My heart goes out to you. It’s 1am and I’m going through text msg hell with my sociopath right now. Like you, I’m texting how terrible he makes me feel. Do you ever wonder how many times you have to say it before we get that he doesn’t care? I know a part of me hopes something I say or write will bring him back, but why do I want him back. He is not good for me and has caused so much grief and crazy behavior it’s embarrassing and I have no control when I find myself in that moment.
Be strong. I’m in Los Angeles and I try to be strong too. We had lives before they came into our lives, we don’t need to waste so much energy on them. I want to feel alive again. It’s not easy, but it will get easier.
I am glad you are feeling empowered by your actions.
Try & focus back on yourself as the revenge will make you feel better but, you still have your own health & well being to take care of & this would have caused you stress 😦
Time for you now 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xxx
P.S. You probably saved the other lady from a lot of pain hopefully 🙂
PR u know what’s funny. My P won’t lash back very often. He lets others do it while he tucks his tail. He says he doesn’t like drama so he Barks loud just rarely bites. But isn’t that funny a P who hides from drama? I mean he creates drama w every breath he takes! and yes I’m done saving the world from him. And he saw enough to be scared for a long time so now I can go into MY silent treatment and let HIM wonder what’s up that he doesn’t hear from me after finding his apt and all this. Maybe even start to live again as I’m going to go back to the church he isolated me from even tho I been there since 1989. I will live again! I’m determined (tonight for sure)
Absorp I ask myself those same questions. I mean if he comes back again for the 8th time now he’ll just do it again in a few more months. I don’t wanna live like this forever so why don’t I just let him go? It’s that whole dependency/addiction thing. He made me feel like I can’t be wo him. His whole hypnosis thing I guess worked like one of Nikki’s articles on here says. I know one thing tho. I’m so glad I interrupted his date tonight bc I feel like I got some of my power back. It maybe a short lived feeling but its lasted 4 hours and that’s the longest round of jubilee I’ve felt in a long time. I’m in Texas btw. Dallas area.
Aww J’bug so sorry about your daughter, 😦 give it time & focus on rebuilding you as that’s important. Keep showing up at church & hopefully life will improve.
Your daughter is hurt, like you & your focus has probably been on the Soc so, give it time.
Your granddaughter does not judge so, reach out to her & show her the love you have for her. If your daughter won’t allow contact then just make sure you send gifts at birthdays/Xmas etc…never forget the innocent ones.
Hopefully she will get the gifts & time will heal the rift?
I am proud of you because you have come so far & YAY 🙂 get rid of the SOC & his toxins & I am sure life will improve….slowly but, surely.
Mine has just believe & don’t look back as the past is behind you for a reason!
One whole day without hearing from my soc, I think the email blocking works and I can only hope that he’s too stupid to think of opening another email account to abuse me with.
I’m so happy I’m so far away, I know if I was still stuck with him in the States, he would have managed to scare or charm me into staying as he has before.
I’m sorry to say that before I read the revenge article here, i did take a few steps towards maybe brining some sort of justice… His sister is on my side, because she has seen how he treated me (and her and everyone) and maybe the friends that he’s staying with now will take it as a warning and not an embittered attempt at slander.
After reading the many posts, I realized to my horror that he is not my first soc, I also dated one two years ago, but managed to dump him also because I did realize something was off. He has now, two years later, tried to establish contact again, so everything the blog says is true…
I hope my SOC detector is well tuned now and I’m a little proud that I have managed to dump two SOCs, but their behavior has still made a mark and it’s impossible not to be hurt, scared and confused after such an ordeal.
I feel confident, that if I ever meet a SOC again, I will realize and get the f*** away!
Judahbug, mine would also smoke pot (and grow it), drink way too much, smoke in the car and be mean to the dog. Sometimes when reading these I start wondering if this is actually the same person, which just goes to show how pathetically unoriginal these people are.
The Burnt, I can’t see Judahbug’s post that you’re replying to but my ex soc also smoked pot and grows it in his house and is also mean to his dog. I used to tell him all the time he shouldn’t have a dog if he wasn’t going to treat it well. His dog would barely whine because he wanted attention and my ex would yell at him to shut up and make him lay down on his bed and ignore him. His dog was always sooo happy to see me and I gave him tons of love, talked to him, petted him etc. I think it might’ve been the best treatment he ever got, poor thing! When my last dog had to be put down because of a cancerous tumor, aside from the fact that it was accidently discovered and a complete shock as he wasn’t quite 7, I had a pic of the tumor sent to my phone from my vet because it was soooo big and forwarded it to my ex, he responded “I’m sure you two will be fine, please do not send me any more pics”, who the fuck does that??? No “Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear that, are you ok, what can I do?” like a normal person!!! Everyone who knows me knows with utter certainty what a huge dog lover I am and how devastating my dog’s loss was to me yet he never brought him up again, never asked how I was doing…nothing, as though it never happened! But his dog had to have major, very expensive surgery and he actually expected me to help him pay for it. I offered some money but told him he’d have to pay me back and he miraculously found another way to pay for it himself…..another woman, sold some more pot, who knows? He acted as though he was in such a suffering state because his dog required months of recuperation and blamed me once for getting him riled up, causing a minor setback in his healing process. Man oh man, what they come up with simply amazes me. I just think it has to be mentally taxing to have to come up with crazy accusations, stupid behavior, ridiculous, projected blaming etc. on a regular basis. The thoughts that run through their heads would make a normal person pretty exhausted and I am beyond estatic he is no longer in my life, it’s the biggest relief I’ve ever experienced!
I am proud of you for taking a stand & going back to your church will be good & more empowering for you.
You enter the church for the right reason whereas the Soc’s amongst us just fake it so that they appear good but, now we know the truth.
They are cowards as mine had others call me even when he was exposed etc…he had his policeman friend call me to tell me my Soc wasn’t a Sociopath!
I had sent an email to my Soc telling him I realised that he was in fact a Sociopath & they hate being found out 🙂
These Soc’s are the lowest of the low & you are now coming to terms with the inevitable fact.
He is wasting your valuable time & energy, nothing but a time wasting heart breaking jerk!
Stay Strong, you deserve to be happy & believe me you will be 🙂
Take Care & don’t pray for him he’s a lost cause, pray for yourself to find peace & guidance to finally be free of his evil ass 🙂
I am writing because it is day 1 of my ending with a clear narcissistic sociopath. God I loved him. For three years we did this up and down dance. He moved out (he had a gf) he moved back in then we fought he dated a much younger woman. He moved back in after her. I couldn’t forget him and contacted him again. We got close (I did) over two years. He moved out we spent lots of time together he moved back in. We saw each other still then he got a little distant a few months ago out of the blue. I knew there was someone else. I asked him nicely so much..please let me go if there is. Please let me walk away with my head up. He said all the right things. ..never promising anything but enough. Three days ago he sat here and swore he wasn’t with anyone. Yesterday he was set to show up at a party I was at and found out I was there. He was going to bring her. We have mutual friends. I am sure he knew I would find out but he simply didnt care and thought he could get all he could out of me until that happened. He just simply did not care…he would at that time just write me off. Anyway…I was drunk when I found out that he lied to me all summer.. so I texted his gf he is going through the separation with and told her he was shacked up with a 25 yr old. Well that put him over the edge. He hates losing control. I also told his friends at the party what he has been up to. Everyone thinks he is the most charming nicest guy in the world. He makes me out to be crazy. I doubt if anyone actually believes me. I just want this ache in my chest to go away. It is strange I am not sadder… I don’t have that familiar ache of wanting him to finally commit and I don’t want to be near him personally…but I feel grief. I am grieving something…my fantasy future I guess. Its an odd feeling. I felt bad for a minute that he liked her better than me..but then I remembered she is not a new love she is a new victim. I want him to suffer…but I don’t think he ever will. I have no idea what if any actual human feelings he has. I want to stop thinking about him and move on. How long will this horrid grief process take ???
Aw you are on day 1. It is a journey and a process. Realistically it took you three years of your life…. to go through the relationship and decide to let go. So it wont take 1 day to let go (after all you didn’t fall in love in one day). Take it one day at a time. If you focus on hatred it will take longer. if you focus on the sociopath and not you it will take longer…. how long will it take? it is really up to you. As long as you want? …. as long a time as you want to give to it!! 🙂 the choice is yours!! Welcome to the site.
I feel like I have thought of nothing bit him every minute of everyday for three years. I was/am obsessed. I was addicted for sure. I have never in my life had a mean boyfriend and I’m almost forty. This is rough..!! All my execs are great men who really loves me. I have broken up with good men! What is wrong with me??? Am I a sociopath????? Did I deserve this?? I need to know what ‘real’ love is supposed to feel like. Because this felt so good (in some ways) to be utterly dead gone on someone. I’ve heard the new girl is dead gone too… poor her. He left her easily enough three years ago. He cheated on her all summer (a brand new relationship!!) And he likely will cheat on her and everyone forever. I need to know what normal love feels like. So I can do it right. What is wrong with me ???
Hi Feelingstupid 🙂
Great name cause that’s how we all felt/feel at first 😦
Read & learn & gain support here & from your friends & family 🙂
Stay busy as you will be grieving & nursing a broken heart & yes it is a physical pain as well as mental 😦
I am 4 months down the track & My story is on this section but, back in older comments June 14th….if your interested?
You will be okay but, it is hard as others won’t get it 😦
We do however so, we will help you & Positiva is fantastic & has helped fast track my healing because, I have a voice among others who understand & truly get it 🙂
You will gain power in your knowledge & power in the fact you are not alone 🙂
It’s a shame we are here but, needless to say we had a lesson to learn & learn it we do!
I hate how he convinces his friends I am the crazy one. He tries to tell me that… he called me a bitch told me I looked like an idiot… and if he never sees me or hears from me again it will be too soon. The immediate switch off. I have no doubt he will call again. None. That always comes back thing is why I thought he loves me. Now I know its something different.
Hi FS,
Yes I know exactly how you feel & you are asking, searching, grieving & trying to rationalise your feelings while your head & heart try to reconcile this soul level of hurt 😦
Have a read of the articles on psychopathawareness.wordpress.com & read everything you can. Also Paua’s Pontifications is great also 🙂
Mine did the old leave & then draw me back in 3 times over 10 years & a lot of other games as well. My Soc is high functioning & is now ensconced with the OW as far as I know? He had moved in with her 12 months ago whilst still with me & they have been together 3 1/2 during our 10 years!
You will have an insatiable need for information, revenge etc…this is all part of the withdrawal from the Soc. You will rant/rave etc…but keep no contact if you ever hope to heal 🙂
Most of us here are cycling through the different stages of hell that the relationship with a Soc leaves us with 😦
It does get easier with time but, depending on you & your time etc…it’s not something you get over in a hurry if ever at all 😦
I was made to look crazy & my end came abruptly with the expose from the OW, I then went into overdrive trying to expose him & I thought the OW was in it with me. She backtracked & decided that even though he had cheated on her the entire time during her relationship & that he had proposed etc…she was staying on with him. Doubly betrayed I was shattered especially as I had had to prove myself to her re my relationship with him.
Read torture by triangulation as this was my inevitable fate 😦
it’s here under MY Story section.
I want you to know that you will be okay, you are not alone & we will all support you. Have time out from here some days as it can be overwhelming.
Keep busy, exercise,see friends etc….do the healings when you are ready.
Sleep & go to professionals for help if you are struggling. I got a settler to help me sleep which proved invaluable to quieting that endless chattering mind etc…
BE STRONG, BE BRAVE….You are not alone…Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi FS. My story is here too and I still feel stupid. All that begging and crying makes one think am I really a dumba**? Do I really have an MBA? I have to start over daily but I feel today I really let go after my little revenge run last night!
Hey…sorry you’re having to deal with this as well. I’ve been telling him to let me go since last may. I realize its me that’s has to let him go and ill start to heal when I decide to get my life back and stop all communication. He is a terrible person and I turned into this text messaging detective maniac. He was making me crazy. Ugh I’ve posted some of what I’ve been through on here so I won’t repeat myself. But I feel just like you. I don’t understand how I could miss someone who was so mean. I realize there is no point in trying to get answers, closure or a goodbye talk. It’s just done. I hate how I feel and kinda sad but happy with my 17hours (a record for me) of no contact with him. I had to start over about 4x yesterday.
Stay strong. Stay busy. And come to the site when you need support. I come on here many times a day sometimes just to vent and read everything again. Good luck!
