The following is top 18 traits that are red flags. Whilst not a comprehensive list, these traits show that the person you are dating could potentially be a sociopath.
1. Charismatic and charming
For the sociopath, image is everything. At least the image that he/she gives to the outside world. When you first meet, you will be bowled over at just how charismatic and charming he/she is. He will constantly flatter you. Sometimes this will seem false to you, He/she might tell you how incredible that you look. You know that this isn’t true. You just got out of bed, sat in your dressing gown, no makeup, and yes, you did actually see yourself in the mirror. Despite this he will insist that you are the most amazing person that he has ever seen in his life.
Your mind tells you that this is probably not true, but we push this to the back of our minds. At the centre of who we are as human beings, we tend to like people who like us. It is flattering and it feels good. You will notice that the sociopath will not just charm you, but will also be charming to everyone that he comes into contact with, including and especially everyone that is close to you.
His words are smooth and fast, and he is never stuck for something to say. He can be amazing company, and can light up your life with energy, charisma, and promises of a rich and bright future ahead. He focuses all of his attention on you, and makes you feel like you are the most amazing person that he has ever met in his life.
2. Superficial and glib
A sociopath will say just about anything to anyone to get what he wants. He is smooth, and words rolls words out of his mouth, without even thinking. There is something about the tall stories that he tells, which just do not ring true. Surely NOBODY could have been through that much, you tell yourself. The things that he tells you and everyone else around you seem to be said for the façade for show.
You might witness him/her being one person with a certain person, and somebody completely different with somebody else. He will say one thing one day, and if you change your mind next day, he can change his mind to accommodate you. If it seems too good to be true, and things are not ringing true, that is your inner voice warning you. Ignore at your peril.
The sociopath will say anything. They will say things to you, that you have already told them. This is designed to build trust, so that you think that this person knows and understands you really well. They make false empty promises, waste your time, and say things that they have no intention of ever coming true.
3. Lack of connection to their past
It is often too late and you are emotionally involved, by the time that you realise you haven’t met anybody from his past. He/she often moved to your city/town for work reasons, or some other excuse. Or maybe you met online. At first it doesn’t occur to you that you have never met anybody of significant importance to him. There are no lifelong friends, no family members who come to visit. After a while you will ask, but he will make excuses.
Most people do not meet others close in the very initial stages of a relationship; it’s usually an intimate time. Because of this, at first, you do not notice this lack of connections from his past. It is as the relationship progresses, and after you have introduced him to everyone that is close to you, you start to wonder, when you will meet people that he is close to?
Somebody who is as perfect as he/she seems, who is as charismatic as they are, who meets people so easily, would have other people from their past in their life. And if you are the love of their life, as they so frequently tell you, then they would be keen to show you off to people close to him/her.
4. Huge ego
All sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths. Because of this, all sociopaths have a huge ego. When you meet, they will tell you a huge list of things that make them sound absolutely remarkable. They will talk of big business plans, success that they have had in the past. How in demand they are with the opposite sex (but how they have chosen you, because you are special). They will talk of incredible success with careers. And most definitely brag of how amazingly skilled they are in bed.
They will sell themselves to you, like a top notch car salesman selling his cars on the parking lot. He will not care that everything told to you is a lie. He creates a wonderful fantasy of himself. Designed to ensnare and impress you. He will make you feel how lucky you are to have met someone as amazing as his smooth dazzling self.
5. They play victim
Of course, if the only part of his persona that you saw was his ego, it would be quite off putting. After all, nobody likes a show off. It is therefore important to the sociopath to play victim. He will tell tales of how awful his childhood was. How he was treated badly by his exes. What a wonderful caring person he is. He will make up incredible stories, designed to evoke pity and sympathy. If he is almost caught in a lie, he will try to deflect attention from this, and try to make you feel sorry for him. You will find that often when almost caught he will suddenly be very ill and almost need hospital attention. He can tell tales of terrible life threatening illnesses of those close to him (who you have never met, and most likely never would).
His ability to switch to victim mode will make you feel sorry for him. It will take attention away from the truth that you are so close to discovering. It will make him seem weak and vulnerable. It will also encourage you to open up to disclose your vulnerabilities and weaknesses. It will build a false sense of trust and a fake bond, which is felt when two people share their vulnerabilities.
6. They want to spend ALL of their time with you – showers you with attention and flattery
At first it can feel flattering. The sociopath, once they have selected you as an appropriate target, makes you the centre of attention and the focus of their world. They bombard you with telephone conversations, texts, and he wants to see you every minute of every day.
At first this is flattering. But after a while you long to see old family and friends. You wish that he/she had his own family and friends to spend time with. But as his are not around, you introduce him to your own inner circle. You become as inseparable as twins separated at birth. This not only moves the relationship forward incredibly fast, before you are ready, but creates a false sense of intimacy, which is mirrored from relationships of couples that are falling truly and deeply in love.
7. Sexual charisma and magnetism
All sociopaths have a great deal of testosterone. They will stare you straight in the eyes, a look which can feel sometimes uncomfortable. As sociopaths do not particularly care what others think of them and have big egos you will feel a great sexual chemistry. Before you sleep with them, they will brag to you how amazing that they are in bed. Mostly, this is the one time that they are telling the truth.
A sociopath usually has good staying power in bed. And can last far longer than most non sociopaths. They have energy to burn and love to show off their sexual prowess in bed. This chemistry between you can leave your heart racing, and you begging for more. When it comes to sex, a sociopath rarely says no. You will feel sexually very connected and compatible. Again misleading you into thinking what a great match you both are together. Sociopaths are often very sexy due to high levels of testosterone.
9. They are compulsive pathological liars, manipulative and deceptive
Most people feel uncomfortable telling a lie, and usually need to confess the lie and have a need to be honest. A sociopath is opposite to this. A sociopath actually feels uncomfortable telling the truth.
The lie is his weapon. It is his protection from the outside world. Sociopaths lie about everything and everything. They will make up huge stories, lies that they would obviously get caught out about later on, they will continue to tell, and when you are close to revealing the lie, they will lie further to protect the lie. Protecting the lie is more important than your feelings.
When caught in a lie a sociopath will always
- · Change the subject
- · Blame someone else
- · If pushed will become angry, and point out your shortcomings, but rarely will he ever admit to the lie.
The only exception to this is when his lies are so close to becoming uncovered, he knows that he risks losing you, and he has not yet finished with you for source for supply. In this case, he can confess lots of lies. And apologise for lying to you. He would do this only in a drastic situation, and would do this to rebuild trust, so that he could continue to manipulate you and use you some more.
A sociopath can go to great lengths to cover for his lies. An example of this, is someone who ‘fakes’ going to work every day, so that they can live off of you for free, whilst they are (fictitiously) waiting for pay.
10. Lives like a parasite
Sociopaths cannot really see the point of working hard for long hours and little pay. There are far easier ways for them to obtain things for free. Often a sociopath will see YOU as his/her career option. At first you will not mind. After all, the relationship has moved with speed, and you are now sharing your life together. He will give glib promises, of how he will repay you, how special you are. You are made to feel like he is doing you a huge favour. He tells lies, so that you think that he isn’ t just some dead beat loser. He will talk of business plans, or a great career, and that maybe he is just temporarily down on his luck. But he sells you a good, honest moralistic man, with great prospects (it is all a lie).
Sociopaths love getting anything for free. They see this as ‘winning’ and it makes them feel good. It makes them feel good for two reasons.
- It shows how stupid other people are (and therefore how clever they are)
- It enables them to have the very best in life, with very little stress, effort, responsibility or commitment.
All sociopaths do this, even those who work. Even high functioning sociopaths like certain politicians, who put in false claims for expenses and live off a great life at the tax payers’ expense.
11. Comes on strong and moves fast
If you meet someone and they are keen to move the relationship forward fast, be aware. Somebody who has faith and confidence in who they are will want to spend time getting to know you, learning about you. Finding out all they can, to ensure that you are a good match for them. After all, not everyone is compatible.
If you meet someone and they stay at yours from the beginning and by 6 weeks they move their things in, and propose marriage be wary. Take a step back. A sociopath always moves fast, and comes on strong. They do this to stop you from changing your mind, from seeking opinions from other people (which might be negative towards him), and by increasing the maximum amount that he can scam you for. He is keen, yes, but not on you, on what he can get from you. And the sooner he can begin this process, the better. He never knows how long he will be around for.
12. Seems to have so much in common with you, appears a ‘soulmate’ connection
A sociopath, not really experiencing real true emotions of his own, is capable of mimicking the emotions wants and needs of others. He will mirror you to be your perfect partner.
You will be surprised, at just how much you have in common. You seem to have so many common interests, and also common goals in life. You appear to have a deep connection, which almost feels spiritual. You can feel that you have known each other for years, or even many lifetimes.
If you are dating someone and you appear to have so much in common, that you feel like you almost like one person in two bodies, be aware. It could be a genuine connection, but it also has the risk, that you have met a sociopath who has already assessed you, and is now mirroring back to you, everything you are, everything that you need, and everything that you want him to be.
13. Socially isolates you
One of the reasons that a sociopath will come on strong, and bombard you with affection, is because he wants you to not have the time to see other people. If he does this he has you all to himself. He will feel jealous of other people in your life. He will do anything to put you off of spending time with those that he feels is a threat to his existence.
Within a short space of time, you can find that you are no longer spending time with people who were once close to you. By socially isolating you, it makes you more difficult to leave. You become reliant and dependent on him. Thinking that this is all that you have left in your life, he is the only one who understands you. If you look back and realise that you see less people in your life now, than when you first met, this is not a good sign.
In a healthy relationship, you are encouraged to spend time with whatever friends that you choose. You are encouraged to grow and to have space to breath. A sociopath rarely gives you breathing space. You will end up feeling that you do not have time for anything or anyone else.
14. Is very dramatic
Sociopaths are always dramatic. They tell big stories, are manipulative and deceptive. They appear to be larger than life characters. They are always charming, and he always story to tell. They are smooth talkers and they stand out. He loves to be the centre of attention. They do not mind having dramas or who sees them doing this, as they simply ‘do not care’. They are either dramatically telling lies, manipulating, deceiving, being dramatic victims, or dramatic pleadings that they will change. Whatever they do, they will always seem larger than life. Sociopaths LOVE drama. they are drawn to it like magnets. If there isn’t any drama, well they will create some.
