Sociopaths approach their targets in a step by step process. You might wonder ‘how did this happen to me?’ You could also feel foolish and stupid that it has happened. Particularly if you are also facing significant losses. I know that I felt stunned and stupid.
The sociopath works in a step by step process of change.
It is a process that
- Makes you feel emotionally invested
- Makes you feel morally obligated
- Makes you feel responsible
- Ultimately makes you OWNED
While it is true that sociopaths can target weaker people, or people that are more vulnerable, simply because those are the people who give off ‘help’ signals, and also those are the people who disclose way too much information about themselves, they can also target those that have too much – and have plenty to take. Successful people, people who have everything that they do not.
I am sure that it is no coincidence, that prior to 2010, my Facebook was fairly normal, I had things going on in my life, but I didn’t publicize it on a social networking site. After a trauma, I did. I put my world on social networking (without realising that I was doing it).
When I met the sociopath, he would then use social networking to embarrass and humiliate me. He would post messages and sat right opposite me, would complain if I didn’t respond online. It was embarrassing. At that time, I didn’t know that he was a sociopath. My initial thoughts and reactions were:
- I don’t want to hurt you
- I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you
- I don’t want to let you down
- I don’t want you to think that I am embarrassed of you
What the sociopath was doing was pushing for emotional investment, by forcing me to make an emotional commitment in a public way, but also focusing on my moral obligations.
Focusing on your moral obligations as a partner
The sociopath is very good at targeting the things that you feel are morally right. So they manipulate you, by using these following values – and very often – these are the very same values that you disclosed that you wanted/expected from a partner!!??
- Not being ashamed of you, ability to show care in public
- Being supportive (especially financially)
- Being thoughtful and thinking of you
- Being compassionate
- Taking an interest, in you, and your life
- Honesty
- Trustworthyness
These all sound like positive character traits to have in a partner?
Yes?
We are conditioned as children, of the appropriate way to behave, and what is an acceptable moral conduct.
For those who are ‘idealistic’ and are looking for their soul mate. You might have a criteria list, of what you think is a good partner. The sociopath takes very careful note of this information.
They already know that you do not want to be like your abusive partner, or if you weren’t previously abused, they know what you will not tolerate, and what you find acceptable behaviour. They have already noted what you do and do not like. They have noted complaints about your ex. Or comments about a friends bad relationship choices.
Once the sociopath has hooked into what YOUR moral obligations are, they are then in the position to pull you in further, by FORCING your moral obligations. If you disagree, or make complaint, they will reinforce your own moral obligations against you.
You have two choices now
1. Comply
2. Feel bad for not complying – and that you are a BAD partner
Sociopaths use this trick for many different reasons
- Money – couples should share and support each other
- To give a false illusion of your relationship to the outside world
- To keep living in a home with you, even though they are abusing you (you wouldn’t kick onto the streets someone you love?)
- To manipulate your conduct to the outside world
Being ‘in love’ is the greatest manipulation trick of all
Sadly, if you give your love to the wrong person, could see your entire life collapse like a pack of cards.
Other people might look upon you with pity and not understand at all. The truth is, that unless you have been in a relationship with a sociopath who WILL manipulate you, and control your emotions, actions, and take away your free will, it is impossible to understand.
What is most shocking for the victim, is that the sociopath will continue to do this to you, for as long as they are getting the supply that they want from you. Once they have ended the relationship, they walk away, as if nothing has happened. You are left confused, as the sociopath gave EVERY indication of being in a real, loving relationship, and having needs as a partner would have.
You didn’t realise that the victim mentality cry – was literally a tool to manipulate you. You are left dazed and confused, how could they just walk, you are so emotionally connected, how can they just switch off their emotions like that?
The truth is, that they didn’t switch any emotions off. The emotional connection wasn’t there in the first place. Sociopaths love to play the game with people. Life to them, IS a game. Other people are merely players in the game.
The sociopath FORCES you to make an investment – either Emotional or Financial – once you are invested you are trapped!
By focusing on your moral obligations, they are able to force an emotional connection. It is common for victims to feel that they have been with their partner all of their lives, giving the false illusion of the ‘soul mate’ connection.
