Sociopaths use other people as a source of supply. This can be anything a roof over their head, money sex, social status, anything that they want and need and do not have themselves, they find themselves a host to give them what they want.
What was your sociopaths source of supply, what did he/she tap into you for?
My sociopath loved MONEY. When I met him, he was there for the money. He financially drained me.
He returned, asked me to give him a chance, and to prove me wrong. Of course, his motive – once again was money. I wasn’t stupid, second time around.
When I took him back, he couldn’t have been more perfect. He was so NORMAL, became hard working, paid me back money he owed. Earned his own extra money. He just ‘seemed’ like a decent hard working man. He was so normal, that I thought that I had made a mistake, he couldn’t be a sociopath? Maybe I just had it wrong? Then I felt really bad, I had written this entire website, and although it was never based solely on him, I thought maybe I had it wrong? I was SO confused.
I had a legal case ongoing, and the payout settlement was originally valued at £266,000 over a quarter of a million pounds. He was one man, right up until the legal case ended. Which ironically was the day before my birthday. On my birthday he picked a fight. He didn’t buy me birthday present.
I had all the words beforehand, about what he was going to buy me. he was going to get me a bracelet, and whatever else he was going to get me. He bought me a card. This date was the date for things to change. Radically.
Why? Well on my legal team, my case fell apart because the barrister went onto maternity leave, and the new barrister that they brought in, didn’t understand the case. With psychopathic lawyers for the defence, I was forced to under settle out of court, for not very much money. It was never about money for me, I was going to walk away from the case, due to the impact it was having on my health.
From that date onwards, from that date in August 2014, he changed towards me. Not one month did he have money of his own for more than a few days. Instead, he just assumed that he would live off of me. I felt the strain…. just like I did back in 2012, like the financial tap was on. It felt like a parasite, sucking everything dry.
The last time I spoke to him, he had called me from a private number, was in tears. Within hours, he had his profile up on a dating website. I know why. Its the beginning of the month, he would have no money by now, and therefore would need a new source of supply to keep him going.
Sociopaths are users
Sociopaths use other people to get what they want (I recall he once said to me ‘I am an opportunist). They can fake it, incredibly well, and play a convincing role of normal person. Then when they have what they want, the mask slips. You see a whole new persona. Back was Mr controlling, Mr Dictator, Mr user. Being yelled. Being told what time to go to bed. He wanted to go to bed at 9pm to be up for work, and wanted me to go to bed, and lie with him, until he slept 🙂 yes I know! … Telling me that he expected his food on the table when he came home from work. Loads of things… me, being me, just refused. Constant telephone calls all day long, needing to know where am I? What am I doing? Have I spoken to anyone today? I stopped doing everything. All that i had built in a year away from him, it became difficult to do. He was paranoid, jealous, insecure.
Sociopaths are leaches, parasites, they take advantage of people for their own needs.
So this sociopath – he was a financial user. What did your sociopath use you for?
Dating a Sociopath 
My ex used me, I feel,for just about everything. It became quite apparent,when we we first met,he didn’t want to work really.
I’ve since found out,he left my salon in financial ruin,after Id sold it on,to move abroad. When I found this out,I tackled him,but as is on par for a sociopath,he denied it. The thing that makes me laugh,even now I’ve left him,is he always spoke about money,assets etc,as if they were all his. I might add,I wasnt “allowed” to go near the accounts. I do wonder now though,what he did with the extra monies,he took from it.Guess I’ll never know that.
Looking back,I waited on him hand and foot,ie… Too much trouble for him to get himself a simple meal,even like breakfast. He drunk numerous cups of tea a day,which I used to stop whatever I was doing,to make for him. One day,I just told him,to make them himself,as I was fed up doing it. May seem petty,but annoying non the less.
In someways,I hope he never meets another woman,he has 3 failed marriages behind him now. Why ive said that,is because he’ll treat his next victim the same,but if he met someone else,he’d leave me alone. His constant threats via email and post,aren’t good,and I just want to be free of him now,but guess that’s not going to happen overnight😩
Hi everyone on this blog this is my first time responding here. Everyone here has made a huge difference in my life by sharing your stories with me. Knowing what happened to me has finally opened my eyes to the truth. My wacko ex is a sociopath. I’ve decided not to be a victim anymore but a survivor with power and knowledge. I realize very clearly now that my ex sociopath used me for his sex slave,maid,personal shopper,personal chauffeur, food runner, confidant, look out woman, a bank account, triangulation, source of supply, sympathy, emotional support and comfort. My ex SP and I worked together I never had an interest or a attraction to him. On day out of the blue he kissed me on the cheek. From that day he seduced and love bomb me daily during the honeymoon stage. I got caught up in his work personality everyone loved being around him and he was very generous with others too. During this time I noticed he had certain rules you had to follow to be in his life. I noticed everyone my ex SP had in his life were on check by him. If you didn’t do what he say he would punish you. The people in my ex SP life were all scumbags,misfit,criminals, and a lot of had been to prison. He preyed on my good heart and my caring nature for people to torment me emotionally. My ex SP told me often that he dated only good girls. He said he never will date someone like him who does drugs,drinks, or have tattoos WOW!!! Really! !!! I feel that my ex SP knew what is up with him especially him having a disordered brain. One of his favorite lines to me was: YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE F**KING WITH!!!!!!!!! He would say this with sarcasm and a dead look in his eyes with no emotions. I blew this weird uncomfortable comment off because I was too caught up in the seduction and love bombing to be afraid. I can’t believe I allowed him to use my car my gas on all our dates because I believed him because he said he was colored blind. I opened an account for him because supposedly his ex GF ruined his credit. My ex SP uses all people to serve his purpose he gives a little to take alot. My ex SP whole existence is based on a lies and illusions. My ex is 100% sociopath I’m not in denial about it anymore. My heart doesn’t hurt like it did at first because this blog has took my brain fog away and brought through a storm to the light. This experience has shown me and taught me a lot about my self. My ex SP picking a fight with me over something minor was a blessing to me. I no longer have to accept bread crumbs from a seducing disordered wacko anymore. I will for now on only accept the whole loaf of bread to make the best dam sandwich my heart desires. I broke it off with him on my terms, before I knew about devalue and discard.i felt it in my heart that he was going to dump me. On that day my ex SP told me he has being mean on purpose. My boundaries had been betrayed too many times I had enough. Prior to this my ex SP was playing mind games and pushing my buttons. Standing up for myself and my anger took over me. I packed up my things left his rented out room were he lived and never looked back. Ex SP famous last words you will be back you always do. This was my wake up call I knew in my heart that this wacko was twisted and not for me anymore. Once I calmed down reality set in and my ex SP was in full discard mode he was done with me too. I figured ex SP has a new source of supply. My focus and motivation is on me now. I’m done with scare tactics, gaslighting, the lies,illusions,silent treatment, fake erectile problems and etc…..This blog has healed my hurting heart and mind. NC is something I wished I learned sooner. It’s been three months since my break up from my ex SP. I broke contact a couple of times when my heart was in pain of disbelief. Finding out why I was addicted to my ex SP, the crazy making, being his source of supply was just what I needed to make this right in my mind. Also reading old post and new been very helpful to. Thank you!!!!! Thank you!!!! I’m so happy to have found a sisterhood of women who truly understands what it’s like to be hurt by a sociopath.
