I love you!


The three words ‘I love you’ are meant to be special, intimate. To the sociopath ‘I love you’ means something entirely different.

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When you first meet the sociopath, he spends a lot of time, listening, reflecting, mirroring.

  • Listening to what you say (to discover what your needs and wants are)
  • Reflecting (Offering you back what you need and want)
  • Mirroring (mirroring your body language, repeating back to you what you are saying, ‘active’ listening skills)

Love is a really important game to the sociopath in dating. Without love the sociopath loses their power.

A sociopath will constantly say ‘I love you’….. what this actually means is ‘do you love me’…. he is constantly checking whether you love him. He needs you to love him, as when you do, you are rendered ‘weak’

You are fooled into thinking this is a genuine love connection. The sociopath mirrors all of the reactions that people do when they are genuinely in love.

  • Wants to spend all of their time with you
  • Appears interested in you and your interests
  • Appears to share similar interests, goals, and morals
  • Tells you constantly that they love you
  • Showers you with attention and flattery
  • Fakes that they will help you to fulfil your dreams
  • Is very helpful and useful

With this belief that you have met someone who seems so perfect for you, you feel safe to let down your guard, and fall subsequently in love with the sociopath.

If you have been in a relationship with a sociopath, you will notice that they constantly say ‘I love you’, this leads you to feel some sense of responsibility for the sociopath, and that you should love them back. This is part of the manipulation and control.

The sociopath constantly checks what you are feeling about them, and if you are in love with them. When you are in love, you are rendered ‘weak’. This is in reality how the sociopath sees you.

There is a saying ‘crazy in love’ and being in love, can be a temporary form of ‘madness’ where we can lose ourselves in the moment of ‘love’.

Love is  important to most humans, especially women. We all have the need to love, and to be loved.

The sociopath abuses this. This is what can leave victims feeling both confused, and lacking in belief that the person they are in love with is actually a sociopath after all your partner was so:

  • ‘Loving and caring’
  • Helpful
  • Focused on you (giving you the illusion that they were as into you as you were them’
  • Moralistic

The person behind the mask is rarely seen. If you imagine the Wizard of Oz….. you are lured in and left spell bound by what you see in front of the curtain….. but when Dorothy pulled back the curtain, she saw a very different person operating the machine.

This is exactly what the sociopath does. He uses LOVE and fakes love, to

  • Get you to fall in love
  • So that (if you are in love) you feel a responsibility for him, and are weak
  • Manipulate you

Because the sociopath has no conscience, he doesn’t care whether this causes you pain. The sociopath thrives to

  • Be in control
  • To win

Duping others, conning, and winning, obtaining what he wants by deception can give the ultimate high (see also sociopath’s dupers delight and the joy of conning someone). They suffer from boredom, and are not restricted by either

  • Moral compass, responsibility for anyone else
  • Emotions and feelings for anyone else except themselves

Whilst you are going headlong into the relationship with the sociopath, losing your head and falling in love, the sociopath will fake that he is in love. He will fake this so very well, that it will feel like a soul mate connection.

Why victims stay in the relationship with the sociopath

The reason why victims stay with the sociopath, is because of the poker effect. Once the mask begins to slip, the victim has fallen in love with the ‘illusion’ that the sociopath has sold to the victim. Everybody needs ‘closure’ but there can be no closure with the sociopath. You are in love with simply an illusion. The sociopath will give you back niceness, kindness, and fake love again, to lengthen his time with you. This is simply because the sociopath does not want to lose source for supply. This is all that you are to the sociopath, ‘a source for supply’.

This reminds me of the fairy tale of The Emperors New Clothes, where the Emperor is conned that his invisible clothes are made from silk and gold. He walks proudly in his new outfit, despite that he had doubts, he did not listen to himself. Allowed himself to listen to the swindlers, rather than his own intuition, his pride did not want to see the truth, until a child shouts from the crowd ‘that man is not wearing any clothes’

We are too often deluded in the search for love. We do not want it to be true, that we have met someone who has used us, and conned us, and that we were foolish to believe the lies that were told to us. That the lies opened our hearts, and we willingly let somebody use and abuse us. That nothing was true.

We do not want to appear foolish. We want what we have believed to be the truth. The sociopath can get further ‘dupers delight’, if the truth is uncovered, and he manages to convince you that he does actually ‘love you’, and you then stay for an extended period of time.

A sociopath cannot love in the traditional way that you are sold LOVE.  Love to the sociopath means three things:

  • Control
  • Ownership
  • Source for supply

The sociopath would never admit this to you. It can be so hurtful, that you do not want to admit this truth to yourself. The sociopath, when the truth starts to be uncovered, will continue to sell you the lie, and even go to further lengths to prove that his lies are true.

Your weakness, is not only that you are in love (which is why the sociopath constantly checks that you are in love with them), but also pride. Once you know the truth, and understand and accept this, that it is NOT you. That what you experienced was not real. You had simply been played as part of the biggest illusion on earth, you can start to let go.

To let go, you need to accept the truth, to establish no contact. To put into place a recovery plan.

See also How to heal and recover from dating a sociopath

and The No Contact Rule

The sociopath does not and cannot experience love. Unless love to you, means ownership and control?

Ownership and control, is sadly, not love.

Words copyright © datingasociopath.com 2013

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545 thoughts on “I love you!”

  1. he did do some bad things on me for revenge. but i almost preferred that to NO reaction, no reaction is the worst, thats really like he does not care, for example; a couple weeks ago i called into his house n he told some lies n left straight away leaving me with his family member.. he basically did not wanna c me, n i cut up all his clothes cause i was so angry with all these lies, but he did not react… i called in again few days ago n he was just cool n calm, he did say to me “why did u cut up my clothes” n starred at me for a minute n then just looked away n forgot about it like it never happened… Years ago if i dared to do something like that he would go CRAZY i dunno what he would have been capable of doing to me!!! (n i know i was wrong)

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  2. @matt, youre right, not all sociopath are bad people. From the way your spoken, you sound like a rational person. However im just going about my experience. My post was not intended toward you. I didnt even know you was a sociopath till i finished my post.
    My ex was as sociopathic as they come. The 4 date she was telling me we were soul mates. Everything that is written about how a sociopath talk and behave, she behave and acts it to a t. But in the end of the day, shes not a bad person. She loves animals and have a good heart in her own ways..I realize now that it was the only way she knows how to live her life and thats being parasitic. I have nothing against sociopaths. We can coexist, but i would definately approach it differently next time, if i can spot them again…we happy to protect ourself better and this is what this blog is for, not neccesarily just to hate on sociopaths. In the end of the day we are all still humans, just in different ways.

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    1. If you dont care about others, and dont care agbout using them, abusing them, hurting them. then yes, I think that makes you a bad person.

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      1. I just realized I’m a sociopath when I just broke off a long term relationship with my fiancée. I can honestly say that I cared about him and I loved who I was when I was with him. In the beginning I was so infatuated with his goodness and wanted to be exactly who he was looking for. We had so much fun and I wanted more and more. He proposed to me after a year, we moved in together and was able to stay in a pretty healthy relationship for 5 years. Recently though, he has been in a tough spot, and me being happy and wanting fun just wasn’t enough to support his pain. I became angry at myself for not being able to make him happy anymore, and I knew that if he stayed depressed, I wouldn’t be able to stay with him. All of a sudden, the bads outweighed the goods and I just had to break it off. My true self came out when I emotionlessly looked him in the eyes while he was crying and told him goodbye. I honestly could say I tried but now I have no feelings for him anymore, the fantasy had burst and it’s sad but that’s the reality for me. It would be completely unfair for me to keep up the charade just for his sake. So even though it hurts for him now, I think he will truly be happier without me. What I’m trying to say, is that I only cared about him when we were both in the same page, no expectations, just living in the moment being happy. I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be and I couldn’t love him the way he felt he needed. Does that make me a bad person if I just discard him and move on with my life?

    2. Yeah I think that too about mine but thats what kept me in her sick game Im just freshly and barely aware of whats happened to me snd im gonna hold on to my anger caise i know it will keep me safe grpm her until ive got something else to hold on to

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  4. Ok this is very frustrating to read these comments. Sociopaths are “morons” and “idiots”? Actually, it is quite the opposite. If you understand a sociopath you’d know that they are very smart, and are always ahead of the game. That’s just how our brains are wired (or at least mine). Of course, if you are not a sociopath, or even slightly sociopathic, it is impossible for you to understand. Let me give you some insight. I am also very good at reading people, and no, I don’t control people. I control relationships or connections. Between me and someone, between two other people. I’ve been practicing this for years, since I was very little. It is the ONLY thing that can truly make me..I can’t find the word/feeling…umm..satisfied, I guess. My siblings, both older and younger, would be able to confirm how manipulating I am. If they were on the outside looking in. That’s another thing that I’m extremely adept at-looking at things from an outside perspective. I was so good at lying and being sneaky when I was younger that if I did something cruel to obe of my siblings, again-older or younger, I would get to my parents first and tell them a story, partially true. And to my surprise, they believed me. Even more to my surprise-my siblings also believed me. It’s like I twisted the truth in their head. And they did’t hold any resentment towards me, so I knew I successfully controlled them. It’s always been like that.
    Also, for the people saying that sociopaths cannot feel emotions, that is not true. I feel emotions, towards myself. I get sad when I don’t like something about myself. I have raging anger like a guy pumped with testosterone with anger issues haha. (I’m 19, female). And I noticed a long time ago that I don’t get angry with other people. The only time I am truly angry (breathing changes, can’t let it go, can’t just shut the feeling off), is when I’m angry with myself. I get a proud feeling even as I’m typing this.
    So before you act like you understand sociopaths, don’t post stuff like that. And maybe learn a thing or two, try to be more like us. (Not that I know anyone who thinks like me, just speaking for myself) We are superior and use your brain before you so desperately let your weak minded self fall in love.

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      1. If that is all you took put of my response, point proven. Open your mind, it’s not difficult. The best way to describe it I guess would be…like I said, ahead of the game. Always thinking, acting, lying. Also, many websites I’ve been reading (not sure about this particular thread) have said that sociopaths don’t agree there is something wrong with them, although they know they are “different”. In my case, sort of fluctuates. I know I am different, I also realize how I effect other people and I don’t like it. I wish I could go to the best psychiatrist in the world to be able to actually fit in better, but on the other hand I don’t think there is a doctor good enough.
        I also believe, and find it hard for you not to, that there is a hierarchy of humans. There are people with more abilities than others and people are set into a sort of class.

      2. pg, don’t bother trying to reason with a sociopath…they like to believe they’re superior….their arrogance is proof of just how weak they know they are…they also fail to understand that arrogance is nothing more than a mask for extreme insecurity, and the failure to understand that illustrates a lack of familiarity with even the most rudimentary psychology. Let’s be honest, sociopaths want to control others because they were powerless over their abusers when they were children and fear that it could happen again if they drop their guard. They go around bragging about how superior they are because they know what they lack. Their greatest fear is that we will see what they lack, too, and their inferiority will be revealed for everyone to see and it will socially ruin them. Think about it. Have you ever heard someone say they wish they’d been born a sociopath? Have you ever heard someone say they wish they’d been abused and neglected more as a child so they could now be a sociopath? Of course not. We pity them and they resent it and us.

