PR, we are escaping of their control, of their definition of what is truth and what isn’t, of our addiction to a fantasy, of the idea that they will change when they saw how much we love them and how inconditional we are with them…
Yes we are freeing our souls & it’s fantastic 🙂
Just takes awhile to shake off their effect but, I’m shaking myself like a dog after a bath….boy that feels so nice 🙂
“YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS ON YOUR LIFE
-BE MARKED WITH THEM
– BE STOPPED WITH THEM
OR
-BECOME A STRONGER PERSON”
JB, I’M SURE THAT YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.
Is that to me NMI? I’m not making any decisions. Just commenting they have no life emotions but they will feel death. LOL. sorry if I scared u. I’m kewl.
Yes, JB, english is not my first language and I made of lot of mistakes trying to interpret your idioms.
When you are ready, Just remember you can make the best decision, choose yourself.
Bendiciones for all of you!
! Buenas noches!
Oh J’bug LOL, I put a towel down for my Georgie Boy he loves it…he does scuttle about though & HELLO grass….loves a roly poly, just have to make sure I pick up the Soc!
Oops sorry silly me I meant POO!!! LOL
Been a few days. Had some contact. He ran back to his saintly put up with anything wife lmfao. Too many expectations from the rest of us. Like honesty. Anyway… all I miss is the amazing sex. But have to say no (option will def present itself again) to retain some measure of self respect. I’m at peace. I think.
I’m going to refrain from commenting on the “…some measure of self respect” admission, mostly because it’s clear how you’re really feeling by the inclusion of “I think”. 😉
I was thinking though about the “amazing sex” comment, as others have posted similarly. You’ve probably already thought about this before, but I always wonder if it was good because it was part of the mirroring process as well? Just imitate and reflect back? What do others think about this?
I think matching and mirroring definitely plays a huge role in why the sex was so good. Also, I think that there can be such conflict, such drama, such high emotions that to FEEL CONNECTED to them for once, when they are constantly pulling the rug out from under you, can be a huge accomplishment…at least, in the mind. To feel like, “Yes! We still have it! We still have something to fight for! See? we ARE right for each other because it is SO GOOD!” is sort of just using the pleasure as positive reinforcement for whatever shit storm the just put is through.
At least, thats my take on it 🙂
ops forgot to mention..
apparently they have had a lot of practice at it behind our backs so with that kind of track record, you better be good at SOMETHING! sheesh
It is part of the false image he gave. He thinks he is the sexiest man alive, a “sex machine” he was right, he is just a machine…
@ Brandy…
In my opinion, the comparisons are not helpful. My soc shared an interesting piece of information early on when I asked why he didn’t try to flatter me. He said, “You don’t require that kind of persuasion.” He (your ex) may or may not use the new mark as a financial resource, but rest assured he’s using her somehow, she just may have no $$. From what I’ve seen/read, they don’t do straight charity… ever.
True Jusa…been trying to think about it and I think he needs a place to stay while he is in the next state doing his search n rescue job lol. Mine was such a cheater that he was leaving my house to go to the out of state gf’s house and offered to meet a girl from an online site along the way! It’s truly unbelieveable what they put us through!! The magnitude of it all is amazing!!
For those of us who have been in this cycle for months, or (like me) YEARS….I was thinking today, during my yoga practice (when I should be “non thinking, ha), I wonder what would happen if I wrote out the whole history of our relationship in a timeline? Meaning, times you re-connected, times you had falling outs, what they were about (if you can remember), what you felt like, how he disappeared, how he re-appeared.
So, I just did 10 years worth of timeline…and HOLY COW I am so shocked. Mostly because i had this built up to something different in my head…When really, when I look at this timeline, the time we spent “good” verse the time we were at a “falling out” and the time where he tried to reach back out to me or vise versa, the whole thing is really stupid.
In a nut shell, I have literally spent the last 10 years going back and fourth with a man who cant give me more than 4 months at a time, and those months are always dramatic and turbulant…So, its not like he has ever been in it for the long haul.
And when I break down how long our NC has been, it has never been longer than 8 months. We have never gone an entire YEAR without speaking. Hmm…I always thought we did, for some reason.
Which means 🙂 You guessed it. I have a new goal! 1 year NC is my goal. of course, longer, too, if I can, but I would love to break that cycle! So far, it has been 2 months.
10 more months! 10 more months! and then maybe forever 🙂
But seriously, if any of you have been roped into this for years like I have, I strongly encourage you to objectify the whole relationship in a timeline…makes it CRYSTAL CLEAR to see how it is a pattern that WILL NOT STOP until we do 🙂
Although I don’t have the data to do that myself, I love that idea of putting it in black and white. I did record our “sex days” for obvious reasons, and didn’t like the pattern. I also started recording the “time spent” (hours) and didn’t like that result either, as compared to amount of time texting or abandonment. Puts things in perspective to have such raw facts… not to mention goals (the NC goal is a great idea!)
yes! really opened my eyes to separate fact from feeling. Before I wrote it down, I “felt” like we had a much stronger connection, bond, relationship than we actually did on paper. Not to say my feelings werent real, but looking at it black and white certainly makes it all seem really juvenile. Time to grow up and strive for that real, adult connection/relationship that isnt so hot/cold!
I was on this site before bed and had to come back right away today. Hearing your stories is opening my eyes so much. This comment really resonates with me. Seems like in our almost-decade anytime spent time together is usually 99% about sex. I don’t think I’d like the results if I did the timeline… so all the more reason I should do it.
Hi Kosmia welcome to the site! 🙂
Hey Jus 🙂
I lost the thread but, I read where you said your Soc has a negative disposition & mine did also, really negative & I would provide the positive 🙂
He said to me how bubbly & effervescent I was & that he needed that?
I guess he was such a downer that I provided the light entertainment (lol).
Seriously I think I did & he would often lift his mood around me because if he acted bluesy I was drained even more so?
What a boring lack luster person he really is 😦 that he needed me to shine him up 🙂
Love PR xoxo
This is a great idea that requires courage to confront ourselves with the reality. Mine is 2 weeks of “good relationship” and then he got “the look” when his eyes got an empty look…and the inferno began with a week of judgment (where he is the victim, rhe accuser, the police and the judge), after his veredict it came two weeks of the silence treatment and when I thought everything have finished he start contact saying he will forgive me (of whatever is my sin ) and the cycle begins again…for the last 3 years.
After his last verdict I know what comes after it…the difference is that I decide to stop playing the indanity game
I always noticed that our marriage would always worsen around the 18th to 22nd of every month. For ages though it was never really good but would blow up around this time. I always said to him its always around rhe same time of the month. There was a lot to my situation though and didn’t trust him for two years. This played a big part in it also as he expected me to just brush things under the carpet which I just couldn’t. I’ve never lost trust for anyone to this extreme in all my life and it made me so paranoid and suspicious. He most definitely sabataged our marriage and family unit. I was the only one who really wanted it and lost so much of myself and money fighting for it. Its was call so real for me but he always told me we/us was fake. I had served my purpose having our child. 8 weeks later is when he sabataged everything. Two more years I put myself and our child through all this. Its all so sad that we never had a hope in hell of being a proper family. Well I’m nine months on and thanks to cranial sacral therapy I am not beating myself up like I was on a daily basis. Still got a long way to go though. Got a divorce and court case to deal with. I will get through it. I’ve surprised myself that I’ve come this far. I thought I was weak but clearly I’m not. This site has also been a great help to me also abd PR has been brilliant. Its so nice to finally be understood by others.
I am glad your okay 🙂
I hadn’t heard from you & the LO 🙂
Take good care & stay strong 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
Hello PR. I do still visit but had so much to sort out what with whats coming up. I handling it ok and keeping it together. Just hope I dont breakdownbat court. I want to come across assertive and positive not a teary trembling wreck. He would just love to see me like that and I so don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I’m doing my upmost to stay positive and being kind to myself.
Hope you are keeping well.
Big hug. Xx
@GL…
“apparently they have had a lot of practice at it behind our backs so with that kind of track record, you better be good at SOMETHING! sheesh”
Not exactly something to be proud of, is it? And, when you add the sexual dysfunction aspect, it really gives you something to think about with respect to whether they ever really wanted you. To them, maybe/probably just another tool that provides for a means to an end, that being the control over you, your finances, your resources, etc.
his “pattern” ranges from a few weeks-8 months. Over the last 10 years, there have been periods of NC anywhere between 1 month – 8 months. So, who knows when this one will re-surface. I feel so much better knowing when I can expect it and how to be prepared when it surfaces! I have had a few dreams about him lately….not romantic or pining for him, but that he has contacted me about something non-relationship oriented and that I have actually responded in my dream…So! I am trying to stay armed with my own past 🙂
I’ve done this numerous times. I see the patterns. I know the ugly. Why can I not stay moving forward? Am I beat down that bad? I felt guilty in throwing away family albums of his so I took them to him today. He just wants me to move on w my life. He’s so cold. He looked high even at work. He lost a lot of weight and looked really horrible. I just wanna cry. I feel soooo. I dunno even know what I feel.
Lost? This type experience is very complicated and difficult to sort through. I’m guessing that’s why PR and others are always saying, “The longer you’re in the relationship, the more difficult/lengthier the recovery”. Obviously, I don’t speak from experience since my time with the soc has been under a year, but I would think it would be hard to imagine a new life after being used to the previous one, however bad.
It is confusing and also depressing to not be sure what you are looking at next. With a blank canvas, I think we assume nothingness is the alternative, but it isn’t. We have to dare to imagine what alternate life might be available to us. I do a lot of songwriting, and one of the phrases those who instruct about it is to not let yourself be an “early editor” of your own work. It’s hard, because we want to judge our own words sometimes before we’ve even spoken them. Sometimes, family influence has taught us at an early age our thoughts and dreams are foolish, by invalidating them.
I don’t know what your situation might’ve been, but just because you’ve been on the rotation of one script for a lonnnnnnng time doesn’t mean you can’t change it—I do know that. Will it be hard?
Sometimes, we have to do the hard thing at our pace. Maybe it’s stepping up and changing one thing within a month. Maybe that’s all the digestion we have for change at that moment in time. The beauty right now is that we have the control/power to decide our own limits and what might break us vs. help propel us forward.
I’m just an observer, but you seem to me like you are asking yourself the tough questions in your life right now. Just maybe, that’s enough work for the moment?
I’m right there with you Judah…I feel like my heart is about to explode right out of my chest. My relationship was only 7 months so I cannot imagine the pain youre feeling. But we are all here for you….maybe we’ve never met but friends by unfortunate circumstance none the less.
Jusa and GL posts are spot on I think. While I have been trying to just make the feelings go away I’ve pushed them so far back that the dam has broken under the pressure.
I just keep reminding myself that maybe we are fortunate that things ended? It’s hard but we should prepare ourselves for someone who will truly love us and if the spath is still in the way, it blinds you to what your future may hold for you. Yes it’s hard I wont lie…I hurt same as everyone here but at some point we have to look at the positive and realize that it’s probably a blessing in disguise that they are out of our lives. We just have to make it past the pain…… one day at a time! 🙂
longest I’ve gone is 2 – 2.5 months and that was with a phone number change LOL. this time is brand new… I believe I contacted the long suffering ex wife because I just wanted it to be done. He says it is… lol. so if I make it past 2.5 months this time it will be a major achievement.
woo hoo! rooting for ya. yes, sometimes we need MORE information, even if it is dirty and painful, to paint the full picture so we can stop living in denial
@Gaslighted – this is AWESOME, and good for you for looking at the situation objectively. They take SO much more than they ever give, but because they are so good at manipulation, you might think otherwise. A long time ago one of my good girlfriends, who has now been happily married for 13 years, said “When the bad times happen more often than the good times, or when there are deal-breakers, it’s time to move on”.
What I remember the most from the months that I was with my spath was that there was constant drama, chaos and bullshit – and I had had a very peaceful, stable and happy life before “him”. If nothing was wrong, he would start to antagonize me to stir things up. One night we got into an argument, and he left and walked an hour and 1/2 to pick up his car – while he was walking he called me several times, telling me “don’t come and pick me up”. I said “don’t worry, I won’t” (and I didn’t). Since it was very cold out that night, he just about froze in his car, as he didn’t have blankets and was only wearing a sweater and jeans. The next morning he came back to my house and said “I was sure you were going to come and get me” WTF???? (he was such a drama queen) I said “well, you told me not to, so I was just respecting your wishes” At the time I felt kind of bad, but of course now I laugh at the thought of him freezing his ass off … serves him right …
Good for you – stay strong, you only have 10 months to go for NC.
Thanks! Yes, totally different looking at it all black and white!
And really, observing that some of these emotions of attachment, love and feeling are really just carried over from age 15, 16, 17, 18…20 of when I thought I knew what “love” was and never got closure for it! So, of course, it dug up those old feelings…but I didnt REALIZE how young I was, feeling all those feelings.
I’ve said it before, but if I met my soc today, not having the history of the feelings, I wouldnt have even looked twice or stuck around for all of this. Sometimes the biggest thing to let go of is the past, or our idealized “idea” of it.
I beat myself up almost every single time, looking back to those “falling outs”, convincing myself it was my fault. And I carried that guilt into my young 20’s…even to our most recent relationship. I have had to seriously examine it from start to finish to see it wasnt my fault, its not my fault, and its certainly okay to let go and move on.
Its almost like…:) I’m finally seeing my relationship the way my friends and family had…Like, I will look at it and go “what?? what was i thinking!!”. So clear from up here 🙂
I left mine to sleep in my car one night when we were coming home from a holiday and found him texting a different woman. Yep, you can stay in here tonight 🙂 hehe
Not sure who posted about losing their house, having no money and divorcing (Brandi?) couldn’t seem to find it on here, was in my e-mail bcz I have posts set up to go there. At any rate, please do not give up, I know how difficult it is because I too got a divorce, had no money and am still reliant on my family for financial help every single month. One day you’ll realize you survived it all and came out a completely different and better person. Keep writing and sharing and allowing one of us to help see you through, this place is a Godsend and you’ll make it! I would suggest you keep his refridgerator in case the checks are bad, just my two cents…hang in there Girlie!!! xoxoxo
Lol I was actually gonna give the fridge to him but he cancelled on getting his stuff so I’m considering selling his fridge and golf clubs….just have to check the legality of it I guess.
I am feeling a bit stronger today…hopefully I can keep the momentum going. Yes It is me who is going through the divorce and losing everything. Some days I just really get overwhelmed and I just have no plans. My spath had sold me the idea that we would be together and we’d just move to his house when it was all gone. I guess its just the realization that dream was never his intent and I have no other plans in place that worry me. I dont know how long I can stay in my house but im trying to save all the money that I can until that time.
Im sorry that you are struggling too…I know that we will both be fine in time. You must count yourself lucky to have such family support! That is wonderful! Yes one day I hope to think of myself as a survivor….and you already are! You are working your way from your low point and its only up from here! I wish you the best of luck! Im here if you ever need to chat! 🙂 Stay strong!