As well as creating dependency and addiction, the sociopath works hard to force you to make an INVESTMENT into them. This investment could be anything, emotional, financial, business – any kind of investment. They know that once you are invested, you will not want to lose your investment. This is how they capture you, tie you down, and keep you for often far longer than is necessary.
IT IS JUST AN ILLUSION!
An illusion created by the greatest magician on earth. Yes they are everywhere, even world leaders with teams of spin doctors. Spinning the truth, and manipulating people to believe a distorted reality view, set up and created by them.
When the relationship is over
When the relationship is over, it will take a while to undo the mind control, and the brainwashing that has been done to you. I returned to the sociopath for a second time, and had no idea that I was being brainwashed. Until the end, when at the end, the control became so bad, I couldn’t think.
It has taken weeks of recovery. I have needed to spend time alone. With me, just me, and my dog. I needed to get my own thoughts back. It DOES come back.
It can be embarrassing, as you are left to face the music with the outside world. You are left to pick up the broken pieces of the puzzle that the sociopath had fun playing with, for however long they had fun playing. You are the one left with your thoughts spinning.
Sociopaths brain wash. They take control and hostage of you, and your life. They will take apart, and dismantle ANYTHING of value to you. It isn’t that you are stupid, they do this, quietly, behind a smiling face, often under the guise of ‘helping you’. The truth is, really they are just helping themselves.
In recovery
- Take time out for you
- Only be around people you can trust, but nobody that judges you
- Spend some time grounding yourself
- Know that you WILL come back
- Book to see a professional therapist, if you think that this will help you (Gestalt therapy can be useful for undoing this kind of damage, as it reconnects the whole of you)
- Try not to panic, even if you are facing significant losses, anything that is broken – can always be fixed again. What cannot be fixed, was it really of value anyway?
- Make sure you have enough sleep
- Don’t forget to eat regularly
Most important note of all If you are out of the relationship, know that NOBODY can bring you world down, not unless you invite them in to do so. Dating a sociopath should teach you the most important thing of all, to trust yourself, trust yourself, above anybody else. Only YOU know what is right for you. Listen to your instincts and judgement. Don’t allow someone else to tell you that your thoughts are wrong. If they are right for you, they are right – for you!
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Dating a Sociopath 
Another great post. Right on target. They seek to create that emotional investment and sense of responsibility for them. Barf!
Absolutely investment is key – once you are invested BOOM, they have you, and people don’t leave because of the investment. The more they can get you to invest (emotions, finances, friends, family, a life) whatever they can get you to invest in…. the more difficult it becomes to leave. But – leaving – really does mean FREEDOM! 🙂
Thank you for this excellent post. This is exactly my situation. Exactly. It is comforting and validating to read this post. My life is collapsing like a stack of cards. What helps me is to think that he may have destroyed so much and taken everything – but he has not taken my soul. And he does not control me anymore. I am free. But I am still picking up the pieces while pieces still crumble around me.
You know the best thing of all, is that nobody is controlling your mind. You will have no further losses, instead you can work on rebuilding your life, safe in the knowledge that nobody else will destroy it for you.
It is amazing what we learn after encountering creatures like this. I would have never believed this existed had I not experienced it. Another excellent post!! Pos, you have the best support site in the world. Xx
Thank you bunnyshy, I hope that you are doing well. I just try to write about the things that really affected me.
This time around coming out it was really difficult to write, my head has been so cloudy and foggy. They can’t help themselves from having to manipulate and control, and do the same thing over and over. i hope you are doing well!! 🙂
I am doing GREAT thanks to you Pos. I would not have survived without your site. You always responded to my posts, when I was in soooo much agonizing pain. You helped me tremendously. You saved my life and gave me my future back! 😊 xx
Your post is accurate! My head has been spinning for two months oh what a fog! Can’t even talk to people I love just now they don’t have a clue of the depth of emotional abuse! Your site and renewing my mind in Christ are they key elements that allow my transition to wholeness! Because he never got the prize I have endured all the love songs text voicemail everything to keep me off balance! Thanks to my Paster and his family My Church Family he was arrested just long enough to put the fear of God in him today! I am so thankful yet sad for his inability to feel emotions of sorrow or loss! I am free of him! Humanity is everything no money or thing could replace a person in this world! Peace and Love my friends
Did you just say that he was arrested today? What happened?