      3. @Paul Kress
        Well sorry to burst your bubble and I don’t think I’m 100% different from the majority, I don’t think that I am “superior” nor am I going to say you are wrong and because you don’t agree with me your point is invalid… Not all sociopaths are unreasonable although cold and somewhat emotionless I ask you “nicely” to rethink your view and realise that whatever happened to you, you got the raw end of the deal unlucky I know… But everyone has hard times so try and work with them find a way out of them, deal with them move on and forget it ever happened. Kind of a long sentence but who cares? 😛 just do what you enjoy doing, relationships can be a pain (no one shares my view in this sort of stuff, probably cause you know XD) learn a lesson and take away that you don’t like self righteous pricks who are overconfident have some sort of anger issue and will screw your mind over for the simplest of things.. And again judge someone on their desisions not on their lies, you cannot put yourself in another’s shoes. That’s empathy right? One of the many emotions I actually just don’t have, I can’t remember off the top of my head but whatever the part of the brain is that controls emotions, mine is smaller not sure if every sociopath has this problem but, we didn’t choose this, but imagine a world where barely anything makes you sad? Pretty fun 😛

      4. You say imagine a world where nothing makes you sad? ….. I say that sometimes we need the sadness to appreciate the joy – true joy that comes into our lives. I don’t think to not experience sadness is good, as if you can’t experience sadness, well can you experience happiness? …… probably not. Which is why you get bored, and have to play other people. Other people are too busy getting on with their lives, and being happy. While you just go around and around in circles. Using other people for fun and entertainment. I find that sad. Sometimes sadness can be good….. Like when your heart goes out to someone – and you feel it and connect with that person. I think the way that you have to live your life, must be like living in a world that is black and white. With little colour. That to me, would be quite dull. I think the ability to love and feel, is a good thing, even if sometimes it brings you pain – I don’t think its an advantage not to feel.

    2. Evil does not equate to superiority. You remind me of a serial killer who revels in their ability to target decent unsuspecting people. The only reason you are able to control and manipulate people is because folks with the capacity for empathy and remorse cannot wrap their mind around the fact that there are “creatures ( like yourself) that do not have this capacity. You are missing the piece that separate our species from predatory animals. Without a conscience you are not human and somehow I can’t imagine how being no better than a predatory animal makes you superior to folks with the capacity to Love and be loved … dismiss yourself with malice the is no place for you here.

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      1. A serial killer? Not human? I mean the next thing you’re going to be saying is “Hey come on over to Scientology!” and yes “Evil does not equate to superiority” that’s about the only correct thing you said….
        The capacity to love does not make on human, having a conscience, empathy, sympathy or other deep feelings does not make a person human. Then again not all sociopaths don’t feel sympathy and the likes at all, just to a somewhat lower level. Not every sociopath is as messed up as the other one. Sure we are messed up, don’t date us if you don’t want to. Maybe your “folks” need to wisen up a bit? (Oh and on a side note we could be considered predatory animals, that is the whole human race. We kill and eat other animals, thus making us predators.)

    4. By thinking you are better than others you have unfortunately and instantly proved you’re not . . . I hope as you grow older you will also grow up and learn not to judge a ‘book by it’s cover’ . . . being able to manipulate people is a skill . . . but unless it is used for the good of those people then it will only benefit you which will in the long term leave you alone and lonely . . . try to see the good and the beauty in everyone and set yourself free . . .

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    5. I have pretty much confirmed I am a sociopath. I do not love though. I like dating to get to know somone and have fun and that is it. But i am manipulative and i do plot things also i have stopped trying to make people like me I just be me now.I wish i could simply fix myself. But oh well.

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      1. Yeah I think that too about mine but thats what kept me in her sick game Im just freshly and barely aware of whats happened to me snd im gonna hold on to my anger caise i know it will keep me safe grpm her until ive got something else to hold on to

    7. If you’re a sociopath, then you may have the INTELLIGENCE, and our emotions may be holding us back to you, but we have the morals, we have the humanity, we have the emotions, oh and you may have the logic, but since Autistics (including myself), aren’t sociopaths, we have a logical thinking front too! We are more powerful, and someday, we-will-win!

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    8. You’re 100% right. We are the possessors of abover average and often, genius level intellect. What people mistake us for are the psychopaths. We are masterful in our ability to mimic emotions, such as fear and love. Example: someone drops dead in front of us. We feel nothing, but know the expected response is fear, so we mimic fear. Many of us go completely undetected through life. Those of us that do step from the shadows is to enlighten the less fortunate that experience real emotion. We can be devastatingly cruel if it suits us. We can also be generous and kind. Of course, the cost of such kindness will often go undetected, which is the best part. You’ll never know what satisfaction we got from our act. Before you say you understand or grasp how a sociopath works and you can actually believe this, you don’t. We are beyond you and superior. I know myself, I feel nothing for anyone other than myself. People can’t anger me. I feel no guilt. No shame. I am free to do as I want when I want.

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    9. I just want you to know that i DO THINK LIKE YOU.This long speech you just wrote resembles me alot ! Its no need for me to repeat what you already said cause honestly many of your situations resemble my own. When it comes to family, friends and social. However recently these days (as in since maybe last year) ive been noticing my power weakening in certain aspects but becoming stronger in others. To be more clear my relationship with my family is now no longer in my complete control, however the ones with my friends and “career” have been. Obviously i have a direct focus. However im sturggling. I have came to terms with my subconcious manipulating ways, and actually feel proud of them. However im very scared of loosing the relationships i have with people because of it. My best friends follow my advice and rely on me alot, my boyfriend (of 2 and half years) is very still in love with me . But at times i see through his eyes that he really sees me, he wonders and asks if i truly love him . I always give the suitable response and its satisfying to him. But i feel guilt, and its something i dont usually feel towards people . Because i have manipulated our relationship by continuously cheating on him with his best friend for about a year. As well as his bestfriend is dating my bestfriend so now i feel that im also manipulative of my bestfriend .But I dont undetstand how they can be so oblivious to the situation. It completly astonishes me. My point is that Im at a point where i feel I should leave him for his own good before he ever finds out and gets his heart broken. Even though i can easily move on to someone else . I really really really reallly like the relationship we have, i am very attatched and i even feel part of his family. But being honest just doesn’t seem like an option for me . what would u advice fellow sociopathy?

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  5. Ok this is very frustrating to read these comments. Sociopaths are “morons” and “idiots”? Actually, it is quite the opposite. If you understand a sociopath you’d know that they are very smart, and are always ahead of the game. That’s just how our brains are wired (or at least mine). Of course, if you are not a sociopath, or even slightly sociopathic, it is impossible for you to understand. Let me give you some insight. I am also very good at reading people, and no, I don’t control people. I control relationships or connections. Between me and someone, between two other people. I’ve been practicing this for years, since I was very little. It is the ONLY thing that can truly make me..I can’t find the word/feeling…umm..satisfied, I guess. My siblings, both older and younger, would be able to confirm how manipulating I am. If they were on the outside looking in. That’s another thing that I’m extremely adept at-looking at things from an outside perspective. I was so good at lying and being sneaky when I was younger that if I did something cruel to obe of my siblings, again-older or younger, I would get to my parents first and tell them a story, partially true. And to my surprise, they believed me. Even more to my surprise-my siblings also believed me. It’s like I twisted the truth in their head. And they did’t hold any resentment towards me, so I knew I successfully controlled them. It’s always been like that.
    Also, for the people saying that sociopaths cannot feel emotions, that is not true. I feel emotions, towards myself. I get sad when I don’t like something about myself. I have raging anger like a guy pumped with testosterone with anger issues haha. (I’m 19, female). And I noticed a long time ago that I don’t get angry with other people. The only time I am truly angry (breathing changes, can’t let it go, can’t just shut the feeling off), is when I’m angry with myself. I get a proud feeling even as I’m typing this.
    So before you act like you understand sociopaths, don’t post stuff like that. And maybe learn a thing or two, try to be more like us. (Not that I know anyone who thinks like me, just speaking for myself) We are superior and use your brain before you so desperately let your weak minded self fall in love.

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    1. I have recently came to the conclusion that I’m about to marry a sociopath, which regardless of anything is the love of my life. How do I make this relationship work we have been together over two years and we just recently started arguing and it is extremely irritating bc we have always had an amazing relationship

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      1. Becky what makes you think that this person is a sociopath? If this person was….. lies, manipulation, deceit, games, just crazy behaviour, control, ownership, would have been going on for the last 2 years?

      2. I’m married to a sociopath. the first year with him was heaven. the second was painful. the third was hell. now i have met a man with real emotions, and i’m getting a divorce and i will never look back. there were red flags that first year. many. but i ignored them because i had never been so in love, so perfectly fit with someone… believe me, every moment spent loving a sociopath is a great risk. eventually he drained me of every penny i had, because he ‘needed it’ he was desperate, he would be evicted, he was crying, very ‘emotional’… the minute he got the money he acted like it never happened. he never paid back a dime, he practically laughed in my face. and then he’d do it again. i’m a true empath, their greatest prey… i would have given him the clothes off my back. its how i was raised. its love to me. believe me, if you can really love, you will be very hurt by someone who can not. eventually i found out about all the women he met online. it became the worst nightmare of my life. i feel blessed that found a man who helped me escape my fate. along with my husband’s sister who begged me to leave for my own safety, and sacrificed her own relationships in her her family to save me. i’m so sorry to tell you this, but i’m so happy someone told me… this isn’t a winning battle. the fights will get worse the more he knows you need him and love him and won’t leave him. he will become cruel, then beyond loving, then cruel again in a heartbeat. he will look you in the eye, smile warmly, and tell you lies. he will hide everything from you. he will know exactly what to say to you to keep you hungry for his unique love that no one else can provide, and he will do things you despise behind your back without a moment’s concern. whether you stay or not, or forever how long you stay, you must be aware that you are not sharing the same experience he is. he can not reciprocate the purity of your love. he can only reflect it back to you as you most want to see it. he might even feel love of his own variety, i’m quite sure my husband was very in love with me. for him. it did not stop him from lying, cheating, and stealing my savings. be smart, be safe, stay informed, stay strong. please.

      3. BeckySue, if you think it’s bad now, just wait until you’re married. Once he truly “owns” you…which is how he sees marriage…you’ll really see the true sociopath begin to emerge. Right now, you’re so busy with your head buried in academia, and have been focused on that the entire time you’ve been with him, that when you pull your head out of the journals and see him for who he is, you are going to wonder how someone with so many years of education failed to do her due diligence on sociopathy and AsPD. You might want to go talk to someone in the Psych department, or contact Sandra L. Brown, preferably before you sign that marriage certificate.