I knew I hadn’t loved him for a long time,he’d destroyed that. After reading these posts,I know they’re incapable of love,and wouldn’t know it,if it slapped them head on.
I always trusted him,and thought he’d never have affairs,but once I flew back to Britain to visit my terminally ill friend,a week or so after arriving back I get an STD, I never said anything,until about 3 weeks before I left him…. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked off😡
In his numerous damn emails of threats etc,he maintains I was his soulmate,and me walking away at a moments notice,made him ill.
I walked away,for my sanity,as if Id endured even another year,id have been pushed over the edge…I’m sure of that.
Selfish,sick sad sociopaths….. Hate them.
Does anyone ever wonder this,as I do often?
How do they remember all their lies? My ex could relay all the lies he’d ever told me time and time again,and never slip up…. How do they do that? Their mind must be awash with it.
Also another question…. Are they renowned for not sleeping well? My ex was always wandering around during the night,unable to sleep. 😏
I have read that psychopaths can have trouble sleeping as they have a lot of energy and need less sleep. I don’t know if that is true. I think that they can love. In their own way. Its more all consuming. They consume you. I think also there is something just warped in their mind where they consume you as much as they despise you. Yes he would have hated you walking away from him. As he wouldn’t have been in control. They like to write the ending and have their own exit strategy.
Omg… These posts are so helpful,they really are,my life was bad,but some on here,have had it far worse than me.
Although my experience is quite fresh….. I can laugh at his emails,and the stupid stuff he says. Laughter….. I can actually laugh again,and not worry about his daily abuse.
He will not beat me,or control me again…. I say that to myself daily…
Laughter is a really good way to deal with it to be honest.
Hi livingintruth and welcome to the site. Well done to you for setting up and keeping to no contact. Yes they like to play games, and press buttons. They get off on seeing a reaction from you. To them, a negative reaction is better than no reaction at all. A bit like a child really who doesn’t get their own way with their parent and has a tantrum. I am pleased that this blog has helped you, and given some healing. It is a journey to go through, even the healing and recovery part. But you can emerge stronger than you were before you met him.
Sex. Nothing else. We would see each other for fun partying and lots and lots of sex. Our lives had not much other contact. Food outings when necessary … Vacations were purely for sex. It was amazing … But the price I had to pay for it was so high. All the other abuse was still there. The sex was a drug for me. Still is hard.
The same for me. The sex was in a category all its own. It’s a high priority for me, and I doubt it will ever be that good again. Five months since in person ended, and six weeks since I went NC and deleted him from social media too. Finding several of these forums, with posts mirroring what I’ve been through, has helped begin the healing. I’m not dating, and have no plans to anytime soon. I believed he was a close friend. What I have learned since he transitioned to the next target has been Shocking. He’s a creepy little liar and a true parasite. He used to talk about his alcoholic ex-wife not being able to “get over it”. I can’t even imagine the nightmare she lived through, and still must face, with that pathetic creature as her children’s father. I feel fortunate to have only spent 21 months living the illusion. The aftermath is extremely painful, but I’m sleeping again, the nausea has subsided, and PTSD symptoms are lessening. Thanks to all contributors for helping each other get through this. I’ve been an empath all my life, and never realized the Evil that is a sociopath. I won’t be fooled again. Taking it easy, as I continue to detox from his poison, day by day…take care everyone.
Hi. I’ve just started reading here, and I’m still at the crying in disbelief stage. I’m a nurse and an empath also. I cannot believe there are people like him in this world, and that I had the misfortune of meeting and falling for one. I can’t even imagine recovering from this. Thanks for reading.
I understand. I also worked in caring profession (with homeless). I used to think I could help everyone. Or with kindness things would be ok. I had no idea of the manipulation deceit and lies someone could tell. Simply to take control of anothers life. I can say that you can heal and recover .it can take some time .first you need to learn to trust you. they play on your emotions .As this is simply something that they do not have. It is all sadly a game to them.
Oh, and I don’t have the courage to relay my story yet because it will illustrate how stupid and gullible I was.
Welcome to the site Wissh. You are neither stupid or gullible. They are very clever at what they do. Highly manipulative and deceptive. Believe me. We are all the same. I felt stupid and gullible too and worse. I felt I couldn’t tell other people the true extent of what had happened to me. Which left me feeling isolated. It really messed my head up for some time. You are not alone.
Mine was the same MONEY. My life savings gone. He didn’t work. He left me in 2011 after nearly 6 years. Has had many since me. the current one pays for everything – EVERYTHING – including indirectly for other women he cheats on her and me with. He hoovered me back in (but he lives alone) as a drinking buddy and for sex and meals twice. He takes benefits, works under the counter and lives off women. I’m now divorcing him.
His source of supply was sex! Also my home and the family life he had never had. (He had never married and I was his first proper relationship, he only did one night stands before me!. He had his own home when we met but then he sold it not long afterwards and moved into a local authority flat which he couldn’t afford to keep going so he moved back into his dads home where he still resides!! hmmmm!!!)
He also declared himself bankrupt a few years into our relationshit! My utilities, gas/electric/water he used constantly. He never lived here but my utility bills doubled! He was always asking to shower at mine as his boiler wasn’t heating his water up!! I was also his ‘go too’ when he was bored, needed uplifting or an energy boost….to my detriment. Always left me feeling emotionally drained and feeling like a nobody.
Mine was money as well. He loved the nice things in life, always had to have expensive clothes, aftershaves, watches, cars, etc. But was a hard worker, so could afford them himself……..so I thought, or so he made me think!!!!!!
When I met him I was already in the process of going thru a claim for compensation for a car crash I had. When I look back now I bet he couldn’t believe his luck!! He did end up taking a lot of money from me, in many different ways, but not as much as he thought he’d be able to get out of my claim, & after the money had come thru & most of it had to go on other things, he realised he wouldn’t be able to get any more, things got a lot worse, he got a lot worse, & that’s when I started to realise who he really was. When I look back now, so many things make sense, that puzzled me at the time when I was in the relationship. And I can see the patterns, the games, the times he would seem so generous but he was always short at the end of the month so I always ended up helping him out (so he wasn’t being generous at all!!) I stupidly put his car finance in my name, but he did paid it every month. Then he was in & out of work so I ended up paying it, but then he would pay me back, so I had no reason not to trust him! But now I can see he was seeing if I would pay it without giving him grief about it, cos when I wouldn’t stand for his behaviour anymore, (when it got worse) his payments stopped! But he still was making out he would change & wanted to sort himself out, etc……so he continued to drive around in an expensive Mercedes, that I was paying for!! For as long as he could get away with it! And at the same time he got himself a flat & a whole load of new furniture that I’d paid for cos he’d blagged money off me a while before, pretending his car needed repairing or he couldn’t get to work. And he was also spotted on a dating web site, so I don’t know how long that had been going on for, but definitely while he was still taking money from me, making out he was going to get us & himself sorted, & while I was paying for his car!!
