybe he isn’t good enough for you. You want someone who will be with you, through good and bad. Not someone who bails out, let’s you down and leaves you wondering what is happening. You deserve better.
Thank you…I feel better now.
The stress that you feel is your own instincts kicking in, telling you that this is wrong.
I was reading on Experience Project a user named ‘PorcelainfacedKiller’ in a forum for socs, she talks about her life as a soc and what happened after mom Committed Suicide after finding out about it. It’s crazy, the girl is one sick puppy! But it’s fascinates me nonetheless.
The psychology fascinates me too.
@Luxla the Unlucky
I’ve personally conversed with PFK. She’s the most pathetic poser ever >.> don’t believe a thing she says. She just wants all the attentions.
Yes, the psychology fascinates me to….very intrigued to read up on these non emotional, hollow entities.
@boopsiekisses
They do have emotions you know >.>
Hi Lyss,
Hi Lyss, don’t know what happened to my phone just now, but anger and rage are their emotions. Did you just join the site? This site has helped me so much, its a blessing. I’m am in the accepting stage of recovery, I feel so alive now, the weight has been lifted off. I used to go by the name bewildered, but had that name for as yr.
or more like 18 months now, and I don’t feel bewildered anymore. Yyou will,truly get help here. Peace and love 😅
@boopsiekisses
Haha, not exactly.
Glad you’re finding help though.
I found my help and support already, I’m out of the fog and am myself again. Socios mimic every emotion by practicing on empatths their whole empty life. The only emotions they possess is rage and anger. Peace an love
Lyss.
. I am not finding help, I’ve already found it, take a step back and reread my post, the only emotions they possess is rage and anger, they mimic the rest. You may even be a Spath yourself haha.
@boopsiekisses
As I said, I am glad you have been able to find help and support and get better.
A lack of empathy is the only trait a sociopath possesses. Not a lack of emotion, personality, any of this.
Empathy includes remorse, shame, and guilt. These are the emotions they mimic. Sociopaths have everything else there, though. Don’t mean to sound rude but I am unsure what led you to believe they did not possess these emotions?
Sorry…more emotions than simply anger and rage in socios. Socios can feel happiness…some feel depressed for a time…excitement…just different but not entirely void. It is much easier to view another, even an evil sociopath, when thinking that they all only feel rage and anger….or that socios are not really human at all. I respect your opinion; I just simply do not agree.
I understand that they may possess emotions, But un the same token they lack the capability of expressing outwardly their emotions like we do. So as I see it their always looking to hurt you, its constant with them. Lie, manipulate they are everything you would want in a partner. They supress their feeling and emotions and then split off, rage is all you see. I apologize for coming on strongly. Peace and love
Lyss I meant not want in a partner.. Lol
@boopsiekisses
Unfortunately, that is a common misconception. Real and shallow emotions exist. Regarding not being able to express them, that’s completely depending on the person, as it is with people with empathy
They’re not always looking to hurt you. Of course not. That’s completely a lie. Some go out of their way to not hurt people. Yes, some do, but the VAST majority you would never be able to pick out because they’d never hurt a soul.
It’s not a case of suppressing emotions, more a case of having many shallow ones, and very few things rising deep, true emotions. And they all have different triggers to rage, you know. Maybe whoever you dealt with had a trigger that is easy to set off. Some do not. Again, depending on the person..
The one I was with always seemed to go out of his way to hurt and humiliate me, and his kids. I have 3kids and 2are his. So yes everyone of them are different I get that. But I feel this way for very good reasons believe me Lyss. I don’t need any validation from anyone. But thank you for expressing your feelings, I respect them. Are you a psychologist, you seem to know what your talking about and I agree with you, that just sounds so different from my spath. 25 yrs of grief. and hheartache so excuse me for not feeling the way you do about any of them. Thank God for Pos or I’d still feel bewildered and confused. It took me al long time to feel like me again. I’m starting to excersise again, eating right, no more anxiety. I would never break no contact again. Peace and love 😎
@boopsiekisses
Maybe he was angry about something… Any ideas?
Studying psychology. I would never be able to be a psychologist, I don’t care enough for people to be able to comfort them or anything. If anything I’d be best as a psychoanalyst. And yes I am a sociopath myself. People who study psychology get to learn very little about lack of empathy actually, and when they do all the content is rather demeaning and, well, stupidly incorrect.
May I ask why do your emotions affect those unrelated things such as exercise, eating and all?
You said it best…well written…intelligent about humanity in general. Thank you.
I see your point here…and I am replying with a generalized view of sociopaths compared to people who date them and have been harmed by some of them. Good post.
They r not unrelated, everything is linked together. Being abused is draining, emotional, physical,spitual,sexual, and financial its all abuse. When u lift yourself up out of your mental state and accept that everything is bullshit, what u thought wasn’t, you will become yourself again, you will feel like becoming u again and start to live again. I knew you were a sociopath, just sayin. Peace
@boopsiekisses
Guess I just don’t quite comprehend that, shitty stuff that happens to me I just brush it off. No appetite change, same motivation levels, meh.
