@Everyone,
I’m reading the latest comments andI just want to make an observation. To me this is a site of knowledge and acknowledgement, a site where we discovered that what was happening to us was not normal and that these kind of conduct have a name that is common. On this site I learned that the person that I love it’s sick and will never be able to love me or anyone.
It will take time, patience and a lot of no contact to heal, but I assure you that everything will be better.
I have seen how the words and comments of a self defined sp have affected the last days the real purpose of this site (to heal, to love with dignity) whoever he/she/it is seems that have achieve it purpose, “divide and conquer”. Positiva, Phoenix Rising, Ex def and the others we have made a great achievement and this site have fiving us the opportunity to see that there is light and that life will be, it is better without a “Pinocchio” on it.
A big abrazo to everyone
It’s going to be okay & we are not divided, I am just very protective of people who may ‘trigger’ others etc…
Don’t worry, I think Lyss is going to be fair?
As you said, we are here to help each other & our focus must remain on our selves 🙂
Occasionally one sneaks in & sets off a ‘buzz’ but, it is contained & I know Pos will soon shut it down if it becomes harmful.
@Phoenix,
I know it, but it is sad to see how he/she/it “use”the attention as a way to be feed…
I don’t comment as often, but I see how everyone are struggling to make the best decisions on their lives, a decision that recognize their value and recognize the blessing of being loved and to love.
A bigger hug to you!
@NMI
I couldn’t agree with you more which is why I stopped communicating with her. I also realised that it wasn’t helping anyone and just feeding her. I apologise to you and others of us that it may have adversely affected. Xx
Don’t beat yourself up IID & NMI is correct that it does hurt to see the reaction but, needless to say, it makes us refocus on our healing & supportive network here & elsewhere.
Tolerance is a wonderful way of being as long as healthy boundaries are adhered to.
Stay Strong & I also apologize if I offended anyone???
No apologies necessary. Perhaps it is cynicism , but a person claiming to be rational,logical and coldly calculating individual coming to a site such as this seeking understanding and affirmation for their sociopathic behaviors does not add up. Other motivations seem to be involved.
The exchange over the past few days has been instructive in reaffirming just how self centered and uni-dimensional sociopathic is. Apart from that, I agree with NMI that the discussion has taken the dialogue away from healing. I shall limit my comments from now on to assisting with the healing objective.
Lots of love AGPT
There’s nothing to apology, I was just concerned of what was happening.
Thank you for your support after I said I was having a rough day. It must be my hormones lol. Today is a new day and I am thankful that I didn’t end up marrying him. I also don’t think that his marriage will last cause he is a complete asshole who only cares for himself and what he benefits from a situation.
Now, let’s all get back to supporting each other like this and move forward from the recent disagreement 🙂
@Positiva, I hope you are fine. I don’t know why but your last comments don’t sound as you. Excuse me if I am wrong.
I just read the comments of the he/she/it that were posted on the blog and decided to ignore them, and decide to not react to it because our reactions are their food and I don’t want to be part of any “Pinnochio” meal.
The best for you!
I have one rule for this site. No personal attacks against anyone. This rule has always been in place. I have always from day one of this blog neither preached hatred to sociopaths or discouraged them from posting comments? I don’t see how I don’t sound like myself? You call this person he/she/it? Do you mean lyss? Again this is a personal attack. I ask please to stop or I really will disable comments for this site until I am well enough to manage it.
@Positiva,
I don’t think I was unrespectful to anyone on this site. I just ask to those who seems upset with the same history that we already know to remain using the basic rule, no contact.
This is your site, and I am really grateful with you for taking the time to discuss and to expose a real problem that at least for me was raw abuse. Thank you positiva for giving a name to it and for giving a voice to all of us who doesn’t understand that we loved someone who were unable to love back!
I have a voice, I am a survivor from my own personal encounter with hell itself. Thanks for giving me and to all of us the tools to do it.
I respect your decision.
The best for you.
No more insanity
Yes no contact from the person you are in love with. To break bonds between you. To break addiction to them as this can be difficult to break. the purpose of no contact is to stop the brain washing. This is to protect you. From the person that you are addicted to. To break the bond between you.
@Broken. Gotta love the silent treatment. It completely messes with your head. However, Now hat the fog has lifted, I see it as their weakness as it is easier to walk away and avoid an issue or your confrontation then to sort it out like in a normal relationship. Sure, people get shitty and need to cool off but it is very different kind of silent treatment when you are in a relationship with a sociopath.
Sociopaths would love the idea that they made someone commit suicide. It proves to them that you were “crazy”.
@XDef,
Oh yeah…she loved giving me that hot cold treatment to program me. She shared this joy with her x husband of 18 years, and I’m sure she is sharing this joy with someone else now.
@Lyss,
I personally think you should keep writing. You have a descriptive voice that is eerie as hell, but intense. Keep journaling…keep track of it: Notebook after notebook. Your murder of a dog, and what you projected he might be feeling before/as you killed him, is not empathy. In no way is that acceptable.
But I do think that you are a good writer.
I think you need to keep expressing yourself. Just keep it all in a journal/s booklet/s.
Can you conjure any poems in reference to helping others, ….anything.. because you knew that’s what other people expected you to do?
Heh, thanks I guess?
I’ve written a descriptive and extremely short story about what it would be like murdering my father about two years back (sadistic little 16 year old I was), attempting to do just that, to imagine what he would be feeling. It’s somewhat fun to see how well you can mimic their personality. As I said, sadistic, but fun. My writing is probably where I let most of my sadism out. The rest is what causes my poor impulse control I think >.>
Sorry, I’m unsure of what you meant by ‘Can you conjure any poems in reference to helping others, ….anything.. because you knew that’s what other people expected you to do?’
If you meant a poem about helping others the way people expect me to, I don’t know, I guess I probably could, however it might bore me to death 😉 Nah but if that’s what you mean, I could attempt to if you like. Could be interesting
Soooo, yesterday NS and I had a awesome screaming match on his front porch. Basically, I didn’t know he was home, I was retrieving my sons cell phone from him and charger because he lost it in daddys house. I got there and NS was home. My son gave me the phone. No charger, (charger is brand new, iPhone). I asked my son, give me the charger now. He said I can’t find it. I said go look for it now. NS gets involved, says it’s not here current “the one” has it. I said bs, give me the charger right now. NS with beer in hand as is walking (tilting) toward me I say, “oh I see what the problem is, beer” he says, “yeah beer you want one? Then get the f*ck out of here no one wants you here, before I call the police”, and slams door in my face. I am raging pissed, the idiot didn’t lock the door. So I open the door and tell him “call the police, (on his stupid shocked face), I am here retrieving my property, I am not leaving until I get it”. Amazingly enough, one of that women’s little girls reaches behind the couch cushion and gives him the charger, he hands it to me. I look at it, it’s dirty used with exposed wires, OMG. I looked at him and said “your really are a little punk AS* B*TCH aren’t you.” Twirled around on my heel and left. Who lets their girlfriend steal from their children? NS, he does he thinks nothing of it. Grrr!!
On the up note, I feel better, I said what I thought and got it out of my system instead of holding it all in. Now he is forced to deal with me email only. Back to court we go. 😦
When are you due in court? That sounds like a stressful episode. Must be so tough being tied through children. Good to hear your feeling better though 🙂
I have to file, before May 1. I am sure he will counter, with a custody order, because that’s what he does. It is very stressful, no wonder I look like a stick figure. He exhausts me. 😡. I do feel better being able to act childish and say what I feel. But that is stupid too. I truly wish I could rid myself of him. It’s rough on my children also. They want him so bad, and he doesn’t give them a single thing yet they linger on false hope just rages me.
NIBSIH.
You know probably they are like that with him and you as they know you will always be there… While dad they have to do so much more for so much less 😦
It’s my theory, the parent who does the least, the child wants the most acknowledgment from, usually the parent has a addiction of some sort. Complied with this, sociopathy, I am almost leaning into psychopathic behavior, he just laughs as they scramble for his attention. Just sad.
Hi NIBSIH 🙂
At least you had your say 🙂 & you should be proud that you spoke your truth etc…even if you did feel childish. It’s better than ‘locking’ it all in & don’t let yourself doubt that. Your ‘Normal’ & everyone has a breaking point.
It’s funny though when ‘we lose it’, the Soc’s cannot fathom us.
Mine would ‘study’ me intently when I was upset & then just say,’Do you feel better now,lets’ move on’ & then he would start talking ‘dirty’ or something innocuous.
I would sit like a stunned rabbit trying to gather myself together. I would then feel embarrassed & excuse my outburst.
It was normally precipitated by something he had done i.e. the long absences or the weird silence & I would never get the explanation!
My emotions always betrayed me as he kept me swirling in confusion trying to understand & then we would just ‘get on with it!’
Keep going as you are such a fighter & remember, there are no winners here but, there are survivors of great battles within 🙂
I agree with you about the ‘reverse psychology’ of trying to gain the attention of a parent that is not interested or distant etc…I did this all the time with my Dad who was emotionally unavailable but, a good man at heart 🙂
@PR
Chicken Soup Recipe:
Cook two chicken breast in water in crock pot. Do this with 2 oranges and lemon slices. Pull slices out after chicken is cooked. Shred chicken with fork. Stir in some cornstarch (a little), olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and honey.
*Add KAle, Arugula, chopped celery, Cilantro, finely sliced tomato, finely chopped garlic and a chives, fresh parsley, fresh basil, chopped hot cherry peppers (how ever many you like..or use cayenne pepper) Stir it up
HOOYAH PRETTY FUNNY NICE LADY! THE DOCTOR SAID I CAN GO BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so happy:) I’ve weathered the storm, and actually (strangely enough) was able to get a good night’s sleep last night after eating the soup and your kind words. I feel my dance with the she-devil effected me physically, emotionally and spiritually) . Its really quite a remarkable feeling a sense a healing on all three tiers….I’m coming out of the storm. After my doctor visit this song/poem popped into my head as I crossed over McKinley street bridge (which leads to and from my old hometown) on my home for the doctors. A year ago I contemplated jumping off it and committing suicide. Today I got my redemption & I can’t wait to go back over it tomorrow to see my boys’ trackmeet, and my parents.
McKinley Street Bridge:
Some sail east & some sail west.
I’ve sailed the way I thought was best
And My ship has pulled in and finally coming home.
AS I walk McKinley Street Bridge, I can see that river flow,
I see the hometown stadium,
And I know haven’t far to go
I’ll see my folks and they ask me child how have you been,
I say I got a little lost along the way,
But I made my way back home again.
I’m coming home
You see I jumped too nimble then I fell too quick,
then I burned both ends of the candle stick
But I’m wiser now time to shed those foolish ways.
Time to feel the sun. it’s a better day
I see my two boys, God, they’ve been with me all the while.
I’m hug them and kiss them, adore & love em’
And feel the joy of my young boys’ smile:)
You know, the price of freedom of soul can be high
it’s been a long long time since I’ve laughed, I’ve only cried.
It’s been a long long time
But I’m finally coming home.
The devaluing took place t exactly the right moment according to the stuff I read. It was literally when she became aware that I would not worship her anymore: no longer “submit” and be under her regime. Shit..in reflection, I was being stronger than I knew in the face of destitute evil.
Energy denied
That’s right babe….find another gas station. I’m Premium-Unleaded and would probably blow up your engine with my intuition, knowledge & love.
That’s right babe…find another restaurant to eat in. You can’t afford the stuff that’s on my menu. You wouldn’t even know WTF it is you’re eating.
Are you having trouble ordering food cuz you can’t find the words? Is the extravagance too much?
You proclaim this means nothing to you. I know that it is just a matter of your appetite being gone.