I went round his flat once trying to persuade him to see his son, who he wasn’t interested in, & he was so proud of his flat & how he’d furnished it. When I questioned him on it all, he made out a few bits were bought by his mum, but the rest was given to him by the owners of the hotel he worked for who had stuff in storage………what a coincidence that they had the exact same style that he likes & it all matched perfectly like a show home, including huge pictures & rugs in every room, etc!!!! I said, ‘do you think I’m stupid, & going to believe that’ but he really thought that was a perfectly good explanation & didn’t think twice about it. Most people would be just a bit concerned that they might be found out, so wouldn’t be flashing it all off! And most people would be embarrassed or ashamed about what they have done, but he was’t at all, not even about the car, when I questioned him about it over & over, because I couldn’t afford to pay for it, but he just kept saying that it was in my name!! I was so confused, because this was before I’d heard about sociopaths, etc, & I kept telling him that it was his car, he promised to always pay for it because it was his car, & I put it in my name to help him out, so how could he do this to me, why is he not either paying me or sorting out to sell the car to pay it off instead of continuing to drive around in it……….but he would just say that he has to get to work, & he can’t afford to pay for the car because he’s paying for his rent on his new flat now, etc….like that is a perfectly reasonable explanation!! So I said, when you made the decision to rent a flat & get a load of furniture you didn’t take in to account that you already were committed to paying for your car each month cos you can’t just walk away from your responsibilities!!!………but he always had a pathetic excuse, that no matter how many times you questioned it with rational, reasonable, realistic responses…..it never made any difference!!
Within days of all this, I accidentally came across ‘sociopaths’ & it all just fell into place. They are not going to see things, feel things, think about things the same way as we would cos it’s impossible for them. He was out for as much money as he could get, in anyway he could get it, & would do & say anything (without the embarrassment or shame) to get it!! Everybody should know about sociopaths, because if I had a lot earlier on, I would of understood & seen what was going on a lot sooner!!!
But he had to give up his flat cos he couldn’t afford to stay in it, so went back to live with his mum! I have been told he now has a BMW, so I don’t know who’s paying for that, cos I don’t think it will be him!!! He doesn’t have family cos they disowned him (apart from his mum, who is exactly the same as him.) I have been angry, but now, he can have all the money he took from me. I might not have much money, but I have so much more. I’m happy & he never will be, no matter how much money he takes from people……& that’s really sad.
Mine did the exact same thing Liz, offered to pay the odd random bill but would be skint by the 3rd weed of the month so I would end up paying it back and more anyway loading up his bank acct!
Mine used to lose his wallet a few days to a week before pay day too. It happened at leat 2-4 times and i’m sure it still happens now he can use it on a new supply who is oblivious to his tricks.
They do that deliberately it’s called the downpayment. If they affect your finances they have more control. They get off on seeing you struggle. Paying an initial down payment lures you to a) think they are paying their way b) feel guilt for not paying for them (after all they have for you). Always they calculate what they invest is far less than what they gain.
It is deliberate and calculated. If you stay with them they will ruin your finances and take everything from you. Then leave and find another to do the same to.
My ex was also a tick. He used me for money, for a house, for food, for sex, for social position, for a place to be on vacation (I live on a really beautiful place, a 5 minute walk from the sea)…he drained me financialy at a point where all my savings go away. He signed a legal document with me, when I loaned him money for one of his projects (an imaginary project), he never pay back and he threats me if I ever try to get him to court…”I will show you who you really are..” Just thinking of being around him again on a court case make me sick. So right know I just use the document as a proof of how a person can trick and use another person.
He is full of words, a lot of empty words and promises that never get to action. He is a tick, a vampire…
Oh yeah…. The trick of ‘i will show who you really are’ and that would consist of lies …. And the person he made you into responding to his crazy corrupt actions.
He used those exact words to me when I moved out while he was at work (id been staying with a friend for 2 weeks since discard) “I will make it my mission that those around you are aware of your true colours.”
Ugh yes and that is horrifying, when you might have only been that way to protect yourself, to survive, and when your buttons were pushed.
Actually, I had done nothing wrong but move out while he was at work (which was completely understandable to my friends). He just lost control of me so went into a narc rage. Even at the time I found that comment laughable (and a tad confusing) as everyone who knows me, knows I wear my heart on my sleeve and hide nothing. I did go to the HR manager of my company though and explain the situation so that if he came true on his comments about destroying my job that they were aware.
Isn’t it strange though how they all use the same language. Do the same things. I just find it bizarre. Its kind DONT HURT ME I AM GOING TO HURT YOU NOW, like a teenager yelling at its parents.
You know…. I guess…. ‘it is done’ 🙂
Oh absolutely. I find sociopathy fascinating, particularly now I have lived through a relationship with one. I personally think they use the same words/language because they are basically kids and it is all focused around them therefore it is very one dimensional. They all only see it through their eyes, they will never learn and grow, they cant’ as they don’t have empathy, therefore everything they say is like a child as they never grew up emotionally and it is all “me” but with an adults vocabulary.
I agree, I think that there was a fundamental developmental learning period that was missed, or skipped. It can’t be a coincidence how many of them, had pretty screwed up childhoods. I often felt like i was a child. What was more frustrating was that I was then forced into the parent mode, to cope with the child. A role that I didn’t particularly want to play.
Oh yes. It really is done. The finding out about the new wife was like the last thing.
I think that is something that those who are new to this site could be helpful for them… that most of the time, every time you take a step back into the pain, then it leads to a bigger step forward.
Till one day they reach my level. where it is almost completely behind them. Once my life starts really moving forward again, I know I wont even give him a second thought.
I needed time to heal inside (FOO and ex soc and to really gain a sense of worth) and my outside world stopped still. I’m trying hard to get it moving again and i know once it gains momentum, that i will be like “Nigel who?”
It really is interesting. Mine was very child like in many ways too. What i now know to be his glib smile (when he had duped me somehow) was like a little boys.
The first time we met,he sucked me in big time…. In fact I must have looked like a Dyson Hoover… Lol. In fact he told me so much about himself,I couldn’t get a word in edge ways!! How he’d retired from his managent position (lie) with a big payout at 49 years old. (Lie) his PA,as he has 720 people under him( lie) in fact the only thing he didn’t tell me,was if he was breast or bottle fed at birth 😂 . The next date,more lies,,then the lovebombing, bouquets of flowers,turning up unannounced where I worked,romantic meals,by that point you’re hooked. He also had no friends,his excuse for this,was when he left his ex,he decided he didn’t want that circle of friends anymore. Truth…. His ex kicked him out,and their friends didn’t want to know him,as like me,they’d sussed him long ago,before she did.
Why is it,everyone else sees it,before the abused does? I knew I wasn’t happy,but just believed his damn lies day to day,for that I feel stupid😔
Hahahaha omg you are hilarious. When I read the first sentence or two, I thought when you said (he told me all about his life) – my thoughts, were ‘bet it was all lies’…. what is it with them. The reason that everyone else see’s it and you don’t is really, what is in the heart. Love. We love, and we love people. When we love people, we don’t just switch off, like robots. Those feelings are real.
Also they are incredibly manipulative and deceptive. So, he would continue to play the game with you, like a cat and mouse, reassuring you, no no it isn’t like this. Truth is they are like robots. Once know the drill, you will never be fooled again.
That feeling stupid feeling, I felt like that too. I think that is normal. I returned, so the second time, I didn’t feel stupid, as I knew what I was going into, and protected myself. But the first time, I had no clue. I was talking to a friend today about what he did when I met him, it is beyond shocking….. unbelievable, writing it out to her, I still struggle to believe it. It isn’t that you are stupid, its more that they are better at being deceptive and lying, than you are at detecting that kind of behaviour (why would you) – when you love someone you trust them.
