This is my short sweet story….new they guy for awhile, he was handsome, charming, very sexy…well I fell hook line and sinker!! I saw the red flags but I suppressed them thinking well he just has a different outlook on things…Hot and heavy love affair…then I noticed he no longer wanted me to have his passwords to his bank account….Had to go on an
“Busines Trip” right…he was becoming more distant..every time I approached him to be intimate, he got pissed off…saying, is that all you think about? So I should have known…well lets just say, I didn’t want to see those red flags and he certainly was good and making me think I was trying to find something…well joke is on me…he used me for a place to live, I served a brief purpose and I have sent him ugly text so it’s made me look like a psycho!! He has even got my family to believe that I’m an alcoholic, My family also thinks I’m just acting like I’m a jilted lover….well ya when I’ve figured out I had suckered…so my family got to see his true colors and have had to come to me and say, you were right! I just want to get over him!! Hind sight is 20/20 I should have listened to by intuition..But he was so handsome, I felt like I was the lucky one because he was sooo soo handsome,…and I have always had low self esteem…well I’m working on healing myself and it is a process. So well all have this commonality on this blog! It is helping me just hearing others stories, I don’t feel so alone in this!!
Thanks…Nessa
It seems we have similar stories…I left my husband of 17 years to be with him (predator)…so for 3 yrs I had this man in my life who used me. My colleagues finally told me that they always felt like he was creepy, but the funny thing is, they nicknamed him the “Underground Serial Killer” because there was something sinister about him…they were very right…there is an evilness and bothers me when I think of the icy stares he would give me…one day he will mess with the wrong husbands wife and get what he deserves.
Thank you for your awesome blog :D. U help me a lot. I almost made the worst decision in my life, almost got married to a soc. I’m sure it’s God’s help that I didn’t marry him yeay 0:). Problems with dresses and wedding reservation and all, keep me waiting long enough to find this blog 😀
Actually, I feel something weird about him… I used to yell at him “just be normal!” a thousand times. Triangulation and backstabbing, exactly as you described :(. It’s not normal, it is… I think, when you love someone, you should want to make him/her happy…and stop torturing him/her… That’s what I told him. To stop torturing me :(. When I read your blog, it’s clear to me that he’s really a soc.
Last time I saw him, I diagnosed him as a soc (I am a doctor and he’s one too) and he agreed with me. He said sorry, he tried his best, but he just can’t feel empathy…kinda sad. But if I come back to him just because he’s sorry, I’ll be crazy :p. I’ve been treated with antidepressant and sedative because of him. I just want to stop this abuse.
Now I have no contact with him, and for his belongings in my house, nahh he can say goodbye to all of them :D. If he doesn’t ask for his things, I don’t want to tell him to come and pick them up. He can always buy new T-shirts anyway :D. I’m just sick of having him around to tell me how ugly, bad, crazy, stupid, etc, I am.
I owe u a great thank you 😀
I printed your work (I hope you don’t mind) so my mom can read this, as my ex-stepfather is a soc, too :(. My mom is still confused and bewildered, and your work helps her to rediscover her old self 😀
Thank you thank you thank you 😀
Huggg 🙂
Hi free. Welcome to the site. You must be hurt so close to the wedding. At least you did find the information prior to marrying him and managed to challenge him about it. And that he admitted that he has no empathy. With regards to his belongings at your house. No doubt he is happy about this, as it gives him an opportunity to contact you to ask for them back (and they can be quite persistent). I know that my ex went on about a mouse for a computer (when he didn’t have a working computer) a t shirt that he never wore. I said that I would put them outside. He used this as a reason to make contact.
Yes Free I too feel God saved me from marrying my psyc. He kept saying this year. This year. I’m just so tired of missing him. It really is an addiction u know.
Of course I know how you feel… Even now I feel numb. I can feel my emotion, but it feels blunt. Try something you like or social work, JB… 😀 it helps in my case. I open my old childhood photos when I miss him, and tell myself that this little girl doesn’t deserve that kind of abuse… 🙂
Thank God, He saved us in His perfect timing :D. He loves you, and God’s love is enough for you (huggg). Someday that ‘missing’ will fade away, but if we stay with the socs…his abuse won’t fade away…that’s what I tell myself :). We deserve better.
Big huggg 😀
Judahbug – I feel for you, because at first I felt really confused and hurt, and I missed the person I THOUGHT he was (read: the person I wanted him to be). However, now when I think of how he insulted and betrayed me, I feel a surge of self-righteous indignation (dare I say “wrath”?) – it’s visceral, very real, and I know will keep me from ever acknowledging him if I see him in public. (ignoring an sp is the best way to take away his power)
You need to fill your time with ANYTHING other than thinking about him – STOP giving him your energy by pining for him. He probably drained you while he was with you – do yourself a favour and take back your power. Feel the rage – you have every right to. Then move on …
Fortunately, he completely forgot about his T-shirts (only 2 or 3 T-shirts), or I guess so :D. Should I tell him about his belongings? I’m afraid he’ll use this as an excuse to contact me if he knows :(. A mouse and a T-shirt he never wore….sounds bad :(. Did you really leave them outside? Wow. And he’s not angry/making any further lies about us if we really throw their things away?
Thanks for your support 🙂 big huggg… Yes, it shocked my family, what happened to that nice guy, he appears very normal, charming and kind… They used to think that I’m too sensitive, but at last they can see the truth. Once he got angry and his mask slipped, and everyone can see what I see :(.
It hurts…but at last, I don’t have to spend another time with his crazy making behavior, thanks to you XD
It’s very interesting that mine also knew I was ripe for the pickin since I wasn’t happy in my marriage either. I’m sure I hurt my ex but had fallen out of love with him because of his lack of connectedness and unwillingness to meet me halfway on anything. Either way, it was never my intent and I have no ill feelings towards him. I should’ve been more selective when entering another involvement but have also learned a huge lesson!
My Sociopath story: I have met and crossed paths with at least 5 true Sociopaths in my life, but only 3 have I been actually victimized by. And what I find funny is that despite how different Sociopaths may all appear; their characteristics and traits are almost all the same. I have had a Sociopathic best friend since high school. He was intelligent, charming, handsome, dressed nice, popular, an honor roll student who was adored and praised by all the teachers. And was even Valedictorian at our graduation. But behind closed doors he was selfish, rude, narcissistic and conceited. He also lied all the time and slept with my enemies and people who knew I disliked behind my back, he thought it was funny to stir up drama and conflict as he sat back and got his jollies. We were friends of 5 years and even have matching tattoos. But I recently broke off all ties with him as I realized what he really was some time ago. I have now only come to fully accept it. I also have had two boyfriends who both were Sociopaths. Now one was a businesses man with 2 degrees and he was gorgeous, a real treat to look at. Italian and irish blood with black hair and green eyes…tall with sharp features and plump lips, could have easily been a model. Seemed to be the perfect guy…another master illusionist I fell for, but this time he was my boyfriend…unfortunately. And despite seeming to be the perfect guy on the outside, he had weird sexual fetishes and liked to crack jokes about Pedophilia. His favorite was “How do you make a little girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody penis on her teddy bear!” Sick! I know. I should’ve cut off all ties right there. Anyways, he was into being dominated in bed, having dozens of strange sexual request. And when I did not want to participate in them or do the things he liked, he would give me the silent treatment…or worse the “pitty play”. He loved things shoved up his rectum….random objects such as remote controls or shampoo bottles. He would get Violent and angry, calling me every name in the book if I wasn’t” into it”. Later I also found out he was into crossdressing and enjoyed the company of Prostitutes and Transgender woman behind my back and paying for their services with my money that he would steal from me. I have nothing against Trans people, some Transgender woman are very beautiful but if I knew he was into that. I personally don’t think I would’ve dated him…nonetheless shoving the television remote controls up his bum that I had to wear gloves just to change the channel. When entering the relationship he told me he was straight, clearly he wasn’t. I finally broke it off and ended things completely a year ago and am still in shock, pain and anger. And last but not least the other man (or boy should I say) was one that I dated in my teen years. And he had a Criminal background. Which I didn’t found out about until months into the relationship. He “Robbed 14 liquor stores”. and never got caught. The thing he got caught for was possession of Marijuana once and stabbing some neighborhood boy in the kidney over an argument. And also may I add his mother was also a Sociopath with a really bad Meth problem and would kick him out all the time. So not wanting my boyfriend to be homeless I took him in and my mother let him stay with us for almost 2 years and treated him like family. And he even began calling my Mother “mom” too. I remember how he would tell me these sad stories about how father abandoned him, and he had no male influence and never felt loved as a child. He said he was molested and raped as a child and what not. And to make a long story short one day my mother caught him red handed going through her purse. You see, the thing was that money had come missing before, as well as gameboys, cell phones credit cards. Over the years things would seem to vanish or be “missplaced”. Never to be seen again. One day my mother came home early from work to find him in her bedroom while I was taking a nap and he was going through her purse and smiling while he was writting down pin numbers and information on a piece of paper, (Identify Thief Uh Oh!). Well, to make a long story short she basically went hysterical on him and called the Police. And that was the end of him. I never saw him again but I know it was for the better, I did however bump into his older sister who lived with their dad and I asked about him, she rolled her eyes and said he was still the person. Hadn’t change a bit…and I also foumd out he was never molested or raped by as child like he had told me. Bottom line is: Sociopaths are flat out no good, rotten smelly, evil people. Who are just bad to the very core. I am glad I now now the majority of the warning signs and red flags to spot these monsters out and run for the hills before they try to “get me” caught up in their web of dishonesty and lies.
Thanks luxia. UR story helped me tonight. I found my P on gay and trans sites last year. He always blamed it on being drunk. But he chased after women too. He’s done so much I tend to forget the awful things he’s done bc I wanted to believe in him. I thought he had similar background and really just wanted one person to love him for once. I had no idea. I remember him telling me when we first got together that I had no idea what I was getting into. I’m hurting tonight bc of his silence. I feel like I never mattered to him. Which I know I didn’t but its so hard to comprehend. I try not to email him or see what he’s doing online but I’m not perfect. It kills me that he looks for my replacement so easily when I can barely breath from crying all the time. I pray a lot. And I’m trying to stay focused on God.
Yes. Some men who claim to be straight are surprisingly into Transwoman behind closed doors. And I admit, they are very fascinating. I am so sorry you have had this happen to you and that he wasn’t up front with you from the jump, but remember, IT DOES GET BETTER! Eventually. And I am glad to see my story, has helped someone. Xoxo 🙂
I have been on this site and just wish I had listened to my gut instincts when I first met this guy, but this ‘perfect guy’ always had a way to worm his way back into my life. I been hurt before raised 3 kids on my own self sufficient but I didn’t realise how much this guy had sucked me in. I did know about the other woman but he called them friends and always accused me of being too possessive. I finished with him lots of times he became homeless and sneaked into my outdoor shed without my knowledge and when I found out I still allowed him to stay in my life. I found him a flat furnished it fed him clothed him ,not willing but by his manipulating ways, always he had me feeling sorry for him. I knew he was using me he didn’t pay for anything always looking for a job but not staying employed once he found one . he didn’t like being told what to do. but I couldn’t get away or didn’t have the courage. he was ideal partner people used to say but he loves you give him a chance and I was the bad one. always this guy would come back to me even after I told him to stay away. he was so sweet full of promises but my gut didn’t believe him. so a vicious circle was always there arguments lies mind controlling. thinking I was the one who was mad. little by little he was getting his own flat and life in order by destroying mine I always paid always sorted out his mess as soon as he had he way he’d turn to other people tell me how great his new friends were and put me down only to pick me up when he had fallen foul of them. last straw is when he borrowed a lot of money and turned nasty when I needed it back. so I decided to cut my losses and leave him for good. he went round to my mums house cried for two hours telling her what a bad person I was to hum and that he loved me. came back to me but I was taking no more of his bull**** he may of convinced my mum he was REALLY A GOOD GUY but the lies he told about me and how much a good person he was to me proved all these 8 years with him had been a lie. same weekend after I told him it was over he had found a new young girl( he didn’t realise she had worked with my sister) and was telling her how he had come out of a bad relationship with a very bad woman, this news got back to me felt numb but relieved that he had found a new victim . two weeks later he calls me asking for some clothes he had left at my house. I told him I had return them to his flat and left them outside( reality I had to do something bad so not to have this person in my life again so I trashed them knew he be mad as his possessions were important more than mine ) he didn’t say anything about the money he owed me just ranted about his things. I told him not to contact me again what done is done. arrive home that evening he called police on me who then removed something he had given to my son as a gift as they took onhis side of the story of him being the victim of a bad breakup and such was his mental health very unstable in the eyes of the police , the best thing to do was to return the items to calm him down. HIM GETTING HIS OWN WAY I JUST WISH I HAD BEEN PRESENT WHEN THE POLICE HAD CALLED BUT MY YOUNG SON WAS HOME ALONE AND ONLY DID WHAT HE POLICE HAD ASKED OF HIM. felt pissed that he had fooled the police and made me out to be a bunny boiler. no contact with him for 3 weeks now texted him and told him I was now back with an ex who he hated and we are now blissfully happy SO STAY AWAY I.didn’t want any room for him to come back so that’s the best I could come up with. plus didn’t want him to think I was alone as he texted me and told me no one would want me . freedom and knowledge are the healing process. just getting my life back AND getting me back . material things he can have if that was his goal in this life but judgement day comes to us all
My story should be under the My Story your story etc…at the bottom of each page is older comments & you have to keep going & pulling up older comments until you see my sign Phoenix Rising on June 17th 2013
So many stories since then, really amazing & proof we are not alone 🙂
Oh I hear you!! 🙂
Low self esteem has always been my problem & I am forever being told by friends/family & even my Soc how damn great I am 🙂
Now I just have to really,really believe it as you do….lets face it, we are fantastic otherwise the Soc wouldn’t have bothered….they are attracted to beautiful possessions!
