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Dating a Sociopath 
Hello Tanya
Since you have not given birth to your child, some advice. Where ever you live research what you must do to maintain full legal and physical custody of your child. If you do not understand this go to a facility which offers free legal counseling. It maybe as simple as not having him on the birth certificate or whatever. Had I known then what I know now. I could have bought a corvette cash in attorney fees and saved my children from a horrid childhood with a demonic monster who walks around pretending to love them.
Obviously I am not having as good a week as she is! Hahaha!
Omg, I sound like bitter Betty – I think I will refrain from commenting. I am trying to be helpful and I sound like Oscar the Grouch, I am crawling back into the garbage can! Lol. I had to seriously laugh – PosG. All cheery and positive and my neg comment I truly apologize.
No you didn’t sound like a bitter grouch not putting name on b c can save a lot of heartache and further mind games pending on where you are in the world. If you are in UK unmarried father has no rights unless on birth cert. It’s not about the father not seeing the child it Is about the socio not using the child to control the mother.
Hugs for you x
In CA, unmarried mothers have all rights unless you go and seek paternity, (child support or welfare). Had I known this information, I would have put Mr. Doe on my children’s birth certificates or UNKNOWN and called it a day! I am grown I already had a childhood, now my poor children are just suffering backlash. I am just keeping my mouth shut. I don’t even counter moves any more. 7 more years of this BS – my daughter is such a liar I want her out of my house. It’s horrible.
Thanks again, for the warm reply. I will try to make every effort to survive this and to find peace and love within myself. However, at this moment it’s very difficult… Everything I was reading on your site seems to be written about me. I have no one I can talk to about my situation, the isolation is devastating, and I’ve been away from my old friends and family for so long. I don’t feel like anyone would really care or wanted to hear from me. I don’t know where to start.
Aw Tanya. I understand. Do you have any contact with your family? Or old friends that you knew from childhood?
You are not alone. There are so many people here who really understand how you feel.
Hi Tanya,
I too am devastated by my abuser. The abuser has taken over complete control of my life, and I am having trouble getting out
due to finances and other complications.
To top it off my abuser is going to try and steal my beloved cat from me too. Abuser keeps pressuring me about moving out, the car (which is not in my name but I need), etc.
It’s a living nightmare every single day. I don’t know what is going to come next. I am trying to forge ahead and get out, but there are so many obstacles and they are making it as difficult as possible, since all they want to do is ruin my life, now that they have everything they need, and no-one will believe they are doing this to me.
Maybe we can email each other and provide support to one another?
I pray for all of us trapped!
Hi Dina,
I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is sounds devastating. I hope you will find your balance soon, and get yourself free of the abuser, and be able to take charge of your life. It took me a while to be able to do that, but I am still very far from being free of him, at least not psychologically. It’s very difficult for me to admit, but i still miss him, and part of me is still hoping that this nightmare will pass, and he will emerge, and change, and be a person that I made up in my dream. I’ve been under his ‘spell’ for so long…or whatever the reason might be, I’m still stuck…the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I am expecting a child, and feel very blessed. I am praying for all of us, and hope that we will come out of it soon, and have happiness that we deserve.
With kind wishes,
Tanya.
Your situation sounds just like mine. He took everything, home (we rented) my personal belongings, furniture, DOG, and the car I have paid over $17,000 but was in his name as a surprise for me. I had to go get a new car (had to borrow money for down pmt) renting a room from my girlfriend I am moving to my own little 2 bedroom house in April, renting
from another girlfriend – don’t think my posts are posting correctly. I am so very sorry for your pain. I am 5 mos out and still so sad, but getting better
from another friend and all this happened overnight – I am 5 months out and it is pure HELL still heartbroken but it is getting easier, but the bad days
I am in similar situation and everything is snowballing.
I was dumped and they have power over pretty much everything,
my housing, the car they are planning to take from me, rendering me
helpless and much more.
I am afraid of impending homelessness now. As they are not to be trusted at all. And though I am doing everything I can they keep giving me ultimatums that give me little time
to recover and take care of things, and I need time with my situation
to move on.
I can’t say too much here.
I have called all kinds of agencies and they have little to no help for me since nothing can be proved, and there’s complications.
I am screwed in so many ways and I am petrified of what is coming next. Then to top it off a tooth of mine broke. $$$$ when I need every cent. thank god it’s not painful so far, but it’s hard to eat and right in front where the world can see it. Great for talking to potential
landlords!