Mine used me for my money, and he thought I would buy us a million dollar property on the water. I spent countless amounts on entertaining, dining, vacations and daily groceries for him and his family….all the while maintaining my own house and property. He loved to drive my expensive vehicles around and pretended he had something to do with them. I would get so ticked when one of his friends would say they loved his new ride….ha..they had no idea the vehicles belonged to me. So glad he found a new victim. I tried to warn her, but she can’t see things as she has a few other situations on her mind. He’s an opportunistic user…and am so glad I recovered my life…the prior post about ‘freedom’ is 100% true. All the new supply has is isolation and 24/7 of his incessant narcissism , meanwhile I have my freedom and ability to live an independent life…appreciate my good fortune, as my future with him looked like a lifetime of work and stress to try and make him happy. Thank you for writing this blog positivagirl…your words have been incredibly healing.
Hey you were lucky that he moved on before he had drained you of everything. Yes she has nothing but him. He will drain her of everything. Thats no prize or trophy.
I agree completely…as much as the pain and shock of the discard stunned me, I reached out to his ex wife who told me ‘you dodged a huge bullet’…now months later I can look back and feel blessed that he found a new victim..because long term all I could see were dollars flying out of my once rock solid savings accounts. Am determined to rebuild it and don’t want anything to do with new romantic prospects…my ability to trust has been shattered…maybe not forever..but for right now..and that’s all we have to think about is right here and now.
I think also the biggest lesson we learn is to trust ourselves
Cash and a business . Could have been a lot worse . I’m friends with 2 of her previous victims now who had it 3 times as bad .
I didn t think it was possible .
😳
Strangely….sociopaths are meant to be great in bed,not so with my ex,in fact it became apparent shortly after we married ,that it wasn’t good. His liking for porn is consistent with sociopathy though.
Yes,they’re like leeches,drain you of money,and your personality. money, I always found that strange,but now I see it more clearly. If he wanted something,he’d have it,but vice versa,it was a long long talk,as to why I shouldn’t have whatever it was.
I was used for sex, money, food, clothes, I was an armchair therapist,I was used for triangulation,I was used for his sick twisted mysoginstic mind to chip away at my goodness and worth. 10 mos free!! Recovery takes time, a lot of time and some deep introspection but I thimk I am getting there…..
Regarding the sex with them I think it depends on what type they are. The first narc in my life the sex was good, the second narc he treated me like a prostitute! It was the same way time and time again…his way! It was like Groundhog Day with him! Good job I had something to compare him with
GUYS, THEY AREN’T ‘INSECURE’ WITH ‘LOW SELF-ESTEEM’. I learn so much from all of you. you too may be interested in the new approaches. have a look at Dr. George K. Simon, for ex,. books or google articles, for ex., ‘manipulative people’ and his videos. videos are particularly on the ‘insecure’ thing….
I was going through a time when my heart was empty and I used alcohol and sex to self medicate. He took advantage of that and used me for sex and for someone to care about him. The discard was hard but each day is better. I’ve reached out to wise friends that are kind and loving to me. I no longer drink alcohol and look forward to meeting new people in the future. Right now I’m focusing on loving myself because I didn’t in the past. That’s why he was able to infiltrate a healthy boundary. He wasn’t even a good lover. It was like he was a 13 year old boy but at age 38. I prefer a man with self awareness self confidence, loving, and not crazy in the mind! Is that asking too much? I’m an attractive sweet lovable women! Next time around I will be loving myself first.
His supply was other women, the high of getting compliments on his looks, clothes, etc…. ego
Money, a home, sex, a home for his kids, entertainment. I paid for everything, even a motorcycle. A wee after I put the title in his name (because he wasnt going anywhere”) he announced it wasnt working and moved out. has continued hoovering over the last 3 years, when he is out of work, or between women.
on top of that, he couldnt cook, and liked to sit on the couch and surf the internet scouting for other women to sext with. Very into porn, which unfortunately made him terrible in bed. Total misogynist, predjudiced agianst just about every race and religion. But yeah, he needed everything I had. And when he thought he’d find it better elsewhere, he was off without a backwards glance.
Heh I get the feeling that you enjoyed putting your thoughts about him out there 🙂 your better off, who wants to be with someone who is scouting for other women.
lmao – yeah I just started letting it allllllll out. whenever I start feeling sad or missing him, it helps me remember what a douche he really was. xox
My Former Fiancé used me to reinvent her life (which is a familiar thing to anyone who has been involved with a sociopath.) When we first met she was teaching maths in a school (quite a comedown for a drama teacher with delusions of grandeur!) and living in reduced circumstances with her son in a friend’s house. Within months she had quit the job, moved out of the house (possibly owing money to her friend ) & returned to her parents home to live rent-free for a year. This is where I come in – after a few months of spa trips and romantic meals (where we shared the cost) she declared that I was going to marry her & persuaded me to part with a deposit for a flat (which she found without consulting me!) Things moved very fast – I met the parents & siblings & spent most of my time away from my family and friends. We got engaged, I unsuccessfully applied for jobs near the flat & our relationship entered a period where I spent most of the time treading on eggshells. The slightest thing would set off the rage. Within months of moving into the flat and getting engaged we were seeing less of each other. It seemed like I fulfilled all my public duties such as attending a family wedding and a few more spa trips (which I paid for) and then she disappeared and I didn’t hear anything for months. Fast forward to the New Year (almost 2 years spookily to the day we first went out) and there were suddenly accusations that I’d forced her into debt (despite the fact I was helping with the rent). It had all gone wrong and it was all my fault. Or was it? After unsuccessfully trying to arrange a meeting to discuss things I was finally unceremoniously dumped by text (which had been hinted at several months earlier but not before I had paid for more stuff!) Then it all came out by text (of course) that she’d met someone else who loves her & is taking her to Greece for the summer. I was asked to wish her luck with her forthcoming interviews and (bizarrely) feel sorry for her for being so horrible (because she’d been through the same thing with someone and she knew what it felt like – Ah!) So more bizarre behaviour with the Former Fiancé switching from reasonable to unreasonable & even sharing aspects of her wonderful holiday with me (while trying to escape with my share of the deposit.) There was a happy ending – I got all my money and furniture back but I had to write a letter to her parents and appeal to their charitable side (which was unfortunate!) So a year on she is living and working elseware with a new squeeze – the endless cycle continues..
And I feel like I dodged a bullet too!