15. Lack of life plan and long term goals
Some sociopaths work (high functioning ones), but low functioning ones do not. If they do work, they can rarely hold down a job for too long as they do not like routine, or being told what to do. Often they lose their jobs, or have a history of trouble in the workplace. Unless given an easy route for working, many sociopaths think that work is beneath them, and treat work with contempt. After arguments a sociopath might promise to change and get a job. But this is not very likely.
They do not make long term goals like everybody else. They are so busy lying cheating, manipulating and scamming. It is as if they do not have the time to make goals in life. Most people realise that to have anything in life they need to work hard for it. A sociopath works hard, for himself as he works hard at scamming and cheating others. But he cannot see why he would need to work hard to get things like holidays, or anything else. Although he will promise you that this is exactly what he plans to do. He will make plenty of promises, which will rarely come true.
A sociopath is so consumed by the drama of today, what is happening in the next few months do not seem of importance. They will lie today, and not think about how this will affect them in the future.
16. Immaturity
Most sociopaths are also very immature. Because they cannot learn from the past and keep repeating the same mistakes over, they are unable to grow up, and act in a more mature manner that has respect for other human beings. The sociopath has no real care for the rights of others. But he may feign care, if he thinks that it is to his advantage. If he thinks that showing care will lure you in, or seduce you, or manipulate you, he will act responsible and caring.
Like a teenager, the sociopath is demanding (masked with charm), and very selfish. They only think of their own needs (what is in it for me)? A sociopath is unable to put the needs of others before their own needs. A sociopath thinks that the entire world revolves around them.
17. Predatory stare
- Ok, they don’t all look THIS crazy…. but this is an example of predatory stare!! Jimmy Saville – definately a Sociopath who hid behind his celebrity status to abuse.
It is not just the ‘stare’ (see above) The sociopath also comes up CLOSE. It can feel quite uncomfortable, as he focuses his gaze onto you. His body language, gives you little space to breath. You can literally feel like you are ‘prey’. Sometimes the sociopath looks at you like you are his next lunch and he is very hungry! At first, this is flattering, later into the relationship it can feel ‘suffocating.
18. Will always blame someone else – lack of remorse, guilt or shame
When a sociopath has had a sociopathic, narcissistic meltdown (remember most of the time he has his mask on), you will see signs of insanity. The sociopath is deceptive and manipulative, and will cheat, lie and con. But you will not be aware of this.
When the sociopath is caught in his actions, he will show a total lack of remorse, guilt or shame. You might be shocked. This is a side that you have not seen before. Usually when the sociopath is behaving this way, he is often in ruining stage and just will ‘not care’. There will be no empathy for how you are feeling. He will show no remorse, guilt or shame for his actions.
The sociopath is never to blame, everything will always be somebody else’s fault. A sociopath will never admit to his wrong doings, instead he will either blame someone else, or ignore you, and your pain and move onto a new source for supply.
19. Jealousy and paranoia
The sociopath is extremely jealous and paranoid. Will accuse you of things that you haven’t done (that often they have done). You will feel that you are constantly defending yourself against false accusations.
Sociopaths are very deceptive about who they are
Copyright © datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
Thank you so much for this website. I have been reading and reading and I cannot believe I allowed this person into my home. It’s only been one day of no contact, however this is at least the 4th time I’ve tried to get away. It is very difficult after realizing he is a sociopath it’s making things so much easier. It was never me, it was him and this disorder!!! I sympathize that he has this, but so glad I have dodged a bullet!!! Thank you!
Thank you Ann and welcome to the site 🙂
Hi, I’ve been with the father of my 2 babies for 4 years now. I can’t tell if he is a sociopath or not. He does lie to me a lot. He steals from family members. Just yesterday I found out he stole my dads iPad cuz my dad text me asking if I had borrowed it and I hadn’t and he said it was fully charged. And all of a sudden it was offline. I noticed he was texting someone and that someone gave him an address so I called them and asked why he went to see them. Well he sold the iPad. Well the day before when I accused him cuz he does have a history of stealing from his own family he said no I didnt take it and when u find it we are over. How dare u think o would take it. Well I find out he did!!! He lies all the time. He will lie until there is proof in his face. I asked him why he did it and he said cuz he was mad at my dad. And anytime he does steal its cuz he was mad at them. He has entitlement issues. Please help me figure it out. I told him that he needs to go to therapy and have a job by march or we are through.
Does a sociopath child’s mother think there is something wrong with their child.. Is it obvious to them that something is wrong espeically if they re in their early 20s’
Female expectations make men psychopaths. Sorry.
@dan Torrence, I am sorry you feel this way. Welcome.
No this could be true because if someone is acting jealous or controlling man or women it makes the other return with the same attitude to “show them how it feels” you are right others actions can trigger it…
Going on day six of pure hell in the aftermath of the sociopath! I cannot believe I was so sucked in. I cannot believe it was all lies and manipulation. I can’t sleep or eat or wrap my head around any of it. How was he so nice and misleading? He fed off my weaknesses, mirrored me so well, and destroyed me when I started not believing him. I found the messages to his new victim and was devastated, though not entirely surprised. Why do I feel bad for him? Why can’t I move on and let it go!? I’m so thankful there’s a place I can go to see I’m not alone. Nobody in my life understands how much pain I am in. I keep reading old messages and checking his blog. I know he is posting stuff that he knows only I will read and I can’t stop myself. It even talks about how finds people he can make shine and feel so wonderful and then destroys it when he’s done with it. IT! Like I was a possession and meant nothing! No remorse. After my therapist told me he sounded like a sociopath, I went home and researched it and he literally is a textbook version. I should be thankful that I found out, but I still am sad And vulnerable. How do I escape this hell?
I’m so confused
https://datingasociopath.com/?s=fog+of+confusion
It’s so bad,I know.I’m so glad this support is here xx
Hi Lindsey,
I can feel your pain by what you write. You seem to be hurting so badly. Can you do one thing for me please? Do NOT focus on how it was all lies etc…. as there was probably some things that were true and genuine. What I want you to concentrate on (apart from yourself) is that he has NO CONSCIENCE. At the end I was hurting, really badly. He had stolen from me yet again and it hurt so much. I was tearing myself apart. Even though I knew the answers – it just hurt so much.
My mum then said ‘there is no point focusing on why…. why is he has no conscience, he can’t help it, its the way that he is. The only thing that you can do is to stay away from him’
She was right. I needed that reminding. I realised that focusing on the fakery and what he had been doing wrong to me, only hurt me more. So instead, I flipped my thought back to him. It is HIS fault – NOT yours!!!
Why do you feel bad for him? Do you feel bad that he has no conscience? Do you feel bad that he doesn’t care. You do realise he has moved on, not because of anything to do with you – just that he doesn’t care about anyone apart from himself. EVERYONE around him are simply instruments to be used. Don’t fall for the victim play acting either. He came to you with an agenda and he left with one too.
Yes — he does see people as possessions. But – thankfully you can now reclaim YOU…. you don’t have to be his possession anymore. I know that this hurts, but you will hurt yourself more by looking at his things, and he will gain pleasure knowing that you are doing so, and that he is hurting you. Sad and sick – yes – but true.
You deserve someone who can truly love with their heart, not somebody who thinks of strategy and game playing. You don’t want to be thinking about what he is going to do next. You are not his mother. he has proven that he CANNOT be trusted. He has proven that he CANNOT take care of you and your needs…. and you WILL meet someone who will love you for you. I absolutely understand the duality of personality and how this is so confusing to you. He might have meant that at the time – because he was getting what HE wanted!!! Once it no longer fulfilled his needs – or he wasn’t getting pleasure he moves on…. as he is so weak he cannot be on his own.
Believe me – he will do the same over and over. I had mine in my life for two years. Throughout those two years – NOTHING changed apart from repeated patterns of behaviour – oh and he finally got a job. That is all. But everything was always about him.
If you start to let go…. you will grow.
The reason you are so obsessed and can’t let go is because you are looking for any sign that you may be wrong about him. You want to prove to yourself that you weren’t scammed by a monster. Rationally, you know that were and you are ashamed; so somewhere inside you are reaching for and hoping for an easier explanation. You have to stop looking because you already know the answer. Forgive yourself. Move forward.
FROM PAUL Sorry to all reading this i am not very computer literate in writing format, I think i have just spent the last 14 months with a very beautiful woman,,,she is a very well groomed and preserved 51, looks about 40, which does not make sense considering the abuse with the substances she does for days at a time, are they some kind of emotional and energy sucking vampires,???? on out ward appearance she is hot,,, anyway does that fit the criteria for a sociopath???, the question I ask myself now, after allowing the demons to somehow jump from her into to myself on more occasions that I can remember. Is what and how has me still till this day second guessing myself, I did fall in love in lwith her no question, I am not a young teenager but up till now considered myself a reasonable judge of character as a 55 year old man who thought he knew better, the reason I say this is the signs were there from the start the substance abuse, being booze and drugs if available, a binge drinker heavily into denial, lack of close friends, family issues, though high functioning with in reason considering the extreme circumstances being 3 job changes in that time, 14months, but be it the sexual chemistry, the emotional, bond, who the hell knows with these people, but somehow the hooks were in, I have been abused, mentally physically, and at one point found her in bed with another man so wasted whether sex occurred or not but in reality more lies and some how my fault, they were both in a virtual coma, is and I still sometimes how stupid for me that she convinced to forgive that,, I know in my gut there have been others, but I cant have even a female friend because I am a sex addict and unfaithful,,, ( whether she had sex or not when caught in bed with another jerk,) I wonder about that not that it matters the intent was there, but she had no recollection, whether it happened or not,, selective blackout memory more like it, I am in Australia, we ended in December and she left for New Zealand with another man weeks before, that she met on dating site, on xmas day leaving me hurt confused and feeling very demeaned and no sense of worth,, they are good at doing that, only to be called 3 days later in a hysterical state, ,demanding that i go get her, I did not go and I told her its over, guess what she is still ruining my day all day 2 months down the line proffesing undying love and wanting marriage, i am beyond the no contact issue, she calls texts , emails ,, comes to my home,, what do you people suggest I fly way for a few months as far away as possible, a restraing order, was asked to come and get her as it all turned to crap with this new man when he left her in a another country in expensive hotel ,leaving her with bill, the moral to the story so easy to get roped in and another one actually getting them out of your life , in the end I am starting, even to question my own sanity .. my parting word of advice apart from and lack of judgement, and stupidity, own and accept they create it in you… seems for some of us that have a heart in life IN ORDER TO BE DISSILLUISIONED IN LIFE ONE IS USUALLY IS A VICTIMS OF A ILLUSION IN TH FIRST PLACE GOD LUCK AND BLESS ANYONE IN THESE KIND OF DUNGEONS THESE KIND OF PEOPLE CAN CHAIN US IN ,GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS TO ANYONE WITH THESE BAD BAD PATH CROSSES, GOOD LUCK AND GET BLESS ciao for now PAUL from down under…
Hi Paul welcome to the site.
