It can be quite crushing, when the man that you are in love with turns out to be nothing but a compulsive pathological liar. When you realise that you have been used by someone that you gave everything to. This person is someone that you shared your life with, and no doubt your finances too. You had hopes and dreams, none of which came true.
It can feel shattering when you realise that this person has now moved on, and met someone new. You can feel, used, abused and just worthless. (you are not, I promise)
You will ask the following questions, and at worst, this will play on your mind, and you can spend hours, days, and sometimes weeks or months, torturing yourself with the following questions about his/her new partner and the life he is living without you:
- What does he/she have that I do not?
- Why is he/she treating her/him better than me?
- If he/she is now being this ‘perfect man/woman’ that he/she said would be with me, why now – why was I not good enough?
- Why can he/she do it for her/him and not for me?
- What is wrong with me?
- Why didn’t I deserve to be treated in that way?
These are common questions that are asked and felt by people who have been involved with a sociopath, once the sociopath has moved on to someone new. The thoughts in your mind, can feel soul destroying and the pain unbearable.
You hear that he/she is in ‘love’ and is like a different person. It is most likely that the sociopath will tell you how happy he/she now is and to ‘thank you’
Yes, that is right, they will thank you for
- All that you taught them
- All that you gave to them
They will tell you how happy they are now, and that they are sorry that they didn’t do this whilst they were with you. And that you do deserve to happy. This can feel like a kick in the teeth.
You look back at everything you went through with this person, and now they are telling you how they are NOW Mr/Mrs Perfect, Mr/Mrs reliable – he/she is now everything that they pretended they were in the beginning for you.
And that last sentence is the most important one. So important, that I will repeat it again.
He/she is now everything that they pretended they were in the beginning for you (yes I know that this hurts, but hear me out)
The word ‘pretend’ is of course an important one. I know that this hurts, but you are looking at the situation forgetting that your ex is a sociopath. He/she is a person who does not live by the norms of others. Remember in the beginning, how he/she also pretended to be perfection and how you were sucked in? Well the same thing is happening again. Only this time to someone else and not you, remember the drill
What is now happening, is that the sociopath has regained composure, put back on a new mask, and is now playing the game again. This time he/she is seducing someone else, just as he/she once seduced you.
This is cause to celebrate!!! What this means is that YOU ARE FREE!!!! Yes, that is right, you are FREE!! Of course he/she hasn’t changed. They can’t change remember? This is nothing to do with you. This is nothing to do with how inadequate YOU are. They WILL be the same with someone else. So celebrate your freedom.
Don’t delay what you CAN do today!! You are free!! So go celebrate that freedom…..
You have lost nothing. Because you know that after seduction comes gaming/ruining. Not just sometimes, but all the time, as this is the way that they are.
There is nothing for you to feel jealous of. Your ex hasn’t suddenly turned into an amazing person. Has not suddenly turned into a person who he/she always promised you would be. Yes, it is true that you were used, but this is not a reflection on you. This is a reflection on them.
Your ex hasn’t changed for someone else, because they can’t. it is who they are. They can’t change. They CAN put on another mask and pretend again for a while, but this is all, this is all that is happening. But, just as his/her history is chequered with carnage, the same thing will happen again.
Try to be grateful, that the abuse of you has stopped, that he/ she has a new source of supply to use, for as long as it lasts. Most likely he/she will be back in touch, so be grateful for this space, to concentrate on you. Because one thing is for sure, that the sociopath is one personality type who can never change.