I just got bits and pieces and a text saying he will not love me agin I have my Jesus! A social media guy friended me on the account I started to counteract his smear campaign I think God blessed me with a hacker to hack my hacker? Pretty sure I have had my own freak show going on for months I riped my house apart looking for cameras and video equipment had the police come few months back they asked me if I needed a mental evaluation?? Under so much stress, while he laughed at me and reminded me I could trust no one but him. I gave him every chance in love to admit it for the sake of love and stop! He said he was madd that I did not believe his truth? Forgive my mind jumping around. My children did not even believe me? Had to stop looking and talking my only outlet has been Jesus and your site Positiv!!! Bless you!
Do you know this is what they do to you, and what they do to your mental health? It is common to think that you are losing your mind, and leading you to believe that the only person that you can trust is them, is also common, usually this comes with isolation techniques too. Then they will remind you that they were the only person that was there for you.
Do you know, when you let go, just be you, no matter how lonely that place and space is, you will start to heal and recover, as he isn’t playing games with your mind anymore. They do brain wash you, they do plant seeds in your mind.
Maybe a therapist might also be able to help you, to talk through things, and how you are feeling?
I’m working through it! Crazy thing is when something good happens I want to share it with him then I think oh he is not real!!! Sick!! I’m going to start small and volunteer for a bit see what is next for me. My youngest son will move in with his dad! My mental state can’t have a 16 almost 17 year old call me names! He needs to bond with his dad it all works out for good. I just need to keep going! Happy to be alive and so thankful for a faithful savior. A church family who loved me out of the sewer! Have you slept today my friend? You need to rest as well!
I’ve been following your posts and every one of them is like reading about my life….nobody understands this madness, it’s so hard to put into words. Thank you for finding the words to explain this awful journey. My x said to me when I asked him what was the last 10 years all about? I was playing a game with you haven’t you ever heard of playing a game? Those words run through my head daily and I’m 9 months out and yes I felt so stupid that I didn’t see it for what it really was. It’s so hard to wrap my head around. Talk about being a chump and blindsided. A very hard pill to swallow…..
I am so sorry 10 years of your life, for someone to say ‘I was just playing a game with you’ they are so sick, and all they do is cause destruction to other peoples lives.
This is so true…and I love the line ” Sadly, if you give your love to the wrong person, could see your entire life collapse like a pack of cards.”
Mine would tell me he loved me- with blank eyes and it felt so false and then in minutes start talking about divorce- how to divide things up. It was stunning. He simply did…not….care….
I’m happy to hear that after 18 long years of this madness…everything broken can be healed. And just being away from the seeds of deception and mind control, is also very healing.
I am learning that the whole thing was an act- a con.
I am so great full for this site…even though I was still going back even after discovering the truth…i think I am addicted, I just can’t accept the fact that everything was a lie, that I left my husband, lost my house and my business, wasted 9 years of my life, had a child with him, etc etc and that was all for nothing? How do one cope with this? How do I get over something like this? But most if all, how do I accept the fact that the man who I thought was the love of my life turned out to be a total fake, an illusion. How do I keep my sanity? And how do I forgive myself, and not think that it was all my fault for not recognizing this sooner? How do I convince myself that I am not a complete fool, or a total failure…but the worst part is that I am still hoping that I am wrong, and still waiting for him to call me…joy pathetic is this?
Don’t beat yourself up for that. I returned after writing a blog about it. It is normal, when you love someone with all of your heart, to hope that they can change. As you love the person, you just don’t love the abuse and the pain that they give you. What you are describing, sounds very normal to me. As they do have their good points. If he didn’t you wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him. They are so clever and articulate at brainwashing, creating a mind fog that it is difficult to think for yourself. For many people who have dated the charismatic types, there were some times, when with them, that was the best time of your life. I know this.
