The thing is about sociopaths is that they are very insecure people. Within themselves is a deep insecurity. That they are never ‘quite good enough’ whether that stems from childhood or any other experience within themselves.
Researchers say that there is a part that shows on brain scans that show a lack of empathy. So what if the sociopath desperately wants to change. if they want to be a better person.
Remember that the sociopath will WANT to change for the following reasons
- Source of supply
- An easy life (or easier)
- Monetary gain
- A sense of achievement (again through money or social status)
Always whilst they might pretend to be altruistic (acting in a selfless way) it is always ‘what is in it for them’
The sociopath always thinks in terms of what they can get. What is in it for them? The sociopath thinks of self first. Whilst playing a very good persona, of pretending that they are ‘helping’ you….. their actions always have their own needs at heart.
Lets face it. In simplest terms the sociopath is selfish.
If you are in the position of thinking the sociopath is being ‘nice’ of changing for you…. realistically the sociopath always has a longer term strategy. For themselves……
…. if you are in the situation and thinking the sociopath will and can change….. try to think ‘why’ why is the sociopath ‘changing’….. remember they are the chameleons…. the illusionists…. who can be whoever they want to be, to get whatever they want to get.
If you object you will likely get
- I am being a good person
- I am being so helpful
- I am doing all that I can
- I am helping you
The result is that you feel guilty. The truth is that someone who love you ‘unconditionally’ will want no rewards. They will help and be ‘good’ because it is in their nature. The sociopath does NOTHING unless it has their own interests at heart. If they fake that they are looking out for you…. its a lie. Wake up. Wise up. the truth will always set you free 🙂
Check that words match the actions
Do not get lured in by words alone
Allow a good time to pass before you believe the words to ensure that they are words that are honest and truthful
The truth will always set you free….
54 thoughts on “The truth about sociopaths and how they lure you back into their web of deceit.”
Ironically I found that the only way to “live” with a SP being in your life is to use the exact same strategy. By thinking solely about my own benefit (as they do), I ensure that they don’t take advantage again. If you give an inch they will take a mile.
yes….. but….. as they do this for a ‘living’….. there will be a time when you let down your guard…. and they will be straight in. Getting one over.
As they love
Being in control
When they pretend that they don’t…. it really is only pretence to lure you in. Unless you want to spend your life playing a game.
Hi Positivagirl 🙂 🙂
I hope your okay as I hadn’t seen you commenting as much?
I am in doubt you are busy writing & blogging 🙂
Great Post again 🙂
My Soc always had me doing stuff for him i.e. ‘Darling would you help me with my Advanced Diploma in Business Management’, as you know i wrote it for him etc…but, it didn’t stop there. ‘Darling could you find out & call this for me’, ‘Darling your so good at problem solving could you fix this for me’, & this has gone on for years & years.
His OW even remarked that he treated her like his Personal Assistant!
I told her that’s exactly what she was now that I am gone!
His ex mistress still buys cars from him so, he still uses her as a source.
He was always asking his daughter to do stuff for him also. She even called me to cover his lies! ( I confronted her recently & I may as well have been speaking to him as his lies came out of her mouth 😦
You are so right….they are selfish (mine definitely fits the bill) & he used to make me cut his ingrown toe nail (yuck) I saved him a trip to the podiatrist!
My Soc would lie on my couch & make me wait on him hand & foot, I did because I thought he was exhausted working two jobs 😦
Now I know he was exhausted from all the gaming & I was helping him play with others as he would constantly be texting etc…very smart man as he had two mobile phones & always had the excuse of work texting, either the fire brigade or people wanting to buy cars etc…I was clueless.
I now know I was brainwashed over & over as I did query him in the beginning but, he always had an explanation. I also found out he called a girlfriend of mine to chat her up & I didn’t believe her….now I know she was telling the truth!
Winning, Control, Manipulation….all part of the game!
I am good just reflecting for the comments…off to Gestalt Therapy Tomorrow 🙂
Love & Light to you 😉
Mine didn’t so much have me do things for him but liked to do things for me. He would cook and help clean and really invested a lot of time remodeling the house or doing yard work.
