Im not sure if the right place to write this .. But i have been in a relationship with who i am now starting to realise to be a true sociopath.. in the beginning he was not interested in me at all.. he would string me along and then get with other women in front of me.. i should have seen the warning signs then i suppose .. but i didnt, i fell for him harder and harder.. he ended up moving away and i was going to visit him on weekends.. he would appear to be sad when i left saying i wish u could stay all the time .. i took this as he had feelings for me and i decided to move up to be with him, he was so great he helped me with everything and supported me until i found a job so caring and charming..after a couple of months and a bit of arguing he threw me out! i found myself with nothing ? no where to go no job ? heart broken! i went and stayed with my mum for a little while and got a job and felt like i was possibly starting to get back on my feet when he came back just wanted to be friends but really wanted to see me all the time .. i ended up back there with him! he went to the states for 3 weeks shortly after and i somehow became his PA sorting out all his affairs whilst he was gone he said when he came back that he felt like he had some kind of appifany whilst away and he really loved me.. i, stupidly was over the moon! we got a place together and i thought it was really legit! he then decided he wanted to get this business he had his eye on but he couldnt be the legal owner as he had a bad credit rating.. so i put it all in my name.. i quit my job and we took on the challenge together, i felt like we were taking over the world together.. things have been sailing along for the past 12 months – we have been working hard and playing hard – my ex is very showy he would buy me expensive gifts take me out to dnner every night buy the best wine stay in the best hotels bought me a horse .. i was happy! i was consumed with love! then it all changed – he was caught drink driving and 70kms over the speed limit! then we got a really big tax bill things were tense.. then i fell pregnant when i told him he changed! in a heart beat! he told me to get an abortion and that we are no longer together i needed to move out and get a job and go away basically.. i went and stayed with a GF for a couple of days and spoke to a solicitor all the advise i got was – get the business back ! its all in my name so its legally mine .. i did that .. he wrote me some nasty texts saying he had done the right thing by me and i should do the right thing by him.. when he realised that i was coming back and planned on living in our house (in my name) and taking control of the business he turned into the nastiest person ive ever met he said he was going to burn down the business with me in it and that im a rodent and a c%$*&unt- a germ – he hates me and wants me dead! i was / am horrifed that he could even speak like that .. but to me ? he loved me ?? and im pregnant with his child! since then he has moved back home to his parents and told them he was thrilled when i told him i was pregnant and i left him heart broken – he then hacked my email account and sent them an email! they are furious with me!?! i dont know what to do ….
Welcome to the blog 🙂
You are not alone & you have been through hell & back 😦
I am so sorry for your pain but, you must now focus on yourself,healing & your baby 🙂
I don’t know what stage your at in your pregnancy so, I hope you are well & getting support 🙂
We are all here & yes it’s the pits to be treated like you have but, the Sociopath cannot help themselves so, this is not your fault.
You never stand a chance with them when they let the mask slip.
It’s just a shame we have to be in this position but, we are & many of us are at different stages.
You must focus on you, you are beautiful, worthy & deserve so much better 🙂
Thanks for your reply! I never imagined I would seek comfort from a blog site! But it’s amazing how reading all this information has allowed me to understand and hopefully start to heal .. move on!
Im not alone.. and its really not my fault! I’ve established no contact and it feels good!
I don’t know how I would have got through if not for this site!
THANKYOU
This site is special because of the community feel here and the group support… so thank YOU for being part of this Winnie! 🙂
Hi Winnie 🙂
I don’t think any of us expected to be blogging about this ever!
Thank goodness Pos shared her story so, we could all evolve from it.
Good luck & be strong.
i will try.. its crazy i was reading on Sunday the post about them always coming back.. and i thought to myself.. nope.. not mine he will NEVER.. sure enough today he called me from a number i did not reconise to Say that he is worried about me and he thinks i need to see a therapist because he thinks im crazy after all the lies i have told ?!? and that he wants access to the business / accounts ect because im too stupid to be able to sell it … now i have to get back to no contact.. so impossible .. does it EVER end – its been the longest 2 weeks of my life
Hi Winnie 🙂
Aargh he is such a,… well….Sociopath & now the mask it right off so, in true Soc form he’s giving it to you with both barrels 😦
They really take the cake don’t they!
Still you need to focus on your healing & your baby 🙂
Remember NC will drive him nuts because he wants to provoke a reaction!
It’s really hard isn’t it when you realise that this person you cared for, can do this but, they are not normal so, you will never understand & don’t waste time trying to understand him. He’s a hollow man with shallow feelings, if any at all?
It takes time to move through this unfortunately as your heart is broken & the betrayal runs very deep 😦
The fact that you are expecting gives him a tie to you but, being a single mum (if that’s your choice) isn’t all that bad 🙂
I have been raising my two alone for a decade & it’s hard but, I get all the love & joy tenfold 🙂
Please be strong & braver than ever.
It’s awful but, survivable I promise 🙂
I’m 7 weeks pregnant .. And this is what drove him to leave me! I think he thought I was just going to disappear into the sunset and not bother him anymore!? Me taking control and him walking away with nothing has been a huge shock to his system .. Mask is well and truly off 😦 I don’t know what to do re: pregnancy I was happy when I found out I never imagined how life could be ripped out from underneath me so dramatically! I’m left with huge financial pressure with the business and about to move outf my flat.. So will be unemployed and have to find somewhere to live so realistically I have to work .. How can I do all that with a baby on the way! Plus the heart ache of him making my life such a misery … Ahhh 😦 what a mess! And he doesn’t care ? That’s the hardest thing ..
I didn’t see ur story PR – u sound a lot stronger than me.. Time obviously does heal ????
Hi Winnie 🙂
I am not stronger just determined not to let this break me 🙂
I’ve just turned 50 & my Soc arrived in my life straight after my 19 year marriage ended.
After years of roller-coasting with another dysfunctional man, gambler, drinker etc…who then left with the Receptionist of our business. We lost everything & I have rebuilt my life independently for the last 10 years 🙂
My Soc was around in the shadows but, I lived alone with my children & never let him right into my life. Fortunately this has saved me,although he has done a lot of damage to me personally 😦
Here’s my story that brought me to this site, you’d better grab a cup of tea & sit down 🙂
I have been involved with a Sociopath for 10 long years!
He is very charming & I was flattered by his attention.
I was very vulnerable when he entered my life & came to trust him & thought he was a man of great integrity.
It was easy for him to cheat once he had my trust etc…this is what he relied upon!
I now know I have been under the spell of a Sociopath.
The lies & manipulation have been unbelievable but, I still did not see his true colours until I was confronted by the other woman.
This lady is a Dr of Sociology & contacted me whilst holidaying recently with my Sociopath.
I was told that and I quote,’she was his relationship partner for 3 1/2 years & that they had been living together for 12 months!
Oh & he had just proposed to her’!!!
I thought he was living at his recently deceased mothers home with his sister!!
He had recently sold his own home & a beach side property to reduce his debt level or so he said.
(I now know he had moved in with the other woman & they have purchased a property in the millions together?)
Wow, here it was right in front of my eyes….
I had been in an intimate relationship with this guy for 10 years no less, & suddenly I am eradicated by him without any explanation at all!
(We did not live together as I had always wanted to keep my private life separate as my children had been very traumatised by my marriage break down so,to spare them if things didn’t work out we lived separately,in fact he never stayed over if they were home.)
He broke all contact with me once he knew he had been discovered.
Usually he called me several times a day & we had lunch frequently.
I realise that all the phone calls were for keeping track of me & controlling the situation in case I was headed in his direction.
Now I was out in the cold,no goodbye except for a text saying I could & should move on!!!!
Gee wish I’d moved on a long long time ago.
In fact I was warned by his ex mistress (yep that’s right) one of his mistresses.
I met him via her as he is a car dealer as he has two jobs.
I had to sell my car after my marriage breakup as I could not afford the repayments so,Enter Stage Right My Sociopath!
He would not respond to my repeated requests for an explanation.
I have since learned that once a Sociopath is discovered they soon turn tail & cannot & will not face their victim.
In fact they then justify to others that they are the hero not the villain.
Apparently he told the other woman he was helping me & hadn’t been able to end it with me….blah,blah!
He failed to mention to her that we were intimate regularly, even the night before he left on his so called business trip.
(The other woman intercepted an email from me to him and it proved he was planning to come for dinner upon his return & had confirmed how much he was looking forward to it Kiss,Kiss)!
The night I got the email I was happily sitting & watching the last episode of Downton Abbey (still don’t know how it ended!)
I received a text message from my Sociopath that his email account had been hacked & that I should only contact him on this number (not the usual one) etc…
I then opened my email & there it is, the email from the other woman!
She had created another email account for herself & made contact with me in the hope of finding out whether her suspicions of him were correct.
I was told not to be concerned for his health (as I had been inquiring after his sore Achilles tendon)
That he was having a wonderful holiday with her,his son & his sister. ( His son is fully aware of my relationship with him & I know his sister also!)
He had led me to believe he was on yet another (yes he’s had a few) work related trips.
I had been told (once again) that he was on a terrorist training course.
He is a Commander in the Fire Brigade so,I assumed this was true.
He had previously shown me documentation from ASIO regarding Essential Service Personnel & the need for specialist training to be undertaken in case of terror acts & threats etc….
This all went to aid his elaborate plan to convince me that he was doing his bit for our protection,Wow what a hero!
He also told me once he was sent on a special training camp somewhere that could not be disclosed.
Where he was put through extreme training conditions like extreme temperatures,lack of sleep etc…to test his reactions to stressful conditions & that he was one of a very small group to actually get through the course?
I have no idea whether this was true or not but,it did sound unbelievably believable!
He would go into great detail without actually showing any proof & I swallowed it all!
I thought he was in the UK but,according to the email he was in Hong Kong, Beverley Hills,New York & now in London & all for pleasure. My son was able to search the IP address for the emails & where they originated from & Bingo he was in the USA!!!
My Sociopath had been leading a very duplicitous life indeed….he even involved his family members.
I was told by a friend when he was away previously that he was away with another woman & when I texted him to clarify this information he had his daughter call me to reinforce that he was on business alone!
His daughter is married to a friend of a friends son so,I believed her.
He also invited me to dinner with his family after he had mislead me about his Mothers Funeral!
He lied to me about the date so,that I would not be able to come!
When I found out I was very hurt but, then he made up such an elaborate lie and I ended up feeling sorry for him!
Apparently he was under so much stress organising the funeral & his ex wife was creating trouble that he did not want to tell me so,lied about the date?
I realise now that this was all part of him making sure his worlds didn’t collide.
He couldn’t have me show up when there was someone else on the scene etc….(although the other woman was unable to attend she had been introduced to the family by this stage.) Still I don’t know how his family could entertain me at dinner & not say anything??
Anyway once I realised what My Sociopath had been playing at I set out to expose him so,as I had retained a lot of emails etc…I arranged to meet the other woman at her request.
We met at a local hotel & I was shocked to say the least.
I was expecting a strong professional woman but instead, I was met with an emotionally devastated but,very nice lady.
We hugged & I was very saddened to see what he had done to us both.
We ordered coffee & she had bought me a lovely gift & I had a little something for her also.
We sat & it was awkward at first but,soon we were sharing our story.
My Sociopath was now Our Sociopath. The other woman had been suspicious for a while & had even hired a cab one night & followed him but,he was not where he said he would be & I confirmed to her that he was not with me either?
He even said exactly the same lines to us both in intimate moments,called us both Darling & gave us similar gifts…funnily enough he said & gave his mistress the same as well!
His well practiced lines were nearly verbatim! Obviously he sticks to a routine to avoid slip ups.
We even had a chuckle as one of his favorites was ‘You are my wife,my possession,no divorce ever!’ blah blah!
He liked it if we called him ‘Husband’,in intimate moments.
I found myself in the odd position of having to prove my relationship with him which, by the end of our meeting she was in no doubt of!
I knew far too much to be just a platonic friend as he was now stating I was!
The other woman & I stayed in touch & I thought she was going to rid him from her life but,in one of her emails she revealed that she was staying with him for now although would remain in the ‘control seat of her life’!
I was bitterly disappointed & felt doubly betrayed.
I then set about trying to take back some of my power so,I contacted his work colleague & friend,his family & anyone else that I had on my email etc…I was not going to let him continue his antics undetected.
It obviously worked as he reported me to the police for harassment!!! What a great guy!
Fortunately I realised that the friend he had call me after he was discovered, is a Detective from the same Police Station where the other officer contacted me from.
I explained the situation & whilst she understood fully she still had to do her job & gave me the warning.
I took the warning seriously & as I had already mailed a letter to his ex-wife (that he hasn’t divorced)
I stopped trying to expose him for the reprehensible person that he is.
I did some research into Sociopath type personalities and he ticks all the boxes, right down to staring deep into your eyes to almost seeing right through you…creepy because he always did this.
He also does not show any remorse for his actions rather he has become annoyed that he has been discovered etc…
Another trait & he has quickly turned on me & dismissed me.
The Sociopath has a very high sex drive due to the overload of Testosterone they are usually found to possess!
This is so true of him & he loves to talk about his sex drive & conquests.
His ego is huge! He was always asking if he was the best lover I’d ever had???
I am glad I have stood up to him the only way I could.
My efforts to expose him have been somewhat successful?
Maybe he will think twice next time….but,I doubt it!
Sociopaths often appear normal & their victim looks like the crazy one but,unfortunately that is how they get away with so much.
I am a survivor not a victim.
He has a new victim to weave his web of lies to now!
Winnie, it takes time & you have a little on your side re your pregnancy but, don’t let him ruin you completely. You can rebuild your life from here, I promise 🙂
wow… what a piece of work! i am pleased he was not in your life any deeper than what he was
you sound like a very inspirational person and im thankful for your reply! its really comforting to know people have been where i am and have managed to rebuild.. i am trying so hard to be strong! he is just torturing me. he txts me in the night saying he misses me but i have said too much to people .. i feel he was getting at that we could have worked things out if i hadnt of told people what happened.. then today he wrote saying sorry.. i had a moment of weakness i shouldnt have txt you – good luck with your abortion i hope it doesnt hurt too much 😦 i am so broken
Hi Winnie 🙂
OMG he is such a callous, nasty person…what an evil thing to say 😦
I hope you are okay as I am very sad that he is treating you so disgustingly 😦
I think you are so much better off without him as you deserve someone that treats you with respect 🙂
You just look after yourself & get advice from your Dr & support group to help you.
Gosh I cannot imagine how hard this is for you 😦
My love & best wishes to you & we are all here for you 🙂
@ Brandy,
Ditto, my BF use to say the same thing!! How funny….the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with both of them. Yes the next relationship I have, I’m going in a lot wiser!!! I might develop a series of questions to ask, just to be sure!! LOL LOL
Hi Nessa,
Mine also thinks his S@*T doesn’t stink & loves his power from his job etc…the hero that is really a predator, very handy job indeed to hide behind!
Like you, knowing that they are Soc’s does answer so many questions which, is a relief in a way.