It’ okay. It’s probably time for you to leave. And, no it’s not me this time. It’s you. And I watch you twist and flex like an angry wounded animal.
Don’t worry though. You’ll be okay. Most wild animals usually are until they meet their own demise. Its the lack of emotion that allows them to accept their own lonely death. You will die this way
This is my first exorcism, but I’m sure most look the same. Glad I could pull it off. Shit you almost killed me. But incredible strength arrives for most after they’ve met the devil and driven it out of their lives.
This is a high class joint, and no one wants to get ugly, I’ll have my friend “heart the maître d” escort you out politely.
You hover with a funky dissonant gait that looks neither man or woman. You walk with a disturbing unbalanced energy that foils whatever ethos of natural beauty god gave you. That is your curse. You thought you could get away with it. But as people watch you walk, they ether feel like crying or running.
That’s the reason people are quiet around you .
Venture out to a convenience station (Gas station/market. That’s what we call them in the U.S.). Fill up on Regular Gas and munchies. Steal a few bags of chips on your way out.
In your silence you will realize that you are starving. Maybe you will find solace in the fact that won’t even care. Cheers!
Hi there,
I just got out of a relationship this past weekend. The experience was pretty traumatic for me emotionally so I went to see my therapist about it this week. Based on the things I told her, she told me that the boy I was in a relationship with was likely a sociopath. I decided to look more into it and found this site. I have found a lot of things on here very helpful and my eyes have really been opened about how he was acting. He was very manipulative and controlling and had me convinced that I was this very awful person that I had never believed myself to be before.
I guess what I really want to decide is if he was a sociopath. Deep down part of me still misses him and thinks that the way our relationship went was our fault, despite EVERYONE who cares about me in my life telling me otherwise. Perhaps this is just a result of his manipulations, but I just really miss him and feel like it is my fault that our relationship ended badly.
I changed my phone number and locks and blocked him on social media so that he cannot contact me. I did this because when I finally decided to leave him he literally lost it. He went from calling me a “f***ing b****” to saying he could not live without me to my friends/family were convincing me to leave him to him threatening to kill himself to he would never contact me again to threatening to tell my family secrets I had told him and then a rinse and repeat of how his flip out started. It just was not going to end.
We were only dating 3 months, but he already wanted to marry me and move in to my apartment. Based on what he told me he had had a very tragic life and so I felt bad leaving him, but he just kept accusing me of the most ridiculous and untrue things regarding other men and tried to convince me that the way I dressed was inappropriate and that I only wore certain things or did my makeup a certain way to “get attention” from other men. Which just wasn’t true, I consider myself a fairly modest dresser and I don’t dress any different than the average girl next door. That’s only the beginning of the issues I had with him.
I guess I am just wondering what can I do to not let myself contact him. I have almost slipped up a number of times now. I don’t want him to have my new number for obvious reasons. I’d appreciate any help.
Thanks
One of the things I did during the early stages when my head was telling me to stay away but my heart wanted contact was to write all the lies and antics down in a notebook. When I wanted contact,I would re-read the notes and ask myself ” does true love do that? or is that the type of love I want or deserve ?” The answers to those questions generally got me over the urge to contact.
I came across this site while i was searching about people who dont know how to love.
The person who i was dating sounds a lot like wt u wrote here. I never knew before much about sociopaths or psychopath but after what happened to me I began researching in order to understand better the reasons of what happened to me and to get over this. I am 24 years old and I am in love w a person that did such horrible things to me. I have been the victim of a selfish “love” cause i dont know what that was. Me and him were having some little fights and I wanted to break up with him. He always said he loves me so also crying many times while he said this.
One day, after 8 months i decide to break up with him cause we were fighting many times over small things and i could not trust him. When i wanted to break up he told me he will kill himself ofcourse i thought it is because of the break up and i was extremely upset but he told me he was raped so I told him that i will be there for him and we will get over this together. Ifc the next months i was very depressed as I felt so dissapointed cause of all the bad things that happen in this world and for what happened to him He said he was doing drugs to get over the pain of the rape and that he is scared not to be gay. I was so depressed and sad those times I couldn’t do anything I am an artist, could not create anything and almost failed my exams. I tried to get distance from him but he was calling me many many times and writing to me always also called me 15 times in one day. He was telling me many things to make me jealous like he is seeing other girls or meeting his ex girl and in some days he would tell me he will kill himself because he has nobody and gave me his facebook password saying if he doesnt come online tomorrow means he killed himself and i should tell his friends what happened. Of course i was scared and always encouraged him but at the same time was trying to get distance so i was not returning all his calls. Also i must add I left my boyfriend with who i was with for 3 years to be with this guy , He always was saying tht he has job interviews but if i dnt mention it he forgets about it so probably were lies,, After about 1 month he told me his ex girl came to his house and stayed there until really and that something happened but he cant tell me( in this time we weren’t together). Of course i felt jealous and i wanted to see how this girl looks like so i went on his facebook account and there i saw he was flirting with many girls while he was telling me that he misses me and loves and that he will always be there for me on his facebook he collected tons of random girls and was telling them and his friends bad things about me, calling me ugly names and many lies like i dont leave him alone that i call him always and he feels bad for me thats why he doesnt ignore me and also was telling them that he got raped and i left him whn he needed me the most. After i confronted him with this and i told him i do not wish to keep in contact with him. The second day i saw on facebook a suicide note and his sister told me he killed himself i was so scared and worried. I asked one of his friends to tell me the truth and OFCORUSE he was NOT DEAD! I ignored him after tottaly… he was calling me writing to me over 30 emails with crazy stuff and crazt lies tht he was in hospital and tht his mother had an accident tht he took i dnt knw wt pills these were all lies and i knew it. I tried to block him everywhere was making new accounts talking to my friends, telling them lies to try to convince me to talk to him.
In his emails he was saying let me just clear the things up. After one month we skyped for say goodbye and ofc he was so charming and i was so weak i missed him a lot felt bad for all the things. He told me he was very jealous and tht he wanted to make me jealous and he just try to look cool to his friends. He composed and sang a song for me on valentines day. I asked him to tell me the truth for always and i will forgive him and he confessed tht he met a git a couple of times while we were together and didn’t tell but it was AS FRIENDS… yeah right…I continue talking to him he was very kind encouraged me for my university, was “taking care” of me always if i needed something, He says he wants tht all is good between us that he realised he loves entirely that he cannot stop think me tht im the only one in his heart and such lies…:(
3 Days ago I asked him to show me the doctors’ tests cause he said he made tests for aids. I ask him AGAIN if the rape was true.. He starts to tell the story of how it was. Then i ask him again and i tell him i will forgive him he asks me if all will be the same if i love him and such stuff then he says” well i have to be a man” LOL how pathetic and tells me the rape didnt happen that it was a lie! the second day whn he saw me ofc changed i was SO UPSET he insinuated tht the rape was true then I ask him if he felt any compassion or pity or mercy for me when after he told me that he was raped and i cut myself because i felt so sad and he got very angry told me the rape was true then he said it was not true then he said he hates me then he said he loves me he was crying a lot he was saying me to forgive him to give him another chance that he loves me so so much…. I told him i dnt want a relationship with him and that if he cares of me he should leave me alone. He was trying to manipulate me saying he has noone he has no reason to live noone loves him( at the begin of our relationship he also was telling me about a miserable childhood that his mother and his father would beat him until he bled and tht she tried to stab him, was also telling me tht his ex girl said she was pregnant w his baby and she tried to make an abortion and tht he tried to kill himself )
Now i am just trying to get over this its hard to have love feelings for someone who did so much pain to u. I feel he doesnt realise what he did like gives no importance, Its sad we have to experience this and I am sure he will do this to other girls >
.I feel i hate myself for let this happen that i was so stupid and the worse thing is that after all this pain i still feel love for him and i am ashamed to say that!
😦 I was thinking also to contact his ex girlfriend to ask wt happened but i am worried that i cant also trust her or dont know what to tell her and maybe is better to bury this thing as soon as possible… I see him stil lying to his friends about little things he lies and manipulates people he did many things like u described in ur story.
This site really helped me and gave me a wake up call somehow i need to get him out life fast. Also its good to understand what he is I have been searching for an answer since December of why he acted like this so i can move on, I was always asking myself what i did to deserve this I ruined my relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for him and i ruined my relationship with my family as they are dissapointed in me for this and for university and i dissapointed my university tutors but I know ill get better soon.
We just gotta hold our head up high after I get over this I know I will be stronger even if now I cry everyday. Better things will come and now we can appreciate those good things, those good people more! I think I am a better person now although he made me act so bad.
LETS ALL BE BETTER! ❤
@Little Heart…..My thoughts are with you. Your story is very similar to mine but mine wasn’t saying he was raped but was saying other stuff. I actually started to think we were dating the same person! LOL.
Good old Facebook….Yep, mine had randoms on there too. Many lady boys and drag queens. I have nothing against these types of people, but why would a straight man accept such requests? He told me a couple of years ago that his ex-wife told people that he was gay. Maybe he is. I try and not analyse it too much as it just opens up many more questions that I have had since I noticed all the randoms facebook friends. Another thing is, they usually have a few facebook accounts. Master of disguises.
Best of luck to you. Keep coming on here and getting support.
I had such a great at my boys’ track meet yesterday. God is was so sunny bright in central NY! I was writing this…playing /singing this on my guitar last night. I tend to revisit lyrics in other songs I’m writing when I’m creating new music. AKA..I plagiarize myself sometimes
Goodbye little girl
She whispered so softly I’m going away.
I knew she was waiting for me to say
“Darling won’t you stay?”
I said goodbye little girl be on your way.
Have your flings that don’t mean a thing with the boys on the shore.
I’m a man with heart. I’ve got so much more
this price is too high.
And it’s been a long long time since I’ve laughed.
You know I’ve only cried.
@POS,
I’m not sure why but I’m not getting post updates on my yahoo email. Its weird and probably yahoo and not this site. And I definitely tick the boxes for updates
Hi Broken, I am unsure? there are sometimes problems with WordPress, as I also have problems my end. I don’t send them out its all done automated, so I am really unsure what to suggest. I know that comments quite often go astray and I cannot find them until a lot later. I am sorry that I cannot be of more help.
Hi Little heart. I am sorry for the delay in allowing comments through. I have had to take a bit of time away from the site, due to things going on in my own life. So I was unable to manage new comments. I am now working backwards through comments. Apologies if this has left you without support.