But after starting each major project he would leave it unfinished and disappear. This would in turn destroy something of the house and cost me financially. One time he ripped the patio roof off so we could replace it. Next day he vanished. This left the patio open for rain and when it rained it came thru the kitchen windows And flooded the house and ruined my wood floors! I had to put a tarp up but it didn’t help. I finally had the patio roof replaced. But I still have a bad floor.
Same with baseboards and painting the whole house. But he would always say he “improved” my quality of life and did me a favor in life making me a better person. That might have been true if I was freakin NOAH on the ark!!!
I sent another reply but, don’t think it went thru?
Anyhow….the biggest favor he has done you is leaving 🙂
I know you don’t think that right now possibly but, all the stuff he did just made him feel good so, that he could say look what I’ve done for you blah blah.
Mine did stuff also but, never for nothing…& always reminded me when he could of what a great guy he was????
Proud of you 🙂
Yeah mine would say “see I’m not a bad guy am I? I’m a pretty good guy?” He was always insecure if I said he was mean. But he’s in that multiple personality mode now where satan is manifested and he is the meanest demon of all. I prayed hard at church. Cried a lot. Let go of him. And around 2:00 I started my final NC. It’s 5 hours later and I’m still clean!!!!!!! The ex gf who talks to me is worried bc she still believes he will be back after he changes his mind again and wants a real life and home and not some trashy apt with trashy women. But as Rex Butler said, frankly I don’t give a damn!!
Good Girl Judahbug….you won’t know yourself soon 🙂
The power is in you….keep going….stay strong….
I observed the same tendencies, Judahbug. Door handles missing, incomplete painting projects. But did dishes every time he cooked. Good about cleaning up, straightening. Thinking they are good with short-term, but not long-term tasks? That whole near-term planning thing (if you can call impulsivity, unreliability, and the possibility of plans changing, planning).
Ditto, always cleaning up especially at his place in my experience…can’t leave a trace for the OW etc…I found an earring in his bed once but, his sister cleaned his house so,he said it was hers!!!
Mine was OCDish but, this is so he could keep everything in control.
He was a sloth at my house 😦
Sloths sometimes let go of the tree trunk & plummet to the ground ( I like sloths) but Soc’s & sloth’s have a lot in common 🙂
Mine was OCD and ex military. What’s a sloth?
It’s an mammal animal google it….cute but, lazy & nearly extinct 😦
Wish it was Soc’s that were extinct not Sloth’s 🙂
OOPs that should say in NO DOUBT 🙂
Posi that should read NO DOUBT! Argh hard to post properly sometimes lose the thread???
Hi Posi 🙂
Just out of interest does anyone else experience the Soc saying “Sex is their right” or that if your not willing they “will rape you anyway”….mine yous’d to say it was his “Right” over & over…& that I was his to do whatever he liked with?
I thought it was just intimate talk etc…but, not so sure & just read about a convicted Soc here in Australia raping his girlfriend & convincing her it was normal!
Just interested has anyone else experienced this talk????
PR mine use to tease me and say he could take it anytime he wanted it whether I said no or not. I loved him and never turned him away but I believe he woulda done it anyway. Although mine was a romantic and his way would be to be very aggressive and try to throw his sex appeal at me making hard strong advances rather than actual rape. I can see him pin me to a wall or against the sofa to kiss me until I submitted. He’s actually done that.
Ditto Judah & mine alternated from both romantic to aggressive etc…
remember I had a 10 year sentence so, a lot more mind games 😦
I am good though & free finally so, this is my wish for you also 🙂
So true Pos, so true. I sit here and wonder could he have realized that maybe I am the one he loves after all, I have been feeling love from him and his actions, its different this time. Maybe the no contact thing for a yr smartened him up, idk but Im the hapoiest I have been in a long time, him too, I can see it and feel it, but God forbud its starts to crumble I will feel that to. Wish me luck.. Love an peace,
I have that problem believing I was the one he actually loves. But when he’s angry he say things like “I love you sometimes” or “I have a lot of love for u”. Go any deeper like spending our lives together and he says “sometimes he sees that”.