My Soc lived the best of everything & when I met the OW (yes I did) she said I was gorgeous & obviously the smart one who had been helping him!
The OW is a Dr of Sociology (yep studies humans) but, is now living with the IN-HUMAN…& knows he’s a Soc to boot….wonder how long it will take until she joins us here???
I’m in Melbourne Australia 🙂
With all the smart normals here you are never alone & we really need to stop thinking that this is a weakness in us.
The Soc wasn’t attracted to our weakness it was our strengths they wanted!
Time to take back your POWER, you are worthy & deserve better, believe in YOU!
Gee another similarity as mine showed me a lewd video on his phone of a transgender having sex & I told him I don’t like that sort of thing…he said he thought it was funny & that someone sent it to him??? He had done this before & was always wanting anal sex but, I don’t go for that (not a judgement just not me) anyway once he had some videos of just that & once again he said someone gave them to him & he thought we could watch them together? Once again I balked at that & he was forever trying to convince me I would enjoy it etc…but, I thankfully declined as it would have been his way of demeaning me even more than calling me a slut & a whore which I vigorously defended. he was always accusing me of cheating etc….oh boy what was I thinking!!!! he even bit me to leave his mark as they like to brand their conquest apparently!!! he enjoyed slapping me (not hard usually just sometimes & i slapped him back once & he was horrified 🙂 & I really let him have it 🙂 He told me it was just a game, boy oh boy was it ever!!!
I hated that side of him, I really did & I hated myself but, blocked it out. I let him demean me because I didn’t value you myself & he worked on me for years, slowly pushing the boundaries….I did have limits thankfully but, still went further than it should have 😦
He would go back to seducing when he went to far & turn the charm on full so once again I was blindsided….bizarre hypnosis or what?
And surprisingly I always thought Glinda was a bit of a Sociopath. She was sweet, beautiful and charming. Yet she knew the Ruby slippers would take Dorothy home and she said nothing about it. The Wizard of Oz makes a lot of sense when you look at Glinda as a mere power hungry Sociopath who used Dorothy to do her dirty work basically. Lol.
My P would tell me he would love to see me w another girl. And ask if I would do that for him. I said no an it would upset me really bad. But he had strange things too. He couldn’t stand hair. Like if I missed a spot on my leg he would freak out and call me unclean. He would shave pretty much everywhere on his body if u know what I mean. It would just really gross him out!! Any spec of dust in the house would drive him crazy. Had to fold his pants and underwear a specific way. He was retired military so I thought that was why. But he had to fold towels a certain way and socks etc. he uses bleach on EVERYTHING. Very odd bc he smoked!
My ex has OCD too. he would always have everything lined up in a row. I think OCD is a need for control. If they do not have that control they know that they will lose control of themselves absolutely….. so they retain control of everything around them.
Mine also was extremely OCD”! He was the neatest person….I also got called names when he got mad…..he told me I brought things inside him that had been buried. He got a little physical with me one night and pushed me then threw me on the bed…all because I told him that if he acted like this in his previous marriages he would end up alone! Well he held me down, & “don’t ever tell me I will be alone ever again” crazy i should have kicked his ass to the curb that night!!!
Wow!
You survived this so you should be so damn PROUD 🙂
I had two Soc’s one was the loon I write about here & the other a girlfriend whom I worked with…she only showed her true colors when I became a threat to her job so, she systematically started undermining me, lying etc…setting me up at work & even took credit for a training manual that I wrote etc…but the good things that came from that experience as awful as it was…I decided to start a family & my beautiful daughter gave my life a much greater perspective & brought wonderful friends into my life. I lost one a couple of days ago 😦 but, had it not been for the Soc I would probably never have me my angels 🙂
I pick really crappy men but, I have been blessed with the most amazing friends so, I think I’m pretty lucky 🙂
Shine On Luxia 🙂 with a heart, a brain & courage xoxo 😉
Mine displayed a bit of OCD b & showered all the time etc…like he couldn’t get clean?
Anyhow I think they need to stay organised with everything to maintain the whole game,right down to personal behavior…everything organised so they don’t slip up!
Weirdo’s really, we are better off without the craziness 🙂
You were too good & he couldn’t compete 🙂
Keep loving yourself…I do (in a sisterly way 🙂
& I don’t even know you….but, I do cause you are just like me 🙂
Proud to call you sister (we are in the hood remember), (not the gangsta type or anything creepy…the Sisterhood (lol).
Judging by some of the deviant stuff they are into, they will probably sleep with the husband first (lol) then have a jealous outburst, act wounded & go for a swim & get eaten by one of their own kind….Sharks…..(lol) wouldn’t that be nice 🙂
Still I wouldn’t wish food poisoning on a shark 😉
I wouldn’t wish a Soc on my worst enemy because, they are our worst enemy!
Mine told me to never say sorry, that it’s a sign of weakness. I told him, “I’m not being weak, I’m being polite. And, if a person actually does something wrong, saying sorry is a sign of authenticity of regret, not weakness.” He didn’t seem to agree. Shocker that he hasn’t apologized for leaving another’s pink frosted lipstick on my mouth when I last saw him. Could be a long wait for that apology, huh.
True Luxia. They never say sorry bc it’s never their fault. My mom and my ex are both like that. He says its my fault he left. My fault he cheated like there’s something about me that made him do it. He ignores me and hides like I never existed. I even saved his life. He had a heart attack last December but now says even that was my fault. I feel so alone. I don’t know how they do it. One minute we are their world and the next they don’t even remember us. I’ve been angry and sad. Then angry. Then sad. I wish I could not care like he is doing to me.
The never saying sorry. The hiding out. The ignoring us. I still can’t wrap my head around how they just flip the switch to off. Then have the nerve to be seeking that “last relationship”!
Well I don’t wanna say I’m sorry. I’ve said that for things I never even did! I dang sure didn’t do anything to him to make him choose this! I can’t help but hope he lives and dies a miserable lonely life. Maybe for that I should say I’m sorry. But I’m not gonna.
I think a lot of people say sorry & don’t mean it because it gets them off the hook!
Like ‘Sorry I don’t mean to hurt you but, it’s not you it’s me’…..you see the apology makes it easier for them. As we all know actions speak louder than words….& the Soc’s actions speak volumes!
Mine said he was Sorry & to blame & that I should not blame myself, that he was the one in the wrong???? Reverse psychology, probably learnt that from the Dr of Sociology he’s currently with?
P.S. You are right about Glinda the good witch 🙂 (lol)
When Glinda asks Dorothy “are you a good witch or a bad witch?”
& Dorothy replies ‘I’m not a witch, witches are old & ugly”
Something along those lines anyway…..& yes she did get Dorothy to do all the hard work ect…just like a Soc! As we now know they come in many guises & imagine if their real personalities showed on their faces, then the Soc’s wouldn’t stand a chance, like ugly witches!
I just broke it off with my sociopath boyfriend three days ago.
We had a long distance relationship for the last month and after being back on my own continent and in my own city with my friends and family and not living with him I realized I was meant for better things and broke it off on email and Skype.
He has completely flipped out and I have had to block his emails etc., he goes from telling me he will always love me, he would have married me and I broke his heart to what an easy cheap slut I am, and that I’m disgusting etc.
Telling me also that he slept with a friend of his a couple of times when we had been fighting and he thought this was fair because he had once read my facebook mails while I was in the shower – he must even have used google translate as the mails were in my native language, and learned something about my sexual history from when I was single. So the fact that I had a sexual past bothered him so much that he had to be unfaithful.
He was always paranoid about me cheating on him, even though I have never been unfaithful to a partner and in fact HE was the one cheating.
He was extremely jealous and controlling,and eventually you start to adapt to such a person’s crazy demands!
He now also tells me that he’s not really broke (because he thinks I broke up with him because I want a richer man, he was always obsessed with money) which I know is a blatant lie, so I’m not sure the cheating is true either, but he is clearly trying to break me down and get a reaction from me.
My greatest fear right now is that he’ll slander me on the internet, I made a little naughty video for him once and I dread seeing it on youtube or something like that.
I thought I was a good judge of character, but the fact is that this guy controlled, manipulated, lied, spied and even got a little physical a few times.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to ever get involved with anyone again, seeing as I clearly don’t recognize when someone is a cheater and a liar!
He owes me a lot of money from when we were working at the same place, but I honestly don’t even care, I feel like I used that money to buy my freedom.
I’m young, talented, funny and good-looking, but right now I don’t ever feel like dating again, how are you supposed to trust anyone when the person you loved turned out to be a maniac?
I’m nervous and scared, he is across the ocean and I still don’t feel safe.
Hi and welcome to the site 🙂 ah your story is so familiar I went through pretty much 100% of what you describe. It is normal to feel as you do. As he would have played with your senses. The only difference between your story and mine – as that I didn’t go across an ocean to escape. He would end up hammering at my door when I blocked his number and mail. Which was a nightmare and police had to be involved. Its nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing your story. As i read it – I thought wow…. it is identical pattern of behaviour – there will a lot that makes sense to you on this site. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor to talk things through too?
Thank you so much for replying, I’m lying in bed reading these stories and it’s just so incredibly scary to read these similar traits – they should teach us this stuff in high school so we know what to look out for!
I once wanted to call the cops on him when he was going crazy, but he restrained me, putting his hands on my throat in a drunken rage!
How could I possibly have stayed with him after that?? The next day he went out and bought me silver earrings and designer lingeri and made sure I trusted him again. I have been in relationships with non-SOCs but I never trusted any of them as much as this guy – who was the only one that did not deserve it!!!
How long ago since your relationship ended? Does he leave you alone now? Do you ever still worry?
You know, I actually think it would be a good idea to hit up my old psychologist, thank you for the advice- very nice to meet you also 🙂
just broke it off with my sociopath boyfriend three days ago.
We had a long distance relationship for the last month and after being back on my own continent and in my own city with my friends and family and not living with him I realized I was meant for better things and broke it off on email and Skype.
He has completely flipped out and I have had to block his emails etc., he goes from telling me he will always love me, he would have married me and I broke his heart to what an easy cheap slut I am, and that I’m disgusting etc.
Telling me also that he slept with a friend of his a couple of times when we had been fighting and he thought this was fair because he had once read my facebook mails while I was in the shower – he must even have used google translate as the mails were in my native language, and learned something about my sexual history from when I was single. So the fact that I had a sexual past bothered him so much that he had to be unfaithful.