GIRL YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Its been 16months and im still floored! their were 5 of us in the end…. Stay strong!
I married one of these in my first marriage. Get out NOW. He had a flavor of the month woman (a few who called me when he dumped them), he never let me have my own money ( we had a very lucritive business) and when I told him ” I’m over it” after 7 years, he still tried to stay with me, When I finally told him “no more” he left town and abandoned his 3 year old son. They like their comfortable home-base while they branch out and hurt other people as a challenge. Then they come home to you.
You’re just a place to stay while they find more victims. Pack your stuff. Turn off your emotions and get OUT. And when you do. be prepared for the “I Love you and only you please let me back”. Shut the door on it and walk away, no matter how much he pleads. I allowed my x-sociopath husband back in my life for years. Its a game to them. He just kept reverting to the same cheating-lying pattern everytime I let him come home.. Hell, I could almost chart it monthly. Get out, screw the money, the time invested, and the lies. Just leave.
I left with minimal child support and no alimony. I’m just glad I dont have HIV. The socialpath loves to bring home diseases.
Great advice, thank you BS.
PS
Leaving sometimes means letting go of it all. And you may lose some material things. Thats doesnt mean he “wins”. That means hes a tick that has to find another “host”. Just make sure the “host” is no longer him sucking YOUR blood forever. Let his nasty 6 legged butt crawl off to another tree so he can find the next victim to drop on and feed off their life essence. Key is, if everyone woman knows to lookout for these guys, they will eventually kill off the species by simply getting rid of them when they find one in their hair. Pass the advice along to others and smile as you walk out the door. You won the battle by getting rid of the sociopath. And when you do GOOD JOB!!!!
I’ve run into two back to back. I’m a psycho magnet. And it’s so hard to get away… The first time it took me 4 years. I’m only 2 months in this time but can see it happening all over again.
I did more than one back to back also Jessica. It is hard as one breaks you down, making you prime victim for the next.
It can take years to recover! No one will really understand the pain.
I do know what you are going through!!!! Currently going through this now. The bad part is I have to look at him everyday as we work together. 2 long years I’ve dealt with this man, only when you reach the point of enough is enough do you seperate yourself, step back and look at everything that has happened do you feel so stupid and my biggest emotion is humiliation. I’ve blocked him from my cell phone, and I play it as “I didnt get your text” as he use to do me, and the good part is he cant use his work email to contact me; that’s evidence for me, lol and IF I have to deal with him at work I keep it monitone and polite and ALWAYS I try to make sure someone is around when I have to speak to him that way he cant use the whole it’s her word against mine. It’s been tough no doubt but I tell myself everyday……just breath because YOU are worth it….he isn’t
I swear I’m newly getting over mine the first month sucks but I swear there is light and it’s so vibrant and beautiful please please know you will realize so much later and you will fell better in a few months then you have your entire life!!!!! I gave myself sometime cried myself to sleep for a while my body literally ached from missing him and I eventually said he has done enough to me and now he even got me to want to destroy myself I started working out hanging with friends and met a guy we hung out for the first time a few weeks ago and only see each other two or three times a week he is very busy during the day and in the beginning I was texting all the time like wtf why isn’t he paying attention to me? After all I was use to someone who wouldn’t let me out of their sight for 20 months and now I realize how great it is to only text five or six times a day and only see each other a few times even though we live close and most of all it’s okay to have my own life and own friends and have a relationship and most of all the trust I am receiving even though it’s still early it’s so nice that I’m 1000% sure he isn’t a sociopath and I feel so free!!!!! It feels so emotionally healthy can you imaging going a whole day actually focusing on your own needs not feeling guilty for it and being able to enjoy a dinner just talking about it not defending yourself that that’s what you actually did…
It’s been about 9 months after the sociopath and I broke up and I am just realizing it. I thought he was my first love. I thought he was just unique and eccentric. I should have realized something when he told me that I was the only person he was nice to. I feel like such a fool. He fits every characteristic of being a sociopath. I was an easy prey for him, especially since I was only 20 and he was 29.
Hi Jennifer, welcome to the site 🙂
I was the easiest of prey.I feel so stupid and i live in a tiny town and i knew about his past.
It took me a while to find this site again, a friend had posted it a while ago, and I remembered briefly reading it- I’m not sure if the guy I was dating was 100% sociopath yet or not, however so many of those points were spot on. I was only with him for 3 months. And it was long distance, however the pain that I am feeling now, is still unbearable, the way he sucked
Me in so fast. Telling me how I was perfect for him, and how his mom had told him he would meet a girl like me countless number of the most amazing texts a girl dreams about- we went from texting all day and night, and hrs and hrs of phone conversations, to planning trips and the future together to nothing. He was here for my birthday weekend, a week before Xmas and everything was just amazing- his attention to me etc made me feel so loved and special. Then he went to his families for Xmas and was supposed to be back at my house the fri after Xmas and we were going to drive back down to GA together, where he’s now living. A day before he was supposed to be back, he tells me he’s done. He’s got nothing for me. His feelings changed. And then stopped everything. Won’t answer my calls or texts or anything. I am completely devastated over this. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, so sick constantly. I had been so confused as to how this could happen. But then as I read the signs on here, it all started to make sense. My family and friends don’t understand why I’m so upset over this because it was OnLY 3 months to them. But to me it was 13 weeks- of feeling so secure and confident in myself, so happy, so in love, to have something like that just pulled out from under you is the worst pain imaginable. It doesn’t make it any easier saying to myself that he’s the one with the problem, however it makes it easier knowing I’m not alone.
Thanks for listening
Well Happy New year , I’ve sat for 3 days coming out of the fog and researching, not surer yet if he’s a sociopath but I’m sure I was darkly seduced with hypnotic techniques, shudder shudder
There’s a thing they call soul gazing and NLP technique. It’s sick, there are groups that sells these ideas to men . I found them all over the internet
Yes the sick psycho I met in 2010 told me about you tube videos he had watched 😦
I have dated a couple sociopath’s in a row now, I’m in a very vulnerable spot in my life which is why I keep attracting them. I’ve been lucky I haven’t been sucked in for too long…usually only a couple of months. However, I’ve noticed some things that aren’t on a lot of these websites that they all have in common.
1. NO FEAR OF DEATH. At all. Both of mine repeatedly talked about this, or “cheating death several times”
2. Drug addiction. This goes along with the high risk behavior, proneness to boredom, thrill seeking activities etc. Some of them might be able to hide it well for awhile, but eventually you will find out.
Also, in one of the other comments (different thread) someone mentioned they felt like they were starting to pick up some of the sociopath traits. AHHHH this is so true. It’s like I really need to get all the darkness and negativity out of my energy field because it’s affecting me too…making me feel grandiose, egotistical, etc. Not good. This is another reason for NO CONTACT.
Has anyone else noticed these things?
Hi Amber, welcome!!! 🙂
Oddly the ones that I was involved with all smoked weed. I think that addiction is common with sociopaths due to
1. Boredom
2. Opportunistic lifestyle
I don’t think that sociopaths have much fear. They don’t think too far ahead, often think that they are invincible – above everybody else. So this would make sense why would they fear death? I had read that psychopaths are at a higher risk for suicide? And sociopaths fake that they will take their lives for attention and to play the victim…. I think also they don’t think that they are doing wrong. So why would they fear death? Or any retribution for their actions?
Those are my thoughts?
this guy found a comfy couch. They have no fear of death or of the woman. Politely pack their stuff up and leave them without a key to the new lock. Many blessings. You deserve better, so much better.
For me both of your observations were true. No fear of death, in fact no fear at all apparently, which, at the beginning at least added to the excitement and attraction for me. And, yes i also discovered a drug problem which was hidden very well. I had to go the no contact route as well as it was tearing me apart. 9 months later, i’m getting there but still hurting and at time s blaming myself. Mine was a gay relationship, just to make the point that all types of people can be sociopaths. Good luck Amber.
Hello Amber – You nailed it! While I’m a male, and the “mirror” was (is) a female, the drug addition and no fear of death are indeed there, she even shared with me how she would plan to take her own life if she ever did it. Also, adopting traits of the sociaopath are something I did as well! The one friend I had left thought I was off my rocker! Looking back I can’t believe the things I did “for love”. This is the best website I’ve found by far – lots of advice on recovery and comprehensive too. I;m in day 3 of No Contact!
good job!
Hi Amber,
Yes, all of the things you mentioned above resonate with me. It has been several months since I last saw him (though he has tried to contact me several times), but I was with this man on and off for two and a half years…and I have been wondering lately if his lack of morality and overall pessimism about humanity wore off on me in some ways…it is concerning. But definitely also drug addiction, bragging about having no fear of death are true too.
As I have been reading this site, I am surprised at the level of detail with which “my” sociopath fits the profile perfectly…it is both disturbing and, strangely, a relief to finally make some sense of this after all the confusion and lies…
Hi Sylvie welcome to the site 🙂
YES!
Hmm, they could of been psychopaths too…not really sure. Either way, good riddance! Now, I have to keep reminding myself that there are good-hearted genuine people in the world. Thank you for your blog, it is very helpful.
Hi Lindsey, I know how you feel. I was with my SP for five years. I finally threw him out last night after I found out he’s stolen my 14 year olds sons money AGAIN! The first time I couldn’t prove it and my son can be a tad absent minded. But again, last night his money had gone again. When I asked him if he had taken it he flew into a rage and ran around MY house screaming and shouting, calling me and my son MONGOLS!
A bit of back ground of my life with this man. Well, he has all but destroyed me. The police have been called so many times due to his drunken, abusive behaviour AND again the police came last night leaving me to embarrassed to face my neighbours. The word ‘WORK’ to my SP was like throwing holy water over a vampire! His behaviour has constantly got worse. But it peaked when I told him NO MORE MONEY< BOOZE or FAGS from me. The lies and the thieving has escalated so much so that I would carry my handbag with me everywhere, even in the house. But like you I too felt sorry for HIM! To this day I will never understand why.
He has called me an idiot EVERY DAY for the five years I have been with him. I have lost friends, my reputation and now my mental health has started to suffer. He punishes me by sleeping rough in the country where he knows people I know will see him.