On the otherhand. In his nice moods he always loves me more than anything. I’m his forever. I’m his baby. And he will act shocked and say “aww u do love me”. I’ve realized this is his way bc he can’t identify w how real love feels. So his perception is “sometimes”. What that feels like to him God only knows.
He faked everything, I should have known. No contact starting tomorrow again. Ahhhh/sigh Here we go again
Get off the ride B 😦
How many more times are you going to go around?
Look in the mirror, you deserve better, just believe that YOU do 🙂
You don’t want to waste your life do you?
Be happy, it’s waiting for you!
Love PR x
You are in my thoughts. I believe in you.
Sociopaths can’t change! They are masters in mimicking the feeling of love and ‘real’ connection! Just to lure you in, win,fool and hurt again!
Mine turned on me over night after I moved her and our son into a new apartment, we weren’t really together romantically. She demonized me and took my son from me for 8 months.
Now he has joined in the bullying, attacking me without any boundaries. She was pregnant and in his house within a year. I can’t see how any decent man would let himself be part of such an utter breakdown, which was what it looked like at the start.
So she is doing the same with him. It is really weird and worrying as my son lives between her and him in his place, and me. He is being lied to, but really what sort of a man is fine with coming into a young mother’s life, getting what he wants and not giving a damn about separating a child from his father?
I don’t think he is a sociopath, just a scumbag having a midlife crisis…. it was really weird reading about “soul mates”. One time I tried to talk to him as my x was only interested in herself and wanted to keep things hostile regardless of how this affected our son.
He had know her family and met her a few times starting about 18 years ago, but he said he has known her for 18 years and she is his soul mate!
I know exactly what is going on, but this eejit can’t see it, she is dripping a mixture of poison and honey in his ear and he is so invested now I doubt he can see the truth. But his behaviour is callous and degenerate. He was 40 when he sleezed in, she was 31. A musician.
Very messed up situation. I don’t even think it would be safe for him to realize the truth now… their is my son and his half sister to think about and my x is capable of anything. If she were to be ditched by him, I’d be terrified at what might happen.
“The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.” ― C.S. Lewis.
This was THE favorite quote of my ‘poetic’ ex spath.
Now when I think how “sociopathically” convenient quote! They KNOW they give you the happiness now, pain later. That is the deal – for the sociopaths!!!! Not normal men!
I get what u mean about happiness now pain later. But that quote also seems to say our Socs pain now is the same feeling as their happiness was. In other words they can’t tell the difference. It is what it is. Nothing more. Nothing less. Pain is happiness. Happiness is pain. Pain is pain. And happiness is happiness. All are the same emptiness to them.
Wow Caerra, that is eerie … it’s like he was foretelling your pain… that really describes it, that happiness is warped directly into the awful pain. It can be hard when you let you mind casually smile at a memory… it hurts so quickly. I had to cut of as much as possible, even when we meet I have to watch myself in case I start to feel friendly or enjoy a joke with her. We have a son so meeting is part of our access arrangement. It is so dangerous. Do you ever see you sociopath around? or are you totally free of him?
Concerning the “altruism” and how the real motivation is selfishness …
My ex was “overly helpful” and won’t take “no” for an answer – from anyone. Recently, there was a natural disaster in his new community, and I can only imagine how he has swept in and shown himself to be a “hero”. This is very convenient, because when the relationship with his new wife starts to tank, everyone will think she’s “crazy” and he’s such a stand up guy, much the same as he has done to his ex-wife and another ex-gf. Time will tell, as I am sure his new wife has unknowingly married a disaster.
As an acquaintance, when I had to move a couple of years ago, he INSISTED on helping me … though I had already set everything up to hire movers. He gave me some furniture and refused to take any money for it, even though I offered several times. His motivation? To make himself look like a great guy as he was grooming me. During all of this, he complained incessantly about how crazy his then girlfriend was. Sadly, he had me convinced she was, but truthfully, I think they were two sociopaths who found each other and collided.