They don’t want me, but they don’t want me to be able to leave either and they sabotage everything I do. I was doing so well healthwise,
and in general, improving and of course, they didn’t like that… I don’t know how much more can be withstood. And I don’t know what to do.
They are well respected and no-one would believe me.
I have some friends but they are not well off either and can’t take me in. No family. Just when I was getting my life back on track,
now this…
I am low income and disabled and they took advantage of that
while managing to get a house, cars, and all kinds of things
off my back, my resources. The true colors came out after
they got what they everything they wanted, years into the relationship.
Email me if you want, maybe we can help each other, at least emotionally.
I don’t know what name is going to come up here for me.
I wish it were anonymous.
Best to all.
Is there any research on being in a relationship with a sociopath and suffering from PTSD? I feel as though I have symptoms due to my devastating heartbreak.
Hi Janis, yes an abusive relationship can cause PTSD. Particularly if you were in a relationship that was physically violent. It is abuse of your senses. For me, i was already traumatised when I met them, I don’t think that it helped with my PTSD at all.
The sociopath doesn’t take everything
, they always leave something behind when they go. PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, fibromyalgia, depression and probably a lot of STD’s. They are parasites that leave behind disease.
I don’t know. I guess there are varying degrees of ptsd. To me you can’t have it unless your life to was at risk and you couldn’t escape. At that moment you can neither flight or fight. So your brain goes frozen into shock. It stays there the cognitive processing of your brain stops. Ptsd is serious but maybe it is because for me it was serious and severe (and not caused by a relationship). I guess I feel strongly about it as medical professionals in UK don’t understand it. I worked with ‘vulnerable’ for years. I had been through a lot but nothing caused ptsd than when I thought i would die my child died, I felt sexually abused and couldn’t escape for almost a week. Nothing else in my life caused ptsd. Anxiety yes. Perhaps panic. Yes. But not ptsd. Ptsd is beyond anything I could ever imagine.
But your right about the parasites they feed off of others… For sure and destroy.
Wow what year, you have helped me so much! Let me get you caught up so I may ask my question. My spath lives in the same small neighborhood. He devastated my heart and put me into the fog. Then I found out he had girlfriends, fiancés, doing other women in the neighborhood and has a history of preying on widows like me. Well he messed with the wrong and young widow.
I reported him to the state licensing board, IRS and etc. During 2013 he had harassed me and tried to intimidate me to no avail except getting more police reports filed against him. Other women are standing up to him! During this time he was grooming a young victim with a young kid that he proclaimed he was going to marry in December 2013. He was in love. She must have money. Well December came and gone and still living by himself. So perhaps his holiday didn’t go well. Karma. Mine on the other hand was a blast!!!
I saw him the other day and he looked depressed and sick. He won’t even look at me because I always have a big ass smile on my face. When he sees me coming he literally runs, this started a few weeks ago because we use to hang around the same friends without acknowledging each other. There’s more, but that’s another chapter.
My question; he had so much control over me “exploiting the victims weakness and seduction” for over two years, what is it like for them when they have no control? Matter of a fact, I turned the tables around on him. What goes through their minds when they see their victim turned their life around, know the truth and become relatively successful. He refuses to look at me, my friend said that is shame. He won’t look at another victim who lives across from him either. I feel I’m the first woman to stand up to him. What do you think?
How do I move on from dating a sociopath who has left me very broken, totally abandoned, and where he swapped another woman into my place. I feel so sad, betrayed and destroyed to my core. : (
Sue, am so sorry that you are hurting so bad. I am presuming that this has happened recently? You know it is time. Focusing on you. That is easier said than done as you can feel not only the words you say but also worthless. Humiliated. All that I can say, is that it does get better. I wish that I knew why?? As I blamed myself and this reinforced how i felt about myself. I learned that there were people out there who didn’t ca’re about anybody but themselves and their own agenda. You tell yourself she has nothing worth having. He has been removed from your life because you deserve so much more.
Also people in these answers have said that others have had a “lucky escape”, it really doesn’t feel that way.to me. I feel cheated, robbed, used, betrayed, lied to, manipulated, and it’s dreadful.
Yes I think that is a Normal way to feel sue. I felt that way too. I felt robbed of everything. Including my time.
I, too feel cheated and robbed, but we are all better in the long run. We have to remember it was all an illusion… It is what it is… Surrender and let go and know there is a silver lining…
Is it unhealthy to try to find out who my ex’s latest victims are and save them? I worry so much and don’t know how to stop.