It’s not you. I’m going to be 37 in December. They make you crazy act crazy, they’re calculated. Say things to confuse you, test you, groom you. Crete complete chaos in your head then turn around and say your crazy go away, you need help etc etc.
sociopath called me a creepy stalker two days later said I was his only real friend and couldn’t imagine his life with out me. Confusing right.
Read everything on here and everyone’s comments. It will help you to understand what’s happening to you and help you to not blame yourself. Good luck and stay strong.
Absorp I’m on here constantly! I did my last final goodbye letter after church today. So I’ve had my NC be about 7 hours now?? I think I can make it a whole day as I will be going to bed later. He will definitely notice the change. I haven’t sent any emails. And he wants them or he would block me am he hasn’t. He knows I know where he lives now so he’ll expect I will show up like last night. But I won’t. I’m done. He will know its for real this time. I just dunno what that will do to his crazy mind.
Stay strong girl. They always come back. He will probably send a text message “by mistake ” just to get you to respond especially if it makes no sense to you, just to get you to respond and then ask how you are and POOF! You’re sucked in again. And a few days into it you will be going nuts and saying good bye again. I feel like I’m preparing for battle almost. I know what his strategies are already so I hope that ill be able to ignore it. Sometimes I thought I could play his game and turn it around on him but I realiZed that ill never win bvuz he doesn’t care and I do so ill always lose. So I decided that i will not play the game and stay busy instead. im trying not to sit and stare at my phone anymore and thats helped…(a little) Stay strong.
Absorp everyone says they come back and I know he has in the past but it was sooooooo bad this time I just can’t believe he will change his mind again. But then I’m not crazy like him so who knows what to expect.
Judahbug they don’t all come back….mine hasn’t because he knows I’ll tell the OW & he can’t afford to lose her…money,position,networks etc…too much to lose & he will probably marry this one?
I also went really hard on the revenge so, he hates me as much as I despise him 🙂
I actually don’t miss him at all now….I am just annoyed that I was so duped but….learnt a lot of lessons & am evolving to a better place finally 🙂
Don’t hang out for contact, you say you don’t want it but, you know the addiction part does want more….be careful Judah….it’s very demanding physically & emotionally & your stress levels will bring you undone 😦
Yeah PR I’m a little worries bc I found his apartments have short term 3 month leases. I can’t see he will stay in that rat hole for 6 months even. And he’s already been gone since July 19. So that puts my safety date to about end of October. I will be healed even if I have to go to church meetings every night!!!!
Trust me, they come back. About a month ago I got a bright idea (not really, this is another example of how crazy he made me) i thought since I can’t just walk away maybe I can make him go away. I sent him a text telling him I met someone and had sex (he knows that would mean I am over him) he didn’t believe me so I sent him a picture of a guys penis (I’m not kidding I did this, I know it’s so insane that concocted this plan and actually went thru with it). The result: he knows I didn’t meet and sleep w/ anyone, he went away for a few hours and then used my lie against me (knowing I made it up hoping he would hate me and leave forever) as if it was true. Any other guy would leave a girl (I think) he didn’t. Because he knows he has me on leash (sad). The other night we went back and forth texting before I realized he was only doing that so I would feel relevant in his life…like not walking ur dog and instead playing fetch inside, does that make sense? I caught on and got mad at myself and told him to fuck off. He did for about 11 hours. He told me he is never going to go away. So it’s up to me to move forward. I had an okay day, I’m keeping busy organizing stuff, busy work that keeps me focused on what I’m doing (like counting change, if ur mind wanders you have to start over). Lol I feel so lame but at least I’m kinda laughing at myself and some of the things he said or did or even at my own behavior…I mean who says he is sharing a room with a possum (he actually said that to me) and I should feel bad for walking away when he needs me the most…or when he saw a scorpion in his room ( 20 floors in the bldg) he was on the 10th floor) and it crawled into a chair..or when he claims the FBI had his cell phone…lol I can’t believe I didn’t laugh at the crazy conversations but he made it all click together as he said stuff that it didn’t sound so crazy. It’s kinda amusing right now. Ugh… Going to bed..crossing my fingers and hope I make it thru the night w/out texting or him texting me. I haven’t emailed him (yay me!) in awhile. I know it’s a waste of time and he could care less i feel like it feeds his ego. Arrg..stay strong!!
It’s so true. I’m saying I don’t want contact but a small voice feels a bit hopeful that he will…I agree on the revenge thing so I don’t put any energy in doing that. Only because I know if I do something to really piss him off he WILL do something 10x worse. Months ago I actually blew him off for 8 days until he forwarded an email (it was fake he had put my daughters father ex fiances cell# as a # he could be reached at..that’s how I knew it was fake) that he had supposedly sent to my kids dad saying he had information about me and my daughter that he though he should know. And he had also created “a response ” from my kids dad saying I’m worried about my daughter call me back ASAP at yada yada #s.
ill admit for a split second I felt a panic until I saw the ex fiances number and realized he was trying to scare me so I would keep helping him financially. My daughter is my life and had just gone thru a nasty year long custody fight that ended in feb. he knows how to hurt me and if he will try to hurt my kid who knows what else he will do.so no revenge plans in my healing plan.i feel like I babbled.
Anyhow you are correct as well about them not always coming back, every story is different, mine feels like a bad case of herpes. (But I have a cure for it, no more contact)..
Absorp n PR. This whole thing takes its toll on me. After my revenge run last night and church today I wrote my final goodbye and haven’t sent any emails! Yay! It’s been about 11 hours of NC since I dropped the last note. That’s the longest ever! I know he doesn’t believe me. And he prob thought I would go knocking on his door tonight for drama. But no. I did have a weak moment where I drove by to see if he was home just now and he was. But he didn’t see me. So my NC is still in play thank goodness. He’s been very quiet since the Applebee’s appearance I made!!
Absorp I thought about sending a pic of me w another guy too. LOL actual kinda did once a few years ago but it was if me and a cousin. My P went ballistic!! I decided not to play those games now bc he would do that to me and I know I couldn’t handle seeing him in bed w another person.
ABSORP & JUDAHBUG….STAY NO CONTACT OR YOU’LL DO YOUR HEADS IN….ABSORP DON’T LOWER YOURSELF TO HIS GAMES IT WILL ONLY HURT YOU IN THE END….NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY…BELIEVE ME.
P.S. Judah if you can’t rest/sleep go to your doctor & get something mild if you want to? I did & rest made a huge difference. Sleep deprivation will make you unable to make clear decisions etc…be healthy & things will get better…give yourself a break, even from here….do the healings, walk, exercise, keep busy.
Love yourselves ladies….it’s the only way to go 🙂 You will get respite from Soc hell soon but, get some rest first 🙂
Thanks PR. I have stayed NC today for sure. True I woke up missing him…the illusion of him. And ironically, he will be the one missing ME now. In fact, I noticed this evening he perved me again. Yep. He looks up my profile that I made when he left. Why he still does that, even after I crashed his date night Saturday…even after telling me 1,000 times to move on and stay the hell away….I’ve not bothered him. Yet he has to peek every day? Go figure?! I told my counselor today – who btw says, some Socs do have emotions and can feel depression or loneliness – that I know his cycle. It’s every 2-4 months. So very shortly he will be going thru the hating himself phase. Hating himself for messing things up again, and losing me. Granted that will probably be his way to try and beg to come home, but he’s done way too much damage this time. He will never change. I guess I’d just like to see his humiliation when that happens. I mean, he can’t stay living in that rat hole he moved to for very long.
OMG, I just got an e-mail titled “I’m sorry to hear about your break up with _____ and my exes name. It’s someone named Cheri Von something and when I opened it, it was from some guy’s relationship site saying how to keep a man and stop making relationship mistakes etc. I replied that I found out my ex was a sociopath and that there wasn’t a cure and that I had no idea how they got my e-mail and knew about my breakup but that I didn’t appreciate the insinuation that “I” did anything wrong and that they could shove the e-mail up their ass!! Does anyone have any idea how my personal info got into someone’s hands to where I would recieve such an e-mail? It’s very creepy and unsettling!!!
Cecilybecily….No Contact & ignore anything weird or suspicious it’s another gaming tactic either by your Soc or an enabler. Stay Strong, be Brave, be happy….You are better than the Soc anyday 🙂
But how would someone be able to send something with the entire relationship site info attached with it? I found it interesting that the persons name on the e-mail notifiation itself is nowhere to be found in he content of the e-mail…odd indeed!
Cecil. Could be UR Soc himself. Or an ex gf of his. Or a newbie? It’s probably him just to get a rise outta u. Don’t respond to any reply u get. Use their silent treatment on them! That’s what I’m doing now!!
I swear…the less time we focus on them and focus on ourselves the sooner we will be better mentally. It’s time for us to be selfish. Stay strong. No contact since 1am… Yay! The sooner I fall asleep the less time i give my mind to wander! Be safe and congrats on your no contact time! (It’s a start!)
I’m in Los Angeles. I meant 1am this morning was the last time I text(after about5 long texts he wouldn’t respond to after starting a conversation SO annoying). It’s about to be midnight here…
Thanks so much. I have a fun busy life and get on with things..but always ruminating at least once a day. And now I keep dreamimg of rats in my bedroom lol…how obvious is that. I just want to stop thinking. I feel like one of my major life goals has failed. I feel like there’s been a death. The death of a person I thought existed but was just a fantastic actor. The upside? I feel no jealousy for this young girl this time. The first time he dated her over me years ago shatteres my self esteem. So I truly think I don’t care as much what he thinks of me…anymore… I mean I used to really care his opinion was everything. Now he is just such a low life. I’m sad I was so physically attracted to him and even that’s gone. I hope I find a nice fella lol. This is a first for me…
Hey FS i am in Australia 🙂 where are you? I am glad your busy 🙂 & yes take something mild to keep you from overthinking & stressing. Rats (lol) dreams are weird, i had one with my Soc tied to a chair naked & all us victims/survivors chanting stuff he’d say etc…eyes wide open now, not shut! He was horrified….we all laughed at him. Gee it felt so real & made me happy 🙂 lol….be happy 🙂 xxx PR
I’m in Nova Scotia Canada. Oh this bundle in my gut is painful. I still want him to come back and avenge what he has done. It won’t happen will it. Why do I still want that!! He will contact again I know that…he always does. But will I resist? I really mean to now. Scary.
True…Ativan will be getting me through this week. Just to unclench my stomach muscles
I know. I had to sort out a minor detail this morning… I wanted to make sure his friend stopped blabbing our business especially to my sister. I asked him to speak with him nicely. I got an aggressive answer back (I had no right to go on like I did) …(still no acceptance or acknowledgement that he lied to me all summer about another girl no apology) and that I was to leave him the fuck alone. (Umm.no problem lol). I know he will be back. He gets bored. Likes to play the game of dominate and use me. I’m ready this time. So no contact is just starting now. In the end he gave me the friends number and I called him and asked him to keep quiet.. just wanted to keep the peace and let it all die. He said he would. I hope he does.
JB- I hope that you are managing well today on your second day of NC! I actually had a half day yesterday and didnt respond to mine last night when he asked what I was doing. It truly is difficult. THe one good thing is mine will be out of town for four days so im hoping that will give me some healing time.
I know it hurts…his texts every two hours were like a drug fix for me. He was like clockwork….WRUD he would text. I suppose just a way to find out what I was doing. But I truly feel your pain. He doesnt text as often now and trust me I still check my phone all the time, but I keep telling myself it WILL get easier!! It has to! .
And yes I went to the dr and got on some antidepressants as well as anti anxiety meds to help me through this. Maybe it would help you to do the same? THe anxiety meds help more bc as I said his texts are my drug fix…crazy as it sounds I would get really anxious if I hadn’t heard from him and I dont feel that way anymore.
This is a wonderful support system and I thank everyone for helping us all through the pain! Without y’all I could never be as strong as I am today.
I actually had the guts to tell him I didnt want to talk to him anymore and that I would find someone else he could contact to get the rest of his belongings….something I would have never said a few weeks ago bc I craved his texts…So ty again everybody!
FS mine never acknowledges his behavior either. Never accepts accountability or responsibility. It’s all my fault. I drove him away for some mistake I made or not being perfect. Or making him feel I didn’t want him. WTH??? I’m soooooo grumpy today. I wanna smash his face in but wanna call and beg him to come home and stop this craziness. I’m upset not believing he will come back bc he already has 7 times before. But if he doesn’t I know that’s the best answer to prayer. If God removes him why won’t God remove my pain too???