I know that you have faced considerable losses. I know that it is hard to rebuild. Can I say something to you, please don’t be offended. You have your little boy so all is not lost. Those years were not wasted or for nothing. Think of the joy and pride that this little boy will bring to you, it is sad that he is just incapable of giving you what you want and need, and that is security, safety and stability. He will never be able to offer you this, as always he will turn your world upside down. Everything that you have lost, is a loss…… but – the value of your baby boy is worth a million of those losses. In terms of what it will bring to your life, the joy the smiles, the laughter, and sometimes tears. That little boy will certainly bring more love and happiness than this man is capable of.
It isn’t you. It isn’t that you are stupid, or worthless. It is just that even if he gave the best that he had to offer, it probably still wouldn’t be enough – as he just isn’t capable of commitment and responsibility.
It’s like I’m reading about me. Looking back I just can’t believe how stupid I was …….extremely tough to digest x
Welcome gracey you are in good company, i am sorry that this has happened to you too
Thank you for responding……… Its been the worst emotional roller coaster ride I’ve ever endured. Why could I not see what he was doing? I’m not stupid, I saw the red flags time and time again but chose to ignore them. I’m just so sad that I’ve wasted 6 years of my life. I believed he was trying to sort out his life so we could be together when all the time he had moved on with someone else, what a mug I’ve been x my heart feels sad when I read the other posts as I totally understand what you’ve all been or are still going through. Never knew that people like this existed, believed it was me x
Did you really choose to ignore them? Or did he soothe it over. Convince you that things were going to get better? Did he isolate you and take away everything else in your life, so that he was the only person left? No, you haven’t wasted 6 years of your life. You have grown a lot more than you realise, and you have learned essential life skills that you will take with you in the future.
You say, ‘you would still be together’….. but you can never be with a sociopath, they will only be with you. His new partner she isn’t with him either, he is just with her …. for now.
You know… the best thing is at least you are learning that it isn’t just you! It’s hardwired in his brain. And that is never going to get better. He won’t get better. He will always be this way.
Thank you…….finally someone understands me and what I’ve been going through. Whenever I walked away he would chase and pursue me. Erratic behaviour, crying, pleading, promising,begging……until I took him back and I did, time and time again! I believed him or wanted to believe him. He has been contacting me throughout the last two years apart…..As soon as I start to move on, he’s back. Saying all the things I want to hear without doing any of them. Why did i feel so invested in him when he gave me nothing but heartache. Text messages all the time how much loves and misses me, how we will be together again, how he can’t go on……..and all the time he’s with a new woman. Wish I had never met him x thanks for listening x
You are welcome Gracey. I know that it hurts, when you feel that you have given someone chance after chance, and all that they have done is throw it back in your face.
it is difficult not to feel cheated, and conned that this person just used you for their own joy and entertainment. That HAPPY EVER AFTER that they sold you, after all you went through, all of those years – never came to pass.
I know that six years is a long time in your life. There are people here who were there for fourty years. I am not saying this to minimise how you are feeling. I hear you, but also I am saying thank god you don’t have to do another six, sixteen, or thirty years.
Lets look at the REALITY rather than the illusion. The illusion was chasing you back, false empty promises etc etc, this is just WORDS…. words… no substance, no reality just words, until the next crisis, and the next. Always there is a drama of their own making.. Rarely is their peace.
I know that this quite, can be painful. I don’t want you to focus on how he is having a wonderful life, and how he cheated you. This is not about you, its about him and his morals. he will do the same to her too. I know that it stings when there can be no real closure. But you never get closure with them, they are selfish and in their mind they are right and justified.
Write two lists. In list one, write all the things in your life that you are unhappy with and you CAN change!! In list two write all the things that you are unhappy with that you CANT change. He would go into list two. List two is the list that you need to let go of. You cant change it, it makes you unhappy, so let it go!!
List one is where the magic of YOU lies…. in list one are all the things that you do have the power to change. So begin to make those changes. For you, let go of what makes you unhappy that you cannot change….. these are the things that will burn your soul and keep you unhappy (as you cannot do anything about it)….
Thank you so much for understanding. I don’t have anyone who I can talk to about this. I’ve been going over and over it all for years and your right, it is just words. I will write those lists and hopefully start healing. I alwAys felt like something was a miss, things just didn’t add up, now I know why! I appreciate your help and understanding….finally I can try to move on 😞
Yes, he has already taken 6 years of your life and that is a long time. BUT you still have the rest of your life to live.