My expectations of his integrity etc…are what kept me in the game but, knowing I never stood a chance & that he has no integrity makes it easier now 🙂
Mine is short ,balding & fat now, was once good looking??? but, I think the evil is coming out in his looks now 🙂
He still thinks he’s a ladykiller & walks like a puffed up pigeon!
The Ow is short & squat whereas, I’m tall & lean so, she suits his look better ‘meow’….
We looked a bit like Shrek & Fiona (before Fiona transformed to an ogre 🙂
Someone said that to me once 🙂
He’s living with a cat now so, that will be interesting as the feathers & fur flies:)
Glad it’s not me 🙂
@PR,
You seem to have the same sense of humor as me!! Well my x-soc went back to the gym and the 20 + body building again…when he was with me, he was filling out a bit in the belly….but know is in FULL PREDATOR mode!!! He likes the finer things in life….or acts like it anyway….always thinking that he is better than everyone….he always made me feel like I was just a country hick an he was so from the city!!! He likes to play the savior, and swoop in to make a woman feel like he is her protector…Ya right, I needed the protection form him!!
Thanks PH you made me laugh!!
Big hug of a thank you too!!
Nessa
“Walks like a puffed Pigeon”
LOL! 🙂
I foresee another DICTIONARY of questions to ask the Post-Socio boyfriend! What do u think PR?
The power goes more to their D@*ks LOL 🙂
They have Rescuers Syndrome or rather they don’t but, pretend they do???very complicated personality disorder with a disordered mind Hmmm really psycho!
Hey Brandy I had to save that info on my iPhone. 82 yrs old – great insight. Life is too short, and today I was good but after work I was sitting on my hands to not drive by or call him. WHy or Why waste my time! I don’t wanna be 82 and crying over this sick perv! The other new guy made me a little angry last night…making stupid comments. BOY OH BOY was he brown nosing tonight! Wondering if I was still mad, etc. Funny thing is I didn’t really get mad. I just didn’t care and went to sleep. Actually….I didn’t care and was on here with PR and we were living it up with our SOCIO DICTIONARY!!!
I looked at my ex’s online pic tonight. He looks so awful. He looks so worn out and old and tired. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for him or not. Anyway. I’m back into the numb phase….don’t feel one way or the other about anything. I guess that’s good.
p.s. PR – Judah has a little more spark tonight! He’s like a 2 yr old into everything! He must be feeling better
Good girl Judah!! Proud of you! Yes I go back and forth from the numb stage to the panicked Ill never hear from him again. And Ive thought about doing drive by’s in my times of desperation….i just tell myself it’s not a relationship he wants anyway so why am I trying so hard for someone who moved on even before we broke up! It kinda puts things in perspective for me and helps me through the day! were always here for you on your rough days and days when you cant be strong yourself. Helps knowing someone who understands really has your back! Message me anytime you need to talk ::).
@ PR,
Oh damn that was a good one…AKA Socio….a friend of mine told me today, she was complaining of her “heard of kids” 6 of them in all…she said, “Do you know what the side effect of sex is”? I said “no” ..she said kids….LOL LOL, it was one of those moments where you had to be there!!!
So, the side effect of a sociopath is:
1. feelings of low self-worth
2. confusion
3. distorted image of one’s self…
So to counter act that side effect is:
1. Look in the mirror and say, damn I look good, I;m beautiful, and courageous
2. I’m glad that asshole is gone
3. I can see clearly now the rain (sociopath) is gone…..
Ok my lack of sleep is very evident tonight!!!! Good night ladies!!!!
Very good LOL & yes, sometimes we talk s@*T but, we learnt from the masters of it….OMG like Hogwarts School for Spaths.
Entry Qualifications,
No heart…hmmmm pass!
No anything….hmmmm Head of the class, in fact a Prefect LOL
Love to you Ness 🙂
PR xoxo
Ok PR.
Sociomumbo
Definition: the idiotic words, excuses, actions, cover ups, chaos , drama, lies, sob stories, false promises, etc. made by one demonstrating Socioplexy behavior. Likewise the more concentrated term of Socio-blow-it-up-your-ass syndrome is usually displayed by Soc types who are into gay orgies, transsexual, or any other deviant behavior where blowing up one’s booty is not a mere relative term but more literal in actions. 🙂
Criminopath-y
Definition: The preferred career path of those exhibiting Socioplexy. Subject may also illustrate usage of Sociomumbo for the purposes of securing said role, doing damage control, or when faced with potentially losing his coveted position.
I didn’t bring it up, but he has said I can’t “save him”, though I get the sense he wishes I would.
Hi Jusa 🙂
Re ‘saving him’, I don’t think the Soc’s like what they are & part of the attraction to us is to ‘save them from themselves’ I think?
Unfortunately we can only save ourselves the trouble by not trying to rescue them, as they are not redeemable ever 😦
I was reading link Caerra sent me re Soc’s etc….very good & scary that the Soc’s sit in so many jobs that dictate outcomes for peoples lives, very scary thought!
I hope you are well & keep that chin up 🙂
Namaste’
Talk Soon, take care, love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
I think this should be this blogs new theme song for all us Tiger’s 🙂
Hey Nessa 🙂
LOL you had me at cocktails but, then taunted me with the shots 🙂
Remember “Stay Classy at all times & don’t let tequila (or whatever) call the Shots!’ LOL 🙂
@Calvin – I was thinking that as well, that there are a lot of female SPs as well. I don’t think anyone is trying to diminish your experience with an SP woman at all. I think the thing is that women are more likely to reach out than men, and that’s why the readership on this blog seems to be mostly female.
My ex-sp/bf had ANOTHER ex-gf that I’m convinced was an SP as well – the drama between them was sick, and she had a history of accusations of violence and abuse towards other men. The first time I met her at a party I instantly recoiled – something about her didn’t seem “right”. Unfortunately, you’re probably a normal guy who’s gotten sucked in by stories of victimazation, just like us ladies have.
Hi everyone! I feel like I know all of you.
I too had the great misfortune to run into one of these monsters in a human suit and it’s been a hell of a ride. I had no idea people like that existed.
When I ran into mine three years ago I thought I hit the jackpot. Little did I know that I was about to feel pain like I never knew before in my life. Prior to meting him I lived alone for 9years. I had made that decision because of all the BS other men had dished out and I just had enough. Self preservation . There were no high’s or low’s anymore just peace. Well , I stuck to it and did’nt miss a thing for 9years until that faithful day in 2010.
He totally disarmed me with his charm, carisma and other BS . Things were moving very quickly. That first day we spend 8houres on a park bench. Red flags went up all over the place but I chose to ignore all of them. All I could think was “is it possible for me to find some happiness at this stage of my life”? I guess I was delirious with happiness and wanted to ride that wave of uphoria and see where it would take me. What a mistake! Little did I know that I could sink so low. The game these creatures are playing is way beyond comprehension .
THANK GOD FOR THIS SITE!!!!!!!!
Somebody throw the word SOCIOPATH at me, as I was telling her some of the things that were going on in my life. So O googled it and I found YOU. Up until then I felt very much alone. To read your stories and to feel your pain and knowing exactly what you are talking about is so enormously helpful because nobody else can understand what we are going through.
You are never alone here & we will share, vent & support you as best we can 🙂
It’s so hard to comprehend the whole Sociopath world & the devastation that they create but, wow once you realise it’s like a bolt of lightening striking you!
It is a hard road but, you will find strength & comfort during your journey &, having others that truly get it is an amazing healing tool 🙂
Take your time & be strong, you are an amazing, wonderful, worthy person & that’s why the Soc was attracted to you in the first place.
Believe in yourself & you will survive this trauma.
I had 10 years with the Charismatic Soc so, you most definitely are not alone 🙂
Hi, PR
Thank u for making me feel so welcome .
U r so right!
I believe we all find this SITE by a higher power, because nobody can find the way through this maze without it. Lives are broken just because we fell in LOVE with someone who played a terrible game. I feel sorry that they will never know the true meaning of happiness .
Thanks again
Love&strengh
HI Ladybug, funny how most of us think we would know if we met a charmer and manipulator.
I always thought I would spot one a mile away!
That would be a good subject Positiva
‘Why do we ignore all those red flags that hit us in the face’
I had them all over the place too, and if a friend had told me MY story I would have said get the hell out, even after the frist week!
So why don’t we when we see the flags and our gut instincts are doing sommersaults???
And what are everyone’s opinions on why we don’t?
I will be honest here and say for me,,,,,,, I had spent so long without any real affection before i met him, and his constant pursuing of me for nearly two years had me hooked,,,,,,his very clever ‘making it obvious, but never actually saying so’ already had me in the ‘does he, doesn’t he’ mode. He convinced me he was shy,,yet he had a charisma which didn’t add up to being shy.
The clever triangulation made me fight for him,,,,a natural thing for women to do when in love?
The manipulation is very very clever, and the magnetism it creates is deadly.
Ladybug, you have come to a good place, we have all been there, and most stories are similar if not almost identical.
“Why do we ignore all those red flags that hit us in the face?
So why don’t we when we see the flags and our gut instincts are doing sommersaults???
And what are everyone’s opinions on why we don’t?”
———
I believe it is because there is just enough truth, omission or suggestion that it leaves you with a reasonable doubt to question yourself. The best lies are probably rooted in some truth. Our very justice system demands we take the view that a man is “innocent until proven guilty”. Well, it can be a h*ll of a lot of work proving guilty someone well-practiced who wants to put one over! In some cases, it’s just easier to let it ride and see how it shakes out.
In my own case, it has been the perfect storm. I beat myself up over presumption and it is something I would like to eradicate from my personal practices. In the case of a soc (and some others, really), a healthy amount of skepticism is actually self-protective.
I think someone with a right heart who isn’t a cynic and tries to actively see the best in people is bound to be susceptible to being duped, taken advantage of and hurt. What makes us do it more than once is a more complicated issue (Stockholm Syndrome, abusive cycles, etc.)
Hi Dorena & Jusa 🙂
This is a copy of a repy I got from the other woman so, speaks for itself really.
As you are both aware this lady, lectures worldwide on human behavior & is a Dr of Sociology yet stays with the Soc?
Her email to me after stating we should both be aware of Predators like him!
Again, thanks for your response. It is disappointing to learn that his son has been involved – terrible example for a supposedly loving father to set for his son. My perceptions of Lou’s values are rapidly being challenged.
Lou has not taken me on this or any other holiday we have been on other than a very brief trip to Tasmania with friends as another friend of his was retiring from the Tas Police Force. I travel frequently and have done so for years – since well before my relationship with Lou – sometimes with work, sometimes pleasure but usually a combination of both. He has tagged along on this trip then Jon wanted to come and Lou invited Rosa. He travelled overseas with me twice in 2012. So do not think he is lavishing me with trips – I fund my own flights and accommodation – he ‘bunks in’ with me. He funds his own flights -usually using frequent flyer points and all booking and organising is done by me, including for his son and sister. So I am also his ‘assistant’ in this regard (adds insult to injury).
I will not be telling Lou of our (yours and my) contact as he will try to ‘massage’ an outcome beneficial to him. I will phone you when I return and we can arrange to meet. I too, did not ever intend to be the other woman and considered women duped in this way to have been fools. It is clear from your emails that you are no fool and prior to this, I would have said I was no fool either. I will be interested to learn the important information you wish to share. I cannot imagine so will not try. He cannot access this email address as it is a new ‘secret’ email address that he does not know I have.
Keep strong – you did not deserve this and neither did I.
What do you think? Really apparent here that perhaps Stockholm Syndrome probably plays a big part as she confessed to me her ex-husband was unfaithful but, that she still loved him & wanted him back.
PR xoxo
Hi Dorena 🙂
I thought long & hard & aside from all the usual stuff i.e.vulnerable,going through trauma etc…what he really did was make me feel like a woman again 🙂
He appealed to my basic desire to be desired, I wasn’t just a Mum, ex-wife, sister, daughter,friend but, I was a woman & the yearning to feel again is something I got from him 🙂
Just being honest but, he gave me back my ‘MOJO!’ LOL & now I have to find it again…perhaps I’ll rename my dog “MOJO”…come here boy…LOL
“Has anyone seen my ‘MOJO???’
Basic Instinct hmmm
Yep that’s how he hooked me initially 😦 & then it was game on!
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Dorena
Thanks for your comment. It really is a good question as to why we all ignore our gut feeling??
I don’t think I was desperate for a man after living alone for 9years and not missing anything . During that time I worked three jobs and there was no time for a man and besides I did not want the responsibility of one.
When I saw him approach me with that disarming smile I thought to myself “here comes another one”. He was not at all a man I would have taken a second look at before I became celibate. I should have stuck to my guns. But that’s water under the bridge.
He started to make small talk mostly about my Yorky.
He was from Egypt and I am from Germany. Big red flag!!!
Later when stuff started happening I thought that it was cultural. Oh, he did insert at one point that I never met anyone like him. Today I know that was one of the only times he ever told me the truth. The other time was when he stated that he was not a good person. Two times in three years, I guess it could have been worse.
His family lives in Egypt and Australia and his parents are deceased. They are all millionaires and he lives in a room in a basement in a private house in a bad area.
About 10days into our relationship he told me he was a Doctor and the reason he was no longer practicing his Profession. (This happens to be true his case is all over the Internet ).
It turned out that he was arrested, accused and convicted of attempted murder of his wife who is also his cousin . At this point I was so in love with him and I believed that he was framed and wrongfully convicted. At this point I no longer believe that. He had also revealed that during this time he was having an affair with a nurse he was working with.
He spend 13years in prison, came out in 2005 and is still on parole going in to the 9th year now.
In all of my life I have never dated a convict nor do I have a criminal record myself . I have sunk so low and I let it all happen. There is only one way to go when you’re this low and that is UP. I will not let him win in that he thinks that he has destroyed me . I am much better than that.
Love Hugs and Strength to all.
Sorry,touched the wrong button by mistake.
Have not seen the creep since June 1 and I don’t intend to. Sent him an E-mail three weeks ago to officially break up with him (nothing nasty).He send back an E-mail rather quickly to let me know that the victim personality did not fit me. Ha Ha, whatever. I did not respond. I will write more about my story in the future. I’m in therapy hope it will help. To all of you out there I send you Love& Strenght. God bless!
Hi all. I have a question for you. I have been on two dates with a man who seems much different than what I’ve recently gone through.And I actually like him. I ddidn’t think I would ever again but I do. (And my soc calledyesterday and today to see me but I declined and he said sorry for asking you wwon’t hear from me again) anyway..I feel great. My problem is this man wants to have sex rather quickly and I want to wait a bit. I’m not sure how to do that… I was at his place and kissing (it was lovely) but I refused to go any further. He was fine with it of course and we enjoyed our evening listening to music and talking. But I know he wants to and normally it isn’t an issue. I always just followed my feelings and if I felt like doing it I would . This is the first time I’ve ever held off..but I like him I don’t want to be clouded by just lust in the beginning bits. My soc and I had nothing but lust and it felt like love for me. I want to be clear headed in this one.