      4. I sincerely hope you extend your engagement! It is the least you could do. As “commitment time” approaches, the real sociopath will come out from behind the mask….and even more so once you say, “I do!”

    2. I am not naive. But it does sadden me that there are people that take pride in hurting and manipulating others. Even when the person they are hurting, is the same person that would kill for (the sociopath).

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    3. Oh, that’s priceless, crimegeek19. PRICELESS! lol What could you possibly know about falling in love? (begin sarcasm) Please enlighten the rest of us. We’ll all be hanging on every brilliant word that you post (end sarcasm).

      Sociopaths are really just giant toddlers. There’s nothing to fear or admire about a giant toddler. That’s why most of us pity you. Of course, you don’t really know what pity feels like, now do you? Sociopaths understand disdain, but not pity. Let me see if I can describe it in words so you can attempt to grasp it…oh, never mind. That’s an exercise in futility.

      Feeling love for someone else is the antithesis of weakness. The ability to love someone else shows incredible strength, in abundance. In fact, the stronger a person is, the more love they have to share with others because they can afford to allow themselves to be vulnerable. Now, I know you can’t understand that from personal experience, but it’s nonetheless true. Love is like money. You have to have enough for yourself first, before you can risk investing elsewhere. You understand risk-reward, I’m guessing. Sociopaths are emotionally poverty stricken and can never garner any wealth in that capacity. This is why you’re bored (and boring).

      The sociopathic brain is primitive. It’s stuck in a time when humans needed to be in a state of constant survival mode. Kind of like you did as a child, which is why you have the neurological deficits you have. It’s why you lack the range of emotions and ability to think and feel as complexly as the rest of us. It’s neither superior nor inferior. Sociopathy is the human brain, in beta version. This is why sociopaths are so keen on talking about how superior they are. Think back to school. Did the hip kids need to go around talking about how they were? Do the wealthiest individuals go around talking about how much money they have? Do the most beautiful, aesthetically gorgeous individuals go around talking about how beautiful they are? NO. Unless they’re disordered, they have no need to brag. Their wealthy, success and/or beauty is obvious, and there’s no need to restate the obvious.

      If being a sociopath or psychopath was so desirable, you all wouldn’t spend so much of your time and energy trying to mimick us. Surely you’ve heard the phrase…imitation is the most sincere form of flattery?

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  6. I think this take has true values and some statements i find true but i also believe the woman writing it is a sociopath herself looking for her covered escape.. sociapaths are not only men. The cleverest ones are women and personally i believe 70% of the makeup wearing cheating blaim it on the guy type sociapaths out there are so intuned and intelligent enough to see their own ploys they get away with writing things like this and it helps them with their next victim. I do not see innocence here morely i see vindictiveness.

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  7. I’ve accidentally stumbled across this post and wished to write a comment as I was curious to what kind of reaction or response I’ll get out of it.
    This article is mostly directed to sociopaths, but society tends to cope psychopaths such as myself along with them, so I’ll give my own point of view on the subject.

    I mostly mimick facial expressions and reactions of other people, as I am generally an empty pit of emotions. I tend to react automatically to outside impulses in a specific, desirable way, but the emptiness never leaves me (even when I’m crying on the outside). Nevertheless, I do care about myself and make sure that people see me as they wish to see me.
    What I wish to ask you is; do you think that just because I do not feel I am not worthy to establish general human goals like starting a relationship or building a family of my own? Aren’t you being the insensible and cruel ones when looking at it from this perspective?
    What I do I am aware of, but I can’t do anything about it if I don’t feel. I cannot magically transfer “human emotions” onto myself, nor can I take a drug that would help me do so. I was born that way.
    Unfortunately, being different from the mass has always been frowned upon, which is why I am trying to satisfy society and bring some satisfaction to my own self as well by educating myself as much as I can (personally, I must tell you being knowledgable in many educational fields brought me a lot of satisfaction, it’s like a fresh meal to my soul), doing my job right and in a far future, probably even getting married and have children.
    So tell me, what is wrong with that? Do I really deserve to die alone and in misery because of my deficiency of feeling real emotions or remorse? And don’t respond to me saying, “You are trying to manipulate me and everyone else who reads this.” I am not. I am a very calm and rational person, who is currently typing their own peace of mind on a subject. I have simply no need to lie about it.

    When you try to criticize someone’s inner psychological state, I’d invite you to see things from their own point of view before victimizing yourself and blaming everything on them. I understand you have gone through your own stressful times, but you need to understand that we are who we are. No therapy will be ever able to change us because there’s no cure to how we were born and how society molded us.

    I hope my comment has given you all a little more insight to our way of thinking.

    Out of politeness, I will thank you for taking your time reading this.

    Reply

    1. Neurotypicals don’t hate psychopaths or sociopaths, we hate how most of you behave. You already understand that, so don’t pretend this is new information for you. You’re not stupid or naive. You can pretend to be neurotypical if that suits you, but the emptiness you mention will never go away for you, or at least not until they perfect using stem cells to repair the deficits in your prefrontal cortex and temporal poles. Even then, it will take time to develop empathy for others (like it does in children who are wildy selfish and self-serving until they begin to develop it) and then it will take more time to develop any meaningful emotional connections or relationships with others, That may or may not happen during your lifetime. This may not be fair, but it is fact.

      What possible benefit could there be to you to start a family of your own? You would have all the financial responsibility, all the demands on your time and energy, but you are incapable of experiencing ANY of the joy or love that offsets the enormous investment of resources you’d be required to make. That is completely illogical. Do you think raising children is fun? It is the most challenging, demanding, thankless, life-long job and a psychopath is unable to reap any of the joy, love, or emotional connection. It will not fill your empty pit. Are you paying attention or listening to the complaints of people who have children? If so, where do you see an upside for you in it? There isn’t one.

      Of all people, you should be keenly aware of what you lack. You should also possess the intelligence to understand what a child needs in order to develop into a healthy, normative adult. Although it’s difficult to impossible for you to care, your knowledge and intellect should make you aware that you are likely to pass on the same neurodeficits genetically. Should your offspring win the genetic game of roulette you wish to play, there is a chance your offspring may be born neurotypical. Unfortunately, your innate inability to nurture or care about the child’s well-being will cause an epigenetic event (or, more likely, a series of them) that will turn on undesirable biological markers that can, and likely will, result in the child turning into a psychologically disordered person. This is how children who are born neurotypical become secondary psychopaths or sociopaths, and develop character disorders like Borderline Personality Disorders, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder, and when a psychopathic parent is in the home where a child is raised, that child will develop comorbid personality disorders, not to mention PTSD or c-PTSD, etc. Do a google search for those studies on epigenetics and what occurs in the off-spring of non-nurturing mothers if you’re interested in the minutiae. What do you think your life and home is going to be like when raising a child with BPD or BPD comorbid with AsPD? One of you won’t survive it.

      Along with your complete inability to nurture and foster the emotional health and psychological well-being of your offspring, you are also incapable of modeling the behavior that will help a child learn to develop empathy for others. Don’t confuse what I’m saying. I know you are capable of FAKING empathy, but that’s vastly different than modeling true empathy, it’s not even close. Thus, the projected outcome for any child you have is less than favorable. So, unless you plan on handing off your progeny to someone else to raise from birth to age 25, the best outcome you can hope for is likely a child with AsPD or BPD. Factor in your psychological abuse (which you cannot control) and the physical and sexual abuse of children that is effortless for most psychopaths (as well as failing to protect your child from abuse by others), will have an even more highly undesirable outcome. I’m not speaking to your morality here, because I’m aware you don’t possess morality. If you did, you wouldn’t consider having a child. I’m speaking to your logic. A child will only severely drain your resources and bring you none of the joy that neurotypical are capable of experiencing. Further, if you’re thinking of having a child to physically and sexually abuse for your own sport, to stave off boredom, or to earn money via child-prostitution, you’ll need to weigh that against the consequences of what will happen to you when you’re caught, and you WILL be caught…eventually.

      It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female, all prisons are FULL of sociopaths that can’t wait to misdirect their rage and hostility on newly incarcerated child-molesters and child-abusers. It’s the abuse most of these inmates suffered as children that turned them into sociopaths, secondary psychopaths, etc. You’re FAR safer on the outside where the majority of us who have empathy in abundance, even for you. Rumor has it that the more sadistic of the prison guards like to allow the rampant abuse of child-offenders because, like you, they also lack empathy for others, and being the resourceful and sly sadists that they are known to be, they’ve chosen one of the few career paths where they’re not only well-paid to throttle inmates whenever it suits them, but are also rarely get punished for doing so, and thoroughly enjoy listening to child offenders scream and beg for their lives, or cry out in pain. Apparently, the guards think it’s healthy to allow the inmates to regularly vent their rage and hostility (before they turn on the guards), and see the child offenders as the best means to accomplish that. It’s apparently very satisfying for the inmates to direct all their inner rage onto someone they view with complete contempt, much in the same way they view the person who caused all their rage in the first place. It may be worth you while to run that scenario through your head.

      Lastly, your AsPD+P is far more likely to be revealed to authorities if you have a child and that likelihood increases with each child you have. People judge parents, often quite harshly. Your behavior will be under a microscope. If you’re not outed by a pediatrician, then you will be by a teacher (if not several), or another parent. You’re more likely to remain undetected if you remain childless. I’m surprised you’re not aware of this??? Also, don’t delude yourself that a child will take care of you in your old age, because any child you rear will lack empathy for you. Think for a moment about how you view the elderly. How do you think your disordered child or children will view you in old age? Are you familiar with the Menendez brothers?

      You ask if you should have the right to have human goals, and I’ll assume that is rhetorical because you know you have the same rights as anyone. Of course you can start a relationship. Psychopaths are known for starting many, sometimes having several going on at the same time to thwart your boredom. It seems highly unlikely that any psychopath would want to seek the routine boredom and monotony that is inherent in a traditional marriage, unless it’s just another means to pass as neurotypical or for your personal financial gain. It’s completely understandable that you think we (neurotypicals) are being unfair and cold to say you shouldn’t have a family of your own because you are doing the only thing you know how to do…think about your own needs while never considering the needs of the child/children you might have. This doesn’t make you a bad person. It simply shows the extreme egocentricity and complete disregard and concern for others that are indicative of your psychopathy. We don’t blame you for your failure to see that, because we know you’re incapable of that viewpoint.

      A final thought on dying alone and in misery. Statistically speaking, it is highly unlikely that someone in close physical proximity to you will also take their dying breath at the precise moment you take yours. This applies to everyone, not just you. You may be surrounded by people on your deathbed but the lifeforce that animates your physical body now will slip away all by itself, while all those people watch. If you’ve seen an awake person die, you know what I mean. Why do you think people so many people, the world over, need to believe in some sort of god? No one wants to die alone, yet we all do, even when surrounded by people we know. As for the misery, it is inherent in psychopathy. If you want to lessen that misery, explain to those around you what they can and cannot expect from you. Some will judge you. We all get judged unfairly, but don’t let that thwart your continued pursuit of knowledge, because feeding one’s soul is one step closer to personal fulfillment.