Here’s the TRUTH…..YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN just by the mere fact that you found this site and the support it lends, that was no accident, believe me! I truly believe in one’s innate power and you have it, it may need to be ignighted, but it’s there. My mom said something very powerful to me when I was going through my divorce, she said “You may have friends and family who love and care for you but you’re really on your own in this and are going to have to find the strength from deep within yourself to get through it”. It scared me at first because I couldn’t imagine how in the hell I was going to find any more strength than I believed I already posessed and I had to think long and hard about what she said. I knew she was right and some how, some way, I made it! I remembered all the times in my life that I would be sad or scared that something wasn’t going to work out and it did, so I drew strength from that. I heard something in my head one day that also helped me, a little voice said “God doesn’t stop blessing us,” there’s no cap on blessings, if things worked out before in your life, they will again. No matter if you have to take it an hour at a time, one foot in front of the other is all it takes…one day you’ll look back and see you survived and flourished! Sometimes we just have to be reminded that the true way to happiness has been inside us all along…you can do this!!!!! xoxoxo
All of these stories I have read on this Forum are truly comforting and inspirational. I’ve been contemplating Suicide for a while now. About two years now Suicide has been in the back of my mind due to this Sociopath. I am a lot better due to not only this sight but the support of my mother and therapy. I also have took up Doll making and sewing as a hobby, which I do enjoy. I am still slightly hesitant to get on Anti-Depressive medications due to the fact I have heard some horror stories with them leading people to Suicide. I am A LOT better now compared to three years ago when the Sociopath and all of his drama and havoc exploded causing literally EVERYTHING to hit the fan. My story is on this Forum somewhere but I will tell it again in a Nutshell. He was handsome, charming…Successfully stable when I met him like all Sociopaths are st first. I was tricked into the relationship. Then he trapped me in his web of lies and deceit. He was abusive, and damaged my well being emotionally, mentally and physically…the worst experience I had was besides the fact I find out he got only one, but three woman pregnant when I was with him and was into Crossdressing and Transgender Porn. Was when I got semi Raped one night by him as he came home drunk and horny and pinned me down on the floor and did his thing. I kept saying “stop!” and “no!” and “Ouch!”… He didn’t respect the fact that I really did not want to be intimate with him that night and he got his way and his sex anyway. He turned friends against me, hacked all of my Social networking accounts, told horrible lies about me to people and my Boss… and I lost my Job eventually, He even told me that he would never stop until I Committed Suicide! HOW COLD BLOODED AND CHILLING IS THAT…..????? The list goes on and on….He was just a unbelievably terrible, horrible man. I WAS a Victim to this monster of man…now I am a Survivor and have a better understanding now on what Sociopaths are and what they can and will do. I am not fully healed as it takes time for hearts to heal and I am undeniably scarred from that terrible Situation that nearly killed me, as I almost killed myself dozens of timesand even attempted Suicide once, thinking death would be better than taking all of the games and psychological abuse from this individual. Too make a long story short, I am just glad I got away from him in tje end. It took a lot of hard work and a little sneaky planning but I got away :). If there is a God and a Heaven. I would ask…why do these people exist…? Like seriously, what’s the point? And if there is a Hell, I truly believe ALL Sociopaths will be there! 🙂
I completely understand the desire to put an end to the suffering by considering suicide but I can tell you from experince that not every anti depressant has bad side effects. I have been on Celexa (generic for Prozac) and Paxil and it takes the edge off and makes a world of difference. I didn’t start out taking anti depressants because of any particular relationship, have just always been a “dweller” or worried too much and needed to kind of get ahead, for lack of a better explanation, of what seemed to keep me from being able to focus and relax. I honestly believe when one is experiencing extreme emotional or mental trauma, they can make it much easier to deal with. I am not suggesting you do anything you do not want to do but highly recommend you talk to a professional and see what’s available and if it may be of some help. I’ve been on anti depressants for years and cannot imagine my life witout them, a small dose even.
Continue to be active on here, whether it be by writing or reading, it makes sense out of a senseless experience and you’re not alone!!! xoxo
Great advice (as usual 🙂
I am on a low dose & don’t need it all the time, mainly for sleeping when I dwell too much 😦
I am doing Gestalt Therapy (Pos recommended it) & it’s helping but, confronting.
I am reading a book by Peter Levine ‘In an Unspoken Voice’, haven’t finished but, already blowing me away 🙂
Glad we are here supporting each other 🙂
It all helps & we will get better together 🙂
Love PR xoxo
OMG Luxia 😦
He planted the suicide thought in your head so, you must resist as it would be his greatest achievement in his delusional state.
Imagine the Power it would give him if he thinks you killed yourself for him 😦
Take back your POWER now 🙂
Never give him this power, you are worth so much more & you must never stop fighting for yourself.
We are not here very long in the scheme of things so, honour your existence please.
You are here for You, not a Soc’s torture so, to give life is the most amazing experience & one day you will hopefully have that opportunity?
You are only young so, don’t throw your life away for this horrible demon 😦
Archangel Jeremeil is watching over you & his message is :
“The worst is now behind you & your surmounting any previous challenges.”
These challenges you’ve faced have made you stronger & have taught you lessons. Instead of becoming bitter, open your heart with compassion to people in similar situations. Do not blame yourself or feel like a victim.
You are a very strong woman.
Stay Positive, be brave & remember who you are & that this does not define you.
You are you & you are beautiful, loving, caring & worthy of all the great things life has to offer. 🙂
Mine always said “don’t be committing suicide now will ya when I’m gone” I said what over you. He said yeah. I told him he isn’t worth it but he seemed to think he was. Well guess what? I’m still here and stronger than I honestly thought I was and finding my own personal power to help me deal with what still lies ahead. I am being put into a situation where I will HAVE TO SEE HIM. In a court room and so don’t want to be within a mile of him but this is happening because I have refused him unsupervised contact with our lo. I will do whatever it takes to protect our child. What will be will be but at least I know I done everything I could to safeguard lo’s safety and well being.
@Luxia – I am SO horrified that you went through this, and you had actually contemplated/attempted suicide. And the fact that he told you he would drive you to this. What a sick, sick monster he is … and therefore NOT WORTH YOUR LIFE. I am just sickened by these people – and even though I really believe that my ex is an SP, he was not nearly as bad as some of the stories I’ve heard (I’d like to think it was because he respected me, but I suspect it was because he’s a little scared of me. Whatever works …)
I heard once “No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry”.
Keep going, don’t give up – you can do it, and even though you can “see” us, you do know that there are so many others (unfortunately for us all) who do understand and are rooting for you …
I’ll be okay. And I thank everyone so much for your kind words and non judment. I scare myself sometimes though, I’ve been very close to ending my life several times…I already know how I am going to do it if I do. I’m hanging myself. Bought the rope and everything. The only thing that stops me from actually going through with it is the fact I am my mothers only child and it would destroy her.
I know is difficult, but you are on the right way.
I’ll tell you a secret, to me is really difficult the no contact part that is necessary to heal, to “break the addiction” every time I have the urge, the desire to text him, I write the text and send it to myself. When I read my own words I am able to acknowledge that he will never give me the response I want and deserve…
When I have the urge to call him I read the list of nasty words that he have used and repeated as a parakeet, and I acknowledge the response that I’ll receive from him.
Take one step at a time the gift that waits for you deserve all this effort, the gift of yourself!
No more insanity!
Oh no I never would…I love his dog and actually asked to keep him but he said no. He doesnt even take care of him….I have since he moved in. I feel sorry for the dog 😦 He works two jobs and is never home,
@Luxia you made the first step to get these depression on control, get rid of the asshole who caused it…remain strong and be the woman that you as a little girl dreamed to be…
I have told my Story in one of these Forums on this sight, but not all of it. And this is a embarrassing question…but has anyone here been a Victim of Rape by your Sociopath? I was. 😦 So If you also are please tell your story. I would like to share mine but don’t want to be in it alone. 🙂
Luxia, Never be embarassed about any abuse, it’s part of the whole “shame game” you’ve spoon fed and therefore grown accustomed to, there is never anything shameful about something that was done “to” you in an abusive way. I have not experienced that but have read about some here who have and while you also never have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable, keep reading, there’s many who have endured rape and so much more. You are loved and cared for here and I hope you get the healing you need, xoxo
The last time I saw my ex that happened to me. He had threatened to commit suicide if I didn’t come to his house. I panicked because he stopped answering my texts as well as my phone calls so at 1am I found someone to take my son so I could go over to my spath’s home. When I got there he was absolutely fine. All “I love you and I miss you”. All he said he wanted to do was talk. He has moved back into his home by now and his other family members lived in the rest of his house so we were in his room talking I thought…..then he started kissing me and I kept saying no. Unfortunately I had gone over in my pj’s because I was in bed when he had called with his threats so he was able to pull them down while I was pinned down and yes despite my “no’s” and “stops” he did what he wanted anyway. I had never seen him act that way before….he was a different person. I remember his sucking on my neck to give me hickys and I kept trying to move away and saying stop….and he said “what you don’t want anyone to see it?” It was like he was trying to lay his claim on me no matter how temporary. I fought back as long as I could but he ultimately won. I haven’t seen him since and have no plans to do so. He still has to come and get his things from my home but I will arrange a friend to come over and deal with him bc I don’t want to see him ever again. So yes I understand what you went through. I don’t know why he was so different that night but I have read other posts that sometimes they get aggressive like that before final discard. And he absolutely makes no attempt to contact me anymore except about his possessions. So I suppose that was his final way to take advantage of me. I really don’t know….
This gave me chills because as I posted upthread a ways, my daughter just got out of a relationship with a teenage sociopath, and when she told a guy friend of hers that he had broken up with her, he literally jumped out of his seat and said, “wait, wait, I can tell you exactly what he did! Did he get really physically affectionate one of the last times you were together and then after that seem withdrawn and cold and then broke up with you?” She said, “….yeah, as a matter of fact, he did. How did you know?!” Turned out her guy friend is good friends with another girl who dated my daughter’s ex a few months previous to her. And she had said he did the same thing — became uncharacteristically physical (not trying to force himself, but definitely pushing boundaries and focused on the physical more than usual) and then the next time he saw her, was withdrawn, and then broke up with her shortly after. That is so strange but it makes sense that it would escalate to other levels with older men. Oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing that Brandy. I know it must be hard to re-live these things even just to type them out here. Everything I have read here just confirms our feeling that our daughter truly was dating a sociopath.
Well It’s still painful to talk about but this is what this sight is for so here it goes guys. So to make a REALLY long story short…My life and reputation was basically destroyed by a Sociopath about three years ago. I haven’t seen or spoke to him in over a year. He is now in Prison for armed robbery (that should say enough right there as to what type of person he is). But when I first met him though he had his own place and was doing pretty well financially and had two degrees in business. He was absolutely gorgeous in appearance…Italian and Irish blood with green eyes, pale smooth skin and dark black hair. He was very tall, with a baby face, a toned body and some of the biggest lips I’ve seen on a man. He was quite a treat to look at, he could have easily been a Model. He was like Prince Charming at first and swept me off my feet. He wrote me love letters and poems and sent me flowers at my job. (little did I know that this was all an act and all Sociopaths are Charming, exciting and very Charismatic in the beginning) …and after six months of dating I felt like he was the one. We bought a two storie, four bedroom, three bathroom Apartment flat together and started talking about marriage after the first year. It was perfect. Then things began to slowly change and once he knew he had me trapped in his web of lies and deceit and had mevwear he wanted me and knew my weaknesses and everything he needed to know to control me, he showed his true colors and the mask began to slip. He wasn’t as affectionate towards me anymore sex had become akward…it was like one person was in the bed instead of two. As long as he “came” and climaxed it was all good. That’s all that mattered. And some nights he wouldn’t speak to me and would stay in a different room instead of speanding time together. Now I am all for giving a man his space but the way he went about wanting to be left alone was in a very heartless way. He made me feel undesirable and I am considered pretty attractive so even when I walked around our home in Victoria’s Secret…in my sexiest get up, high heels on and everything…he wouldn’t even blink twice, like it was all my fault as to why things between us in the bed and in general had changed so much and he took no responsibility for his actions. He would ignore me completely and even glare at me for no reason then laugh. It was little things at first like rude comments and little digs such as jokingly putting me down about myself or putting me down infront of my friends. Little did I know he had slept with three of my so called “friends” and one of them was another male. He never told me he was Bisexual. But I didn’t find out about this until I had finally left the relationship. Also he loved bad mouthing my friends and family behind their backs, yet would smile in their faces when they were around. Within a short amount of time his whole persona and attitude changed completely and he mysteriously got fired from his job so I had to support him and pay all bills. I busted my butt and worked my little hinney off to make ends meet while he ate, slept and watched Anal Porn on the computer all day. He became Jealous and resented any time I spent with my mother or anyone else besides him, and when I would confront him about it he would go into Violent temper tantrums and call me cruel names and smash and break things. The Cops visited our Apartment three times due to the Neighbors hearing him going off and us fighting and calling. After about 3 months of this behavoir I threatened to call it quits. He stormed out of our apartment and didn’t come home for three days. Later I found out ot was because he was with Prostitutes and Transgender woman at clubs and sex parties, participating in Orgies, paying these woman for their “services” with MY money that he stole from my savings account. He wasted over three thousand dollars in three days buying Cocaine to party with. On the fourth day I was really worried about him by this point wondering if I should call the Police, and his phone had been at our home the entire time so I couldn’t reach him at all, nor could I go into his phone because he had changed the password on his locked screen. He forgot to take it with him. He came home finally close to around midnight and smelled like sex, reacked of booze and looked like he had gotten in a fight. Of course I began demanding some answers and he kept avoiding me…He thought if was some big funny game. And he reached over to kiss me and I slapped him. He slapped me right back….yes he did. Then grabbed my arm and attempted to kiss me and said No…and told him to let me go and that he needed to sober up. Well, he had his way with me, He covered my mouth and flat out raped me in the Rectum. Which was the first time I experienced anything going up there. It hurt really bad and I was bleeding a lot. I screamed, kicked and even bite him but he was determined to get his way. I said “NO!” And “STOP!” And “OUCH!” And nope…he didn’t stop. It took eighteen stiches at the hospital because he ripped my rectum. And he did NOT ever say he was Sorry. It was a horrid terrible experience and I am still not over it. I left him and cut off all ties a little less than a month later. I have nightmares about it…it was a humiliating and degrading feeling that still sticks with me three years later. I have not gone on a date or have seen or been with another man since. I am a lot better than I was when I first walked out of that Relationship and I know it takes time for hearts to heal and I’ll be okay. But still…it left me forever scarred. And he took a piece of me and killed it when he did what he did. He is a monster of a man and I hope he rots in Hell.
That Bastard.
I got woken up on two separate occasions within the same week with him inside me penetrating himself and finished off less than a minute of me still half a sleep and dazed. When I questioned him on this a couple of days later he said oh what you gonna get me done for rape. You cant. Your my wife. Yoir my property besides I’ll just say how I act out in my sleep, anyway what proof you got. This happened weeks before we last split. He often used to speak of rape roll play which I was discusted by as that is just sick in itself. Well thats my opinion anyway. Some people might like it but It don’t do it for me. I’ve told thw dv team and my solicitor about what he done. Don’t know how the courts will see it though when I hand in my form listing all the abuse he subjected me too. He messed my head up so much I didn’t know what was real and what wasnt towards the end.
You are human so, if you get emotional then that’s because you are normal 🙂
It will be hard but, just keep doing your healing & taking care of yourself & the LO 🙂
You are going up against the devil in disguise so, protect yourself with lots of love & kindness 🙂
I am sending you a big hug back & for the LO 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
Thank you so much PR. I’m so soppy that made me cry but for good reasons not bad. I’m so grateful for all the love kindness understanding and support I receive here. Xx
Thank you very much for sharing!! Sorry for your struggle! It must have been very hard holding all of that together for your children. I think a lot of times I wouldn’t be doing as well as I am if it weren’t for him.
I can’t sell my house as it’s worth a lot less than I owe so I’ve just stopped paying the mortgage I couldn’t afford anyway. I don’t know how long I have here so I’m trying to save what I can for when we have to find something else.
Thank god my spath is not the father of my son! I’d like to say I’d go crazy having to deal with him but he was usually so cold to my son and his nephew I probavly wouldn’t have to worry about him.
It sounds as if you’ve picked up the shattered pieces of not only your life but also your children’s and I am so proud of you for that! I am taking y’all’s advice and just going day to day. When things get overwhelming I need to find a way to calm myself down though as I have started having anxiety attacks. But this website is a great source if strength abs support for me and I couldn’t have come this far without all you girls!! Tyvm. 🙂
Well It’s still painful to talk about but this is what this sight is for so here it goes guys. So to make a REALLY long story short…My life and reputation was basically destroyed by a Sociopath about three years ago. I haven’t seen or spoke to him in over a year. He is now in Prison for armed robbery (that should say enough right there as to what type of person he is). But when I first met him though he had his own place and was doing pretty well financially and had two degrees in business. He was absolutely gorgeous in appearance…Italian and Irish blood with green eyes, pale smooth skin and dark black hair. He was very tall, with a baby face, a toned body and some of the biggest lips I’ve seen on a man. He was quite a treat to look at, he could have easily been a Model. He was like Prince Charming at first and swept me off my feet. He wrote me love letters and poems and sent me flowers at my job. (little did I know that this was all an act and all Sociopaths are Charming, exciting and very Charismatic in the beginning) …and after six months of dating I felt like he was the one. We bought a two storie, four bedroom, three bathroom Apartment flat together and started talking about marriage after the first year. It was perfect. Then things began to slowly change and once he knew he had me trapped in his web of lies and deceit and had mevwear he wanted me and knew my weaknesses and everything he needed to know to control me, he showed his true colors and the mask began to slip. He wasn’t as affectionate towards me anymore sex had become akward…it was like one person was in the bed instead of two. As long as he “came” and climaxed it was all good. That’s all that mattered. And some nights he wouldn’t speak to me and would stay in a different room instead of speanding time together. Now I am all for giving a man his space but the way he went about wanting to be left alone was in a very heartless way. He made me feel undesirable and I am considered pretty attractive so even when I walked around our home in Victoria’s Secret…in my sexiest get up, high heels on and everything…he wouldn’t even blink twice, like it was all my fault as to why things between us in the bed and in general had changed so much and he took no responsibility for his actions. He would ignore me completely and even glare at me for no reason then laugh. It was little things at first like rude comments and little digs such as jokingly putting me down about myself or putting me down infront of my friends. Little did I know he had slept with three of my so called “friends” and one of them was another male. He never told me he was Bisexual. But I didn’t find out about this until I had finally left the relationship. Also he loved bad mouthing my friends and family behind their backs, yet would smile in their faces when they were around. Within a short amount of time his whole persona and attitude changed completely and he mysteriously got fired from his job so I had to support him and pay all bills. I busted my butt and worked my little hinney off to make ends meet while he ate, slept and watched Anal Porn on the computer all day. He became Jealous and resented any time I spent with my mother or anyone else besides him, and when I would confront him about it he would go into Violent temper tantrums and call me cruel names and smash and break things. The Cops visited our Apartment three times due to the Neighbors hearing him going off and us fighting and calling. After about 3 months of this behavoir I threatened to call it quits. He stormed out of our apartment and didn’t come home for three days. Later I found out ot was because he was with Prostitutes and Transgender woman at clubs and sex parties, participating in Orgies, paying these woman for their “services” with MY money that he stole from my savings account. He wasted over three thousand dollars in three days buying Cocaine to party with. On the fourth day I was really worried about him by this point wondering if I should call the Police, and his phone had been at our home the entire time so I couldn’t reach him at all, nor could I go into his phone because he had changed the password on his locked screen. He forgot to take it with him. He came home finally close to around midnight and smelled like sex, reacked of booze and looked like he had gotten in a fight. Of course I began demanding some answers and he kept avoiding me…He thought if was some big funny game. And he reached over to kiss me and I slapped him. He slapped me right back….yes he did. Then grabbed my arm and attempted to kiss me and said No…and told him to let me go and that he needed to sober up. Well, he had his way with me, He covered my mouth and flat out raped me in the Rectum. Which was the first time I experienced anything going up there. It hurt really bad and I was bleeding a lot. I screamed, kicked and even bite him but he was determined to get his way. I said “NO!” And “STOP!” And “OUCH!” And nope…he didn’t stop. It took eighteen stiches at the hospital because he ripped my rectum. And he did NOT ever say he was Sorry. It was a horrid terrible experience and I am still not over it. I left him and cut off all ties a little less than a month later. I have nightmares about it…it was a humiliating and degrading feeling that still sticks with me three years later. I have not gone on a date or have seen or been with another man since. I am a lot better than I was when I first walked out of that Relationship and I know it takes time for hearts to heal and I’ll be okay. But still…it left me forever scarred. And he took a piece of me and killed it when he did what he did. He is a monster of a man and I hope he rots in Hell.