Do you know the last 3 years I kept trying, and kept understanding all that it brought was further loss to me and my life. As that is what they like to do, humiliate you and take away things that are important and matter to you.
It is good that he is occupied with someone else, it gives you the chance to escape. Believe me, they often show back up in the future. So use this opportunity to rebuild your life, get strong. So that when he does come knocking you wont want him. You can do so much better than someone who treats you this way.
Gracey you were not stupid, you were brainwashed and mind controlled. You were made to believe that it was your decisions, but actually it wasn’t. You were taken over by someone else, and taken hostage. This is not your fault.
Hi, I wrote to you before…i was pregnant at that time, and my beloved sociopath was on and off in the relationship with me. Before I got pregnant we went on the trip together, and after we came back he promised (!) that now we will be together and he will be committed to me, and wanted me to get pregnant. Of course, I believed him. After all, I had invested 6 years of my life into this relationship ship…but to him it meant nothing. I had my precious baby boy last spring, and for that I am grateful. He brings so much joy, love and happiness into my life. Only now, my partner, who was supposed to be a father to my boy, keeps feeding me with empty promises, and of course, you probably know where this is all going.. i guess, what I am having the hardest time with is how can this person just play with other people’s lives like it’s nothing. Having a baby, promising to be there for him and me, but never actually being serious about it.. i confronted him on the lie, and showed him a few things that I had discovered that he was lying about, and so he just disappeared. He doesn’t try to contact me at all..which is not like him…and even that I know who he is and what this is all about, it is still hurts tremendously. And there is nothing that I can do to alleviate this pain…
As for him disappearing and not contacting you, he does this because he can. With you he now has the perfect excuse to show up, at any time that he wants or needs. He can use wanting to see the child as an excuse. This knowledge doesn’t help you and your heart, as I understand that you are feeling broken, and hurt, and that your life is ‘on hold’. The best that you can do, is to focus on you and your life with your child. Know that he will show back up, they always do, especially if you have a child together. This is the perfect time for you to be able to move forward, without his interference, control and holding you back. I know that this is hard to do,when you still love someone. You are hoping that he will change. Let me tell you something, really they do not change.
Can you please remove my name in the previous post, because it gives my full real name. And how could I change it to Tia. Thanks
Done Tia 🙂
Recovery is the hardest part, but it can be done with time.
Ok this one no need to post! I was on my walk yesterday and realized there was a swat team guy so I decided to finish early and left the park! I am very calm wondering what the heck? He wants my dog the one he gave me if I return him will this be finished or what? The dog is one of his 4 legged children he says! I don’t want him to go to jail just stop using women and the thought that my life is disposable with no remorse? What to do to end the madness ?
A lot of this also applies to cult leaders and their followers.
Yes, I am sure that it does ripple!
Thank you for the reply, and for all your support..I don’t know how to explain this to you, but I am sure you understand because you’ve been there. I feel this complete void inside mixed with excruciating pain, but most of all, I can’t stop thinking that it’s all my fault, because I saw all the signs, and I heard that little voice inside of my head, but I still kept going back, and kept raking him back. It’s almost like I had this complete block between my head and my heart. My question now is how to come out of it. It seems like my whole world was completely shattered, and I really don’t know how to deal with the pain, and everything else I am feeling. What is your advice, nothing seems to help…and believe me, I am a strong person,.or at least, that’s what I and everyone else used to think.
I also have been following these posts.
I also have read books on the subject,and I have one friend who constantly tells me I shouldnt. Why? I think we all want to know,what exactly happened to us. It’s …. And it’s the only way I can describe it… Like coming out of a battlefield.
It also says a lot in these posts,about the abuser being the one to leave.
In my case,I left him,as I couldn’t stand it any longer. Whether he was pushing me to do so,I don’t know. All I can say is,his behaviour towards me got more and more bizarre.
Did he push me to the limits to make me go,so he could act the victim?
I have good friends and family,but I also feel very alone with it. In fact,i seemed better when I first left,than I am now.
He’s in Spain,I’m in Britain, and we have to be in contact via email,as to properties being sold etc. This isn’t good I know,as he’s now trying control via email.