We were dating for a month when he moved in unofficially and he said he’d pay the rent (I didn’t ask him to move in, he just did it one day – they kind of overtake your life, and it’s already a done deal before you realized what happened). I said, no, 1/2 the rent was fine. Of course he never did pay anything towards my very expensive rent, though he paid for a lot of groceries (most which he ate, and most of it was garbage), took me away on the weekends (that’s called dating, and he makes 3x what I was making – can I just say that he also owned 2 vehicles, a motor home and a speed boat), and – he bought a second property because he received a $60k payout from being dismissed from a job, all while telling me about the grandiose plans he had for our future …(nope, never saw anything for rent after the $60k windfall, either. Douchebag that he is)
Eventually when we broke up (he was already seeing the woman to whom he is now married – a mere 13 weeks after our breakup), I asked him to repay me for 1/2 the money I spent on rent, he gave me this song and dance about how financially badly off he is – he’s not such a wonderful and generous man now. He hid the fact that he was seeing anyone, and that he was married, trying to pull on my heart strings so he wouldn’t have to pay me back. Ha! He really underestimated my wrath, I think. I managed to collect all but 10% of the balance he owed me – I can eat that loss – it’s a small price to pay for him to be out of my life.
My new rule – always be cautious when people are overly generous, they don’t really do it out of generosity, but rather of a selfish need to look like a hero.
Excellent post! I know this feeling all too well and it relates to my experience, it’s amazing how we’re conned into believing them that sometimes the obvious and apparent signs at the time only become visible when we’ve passed happiness and left with pain and we’re back to ourselves, holding out for a hero. The survival dynamic for a spath is largely in their favour cause there’s 24 of us averaging his/her odds for supply, so they will be spoiled for choice as leeches, how empty their lives will be when they reach 70 and over, scary, makes me a wiser one at choice at seeing true love for what it is and never letting it slip by, living life as it should be, so when we reach that milestone, we have a sense of not feeling a day older! Just seen Assault on Wall Street – no guessing my sentiments…. Be blessed!
We are so much the wiser though thanks to these fools & I do appreciate the real & authentic people….much love & happiness to you always 🙂
🙂 thank you, much love too and may it continue be our light and hope
Today is my birthday…. I never passed so sad like today….
Sometimes I think why I still alive… for what… is like I have no soul…..
Yes, he was so kind, so helpful, he took care about me all time…
And now? What I will do? I can not forget all we lived together over a year… we were happy… is so difficult for me understand ….
He betrayed me so bad… lied so much…
I hate me, because I think I still love him….
I have nothing to commemorate today 😦
Awww Luluts….you must commemorate you, your birth was a great day for your parents & it is a great day to celebrate your birth 🙂
I went to one of my best friends funerals today & we celebrated her life 🙂
I miss her & I know she would trade places in an instant with me & my horrible Soc experience if she could….we are alive & that’s a blessing some don’t get 😦
Stay strong, happy birthday….I turned 50 last week, have been through all this Soc crap & lost a great friend but, I am still standing & looking at this milestone as a new beginning 🙂
Time for us now….Love PR xoxox
I know lulu, I have.. n the past wanted her back, but she isn’t “her” she’s just a very good user and method actor. I hope you are happy now and your love is with someone who deserves it… even if that is just for yourself at the moment : )
Have some law to protect us?
If we got sick with depression and spend a lot of money with medicines and doctors.
My life was never the same, I can not recover… I cry every day.
Is like I have no soul.
Was my birthday yesterday and I had no reason to comemorate….
I feel so stupid, I feel I am a trash….
Is so difficult to understand how a guy so nice, smart, polite, who helped with all in my life, who took care ven about my sleep and food…
And now I still suffering, because he is using a girl to insult me… like he is a saint and did nothing tome….
I thought about that myself Lu. I am right there wu. My birthday is Friday so happy birthday to us both!