Judahbug-hope u were able to sleep..I slept ok but lost it today and started texting him again…his phone is shut off…uh hi wish there was a way to get my messages back…I’m having a bad day. I can’t even find the energy to do anything so I can keep myself busy…ugh…I hope you’re doing good…and have a good day..maybe ill clean the windows or paint the kitchen..lol…
Its like they all follow the same script to use on us…Im a bitch and I look like an idiot..sounds too close to home. A few times I actually thought some of the people on here were seeing my sociopath because everything is almost identical to what ive had to go through. Stay strong. I started the NO CONTACT thing over again about 1 hour ago, yesterday was a good day, today is a bad day. Keep busy stay strong and AGAIN
IM SUPER GREATFUL FOR THIS SITE, I dont feel im alone and positiva and Phoenix Rising are an inspiration to me and my healing process.
Abs I fell asleep around 4am. Got up for work a few hours later. Just wanted to cry at first bc I miss him so bad. I’m trying hard not to email or call his store. He had already turned our phones off n got a new number so I has to get a new phone as well. He has my number but I don’t have his. I just wish I could hear from him. It’s such a sickness. I can’t stand it! How can I be so in love with the devil? I’m getting worried bc it’s a month today that he moved out. And I feel more like he really doesn’t care and doesn’t want me this time. It’s like what have I done? All the original feelings I had. I know the truth and he’s sick. Been trying to remember how worthless he is and all the mean he’s done.
I don’t ‘miss’ him so much right now. But I am in clarity mode where I feel like he’s not all that. I just realized who he was though shocked that he lied about the other girl. Who cheats on a new relationship girl? Lol. Anyway… I hope I can retain this feeling. I do still want him to come back and apologize. He won’t now… but when he wants something from me (and he will) he will give me the most sincere awe shucks apology ever. I’m so glad I am ready. I don’t miss him. I’m not suffering his loss. But I still want to win and be avenged. I actually feel like I’m the one in control now. I finally displayed that I am not afraid to lose him this weekend… and he is so mad I was out of his control. I can’t believe how mad he is he probably wants to choke me lmao. He had control all summer with his lies and now I have it. He always leaves the door open too… ” I hate you so much right now” its a slip of his… he says right now. Because he knows he will be back. That is what we need to do ladies…we all know they come back and when they do… beat them at their own game. Power is mine!!
That being said I could be a babbling idiot crying my face off tomorrow lol
PR…THANK YOU! gosh youre so patient…i really do need to stop my own behavior and focus on myself. The last thing I wa nt to do is use this site as a crutch to my own behavior or encourage anyone else to continue this self destructing behavior because at this point im just begging to continue feeling like shit. so its 12pm in Los Angeles. Day ONE of no contact. Im pulling out my paint and supplies and im going to paint my kitchen (maybe just one wall)
(my ex always said this to me; people always focus on what they want instead of focusing on what they dont want. he said once I figure out what I dont want my life will become much easier.) Scary right? I know i didnt want him to treat me like shit. I know I dont want to feel like shit and yet he did his best to make me feel like he was what I needed and wanted. Confusing but helpful to me in a way because I KNOW THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
thank you again for your support. and patience. Im choosing me. I have 5 days to refocus before my daughter return from her vacation with her dad, I wont be healed but I want to be better and Im willing to fight and put in the work to make the most of the next 5 days, I dont want to get lost in my head with my daughter here.
He’s got me so paranoid roght now. I had a strange number call that I didn’t know and it scared me to death! I figured he made up some reason to have the police dept call me. He’s done that kinda thing before. The caller ended up leaving me a vmail and it was The pharmacy. OMG I am going insane!!! I was relieved and just wanna cry from all the anxiety. I haven’t contacted him. I’m hating him. Yet I’m hurting. Feeling so unwanted and unloved. My daughter being at church and ignoring me yesterday didn’t help things. I feel like I’m going thru the daily motions but not feeling anything. Not being happy. Not actually living. There’s no family no friends. No anybody who wants me. He has hurt me deeper than a “usual Soc” could. And he knows this. My family has been abusive for 48 years to me! And my birthday is this Friday. Why should I even care I lived to see another one?
I just changed my number. Cost me 20 bucks. Only to cave and call him two days later. He came over and we had fun. He is so great at acting normal!! Two days later I find out about the other girl. Stay strong own your phone number and own your responses. Play the game right back but DO NOT CAVE. HE’S LYING
Judahbug,
It’s painful to watch you experience this so, have to say something. Sincerely, I only comment with a hope of helping, but honey, you are in the grips of a serious addiction, and it’s not healthy for you. This person can’t be worth this amount of toil and misery, and I don’t know him!
You are not unloved. He isn’t contacting you because you busted in on and called him out on his date, appropriately (well, over the top, but, you know what I mean—he drove you to crazy with his deceit). Think of your unconditionally loving grand daughter right now, and give your daughter no reason not to want to respond to you—he is not worth how this addiction is dividing you from others. God help you that you are considering allowing this addiction to divide you from your own life and future joys.
I know this sucks, trust me. But this is a moment in time. Let this go. Tomorrow, let it go again. This forms distance, and you need that to pick up some pieces of yourself and reacquaint with what’s important in your life, and in the world.
If I were there, I would take you out for your birthday…and we wouldn’t utter a sentence of conversation over your abuser. We would look around us and experience the moment in time of our surroundings, enjoy tastes, sounds and views, and discuss hopes, dreams, plans, places we haven’t been but would like to go, things we haven’t done but would like to do, and people we haven’t met but would like to know.
This birthday coming marks a year out of your life. It is a landmark event in that, in just a few short days, you will have the opportunity to define for yourself the next year of your life. Please don’t miss out on your life, Judahbug, not for something like this—a compulsion, and addiction that only brings the sameness of something you’ve seen before; something that’s not good or positive. The only fear the future holds is that we don’t know if it will be better or worse. In your case, there is no guessing…it can’t help but be, right?
Though I can’t be there physically in person, I will be thinking of you this Friday, and praying for your new beginning. Please do something for yourself, however small…and let the day be about awareness of you, what matters to you, and what you want for yourself and for others. I challenge you to put forth the effort to honestly consider these things.
Hugs.
Then don’t watch because, HONEY, you don’t know a thing about how my life has been before my Soc. You don’t know how unloved I was by my parents or the abuse I lived for 48 years! Addiction? Maybe so, I mean that’s what I’ve read over and over about how they create a dependency and addiction to their victims, unless of course the discarded person happens to be PERFECT and can MOVE ON as easily as the Soc can. But then does that mean that the discard is also a Soc? Hmmmmm…..one would have to wonder that?
And I do think of my granddaughter….wanna know what I think of? I think of how she’s only 3 years old and my daughter has kept her out of my life, not because of my Soc…but because of my abusive parents and family…the dad who grabbed my boobs when I was a preteen and the mom who denies how he slammed me against the walls for punishment..or pulled my hair and scratched my neck and face all to hell with his long ass fingernails! How she says I make that stuff up in my head and I’m sick…but now she says I deserved that kind of punishment….and how she had me handcuffed last year and locked away b/c she is a Narcissistic BITCH if not Sociopathic like my ex! Not only did she do this, but she laughed as the police walked me by her car…she enjoyed doing this to her OLDEST daughter..you know the oldest…those that you usually cherish because they came first. And at the same time, this perfect example of parenting I got from her, she tells my daughter that I tried to abort her – where that came from God only knows.
Then there is my niece and sisters who beat me up in my own front yard the day my mom had me locked away…mind you, they left me there ALONE for 3 days. One would think if they did this to help a poor soul like me, they would come up for visitation like normal caring parents, right? So to say HE drove me CRAZY with his deceit???? I beg to differ. First of all I am not CRAZY..Pissed off YES…..Hurt, YES……was he the one for me? I thought so because he saw the family dysfunction and always had my back..He was the ONLY one who ever protected me against them. HE was the one who got me out and got me home. He could have left me there too and stayed living in this house by himself.
And then there’s my dad…the one who seemed so fascinated by my freakin boobs as a child…the one who died last August 13…the one who I had forgiven all the abuse for, but missed the last 6 months of his life due to my Psychotic mother disowning me for the millionth time!!!
To quote you: “Think of your unconditionally loving grand daughter right now, and give your daughter no reason not to want to respond to you—he is not worth how this addiction is dividing you from others. God help you that you are considering allowing this addiction to divide you from your own life and future joys.” I guess I just told you all the things I think of when I have to think of my daughter and granddaughter…But God help me that I allow this ADDICTION divide me from them?????? LOL HAHAHAH…I would suggest you get educated on my life and background before you start making your loving suggestions in such a derogatory way…..HONEY. As HE did not divide me from my family…they did that all on their OWN.
You probably think I’m a bitch from hell with a lot of wrath…you are probably CORRECT. I have been thru hell and back and I will not allow ANYBODY to sit back and judge that I am crazy or addicted just because my P broke my heart. I am one of the few people in this world who DOES know how to love and commit whole heartedly to someone. And I dare say, I have read way worse behaviors on this website by other people hurting the same way I am and I have not called them Crazy Addicts…Did you? Or did you just wake up today and decide to single me out and label ME that way…either way, I would advise you to think of someone besides me on my birthday this Friday because I don’t need another person belittling me and degrading me like my pathetic excuse for a mother does…and before you go making future loving suggestions to someone else, you better KNOW THEIR LIFE HISTORY BEFORE YOU MAKE ANOTHER HUGE MISTAKE LIKE YOU DID TODAY!!
I really hope you got my message loud and clear because I don’t plan on repeating myself…..have a good night……dear.
JB, the only one who can break this cycle is you. As Jusagirl says give yourself the best present, choose the path of freedom.
Everyone has a story. Everyone. I don’t need to know your backstory to know when you’re making obvious wrong moves. It was well-intentioned to point them out, not derogatory, but if you need to be a victim for him/them and take your wrath out on me…a stranger, extending a hand… well, that’s another one you will own the accountability on. As for me, my motives were pure.
Everyone is not going to say what they think when you are also acting crazy, but when I see repeated acts of the same, maybe I wonder if you can’t hear the gentle proddings and need some tough love. Sue me for thinking of your well-being.
You know, an alternate but equally direct reply might’ve went something like this: “I understand what you’re trying to say and appreciate your intentions, but I’m not sure you get my situation. Thanks anyway.”
You probably do relate more to him. I can see it in each of your insulting replies. But I don’t need your advice, so please just shut up and don’t read my posts if they bother you that bad. The more appropriate reply to your first observation of me should have been, “thanks Doctor”. But I didn’t see the credentials behind your name. And for the record, YOU are acting CRAZY on ME today..If you say this kind of thing to me, you either have not read other posts here, or again YOU SINGLED ME OUT..SO SHUT UP AND GO AWAY LIKE A NORMAL SOCIO WOULD DO.
and btw…WHO made the wrong move on ME today? YOU DID.
A stranger, extending a hand? with INSULTS? You need therapy to develop compassion if that’s the case…go extend it to some of the other people on this blog who have worse stories than mine…okay? yeah.
Youre going to be ok. and so am I. We just need to STOP our madness. Every word we write and every thought we invest in them is wasted time. My mailman cares more about me than he does.
Try to stay busy…You should read “Just Kids” by Patti Smith. Its a great book, its not a self help book and its not about sociopaths, its just an amazing book that Patti Smith wrote about her life with her first love. It wont make you sad but it will help you remember how love is supposed to feel like. I dont like feeling obssessed, its insane. Love isnt supposed to feel like this. You should get it.
NO DRIVING BY HIS PLACE or CALLLING HIS STORE! CHOOSE YOU TODAY!!!
Hey Abs…I haven’t driven..nor called…don’t even want to. It’s his turn to wonder what’s up with me…I don’t really care for his sickness. Broken hearted am I? Yes, like all the rest….the lies, deceit, etc. But at least I’m not like him. I have feelings and emotions and I can care about people.
Absorption…Dont listen to your ex regarding what to focus on. The law of attraction, which i am a firm believer and advocate of, states that whatever you focus on, expands. So, focus on what you WANT in life, and less focus on what you DONT want…because even when you are focusing on what you DONT want, you are putting energy to that thought and bringing more of what you DONT want…Sorry to speak in rhymes, hope that makes sense.
Try a simple exercise like this every day. I have been doing it for years and it helps me attract everything I set my mind to:
I am so grateful to God (source, universe, whatever..) for _______.
Write 10 sentences. Make these sentences focus on what you WANT…and what you might not already have. For instance.
