Sociopaths approach their targets in a step by step process. You might wonder ‘how did this happen to me?’ You could also feel foolish and stupid that it has happened. Particularly if you are also facing significant losses. I know that I felt stunned and stupid.
The sociopath works in a step by step process of change.
It is a process that
- Makes you feel emotionally invested
- Makes you feel morally obligated
- Makes you feel responsible
- Ultimately makes you OWNED
While it is true that sociopaths can target weaker people, or people that are more vulnerable, simply because those are the people who give off ‘help’ signals, and also those are the people who disclose way too much information about themselves, they can also target those that have too much – and have plenty to take. Successful people, people who have everything that they do not.
I am sure that it is no coincidence, that prior to 2010, my Facebook was fairly normal, I had things going on in my life, but I didn’t publicize it on a social networking site. After a trauma, I did. I put my world on social networking (without realising that I was doing it).
When I met the sociopath, he would then use social networking to embarrass and humiliate me. He would post messages and sat right opposite me, would complain if I didn’t respond online. It was embarrassing. At that time, I didn’t know that he was a sociopath. My initial thoughts and reactions were:
- I don’t want to hurt you
- I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you
- I don’t want to let you down
- I don’t want you to think that I am embarrassed of you
What the sociopath was doing was pushing for emotional investment, by forcing me to make an emotional commitment in a public way, but also focusing on my moral obligations.
Focusing on your moral obligations as a partner
The sociopath is very good at targeting the things that you feel are morally right. So they manipulate you, by using these following values – and very often – these are the very same values that you disclosed that you wanted/expected from a partner!!??
- Not being ashamed of you, ability to show care in public
- Being supportive (especially financially)
- Being thoughtful and thinking of you
- Being compassionate
- Taking an interest, in you, and your life
These all sound like positive character traits to have in a partner?
We are conditioned as children, of the appropriate way to behave, and what is an acceptable moral conduct.
For those who are ‘idealistic’ and are looking for their soul mate. You might have a criteria list, of what you think is a good partner. The sociopath takes very careful note of this information.
They already know that you do not want to be like your abusive partner, or if you weren’t previously abused, they know what you will not tolerate, and what you find acceptable behaviour. They have already noted what you do and do not like. They have noted complaints about your ex. Or comments about a friends bad relationship choices.
Once the sociopath has hooked into what YOUR moral obligations are, they are then in the position to pull you in further, by FORCING your moral obligations. If you disagree, or make complaint, they will reinforce your own moral obligations against you.
You have two choices now
2. Feel bad for not complying – and that you are a BAD partner
Sociopaths use this trick for many different reasons
- Money – couples should share and support each other
- To give a false illusion of your relationship to the outside world
- To keep living in a home with you, even though they are abusing you (you wouldn’t kick onto the streets someone you love?)
- To manipulate your conduct to the outside world
Being ‘in love’ is the greatest manipulation trick of all
Sadly, if you give your love to the wrong person, could see your entire life collapse like a pack of cards.
Other people might look upon you with pity and not understand at all. The truth is, that unless you have been in a relationship with a sociopath who WILL manipulate you, and control your emotions, actions, and take away your free will, it is impossible to understand.
What is most shocking for the victim, is that the sociopath will continue to do this to you, for as long as they are getting the supply that they want from you. Once they have ended the relationship, they walk away, as if nothing has happened. You are left confused, as the sociopath gave EVERY indication of being in a real, loving relationship, and having needs as a partner would have.
You didn’t realise that the victim mentality cry – was literally a tool to manipulate you. You are left dazed and confused, how could they just walk, you are so emotionally connected, how can they just switch off their emotions like that?
The truth is, that they didn’t switch any emotions off. The emotional connection wasn’t there in the first place. Sociopaths love to play the game with people. Life to them, IS a game. Other people are merely players in the game.
The sociopath FORCES you to make an investment – either Emotional or Financial – once you are invested you are trapped!
By focusing on your moral obligations, they are able to force an emotional connection. It is common for victims to feel that they have been with their partner all of their lives, giving the false illusion of the ‘soul mate’ connection.
As well as creating dependency and addiction, the sociopath works hard to force you to make an INVESTMENT into them. This investment could be anything, emotional, financial, business – any kind of investment. They know that once you are invested, you will not want to lose your investment. This is how they capture you, tie you down, and keep you for often far longer than is necessary.
IT IS JUST AN ILLUSION!
An illusion created by the greatest magician on earth. Yes they are everywhere, even world leaders with teams of spin doctors. Spinning the truth, and manipulating people to believe a distorted reality view, set up and created by them.
When the relationship is over
When the relationship is over, it will take a while to undo the mind control, and the brainwashing that has been done to you. I returned to the sociopath for a second time, and had no idea that I was being brainwashed. Until the end, when at the end, the control became so bad, I couldn’t think.
It has taken weeks of recovery. I have needed to spend time alone. With me, just me, and my dog. I needed to get my own thoughts back. It DOES come back.
It can be embarrassing, as you are left to face the music with the outside world. You are left to pick up the broken pieces of the puzzle that the sociopath had fun playing with, for however long they had fun playing. You are the one left with your thoughts spinning.
Sociopaths brain wash. They take control and hostage of you, and your life. They will take apart, and dismantle ANYTHING of value to you. It isn’t that you are stupid, they do this, quietly, behind a smiling face, often under the guise of ‘helping you’. The truth is, really they are just helping themselves.
- Take time out for you
- Only be around people you can trust, but nobody that judges you
- Spend some time grounding yourself
- Know that you WILL come back
- Book to see a professional therapist, if you think that this will help you (Gestalt therapy can be useful for undoing this kind of damage, as it reconnects the whole of you)
- Try not to panic, even if you are facing significant losses, anything that is broken – can always be fixed again. What cannot be fixed, was it really of value anyway?
- Make sure you have enough sleep
- Don’t forget to eat regularly
Most important note of all If you are out of the relationship, know that NOBODY can bring you world down, not unless you invite them in to do so. Dating a sociopath should teach you the most important thing of all, to trust yourself, trust yourself, above anybody else. Only YOU know what is right for you. Listen to your instincts and judgement. Don’t allow someone else to tell you that your thoughts are wrong. If they are right for you, they are right – for you!
All rights reserved datingasociopath.com 2015