He used me to complete the image of the perfect life, as his successful “perfect” partner, in the perfect house and perfect job so that people could see how perfect he was. He Used me to be his housewife and to have dinner on the table for him when he finished work, his espresso coffee ready first thing in the morning. He used me so he wasn’t alone – he had absolutely no friends outside of work – not a one (and never socialised with the work ones outside of work – they were obviously his followers).He used me for money even though he earned twice as much as me and was basically a millionaire, I still paid half of everything (including half the mortgage – even when I wasn’t working and the house was in his name). He used me for sex. I believe that he also saw me as a challenge, so he used me to entertain himself. He also used me to feed and walk the dogs and look after his kids when we had them. (that was to piss his exwife off)
When he finally realised that he wasn’t going to get more money from me without me going on the title of the house and When he finally realised that I really meant that he had to do half the house work and I would do half the gardening (which i loved – even though he gave me the dirtiest, hardest most physical jobs there were, such as shoveling dirt and cleaning the gutters), and when i started pushing back on him to help with the housework (of a five bedroom mansion), otherwise the house work just wasn’t going to get done. And when i refused to pick up the dog poo (Technically they were his dogs and i had told him if we got them i wasnt cleaning up the poo (I did do it sometimes) and he wouldn’t even feed my cat if i was away for a few days) . And when I started to eat dinner before he got home because he was so late and it was getting cold and i was starving (twice) and he had to eat it on his own and when i demanded to watch the very occasional thing i wanted to watch on TV and when I had a beer during the week which was outside his strict rules of his only drinking friday saturday and sunday (where he used to drink astronomical amounts of alcohol)..When he finally realised that I was becoming stronger not weaker and standing up for my what i wanted and that he was loosing his game of control. then he went into full D&D. Obviously because I was becoming less rather than more controlled.
It took him a month from the moment he realised that I was not going to put more money in the house without going on the title to find my replacement and discard me.
I wonder how the new wife is coping with all that.
How are you doing today? Are you doing ok?
Hi Pos, Yup, I’m all good. Just read your post and liked it. Thought I would add my 2 cents. I have a lot of time on my hands as you know and am very bored. And as much as I dont’ want to be relieving the soc stuff… Well I am really bored.
ha yeah I know, i was just writing a post about recovery and moving on from the victim/survivor mode. It’s not a part of your life now 🙂 I think we can only stay in those roles for so long. if we continue to do so, its not healthy. I don’t think. We cant be a victim or a survivor forever. its kind of good to be NORMAL again – haha whatever normal is.
and actually it’s not even re living it anymore. I don’t feel the pain. It was just the other day I had a moment but I’m back to “water off a ducks back” again.
As a thought Pos, perhaps for your post that you are writing on moving on, the biggest thing for me (and i think for most, though i’m no cousellor so not sure) if I hadn’t spent that time on healing myself, my family of origin wounds, dealing with my dad and really understanding who I am and why i react the way I do and by realising that being an empath is actually a good thing and not worthless (like my dad had told me my whole life) and then in starting to instill a sense of worth, then all I would have done is bury the pain and a part of me would always think it was because i am not worthy. That it was my fault. I would have anger still buried inside of me. I would not have grown.
I guess what I am saying is that I think the only way i moved from being a victim/survivor to “normal” ( :-)), was by really working on myself and healing all those old wounds and the new ones. Then from this, I could change my patterns.
I had an ex boyfriend that I now think was a narcissist – he cheated on me with men and women (i did not know he was bi). I carried that anger and pain around with me for 12 years. Buried, but still there. I didnt take time out to face it, understand it and heal myself. Therefore i was ripe picking for the soc.
It really does become about healing inside of you, but not simply (haha) healing the damage done by the soc, but by accepting yourself as you really are and believing and knowing that you are a really good person and that needs you to heal old wounds and incorrect self belief’s. One of my biggest flaws was that I searched constantly for validation outside myself. So I was always talking about me. I was also always trying to achieve everything to prove that I was not worthless. I didn’t realise that I was searching for validation. I now know that the validation has to come from me. Everyone elses approval is not going to make me happy. Well it does a little of course – but it means nothing if I dont’ truly believe it myself first. I do now.
This is a weird thing to say… but I really am a better person after the soc came and left my life. Not better as a “person” because I was always a good person, but better as in im more whole on the inside now, I see things in a better way. It is no longer me against the world. It’s now me and the world.
Now if I could just get that damned job life would be grand!
Sorry for rambling on again. delete this if you want.
Ah what a brilliant comment. I so agree with you 100% I think that people who have returned to normal and worked hard on healing, can see the benefits and how they have changed within themselves. The sociopath, just by who they are, manages to target our weaknesses and magnify them. This is why it is so painful (and why I often wrote at the bottom of posts, love yourself you are worth it)…. healing comes from within (why I said don’t jump into another relationship, focus on you). I think also true happiness comes from within. Once you have that sussed, there isn’t too much that can bring you down, for too long, as you get back up. I think its easy to blame the abusive partner for everything (yes the blame does rest with them) – sometimes, I looked back, and was grateful for all that i learned about myself.
It really means a lot to me, to hear from old readers of this site. To see that you went on your own journey, and moved forward for you, and healed what was hurting you. Truth is, the sociopath has no power over you, if you have no weaknesses. How could they manipulate you? Or threaten you? …. they can’t. They target weaknesses.
It is SO GOOD to hear how well you are doing. It massively means a lot to me. Thank you!!! I love to hear that people have moved on and are living better lives, for themselves. You were also part of my journey to recovery too.
You know what is odd though, is that this time, It was a normal breakup. It wound down naturally. There wasn’t pain or none of the drama (too much) of before. It is pretty strange, it ended, as we had came to the end of the road together, there wasn’t anywhere else for us left to go. I could see that he was moving round in circles and probably always would, and I needed to move forward. That was that really.
Good to hear you are doing so well!!! Sending you big love, and good wishes for you job!! (try doing an aspiration board – they work!!! )
Aww shucks Pos, Thank YOU in so many ways.
I think for me, it is like Brene Brown says:it’s about understanding your vulnerabilities/weaknesses and embracing them. We all have them, but if you acknowledge them and know them and yes, even embrace them, then they cannot be used so easily against you. Soc proofed 🙂
Perhaps, maybe that is why for you when it ended this time, it ended “normally” as he knew he couldn’t hurt you. You had learnt so much about yourself and even about him, that he knew that it was a waste of energy (and dangerous) to degrade you or try to make a drama. He had no hold on you anymore. You had out grown him and your weaknesses were now invulnerable…and he knew it.
Of course I really have no idea as I don’t know him or the situation – but just food for thought.
I don’t think that there was too much he could do. He had already done it. But also, he just didn’t. There was no scene or drama when he left, he gave me back keys, he didn’t steal anything, he didn’t do anything bad at all. In fact he was pretty nice. Mind you – when I ignored him a few days later he did have one of his dramas, turned up at my house middle of the night yelling obscenities, wrote slut on heat on my front door (in mud)… lol yelling threats and whatever next day outside in front of the neighbours. But – I know thats the loss of control. He recomposed himself, had tears – called me heartless then went straight on the dating site lol 🙂
I knew he would….. as its early in the month, he will be out of money and won’t have enough to live to the end of the month. It is the first time, that I am thinking actually am a bit worried about the next person – if he went into one right away (and suspect he is) – as I worry what he will do. He had been around someone for years that knew all about him, every thing he did, I knew who he was. He did behave (compared to what he was like before). I knew when he was gaslighting, and would say ‘stop gaslighting me’ he would say I don’t want your sociopathic analysis. It was interesting though, from an academic perspective as well as personal. As what I learned – was what changed was what he thought of me.
In the beginning everything was fake. He didn’t care about me, but he faked he did, hearts flowers roses etc, but it was all a financial con. Last time, it wasn’t. He did have a genuine connection to me. In their compulsive, suck you up kind of way that they love. But it was all that he had.
He moved into a new flat and will create a new persona for himself, dependent on whoever he is mirroring. I cant see that he will resist the opportunity not to scam someone, maybe he won’t. But its the feeling that I get. I learned, that they can treat you ok (still a bit opportunist and they cant help with the control) – if they care about you. If you are valuable to them (he told me I was valuable to him, as he didn’t have to hide with me) – I have your eyes wide open.