Im so sorry that that event happened in our life. No one deserves to be treated like that and I do hope that you are on your way to healing from all of the situations you have been throughl. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope that getting it out is helping you come to terms with what has happened. It’s amazing the damage that these people can bestow on unsuspecting people….I still feel hurt and sad despite everything I’ve learned he has done. I just keep telling myself that I definitely deserve so much better than lies and cheating…..we all do. And all the healing will come with time!! I already feel much stronger with all the support from this site… And yes….KARMA!! 🙂 Keep your head up! There is a better life out there for us…we just have to have the strength to go out and find it!!
I cry when I read your words, no one deserves to be treated as an object, and this is the specialty of the sociopath, to objectify everyone…
Remember turn the scars on experience, on wisdom, you have make a courageous movement to let the hurt go…
Thank you guys for you understanding and Compassion. I am not a Victim but a Survivor. And I am glad I am not the only person on earth who has crossed paths in life with these type of people. For a long time I thought I was….and have come to the realization that Monsters do exist, they don’t just hid in our closets or under our beds..they walk amoung us disguised in human form. They are called Sociopaths!
I should have called the Police on his ass. I am stupid for not telling the doctors or staff that he basically Raped me. Lesson learned….and he got his Karma already as he is in Prison for Armed Robbery. GETTING RAPED UP HIS BOOTY NOW! Lol….serves him right!
The second song is for your Mum 🙂
You make dolls, I get these songs for you via messages from my guides?
Find the gypsy in your heart Lux 😉
Love PR xoxo
Hi Lux,
I have some ability but, it’s often convoluted & then other times it’s really clear so, I just put it out there & hope it makes sense to the right person @ the right time?
I am particularly highly attuned when I have undergone a trauma as its’ a healing experience & I take my lessons seriously.
I learn from each experience as it does happen for a reason 🙂
Sometimes it takes me years to figure out the message & I have realised I block a lot of them & over ride them which hasn’t gone in my favour.
I was warned many times spiritually but, I refused to listen to my guides & here I am so, am really listening now & going with my gut 🙂
You will be okay & time is a great healer but, my advice is to really work hard on clearing this trauma out of your body & soul as you have absorbed so much & it’s got to be cleared out forever 🙂
Try & get to a therapist that deals with Somatic Experience as you & I will both benefit 🙂
We are sharing here for a reason & guidance & support is ours 🙂
Love Always Lux,
PR xoxo
Hey PR. I miss u. And Lisa. And NMI and yes Jusa. U2!!!!! 🙂
I miss everyone today and tonight. I haven’t been reading the posts today bc it’s been too painful. Been taking steps to distance myself more and more from that deadbeat. Got my car ins policy started in my name. Still making new friends/support. Even got a possible roommate w a lady who is getting divorced! We will recover together. Plus w someone here my ex won’t dare try to move back in.
Anyway. I’m still out here. Just trying not to hurt so bad. Still that whole part of how do I not matter to him all of a sudden that gets me. If we had been fighting it mighta been easier to grasp.
So ask UR little guide people what’s up w me. When will God remember me and when is the break through coming??!!!!!!!
I miss you too & I hope the break through comes soon also.
It’s been 5 mths since I last saw my Soc & we parted on good terms etc..he was leaving on an overseas business trip etc…then the email arrived just before he returned.
It was from the OW introducing herself as his relationship partner & here I am 🙂
I am doing a lot of therapy & healing & I promise it does get better but, my Gestalt Therapy has brought up a child abuse that I suffered & I have been a victim of betrayal since I was about 3 or 4 so, runs very deep.
My protection of myself has made me accept the unacceptable so, long ways to go…but tells a lot of why I tolerated the Soc for so long 😦
I am getting a lot of old American Indians Spirits coming thru when I think of you 🙂
The Shamans are very powerful & the Bear Warrior, you are the epitome of bravery & courage 🙂
Stay Strong & remember WHO YOU ARE, you are a powerful,loving & creative child of God.
You are very loved & God loves you 🙂
That’s the spirit message I got for you & Cherokee Louise?
Cherokee Louise is hiding in this tunnel
In the Broadway bridge
We’re crawling on our knees
We’ve got flashlights and batteries
We’ve got cold cuts from the fridge
Last year about this time
We used to climb up in the branches
Just to sway there in some breeze
Now the cops on the street
They want Cherokee Louise
People like to talk
Tongues are waggin’ over fences
Waggin’ over phones
All their doors are locked
God she can’t even come to our house
But I know where she’ll go
To the place where you can stand
And press your hands like it was bubblebath
In dust piled high as me
Down under the street
My friend
Poor Cherokee Louise
Ever since we turned 13
It’s like a minefield
Walking to the door
Going out you get the 3rd degree
And comin’ in you get the 3rd world war
Tuesday after school
We put our pennies on the rails
And when the train went by
We were jumpin’ round like fools
Goin’ “Look no heads or tails”
Goin’ “Look my lucky prize”
She runs home to her foster dad
He opens up a zipper
And he yanks her to her knees
Oh please be there please
My friend
Poor Cherokee Louise
Cherokee Louise is hiding in this tunnel
In the Broadway bridge
We’re crawling on our knees
We’ve got Archie and Silver Screen
I know where she is
The place where you can stand
And press your hand like it was bubblebath
In dust piled high as me
Down under the street
My friend
Poor Cherokee Louise
Oh Cherokee Louise
I don’t know if this means anything to you as I just receive the message & then I try & figure it out?
I had abuse issues so, may have mixed message as my own.
What do you think or feel?
I hope it helps & you need to surround yourself with the Bear Spirit now 🙂
He’s really strong & will guide you on your path to peace & love 🙂
I see turquoise around you does that mean anything??
you must get a gemstone or turquoise for connecting your heart & head together in open communication.
I see it everywhere when I think of you 🙂
Hope this helps 🙂
Also Meatloaf song “I’ll do anything for love” coming up for you???
The Bear is so strong around you & so is the colour so, go with it, it’s all good & you will not come to harm 🙂
Your being protected by the Bear, really, really beautiful strength coming 🙂
I sometimes don’t look for answers but, I just believe & sometimes when things are really hard I hold onto these beliefs 🙂
I think just having someone believe your story & believe in you is very powerful.
I believe in you & I will go with you to the dark side & back, into the places that we never like to go 😦
I will help stop you unravelling so, hold tight to the thread of friendship 🙂
You will never be alone & I will be here 🙂
The Bear & the wise old ones are with you always 🙂
You & I & many here are on this journey & have been thrown together for a reason.
It’s all good 🙂
Love & peace 🙂
PR xoxo
It’s a beautiful day here in Melbourne Australia as we are moving into Spring so, new beginnings & awakenings for me & you….love to Judah & Hannah.
PR. You definitely are magical and such a kind hearted soul. That shines through on everyone of your posts. You have been so supportive to me which Iam truely grateful for and will never forget. Yes we have all been thrown together. Its sad as to why but things do happen for a reason and teach us valuable life lessons. We are all so fortunate to have found like minded and hearted people as ourselves which for me is lovely because when you have been round those monsters like we have they try to brainwash you into believing everyone is like them and that your the strange one. Well that was my experience anyway. Messed my head up beyond any words and in turn I was lwft constantly doubting myself and even got to the point where I thought it was so wrong of me to be loving kind caring thoughtful considerate and respectful towards others. I was wrong for being too nice. My boundaries wentright out the window and just allowed myself to be continually destroyed inside. I’m so worth more than that. We all are.
I’d love to connect with my guide, I just don’t know how to. I was asked during mt therapy to look for them and I couldn’t see anyone there to help me. Then I see a little girl. She kept saying thank you thank you. In closer inspection it was me as a little girl. I know hold onto that and I am doing my best to protect and look after that little girl (me) and keep her safe. I wouldn’t want to see any harm come to any child and that now includes my inner child. The happy very muched loved inner child. I will get back there. I owe it to myself and my own children and family.
Does anything spiritual come to mind when you think of me?? Past present or future. I have had a couple of tarot readings and they were so spot on with things but that was last year before our first split.
You truly are an inspiration to us all and im always thinking of that song that you said came your mind when the going gets tough. “You are not alone, I am here with you, ” so powerful and so nice to know I have people here that really care although we have never met. Xx
Hi SD,
Let’s find the guides for you 🙂
Okay firstly just because you cannot see them doesn’t mean they are not around you 🙂
They are very constant & guide you with love every day, just look at your interactions with your LO it’s love & compassion & unconditional. You can’t see it but, it’s three inside your heart & your soul, just as the guides are 🙂
Take a balloon, blow it up then release the air, where is it?
The balloon housed the air like a body houses the soul. The body/balloon that held the soul is of no further use.
The air or soul is released & goes out into the cosmos to combine with all the souls that have been released just like the air from the balloon goes out into the atmosphere, 🙂
Do you get this so far?
We have met before just on another plain & our souls are connected for some inexplicable reason but, we know each other through this journey & have become connected.
You cannot see me but, I am with you 🙂
Just take a listen because feelings don’t always speak clearly but, listen with your heart as the little girl is listening to your heart so, you must continue to nourish & nurture her 🙂
Your heartbeat is the first thing your little one heard way before you met 🙂
You will have freedom & peace SD 🙂
Archangel ZadKiel is guiding you with his compassion 🙂
Love yourself & you will be free to love others as well 🙂
Thank you so much PR. Yes I get the balloon and soul theory. Ir makes perfect sense. So we have met before? How exciting. I loved the song to and again thank you for that. I will look up Archangel ZadKiel.
Again I can’t thank you enough for all that you do and I’m sure each and every one of us on this site will feel the same appreciation as I do.
I’ve been with mine for many years and we actually talk about what he is. He says he cares for me just I see he doesn’t understand (obviously, no empathy) when he hurts me. Is there any way I haven’t wasted years on lies and in his own way he does care deeply for me?
I should elaborate that he has never abused me physically or called me names or anything like that. If I didn’t know what he was, I’d chalk our problems up to him taking me for granted.
@kosmia,
Does he see other women? Does that ever somehow “slip” and come to your attention? Do you foot the bill financially a lot? Is he a sometimes-employed or illegally-employed companion?
Mine never abused me physically or called me names either. He does have a somewhat negative disposition sometimes and doesn’t lead with the positive by virtue of his own life perspective. I learned after we’d been together awhile that he lives with someone… someone he’d been with for awhile and had probably cared something about at one time, but was ready to leave for me. He moved in with me for awhile, but probably told her he was going out of town.
He did let it “slip” to her he was seeing me. I asked why he would do that rather than give her the open dialog conversation she deserved. He had to pretend later that he had learned from that experience that he didn’t need to be manipulative/deceitful about it, but what he told me in the moment was that while she may’ve suspected my presence, it was another thing entirely to have to be confronted with me. He did that, like many things, on purpose.
Someone who “loves you deeply” treats you with respect, doesn’t take from your pocket to finance fun with others, doesn’t give you stories about his whereabouts, and doesn’t take from your refrigerator to cook meals with another woman who he would undoubtedly abuse the trust of similarly.
Because he can’t feel empathy doesn’t mean he hasn’t learned right from wrong, even if that education had to have come solely from observing the experience of others. It may not mean anything to him, but he knows when he hurts you by virtue of you expressing pain. Can he really be the victim if, after knowing this, he does the same things repeatedly? The very act of doing so is in direct opposition to the concept of him “caring for you deeply”, and is evidence of him caring more for himself. I don’t know if this is your story or not, but if so, we could be seeing the same man…
If I compare mine to yours… I know he runs back to the twenty year wife because she is easiest to deal with. He calls me and the other girls ‘crazy’ because we actually had higher expectations of him. He has stayed with her for that reason (also because he is very very concerned with appearances…like ridiculously so). But the bottom line is…she believes what he tells her (likely she doesn’t but she accepts it) …she lets him be who he is. You have accepted him… he can do what he likes and you are there. Do not be surprised if he has an entire secret life you know nothing about. Mine had two…that I know of. He’s a mess and I no longer feel sad or angry or stupid. Don’t know where it went but its gone! He has the life sentence… not me. I’m so excited to be done and moving on its not even funny. Feeling more content than I have in ages. Why? He has no control over his life…none. he is a mess..he will never be happy because they don’t experience joy (that’s why he is a drunk and a pothead). I wish you and everyone on here to reach where I am. I have felt like garbage.. I have felt suicidal..I have felt worthless…hysterically crying all of it. Its done and gone. I wish it for all of you. THEY ARE WORTHLESS. I haven’t posted in awhile ..been busy and kinda over it.. but I read some of the posts in my email so popped back. Who knows…I could be a crying wreck again in a week… but I am thinking of him and the situation less and less every day. And mostly just shaking my head and accepting my stupidity and his personality disorder. Plenty of fish… and I have always chosen good guys!! This one is not typical of me lol. Good future ahead. Get therapy find your soul. (I always thought it was just taking me for granted too…lol)
Very inspirational. I am happy for you, and yes. They are worthless…lol. 🙂
Thank you PR and I’d like to thank Pos for starting this blog and all the hard work that goes into making this possible and raising our awareness which allows us to process what we read which inturn gives us the answers to so many misfits of our relationships with such monsters.
This site has really been an eye opener and such an inspiration and has helped keep me moving forwards all these months.
@Jusagurl – what a great explanation, I love it. I’m trying to remember these things, and how the sp presents himself, so that when I get back into the dating scene I’ll be more aware, and a little guarded. The right man will have enough respect for me as a person to earn my trust.
I’ve said this one before but I actually feel sorry for Sociopaths in a way. I dont feel sorry for them as people but from the standpoint that I don’t believe a life with having no Conscious would be liberating. …but extremely lonely and unbelievably pointless. It’s just sad to me.
I could never imagine living my life or should i say just existing not knowing what love really feels like and to have no real emotions and to not care about anyone or anything except meeting my own needs. How damn selfish is that. That’s why they are predators because its the likes of us that make them better at their game because we are the ones teaching them how real humans behave. They take all we have to fulfil themselves and make their lives less empty. We are then the ones left feeling empty and confused and are left to pick up the pieces of our lives and those of our children why they swan off without a care in the world to put into practice all the good they have taken from us to lure in their next victim. This to me is just so wrong and yes very sad. He often called me a mug. Well yes I was for being the loving caring person I am who tries to see the good in everyone. This experience has taught me so much and one I will never forget. I refuse to be anyone else’s mug and only give to those that deserve it. For me its about give and take not take take take. I’m so scared of ever getting involved with anyone else. I think I will stick to being single and give the love I gave to him to myself instead as I so need to learn to love myself and know my own self worth. He left me so damaged but it has made me a better stronger person for it as I am building myself back up bit by bit. Day by day. I’m finally finding me.