Any suggestions on how to hold him off? I want to explain to him without sounding like aprude or a psycho lol (I am neither).
Just be careful as you are probably rebounding?
Rebound man could be good or bad for you?
After what you’ve been through I’m sure, if you told him you need to take it slow he would understand if, he’s really into you.
I once made the mistake of the rebound man & here I am, my rebound man was my Soc!
Good luck & just believe in you & your gut, I think it’s already working overtime.
@FS – I think you need to be careful about sleeping with someone right away. It’s normal to want to have sex, but if you’re feeling hesitation or feel pressured, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. The right guy will stick around even if you want to wait. The right guy will respect and appreciate your vulnerability.
My approach now is “no sex before monogamy”. My spiritual advisor told me that I fell in love with my ex based on the social “him”. She said that I should wait to see a man in many different scenarios, to make sure he is not just reflecting what I want to see back onto me. Does that make sense? (don’t get me wrong, I am a very sexual person, and would love to have a sexual relationship, but I want it now with a man I can trust.) I get emotionally invested when sex is involved, and I’m not longer willing to compromise what I really want and need just to have the illusion of a loving relationship.
FS. I started seeing someone too. As friends but kinda more. Same situation as urs. It’s plain and simple. Tell him u just got outta bad situation. And UR not ready yet for that. Mine understands that n is very patient w me.
Lol…that’s for sure…never in my life did I ever think I would find myself here but so incredibly grateful for the help I have received. I haven’t completely cut out my sociopath but I have moved on emotionally and feel I am slowly phasing into a new step in my recovery. The best advise that has clicked to me was cutting out all emotion and feelings when dealing with him. He still tries to get me to respond to some of his texts that are an attempt to get me to see if I will still be a source of supply and I am so happy to report that I have not even felt a tiny bit sorry for him or gone to bed worried or thinking about him. I know that in a way the little contact we do have is kinda like a drug to me that keeps me going until the next text but something in me has changed, I can feel it. I haven’t posted on here for weeks but reading this comment and PR response I remember when I found myself on here for the first time and where I am now…I’m not past it all and I still have work to do on myself to get my life back so stay strong everyone. Choose to take your life back. Fight for it. My heart doesn’t ache anymore, and it ached every day for this man. I’ve felt pain and grief that I never wish on anyone. My heart hasn’t ached in weeks, I know I’m not over him completely but I’m not hurting anymore and I’m not losing my mind anymore either. Everyone’s story and recovery will be different but that is a little update on mine. I can think about other things again. If you knew my story or what my life was like you would understand how liberating my life is becoming now that my thoughts are my own again.
I gravitate to a song by Fiona Apple called Limp. Sometimes I feel I need to get mad so I don’t feel sad. You should listen to it, if you haven’t heard it yet. Everyone should. Lol
Thank you again.
Wow. That song is me!!! I’m speechless.
For sure. I don’t think I am rebounding. I am surprised as hell..I don’t like men very easily. The reason I like this person is because he is completely different lol. But prior to my soc I have always dated wonderful nice guys so I know what its like. I’ve been very lucky…just not til now lol.
My relationship with the soc was never a life relationship it was largely a booty call situation looking back on it. So my real life is largely unaffected which is why I think I can get over it easier. And it has been very distant the last six months… I dated this guy before I even found out my soc was lying to me so I was always still dating other people. The level of ‘turn off’ I’m experiencing realizing I hardly know the man I thought I knew is crazy. I feel pretty good. But I would like to wait for sex. I told him I wanted to get to know eachother without being ‘clouded’ by lust or physical attraction. If he doesn’t want to stick around well.. its a deal breaker lol. Thanks guys.
I love it! I remember this song from the movie “Too Wong Foo, thanks for everything Julie Newmar” lol.
Today I’m struggling with my english after a night at “hell” I woke up so confused and defeated. After more than a month of no contact he asked to speak with me, I still love him and gave him the opportunity to speak. He asks me to forgive him and ask for an opportunity to try again, he said he have “feelings” for me. He said that he will come back to my home on a week, so we can try. I’m more aware of his truth self and said to him that I still love him but that I wanted to see if his words and actions were the same, that I need time. He says that he understands, we started to communicate on a daily base..three days after his “proposal” he send me a photo (another one) with his new prey on the bed, then he called me and says “that’s what you deserve for treating him like that” I can hear that he was with a woman that was giggling..I have a question, how he can be so cruel? Does he ever finish? Can I contact her to ask her to stop being part of this? Do I have to change my phone number, my address, my name to put an end to this insanity? I’m so confused.
NMI first thing to do. And THIS IS SERIOUS. Before u take him back go with him to a doctor and have him tested for ALL diseases. HIV. Syphyllis. Gonorhea. And herpes. Herpes can be dormant in his system ten to fifteen years wo symptoms but u can find it w a blood test.
Rediculous right? I gave mine access to medical records. He never did anything (yet) last year. When I realized I had enough and figured out he is most likely a sociopath (during the time he gave me the silent treatment for weeks), I thought he would be gone forever but he wasn’t an when he called to see me I flew to him like a dummy and during our visit he showed me some thing on the Internet and he got emotional an managed to actually make himself cry (never ever seen him get that emotional EVER) and inside I just rolled my eyes and pretended I didn’t notice as he went to the bathroom and sobbed and cleaned himself up. In my head I was like what a loser. He probably expected us to share an intimate moment because he let me see him in such a vulnerable state but after reading and learning about what they do do and the games I saw right through him. Mine also said I was crazy and needed help so that I never hurt anyone again.
PUHLEASE! Laugh it off. In my case I started to see the humor in his flawed personality and in his attempts to get me back into the hole I am digging my way out of. I picture myself shoveling dirt at him and burying him every time I realize I didn’t let him get to me or every night I look back on my day and see that I was happy and didn’t lose anytime thinking of him. And I laugh. Removing all emotions and feelings has done wonders for me. I’m not a robot but it has helped me.
I’m the same Abs. I have to see mine as we have a child together. he tris in many ways to play me and it makes me laugh now after reading all the stuff on this site I see right through him like a pane of glass.
You mean my OW I presume?
If it’s re email from her to me then I think she was pretty shattered as she had just discovered the depth of my involvement with the Soc as well as her 😦
I just worry that she travels the world telling others about human behavior yet doesn’t help herself? Really bizarre as I hit the ground running, she also had no consideration for me when she dropped the bomb which is saying something about her motivations also?
Yeah PR that makes more sense. She was in shock. Her motivations were prob not pure as she was in self defense mode. I dunno what I would do if it was my husband. Yet I was almost married to mine. Yikes! I have two nice guys talking and seeing me Nd I can’t help but think the only reason they’re around is bc my DFB put me in this situation! Big sigh. I’m still a sogrumpio
A girlfriend of mine said I give out pheromones that attract people like magnets!
I also have had some attention but, not really interested until I find myself again & I really don’t want a man right now 🙂
I am just figuring out my own stuff & I can’t afford to invest anything emotionally right now. I am still in healing mode so, it can wait.
Stop being your own worst enemy J’bug, it’s time for a Joke 🙂
‘Most people have Ah-Ha! moments….
I have Awww- F*@k moments!!’
@PR
I think it just seems like, for whatever reason, fidelity is not a deal breaker for her. I wonder if her education works against her in helping rationalize betrayals as mere “symptoms”, that, if he comes back home to her in the end, he can’t entirely be disloyal at the core. Just my .02
I think your right as infidelity was not the ‘deal breaker’ in her marriage & then to find another man with the same trait re fidelity, would be incredibly hard too swallow ;(
Infidelity has always been a ‘dael breaker’ for me as I don’t mind sharing, just not my men!
Still, I don’t think she realises the depth of betrayal that we know of a Soc so, unfortunately she’s in way over her head?
I also don’t think she realised when she emailed me, just what she would find?
She unleashed a lot of hurt on us both & meanwhile the ‘smiling assassin’ continues his games 😦 Somewhat detected thanks to me 🙂
I would so have loved to join forces with her & take him down 🙂
It would have been great to see his face & I could have made a fortune on ticket sales, my friends alone would have packed a stadium 🙂
I know I’m dreaming but, it could have been in a Colosseum with the women he’s hurt,in the stands chanting ‘release the lions’…LOL
gee that would have been so fitting, ah well lucky we have moved on in time…but still 😉
I could just see his fat little Italiano Ass (he was born in UK by the way) but likes to think he’s an Italian Stallion, made me call him that!
Should have been the Boring Englishman 🙂 Just running around & begging for ‘Mercy’ 😉 LOLOL
Nah he’s too fat to be Pee Wee although parts of him could be described like that Bahahaha 😉
Now I’ve really got my bitch out, better tuck her back in! 🙂
Yes, that’s a great one also, it makes me wonder how many song writers have had the Soc experience as they write about it very well & a lot!
These lyrics are from Wendy Matthews & it’s really haunting.
Sorry I can’t find a recording of it. It has haunted me for my whole Soc saga 😦
Her face is a tumble,
her mind is on fire
You keep telling her you’ll change
You know you’re a liar
Once she used to hold you
just like you her child
Now she’s in the way of something
you know you’re going to lose it all
The things that we do in loves name
not until she stands strong can you do the same
Chorus:
(She knew) She never knew
you would treat her this way
(you know) You know that its true
you tried to break the girl
We’re ruled by what we deny
by the things we don’t say
(You know) You know that its true
you tried to break the girl
You tried to possess
all that moved you at the start
You tied her to your shadow
and made her your slave
Whether this is an end or begin again
well, it’s in your hands
Chorus
Why’d you want to break the girl
Break the girl
Why’d you want to break the girl
Break the girl
You know you tried to break the girl
Break the girl
Why do you want to break the girl
Thank you PR! As always a beautiful song. Amazing the feelings music can stir within us…..Have a beautiful day! 🙂
Hi Brandy 😉
I am glad you liked the songs 🙂
I think music is used by our guides to send us a message & I’ve found myself haunted by a song that has a message for me 🙂
Sometimes I get it straight away & others I miss & years later I realise they were telling me all along.
Pay attention to the music or anything that keeps coming up like the inner voice, or something you see that you may dismiss. A little bird appears for my mother when she’s feeling blue, then it disappears….just a coincidence, no because it only comes in times of need & has done so for many years. Always cheers her up 🙂
Has anyone read, “Confessions of a Sociopath” by M.E. Thomas? I am about half way through it, and wanted to know your thoughts on it….She is clearly a sociopath but a couple of things she has said made me wonder. For example, she said she loves a friend of hers and missed her when she discarded her. Also, she regret discarding her. I thought they never felt love, regret or even missed anybody?
Hi Lenore,
I think the Sociopath who wrote this book still likes to play games etc…not tell the truth then she doesn’t look so bad? She wants to plant the seed of doubt in your head & she has 😦
We are all secretly hoping that at some point they cared for us but, the disappointing reality is they only care about themselves & what’s in it for them 😦
I have not read the book but, I truly believe the Soc hates losing anything including people that may now know what they are. They justify to themselves their actions because it makes them appear ‘not all bad’.
As they tend to view us as their possessions, they don’t like to let them go or lose control of them. I think the attachment is purely like whether you are materially interested in something. The old what can I gain or get from you.
My Soc was very materially inclined although he insisted he wasn’t because I am not. Yet his Rolex watch, designer shoes, clothes, business class travel, luxury home, car screamed $$$$ I always laughed & thought, Seriously you have to be kidding yourself!
Never believe a word a Soc writes or says because, it will always be about them!
That’s my opinion anyway 🙂
Lenore. My counselor said they can feel love and get depressed. But it’s love as they understand it to be. It’s not a deep unconditional emotional love like we are capable of. It’s a love of getting something out of it to meet their needs.
Hey Judah,
My Soc said he was ashamed & never meant to hurt me?
I don’t think he ever let’s anyone go & keeps them all 😦
I made sure he would never come back by closing down every possible door.
I would probably still be clueless as he went to great lengths to keep me 😦
Still here I am 🙂
PR my ex says I deserve better. Doesn’t know why I love him. Blah blah blah. Self put downs. He can’t keep all his bc they all turned on him and hate him. I’m the only one left still gullible. He perved my profile again twice today. Makes me sad he’s so messed up. But I have u guys now. Help me say no if I hear from him!!!!!
I will personally come over & bop you with a balloon animal (yep non-violent) that’s about the extent of it 🙂
You deserve so much more & I am just reading an interesting article which I will share with you soon 😉
I will email you tonight hopefully or tomorrow after my therapy 🙂
Like you I am a bit off today but, hearing from you just lifts me back up 🙂
Remember you must truly truly work hard & love who you are not what life has made you into.
You were born beautiful, happy & free so, the journey back is hard but, worth every damn,long, painful minute….the re-birthing of YOU to be the best version of yourself 🙂
Let’s face it birth is a wonderful thing & it’s never too late 😉
Yep, I make a great sausage doggie 🙂
I have acted in the Kindergarten play so, am a very good entertainer 🙂 Especially after a few drinks 😉
My singing & dancing abilities with the hellium are legendary 🙂 LOL
You know, it’s funny my Soc never saw this side of me 😉 Bahahaha he was a bit of a wet blanket really 🙂
Oooo Dancing Queen just came on the radio, ‘diggin the dancin queen’ (am singin out can you hear me? lalalalaaaaa
George snores all the time & talks but, it sounds weird because he’s hearing impaired so, he talks to his toys & doesn’t realise we can hear him? 😉
It sounds like he’s being hurt??? very bizarre & he has a weird fixation with his bone???
Crazy like his owner & god help me if I have my runners on,sheesh the carry-on 🙂 🙂 🙂
The song I related to when with my soc was “lose my mind” by “the wanted” sorry not sure how to post the vid on here.
Hope everyone is doing ok. Ive been feeling so positive for a while but these last few days I haven’t been myself. Think its got a lot to do with the court case that’s coming up so I am having to drag everyrhing back up again and sift through old messages and recordings to get any evidence I have together. I so don’t want to be going through this. Its like adding insult to injury. I don’t ever want to see or speak to him again yet I havnt got a choice for what would be 11 months nc to having to sit in the same room as him. Thats going to be torture for me. I can’t wait for it all to be over but can’t help feel it never really will be. Not 100% anyway. I suppose this is the sad reality of having a child with these socs. Its like having a double whammy. You get yourself and child out but the soc still has that certain amount of hold over you. Just hope the courts can see what I can (I can only hope but I doubt it). I so don’t want our child sucked in and I’m doing everything I can to set the foundations for lo to hopefully not fall for his fathers games. Only time will tell and I pray mt efforts don’t go in vein.
Hello PR. Thank you for still thinking of me during my absence.
I have been taking time out and concentrating on healing myself. Looking deep within myself to find the old me as I truly lost myself and my own identity. A month ago if someone asked me what are your interests and hobbies I would say I don’t know. My mind would be blank. After deeply working on myself I now realise I actually used to have and do so many things by and for myself and sometimes with others. I can’t believe how lost I had become.