“I am so grateful to God for attracting pure, honest, genuine, true love into my life on a daily basis”
With that being said, you are focusing on the love you WANT..and naturally, when you focus on the love you want, the love you DONT want, falls to the wayside.
Likewise, when you tell yourself “I dont want to think of him…I dont want to talk to him…” guess what happens??…exactly.
So, write affirmations to yourself every morning and night about the things you DO want (and not the things you dont want) and re-create the life of your dreams.
Sounds hokey, but I have been using it for years…and actually, now that i think about it, I actually used the LOA to attract my soc back into my life again this go around. So, be careful what you wish for! You really do get it all sometimes 🙂 Good luck!
Also, if anyone is interested in this practice/exercise, I send an email out daily of my intentions/manifestations and would be happy to include anyone else in on the thread.
I swear…its almost like I dare him to contact me just so I can ignore him and he realizes that ive taken control of my life again. Im cutting those strings. I HAVE to.
When i get depressed, I tell myself STOP IT, he was a terrible person. I dont have any real reason to be or feel depressed its not like he was this magical great man that did me right and I wronged him somehow. I didnt do anything and when I did it was a set up for whatever happened next or whatever he needed to do to get me out of the way so he could do whatever or get whatever he needed from me.
STAY STRONG! We deserve to be happy. and im willing to fight to find myself again!
Be careful Abs…don’t spill your guts here. Apparently there’s a Jusagirl who might label you crazy and an insane addict….watch your back…Those of us who are hurt come here to be abused as well….probably shouldn’t be on this site, if this is what goes on here.
Keep telling yourself that. Not much chance of you letting a past relationship go when you can’t let a solitary conversation go, You are right, you need serious professional help. Your anger, rage, knee-jerk behaviors, and inabillity to control your tongue all give you away.
I did/do have good intentions. Now you, on the other hand, are questionable. Generally, someone who has to shout they are a “good person” is suspect; let your actions prove it. If you don’t hear what you think cajoles and soothes they way you require, you are venomous. It does have to make a person wonder if you really are the victim.
But keep it up… you seem to have a lot of poo you need to sling everywhere and I’m sure it hits everyone you encounter if they aren’t sympathetic in the way you think they should be. Talk about your narcissism…I think you may have talent for projection. And nobody needs a Phd. to analyze you or single you out… you stand out with your actions/reactions in an unavoidable way that begs it be addressed. You just didn’t hear it the way you wanted.
I’m disinterested in being your target and don’t deserve it. Please go on back to your routine (if you can), I’ll do the same.
you would have to send me your email address, or make up a new one to keep your anonymity on the site so I have it and can attach you. Let me know! Or maybe positiva can send me an email with your email address. Not sure. Just a little daily ritual I do that keeps me grounded and focused in the right direction. Mindset is key in this.
LOL..see how brainwashed I am…what you say maks way more sense than what I wrote…i do not want to walk around all day thinking i dont want this or i dont want that..lol…im feel really silly for writing that now.
thank you!
Gas. What warps my thoughts is how do u wake up one day. Walk out the door never seeing the person again. Like they never existed? How do u say hels sick. I deserve better. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. And the love u feel is suppose to disappear just like that.
UR right tho. I think things like I hate him. I wanna hate him. I wish he hurt. He’s bad. He’s evil. Even thinking things like I deserve better tends to put some focus I him bc I deserve better than what? HIM OF COURSE!
I wanna wke up And be over this. I have to kill some pain by telling myself even if he finds someone it won’t be real either. He will sell lie and cheat etc
I have taken baby steps. I started a healthy diet this wknd. I’ve been talking to a few other men. They may be interested but I’m not. Still talking at least gives me life into this body of mine. I went back to my church. Reached out to a few peeps from my past. Some don’t care. That hurts but times like this u learn who really cares for u.
Fortunately I have a good support at work. I love my job and a few know what’s going on w him n family. I can focus on that and be proud of my job and how I got this job to begin with. How I have my MBA and even psycho boy can’t take that away!
The key is to not focus on getting “over” it but getting “through” it. I never said I havent walked through insane emotions and rage going through this. I have. But the more you let yourself actually process what you are feeling – whether you need to cry or yell it out – the more you can finally move on to the next emotion you need to process. I write freelance articles for a blog and I wrote a specific post about this process, with a spiritual twist. If anyone is interested, I will email it. I dont want to post it publicly, to protect my identity of course. But I feel confident emailing it to anyone if they are curious.
You will never just wake up one day and have it be gone. But you wake up and have more of a piece of you than you did the day before..adn that might still require more breakdown before you can start from zero. But you eventually do get there.
As positiva suggested in her posts, try making lists….Lists of what you miss..lists of what you dont miss and who they actually were..and what your goals are. I had to do this for the first month. I needed to see it in black and white. review that list daily. It should take the edge off some of the gut wrenching pain.
Gas I’ve done lists. I do it on a regular basis. Reminds me who he is and what all he did. It helps. U can send UR blog to my email that I posted. I do go back and forth like u said.
Gas! Can you email me that blog again, My computer at home went goofy. The screen froze and while trying to move around it deleted your email before I got to read it 😦
I think you’re right on about emotions..selfish emotions though. Loneliness… sad. My soc was abandoned by his mother at age five which he liked to use to play the pity card. Of course it was sad…he’d even admit that it was a lot of his problem. How can you not love that? Lol. Anyway…mine goes through the same cycles. When he is happy he is pumpedup and vain…he loses weight he becomes more social and doesn need me. Every time we were really close it was when he felt lonely..he’d be reflective…more isolated… usually gain weight. And usually this vain feeling occurs in the spring and he returns to cozy come fall and winter. In fact we have broken up catastrophically every summer. He has a new victim now so I don’t think he will be back this fall lol I’m so done. I feel free. Anyway.. yes they can have emotions. They just do not have any for you…they have no empathy. I often wondered why he was such a great father..he adores his daughter..but I think it is because he sees her as an extension of himself. When she gets older and has her own mind and opinions…that relationship may change. I hope not. But a lot of what is sweet kind and vulnerable about him is as I now know all fake.
Adores his daughter…mine did too…I think they see them as objects/possessions…and I think he still sees me as one if he’s still Perving me (viewing me). I know this b/c I get notifications in my emails, but I refuse to get online and let him see I’ve been online recently. The less he knows about me the better. His day to suffer will come. And ur right, the emotions are selfish..not just that though, they can actually care (what my counselor says), it’s just they don’t have deep feelings or the capacity for unconditional love and attachment. They’re sad a lot because they know they aren’t normal and some would like to be. She even said this makes them depressed and sometimes suicidal. That made sense to me, b/c mine had tried suicide the year before we met. His daughter told me he did it 3 times in the past. I think he knows he’s a piece of crap.
Yes…mine was very moody. Those lost little boy moods. I often wondered if mine was bipolar. (I am). I don’t think he has any intention of long term plans with this girl. I just have to sit heee and watch the seduction stage. Makes me sick. Oddly not jealous this time though. Knowledge is power. I found out she was mad in love with him. For some reason that made me feel better I thought she was hard to get and he was chasing her lol now I know he is just using same as me. So my jealousy now that I understand him is gone!!
Mine was moody too, his sister mentioned bipolar to me once. And I think she’s right. He doesn’t have long term plans to stay in that crappy apartment either. He doesn’t have plans for much in life at all. I haven’t really had to face any serious jealousy yet. He’s never moved on to something or someone. Cheated yes, but nothing bigger, although hurt is still hurt. I feel better knowing what’s wrong with him too. I know when that day comes and someone else is in the picture, he will repeat everything on her and eventually be alone again…I on the other hand, will hopefully find someone real and not be alone in life as he will always be.
if you heal yourself first you will find another loving heart to love you 🙂
You have to clear the Soc & his toxins out first & then you will be free 🙂
Remember you have to love yourself fully to be able to love again & to receive the right love your heart desires. 🙂
I have said this before to others but, would you treat another as your Soc treats you? I doubt it so, look at how he treats you & say NO MORE.
Would you ever want someone you love to be in a relationship with a Soc?
I doubt it so, show others that this is not how anyone should be treated in the name of love.
Show yourself the compassion & love & the rest will come 🙂
Stay No Contact, stop letting him drive you crazy. It’s your mind not his & he may get annoyed but, your display only proves to him that you are still in the game & that’s why you have reacted with feeling.
If he comes back he will throw your actions back in your face & tell you your the crazy one 😦
He will use your emotional outbursts against you….they always do.
He does not have emotion so, is detached & watching it as an observer, waiting, enjoying & letting you suffer…all to his amusement 😦
Stop the game, get off the rollercoaster & find your PEACE, you deserve it 🙂
If he does come back then you know the inevitable game plan so, it’s up to you?
Remember how you are feeling will return if you don’t rid yourself of him once & for all?
It is your life & we are here to support you any way we can.
If you backslide well, you are not alone in that either.
You are the only one that truly knows how this will play out etc…I hope you find the strength within yourself to break the cycle of abuse that is the relationship with the Soc.
Normal people don’t suffer this torment so, why do you?
Look within yourself, why put up with someone that clearly likes to hurt you.
Would you do this to them?
I would never set out to systematically play on someone’s emotions ever.
This is what a Soc does, it’s a game & you are a player not a person to him.
I hope you find peace & a loving relationship with a truly loving heart that puts your feelings first 🙂
If someone else has your details from the relationship site then you must contact them?
I know of a Soc that can actually hack into another person’s computer so, anything is possible.
Ask the site how they let your details out etc…?
A Soc or another Soc will do this! Relationship sites are full of Soc’s be careful!
@ Judahbug…..Do not give out your email as Soc’s prowl this site & may email you as a friend…I.E. one of us & play with your head….change your email.
Set up another account anonymously
I have never shared any info about my soc on any sites and did reply to it asking how they got any information about him, me and our involvement etc. The most unusual thing is they used his name which is very, very uncommon. It would be different if his name was Mike or John or if the e-mail said “Sorry about your recent break-up, period, but it said “Sorry about your recent break-up with ______(his name) and aside from using his name which is an unusual one, it was spelled correctly, which is another odd thing. At any rate it’s done and I’ve had no contact with him and have no intention of doing so, I am not interested in any kind of communiation, I grew bored by it all and feel better than I have in years. I am free of the drama/trauma and have plenty of people who truly value me and who I am. I am not one to wallow for an extended period of time, I spent plenty of time doing that when I was involved with him, the questioning of my worth and needlessly blaming myself etc. I am not going to spend any more time on that kind of shit, he is the loser and the one with the problem, not me. I know I deserve better, will spend all the necessary time to heal and move on. Life is too short to spend it thinking about what could have been…it was nothing more than an illusion and the real him is pathetic and not worth my thoughts, energy or heartache!
Thanks PR…I think I got one of those Soc’s prowling today under the name of Jusagirl….Like I give a damn what she has to say…but changing an email can be done! Thanks! I didn’t even think about those pathetic trolls roving this place.
Judahbug
Yay good for you!! My morning started out a little rough but it’s coming to an end better than it started..I haven’t heard from him, which is fine with me…my text went through about 4pm, he turned his phone on…I got the text delivery report…so he just blew me off like I figured he would..,again that is ok with me…in a way he is helping me by not responding lol!
Abs, I haven’t had any contact with him, but I now he’s perved me several times this evening. Go figure…HE choses to leave and has to keep up w my every move or whatever? Oh wait. Can I say that? Dare I be blasted again for voicing today’s daily events? OMG CALL ME A CRAZY ADDICT!!!
I changed my number about a month ago too and I also gave it to him 3days later..arg…he said something like I didn’t even know you changed it…ouch. Stay strong.
Dating a Sociopath 
My heart goes out to you. It’s 1am and I’m going through text msg hell with my sociopath right now. Like you, I’m texting how terrible he makes me feel. Do you ever wonder how many times you have to say it before we get that he doesn’t care? I know a part of me hopes something I say or write will bring him back, but why do I want him back. He is not good for me and has caused so much grief and crazy behavior it’s embarrassing and I have no control when I find myself in that moment.
Be strong. I’m in Los Angeles and I try to be strong too. We had lives before they came into our lives, we don’t need to waste so much energy on them. I want to feel alive again. It’s not easy, but it will get easier.
Yay J’Bug 🙂
Just be careful as he may lash back at you?
I am glad you are feeling empowered by your actions.