So proud of you, you really have come a long, long way 🙂
Keep fighting because we can never let them get the better of us as ultimately that is their victory.
Keep fighting the darkness & love yourself as only you can.
They really are not the be all & end all, it’s just we have to go all the way down
😦 to come all the way back up 🙂
We come up better & stronger it’s just a very hard way to learn this lesson of self love & self worth.
Still this is the journey we are on & look at what wonderful strength you have found.
Just when you think you can’t go on, you rally all that soul-deep love & rise up 🙂
One things for sure, you can’t keep a good woman down 🙂
So good woman, take care & big hugs to you & LO 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
If the cost of all this is a self awareness that results in love that can outflow out of you to others, it hasn’t been in vain. The good work being done by positivagirl and others to promote awareness, added to our own experiential tools is what can help to protect us in the future—that, and perhaps some healthy self-examination.
But, I think to adopt a cynicism that applies restraints to our willingness to give love freely is counter-productive as it says, “I will give less until you prove yourself more.” Who of us is always more? It’s gentle, forgiving guidance that gets the struggling to the next step rather than measured kindnesses shared in skepticism.
To give our love surely has to be separated from enabling full access to our hearts, however. Anyone asking for that ahead of your own comfort would have to be scrutinized if the tenets of love are patience, kindness, protection, trust, hope, perserverence…
SD,
I feel your pain, don’t let this unworthy person steal your joy!! He is a lonely, shallow soul who will never be able to come close to the kind, sweet person you are. I to find myself giving into my rage of what he put me through. I even text mine to tell him that last week. The real a concrete truth is you are better that he will ever be…in time the hostile feeling you are feeling will dissipate and that lovely person who you are will spring up and be whole again…This is the safe place to vent, I do it often…you are among friends here..
Nessa
LN,
I couldn’t agree more. I told my soc just that very thing, it was liberating!!
Hi Everyone,
I’ve been working crazy hours but I wanted to tell all of you how you have inspired me to move on and not feel like I’m crazy! Every time I come on I see new women on here and they are growing with all of the positive support.
Last week, I sent a text to my x-soc, I told him what I thought he was, a sociopath….and a few other choice words…I haven’t heard from him in response, (yet) and I just wonder if he looked up what a soc is or does he know that’s what he is, or….what if it made the light bulb go off in his head and he realize what a shallow, mean, ugly rotten predator he is????? What do you think ladies….was it a waste of my fingers typing that to him, or was it a mistake??
It’s hard to say. I think, many times when a person has outstanding/unusual characteristics such as a soc has, someone has probably tried to make sense of them before and looked up traits. So, it’s possible your ex has heard this or similar terminology before, even if you hadn’t before meeting him. Will it make a difference? Maybe?
After hearing from my soc’s ex-wife that she suspected he might be, I once asked him if he was. He looked at me blankly. Generally with him, what that means is it is a conversation he does not wish to have, and I let it drop. Because he told me very early on that he was “crazy”; because he once termed one of his other ex-wives “crazy”; and because of how he looked when I asked the question, I suspect he has heard such an accusation before.
We have to remember that “sociopath”, while being a clinical term, is arbitrary and, while many of these people seem to share many of the traits we discuss, human beings are still created as individuals. I’ve tried to treat this person as such and not pigeon-hole him, whatever I feel he has/hasn’t done to me/us.
The worry I have about analyzing him is that I don’t/can’t really know his heart and mind (he has said this to me himself) so, whatever he may be doing that is counter to normal to me, for whatever reasons, I still feel I’m hardly in a position to analyze or direct him.
Nessa,
Others may have a different opinion but I think if it made you feel better, then that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t expect any kind of epiphany though, he’d just deny it or find another way around is issues….keep strong!
You are probably right, he probably knows he is one. It did make me feel better but also a little scared. The thought of him retaliating makes my stomach turn!!! I think I was just wanting him to know that there is something wrong with him, and that there is a name for it. An too I wanted him to squirm a bit.. that sounds totally awful. It hurt me, not only my heart, but my pride. I also wanted (if he didn’t know that’s what he was) to say, damn, that’s why I’m the way I am…..it sounds so crazy, like he would just come to me and say, Nessa, thank you so much, you’ve just make me whole…..lol oh well I’m starting to ramble now…thank you so much ladies!!!
Nessa,
I told mine I believed he was a sociopath and he had a fit, “Where the hell did you come up with that shit?” is what he asked me. I told him to look on the internet just like I did and that he just might find it interesting…the rest is up to him, and or them, and we all know it really doesn’t matter what they think only that we heal!!!
Hi CB 🙂
I sent mine a copy of what a Soc is & told him he fitted the description to a tee 🙂
He was furious so, had his bestie ( a policeman) call me to refute my claim!
By the end of our conversation I think he had a different take on his friend?
He was just another pawn in the game so, I don’t think he’ll realise that he is just a follower & being used but, not my problem.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
He probably would have some idea anyway. Yes he would look it up being a narcissist too he would always be interested in anything about him…. But you gave him back control by contacting him – now he can just ignore you!! And you are left wondering or feeling ignored!
Yes hes probably laughing saying, I still have my touch!! Oh I hate it when I do that!! Thanks I will refrain from texting him!
Nessa
I has told mine I knew what he was too. He had been diagnosed so he already knew but I think I said something to let him know I knew and to see if he would own up to it. But another part thought maybe he would get help if he knew I was aware and supportive. Another sick thought on my part back then.
It’s not a sick thought, it’s loving and compassionate—a beautiful thing. You didn’t know what he’d use as tools against you or that his regard for self would be stronger than that he’s had for you.
I had never come across these terms before. My eyes got opened to it when hw done a pd test on his phone (yes take with a pinch of salt) and it came up high with red markers in many areas. I done the same test and mine were low. This intrigued me and I started looking up the terms. I couldnt beleive what I was reading. It was almost like I had written it and was describing him ans his behaviour in my own words. I dismissed it initially not wanting to beleive it. Over the next two years I done so much reading that there was no way I could ifnore this fact any longer. I often used to openly share my findings with him and would ask him directly what I was reading could he relate to any of it. He agreed yes he could and seemed very proud. Then he would turn it around and say that I was the only person who thought there was something wrong with him and that I was mad mental and crazy to think there was. He would go on to say that his happy with the way he is and can’t see anything wrong in his attitude/behaviour. I did ask him if he would seek professional help just to get a diagnosis either way at least that way we would know for sure if he did or didn’t have any of these. I even offered to go through the same tests but he flatly refused saying he doesn’t need help and theirs nothing wrong with him. I guess I was so desperate to make the marriage work and I was prepared to undergo anything in order for this to be possible. I endured this behaviour for four years (not knowing early on what was happening to me) and I have come to terms with the fact that with no diagnosis it doesnt really matter. I don’t need to be a professional to know what I experienced first hand and the trauma and confusion that I have been working on since it all ended. I wanted to help him and sacrificed and neglected myself in the process something I too am now coming to terms with that the only person you can help/save/fix is yourself. I truly am a stronger person now and have even surprised myself. I was knocked of balance so many times but I’m glad to say my feet are now firmly on the ground. Im still standing. Yeahhhhhh!! I’ve been to what feels like hell and back and its not been easy. I still have alot of recovering and work on myself to do but I am getting through this. Everyone here has been such an inspiration to me and reading other peoples journeys and experiences along with the setbacks has also helped me. Knowing im not mad and this is the after effects of being involved with such monsters and the ups and downs I have had are a normal side effect. Im so grateful for all the support I get here from those who get me. It has kept me sane and knowing I haven’t had to go through all this totally alone means alot to me. I wish each and everyone of you a successful recovery. No matter how long it takes. We will all get through this one way or another. We are fighters and have come so far already. Big hugs to you all and again thank you for all the support you have given. Xx
You have never been mad or crazy etc…you are normal & just like the rest of us 🙂
You feel & you care & your just the greatest 🙂
Stay Strong, Big squeezy hugs to you & the LO 🙂
Love Always PR xoxo
Thank you PR. Hope you are having a positive day.
Big hugs right backatcha.
Xxx
Yes Jusa. I sometimes still wish my caring about him was enough. Then it hurts bc i know it doesn’t matter to him. He can walk away clean wo a word and disappear forever like I never existed. That’s what he’s done. And my brain can’t accept it. I miss him.
I think mine has skipped town…He knows that me and my family caught on to him, so he owed my father money, rent and few other things…when he was called on the carpet about it..poof…he doesn’t answer his phone…gone..I started thinking…this is his MO, I sent him that text and I insinuated that he was off in a new town, impersonating someone else, a new persona….because when I found him, he was living out of hotel rooms…(what was I thinking) I believed his stupid story and guess what…egg on my face..he used me for a free place to live. I bet the other women he just left were feeling just like me now. But who knows, he probably still maintained a relationship with them….oh he;s as ass!! Sorry this is what happens when I rehash what happened…
Re telling him he’s a Soc, I told mine & he had his policeman best friend call me to say he wasn’t a Sociopath but, by the time we’d ended the conversation I think he was surprised at the Soc’s activities!!! To say the least!
I realise that the policeman (Soc’s so called best friend) is under the same illusion as many followers & enablers are 😦
The Soc hasn’t made contact since I enlightened him 🙂
I think he now realises what he is, cause he was to dumb to figure it out himself & once again it took a smart, astute woman to guide him 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxox
I don’t know if it “doesn’t matter”. I think you were with yours a long time, right? I think he may be aware he can’t be/do what is expected from a normal partner? Either way, I guess it’s part of it that we miss them since that’s what people with deeper emotions do. Once recovered, we may miss someone in the future more worthy of it.
Jusa. We were together nearly 3 years. I never dated much before him. He was the love of my life. I think UR right. He knows he can’t be a better person for me and thinks I deserve better. I’ve learned from counselor w they can feel bad about themselves And things. He is always upset that he not a good person and I tried to convince him he was better than he gave himself credit. U just didn’t know what I was dealing w at the time. A huge part of me wishes he would. Just come back. The new friend I have told me last night he wants to move forward if I was ready. Problem is in not ready bc u can’t see myself w anybody but my ex. But I can’t just stop living either. I feel like hiding out at home tonight. I know my ex has nobody else right now too. Just makes me miss him more.
Btw Jusa I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I’m not a bad person. I just took everything wrong from anybody in the world this past year. I was told its PTSD from what my mom did last yr and I hated the world and lashed out. Sometimes unaware. After seeing the dr. And my counselor I am much more myself these days.
@JB,
I know what you wish, since I wish the same thing. But they won’t come back differently, they just can’t—good intentions or not. Not sure it wouldn’t be unfair to you and the new guy though to try to move forward at this point, feeling like you do.
And, I know you’re not a bad person. It must’ve seemed pretty presumptuous and self-righteous, me coming into a room basically, unknown, and offering opinions in examination of your situation. I also failed to tell you I was similarly addicted to mine. They are hard to leave. But, I don’t think you were totally off the mark—hardly anyone ever is. I come here to learn, think through, listen, share, discover, and occasionally reject thoughts and ideas. Though it’s not exactly a party, I’m glad we can do this together.
Mine is an x-policeman and he thinks he’s the shit! Brags on what a good “mind F@#$er” he is and that he can make anyone he wants tell him the truth..brags on knowing how to bait people and get what he wants. that bothered me that he could say that and do that, it was scary and disturbing……I was so in love with him, I didn’t think he would do that to me…well he did..I saw all the red flags way way later in the relationship…he is the most handsome man and he has such a charisma, charm to him…women fall at his feet. Which made me feel jealous and I dont like that at all. So I really don’t know if he knows what he is, or if he cares….but just him knowing that I know that he is, makes mr. cool a bit uncomfortable and it’s really funny to me as well. I was being sarcastic to him and told him that he was probably off on a new adventure with a new woman, impersonating a rocket scientist!! LOL, LOL….made me feel better at least. Thank you for letting me vent!! I found it very helpful on this site on the stages of grief I think it said!!
Hugs to all of the ladies on here that keep me sane!!
Nessa
@ Nessa and PR
Idk about you guys but I’ll NEVER date a fireman or police man again lol All I hear is bad things about them. And you’d think they’d be good guys to risk their life for others….I think the power must go to their heads!!
Jusa I’ve had to practically hide my car keys tonight to keep from doing a drive by his place! I don’t feel as addicted. I feel rather numb these days. The new guy kinda angered me a little by making stupid comments last night. I just stopped answering his texts and came here with PR most of the night online. Tonight he was brown nosing big time wondering if I was still mad at him. Poor thing. I never really was mad, just didn’t care what he had to say last night…guess I have post socio attitude towards men’s BS! But for me, a new guy making sexual jokes/insinuations is not funny to me b/c of what I’ve been thru. He has to realize that and I think he does. Right now my focus is on me and my dogs…and my granddaughter whenever they let me.
Hi Judah!
I understand what you mean about having trouble moving on. I go on dates and such but it’s just not the same as before. Plus there’s that fear of possibly meeting another asshole sociopath! But I keep telling myself if we stay open to things to come, one day the right one will come along and treat us the way we should be treated. I think by constantly pining away for our ex spath’s were missing out on life. Your friend sounds very patient and nice…I’m sure he’ll wait til your comfortable in progressing in the relationship! (a good sign I think) Best of luck to you!
I just remembered yesterday a patient came in and was 82….she had undergone multiple surgeries and had tremors in both her hands. She looked me in the eye and said “you enjoy every moment of your life while you’re young because before you know it you will be old like me” It really touched my heart and while I do miss my ex I’m not gonna let a day go by where I miss out on life no matter how sad or unhappy I am. Life really is too short 🙂 We have to make the most of the time that we have left!!
Yeah, they know how the work the system…they take classes on how read people, and unfortunately some not all use it in a manipulative way!! No worries, not all are bad…sorry if I made you think twice about it!! LOL!!
Nessa
@ Nessa
Nah lol I just am more aware that there are people out there like that and I have to be careful! We all do!! lol I used to think my narcissistic ex-husband was the devil….the ex bf makes him look like an angel! My ex bf used to tell me all the time what a pathological liar the ex-husband was. Guess it really does take one to know one!
Dating a Sociopath 
PR, we are escaping of their control, of their definition of what is truth and what isn’t, of our addiction to a fantasy, of the idea that they will change when they saw how much we love them and how inconditional we are with them…
Hi NMI 🙂
Yes we are freeing our souls & it’s fantastic 🙂
Just takes awhile to shake off their effect but, I’m shaking myself like a dog after a bath….boy that feels so nice 🙂
BE HAPPY NMI 🙂
LOVE PR xoxo
“YOU HAVE THE OPTION TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS ON YOUR LIFE
-BE MARKED WITH THEM
– BE STOPPED WITH THEM
OR
-BECOME A STRONGER PERSON”
JB, I’M SURE THAT YOU WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.
Is that to me NMI? I’m not making any decisions. Just commenting they have no life emotions but they will feel death. LOL. sorry if I scared u. I’m kewl.
OMG J’bug you even had me worried 😦
KEWL & relieved phew 🙂
PR xoxo
Yes, JB, english is not my first language and I made of lot of mistakes trying to interpret your idioms.
When you are ready, Just remember you can make the best decision, choose yourself.
Bendiciones for all of you!
! Buenas noches!
NMI 🙂
G’day Mate, Your a Fair Dink-um Good Sheila 🙂
Means, Hello & your a great girl in Australian 🙂 LOL
Love is universal & eternal so…Love & Light PR xoxox
I’m shaking and getting all the floor wet!
(Thanks!, you make me laugh!)
Your Welcome 🙂
PR x
Shoot PR. He ain’t worth all THAT!! I still have Judah and Hannah !!!!
Absobloodylutely girl 🙂
Big Hugs & pats for Judah & Hannah 🙂
PR xoxox
NMI. After a dog takes a bath UR supposed to run around the house and slide head first into the walls and refrigerator.
Oh J’bug LOL, I put a towel down for my Georgie Boy he loves it…he does scuttle about though & HELLO grass….loves a roly poly, just have to make sure I pick up the Soc!
Oops sorry silly me I meant POO!!! LOL
PR x
Brandy,
Give yourself time. Everything will be better.
Thanks NMI…i feel a little stronger today. I love your name by the way 🙂
You are on a big Island, I’m on a little one at the other side of the world, lets find a vaccine against these widespread bacteria. 😎
Oh yes a vaccine would be great 🙂
Till then we will just have to write about it & hopefully get the word out there & then Hasta La Vista Spathola’s 🙂
Your a fair dink+um too! 8-))
!Buenas noches princesas!
Good Night Bella 🙂
PR xoxo
I think that vaccine is called 38 special.