He was always paranoid about me cheating on him, even though I have never been unfaithful to a partner and in fact HE was the one cheating.
He was extremely jealous and controlling,and eventually you start to adapt to such a person’s crazy demands!
He now also tells me that he’s not really broke (because he thinks I broke up with him because I want a richer man, he was always obsessed with money) which I know is a blatant lie, so I’m not sure the cheating is true either, but he is clearly trying to break me down and get a reaction from me.
My greatest fear right now is that he’ll slander me on the internet, I made a little naughty video for him once and I dread seeing it on youtube or something like that.
I thought I was a good judge of character, but the fact is that this guy controlled, manipulated, lied, spied and even got a little physical a few times.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to ever get involved with anyone again, seeing as I clearly don’t recognize when someone is a cheater and a liar!
He owes me a lot of money from when we were working at the same place, but I honestly don’t even care, I feel like I used that money to buy my freedom.
I’m young, talented, funny and good-looking, but right now I don’t ever feel like dating again, how are you supposed to trust anyone when the person you loved turned out to be a maniac?
I’m nervous and scared, he is across the ocean and I still don’t feel safe.
Learn & read as much as you can as Positiva has said 🙂 she knows exactly what she’s talking about & ahs helped me fast track my recovery.
Have a look at the articles on psychpathawareness.wordpress.com as these are very helpful also.
Get help from anywhere you can but, remember that unless the person has had experience with this type of person they, will do their best but, probably not really understand the depth of the experience.
They will however give you a neutral sounding board & shouldn’t judge you. Probably suggest healing strategies to you like mindfulness CBT etc…
We are all here for you & you are not alone 🙂
Don’t be scared as fear is part of the mind gaming that you have been party to 😦
Don’t worry about the video if he uses it as there are so many out there already no-one will care & just deny it’s you? Rise above it as we don’t judge you 🙂
My Soc used to call me a slut & a whore & bite & smack me & I allowed it….this is not me!!! but, I was brainwashed & thought it was just a game he liked to play…he really was a deviant & I am proud that I stood my ground on other weird requests.
I am older than you otherwise I might have made a video but, at my age it wouldn’t have been pretty, gravity & all…oh & I’m very clumsy so, poles are out (lol).
You are not alone, don’t let him hurt you anymore.
NO CONTACT is vital no matter how tempting….stay off facebook etc…do not share anything.
It will all pass…stay strong & be brave 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
I am so touched by the kind support, thank you so much!
I’m going to keep reading and learning, I dread ever falling into such a trap again!
And you are right, I will rise above it if that video ever surfaces, but next time I ever make something like that will have to be after at least 20 years of marriage 😀
He is a petty, desperate man who has lost everything, job, money, house and now girlfriend and I can only hope that I will recognize the danger if I’m ever pursued by a soc again.
I have deleted my facebook and changed the name in there, if only the email block works and he doesn’t take more steps to find ways to abusive me through there…
Every time he reaches out and I stand my ground, i.e. don’t give him the reaction he wants, he flips out and begins with the talk about how cheap, easy and disgusting I am, how he “can’t believe he ever had sex with me without a condom” and “EEEEEEEW”, although I have never has an STD or cheated on anyone…
It’s strange, because while I am liberated and have had fun in my single days, I never actually thought of myself as promiscuous or cheap, but apparantly those ideas were never far from his mind and he feels I should be grateful to him for looking past what a disgusting whore I am, that he will always love me in spite of that etc.
It’s very unpleasant knowing you exist in someone else’s mind in such a horrible, disgusting light and having to question yourself because of his accusations.
Awww don’t feel bad they all do it 😦 the demeaning is one of the traits they all follow.
As you learn more you will find the patterns are the same all over the world when it comes to the Soc’s.
You can create another email so, do that & he will eventually get the hint?
He wants to provoke a response from you so, he will try everything & soon will start with the apologies….more gaming & manipulating.
Read Torture by Triangulation, I posted it under the ‘My Story, Your Story’ section….
You are young & have had a very nasty personal experience. You have a broken heart so,
heal yourself.
He mirrored & observed you so that he would appear perfect but, it’s all illusion created for you to love him.
It’s hard to get passed the fact that you have been used & abused & betrayed by someone you trusted 😦
Remember they cannot help themselves as they feel nothing, they are parasites & he needed you to make him feel good about himself….why because, without such a wonderful person like you he is nothing!
You will get through this, we are here & you are going to win 🙂
Just believe in yourself, you are not what he says, it’s all in his dirty little mind!
Stay true to yourself, we don’t judge you…besides I was hardly a vestal virgin in my 20’s thank goodness 🙂 nor was I easy….I was normal, just like you 🙂
Be Strong….you deserve better & you will have better….don’t worry about other Soc’s just get free of this one first….time enough for a normal relationship 😉
Thank you so much, what an amazing and wonderful person you are!
A new email is probably a good idea, I really have a hard time comprehending how these people actually function, but I’ll keep reading, starting with Torture by Triangulation…
He says I’ve ruined him and he wants to kill himself etc. – but I don’t understand why he even reacts if he feels nothing!
I have never had a man be so obsessed with me, with possessing me, wanting absolute commitment from me, always fishing for promises of me coming back and us being together and having children etc.
I do believe that I was a trophy and represented a better life that he wanted for himself and it’s the loss of that which he is so angry about…
It will probably take some time before I stop obsessing over the mess that is his mind…
Thank you again, I feel so blessed to have come by this site.
Mine also said “he could only be himself with me”, “he’d never felt like this with anyone else”,
“I was his possession”, “if he ever caught me cheating he would kill me” blah blah….until I met the other woman who exposed him to me & he said the same things to her verbatim!!!
He also gave us the same presents, called us all darling oh & “No Divorce Ever”….funnily enough he has never divorced his wife of even though they separated 10 years ago???
My Story is under that section if you want to read it? You will have to scroll back through older comments as I posted it in June & so, many more have appeared since then!
I am much older & I thought wiser but, alas I got sucked in for 10 long years 😦
Still here I am still standing & moving through all the crap etc…& if I can do it you can also 🙂
Just read your story, wow…. Ten years. You must be an exceptionally strong person. I recognized so many traits from my soc. Incredible how we can be fooled into thinking these people are so unique, when in fact they are close to identical.
I think we are all strong & that’s what attracts the Soc in the first place.
They want our strengths in order for their survival & who better to learn from than very strong people 🙂
It is funny how they feel superior but, as you said they all act the same so, that’s not superior or unique.
They are emotional vampires with very basic life skills that they must cover-up
so, in order to blend in with us normals they glean all the great traits we have, that make them appear normal when in fact they are far from it!
They then take what they learn & use it on their next conquest & on & on they go. Predators that’s all, nothing but parasites really 😦
That’s why you will find them in high positions & politics, they learn how to play the game with no emotion & use others to get to the top. the Soc thinks this is clever but, I prefer to be genuine anyday 🙂
I get great satisfaction knowing that my successes are mine not someone elses that I used & abused!
Be strong little one your Peace is coming 🙂
Stay active, keep busy & go out & be happy 🙂
Love & Light,
PR xoxo
P.S. read fifty shades of sadism under psychopathawareness.wordpress.com it will help you understand 🙂
Welcome burnt. Everyone here shares a similar story. Been two weeks NC for me. A month since he disappeared. I was listening to this last night as I cried myself to sleep.
Burnt. Mine has been back n forth no less than 7 times. It was before finding this site and realizing how they operate. I didn’t even know I was addicted to him or that it was a game. I believed his apologies all those times. I thought he was only insecure. Maybe depressed or needed medicine. But I never dreamed he was anti social like this!!! I thought I meant something to him. He always said I was his forever and vice versa. Lies. Lies. Lies
PR. I confess I let u down last night. I broke down hard for two hours crying out to God over my pain from him and my daughter/family. I emailed him. I went a little crazy and afterwards realized I had sent 37 emails to him!! OMG. Am I going insane?? Of course he never answered. But he viewed me again. Guess he still owns me. So he thinks. Why O why do I want this guy who has done all these horrible things? I deserve better. He made me feel loved by someone for the first time ever in my life bc I never had that from my own parents. Anyway. I missed our chat last night. Stay kewl.
Oh my goodness…in a way I feel a little comfort when I read what others are going through and almost relieved that I’m not the only one who cries about how I feel or spazzes out and sends emails or texts hoping that something will make him come back….and it sucks because when he Comes back then what? It’s not like he treated me any better. It’s insane. I feel so alone but then again I felt alone before he started the silent treatment…ugh…I’m so sick of myself…I mean come on….I keep telling myself to WAKE UP!!!! All we can do is try. I started the no contact thing 2x TODAY…all I can do is try or stop the madness and JUST DO IT!! I’m hopeful that ill choose me the next time he sends a text. Stay strong. Keep busy. Tune your thoughts out, I know it’s easier said than done but its good to keep some of the time on you than on him…at least for me it’s good.gardening, organizing, rearranging furniture…savior a throughout my day.
You have not let me down, you have not let yourself down either 🙂
You are NORMAL & your reactions are NORMAL 🙂
Before coming to this site & reading the NO CONTACT I went on a texting rampage asking my SOC why etc…& requesting answers.
His reaction was to say he would tell me next week etc…& I requested a face to face & again more stalling & gaming 😦
I then went on the revenge trail & emailed his family, work colleagues etc…I was never rude just very controlled & told the truth. I backed up my claims with the OW emails that she & I exchanged about his behaviour.
My Soc is very high functioning & holds a high ranking in the Melbourne Metropolitan Fire Brigade here in Australia. He Is a Commander & he aslo is a Car Dealer on his days off. He meets a lot of his victims through his jobs.
He reported me to the Police for texting him & I called him a Sleazebag 🙂
That was the only time I was rude & he reported me! His best friend is a Police Officer & the call came from that station!
So you see Judahbug you are just doing what we all do & looking for some sense to all the ridiculous, nasty behaviour that someone you loved & trusted has inflicted on you 😦
It gets easier & you will slowly recover but, you have been badly treated & it doesn’t just go away when they do 😦
Please stay focused on your healing & looking after yourself.
Cry & rant & get it all out but, never doubt yourself.
You have done nothing wrong except care for someone who is incapable of caring for anyone EVER!
Love is a beautiful thing but, it does break your heart sometimes & this is one of them, like death & you are grieving the person you loved not the Soc but the illusion he created.
The Soc has shown his true colours & no one loves that!
You are a wonderful person, compassionate & brave 🙂
They call us all kinda of names Burnt. I’ve been called skank. Pig. Cow. The C word. Psycho. Bitch. Crazy. Nasty. He even told me to biy a gun and send him a video of me blowing my brains out. He thinks talk like that is funny and empowers him. All it does it show his true colors and how stupid he is.
You’re absolutely right, Judahbug! It’s incomprehensible as I’ve never been verbally abused and it’s definitely a form of violence that I will not tolerate again… I hope…
I’m really sorry you’re feeling so bad and ended up emailing him, but in a way I can relate; after I broke up with him I felt so good and free and light, but since he started abusing me with emails last night, I have felt a weird pull.
And maybe that’s exactly how they work, by feeding on that part of us that wants to be loved and to not be so despised by anyone, the part that wants the hateful words to be taken back and reality to be something less painful and frightening. I definitely feel like asking the person who inflicted the damage to also hand me the band aid.
But the part of me that knows he’s insane and toxic won’t let me. I hope you feel better today.
Burnt he reacts bc it’s a game to him and he thinks its funny. He also likes the drama and attention he gets while gettin to control u. It’s what keeps him alive and thriving. Pathetic little creatures that they are.
Yes Burnt I’ve read everything here more than once! They say out Soc create an addiction in us. Prob bc they mirror our deepest needs and wants.ine knew me better than I knew myself. I’m dealing w the silent treatment and abandonment. Read the article here on silent treatment. It’s so true!!