My solictor summed it up….. She said I’ll never win with him,whichever way I approach him,unfortunately that is so true.
If I say black,he says white. In fact we’re no further forward in sorting this damn mess out,from when I left him,a few months ago.
This is terrible what I’m about to say,as im just not like this at all.
I hate him,and wish he’d just disappear to a place that’s not very nice,or get his come uppance for the hell,he’s put his family and 3 wives through 😡 there, I finally said what I felt,although it’s not good.
Positiv I feel your sorrow it is his sickness not you don’t own it only he can? You have so much wisdom more compassion than I have ever known! Stand tall and keep going my sweet friend! Love endures all things. Every person is a part of humanity in need of heeling and redemption ! Peace and truth today my friend!
I really feel bad for having said I wish him nasty things,but I guess we all have felt this at some point. Sorry😕
Dont apologise…. why should you apologise for expressing how his behaviour has made you feel?
Darn right lots of emotion!
I would never of believed that anyone was capable of doing what he has done to another human being. The lies, deceit and for what? Let’s hope karma comes knocking At least it’s 6 years not 60 I’ve lost. A drama king at its worst. Time to wake up 😞
You are such a blessing and so is your blog! I wish I had more time right now to tell you how often you have helped me in the process of understanding ‘what happened’ in my own situation dealing with this issue. Thank you form the bottom of my heart! 🙂 ❤
Thank you for your kind words!!! I love this post. I returned to him, and when I left, this was one of the first posts I read, and BOOM it hit me in the face, even though it had been written 2 years earlier. This post was my salvation, and set me free!
See, I think there are some things you are definitely missing about our process. A tough part is, there isn’t a sociopath playbook, so we all evolve our techniques individually. I work at not doing “the stare,” so you wouldn’t see that from me (it WAS work though, and something I have to consciously avoid doing). In my current relationship I have done a couple of brilliant new things, but there are some other things that are a bit formulaic. Now look, these are the things that if I read somewhere would make me think you’ve figured us out. Here are the hallmarks of my manipulation:
1. You will feel like you were the one who pursued me. Hint: You weren’t.
2. You will receive glowing recommendations from my friends. They will reinforce the idea that you must be extra special to be dating me, and will be astonished that I “let you in.” Hint: They are not in on the scam.
3. I will lie badly about something trivial, like “someone else’s secret,” or a surprise for you. This will happen at least a couple of times. I won’t do this about anything that matters to you, but I will put it in your head that I am a bad liar. Hint: I’m an excellent liar, but you’ll dismiss this possibility.
4. I will never outright lie about something you could easily verify. You will never “catch” me in a lie. Good liars should never be caught.
5. I will never outright tell you a sob story of why I don’t/can’t work or am in a financial bad spot. These fabrications will be veiled, but you’ll “discover” them through your natural interest in your partner’s life. This is by design. When you do discover them, if you offer help, it will be met with manufactured reluctance. I will appear to you as someone uncomfortable accepting charity, and be one of those types who considers more things charity than what really are. You will determine my “problem” is that I need to learn to accept help from others, and you will feel like no one has ever been there for me in the past.
6. (I have only done this with my most recent, but it has worked out so well that I’m going to need to make it part of the formula) I’ll subtly drive you to betray me. In this case I let the fire die (after it had been built up pretty good), tapered off my affection and drove her to cheat on me. I pushed her right into it. Of course, I was watching and waiting for it, so I busted her. Caught her red-handed. I broke it off and she moved out (of her place). Several months later I apologized for not paying as much attention to her and we reconciled. Let me tell you, I have not yet discovered the limits of what I can get away with for this masterstroke. I’ve never brought it up, but I don’t have to. I hold it over her head without ever mentioning it. Mentioning it would make it less effective.
You may deduce we can set ourselves up as bad liars, you may not realize how careful the lies are planted. It’s much more difficult to view a sob story as a sob story when you think I was keeping it from you out of pride. So far, I have a 100% success rate. I have never been exposed, and every relationship ended when I wanted it to. Every one of the ex’s has clawed to get back together. You want to know how I could have been found out? The numbers. You have to be a sociopath to spot me. You have to view our relationship in cold, had, black and white pluses and minuses to realize I have taken everything and given nothing.