Lol J’bug, that’s why we banned guns here in Australia 🙂
Spath hunting season…could catch-on though 🙂
We could take our doggies to haul their sorry asses out of the water, omg im naughty ROTFL….P x
That was pretty funny…
OMG PR I have a beagle for that fox (I mean Spath) hunt!! Judah will tree him!!!and maybe even pee on him!!!
ROTFL, my Georgie is a procrastinator so, Judah & Hannah will be good 🙂
George will Poo Poo on them & kick dirt all over them when we’re done!
LOLOLOLOL somebody stop me…..PR xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Jusa more than likely they’re immune to that vaccine too
I think Arsenic then LOL 🙂
Yep let’s give them Arse-a-kick….bahahaha 🙂
Heck PR mine would grow the stuff n snort it for cocaine. R u kidding!!!
Lol mine too or would try selling it to make a quick buck.
Been a few days. Had some contact. He ran back to his saintly put up with anything wife lmfao. Too many expectations from the rest of us. Like honesty. Anyway… all I miss is the amazing sex. But have to say no (option will def present itself again) to retain some measure of self respect. I’m at peace. I think.
I’m going to refrain from commenting on the “…some measure of self respect” admission, mostly because it’s clear how you’re really feeling by the inclusion of “I think”. 😉
I was thinking though about the “amazing sex” comment, as others have posted similarly. You’ve probably already thought about this before, but I always wonder if it was good because it was part of the mirroring process as well? Just imitate and reflect back? What do others think about this?
I think matching and mirroring definitely plays a huge role in why the sex was so good. Also, I think that there can be such conflict, such drama, such high emotions that to FEEL CONNECTED to them for once, when they are constantly pulling the rug out from under you, can be a huge accomplishment…at least, in the mind. To feel like, “Yes! We still have it! We still have something to fight for! See? we ARE right for each other because it is SO GOOD!” is sort of just using the pleasure as positive reinforcement for whatever shit storm the just put is through.
At least, thats my take on it 🙂
ops forgot to mention..
apparently they have had a lot of practice at it behind our backs so with that kind of track record, you better be good at SOMETHING! sheesh
It is part of the false image he gave. He thinks he is the sexiest man alive, a “sex machine” he was right, he is just a machine…
@ Brandy…
In my opinion, the comparisons are not helpful. My soc shared an interesting piece of information early on when I asked why he didn’t try to flatter me. He said, “You don’t require that kind of persuasion.” He (your ex) may or may not use the new mark as a financial resource, but rest assured he’s using her somehow, she just may have no $$. From what I’ve seen/read, they don’t do straight charity… ever.
Wow, that piece of information speaks volumes. Almost seems like a slip-up of the facade.
True Jusa…been trying to think about it and I think he needs a place to stay while he is in the next state doing his search n rescue job lol. Mine was such a cheater that he was leaving my house to go to the out of state gf’s house and offered to meet a girl from an online site along the way! It’s truly unbelieveable what they put us through!! The magnitude of it all is amazing!!
Wanted to share this with all of you!
For those of us who have been in this cycle for months, or (like me) YEARS….I was thinking today, during my yoga practice (when I should be “non thinking, ha), I wonder what would happen if I wrote out the whole history of our relationship in a timeline? Meaning, times you re-connected, times you had falling outs, what they were about (if you can remember), what you felt like, how he disappeared, how he re-appeared.
So, I just did 10 years worth of timeline…and HOLY COW I am so shocked. Mostly because i had this built up to something different in my head…When really, when I look at this timeline, the time we spent “good” verse the time we were at a “falling out” and the time where he tried to reach back out to me or vise versa, the whole thing is really stupid.
In a nut shell, I have literally spent the last 10 years going back and fourth with a man who cant give me more than 4 months at a time, and those months are always dramatic and turbulant…So, its not like he has ever been in it for the long haul.
And when I break down how long our NC has been, it has never been longer than 8 months. We have never gone an entire YEAR without speaking. Hmm…I always thought we did, for some reason.
Which means 🙂 You guessed it. I have a new goal! 1 year NC is my goal. of course, longer, too, if I can, but I would love to break that cycle! So far, it has been 2 months.
10 more months! 10 more months! and then maybe forever 🙂
But seriously, if any of you have been roped into this for years like I have, I strongly encourage you to objectify the whole relationship in a timeline…makes it CRYSTAL CLEAR to see how it is a pattern that WILL NOT STOP until we do 🙂
Although I don’t have the data to do that myself, I love that idea of putting it in black and white. I did record our “sex days” for obvious reasons, and didn’t like the pattern. I also started recording the “time spent” (hours) and didn’t like that result either, as compared to amount of time texting or abandonment. Puts things in perspective to have such raw facts… not to mention goals (the NC goal is a great idea!)
yes! really opened my eyes to separate fact from feeling. Before I wrote it down, I “felt” like we had a much stronger connection, bond, relationship than we actually did on paper. Not to say my feelings werent real, but looking at it black and white certainly makes it all seem really juvenile. Time to grow up and strive for that real, adult connection/relationship that isnt so hot/cold!
I was on this site before bed and had to come back right away today. Hearing your stories is opening my eyes so much. This comment really resonates with me. Seems like in our almost-decade anytime spent time together is usually 99% about sex. I don’t think I’d like the results if I did the timeline… so all the more reason I should do it.
Hi Kosmia welcome to the site! 🙂
Hey Jus 🙂
I lost the thread but, I read where you said your Soc has a negative disposition & mine did also, really negative & I would provide the positive 🙂
He said to me how bubbly & effervescent I was & that he needed that?
I guess he was such a downer that I provided the light entertainment (lol).
Seriously I think I did & he would often lift his mood around me because if he acted bluesy I was drained even more so?
What a boring lack luster person he really is 😦 that he needed me to shine him up 🙂
Love PR xoxo
This is a great idea that requires courage to confront ourselves with the reality. Mine is 2 weeks of “good relationship” and then he got “the look” when his eyes got an empty look…and the inferno began with a week of judgment (where he is the victim, rhe accuser, the police and the judge), after his veredict it came two weeks of the silence treatment and when I thought everything have finished he start contact saying he will forgive me (of whatever is my sin ) and the cycle begins again…for the last 3 years.
After his last verdict I know what comes after it…the difference is that I decide to stop playing the indanity game
I always noticed that our marriage would always worsen around the 18th to 22nd of every month. For ages though it was never really good but would blow up around this time. I always said to him its always around rhe same time of the month. There was a lot to my situation though and didn’t trust him for two years. This played a big part in it also as he expected me to just brush things under the carpet which I just couldn’t. I’ve never lost trust for anyone to this extreme in all my life and it made me so paranoid and suspicious. He most definitely sabataged our marriage and family unit. I was the only one who really wanted it and lost so much of myself and money fighting for it. Its was call so real for me but he always told me we/us was fake. I had served my purpose having our child. 8 weeks later is when he sabataged everything. Two more years I put myself and our child through all this. Its all so sad that we never had a hope in hell of being a proper family. Well I’m nine months on and thanks to cranial sacral therapy I am not beating myself up like I was on a daily basis. Still got a long way to go though. Got a divorce and court case to deal with. I will get through it. I’ve surprised myself that I’ve come this far. I thought I was weak but clearly I’m not. This site has also been a great help to me also abd PR has been brilliant. Its so nice to finally be understood by others.
Hi SD 🙂
I am glad your okay 🙂
I hadn’t heard from you & the LO 🙂
Take good care & stay strong 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
Hello PR. I do still visit but had so much to sort out what with whats coming up. I handling it ok and keeping it together. Just hope I dont breakdownbat court. I want to come across assertive and positive not a teary trembling wreck. He would just love to see me like that and I so don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I’m doing my upmost to stay positive and being kind to myself.
Hope you are keeping well.
Big hug. Xx
@GL…
“apparently they have had a lot of practice at it behind our backs so with that kind of track record, you better be good at SOMETHING! sheesh”
Not exactly something to be proud of, is it? And, when you add the sexual dysfunction aspect, it really gives you something to think about with respect to whether they ever really wanted you. To them, maybe/probably just another tool that provides for a means to an end, that being the control over you, your finances, your resources, etc.
Gas. I did that way back. His pattern is 2-4 months and he starts getting restless. Or bored I guess. Causing strife. He’s been gone a month now.
eeek, brace yourself!!
his “pattern” ranges from a few weeks-8 months. Over the last 10 years, there have been periods of NC anywhere between 1 month – 8 months. So, who knows when this one will re-surface. I feel so much better knowing when I can expect it and how to be prepared when it surfaces! I have had a few dreams about him lately….not romantic or pining for him, but that he has contacted me about something non-relationship oriented and that I have actually responded in my dream…So! I am trying to stay armed with my own past 🙂
I’ve done this numerous times. I see the patterns. I know the ugly. Why can I not stay moving forward? Am I beat down that bad? I felt guilty in throwing away family albums of his so I took them to him today. He just wants me to move on w my life. He’s so cold. He looked high even at work. He lost a lot of weight and looked really horrible. I just wanna cry. I feel soooo. I dunno even know what I feel.
Lost? This type experience is very complicated and difficult to sort through. I’m guessing that’s why PR and others are always saying, “The longer you’re in the relationship, the more difficult/lengthier the recovery”. Obviously, I don’t speak from experience since my time with the soc has been under a year, but I would think it would be hard to imagine a new life after being used to the previous one, however bad.
It is confusing and also depressing to not be sure what you are looking at next. With a blank canvas, I think we assume nothingness is the alternative, but it isn’t. We have to dare to imagine what alternate life might be available to us. I do a lot of songwriting, and one of the phrases those who instruct about it is to not let yourself be an “early editor” of your own work. It’s hard, because we want to judge our own words sometimes before we’ve even spoken them. Sometimes, family influence has taught us at an early age our thoughts and dreams are foolish, by invalidating them.
I don’t know what your situation might’ve been, but just because you’ve been on the rotation of one script for a lonnnnnnng time doesn’t mean you can’t change it—I do know that. Will it be hard?
Sometimes, we have to do the hard thing at our pace. Maybe it’s stepping up and changing one thing within a month. Maybe that’s all the digestion we have for change at that moment in time. The beauty right now is that we have the control/power to decide our own limits and what might break us vs. help propel us forward.
I’m just an observer, but you seem to me like you are asking yourself the tough questions in your life right now. Just maybe, that’s enough work for the moment?
You’re getting there Juda, promise. Remember that wonderful quote:
“sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck!”
LET yourself feel these things…painful, yes, but it is all necessary to move forward. Its okay to cry. Its all part of the process. Sending you a hug.
I’m right there with you Judah…I feel like my heart is about to explode right out of my chest. My relationship was only 7 months so I cannot imagine the pain youre feeling. But we are all here for you….maybe we’ve never met but friends by unfortunate circumstance none the less.
Jusa and GL posts are spot on I think. While I have been trying to just make the feelings go away I’ve pushed them so far back that the dam has broken under the pressure.
I just keep reminding myself that maybe we are fortunate that things ended? It’s hard but we should prepare ourselves for someone who will truly love us and if the spath is still in the way, it blinds you to what your future may hold for you. Yes it’s hard I wont lie…I hurt same as everyone here but at some point we have to look at the positive and realize that it’s probably a blessing in disguise that they are out of our lives. We just have to make it past the pain…… one day at a time! 🙂
No gas. I don’t see him coming back this time. He keeps telling me to move on. And he’s online w other people. Besides I’ve begged already.
longest I’ve gone is 2 – 2.5 months and that was with a phone number change LOL. this time is brand new… I believe I contacted the long suffering ex wife because I just wanted it to be done. He says it is… lol. so if I make it past 2.5 months this time it will be a major achievement.
woo hoo! rooting for ya. yes, sometimes we need MORE information, even if it is dirty and painful, to paint the full picture so we can stop living in denial
@Gaslighted – this is AWESOME, and good for you for looking at the situation objectively. They take SO much more than they ever give, but because they are so good at manipulation, you might think otherwise. A long time ago one of my good girlfriends, who has now been happily married for 13 years, said “When the bad times happen more often than the good times, or when there are deal-breakers, it’s time to move on”.
What I remember the most from the months that I was with my spath was that there was constant drama, chaos and bullshit – and I had had a very peaceful, stable and happy life before “him”. If nothing was wrong, he would start to antagonize me to stir things up. One night we got into an argument, and he left and walked an hour and 1/2 to pick up his car – while he was walking he called me several times, telling me “don’t come and pick me up”. I said “don’t worry, I won’t” (and I didn’t). Since it was very cold out that night, he just about froze in his car, as he didn’t have blankets and was only wearing a sweater and jeans. The next morning he came back to my house and said “I was sure you were going to come and get me” WTF???? (he was such a drama queen) I said “well, you told me not to, so I was just respecting your wishes” At the time I felt kind of bad, but of course now I laugh at the thought of him freezing his ass off … serves him right …
Good for you – stay strong, you only have 10 months to go for NC.
Thanks! Yes, totally different looking at it all black and white!
And really, observing that some of these emotions of attachment, love and feeling are really just carried over from age 15, 16, 17, 18…20 of when I thought I knew what “love” was and never got closure for it! So, of course, it dug up those old feelings…but I didnt REALIZE how young I was, feeling all those feelings.
I’ve said it before, but if I met my soc today, not having the history of the feelings, I wouldnt have even looked twice or stuck around for all of this. Sometimes the biggest thing to let go of is the past, or our idealized “idea” of it.
I beat myself up almost every single time, looking back to those “falling outs”, convincing myself it was my fault. And I carried that guilt into my young 20’s…even to our most recent relationship. I have had to seriously examine it from start to finish to see it wasnt my fault, its not my fault, and its certainly okay to let go and move on.
Its almost like…:) I’m finally seeing my relationship the way my friends and family had…Like, I will look at it and go “what?? what was i thinking!!”. So clear from up here 🙂
lol and thats funny about the car story…
I left mine to sleep in my car one night when we were coming home from a holiday and found him texting a different woman. Yep, you can stay in here tonight 🙂 hehe
Should name and shame them lol
Not sure who posted about losing their house, having no money and divorcing (Brandi?) couldn’t seem to find it on here, was in my e-mail bcz I have posts set up to go there. At any rate, please do not give up, I know how difficult it is because I too got a divorce, had no money and am still reliant on my family for financial help every single month. One day you’ll realize you survived it all and came out a completely different and better person. Keep writing and sharing and allowing one of us to help see you through, this place is a Godsend and you’ll make it! I would suggest you keep his refridgerator in case the checks are bad, just my two cents…hang in there Girlie!!! xoxoxo
@ Cecily
Lol I was actually gonna give the fridge to him but he cancelled on getting his stuff so I’m considering selling his fridge and golf clubs….just have to check the legality of it I guess.
I am feeling a bit stronger today…hopefully I can keep the momentum going. Yes It is me who is going through the divorce and losing everything. Some days I just really get overwhelmed and I just have no plans. My spath had sold me the idea that we would be together and we’d just move to his house when it was all gone. I guess its just the realization that dream was never his intent and I have no other plans in place that worry me. I dont know how long I can stay in my house but im trying to save all the money that I can until that time.
Im sorry that you are struggling too…I know that we will both be fine in time. You must count yourself lucky to have such family support! That is wonderful! Yes one day I hope to think of myself as a survivor….and you already are! You are working your way from your low point and its only up from here! I wish you the best of luck! Im here if you ever need to chat! 🙂 Stay strong!