Ugh!!! Silent treatment is the worse… last year when the games began it triggered this crazy desperation inside me and off I go sending long long long texts..I swear I’m hating myself as I type out a message and I’m saying stop stop stop don’t send it stop…but this year I made an effort to stop that and not get sucked into it. The less I play along the better. I still participate but in a way I’m more aware of what the purpose is…if that makes sense.im rolling my eyes at myself as I type this I mean UGH!!! Who am I? Wtf happened…I can’t help but laugh when I m not crying about into situation. Sometimes its feels like im at war with myself during the silent treatmeant.i hate him I love him miss him I don’t miss him I need him no I don’t I can’t walk way he walked away…it’s like I need a shock collar so I can snap out of the crazy endless battles I have in my head
This morning he write to ask for his contact lenses solution (as you said they get their things one by one, everything to keep contact)…I just laughed when I read his message. At least I’m still able ro laugh 😎
Thanks absorp. Today I took jewelry and his wedding ring and a few other things and ties them to his car at his store. I sent him a final goodbye email. Not that he will feel anything but maybe he will read about who he is and realize he was not a good person. This was my goodbye to him: “I’m tired of your temper. I’m tired of your anger. I’m tired of your pot. I’m tired of your drinking. I’m tired of you smoking in my car. I’m tired of you being mean to the dog. Tired of you kicking Judah. I’m tired of you cheating. I’m tired of you lying. I’m tired of your online dating sites. I’m tired of you turning everyone against me. I’m tired of you disappearing every 3 to 4 months. I’m tired of your police threats. I’m tired of you being so selfish. I’m tired of your stupid brother. I’m tired of Dollar General soap opera drama. I’m tired of your jealousy. I’m tired of your controlling me. I’m tired of your insults and calling me names. I’m tired of you putting me down. I’m tired of your emotional and verbal abuse. You need help Darrell. I’m tired of your mind games. “
I don’t understand it seems as though there was a sudden breakout of sociopaths…I don’t know if that was your first goodbye, if it was I hope you stay strong so it’s the only goodbye you had to write…I’ve been saying good bye every week for over a 1 yr and 1/2. Each time I say it I believe I’m going to mean it. I’ve become so used to the game I’m getting better at typing a whole thing out and the saying fuck it and deleting it all, because I know he doesn’t care. His responses if I get one usually has nothing to do with what I wrote, (2nd most annoying trait he has, disregarding anything I say or write, like I never said it) (between me and you, I’ve turned that around on him a few times and played stupid,he didn’t appreciate it very much..too bad for him) stay strong. I know it feels like we are starting a diet, tomarrow ill start, tomarrow ill really do it and on and on.like a dieter I’m determined to lose those pesky 190lbs. (Him). Stay busy! And always come here for support its amazing the amount of support that everyone gives each other here. I don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t found this site…
Now you need to rest…..you need to take your time & heal…you are doing so well & I am proud of you 🙂
Next step is wellness YAY 🙂
It’s a hard road & only YOU can do it….we are here for you to cheer you on 🙂
Remember small steps, love yourself & Judah 🙂
Walk, exercise, relax, go out, meet friends, go to the movies….keep busy 🙂
I am 4 months down the track & it does get easier & easier….you miss the person you thought he was & reconciling him with the truth is extremely draining.
Let go of the illusion & read what you wrote….he’s hardly worth hanging onto if he was doing all you said 😦
You deserve to be treated better, he broke your heart but, you are broken but, still standing 🙂
Pick up, pack up, move through this & smile….YOU are a STAR 🙂
I know absorp! I think I’ve gone insane wondering what’s wrong w me that he doesn’t try to come back this time. He doesn’t have anyone right now bc Goodness knows I’ve freakin stalked him enough like a mad woman!! Can u believe we stoop to such degradation? Everyone says its a good thing that I don’t hear from him but all I do is cry about it.
OMG! I stood outside where he was staying watching for who knows what. He hadsnt responded to me and when he finally did he said his fone was left in his friends apt who had finally returned just then. He sent a text that he wAs standing out side a friends apt homeless again.he was being unusually nice.i asked of he was waiting for someone he said no i wish.im watching him the entire time.seconds later a friend picked him up and he left. I told him I was in the area and can pick him up to help. He aaid oh no my friend is giving me a ride (not the same person who i saw pull up to the bldg)He then went on to make up some crazy story about dropping off his stuff and then going to his brothers friends and possible asking to stay there but then he never called, then he is welding something it’s crazy. 24hours later he says he is at a warehouse with a opossum(not kidding) and he couldn’t respond because his fone had stopped working and since he has no Internet it was a miracle he was able to fix it…..
I’m not joking…this happened. Then he went on to say that instead of playing detective I should have helped him so he didn’t have to scramble to figure put what he was going to do.he said u just stood and watched me suffer. (His phone was locked in an apt, SO I point it out to him..he IGNORES me.7 TIMES I asked…it’s like I never even said it..and I cry over this man? And want him to back? Like seriously…it’s beyond brainwashing I mean. I’m smart enough to see how rediculous it all is yet I continue to drag myself through the dirt. I sat there with a baseball cap on like a detective, me! All day. If I hadn’t been there wasting my time I would’ve been home wasting it there too. But at least I saw it first hand how he lies to get me super stressed and believe it or not he will not admit to that. Or acknowledge it.
Grrrr! Stay strong. No contact started again two minutes ago.
He’s left several times in 3 years. I say bye am like u I end up begging him to come home. This time he’s really ignored me. But he screwed up majorly this time too. He’s been quiet n laying low for a month now. Part of me meant what I said in my final email. Part of me hopes he realizes I’ve had it and come crawling back. But them what? He will do it again in a few months and I’ll get hurt again over n over. It’s like being stuck between two rocks.
PR my P did the same things. I tried to get the truth out and he uses that as an excuse to ble me for everything now. He gave me back a box of my things tonight and that went ugly. But I found out where he moved and been hiding out so he’s angry about that now. He just acts like I mean nothing to him. Which I know I don’t. But l don’t deserve all his blame and he’s so upset and depressed bc his life is a mess right now. Well he CHOSE that! His crappy apartment and crappy town. I didn’t kick him out!
It’s just more of the blame, shame routine.
He acts like the victim because he is a victim of his own stupid behaviour & who better to take it out on than you!
They are like children & because you love him he thinks he can do & say whatever he likes….but, buddy no one deserves the Soc treatment.
Kick him to the curb, he’s pointless & has wasted enough of your time & energy.
You are so, so much better than him & he doesn’t like that either.
Mine moved 4 woks ago. Invited me over 1x then blew me off for almost 4 weeks. Invited me over just in time to stress about where he was moving too next, hear who he has been spending his time with and blaming me for the 4 weeks I didn’t see him…(he says he text me everyday so I’m lying when I say he blew me off…he sent a text message every 8-12 hours) now he is off to another place who knows where and I wish I didn’t care.
My sociopath sent me a text that he has been “politely begging me to go away” OUCH And HUH? 3 days earlier i was his only friend in the world and couldn’t imagine me not being in his life. In march he said I was a creepy stalker. I know ur comment was directed at someone else but it helps me to see that it can only get worse. I’ve invested two years (almost) too many. I know if I commit to taking my life back and cut him out of my life by ending the communication i will feel better a lot sooner. Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone as u can see, it’s been one of those days and I’ve been coming back to the site all day trying to stay strong and not let and sadness creep back. All I can do is say I’m going to be ok. And fake it if I have to.
My Story is under the MY STORY section but, a long ways back in older comments June 14th. So many more since then!
I wish I ahd found this blog before I had gone crazy 😦
I am pretty sound minded even when I feel tortured & like you I have learnt to fake what I really feel underneath….Smile 🙂
SMILE WRITTEN BY CHARLIE CHAPLIN: FOR YOU 🙂
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile 🙂
Keep going….be brave, you really are worth so much more than the Soc deserves 🙂
My Soc sent me a text to say I am not to blame & that I can & should move on (ouch)
This was after no explanation just because the OW had exposed him to me!
After 10 years that’s all I got 😦
Oh…he did say that everything I had done for him & him for me??? was genuine & appreciated???? Really what a massive lie, I don’t think cheating on me was genuine nor do I appreciate being made a complete fool of 😦
Still that was 4 months ago & thanks to this site & all the support, sharing & info I have come so, so, far….keep going….it’s bloody hard but, we are worth it 😉
Ah I have written about this a LOT how they THANK you for all the help you have given them…. bwahaha…… seriously for real. They THANK YOU….. like you are some servant for them….Jog on…. Jog on….
Awww Absorp….you will eventually….I tried 3 times after his gaming & he still managed to keep me around for 10 years!!!
Your not crazy, you love the guy but, he’s a Soc & crazy making is what they enjoy….Stop the crazy & try the Normal…its’ healthier & much, much better 🙂
PR and et all. I have officially for the last time gone NC with my P after church today. I am letting go. I will let him have his sad pathetic life. His miserable existence that I don’t want to be part of. He’s viewed me this morning even after last nights events but I’m not gonna play. It’s his loss bc I’m a good person.
And PR my daughter showed up at church today and totally avoided me. Hurt like hell and I broke down. My granddaughter saw me and recognized Gammy was crying so my son in law brought her to me. She’s so adorable at 3 yrs. but I just surrender myself bc I can’t fix my daughter anymore than I can fix my Ppath. I know I dont want to be miserable forever. I gotta change it.
Absorp it’s our two min warning! Mine gave me a box of things back tonight. Of course we fought bc he had a bad day at work and that’s my fault even tho I haven’t been around in a month. But I found where he moved to and he isn’t happy about that. It’s just crazy how low I have sunk to his behavior. Why do I want this man who calls me everything u can imagine? Who tells me to go away like I’m nothing?
For my soul friends here. I had a bad day dealing w my P when I got my stuff back from him. He blamed me and was so mean and evil. I was upset and took out following him whichever him angry so he turned into a police station to threaten me. I came home upset as usual. I say down and wrote out (yet again) a big long letter about all we’ve been thru etc. I went to leave it at his place since I found where he lives and he was out on a date which upset me further. I know him well enough. He’s so predictable That I found him having drinks w a very ugly larger woman at a local Applebee’s. I wrote another short note on a piece of paper and headed for his table in the bar. I slammed my note down in front of him and the look on his face when he saw me was priceless. I went and stood across the other side of the bar and watched him high tail it outta that restaurant as fast as he could! He was staring at the ground and drove off as fast as he could! I know I probably acted as crazy as him but I really didn’t care. I absolutely loved gaining some points back today. I’ve always been smarter than him and tonight he definitely got to remember that. My tears and heartache turned into victorious elated gloating! Now I will let HIM live in the same misery I’ve been in lately bc now he knows I can find him and he will be so fearful that I could show up at any time to ruin and expose him. Oddly after this small victory I feel much freer and after seeing what he went after to replace me with I know he’s extremely desperate to find someone and not be alone. I know I shouldn’t celebrate bug I can’t help it. I so loved barging on on his little date tonight. Poor critter didn’t “get any” either as he fled home alone! Yay me!!
Dating a Sociopath 
This is my short sweet story….new they guy for awhile, he was handsome, charming, very sexy…well I fell hook line and sinker!! I saw the red flags but I suppressed them thinking well he just has a different outlook on things…Hot and heavy love affair…then I noticed he no longer wanted me to have his passwords to his bank account….Had to go on an
“Busines Trip” right…he was becoming more distant..every time I approached him to be intimate, he got pissed off…saying, is that all you think about? So I should have known…well lets just say, I didn’t want to see those red flags and he certainly was good and making me think I was trying to find something…well joke is on me…he used me for a place to live, I served a brief purpose and I have sent him ugly text so it’s made me look like a psycho!! He has even got my family to believe that I’m an alcoholic, My family also thinks I’m just acting like I’m a jilted lover….well ya when I’ve figured out I had suckered…so my family got to see his true colors and have had to come to me and say, you were right! I just want to get over him!! Hind sight is 20/20 I should have listened to by intuition..But he was so handsome, I felt like I was the lucky one because he was sooo soo handsome,…and I have always had low self esteem…well I’m working on healing myself and it is a process. So well all have this commonality on this blog! It is helping me just hearing others stories, I don’t feel so alone in this!!
Thanks…Nessa
It seems we have similar stories…I left my husband of 17 years to be with him (predator)…so for 3 yrs I had this man in my life who used me. My colleagues finally told me that they always felt like he was creepy, but the funny thing is, they nicknamed him the “Underground Serial Killer” because there was something sinister about him…they were very right…there is an evilness and bothers me when I think of the icy stares he would give me…one day he will mess with the wrong husbands wife and get what he deserves.