Maybe – he will still be ok with someone new, but I doubt it. I really doubt it. For him to write that on my door that night, shows how he has regressed.
It is nice though for me personally and also psychologically – that this time, it ended – simply because we outgrew each other. neither of us were happy. So it ended ‘normally’ I say that in brackets as to a normal person it probably wasn’t that lol, but when you have been through a lot, you know what is bad – and what is well, not perfect but ok.
Pos, I think it is amazing how far we have both come. For you to experience it with eyes wide open and with you being in control more often than not (knowledge is power), must have been empowering for you. And given you huge insight as well. Not only into psychopathy but into yourself.
I’m very glad that you are able to walk away from this feeling relatively unscathed and that you were done.
I am very glad I came out of it with so much self learning. Invaluable lessons that will make my life so much fuller now. Even though I am still in a rough spot, the way I am coping and dealing is so much healthier and more in touch with me and with life and with everyone than ever before. I’m looking forward to my outside self (job, house, friends, baby etc) getting on track, now that my inside self (emotions, ego, inner self) are truly healthy and more able than ever before. I feel so much more connected now. With myself, with those around me, with nature and even with my dysfunctional family and particularly with my past.
I probably wont be on here again for a while, so if not, best of luck to you and all those that visit here. For those at the beginning of the healing journey, know that there is a happy ending, the pain does fade, and you can grow into a better you. From the fire and destruction comes new life (isn’t that right PR 🙂 ). And what a new life it is – it is so exciting to know that anything is possible, but now I am equipped with tools to ensure that it will be the best kind of possible.
I’ll stop by every now and then to see how you are all travelling.
Peace and happiness to you all.
IID xx
I think mine just basically could not stand being alone ever so, has an endless supply of everything on hand & I mean everything! He had to be controlling & manipulating 24/7.
His family, siblings, parents, ex’s, colleagues, & every Tom Dick & Harry. No one was exempt!
He just never stops running from his own boredom. We supply his entertainment just like a cat with a mouse.
I am however free & loving it! I can do whatever I like & whenever & it is extremely liberating once you get free of the control & brainwashing. 🙂
PR xoxo
My ex-spath reeled in me in quickly with love bombing, flattery, claims of soul-matedness, then, initially, began to drain me of my space (constant texting, calling, stalker-like), my emotional well-being (sucked me of all my energy and focus) — and somehow made all of this feel *good* – attention I wanted, boredom lifted. Next, he used me to make important decisions & do important tasks for him (to generate a sense of “us”-ness, a sense of responsibility for him). Then, he “had no place to go” (of course, “temporarily”), so he used me for my home, my food, cigarettes (all of those things equating to money although claiming he “didn’t care about money” – Yes, easy to do when someone else cares about it for you!) Also used me for sex and to gain a sense of belonging and being wanted. While staying with me, he was on his absolute best behavior. Relentless. All of the signs were there, though – the intense sex (but with a strange, alien lack of intimacy), the fake sociopathic smile (even flashed it during sex – incredibly creepy), the forced laugh, the constant manipulations, the pointless lies (just because), the do-good deeds (cleaning, cooking, etc.), the mirroring, the lack of a job, the lack of remorse or real feeling, etc. etc. etc.. After I kicked him out to go to rehab, the spath-spell wore off and all I saw in him was the pathetic loser parasite that he is. Found evidence from previous relationships of the abuse, neglect, using, lying, devaluing, discarding. Evil, dark, yucky man. Good riddance. Lucky ducky I am to be rid of that vampire.
Sounds like you are in a good place now ducky!!! 🙂 Good for you.
Getting there! I never would have imagined how damaging even just a fewonths during that first phase of ingratiation and flattery could be.t heart really goes out to people who have suffered the long term effects of the whole cycle of abuse over and over again. I wasn’t even devalued, discarded or abused (manipulated & lied to, yes) and I still felt totally sideswiped, lost, confused, hurt, angry, etc. I just can’t fathom the full deal. This site has REALLY
helped me. In fact, this site is what helped me to discover he is a sociopath, helped me to break things off before the really bad stuff set in, and is helping me stay NC. THANK YOU!!!!
Do you know, I am unsure, which is worse to be honest. As when it is short term, just in the beginning, it is even more shocking, as you have no idea, no concept. Nothing, its just a shock to the system. I would imagine that over the longer term, you would know that they are compulsive pathological liars, so you switch off. I think its far more shocking sometimes, if it is short term, and there is a total lack of care, and just being used, as you have nothing real or tangible, just lies, deceit awful. People can lose a lot in short term too. In fact, I learned, that if they meet you with the sole purpose of just doing the con, and have no real value of you, it can be worse. Brilliant that you have set yourself free…. Hope you have a good weekend!! 🙂
This exactly and I mean Exactly what the x soc did to me. It has been a little over a year since I found out abt the cheating. Then I found out what he really is. Been cheating over four years now. New supply source has tried to get away numerous times but the love bombing and suicide threats start. They can hv their “love”. I can have my good life back. Health to all and Peace in ur hearts. Rose
‘… the intense sex (but with a strange, alien lack of intimacy…’
Arhh, it’s incredible how these sociopaths conform to such similar patterns of behavior. Psychologists say these are only labels for generalization – but so many of these comments on this site are just so incredibly similar to my experiences.
Are these androids all made in the same factory?!
Wow: this is an interesting question. And I shouldn’t be surprised to read that many of these answers are from the position of my adversary who stole him from me. I had hoped he was always at least half-joking when he said he wanted a ‘sugar mommy,’ but it turned out to be the cold hard truth. I sense a pattern with sociopathic men: I believe they prefer to be unemployed and live off a woman (which is gross, when I think about it). I suppose women who have these types of charming spell-binding guys feel like boasting, “ha-ha, see who I won?!” But I guess maybe they don’t win forever, which is what I’m just starting to think.
What did “my” sociopath use me for? Mostly, it was for the physical/sexual aspects of a relationship, which is what made it so addictive and difficult to get ripped away from me suddenly after all those years. He loved not only the sex with me, he loved looking at me and touching me, and he even loved being seen out in public with me. He insisted we go out as often as we stayed in, saying he thought it was too selfish of him to just keep me at home in bed. But he also used to genuinely be “wowed” when I got all dolled up for him. Truth be told, not to be vain, but he noticed how I turned heads whenever I got myself looking my best for him and we went places together. I think that inflated his ego and he hasn’t always gotten noticeably attractive women — for example, there was a young woman he was having a casual arrangement with before me, and she was not at all attractive. So I think I was a bit of a novelty to him, like a “china doll” to help get him noticed.
Of course he also stayed at my place (I had the ex-husband take the kids) whenever he came to town, which was often. And since he stayed for several days at a stretch, that saved him on possible hotel bills. But even being objective, his company paid for his traveling expenses (train) so I’m sure they’d have paid for his hotel too if he had no one to stay with. The only odd thing is, he always claimed he had so many great friends in town, yet they never seemed to want to put him up when he said that was the plan. I was just glad the plans fell through and he came to stay with me (and of course he got the sexual bonus), but I should have wondered more about where these friends were?