I’m finding comfort in finding me again. Slowly regaining my own identity and rebuilding my own belief’s, morals etc that I was stripped off. I put up with far too much and ignored my inner voice. This is something I will never do again. If its trying to tell me something then its for my own good.
I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be and I have also been looking at myself more closely as to why I allowed myself to stay in a relationship that was so unhealthy. Just maybe I might have my own disorders, I don’t know, I’m still working through that with myself.
I have now come to the place where I have excepted whats happened has happened and I’m now looking forward to being me again.
I have my gorgeous children, my family and freinds and I have ME.
I hope you are having a positive day/night in yourself.
Big hugs from me and lo. xx
Hi SD 🙂
I am so glad you are feeling stronger & finding you again 🙂
I think this whole journey has been to put us back in touch with ourselves as we give, give, give & get used, abused & taken for granted 😦
We don’t intentionally do this but, it’s how it is when, your a really good person & others use your kindness against you. We allow it because, we haven’t stood in our own truth & said ‘NO, leave you are not worthy of me’!
If we had stood up for ourselves fully,they wouldn’t have stood a chance.
Remember to stay fully focused on yourself & your top priority is YOU otherwise, you cannot be there for those who really love & need you 🙂
Keep going, it’s a struggle but, we’ve come so far.
Whilst it’s a struggle we could have done without, it’s a fact & we need to let it go.
Tell yourself daily that your worth every bit of effort it takes, do not fear loneliness as you are never alone 🙂
I’ve told you before that you walk among many of us everyday, like you smiling but, hiding a struggle.
Love yourself as deeply as you love others & you will be fine 🙂
Just to add be it right or wrong. I do not bad mouth lo’s father to them or around them but I don’t promote him either. If lo chooses to speak about him (which is very very rare as lo is still very young) then I will listen and acknowlege. After all lo didn’t ask for any of this and itsstill there daddy at the end of the day. Breaks my heart it realy does. Xx
Hi SD 🙂
Yes that song has great lyrics, really tells it how it is 😦
We are all feeling the lingering effects of the Soc’s in our lives & yes a lot of us are struggling.
The great thing is we are all sharing & supporting each other in the low times so, that’s very comforting & helpful 🙂
You have done an amazing job & your resilience is really showing now 😉
It’s a very hard journey & the trauma is terrible & yes, I think it takes a very long time to let it go, if we ever fully do?
I know that it changes us so, we cannot forget the effect it has on us.
We can however choose to grow from it or let it define us & I know we all would rather grow than let it beat us 🙂
Your LO’s will be okay if you continue to shine your guiding light on them & you will approach your relationships from here on in with a lot more knowledge.
You also have re-established your values, truth & beliefs so, that will be a bonus to everyone. You have boundaries that no-one will compromise if you don’t allow it & you are a true survivor 🙂
Having the Soc for your LO’s father is not your fault & Soc or not, we don’t always get great role models regardless.
Having a wonderful mother can make a huge difference so, as far as I can tell your LO is well ahead 🙂
Just stay strong & be brave as it’s hard going to court & very stressful.
Be mindful of yourself & stay connected here & to your supports, we can’t be there in person but, we are there with you
This website just made the last 15 years of my life make sense – in a sad, scary way – but still, I am better for knowing what I am up against as we have children to raise together. *sigh*
I am a 23 year old male. She was the best actress in all the world. She used her ex-husband to obtain citizenship, got him addicted to drugs and left him destitute on the street. She told me that he was beating her, on and on. Got me to believe everything she said. She “attempted” suicide in front of me when my intuition was pushing me towards leaving her. She played on my emotions and my compassion. I didn’t see any of this until it was over.
She began to blame my jealousy (I knew something was very wrong) for the failing relationship. She stopped talking to me for a while, came back to me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship. I woke up next to her that morning and instinctively had to check her phone messages to make sure I wasn’t crazy as she was leading me to believe. Sure enough, there were the messages between her and the fool I was suspicious of. They had been having a relationship on the side for two months. I kicked her out that morning.
A month later, I ran into her new project boy downtown. I walked up to him and he began shaking in fear. I said, “I think we should talk.” “No, we shouldn’t!” he said with a trembling voice. Keep in mind I am a pacifist. “You don’t have a knife, do you?” The poor guy thought I had a knife and was going to hurt him. When I got him to calm down, we had a long talk and through evidence we both determined she had been sleeping with both of us for two months.
He told me everything she had been saying about me, and I tried to tell him that it was all a lie. We went to a bar, had a beer and gave each other a big hug. That was the last time I saw him.
About six months later I discovered that I had HPV. In a confused and angry state, I sent her new project boy an email (guy I talked to, he was still with her and still may be, I don’t know – it’s his problem now). I warned him that she most likely gave me HPV, or that he gave it to her and she gave it to me while she was duping us both and that it was my responsibility to tell him I have it. Two days later the police served me a summons for civil court based on DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
This official report, signed by a judge, was filled with nothing but lies. Some lies included that there were “incidents of aggression” or that “…he told me he was schizophrenic and not taking his medication…” That one really bothered me, as I have a schizophrenic sister and I know more than many how difficult mental illness is. There were claims of stalking and threats, claims that I threatened suicide and harm to her and her boyfriend.
As if I hadn’t been hurt enough, I had to relive the trauma she put me through while trying to remember what happened in the past so I could defend myself. Being betrayed in such a way is traumatic for me because I had no idea human beings could be such empty vessels. I gave her everything I could, but I was just another temporary project for her own gain.
At court, the Judge was already on her side. She lied right then and there saying that this was ongoing and that she had asked me to stop contacting her many times. All I did was try to warn her new project boy, and she spun it on me. In the end, the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE restraining order was filed. I immediately sought out a lawyer and after he read her bogus report said, “There is absolutely no evidence of domestic violence here. The judge made a bad ruling, and we are going to appeal this based on lack of justice served.”
I was on a study abroad trip in China for school when the appeal date arrived, and my lawyer tried his best to get it all dropped but it ended up being left at a harassment restraining order, which was okay with me because 1.) I couldn’t afford anymore legal counseling, and 2.) the appeal was on the record and so was the judge’s bad ruling. I had to fight hard to get my good name back in more than one respect. I was going up against the county as well as her sociopathic manipulations.
I am still healing from what she did. The restraining order will expire in March, and then I won’t have to worry about her showing up and punching herself in the face or flat out shooting me (I saw the predator stare in her eyes, twice, and had dreams of her murdering me) and claiming self defense.
What I know to be true is that she did suffer terrible abuse as a child by her step father. She was formed into a sociopath through her childhood experiences. But that is as specific as I can get or intuitively see as truthful. Everything else is likely a lie.
I know that she will never be happy. For a while I did wish that she would never be happy. But one day I realized she will never be happy not because she does not deserve happiness, but because she creates her own unhappiness through her behavior and lack of emotion and compassion. Everyone deserves happiness.
I honestly hope that – even though in my intuitive eye I could see that her new boy toy was like a serpent jester in her queenly court doing her bidding willfully – that he has found the truth by now. Even though some people throughout town think that I am a woman beating, psychotic stalker through her defamation of my name and character, they are not the important people in my life. Anyone who really knows me can see the truth. And HPV isn’t really something to lose sleep over in the big picture of things, so I’m not hurt about that. But I’m sure she cheated on me with at least two people, and am fairly certain she gave it to me. But you can’t tell with HPV, so I’ll never know for sure.
There are so many little things I could go on about – the times I could tell something was wrong in her head, the stare, the manipulation of my emotions, took over $1000 from me, how she even turned my friends against me. But many of us go through an ordeal like this and meet such terrible people because it is just a step in the direction of becoming greater people, divine people. It helps to give a reference point to imbalance and balance, to help us see things more clearly in our own relative ways.
My advice to anyone who reads this that may currently be, has been or perhaps will be in the future, involved romantically with a sociopath – when it’s over, do not look back. Do not communicate with them. It wasn’t your fault and in reality it was a grand learning experience. I know, at least for myself, that I can spot a sociopath immediately and I will never be put through this wringer again. Forgive them, forgive yourself, begin to heal. Find gratitude in the calmness after the ordeal passes and love yourself for being virtuous and compassionate.
Thank you for this website and facilitating another step in my healing by allowing me to post this here. I’ve read quite a few stories from others and it really feels good to remember that I am not alone. It is good to see people talking with each other here, and reading about everyone’s healing. All we really need is each other.
Hi Jon, thank you for your comment. If you look on the post ‘female sociopath’ another guy has just posted there who has been through similar and also was charged with domestic violence. But is currently stuck in the hell. He might appreciate your support to encourage to get out.
You are right about her new partner – she is his problem now and you are free!!…. You are not alone. The one thing that we all can do here, is understand how living with crazy feels. Welcome to the site 🙂
May I ask for some help please?
My ex doesn’t fit some of what you are saying so I’m interested in your thoughts as to him being a sociopath or just a lying, cheating arsehole.
When we met he told me in great detail about an affair he had while married, she came on to him, he was smitten etc etc. I try not to judge anyone, ever and so responded in an understanding way.
The next time I saw him it was pretty much a two day solid date (no sex) and I was hooked, that quickly. He sold himself to me as everything I had ever wanted in a man and relationship. He told me he had loved me all his life (we grew up together) and I believed him!!!!
I knew he was married and so I guess this is my karma, I have never done this before but still I did know he left his wife for me and I did know he had previously been unfaithful to her. I believe(d) in true love and thought if you are willing to have an affair then you are not happy, I wanted to make him happy, I will always be sorry for this.
Things moved quickly, he moved in with me and I was ridiculously happy.
Now the money part is my first question … he is completely irresponsible about money, planning for the future etc but was also very generous, insisting on buying me gifts etc.
He paid money towards the home apart from when he was out of work, he was out of work three times in the four years we were together because he just didn’t seem up to the high flying, powerful jobs he managed to get. He has left me in debt, is saying he will pay me back and will deal with his other debts registered at my address.…I’m not sure this makes him a sociopath?
My story is tame compared to the criminals and addicts you are all dealing with?
He did isolate me but not by saying bad stuff about me, he told everyone how completely in love with me he was, he would just be unbelievably rude to people so that I felt embarrassed by this and therefore avoided people.
I think he did emotionally abuse me, he refused to talk about anything important to me and would “sulk” for days. I felt like I was mad.
He was unfaithful twice that I know of and lied like crazy to cover that up.
when I finally had enough and made him leave we stayed in touch and he told me how awful things were for him, mentally struggling to get over me, no where to live etc etc, I felt like the worst person alive. Then I took him back!!!!
During this period it has since transpired he was also with someone else, pretty much since we parted, he had spent long periods of time with her, talked of marriage and babies with her. Even when I got in touch with her and his lies began to unravel he kept on lying and blaming me that he was in this situation.
It’s this bit that made feel so very bad and led me to trawl for answers…if he had loved me so much why did he give up on me and move on so quickly?
Was it all a lie?
I have seen for real the despicable things he is capable of but still don’t know if that’s because of him or because of me.
I would really appreciate your thoughts
Ps I’ve changed my name on here, the one I was using is a nick name and I am scared he will read what I am saying
@Mama bear
Because they haven’t taken you for everything you have (yet) doesn’t mean they are not sociopaths. But whether your guy is or isn’t, he is shallow on depth of feelings for you/others, and he is an established infidel. This *you* didn’t create, no matter what you did in the relationship. This is his response to pressure, fear, lack of self-worth, habit, shallowness, brain damage/mental illness or whatever list of problems the guy has personally. But *you* didn’t cause it, and the fact that he did it anyway until you got sick of his antics means he isn’t in control of himself. Doesn’t necessarily mean he never felt anything but, looking at what you’ve written and the patterns, I would believe, if you go with this person again, the cycle will repeat.
The “label” doesn’t matter, what matter is that this man is putting you on a lot of problems and sadness, that he is controlling you, not because love, but for his own benefit…yes, all what you said match with a psychopath. . please cut the thread and take charge of your life again…
Dating a Sociopath 
Im not sure if the right place to write this .. But i have been in a relationship with who i am now starting to realise to be a true sociopath.. in the beginning he was not interested in me at all.. he would string me along and then get with other women in front of me.. i should have seen the warning signs then i suppose .. but i didnt, i fell for him harder and harder.. he ended up moving away and i was going to visit him on weekends.. he would appear to be sad when i left saying i wish u could stay all the time .. i took this as he had feelings for me and i decided to move up to be with him, he was so great he helped me with everything and supported me until i found a job so caring and charming..after a couple of months and a bit of arguing he threw me out! i found myself with nothing ? no where to go no job ? heart broken! i went and stayed with my mum for a little while and got a job and felt like i was possibly starting to get back on my feet when he came back just wanted to be friends but really wanted to see me all the time .. i ended up back there with him! he went to the states for 3 weeks shortly after and i somehow became his PA sorting out all his affairs whilst he was gone he said when he came back that he felt like he had some kind of appifany whilst away and he really loved me.. i, stupidly was over the moon! we got a place together and i thought it was really legit! he then decided he wanted to get this business he had his eye on but he couldnt be the legal owner as he had a bad credit rating.. so i put it all in my name.. i quit my job and we took on the challenge together, i felt like we were taking over the world together.. things have been sailing along for the past 12 months – we have been working hard and playing hard – my ex is very showy he would buy me expensive gifts take me out to dnner every night buy the best wine stay in the best hotels bought me a horse .. i was happy! i was consumed with love! then it all changed – he was caught drink driving and 70kms over the speed limit! then we got a really big tax bill things were tense.. then i fell pregnant when i told him he changed! in a heart beat! he told me to get an abortion and that we are no longer together i needed to move out and get a job and go away basically.. i went and stayed with a GF for a couple of days and spoke to a solicitor all the advise i got was – get the business back ! its all in my name so its legally mine .. i did that .. he wrote me some nasty texts saying he had done the right thing by me and i should do the right thing by him.. when he realised that i was coming back and planned on living in our house (in my name) and taking control of the business he turned into the nastiest person ive ever met he said he was going to burn down the business with me in it and that im a rodent and a c%$*&unt- a germ – he hates me and wants me dead! i was / am horrifed that he could even speak like that .. but to me ? he loved me ?? and im pregnant with his child! since then he has moved back home to his parents and told them he was thrilled when i told him i was pregnant and i left him heart broken – he then hacked my email account and sent them an email! they are furious with me!?! i dont know what to do ….
Hi Winnie 🙂
Welcome to the blog 🙂
You are not alone & you have been through hell & back 😦
I am so sorry for your pain but, you must now focus on yourself,healing & your baby 🙂
I don’t know what stage your at in your pregnancy so, I hope you are well & getting support 🙂
We are all here & yes it’s the pits to be treated like you have but, the Sociopath cannot help themselves so, this is not your fault.
You never stand a chance with them when they let the mask slip.
It’s just a shame we have to be in this position but, we are & many of us are at different stages.
You must focus on you, you are beautiful, worthy & deserve so much better 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi 😉
Thanks for your reply! I never imagined I would seek comfort from a blog site! But it’s amazing how reading all this information has allowed me to understand and hopefully start to heal .. move on!