I just want to know how long this suffer will be alive!! 😦
Maybe, I will have my soul back again? 😦
J’bug & Luluts….Happy Birthday belated & forthcoming 🙂
It was my birthday on the 5th Aug & I think Positiva’s this month also?
We are all Leo’s…..ROAR 🙂
Love & best wishes to you both.
I mourned my (perceived) loss in private for a few months – it was awful, and I do believe that the healing takes time. During this period, I talked to some wonderful girlfriends, but mostly I had to fake it until I made it.
I never once thought or felt I had no reason to live and nothing to commemorate.
Why not celebrate BEING ALIVE??? I can’t BELIEVE the number of women in the post who are saying how sad they are because Mr. Douchebag is out of their lives and they feel they have nothing to look forward to. GET A GRIP! You are missing someone who DOESN’T EXIST – the ghost of whom only contributed lying, cheating and abuse to your existence. Get out of the house and stop moping. If it’s your birthday, call some friends for dinner or a drink. If you don’t have anyone, go to a bookstore, or take a walk in a park and watch puppies or feed ducks.
If you are still mourning him (or her), you are giving away ALL of your power. Why would you let a pathological and abusive liar do that to you even now that you know about their deception?
The best gift these people ever gave you when they left was freedom from their bullshit and lies. CELEBRATE THAT!
Excuse me!! Don’t say to people ‘get a grip’ you have no idea what that person is going through. What their circumstances are. Please support not criticise. If you cant say anything supportive – say nothing at all. As unless you ARE that person you cannot know why or how that person is feeling that way!! I know that you are trying to be supportive – but saying to someone ‘get a grip’ when they feel like that….. really ISN’T supportive – as you know this is kind of quip that a sociopath would say. it doesn’t display any empathy for how someone else is feeling. If you managed to come out of the relationship with your partner without going through a grieving process – I do wonder if the person was a sociopath because they DO play with your mind and it DOES take a time to heal and recover. This is a fact. As the victim is psychologically abused.
We’re psychologically abused victims wo even knowing it until they suddenly change. That’s what blows my mind! They seem so “normal”
Yes they are good at portraying such a mask of normality and sanity and can flip the switch at any time (usually when they are losing control) so they lose control of themselves. Then a totally different character is in front of you. And…. that is always so in a way alarming because you forget just how angry the person is inside. Also the eyes – the blankness of the eyes and how the face distorts too.
Ditto Darling, I don’t regret him being gone either 🙂
I just get really pissed with myself for being duped for so many years 😦
Still I can’t change the past & am finding a greater sense of power within so, it happened for a reason 🙂
Just wish it was an easier lesson than it turned out to be 😦
Love & Light 🙂 🙂
Sometimes, when we move somewhat from the pain of the sociopath experience, we seem to forget “how hard it gets…” it made me remember this song by Liza Minnelli – So Sorry I Said … I kind of liked that song even before I met my ex spath, but I didn’t know what was it about really until it happened to me.. now that “I’ve been there” I can’t say I like the song in the same way, it is very painful…. I realize I am moving out of the fog and power of lying sociopath… We really don’t deserve to end up sad and tragic like this and “instead, so sorry I said”… we must see it as an experience, but we have to gain knowledge and get out of it …
This song was at the end of the movie “Mr.Frost” with Jeff Goldblum as Mr.Frost (the devil…) Mr.Soc is something like Mr.Frost…
Love that Caerra….you should have a listen to Katie Melua
Wow, I just wanted to share with you that I found a review in which I finally understood explanation about movie Mr.Frost. It’s been always that I felt that I miss understanding something about this movie… this is the quote from the review:
“Jeff Goldblum plays a magnetic Mr. Frost with great mystery, power and intelligence. “What do you mean, do I remember?” he asks. “I am memory.” His mystic manipulation of others is never so obvious as to compel certain characters to believe that he is Satan, a credit to the skillful way the screenplay is written. As mentioned before, MR. FROST is not a horror flick with spinning heads and green pea soup, but rather a cerebral excursion attempting to show the skillful subtlety of Satan.