Try & focus back on yourself as the revenge will make you feel better but, you still have your own health & well being to take care of & this would have caused you stress 😦
Time for you now 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xxx
P.S. You probably saved the other lady from a lot of pain hopefully 🙂
PR u know what’s funny. My P won’t lash back very often. He lets others do it while he tucks his tail. He says he doesn’t like drama so he Barks loud just rarely bites. But isn’t that funny a P who hides from drama? I mean he creates drama w every breath he takes! and yes I’m done saving the world from him. And he saw enough to be scared for a long time so now I can go into MY silent treatment and let HIM wonder what’s up that he doesn’t hear from me after finding his apt and all this. Maybe even start to live again as I’m going to go back to the church he isolated me from even tho I been there since 1989. I will live again! I’m determined (tonight for sure)
Absorp I ask myself those same questions. I mean if he comes back again for the 8th time now he’ll just do it again in a few more months. I don’t wanna live like this forever so why don’t I just let him go? It’s that whole dependency/addiction thing. He made me feel like I can’t be wo him. His whole hypnosis thing I guess worked like one of Nikki’s articles on here says. I know one thing tho. I’m so glad I interrupted his date tonight bc I feel like I got some of my power back. It maybe a short lived feeling but its lasted 4 hours and that’s the longest round of jubilee I’ve felt in a long time. I’m in Texas btw. Dallas area.
Aww J’bug so sorry about your daughter, 😦 give it time & focus on rebuilding you as that’s important. Keep showing up at church & hopefully life will improve.
Your daughter is hurt, like you & your focus has probably been on the Soc so, give it time.
Your granddaughter does not judge so, reach out to her & show her the love you have for her. If your daughter won’t allow contact then just make sure you send gifts at birthdays/Xmas etc…never forget the innocent ones.
Hopefully she will get the gifts & time will heal the rift?
I am proud of you because you have come so far & YAY 🙂 get rid of the SOC & his toxins & I am sure life will improve….slowly but, surely.
Mine has just believe & don’t look back as the past is behind you for a reason!
LOVE & HUGS 🙂
PR xoxox
One whole day without hearing from my soc, I think the email blocking works and I can only hope that he’s too stupid to think of opening another email account to abuse me with.
I’m so happy I’m so far away, I know if I was still stuck with him in the States, he would have managed to scare or charm me into staying as he has before.
I’m sorry to say that before I read the revenge article here, i did take a few steps towards maybe brining some sort of justice… His sister is on my side, because she has seen how he treated me (and her and everyone) and maybe the friends that he’s staying with now will take it as a warning and not an embittered attempt at slander.
After reading the many posts, I realized to my horror that he is not my first soc, I also dated one two years ago, but managed to dump him also because I did realize something was off. He has now, two years later, tried to establish contact again, so everything the blog says is true…
I hope my SOC detector is well tuned now and I’m a little proud that I have managed to dump two SOCs, but their behavior has still made a mark and it’s impossible not to be hurt, scared and confused after such an ordeal.
I feel confident, that if I ever meet a SOC again, I will realize and get the f*** away!
Judahbug, mine would also smoke pot (and grow it), drink way too much, smoke in the car and be mean to the dog. Sometimes when reading these I start wondering if this is actually the same person, which just goes to show how pathetically unoriginal these people are.
The Burnt, I can’t see Judahbug’s post that you’re replying to but my ex soc also smoked pot and grows it in his house and is also mean to his dog. I used to tell him all the time he shouldn’t have a dog if he wasn’t going to treat it well. His dog would barely whine because he wanted attention and my ex would yell at him to shut up and make him lay down on his bed and ignore him. His dog was always sooo happy to see me and I gave him tons of love, talked to him, petted him etc. I think it might’ve been the best treatment he ever got, poor thing! When my last dog had to be put down because of a cancerous tumor, aside from the fact that it was accidently discovered and a complete shock as he wasn’t quite 7, I had a pic of the tumor sent to my phone from my vet because it was soooo big and forwarded it to my ex, he responded “I’m sure you two will be fine, please do not send me any more pics”, who the fuck does that??? No “Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear that, are you ok, what can I do?” like a normal person!!! Everyone who knows me knows with utter certainty what a huge dog lover I am and how devastating my dog’s loss was to me yet he never brought him up again, never asked how I was doing…nothing, as though it never happened! But his dog had to have major, very expensive surgery and he actually expected me to help him pay for it. I offered some money but told him he’d have to pay me back and he miraculously found another way to pay for it himself…..another woman, sold some more pot, who knows? He acted as though he was in such a suffering state because his dog required months of recuperation and blamed me once for getting him riled up, causing a minor setback in his healing process. Man oh man, what they come up with simply amazes me. I just think it has to be mentally taxing to have to come up with crazy accusations, stupid behavior, ridiculous, projected blaming etc. on a regular basis. The thoughts that run through their heads would make a normal person pretty exhausted and I am beyond estatic he is no longer in my life, it’s the biggest relief I’ve ever experienced!
Good Girl Judahbug 🙂
I am proud of you for taking a stand & going back to your church will be good & more empowering for you.
You enter the church for the right reason whereas the Soc’s amongst us just fake it so that they appear good but, now we know the truth.
They are cowards as mine had others call me even when he was exposed etc…he had his policeman friend call me to tell me my Soc wasn’t a Sociopath!
I had sent an email to my Soc telling him I realised that he was in fact a Sociopath & they hate being found out 🙂
These Soc’s are the lowest of the low & you are now coming to terms with the inevitable fact.
He is wasting your valuable time & energy, nothing but a time wasting heart breaking jerk!
Stay Strong, you deserve to be happy & believe me you will be 🙂
Take Care & don’t pray for him he’s a lost cause, pray for yourself to find peace & guidance to finally be free of his evil ass 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
I am writing because it is day 1 of my ending with a clear narcissistic sociopath. God I loved him. For three years we did this up and down dance. He moved out (he had a gf) he moved back in then we fought he dated a much younger woman. He moved back in after her. I couldn’t forget him and contacted him again. We got close (I did) over two years. He moved out we spent lots of time together he moved back in. We saw each other still then he got a little distant a few months ago out of the blue. I knew there was someone else. I asked him nicely so much..please let me go if there is. Please let me walk away with my head up. He said all the right things. ..never promising anything but enough. Three days ago he sat here and swore he wasn’t with anyone. Yesterday he was set to show up at a party I was at and found out I was there. He was going to bring her. We have mutual friends. I am sure he knew I would find out but he simply didnt care and thought he could get all he could out of me until that happened. He just simply did not care…he would at that time just write me off. Anyway…I was drunk when I found out that he lied to me all summer.. so I texted his gf he is going through the separation with and told her he was shacked up with a 25 yr old. Well that put him over the edge. He hates losing control. I also told his friends at the party what he has been up to. Everyone thinks he is the most charming nicest guy in the world. He makes me out to be crazy. I doubt if anyone actually believes me. I just want this ache in my chest to go away. It is strange I am not sadder… I don’t have that familiar ache of wanting him to finally commit and I don’t want to be near him personally…but I feel grief. I am grieving something…my fantasy future I guess. Its an odd feeling. I felt bad for a minute that he liked her better than me..but then I remembered she is not a new love she is a new victim. I want him to suffer…but I don’t think he ever will. I have no idea what if any actual human feelings he has. I want to stop thinking about him and move on. How long will this horrid grief process take ???
Aw you are on day 1. It is a journey and a process. Realistically it took you three years of your life…. to go through the relationship and decide to let go. So it wont take 1 day to let go (after all you didn’t fall in love in one day). Take it one day at a time. If you focus on hatred it will take longer. if you focus on the sociopath and not you it will take longer…. how long will it take? it is really up to you. As long as you want? …. as long a time as you want to give to it!! 🙂 the choice is yours!! Welcome to the site.
I feel like I have thought of nothing bit him every minute of everyday for three years. I was/am obsessed. I was addicted for sure. I have never in my life had a mean boyfriend and I’m almost forty. This is rough..!! All my execs are great men who really loves me. I have broken up with good men! What is wrong with me??? Am I a sociopath????? Did I deserve this?? I need to know what ‘real’ love is supposed to feel like. Because this felt so good (in some ways) to be utterly dead gone on someone. I’ve heard the new girl is dead gone too… poor her. He left her easily enough three years ago. He cheated on her all summer (a brand new relationship!!) And he likely will cheat on her and everyone forever. I need to know what normal love feels like. So I can do it right. What is wrong with me ???
Hi Feelingstupid 🙂
Great name cause that’s how we all felt/feel at first 😦
Read & learn & gain support here & from your friends & family 🙂
Stay busy as you will be grieving & nursing a broken heart & yes it is a physical pain as well as mental 😦
I am 4 months down the track & My story is on this section but, back in older comments June 14th….if your interested?
You will be okay but, it is hard as others won’t get it 😦
We do however so, we will help you & Positiva is fantastic & has helped fast track my healing because, I have a voice among others who understand & truly get it 🙂
You will gain power in your knowledge & power in the fact you are not alone 🙂
It’s a shame we are here but, needless to say we had a lesson to learn & learn it we do!
Stay Strong, Be Brave….
LOVE & LIGHT TO YOU 🙂
PR xoxo
I hate how he convinces his friends I am the crazy one. He tries to tell me that… he called me a bitch told me I looked like an idiot… and if he never sees me or hears from me again it will be too soon. The immediate switch off. I have no doubt he will call again. None. That always comes back thing is why I thought he loves me. Now I know its something different.
Hi FS,
Yes I know exactly how you feel & you are asking, searching, grieving & trying to rationalise your feelings while your head & heart try to reconcile this soul level of hurt 😦
Have a read of the articles on psychopathawareness.wordpress.com & read everything you can. Also Paua’s Pontifications is great also 🙂
Mine did the old leave & then draw me back in 3 times over 10 years & a lot of other games as well. My Soc is high functioning & is now ensconced with the OW as far as I know? He had moved in with her 12 months ago whilst still with me & they have been together 3 1/2 during our 10 years!
You will have an insatiable need for information, revenge etc…this is all part of the withdrawal from the Soc. You will rant/rave etc…but keep no contact if you ever hope to heal 🙂
Most of us here are cycling through the different stages of hell that the relationship with a Soc leaves us with 😦
It does get easier with time but, depending on you & your time etc…it’s not something you get over in a hurry if ever at all 😦
I was made to look crazy & my end came abruptly with the expose from the OW, I then went into overdrive trying to expose him & I thought the OW was in it with me. She backtracked & decided that even though he had cheated on her the entire time during her relationship & that he had proposed etc…she was staying on with him. Doubly betrayed I was shattered especially as I had had to prove myself to her re my relationship with him.
Read torture by triangulation as this was my inevitable fate 😦
it’s here under MY Story section.
I want you to know that you will be okay, you are not alone & we will all support you. Have time out from here some days as it can be overwhelming.
Keep busy, exercise,see friends etc….do the healings when you are ready.
Sleep & go to professionals for help if you are struggling. I got a settler to help me sleep which proved invaluable to quieting that endless chattering mind etc…
BE STRONG, BE BRAVE….You are not alone…Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi FS. My story is here too and I still feel stupid. All that begging and crying makes one think am I really a dumba**? Do I really have an MBA? I have to start over daily but I feel today I really let go after my little revenge run last night!
Hey…sorry you’re having to deal with this as well. I’ve been telling him to let me go since last may. I realize its me that’s has to let him go and ill start to heal when I decide to get my life back and stop all communication. He is a terrible person and I turned into this text messaging detective maniac. He was making me crazy. Ugh I’ve posted some of what I’ve been through on here so I won’t repeat myself. But I feel just like you. I don’t understand how I could miss someone who was so mean. I realize there is no point in trying to get answers, closure or a goodbye talk. It’s just done. I hate how I feel and kinda sad but happy with my 17hours (a record for me) of no contact with him. I had to start over about 4x yesterday.
Stay strong. Stay busy. And come to the site when you need support. I come on here many times a day sometimes just to vent and read everything again. Good luck!
It’s not you. I’m going to be 37 in December. They make you crazy act crazy, they’re calculated. Say things to confuse you, test you, groom you. Crete complete chaos in your head then turn around and say your crazy go away, you need help etc etc.
sociopath called me a creepy stalker two days later said I was his only real friend and couldn’t imagine his life with out me. Confusing right.
Read everything on here and everyone’s comments. It will help you to understand what’s happening to you and help you to not blame yourself. Good luck and stay strong.