You could tell because I didn’t exactly attempt to shroud that fact at all, seeming as if you look at any of my other comments on this site I talk extremely openly about it, but ok.
That’s cause ur a sociopath, its easy to brush off shit, your not the one being abused, you do the abusing, can u comprehend that
@boopsiekisses
No need to get hostile there. You don’t want to let a sociopath be more mature than you now do you ;3
It’s funny, you seem to forget how sociopaths are created – through abuse.
No shit Sherlock. Sounds like a personal problem. Your fake, I have what it takes to be a wonderful human being. You lack them properties, if u feel ur more mature than that’s fine with me doll face, whatever rocks ir boat. I tend to become very hostile when a spath leaves replies to my posts. Don’t let ya mask slip hahaha. I won’t be replying back to u anymore. I feel sorry for u actually, u poor thing.
@boopsiekisses
Not really, seeming as I don’t give a fuck about it.
Oh, so you’re the mature one for out rightly attacking someone for no valid reason across the internet? Cute logic you got there ;3 this conversation was civil until you became a child.
Oh, but I’m leaving kind replies. I just can’t do a darn thing right now can I ;3
Awh, don’t. Trust me, I’d rather be me than a bitter old woman who hates a certain group of people just because of a label. I’m actually a very nice person, really ;3 even without a mask. Guess you’ll never know, being so closed minded and all. It’s like being racist actually. Just because you don’t like a black person doesn’t mean all black people are fuckheads ;3 or can’t you comprehend that?
Oh, right. Sorry positivagirl, I made a fight happen, I’ll take my piece and leave like a good sociopath. This conversation turned so quickly as soon as she found out I was a sociopath which actually makes no difference whatsoever. But that’s ok it’s my fault! Sorry!! Bu-bye until next time!
Hi Pos,
Don’t know what’s wrong with this fone lately, but hi Pos, sorry for the bickering back and forth, but never the less my I tuition was dead on. Any way everytime I come against another roadblock I become stronger, I don’t feel toxic anymore either. This summers gonna be great, gonna go back to ballys ad get my workout on, I’m gonna start eating healthy again to, put 10lbs on over this robot, not worth it. Just wanna thank you again for everything, I’m going to get a PayPal account nnext month in may… You ROCK.. I will b back on soon as there is another post to talk about . Peace and love 😅
Glad you finally did a piece on this (pretty sure I said you should do it months ago though)
I think I’m the disempathetic one. I care for my friends (a little) and pets. Any criminal activity I do is always something that isn’t such a big deal. Like for school, if I don’t have a pencil for next period, then I’ll just pickpocket someone for 1 or more. If I do anything major of criminal activity, I know that I may get in trouble and I wont do it because then all this unnecessary stuff will happen and it’s a waste of my time. I’m pretty intelligent and observant, so I know what happens when I do this to someone or something and ect. But I’m also lazy, so I never feel like doing anything bad either. I don’t care for anyone else but me and a few friends and certain pets of mine. I feel like what makes the different type’s of sociopaths are the genes within them. A gene that makes someone full of energy and athletic may be the hostile sociopath. My laziesness keeps me from doing much manipulation or anything else bad.
I need answers. My boyfriend fit all the traits of a sociopath. However, he’s very responsible when paying bills and buying things we need. I have control over his finances. He always saying priorities before anything. But the other controlling behavior is him. Has anyone ever had a relationship like this? If so, what was the outcome?
What does he do that makes you think that he is a sociopath? Sociopath’s are pathological liars, compulsively they lie all of the time. They smile to your face, and destroy you behind your back. They are actors/resses, chameleons, charming charismatic. Very intelligent. But they cause destruction. What makes you think that he is a sociopath?
Hi Kim, I would say that it is unusual for a sociopath to be paying the bills, and allowing you to have control of the finances. Often they manipulate you to pay, even when you don’t want to, and drain your finances to weaken you. What makes you think that he is a Sociopath?
Hi if you have control over the finances, but he is responsible, paying bills, and buying things you need, what makes you think he is a sociopath?
Kim every sociopath I knew wasn’t responsible they pay fir nothing while the victim pays one way or another – why do you control his finances is not responsible with cash? Sociopaths would not give you the power to control their finances not anyone I have known. It’s quite the opposite in my opinion but I could be wrong maybe he’s NPD with tendencies but why treat narcissistic personality disorder and not sociopathic behavior there similarities are so close and what is the major difference between NPD & sociopaths? Sorry kinda switched gears on you Kim these questions are for positivagirl – Why treat one not the other – I feel something is the cause the trigger for a person becoming a sociopath and it has always been trauma related – know a lot of vets who have PTSD – PTSD with substance abuse, NPD, which I am still wondering the main differences are I think he’s a damn narcissistic sociopath – awesome sauce found yourself another winner to buy you both a chicken dinner. If sociopath or nod stems from trauma such as seeing violence or being assaulted if the treatment is trying to treat abc’s & go after the root cause is it not the change the thought, action, treat the behavior reduce or modify the consequences- something like that just curious about your thoughts and or how you could help me understand my concerns in regards to my questions. Thanks for your help!