Anyway, in my case it was the physical/sexual stuff that drew him to me and kept him coming back and acting like it could go on indefinitely… that is until he discovered I wasn’t going to be able to sell my house after my separation agreement expired because that’s when the housing market unexpectedly crashed. Next thing I knew, he said he felt ‘it was time to end our relationship’ and he met someone with money within a month who he’s still with today after cohabiting for six years (as long as I knew him).
They say it’s not good to hate, but he took the most passionate love I could possibly feel and turned into the most intense hatred I could ever feel for anyone (though I’ve started working on just feeling nothing, which admittedly feels much better).
Well Positivagirl, you asked! 🙂
Aw Blackcat, this relationship sounds abusive on so many levels. Sexual abuse, emotional abuse….. I can see why after so many years you are still feeling it. This guy, really did bad things to you. Are you doing any kind of therapy?
Well actually, he wasn’t the sexually abusive one, the ex-husband was (he forced unwanted sex on me, but I didn’t learn until years after that there’s such a thing as marital rape!). But the socio was very emotionally and psychologically abusive. He withheld sex from me as a “test” of just how much I’d put up with to get it. In other words, it was the exact opposite of what I had in my miserable marriage. Men can be such bastards, they use sex as a “weapon,” either way — by that I mean, they force it on us when we don’t want it or they withhold it when we do. Unfortunately, it seems like it’s been very effectively used on me in both ways. 😦
That’s why I was so extremely vulnerable when he came along right as I was getting out of the abusive marriage. I thought I was meeting my dream man! In a way, I’m still in shock. But talk therapy hasn’t helped me. I see a psychiatrist for meds and they help, especially with my insomnia. I occasionally have bad dreams where it feels like he’s “psychically attacking me,” if that makes any sort of sense. My belief system is unusual, I believe in reincarnation and karma as well as dreams sometimes being ‘real’ (I kind of have proof of that, since several of my dreams – especially involving him – turned out to be prophetic in detail). On some level, I think I always had doubts and was somewhat afraid of how much power he had over me. But I always pushed them aside because I felt helpless to resist him, especially with absolutely nothing and no one to fall back on.
As I think I’ve told you before, even the “friends” I had before the discard left me because I couldn’t let go and follow the “no contact” rule. I just didn’t have the willpower, and they judged me on that. That’s why I put the word “friends” in quotes. Then shortly after, my mother died (my biggest support in the world). I’ve been hit by so many losses since then, and not *one* gain. No wonder I’m still not healed! Like I said though, at least the meds help and I’m functioning fine at work. So I guess there’s that. But work alone isn’t much of a life, I’m all too well aware of that. This spring when this nasty cold weather is gone, I’m promising myself I’ll find a way to get out and make at least one good connection with someone new — it’s way overdue! It’s awfully hard to heal when you’re all by yourself, although I am feeling more numb and less intensely bad when I think of him. Baby steps….
Omg, mine also called me “sugar mama” – jokingly to me but seriously to his friends. You hit home with this one, blackcat36.
Even now,I don’t know if Id spot a sociopath…..sounds stupid I know,but I suppose my upbringing told me to be honest. As Id been lied to for 15 years by my ex,even now I can’t quite believe it.
Yes,they like the power of money,but are absolutely useless with it.
They like to tell others who care to listen to their endless tales,about what they have and own.
Anyway,I’m sure he’s met someone else,as he’s leaving me alone.
I’m sure I know who it is too,as I know her. I recently sent her a message,saying had she seen him lately,as he was acting weird,and I was sure he was seeing someone. She never replied.
Says it all,when my feelings about this are zilch. If I warned her,she wouldn’t believe me,as no doubt he’s lovebombing her,just like he did me to begin with.
Well…. I’ll rise above it,and my life will get better,without him. My only regret is,that I didn’t find these lies out sooner 😔
My husband used me for money and status. He said to me he introduced me to his family to show them how well he was doing. I was somehow supposed to have known this and should have known not to be friendly with them or treat them with respect. He also went on a dating website looking for a new place to live once he sensed I was kind of on to him. He said these things to me like they were normal. He placed the blame on me for not understanding I was there to rub has family’s nose in his vicarious success and to provide a home and all his physical needs. At the end, he showed who he was and what he needed. He needs everything. He has nothing on his own. I do not know whether he has Borderline Personality Disorder or Anti-social. What I do know is he is a parasite. Whether he knows it and it is a game or if his issues are so deep-seated and painful he cannot grow and move on doesn’t really matter. I can’t live like that. I am more than a place to stay or a faceless pawn in a sick game of revenge.
LOL Jennifer, did you just say that he went on a dating website looking for a new place to live???? Lol, normal people look at the property section online or in the paper. Not a dating website — that did make me laugh out loud, but it’s not funny is it??? Yes they are parasites… they will take everything you have, if you let them!!
Dignity…that’s what he took from me and pride!And now I’m a week nc (cue applause) I have the clarity to see that. What ill never understand is why? Why do they do it and why do they choose the nicest of people? They should all be put on an island…round them up,put them on airplanes and drop them all on an island so they can do it to each other lol x
Haha Laura, I totally agree,they should be put on an island.
Why… I think we all ask ourselves that. I think they pick on nice people,they hate assertive women.
Now I’m getting bombarded with threats via email and post,I find it hard to deal with. My mind feels foggy where he’s concerned,does that make sense?😏 my mind is full of all the lies he told me.
Yesterday I was at the doctors for weight issues,it’s just dropping off.
She just said,it’s brainwashing and mental abuse,as I said,even if I was to stand in front of my ex now,Id still believe what comes out of his mouth,even though deep down I know it’s a lie. She said,yes, she could understand that.
Hi Pos, its Boopsiekisses, mine needed a roof over his head. I always wanted to see Gaslight, he calculated every thing, she thought she was going out for a nice time and he made sure she didn’t have a nice time, that son of a bitch, I used to tell myself Im never happy for long, now I see why, pull the rug from under you time and time again. 17 month’s away from him its wonderful, he asks my son for myy number still and had the audacity to ask my son to ask me to borrow 50 bucks and wanted to know if I had another man. My son told him yes and he hung up on him. They are very childish. He should have been out by now but lost good time. March 26th this prick gets out . He has a girl 10 blocks from here, hes very cruel he could have gotten someone anywhere else, no, it has to be un my neighborhood, I feel sorry for her actually, she had lapband surgery for him and she has lupusok positiva I would like to be the last thing you post so I’m going to go now I will comment on everyone miss you hi beware before how are you I miss you so much okay ladies talk to you soon love and peace
Mine used me to improve his life. He let his own life fall apart by spending most days in his apartment sitting on the couch and watching TV. He became out of shape. He used me to start eating healthy meals, developed a consistent schedule, motivation for exercise and as an assistant.
He uses different people for different things…I was healthy lifestyle chick. I once stopped working out for two weeks and he then began the discard. He would just give me enough to keep me on the hook And then i started exercising again and then had a use. I should start looking at who is supplying him with what. I really don’t think he would have anyone in his life who couldn’t supply him with something.