I am a professional, well educated and well spoken woman and yet he tells me that I have no class, culture or manners. But to be honest over the years I have felt him dragging me down to his disgusting level – I have screamed in the street at him, got drunk in public and argued with people and got to the point I was having a mental and nervous breakdown – all because of the way he has made me feel about myself.
These are REALLY dangerous people, more-so because they do all the bad stuff and make YOU feel sorry for them. Again, just something I can't get my head around.
Now it's my first day of getting him out my life (although we have split up and got back together at least 50 times over the years) But I'm going to do it this time, because if I don't I know he will destroy me and frankly he just isn't worth it.
I'm going to do the no contact thing – I've tried before but always let the fact I feel sorry for him get the better of me. But not this time. I'll post on here in a few weeks time and let you know how it's going. Good luck everyone. Sx
Hey Sareme, I know that to walk away, is so difficult after five years. I hear your story and I feel my own too. I also dated one who stole from me, refused to work. (although he faked lots of jobs) he cost me so much money.
It will affect your mental health. I know that this is so hurtful to be so used and abused, and not treated properly.
The biggest loss of all…. the biggest loss is when you lose yourself. This is what you are describing to me, the loss of yourself.
See this as an addiction. Take it one day at a time. See him as LOSS…. for that is what he is. The longer you are with him, the more that you will lose.
You deserve so much better than this. You deserve to be treated better than this. You deserve love, honesty, respect. You deserve someone who gives not just takes.
This will never be possible while he is still in your life. Hang in there, we are there with you!
posltvagirl Bless you for this site,!! Youre an angel. I spent a wgole day looking at the site. Love your viewers, A great youtube song that addresses our plight Hopeyou dont mind the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM, Even today I go to this video, just to NEVER let me again slip to this scum.
Thank you bs 🙂
Yes. Agreed with all observations.
I must have missed #8, but of the 17 traits mentioned, 12-13 of them are all true of my ex-girlfriend. It is kind of scary how spot on this article is. I’m just thankful I got out of the relationship early enough.
Thanks for the article, hopefully this helps other people out!
Hi Ryan welcome to the site 🙂
How ironic. I dated an SP with the same name. Lied for years. Cheated chronically. Had a drug problem. Borrowed tons of money and now refuses to pay it back. Wanted to isolate me by speaking ill of my friends. Always took, but never gave. Mystery. The stare. No fear of authority. No responsibility taken for actions. My friends and family tell me the same thing everyday – that I should be thankful to God I found out soon enough. These people are a danger to society. Too bad we spend so much time and money building bombs to fight wars and not mental hospitals for these very sick people!
I just ended a 21 year relationship (18 years married) with a woman I have come to believe is a sociopath (and narcissist). This list is frighteningly dead on. Part of me wishes I could go back and time and warn my 19 year old self to stay away. Alas, I have two children, boys, with this person and I will continue to have to deal with her.
Hi James, welcome to the site!! 🙂
This is something that I thought of recently too, how I wish I could go back to that self of me at an earlier time. However, if you had – you wouldn’t have your boys, so I would imagine that if you could change it, you likely wouldn’t because of your boys.
Welcome to the site 🙂
You are already back to your old self. Thats why you made the site. (smiles)
Maybe I’m the only one saying this, or maybe I’m the person this site warns you about, but either way I think this needs said.
Not every man (odd how it seems to be he a lot, though I’ve met many more who were female), who mistreats you or uses you or dumps you is a sociopath or a psychopath. Most people are opportunistic by nature, we are actually predatory creatures by nature..all of us.
I think what I am saying is that just because an individual has done some or even all of these things does not necessarily confirm anything. I’m not condoning or excusing the actions taken, but how many of you have used your own abilities to take advantage of a situation as well. Ladies, ever flirt with a guy at the bar to get him to buy you a drink, or tell him how bad your ex was to you. We are all guilty to some degree, so I just would ask that we take a look at ourselves and our actions as well. If we are all honest with ourselves, we might find that we are not as blameless as we would like to be.
Hi Dustin….
I can honestly say – no…. I have never used someone else for my own gain. I take it you have never dated a sociopath?
I do agree…. that there are some people who are simply ‘assholes’…. for sure. Or people who do bad things, are selfish. Sociopathic behaviour is specific. It is a certain pattern of behaviour that repeats over and over. They don’t learn from their mistakes either, so they keep repeating the same behaviour.
Honestly, I can say no. I don’t use or manipulate people Dustin. I wonder whether I did when i was younger, but young people do stupid things. I never though even when young, flirted with a guy to get a drink. I have never flirted with a guy in my life – ever. I wouldn’t want the responsibility of someone thinking that they were ‘in there’ for the price of a drink. I can’t be bought.
I am not saying I am perfect, no way, far from. But I do try to treat other people as I like to be treated myself. To not do so, to me, is not having respect for myself.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way and I couldn’t have articulated this any better than you have Dustin. I mean no disrespect to the author or anyone reading this article. This was obviously geared toward female readers, but it is wrong to assume only men can be sociopaths. I don’t think Dustin was challenging the author directly, but asking those who read this article to check one’s self before assuming another is a sociopath based on something written on the internet. EVERYONE is guilty of atleast one of the 18 traits. Though I do believe some people do get caught in a relationship with an absolute sociopath, there is a thing called conformational bias and the internet is a great place for that.
Wow! I have been dating a guy for 7 months and I have thought for a while now there is something wrong with him. He fits every single description point! He has absolutely destroyed me. I have watched him steal from others and he does not work. He thinks he is perfect, literally brags about how no one tells him no and every little thing on here. He puts me down and calls me names and picks and picks at me.
Hi Sarah welcome to the site. He sounds like he is really bad for your health and is affecting how you feel about yourself are you still together? Welcome to the site 🙂
I dated a sociopath back in 2010. How that man could lie. Long story short, I ended up hospitalised after having a nervous breakdown and was advised to go on Prozac for an extended period of time. He would have completely destroyed my life if it weren’t for my two children and a good friend of mine (the only friend I had left).
I lost myself in this man. He became like my lifeline, and life without him seemed unbearable. He would constantly lie to cover up lies and would have affairs constantly. More fool me for hanging around huh…
Last year I found out after he disappeared from our lives with no explanation or closure that he was engaged to another woman within weeks, and married very soon after.
I’m still picking up the pieces of my life but I will never trust again. I just can’t afford to.
Sam
Ps. This article is all HIM although he had a job and his own money. He used me for other reasons.
I am convinced I was married to a sociopath for 11 years. We separated in summer of last year. He exhibits all of the traits above. During our marriage he must have had a dozen jobs, would keep losing them, lie to me about the situation, pretend he was still going into work. He went through money like there was no tomorrow, lying about what he was spending on. We have two young children so he will always be in my life because of them. I worry that his behaviour and lies will rub off on my children. He cheated on me on sex websites, trying to hookup with other women at least a dozen times I caught him. He would lie about it until I showed him printouts of his conversations, then beg me for forgiveness. In the end I would feel that I was the one who was lacking in the relationship and I needed to work on myself and prove that to him. I had such low self esteem and it was ridiculous because I felt I was a good wife and mother. So why did he keep doing this to our family? I have a good career, love my children, keep very fit with running and exercise, good cook. His behaviour started becoming very controlling a few years ago. My mom passed away and I came to some realizations about my life and started to push back to him more. He did so many things that we’re lacking in integrity, I could write a book! Stole money from friends, took out loans trying to pass it off as a commission payment. He moved in with a woman only a few months after we separated, and she moved here from halfway across the province to do so. He held no regard for our discussions about introducing our kids to people we were dating. My kids stay with him half of the time, although he pays for nothing for them. They seem to like her, but I have found out he is cheating on her. Sets up this premise that he has a stable environment for our kids that he is starting over, but she is another victim. I am so worried about my kids but at least I can make a home with me that is a truthful environment for them.
I have came to realize that I think I was dating a Sociopath since October. I have been out of a physical and abusive marriage for two years and realized he was one as well. He started moving very fast in the relationship and it was always a pity party he would throw out. I graduated with my masters in psychology and it would think I would know better. At the end of November I was an idiot and gave him rent money because he could not afford to pay his rent and I felt guilty he had two kids and where they were going to stay and his cable and electricity was going to get shut off. He paid one time for us when we went out too eat and I have looked back and realized I paid everything after including his groceries for his kids and their Christmas tree. I am so angry with myself over the situation and knowing that he was taking advantage but I always felt guilty. It’s hard to wrap your thoughts around what has happened and he was wanting to live together and I bought into it. I should have looked at the Red Flags at the beginning but they are extremely good at what they do. I am very grateful for this website!!!
Hi Kam, Welcome to the site!! You know, I wonder whether they see it as a personal challenge. There are a lot of people who are therapists, psychologists, counsellors, who have also been taken in. i worked with human behaviour, had counselling qualifications. At the time I was working with homeless people. I wonder if it is their ego and arrogance to see if you will find them out? I don’t know, but I do know that it is common. A few have written to me (professionals working with psychology or human behaviour)
Oh my god… I just trew up…. I cant even belive this…
My fiance fits every single item.. But I… Love him… I really do… What the fuck am I supose to do now? I cant belive this… Im in tears….
Hi Ch, welcome to the site. Have a look around the site, and read posts and others comments. The behaviour is repeated over and over, it is a repeat pattern of behaviour. If you can relate to it all, then reality might be that he is. If he is, your reaction and how you feel right now, is normal. The first thing, is disbelief, and reading everything that you can to disprove that he isn’t. The more you read, the more that you cannot deny it, its so obvious. They are obvious. I think at first, it is normal to panic. After all you love someone…. and you don’t want this to be true. Also to be scared. I know that I was. Keep reading as much as you can, and talk to other people, if it starts to make sense to you – knowledge is power… being in the stage of disbelief doesn’t stay – its a process.. how did you find the site? Did you look up sociopath or compulsive liar?
CH – Try the “sociopath test” under the recovery tab, or better yet – run as fast as you can. Follow your intuition! If it’s too good to be true, it is! Read each and every one of these sections on this website, over and over to gain strength. Know that you can’t change them. Get checked for STD’s, and think back if you were asked to do anything illegal or outright immoral (for normal people) and ask yourself “Did they even think what the repercusions would be to me if I was caught? To my life, career, family? Hard truth – they really don’t care!
Reading all this I can’t stop crying …im still in shock an the No eating and no sleeping is all part of the hurt of having your heart ripped out !!!