Im not alone.. and its really not my fault! I’ve established no contact and it feels good!
I don’t know how I would have got through if not for this site!
THANKYOU
This site is special because of the community feel here and the group support… so thank YOU for being part of this Winnie! 🙂
Hi Winnie 🙂
I don’t think any of us expected to be blogging about this ever!
Thank goodness Pos shared her story so, we could all evolve from it.
Good luck & be strong.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
i will try.. its crazy i was reading on Sunday the post about them always coming back.. and i thought to myself.. nope.. not mine he will NEVER.. sure enough today he called me from a number i did not reconise to Say that he is worried about me and he thinks i need to see a therapist because he thinks im crazy after all the lies i have told ?!? and that he wants access to the business / accounts ect because im too stupid to be able to sell it … now i have to get back to no contact.. so impossible .. does it EVER end – its been the longest 2 weeks of my life
Hi Winnie 🙂
Aargh he is such a,… well….Sociopath & now the mask it right off so, in true Soc form he’s giving it to you with both barrels 😦
They really take the cake don’t they!
Still you need to focus on your healing & your baby 🙂
Remember NC will drive him nuts because he wants to provoke a reaction!
It’s really hard isn’t it when you realise that this person you cared for, can do this but, they are not normal so, you will never understand & don’t waste time trying to understand him. He’s a hollow man with shallow feelings, if any at all?
It takes time to move through this unfortunately as your heart is broken & the betrayal runs very deep 😦
The fact that you are expecting gives him a tie to you but, being a single mum (if that’s your choice) isn’t all that bad 🙂
I have been raising my two alone for a decade & it’s hard but, I get all the love & joy tenfold 🙂
Please be strong & braver than ever.
It’s awful but, survivable I promise 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
I’m 7 weeks pregnant .. And this is what drove him to leave me! I think he thought I was just going to disappear into the sunset and not bother him anymore!? Me taking control and him walking away with nothing has been a huge shock to his system .. Mask is well and truly off 😦 I don’t know what to do re: pregnancy I was happy when I found out I never imagined how life could be ripped out from underneath me so dramatically! I’m left with huge financial pressure with the business and about to move outf my flat.. So will be unemployed and have to find somewhere to live so realistically I have to work .. How can I do all that with a baby on the way! Plus the heart ache of him making my life such a misery … Ahhh 😦 what a mess! And he doesn’t care ? That’s the hardest thing ..
I didn’t see ur story PR – u sound a lot stronger than me.. Time obviously does heal ????
Hi Winnie 🙂
I am not stronger just determined not to let this break me 🙂
I’ve just turned 50 & my Soc arrived in my life straight after my 19 year marriage ended.
After years of roller-coasting with another dysfunctional man, gambler, drinker etc…who then left with the Receptionist of our business. We lost everything & I have rebuilt my life independently for the last 10 years 🙂
My Soc was around in the shadows but, I lived alone with my children & never let him right into my life. Fortunately this has saved me,although he has done a lot of damage to me personally 😦
Here’s my story that brought me to this site, you’d better grab a cup of tea & sit down 🙂
I have been involved with a Sociopath for 10 long years!
He is very charming & I was flattered by his attention.
I was very vulnerable when he entered my life & came to trust him & thought he was a man of great integrity.
It was easy for him to cheat once he had my trust etc…this is what he relied upon!
I now know I have been under the spell of a Sociopath.
The lies & manipulation have been unbelievable but, I still did not see his true colours until I was confronted by the other woman.
This lady is a Dr of Sociology & contacted me whilst holidaying recently with my Sociopath.
I was told that and I quote,’she was his relationship partner for 3 1/2 years & that they had been living together for 12 months!
Oh & he had just proposed to her’!!!
I thought he was living at his recently deceased mothers home with his sister!!
He had recently sold his own home & a beach side property to reduce his debt level or so he said.
(I now know he had moved in with the other woman & they have purchased a property in the millions together?)
Wow, here it was right in front of my eyes….
I had been in an intimate relationship with this guy for 10 years no less, & suddenly I am eradicated by him without any explanation at all!
(We did not live together as I had always wanted to keep my private life separate as my children had been very traumatised by my marriage break down so,to spare them if things didn’t work out we lived separately,in fact he never stayed over if they were home.)
He broke all contact with me once he knew he had been discovered.
Usually he called me several times a day & we had lunch frequently.
I realise that all the phone calls were for keeping track of me & controlling the situation in case I was headed in his direction.
Now I was out in the cold,no goodbye except for a text saying I could & should move on!!!!
Gee wish I’d moved on a long long time ago.
In fact I was warned by his ex mistress (yep that’s right) one of his mistresses.
I met him via her as he is a car dealer as he has two jobs.
I had to sell my car after my marriage breakup as I could not afford the repayments so,Enter Stage Right My Sociopath!
He would not respond to my repeated requests for an explanation.
I have since learned that once a Sociopath is discovered they soon turn tail & cannot & will not face their victim.
In fact they then justify to others that they are the hero not the villain.
Apparently he told the other woman he was helping me & hadn’t been able to end it with me….blah,blah!
He failed to mention to her that we were intimate regularly, even the night before he left on his so called business trip.
(The other woman intercepted an email from me to him and it proved he was planning to come for dinner upon his return & had confirmed how much he was looking forward to it Kiss,Kiss)!
The night I got the email I was happily sitting & watching the last episode of Downton Abbey (still don’t know how it ended!)
I received a text message from my Sociopath that his email account had been hacked & that I should only contact him on this number (not the usual one) etc…
I then opened my email & there it is, the email from the other woman!
She had created another email account for herself & made contact with me in the hope of finding out whether her suspicions of him were correct.
I was told not to be concerned for his health (as I had been inquiring after his sore Achilles tendon)
That he was having a wonderful holiday with her,his son & his sister. ( His son is fully aware of my relationship with him & I know his sister also!)
He had led me to believe he was on yet another (yes he’s had a few) work related trips.
I had been told (once again) that he was on a terrorist training course.
He is a Commander in the Fire Brigade so,I assumed this was true.
He had previously shown me documentation from ASIO regarding Essential Service Personnel & the need for specialist training to be undertaken in case of terror acts & threats etc….
This all went to aid his elaborate plan to convince me that he was doing his bit for our protection,Wow what a hero!
He also told me once he was sent on a special training camp somewhere that could not be disclosed.
Where he was put through extreme training conditions like extreme temperatures,lack of sleep etc…to test his reactions to stressful conditions & that he was one of a very small group to actually get through the course?
I have no idea whether this was true or not but,it did sound unbelievably believable!
He would go into great detail without actually showing any proof & I swallowed it all!
I thought he was in the UK but,according to the email he was in Hong Kong, Beverley Hills,New York & now in London & all for pleasure. My son was able to search the IP address for the emails & where they originated from & Bingo he was in the USA!!!
My Sociopath had been leading a very duplicitous life indeed….he even involved his family members.
I was told by a friend when he was away previously that he was away with another woman & when I texted him to clarify this information he had his daughter call me to reinforce that he was on business alone!
His daughter is married to a friend of a friends son so,I believed her.
He also invited me to dinner with his family after he had mislead me about his Mothers Funeral!
He lied to me about the date so,that I would not be able to come!
When I found out I was very hurt but, then he made up such an elaborate lie and I ended up feeling sorry for him!
Apparently he was under so much stress organising the funeral & his ex wife was creating trouble that he did not want to tell me so,lied about the date?
I realise now that this was all part of him making sure his worlds didn’t collide.
He couldn’t have me show up when there was someone else on the scene etc….(although the other woman was unable to attend she had been introduced to the family by this stage.) Still I don’t know how his family could entertain me at dinner & not say anything??
Anyway once I realised what My Sociopath had been playing at I set out to expose him so,as I had retained a lot of emails etc…I arranged to meet the other woman at her request.
We met at a local hotel & I was shocked to say the least.
I was expecting a strong professional woman but instead, I was met with an emotionally devastated but,very nice lady.
We hugged & I was very saddened to see what he had done to us both.
We ordered coffee & she had bought me a lovely gift & I had a little something for her also.
We sat & it was awkward at first but,soon we were sharing our story.
My Sociopath was now Our Sociopath. The other woman had been suspicious for a while & had even hired a cab one night & followed him but,he was not where he said he would be & I confirmed to her that he was not with me either?
He even said exactly the same lines to us both in intimate moments,called us both Darling & gave us similar gifts…funnily enough he said & gave his mistress the same as well!
His well practiced lines were nearly verbatim! Obviously he sticks to a routine to avoid slip ups.
We even had a chuckle as one of his favorites was ‘You are my wife,my possession,no divorce ever!’ blah blah!
He liked it if we called him ‘Husband’,in intimate moments.
I found myself in the odd position of having to prove my relationship with him which, by the end of our meeting she was in no doubt of!
I knew far too much to be just a platonic friend as he was now stating I was!
The other woman & I stayed in touch & I thought she was going to rid him from her life but,in one of her emails she revealed that she was staying with him for now although would remain in the ‘control seat of her life’!
I was bitterly disappointed & felt doubly betrayed.
I then set about trying to take back some of my power so,I contacted his work colleague & friend,his family & anyone else that I had on my email etc…I was not going to let him continue his antics undetected.
It obviously worked as he reported me to the police for harassment!!! What a great guy!
Fortunately I realised that the friend he had call me after he was discovered, is a Detective from the same Police Station where the other officer contacted me from.
I explained the situation & whilst she understood fully she still had to do her job & gave me the warning.
I took the warning seriously & as I had already mailed a letter to his ex-wife (that he hasn’t divorced)
I stopped trying to expose him for the reprehensible person that he is.
I did some research into Sociopath type personalities and he ticks all the boxes, right down to staring deep into your eyes to almost seeing right through you…creepy because he always did this.
He also does not show any remorse for his actions rather he has become annoyed that he has been discovered etc…
Another trait & he has quickly turned on me & dismissed me.
The Sociopath has a very high sex drive due to the overload of Testosterone they are usually found to possess!
This is so true of him & he loves to talk about his sex drive & conquests.
His ego is huge! He was always asking if he was the best lover I’d ever had???
I am glad I have stood up to him the only way I could.
My efforts to expose him have been somewhat successful?
Maybe he will think twice next time….but,I doubt it!
Sociopaths often appear normal & their victim looks like the crazy one but,unfortunately that is how they get away with so much.
I am a survivor not a victim.
He has a new victim to weave his web of lies to now!
Winnie, it takes time & you have a little on your side re your pregnancy but, don’t let him ruin you completely. You can rebuild your life from here, I promise 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
wow… what a piece of work! i am pleased he was not in your life any deeper than what he was
you sound like a very inspirational person and im thankful for your reply! its really comforting to know people have been where i am and have managed to rebuild.. i am trying so hard to be strong! he is just torturing me. he txts me in the night saying he misses me but i have said too much to people .. i feel he was getting at that we could have worked things out if i hadnt of told people what happened.. then today he wrote saying sorry.. i had a moment of weakness i shouldnt have txt you – good luck with your abortion i hope it doesnt hurt too much 😦 i am so broken
Hi Winnie 🙂
OMG he is such a callous, nasty person…what an evil thing to say 😦
I hope you are okay as I am very sad that he is treating you so disgustingly 😦
I think you are so much better off without him as you deserve someone that treats you with respect 🙂
You just look after yourself & get advice from your Dr & support group to help you.
Gosh I cannot imagine how hard this is for you 😦
My love & best wishes to you & we are all here for you 🙂
PR xoxo
@ Brandy,
Ditto, my BF use to say the same thing!! How funny….the apple didn’t fall far from the tree with both of them. Yes the next relationship I have, I’m going in a lot wiser!!! I might develop a series of questions to ask, just to be sure!! LOL LOL
Nessa
Hi Nessa,
Mine also thinks his S@*T doesn’t stink & loves his power from his job etc…the hero that is really a predator, very handy job indeed to hide behind!
Like you, knowing that they are Soc’s does answer so many questions which, is a relief in a way.
My expectations of his integrity etc…are what kept me in the game but, knowing I never stood a chance & that he has no integrity makes it easier now 🙂
Mine is short ,balding & fat now, was once good looking??? but, I think the evil is coming out in his looks now 🙂
He still thinks he’s a ladykiller & walks like a puffed up pigeon!
The Ow is short & squat whereas, I’m tall & lean so, she suits his look better ‘meow’….
We looked a bit like Shrek & Fiona (before Fiona transformed to an ogre 🙂
Someone said that to me once 🙂
He’s living with a cat now so, that will be interesting as the feathers & fur flies:)
Glad it’s not me 🙂
Love to you Ness 🙂
PR xoxox
@PR,
You seem to have the same sense of humor as me!! Well my x-soc went back to the gym and the 20 + body building again…when he was with me, he was filling out a bit in the belly….but know is in FULL PREDATOR mode!!! He likes the finer things in life….or acts like it anyway….always thinking that he is better than everyone….he always made me feel like I was just a country hick an he was so from the city!!! He likes to play the savior, and swoop in to make a woman feel like he is her protector…Ya right, I needed the protection form him!!
Thanks PH you made me laugh!!
Big hug of a thank you too!!
Nessa
“Walks like a puffed Pigeon”
LOL! 🙂
I foresee another DICTIONARY of questions to ask the Post-Socio boyfriend! What do u think PR?
LOL Brandy 🙂
The power goes more to their D@*ks LOL 🙂
They have Rescuers Syndrome or rather they don’t but, pretend they do???very complicated personality disorder with a disordered mind Hmmm really psycho!
PR xoxo
The Sociopathic people I knew played victim. But I could see a Sociopath wanting to play Prince Charming…or mother Theresa. Makes sense.
Hey Brandy I had to save that info on my iPhone. 82 yrs old – great insight. Life is too short, and today I was good but after work I was sitting on my hands to not drive by or call him. WHy or Why waste my time! I don’t wanna be 82 and crying over this sick perv! The other new guy made me a little angry last night…making stupid comments. BOY OH BOY was he brown nosing tonight! Wondering if I was still mad, etc. Funny thing is I didn’t really get mad. I just didn’t care and went to sleep. Actually….I didn’t care and was on here with PR and we were living it up with our SOCIO DICTIONARY!!!
I looked at my ex’s online pic tonight. He looks so awful. He looks so worn out and old and tired. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for him or not. Anyway. I’m back into the numb phase….don’t feel one way or the other about anything. I guess that’s good.
p.s. PR – Judah has a little more spark tonight! He’s like a 2 yr old into everything! He must be feeling better
Good girl Judah!! Proud of you! Yes I go back and forth from the numb stage to the panicked Ill never hear from him again. And Ive thought about doing drive by’s in my times of desperation….i just tell myself it’s not a relationship he wants anyway so why am I trying so hard for someone who moved on even before we broke up! It kinda puts things in perspective for me and helps me through the day! were always here for you on your rough days and days when you cant be strong yourself. Helps knowing someone who understands really has your back! Message me anytime you need to talk ::).