Thank you for your awesome blog :D. U help me a lot. I almost made the worst decision in my life, almost got married to a soc. I’m sure it’s God’s help that I didn’t marry him yeay 0:). Problems with dresses and wedding reservation and all, keep me waiting long enough to find this blog 😀
Actually, I feel something weird about him… I used to yell at him “just be normal!” a thousand times. Triangulation and backstabbing, exactly as you described :(. It’s not normal, it is… I think, when you love someone, you should want to make him/her happy…and stop torturing him/her… That’s what I told him. To stop torturing me :(. When I read your blog, it’s clear to me that he’s really a soc.
Last time I saw him, I diagnosed him as a soc (I am a doctor and he’s one too) and he agreed with me. He said sorry, he tried his best, but he just can’t feel empathy…kinda sad. But if I come back to him just because he’s sorry, I’ll be crazy :p. I’ve been treated with antidepressant and sedative because of him. I just want to stop this abuse.
Now I have no contact with him, and for his belongings in my house, nahh he can say goodbye to all of them :D. If he doesn’t ask for his things, I don’t want to tell him to come and pick them up. He can always buy new T-shirts anyway :D. I’m just sick of having him around to tell me how ugly, bad, crazy, stupid, etc, I am.
I owe u a great thank you 😀
I printed your work (I hope you don’t mind) so my mom can read this, as my ex-stepfather is a soc, too :(. My mom is still confused and bewildered, and your work helps her to rediscover her old self 😀
Thank you thank you thank you 😀
Huggg 🙂
Hi free. Welcome to the site. You must be hurt so close to the wedding. At least you did find the information prior to marrying him and managed to challenge him about it. And that he admitted that he has no empathy. With regards to his belongings at your house. No doubt he is happy about this, as it gives him an opportunity to contact you to ask for them back (and they can be quite persistent). I know that my ex went on about a mouse for a computer (when he didn’t have a working computer) a t shirt that he never wore. I said that I would put them outside. He used this as a reason to make contact.
Yes Free I too feel God saved me from marrying my psyc. He kept saying this year. This year. I’m just so tired of missing him. It really is an addiction u know.
Of course I know how you feel… Even now I feel numb. I can feel my emotion, but it feels blunt. Try something you like or social work, JB… 😀 it helps in my case. I open my old childhood photos when I miss him, and tell myself that this little girl doesn’t deserve that kind of abuse… 🙂
Thank God, He saved us in His perfect timing :D. He loves you, and God’s love is enough for you (huggg). Someday that ‘missing’ will fade away, but if we stay with the socs…his abuse won’t fade away…that’s what I tell myself :). We deserve better.
Big huggg 😀
Judahbug – I feel for you, because at first I felt really confused and hurt, and I missed the person I THOUGHT he was (read: the person I wanted him to be). However, now when I think of how he insulted and betrayed me, I feel a surge of self-righteous indignation (dare I say “wrath”?) – it’s visceral, very real, and I know will keep me from ever acknowledging him if I see him in public. (ignoring an sp is the best way to take away his power)
You need to fill your time with ANYTHING other than thinking about him – STOP giving him your energy by pining for him. He probably drained you while he was with you – do yourself a favour and take back your power. Feel the rage – you have every right to. Then move on …
Fortunately, he completely forgot about his T-shirts (only 2 or 3 T-shirts), or I guess so :D. Should I tell him about his belongings? I’m afraid he’ll use this as an excuse to contact me if he knows :(. A mouse and a T-shirt he never wore….sounds bad :(. Did you really leave them outside? Wow. And he’s not angry/making any further lies about us if we really throw their things away?
Thanks for your support 🙂 big huggg… Yes, it shocked my family, what happened to that nice guy, he appears very normal, charming and kind… They used to think that I’m too sensitive, but at last they can see the truth. Once he got angry and his mask slipped, and everyone can see what I see :(.
It hurts…but at last, I don’t have to spend another time with his crazy making behavior, thanks to you XD
Well I am glad I’m not the only one, it actually helps a lot…best to you as you begin the healing process! ❤
It’s very interesting that mine also knew I was ripe for the pickin since I wasn’t happy in my marriage either. I’m sure I hurt my ex but had fallen out of love with him because of his lack of connectedness and unwillingness to meet me halfway on anything. Either way, it was never my intent and I have no ill feelings towards him. I should’ve been more selective when entering another involvement but have also learned a huge lesson!
My Sociopath story: I have met and crossed paths with at least 5 true Sociopaths in my life, but only 3 have I been actually victimized by. And what I find funny is that despite how different Sociopaths may all appear; their characteristics and traits are almost all the same. I have had a Sociopathic best friend since high school. He was intelligent, charming, handsome, dressed nice, popular, an honor roll student who was adored and praised by all the teachers. And was even Valedictorian at our graduation. But behind closed doors he was selfish, rude, narcissistic and conceited. He also lied all the time and slept with my enemies and people who knew I disliked behind my back, he thought it was funny to stir up drama and conflict as he sat back and got his jollies. We were friends of 5 years and even have matching tattoos. But I recently broke off all ties with him as I realized what he really was some time ago. I have now only come to fully accept it. I also have had two boyfriends who both were Sociopaths. Now one was a businesses man with 2 degrees and he was gorgeous, a real treat to look at. Italian and irish blood with black hair and green eyes…tall with sharp features and plump lips, could have easily been a model. Seemed to be the perfect guy…another master illusionist I fell for, but this time he was my boyfriend…unfortunately. And despite seeming to be the perfect guy on the outside, he had weird sexual fetishes and liked to crack jokes about Pedophilia. His favorite was “How do you make a little girl cry twice? Wipe your bloody penis on her teddy bear!” Sick! I know. I should’ve cut off all ties right there. Anyways, he was into being dominated in bed, having dozens of strange sexual request. And when I did not want to participate in them or do the things he liked, he would give me the silent treatment…or worse the “pitty play”. He loved things shoved up his rectum….random objects such as remote controls or shampoo bottles. He would get Violent and angry, calling me every name in the book if I wasn’t” into it”. Later I also found out he was into crossdressing and enjoyed the company of Prostitutes and Transgender woman behind my back and paying for their services with my money that he would steal from me. I have nothing against Trans people, some Transgender woman are very beautiful but if I knew he was into that. I personally don’t think I would’ve dated him…nonetheless shoving the television remote controls up his bum that I had to wear gloves just to change the channel. When entering the relationship he told me he was straight, clearly he wasn’t. I finally broke it off and ended things completely a year ago and am still in shock, pain and anger. And last but not least the other man (or boy should I say) was one that I dated in my teen years. And he had a Criminal background. Which I didn’t found out about until months into the relationship. He “Robbed 14 liquor stores”. and never got caught. The thing he got caught for was possession of Marijuana once and stabbing some neighborhood boy in the kidney over an argument. And also may I add his mother was also a Sociopath with a really bad Meth problem and would kick him out all the time. So not wanting my boyfriend to be homeless I took him in and my mother let him stay with us for almost 2 years and treated him like family. And he even began calling my Mother “mom” too. I remember how he would tell me these sad stories about how father abandoned him, and he had no male influence and never felt loved as a child. He said he was molested and raped as a child and what not. And to make a long story short one day my mother caught him red handed going through her purse. You see, the thing was that money had come missing before, as well as gameboys, cell phones credit cards. Over the years things would seem to vanish or be “missplaced”. Never to be seen again. One day my mother came home early from work to find him in her bedroom while I was taking a nap and he was going through her purse and smiling while he was writting down pin numbers and information on a piece of paper, (Identify Thief Uh Oh!). Well, to make a long story short she basically went hysterical on him and called the Police. And that was the end of him. I never saw him again but I know it was for the better, I did however bump into his older sister who lived with their dad and I asked about him, she rolled her eyes and said he was still the person. Hadn’t change a bit…and I also foumd out he was never molested or raped by as child like he had told me. Bottom line is: Sociopaths are flat out no good, rotten smelly, evil people. Who are just bad to the very core. I am glad I now now the majority of the warning signs and red flags to spot these monsters out and run for the hills before they try to “get me” caught up in their web of dishonesty and lies.
Thanks luxia. UR story helped me tonight. I found my P on gay and trans sites last year. He always blamed it on being drunk. But he chased after women too. He’s done so much I tend to forget the awful things he’s done bc I wanted to believe in him. I thought he had similar background and really just wanted one person to love him for once. I had no idea. I remember him telling me when we first got together that I had no idea what I was getting into. I’m hurting tonight bc of his silence. I feel like I never mattered to him. Which I know I didn’t but its so hard to comprehend. I try not to email him or see what he’s doing online but I’m not perfect. It kills me that he looks for my replacement so easily when I can barely breath from crying all the time. I pray a lot. And I’m trying to stay focused on God.
Yes. Some men who claim to be straight are surprisingly into Transwoman behind closed doors. And I admit, they are very fascinating. I am so sorry you have had this happen to you and that he wasn’t up front with you from the jump, but remember, IT DOES GET BETTER! Eventually. And I am glad to see my story, has helped someone. Xoxo 🙂
I have been on this site and just wish I had listened to my gut instincts when I first met this guy, but this ‘perfect guy’ always had a way to worm his way back into my life. I been hurt before raised 3 kids on my own self sufficient but I didn’t realise how much this guy had sucked me in. I did know about the other woman but he called them friends and always accused me of being too possessive. I finished with him lots of times he became homeless and sneaked into my outdoor shed without my knowledge and when I found out I still allowed him to stay in my life. I found him a flat furnished it fed him clothed him ,not willing but by his manipulating ways, always he had me feeling sorry for him. I knew he was using me he didn’t pay for anything always looking for a job but not staying employed once he found one . he didn’t like being told what to do. but I couldn’t get away or didn’t have the courage. he was ideal partner people used to say but he loves you give him a chance and I was the bad one. always this guy would come back to me even after I told him to stay away. he was so sweet full of promises but my gut didn’t believe him. so a vicious circle was always there arguments lies mind controlling. thinking I was the one who was mad. little by little he was getting his own flat and life in order by destroying mine I always paid always sorted out his mess as soon as he had he way he’d turn to other people tell me how great his new friends were and put me down only to pick me up when he had fallen foul of them. last straw is when he borrowed a lot of money and turned nasty when I needed it back. so I decided to cut my losses and leave him for good. he went round to my mums house cried for two hours telling her what a bad person I was to hum and that he loved me. came back to me but I was taking no more of his bull**** he may of convinced my mum he was REALLY A GOOD GUY but the lies he told about me and how much a good person he was to me proved all these 8 years with him had been a lie. same weekend after I told him it was over he had found a new young girl( he didn’t realise she had worked with my sister) and was telling her how he had come out of a bad relationship with a very bad woman, this news got back to me felt numb but relieved that he had found a new victim . two weeks later he calls me asking for some clothes he had left at my house. I told him I had return them to his flat and left them outside( reality I had to do something bad so not to have this person in my life again so I trashed them knew he be mad as his possessions were important more than mine ) he didn’t say anything about the money he owed me just ranted about his things. I told him not to contact me again what done is done. arrive home that evening he called police on me who then removed something he had given to my son as a gift as they took onhis side of the story of him being the victim of a bad breakup and such was his mental health very unstable in the eyes of the police , the best thing to do was to return the items to calm him down. HIM GETTING HIS OWN WAY I JUST WISH I HAD BEEN PRESENT WHEN THE POLICE HAD CALLED BUT MY YOUNG SON WAS HOME ALONE AND ONLY DID WHAT HE POLICE HAD ASKED OF HIM. felt pissed that he had fooled the police and made me out to be a bunny boiler. no contact with him for 3 weeks now texted him and told him I was now back with an ex who he hated and we are now blissfully happy SO STAY AWAY I.didn’t want any room for him to come back so that’s the best I could come up with. plus didn’t want him to think I was alone as he texted me and told me no one would want me . freedom and knowledge are the healing process. just getting my life back AND getting me back . material things he can have if that was his goal in this life but judgement day comes to us all
Hi C 🙂
My story should be under the My Story your story etc…at the bottom of each page is older comments & you have to keep going & pulling up older comments until you see my sign Phoenix Rising on June 17th 2013
So many stories since then, really amazing & proof we are not alone 🙂
Love & light,
PR xoxo
Lol, I read all of your post nice since we both love the wizard of oz…..