An I understand about when you say a mental breakdown… I had my what I thought was my first an only true love in life as i looked back and no other relationship came close …I was in the magic spell of his deception we had a full on an Fantastic love/sex life thats how he made me feel… I was soo attracted to him I couldnt get enough!!! In the begining I should
have trust my instincts when I asked him to leave move out …. but my family questioned what they thought to be my irrational behaviour as they had too fallen under his manipulate spell … even tho we were driving round in a beautiful car that we found out down the track wasn’t even his! All his lies even to the point he was a mechanic and was happy to fix ny car needless to say it was never on rd and I had to travel everywhere with him and of course being same model as the one he pretended to own when his needed fixing he would just swap all my good parts for his… no wonder mine never ran properly !!! 3 weeks after our beautiful baby girl was born …i had asked him to leave again for the 5th round because of all the unthinkable things my children an I went through the regular police visits my life was a mess an isolation he even went to great lenghts of taking avos out against my ex… father of my other 5 children to keep him away from my home children an me …an to this day sadly we still don’t talk … for the next 5 months after bubs was born he loved tourting playing games with my already fragile state… just so i would let him back in for a free ride… abuse his gambling everthing thats on this site… reading it was unbelievable I thought it was his own personal biography with his going out and having fun always where all the women were always giving me hints of all the many women he was sleeping with an when he was finished with them he made sure they would contact me… I was hurt jealous upset angry an my every thought was being consumed by wondering what he was doing ect hours of time waisted… Before him i was never the jealous type i was confident in looks career life … but thats his game he found what upsest me …set me up and went all out to acheive whilst i was at home day in day out feeling vulnerable looking after our small baby no better time than when your pregnant or just after having a baby !
And the things he would do to play off women against each other texts at 10.30 at night saying he was ending his life to make you worry and I would ring as he had attempted it once before 😦 an of course him not answing made it worse …so you would ring more only to find out latter it was his game of pretending to be Mr popular … whilst out drinking laughing and chatting up women or could you please resend those photos of you and bubs again as my phone couldn’t recieve the earlier ones… so I did only to find out latter he had sent that message from bathroom wiped it off his phone was in bed with one of the 3 women he had been grooming and said” ohhh she is such a stalker … she wont leave me alone look at all the photos she sends all the time she was just a one night stand crazy bipolar woman who just fell pregnant an wont leave me alone… so after the 5th time of being court one after the other in short space of time sending me you know I would come back to you an bub in an instance… if only you’d let me… he for the first time after he finaly got a job brought bubs a cot and some things an I was impressed only because he had moved in with someone which I didnt know at the time and asked if he could have bubs for weekendand to meet him on his own how scary I would have never seen her again 😦 altho he insisted he was still living at his dads …an now silence …for 3 days… the new lady is a divorcee and stands to come into a substancial amount of money shortly she is a lot older an my point in saying this was only 2 weeks ago when he was playing the caring dad for the very first time … he drove for 2 hours an then jumped out an said Woww your looking old …I now know why he said that… its nearly been 3years we started dating …its been the longest 3 days of silence for me in my life 😦 I just hope im strong enough to get through all the web of lies I keep going through over an over on my phone an head an after never having time to think from all the drama an craziness the silence inturn can be just as devistating…
Go numb, stop loving hiM. Dont get caught in his cat-mouse games. I have a child with my x HUSBAND with a child. I did it. KIss him yes, but kiss him GOODBYE, Get your self respect back. **huggs
Hi,
I am just starting to heal after being in an abusive relationship with one of these SPaths. I now have a baby with him.
Many of these points apply to him.
Here’s my experience:
I “knew” him since high school, he is well liked, seemed to be sweet and charismatic. Embarked on a long distance relationship for about 9 months, whereby he got me to isolate myself to the point that he was the only one I was close to. He moved to my state and that was when the trouble started… I saw the real person he was, not who he was pretending to be over the phone. Then came the financial abuse, emotional and verbal. He sweet talked my family, asked for my hand in marriage barely 2 months after moving to be with me. Lots of broken promises. He enjoyed a comfortable life, which I was manipulated into paying for. I was belittled and humiliated, until I started standing up for myself. Then I became demonized, he and his family were against me. But I hung on because I loved him and was pregnant with his child. I was abused while pregnant, and made to feel worthless. He used everything he could until there was nothing left, and the realization that there would soon be a child became too much for him to bare. He shows no remorse, he blames me and twists the truth. He has seen his child twice, does not provide child support and I am left paying a string of bills which he forced me to create. He is now with another victim, the same story – long distance, using her finances, and planning their wedding soon. Our child is only a few months old.
I don’t know when I will ever be able to trust again. I also fear him negatively influencing my child’s life.
I do feel a bit better knowing there are others out there who understand what I have been through:)
Thank you.
Hi Athena welcome to the site 🙂 I am so sorry you are going through this. It is horrible picking up the wreckage of a life wrecked by other people.
I am needing serious advice about a man I’m involved with. I am currently 6 and a half months pregnant with his child. I don’t even know where to begin. This man is so sneaky and mysterious yet I can’t get enough of him. I’m in denial that this is the father of my child because I want so badly to keep my family together for my son .. I asked to look through his phone one night and caught him off guard . I’m not normally one to pry about these things unless my spidy sense goes off. He had been taking his phone everywhere with him even if h is going to the bathroom or the next room. He refused and I moved with my mother to another state . My issue now is hes making promises to put a roof over me and my sons head if I chose to come back.I’m conflicted I feel like its a lie because he never tried this when I was back home knowing I had nowhere to especially with his chiNow he’s all about it. He’s using my son as a pawn in his twisted mind game. I love him so much and its clouding my judgement as a mother n woman .help me please I need someone to talk. To me that can help me get through this and someone who has been through it my family does not understsnd how I could love someone who actions show lack of love or caring for my current situation. Thank. B
Hi bjo, welcome to the site!! 🙂
if it feels like a lie, it probably is. Trust yourself!! Think about it, he was prepared for you to have nowhere to live, despite that you were pregnant with his child? What does this say about him? He is trying to use your son as a pawn, and will continue to do so, if you allow him to. The reason that he is now having a ‘change of heart’ and offering you accommodation, is because he knows that you are away from him and living with your mother, so will be both protected and supported, therefore he will not be able to control and manipulate you so easily.
it can be so difficult to go through this while pregnant (I did too) as you have the following going on:
– you are pregnant, you are carrying his child, he is therefore part of you, part of your body
– You naturally as a mother, want the best for your child, and therefore want this family
– Because of the above – you want to believe him – you want to believe what he says is true
– Your emotions and pregnancy, that you share with this man, does make you more vulnerable than you would otherwise be
– You want your son to have a father, and for him to have both of his parents together
– Likely your ex will be making YOU feel responsible for taking his ‘father’ and ‘family’ away from him.
It can be very confusing and especially upsetting when you are pregnant with their child, as part of him is growing inside of you, and you want to do the best thing for your child.
I have been where you are. My advice to you, is to stick with your family. It makes absolutely no difference to your baby right now (and wont for years) whether you are living with the father, so you are not harming your child. right now you have SUPPORT from your family, and you need this. As this baby is part of your family too. So, you are doing the best thing for your child.
It sounds like he is being manipulative, trying to accuse you of being selfish or a bad mother, you are not, you have support, and family around you, that is also your babies family too. I think you are best off where you are. Enjoy your pregnancy with the support of your family. It was his actions, not yours, that made you return home to live with your mother.
I went back to my daughters father, feeling the exact same way as you…. I really wish with hindsight that I hadn’t. Truthfully he only wanted to live with me, to avoid paying child maintenance. It was all about him, and his needs (the place he had moved to, hadn’t worked out so he wanted to move in with me) – I really believed him when he told me he loved me every single day… but he didn’t it was simply convenience for him. Convenience that was evident (as well as his lack of conscience)
Sociopaths don’t think in the interests of their child, its always ‘what is in it for them’…. but your family WILL (hopefully) look out for the interests of you and your child.
Please write down a list of WHY you left him. WHY did you return to your mothers house? As those same reasons are the same. He wouldn’t have changed. There is no rush. Stay where you are, have the baby with support around you – as the worst thing is to be having a baby without support, or worse abuse!!!
See how things are AFTER your baby is born. (they won’t change) – he wants you back there, to have control, no other reason. You keep control, for you and your baby. As your babies needs are priority. This is what your child needs – stability, and you cant get stability with a sociopath.
Thank you for your comment. I really do understand how it feels to be pregnant, and to want to do the right thing and to be in love with the father of your baby. It is really hard, but listen to yourself, you feel that it is a lie, you suspect him, trust yourself and your own judgement. This way you cannot go wrong!!
And one day it started to make sense , why did he do this to me , did he love me ? Why did he lie to me it was not required .. Yes he had all of these traits .. When I started reading about sociopath/psyhocpath I got answers to all questions .. And I started feeling better about not having him in my life. Last year January we were talking about getting married our parents had met suddenly some divine intervention happened and it didn’t materialize . I was devastated missed him terribly in my life , forced him to make me a part of his life .. Kept waiting for his messages calls him attention which drove me crazy . I was not able to understand guy once so crazy for me has become indifferent like he has a switch which controls his feelings .. It started at workplace , we worked together and I was going through a heartbreak and was vulnerable and he came accross as somebody I was waiting for , for so long and it was soon after we were talking marriage kids . He lied about his mums religion , his dad’s designation , he showed pic of his real sister telling she is his ex (gross it is , I still wonder how can anyone do that) , took money from me created a situation where I felt poor he and always gave him whatever amount he asked , lied about his past , lied he has quit smoking for me , lied about his sisters relationship too (goshhh), made stories about his mom and dad, showed to me a house which never belonged to him , created fake facebook profile of girls and commented on his wall himself to show to the world how girls adore him , made fake stories about his friends , lied about attempting suicide when I told him I cnt stay with him , lied about his health getting deteriorated due to me creating issues for him, threaten me he will commit suicide if I don’t agree or If I ever tried to walk away , never spent anything on me (only initially to woo me) list is endless .. Hope everybody else here will agree he is a total sociopath .. He has manipulated his family too just doesn’t have any respect for anyone .. I am recovering .it’s been a year of breakup and 6 months of no contact and now he has moved out of my office building too ( I was sad about it despite knowing everything about him dis is what they do to you ) I know I will be fine .. And much better without him .. My wishes with everyone who has gone through this terrible experience .. God bless all
Please think of your future for you and your baby. This man will never change. I know you love him, all women who leave an abusive man still love them.
His love is different…. It is not love.
You can be ok just you and your baby… I know because I have done it…. You can be strong and you can love your baby.