I am overwhelmed with all of this information. I am SO grateful to find this website. I wish I had found it sooner, I may not have reopened the wound as many times as I have. Starting right now I going into no contact mode. I still have to bring back my statement to the police station, in which they will contact him and I am praying he never contacts me again. He has found his new victim. When I saw his new profile picture of him and her on facebook, I admit they looked happy and it made me mad. How could he move on so quickly, (it was over a month, but I was still not over him) he was most likely bringing her cards and flowers everyday as he had done to me. Telling her she was “THE one he had always been looking for” Thinking she was now going to get the good guy that he could be and I imagined him telling her how crazy I was. I sent him an email not mentioning that I knew about her. He did tell me but he said he wasnt happy, she had misrepresented herself, he didnt like her kids, he was “stuck with this one for now”. He had been living with a friend and he couldnt go back there because his son had moved back home and there was no room for him. He is planning on moving to FL in 2 years anyway, when his ex wife and daughter move there and that he was just going to stay there for now until he could figure something out. He started flirting with me through emails and texts, being the funny nice guy he could be. He wanted to see me and asked if he could come by and I said yes. My son who is 12 was visiting his grandparents, so I figured it would be ok. I am a widow and my son does not like the SP and although I protect my son from him I didnt do that for myself. We had a great time here, he told me he didnt want to leave, it felt like home…..I thought maybe there is a good guy in there and maybe I was the cause of all the things that went wrong over the last 1 1/2 years. The next day he was cold, told me he didnt want to see me anymore and he was sorry. This crushed me, how could I let this happen again?? I begged him to please dont do this to me again. I contacted her, I sent her every text he sent me, every email and that he had come here and we slept together that day. I told her all about him and how nice he was at first and what a monster he turned out to be. She was angry with him at first but was willing to take him back. @ weeks had gone by and there was no contact. Then as I have read here I had that itch and I sent him an email saying I had a bunch of his things here and if he would like to get them he could or I would just get rid of them. He responded with he loved being here with me that day and he would move back in a heartbeat if my son would accept him blah blah blah….. I didnt really respond to that comment like he wanted me to and I was then flooded with emails saying he was in love with her, she does everything for him, he had moved back in with her the night before, she was everything I wasnt, he is going to marry her and spend forever with her. This crushed me again, I kept emailing him back asking why would you tell me you wanted to move back in then send me this? Just to hurt me? He then became so mean with his words, I in turn did the same and he went to the police station and had them call me to tell me to stop contacting him. Probably the nicest thing he has ever really done for me. I was of course hurt but I thought ok finally and end. That was on a monday, on the following thursday I get another call from PD saying he was back there saying I was still emailing him. I was floored by this because I had not contatcted him in any way. She told me yes he has shown me 3 emails that were sent after I spoke with you. Again I tried to tell her no I did not. She told me it was ok, he wasnt going to press charges this time but if it happened again he would. I told her I wanted to see what it was because it was a lie. Turns out when she looked closer they were emails sent at a different time, he went in there trying to get to me by using them to call me, and it worked. When I said to her, I want him told if he comes in here again with false allegations against me I am going to press charges. SHE said to me, no he didnt mean to do that, he told me he thought he was here on a different day than he was…….I told her he was a con man and I was sorry to inform her but she had been lied to. I am sure he put his charm on her when he was there and she probably thinks I am carzy too. She called me an accused me of something without even checking if it were true before she called me!
I see him in almost every post on here. He has to be the meanest person I have ever met. My feelings dont matter, never did. He has done this to me so many times over the year and a half we were “together” I lost count. Always walking out on me any time I questioned anything. Packing his things and leaving me crying not really understanding what happened. He said “you make it easy to leave”. I was always a very strong woman and I am ashamed that I let this happen to me. I was always hoping for that perfect man to come back. Only to find out he never really was there. When I first met him, on a dating site, he told me all about his crazy ex, I didnt know her name for the lonest time, I only knew her as Nutsy. I did contact her and she has been nothing but an angel to me. Over the last few months she has used the word sociopath and I had heard it before and read a little about it but this site is a blessing.
It has only been 5 days since we last had contact. Even though I am reading and I see all of this my heart still hurts, tears are still falling. Im angry that I continued to let this happen for so long and that I loved this man and did everything for him and took him in and paid for so much that I was promised I would get back …..Im sorry this message is probably all over the place, the story is the same, there is so much, even lies about his daughters mother dying from cancer which I find out now isnt true. Im going to read some more, thank you for all of this information.
First of all, if you see him buying flowers, looking happy etc…. don’t be fooled that this is what it is. Remember how it was with you in the beginning? This is just the pattern repeating. The same thing will happen with this relationship, as sociopaths almost always repeat patterns of behaviour. They can’t help it.
Remember you will always have the power to move your life forward while your ex Soc will stay on rewind, just a continued cycle of destruction!
You however have self awareness, we’ve made mistakes but, we get to fix them & move on. She will always be Broken & responsible for herself.
You are responsible only for you so, step up today & keep going forward 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
P.S we live the life, they live the lie!
@AGPT. A work colleague gave me the same advice. She told me to write a list of good things and bad things about my Spath. She was gobsmacked when she saw that the bad things was literally 3 pages long and there was barely any good things. We were at lunch in the kitchen and other workmates sat down during this time and they were told what I was doing. They gave me some very kind words and support. Like they were saying, it should have been 3 pages of good things.
I do something similar to you AGPT. Instead of looking at the list, I think of the way I feel when I have contact with him and immediately after I have contact with him. I go back 2 steps in my healing process as he is a complete and utter jerk to me. After everything I did for him (he barely did anything for me), he treats me like absolute shit and acts as though I was the one that deceived him! This is all part of their mind game to bring you back down to a level where they can manipulate you again. They also don’t have feelings but, to me, they show signs of jealousy and anger when they can’t manipulate you anymore.
@pr I’m posting this on my iPhone cuz the site won’t open on. My computer.court went well. I continue to fight off the bad feelings about my ex and know ill b e fine someday.
Congrats to broken, about work and court, I didn’t know everything went well.
@Mimi….you have come to the right place for support. Isn’t it amazing how similar all our stories are?! “You are so easy to wAlk out on.” Or similar words, is sadly, true, because they have no regards for a persons feelings and they will just find a new source very fast. Which sounds like he has.
I heard all about the crazy ex as well. Sure, she was probably crazy during their relationship, as this is what they do to people. I turned crazy as well. Letting those little things build up inside me and then I burst and started to tell him about my distrust for him. I also contacted the ex and she seemed like quite a nice person who said that my Spath hAd ruined her life.
Sociopaths justify every little thing they have done. It is never their fault and they never take responsibility. If they do say ‘sorry’, it is never sincere. They act as though YOU ruined THEIR life and the relationship you had with them.
I found out that my Spath has gone to Dubai. For someone that cries poor and was asking me for money constantly, I am surprised he can afford such a luxury. I hope he gets caught doing something illegal there!! I would laugh so hard.
@JJ I wonder the same thing. They also seem to get things handed to them on a platter. I am waiting for karma to bite my Spath on the ass but it just looks like that is never going to happen.
Exactly why do they just get to move on leave a mess behind with no care and I dont see Karma biting him either! He seems to skate along pretend all is ok. However when I think like this, I have to remind myself that I wouldnt want to be him or live his life. Maybe that is their Karma? He lives in a world where his own family doesnt trust him, he cant even have a key to his moms house. He has no real friends, he dislikes everyone for one reason or another. Finds fault in everyone but himself. Hates his job. Doesnt feel like he has to follow any rules.
But when i do think like this I have to refrain from feeling bad for him, that is when I have in the past contacted him, just to see if he is ok.
Im glad you all will understand me because I sound crazy! lol
Quite simply Mimi, because he doesn’t care. he doesn’t have the same emotional connection. So he can just ‘move on’ as if nothing has happened (and even have the cheek to show back up, as if nothing has happened).
Only thing to remember….. is it’s not personal.
@Jenni wow, so sorry you are still going through this.
Does your husband know? Maybe a nasty little email from you hubby telling him to leave you alone will work???
Can you block his emails? Or maybe set up some kind of pretend ‘undeliverable’ email and send that back to him whenever he sends an email to you.
Can you change your email or put a stting on to send his emails straight to trash? I would just delete without opening or create a file & send them back to him! Save them into a file & send them all back at once 😉
No Contact doesn’t mean no send back. Put a ‘sorry am out of office reply on’ or something to take the ‘fun’ away from him.
Tell him your happier than ever & that he needs to move on!
Ugh. Sociopaths. My first BF outta college is one ( he’s in prison now. I,helped put him there. He murdered a previous boyfriend. This dude did some seriously sick things., evil things. He started stalking me when I broke up with him. Got a restraining order but that really had no impact so I got a gun. Once you’ve exposed to a sociopath you never miss the signs. Lucky me. I’ve run into three. It’s wierd though. Before I become fully aware of the monster in front of me I get real bad stomach pains and headaches. One exploitable trait is their arrogance. Sooner or later they get sloppy and make a mistake. The third sociopath I met was my last boss at a biotech company. When I saw who I would be reporting to I think I said ‘ah FUCK ME. This again? Anyway he played the role. Handsome in a pretty boy sort of way. Had all the women charmed and fooled. He discovered I have PTSD so of course he tried to exploit that as a weakness . Mistake 1 there are laws in the work place which deal with handicap abuse but I didn’t even have to go there because a little while later I get really sick and had to go to the nursing station (Jason convinces the nurses that its just anxiety -it was something much more serious in truth but we’ll get to that. Short version my manager violated 3 of my HIIPA rights. Massive fine. When I file the proper paper work lodging a formal complaint ( it states very clearly on these documents that any kind of retaliation is illegal. So guess what my arrogant, poor impulse control sociopath boss does. Terminates me the next day! I laughed so hard. I wasnt sure which particular spectrum trait was involved but I’m guessing arrogance, inability to control anger is what led him to figuratively shove his head up his ass. I couldn’t believe he was that stupid. Now he’s committed a crime which I become very vocal about. I refilled my paperwork to include the criminal act. But then it gets fun. I get bored and decide to look up Jason’s criminal history. Oh my! Jason has been a very naughty boy. There pages of citations so I start e mailing the more heinous convictions to his directors, HR. there were prison terms, ridiculous amounts of possession with intent, assault it went on and on and I hadn’t even gotten to the other two states he lived in to see what bent crap he’d done there. Then certain things that seemed odd began making sense. My boss who probably made in the low 6 figures, but he had 3 housemates and no car. Whatever. I’ve heard stranger things. Then it Dons on me that probably has to live that way. He’s probably ruined his credit and all ( Christ it was like a tome) his citations, convictions etc make him high risk for things like credit or housing. Then I wonder how the hell did he get a senior manager job with baggage like that. Then I remember he was hired in as an individual contributor and in CA the background checks are extremely light for a position like that. No credit check, cursory criminal,background check usually only for the more violent crimes. So when the previous manager resigns he inherits the position and, oops, someone forgot to do the background check-until I reminded certain people. You see I had gathered up all this information, went over his head and gave all his superiors the info I,discovered all the while reminding them he committed a crime at Bayer against me. Oh dear.(by now you have pretty much figured this particular sociopath really doesn’t scare me. Apparently I really scare him or at least I did because he’s not there. He’s ‘on leave’. I no longer work there but I just found out complete chaos reigns in my former group. Jason is gone ( any day now he’ll be trading his Ambercrombie and Fitch crap ( that he’s like 15 years too old to be wearing. ) for a prison issue orange jump suit Dumb ass sociopaths I guess . Any way massive finger pointing and blame are running rampant ( I so wanna get a bag of popcorn and Pepsi just so,I can watch this epic meltdown) changing personnel and now sensitivity training for handicapped ( Discriminated against for my PTSD remember?). Funny thing is before I left I said if they weren’t careful everything would fall apart ( kinda left some minor manipulative things I did to speed up the process) and they would the source of their own doing. Oh gee! I was right. So, fucked over and got rid of the sociopath, someone is gonna have to pay out big for the damage done to me. I guess I’m not quite right in the head that I’m smug about all this but believe me I did a lot of crying, lived in fear and was abused. Im done wasting time or feeling bad about what amounts to a waste of skin
How do you stop thinking about your ex? It has been almost 1.5 years since the betrayal and I still think of my ex constantly. He is happy while I sit here alone, depressed and thinking that I truly don’t think I can allow myself to love again. I went away to Bali and it triggered my anxiety and depression. I was going very well until then. It is a place I have many memories of my ex as that is where we met. Now I feel like I have gone back 6 months in my healing process. I am so tired of putting a happy, positive mask on.
You are in control of your thoughts & memories, they are not in control of you as they are only thoughts & cannot harm you.
You have triggered these old patterns of thought so, you need to rewrite them in your mind.
Acknowledge the good times & remember that you created them.
What you thought was real was fabricated so, you are now left with reality of facing the memory head on.
You must now leave these thoughts & memories behind you & make new memories. I am sure you had a good time in Bali & you can embrace the fact you got there after everything.