Hi J’bug 🙂
Glad to hear about Judah 🙂 🙂 🙂
You my dear need a joke 🙂
‘It’s not cellulite, it’s my body’s way of saying “I’m sexy”…in braille.’
It’s part of the healing phase to be numb so, that’s normal, remember Norm-al 🙂
Anyway I think I passed mine on the way to work & I didn’t flinch, break-out in a sweat etc…didn’t care to be honest…no reaction at all?
Keep being you J’bug-a-lugs & big hugs to you & Hannah & especially Judah Boy 😉
Love
PR xoxo
Ahhhh but, where shall we start???
Socioplexy;
Definition: subject to odd mood swings, deviant behaviors & acts like a anus, all poo & full of wind!
AKA Socio-blow-it-up-your-ass or anywhere syndrome 🙂
Take it away J…..
@ PR,
Oh damn that was a good one…AKA Socio….a friend of mine told me today, she was complaining of her “heard of kids” 6 of them in all…she said, “Do you know what the side effect of sex is”? I said “no” ..she said kids….LOL LOL, it was one of those moments where you had to be there!!!
So, the side effect of a sociopath is:
1. feelings of low self-worth
2. confusion
3. distorted image of one’s self…
So to counter act that side effect is:
1. Look in the mirror and say, damn I look good, I;m beautiful, and courageous
2. I’m glad that asshole is gone
3. I can see clearly now the rain (sociopath) is gone…..
Ok my lack of sleep is very evident tonight!!!! Good night ladies!!!!
Nessa
Sweet-dreams Nessa,
Very good LOL & yes, sometimes we talk s@*T but, we learnt from the masters of it….OMG like Hogwarts School for Spaths.
Entry Qualifications,
No heart…hmmmm pass!
No anything….hmmmm Head of the class, in fact a Prefect LOL
Love to you Ness 🙂
PR xoxo
Ok PR.
Sociomumbo
Definition: the idiotic words, excuses, actions, cover ups, chaos , drama, lies, sob stories, false promises, etc. made by one demonstrating Socioplexy behavior. Likewise the more concentrated term of Socio-blow-it-up-your-ass syndrome is usually displayed by Soc types who are into gay orgies, transsexual, or any other deviant behavior where blowing up one’s booty is not a mere relative term but more literal in actions. 🙂
Criminopath-y
Definition: The preferred career path of those exhibiting Socioplexy. Subject may also illustrate usage of Sociomumbo for the purposes of securing said role, doing damage control, or when faced with potentially losing his coveted position.
Hi Jusa 🙂
Was thinking of you & this came to me.
It’s the lyrics to Evanescence “Bring Me To Life”…Like a Soc wrote it?
Love your take on Socioplexy…LOL lots of plexy’s I think with pathy’s 🙂
I hope you are feeling better 🙂
Love & healing 🙂
PR xoxo
I didn’t bring it up, but he has said I can’t “save him”, though I get the sense he wishes I would.
Hi Jusa 🙂
Re ‘saving him’, I don’t think the Soc’s like what they are & part of the attraction to us is to ‘save them from themselves’ I think?
Unfortunately we can only save ourselves the trouble by not trying to rescue them, as they are not redeemable ever 😦
Talk soon 🙂
Love
PR xoxo
lol yes!! why is it that they cant just DO SOMETHING LEGAL for work!?
Hi GL 🙂
Happy girl how are you bella?
I was reading link Caerra sent me re Soc’s etc….very good & scary that the Soc’s sit in so many jobs that dictate outcomes for peoples lives, very scary thought!
I hope you are well & keep that chin up 🙂
Namaste’
Talk Soon, take care, love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
I think this should be this blogs new theme song for all us Tiger’s 🙂
Love the video! Empowering for sure!
@PR,
Yes he would definately be in Slithern House!!! Being the snake he is!!!
I’m glad it’s Friday I need a cottail and a few shots!!! J/K
Nessa
Hey Nessa 🙂
LOL you had me at cocktails but, then taunted me with the shots 🙂
Remember “Stay Classy at all times & don’t let tequila (or whatever) call the Shots!’ LOL 🙂
PR x
@Calvin – I was thinking that as well, that there are a lot of female SPs as well. I don’t think anyone is trying to diminish your experience with an SP woman at all. I think the thing is that women are more likely to reach out than men, and that’s why the readership on this blog seems to be mostly female.
My ex-sp/bf had ANOTHER ex-gf that I’m convinced was an SP as well – the drama between them was sick, and she had a history of accusations of violence and abuse towards other men. The first time I met her at a party I instantly recoiled – something about her didn’t seem “right”. Unfortunately, you’re probably a normal guy who’s gotten sucked in by stories of victimazation, just like us ladies have.
Good luck on your road to recovery.
Hi everyone! I feel like I know all of you.
I too had the great misfortune to run into one of these monsters in a human suit and it’s been a hell of a ride. I had no idea people like that existed.
When I ran into mine three years ago I thought I hit the jackpot. Little did I know that I was about to feel pain like I never knew before in my life. Prior to meting him I lived alone for 9years. I had made that decision because of all the BS other men had dished out and I just had enough. Self preservation . There were no high’s or low’s anymore just peace. Well , I stuck to it and did’nt miss a thing for 9years until that faithful day in 2010.
He totally disarmed me with his charm, carisma and other BS . Things were moving very quickly. That first day we spend 8houres on a park bench. Red flags went up all over the place but I chose to ignore all of them. All I could think was “is it possible for me to find some happiness at this stage of my life”? I guess I was delirious with happiness and wanted to ride that wave of uphoria and see where it would take me. What a mistake! Little did I know that I could sink so low. The game these creatures are playing is way beyond comprehension .
THANK GOD FOR THIS SITE!!!!!!!!
Somebody throw the word SOCIOPATH at me, as I was telling her some of the things that were going on in my life. So O googled it and I found YOU. Up until then I felt very much alone. To read your stories and to feel your pain and knowing exactly what you are talking about is so enormously helpful because nobody else can understand what we are going through.
Welcome to the site ladybug 🙂 thank you for sharing your story!
Hi Ladybug 🙂
You are never alone here & we will share, vent & support you as best we can 🙂
It’s so hard to comprehend the whole Sociopath world & the devastation that they create but, wow once you realise it’s like a bolt of lightening striking you!
It is a hard road but, you will find strength & comfort during your journey &, having others that truly get it is an amazing healing tool 🙂
Take your time & be strong, you are an amazing, wonderful, worthy person & that’s why the Soc was attracted to you in the first place.
Believe in yourself & you will survive this trauma.
I had 10 years with the Charismatic Soc so, you most definitely are not alone 🙂
Love & light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi, PR
Thank u for making me feel so welcome .
U r so right!
I believe we all find this SITE by a higher power, because nobody can find the way through this maze without it. Lives are broken just because we fell in LOVE with someone who played a terrible game. I feel sorry that they will never know the true meaning of happiness .
Thanks again
Love&strengh
HI Ladybug, funny how most of us think we would know if we met a charmer and manipulator.
I always thought I would spot one a mile away!
That would be a good subject Positiva
‘Why do we ignore all those red flags that hit us in the face’
I had them all over the place too, and if a friend had told me MY story I would have said get the hell out, even after the frist week!
So why don’t we when we see the flags and our gut instincts are doing sommersaults???
And what are everyone’s opinions on why we don’t?
I will be honest here and say for me,,,,,,, I had spent so long without any real affection before i met him, and his constant pursuing of me for nearly two years had me hooked,,,,,,his very clever ‘making it obvious, but never actually saying so’ already had me in the ‘does he, doesn’t he’ mode. He convinced me he was shy,,yet he had a charisma which didn’t add up to being shy.
The clever triangulation made me fight for him,,,,a natural thing for women to do when in love?
The manipulation is very very clever, and the magnetism it creates is deadly.
Ladybug, you have come to a good place, we have all been there, and most stories are similar if not almost identical.
Make yourself at home 🙂
“Why do we ignore all those red flags that hit us in the face?
So why don’t we when we see the flags and our gut instincts are doing sommersaults???
And what are everyone’s opinions on why we don’t?”
———
I believe it is because there is just enough truth, omission or suggestion that it leaves you with a reasonable doubt to question yourself. The best lies are probably rooted in some truth. Our very justice system demands we take the view that a man is “innocent until proven guilty”. Well, it can be a h*ll of a lot of work proving guilty someone well-practiced who wants to put one over! In some cases, it’s just easier to let it ride and see how it shakes out.
In my own case, it has been the perfect storm. I beat myself up over presumption and it is something I would like to eradicate from my personal practices. In the case of a soc (and some others, really), a healthy amount of skepticism is actually self-protective.
I think someone with a right heart who isn’t a cynic and tries to actively see the best in people is bound to be susceptible to being duped, taken advantage of and hurt. What makes us do it more than once is a more complicated issue (Stockholm Syndrome, abusive cycles, etc.)
Hi Dorena & Jusa 🙂
This is a copy of a repy I got from the other woman so, speaks for itself really.
As you are both aware this lady, lectures worldwide on human behavior & is a Dr of Sociology yet stays with the Soc?
Her email to me after stating we should both be aware of Predators like him!
Again, thanks for your response. It is disappointing to learn that his son has been involved – terrible example for a supposedly loving father to set for his son. My perceptions of Lou’s values are rapidly being challenged.
Lou has not taken me on this or any other holiday we have been on other than a very brief trip to Tasmania with friends as another friend of his was retiring from the Tas Police Force. I travel frequently and have done so for years – since well before my relationship with Lou – sometimes with work, sometimes pleasure but usually a combination of both. He has tagged along on this trip then Jon wanted to come and Lou invited Rosa. He travelled overseas with me twice in 2012. So do not think he is lavishing me with trips – I fund my own flights and accommodation – he ‘bunks in’ with me. He funds his own flights -usually using frequent flyer points and all booking and organising is done by me, including for his son and sister. So I am also his ‘assistant’ in this regard (adds insult to injury).
I will not be telling Lou of our (yours and my) contact as he will try to ‘massage’ an outcome beneficial to him. I will phone you when I return and we can arrange to meet. I too, did not ever intend to be the other woman and considered women duped in this way to have been fools. It is clear from your emails that you are no fool and prior to this, I would have said I was no fool either. I will be interested to learn the important information you wish to share. I cannot imagine so will not try. He cannot access this email address as it is a new ‘secret’ email address that he does not know I have.
Keep strong – you did not deserve this and neither did I.
What do you think? Really apparent here that perhaps Stockholm Syndrome probably plays a big part as she confessed to me her ex-husband was unfaithful but, that she still loved him & wanted him back.
PR xoxo
Hi Dorena 🙂
I thought long & hard & aside from all the usual stuff i.e.vulnerable,going through trauma etc…what he really did was make me feel like a woman again 🙂
He appealed to my basic desire to be desired, I wasn’t just a Mum, ex-wife, sister, daughter,friend but, I was a woman & the yearning to feel again is something I got from him 🙂
Just being honest but, he gave me back my ‘MOJO!’ LOL & now I have to find it again…perhaps I’ll rename my dog “MOJO”…come here boy…LOL
“Has anyone seen my ‘MOJO???’
Basic Instinct hmmm
Yep that’s how he hooked me initially 😦 & then it was game on!
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi Dorena
Thanks for your comment. It really is a good question as to why we all ignore our gut feeling??
I don’t think I was desperate for a man after living alone for 9years and not missing anything . During that time I worked three jobs and there was no time for a man and besides I did not want the responsibility of one.
When I saw him approach me with that disarming smile I thought to myself “here comes another one”. He was not at all a man I would have taken a second look at before I became celibate. I should have stuck to my guns. But that’s water under the bridge.
He started to make small talk mostly about my Yorky.
He was from Egypt and I am from Germany. Big red flag!!!
Later when stuff started happening I thought that it was cultural. Oh, he did insert at one point that I never met anyone like him. Today I know that was one of the only times he ever told me the truth. The other time was when he stated that he was not a good person. Two times in three years, I guess it could have been worse.
His family lives in Egypt and Australia and his parents are deceased. They are all millionaires and he lives in a room in a basement in a private house in a bad area.
About 10days into our relationship he told me he was a Doctor and the reason he was no longer practicing his Profession. (This happens to be true his case is all over the Internet ).
It turned out that he was arrested, accused and convicted of attempted murder of his wife who is also his cousin . At this point I was so in love with him and I believed that he was framed and wrongfully convicted. At this point I no longer believe that. He had also revealed that during this time he was having an affair with a nurse he was working with.
He spend 13years in prison, came out in 2005 and is still on parole going in to the 9th year now.
In all of my life I have never dated a convict nor do I have a criminal record myself . I have sunk so low and I let it all happen. There is only one way to go when you’re this low and that is UP. I will not let him win in that he thinks that he has destroyed me . I am much better than that.
Love Hugs and Strength to all.
Sorry,touched the wrong button by mistake.
Have not seen the creep since June 1 and I don’t intend to. Sent him an E-mail three weeks ago to officially break up with him (nothing nasty).He send back an E-mail rather quickly to let me know that the victim personality did not fit me. Ha Ha, whatever. I did not respond. I will write more about my story in the future. I’m in therapy hope it will help. To all of you out there I send you Love& Strenght. God bless!
Hi Ladybug 🙂
Love & Light to you 🙂
PR xoxo
Hi all. I have a question for you. I have been on two dates with a man who seems much different than what I’ve recently gone through.And I actually like him. I ddidn’t think I would ever again but I do. (And my soc calledyesterday and today to see me but I declined and he said sorry for asking you wwon’t hear from me again) anyway..I feel great. My problem is this man wants to have sex rather quickly and I want to wait a bit. I’m not sure how to do that… I was at his place and kissing (it was lovely) but I refused to go any further. He was fine with it of course and we enjoyed our evening listening to music and talking. But I know he wants to and normally it isn’t an issue. I always just followed my feelings and if I felt like doing it I would . This is the first time I’ve ever held off..but I like him I don’t want to be clouded by just lust in the beginning bits. My soc and I had nothing but lust and it felt like love for me. I want to be clear headed in this one.
Any suggestions on how to hold him off? I want to explain to him without sounding like aprude or a psycho lol (I am neither).
Thanks gals!!
Hi FS 🙂
Just be careful as you are probably rebounding?
Rebound man could be good or bad for you?
After what you’ve been through I’m sure, if you told him you need to take it slow he would understand if, he’s really into you.
I once made the mistake of the rebound man & here I am, my rebound man was my Soc!
Good luck & just believe in you & your gut, I think it’s already working overtime.
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
@FS – I think you need to be careful about sleeping with someone right away. It’s normal to want to have sex, but if you’re feeling hesitation or feel pressured, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. The right guy will stick around even if you want to wait. The right guy will respect and appreciate your vulnerability.
My approach now is “no sex before monogamy”. My spiritual advisor told me that I fell in love with my ex based on the social “him”. She said that I should wait to see a man in many different scenarios, to make sure he is not just reflecting what I want to see back onto me. Does that make sense? (don’t get me wrong, I am a very sexual person, and would love to have a sexual relationship, but I want it now with a man I can trust.) I get emotionally invested when sex is involved, and I’m not longer willing to compromise what I really want and need just to have the illusion of a loving relationship.