If you go back he will use your baby against you and in time the situation will get much worse.
I am sorry about this situation for you..
Thank you for this information… I finally understand after all the stress, heartache and pain of loosing everything I ever worked for. After 5 years of trying to escape my sociapath he still finds me and my family… And talks his bullshit….
So many times he has been in jail and abused women…
Men like this should be locked up for a long time…
My advice would be to please educate yourself as much as possible regarding personality traits when meeting a new person to date…
Thankyou
Thank you Lynn and welcome to the site 🙂
Hi!
I need some advice on someone I went out with. I met with him in October in a bar. I was waiting my friends to buy drinks so I was sitting alone at the backyard of the bard. When he walked in to the bar, he was with his three friends. The moment he walked in he saw me and he stopped and looked at me and said hi and kept walking. He was very attractive, big blue eyes and has a very nice body. So I was attracted to him from that second that we saw each other. After a minute he walked to me with a great confidence and introduced himself. He sat down right next to me and we started chatting. Now when I think about it though, I feel like his self confidence was over the top, I mean he just looked at me and in a minute he was walking to me. He was very interesting and engaging, he seemed like he cared everything I cared about. At the end of the night, I gave him my number and left. That night I felt very excited, super attracted to him and almost hypnotized in a way by his charm. He texted me few days later and asked me out. We went out and had few drinks at a bar, and we talked for 4-5hours non-stop. We never ran out of topics, there was never an awkward silence, I did not even know how time passed by. He was just extremely engaging and interesting. Before I went there I was thinking to myself ‘okay maybe I shouldnt have sex with him from the first night’ but once I was sitting right next to him with close contact, I almost felt dizzy and drunk by his charm that I could do anything with him. During the conversation, I noticed several weird things though, first he said he is a chemical engineer and he works in a company. But he said he works at nights ?! He doesnt work in the mornings and he has wednesdays off ?! Which is weird to me because those are just weird hours for an engineer. But I did not think about it that much at the time. At the end of the night, he asked what I want to do and I said ‘I dont know what do you want to do’ and he said, again very confident, that he would go home with me. So he ended up coming over and we had sex. After that he stayed for 3-4hours again just chatting, and talking to him I again did not realize how time flied but then he said ‘he was going to move tomorrow morning so he cant spend the night’ so he left at 3-4am in the morning. But that was weird too because he could just leave in the morning and move. But whatever. After that night, he texted me few days later but he did not ask out again. From then on, he would not text me for a month and then out of nowhere he would text me to see how am I doing. Whenever I asked him what he is doing for weekend, he said he would be working which again weird. During the week he was working. So I never heard him doing normal human stuff, such as having coffee with friends etc. I stopped texting him but again every once in a while he would text me to remind himself yet not asking to do sth again. Last week, again out of nowhere and maybe after a month, he again texted me asking the yoga type I practice. And then he asked if I could show him a little bit, I said ‘yeah sure’. So he came over wednesday evening, we had tea and chatted for 3 hours any forgot to do yoga. And at midnight he suddenly said that he needs to see this friend that he promised cause he thought we would be done by then. He suddenly needs to see a friend at midnight?! That was weird too but I did not say anything and he left. And he hasnt texted me since then which has been a week. When I was talking about him to my friend who dated few sociopaths, she said that I should stay away because he shows the pattern of a sociopath. Some of the patterns I can identify that he is confident on the super extreme side. He can look me in the eye for hours, not looking away. I cant keep looking in his eyes that long, but whenever I look back, I see him looking me right in my eyes. He always sits ver close and with his posture, closeness and him staring at me, I feel like I’m his. He does not leave personal space. He is lying about his work I can say, if not lying definitely hiding something. Also now that I think of all those long hours we’ve talked, I do not remember him talking about his personal life, he has never talked about a friend or doing something with a friend, I barely know about his family. But for me I have said so much about my personal life, I talked about my friends, what I like to do in my free time, my family etc. I do not know anything about him though. It almost feels like he wisely took all the information he wanted without giving anything. He doesnt seem to have live plans or what he wants to do in future. He does not even seem to know what he wants from me, its not sex because the last time he came over he did not make a move and left in the middle of the night, its not dating considering he is very inconsistent with his texts yet he is not staying away as well. It feels like he is impulsively texting and wanting to see me every once in a while (this has been going on the last 6months). So I do not know if he can be a sociopath or he just have some issues to solve. I’ve been very interested in and super attracted to him, but now I think maybe I should back up. What do you think??
Thank you so much for having this site. It’s helped me so much already and I’m pretty new to figuring this out.
I am so lost, confused, empty, sad, angry….I can hardly breathe it hurts so much.
First thing…thanks for having this site. I’ve been reading and realizing that it’s all true.
My boyfriend, we were planning on getting married, Just left me after I tried to kill myself. He left me at the hospital and took my car, all my money and our puppy…and my heart, I thought.
Part of me feels like this is my fault. When I thought I’d be dead I signed over my car to him and left him around $1200. He also took $1000 that I left for someone else. So meanwhile the police won’t even look at this. And me, I’m torn between remembering the good person and trying to be strong and believe that this stuff is true. He went from Colorado to California and got married three days later.
Biggest question I have right now. Why do I want to see him, talk to him, be back with him?
Thanks for being here.
Diane
Hi Diane welcome to the site. The reason that you feel this way is two fold. Firstly its a bereavement that you need to get over (read the relationship is over so why can’t you let go, take me to your drug dealer) also read the five stages of grief and the healing process. Go through the posts from the beginning (they are listed on the left hand side) from Feb 13. Work through. Feeling confused is normal. Something we all have to go through. Also read the short guide to healing and recovery (use search facility top right hand side)
No this is not your fault. They have no conscience. None at all. It was nothing you did to cause it it’s just the way that they are.
Thanks so much. I’ve started the reading. And I’m learning so much.
If you read through from the start it might help. Back then I was posting every day. So much to say. I don’t think the later posts are as good. A lot of people have said how they have helped
He’s been emailing me occasionally in the last few weeks. I know I shouldn’t read or reply but I do at least read them. And sometimes reply. He is so confusing, sometimes really nice and caring and the a total jerk. I hear you that it’s not my fault but it’s really hard to feel it in my soul. I keep trying to remind myself.
Hi Diane, read the posts in the healing and recovery section. You need to establish no contact and this means also not reading his email, blocking his number and social networking. He is playing with your emotions. By reading his emails you are not allowing yourself time to heal.
Hello again. In this very short time things have changed dramatically. He came back to Colorado with his wife. He tells me he loves me. Really messed up and his marriage was just to spite me. He doesn’t want to be married he wants to be with me.
He says such nice things to me, remembers what is important to me…and I want him back. I’m fighting with myself to understand and be smart. Mostly I feel confused.
I’ve read a lot on this site and learned a lot. I try and remind myself what I’ve learned. I find myself making excuses for him. I don’t want to believe he’s a sociopath…what if I’m wrong? I feel like I condemned this man and I don’t know for sure. Like I said, I’m confused as you can see.
Any thoughts…and please be gentle. I feel really fragile right now. Thanks for everything.
Hi Diane, that sounds awful to go through he is really playing games with your mind.
It is important to detach from him so that you can resolve your thoughts. Ask yourself if he was capable of love, true love would he have married someone else? Just as he cheated on you he is on her now. Always keeping his options open.
..
Can you take some time out. Realise that this is an addiction that they deliberately play by playing with your emotions. ..
You know that you deserve so much better than this? I hope you do.
If this is appropriate here – Does anyone have any ideas of how I can get the police to listen and help me? He says he doesn’t think anything is wrong with him taking my things that “I gave them to him”. And the police believe him and don’t want to see any extenuating circumstances. I did this during a time of diminished capacity.
Any thoughts are appreciated.
Diane
Hi Diane I am unsure where in world you are. I am in the UK. When you say you want police to believe you, is this in regard to the theft of your belongings?
As I went through similar things he also said that I had given to him. Police said it was a domestic incident. It can be very difficult to prove 😦
Police are not social workers. They deal with a lot of sociopaths and may believe you but in the end they will see you as responsible for yourself. Unless he has committed a violent or menacing act that you can prove they will expect you to take care of yourself. It is hard to get justice when dealing with sociopath. What you generally have to do is take your lumps, learn from your mistakes and put as much distance as you can between you and him as you can. Learn as much as you can about sociopaths so you can spot them in the future. There are early warning signs. The old saying “if it’s sounds to good to be true then it isn’t” applies here. “Judge Judy” is a good place to watch sociopaths in action.
Everything else is true except he was so self-absorbed he sucked in bed. Does this mean he isn’t a sociopath? 😉
He might be a narcissist. They are similar to a sociopath but the label doesn’t matter in the end. What matters is their behavior and the fact they can’t change.
I’m in the United States, Colorado. Yes, I mean this in regards to him taking my car and money.
Not that I’m glad that this happened to you…but it’s nice to know that it has happened. The way the police and friends and family have been talking to me I feel like I have committed some sin and deserve for him to have taken my things.
I understand the difficult to prove but I am going to take him to civil court just so he at least has the hassle to go through and people see him for what he is.
My emotions are so raw now.
I’ll read it and I’ll have to be strong and constantly remind myself that he is not the person I thought and hoped he would be. Thanks for being clear and strong. It’s a big help. It’s really nice because you can do that with compassion also.
I just spent exactly one year being duped by a female sociopath. I had no clue what i was in for.
I met her at work,but when i first saw her pass by me i got the feeling that this person is way to savvy and too worldly for me. meaning, she scared me from day one even before I actually met her.
When I first started talking to her I was drawn in by her charm and engaging personality.her intelligence and very good position she held at our job,Well, we met in Jan started dating beginning of Feb moved into together in June…..way too fast.
The second or third time we were intimate she claimed I was her soulmate…..this was a 48 year old woman and i was 49.
So we used to take turns staying at my place then hers but then I found myself always at her house until i moved in,well thats when the knots starting seeing in and never left me until the day I was gone.
Basically, I was scared to go out with her and and then I was scared to stay with her and even more scared to leave her.
I was in this world that was…. what’s good for her, was not good for me.
She kept her phone locked and away from me, she had several emails that i never ever saw opened while i was around. i was not allowed to lock my phone and she had my one and only email password.
Always had to know who was calling and texting me or emailing me.
but when i asked her, she attacked me and called me insecure and insanely jealous. She preyed into my fiancees,my personal papers and scoured thru my computer. i was never allowed to touch her computer and she always erased her history’s.