Absorp I’m on here constantly! I did my last final goodbye letter after church today. So I’ve had my NC be about 7 hours now?? I think I can make it a whole day as I will be going to bed later. He will definitely notice the change. I haven’t sent any emails. And he wants them or he would block me am he hasn’t. He knows I know where he lives now so he’ll expect I will show up like last night. But I won’t. I’m done. He will know its for real this time. I just dunno what that will do to his crazy mind.
Stay strong girl. They always come back. He will probably send a text message “by mistake ” just to get you to respond especially if it makes no sense to you, just to get you to respond and then ask how you are and POOF! You’re sucked in again. And a few days into it you will be going nuts and saying good bye again. I feel like I’m preparing for battle almost. I know what his strategies are already so I hope that ill be able to ignore it. Sometimes I thought I could play his game and turn it around on him but I realiZed that ill never win bvuz he doesn’t care and I do so ill always lose. So I decided that i will not play the game and stay busy instead. im trying not to sit and stare at my phone anymore and thats helped…(a little) Stay strong.
Absorp everyone says they come back and I know he has in the past but it was sooooooo bad this time I just can’t believe he will change his mind again. But then I’m not crazy like him so who knows what to expect.
Judahbug they don’t all come back….mine hasn’t because he knows I’ll tell the OW & he can’t afford to lose her…money,position,networks etc…too much to lose & he will probably marry this one?
I also went really hard on the revenge so, he hates me as much as I despise him 🙂
I actually don’t miss him at all now….I am just annoyed that I was so duped but….learnt a lot of lessons & am evolving to a better place finally 🙂
Don’t hang out for contact, you say you don’t want it but, you know the addiction part does want more….be careful Judah….it’s very demanding physically & emotionally & your stress levels will bring you undone 😦
Be healthy & happy….it’s the only way to go 🙂
PR xoxo
Yeah PR I’m a little worries bc I found his apartments have short term 3 month leases. I can’t see he will stay in that rat hole for 6 months even. And he’s already been gone since July 19. So that puts my safety date to about end of October. I will be healed even if I have to go to church meetings every night!!!!
Remember you are in the control seat of your life so, stay in it 🙂
Trust me, they come back. About a month ago I got a bright idea (not really, this is another example of how crazy he made me) i thought since I can’t just walk away maybe I can make him go away. I sent him a text telling him I met someone and had sex (he knows that would mean I am over him) he didn’t believe me so I sent him a picture of a guys penis (I’m not kidding I did this, I know it’s so insane that concocted this plan and actually went thru with it). The result: he knows I didn’t meet and sleep w/ anyone, he went away for a few hours and then used my lie against me (knowing I made it up hoping he would hate me and leave forever) as if it was true. Any other guy would leave a girl (I think) he didn’t. Because he knows he has me on leash (sad). The other night we went back and forth texting before I realized he was only doing that so I would feel relevant in his life…like not walking ur dog and instead playing fetch inside, does that make sense? I caught on and got mad at myself and told him to fuck off. He did for about 11 hours. He told me he is never going to go away. So it’s up to me to move forward. I had an okay day, I’m keeping busy organizing stuff, busy work that keeps me focused on what I’m doing (like counting change, if ur mind wanders you have to start over). Lol I feel so lame but at least I’m kinda laughing at myself and some of the things he said or did or even at my own behavior…I mean who says he is sharing a room with a possum (he actually said that to me) and I should feel bad for walking away when he needs me the most…or when he saw a scorpion in his room ( 20 floors in the bldg) he was on the 10th floor) and it crawled into a chair..or when he claims the FBI had his cell phone…lol I can’t believe I didn’t laugh at the crazy conversations but he made it all click together as he said stuff that it didn’t sound so crazy. It’s kinda amusing right now. Ugh… Going to bed..crossing my fingers and hope I make it thru the night w/out texting or him texting me. I haven’t emailed him (yay me!) in awhile. I know it’s a waste of time and he could care less i feel like it feeds his ego. Arrg..stay strong!!
It’s so true. I’m saying I don’t want contact but a small voice feels a bit hopeful that he will…I agree on the revenge thing so I don’t put any energy in doing that. Only because I know if I do something to really piss him off he WILL do something 10x worse. Months ago I actually blew him off for 8 days until he forwarded an email (it was fake he had put my daughters father ex fiances cell# as a # he could be reached at..that’s how I knew it was fake) that he had supposedly sent to my kids dad saying he had information about me and my daughter that he though he should know. And he had also created “a response ” from my kids dad saying I’m worried about my daughter call me back ASAP at yada yada #s.
ill admit for a split second I felt a panic until I saw the ex fiances number and realized he was trying to scare me so I would keep helping him financially. My daughter is my life and had just gone thru a nasty year long custody fight that ended in feb. he knows how to hurt me and if he will try to hurt my kid who knows what else he will do.so no revenge plans in my healing plan.i feel like I babbled.
Anyhow you are correct as well about them not always coming back, every story is different, mine feels like a bad case of herpes. (But I have a cure for it, no more contact)..
Absorp n PR. This whole thing takes its toll on me. After my revenge run last night and church today I wrote my final goodbye and haven’t sent any emails! Yay! It’s been about 11 hours of NC since I dropped the last note. That’s the longest ever! I know he doesn’t believe me. And he prob thought I would go knocking on his door tonight for drama. But no. I did have a weak moment where I drove by to see if he was home just now and he was. But he didn’t see me. So my NC is still in play thank goodness. He’s been very quiet since the Applebee’s appearance I made!!
Absorp I thought about sending a pic of me w another guy too. LOL actual kinda did once a few years ago but it was if me and a cousin. My P went ballistic!! I decided not to play those games now bc he would do that to me and I know I couldn’t handle seeing him in bed w another person.
ABSORP & JUDAHBUG….STAY NO CONTACT OR YOU’LL DO YOUR HEADS IN….ABSORP DON’T LOWER YOURSELF TO HIS GAMES IT WILL ONLY HURT YOU IN THE END….NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY…BELIEVE ME.
P.S. Judah if you can’t rest/sleep go to your doctor & get something mild if you want to? I did & rest made a huge difference. Sleep deprivation will make you unable to make clear decisions etc…be healthy & things will get better…give yourself a break, even from here….do the healings, walk, exercise, keep busy.
Love yourselves ladies….it’s the only way to go 🙂 You will get respite from Soc hell soon but, get some rest first 🙂
PR xoxo
Thanks PR. I have stayed NC today for sure. True I woke up missing him…the illusion of him. And ironically, he will be the one missing ME now. In fact, I noticed this evening he perved me again. Yep. He looks up my profile that I made when he left. Why he still does that, even after I crashed his date night Saturday…even after telling me 1,000 times to move on and stay the hell away….I’ve not bothered him. Yet he has to peek every day? Go figure?! I told my counselor today – who btw says, some Socs do have emotions and can feel depression or loneliness – that I know his cycle. It’s every 2-4 months. So very shortly he will be going thru the hating himself phase. Hating himself for messing things up again, and losing me. Granted that will probably be his way to try and beg to come home, but he’s done way too much damage this time. He will never change. I guess I’d just like to see his humiliation when that happens. I mean, he can’t stay living in that rat hole he moved to for very long.
OMG, I just got an e-mail titled “I’m sorry to hear about your break up with _____ and my exes name. It’s someone named Cheri Von something and when I opened it, it was from some guy’s relationship site saying how to keep a man and stop making relationship mistakes etc. I replied that I found out my ex was a sociopath and that there wasn’t a cure and that I had no idea how they got my e-mail and knew about my breakup but that I didn’t appreciate the insinuation that “I” did anything wrong and that they could shove the e-mail up their ass!! Does anyone have any idea how my personal info got into someone’s hands to where I would recieve such an e-mail? It’s very creepy and unsettling!!!
Cecilybecily….No Contact & ignore anything weird or suspicious it’s another gaming tactic either by your Soc or an enabler. Stay Strong, be Brave, be happy….You are better than the Soc anyday 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
But how would someone be able to send something with the entire relationship site info attached with it? I found it interesting that the persons name on the e-mail notifiation itself is nowhere to be found in he content of the e-mail…odd indeed!
Your socio? Just guessing…
But again, how???
Cecil. Could be UR Soc himself. Or an ex gf of his. Or a newbie? It’s probably him just to get a rise outta u. Don’t respond to any reply u get. Use their silent treatment on them! That’s what I’m doing now!!
What is a newbie and how would they get my e-mail address?
by newbie I meant his new gf.
I swear…the less time we focus on them and focus on ourselves the sooner we will be better mentally. It’s time for us to be selfish. Stay strong. No contact since 1am… Yay! The sooner I fall asleep the less time i give my mind to wander! Be safe and congrats on your no contact time! (It’s a start!)
LOL. where are u anyway Ab? It’s not 1 am yet here in Texas.
I’m in Los Angeles. I meant 1am this morning was the last time I text(after about5 long texts he wouldn’t respond to after starting a conversation SO annoying). It’s about to be midnight here…
It’s almost 2 am here Abs. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept much in a month
Thanks so much. I have a fun busy life and get on with things..but always ruminating at least once a day. And now I keep dreamimg of rats in my bedroom lol…how obvious is that. I just want to stop thinking. I feel like one of my major life goals has failed. I feel like there’s been a death. The death of a person I thought existed but was just a fantastic actor. The upside? I feel no jealousy for this young girl this time. The first time he dated her over me years ago shatteres my self esteem. So I truly think I don’t care as much what he thinks of me…anymore… I mean I used to really care his opinion was everything. Now he is just such a low life. I’m sad I was so physically attracted to him and even that’s gone. I hope I find a nice fella lol. This is a first for me…
Hey FS i am in Australia 🙂 where are you? I am glad your busy 🙂 & yes take something mild to keep you from overthinking & stressing. Rats (lol) dreams are weird, i had one with my Soc tied to a chair naked & all us victims/survivors chanting stuff he’d say etc…eyes wide open now, not shut! He was horrified….we all laughed at him. Gee it felt so real & made me happy 🙂 lol….be happy 🙂 xxx PR
I’m in Nova Scotia Canada. Oh this bundle in my gut is painful. I still want him to come back and avenge what he has done. It won’t happen will it. Why do I still want that!! He will contact again I know that…he always does. But will I resist? I really mean to now. Scary.
True…Ativan will be getting me through this week. Just to unclench my stomach muscles
FS I’m completing my first day of NC and I’m hurting so bad. I can’t even think straight. I don’t care about anything today. I’m so depressed.
I know. I had to sort out a minor detail this morning… I wanted to make sure his friend stopped blabbing our business especially to my sister. I asked him to speak with him nicely. I got an aggressive answer back (I had no right to go on like I did) …(still no acceptance or acknowledgement that he lied to me all summer about another girl no apology) and that I was to leave him the fuck alone. (Umm.no problem lol). I know he will be back. He gets bored. Likes to play the game of dominate and use me. I’m ready this time. So no contact is just starting now. In the end he gave me the friends number and I called him and asked him to keep quiet.. just wanted to keep the peace and let it all die. He said he would. I hope he does.
JB- I hope that you are managing well today on your second day of NC! I actually had a half day yesterday and didnt respond to mine last night when he asked what I was doing. It truly is difficult. THe one good thing is mine will be out of town for four days so im hoping that will give me some healing time.
I know it hurts…his texts every two hours were like a drug fix for me. He was like clockwork….WRUD he would text. I suppose just a way to find out what I was doing. But I truly feel your pain. He doesnt text as often now and trust me I still check my phone all the time, but I keep telling myself it WILL get easier!! It has to! .
And yes I went to the dr and got on some antidepressants as well as anti anxiety meds to help me through this. Maybe it would help you to do the same? THe anxiety meds help more bc as I said his texts are my drug fix…crazy as it sounds I would get really anxious if I hadn’t heard from him and I dont feel that way anymore.
This is a wonderful support system and I thank everyone for helping us all through the pain! Without y’all I could never be as strong as I am today.
I actually had the guts to tell him I didnt want to talk to him anymore and that I would find someone else he could contact to get the rest of his belongings….something I would have never said a few weeks ago bc I craved his texts…So ty again everybody!
Best wishes to everyone!! .
FS mine never acknowledges his behavior either. Never accepts accountability or responsibility. It’s all my fault. I drove him away for some mistake I made or not being perfect. Or making him feel I didn’t want him. WTH??? I’m soooooo grumpy today. I wanna smash his face in but wanna call and beg him to come home and stop this craziness. I’m upset not believing he will come back bc he already has 7 times before. But if he doesn’t I know that’s the best answer to prayer. If God removes him why won’t God remove my pain too???