So true Nessa, mine is a Fireman & he has Policeman as friends & boy are they a force to be reckoned with!
Scary but, true!
Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely!
Love & Light,
PR xoxo
Hi Nessa,
Oh I hear you!! 🙂
Low self esteem has always been my problem & I am forever being told by friends/family & even my Soc how damn great I am 🙂
Now I just have to really,really believe it as you do….lets face it, we are fantastic otherwise the Soc wouldn’t have bothered….they are attracted to beautiful possessions!
My Soc lived the best of everything & when I met the OW (yes I did) she said I was gorgeous & obviously the smart one who had been helping him!
The OW is a Dr of Sociology (yep studies humans) but, is now living with the IN-HUMAN…& knows he’s a Soc to boot….wonder how long it will take until she joins us here???
I’m in Melbourne Australia 🙂
With all the smart normals here you are never alone & we really need to stop thinking that this is a weakness in us.
The Soc wasn’t attracted to our weakness it was our strengths they wanted!
Time to take back your POWER, you are worthy & deserve better, believe in YOU!
love & light
PR xoxo
Gee another similarity as mine showed me a lewd video on his phone of a transgender having sex & I told him I don’t like that sort of thing…he said he thought it was funny & that someone sent it to him??? He had done this before & was always wanting anal sex but, I don’t go for that (not a judgement just not me) anyway once he had some videos of just that & once again he said someone gave them to him & he thought we could watch them together? Once again I balked at that & he was forever trying to convince me I would enjoy it etc…but, I thankfully declined as it would have been his way of demeaning me even more than calling me a slut & a whore which I vigorously defended. he was always accusing me of cheating etc….oh boy what was I thinking!!!! he even bit me to leave his mark as they like to brand their conquest apparently!!! he enjoyed slapping me (not hard usually just sometimes & i slapped him back once & he was horrified 🙂 & I really let him have it 🙂 He told me it was just a game, boy oh boy was it ever!!!
I hated that side of him, I really did & I hated myself but, blocked it out. I let him demean me because I didn’t value you myself & he worked on me for years, slowly pushing the boundaries….I did have limits thankfully but, still went further than it should have 😦
He would go back to seducing when he went to far & turn the charm on full so once again I was blindsided….bizarre hypnosis or what?
Backatcha Luxia 🙂
I played Glinda in the school play 🙂
That movie has a lot of far deeper meanings doesn’t it…keep your feet firmly in your ruby slippers bella 🙂
PR xoxo
And surprisingly I always thought Glinda was a bit of a Sociopath. She was sweet, beautiful and charming. Yet she knew the Ruby slippers would take Dorothy home and she said nothing about it. The Wizard of Oz makes a lot of sense when you look at Glinda as a mere power hungry Sociopath who used Dorothy to do her dirty work basically. Lol.
My P would tell me he would love to see me w another girl. And ask if I would do that for him. I said no an it would upset me really bad. But he had strange things too. He couldn’t stand hair. Like if I missed a spot on my leg he would freak out and call me unclean. He would shave pretty much everywhere on his body if u know what I mean. It would just really gross him out!! Any spec of dust in the house would drive him crazy. Had to fold his pants and underwear a specific way. He was retired military so I thought that was why. But he had to fold towels a certain way and socks etc. he uses bleach on EVERYTHING. Very odd bc he smoked!
Seems like your Sociopath might have had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder aka “OCD” disorder. The whole “everything has to be a certain way” type thing.
My ex has OCD too. he would always have everything lined up in a row. I think OCD is a need for control. If they do not have that control they know that they will lose control of themselves absolutely….. so they retain control of everything around them.
Mine also was extremely OCD”! He was the neatest person….I also got called names when he got mad…..he told me I brought things inside him that had been buried. He got a little physical with me one night and pushed me then threw me on the bed…all because I told him that if he acted like this in his previous marriages he would end up alone! Well he held me down, & “don’t ever tell me I will be alone ever again” crazy i should have kicked his ass to the curb that night!!!
Wow!
You survived this so you should be so damn PROUD 🙂
I had two Soc’s one was the loon I write about here & the other a girlfriend whom I worked with…she only showed her true colors when I became a threat to her job so, she systematically started undermining me, lying etc…setting me up at work & even took credit for a training manual that I wrote etc…but the good things that came from that experience as awful as it was…I decided to start a family & my beautiful daughter gave my life a much greater perspective & brought wonderful friends into my life. I lost one a couple of days ago 😦 but, had it not been for the Soc I would probably never have me my angels 🙂
I pick really crappy men but, I have been blessed with the most amazing friends so, I think I’m pretty lucky 🙂
Shine On Luxia 🙂 with a heart, a brain & courage xoxo 😉
PR
Try this link PR.
Mine displayed a bit of OCD b & showered all the time etc…like he couldn’t get clean?
Anyhow I think they need to stay organised with everything to maintain the whole game,right down to personal behavior…everything organised so they don’t slip up!
Weirdo’s really, we are better off without the craziness 🙂
BEAUTIFUL j’BUG 🙂
THANK YOU & I SHALL LIGHT A CANDLE FOR US ALL HERE TONIGHT.
SENDING LOVE & LIGHT TO YOU 😉
IT’S NEVER FOR NOTHING EVEN IF IT’S THE HARD LESSON BUT, WE ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE…WE HAVE EACH OTHER 🙂
LOVE
PR XOXO
Kimmi,
You were too good & he couldn’t compete 🙂
Keep loving yourself…I do (in a sisterly way 🙂
& I don’t even know you….but, I do cause you are just like me 🙂
Proud to call you sister (we are in the hood remember), (not the gangsta type or anything creepy…the Sisterhood (lol).
PR x
Nessa,
Judging by some of the deviant stuff they are into, they will probably sleep with the husband first (lol) then have a jealous outburst, act wounded & go for a swim & get eaten by one of their own kind….Sharks…..(lol) wouldn’t that be nice 🙂
Still I wouldn’t wish food poisoning on a shark 😉
I wouldn’t wish a Soc on my worst enemy because, they are our worst enemy!
Love PR x
Lol! Yes very true!
Jaws. Crunch. Crunch.
Hiccup!!
Pepto Bismol
That’s it chew it & spit it out….or flush if your prefer….time wasters like most waste just press flush!
Another funny thing I noticed about Sociopaths is that they never ever say sorry. And if they do it’s never sincere.
Mine told me to never say sorry, that it’s a sign of weakness. I told him, “I’m not being weak, I’m being polite. And, if a person actually does something wrong, saying sorry is a sign of authenticity of regret, not weakness.” He didn’t seem to agree. Shocker that he hasn’t apologized for leaving another’s pink frosted lipstick on my mouth when I last saw him. Could be a long wait for that apology, huh.
True Luxia. They never say sorry bc it’s never their fault. My mom and my ex are both like that. He says its my fault he left. My fault he cheated like there’s something about me that made him do it. He ignores me and hides like I never existed. I even saved his life. He had a heart attack last December but now says even that was my fault. I feel so alone. I don’t know how they do it. One minute we are their world and the next they don’t even remember us. I’ve been angry and sad. Then angry. Then sad. I wish I could not care like he is doing to me.
The never saying sorry. The hiding out. The ignoring us. I still can’t wrap my head around how they just flip the switch to off. Then have the nerve to be seeking that “last relationship”!
Well I don’t wanna say I’m sorry. I’ve said that for things I never even did! I dang sure didn’t do anything to him to make him choose this! I can’t help but hope he lives and dies a miserable lonely life. Maybe for that I should say I’m sorry. But I’m not gonna.
Hi Luxia,
I think a lot of people say sorry & don’t mean it because it gets them off the hook!
Like ‘Sorry I don’t mean to hurt you but, it’s not you it’s me’…..you see the apology makes it easier for them. As we all know actions speak louder than words….& the Soc’s actions speak volumes!
Mine said he was Sorry & to blame & that I should not blame myself, that he was the one in the wrong???? Reverse psychology, probably learnt that from the Dr of Sociology he’s currently with?
P.S. You are right about Glinda the good witch 🙂 (lol)
When Glinda asks Dorothy “are you a good witch or a bad witch?”
& Dorothy replies ‘I’m not a witch, witches are old & ugly”
Something along those lines anyway…..& yes she did get Dorothy to do all the hard work ect…just like a Soc! As we now know they come in many guises & imagine if their real personalities showed on their faces, then the Soc’s wouldn’t stand a chance, like ugly witches!
Love & Light 🙂
PR 😉
J’bug,
You have nothing to be sorry for so, never apologise to anyone for breaking you heart 😦
Sending you loads of hugs & strength….be happy 🙂
PR xoxo
I just broke it off with my sociopath boyfriend three days ago.
We had a long distance relationship for the last month and after being back on my own continent and in my own city with my friends and family and not living with him I realized I was meant for better things and broke it off on email and Skype.
He has completely flipped out and I have had to block his emails etc., he goes from telling me he will always love me, he would have married me and I broke his heart to what an easy cheap slut I am, and that I’m disgusting etc.
Telling me also that he slept with a friend of his a couple of times when we had been fighting and he thought this was fair because he had once read my facebook mails while I was in the shower – he must even have used google translate as the mails were in my native language, and learned something about my sexual history from when I was single. So the fact that I had a sexual past bothered him so much that he had to be unfaithful.
He was always paranoid about me cheating on him, even though I have never been unfaithful to a partner and in fact HE was the one cheating.
He was extremely jealous and controlling,and eventually you start to adapt to such a person’s crazy demands!
He now also tells me that he’s not really broke (because he thinks I broke up with him because I want a richer man, he was always obsessed with money) which I know is a blatant lie, so I’m not sure the cheating is true either, but he is clearly trying to break me down and get a reaction from me.
My greatest fear right now is that he’ll slander me on the internet, I made a little naughty video for him once and I dread seeing it on youtube or something like that.
I thought I was a good judge of character, but the fact is that this guy controlled, manipulated, lied, spied and even got a little physical a few times.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to ever get involved with anyone again, seeing as I clearly don’t recognize when someone is a cheater and a liar!
He owes me a lot of money from when we were working at the same place, but I honestly don’t even care, I feel like I used that money to buy my freedom.
I’m young, talented, funny and good-looking, but right now I don’t ever feel like dating again, how are you supposed to trust anyone when the person you loved turned out to be a maniac?
I’m nervous and scared, he is across the ocean and I still don’t feel safe.
Hi and welcome to the site 🙂 ah your story is so familiar I went through pretty much 100% of what you describe. It is normal to feel as you do. As he would have played with your senses. The only difference between your story and mine – as that I didn’t go across an ocean to escape. He would end up hammering at my door when I blocked his number and mail. Which was a nightmare and police had to be involved. Its nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing your story. As i read it – I thought wow…. it is identical pattern of behaviour – there will a lot that makes sense to you on this site. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor to talk things through too?
Thank you so much for replying, I’m lying in bed reading these stories and it’s just so incredibly scary to read these similar traits – they should teach us this stuff in high school so we know what to look out for!
I once wanted to call the cops on him when he was going crazy, but he restrained me, putting his hands on my throat in a drunken rage!
How could I possibly have stayed with him after that?? The next day he went out and bought me silver earrings and designer lingeri and made sure I trusted him again. I have been in relationships with non-SOCs but I never trusted any of them as much as this guy – who was the only one that did not deserve it!!!
How long ago since your relationship ended? Does he leave you alone now? Do you ever still worry?
You know, I actually think it would be a good idea to hit up my old psychologist, thank you for the advice- very nice to meet you also 🙂
just broke it off with my sociopath boyfriend three days ago.
We had a long distance relationship for the last month and after being back on my own continent and in my own city with my friends and family and not living with him I realized I was meant for better things and broke it off on email and Skype.