Bonus #7: You can’t understand that I can do this with zero contempt or spite for you. I don’t hate you, and it won’t hurt me to hear you’re doing much better without me. This is simply what I must do to live a good (economically) life. I don’t have the faculties to keep my nose to the grindstone. I don’t have the ability to carry out long-term goals. Hell, it’s really hard for me to buckle down enough to do the damn dishes. I can’t even force myself to do the things everyone else does to succeed in life. I do have the ability to manipulate, and the success of that does satisfy me.
Yeah but people are getting wise to you. Also people are different. Last relationship I was with him at first traumatised. Which meant I had no emotional connection. He therefore couldn’t manipulate me. I saw through him. This was interesting as he had to work hard. I registered everything like he was invisible to me. Hence this website. I went back with him (for my own reasons not his) this time I did have emotional connection. I wouldn’t let him in would shut him out. This caused huge fights. In the end we split due to incompatible reasons. I needed to grow. I wouldn’t give what he wanted. We just grew apart. No bad feelings I dont think like a normal relationship ending. Life our own life got in the way. That’s why we split second time around. Second time around I didn’t see him as invisible despite all I knew. You know what I had forgotten all I wrote on this website. I came back to it after we split and was like wow….. He was identical in patterning. I just didn’t see it.
People are getting wise! There’s so much info out there now. The amount of info itself actually helps us, too, though. For one, seeing the signs other people have noticed helps us to hide them better. Another reason is the more this is talked about, and the farther the information spreads, the less meaning the word carries as it becomes inevitably overused. People are also aware of hypochondria. When more people talk about psychopaths, more people will see psychopaths that aren’t there. It will be easy to deflect an accusation of psychopathy when it takes on a boogeyman-like mythical quality. When it comes down to it, we need to do what we do to survive. I doubt the general public will have such a compelling drive.
What if though you met someone who …. Was right for you. But you didn’t know that at the beginning? When I met him I was traumatised from a previous event. So I wasnt the real me. He met a vulnerable traumatised woman. Truth is in reality I was anything but that. As I grew within me….. I became the real me. Ironically for me. He was good for me. It’s just a shame he did what he did in the beginning and those close to me couldn’t /wouldn’t forgive him. That’s a shame as he did try so hard. He did change but nobody would believe him or accept him. He played the game….. And really he misjudged his target. I know this as at the end this time. He did no ruining smear campaigns. He didn’t want to hurt me. He cared when I had nothing would walk a few miles to my home to give me things. None of that mattered as his past defined him. One day this could happen to you. I don’t know how often it is to meet someone as traumatised as me. But the fact that both of us are better for time spent together. Says a lot. Outside influences just made a future impossible. That is quite sad. Cos if he fucked it up with me he would fuck it up with everyone.
But lolling about the appearing to not accept charity lol. He did this whole thing second time around with money….. I said tough…. I am not paying for you you will have to starve then. He would go to lengths of not eating and I still didn’t feel bad for him. I only gave him (second time around) what I wanted to if it was of benefit to me. Sometimes this was tough as he kept me on lockdown it meant I couldn’t do anything with anyone else, if he didn’t have any money I had to pay for him. So….. We did nothing. Lived a boring life. Sociopaths hate being bored. Ah I could play the game with him as he could with me. I wasn’t his mother. Why should I pay for him. Sad thing is you will never change. So while other people’s lives go forward sociopaths lives go round and round in a circle that’s so boring!! Maybe I am stubborn. I liked him though and he liked me. Said I taught him a lot. I think I did. Also we did have a lot of genuine interests in common. Music travel. I am also quite scatty. Love random adventures. When I had no money he was great fun to go out with and the trouble he got me into sometimes. We would laugh our heads off. Second time I think it was as close to love as he will ever get. He would tell me this. But…… It wasn’t enough. He had done so much damage first time around it made our relationship impossible. And that…. To me…. Is dumb.