You faced going & being there & thats amazing. Sure it’s bought up memories but, thats so you can let them go now.
Make new plans, new memories, new dreams. Do this with making fresh plans, focus on your healing & remember the past is behind you for reason.
Keep going, Bali is beautuful but, leave your memories there & build a new memory & special place.
@Exdef, pray, meditate and ask for only one thing “self control”.
When a thought of my ex come to “haunt” or “bother” me I just pray for calm and self control..
Give it time, everything will be better
everything is better without a “Pinnochio” in your life
@Exdef “El corazon se encarga de borrar de la memoria los malos recuerdos…” (the heart takes charge and erase the bad memories…) this is one of the sentences from Gabriel Garcia Marquez…Exdef, maybe its time to let the brain remember that you don’t need more bad memories to erase…take control of your life.
12 days of no contact here and I am doing everything I can think of not to break it. I want so much for him to give me closure to say he is sorry for the way he discarded me and crushed my heart. I received a text message last night from a gmail email address at 11 pm saying “HI ___, Have a nice day!” I have a feeling it was him with some made up email. He last survivor told me he likes to do that. He discarded me and is now living with a girl who has 4 children. Told me how happy he was and in love with her, how she does everything for him. That he will marry her within the next year. That she sees things in him that I didnt. Its hard enough to hear these things and to walk through this pain. If he is so happy with her shouldnt he just go on and leave me be? Before he told me how happy he was, he sucked me back in for a week saying how he didnt like it there, she misrepresented herself and he was stuck with her because he had no where else to go and he would move back in with me if my son would be ok with it. My son would not and I wouldnt do that to my son. As soon as he realized that wasnt going to happen, she was THE ONE and I was “a mistake”.
I was so angry I sent her copys all of our emails and text messages. Bad idea, she was angry with him at first but he of course talked his way out of it. It was my fault and I was just jealous and trying to break them up. She saw the text where he said he was stuck with her, but she chose to believe I was crazy and he is a keeper.
Two weeks after that I sent him an email to offer for him to pick up his things. He responded by again telling me things werent good over there, he would move back in in a heartbeat if my son would be ok with it and how he loved what we had.. I responded by saying I wasnt doing that well over here and I also loved what we had. 10 mins later he started sending me the emails about how happy they were etc.
I know with my head he isnt who he was. But my heart hurts still. I would never bring him back here, because I love my son more than anything and although he is only 12 he dislikes this spath for of course making me cry. I just hope it gets easier soon because I feel like a fool for falling for this SP and for not being able to get him out of my mind and to stop feeling like maybe we can be friends………………..
@Mimi, you don’t deserve a “friend” who doesn’t know the basics about how to be a friend. Someone that is like a vacuum cleaner and took whatever is in front of him, and what gives back is a dirty bag. So please, don’t accept his friendship.
I too have a 12 years old and for the 4 years I made the great mistake of trying to be a family with my ex.. She literally hates him and thank God she was my guardian angel, and the one who keeps me strong when he started the “I miss you” “Let’s try again” parody. I am ashamed of what I allowed to happen on my home…please take control of your life and keep this disease far away.
Thank you no more insanity. You are correct, he does not deserve me as his friend. I dont have any friends who treat the way he does. Your post also reminded me that he doesnt have any friends and that was something that always seemed weird to me, because most people have friends from childhood and the work place. His only “friend” is a drunken ex brother in law from his second marraige. I am sure this is because like you said he doesnt know how to be a friend. My son also hates this spath and I thank God he does. I think I would have put up with much more than I did because of him.
Thank you everyone for your kind and supporting words. I am feeling a bit better today. I have put music on, a candle and trying to relax. Rewriting of my brain is definitely in need lol.
@Mimi…..google Stockholme Sydrome. I can relate to you as I too thought I could be a friend with my ex. You can’t be. They are not a normal ex where you might be able to be friends down the track. They will continue to draw you into their web. Your ex may always have a small part of your heart but never allow them to have your whole heart again.
Thank you Ex def a S, I have been reading here for a bit and I am still trying to accept what I see is true. My head says 110% he is a sociopath, but its not as easy to get him out of my mind. I like the rest of us was so good to him, its just who I am. I was having such a tough time today wanting to email him. I made it through the day by writing here, writing an email to him but not sending it and some crying.
I am so grateful for this site. Thank you again.
@Mimi, mi ex doesn’t have any male friend. His only “friends” were 2 exgirlfriends that have sporadic conversations with him…he said that other males are jealous of how handsome and tall he is, and they always start a fight with him, so he prefered to stay alone to avoid it…you don’t have an idea of how many invitations from my family and friends I denied because of him and his vision of staying away…
i have gone for over 24 hours with NC. It seems like nothing to others but for me it is a huge achievement, especially since he has not stopped texting me and calling me over and over for hours. This time i wont respond. My silence is my response.
24 hours is MASSIVE. They deliberately create dependency and addiction to them – so to go 24 hours is amazing. Well done you!!!!! :)Now start ticking off the next 24 hours, before you know it it will be a week. Then a month. Take it one day at a time. Stay with the present, it is all that you have control over.
24 hours can be quite an achievement for people that have been in bad relationships. We can create an emotional bond with our abusers (this is what an Spath is). So keep going! You are doing great!!
Have you been off of work for a while broke n? I am thinking perhaps this is like the new job analogy. Like wearing a pair of new shoes, it can take a while to break them back in
@Broken….it can be very hard. I let my ex distract me from work and my usual hard working ethic went downhill. My supervisor noticed and had a word to me. I didn’t reveal that I was suffering from depression but she knew I was seeing a therapist and knew I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. That was no excuse though as I wasn’t stepping up and working for my wage. I was spending more time staring out a window and looking at my phone than doing actual work. It was the kick in the ass I needed. I must warn you though, don’t ever let it get to that stage. Use work to get your mind of her, as hard as it can be. Throw yourself into your work. Don’t let her win, especially when it comes to your work because if you end up losing your job, it can spiral downhill quickly after that.
@EXDEF,
Thank you so much for your wonderful advice. Yes, it can be hard, but I’m doing it. Trust me, that loser tramp would like nothing more than to see me take a nose dive at work. But I won’t let that happen. Even though It was hard, I really took care of myself during my convelesence. I worked out on a total gym (chuck Norris) and shed twenty pounds. I also obstained from drinking. I wanted to have a strong body & mind when I returned to work. I finally resigned myself that this grief I am suffering from will dissapate in its own time. Theres not a ton I can do other than accept the pain and try to move through it in a healthy way as I maintain no contact. It will pass eventually.
I work with kids, so their needs are immediate and I put my feelings aside effortlessly to see thta theirs are met. It doesn’t take the pain away but gives me a sense of satisfaction and wellbeing to be able to connect with them.
I do see now, in hind site, however, that I have been extremely distracted mentally from that loser over the past year. Trust me, if I told you the stress I was under even before I met my ex-spath, you would cringe. Being the hateful jealous tramp that she is, she made sure it got worse for me when I was always hoping for her to make it better. Her life is one of tragedy, especially for her kids. MIne, though not perfect, is one of success, honor, and achievement. However, I can see how I let that “B” disrupt my mental process to th epoint where it effected my performance at work last year. THis year it hasn’t. Thanks again for you rkind words. ANd god yes…..I do catch myself staring out the window when the kids aren’t around. I’m doing less an dless of that lately though.
That is great that you have been training and lost twenty pounds. I have found exercise has really helped me move through this. I have been weight training 5 times a week. Pushing the iron gives me a sense of being in control physically which carries over a bit mentally.
I often also find the anger about these events comes up when lifting and I can dissipate that anger with a couple of choice words about her mentally and couple of heavy presses physically. It leaves me feeling refreshed and relaxed. Hope you keep up the training.
Non Contact was broken ever so slightly at first and then it turned so quickly into a 2 and fro on text messaging, every time he would say i love you and i want to be with you and i am leaving her, my mind would reel with anger and i would retaliate with “no you dont, if you did you would have left her, you would not still be living a double life, you would not be lying to us both.” and he would return with, i am trying to settle my son, i am trying to get myself sorted so that we can be togehter”, i would then respond with Bullshit!!!! and we would be back into a fight until he would just stop messaging me back!!! i would get so angry that i would go on and on messagin him until i fall asleep. only to wake and see a message saying “i love you” to me!
why am i still holing onto hope? Why would i let this man continue to hurt me like this? why cant i just let go and move on?
yes, i knew he was married, so was i, we were work colleagues and i knew for years that he was unhappy, and so was i. We fell in love (at least i did) and we decided we were going to do the right thing and leave our spouses….. i left mine because i could not be with a man that i did not love and i could not have an affair and break my husbands heart even further. He did not do the same. its been three years of back and forth, the lies, the deceit, him leaving me after going back to his wife, then leaving her and coming back to me. its a long story and i know by some account what i write now seems cold and distant and perhaps i am coming accross as being detached from the pain, i am not. it still continues. he stalks me, has been caught reading my emails at work, is having to go to a disciplinary and might lose his job. He has put me through so much hell that it is difficult to transfer to page, but according to a friend of mine, i need to write my story so that i can see that the man i fell in love with did not exist. Part of me wants to write it all down, but the other part is scared of facing the truth and letting go of the memories i had. i dont know if this makes sense to anyone. But i am hurting badly. i know that he is a sociopath, he fits every single trait. i thought that i could fix him.
through this process i have lost myself, my friends and family see me now as being neurotic and weak. they feel pity for me. i dont want to be pitied. i dont want to feel like a victim. i have been reduced to a former shell of myself.
i call myself ONEDAY, as it is a term i have come to hate. his answers always rested in ONEday, oneday he would leave her, oneday he would stop lying, oneday oneday oneday oneday
@oneday…..your name says it all. One day it will get easier and you will realise that you have moved on. I allow for little slips at times. Going no contact is a lot easier to say than actually doing it. Allow yourself to go back a step but make sure you take two steps forward. I can’t stop thinking about my ex but I know that in time I will. We all heal and move on at different paces.
@Oneday, for them “I love you” just mean “I control you”. Please give yourself the gift of self control and don’t give him the strings of your life. You are not his puppet. You don’t deserve it. The best way to regain it is with no contact. It’s easy? No. The way back to ourselves, to our dignity is not easy but it’s a way that will bring a lot of rewards to you.
Dating a Sociopath 
@Everyone,
I’m reading the latest comments andI just want to make an observation. To me this is a site of knowledge and acknowledgement, a site where we discovered that what was happening to us was not normal and that these kind of conduct have a name that is common. On this site I learned that the person that I love it’s sick and will never be able to love me or anyone.
It will take time, patience and a lot of no contact to heal, but I assure you that everything will be better.
I have seen how the words and comments of a self defined sp have affected the last days the real purpose of this site (to heal, to love with dignity) whoever he/she/it is seems that have achieve it purpose, “divide and conquer”. Positiva, Phoenix Rising, Ex def and the others we have made a great achievement and this site have fiving us the opportunity to see that there is light and that life will be, it is better without a “Pinocchio” on it.
A big abrazo to everyone
Hi NMI 🙂
It’s going to be okay & we are not divided, I am just very protective of people who may ‘trigger’ others etc…
Don’t worry, I think Lyss is going to be fair?
As you said, we are here to help each other & our focus must remain on our selves 🙂
Occasionally one sneaks in & sets off a ‘buzz’ but, it is contained & I know Pos will soon shut it down if it becomes harmful.
Love & Light & Bigger Abrazo too you 🙂
PR xoxo
@Phoenix,
I know it, but it is sad to see how he/she/it “use”the attention as a way to be feed…
I don’t comment as often, but I see how everyone are struggling to make the best decisions on their lives, a decision that recognize their value and recognize the blessing of being loved and to love.