      Reply

    2. I don’t mean to be rude, but this is such a sociopathic response…again with the asking us to empathize with the sociopath. Yes, we do feel sorry for you, ok? We DO see you as a human being, even though sociopaths don’t treat us as such. The bottom line is not what you deserve or not! The bottom line here is that a person who DOES have true emotions, and empathy, and who CAN love truly does deserve to BE loved in return — and how sad if they are not. You are asking us non-sociopaths to sacrifice ourselves, be 100% selfless, to not have our own needs fulfilled so that you can have someone take care of you!!! That is a cruel and selfish mindset — and you don’t even see it that way! And as far as having children, why would you? So that they can add to your image of being ‘normal,’ or an extension of yourself? So that they can be a source of supply? For your own reasons? It is certainly not because you want to GIVE 100% of yourself to nurturing them. It’s not because you would create them out of a relationship of genuine, sacrificial love! And you would never be able to give them the depth of love they would need from you. They would spend their lives searching for that elsewhere (which is problematic), or they would be just like you!

      Reply

      1. Let’s be clear here. I’m speaking for myself here. I do not want children. Noisey, bothersome, expensive time vampires. I know I would never be a good parent. I don’t have the tolerance to deal with someone who is so vastly less intelligent than I am. I tried “normal” life. Got married. Worked. Turned out, I hated it. How boring. One person for the rest of my life? Why? That’s ridiculous. Marriage isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Especially considering more than half now end in divorce. Marriage exists because humans as a species cling to religion for guidance. We are all animals. We are evolved animals. Most are slaves to the chemical reactions in their brain.

    3. I don’t mean to be rude, but this is such a sociopathic response…again with the asking us to empathize with the sociopath. Yes, we do feel sorry for you, ok? We DO see you as a human being, even though sociopaths don’t treat us as such. The bottom line is not what you deserve or not! The bottom line here is that a person who DOES have true emotions, and empathy, and who CAN love truly does deserve to BE loved in return — and how sad if they are not. You are asking us non-sociopaths to sacrifice ourselves, be 100% selfless, to not have our own needs fulfilled so that you can have someone take care of you!!! That is a cruel and selfish mindset — and you don’t even see it that way! And as far as having children, why would you? So that they can add to your image of being ‘normal,’ or an extension of yourself? So that they can be a source of supply? For your own reasons? It is certainly not because you want to GIVE 100% of yourself to nurturing them. It’s not because you would create them out of a relationship of genuine, sacrificial love! And you would never be able to give them the depth of love they would need from you. They would spend their lives searching for that elsewhere (which is problematic), or they would be just like you! So again, I know it is difficult for a sociopath to direct their brains away from their own needs, but asking us empathetic people to sacrifice being loved and nurtured and treated respectfully is a bit SELFISH, right?!

      Reply

    4. I think this was a really thought out letter and I appreciate your perspective. I think the bottom line is, what do both people want? Are you honest about your condition and let’s say you get a partner, will you tell them. Be honest about what both of you can give. That’s the bottom line. I am neither a socio or a psychopath and what I can say is from my involvement with one for ten years half of which was long distance, dishonesty and breaking another’s heart of what you can’t reciprocate yet have the impression of is only self serving and unless that’s your sole reason for being in a relationship, it is not serving both and should not be persued. If on the other hand you are open about your conditions and what you can give (both parties supposed to be on the same team thus being a couple) and they also tell you what they can offer, then it is reciprocal….and both get what they deserve.

      Reply

  8. Wow. This is a great little site you have here! I’ve only recently faced brutality against myself for what I am, and in my effort to understand it I came across this. Plenty of other threads had many people who claim to be sociopathic but any true sociopath can see through it instantly. Here, though, has attracted many people who have successfully put into words how we view things.
    I believe we do possess an ability to see things more clearly and think more rationally because we aren’t clouded by emotions. Having been raised in a loving household and taught sound morals I do my very best to avoid hurting anyone. My relationships have always been mutually beneficial, I determine that I am ‘friends’ or ‘in love’ with someone when they offer me something I want and I can return the favor. This is only possible by remaining distant unfortunately, as someone said earlier we get lonely. It’s also understandable why a person with a ‘normally’ functioning brain would fear us. As with anyone else sociopaths have unique personalities, there are plenty that will leave you devastated and not mind; Then there are many, like ones posting here, that are researching you to understand the other side of things so they can adapt. That is one thing we do very well, learn and adapt.

    Reply

    2. I would like your opinion on something because you seem reasonable. I’m dating someone currently who is a sociopath. I went into the relationship having full knowledge of it and I still am quite attached to him. I know he is different but I like who he is. I like how he treats me and understand why he does thing differently, just my happiness relys a lot on pleasing him, and I want to continue to do so. It makes me happy to spend time with him、even if he isn’t capable of the intense emotions I feel. It doesn’t make me think he’s any less of a good person, he’s just different from a majority of other people. I want to know how to stay with him for as long as I can.

      Reply

      1. The problem is if you want to leave. The problem is also, that their reality starts to twist. You then later get the false accusations, the paranoia, and you realise (as you say you want to make him happy) that you can never make him happy – he is really empty inside. It is like trying to fill an empty well. Oh, and they get bored, so they play games. Not if, but when. Then to top it on top of that it is losing your own mind and control over your own life and the damage and destruction they cause. I liked my socio too and we had some amazing times together, but I had to let him go, as he was just too destructive to my life, it always gets worse with a sociopath, not if but when…. oh and as dishonest individuals, they also cheat too as they get bored.

      2. I don’t want to leave him though. And he hasn’t really done anything like that to me. I’ve known him a year and I don’t want to change who he is or anything. He also isn’t a sociopath from birth, I think he just carries their characteristics from trauma. I really don’t beileve they are bad people, they are just different from empaths like me. And I’m ok with that. He’s a very stable and brilliant person and I don’t think lacking emotions is a bad thing. He has a lot of direction in his life and I find him admirable. I’m not sure what I want from him in all honesty. I just like him. I really really like him and I want to be around him and bring him good things. Hes never done a thing to hurt me. I just used to have trouble understanding.

      3. I used to feel think and ask the very same question. Ur knee deep in and i believe u luv him as much as i luv mine. Whoi wish i never met. Run run run. Hes going to ruin u.

  9. @positivagirl,
    Is that wrong to be ok with that? I understand his and no matter what I love him. He is good for me and I know I’m good for him. He honestly balances me out. Regardless, he is my best friend and the love of my live.

    Reply

    1. The concern that I would have is that you say that you know who he is, but he doesn’t?

      Isn’t that a worry? If he cannot see it, and doesn’t perceive it as a problem? I guess if you don’t want to change him, and are happy with him the way that he is, just expect though to have your own personal identity eroded, and to become well – his. This might be endering at first, but as your life grows smaller and smaller – is it really?

      Reply

  10. Hi there, I want to chime in. I’m not necessarily defending sociopath s as I was in a relationship with one and she caused a lot of heart ache and disruptions in my life. But to be fair, in what realationships are equal? Even among most relationships with regular “beings”, there are plenty of in equalities…its really how much u love this person and how much you’re willing to put up with their defects. Otherwise equal relationships are far and in between, Not just with sociopaths. Trust me I been in plenty of relationships and there are just some people with dominating personalities that u either deal with or you get out.

    Reply

    1. I kind of agree with you Jimmy. One in my life, can be drama – sometimes, although not as much as in that first year, sometimes it can be bad. But – i have experienced bad from non sociopaths too. Its the control element that is the problem, as it restricts your own personal growth. That said though, I think it is rare to find a partnership that is perfect. It is about what you can put up with. Or, more importantly – how you feel about yourself when with that person.

      Reply

      1. I’m married to a sociopath. the first year with him was heaven. the second was painful. the third was hell. now i have met a man with real emotions, and i’m getting a divorce and i will never look back. there were red flags that first year. many. but i ignored them because i had never been so in love, so perfectly fit with someone… believe me, every moment spent loving a sociopath is a great risk. eventually he drained me of every penny i had, because he ‘needed it’ he was desperate, he would be evicted, he was crying, very ’emotional’… the minute he got the money he acted like it never happened. he never paid back a dime, he practically laughed in my face. and then he’d do it again. i’m a true empath, their greatest prey… i would have given him the clothes off my back. its how i was raised. its love to me. believe me, if you can really love, you will be very hurt by someone who can not. eventually i found out about all the women he met online. it became the worst nightmare of my life. i feel blessed that found a man who helped me escape my fate. along with my husband’s sister who begged me to leave for my own safety, and sacrificed her own relationships in her her family to save me. i’m so sorry to tell you this, but i’m so happy someone told me… this isn’t a winning battle. the fights will get worse the more he knows you need him and love him and won’t leave him. he will become cruel, then beyond loving, then cruel again in a heartbeat. he will look you in the eye, smile warmly, and tell you lies. he will hide everything from you. he will know exactly what to say to you to keep you hungry for his unique love that no one else can provide, and he will do things you despise behind your back without a moment’s concern. whether you stay or not, or forever how long you stay, you must be aware that you are not sharing the same experience he is. he can not reciprocate the purity of your love. he can only reflect it back to you as you most want to see it. he might even feel love of his own variety, i’m quite sure my husband was very in love with me. for him. it did not stop him from lying, cheating, and stealing my savings. be smart, be safe, stay informed, stay strong. please.

  11. @positivagirl,
    It’s not bad control, more like dominant. He does not time me if I’m gone or blow my phone up when I come home late. He is very supportive with my needs and goals so he does not keep me from doing what I want or make it impossible for my life to move forward. I think that’s one thing that highly attracts me to him is that I’m very independent and I have goals with school. I am working all the way towards my doctorates and he is very involved with my success. What I mean by controlling is that he tells me I am his and he doesn’t allow me to wear certain cloths expecially if he is not with me. I have to grow my hair out because he wants it long. I have to keep my nails done and feet done. I cant lose a certain amount of weight because he dont like that. I cannot have attitude towards him. He is very dominating when it comes to our intimate life.

    Reply

    1. How does that level of control make you feel about you Beckysue?

      Does it make you feel good, inspired? Does it make you feel alive, special or does it make you feel owned. A possession. You say that you want to marry him, do you want children? What do you think would happen if you were to get pregnant, and put on weight? As you would in pregnancy? What if you didn’t lose the weight afterwards?

      Remember marriage – and children – you would almost certainly be owned then. What concerns me about what you write, is that you say that he isn’t aware of his issues…. but you are.