However, the real Satan has woven his own subtle deception into the film. That is, here his power works for good as well as evil, and his main aim in coming back is the altruistic motive of causing people to again believe in the black and white nature of good and evil.
God, however, is not mentioned (except in passing), and there is no acknowledgement of the Savior’s mastery over Satan. It therefore seems that one is to believe in Satan, but leave their understanding of the Lord to just a mere intellectual nod toward the opposite of evil. There is no titanic struggle of good versus evil, just evil having its way in a field of humans incapable of binding his power.
MR. FROST doesn’t need to be boycotted, but should be recognized for what it is: an inaccurate portrayal of Satan. It fails to deliver the truth that he is the Destroyer, a thief and a liar. One comes away thinking that Satan holds great knowledge and wisdom that we would all be greater for knowing, yet this is the same lie he told to Eve in the garden.
MR. FROST is not appropriate for theologically unsteady youth who don’t know how to discern the truth. The Liar looks so sanguine and pleasant, though dangerously magnetic. The Word of God, though, is clear in saying that “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).
So resist him, and he will flee from you. However, remember, Satan doesn’t fear your resisting him. He only flees when he sees your submission to God.”
Our struggle with sociopaths is the same issue… this last sentence from the quote made me realize which way to go… to focus on ourselves, on goodness, not on them… maybe only that much so that we can recognize them better?
Very good Caerra…..Focus on ourselves 🙂
HOLY CANOLI-This is exactly how it ended with me–Its absolutely the truth, the last time I saw him I prayed with him–the next day I got distinct revelation, to run and never look back. I do believe it was my obedience to God through out that ultimately wised me up & lifted me out. Obedience is a protection for our truest happiness not a set of rules meant to oppress us–but in fact gives us true freedom. If I didn’t pray through out & keep conviction this would have been sooo much worse. I pray for him everyday–as God is the only one who can have victory over this & work a miracle & love or heal.
At this point I can see how I was battling it out–“However, the real Satan has woven his own subtle deception into the film. That is, here his power works for good as well as evil, and his main aim in coming back is the altruistic motive of causing people to again believe in the black and white nature of good and evil” this is exactly what was confusing me and tripping me up.
Thank you for more really solid insight 🙂 Truly crafty. Ugh. I hope he keeps going to church, God will break through some how I hope–Sometimes I wonder during the time I was seeing the soc and stayed faithful to my personal belief system/religion–is it possible it may have distracted him during that time from taking a more vulnerable source of supply?? Weird thoughts come after wards. Thanks be to God he rescued me again.
May God bless you!EL
This is some of where I’m having a problem too. As I’ve mentioned, I tend to be hard on myself and others anyway due to my upbringing. So, because he’s been right about some of his assessments of me, I feel like I’m at fault and it’s my job to learn the lesson.
There are other things he is doing though that just don’t jibe with my morality clauses. I realize I can’t “be with him” under these conditions. But I don’t want to hurt him either. According to what someone else wrote in a separate reply, that isn’t possible—that he is self-interest driven and motivated. My thought is always the same: What if I’m wrong.
Either way, the other advice I am taking seriously, about just moving away with respect to my personal relationship for myself. I told him yesterday I planned to date. I have always told him when I’ve done it previously because I feel it is respectful to do with regard to another person who is supposed to matter to you, and what distinguishes us. And I hope he learns something from it. He offered to babysit.
Yeah. I never know if it’s false bravado (hiding hurt), arrogance (thinks it won’t last), or relief (doesn’t care if I stay or go). He aluded to the second, by saying something like, “That cloud will never pass over anyway.” I know he thinks I won’t, but this time, I will. I really don’t think he cares. I think it’s like others have said—he will only care if/when he starts to actually lose me. Apparently, I’ve given the impression that isn’t going to happen.
I really understand where you are coming from. But you know the one thing that made me do no contact and move forward? After a horrible event which was deliberately engineered by him.