But that’s just me … Best of luck …
I’m with you Darling 🙂
Wow I love your Spiritual Adviser 🙂
PR xoxo
FS. I started seeing someone too. As friends but kinda more. Same situation as urs. It’s plain and simple. Tell him u just got outta bad situation. And UR not ready yet for that. Mine understands that n is very patient w me.
Good Girl J’bug 🙂
How’s Judah ?
Love PR xoxo
Lol…that’s for sure…never in my life did I ever think I would find myself here but so incredibly grateful for the help I have received. I haven’t completely cut out my sociopath but I have moved on emotionally and feel I am slowly phasing into a new step in my recovery. The best advise that has clicked to me was cutting out all emotion and feelings when dealing with him. He still tries to get me to respond to some of his texts that are an attempt to get me to see if I will still be a source of supply and I am so happy to report that I have not even felt a tiny bit sorry for him or gone to bed worried or thinking about him. I know that in a way the little contact we do have is kinda like a drug to me that keeps me going until the next text but something in me has changed, I can feel it. I haven’t posted on here for weeks but reading this comment and PR response I remember when I found myself on here for the first time and where I am now…I’m not past it all and I still have work to do on myself to get my life back so stay strong everyone. Choose to take your life back. Fight for it. My heart doesn’t ache anymore, and it ached every day for this man. I’ve felt pain and grief that I never wish on anyone. My heart hasn’t ached in weeks, I know I’m not over him completely but I’m not hurting anymore and I’m not losing my mind anymore either. Everyone’s story and recovery will be different but that is a little update on mine. I can think about other things again. If you knew my story or what my life was like you would understand how liberating my life is becoming now that my thoughts are my own again.
Good luck to everyone, be safe and stay strong.
Abs this is for you & eventually you will be free 🙂
Love PR xoxo
PR
Thank you. That song actually gave me chills.
I gravitate to a song by Fiona Apple called Limp. Sometimes I feel I need to get mad so I don’t feel sad. You should listen to it, if you haven’t heard it yet. Everyone should. Lol
Thank you again.
Wow. That song is me!!! I’m speechless.
For sure. I don’t think I am rebounding. I am surprised as hell..I don’t like men very easily. The reason I like this person is because he is completely different lol. But prior to my soc I have always dated wonderful nice guys so I know what its like. I’ve been very lucky…just not til now lol.
My relationship with the soc was never a life relationship it was largely a booty call situation looking back on it. So my real life is largely unaffected which is why I think I can get over it easier. And it has been very distant the last six months… I dated this guy before I even found out my soc was lying to me so I was always still dating other people. The level of ‘turn off’ I’m experiencing realizing I hardly know the man I thought I knew is crazy. I feel pretty good. But I would like to wait for sex. I told him I wanted to get to know eachother without being ‘clouded’ by lust or physical attraction. If he doesn’t want to stick around well.. its a deal breaker lol. Thanks guys.
Good Girl FS 🙂
Just protect your heart among other things if you get my drift, lol 🙂
Good Luck Always….Love PR xoxo
I love it! I remember this song from the movie “Too Wong Foo, thanks for everything Julie Newmar” lol.
Today I’m struggling with my english after a night at “hell” I woke up so confused and defeated. After more than a month of no contact he asked to speak with me, I still love him and gave him the opportunity to speak. He asks me to forgive him and ask for an opportunity to try again, he said he have “feelings” for me. He said that he will come back to my home on a week, so we can try. I’m more aware of his truth self and said to him that I still love him but that I wanted to see if his words and actions were the same, that I need time. He says that he understands, we started to communicate on a daily base..three days after his “proposal” he send me a photo (another one) with his new prey on the bed, then he called me and says “that’s what you deserve for treating him like that” I can hear that he was with a woman that was giggling..I have a question, how he can be so cruel? Does he ever finish? Can I contact her to ask her to stop being part of this? Do I have to change my phone number, my address, my name to put an end to this insanity? I’m so confused.
NO CONTACT NMI….Please don’t risk your life or sanity with this fool for another minute 😦
You are so much better than this humiliation so, take your power back & get out of the game forever. You are not alone so, be brave 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxox
NMI first thing to do. And THIS IS SERIOUS. Before u take him back go with him to a doctor and have him tested for ALL diseases. HIV. Syphyllis. Gonorhea. And herpes. Herpes can be dormant in his system ten to fifteen years wo symptoms but u can find it w a blood test.
Excellent advice J’bug 🙂
Love PR xoxo
Please put me on your prayers. I cant resist more humiliation!
Rediculous right? I gave mine access to medical records. He never did anything (yet) last year. When I realized I had enough and figured out he is most likely a sociopath (during the time he gave me the silent treatment for weeks), I thought he would be gone forever but he wasn’t an when he called to see me I flew to him like a dummy and during our visit he showed me some thing on the Internet and he got emotional an managed to actually make himself cry (never ever seen him get that emotional EVER) and inside I just rolled my eyes and pretended I didn’t notice as he went to the bathroom and sobbed and cleaned himself up. In my head I was like what a loser. He probably expected us to share an intimate moment because he let me see him in such a vulnerable state but after reading and learning about what they do do and the games I saw right through him. Mine also said I was crazy and needed help so that I never hurt anyone again.
PUHLEASE! Laugh it off. In my case I started to see the humor in his flawed personality and in his attempts to get me back into the hole I am digging my way out of. I picture myself shoveling dirt at him and burying him every time I realize I didn’t let him get to me or every night I look back on my day and see that I was happy and didn’t lose anytime thinking of him. And I laugh. Removing all emotions and feelings has done wonders for me. I’m not a robot but it has helped me.
Stay strong! You’re not crazy.
I’m the same Abs. I have to see mine as we have a child together. he tris in many ways to play me and it makes me laugh now after reading all the stuff on this site I see right through him like a pane of glass.
PR to me she talks in circles prob trying to cover up her own stupidity.
Hi J’bug 🙂
You mean my OW I presume?
If it’s re email from her to me then I think she was pretty shattered as she had just discovered the depth of my involvement with the Soc as well as her 😦
I just worry that she travels the world telling others about human behavior yet doesn’t help herself? Really bizarre as I hit the ground running, she also had no consideration for me when she dropped the bomb which is saying something about her motivations also?
PR xoxo
Yeah PR that makes more sense. She was in shock. Her motivations were prob not pure as she was in self defense mode. I dunno what I would do if it was my husband. Yet I was almost married to mine. Yikes! I have two nice guys talking and seeing me Nd I can’t help but think the only reason they’re around is bc my DFB put me in this situation! Big sigh. I’m still a sogrumpio
A girlfriend of mine said I give out pheromones that attract people like magnets!
I also have had some attention but, not really interested until I find myself again & I really don’t want a man right now 🙂
I am just figuring out my own stuff & I can’t afford to invest anything emotionally right now. I am still in healing mode so, it can wait.
Stop being your own worst enemy J’bug, it’s time for a Joke 🙂
‘Most people have Ah-Ha! moments….
I have Awww- F*@k moments!!’
How’s that for you grumpybumpy 🙂
PR xoxo
You like that song then listen to this…it’s sad but, beautiful 🙂
Cheer up cause you make me cry for you 😦
Yep I am grumpy and bumpy.
awww 😦
Just curvacious not bumpy 🙂
I’m glad you liked that song Piece by Piece as it accurately describes the letting go :)…..
Talk soon Fabulicious Lady J…xoxo
I liked Closest Thing to Crazy better than I Cried For You.
Yep I can relate to Crazy 😉 😉
@PR
I think it just seems like, for whatever reason, fidelity is not a deal breaker for her. I wonder if her education works against her in helping rationalize betrayals as mere “symptoms”, that, if he comes back home to her in the end, he can’t entirely be disloyal at the core. Just my .02
Thanks Jusa 🙂
I think your right as infidelity was not the ‘deal breaker’ in her marriage & then to find another man with the same trait re fidelity, would be incredibly hard too swallow ;(
Infidelity has always been a ‘dael breaker’ for me as I don’t mind sharing, just not my men!
Still, I don’t think she realises the depth of betrayal that we know of a Soc so, unfortunately she’s in way over her head?
I also don’t think she realised when she emailed me, just what she would find?
She unleashed a lot of hurt on us both & meanwhile the ‘smiling assassin’ continues his games 😦 Somewhat detected thanks to me 🙂
I would so have loved to join forces with her & take him down 🙂
It would have been great to see his face & I could have made a fortune on ticket sales, my friends alone would have packed a stadium 🙂
I know I’m dreaming but, it could have been in a Colosseum with the women he’s hurt,in the stands chanting ‘release the lions’…LOL
gee that would have been so fitting, ah well lucky we have moved on in time…but still 😉
I could just see his fat little Italiano Ass (he was born in UK by the way) but likes to think he’s an Italian Stallion, made me call him that!
Should have been the Boring Englishman 🙂 Just running around & begging for ‘Mercy’ 😉 LOLOL
@PR & J’bug…
‘Most people have Ah-Ha! moments….
I have Awww- F*@k moments!!’
How’s that for you grumpybumpy
———-
You two are so cute together… lol 😉
@PR and Jusa. I have “awww Shoot a Monkey” moments! ROFL
And UR right Jusa. PR is my new BBF
LOL a match made in Soc heaven 🙂
BFF J’bug & Jusa is another BFF as well 😉
For some reason I read that and the words pee wee Herman came to mind
Nah he’s too fat to be Pee Wee although parts of him could be described like that Bahahaha 😉
Now I’ve really got my bitch out, better tuck her back in! 🙂
See that’s why we r BFFs. We are crazy like minded grumpy bumpy sociodiscardettes (new word!)
Like that one & I’d better do some work or I’ll be workdiscardetted & I have a mortgage to pay! 😦
Talk later BFF’s 🙂
Adele song Set Fire to The Rain is the best song ever to describe these people.
Yes, that’s a great one also, it makes me wonder how many song writers have had the Soc experience as they write about it very well & a lot!
These lyrics are from Wendy Matthews & it’s really haunting.
Sorry I can’t find a recording of it. It has haunted me for my whole Soc saga 😦
Her face is a tumble,
her mind is on fire
You keep telling her you’ll change
You know you’re a liar
Once she used to hold you
just like you her child
Now she’s in the way of something
you know you’re going to lose it all
The things that we do in loves name
not until she stands strong can you do the same
Chorus:
(She knew) She never knew
you would treat her this way
(you know) You know that its true
you tried to break the girl
We’re ruled by what we deny
by the things we don’t say
(You know) You know that its true
you tried to break the girl
You tried to possess
all that moved you at the start
You tied her to your shadow
and made her your slave
Whether this is an end or begin again
well, it’s in your hands
Chorus
Why’d you want to break the girl
Break the girl
Why’d you want to break the girl
Break the girl
You know you tried to break the girl
Break the girl
Why do you want to break the girl
PR xoxo
Heard this and thought I’d share! Hope y’all are having a great day! 🙂
Love it 🙂
I went crazy on this song below, it was my angry stage & Alanis was very cathartic 😉
then I went into Bruno stage 🙂
& now I’m here with Wendy 🙂
& finally Free 🙂
& from me to you Brandy 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Thank you PR! As always a beautiful song. Amazing the feelings music can stir within us…..Have a beautiful day! 🙂
Hi Brandy 😉
I am glad you liked the songs 🙂
I think music is used by our guides to send us a message & I’ve found myself haunted by a song that has a message for me 🙂
Sometimes I get it straight away & others I miss & years later I realise they were telling me all along.
Pay attention to the music or anything that keeps coming up like the inner voice, or something you see that you may dismiss. A little bird appears for my mother when she’s feeling blue, then it disappears….just a coincidence, no because it only comes in times of need & has done so for many years. Always cheers her up 🙂
Be strong & brave 🙂
PR xoxo
Has anyone read, “Confessions of a Sociopath” by M.E. Thomas? I am about half way through it, and wanted to know your thoughts on it….She is clearly a sociopath but a couple of things she has said made me wonder. For example, she said she loves a friend of hers and missed her when she discarded her. Also, she regret discarding her. I thought they never felt love, regret or even missed anybody?
Hi Lenore,
I think the Sociopath who wrote this book still likes to play games etc…not tell the truth then she doesn’t look so bad? She wants to plant the seed of doubt in your head & she has 😦
We are all secretly hoping that at some point they cared for us but, the disappointing reality is they only care about themselves & what’s in it for them 😦
I have not read the book but, I truly believe the Soc hates losing anything including people that may now know what they are. They justify to themselves their actions because it makes them appear ‘not all bad’.
As they tend to view us as their possessions, they don’t like to let them go or lose control of them. I think the attachment is purely like whether you are materially interested in something. The old what can I gain or get from you.
My Soc was very materially inclined although he insisted he wasn’t because I am not. Yet his Rolex watch, designer shoes, clothes, business class travel, luxury home, car screamed $$$$ I always laughed & thought, Seriously you have to be kidding yourself!
Never believe a word a Soc writes or says because, it will always be about them!
That’s my opinion anyway 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
PR xoxo
Lenore. My counselor said they can feel love and get depressed. But it’s love as they understand it to be. It’s not a deep unconditional emotional love like we are capable of. It’s a love of getting something out of it to meet their needs.
Hey Judah,
My Soc said he was ashamed & never meant to hurt me?
I don’t think he ever let’s anyone go & keeps them all 😦
I made sure he would never come back by closing down every possible door.
I would probably still be clueless as he went to great lengths to keep me 😦
Still here I am 🙂
Love ya xoxo
PR my ex says I deserve better. Doesn’t know why I love him. Blah blah blah. Self put downs. He can’t keep all his bc they all turned on him and hate him. I’m the only one left still gullible. He perved my profile again twice today. Makes me sad he’s so messed up. But I have u guys now. Help me say no if I hear from him!!!!!
I will personally come over & bop you with a balloon animal (yep non-violent) that’s about the extent of it 🙂
You deserve so much more & I am just reading an interesting article which I will share with you soon 😉
I will email you tonight hopefully or tomorrow after my therapy 🙂
Like you I am a bit off today but, hearing from you just lifts me back up 🙂
Remember you must truly truly work hard & love who you are not what life has made you into.
You were born beautiful, happy & free so, the journey back is hard but, worth every damn,long, painful minute….the re-birthing of YOU to be the best version of yourself 🙂
Let’s face it birth is a wonderful thing & it’s never too late 😉
Love PR xoxo
I LOVED THIS SONG. 123455678934563
Ok. So maybe I can’t count good but u can count in me anyway!!!
P. S. Judah is snoring n chasing wabbits!!!
@PR
“OH NO! NOT THE BALLOON ANIMALS!” Their little squeaky helium voices are scary!!!!