What If you messed someone up. She then spent a year writing a blog about your behaviour that helped thousands around the world. Was with nobody else just wrote the blog. She gave you another chance despite you knew who you were. She accepted you anyway. But damage you caused in the past made it impossible or incredibly difficult to move forward. And no matter what you did it would never be enough. If you genuinely got on with that person for real reasons she got you and didn’t take shit off of you. Would always be up for random adventures and interests constantly changing. That…. Is to be honest….. Quite sad. He could never undo the damage and believe me he tried and couldn’t have tried harder.
Your rant left me gagging yet laughing at the same time. You are so arrogant and slimey, poor baby. I would see you coming from another continent. One thing you pitiful creatures need to be aware of, is that not all women tolerate your poop. I had someone try this on me, and he was shafted right out of my life. And NO, I do not miss him at all.
We could have dated the same guy worlds apart? Crazy! Time with him has been some of the best days of my life. The stuff behind my back that I am sure of in my spirit yet have no proof of… As he reminds me no evidence therefore can’t possibly be true. If he could have just opened up owned the truth and stopped. I could have shared everything with him. He doesn’t realize how intelligent and successful he could be! Circles must be what he wants! My heart says his endorphins are charged in drawing her in and he just gets his supply and dis guards unless there is a reason to keep her on a string” honesty would have keep me as a friend for life at least! Just want him to be happy find that 1 that he can be true too! Peace and love to all of you!
that is generous but he will never meet someone that he will be true to. He cannot be true to himself let alone anyone else. Sadly.
He knows how intelligent he is. He thrives off of this. Success to him has a different meaning than what it does to you.
I noticed in my marriage that when my husband went out of town for his job things didn’t seem so crazy and one of our children said that it was the first time that he could remember feeling happy. He couldn’t see why that was but I knew why as soon as he said it. I kept praying that things would get better and in some areas they seem to be but in others not so much. I have learned that when you have children together they will use your children against you in any way possible and if you have any medical problems well that is the best excuse in the world to treat you like the biggest crazy in the world instead of letting the doctor do his or her job in treating you they always think they know everything better than anyone else in the world. I have epilepsy and chronic headaches both of which I have to take prescriptions for and he tries to manipulate whether I know what I am doing in dosing it properly and argue with me about it rather than take me at my word when I say I have planned my meds out for the week only to find out that the doctor or pharmacy made the mistake of cutting my dose short by a month. He has tried to self diagnose me with other mental illnesses because I guess in his mind it made him feel like he was doing something important. I don’t know. I found out that the dosage of the migraine prescription was too high and caused bad side effects so I cut the dosage in half. I am now to the point that he hovers over me when I take a phone call like he thinks I’m trying to hide something from him when he’s off of work, I have zero transportation for myself as he thinks that as a housewife I don’t need it or something, I’m not allowed to choose my own friends and not allowed to tell the truth of the situation to anyone including my own family that he constantly cuts down. He is clueless to the fact that the more time he sleeps in our old place the better I feel because I feel like I just can’t be myself around him. Every conversation has got to be centered around him and him alone. He has acted like he would encourage me to get a job I wanted and then once I would tell him which job I applied for he would pull a guilt trip on me about aren’t I good enough for you or don’t I take care of you enough or he would tell me that it would cost him too much in taxes for me to get a job. I know that most on here would say the easiest way would be get out even if you have to go the streets but I have been there before and been through many other types of abuse before since birth and as a Christian I believe that in time with a little compassion even what most would consider to be the worst of the worst can change for the better with prayer even if if it takes years of prayer. The big thing is that we don’t let our hearts become consumed with hate no matter how hard things may seem.
My story is just like all of these stories except ten thousand times worse. My wife and her mafia family couldn’t murder me for the life insurance because I stopped paying the premiums. So they went to plan b and put a contract on me and my brother who is a millionaire. But the fbi foiled that plan. The last time i had visitation with my daughter she was 6 years old. When her mother came to pick her up. My daughter said to her, If you get divorced I want to live with my father. That was the last time I saw my baby. She’s 28 and wont speak to me. For the 22 years in between her family has stalked me regularly. Just recently she had me fired for the second or third time, I cant remember. Telling my bosses that I raped my daughter when she was a toddler. I carry a gun. I am a drug trafficker. I am worth millions. With real estate everywhere, and wont give his own child any money.