He has completely flipped out and I have had to block his emails etc., he goes from telling me he will always love me, he would have married me and I broke his heart to what an easy cheap slut I am, and that I’m disgusting etc.
Telling me also that he slept with a friend of his a couple of times when we had been fighting and he thought this was fair because he had once read my facebook mails while I was in the shower – he must even have used google translate as the mails were in my native language, and learned something about my sexual history from when I was single. So the fact that I had a sexual past bothered him so much that he had to be unfaithful.
He was always paranoid about me cheating on him, even though I have never been unfaithful to a partner and in fact HE was the one cheating.
He was extremely jealous and controlling,and eventually you start to adapt to such a person’s crazy demands!
He now also tells me that he’s not really broke (because he thinks I broke up with him because I want a richer man, he was always obsessed with money) which I know is a blatant lie, so I’m not sure the cheating is true either, but he is clearly trying to break me down and get a reaction from me.
My greatest fear right now is that he’ll slander me on the internet, I made a little naughty video for him once and I dread seeing it on youtube or something like that.
I thought I was a good judge of character, but the fact is that this guy controlled, manipulated, lied, spied and even got a little physical a few times.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to ever get involved with anyone again, seeing as I clearly don’t recognize when someone is a cheater and a liar!
He owes me a lot of money from when we were working at the same place, but I honestly don’t even care, I feel like I used that money to buy my freedom.
I’m young, talented, funny and good-looking, but right now I don’t ever feel like dating again, how are you supposed to trust anyone when the person you loved turned out to be a maniac?
I’m nervous and scared, he is across the ocean and I still don’t feel safe.
Hi The Burnt,
Learn & read as much as you can as Positiva has said 🙂 she knows exactly what she’s talking about & ahs helped me fast track my recovery.
Have a look at the articles on psychpathawareness.wordpress.com as these are very helpful also.
Get help from anywhere you can but, remember that unless the person has had experience with this type of person they, will do their best but, probably not really understand the depth of the experience.
They will however give you a neutral sounding board & shouldn’t judge you. Probably suggest healing strategies to you like mindfulness CBT etc…
We are all here for you & you are not alone 🙂
Don’t be scared as fear is part of the mind gaming that you have been party to 😦
Don’t worry about the video if he uses it as there are so many out there already no-one will care & just deny it’s you? Rise above it as we don’t judge you 🙂
My Soc used to call me a slut & a whore & bite & smack me & I allowed it….this is not me!!! but, I was brainwashed & thought it was just a game he liked to play…he really was a deviant & I am proud that I stood my ground on other weird requests.
I am older than you otherwise I might have made a video but, at my age it wouldn’t have been pretty, gravity & all…oh & I’m very clumsy so, poles are out (lol).
You are not alone, don’t let him hurt you anymore.
NO CONTACT is vital no matter how tempting….stay off facebook etc…do not share anything.
It will all pass…stay strong & be brave 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
I am so touched by the kind support, thank you so much!
I’m going to keep reading and learning, I dread ever falling into such a trap again!
And you are right, I will rise above it if that video ever surfaces, but next time I ever make something like that will have to be after at least 20 years of marriage 😀
He is a petty, desperate man who has lost everything, job, money, house and now girlfriend and I can only hope that I will recognize the danger if I’m ever pursued by a soc again.
I have deleted my facebook and changed the name in there, if only the email block works and he doesn’t take more steps to find ways to abusive me through there…
Every time he reaches out and I stand my ground, i.e. don’t give him the reaction he wants, he flips out and begins with the talk about how cheap, easy and disgusting I am, how he “can’t believe he ever had sex with me without a condom” and “EEEEEEEW”, although I have never has an STD or cheated on anyone…
It’s strange, because while I am liberated and have had fun in my single days, I never actually thought of myself as promiscuous or cheap, but apparantly those ideas were never far from his mind and he feels I should be grateful to him for looking past what a disgusting whore I am, that he will always love me in spite of that etc.
It’s very unpleasant knowing you exist in someone else’s mind in such a horrible, disgusting light and having to question yourself because of his accusations.
Awww don’t feel bad they all do it 😦 the demeaning is one of the traits they all follow.
As you learn more you will find the patterns are the same all over the world when it comes to the Soc’s.
You can create another email so, do that & he will eventually get the hint?
He wants to provoke a response from you so, he will try everything & soon will start with the apologies….more gaming & manipulating.
Read Torture by Triangulation, I posted it under the ‘My Story, Your Story’ section….
You are young & have had a very nasty personal experience. You have a broken heart so,
heal yourself.
He mirrored & observed you so that he would appear perfect but, it’s all illusion created for you to love him.
It’s hard to get passed the fact that you have been used & abused & betrayed by someone you trusted 😦
Remember they cannot help themselves as they feel nothing, they are parasites & he needed you to make him feel good about himself….why because, without such a wonderful person like you he is nothing!
You will get through this, we are here & you are going to win 🙂
Just believe in yourself, you are not what he says, it’s all in his dirty little mind!
Stay true to yourself, we don’t judge you…besides I was hardly a vestal virgin in my 20’s thank goodness 🙂 nor was I easy….I was normal, just like you 🙂
Be Strong….you deserve better & you will have better….don’t worry about other Soc’s just get free of this one first….time enough for a normal relationship 😉
PR xoxo
Thank you so much, what an amazing and wonderful person you are!
A new email is probably a good idea, I really have a hard time comprehending how these people actually function, but I’ll keep reading, starting with Torture by Triangulation…
He says I’ve ruined him and he wants to kill himself etc. – but I don’t understand why he even reacts if he feels nothing!
I have never had a man be so obsessed with me, with possessing me, wanting absolute commitment from me, always fishing for promises of me coming back and us being together and having children etc.
I do believe that I was a trophy and represented a better life that he wanted for himself and it’s the loss of that which he is so angry about…
It will probably take some time before I stop obsessing over the mess that is his mind…
Thank you again, I feel so blessed to have come by this site.
Your welcome Bella 🙂
Mine also said “he could only be himself with me”, “he’d never felt like this with anyone else”,
“I was his possession”, “if he ever caught me cheating he would kill me” blah blah….until I met the other woman who exposed him to me & he said the same things to her verbatim!!!
He also gave us the same presents, called us all darling oh & “No Divorce Ever”….funnily enough he has never divorced his wife of even though they separated 10 years ago???
My Story is under that section if you want to read it? You will have to scroll back through older comments as I posted it in June & so, many more have appeared since then!
I am much older & I thought wiser but, alas I got sucked in for 10 long years 😦
Still here I am still standing & moving through all the crap etc…& if I can do it you can also 🙂
Be happy….it really is the best & only revenge 🙂
Love
PR xoxo
Just read your story, wow…. Ten years. You must be an exceptionally strong person. I recognized so many traits from my soc. Incredible how we can be fooled into thinking these people are so unique, when in fact they are close to identical.
Hi Burnt 🙂
I think we are all strong & that’s what attracts the Soc in the first place.
They want our strengths in order for their survival & who better to learn from than very strong people 🙂
It is funny how they feel superior but, as you said they all act the same so, that’s not superior or unique.
They are emotional vampires with very basic life skills that they must cover-up
so, in order to blend in with us normals they glean all the great traits we have, that make them appear normal when in fact they are far from it!
They then take what they learn & use it on their next conquest & on & on they go. Predators that’s all, nothing but parasites really 😦
That’s why you will find them in high positions & politics, they learn how to play the game with no emotion & use others to get to the top. the Soc thinks this is clever but, I prefer to be genuine anyday 🙂
I get great satisfaction knowing that my successes are mine not someone elses that I used & abused!
Be strong little one your Peace is coming 🙂
Stay active, keep busy & go out & be happy 🙂
Love & Light,
PR xoxo
P.S. read fifty shades of sadism under psychopathawareness.wordpress.com it will help you understand 🙂
Welcome burnt. Everyone here shares a similar story. Been two weeks NC for me. A month since he disappeared. I was listening to this last night as I cried myself to sleep.
Burnt. Mine has been back n forth no less than 7 times. It was before finding this site and realizing how they operate. I didn’t even know I was addicted to him or that it was a game. I believed his apologies all those times. I thought he was only insecure. Maybe depressed or needed medicine. But I never dreamed he was anti social like this!!! I thought I meant something to him. He always said I was his forever and vice versa. Lies. Lies. Lies
PR. I confess I let u down last night. I broke down hard for two hours crying out to God over my pain from him and my daughter/family. I emailed him. I went a little crazy and afterwards realized I had sent 37 emails to him!! OMG. Am I going insane?? Of course he never answered. But he viewed me again. Guess he still owns me. So he thinks. Why O why do I want this guy who has done all these horrible things? I deserve better. He made me feel loved by someone for the first time ever in my life bc I never had that from my own parents. Anyway. I missed our chat last night. Stay kewl.
Oh my goodness…in a way I feel a little comfort when I read what others are going through and almost relieved that I’m not the only one who cries about how I feel or spazzes out and sends emails or texts hoping that something will make him come back….and it sucks because when he Comes back then what? It’s not like he treated me any better. It’s insane. I feel so alone but then again I felt alone before he started the silent treatment…ugh…I’m so sick of myself…I mean come on….I keep telling myself to WAKE UP!!!! All we can do is try. I started the no contact thing 2x TODAY…all I can do is try or stop the madness and JUST DO IT!! I’m hopeful that ill choose me the next time he sends a text. Stay strong. Keep busy. Tune your thoughts out, I know it’s easier said than done but its good to keep some of the time on you than on him…at least for me it’s good.gardening, organizing, rearranging furniture…savior a throughout my day.
Hi J’bug 🙂
You have not let me down, you have not let yourself down either 🙂
You are NORMAL & your reactions are NORMAL 🙂
Before coming to this site & reading the NO CONTACT I went on a texting rampage asking my SOC why etc…& requesting answers.
His reaction was to say he would tell me next week etc…& I requested a face to face & again more stalling & gaming 😦
I then went on the revenge trail & emailed his family, work colleagues etc…I was never rude just very controlled & told the truth. I backed up my claims with the OW emails that she & I exchanged about his behaviour.
My Soc is very high functioning & holds a high ranking in the Melbourne Metropolitan Fire Brigade here in Australia. He Is a Commander & he aslo is a Car Dealer on his days off. He meets a lot of his victims through his jobs.
He reported me to the Police for texting him & I called him a Sleazebag 🙂
That was the only time I was rude & he reported me! His best friend is a Police Officer & the call came from that station!
So you see Judahbug you are just doing what we all do & looking for some sense to all the ridiculous, nasty behaviour that someone you loved & trusted has inflicted on you 😦
It gets easier & you will slowly recover but, you have been badly treated & it doesn’t just go away when they do 😦
Please stay focused on your healing & looking after yourself.
Cry & rant & get it all out but, never doubt yourself.
You have done nothing wrong except care for someone who is incapable of caring for anyone EVER!
Love is a beautiful thing but, it does break your heart sometimes & this is one of them, like death & you are grieving the person you loved not the Soc but the illusion he created.
The Soc has shown his true colours & no one loves that!
You are a wonderful person, compassionate & brave 🙂
Love & Light,
PR xoxo
They call us all kinda of names Burnt. I’ve been called skank. Pig. Cow. The C word. Psycho. Bitch. Crazy. Nasty. He even told me to biy a gun and send him a video of me blowing my brains out. He thinks talk like that is funny and empowers him. All it does it show his true colors and how stupid he is.
You’re absolutely right, Judahbug! It’s incomprehensible as I’ve never been verbally abused and it’s definitely a form of violence that I will not tolerate again… I hope…
I’m really sorry you’re feeling so bad and ended up emailing him, but in a way I can relate; after I broke up with him I felt so good and free and light, but since he started abusing me with emails last night, I have felt a weird pull.
And maybe that’s exactly how they work, by feeding on that part of us that wants to be loved and to not be so despised by anyone, the part that wants the hateful words to be taken back and reality to be something less painful and frightening. I definitely feel like asking the person who inflicted the damage to also hand me the band aid.
But the part of me that knows he’s insane and toxic won’t let me. I hope you feel better today.
love
Burnt he reacts bc it’s a game to him and he thinks its funny. He also likes the drama and attention he gets while gettin to control u. It’s what keeps him alive and thriving. Pathetic little creatures that they are.