A bigger hug to you!
@NMI
I couldn’t agree with you more which is why I stopped communicating with her. I also realised that it wasn’t helping anyone and just feeding her. I apologise to you and others of us that it may have adversely affected. Xx
Don’t beat yourself up IID & NMI is correct that it does hurt to see the reaction but, needless to say, it makes us refocus on our healing & supportive network here & elsewhere.
Tolerance is a wonderful way of being as long as healthy boundaries are adhered to.
Stay Strong & I also apologize if I offended anyone???
PR xoxo
No apologies necessary. Perhaps it is cynicism , but a person claiming to be rational,logical and coldly calculating individual coming to a site such as this seeking understanding and affirmation for their sociopathic behaviors does not add up. Other motivations seem to be involved.
The exchange over the past few days has been instructive in reaffirming just how self centered and uni-dimensional sociopathic is. Apart from that, I agree with NMI that the discussion has taken the dialogue away from healing. I shall limit my comments from now on to assisting with the healing objective.
Lots of love AGPT
There’s nothing to apology, I was just concerned of what was happening.
Should read. *soiciopathic thinking is.
Thank you for your support after I said I was having a rough day. It must be my hormones lol. Today is a new day and I am thankful that I didn’t end up marrying him. I also don’t think that his marriage will last cause he is a complete asshole who only cares for himself and what he benefits from a situation.
Now, let’s all get back to supporting each other like this and move forward from the recent disagreement 🙂
Yes, let’s get back yo healing 🙂 it’s a much safer place 🙂
Sheesh I think my Phoenix Wings got singed in the fire 😉
That’s a joke, not a snipe by the way 🙂
Love to everyone & keep up the constructive comments as well as healing ones & blessings be sent to Pos for bringing us to her safe house 🙂
PR xoxo
Lol, to healing 😉 Oh well, Yo it is maybe, Yo-Yo 🙂
@Positiva, I hope you are fine. I don’t know why but your last comments don’t sound as you. Excuse me if I am wrong.
I just read the comments of the he/she/it that were posted on the blog and decided to ignore them, and decide to not react to it because our reactions are their food and I don’t want to be part of any “Pinnochio” meal.
The best for you!
Hi NMI 🙂
I hope Lyss hasn’t succeeded.
Perhaps that was the desired effect?
I am saddened by this turn of events & will get on with healing 🙂
Stay Strong & love & Light Always 🙂
PR xoxo
I have one rule for this site. No personal attacks against anyone. This rule has always been in place. I have always from day one of this blog neither preached hatred to sociopaths or discouraged them from posting comments? I don’t see how I don’t sound like myself? You call this person he/she/it? Do you mean lyss? Again this is a personal attack. I ask please to stop or I really will disable comments for this site until I am well enough to manage it.
@PR,
It doesn’t matter, what matters is that we are capable of using all these lessons as tools to live a better life.
! Cosquillas para tu corazón!
That article is fantastic!!! The “back to the fog” relationship part, I could pick a few of those that was my relationship.
@Positiva,
I don’t think I was unrespectful to anyone on this site. I just ask to those who seems upset with the same history that we already know to remain using the basic rule, no contact.
This is your site, and I am really grateful with you for taking the time to discuss and to expose a real problem that at least for me was raw abuse. Thank you positiva for giving a name to it and for giving a voice to all of us who doesn’t understand that we loved someone who were unable to love back!
I have a voice, I am a survivor from my own personal encounter with hell itself. Thanks for giving me and to all of us the tools to do it.
I respect your decision.
The best for you.
No more insanity
I hope
Yes no contact from the person you are in love with. To break bonds between you. To break addiction to them as this can be difficult to break. the purpose of no contact is to stop the brain washing. This is to protect you. From the person that you are addicted to. To break the bond between you.
@Broken. Gotta love the silent treatment. It completely messes with your head. However, Now hat the fog has lifted, I see it as their weakness as it is easier to walk away and avoid an issue or your confrontation then to sort it out like in a normal relationship. Sure, people get shitty and need to cool off but it is very different kind of silent treatment when you are in a relationship with a sociopath.
Sociopaths would love the idea that they made someone commit suicide. It proves to them that you were “crazy”.
@XDef,
Oh yeah…she loved giving me that hot cold treatment to program me. She shared this joy with her x husband of 18 years, and I’m sure she is sharing this joy with someone else now.
@Lyss,
I personally think you should keep writing. You have a descriptive voice that is eerie as hell, but intense. Keep journaling…keep track of it: Notebook after notebook. Your murder of a dog, and what you projected he might be feeling before/as you killed him, is not empathy. In no way is that acceptable.
But I do think that you are a good writer.
I think you need to keep expressing yourself. Just keep it all in a journal/s booklet/s.
Can you conjure any poems in reference to helping others, ….anything.. because you knew that’s what other people expected you to do?
@Broken
Heh, thanks I guess?
I’ve written a descriptive and extremely short story about what it would be like murdering my father about two years back (sadistic little 16 year old I was), attempting to do just that, to imagine what he would be feeling. It’s somewhat fun to see how well you can mimic their personality. As I said, sadistic, but fun. My writing is probably where I let most of my sadism out. The rest is what causes my poor impulse control I think >.>
Sorry, I’m unsure of what you meant by ‘Can you conjure any poems in reference to helping others, ….anything.. because you knew that’s what other people expected you to do?’
If you meant a poem about helping others the way people expect me to, I don’t know, I guess I probably could, however it might bore me to death 😉 Nah but if that’s what you mean, I could attempt to if you like. Could be interesting
Soooo, yesterday NS and I had a awesome screaming match on his front porch. Basically, I didn’t know he was home, I was retrieving my sons cell phone from him and charger because he lost it in daddys house. I got there and NS was home. My son gave me the phone. No charger, (charger is brand new, iPhone). I asked my son, give me the charger now. He said I can’t find it. I said go look for it now. NS gets involved, says it’s not here current “the one” has it. I said bs, give me the charger right now. NS with beer in hand as is walking (tilting) toward me I say, “oh I see what the problem is, beer” he says, “yeah beer you want one? Then get the f*ck out of here no one wants you here, before I call the police”, and slams door in my face. I am raging pissed, the idiot didn’t lock the door. So I open the door and tell him “call the police, (on his stupid shocked face), I am here retrieving my property, I am not leaving until I get it”. Amazingly enough, one of that women’s little girls reaches behind the couch cushion and gives him the charger, he hands it to me. I look at it, it’s dirty used with exposed wires, OMG. I looked at him and said “your really are a little punk AS* B*TCH aren’t you.” Twirled around on my heel and left. Who lets their girlfriend steal from their children? NS, he does he thinks nothing of it. Grrr!!
On the up note, I feel better, I said what I thought and got it out of my system instead of holding it all in. Now he is forced to deal with me email only. Back to court we go. 😦
NIBSIH
When are you due in court? That sounds like a stressful episode. Must be so tough being tied through children. Good to hear your feeling better though 🙂
I have to file, before May 1. I am sure he will counter, with a custody order, because that’s what he does. It is very stressful, no wonder I look like a stick figure. He exhausts me. 😡. I do feel better being able to act childish and say what I feel. But that is stupid too. I truly wish I could rid myself of him. It’s rough on my children also. They want him so bad, and he doesn’t give them a single thing yet they linger on false hope just rages me.
NIBSIH.
You know probably they are like that with him and you as they know you will always be there… While dad they have to do so much more for so much less 😦
It’s my theory, the parent who does the least, the child wants the most acknowledgment from, usually the parent has a addiction of some sort. Complied with this, sociopathy, I am almost leaning into psychopathic behavior, he just laughs as they scramble for his attention. Just sad.
Hi NIBSIH 🙂
At least you had your say 🙂 & you should be proud that you spoke your truth etc…even if you did feel childish. It’s better than ‘locking’ it all in & don’t let yourself doubt that. Your ‘Normal’ & everyone has a breaking point.
It’s funny though when ‘we lose it’, the Soc’s cannot fathom us.
Mine would ‘study’ me intently when I was upset & then just say,’Do you feel better now,lets’ move on’ & then he would start talking ‘dirty’ or something innocuous.
I would sit like a stunned rabbit trying to gather myself together. I would then feel embarrassed & excuse my outburst.
It was normally precipitated by something he had done i.e. the long absences or the weird silence & I would never get the explanation!
My emotions always betrayed me as he kept me swirling in confusion trying to understand & then we would just ‘get on with it!’
Keep going as you are such a fighter & remember, there are no winners here but, there are survivors of great battles within 🙂
I agree with you about the ‘reverse psychology’ of trying to gain the attention of a parent that is not interested or distant etc…I did this all the time with my Dad who was emotionally unavailable but, a good man at heart 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
@pr and broken,
My computer won’t let me, either not is it sending me updates. Grrr. Still working on it, been thinking of you all though!!
Hi NIBSIH,
Happy Easter Bella 😃
I will send you an email!
Love & Light,
PR xoxo
@PR
Chicken Soup Recipe:
Cook two chicken breast in water in crock pot. Do this with 2 oranges and lemon slices. Pull slices out after chicken is cooked. Shred chicken with fork. Stir in some cornstarch (a little), olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and honey.
*Add KAle, Arugula, chopped celery, Cilantro, finely sliced tomato, finely chopped garlic and a chives, fresh parsley, fresh basil, chopped hot cherry peppers (how ever many you like..or use cayenne pepper) Stir it up
*Add Herbs/Spices: Cumin, Celery salt, Pork seasoning, oregano,
*Add Fresh Grated Romano & Parmesan Cheese. Stir it up
Add Brown rice. Stir it up and let cook.
Serve with husked pumpkin seeds or pinion nuts and more grated parmesan and romano cheese if you wish.
I hope you like it
@PR..and a little half & half cream, or milk!
@PR
HOOYAH PRETTY FUNNY NICE LADY! THE DOCTOR SAID I CAN GO BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so happy:) I’ve weathered the storm, and actually (strangely enough) was able to get a good night’s sleep last night after eating the soup and your kind words. I feel my dance with the she-devil effected me physically, emotionally and spiritually) . Its really quite a remarkable feeling a sense a healing on all three tiers….I’m coming out of the storm. After my doctor visit this song/poem popped into my head as I crossed over McKinley street bridge (which leads to and from my old hometown) on my home for the doctors. A year ago I contemplated jumping off it and committing suicide. Today I got my redemption & I can’t wait to go back over it tomorrow to see my boys’ trackmeet, and my parents.
McKinley Street Bridge:
Some sail east & some sail west.
I’ve sailed the way I thought was best
And My ship has pulled in and finally coming home.
AS I walk McKinley Street Bridge, I can see that river flow,
I see the hometown stadium,
And I know haven’t far to go
I’ll see my folks and they ask me child how have you been,
I say I got a little lost along the way,
But I made my way back home again.
I’m coming home
You see I jumped too nimble then I fell too quick,
then I burned both ends of the candle stick
But I’m wiser now time to shed those foolish ways.
Time to feel the sun. it’s a better day
I see my two boys, God, they’ve been with me all the while.
I’m hug them and kiss them, adore & love em’
And feel the joy of my young boys’ smile:)
You know, the price of freedom of soul can be high
it’s been a long long time since I’ve laughed, I’ve only cried.
It’s been a long long time
But I’m finally coming home.
Love Broken But Under Construction
@PR & POS & NIBSIT,
The devaluing took place t exactly the right moment according to the stuff I read. It was literally when she became aware that I would not worship her anymore: no longer “submit” and be under her regime. Shit..in reflection, I was being stronger than I knew in the face of destitute evil.
Energy denied
That’s right babe….find another gas station. I’m Premium-Unleaded and would probably blow up your engine with my intuition, knowledge & love.