Judahbug-hope u were able to sleep..I slept ok but lost it today and started texting him again…his phone is shut off…uh hi wish there was a way to get my messages back…I’m having a bad day. I can’t even find the energy to do anything so I can keep myself busy…ugh…I hope you’re doing good…and have a good day..maybe ill clean the windows or paint the kitchen..lol…
Its like they all follow the same script to use on us…Im a bitch and I look like an idiot..sounds too close to home. A few times I actually thought some of the people on here were seeing my sociopath because everything is almost identical to what ive had to go through. Stay strong. I started the NO CONTACT thing over again about 1 hour ago, yesterday was a good day, today is a bad day. Keep busy stay strong and AGAIN
IM SUPER GREATFUL FOR THIS SITE, I dont feel im alone and positiva and Phoenix Rising are an inspiration to me and my healing process.
Abs I fell asleep around 4am. Got up for work a few hours later. Just wanted to cry at first bc I miss him so bad. I’m trying hard not to email or call his store. He had already turned our phones off n got a new number so I has to get a new phone as well. He has my number but I don’t have his. I just wish I could hear from him. It’s such a sickness. I can’t stand it! How can I be so in love with the devil? I’m getting worried bc it’s a month today that he moved out. And I feel more like he really doesn’t care and doesn’t want me this time. It’s like what have I done? All the original feelings I had. I know the truth and he’s sick. Been trying to remember how worthless he is and all the mean he’s done.
I don’t ‘miss’ him so much right now. But I am in clarity mode where I feel like he’s not all that. I just realized who he was though shocked that he lied about the other girl. Who cheats on a new relationship girl? Lol. Anyway… I hope I can retain this feeling. I do still want him to come back and apologize. He won’t now… but when he wants something from me (and he will) he will give me the most sincere awe shucks apology ever. I’m so glad I am ready. I don’t miss him. I’m not suffering his loss. But I still want to win and be avenged. I actually feel like I’m the one in control now. I finally displayed that I am not afraid to lose him this weekend… and he is so mad I was out of his control. I can’t believe how mad he is he probably wants to choke me lmao. He had control all summer with his lies and now I have it. He always leaves the door open too… ” I hate you so much right now” its a slip of his… he says right now. Because he knows he will be back. That is what we need to do ladies…we all know they come back and when they do… beat them at their own game. Power is mine!!
That being said I could be a babbling idiot crying my face off tomorrow lol
PR…THANK YOU! gosh youre so patient…i really do need to stop my own behavior and focus on myself. The last thing I wa nt to do is use this site as a crutch to my own behavior or encourage anyone else to continue this self destructing behavior because at this point im just begging to continue feeling like shit. so its 12pm in Los Angeles. Day ONE of no contact. Im pulling out my paint and supplies and im going to paint my kitchen (maybe just one wall)
(my ex always said this to me; people always focus on what they want instead of focusing on what they dont want. he said once I figure out what I dont want my life will become much easier.) Scary right? I know i didnt want him to treat me like shit. I know I dont want to feel like shit and yet he did his best to make me feel like he was what I needed and wanted. Confusing but helpful to me in a way because I KNOW THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT.
thank you again for your support. and patience. Im choosing me. I have 5 days to refocus before my daughter return from her vacation with her dad, I wont be healed but I want to be better and Im willing to fight and put in the work to make the most of the next 5 days, I dont want to get lost in my head with my daughter here.
PR. FS. Abs. And others
He’s got me so paranoid roght now. I had a strange number call that I didn’t know and it scared me to death! I figured he made up some reason to have the police dept call me. He’s done that kinda thing before. The caller ended up leaving me a vmail and it was The pharmacy. OMG I am going insane!!! I was relieved and just wanna cry from all the anxiety. I haven’t contacted him. I’m hating him. Yet I’m hurting. Feeling so unwanted and unloved. My daughter being at church and ignoring me yesterday didn’t help things. I feel like I’m going thru the daily motions but not feeling anything. Not being happy. Not actually living. There’s no family no friends. No anybody who wants me. He has hurt me deeper than a “usual Soc” could. And he knows this. My family has been abusive for 48 years to me! And my birthday is this Friday. Why should I even care I lived to see another one?
I just changed my number. Cost me 20 bucks. Only to cave and call him two days later. He came over and we had fun. He is so great at acting normal!! Two days later I find out about the other girl. Stay strong own your phone number and own your responses. Play the game right back but DO NOT CAVE. HE’S LYING
Judahbug,
It’s painful to watch you experience this so, have to say something. Sincerely, I only comment with a hope of helping, but honey, you are in the grips of a serious addiction, and it’s not healthy for you. This person can’t be worth this amount of toil and misery, and I don’t know him!
You are not unloved. He isn’t contacting you because you busted in on and called him out on his date, appropriately (well, over the top, but, you know what I mean—he drove you to crazy with his deceit). Think of your unconditionally loving grand daughter right now, and give your daughter no reason not to want to respond to you—he is not worth how this addiction is dividing you from others. God help you that you are considering allowing this addiction to divide you from your own life and future joys.
I know this sucks, trust me. But this is a moment in time. Let this go. Tomorrow, let it go again. This forms distance, and you need that to pick up some pieces of yourself and reacquaint with what’s important in your life, and in the world.
If I were there, I would take you out for your birthday…and we wouldn’t utter a sentence of conversation over your abuser. We would look around us and experience the moment in time of our surroundings, enjoy tastes, sounds and views, and discuss hopes, dreams, plans, places we haven’t been but would like to go, things we haven’t done but would like to do, and people we haven’t met but would like to know.
This birthday coming marks a year out of your life. It is a landmark event in that, in just a few short days, you will have the opportunity to define for yourself the next year of your life. Please don’t miss out on your life, Judahbug, not for something like this—a compulsion, and addiction that only brings the sameness of something you’ve seen before; something that’s not good or positive. The only fear the future holds is that we don’t know if it will be better or worse. In your case, there is no guessing…it can’t help but be, right?
Though I can’t be there physically in person, I will be thinking of you this Friday, and praying for your new beginning. Please do something for yourself, however small…and let the day be about awareness of you, what matters to you, and what you want for yourself and for others. I challenge you to put forth the effort to honestly consider these things.
Hugs.
Then don’t watch because, HONEY, you don’t know a thing about how my life has been before my Soc. You don’t know how unloved I was by my parents or the abuse I lived for 48 years! Addiction? Maybe so, I mean that’s what I’ve read over and over about how they create a dependency and addiction to their victims, unless of course the discarded person happens to be PERFECT and can MOVE ON as easily as the Soc can. But then does that mean that the discard is also a Soc? Hmmmmm…..one would have to wonder that?
And I do think of my granddaughter….wanna know what I think of? I think of how she’s only 3 years old and my daughter has kept her out of my life, not because of my Soc…but because of my abusive parents and family…the dad who grabbed my boobs when I was a preteen and the mom who denies how he slammed me against the walls for punishment..or pulled my hair and scratched my neck and face all to hell with his long ass fingernails! How she says I make that stuff up in my head and I’m sick…but now she says I deserved that kind of punishment….and how she had me handcuffed last year and locked away b/c she is a Narcissistic BITCH if not Sociopathic like my ex! Not only did she do this, but she laughed as the police walked me by her car…she enjoyed doing this to her OLDEST daughter..you know the oldest…those that you usually cherish because they came first. And at the same time, this perfect example of parenting I got from her, she tells my daughter that I tried to abort her – where that came from God only knows.
Then there is my niece and sisters who beat me up in my own front yard the day my mom had me locked away…mind you, they left me there ALONE for 3 days. One would think if they did this to help a poor soul like me, they would come up for visitation like normal caring parents, right? So to say HE drove me CRAZY with his deceit???? I beg to differ. First of all I am not CRAZY..Pissed off YES…..Hurt, YES……was he the one for me? I thought so because he saw the family dysfunction and always had my back..He was the ONLY one who ever protected me against them. HE was the one who got me out and got me home. He could have left me there too and stayed living in this house by himself.
And then there’s my dad…the one who seemed so fascinated by my freakin boobs as a child…the one who died last August 13…the one who I had forgiven all the abuse for, but missed the last 6 months of his life due to my Psychotic mother disowning me for the millionth time!!!
To quote you: “Think of your unconditionally loving grand daughter right now, and give your daughter no reason not to want to respond to you—he is not worth how this addiction is dividing you from others. God help you that you are considering allowing this addiction to divide you from your own life and future joys.” I guess I just told you all the things I think of when I have to think of my daughter and granddaughter…But God help me that I allow this ADDICTION divide me from them?????? LOL HAHAHAH…I would suggest you get educated on my life and background before you start making your loving suggestions in such a derogatory way…..HONEY. As HE did not divide me from my family…they did that all on their OWN.
You probably think I’m a bitch from hell with a lot of wrath…you are probably CORRECT. I have been thru hell and back and I will not allow ANYBODY to sit back and judge that I am crazy or addicted just because my P broke my heart. I am one of the few people in this world who DOES know how to love and commit whole heartedly to someone. And I dare say, I have read way worse behaviors on this website by other people hurting the same way I am and I have not called them Crazy Addicts…Did you? Or did you just wake up today and decide to single me out and label ME that way…either way, I would advise you to think of someone besides me on my birthday this Friday because I don’t need another person belittling me and degrading me like my pathetic excuse for a mother does…and before you go making future loving suggestions to someone else, you better KNOW THEIR LIFE HISTORY BEFORE YOU MAKE ANOTHER HUGE MISTAKE LIKE YOU DID TODAY!!
I really hope you got my message loud and clear because I don’t plan on repeating myself…..have a good night……dear.
JB, the only one who can break this cycle is you. As Jusagirl says give yourself the best present, choose the path of freedom.
Everyone has a story. Everyone. I don’t need to know your backstory to know when you’re making obvious wrong moves. It was well-intentioned to point them out, not derogatory, but if you need to be a victim for him/them and take your wrath out on me…a stranger, extending a hand… well, that’s another one you will own the accountability on. As for me, my motives were pure.
Everyone is not going to say what they think when you are also acting crazy, but when I see repeated acts of the same, maybe I wonder if you can’t hear the gentle proddings and need some tough love. Sue me for thinking of your well-being.
You know, an alternate but equally direct reply might’ve went something like this: “I understand what you’re trying to say and appreciate your intentions, but I’m not sure you get my situation. Thanks anyway.”
Slaps for hugs… I may relate more to your socio…
You probably do relate more to him. I can see it in each of your insulting replies. But I don’t need your advice, so please just shut up and don’t read my posts if they bother you that bad. The more appropriate reply to your first observation of me should have been, “thanks Doctor”. But I didn’t see the credentials behind your name. And for the record, YOU are acting CRAZY on ME today..If you say this kind of thing to me, you either have not read other posts here, or again YOU SINGLED ME OUT..SO SHUT UP AND GO AWAY LIKE A NORMAL SOCIO WOULD DO.
and btw…WHO made the wrong move on ME today? YOU DID.
A stranger, extending a hand? with INSULTS? You need therapy to develop compassion if that’s the case…go extend it to some of the other people on this blog who have worse stories than mine…okay? yeah.
Youre going to be ok. and so am I. We just need to STOP our madness. Every word we write and every thought we invest in them is wasted time. My mailman cares more about me than he does.
Try to stay busy…You should read “Just Kids” by Patti Smith. Its a great book, its not a self help book and its not about sociopaths, its just an amazing book that Patti Smith wrote about her life with her first love. It wont make you sad but it will help you remember how love is supposed to feel like. I dont like feeling obssessed, its insane. Love isnt supposed to feel like this. You should get it.
NO DRIVING BY HIS PLACE or CALLLING HIS STORE! CHOOSE YOU TODAY!!!
Hey Abs…I haven’t driven..nor called…don’t even want to. It’s his turn to wonder what’s up with me…I don’t really care for his sickness. Broken hearted am I? Yes, like all the rest….the lies, deceit, etc. But at least I’m not like him. I have feelings and emotions and I can care about people.
Absorption…Dont listen to your ex regarding what to focus on. The law of attraction, which i am a firm believer and advocate of, states that whatever you focus on, expands. So, focus on what you WANT in life, and less focus on what you DONT want…because even when you are focusing on what you DONT want, you are putting energy to that thought and bringing more of what you DONT want…Sorry to speak in rhymes, hope that makes sense.
Try a simple exercise like this every day. I have been doing it for years and it helps me attract everything I set my mind to:
I am so grateful to God (source, universe, whatever..) for _______.