Sex. Excitement. Emotional support. And maybe most of all, ego-stroking. I thought he was so wonderful, and I told him all the time. I did everything I could to please him- physically, emotionally. I loved him so much. He made me so happy. Until I began to suspect the cheating. And the lies to cover it up. It began to detroy me. I was in so much pain from the merry-go-round of betrayal and lying and seduction to win me back. I attempted suicide twice. I felt so worthless, as if I had nothing to live for. And since the recent discard, which he accomplished by finally allowing me to “accidentally” stumble upon his relationship with one of his fresh victims, thereby even avoiding responsibility for ending our relationship, I have been in a world of torture every day. The shock at finding 4 years of love and dedication was a waste, was based on a pack of heious shameless lies, is just too much to bear. I do not know whether I will make it. The worst is that I have a toddler who needs me. But all she ever sees is mother crying. I cannot work, I cannot laugh, I cannot love. And he skips along merrily with no reprecussions in his own life whatsoever. Just having fun and “love” with the next girl, while I drown. I am so angry. I wish he was dead. I want vengeance for what he has done to me.
Please, please dont give into the suicidal thoughts. I know all too well what you speak of. Get on anti depressants, go to the gym, stay connected to other people, you have to win this fight. I want vengeance for everything he has done to me as well. In a process, I lost a person who was very dear to me, my ex, my best friend, who simply could not cope with our break up (I left him for this POS) and drank himself to death…..Please stay strong.
Money and money only. Well, at least it started off with that, then he was able to obtain way more through me than just financial help. He moved to another country and received a citizenship there all thanks to me then just dumped me right after he got everything he wanted.
I’m currently cataloging my experiences on my account…first post so far. I’m not entirely sure what my ex was either. She’s evil….that’s about all I got pinned down. Sigh. This shit is fuckin torture
Welcome to the site dal 🙂
Wow I have just found this site. I left my SP one week ago. Everything is still feeling very raw.
I turned a blind eye to several warnings about SP as he convinced me these women were crazy and they were out to get him. He was in contact with up to 6 other women during our time together. I think his number one source of supply was money – it only recently came to light that he had none. Many occasions he told me he had forgotten his wallet, or asked if I could grab some groceries on my way to his place. Luckily other than me paying mostly for dinners and outings he never got his hands on any large amounts. He knew I had my divorce money sitting aside waiting to purchase a house. Other supplies were keeping his children entertained, keeping up the facade of a committed partner and father to his extended family,
I guess it was my looks and my empathetic character traits. Can this even be possible? He did not want money or other possessions.
Mine used me for my constant ego stroking. I thought the world of him and constantly built him up in every aspect of his life (I noticed that he never did the same for me……….red flag). I was outgoing, happy, fun, energetic, pretty, well liked, and had an easy time talking to people and connecting to people. Loads of friends and family. I was successful in my field. I had an active social life and was constantly on the go doing fun things.
At first I thought he was just drawn to that because he was the exact opposite and found all those things attractive about me. He was quiet and shy and set in his ways. He didn’t like to try new things and he didn’t like to go out and have fun on his own doing. I dragged that out of him. It was always me, coming up with the fun ideas, trying new things. He begrudgingly went along, like he was doing me a favor, but he always enjoyed himself. He liked stimulation. Excitement. Don’t misunderstand……..he looked down on everything, but he sucked it all in.
I was careful with my finances though. Just from having been used before by family members. He tried to find out what I had going on and I always played the “i’m broke and bad with money” card. He actually had a good job, but was very selfish and a total skin flint. If he bought a soda when we were out, it was a HUGE deal to him because “it was a waste of money.” I paid for some things. But I never allowed him to get close to my finances. I found out later that he was very comfortable financially. But that he had probably been able to accumulate savings like that from living off of people his entire adult life.
And living together never happened. He would have liked it to, but I managed to keep that one off the table. I was crazy about him but the games were too stressful on me. (Another red flag, I love this person, but they are torturing me mentally to the point i’m drained after spending time with them? Why didn’t I get out right away???) Mentally, I knew I could not handle living with him. I would have had a nervous breakdown in a month or two. I knew that. I was in a constant state of anxiety from the mind games.
I found out later that he had two other women on the side he was living off parasitically. I got in contact with one after I finally got rid of him. Found out that she was paying for everything for him and he stayed there, rent free, whenever he wanted. He was staying with the two of them different days of the week! Roof over his head and food to eat. And he didn’t give them a dime.
After a while though, he started to try to break me down to try to make me feel bad about myself and to isolate.
“You’re not THAT pretty.”
“You’re not THAT funny.”
“I don’t know why people like you so much, you have them fooled. You are really not that nice.”
“I don’t like you hanging around/talking to that person. It will make me happy if you stop associating with them……….and you know how you like to make me happy…….”
In the end, I realized, I think he was drawn to all those things because he didn’t have those things in himself and was jealous and angry about that. I think it was a combination of, he wanted to suck those things out of me to have them for himself somehow AND to destroy those things in me to take them away from me. (If he couldn’t be happy, why should anyone else be happy?)
The things about me that once drew him to me and make him fall madly for me, in the end were the things he HATED about me. Most of all, he HATED how happy I was and how I found joy in things. He was NEVER happy. He was ALWAYS bored and irritated and miserable.
He was incapable of feeling joy or truly connecting to another person.
He may have used the other women for a place to stay and free food but he used me to try to steal my joy. Or try to be close to it, to see if he could feel it for himself somehow.
Hello All ,
I am new on here and trying to navigate my way on the site!
I posted one night when I was feeling really alone. I posted it under the Christmas thread..I had meant to post it under the “When did you Realize you were dating a Sociopath! Oh well..No Replies or responses.Anyhow I will try again.
I know my useful purpose, I make him “Appear ” Normal! He can show and tell Co workers and family look…I have a wife, step daughters, A dog now and cats. I’m living the American dream. Look at my pictures, my wife made my lunch! Look at the cards I got. I’m his “Beard” period.Im NOT weird , I’m just like you! Even though he’s 60 years old. He’s never had that! No long term relationships,never lived with anyone before never had children or even a pet of any kind …until me!
If you post on share your story christina that is where most people see the comments. It sounds as if you have a good awareness of what is happening. Who he is.
Fame and social standing. I was a television news reporter, he latched on when I was sent to his town to cover a year long event. He would follow me around town (offering to carry equipment) and on social media (he “liked” everything I posted). After a year and a half he found new supply in a beauty pageant contestant (21 years his junior). He offered her free videography service, (he had purchased a $5,000 camera and media equipment while he was following me – mirroring – even though he was an engineer at the time) he followed her around the country (his dime) for a year and a half. Recently found out he was fired from his lucrative engineering job, bought the beauty queen’s horse and wants to be a cowboy.
He plays the victim card beautifully – for me, he knew my dad had died when I was young – all of a sudden his dad had cancer and his mom was near death, I told him I had a dog – he told me his dog’s tragic death story, my niece was diagnosed with cancer (the real kind, not like his dad’s) and his niece needed to have ear tubes, implanted and that was very hard for him- blah, blah, blah. It was like a weird one-up-manship – whatever happened to me, something even worse had happened to him.
After my discard, he completely changed everything for his new supply – wardrobe, personality, stories, ailments – it was freaky!
It took me a while to comprehend what had happened, but finding an article about sociopath red flags especially love bombing, triangulation and mirroring, it finally clicked. Informational sites like these are a huge help in understanding what you’ve encountered. No contact FOREVER is the only way to heal – also block them from gaining access to you, they will cyber-stalk and say anything to smear you’re name and reputation. Stay strong – it gets better!