Do you know what my thinking was? I can love myself Better than you can. I can keep myself free of danger and safe better than you can. I am my own best friend and work for my own interests. You work for your own interests and would lie about me, stab me in the back, betray me should you get the chance.
I realised that I would be infinitely happier with the love I have for myself. You know what. . I feel joy and freedom!!
This is where I’m at. I generally don’t take offense when people are awkward or joke and don’t know they have said something rude. But what he said today was deliberate. I was telling him I didn’t want to be competing with his ex’s for his attention every holiday and he said, “You can’t, but okay.” I don’t know if he said that because of his kids, or the ex’s. But I am just tired of this. I’m tired of someone who doesn’t work harder to ensure he doesn’t step on MY toes. H*ll, I’m tired of him just not having anything complimentary to say to me, ever. The nicest thing he’s said to me is “I love you”, and his “love” appears to have severe limitations.
I’m tired of him choosing to spend time with others on weekends when he knew from the outset I wanted that, then predictably coming back to me every Monday like I’m someone he can fill in the gaps with while others are at work. I’m tired of saying no to all that BS and knowing he is enjoying knowing it irritates me. I’m very tired of the empty promises that roll off so easily that I doubt they even get committed to his short-term memory.
I won’t wait any longer for him to do or be better. And, that’s all it’s been. I stopped giving in a long time ago. So, since that cycle ended, I’ve just been waiting on him to shape up. I can see that he isn’t motivated to do that. He also said today to me, “You don’t want me to change. It’s never good if I’m being someone else.” When I told him my good sense tells me his fair weather love isn’t enough to sustain, he said, “Test the water then your senses again.” Guess I’m free.
I was in this relationship for 6 years. I remember always feeling as if he were the one. He was exactly what i wanted in a man. He was/is beautiful. I totally forgot “i am too.” I remember in the beginning saying ” thats really controlling” and he somehow made me believe that it is not. I would have went to hell in a handbasket if he asked me to. I remember so many nights crying myself to sleep from a snide remark or from him just making me feel as if he didnt care at all. A rule of mine was to never go to sleep angry. Do not like that and never did. But hed say i was pulling a guilt trip and pass right on out to sleep like it satisfied him then he would kiss me in the cheek the next morning and id get a hug when he got home. My parents recently got into with him that he wasnt doing anything for me or my daughter. N there i was again making excuses for him. I was always right there making excuses so itll be ok. I remained silent alot in our relationship bc if i spoke back while he was angry he put the fear if god in me. So i was always there trying make sure he was happy. To now hear i never do enough to show i love him. He wants to be with someone who cares about his wellbeing. Jesus i was so sad thinking i lost a good man. To see he is hitting on girls not much older than my daughter. So this whole time he was being the man i wanted to be and not who he really was. I feel so lied to. But somehow itll always be my fault. Psssssht gimme a break. I have reduced myself to nothing so he can stand talk like the big 6″5 man he is. Such bs that it took this long for me to see. I thought i was good at these things. I actually thought i snagged a good one who really cared. Yah about his self!!
6 years, me too, and my beautiful son…. 3 years since she turned on me, my god it was a hell of unbelievable proportions for a long time. waking from horrific nightmares only to go straight back into the real one. It was like the whole world was evil and cruel and would always be. But I made it. I think now, seeing you guys who have been through it to has really helped me through this last (I hope) transition of acceptance and my strength retuning can be used to make things great for me and my son, now just to get back to where I was. No one knows but us what this is like.
… even my son’s birth, my god … my poor son, he loves his mama so much and she only cares about herself. she even threatens upset for him to have control over me. She says how awful I am but knows she can rely on getting her way as I always back down to protect him.
I can relate to your experiences that much.
It is so hard to see that they’d even hurt their own children to get back at you.
And it is almost impossible to protect your child from a sociopath parent.
Right now I am in the hell that you described. But I am working hard to climb out of this abyss. Stories like yours are such an inspiration to me. They show me that it is possible.
The best to you and your son!