Every aspect of my life was monitored and controlled by her. Down the words I said my moods how i wore my clothes I conducted my self at work.
The other thing she had a huge gambling problem gambling away thousands of dollars.this woman made a$100,000 a year and nothing to show for it. no savings… owed the I.r.s. money and several family members and god know who else.
She wanted every detail of my past and constantly used it against me, yet i knew nothing of her past….she had terrible mood swings and was cruel and unaffectionate. That only got worse as time went on….
it started with criticism then verbal and mental abuse and finally physical abuse. She would have long blocks of time that weren’t accounted for.Criticised everything i said and did….i can go on and on….but in the end i realized there were so many secrets and lies i did not know who this woman was…..she blamed me for everything made her friends and family hate me….told them i abused her ..this girl was so tough she would never stand for any even looking t her wrong.when i finally left she filed a restraining order claiming i beat and put guns to head….i just could belileve the lengths this woman went to lie….she quit her job and she gambled all her remaining money she had about 30,000 in a couple times at the casino and then spoke of suicide… i can go on but you may get the idea here….and after it is all said and done she still trys to contact me…for what i do not know….
Hi defeated, I am sorry that you have also been through this. It does sound like you were with a sociopath. I would advise you to block her, in every way or she will continue to contact you. You ask why, and literally its because she can. Because she hates to relinquish control. Welcome to the site 🙂
She tries to contact you to continue using her for her personal punching bag.
Absolutely spot on; I dated a sociopath for five years and it was as if your article was written specifically about him! If you do find yourself in a situation like I was and you can tick all the boxes, get out as fast as you can. I did’nt for whatever reason and regretted it when the relationship turned very toxic and I ended up getting hurt (physically as well as emotionally).
On a positive note, I am now dating a non sociopathic man and am appreciating the normality; trust being top of the list, along with sincere emotions instead of fake ones and all the other rubbish I tolerated for way too long!
Hindsight is such a wonderful thing!
Hi Kami,
Am pleased that you got out of the relationship, and are now with someone who treats you, as you deserve to be treated. I think when we are in it, we can’t see it. It is when you get out of the relationship, that you can look back and see just how bad it was. I hope that this experience, has not put you off of future relationships.
Don’t know if I shud call myself lucky that I didn’t date him for years it was only for 14 months or call myself unlucky that I met him ( coz I am still struggling to cope up and fighting with emotions ) me too met him at work and when he realized I was weak going through a breakup he made space in my life .treated me d way I felt on cloud 9 and prettiest woman alive on earth LOL. He lied about her mother religion , her father designation , his past , his sisters relationship , he gifted me his sister’s belongings , he showed to me a house that never belonged to him , he lied about his friends too , their lives and lifestyles , sent to me his real sis pic (ofcourse when I had not met her ) telling she is his ex and she broke his heart , used to do fake check in on facebook showing people he is in big hotels (while sitting at home) , he had made fake profiles of girls and used to comment on his own wall making others feel how girls adore him and wnt to be with him , never spent anything on me (except initially to impress me ) , made fake stories about his childhood and parents too .I mean I don’t know who he really was .. Goshhh and last january our parents had met we were talking about marriage and some divine intervention happened and it didn’t happen . I was ofcourse devastated and was nt able to understand how he suddenly lost interest in me .. Anyways searching on net gave me a lot of insight and now I know he had a disorder .. Hope u all agree with me he had serious personality issues
Thank you I was told the same thing by my therapist who has met her and saw her with me in counseling .
As I read down through all of those things my stomach turned and twisted all those sick feelings are coming back. I never heard of this seduction technique till now I just read what it was and I got shivers I believe this came natural to the sociopath I was seeing. It has been nearly a year and a half since I completely broke away from he it was one of the hardest and most traumatic times of my life the pain has lessened but it is still there. All of these things described him perfectly I am an intelligent person but my cons are that I’m too trusting and forgive easily, but I always knew there was something about him I couldn’t put my finger on it I used the word manipulative to describe him, that angered him a lot. He was very abusive and would lock me in his house this went on for around 7 to 8 months of being physically mentally and emotionally abused until one day he beat me really bad and tried to kill me he tried to smother me but I fraught for my life for a second I wanted to just give up but I didn’t for a split second I could envision him killing me and covering it up and getting away with it I didn’t want that to happen I escaped the house and a neighbour called the police. I went back to him once even after that happened this is the kind of hold they can have on you I realised my senses and cut all contact he kept calling me for about 6 months then the calls got less frequent then he started to call me again like 3 months ago I answered at one time I wanted to know I said what are you calling me for like really? And he was just like I don’t know. I know he has absolutely no conscience I kept asking myself why did he do it to me does he not feel bad only recently I realised I will never know I will never know what goes threw his little screwed up mind, I’m so happy I had the courage to get away from his it is so so had to do no matter how bad they treat you but you can do it. I used to wish he would just die that I would feel better these feelings have lessened over time but I still think if he did die I would feel so much relief I would never have that fear of running into him again. The only thing that eats me up inside now is knowing what he’s capable of doing I’m afraid for the next girl I have a feeling something really bad is going to happen and that it will be party my fault for not doing more to stop him he also has a two year old son who I’m frightened for as he has such a short temper I want to warm the mother but I don’t want to get involved what do you think I should do these feelings are stopping me for completely getting over the whole situation.
Hi Niam, Welcome to the site 🙂
I think how you feel right now, is normal, wanting to protect others from going through the same thing as you, and wanting to warn others so that nobody else is hurt the way that you have been. However, it is advisable not to do this. Likely he has lied about you and already covered his tracks, and is playing victim to others about you. If you try to report him for his behaviour he will use this as proof of how crazy he says you are!! 😦
Yes I am aware of this as he has tried to blackmail me before so I wouldn’t go to the police I know all to well about them trying to turn the tables that’s why I haven’t got involved already.All I can do is hope the next person isn’t as stupid as me. This is a great blog by the way.
Thank you. You are not stupid. They are just more skilled at being deceptive than you were at looking for it. You don’t expect someone to be this way.
So the fault lies with him – not you 🙂
I dated a psychopath for a year and a half ..the article was exactly what I experienced.
At first hee was very complimentary telling me I was beautiful how much he loved me and I was his soul mate..he said he never felt this way about anyone..then the drama began he had no job was living with his daughter he’s ex stole money from him etc..then he would say he needs you end it not call or text then come back..back and forth …he told me stories how successful he’s been but his ex destroyed everything it was all her fault he was broke now..he said he was looking for a job but spendn most of his time in the clubhouse or on the internet…I started feeling sorry for him payed his monthly phone bill..then he said he was going to move closer to me that he had a job opportunity a nd we could be together ..he moved closer with out any money I had no choice but to pay his hotel bills..I told him this can’t continue I can’t pay ..I have my own expenses he told me he’s looking for work and was feeling depressed..he moved into his ex wife’s cousin house and rented and apartment we would fight about me not being able to pay I told him he needs to find a job I can’t continue to pay..he made me feel guilty that it was my fault he was in this situation that he moved closer to me to be with me and it wasn’t his fault he didn’t have a job yet..his kids never wanted to contribute money..and he would tell me if I stopped giving him money he would become homeless…I once told him I don’t have money he told me he was going to sleep at the bus terminal and he was going to be kicked out..I told him I’ll have the money in a few days..I dont know if he did or not but he told me he was on the street until I would transfer money to him..which I did..because I thought I loved him..and he made me feel guilty …the relationship finally ended one he found a job he didn’t need me anymore he texted me that it was too stressful and too much drama and he needed to end things I asked him to call me he said maybe in a few days…he never called so I seems him an angry email stating I want the phone I bought him just a few days earlier to be returned and I called him a lowlife and that was the end of that..he told me to f*** off and that he was done with me that my words said everything to him and now he knows why out never worked out between us..I asked him to forgive me but he refused told me he wants nothing to do with me..so it ended..he’s working now so he doesn’t need my support and he moved on…I still think of him…and once on a while try to call him and text but he never responds it’s been 3 months..and yes I feel very stupid about the way I let him manipulate me
I have a so called friend who I think is a sociopath. We met her through my husbands work. She is very smart and funny and within weeks had infiltrated our entire friendship group. Despite this she appeared not to have many friends of her own. At first I thought she was just lonely. She was the single girl of the group and slept with a couple of our male friends. She then would tell intimate details of her trysts to embarrass them. Because they didn’t want to see her again she became the victim. They used her and did her wrong despite the promises of her free and easy attitude the night before. Soon she would stalk us on FB and she knew whose birthday it was and when and would start fights with me because I was invited to parties she was not. All he while she would repeat her dating patterns/ psycho kitty behavior and couldn’t see how immature she was being.
One guy she took all of his clothes and burnt them. Another she broke into his computer and stole hs passwords. Mi began to fear her. Even though she is only a friend I have had to really distance myself. I found her one sided conversations about herself draining, her lack of self awareness astounding, her narcissism boring. In her mind she was so good looking. Just ask her. I limit seeing her to once a year now. She will go for months of no texting then boom bombard me with a barrage of texts about her sex life, how dating sucks or how she’s the victim at work. I often wondered if she will ever just go away but no she will end a text pretending it was for someone else so you will respond and initiate a conversation. She’s done this lame ploy over 20 times and she thinks I will believe it. How do you politely get rid of a toxic friend like this?
Her own sister won’t speak to her and one of her friends she had when I first met her lied about going overseas to break off her friendship. She actually told me this!
There are two psychopaths on TV. One is Dexter who is textbook but because Michael Hall, who portrays Dexter, is so warm himself you don’t get the full flavor. The other is Frank Underwood, portrayed by Kevin Spacey on Netflix’s “House of Cards”. Frank Underwood is an especially lethal psychopath. I find Underwood frightening and Kevin’s portrayal is incredibly convincing.
I see a lot of sociopaths on “Judge Judy”. It’s usually, but not always, the men and they sometimes have so little insight they don’t know how to cover up their sense of entitlement thinking their behavior is reasonable and that Judge Judy’s wrath is unfair. If you know what to look for they stick out like a sore thumb. One woman was angry with her neighbor and poisoned her two dogs. A man was mad because his girlfriend went into a club leaving him in the car. He broke off her two mirrors, broke the windshield and beat his hands bloody pounding the pavement. He told his girlfriend all this like she should know it was her fault and was shocked when she abandoned him. He seemed mystified at Judge Judy ruling against him.
I’ve seen a lot of cases in which a man sucked a woman dry and she sued. Judge Judy is generally unsympathetic.