      Reply

    2. Beckysue, my sociopath was a lot like yours. What is it with sociopaths and their obsession with hands and feet? lol Mine also asked me to gain some weight. My hair has been very long for years, so no problem there. Mine was also possessive, but didn’t comment on what I wore outside the house. He did want me to wear a corset around the house and was dominating in the bedroom. I gave him plenty of attitude, but only when he had attitude with me. It frustrated him to no end. I ended up moving out and we broke up for good on May 1st of 2014. I don’t miss his delicate, uber-fragile ego or hot-head temperament. Strangely, I don’t miss anything at all.

      Reply

  13. I read this post, and finally got a breathe of fresh air. For a long time now I’ve identified myself by seriously researching myself, studying myself, and studying others. Characteristics I’ve seen on this page apply very directly to me, so I think I’m in the right place right now.

    We sociopaths can’t help it, because we’re attuned to our surroundings very much. In any social gathering we’re constantly studying everything and everyone else, and I feel this is a sure reason why we’re so sharp at detecting situations and things.
    My relationships have all been about control. I allow all the independence, so as not to get too sucked in, but the number one high I get is my partner knowing she belongs to me. Infact the more the acknowledgement of this, the higher I get. And really, the more addicted I get to her. Which is ironical, since I usually strive to remain distant a bit.
    I’m a confirmed sociopath. Been searching for closure from this for many years. Control is everything to me, even though it’s very different from the way most people see this, especially in the fact that sociopaths have excellent control of themselves and are hardly ever violent. Yes, I have the ability to move on without remorse, or be numb to most emotions. But I feel too most times.

    About being higher beings, I’ve thought about this too. And I know this to be true, because while everyone else’s having a good time I’m just scheming and calculating and thinking and projecting. It’s very tasking to have a very evolved brain.
    A social vampire can be another term, since I love dark places and, obviously, the manipulative effects.
    This is just me. Everyone accepts who they are, I’m just doing same. Whoever made this thread, thank you very much.

    Reply

      1. XD I don’t think sociopaths are better than normal people necessarily but I think that there are pros and cons both ways, sociopaths just don’t give a crap but are very controlling and everyone else just has too much emotion. I prefer never being sad although I do wonder what most emotions would “feel” like. The only thing I sort of hate about being a sociopath is the pathological lying, it’s not even conscious, I don’t think “hey I’m going to lie right about now!” But in the end I’d rather be sort of cold and emotionless than break down crying over a death of some family member…

      3. True it isn’t a good thing, but how is it a sociopaths fault for not feeling guilt? Our brain just doesn’t function exactly the same as yours and even most sociopaths have completely different ideals. Just saying (and don’t take this as a lame excuse or anything) but can you really blame someone for being born the way they are? From their side they will never experience things like “love exactly how it’s “meant” to be experienced, they will also treat it a different way as it has a different meaning to them. Not saying it’s bad to be wary but you know… Not everyone is “bad” by will if you get my drift XD

      4. I get this andrew, but its the pain that sociopaths inflict on people who often have done nothing to them but love them. You might be born that way, but you still have the choice. You are opportunists and cannot resist…. Even if it hurts someone else. Thats the point. Its all about you. Its always all about you.

      5. I don’t necessarily mean evil, or devil, no not at all. I meant just dark rooms, or like clubs, don’t like much bright light you know. This is referring to the term I coined, social vampire lol. But then again, it’s just personal.

      6. Back again, I do beleve we can spot domanince easily and who is who and how social systems work and solving drama is easy for us. I was accused of being a sociopath and I am here to figure it out. Please do respond.

  14. Less of a comment, more a question. Some food for thought. Should we have to be alone because of the way our brains work? So we don’t feel your version of “love” with isn’t from my understanding something that many if any can actually explain anyway. You are quick to point out the issues with dating a sociopath, but you don’t have any advice, feasible, plausible, or possible courses of action to help.

    Any ideas ? Don’t be a sociopath or act differently doesn’t exactly work. It’s simply another favade covering the truth of the person.

    Hm.

    Reply

    1. Maybe date other people with personality disorders? Or other people who are already in victim mode/stage or disordered? That way you can’t do any damage?

      I wrote this site while still in trauma. I left… and returned to the sociopath. I can say that posts that were written 18 months earlier, were again, true, word for word.

      Sociopaths are so controlling, and they do play with your mind. Always this escalates, the lying, the manipulating the deceiving. I agree that it is in the brain. I agree with this, I saw this, but terrible damage can be done to ordinary peoples lives, for doing nothing wrong to you – but loving you. Really you are just too destructive to be in a relationship with. Or you can, but expect losses, and destruction, and that won’t or can’t change.

      Reply

    2. How about starting a new dating site called Sociopaths Meet? Members can connect with other like minded folks who, like the honey badger, “just don’t care!”.
      Another thought, if a sociopath insists on being with an empath, and since sociopaths are so highly intelligent, would be to put some of that genius to work towards learning how how to live with empaths in a constructive way. Create a manual on “taking responsibility: the do’s and don’ts of how to live with an empath without crushing their souls and destroying their lives”. This should be a piece of cake to throw together with all that superior brain function.

      Reply

      1. I always thought a good tv show would be sociopath island. Put a load on island and watch them play with each others minds. See who would ultimately win and be king or queen of the island. That would be a great show only no socios would apply as it would blow their cover for hiding. I could only imagine trying to outbeat each other in the superiority stakes. And who is most intelligent to gain control and ultimately win. Maybe they could don disguise sociopaths are good at acting and being dramatic.

      2. @ positivagirl…that would be too good! It would end up being WWF a fight to the death though. I couldn’t bear to watch lol.
        I am curious though about why there is not more mainstream exposure of sociopathy to educate the general public. I had to accidentally come across the clue that started me researching sociopaths. Maybe if there was a system, like say anybody who goes to the dr for antidepressants gets a crash course on sociopaths: how to identify a sociopath, how to protect yourself from being a victim, just anything to support and validate a persons sanity when it’s worn down to a thread from being toyed with relentlessly. All the chaos and crazy making makes it impossible to even know what to think sometimes. A little warning would be nice, thank you very much!

      3. I honestly think that is because ‘people don’t want to hear it’s its a bit like death. Everybody knows it exists but nobody wants to talk about it.if you think about it how many writers get upset when socios or psychos comment on their site? I never understand that logic personally. It remains hidden. I think.

      4. Best Post! I agree. You may not be able to love, but if you want a relationship with an empathic person, learn to treat them well. Even without emotions you should be able to learn the definition of selfish and learn how to not be so selfish and hurtful. You know what you are doing hurts, so learn to curb it. Otherwise date other’s with similar personality disorders, then you can both lie to each other and without emotions no one will get hurt.

    3. @Chris, this isn’t a dating site for sociopaths. It’s a site for neurotypicals who have dated or are currently dating a sociopath. positivagirl (aka pg) began this site as a blog to write about her personal experience while dating her sociopath.

      As far as advice goes, if someone is a sociopath, they should date another sociopath. Better still, if a sociopath wants to know what it feels like for a neurotypical to date a sociopath, they should date a sadistic psychopath. And yes, I do realize that it’s a bit redundant to use sadistic as a descriptor for psychopath.

      So there you go…that’s my advice on who you should date. In fact, you could even start your own dating site for sociopaths and psychopaths. I’ll even offer a few suggestions of what to call the site

      http://www.datingdangerously.com
      http://www.findanasshole.com
      http://www.boredandemptyinside.com
      http://www.datingduplicitiously.com
      http://www.dateapsycho.com
      http://www.lackingempathy.com
      http://www.controlfreak4U.com
      http://www.abusermatch.com
      http://www.dupingdelighttonight.com
      http://www.usersandabusers.com
      http://www.predatorsunite.com
      http://www.findasociopath.com
      http://www.findapsychopath.com
      http://www.domesticabusers.com
      http://www.date-a-sociopath.com
      http://www.date-a-psychopath.com
      http://www.Im-a-pathological-liar.com
      http://www.untrustworthy.com
      http://www.not-fit-for-a-husband.com
      http://www.not-fit-for-a-wife.com
      http://www.Iwilluseandabusethehelloutofyou.com
      http://www.adultswhoactlikeragingtoddlers.com
      http://www.limbiclove.com
      http://www.darkanddangerous.com
      http://www.letspretendwerenormal.com
      http://www.lonelyandlethal.com
      http://www.unmaskedegomaniacs.com

      I could go on and on. I’m creative like that.

      Reply

  15. Hi
    can anyone help me as I think I may be losing my mind. I’m trying to figure out if the man I love is a sociopath or just a guy with low self esteem and mommy issues. We have been together almost two years now. When we first met he came on strong and everything seemed amazing. But he lied about details of his life and he doesn’t just lie to me but everyone about even the dumbest things. He will lie to a stranger about knowing something but in reality doesn’t have any clue about only because he loves to lie. His brother had told me I wasn’t seeing the true him and that’s when he was honest about more details of his life. He has a white collar felony which I knew about but didn’t know the details until that day. He told me he wanted to live together but his mother became upset about it and one day I came home and his things were packed and he told me he was leaving. The night before this he had sex with me and told me everything was okay between us. we had been arguing for a while and then the next day he leaves. We got back together after he wrote me a letter telling me that he was scared of his feelings for me so soon after his divorce but knows he loves me and we have been together since. But his lies continue. He doesn’t seem to care about following the guidelines of his probation and states no one can tell him what to do. He had a probation violation and his parents paid off his restitution to avoid jail and he thinks all the court cares about is money and he can do what he wants. He has impulsivly physically pushed me in the past and become very angry when confronted about his lies. He told me we would get engaged and we went looking for rings and his family was looking forward to this to then start acting like a jerk because it wasn’t true and his controlling mother didn’t know anything about it. He doesn’t seem to care about things the way most people do such as friends or family getting cancer and will say things like it’s sad but unfortunately cancer is the great equalizer and then will make me feel badly that I’m sensitive. He will be kind and loving and then suddenly throw my faults in my face.
    You might ask why do I want to be with him. I don’t. I just want to know is he a sociopath or something else? I’m not saying I’m innocent in everything I can say mean things to him to. I don’t have any criminal behavior and know right from wrong and don’t play the head games he does. I don’t know if he believes the reality he tells me about the future he wants or he wants me to think he wants this just to make me a head case. I have told him I have researched narcasissts and sociopathy only for him to ask me why I would waste my time doing things like that and it’s insulting. What reaction would a true sociopath have if confronted with who they are?

    Reply

    1. Yes they always pick fights before they leave. see https://datingasociopath.com/2013/10/13/the-sociopath-exit-strategy/ this is deliberate on their part, and often pre-planned.

      You know that he will suck the life out of you, affect your mental health, self esteem, confidence, control you, ruin you, and it will take a considerable time to pick your life back up after the relationship has ended (which really it has to, eventually) or you would go insane. When he is kind and loving he is seducing you, mirroring you and being what you want to see. That is all. It is just a manipulation technique that they use. What you have to ask yourself, is WHO is it that you are with? It probably isn’t the person that he presents to you. See the rage when he gets angry, when you confront him on his lies? That is probably closer to who he is…..