That’s right babe…find another restaurant to eat in. You can’t afford the stuff that’s on my menu. You wouldn’t even know WTF it is you’re eating.
Are you having trouble ordering food cuz you can’t find the words? Is the extravagance too much?
You proclaim this means nothing to you. I know that it is just a matter of your appetite being gone.
It’ okay. It’s probably time for you to leave. And, no it’s not me this time. It’s you. And I watch you twist and flex like an angry wounded animal.
Don’t worry though. You’ll be okay. Most wild animals usually are until they meet their own demise. Its the lack of emotion that allows them to accept their own lonely death. You will die this way
This is my first exorcism, but I’m sure most look the same. Glad I could pull it off. Shit you almost killed me. But incredible strength arrives for most after they’ve met the devil and driven it out of their lives.
This is a high class joint, and no one wants to get ugly, I’ll have my friend “heart the maître d” escort you out politely.
You hover with a funky dissonant gait that looks neither man or woman. You walk with a disturbing unbalanced energy that foils whatever ethos of natural beauty god gave you. That is your curse. You thought you could get away with it. But as people watch you walk, they ether feel like crying or running.
That’s the reason people are quiet around you .
Venture out to a convenience station (Gas station/market. That’s what we call them in the U.S.). Fill up on Regular Gas and munchies. Steal a few bags of chips on your way out.
In your silence you will realize that you are starving. Maybe you will find solace in the fact that won’t even care. Cheers!
Broken B.U.C
@PR ..POS..
Is anybody out there?
@PR,
Thanks a ton Lady Phoenix! I will keep my eyes on the road ahead:))
Hi there,
I just got out of a relationship this past weekend. The experience was pretty traumatic for me emotionally so I went to see my therapist about it this week. Based on the things I told her, she told me that the boy I was in a relationship with was likely a sociopath. I decided to look more into it and found this site. I have found a lot of things on here very helpful and my eyes have really been opened about how he was acting. He was very manipulative and controlling and had me convinced that I was this very awful person that I had never believed myself to be before.
I guess what I really want to decide is if he was a sociopath. Deep down part of me still misses him and thinks that the way our relationship went was our fault, despite EVERYONE who cares about me in my life telling me otherwise. Perhaps this is just a result of his manipulations, but I just really miss him and feel like it is my fault that our relationship ended badly.
I changed my phone number and locks and blocked him on social media so that he cannot contact me. I did this because when I finally decided to leave him he literally lost it. He went from calling me a “f***ing b****” to saying he could not live without me to my friends/family were convincing me to leave him to him threatening to kill himself to he would never contact me again to threatening to tell my family secrets I had told him and then a rinse and repeat of how his flip out started. It just was not going to end.
We were only dating 3 months, but he already wanted to marry me and move in to my apartment. Based on what he told me he had had a very tragic life and so I felt bad leaving him, but he just kept accusing me of the most ridiculous and untrue things regarding other men and tried to convince me that the way I dressed was inappropriate and that I only wore certain things or did my makeup a certain way to “get attention” from other men. Which just wasn’t true, I consider myself a fairly modest dresser and I don’t dress any different than the average girl next door. That’s only the beginning of the issues I had with him.
I guess I am just wondering what can I do to not let myself contact him. I have almost slipped up a number of times now. I don’t want him to have my new number for obvious reasons. I’d appreciate any help.
Thanks
One of the things I did during the early stages when my head was telling me to stay away but my heart wanted contact was to write all the lies and antics down in a notebook. When I wanted contact,I would re-read the notes and ask myself ” does true love do that? or is that the type of love I want or deserve ?” The answers to those questions generally got me over the urge to contact.
Lots of Love AGPT
I came across this site while i was searching about people who dont know how to love.
The person who i was dating sounds a lot like wt u wrote here. I never knew before much about sociopaths or psychopath but after what happened to me I began researching in order to understand better the reasons of what happened to me and to get over this. I am 24 years old and I am in love w a person that did such horrible things to me. I have been the victim of a selfish “love” cause i dont know what that was. Me and him were having some little fights and I wanted to break up with him. He always said he loves me so also crying many times while he said this.
One day, after 8 months i decide to break up with him cause we were fighting many times over small things and i could not trust him. When i wanted to break up he told me he will kill himself ofcourse i thought it is because of the break up and i was extremely upset but he told me he was raped so I told him that i will be there for him and we will get over this together. Ifc the next months i was very depressed as I felt so dissapointed cause of all the bad things that happen in this world and for what happened to him He said he was doing drugs to get over the pain of the rape and that he is scared not to be gay. I was so depressed and sad those times I couldn’t do anything I am an artist, could not create anything and almost failed my exams. I tried to get distance from him but he was calling me many many times and writing to me always also called me 15 times in one day. He was telling me many things to make me jealous like he is seeing other girls or meeting his ex girl and in some days he would tell me he will kill himself because he has nobody and gave me his facebook password saying if he doesnt come online tomorrow means he killed himself and i should tell his friends what happened. Of course i was scared and always encouraged him but at the same time was trying to get distance so i was not returning all his calls. Also i must add I left my boyfriend with who i was with for 3 years to be with this guy , He always was saying tht he has job interviews but if i dnt mention it he forgets about it so probably were lies,, After about 1 month he told me his ex girl came to his house and stayed there until really and that something happened but he cant tell me( in this time we weren’t together). Of course i felt jealous and i wanted to see how this girl looks like so i went on his facebook account and there i saw he was flirting with many girls while he was telling me that he misses me and loves and that he will always be there for me on his facebook he collected tons of random girls and was telling them and his friends bad things about me, calling me ugly names and many lies like i dont leave him alone that i call him always and he feels bad for me thats why he doesnt ignore me and also was telling them that he got raped and i left him whn he needed me the most. After i confronted him with this and i told him i do not wish to keep in contact with him. The second day i saw on facebook a suicide note and his sister told me he killed himself i was so scared and worried. I asked one of his friends to tell me the truth and OFCORUSE he was NOT DEAD! I ignored him after tottaly… he was calling me writing to me over 30 emails with crazy stuff and crazt lies tht he was in hospital and tht his mother had an accident tht he took i dnt knw wt pills these were all lies and i knew it. I tried to block him everywhere was making new accounts talking to my friends, telling them lies to try to convince me to talk to him.
In his emails he was saying let me just clear the things up. After one month we skyped for say goodbye and ofc he was so charming and i was so weak i missed him a lot felt bad for all the things. He told me he was very jealous and tht he wanted to make me jealous and he just try to look cool to his friends. He composed and sang a song for me on valentines day. I asked him to tell me the truth for always and i will forgive him and he confessed tht he met a git a couple of times while we were together and didn’t tell but it was AS FRIENDS… yeah right…I continue talking to him he was very kind encouraged me for my university, was “taking care” of me always if i needed something, He says he wants tht all is good between us that he realised he loves entirely that he cannot stop think me tht im the only one in his heart and such lies…:(
3 Days ago I asked him to show me the doctors’ tests cause he said he made tests for aids. I ask him AGAIN if the rape was true.. He starts to tell the story of how it was. Then i ask him again and i tell him i will forgive him he asks me if all will be the same if i love him and such stuff then he says” well i have to be a man” LOL how pathetic and tells me the rape didnt happen that it was a lie! the second day whn he saw me ofc changed i was SO UPSET he insinuated tht the rape was true then I ask him if he felt any compassion or pity or mercy for me when after he told me that he was raped and i cut myself because i felt so sad and he got very angry told me the rape was true then he said it was not true then he said he hates me then he said he loves me he was crying a lot he was saying me to forgive him to give him another chance that he loves me so so much…. I told him i dnt want a relationship with him and that if he cares of me he should leave me alone. He was trying to manipulate me saying he has noone he has no reason to live noone loves him( at the begin of our relationship he also was telling me about a miserable childhood that his mother and his father would beat him until he bled and tht she tried to stab him, was also telling me tht his ex girl said she was pregnant w his baby and she tried to make an abortion and tht he tried to kill himself )
Now i am just trying to get over this its hard to have love feelings for someone who did so much pain to u. I feel he doesnt realise what he did like gives no importance, Its sad we have to experience this and I am sure he will do this to other girls >
.I feel i hate myself for let this happen that i was so stupid and the worse thing is that after all this pain i still feel love for him and i am ashamed to say that!
😦 I was thinking also to contact his ex girlfriend to ask wt happened but i am worried that i cant also trust her or dont know what to tell her and maybe is better to bury this thing as soon as possible… I see him stil lying to his friends about little things he lies and manipulates people he did many things like u described in ur story.
This site really helped me and gave me a wake up call somehow i need to get him out life fast. Also its good to understand what he is I have been searching for an answer since December of why he acted like this so i can move on, I was always asking myself what i did to deserve this I ruined my relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for him and i ruined my relationship with my family as they are dissapointed in me for this and for university and i dissapointed my university tutors but I know ill get better soon.
We just gotta hold our head up high after I get over this I know I will be stronger even if now I cry everyday. Better things will come and now we can appreciate those good things, those good people more! I think I am a better person now although he made me act so bad.
LETS ALL BE BETTER! ❤
@Little Heart…..My thoughts are with you. Your story is very similar to mine but mine wasn’t saying he was raped but was saying other stuff. I actually started to think we were dating the same person! LOL.
Good old Facebook….Yep, mine had randoms on there too. Many lady boys and drag queens. I have nothing against these types of people, but why would a straight man accept such requests? He told me a couple of years ago that his ex-wife told people that he was gay. Maybe he is. I try and not analyse it too much as it just opens up many more questions that I have had since I noticed all the randoms facebook friends. Another thing is, they usually have a few facebook accounts. Master of disguises.
Best of luck to you. Keep coming on here and getting support.
@PR,
I had such a great at my boys’ track meet yesterday. God is was so sunny bright in central NY! I was writing this…playing /singing this on my guitar last night. I tend to revisit lyrics in other songs I’m writing when I’m creating new music. AKA..I plagiarize myself sometimes
Goodbye little girl
She whispered so softly I’m going away.
I knew she was waiting for me to say
“Darling won’t you stay?”
I said goodbye little girl be on your way.
Have your flings that don’t mean a thing with the boys on the shore.
I’m a man with heart. I’ve got so much more
this price is too high.
And it’s been a long long time since I’ve laughed.
You know I’ve only cried.
So long little girl.
This is goodbye
@POS,
I’m not sure why but I’m not getting post updates on my yahoo email. Its weird and probably yahoo and not this site. And I definitely tick the boxes for updates
Hi Broken, I am unsure? there are sometimes problems with WordPress, as I also have problems my end. I don’t send them out its all done automated, so I am really unsure what to suggest. I know that comments quite often go astray and I cannot find them until a lot later. I am sorry that I cannot be of more help.
i tried to post a comment but didnt work im confused XD
Hi Little heart. I am sorry for the delay in allowing comments through. I have had to take a bit of time away from the site, due to things going on in my own life. So I was unable to manage new comments. I am now working backwards through comments. Apologies if this has left you without support.