Here’s the TRUTH…..YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN just by the mere fact that you found this site and the support it lends, that was no accident, believe me! I truly believe in one’s innate power and you have it, it may need to be ignighted, but it’s there. My mom said something very powerful to me when I was going through my divorce, she said “You may have friends and family who love and care for you but you’re really on your own in this and are going to have to find the strength from deep within yourself to get through it”. It scared me at first because I couldn’t imagine how in the hell I was going to find any more strength than I believed I already posessed and I had to think long and hard about what she said. I knew she was right and some how, some way, I made it! I remembered all the times in my life that I would be sad or scared that something wasn’t going to work out and it did, so I drew strength from that. I heard something in my head one day that also helped me, a little voice said “God doesn’t stop blessing us,” there’s no cap on blessings, if things worked out before in your life, they will again. No matter if you have to take it an hour at a time, one foot in front of the other is all it takes…one day you’ll look back and see you survived and flourished! Sometimes we just have to be reminded that the true way to happiness has been inside us all along…you can do this!!!!! xoxoxo
All of these stories I have read on this Forum are truly comforting and inspirational. I’ve been contemplating Suicide for a while now. About two years now Suicide has been in the back of my mind due to this Sociopath. I am a lot better due to not only this sight but the support of my mother and therapy. I also have took up Doll making and sewing as a hobby, which I do enjoy. I am still slightly hesitant to get on Anti-Depressive medications due to the fact I have heard some horror stories with them leading people to Suicide. I am A LOT better now compared to three years ago when the Sociopath and all of his drama and havoc exploded causing literally EVERYTHING to hit the fan. My story is on this Forum somewhere but I will tell it again in a Nutshell. He was handsome, charming…Successfully stable when I met him like all Sociopaths are st first. I was tricked into the relationship. Then he trapped me in his web of lies and deceit. He was abusive, and damaged my well being emotionally, mentally and physically…the worst experience I had was besides the fact I find out he got only one, but three woman pregnant when I was with him and was into Crossdressing and Transgender Porn. Was when I got semi Raped one night by him as he came home drunk and horny and pinned me down on the floor and did his thing. I kept saying “stop!” and “no!” and “Ouch!”… He didn’t respect the fact that I really did not want to be intimate with him that night and he got his way and his sex anyway. He turned friends against me, hacked all of my Social networking accounts, told horrible lies about me to people and my Boss… and I lost my Job eventually, He even told me that he would never stop until I Committed Suicide! HOW COLD BLOODED AND CHILLING IS THAT…..????? The list goes on and on….He was just a unbelievably terrible, horrible man. I WAS a Victim to this monster of man…now I am a Survivor and have a better understanding now on what Sociopaths are and what they can and will do. I am not fully healed as it takes time for hearts to heal and I am undeniably scarred from that terrible Situation that nearly killed me, as I almost killed myself dozens of timesand even attempted Suicide once, thinking death would be better than taking all of the games and psychological abuse from this individual. Too make a long story short, I am just glad I got away from him in tje end. It took a lot of hard work and a little sneaky planning but I got away :). If there is a God and a Heaven. I would ask…why do these people exist…? Like seriously, what’s the point? And if there is a Hell, I truly believe ALL Sociopaths will be there! 🙂
I completely understand the desire to put an end to the suffering by considering suicide but I can tell you from experince that not every anti depressant has bad side effects. I have been on Celexa (generic for Prozac) and Paxil and it takes the edge off and makes a world of difference. I didn’t start out taking anti depressants because of any particular relationship, have just always been a “dweller” or worried too much and needed to kind of get ahead, for lack of a better explanation, of what seemed to keep me from being able to focus and relax. I honestly believe when one is experiencing extreme emotional or mental trauma, they can make it much easier to deal with. I am not suggesting you do anything you do not want to do but highly recommend you talk to a professional and see what’s available and if it may be of some help. I’ve been on anti depressants for years and cannot imagine my life witout them, a small dose even.
Continue to be active on here, whether it be by writing or reading, it makes sense out of a senseless experience and you’re not alone!!! xoxo
Hi CB 🙂
Great advice (as usual 🙂
I am on a low dose & don’t need it all the time, mainly for sleeping when I dwell too much 😦
I am doing Gestalt Therapy (Pos recommended it) & it’s helping but, confronting.
I am reading a book by Peter Levine ‘In an Unspoken Voice’, haven’t finished but, already blowing me away 🙂
Glad we are here supporting each other 🙂
It all helps & we will get better together 🙂
Love PR xoxo
OMG Luxia 😦
He planted the suicide thought in your head so, you must resist as it would be his greatest achievement in his delusional state.
Imagine the Power it would give him if he thinks you killed yourself for him 😦
Take back your POWER now 🙂
Never give him this power, you are worth so much more & you must never stop fighting for yourself.
We are not here very long in the scheme of things so, honour your existence please.
You are here for You, not a Soc’s torture so, to give life is the most amazing experience & one day you will hopefully have that opportunity?
You are only young so, don’t throw your life away for this horrible demon 😦
Archangel Jeremeil is watching over you & his message is :
“The worst is now behind you & your surmounting any previous challenges.”
These challenges you’ve faced have made you stronger & have taught you lessons. Instead of becoming bitter, open your heart with compassion to people in similar situations. Do not blame yourself or feel like a victim.
You are a very strong woman.
Stay Positive, be brave & remember who you are & that this does not define you.
You are you & you are beautiful, loving, caring & worthy of all the great things life has to offer. 🙂
Love & light 🙂
We Love you 🙂
PR xoxox
Mine always said “don’t be committing suicide now will ya when I’m gone” I said what over you. He said yeah. I told him he isn’t worth it but he seemed to think he was. Well guess what? I’m still here and stronger than I honestly thought I was and finding my own personal power to help me deal with what still lies ahead. I am being put into a situation where I will HAVE TO SEE HIM. In a court room and so don’t want to be within a mile of him but this is happening because I have refused him unsupervised contact with our lo. I will do whatever it takes to protect our child. What will be will be but at least I know I done everything I could to safeguard lo’s safety and well being.
@Luxia – I am SO horrified that you went through this, and you had actually contemplated/attempted suicide. And the fact that he told you he would drive you to this. What a sick, sick monster he is … and therefore NOT WORTH YOUR LIFE. I am just sickened by these people – and even though I really believe that my ex is an SP, he was not nearly as bad as some of the stories I’ve heard (I’d like to think it was because he respected me, but I suspect it was because he’s a little scared of me. Whatever works …)
I heard once “No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry”.
Keep going, don’t give up – you can do it, and even though you can “see” us, you do know that there are so many others (unfortunately for us all) who do understand and are rooting for you …
I’ll be okay. And I thank everyone so much for your kind words and non judment. I scare myself sometimes though, I’ve been very close to ending my life several times…I already know how I am going to do it if I do. I’m hanging myself. Bought the rope and everything. The only thing that stops me from actually going through with it is the fact I am my mothers only child and it would destroy her.
I know is difficult, but you are on the right way.
I’ll tell you a secret, to me is really difficult the no contact part that is necessary to heal, to “break the addiction” every time I have the urge, the desire to text him, I write the text and send it to myself. When I read my own words I am able to acknowledge that he will never give me the response I want and deserve…
When I have the urge to call him I read the list of nasty words that he have used and repeated as a parakeet, and I acknowledge the response that I’ll receive from him.
Take one step at a time the gift that waits for you deserve all this effort, the gift of yourself!
No more insanity!
Tell him to get the dog at the vet.
Plese don’t leave a dog outside when it’s too hot or too cold, no need to make an animal a victim of the same abuse!!!
Oh no I never would…I love his dog and actually asked to keep him but he said no. He doesnt even take care of him….I have since he moved in. I feel sorry for the dog 😦 He works two jobs and is never home,
@Luxia you made the first step to get these depression on control, get rid of the asshole who caused it…remain strong and be the woman that you as a little girl dreamed to be…
I’m not even remotely surprised he doesn’t take care of his dog, seen that before. I’d keep the dog, tell him it ran away!!!
I would but Im a horrible liar lol. me and the ex couldnt be more different in that aspect He simply couldnt tell the truth
I have told my Story in one of these Forums on this sight, but not all of it. And this is a embarrassing question…but has anyone here been a Victim of Rape by your Sociopath? I was. 😦 So If you also are please tell your story. I would like to share mine but don’t want to be in it alone. 🙂
Luxia, Never be embarassed about any abuse, it’s part of the whole “shame game” you’ve spoon fed and therefore grown accustomed to, there is never anything shameful about something that was done “to” you in an abusive way. I have not experienced that but have read about some here who have and while you also never have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable, keep reading, there’s many who have endured rape and so much more. You are loved and cared for here and I hope you get the healing you need, xoxo
@luxia
The last time I saw my ex that happened to me. He had threatened to commit suicide if I didn’t come to his house. I panicked because he stopped answering my texts as well as my phone calls so at 1am I found someone to take my son so I could go over to my spath’s home. When I got there he was absolutely fine. All “I love you and I miss you”. All he said he wanted to do was talk. He has moved back into his home by now and his other family members lived in the rest of his house so we were in his room talking I thought…..then he started kissing me and I kept saying no. Unfortunately I had gone over in my pj’s because I was in bed when he had called with his threats so he was able to pull them down while I was pinned down and yes despite my “no’s” and “stops” he did what he wanted anyway. I had never seen him act that way before….he was a different person. I remember his sucking on my neck to give me hickys and I kept trying to move away and saying stop….and he said “what you don’t want anyone to see it?” It was like he was trying to lay his claim on me no matter how temporary. I fought back as long as I could but he ultimately won. I haven’t seen him since and have no plans to do so. He still has to come and get his things from my home but I will arrange a friend to come over and deal with him bc I don’t want to see him ever again. So yes I understand what you went through. I don’t know why he was so different that night but I have read other posts that sometimes they get aggressive like that before final discard. And he absolutely makes no attempt to contact me anymore except about his possessions. So I suppose that was his final way to take advantage of me. I really don’t know….
This gave me chills because as I posted upthread a ways, my daughter just got out of a relationship with a teenage sociopath, and when she told a guy friend of hers that he had broken up with her, he literally jumped out of his seat and said, “wait, wait, I can tell you exactly what he did! Did he get really physically affectionate one of the last times you were together and then after that seem withdrawn and cold and then broke up with you?” She said, “….yeah, as a matter of fact, he did. How did you know?!” Turned out her guy friend is good friends with another girl who dated my daughter’s ex a few months previous to her. And she had said he did the same thing — became uncharacteristically physical (not trying to force himself, but definitely pushing boundaries and focused on the physical more than usual) and then the next time he saw her, was withdrawn, and then broke up with her shortly after. That is so strange but it makes sense that it would escalate to other levels with older men. Oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing that Brandy. I know it must be hard to re-live these things even just to type them out here. Everything I have read here just confirms our feeling that our daughter truly was dating a sociopath.
Well It’s still painful to talk about but this is what this sight is for so here it goes guys. So to make a REALLY long story short…My life and reputation was basically destroyed by a Sociopath about three years ago. I haven’t seen or spoke to him in over a year. He is now in Prison for armed robbery (that should say enough right there as to what type of person he is). But when I first met him though he had his own place and was doing pretty well financially and had two degrees in business. He was absolutely gorgeous in appearance…Italian and Irish blood with green eyes, pale smooth skin and dark black hair. He was very tall, with a baby face, a toned body and some of the biggest lips I’ve seen on a man. He was quite a treat to look at, he could have easily been a Model. He was like Prince Charming at first and swept me off my feet. He wrote me love letters and poems and sent me flowers at my job. (little did I know that this was all an act and all Sociopaths are Charming, exciting and very Charismatic in the beginning) …and after six months of dating I felt like he was the one. We bought a two storie, four bedroom, three bathroom Apartment flat together and started talking about marriage after the first year. It was perfect. Then things began to slowly change and once he knew he had me trapped in his web of lies and deceit and had mevwear he wanted me and knew my weaknesses and everything he needed to know to control me, he showed his true colors and the mask began to slip. He wasn’t as affectionate towards me anymore sex had become akward…it was like one person was in the bed instead of two. As long as he “came” and climaxed it was all good. That’s all that mattered. And some nights he wouldn’t speak to me and would stay in a different room instead of speanding time together. Now I am all for giving a man his space but the way he went about wanting to be left alone was in a very heartless way. He made me feel undesirable and I am considered pretty attractive so even when I walked around our home in Victoria’s Secret…in my sexiest get up, high heels on and everything…he wouldn’t even blink twice, like it was all my fault as to why things between us in the bed and in general had changed so much and he took no responsibility for his actions. He would ignore me completely and even glare at me for no reason then laugh. It was little things at first like rude comments and little digs such as jokingly putting me down about myself or putting me down infront of my friends. Little did I know he had slept with three of my so called “friends” and one of them was another male. He never told me he was Bisexual. But I didn’t find out about this until I had finally left the relationship. Also he loved bad mouthing my friends and family behind their backs, yet would smile in their faces when they were around. Within a short amount of time his whole persona and attitude changed completely and he mysteriously got fired from his job so I had to support him and pay all bills. I busted my butt and worked my little hinney off to make ends meet while he ate, slept and watched Anal Porn on the computer all day. He became Jealous and resented any time I spent with my mother or anyone else besides him, and when I would confront him about it he would go into Violent temper tantrums and call me cruel names and smash and break things. The Cops visited our Apartment three times due to the Neighbors hearing him going off and us fighting and calling. After about 3 months of this behavoir I threatened to call it quits. He stormed out of our apartment and didn’t come home for three days. Later I found out ot was because he was with Prostitutes and Transgender woman at clubs and sex parties, participating in Orgies, paying these woman for their “services” with MY money that he stole from my savings account. He wasted over three thousand dollars in three days buying Cocaine to party with. On the fourth day I was really worried about him by this point wondering if I should call the Police, and his phone had been at our home the entire time so I couldn’t reach him at all, nor could I go into his phone because he had changed the password on his locked screen. He forgot to take it with him. He came home finally close to around midnight and smelled like sex, reacked of booze and looked like he had gotten in a fight. Of course I began demanding some answers and he kept avoiding me…He thought if was some big funny game. And he reached over to kiss me and I slapped him. He slapped me right back….yes he did. Then grabbed my arm and attempted to kiss me and said No…and told him to let me go and that he needed to sober up. Well, he had his way with me, He covered my mouth and flat out raped me in the Rectum. Which was the first time I experienced anything going up there. It hurt really bad and I was bleeding a lot. I screamed, kicked and even bite him but he was determined to get his way. I said “NO!” And “STOP!” And “OUCH!” And nope…he didn’t stop. It took eighteen stiches at the hospital because he ripped my rectum. And he did NOT ever say he was Sorry. It was a horrid terrible experience and I am still not over it. I left him and cut off all ties a little less than a month later. I have nightmares about it…it was a humiliating and degrading feeling that still sticks with me three years later. I have not gone on a date or have seen or been with another man since. I am a lot better than I was when I first walked out of that Relationship and I know it takes time for hearts to heal and I’ll be okay. But still…it left me forever scarred. And he took a piece of me and killed it when he did what he did. He is a monster of a man and I hope he rots in Hell.
That Bastard.
I got woken up on two separate occasions within the same week with him inside me penetrating himself and finished off less than a minute of me still half a sleep and dazed. When I questioned him on this a couple of days later he said oh what you gonna get me done for rape. You cant. Your my wife. Yoir my property besides I’ll just say how I act out in my sleep, anyway what proof you got. This happened weeks before we last split. He often used to speak of rape roll play which I was discusted by as that is just sick in itself. Well thats my opinion anyway. Some people might like it but It don’t do it for me. I’ve told thw dv team and my solicitor about what he done. Don’t know how the courts will see it though when I hand in my form listing all the abuse he subjected me too. He messed my head up so much I didn’t know what was real and what wasnt towards the end.
Hi SD 🙂
You are human so, if you get emotional then that’s because you are normal 🙂
It will be hard but, just keep doing your healing & taking care of yourself & the LO 🙂
You are going up against the devil in disguise so, protect yourself with lots of love & kindness 🙂
I am sending you a big hug back & for the LO 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
Thank you so much PR. I’m so soppy that made me cry but for good reasons not bad. I’m so grateful for all the love kindness understanding and support I receive here. Xx
Thank you very much for sharing!! Sorry for your struggle! It must have been very hard holding all of that together for your children. I think a lot of times I wouldn’t be doing as well as I am if it weren’t for him.
I can’t sell my house as it’s worth a lot less than I owe so I’ve just stopped paying the mortgage I couldn’t afford anyway. I don’t know how long I have here so I’m trying to save what I can for when we have to find something else.
Thank god my spath is not the father of my son! I’d like to say I’d go crazy having to deal with him but he was usually so cold to my son and his nephew I probavly wouldn’t have to worry about him.