Yes Burnt I’ve read everything here more than once! They say out Soc create an addiction in us. Prob bc they mirror our deepest needs and wants.ine knew me better than I knew myself. I’m dealing w the silent treatment and abandonment. Read the article here on silent treatment. It’s so true!!
I feel sick to my stomach after reading the Sociopath Seduction article…
I don’t know how I’ll ever feel safe again
Ugh!!! Silent treatment is the worse… last year when the games began it triggered this crazy desperation inside me and off I go sending long long long texts..I swear I’m hating myself as I type out a message and I’m saying stop stop stop don’t send it stop…but this year I made an effort to stop that and not get sucked into it. The less I play along the better. I still participate but in a way I’m more aware of what the purpose is…if that makes sense.im rolling my eyes at myself as I type this I mean UGH!!! Who am I? Wtf happened…I can’t help but laugh when I m not crying about into situation. Sometimes its feels like im at war with myself during the silent treatmeant.i hate him I love him miss him I don’t miss him I need him no I don’t I can’t walk way he walked away…it’s like I need a shock collar so I can snap out of the crazy endless battles I have in my head
This morning he write to ask for his contact lenses solution (as you said they get their things one by one, everything to keep contact)…I just laughed when I read his message. At least I’m still able ro laugh 😎
Hey NMI 🙂
CONTACT SOLUTION well that’s appropriate isn’t it???
Remember NO CONTACT is the only SOLUTION 🙂
Stay strong he really is a dick! (LOL)
PR xoxo
8-))
Thanks absorp. Today I took jewelry and his wedding ring and a few other things and ties them to his car at his store. I sent him a final goodbye email. Not that he will feel anything but maybe he will read about who he is and realize he was not a good person. This was my goodbye to him: “I’m tired of your temper. I’m tired of your anger. I’m tired of your pot. I’m tired of your drinking. I’m tired of you smoking in my car. I’m tired of you being mean to the dog. Tired of you kicking Judah. I’m tired of you cheating. I’m tired of you lying. I’m tired of your online dating sites. I’m tired of you turning everyone against me. I’m tired of you disappearing every 3 to 4 months. I’m tired of your police threats. I’m tired of you being so selfish. I’m tired of your stupid brother. I’m tired of Dollar General soap opera drama. I’m tired of your jealousy. I’m tired of your controlling me. I’m tired of your insults and calling me names. I’m tired of you putting me down. I’m tired of your emotional and verbal abuse. You need help Darrell. I’m tired of your mind games. “
I don’t understand it seems as though there was a sudden breakout of sociopaths…I don’t know if that was your first goodbye, if it was I hope you stay strong so it’s the only goodbye you had to write…I’ve been saying good bye every week for over a 1 yr and 1/2. Each time I say it I believe I’m going to mean it. I’ve become so used to the game I’m getting better at typing a whole thing out and the saying fuck it and deleting it all, because I know he doesn’t care. His responses if I get one usually has nothing to do with what I wrote, (2nd most annoying trait he has, disregarding anything I say or write, like I never said it) (between me and you, I’ve turned that around on him a few times and played stupid,he didn’t appreciate it very much..too bad for him) stay strong. I know it feels like we are starting a diet, tomarrow ill start, tomarrow ill really do it and on and on.like a dieter I’m determined to lose those pesky 190lbs. (Him). Stay busy! And always come here for support its amazing the amount of support that everyone gives each other here. I don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t found this site…
Good Girl J’bug,
Now you need to rest…..you need to take your time & heal…you are doing so well & I am proud of you 🙂
Next step is wellness YAY 🙂
It’s a hard road & only YOU can do it….we are here for you to cheer you on 🙂
Remember small steps, love yourself & Judah 🙂
Walk, exercise, relax, go out, meet friends, go to the movies….keep busy 🙂
I am 4 months down the track & it does get easier & easier….you miss the person you thought he was & reconciling him with the truth is extremely draining.
Let go of the illusion & read what you wrote….he’s hardly worth hanging onto if he was doing all you said 😦
You deserve to be treated better, he broke your heart but, you are broken but, still standing 🙂
Pick up, pack up, move through this & smile….YOU are a STAR 🙂
Love
PR xoxox
Hugs for JUDAH 🙂 woof, woof….
I know absorp! I think I’ve gone insane wondering what’s wrong w me that he doesn’t try to come back this time. He doesn’t have anyone right now bc Goodness knows I’ve freakin stalked him enough like a mad woman!! Can u believe we stoop to such degradation? Everyone says its a good thing that I don’t hear from him but all I do is cry about it.
OMG! I stood outside where he was staying watching for who knows what. He hadsnt responded to me and when he finally did he said his fone was left in his friends apt who had finally returned just then. He sent a text that he wAs standing out side a friends apt homeless again.he was being unusually nice.i asked of he was waiting for someone he said no i wish.im watching him the entire time.seconds later a friend picked him up and he left. I told him I was in the area and can pick him up to help. He aaid oh no my friend is giving me a ride (not the same person who i saw pull up to the bldg)He then went on to make up some crazy story about dropping off his stuff and then going to his brothers friends and possible asking to stay there but then he never called, then he is welding something it’s crazy. 24hours later he says he is at a warehouse with a opossum(not kidding) and he couldn’t respond because his fone had stopped working and since he has no Internet it was a miracle he was able to fix it…..
I’m not joking…this happened. Then he went on to say that instead of playing detective I should have helped him so he didn’t have to scramble to figure put what he was going to do.he said u just stood and watched me suffer. (His phone was locked in an apt, SO I point it out to him..he IGNORES me.7 TIMES I asked…it’s like I never even said it..and I cry over this man? And want him to back? Like seriously…it’s beyond brainwashing I mean. I’m smart enough to see how rediculous it all is yet I continue to drag myself through the dirt. I sat there with a baseball cap on like a detective, me! All day. If I hadn’t been there wasting my time I would’ve been home wasting it there too. But at least I saw it first hand how he lies to get me super stressed and believe it or not he will not admit to that. Or acknowledge it.
Grrrr! Stay strong. No contact started again two minutes ago.
He’s left several times in 3 years. I say bye am like u I end up begging him to come home. This time he’s really ignored me. But he screwed up majorly this time too. He’s been quiet n laying low for a month now. Part of me meant what I said in my final email. Part of me hopes he realizes I’ve had it and come crawling back. But them what? He will do it again in a few months and I’ll get hurt again over n over. It’s like being stuck between two rocks.
PR my P did the same things. I tried to get the truth out and he uses that as an excuse to ble me for everything now. He gave me back a box of my things tonight and that went ugly. But I found out where he moved and been hiding out so he’s angry about that now. He just acts like I mean nothing to him. Which I know I don’t. But l don’t deserve all his blame and he’s so upset and depressed bc his life is a mess right now. Well he CHOSE that! His crappy apartment and crappy town. I didn’t kick him out!
Hey J’bug,
It’s just more of the blame, shame routine.
He acts like the victim because he is a victim of his own stupid behaviour & who better to take it out on than you!
They are like children & because you love him he thinks he can do & say whatever he likes….but, buddy no one deserves the Soc treatment.
Kick him to the curb, he’s pointless & has wasted enough of your time & energy.
You are so, so much better than him & he doesn’t like that either.
Be Brave…love…PR xoxox
Mine moved 4 woks ago. Invited me over 1x then blew me off for almost 4 weeks. Invited me over just in time to stress about where he was moving too next, hear who he has been spending his time with and blaming me for the 4 weeks I didn’t see him…(he says he text me everyday so I’m lying when I say he blew me off…he sent a text message every 8-12 hours) now he is off to another place who knows where and I wish I didn’t care.
PR
My sociopath sent me a text that he has been “politely begging me to go away” OUCH And HUH? 3 days earlier i was his only friend in the world and couldn’t imagine me not being in his life. In march he said I was a creepy stalker. I know ur comment was directed at someone else but it helps me to see that it can only get worse. I’ve invested two years (almost) too many. I know if I commit to taking my life back and cut him out of my life by ending the communication i will feel better a lot sooner. Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone as u can see, it’s been one of those days and I’ve been coming back to the site all day trying to stay strong and not let and sadness creep back. All I can do is say I’m going to be ok. And fake it if I have to.
Awww thank you Absorption 🙂
My Story is under the MY STORY section but, a long ways back in older comments June 14th. So many more since then!
I wish I ahd found this blog before I had gone crazy 😦
I am pretty sound minded even when I feel tortured & like you I have learnt to fake what I really feel underneath….Smile 🙂
SMILE WRITTEN BY CHARLIE CHAPLIN: FOR YOU 🙂
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile 🙂
Keep going….be brave, you really are worth so much more than the Soc deserves 🙂
Love
PR xoxo
P.S. Absorp
My Soc sent me a text to say I am not to blame & that I can & should move on (ouch)
This was after no explanation just because the OW had exposed him to me!
After 10 years that’s all I got 😦
Oh…he did say that everything I had done for him & him for me??? was genuine & appreciated???? Really what a massive lie, I don’t think cheating on me was genuine nor do I appreciate being made a complete fool of 😦
Still that was 4 months ago & thanks to this site & all the support, sharing & info I have come so, so, far….keep going….it’s bloody hard but, we are worth it 😉
Love
PR xoxo
Aw..thank you. I feel like a child being told over and over move on move on. Thank you for being so patient and supportive. I need to snap out of it.
Ah I have written about this a LOT how they THANK you for all the help you have given them…. bwahaha…… seriously for real. They THANK YOU….. like you are some servant for them….Jog on…. Jog on….
Awww Absorp….you will eventually….I tried 3 times after his gaming & he still managed to keep me around for 10 years!!!
Your not crazy, you love the guy but, he’s a Soc & crazy making is what they enjoy….Stop the crazy & try the Normal…its’ healthier & much, much better 🙂
Be Strong….thinking of you….PR x
PR and et all. I have officially for the last time gone NC with my P after church today. I am letting go. I will let him have his sad pathetic life. His miserable existence that I don’t want to be part of. He’s viewed me this morning even after last nights events but I’m not gonna play. It’s his loss bc I’m a good person.
And PR my daughter showed up at church today and totally avoided me. Hurt like hell and I broke down. My granddaughter saw me and recognized Gammy was crying so my son in law brought her to me. She’s so adorable at 3 yrs. but I just surrender myself bc I can’t fix my daughter anymore than I can fix my Ppath. I know I dont want to be miserable forever. I gotta change it.
Absorp it’s our two min warning! Mine gave me a box of things back tonight. Of course we fought bc he had a bad day at work and that’s my fault even tho I haven’t been around in a month. But I found where he moved to and he isn’t happy about that. It’s just crazy how low I have sunk to his behavior. Why do I want this man who calls me everything u can imagine? Who tells me to go away like I’m nothing?
For my soul friends here. I had a bad day dealing w my P when I got my stuff back from him. He blamed me and was so mean and evil. I was upset and took out following him whichever him angry so he turned into a police station to threaten me. I came home upset as usual. I say down and wrote out (yet again) a big long letter about all we’ve been thru etc. I went to leave it at his place since I found where he lives and he was out on a date which upset me further. I know him well enough. He’s so predictable That I found him having drinks w a very ugly larger woman at a local Applebee’s. I wrote another short note on a piece of paper and headed for his table in the bar. I slammed my note down in front of him and the look on his face when he saw me was priceless. I went and stood across the other side of the bar and watched him high tail it outta that restaurant as fast as he could! He was staring at the ground and drove off as fast as he could! I know I probably acted as crazy as him but I really didn’t care. I absolutely loved gaining some points back today. I’ve always been smarter than him and tonight he definitely got to remember that. My tears and heartache turned into victorious elated gloating! Now I will let HIM live in the same misery I’ve been in lately bc now he knows I can find him and he will be so fearful that I could show up at any time to ruin and expose him. Oddly after this small victory I feel much freer and after seeing what he went after to replace me with I know he’s extremely desperate to find someone and not be alone. I know I shouldn’t celebrate bug I can’t help it. I so loved barging on on his little date tonight. Poor critter didn’t “get any” either as he fled home alone! Yay me!!