I am overwhelmed with all of this information. I am SO grateful to find this website. I wish I had found it sooner, I may not have reopened the wound as many times as I have. Starting right now I going into no contact mode. I still have to bring back my statement to the police station, in which they will contact him and I am praying he never contacts me again. He has found his new victim. When I saw his new profile picture of him and her on facebook, I admit they looked happy and it made me mad. How could he move on so quickly, (it was over a month, but I was still not over him) he was most likely bringing her cards and flowers everyday as he had done to me. Telling her she was “THE one he had always been looking for” Thinking she was now going to get the good guy that he could be and I imagined him telling her how crazy I was. I sent him an email not mentioning that I knew about her. He did tell me but he said he wasnt happy, she had misrepresented herself, he didnt like her kids, he was “stuck with this one for now”. He had been living with a friend and he couldnt go back there because his son had moved back home and there was no room for him. He is planning on moving to FL in 2 years anyway, when his ex wife and daughter move there and that he was just going to stay there for now until he could figure something out. He started flirting with me through emails and texts, being the funny nice guy he could be. He wanted to see me and asked if he could come by and I said yes. My son who is 12 was visiting his grandparents, so I figured it would be ok. I am a widow and my son does not like the SP and although I protect my son from him I didnt do that for myself. We had a great time here, he told me he didnt want to leave, it felt like home…..I thought maybe there is a good guy in there and maybe I was the cause of all the things that went wrong over the last 1 1/2 years. The next day he was cold, told me he didnt want to see me anymore and he was sorry. This crushed me, how could I let this happen again?? I begged him to please dont do this to me again. I contacted her, I sent her every text he sent me, every email and that he had come here and we slept together that day. I told her all about him and how nice he was at first and what a monster he turned out to be. She was angry with him at first but was willing to take him back. @ weeks had gone by and there was no contact. Then as I have read here I had that itch and I sent him an email saying I had a bunch of his things here and if he would like to get them he could or I would just get rid of them. He responded with he loved being here with me that day and he would move back in a heartbeat if my son would accept him blah blah blah….. I didnt really respond to that comment like he wanted me to and I was then flooded with emails saying he was in love with her, she does everything for him, he had moved back in with her the night before, she was everything I wasnt, he is going to marry her and spend forever with her. This crushed me again, I kept emailing him back asking why would you tell me you wanted to move back in then send me this? Just to hurt me? He then became so mean with his words, I in turn did the same and he went to the police station and had them call me to tell me to stop contacting him. Probably the nicest thing he has ever really done for me. I was of course hurt but I thought ok finally and end. That was on a monday, on the following thursday I get another call from PD saying he was back there saying I was still emailing him. I was floored by this because I had not contatcted him in any way. She told me yes he has shown me 3 emails that were sent after I spoke with you. Again I tried to tell her no I did not. She told me it was ok, he wasnt going to press charges this time but if it happened again he would. I told her I wanted to see what it was because it was a lie. Turns out when she looked closer they were emails sent at a different time, he went in there trying to get to me by using them to call me, and it worked. When I said to her, I want him told if he comes in here again with false allegations against me I am going to press charges. SHE said to me, no he didnt mean to do that, he told me he thought he was here on a different day than he was…….I told her he was a con man and I was sorry to inform her but she had been lied to. I am sure he put his charm on her when he was there and she probably thinks I am carzy too. She called me an accused me of something without even checking if it were true before she called me!
I see him in almost every post on here. He has to be the meanest person I have ever met. My feelings dont matter, never did. He has done this to me so many times over the year and a half we were “together” I lost count. Always walking out on me any time I questioned anything. Packing his things and leaving me crying not really understanding what happened. He said “you make it easy to leave”. I was always a very strong woman and I am ashamed that I let this happen to me. I was always hoping for that perfect man to come back. Only to find out he never really was there. When I first met him, on a dating site, he told me all about his crazy ex, I didnt know her name for the lonest time, I only knew her as Nutsy. I did contact her and she has been nothing but an angel to me. Over the last few months she has used the word sociopath and I had heard it before and read a little about it but this site is a blessing.
It has only been 5 days since we last had contact. Even though I am reading and I see all of this my heart still hurts, tears are still falling. Im angry that I continued to let this happen for so long and that I loved this man and did everything for him and took him in and paid for so much that I was promised I would get back …..Im sorry this message is probably all over the place, the story is the same, there is so much, even lies about his daughters mother dying from cancer which I find out now isnt true. Im going to read some more, thank you for all of this information.
Hi Mimi,
Welcome to the site.
First of all, if you see him buying flowers, looking happy etc…. don’t be fooled that this is what it is. Remember how it was with you in the beginning? This is just the pattern repeating. The same thing will happen with this relationship, as sociopaths almost always repeat patterns of behaviour. They can’t help it.
Hi Broken aka UC,
Big hugs & Goodluck today.
Remember you will always have the power to move your life forward while your ex Soc will stay on rewind, just a continued cycle of destruction!
You however have self awareness, we’ve made mistakes but, we get to fix them & move on. She will always be Broken & responsible for herself.
You are responsible only for you so, step up today & keep going forward 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
P.S we live the life, they live the lie!
@AGPT. A work colleague gave me the same advice. She told me to write a list of good things and bad things about my Spath. She was gobsmacked when she saw that the bad things was literally 3 pages long and there was barely any good things. We were at lunch in the kitchen and other workmates sat down during this time and they were told what I was doing. They gave me some very kind words and support. Like they were saying, it should have been 3 pages of good things.
I do something similar to you AGPT. Instead of looking at the list, I think of the way I feel when I have contact with him and immediately after I have contact with him. I go back 2 steps in my healing process as he is a complete and utter jerk to me. After everything I did for him (he barely did anything for me), he treats me like absolute shit and acts as though I was the one that deceived him! This is all part of their mind game to bring you back down to a level where they can manipulate you again. They also don’t have feelings but, to me, they show signs of jealousy and anger when they can’t manipulate you anymore.
@pr I’m posting this on my iPhone cuz the site won’t open on. My computer.court went well. I continue to fight off the bad feelings about my ex and know ill b e fine someday.
HI PR & MIBSIH,
Don’t know if this will post but it might:)
Just so you all know, I didn’t get a single one of these posts!! Congrats!!!
Congrats what?
Didn’t get a single one of what posts?
Congrats to broken, about work and court, I didn’t know everything went well.
@Mimi….you have come to the right place for support. Isn’t it amazing how similar all our stories are?! “You are so easy to wAlk out on.” Or similar words, is sadly, true, because they have no regards for a persons feelings and they will just find a new source very fast. Which sounds like he has.
I heard all about the crazy ex as well. Sure, she was probably crazy during their relationship, as this is what they do to people. I turned crazy as well. Letting those little things build up inside me and then I burst and started to tell him about my distrust for him. I also contacted the ex and she seemed like quite a nice person who said that my Spath hAd ruined her life.
Sociopaths justify every little thing they have done. It is never their fault and they never take responsibility. If they do say ‘sorry’, it is never sincere. They act as though YOU ruined THEIR life and the relationship you had with them.
I found out that my Spath has gone to Dubai. For someone that cries poor and was asking me for money constantly, I am surprised he can afford such a luxury. I hope he gets caught doing something illegal there!! I would laugh so hard.
@JJ I wonder the same thing. They also seem to get things handed to them on a platter. I am waiting for karma to bite my Spath on the ass but it just looks like that is never going to happen.
Exactly why do they just get to move on leave a mess behind with no care and I dont see Karma biting him either! He seems to skate along pretend all is ok. However when I think like this, I have to remind myself that I wouldnt want to be him or live his life. Maybe that is their Karma? He lives in a world where his own family doesnt trust him, he cant even have a key to his moms house. He has no real friends, he dislikes everyone for one reason or another. Finds fault in everyone but himself. Hates his job. Doesnt feel like he has to follow any rules.
But when i do think like this I have to refrain from feeling bad for him, that is when I have in the past contacted him, just to see if he is ok.
Im glad you all will understand me because I sound crazy! lol
Quite simply Mimi, because he doesn’t care. he doesn’t have the same emotional connection. So he can just ‘move on’ as if nothing has happened (and even have the cheek to show back up, as if nothing has happened).
Only thing to remember….. is it’s not personal.
@Jenni wow, so sorry you are still going through this.
Does your husband know? Maybe a nasty little email from you hubby telling him to leave you alone will work???
Can you block his emails? Or maybe set up some kind of pretend ‘undeliverable’ email and send that back to him whenever he sends an email to you.
@ Jenni,
Can you change your email or put a stting on to send his emails straight to trash? I would just delete without opening or create a file & send them back to him! Save them into a file & send them all back at once 😉
No Contact doesn’t mean no send back. Put a ‘sorry am out of office reply on’ or something to take the ‘fun’ away from him.
Tell him your happier than ever & that he needs to move on!
Ugh. Sociopaths. My first BF outta college is one ( he’s in prison now. I,helped put him there. He murdered a previous boyfriend. This dude did some seriously sick things., evil things. He started stalking me when I broke up with him. Got a restraining order but that really had no impact so I got a gun. Once you’ve exposed to a sociopath you never miss the signs. Lucky me. I’ve run into three. It’s wierd though. Before I become fully aware of the monster in front of me I get real bad stomach pains and headaches. One exploitable trait is their arrogance. Sooner or later they get sloppy and make a mistake. The third sociopath I met was my last boss at a biotech company. When I saw who I would be reporting to I think I said ‘ah FUCK ME. This again? Anyway he played the role. Handsome in a pretty boy sort of way. Had all the women charmed and fooled. He discovered I have PTSD so of course he tried to exploit that as a weakness . Mistake 1 there are laws in the work place which deal with handicap abuse but I didn’t even have to go there because a little while later I get really sick and had to go to the nursing station (Jason convinces the nurses that its just anxiety -it was something much more serious in truth but we’ll get to that. Short version my manager violated 3 of my HIIPA rights. Massive fine. When I file the proper paper work lodging a formal complaint ( it states very clearly on these documents that any kind of retaliation is illegal. So guess what my arrogant, poor impulse control sociopath boss does. Terminates me the next day! I laughed so hard. I wasnt sure which particular spectrum trait was involved but I’m guessing arrogance, inability to control anger is what led him to figuratively shove his head up his ass. I couldn’t believe he was that stupid. Now he’s committed a crime which I become very vocal about. I refilled my paperwork to include the criminal act. But then it gets fun. I get bored and decide to look up Jason’s criminal history. Oh my! Jason has been a very naughty boy. There pages of citations so I start e mailing the more heinous convictions to his directors, HR. there were prison terms, ridiculous amounts of possession with intent, assault it went on and on and I hadn’t even gotten to the other two states he lived in to see what bent crap he’d done there. Then certain things that seemed odd began making sense. My boss who probably made in the low 6 figures, but he had 3 housemates and no car. Whatever. I’ve heard stranger things. Then it Dons on me that probably has to live that way. He’s probably ruined his credit and all ( Christ it was like a tome) his citations, convictions etc make him high risk for things like credit or housing. Then I wonder how the hell did he get a senior manager job with baggage like that. Then I remember he was hired in as an individual contributor and in CA the background checks are extremely light for a position like that. No credit check, cursory criminal,background check usually only for the more violent crimes. So when the previous manager resigns he inherits the position and, oops, someone forgot to do the background check-until I reminded certain people. You see I had gathered up all this information, went over his head and gave all his superiors the info I,discovered all the while reminding them he committed a crime at Bayer against me. Oh dear.(by now you have pretty much figured this particular sociopath really doesn’t scare me. Apparently I really scare him or at least I did because he’s not there. He’s ‘on leave’. I no longer work there but I just found out complete chaos reigns in my former group. Jason is gone ( any day now he’ll be trading his Ambercrombie and Fitch crap ( that he’s like 15 years too old to be wearing. ) for a prison issue orange jump suit Dumb ass sociopaths I guess . Any way massive finger pointing and blame are running rampant ( I so wanna get a bag of popcorn and Pepsi just so,I can watch this epic meltdown) changing personnel and now sensitivity training for handicapped ( Discriminated against for my PTSD remember?). Funny thing is before I left I said if they weren’t careful everything would fall apart ( kinda left some minor manipulative things I did to speed up the process) and they would the source of their own doing. Oh gee! I was right. So, fucked over and got rid of the sociopath, someone is gonna have to pay out big for the damage done to me. I guess I’m not quite right in the head that I’m smug about all this but believe me I did a lot of crying, lived in fear and was abused. Im done wasting time or feeling bad about what amounts to a waste of skin
How do you stop thinking about your ex? It has been almost 1.5 years since the betrayal and I still think of my ex constantly. He is happy while I sit here alone, depressed and thinking that I truly don’t think I can allow myself to love again. I went away to Bali and it triggered my anxiety and depression. I was going very well until then. It is a place I have many memories of my ex as that is where we met. Now I feel like I have gone back 6 months in my healing process. I am so tired of putting a happy, positive mask on.