It sounds as if you’ve picked up the shattered pieces of not only your life but also your children’s and I am so proud of you for that! I am taking y’all’s advice and just going day to day. When things get overwhelming I need to find a way to calm myself down though as I have started having anxiety attacks. But this website is a great source if strength abs support for me and I couldn’t have come this far without all you girls!! Tyvm. 🙂
Well It’s still painful to talk about but this is what this sight is for so here it goes guys. So to make a REALLY long story short…My life and reputation was basically destroyed by a Sociopath about three years ago. I haven’t seen or spoke to him in over a year. He is now in Prison for armed robbery (that should say enough right there as to what type of person he is). But when I first met him though he had his own place and was doing pretty well financially and had two degrees in business. He was absolutely gorgeous in appearance…Italian and Irish blood with green eyes, pale smooth skin and dark black hair. He was very tall, with a baby face, a toned body and some of the biggest lips I’ve seen on a man. He was quite a treat to look at, he could have easily been a Model. He was like Prince Charming at first and swept me off my feet. He wrote me love letters and poems and sent me flowers at my job. (little did I know that this was all an act and all Sociopaths are Charming, exciting and very Charismatic in the beginning) …and after six months of dating I felt like he was the one. We bought a two storie, four bedroom, three bathroom Apartment flat together and started talking about marriage after the first year. It was perfect. Then things began to slowly change and once he knew he had me trapped in his web of lies and deceit and had mevwear he wanted me and knew my weaknesses and everything he needed to know to control me, he showed his true colors and the mask began to slip. He wasn’t as affectionate towards me anymore sex had become akward…it was like one person was in the bed instead of two. As long as he “came” and climaxed it was all good. That’s all that mattered. And some nights he wouldn’t speak to me and would stay in a different room instead of speanding time together. Now I am all for giving a man his space but the way he went about wanting to be left alone was in a very heartless way. He made me feel undesirable and I am considered pretty attractive so even when I walked around our home in Victoria’s Secret…in my sexiest get up, high heels on and everything…he wouldn’t even blink twice, like it was all my fault as to why things between us in the bed and in general had changed so much and he took no responsibility for his actions. He would ignore me completely and even glare at me for no reason then laugh. It was little things at first like rude comments and little digs such as jokingly putting me down about myself or putting me down infront of my friends. Little did I know he had slept with three of my so called “friends” and one of them was another male. He never told me he was Bisexual. But I didn’t find out about this until I had finally left the relationship. Also he loved bad mouthing my friends and family behind their backs, yet would smile in their faces when they were around. Within a short amount of time his whole persona and attitude changed completely and he mysteriously got fired from his job so I had to support him and pay all bills. I busted my butt and worked my little hinney off to make ends meet while he ate, slept and watched Anal Porn on the computer all day. He became Jealous and resented any time I spent with my mother or anyone else besides him, and when I would confront him about it he would go into Violent temper tantrums and call me cruel names and smash and break things. The Cops visited our Apartment three times due to the Neighbors hearing him going off and us fighting and calling. After about 3 months of this behavoir I threatened to call it quits. He stormed out of our apartment and didn’t come home for three days. Later I found out ot was because he was with Prostitutes and Transgender woman at clubs and sex parties, participating in Orgies, paying these woman for their “services” with MY money that he stole from my savings account. He wasted over three thousand dollars in three days buying Cocaine to party with. On the fourth day I was really worried about him by this point wondering if I should call the Police, and his phone had been at our home the entire time so I couldn’t reach him at all, nor could I go into his phone because he had changed the password on his locked screen. He forgot to take it with him. He came home finally close to around midnight and smelled like sex, reacked of booze and looked like he had gotten in a fight. Of course I began demanding some answers and he kept avoiding me…He thought if was some big funny game. And he reached over to kiss me and I slapped him. He slapped me right back….yes he did. Then grabbed my arm and attempted to kiss me and said No…and told him to let me go and that he needed to sober up. Well, he had his way with me, He covered my mouth and flat out raped me in the Rectum. Which was the first time I experienced anything going up there. It hurt really bad and I was bleeding a lot. I screamed, kicked and even bite him but he was determined to get his way. I said “NO!” And “STOP!” And “OUCH!” And nope…he didn’t stop. It took eighteen stiches at the hospital because he ripped my rectum. And he did NOT ever say he was Sorry. It was a horrid terrible experience and I am still not over it. I left him and cut off all ties a little less than a month later. I have nightmares about it…it was a humiliating and degrading feeling that still sticks with me three years later. I have not gone on a date or have seen or been with another man since. I am a lot better than I was when I first walked out of that Relationship and I know it takes time for hearts to heal and I’ll be okay. But still…it left me forever scarred. And he took a piece of me and killed it when he did what he did. He is a monster of a man and I hope he rots in Hell.
@luxia
Im so sorry that that event happened in our life. No one deserves to be treated like that and I do hope that you are on your way to healing from all of the situations you have been throughl. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope that getting it out is helping you come to terms with what has happened. It’s amazing the damage that these people can bestow on unsuspecting people….I still feel hurt and sad despite everything I’ve learned he has done. I just keep telling myself that I definitely deserve so much better than lies and cheating…..we all do. And all the healing will come with time!! I already feel much stronger with all the support from this site… And yes….KARMA!! 🙂 Keep your head up! There is a better life out there for us…we just have to have the strength to go out and find it!!
I cry when I read your words, no one deserves to be treated as an object, and this is the specialty of the sociopath, to objectify everyone…
Remember turn the scars on experience, on wisdom, you have make a courageous movement to let the hurt go…
@Luxia – OMG that is HORRIFIC, and no words can tell you how truly sorry I am that you have gone through that …
He WILL rot in hell – what goes around comes around, I really believe it does …
Thank you guys for you understanding and Compassion. I am not a Victim but a Survivor. And I am glad I am not the only person on earth who has crossed paths in life with these type of people. For a long time I thought I was….and have come to the realization that Monsters do exist, they don’t just hid in our closets or under our beds..they walk amoung us disguised in human form. They are called Sociopaths!
I should have called the Police on his ass. I am stupid for not telling the doctors or staff that he basically Raped me. Lesson learned….and he got his Karma already as he is in Prison for Armed Robbery. GETTING RAPED UP HIS BOOTY NOW! Lol….serves him right!
Hi Lux 🙂
What a wonderful, strong woman you are 🙂
The second song is for your Mum 🙂
You make dolls, I get these songs for you via messages from my guides?
Find the gypsy in your heart Lux 😉
Love PR xoxo
Hi Lux,
I have some ability but, it’s often convoluted & then other times it’s really clear so, I just put it out there & hope it makes sense to the right person @ the right time?
I am particularly highly attuned when I have undergone a trauma as its’ a healing experience & I take my lessons seriously.
I learn from each experience as it does happen for a reason 🙂
Sometimes it takes me years to figure out the message & I have realised I block a lot of them & over ride them which hasn’t gone in my favour.
I was warned many times spiritually but, I refused to listen to my guides & here I am so, am really listening now & going with my gut 🙂
You will be okay & time is a great healer but, my advice is to really work hard on clearing this trauma out of your body & soul as you have absorbed so much & it’s got to be cleared out forever 🙂
Try & get to a therapist that deals with Somatic Experience as you & I will both benefit 🙂
We are sharing here for a reason & guidance & support is ours 🙂
Love Always Lux,
PR xoxo
Hey PR. I miss u. And Lisa. And NMI and yes Jusa. U2!!!!! 🙂
I miss everyone today and tonight. I haven’t been reading the posts today bc it’s been too painful. Been taking steps to distance myself more and more from that deadbeat. Got my car ins policy started in my name. Still making new friends/support. Even got a possible roommate w a lady who is getting divorced! We will recover together. Plus w someone here my ex won’t dare try to move back in.
Anyway. I’m still out here. Just trying not to hurt so bad. Still that whole part of how do I not matter to him all of a sudden that gets me. If we had been fighting it mighta been easier to grasp.
So ask UR little guide people what’s up w me. When will God remember me and when is the break through coming??!!!!!!!
Hi J’bug 🙂
I miss you too & I hope the break through comes soon also.
It’s been 5 mths since I last saw my Soc & we parted on good terms etc..he was leaving on an overseas business trip etc…then the email arrived just before he returned.
It was from the OW introducing herself as his relationship partner & here I am 🙂
http://www.traumahealing.com
http://www.somaticexperiencing.com
I am doing a lot of therapy & healing & I promise it does get better but, my Gestalt Therapy has brought up a child abuse that I suffered & I have been a victim of betrayal since I was about 3 or 4 so, runs very deep.
My protection of myself has made me accept the unacceptable so, long ways to go…but tells a lot of why I tolerated the Soc for so long 😦
Love & Light 🙂
Love you Jbug girl 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi J’bug,
I am getting a lot of old American Indians Spirits coming thru when I think of you 🙂
The Shamans are very powerful & the Bear Warrior, you are the epitome of bravery & courage 🙂
Stay Strong & remember WHO YOU ARE, you are a powerful,loving & creative child of God.
You are very loved & God loves you 🙂
That’s the spirit message I got for you & Cherokee Louise?
Cherokee Louise is hiding in this tunnel
In the Broadway bridge
We’re crawling on our knees
We’ve got flashlights and batteries
We’ve got cold cuts from the fridge
Last year about this time
We used to climb up in the branches
Just to sway there in some breeze
Now the cops on the street
They want Cherokee Louise
People like to talk
Tongues are waggin’ over fences
Waggin’ over phones
All their doors are locked
God she can’t even come to our house
But I know where she’ll go
To the place where you can stand
And press your hands like it was bubblebath
In dust piled high as me
Down under the street
My friend
Poor Cherokee Louise
Ever since we turned 13
It’s like a minefield
Walking to the door
Going out you get the 3rd degree
And comin’ in you get the 3rd world war
Tuesday after school
We put our pennies on the rails
And when the train went by
We were jumpin’ round like fools
Goin’ “Look no heads or tails”
Goin’ “Look my lucky prize”
She runs home to her foster dad
He opens up a zipper
And he yanks her to her knees
Oh please be there please
My friend
Poor Cherokee Louise
Cherokee Louise is hiding in this tunnel
In the Broadway bridge
We’re crawling on our knees
We’ve got Archie and Silver Screen
I know where she is
The place where you can stand
And press your hand like it was bubblebath
In dust piled high as me
Down under the street
My friend
Poor Cherokee Louise
Oh Cherokee Louise
I don’t know if this means anything to you as I just receive the message & then I try & figure it out?
I had abuse issues so, may have mixed message as my own.
What do you think or feel?
Love PR xoxox
Are you a Psychic Pheonix rising?
Wow Cherokee Louise. Never heard that before. If u knew my childhood and what I endured last year it sounds like my life story.
Hi J’bug 🙂
I hope it helps & you need to surround yourself with the Bear Spirit now 🙂
He’s really strong & will guide you on your path to peace & love 🙂
I see turquoise around you does that mean anything??
you must get a gemstone or turquoise for connecting your heart & head together in open communication.
I see it everywhere when I think of you 🙂
Hope this helps 🙂
Also Meatloaf song “I’ll do anything for love” coming up for you???
Love
PR xoxo
PR. I dunno about the song but I had to look up turquoise. http://www.crystal-cure.com/turquoise.html
The bear thing is interesting too. I don’t quite follow all this stuff but its shockingly hitting close to home.
Hi J’bug,
I just get the message so, I hope it helps 🙂
The Bear is so strong around you & so is the colour so, go with it, it’s all good & you will not come to harm 🙂
Your being protected by the Bear, really, really beautiful strength coming 🙂
I sometimes don’t look for answers but, I just believe & sometimes when things are really hard I hold onto these beliefs 🙂
I think just having someone believe your story & believe in you is very powerful.
I believe in you & I will go with you to the dark side & back, into the places that we never like to go 😦
I will help stop you unravelling so, hold tight to the thread of friendship 🙂
You will never be alone & I will be here 🙂
The Bear & the wise old ones are with you always 🙂
You & I & many here are on this journey & have been thrown together for a reason.
It’s all good 🙂
Love & peace 🙂
PR xoxo
It’s a beautiful day here in Melbourne Australia as we are moving into Spring so, new beginnings & awakenings for me & you….love to Judah & Hannah.
xoxo
PR. You definitely are magical and such a kind hearted soul. That shines through on everyone of your posts. You have been so supportive to me which Iam truely grateful for and will never forget. Yes we have all been thrown together. Its sad as to why but things do happen for a reason and teach us valuable life lessons. We are all so fortunate to have found like minded and hearted people as ourselves which for me is lovely because when you have been round those monsters like we have they try to brainwash you into believing everyone is like them and that your the strange one. Well that was my experience anyway. Messed my head up beyond any words and in turn I was lwft constantly doubting myself and even got to the point where I thought it was so wrong of me to be loving kind caring thoughtful considerate and respectful towards others. I was wrong for being too nice. My boundaries wentright out the window and just allowed myself to be continually destroyed inside. I’m so worth more than that. We all are.
I’d love to connect with my guide, I just don’t know how to. I was asked during mt therapy to look for them and I couldn’t see anyone there to help me. Then I see a little girl. She kept saying thank you thank you. In closer inspection it was me as a little girl. I know hold onto that and I am doing my best to protect and look after that little girl (me) and keep her safe. I wouldn’t want to see any harm come to any child and that now includes my inner child. The happy very muched loved inner child. I will get back there. I owe it to myself and my own children and family.
Does anything spiritual come to mind when you think of me?? Past present or future. I have had a couple of tarot readings and they were so spot on with things but that was last year before our first split.
You truly are an inspiration to us all and im always thinking of that song that you said came your mind when the going gets tough. “You are not alone, I am here with you, ” so powerful and so nice to know I have people here that really care although we have never met. Xx
Hi SD,
Let’s find the guides for you 🙂
Okay firstly just because you cannot see them doesn’t mean they are not around you 🙂
They are very constant & guide you with love every day, just look at your interactions with your LO it’s love & compassion & unconditional. You can’t see it but, it’s three inside your heart & your soul, just as the guides are 🙂
Take a balloon, blow it up then release the air, where is it?
The balloon housed the air like a body houses the soul. The body/balloon that held the soul is of no further use.
The air or soul is released & goes out into the cosmos to combine with all the souls that have been released just like the air from the balloon goes out into the atmosphere, 🙂
Do you get this so far?
We have met before just on another plain & our souls are connected for some inexplicable reason but, we know each other through this journey & have become connected.
You cannot see me but, I am with you 🙂
Just take a listen because feelings don’t always speak clearly but, listen with your heart as the little girl is listening to your heart so, you must continue to nourish & nurture her 🙂
Your heartbeat is the first thing your little one heard way before you met 🙂
You will have freedom & peace SD 🙂
Archangel ZadKiel is guiding you with his compassion 🙂
Love yourself & you will be free to love others as well 🙂
PR xoxo
Thank you so much PR. Yes I get the balloon and soul theory. Ir makes perfect sense. So we have met before? How exciting. I loved the song to and again thank you for that. I will look up Archangel ZadKiel.
Again I can’t thank you enough for all that you do and I’m sure each and every one of us on this site will feel the same appreciation as I do.
Big hugs. Xx
🙂 YOUR ANGEL ZADKIEL,FOCUS ON HIM & ASK FOR HIS HELP ESPECIALLY CLOSE NOW & ALWAYS 🙂
http://www.pyramidcompany.com/CJT/index_Page5264.htm
Hugs backatcha 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi SD 🙂
How are you?
Proud of you 🙂
PR xoxo
I’ve been with mine for many years and we actually talk about what he is. He says he cares for me just I see he doesn’t understand (obviously, no empathy) when he hurts me. Is there any way I haven’t wasted years on lies and in his own way he does care deeply for me?
I should elaborate that he has never abused me physically or called me names or anything like that. If I didn’t know what he was, I’d chalk our problems up to him taking me for granted.
@kosmia,
Does he see other women? Does that ever somehow “slip” and come to your attention? Do you foot the bill financially a lot? Is he a sometimes-employed or illegally-employed companion?
Mine never abused me physically or called me names either. He does have a somewhat negative disposition sometimes and doesn’t lead with the positive by virtue of his own life perspective. I learned after we’d been together awhile that he lives with someone… someone he’d been with for awhile and had probably cared something about at one time, but was ready to leave for me. He moved in with me for awhile, but probably told her he was going out of town.
He did let it “slip” to her he was seeing me. I asked why he would do that rather than give her the open dialog conversation she deserved. He had to pretend later that he had learned from that experience that he didn’t need to be manipulative/deceitful about it, but what he told me in the moment was that while she may’ve suspected my presence, it was another thing entirely to have to be confronted with me. He did that, like many things, on purpose.
Someone who “loves you deeply” treats you with respect, doesn’t take from your pocket to finance fun with others, doesn’t give you stories about his whereabouts, and doesn’t take from your refrigerator to cook meals with another woman who he would undoubtedly abuse the trust of similarly.
Because he can’t feel empathy doesn’t mean he hasn’t learned right from wrong, even if that education had to have come solely from observing the experience of others. It may not mean anything to him, but he knows when he hurts you by virtue of you expressing pain. Can he really be the victim if, after knowing this, he does the same things repeatedly? The very act of doing so is in direct opposition to the concept of him “caring for you deeply”, and is evidence of him caring more for himself. I don’t know if this is your story or not, but if so, we could be seeing the same man…
If I compare mine to yours… I know he runs back to the twenty year wife because she is easiest to deal with. He calls me and the other girls ‘crazy’ because we actually had higher expectations of him. He has stayed with her for that reason (also because he is very very concerned with appearances…like ridiculously so). But the bottom line is…she believes what he tells her (likely she doesn’t but she accepts it) …she lets him be who he is. You have accepted him… he can do what he likes and you are there. Do not be surprised if he has an entire secret life you know nothing about. Mine had two…that I know of. He’s a mess and I no longer feel sad or angry or stupid. Don’t know where it went but its gone! He has the life sentence… not me. I’m so excited to be done and moving on its not even funny. Feeling more content than I have in ages. Why? He has no control over his life…none. he is a mess..he will never be happy because they don’t experience joy (that’s why he is a drunk and a pothead). I wish you and everyone on here to reach where I am. I have felt like garbage.. I have felt suicidal..I have felt worthless…hysterically crying all of it. Its done and gone. I wish it for all of you. THEY ARE WORTHLESS. I haven’t posted in awhile ..been busy and kinda over it.. but I read some of the posts in my email so popped back. Who knows…I could be a crying wreck again in a week… but I am thinking of him and the situation less and less every day. And mostly just shaking my head and accepting my stupidity and his personality disorder. Plenty of fish… and I have always chosen good guys!! This one is not typical of me lol. Good future ahead. Get therapy find your soul. (I always thought it was just taking me for granted too…lol)
Very inspirational. I am happy for you, and yes. They are worthless…lol. 🙂
Thank you PR and I’d like to thank Pos for starting this blog and all the hard work that goes into making this possible and raising our awareness which allows us to process what we read which inturn gives us the answers to so many misfits of our relationships with such monsters.