Write 10 sentences. Make these sentences focus on what you WANT…and what you might not already have. For instance.
“I am so grateful to God for attracting pure, honest, genuine, true love into my life on a daily basis”
With that being said, you are focusing on the love you WANT..and naturally, when you focus on the love you want, the love you DONT want, falls to the wayside.
Likewise, when you tell yourself “I dont want to think of him…I dont want to talk to him…” guess what happens??…exactly.
So, write affirmations to yourself every morning and night about the things you DO want (and not the things you dont want) and re-create the life of your dreams.
Sounds hokey, but I have been using it for years…and actually, now that i think about it, I actually used the LOA to attract my soc back into my life again this go around. So, be careful what you wish for! You really do get it all sometimes 🙂 Good luck!
Also, if anyone is interested in this practice/exercise, I send an email out daily of my intentions/manifestations and would be happy to include anyone else in on the thread.
That’s brilliant I’m going to do it!
I swear…its almost like I dare him to contact me just so I can ignore him and he realizes that ive taken control of my life again. Im cutting those strings. I HAVE to.
When i get depressed, I tell myself STOP IT, he was a terrible person. I dont have any real reason to be or feel depressed its not like he was this magical great man that did me right and I wronged him somehow. I didnt do anything and when I did it was a set up for whatever happened next or whatever he needed to do to get me out of the way so he could do whatever or get whatever he needed from me.
STAY STRONG! We deserve to be happy. and im willing to fight to find myself again!
Be careful Abs…don’t spill your guts here. Apparently there’s a Jusagirl who might label you crazy and an insane addict….watch your back…Those of us who are hurt come here to be abused as well….probably shouldn’t be on this site, if this is what goes on here.
Keep telling yourself that. Not much chance of you letting a past relationship go when you can’t let a solitary conversation go, You are right, you need serious professional help. Your anger, rage, knee-jerk behaviors, and inabillity to control your tongue all give you away.
I did/do have good intentions. Now you, on the other hand, are questionable. Generally, someone who has to shout they are a “good person” is suspect; let your actions prove it. If you don’t hear what you think cajoles and soothes they way you require, you are venomous. It does have to make a person wonder if you really are the victim.
But keep it up… you seem to have a lot of poo you need to sling everywhere and I’m sure it hits everyone you encounter if they aren’t sympathetic in the way you think they should be. Talk about your narcissism…I think you may have talent for projection. And nobody needs a Phd. to analyze you or single you out… you stand out with your actions/reactions in an unavoidable way that begs it be addressed. You just didn’t hear it the way you wanted.
I’m disinterested in being your target and don’t deserve it. Please go on back to your routine (if you can), I’ll do the same.
yes, please…how can i get that…
you would have to send me your email address, or make up a new one to keep your anonymity on the site so I have it and can attach you. Let me know! Or maybe positiva can send me an email with your email address. Not sure. Just a little daily ritual I do that keeps me grounded and focused in the right direction. Mindset is key in this.
LOL..see how brainwashed I am…what you say maks way more sense than what I wrote…i do not want to walk around all day thinking i dont want this or i dont want that..lol…im feel really silly for writing that now.
thank you!
Gas. What warps my thoughts is how do u wake up one day. Walk out the door never seeing the person again. Like they never existed? How do u say hels sick. I deserve better. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. And the love u feel is suppose to disappear just like that.
UR right tho. I think things like I hate him. I wanna hate him. I wish he hurt. He’s bad. He’s evil. Even thinking things like I deserve better tends to put some focus I him bc I deserve better than what? HIM OF COURSE!
I wanna wke up And be over this. I have to kill some pain by telling myself even if he finds someone it won’t be real either. He will sell lie and cheat etc
I have taken baby steps. I started a healthy diet this wknd. I’ve been talking to a few other men. They may be interested but I’m not. Still talking at least gives me life into this body of mine. I went back to my church. Reached out to a few peeps from my past. Some don’t care. That hurts but times like this u learn who really cares for u.
Fortunately I have a good support at work. I love my job and a few know what’s going on w him n family. I can focus on that and be proud of my job and how I got this job to begin with. How I have my MBA and even psycho boy can’t take that away!
The key is to not focus on getting “over” it but getting “through” it. I never said I havent walked through insane emotions and rage going through this. I have. But the more you let yourself actually process what you are feeling – whether you need to cry or yell it out – the more you can finally move on to the next emotion you need to process. I write freelance articles for a blog and I wrote a specific post about this process, with a spiritual twist. If anyone is interested, I will email it. I dont want to post it publicly, to protect my identity of course. But I feel confident emailing it to anyone if they are curious.
You will never just wake up one day and have it be gone. But you wake up and have more of a piece of you than you did the day before..adn that might still require more breakdown before you can start from zero. But you eventually do get there.
As positiva suggested in her posts, try making lists….Lists of what you miss..lists of what you dont miss and who they actually were..and what your goals are. I had to do this for the first month. I needed to see it in black and white. review that list daily. It should take the edge off some of the gut wrenching pain.
Include me Gas. U guys can haven email. I don’t mind. I lived w satan for 3 years. Doubt any of u can hurt me!!
Ltmom1965@yahoo. Anybody feel free to email me.
Gas I’ve done lists. I do it on a regular basis. Reminds me who he is and what all he did. It helps. U can send UR blog to my email that I posted. I do go back and forth like u said.
🙂
Gas! Can you email me that blog again, My computer at home went goofy. The screen froze and while trying to move around it deleted your email before I got to read it 😦
Thanks doctor
I think you’re right on about emotions..selfish emotions though. Loneliness… sad. My soc was abandoned by his mother at age five which he liked to use to play the pity card. Of course it was sad…he’d even admit that it was a lot of his problem. How can you not love that? Lol. Anyway…mine goes through the same cycles. When he is happy he is pumpedup and vain…he loses weight he becomes more social and doesn need me. Every time we were really close it was when he felt lonely..he’d be reflective…more isolated… usually gain weight. And usually this vain feeling occurs in the spring and he returns to cozy come fall and winter. In fact we have broken up catastrophically every summer. He has a new victim now so I don’t think he will be back this fall lol I’m so done. I feel free. Anyway.. yes they can have emotions. They just do not have any for you…they have no empathy. I often wondered why he was such a great father..he adores his daughter..but I think it is because he sees her as an extension of himself. When she gets older and has her own mind and opinions…that relationship may change. I hope not. But a lot of what is sweet kind and vulnerable about him is as I now know all fake.
Adores his daughter…mine did too…I think they see them as objects/possessions…and I think he still sees me as one if he’s still Perving me (viewing me). I know this b/c I get notifications in my emails, but I refuse to get online and let him see I’ve been online recently. The less he knows about me the better. His day to suffer will come. And ur right, the emotions are selfish..not just that though, they can actually care (what my counselor says), it’s just they don’t have deep feelings or the capacity for unconditional love and attachment. They’re sad a lot because they know they aren’t normal and some would like to be. She even said this makes them depressed and sometimes suicidal. That made sense to me, b/c mine had tried suicide the year before we met. His daughter told me he did it 3 times in the past. I think he knows he’s a piece of crap.
Yes…mine was very moody. Those lost little boy moods. I often wondered if mine was bipolar. (I am). I don’t think he has any intention of long term plans with this girl. I just have to sit heee and watch the seduction stage. Makes me sick. Oddly not jealous this time though. Knowledge is power. I found out she was mad in love with him. For some reason that made me feel better I thought she was hard to get and he was chasing her lol now I know he is just using same as me. So my jealousy now that I understand him is gone!!
Mine was moody too, his sister mentioned bipolar to me once. And I think she’s right. He doesn’t have long term plans to stay in that crappy apartment either. He doesn’t have plans for much in life at all. I haven’t really had to face any serious jealousy yet. He’s never moved on to something or someone. Cheated yes, but nothing bigger, although hurt is still hurt. I feel better knowing what’s wrong with him too. I know when that day comes and someone else is in the picture, he will repeat everything on her and eventually be alone again…I on the other hand, will hopefully find someone real and not be alone in life as he will always be.
Hey J’bug,
if you heal yourself first you will find another loving heart to love you 🙂
You have to clear the Soc & his toxins out first & then you will be free 🙂
Remember you have to love yourself fully to be able to love again & to receive the right love your heart desires. 🙂
I have said this before to others but, would you treat another as your Soc treats you? I doubt it so, look at how he treats you & say NO MORE.
Would you ever want someone you love to be in a relationship with a Soc?
I doubt it so, show others that this is not how anyone should be treated in the name of love.
Show yourself the compassion & love & the rest will come 🙂
Stay No Contact, stop letting him drive you crazy. It’s your mind not his & he may get annoyed but, your display only proves to him that you are still in the game & that’s why you have reacted with feeling.
If he comes back he will throw your actions back in your face & tell you your the crazy one 😦
He will use your emotional outbursts against you….they always do.
He does not have emotion so, is detached & watching it as an observer, waiting, enjoying & letting you suffer…all to his amusement 😦
Stop the game, get off the rollercoaster & find your PEACE, you deserve it 🙂
Love & light,
PR xoxo
Hi FS,
If he does come back then you know the inevitable game plan so, it’s up to you?
Remember how you are feeling will return if you don’t rid yourself of him once & for all?
It is your life & we are here to support you any way we can.
If you backslide well, you are not alone in that either.
You are the only one that truly knows how this will play out etc…I hope you find the strength within yourself to break the cycle of abuse that is the relationship with the Soc.
Normal people don’t suffer this torment so, why do you?
Look within yourself, why put up with someone that clearly likes to hurt you.
Would you do this to them?
I would never set out to systematically play on someone’s emotions ever.
This is what a Soc does, it’s a game & you are a player not a person to him.
I hope you find peace & a loving relationship with a truly loving heart that puts your feelings first 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Cecilybecily,
If someone else has your details from the relationship site then you must contact them?
I know of a Soc that can actually hack into another person’s computer so, anything is possible.
Ask the site how they let your details out etc…?
A Soc or another Soc will do this! Relationship sites are full of Soc’s be careful!
@ Judahbug…..Do not give out your email as Soc’s prowl this site & may email you as a friend…I.E. one of us & play with your head….change your email.
Set up another account anonymously
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
I have never shared any info about my soc on any sites and did reply to it asking how they got any information about him, me and our involvement etc. The most unusual thing is they used his name which is very, very uncommon. It would be different if his name was Mike or John or if the e-mail said “Sorry about your recent break-up, period, but it said “Sorry about your recent break-up with ______(his name) and aside from using his name which is an unusual one, it was spelled correctly, which is another odd thing. At any rate it’s done and I’ve had no contact with him and have no intention of doing so, I am not interested in any kind of communiation, I grew bored by it all and feel better than I have in years. I am free of the drama/trauma and have plenty of people who truly value me and who I am. I am not one to wallow for an extended period of time, I spent plenty of time doing that when I was involved with him, the questioning of my worth and needlessly blaming myself etc. I am not going to spend any more time on that kind of shit, he is the loser and the one with the problem, not me. I know I deserve better, will spend all the necessary time to heal and move on. Life is too short to spend it thinking about what could have been…it was nothing more than an illusion and the real him is pathetic and not worth my thoughts, energy or heartache!
Thanks PR…I think I got one of those Soc’s prowling today under the name of Jusagirl….Like I give a damn what she has to say…but changing an email can be done! Thanks! I didn’t even think about those pathetic trolls roving this place.
Gaslighted
This is my real email address… I’m kinda breaking it up so it doesn’t pop up if someone tries doing any searches if you know what I mean
First part is cri second stel
Third 1219 fourth 76
@ Gmail
Hopefully you understand that.no spaces it’s my name 7letters then date of birth 6 numbers
I just got this!! sorry!! check email
Judahbug
Yay good for you!! My morning started out a little rough but it’s coming to an end better than it started..I haven’t heard from him, which is fine with me…my text went through about 4pm, he turned his phone on…I got the text delivery report…so he just blew me off like I figured he would..,again that is ok with me…in a way he is helping me by not responding lol!
Abs, I haven’t had any contact with him, but I now he’s perved me several times this evening. Go figure…HE choses to leave and has to keep up w my every move or whatever? Oh wait. Can I say that? Dare I be blasted again for voicing today’s daily events? OMG CALL ME A CRAZY ADDICT!!!
I changed my number about a month ago too and I also gave it to him 3days later..arg…he said something like I didn’t even know you changed it…ouch. Stay strong.