      My personal experience, with regard to being exposed as a sociopath was 1. Deny 2. Accuse me of also being one 3. Admit – but not want to discuss 4. Deny and try to prove me wrong. Usually I found that he would defend the rights of sociopaths, over my own view. Which spoke volumes really.

      He is thriving off of your emotions, you say that he lies to you, he pushes you around, he doesn’t have respect for you. I know you are with him because you love him, but do you know who you are loving? If he is lying to you all the time, who is the real him? Do you know this? You might not know until he takes off, and takes off his mask and is a new person with a different persona with someone else.

      Reply

  16. I just found out that I’m engaged to a sociopath. We were so happy and so in love (so I thought) but he’s been robbing me. I just found out yesterday and kicked him out. He denied it even though I had my bank statements in front of me. He packed his things and left. He even stole a ring that my grandmother left me!! An heirloom! So, I have a question that I hope someone can answer for me. Do sociopaths believe in Karma?

    Reply

  17. I just found out that I’m engaged to a sociopath. We were so happy and so in love (so I thought) but he’s been robbing me. I just found out yesterday and kicked him out. He denied it even though I had my bank statements in front of me. He packed his things and left. He even stole a ring that my grandmother left me!! An heirloom! So, I have a question that I hope someone can answer for me. Do sociopaths believe in Karma? Thanks for any help.

    Reply

    1. I dont know summer. My ex had karma he ended up homeless on the streets with nothing. This was after he wrote another letter telling me to kick him out if he didn’t pay me back of course he just used this time to dupe and con some more. He said it was his karma. But I don’t know?

      Reply

  19. This is really arrogant. Once again someone acting like all sociopaths are sadistic maniacs. I can’t love someone properly. I know this. But when I say “I love you”, I mean “I really care about you because you make me happy”. Just because I can’t love the same way you do does not mean I don’t want to and does not mean I cannot have a healthy relationship.
    You are the one who is sick in the head. Not us. Alienating us like criminals.

    Reply

      1. We’re not criminals. Yes, I may be an empty cage inside but that’s just who I am. We do not steal identities, we manipulate them and know exactly how each individual ticks. We are better than others and can read people like a book.

      2. How about instead of fighting let us resolve this using constructive critism i am a sociopath and I hate it. I feel pain but I can not fix it alone. Do I need help? Where should I go? I am smart but I do not want to be emotionally comprimissed and make a mistake.

      4. Really, how am I going to help you? I was with my ex 3 years, 2.5 of those years, I knew who he was. I wrote this website. I couldn’t help him. He would still repeat the same pattern of behaviour. I did wonder if EMDR would work? As it seemed to me, to be like trauma triggers. There was a lot of correlation I found with PTSD. Did you experience trauma in childhood?

    2. Another ‘moral outrage’ comment from a sociopath – sigh. You can’t have a healthy relationship. Being controlled is not good for the partner, as they will ultimately lose themselves. My ex I think he did love me. We got back together after this post was written, I would say that he loved me. We split for the final time in January. The problem is though that you alienate your partners! ….. In the end I had to walk away, as I was burned out. I felt a shell of the person I once was. If only you could resist the desire and temptation to mould and shape people. But you can’t.

      Reply

  20. @MarcusTheSociopath…
    This is a refrain oft repeated by the sociopath, and I’m only replying because I get sick of the delusion from time to time…

    Many non-sociopaths are intuitive or just plain perceptive and can “read people like a book”. The difference between you and them is integrity which, when employed says, “I see what I could do here, but because of who I am (the Greater Good, who they are to me, or fill in other integral reasoning), I choose not to manipulate, but behave morally.

    You are not “better than others”. You are a one-trick pony who responds to his lowest ego motivator. Because you lack integrity, you don’t have a choice. To you, the idea of moral reasoning (which you don’t possess anyway, so you wouldn’t really know to compare) is a roadblock. To those who possess higher reasoning, it is a filter that keeps them from doing slimy, solely self-motivated things that ultimately hurtle people, relationships and our world structures to h*ll in a hand basket.

    I wish you could tell the difference. Sadly, you can’t, and won’t. This is _your_ tell. We see your beady, calculating, but empty eyes…even through your practiced smile. Even if we don’t know what shiftiness you’re up to, we know something smells funny. Sometimes, I think we only entertain sociopaths to indulge the worst parts of ourselves (i.e., license to behave badly); to see what you do; or as a form of self-abuse, or some combination thereof.

    Regardless, you are not the great minds you perceive yourselves to be. Your predictability alone makes that notion laughable. You _have_ to run through people like water because, eventually, they either figure you out or simply get tired of your garbage. Sociopaths are such a shock to the system of someone pure hearted, it’s not surprising it would take them awhile to stabilize, try other things, or just plain be too stunned to believe anyone could behave as morally bankrupt as only a sociopath can.

    Reply

  21. I find it amusing that self described SNP’s comment on these threads. It is also a bit interesting that their comments are so vague and sterile just like their minds. Too bad for SNP’s that you can’t truly play in both worlds and that you will never ever know what the experience of the spectrum of the mind is. All that you will ever be is a vocabulary of words that you use to attempt to create yourself with and exist through your supply. That is why you not only get bored easily but are truly boring.

    Reply

  22. The very fact that sociopaths have to read people in order to mimic emotions from genuine, kind, caring, fun, empathetic, loving people in the first place to hide an insidious, cruel, dark, bitter and twisted persona…is a life lived in HELL as far as I’m concerned!!!

    I would rather have my heart smashed to a million pieces every time to feel every single emotion. To have a hug with my children, share life’s journey with family and friends than to live in a material world and con people?…souless!!!
    There is no other greater the God, no other more powerful than the Holy Spirit…non superior than the supernatural, (natural) indeed!!!

    I pray that God gives all you Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths a soul in the next life as you’re all doomed to old age, boredom and loneliness in this one!!!!

    Reply

    1. It must be an empty, soulless journey. to never experience real joy. Real happiness. To not have that genuine spark of life from within. That to me is hell.

      Reply

      1. Huh?! I do enjoy life haha. I have many friends who I respect I only have a limit to my love is all I still have joy and good life expeirences. I doubt I will find love and I do not look for it either because I do not want to hurt someone I love I woukd rather leave.

    2. Yeah I think that too about mine but thats what kept me in her sick game Im just freshly and barely aware of whats happened to me snd im gonna hold on to my anger caise i know it will keep me safe grpm her until ive got something else to hold on to

      Reply

  23. Honestly not all sociopaths are like this. My boyfriend actually does love me. And he hates himself. Ever since his therapist told him he’s a sociopath he feels like need a monster. We have been reading website after website that is making him feel worse and worse. I feel terrible. I love him more than anything. And you have to understand that that these people do not choose their disorders. Yet you’re speaking of them like they’re terrible people, like they’re not even human… it’s awful…

    Reply

    1. You are mistaken izzy. My sociopath knows all about this website and has read every post. Back in 2012 we also together went to all sociopath sites including sociopath world. Despite he knew. Despite he understood. He still would repeat same behaviour. Come back in couple of years and tell me what love really looks like to them. They are dependent yes, but this isn’t love. Sociopaths also comment here and mostly agree with what I write. This is the only post they have objection to. But…. If they don’t know what love looks like how can they know to object??

      Reply

    2. I am sure yes he loved me in his own way. As much as he could love someone. But this is moreso that I was valuable to him. It isn’t what normal people see as love. They mimic emotions have to fake it. You need to be realistic. The first stage is scary. I returned in 2014 despite he knew he still did the same thing. You will lose your mind being with a sociopath they are so controlling. But you wont even see you are being dominated and controlled… Until you leave.

      Reply

  24. Am I manipulative and deceptive? Yes. Is everybody I know a means to and end? Yes. Am I unkind or violent? Never. I enjoy being surrounded by people who are happy so I do my best to make that happen. I would never hurt a lover in the way mentioned because that would make them sad. Yes I consider my friends, family, and lover possessions, but I don’t see them as objects they are more like children something to be protected and cared for. Also I am in love with the idea of being in love and want it very much.

    Reply

  26. I threw my husband of 30 yrs out. He moved in with a new woman and has not said one word to me in three wks. I know you all keep saying I’m lucky but it’s really really hard. He has cut off our children and grandchildren and everyone is really hurt and confused. I don’t even know how to start explaining all this to them. Is there a chance he will never speak to anyone again or will he surface?

    Reply

    1. hi yes of course you will hear from him again if he is a sociopath. You were with him 30 years and put up with his ways. He knows he can come back and is just being selfish. Believe me you will hear from him again. I know you don’t feel lucky. I know it’s painful but please take one day at a time and use this time for healing and recovery for you. As likely you would have experienced mind control and brain washing over those 30 years. Yes I believe you will hear from him…. Not if…. But when… Often at the point you are about to move on. You obviously have quite a strong connection to cope for 30 years. He doesn’t speak to you as he knows you are always there. So he is being selfish doing his own thing .. don’t make any contact with him at all…I bet he would contact you. Esp If u block him from social media. They are nosy like that and always fear the worst.

      Reply

  27. I am a sociopath. I have multiple anti-social characteristics. I am in love with someone that makes me feel normal. What people who don’t have to live with this won’t understand that there are many of us who are severely conflicted because we want to love and we want to give what the other person deserves, but can’t. She understands and helps me on those days where I can’t subdue those ideals. The feelings of ownership and validity. Please, stop telling the world we can’t love. Some of us are trying. Because we see that fault, and that is harder than the crazy we deal with everyday.

    Reply

    2. @James, it’s the behavior of sociopaths and psychopaths that advertise to the world that you’re incapable of caring for others in a healthy, nurturing way. All we’re doing is talking about it. If you want us to stop talking about it, maybe you sociopaths and psychopaths should stop behaving like that.

      Here’s a thought. Choose to behave differently. When you can’t manage to behave in mature, rational, healthy ways, lock yourself the hell away from everyone else and abuse yourself instead of lashing out at others to feel better/powerful/satisfied.

      Better still, stop seeking out neurotypicals for romantic relationships.

      It’s as simple as that. Make different choices. Don’t tell me you can’t. If you were completely incapable of controlling your behavior, you’d be in prison. When a cop is standing in front of you, do you act out? When someone has a video camera on your face, do you act out? Think of it that way. Then, when you get tired of behaving like a neurotypical, go lock yourself in a cage and abuse yourself. After all, you do like the idea of locking people in cages, don’t you? Or do you prefer chaining them up? Regardless, why not start with yourself?

      You could even build yourself a self-abuse room that locks you away until your biofeedback shows you’ve returned to normal. You could hang a punching bag in there and a bunch of mirrors. You can beat the crap out of the punching bag and pace around the cage, ranting at yourself in the mirror. That way you can see how ridiculous you look, pacing around, panting in anger, like a tiger at the zoo.

      If you want us to stop talking about sociopaths in unflattering ways, stop behaving in unflattering ways. It’s that simple. If you don’t want to participate in the social contract, then drop out of society all together and go live alone or with other sociopaths in the Yukon, the Outback, West Texas or find an island for sale. They’re not that expensive, actually, especially if a few sociopaths got together and bought it together.