This site has really been an eye opener and such an inspiration and has helped keep me moving forwards all these months.
Thank you again. xx
Thank you!! 🙂 It is the comments from people here, that make this site so very special!! 🙂
Very true… what a community. Xo
@Jusagurl – what a great explanation, I love it. I’m trying to remember these things, and how the sp presents himself, so that when I get back into the dating scene I’ll be more aware, and a little guarded. The right man will have enough respect for me as a person to earn my trust.
I’ve said this one before but I actually feel sorry for Sociopaths in a way. I dont feel sorry for them as people but from the standpoint that I don’t believe a life with having no Conscious would be liberating. …but extremely lonely and unbelievably pointless. It’s just sad to me.
I could never imagine living my life or should i say just existing not knowing what love really feels like and to have no real emotions and to not care about anyone or anything except meeting my own needs. How damn selfish is that. That’s why they are predators because its the likes of us that make them better at their game because we are the ones teaching them how real humans behave. They take all we have to fulfil themselves and make their lives less empty. We are then the ones left feeling empty and confused and are left to pick up the pieces of our lives and those of our children why they swan off without a care in the world to put into practice all the good they have taken from us to lure in their next victim. This to me is just so wrong and yes very sad. He often called me a mug. Well yes I was for being the loving caring person I am who tries to see the good in everyone. This experience has taught me so much and one I will never forget. I refuse to be anyone else’s mug and only give to those that deserve it. For me its about give and take not take take take. I’m so scared of ever getting involved with anyone else. I think I will stick to being single and give the love I gave to him to myself instead as I so need to learn to love myself and know my own self worth. He left me so damaged but it has made me a better stronger person for it as I am building myself back up bit by bit. Day by day. I’m finally finding me.
Big hugs to you all. xx
Hi SD 🙂
So proud of you, you really have come a long, long way 🙂
Keep fighting because we can never let them get the better of us as ultimately that is their victory.
Keep fighting the darkness & love yourself as only you can.
They really are not the be all & end all, it’s just we have to go all the way down
😦 to come all the way back up 🙂
We come up better & stronger it’s just a very hard way to learn this lesson of self love & self worth.
Still this is the journey we are on & look at what wonderful strength you have found.
Just when you think you can’t go on, you rally all that soul-deep love & rise up 🙂
One things for sure, you can’t keep a good woman down 🙂
So good woman, take care & big hugs to you & LO 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
If the cost of all this is a self awareness that results in love that can outflow out of you to others, it hasn’t been in vain. The good work being done by positivagirl and others to promote awareness, added to our own experiential tools is what can help to protect us in the future—that, and perhaps some healthy self-examination.
But, I think to adopt a cynicism that applies restraints to our willingness to give love freely is counter-productive as it says, “I will give less until you prove yourself more.” Who of us is always more? It’s gentle, forgiving guidance that gets the struggling to the next step rather than measured kindnesses shared in skepticism.
To give our love surely has to be separated from enabling full access to our hearts, however. Anyone asking for that ahead of your own comfort would have to be scrutinized if the tenets of love are patience, kindness, protection, trust, hope, perserverence…
SD,
I feel your pain, don’t let this unworthy person steal your joy!! He is a lonely, shallow soul who will never be able to come close to the kind, sweet person you are. I to find myself giving into my rage of what he put me through. I even text mine to tell him that last week. The real a concrete truth is you are better that he will ever be…in time the hostile feeling you are feeling will dissipate and that lovely person who you are will spring up and be whole again…This is the safe place to vent, I do it often…you are among friends here..
Nessa
LN,
I couldn’t agree more. I told my soc just that very thing, it was liberating!!
Nessa
He is taking all I have and I’m not making anything. What is happening with me?
Hi Wish 🙂
You have you & you have us 🙂
What has happened?
Please stay strong & brave, sending you loads of love & strength 🙂
Love
PR xoxo
Hi Everyone,
I’ve been working crazy hours but I wanted to tell all of you how you have inspired me to move on and not feel like I’m crazy! Every time I come on I see new women on here and they are growing with all of the positive support.
Last week, I sent a text to my x-soc, I told him what I thought he was, a sociopath….and a few other choice words…I haven’t heard from him in response, (yet) and I just wonder if he looked up what a soc is or does he know that’s what he is, or….what if it made the light bulb go off in his head and he realize what a shallow, mean, ugly rotten predator he is????? What do you think ladies….was it a waste of my fingers typing that to him, or was it a mistake??
Nessa
It’s hard to say. I think, many times when a person has outstanding/unusual characteristics such as a soc has, someone has probably tried to make sense of them before and looked up traits. So, it’s possible your ex has heard this or similar terminology before, even if you hadn’t before meeting him. Will it make a difference? Maybe?
After hearing from my soc’s ex-wife that she suspected he might be, I once asked him if he was. He looked at me blankly. Generally with him, what that means is it is a conversation he does not wish to have, and I let it drop. Because he told me very early on that he was “crazy”; because he once termed one of his other ex-wives “crazy”; and because of how he looked when I asked the question, I suspect he has heard such an accusation before.
We have to remember that “sociopath”, while being a clinical term, is arbitrary and, while many of these people seem to share many of the traits we discuss, human beings are still created as individuals. I’ve tried to treat this person as such and not pigeon-hole him, whatever I feel he has/hasn’t done to me/us.
The worry I have about analyzing him is that I don’t/can’t really know his heart and mind (he has said this to me himself) so, whatever he may be doing that is counter to normal to me, for whatever reasons, I still feel I’m hardly in a position to analyze or direct him.
Nessa,
Others may have a different opinion but I think if it made you feel better, then that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t expect any kind of epiphany though, he’d just deny it or find another way around is issues….keep strong!
@cecilybecily & jusagurl,
You are probably right, he probably knows he is one. It did make me feel better but also a little scared. The thought of him retaliating makes my stomach turn!!! I think I was just wanting him to know that there is something wrong with him, and that there is a name for it. An too I wanted him to squirm a bit.. that sounds totally awful. It hurt me, not only my heart, but my pride. I also wanted (if he didn’t know that’s what he was) to say, damn, that’s why I’m the way I am…..it sounds so crazy, like he would just come to me and say, Nessa, thank you so much, you’ve just make me whole…..lol oh well I’m starting to ramble now…thank you so much ladies!!!
Nessa,
I told mine I believed he was a sociopath and he had a fit, “Where the hell did you come up with that shit?” is what he asked me. I told him to look on the internet just like I did and that he just might find it interesting…the rest is up to him, and or them, and we all know it really doesn’t matter what they think only that we heal!!!
Hi CB 🙂
I sent mine a copy of what a Soc is & told him he fitted the description to a tee 🙂
He was furious so, had his bestie ( a policeman) call me to refute my claim!
By the end of our conversation I think he had a different take on his friend?
He was just another pawn in the game so, I don’t think he’ll realise that he is just a follower & being used but, not my problem.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
He probably would have some idea anyway. Yes he would look it up being a narcissist too he would always be interested in anything about him…. But you gave him back control by contacting him – now he can just ignore you!! And you are left wondering or feeling ignored!
Yes hes probably laughing saying, I still have my touch!! Oh I hate it when I do that!! Thanks I will refrain from texting him!
Nessa
I has told mine I knew what he was too. He had been diagnosed so he already knew but I think I said something to let him know I knew and to see if he would own up to it. But another part thought maybe he would get help if he knew I was aware and supportive. Another sick thought on my part back then.
It’s not a sick thought, it’s loving and compassionate—a beautiful thing. You didn’t know what he’d use as tools against you or that his regard for self would be stronger than that he’s had for you.
I had never come across these terms before. My eyes got opened to it when hw done a pd test on his phone (yes take with a pinch of salt) and it came up high with red markers in many areas. I done the same test and mine were low. This intrigued me and I started looking up the terms. I couldnt beleive what I was reading. It was almost like I had written it and was describing him ans his behaviour in my own words. I dismissed it initially not wanting to beleive it. Over the next two years I done so much reading that there was no way I could ifnore this fact any longer. I often used to openly share my findings with him and would ask him directly what I was reading could he relate to any of it. He agreed yes he could and seemed very proud. Then he would turn it around and say that I was the only person who thought there was something wrong with him and that I was mad mental and crazy to think there was. He would go on to say that his happy with the way he is and can’t see anything wrong in his attitude/behaviour. I did ask him if he would seek professional help just to get a diagnosis either way at least that way we would know for sure if he did or didn’t have any of these. I even offered to go through the same tests but he flatly refused saying he doesn’t need help and theirs nothing wrong with him. I guess I was so desperate to make the marriage work and I was prepared to undergo anything in order for this to be possible. I endured this behaviour for four years (not knowing early on what was happening to me) and I have come to terms with the fact that with no diagnosis it doesnt really matter. I don’t need to be a professional to know what I experienced first hand and the trauma and confusion that I have been working on since it all ended. I wanted to help him and sacrificed and neglected myself in the process something I too am now coming to terms with that the only person you can help/save/fix is yourself. I truly am a stronger person now and have even surprised myself. I was knocked of balance so many times but I’m glad to say my feet are now firmly on the ground. Im still standing. Yeahhhhhh!! I’ve been to what feels like hell and back and its not been easy. I still have alot of recovering and work on myself to do but I am getting through this. Everyone here has been such an inspiration to me and reading other peoples journeys and experiences along with the setbacks has also helped me. Knowing im not mad and this is the after effects of being involved with such monsters and the ups and downs I have had are a normal side effect. Im so grateful for all the support I get here from those who get me. It has kept me sane and knowing I haven’t had to go through all this totally alone means alot to me. I wish each and everyone of you a successful recovery. No matter how long it takes. We will all get through this one way or another. We are fighters and have come so far already. Big hugs to you all and again thank you for all the support you have given. Xx
Hi SD 🙂
You have never been mad or crazy etc…you are normal & just like the rest of us 🙂
You feel & you care & your just the greatest 🙂
Stay Strong, Big squeezy hugs to you & the LO 🙂
Love Always PR xoxo
Thank you PR. Hope you are having a positive day.
Big hugs right backatcha.
Xxx
Yes Jusa. I sometimes still wish my caring about him was enough. Then it hurts bc i know it doesn’t matter to him. He can walk away clean wo a word and disappear forever like I never existed. That’s what he’s done. And my brain can’t accept it. I miss him.
@Judahbug,
I think mine has skipped town…He knows that me and my family caught on to him, so he owed my father money, rent and few other things…when he was called on the carpet about it..poof…he doesn’t answer his phone…gone..I started thinking…this is his MO, I sent him that text and I insinuated that he was off in a new town, impersonating someone else, a new persona….because when I found him, he was living out of hotel rooms…(what was I thinking) I believed his stupid story and guess what…egg on my face..he used me for a free place to live. I bet the other women he just left were feeling just like me now. But who knows, he probably still maintained a relationship with them….oh he;s as ass!! Sorry this is what happens when I rehash what happened…
Nessa
Hey Nessa 🙂
Re telling him he’s a Soc, I told mine & he had his policeman best friend call me to say he wasn’t a Sociopath but, by the time we’d ended the conversation I think he was surprised at the Soc’s activities!!! To say the least!
I realise that the policeman (Soc’s so called best friend) is under the same illusion as many followers & enablers are 😦
The Soc hasn’t made contact since I enlightened him 🙂
I think he now realises what he is, cause he was to dumb to figure it out himself & once again it took a smart, astute woman to guide him 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxox
I don’t know if it “doesn’t matter”. I think you were with yours a long time, right? I think he may be aware he can’t be/do what is expected from a normal partner? Either way, I guess it’s part of it that we miss them since that’s what people with deeper emotions do. Once recovered, we may miss someone in the future more worthy of it.
Jusa. We were together nearly 3 years. I never dated much before him. He was the love of my life. I think UR right. He knows he can’t be a better person for me and thinks I deserve better. I’ve learned from counselor w they can feel bad about themselves And things. He is always upset that he not a good person and I tried to convince him he was better than he gave himself credit. U just didn’t know what I was dealing w at the time. A huge part of me wishes he would. Just come back. The new friend I have told me last night he wants to move forward if I was ready. Problem is in not ready bc u can’t see myself w anybody but my ex. But I can’t just stop living either. I feel like hiding out at home tonight. I know my ex has nobody else right now too. Just makes me miss him more.
Btw Jusa I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I’m not a bad person. I just took everything wrong from anybody in the world this past year. I was told its PTSD from what my mom did last yr and I hated the world and lashed out. Sometimes unaware. After seeing the dr. And my counselor I am much more myself these days.
@JB,
I know what you wish, since I wish the same thing. But they won’t come back differently, they just can’t—good intentions or not. Not sure it wouldn’t be unfair to you and the new guy though to try to move forward at this point, feeling like you do.
And, I know you’re not a bad person. It must’ve seemed pretty presumptuous and self-righteous, me coming into a room basically, unknown, and offering opinions in examination of your situation. I also failed to tell you I was similarly addicted to mine. They are hard to leave. But, I don’t think you were totally off the mark—hardly anyone ever is. I come here to learn, think through, listen, share, discover, and occasionally reject thoughts and ideas. Though it’s not exactly a party, I’m glad we can do this together.
@PR,
Mine is an x-policeman and he thinks he’s the shit! Brags on what a good “mind F@#$er” he is and that he can make anyone he wants tell him the truth..brags on knowing how to bait people and get what he wants. that bothered me that he could say that and do that, it was scary and disturbing……I was so in love with him, I didn’t think he would do that to me…well he did..I saw all the red flags way way later in the relationship…he is the most handsome man and he has such a charisma, charm to him…women fall at his feet. Which made me feel jealous and I dont like that at all. So I really don’t know if he knows what he is, or if he cares….but just him knowing that I know that he is, makes mr. cool a bit uncomfortable and it’s really funny to me as well. I was being sarcastic to him and told him that he was probably off on a new adventure with a new woman, impersonating a rocket scientist!! LOL, LOL….made me feel better at least. Thank you for letting me vent!! I found it very helpful on this site on the stages of grief I think it said!!
Hugs to all of the ladies on here that keep me sane!!
Nessa
@ Nessa and PR
Idk about you guys but I’ll NEVER date a fireman or police man again lol All I hear is bad things about them. And you’d think they’d be good guys to risk their life for others….I think the power must go to their heads!!
Jusa I’ve had to practically hide my car keys tonight to keep from doing a drive by his place! I don’t feel as addicted. I feel rather numb these days. The new guy kinda angered me a little by making stupid comments last night. I just stopped answering his texts and came here with PR most of the night online. Tonight he was brown nosing big time wondering if I was still mad at him. Poor thing. I never really was mad, just didn’t care what he had to say last night…guess I have post socio attitude towards men’s BS! But for me, a new guy making sexual jokes/insinuations is not funny to me b/c of what I’ve been thru. He has to realize that and I think he does. Right now my focus is on me and my dogs…and my granddaughter whenever they let me.
Hi Judah!
I understand what you mean about having trouble moving on. I go on dates and such but it’s just not the same as before. Plus there’s that fear of possibly meeting another asshole sociopath! But I keep telling myself if we stay open to things to come, one day the right one will come along and treat us the way we should be treated. I think by constantly pining away for our ex spath’s were missing out on life. Your friend sounds very patient and nice…I’m sure he’ll wait til your comfortable in progressing in the relationship! (a good sign I think) Best of luck to you!
I just remembered yesterday a patient came in and was 82….she had undergone multiple surgeries and had tremors in both her hands. She looked me in the eye and said “you enjoy every moment of your life while you’re young because before you know it you will be old like me” It really touched my heart and while I do miss my ex I’m not gonna let a day go by where I miss out on life no matter how sad or unhappy I am. Life really is too short 🙂 We have to make the most of the time that we have left!!
@Brandy,
Yeah, they know how the work the system…they take classes on how read people, and unfortunately some not all use it in a manipulative way!! No worries, not all are bad…sorry if I made you think twice about it!! LOL!!
Nessa
@ Nessa
Nah lol I just am more aware that there are people out there like that and I have to be careful! We all do!! lol I used to think my narcissistic ex-husband was the devil….the ex bf makes him look like an angel! My ex bf used to tell me all the time what a pathological liar the ex-husband was. Guess it really does take one to know one!