Yep, I make a great sausage doggie 🙂
I have acted in the Kindergarten play so, am a very good entertainer 🙂 Especially after a few drinks 😉
My singing & dancing abilities with the hellium are legendary 🙂 LOL
You know, it’s funny my Soc never saw this side of me 😉 Bahahaha he was a bit of a wet blanket really 🙂
Oooo Dancing Queen just came on the radio, ‘diggin the dancin queen’ (am singin out can you hear me? lalalalaaaaa
Waskilly wabbits I hope 🙂
George snores all the time & talks but, it sounds weird because he’s hearing impaired so, he talks to his toys & doesn’t realise we can hear him? 😉
It sounds like he’s being hurt??? very bizarre & he has a weird fixation with his bone???
Crazy like his owner & god help me if I have my runners on,sheesh the carry-on 🙂 🙂 🙂
PR x
The song I related to when with my soc was “lose my mind” by “the wanted” sorry not sure how to post the vid on here.
Hope everyone is doing ok. Ive been feeling so positive for a while but these last few days I haven’t been myself. Think its got a lot to do with the court case that’s coming up so I am having to drag everyrhing back up again and sift through old messages and recordings to get any evidence I have together. I so don’t want to be going through this. Its like adding insult to injury. I don’t ever want to see or speak to him again yet I havnt got a choice for what would be 11 months nc to having to sit in the same room as him. Thats going to be torture for me. I can’t wait for it all to be over but can’t help feel it never really will be. Not 100% anyway. I suppose this is the sad reality of having a child with these socs. Its like having a double whammy. You get yourself and child out but the soc still has that certain amount of hold over you. Just hope the courts can see what I can (I can only hope but I doubt it). I so don’t want our child sucked in and I’m doing everything I can to set the foundations for lo to hopefully not fall for his fathers games. Only time will tell and I pray mt efforts don’t go in vein.
Big hugs to you all. Xx
Praying for you and your situation SD! In the end you’ll pull through all this and be stronger than you ever thought! 🙂 We’re always here for you!
Thank you Brandy. Just gets too much sometimes. Xx
Hi SD 🙂
How are you??
Drop us a line to let us know you are okay 🙂
Love to you & LO,
PR xoxo
Hello PR. Thank you for still thinking of me during my absence.
I have been taking time out and concentrating on healing myself. Looking deep within myself to find the old me as I truly lost myself and my own identity. A month ago if someone asked me what are your interests and hobbies I would say I don’t know. My mind would be blank. After deeply working on myself I now realise I actually used to have and do so many things by and for myself and sometimes with others. I can’t believe how lost I had become.
I’m finding comfort in finding me again. Slowly regaining my own identity and rebuilding my own belief’s, morals etc that I was stripped off. I put up with far too much and ignored my inner voice. This is something I will never do again. If its trying to tell me something then its for my own good.
I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be and I have also been looking at myself more closely as to why I allowed myself to stay in a relationship that was so unhealthy. Just maybe I might have my own disorders, I don’t know, I’m still working through that with myself.
I have now come to the place where I have excepted whats happened has happened and I’m now looking forward to being me again.
I have my gorgeous children, my family and freinds and I have ME.
I hope you are having a positive day/night in yourself.
Big hugs from me and lo. xx
Hi SD 🙂
I am so glad you are feeling stronger & finding you again 🙂
I think this whole journey has been to put us back in touch with ourselves as we give, give, give & get used, abused & taken for granted 😦
We don’t intentionally do this but, it’s how it is when, your a really good person & others use your kindness against you. We allow it because, we haven’t stood in our own truth & said ‘NO, leave you are not worthy of me’!
If we had stood up for ourselves fully,they wouldn’t have stood a chance.
Remember to stay fully focused on yourself & your top priority is YOU otherwise, you cannot be there for those who really love & need you 🙂
Keep going, it’s a struggle but, we’ve come so far.
Whilst it’s a struggle we could have done without, it’s a fact & we need to let it go.
Tell yourself daily that your worth every bit of effort it takes, do not fear loneliness as you are never alone 🙂
I’ve told you before that you walk among many of us everyday, like you smiling but, hiding a struggle.
Love yourself as deeply as you love others & you will be fine 🙂
Love & hugs to you & yours 🙂
PR xoxo
Just to add be it right or wrong. I do not bad mouth lo’s father to them or around them but I don’t promote him either. If lo chooses to speak about him (which is very very rare as lo is still very young) then I will listen and acknowlege. After all lo didn’t ask for any of this and itsstill there daddy at the end of the day. Breaks my heart it realy does. Xx
Hi SD 🙂
Yes that song has great lyrics, really tells it how it is 😦
We are all feeling the lingering effects of the Soc’s in our lives & yes a lot of us are struggling.
The great thing is we are all sharing & supporting each other in the low times so, that’s very comforting & helpful 🙂
You have done an amazing job & your resilience is really showing now 😉
It’s a very hard journey & the trauma is terrible & yes, I think it takes a very long time to let it go, if we ever fully do?
I know that it changes us so, we cannot forget the effect it has on us.
We can however choose to grow from it or let it define us & I know we all would rather grow than let it beat us 🙂
Your LO’s will be okay if you continue to shine your guiding light on them & you will approach your relationships from here on in with a lot more knowledge.
You also have re-established your values, truth & beliefs so, that will be a bonus to everyone. You have boundaries that no-one will compromise if you don’t allow it & you are a true survivor 🙂
Having the Soc for your LO’s father is not your fault & Soc or not, we don’t always get great role models regardless.
Having a wonderful mother can make a huge difference so, as far as I can tell your LO is well ahead 🙂
Just stay strong & be brave as it’s hard going to court & very stressful.
Be mindful of yourself & stay connected here & to your supports, we can’t be there in person but, we are there with you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGXHyp08mcEou in spirit 🙂
Love & Light Always 🙂
PR xoxo
Thank you so much PR. Means alot to me.
Hope you are feeling better in yourself than you was earlier.
Big hugs. Xx
Hi SD,
You are welcome & thank you 🙂
I am fine & like you just keep smiling, we’ll get through this together 🙂
Love PR xoxo
Soul. PR is feeling awesome bc she has me/us
Hi Judah 🙂
Thank you & I know I’m never alone 🙂
Love PR xoxo
This website just made the last 15 years of my life make sense – in a sad, scary way – but still, I am better for knowing what I am up against as we have children to raise together. *sigh*
Hi Pam,
Welcome to the site. Knowledge is power. The truth will really set you free!!
I am a 23 year old male. She was the best actress in all the world. She used her ex-husband to obtain citizenship, got him addicted to drugs and left him destitute on the street. She told me that he was beating her, on and on. Got me to believe everything she said. She “attempted” suicide in front of me when my intuition was pushing me towards leaving her. She played on my emotions and my compassion. I didn’t see any of this until it was over.
She began to blame my jealousy (I knew something was very wrong) for the failing relationship. She stopped talking to me for a while, came back to me saying that she wanted to work on our relationship. I woke up next to her that morning and instinctively had to check her phone messages to make sure I wasn’t crazy as she was leading me to believe. Sure enough, there were the messages between her and the fool I was suspicious of. They had been having a relationship on the side for two months. I kicked her out that morning.
A month later, I ran into her new project boy downtown. I walked up to him and he began shaking in fear. I said, “I think we should talk.” “No, we shouldn’t!” he said with a trembling voice. Keep in mind I am a pacifist. “You don’t have a knife, do you?” The poor guy thought I had a knife and was going to hurt him. When I got him to calm down, we had a long talk and through evidence we both determined she had been sleeping with both of us for two months.
He told me everything she had been saying about me, and I tried to tell him that it was all a lie. We went to a bar, had a beer and gave each other a big hug. That was the last time I saw him.
About six months later I discovered that I had HPV. In a confused and angry state, I sent her new project boy an email (guy I talked to, he was still with her and still may be, I don’t know – it’s his problem now). I warned him that she most likely gave me HPV, or that he gave it to her and she gave it to me while she was duping us both and that it was my responsibility to tell him I have it. Two days later the police served me a summons for civil court based on DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
This official report, signed by a judge, was filled with nothing but lies. Some lies included that there were “incidents of aggression” or that “…he told me he was schizophrenic and not taking his medication…” That one really bothered me, as I have a schizophrenic sister and I know more than many how difficult mental illness is. There were claims of stalking and threats, claims that I threatened suicide and harm to her and her boyfriend.
As if I hadn’t been hurt enough, I had to relive the trauma she put me through while trying to remember what happened in the past so I could defend myself. Being betrayed in such a way is traumatic for me because I had no idea human beings could be such empty vessels. I gave her everything I could, but I was just another temporary project for her own gain.
At court, the Judge was already on her side. She lied right then and there saying that this was ongoing and that she had asked me to stop contacting her many times. All I did was try to warn her new project boy, and she spun it on me. In the end, the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE restraining order was filed. I immediately sought out a lawyer and after he read her bogus report said, “There is absolutely no evidence of domestic violence here. The judge made a bad ruling, and we are going to appeal this based on lack of justice served.”
I was on a study abroad trip in China for school when the appeal date arrived, and my lawyer tried his best to get it all dropped but it ended up being left at a harassment restraining order, which was okay with me because 1.) I couldn’t afford anymore legal counseling, and 2.) the appeal was on the record and so was the judge’s bad ruling. I had to fight hard to get my good name back in more than one respect. I was going up against the county as well as her sociopathic manipulations.
I am still healing from what she did. The restraining order will expire in March, and then I won’t have to worry about her showing up and punching herself in the face or flat out shooting me (I saw the predator stare in her eyes, twice, and had dreams of her murdering me) and claiming self defense.
What I know to be true is that she did suffer terrible abuse as a child by her step father. She was formed into a sociopath through her childhood experiences. But that is as specific as I can get or intuitively see as truthful. Everything else is likely a lie.
I know that she will never be happy. For a while I did wish that she would never be happy. But one day I realized she will never be happy not because she does not deserve happiness, but because she creates her own unhappiness through her behavior and lack of emotion and compassion. Everyone deserves happiness.
I honestly hope that – even though in my intuitive eye I could see that her new boy toy was like a serpent jester in her queenly court doing her bidding willfully – that he has found the truth by now. Even though some people throughout town think that I am a woman beating, psychotic stalker through her defamation of my name and character, they are not the important people in my life. Anyone who really knows me can see the truth. And HPV isn’t really something to lose sleep over in the big picture of things, so I’m not hurt about that. But I’m sure she cheated on me with at least two people, and am fairly certain she gave it to me. But you can’t tell with HPV, so I’ll never know for sure.
There are so many little things I could go on about – the times I could tell something was wrong in her head, the stare, the manipulation of my emotions, took over $1000 from me, how she even turned my friends against me. But many of us go through an ordeal like this and meet such terrible people because it is just a step in the direction of becoming greater people, divine people. It helps to give a reference point to imbalance and balance, to help us see things more clearly in our own relative ways.
My advice to anyone who reads this that may currently be, has been or perhaps will be in the future, involved romantically with a sociopath – when it’s over, do not look back. Do not communicate with them. It wasn’t your fault and in reality it was a grand learning experience. I know, at least for myself, that I can spot a sociopath immediately and I will never be put through this wringer again. Forgive them, forgive yourself, begin to heal. Find gratitude in the calmness after the ordeal passes and love yourself for being virtuous and compassionate.
Thank you for this website and facilitating another step in my healing by allowing me to post this here. I’ve read quite a few stories from others and it really feels good to remember that I am not alone. It is good to see people talking with each other here, and reading about everyone’s healing. All we really need is each other.
Jon
Hi Jon, thank you for your comment. If you look on the post ‘female sociopath’ another guy has just posted there who has been through similar and also was charged with domestic violence. But is currently stuck in the hell. He might appreciate your support to encourage to get out.
You are right about her new partner – she is his problem now and you are free!!…. You are not alone. The one thing that we all can do here, is understand how living with crazy feels. Welcome to the site 🙂
“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”
May I ask for some help please?
My ex doesn’t fit some of what you are saying so I’m interested in your thoughts as to him being a sociopath or just a lying, cheating arsehole.
When we met he told me in great detail about an affair he had while married, she came on to him, he was smitten etc etc. I try not to judge anyone, ever and so responded in an understanding way.
The next time I saw him it was pretty much a two day solid date (no sex) and I was hooked, that quickly. He sold himself to me as everything I had ever wanted in a man and relationship. He told me he had loved me all his life (we grew up together) and I believed him!!!!
I knew he was married and so I guess this is my karma, I have never done this before but still I did know he left his wife for me and I did know he had previously been unfaithful to her. I believe(d) in true love and thought if you are willing to have an affair then you are not happy, I wanted to make him happy, I will always be sorry for this.
Things moved quickly, he moved in with me and I was ridiculously happy.
Now the money part is my first question … he is completely irresponsible about money, planning for the future etc but was also very generous, insisting on buying me gifts etc.
He paid money towards the home apart from when he was out of work, he was out of work three times in the four years we were together because he just didn’t seem up to the high flying, powerful jobs he managed to get. He has left me in debt, is saying he will pay me back and will deal with his other debts registered at my address.…I’m not sure this makes him a sociopath?
My story is tame compared to the criminals and addicts you are all dealing with?
He did isolate me but not by saying bad stuff about me, he told everyone how completely in love with me he was, he would just be unbelievably rude to people so that I felt embarrassed by this and therefore avoided people.
I think he did emotionally abuse me, he refused to talk about anything important to me and would “sulk” for days. I felt like I was mad.
He was unfaithful twice that I know of and lied like crazy to cover that up.
when I finally had enough and made him leave we stayed in touch and he told me how awful things were for him, mentally struggling to get over me, no where to live etc etc, I felt like the worst person alive. Then I took him back!!!!
During this period it has since transpired he was also with someone else, pretty much since we parted, he had spent long periods of time with her, talked of marriage and babies with her. Even when I got in touch with her and his lies began to unravel he kept on lying and blaming me that he was in this situation.
It’s this bit that made feel so very bad and led me to trawl for answers…if he had loved me so much why did he give up on me and move on so quickly?
Was it all a lie?
I have seen for real the despicable things he is capable of but still don’t know if that’s because of him or because of me.
I would really appreciate your thoughts
Ps I’ve changed my name on here, the one I was using is a nick name and I am scared he will read what I am saying
@Mama bear
Because they haven’t taken you for everything you have (yet) doesn’t mean they are not sociopaths. But whether your guy is or isn’t, he is shallow on depth of feelings for you/others, and he is an established infidel. This *you* didn’t create, no matter what you did in the relationship. This is his response to pressure, fear, lack of self-worth, habit, shallowness, brain damage/mental illness or whatever list of problems the guy has personally. But *you* didn’t cause it, and the fact that he did it anyway until you got sick of his antics means he isn’t in control of himself. Doesn’t necessarily mean he never felt anything but, looking at what you’ve written and the patterns, I would believe, if you go with this person again, the cycle will repeat.
The “label” doesn’t matter, what matter is that this man is putting you on a lot of problems and sadness, that he is controlling you, not because love, but for his own benefit…yes, all what you said match with a psychopath. . please cut the thread and take charge of your life again…
I agree scarlet. It sounds all too familiar.
Thanks all, so very glad to have found this site x