      Seriously, sociopaths and psychopaths should consider yourselves lucky that we have empathy for others. If there ever comes a time when we DECIDE as a society…and it would be a decision…to override our natural capacity to feel compassion for others, you guys are going to be in a shitload of trouble. Empaths and neurotypicals outnumber sociopaths and psychopaths SIGNIFICANTLY. It might behoove sociopaths and psychopaths to keep that in mind.

      Reply

      1. @PaulKress a-men over and over again. this could’ve come from my own head. if only the universe would make it so that sociopaths and psychopaths could not inflict themselves upon the rest of us, and could instead be put in a situation where they had to sit still and be at the receiving end of every single ounce their own behavior. i swear the world would brighten up in light, love, truth, and peace by a millions times without their darkness. thank you for speaking so clearly and confidently what so many of us feel ❤

      2. @sweet pea You are most welcome. I’m guessing I’m not the first ex-of-a-sociopath to express similar sentiments (my sociopathic ex is actually the one named PaulKress…I’m a female), but I appreciate your kind words. I agree, the world would brighten up a million times without their darkness (and they know this, too). ❤

  28. As both a man and a sociopath I can say that there are a few problems with this article. The first problem is that not all sociopaths are men, the second problem is that you can be a sociopath and say that you love someone and feel at least a little bit of feeling depending on the person, and the third problem is that depending on the chemical makeup of the sociopath’s brain and how they’re “wired” mentally determines whether or not they are capable of actually feeling something when they are in a relationship. Some sociopaths simply lack the feelings of guilt or sorrow for others and some lack emotions such as love. So the problem with this article is that sociopath’s aren’t just men and depending on the person and how they are determines what they are capable of feeling

    Reply

    1. I know they arent just men. Old articles are written that way. Then you go on to say…. ‘Say you love someone’ …. ‘Have a little bit of feeling’ sorry that isnt love!! You just disproved your own argument

      Reply

      1. How are you in a position to quantify love? If you can’t feel anything, and it takes effort to be able to mimic those feelings, but then you are able to actually feel a small smoldering ember that you hope can ignite some false idea that you have a chache of emotions that hasn’t been triggered yet. How is it that you can say it isn’t love.

    2. Most psychopaths are men.

      The blog’s author did not say that psychopaths lack feelings, but stressed that they are incapable of love, which is true. Other-directed love is impossible without conscience, i.e., the capacity for empathy, guilt, and shame.

      Sure, psychopaths feel emotions, including other-directed emotions that make them form even intense but superficial attachments to others and care for them, they way one cares for one’s possessions.

      Reply

  29. @positivagirl, you are such a gift ❤ you give a voice to so many souls.

    sociopaths cannot love because they don't understand what love is. love is about being and giving. sociopaths only understand needing and taking.

    people who truly want to experience love ask themselves things like "how can i be a beautiful person?" or "how can i show beauty to another person?" sociopaths ask themselves things like "what can i get out of this person?" or "what can i do to this person?".

    love is things of goodness. it's things of goodness that you feel towards, and show for, who someone who is. so when you feel and give beautiful things like appreciation, honor, respect, adoration, for and to someone for who they are.

    sociopaths don't understand things of goodness because goodness comes from the heart, sociopaths are only in the head. to truly know goodness you have to feel it, not just analyze or mimic the behavior of it, you have to feel it from within you. no matter how much sociopaths know, they feel nothing. and they could never appreciate someone else for who they are because they are terrified of other people being themselves. they only want other people to be what they need, and be a means for them to "get things". i honestly don't even think it's the things they get that even matter, but it's that they need to constantly be in the act of "taking", something, anything to feel "alive". they don't really desire to be or feel or have anything in life, they just desire to drain.

    we treat other people based on who and what we are. sociopaths are emptiness. in the way that humans filled with love desire to share love with those around them, sociopaths are on a constant mission to try to make everything around them empty too. love is fullness, so never believe a sociopath who says they want "love", even if they "think" they want something they call love", they don't truly want to feel or be love. if a sociopath were ever to actually be filled with love, they would cease to exist.

    sociopaths are 100% creations of fear. they do not have souls as souls are made up of love. where love is, fear cannot exist. for those of us who have been through the hell that sociopaths are, i believe that if we follow love and only love with everything in us, the sociopaths in our world will eventually fade into nothing. so keep going sweet spirits ❤ this is a dark journey alot of us have been on, but we'll eventually get to where love is the only thing that is real anyways.

    Reply

    2. I understand love. I understand what it is and why people feel that way. Indifference is a much more common feeling though.

      Maybe I’m not the typical sociopath, but I grasp on to any emotion. I try to understand love. Now I finally do, and I might not be able to give her a Disney story, but maybe along the lines of fight club.

      Reply

      2. I have in the past to other women, but if we’re lucky, the crazies get that one chance to make things right and they do. She showed me how to be whole. She accepted who I am (I’m a sociopath, psychopathic, narcissist) and she has the right formula to set me right.

        Most of these posts are hateful and generalizing. Which I don’t really care about because, let’s be honest, you’re nobodies to me.

        But her, she makes me human.

      3. And yeah. I try to make proper analogies with Disney and fight club haha.

        At least I know I’m batshit crazy.

  30. My sociopath has cheated for 30 yrs.Four wks ago I found out he had three women on the line and threw him out. He has gone silent and ignoring my children and grandchildrens pleas to speak to them and let them know he’s ok. Everyday I get stronger and I have a good plan in place for when the contact happens and I believe it will. He is currently living with one of the women but has been reduced to no job, no car, no phone etc…The woman is a school teacher in the small town we live in. I’m concerned because every time I run into people and they say how they will be black balled in this town,it makes it easier for me! Her mother has cut her out of the will and she was in line for more then one million dollars, all because the mom wants him gone. Is it normal for me to get stronger every time I find out his/their life is miserable? I feel like I can really give a shit less at this point and I am DONE, however if that was true would I still find pleasure in their misery?

    Reply

    1. Go careful though. As this isn’t her fault she is as much a victim as you were and he won’t change. Now he is destroying her life and of course he is interested in her money.

      Reply

  31. I loved once, not anymore. It’s a sinking, desperate feeling, and I don’t think any human being should have that kind of power over you. Because what I’ve learnt to understand is that once they know you’re in love with them, they relax, and use that over you.

    Hence my rebirth as a sociopath. I can like someone, to an extent to tolerate them, but in order to protect myself I never develop anything beyond that. And I’m a guy.
    Experience is a great teacher, someone said. They weren’t wrong.

    Reply

      1. Never faked, tried to love but got very bored…and when I’m bored I can’t pretend, that’s something good at least. However, whoever is involved with me at this point is already far gone to notice or even care, and it plodders on. By and by I just disconnect, just like that.

  33. I suppose she is a victim, I am having a hard time seeing it that way as she came to me in the beginning when she first found out he had a family. We sat for three hrs, I told her every grueling detail, showed her proof of everything I was saying then threw him out, she took him in. Two weeks later I was diagnosed with cancer. (I see alot of that on this site, coincidence) she told him to choose me or her, he packed his things and moved out while she was at work. He came here to care for me, after I recovered I told him he needed to leave and he went back to her. He has gone silent, won’t speak to children or grandchildren… I really do feel stronger every day and this site has helped me soooooo much. Thank you all for your honesty!

    Reply

    1. Myturn, if he left her to come back and take care of you when you had cancer, that doesn’t sounds at ALL like a sociopath.

      I realize you’ve been through a lot…30 years of what sounds like infidelity, based on what you say…but any man who leaves a mistress to return to his spouse of 30 years can NOT be labeled a sociopath. That is the very antithesis of sociopathy. A sociopath would’ve dropped you like a hot potato and pretended they never knew you, much less returned to play (unpaid) caregiver. Just my two cents.

      Maybe your spouse is BPD and sees you as a mother-figure he doesn’t want to die because the abandonment would kill him? Borderline Personality Disorder is a form of sociopathy, but also has the cheating and sex addiction (self-harm) component. Just something to consider.

      Reply

  34. I was involved with someone, for years, who I’m almost positive is a sociopath. We never had an *official* relationship (intentionally, I’m sure, so he could do whatever else he wanted), but he strung me along and made me feel important and special, regardless. He went so far as telling his best friend, multiple times, that he would marry me someday. The ways that he lied and manipulated me are countless, and he would always enter my life and then leave it, without a word, only to enter it again at some point down the road. He used me and I let it happen, because I thought I was being “understanding” and open-minded, partially because, I think, we had crazy physical chemistry.

    However, I wanted to ask a general question about their sexual habits. He was interested in S&M, and this seems to be a common theme among sociopaths from what I’ve been reading lately (which would make sense, but does make S&M a lot scarier in my opinion,, for those of us who are also so inclined). Would all of you say that’s similar to your experiences?

    Also, I got the impression that he was drawn to me because he felt “safe” (comfortable because he didn’t have to keep up the facade as much) revealing certain aspects of himself – albeit in roundabout ways – to me. Again, I thought I was being understanding and open-minded, but now I obviously just feel like I was enabling him and being the absolute perfect possession in his mind.

    Sorry, I’m all over the place. I only recently stopped talking to him and I’m still trying to put the pieces together, and it’s difficult trying to wrap my mind around some of it. And I still get angry that he never gave me good reasons for treating me how he did, for years. He just stopped talking to me, completely (which is for the best, I know) as soon as I started becoming “difficult” and wanting answers for his behavior. Bleh.

    He said, constantly, that we’d always know each other regardless of anything else that happened in our lives. Partly like I said before, because I think I made him feel secure enough to say it. Like he knew I’d like him back in, no matter what, because I frequently did. So now I worry that, no matter how much time goes by, he might try to contact me again. And being an extreme empath, I try to fight against the part of myself that thinks that if I denied him, maybe, on some level, it would hurt him. But maybe he should be hurt, if it’s possible. But I just dread the day, unless he has truly and finally discarded me, that it might happen because he really got into my head and fucked me up and I just want it to be done. I still, annoyingly, dream about him all the time – and it pisses me off, because I feel completely defeated. I don’t want him to be in my dreams anymore.

    Reply

    1. Yes, sociopaths love BDSM for obvious reasons — control and dominance. And sexually, they can be very appealing because of their lack of inhibitions. I’m sure there is at least one site somewhere on the web discussing the perils of sex with sociopaths, which many describe as the ‘best sex ever.’

      You can be an “empath,” but this should not blind you to the manipulations that your sociopath uses on you. He has shown you, repeatedly, with his behavior, that he is not trustworthy or genuinely interested in you as someone with whom to create a life together. So dump his ass for good and don’t think twice about it.

      Reply

      1. Lack of inhibitions, but also they see all your faults, but they don’t care. Normal people, as they are not using you, do care about your faults, and think about whether they want to stay with you long term. This doesn’t matter to the Sociopath as what you look like is not important. It’s about what you can get. In fact the more flawed you are the better, as its less likely someone else will steal you away.