Sociopaths can grown up or at least gain enough insight to minimize hurting others but a true psychopath can’t change.
There is a problem in relationships that is little known. I am a professional psychic and run across the problem time after time. The psychic aspect is generally not understood. Some people, usually women but also men, can actually influence you psychically. I had a problem with Manson doing this to me. He is a powerful psychic controller which is, no doubt, how he got people to do his bidding. I have run into many people who can do this but since I understand what is happening can successfully resist. I am a powerful psychic and have been able to break these connections and help when I can but sometimes the person must do it themselves.
Hitler could do this. Bundy, almost certainly, had this power. A young male reporter visited John Wayne Gacy in prison to interview him and described how his will dissolved in Gacy’s presence and when Gacy tried to get him to follow him to a place out of sight of the guards he could barely resist. He made his escape. This power is widespread. Charismatic people will have this ability. Marilyn Monroe described how she could walk down the street and people would recognize her and then she could “turn off” Marilyn Monroe in order to become anonymous. Salesmen and politicians often have this ability. I had a landlady, a sociopath, (she would steal from me, lie to me, lie to others about what an awful person I am) who did this to me and I finally had to move out to get away from her influence because resisting her was tiring me out. Distance is no guarantee but being out of sight sometimes helps.
I have an in-law who uses his gift to hurt others. He had a bad childhood and has grown into a vindictive person with an attitude. His sister once flew in to celebrate his daughter’s birthday and he hurt her so badly she dissolved into tears, ran upstairs and flew back home. He punished me for a long time until I belatedly recognized what he was doing. He reduced me to a quivering mess before I could escape his influence. He is very unpopular with the family but I’m the only one who gets it.
This gift can be used for good but unfortunately truly successful sociopaths also use it. I used to have this power until I recognized what I was doing and stopped using it.
If you find yourself drawn to someone, thinking about them a lot, giving them what they want in spite of yourself this is almost certainly what is going on.
I don’t know how to teach someone to break the connection.
One should be angry about having one’s personal space invaded. Being angry might give one the will and energy to resist. If you are religious sincerely praying for the person may help. Darkness runs from the light.
This doesn’t seem like the right place to reply to you Positiva but the email keeps sending me here.
Thank you for your smart advice. Besides emotionally it is difficult for me to not communicate with him since he now has my car in the same city and I really want it back. I was starting to feel that I’d just have to cut my losses when he was in California but now when he is here it seems more possible.
I am realizing this is an addiction since it’s been minute by minute to not respond to him. When I made it a day I was so proud of myself…then two…now he’s back. So I guess I have to start back at an hour…and then a day…
You say “You know that you deserve so much better than this? I hope you do. ” Right now I don’t. I’m trying to and seeing my therapist. If you asked me about six months ago I would be more capable of knowing this. I have a lot to build back.
Sorry for rambling.
The thing is that he will likely not give the car back to you. If he needs it he sees it as his. He has no conscience and so doesn’t care or think about your needs or feelings.
He might indicate that he will give you the car back to keep you on the hook and playing the game. But this is all it is, is a game. If he was going to give you the car back he would have by now 😦
Do you have the car registered in your name? Is there anything you can do legally as realistically he will use this to continue to play this stupid game.
But also remember you have made it a day. Then two.
She has nothing as really he is now cheating on her so soon into their marriage this could have been you.
To add on to my statement. He would be one person in front of his friends and with me…an insecure grumpy guy. He would always tell me that I was beautiful and amazing because of the way I made him feel. It’s like he wasn’t able to fulfill his own emotions…like he had to feed off of my emotions in order to feel a certain way. He would barricade himself in his room when I would be in AZ (or so he says) because if I wasn’t there there was no sense in doing anything because without me it wasn’t meaningful. I am more independent so alone time for me was wonderful. Everyday was like walking on eggshells…I had to watch what i said in front of him or he would sulk…or become angry…he would just shut down. Everyday i had to reassure him that i was faithful to him, that i was thinking about him and tell him things like he was sexy or this or that or else he felt unloved….it was emotionally a pain in the ass and draining…i have never had to try so hard with someone…that was when i knew he wasn’t for me.
Hey everyone haven’t thought about my Sp for almost 5 years. But very resently my bf now began working in an establishment where obe of my sp ” friends” work aswell. Hearing his name after all this time brought back bad memories never truely understanding his odd behavior. Did sone research and I found myself on this site. I’m glad I did because this was hom exactly. I love how others mentioned the no fear of death mine thrived on the idea of death which is what pushed me out the door fast. I remember watching a movie about the holocoust and him feeling me up telling me it turned him on because death was beautiful, i wanted to throw up. Whats even more sick is hes jewish. He would tell me all the time how he wanted to die and how he’d love sending pictures of his mangled body to all his loved ones so they could see the pain they inflicted on him. Sick stuff. I really thonk he was more so yourborderline serial killer. I’m just glad he’s gone . Had to get restraining order to keep him gone and he stalked me for 4 months even though he got a new girl friend 2 days after I left. Poor girl had his baby smh. I’m glad I found this site I always thought I was it was me I thought I was crazy.
Welcome Mrose, am glad that you found us! 🙂
Hello everyone,
I’ve posted before, but I think it’s been a couple of months. I find this website really helpful whenever I hit a low point, which I’m sorry to say happens, even after 2+ years of no contact. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who writes in, because it does help others. Each time I log on, I know that even if I don’t read something earthshattering (I’m sure you all know about that epiphany we all hope to wake up to someday! The one where you jump out of bed, feel no self-blame, sadness, resentment, inadequacy or misplaced jealousy toward the new person in his/her crazy, mixed-up life), I will still find a bit of comfort. I hope you all do, too. Best, everyone. Keep on riding the wave, and don’t get sucked under.
Lisa
Thank you Lisa 🙂
In response to Lindsey and Lauren, probably all of you get this. This sounds so familiar. All of the emotions you talk about are so much of what I’m going through.
I’ve wanted to believe this wasn’t true. But he took my car again on Thursday and went from Colorado to California. Still telling me that he loved me. I called the police and they put a nationwide search for my stolen car. They picked him up in New Mexico and somehow talked them out of keeping him and the car. They let him go and now it is not considered a stolen car.
He called me today and is mad at me for calling the police. I tried to explain…I know, I was wasting my time. He didn’t get any of it, said it was all my fault and now he couldn’t come back to me. He also owes me $5000.
I know now that I will never get my car or money back. And I have to be so strong to keep him out of my life. I’m not sure how I’ll do it. I want to talk with him and see him so badly. I still love him. I know it doesn’t make sense.
I feel like I’m dying. I wish I was. I also feel pretty crazy that I let him do this to me twice. Now everyone in my life is upset and disappointed in me….they told me so. So now I don’t even have their support. Sorry for the all the bitching.
I’m lost.
Diane
He did get it Diane. they are not stupid. He just likes to play that game.
But he has no conscience, so according to him, he isn’t really doing anything wrong. He probably gets some form of joy (dupers delight) from convincing the police.
The being mad at you for calling the police is just another game. He isn’t mad at all, he is actually happy that he got away with something else… and didn’t get caught and is loving rubbing your face in it. 😦
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Loss of personal possessions – and feeling like there is nothing that you can do about it, is horrible.
I hope that you know that there is karma. I have seen it. The person who took things from me, very personal possessions lost his personal possessions (or so he told me) no idea if it is true – as they like to fake it.
this is really hard to go through as of course you want your car back, and it is sickening that he can take it… and not think about you or your needs.
I would give him no response and no reactions. He enjoys the attention. Please don’t apologise I really get where you are at now… I was once there too, and it killed me. No contact is hard when someone has your possessions and I think that they know this.
Is there no further legal action you can take against him?
Thanks again for being here. I feel so alone. The people in my life are judging me and going away.
No legal action at least at this time.
You’re right on everything. That’s my logical mind…my heart still says that’s not possible.
He just emailed me saying the he is physically hurt now and can’t handle me trying to be with him.
Of course, and he knows it, only makes me want to go help him and comfort him. I guess it’s good that right now we are more than a thousand miles apart.
Again, thanks so much. At least someone understands.
Diane
Oh he isn’t ‘hurt’ Diane, he is just saying that to make you feel bad. Again trying to manipulate you.
YOu cannot change him, as his behaviour always repeats but you can change you. It sounds like he is still pulling the strings to manipulate and control you.
I know you’re right. In my head this is all over with him. Now I have to follow through. I get so determined to stand up to him and then he knows what to say and how to act to try to change me. I can’t let him. I need to be so strong and it’s so hard.
Hi don’t really know what to say sitting on the end of my bed absolutely shaking can not believe the last 2 yrs of my life have been fake this man has made my life hell and made me believe it was my fault reading this I realise it’s him with the problem
When it started everything was perfect he was a dream fed me full of stories of greatness made me feel
Like a princess everything moved quickly and was a bit to much for me I asked him to slow down that’s when it started constant accusations constant arguments that always led to it being my fault I always went back he has been so cruel but always made me feel like he was my soulmate n I couldn’t function without him. He has isolated me from the world and hidden me away i have only met his parents and 1 sister in 2yrs he has lied and cheated and each time he twists it all around on me bedroom wise we connected n this made things 10 times better and as for the stare I have seen that regularly
He has picked on me for months I am constantly up to something he has take photos of other women off social networks and accused me of these photos being me it has literally got to the point where I feel like i am cracking up to
The point where I have cut myself
N he got off on it
I have always told him he needed help he had issues he fed me a story about his ex but everything she supposedly did to him he has infact done to me
He quite openly admits he feels no remorse he never has any compassion for anyone n constantly behaves like a child
After reading this about 10 times n crying n shaking this sums him up I have sent him this link and he turned it on me again
This man has ruined my life I have no one to turn to n it actually frightens me to think wot he is capable of he has so much control over me how am I ment to leave him
Hi Liz, welcome to the site. I know as everyone here does how it feelsx when you are facing reality.
For me I didn’t know and I believed it was me. I too was also isolated from people. Also dated one similar to what you describe. You can pick yourself up, it might take a whIle. Go through the old posts (they are listed at the side) and please know you are not alone. We will support you.
Thank you so much the more I have read today the more I understand what he has been doing even now cos I’ve worked out his game he tried to be nice this morning n cos he’s getting no reaction he’s turned nasty again
Just got to try n be strong
The only option when they are hurting you is to set up no contact and stick to it. It can be hard If you still have hope, it’s the only way to heal.
Knowledge is power Louise once you see the truth you cannot be blinded again.