@ Ex Def,
You are in control of your thoughts & memories, they are not in control of you as they are only thoughts & cannot harm you.
You have triggered these old patterns of thought so, you need to rewrite them in your mind.
Acknowledge the good times & remember that you created them.
What you thought was real was fabricated so, you are now left with reality of facing the memory head on.
You must now leave these thoughts & memories behind you & make new memories. I am sure you had a good time in Bali & you can embrace the fact you got there after everything.
You faced going & being there & thats amazing. Sure it’s bought up memories but, thats so you can let them go now.
Make new plans, new memories, new dreams. Do this with making fresh plans, focus on your healing & remember the past is behind you for reason.
Keep going, Bali is beautuful but, leave your memories there & build a new memory & special place.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
@Exdef, pray, meditate and ask for only one thing “self control”.
When a thought of my ex come to “haunt” or “bother” me I just pray for calm and self control..
Give it time, everything will be better
everything is better without a “Pinnochio” in your life
@Exdef “El corazon se encarga de borrar de la memoria los malos recuerdos…” (the heart takes charge and erase the bad memories…) this is one of the sentences from Gabriel Garcia Marquez…Exdef, maybe its time to let the brain remember that you don’t need more bad memories to erase…take control of your life.
12 days of no contact here and I am doing everything I can think of not to break it. I want so much for him to give me closure to say he is sorry for the way he discarded me and crushed my heart. I received a text message last night from a gmail email address at 11 pm saying “HI ___, Have a nice day!” I have a feeling it was him with some made up email. He last survivor told me he likes to do that. He discarded me and is now living with a girl who has 4 children. Told me how happy he was and in love with her, how she does everything for him. That he will marry her within the next year. That she sees things in him that I didnt. Its hard enough to hear these things and to walk through this pain. If he is so happy with her shouldnt he just go on and leave me be? Before he told me how happy he was, he sucked me back in for a week saying how he didnt like it there, she misrepresented herself and he was stuck with her because he had no where else to go and he would move back in with me if my son would be ok with it. My son would not and I wouldnt do that to my son. As soon as he realized that wasnt going to happen, she was THE ONE and I was “a mistake”.
I was so angry I sent her copys all of our emails and text messages. Bad idea, she was angry with him at first but he of course talked his way out of it. It was my fault and I was just jealous and trying to break them up. She saw the text where he said he was stuck with her, but she chose to believe I was crazy and he is a keeper.
Two weeks after that I sent him an email to offer for him to pick up his things. He responded by again telling me things werent good over there, he would move back in in a heartbeat if my son would be ok with it and how he loved what we had.. I responded by saying I wasnt doing that well over here and I also loved what we had. 10 mins later he started sending me the emails about how happy they were etc.
I know with my head he isnt who he was. But my heart hurts still. I would never bring him back here, because I love my son more than anything and although he is only 12 he dislikes this spath for of course making me cry. I just hope it gets easier soon because I feel like a fool for falling for this SP and for not being able to get him out of my mind and to stop feeling like maybe we can be friends………………..
@Mimi, you don’t deserve a “friend” who doesn’t know the basics about how to be a friend. Someone that is like a vacuum cleaner and took whatever is in front of him, and what gives back is a dirty bag. So please, don’t accept his friendship.
I too have a 12 years old and for the 4 years I made the great mistake of trying to be a family with my ex.. She literally hates him and thank God she was my guardian angel, and the one who keeps me strong when he started the “I miss you” “Let’s try again” parody. I am ashamed of what I allowed to happen on my home…please take control of your life and keep this disease far away.
Thank you no more insanity. You are correct, he does not deserve me as his friend. I dont have any friends who treat the way he does. Your post also reminded me that he doesnt have any friends and that was something that always seemed weird to me, because most people have friends from childhood and the work place. His only “friend” is a drunken ex brother in law from his second marraige. I am sure this is because like you said he doesnt know how to be a friend. My son also hates this spath and I thank God he does. I think I would have put up with much more than I did because of him.
Thank you everyone for your kind and supporting words. I am feeling a bit better today. I have put music on, a candle and trying to relax. Rewriting of my brain is definitely in need lol.
@Mimi…..google Stockholme Sydrome. I can relate to you as I too thought I could be a friend with my ex. You can’t be. They are not a normal ex where you might be able to be friends down the track. They will continue to draw you into their web. Your ex may always have a small part of your heart but never allow them to have your whole heart again.
Thank you Ex def a S, I have been reading here for a bit and I am still trying to accept what I see is true. My head says 110% he is a sociopath, but its not as easy to get him out of my mind. I like the rest of us was so good to him, its just who I am. I was having such a tough time today wanting to email him. I made it through the day by writing here, writing an email to him but not sending it and some crying.
I am so grateful for this site. Thank you again.
@Mimi, mi ex doesn’t have any male friend. His only “friends” were 2 exgirlfriends that have sporadic conversations with him…he said that other males are jealous of how handsome and tall he is, and they always start a fight with him, so he prefered to stay alone to avoid it…you don’t have an idea of how many invitations from my family and friends I denied because of him and his vision of staying away…
i have gone for over 24 hours with NC. It seems like nothing to others but for me it is a huge achievement, especially since he has not stopped texting me and calling me over and over for hours. This time i wont respond. My silence is my response.
24 hours is MASSIVE. They deliberately create dependency and addiction to them – so to go 24 hours is amazing. Well done you!!!!! :)Now start ticking off the next 24 hours, before you know it it will be a week. Then a month. Take it one day at a time. Stay with the present, it is all that you have control over.
24 hours can be quite an achievement for people that have been in bad relationships. We can create an emotional bond with our abusers (this is what an Spath is). So keep going! You are doing great!!
AT POS & AGOODPLan,
It’s my first day back at work and I must admit. I’m having a hard time.
@POS…Not with work…thinking about my ex-spath.
Have you been off of work for a while broke n? I am thinking perhaps this is like the new job analogy. Like wearing a pair of new shoes, it can take a while to break them back in
@Broken….it can be very hard. I let my ex distract me from work and my usual hard working ethic went downhill. My supervisor noticed and had a word to me. I didn’t reveal that I was suffering from depression but she knew I was seeing a therapist and knew I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. That was no excuse though as I wasn’t stepping up and working for my wage. I was spending more time staring out a window and looking at my phone than doing actual work. It was the kick in the ass I needed. I must warn you though, don’t ever let it get to that stage. Use work to get your mind of her, as hard as it can be. Throw yourself into your work. Don’t let her win, especially when it comes to your work because if you end up losing your job, it can spiral downhill quickly after that.
@EXDEF,
Thank you so much for your wonderful advice. Yes, it can be hard, but I’m doing it. Trust me, that loser tramp would like nothing more than to see me take a nose dive at work. But I won’t let that happen. Even though It was hard, I really took care of myself during my convelesence. I worked out on a total gym (chuck Norris) and shed twenty pounds. I also obstained from drinking. I wanted to have a strong body & mind when I returned to work. I finally resigned myself that this grief I am suffering from will dissapate in its own time. Theres not a ton I can do other than accept the pain and try to move through it in a healthy way as I maintain no contact. It will pass eventually.
I work with kids, so their needs are immediate and I put my feelings aside effortlessly to see thta theirs are met. It doesn’t take the pain away but gives me a sense of satisfaction and wellbeing to be able to connect with them.
I do see now, in hind site, however, that I have been extremely distracted mentally from that loser over the past year. Trust me, if I told you the stress I was under even before I met my ex-spath, you would cringe. Being the hateful jealous tramp that she is, she made sure it got worse for me when I was always hoping for her to make it better. Her life is one of tragedy, especially for her kids. MIne, though not perfect, is one of success, honor, and achievement. However, I can see how I let that “B” disrupt my mental process to th epoint where it effected my performance at work last year. THis year it hasn’t. Thanks again for you rkind words. ANd god yes…..I do catch myself staring out the window when the kids aren’t around. I’m doing less an dless of that lately though.
That is great that you have been training and lost twenty pounds. I have found exercise has really helped me move through this. I have been weight training 5 times a week. Pushing the iron gives me a sense of being in control physically which carries over a bit mentally.
I often also find the anger about these events comes up when lifting and I can dissipate that anger with a couple of choice words about her mentally and couple of heavy presses physically. It leaves me feeling refreshed and relaxed. Hope you keep up the training.
Lots of Love AGPT
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2610678/The-woman-husband-18-affairs-six-friends-So-earth-did-Adele-bring-FORGIVE-them.html
Stumbled across this article. As I was reading it, I thought that Adele’s ex sounds a bit like a Sociopath.
Thank u good plan
Non Contact was broken ever so slightly at first and then it turned so quickly into a 2 and fro on text messaging, every time he would say i love you and i want to be with you and i am leaving her, my mind would reel with anger and i would retaliate with “no you dont, if you did you would have left her, you would not still be living a double life, you would not be lying to us both.” and he would return with, i am trying to settle my son, i am trying to get myself sorted so that we can be togehter”, i would then respond with Bullshit!!!! and we would be back into a fight until he would just stop messaging me back!!! i would get so angry that i would go on and on messagin him until i fall asleep. only to wake and see a message saying “i love you” to me!
why am i still holing onto hope? Why would i let this man continue to hurt me like this? why cant i just let go and move on?
Did you know he was with someone else when you got with him? Sorry, but I missed your story.
yes, i knew he was married, so was i, we were work colleagues and i knew for years that he was unhappy, and so was i. We fell in love (at least i did) and we decided we were going to do the right thing and leave our spouses….. i left mine because i could not be with a man that i did not love and i could not have an affair and break my husbands heart even further. He did not do the same. its been three years of back and forth, the lies, the deceit, him leaving me after going back to his wife, then leaving her and coming back to me. its a long story and i know by some account what i write now seems cold and distant and perhaps i am coming accross as being detached from the pain, i am not. it still continues. he stalks me, has been caught reading my emails at work, is having to go to a disciplinary and might lose his job. He has put me through so much hell that it is difficult to transfer to page, but according to a friend of mine, i need to write my story so that i can see that the man i fell in love with did not exist. Part of me wants to write it all down, but the other part is scared of facing the truth and letting go of the memories i had. i dont know if this makes sense to anyone. But i am hurting badly. i know that he is a sociopath, he fits every single trait. i thought that i could fix him.
through this process i have lost myself, my friends and family see me now as being neurotic and weak. they feel pity for me. i dont want to be pitied. i dont want to feel like a victim. i have been reduced to a former shell of myself.
i call myself ONEDAY, as it is a term i have come to hate. his answers always rested in ONEday, oneday he would leave her, oneday he would stop lying, oneday oneday oneday oneday
@oneday…..your name says it all. One day it will get easier and you will realise that you have moved on. I allow for little slips at times. Going no contact is a lot easier to say than actually doing it. Allow yourself to go back a step but make sure you take two steps forward. I can’t stop thinking about my ex but I know that in time I will. We all heal and move on at different paces.
@Oneday, for them “I love you” just mean “I control you”. Please give yourself the gift of self control and don’t give him the strings of your life. You are not his puppet. You don’t deserve it. The best way to regain it is with no contact. It’s easy? No. The way back to ourselves, to our dignity is not easy but it’s a way that will bring a lot of rewards to you.