      2. This is definitely the case with me. I thought I was alone in this. I’ve been seeing a spath for the last 5 months and the sex IS amazing! LOL I am into s&m and consider myself a sub to his dominance. I also consider myself an emapath, intuituve, and psychic (tarot and mediumship). He revealed to me on our 2nd or 3rd date that he was an spath and I described how my emapthy has led me to multiple relationships with other ‘personality flawed’ individuals. Like @beckysue87 and @izzy have mentioned, he hasn’t manipulated me or lied to me (that i know of). More than anything we hook up, play video games, go out for dinner, watch tv shows, text and/or just chill. It’s pretty perfect and I’m really enjoying our time together. Is that so wrong? He doesn’t fill my head with fanatasy or “i love you”s, we sleep together sometimes but he doesn’t necessarily cuddle (just lays close); more than anything, i think he just enjoys the company. I am aware of his past behaviours but I am not in fear that he would ever come at me with any abuse.
        I am a fiercely strong-minded woman and single mom, and I’m not the typical girl he dates (he likes Asian girls and I’m a curvy, black girl) I wonder if his awareness of this prohibits him from “turning” on me?? We have very open communication. I have never been one to allow someone else’s circumstance to ruin my own life (not to say any of you who have been victimized are weak). I spoke to an ex of his and years ago he made her life a living hell. Could he have changed? Could a spath meet their match and not try to hurt them? Just curious what you all think.

  35. I have never dated a sociopath, but I’m sitting here going through this site with one of my best friends who has, and I apologize positivagirl if any of this it out of line, but I can barely stand to read these responses from the sociopaths who come here to “argue their point”. First of all, this site is clearly meant to be place of support for victims of sociopaths, so the fact that sociopaths come here it all is just lolz. They clearly come here because they need as many places as possible to continue doing what they always do, which is… A. Go out intentionally looking for someone that they can shove their negative energy on, or B. Go looking for somwhere to “play the victim”. positivagirl knowing what you have been through with people like this, you should get a noble peace prize for even engaging respectfully and not losing it.

    The way some of you come here either defending the way you are, or even worse, reveling in, it’s flat out exhausting to read. Instead of spending your entire life defending your right to be a horrible person, why not put all that effort into becoming a better one?

    ???

    Silence.

    Ah, because you don’t really want to.

    And because if you did, who you are would cease to exist. Sociopaths have to put all this energy into scratching and clawing and defending their “reasons” for why they are the way they are, and justifying their “right” to be manipulative soulless monsters, or claiming how “highly skilled” they are (huge lolz to the idea that being rotten and soulless is a “skill” to be proud of by the way), because without all of this negative energy, they are nothing. If a sociopath is not hurting someone or sucking the life out of someone, they have no identity, no purpose. Believe me, no one here envies that empty life of being an energy vampire that you lead.

    As far as the argument of whether or not sociopaths are human, sure, they are bones, skin, organs, flesh, blood, a brain, so they are physical bodies and sure they are physically “humans”, but that’s it. They are just a bunch of physical matter stuck together, highly functioning physical matter maybe, but nothing more. Like robots, or computers. Those of us who feel, ah, we have something so much more inside of us beyond these bones and flesh and brains, we have souls. We have a spirit inside of us that exists beyond this physical state of being. It’s incredible and beautiful and goes beyond this life and our existence and purpose is so much bigger than this limited body we are in. As for sociopaths… it’s ashes to ashes, dust to dust for y’all. That’s why instead of leaving people alone and being they way they are by themselves, sociopaths are so damn active and out in the world causing chaos and aggressively manipulating their way into relationships and forcefully leeching themselves onto anyone in plain site, because they don’t exist if they’re not.

    Elite and superior beings? Sorry, not quite.

    Reply

    1. Yes but its my site and i am more than happy for them to come here. People here are healing from the sociopath who targeted them. Sociopaths who come here have no interest in targeting people. Some go online for their own understanding of who they are. Just as anyone would if they knew they had an illness. Part of recovery from sociopathy is understanding and closure. As it is very confusing being with one. Nobody tells it better than them. To be honest even when they try to hide they cant. You can learn a lot from sociopaths themselves. I myself when in recovery went to sociopath world. I learned a lot. I have one rule here. No personal attacks. So far its worked. I would rather someone be open about their sociopathy than hide and pose as a victim. Ones who do that do get discovered and are banned from the site. Hidden sociopaths are my concern. Open ones arent .

      Reply

      1. I find the comments from sociopaths themselves to be educational, and am glad (though surprised) to see them here.

      2. Me too, they always give themselves away usually within the first comment. I find on this site most say that they are a sociopath anyway. It’s the ones that pose as victims that are the problem. I rarely get those here.

  38. Dear sociopaths and sociopath lovers(s.o. of sociopaths),
    I am pretty convinced my love is a sociopath. We have been together for 3 years and it has been full of every emotion you can think of for me. However, for whatever reason when he met me I see evidence of him attempting to cover up his past in order to be done with it and start a new life (rebirth), and change his ways the best that he can. I would not exactly call that the worst thing in the world, but how would you explain that?
    And, would I have to be slightly crazy myself to not mind it and be so understanding?

    Reply

    1. No I am very understanding ninjachick however it is more than that. You need to see while he covers up his past…. Next it will be deeds done against you he will be covering. Anyone in the sociopaths life are either victims or aquaintences. Aquaintences will almost always at a later date be victims. It is ok not to mind when it wasn’t done to you.

      Reply

      1. Agreed. I also have one other question. Am I wrong to accuse him of being a sociopath when he is a great father?
        Could he just have characteristics of one, but may not exactly be one?

  39. But if your “sociopathic ex” means little to you, then why use your name lol ? You most possibly are still stuck on him, or you’ve become a sociopath yourself because you like it. Just an observation, as you were

    Reply

  40. “Although for the victim it feels that way”. And you answered it yourself, that’s the point. For her to be using his name as a username says it all really

    Reply

  41. I read the emotionaless comments from sociopaths on here and see the anger they are causing. Please note, they are using you as their game now.lol. their inability to love is their punishment. They are so obsessed with love for that reason. Their cruelty to people that can love is simply getting justice for their inability. I’ve read so many statements that you can never win or get revenge on a sociopath. I did, they have their needs as well and usually in their sexual life. As they are obsessed with being the best. I managed to learn a few sociopathic traits, and when I mirrored her complete lack of compassion, lack of empathy back to her while exposing her weakness. As she had countlessly and heartlessly done to me over a 4 yeer relationship. At first I enjoyed her having to experience the same pain as she had dealt me. So much that I furthered her pain by making funny and judgmental comments as she was completely breaking down. But then I saw something that I don’t believe anyone studying sociopaths have ever experienced or seen. I ripped her down so bad that I saw the actual little terrified girl, that a horrible and abusive childhood had destroyed. It was so disturbing that my enjoyment changed back to my true nature of emotions. I can not find joy in causing that much pain in a person that I had and still do love. If I had proceeded it may have caused her to take her life. She may have deserved what I did but not at the cost of my Morales. So, i helped repair what i had caused. I did so for my preservation. Point being, yes you can beat them at their own game if your willing to compromise your emotional values. But you will not find the enjoyment that that you expect. You will find no enjoyment at all! You will find just how sad their life is and it is worse then any of the cruelty and pain that they cause us in relationships. My advice to sociopathes, you mistake our compation as lack of intellgence. You can and will push to far. This will happen to you. In reality i feel its what you seak the most.

    Reply

  42. So they aren’t just bigheaded in thinking they can do all that conning manipulation power & charm ? Not just bored, I think lack of concern for future consequences makes psychopaths, like you all wouldn’t do anything to benefit yourselves.? This doesn’t make sense

    Reply

  43. Excuse me, where’s my post, so sociopaths don’t just have bigheads in thinking they can do all this to a greater extent with greater power in conning.. They don’t just have less concern for future outcome?

    Reply

  45. You stated a sociopath does not have a consious. That is not true. In fact, that is the one thing that differs us from being a psychopath. We feel guilt, we just dont feel your pain.

    Reply

  46. To just me. No you are not a sociopath if you can think of the other person you have empathy something a sociopath lacks. You just grew apart

    Reply

  47. I have a question, would a sociopath tell you that they are a sociopath? Would they come right out and tell you on their own?

    Reply

    2. Rita, I’m a 29 year old sociopath. I would never have admitted so until life completely broke me. I think that is all it takes for a sociopath like myself to feel exactly how it feels to be on the other side. I’m an accomplished pianist, carpenter, mechanic, electrician, plumber and more but for all my power of knowledge I have so little power of empathy. It’s not as if we sociopaths know the ends to our means, were completely clueless. We live and act this way as if programmed in a factory.

      I never knew why I needed to know that she loved me. I never knew why the “love” I felt was different from everyone else’s. I only discovered my ways when I was about 26. After my long conquest of obtaining everything and everyone my heart desired, I finally found her, my trophie bride and “love” of my life. I felt something different with her that I had never felt before in any of my past 40 or so relationships. All of which I had only for myself, never for anyone else.

      Then she left me for someone else. First time that ever happened to me. I experienced a complete loss of control and experienced a break down that lasted several years. To this day I act very differently than I used to. I stopped my relationships entirely. If I can’t love to its true definition, I won’t try anymore. I never knew it felt so cold. It took me being beat down to realize how many scars I have left before.

      So, we are all at different stages, in different forms of development. Some of us progress, some regress, and some simply never change. Anything can be the catalyst for change. But always remember, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

      Reply

  48. Hi there. I’m an actual diagnosed psychopath. Rank 5 on primary and 4.5 on secondary, and 33/40.
    No, I do not love the same way. BUT I have remained in a relationship for going on 4 years now. That is something I’m pretty proud of. My boyfriend is the only other person that knows I’m a psychopath other than my therapists, and we’re making it work. It’s possible. He knows I will never love him completely as “normal” people do, and this is okay.

    Reply

    1. It is the ‘damage’ that you do. The need for control, not allowing that person to have their own independence, life, freedom of thought, the jealousy, the isolation – this can really have an impact on somebody. I got on ok with the one in my life, we had some good times, but it was after we split that I saw the damage that he did to me. It really impacts psychologically, you do that to stop the other person escaping. if they ever do, because they are so trained to be with you, and only you, it can be really difficult. It is the systematic brainwashing, mind control, I think that does so much damage.

      Reply

  49. Except that I haven’t really caused him damage. He is free to leave me if he wants, I would be just fine if that’s what he chose. Personally, I would be perfectly content all by myself for the rest of my life. But he chooses to continue to be here with me so I say, “why not.” We enjoy eachother and I don’t see anything harmful in that.

    Reply

  50. Just because your relationship ended badly doesn’t mean every single relationship with a psychopath has to follow that same stereotypical pattern.

    Reply

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