Hi Lydia ,
I don t know what everyone else thinks , but my own personal experience is you are probably wasting your time & effort …. They won t listen & will have to find out the hard way . Its quite unbelievable the hold that a good one of these unhinged lunatics has over its next victim . Stay well out of the way , you will just stress yourself out
Regards
Nick
@ Lydia
I think it’s natural to want to do something after feeling so victimized. I also think this is a natural first focus but, like Nick, probably an unfruitful one. Not to theorize too much, but I think we focus here first because it is(and we are) still mentally close to our abuser.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but he WILL become a distant memory wherein you wonder how you spent so much energy on someone unworthy. A better focus area might be to sort through why you enabled him to be close to you with warning signs (we all have had them).
This puts the focus on you, not him, where it belongs (not outside of yourself). His victims will have their own stories and issues and are really of no concern in the scheme of your growth and development—meaning, they will have to learn, work through or not, and make their own life decisions, on their own.
Awesome reply jusa.
K
In most cases all you can do is send up a universal apology to the ladies for throwing this one back into the dating pool. You can’t save them.
No you are so right Laurie x
Hi Lidya,
Focus on you recovering. She will not believe you anyway and that will really drive you bananas. No Contact love an peace 😊
You are right! I thought I saved my best friend’s little sister from him but I found out today that she went back to him a few days after I “saved” her. I am just giving her information on sociopaths so that once he starts devaluating her she will realize the truth. And her brother and I are getting a group of people together to support her when it’s all over. It’s so sad because she’s had such a hard life and she’s only 14. (I’m 15 and the sociopath is 18 1/2- They both go to my school) I hate to have to sit back helplessly and watch this horrible abuse happen. But thank you for replying, I completely agree with you!
It happened exactly like you described. I’ve been really firm, and was not accepting his bs behavior, and was confronting him on all his lies…and I guess, he figured out that I’m about to discard him. So this morning he wrote me the nastiest email, blaming me for some made up things, and saying that he is going to pick up his things. It looked like the email came from a different person, because only a few days ago he was saying that he is working on things to make things better for us, and that ‘he loved me’. But since I’ve been tracking and confronting all his promises, he realized that there is no way out, and since he was never going to act on any of them anyway….he figured now is the best time as ever to just discard me….and that’s when I am 35 weeks pregnant. How do you deal with this? I’m completely devastated.
T.
Oh tatya sending you a hug x being abandoned in pregnancy is so horrible. But you know the way he is now is his true colours. I know it’s hard, but you could take him back and same thing occur worst the same thing when you have your baby. Do you have anyone else to support you (family friends). Your baby is worth more than him. Much much more. You have so much to look forward to. Your baby will give unconditional love. But I know this doesn’t take away the heartache and I think it’s worse when you are pregnant as you have pregnancy hormones too. It is good you are seeing his true colours now rather than whenyou have had your baby. Sending you a hug as I really do understand this one x x
It’s not the worst thing that could happen either. When he left me in pregnancy I was devastated too. As the weeks pass his child grows inside of you and you grow closer to birth. It’s difficult, heartbreak ing. I took him back then our child died at end of pregnancy and he discarded again and wow just wow. They have no conscience.
This situation sounds similar to mine. I have been going back and forth between a spath for more than 8 years now. I used to joke that he was a sociopath but now that I know he is it is no joke. he has been going back and forth between me and the other mother of his children the entire tim. He has five children with 3 different women. My daughter is 2 years old and he has never even seen her before. I had no contact with him during my pregnancy and when my daughter was a baby. 1 month ago I contacted him because I was told he was trying to get in contact with me. the biggest mistake yet. Looking back on that night now 1 month later I can see all of his sociopathic ways I did not see them that night. I was totally enamored with him & forgot all of the anger in the two years I had not seen him. He is that good & that manipulative. We discussed our daughter at length and he told me he wanted to start being a parent to her. He has been paying child support the entire time so me, the trusting person that I am, believed him any mother is going to believe when a man says that he wants to be a part of the child’s life, but every man is not a sociopath. To make a long story short of that night I ended up sleeping with him. yes he left the house to go back to his other kids mother but before that we discussed how he was going to come the following week to see his daughter. the next week came around and I heard nothing from him. I texted him & asked him if he was going to come and see his daughter and he said “another time sorry” It has been a month now and I have not heard one word from him. I feel angry a shamed hurt betrayed I can’t even begin to tell you how bad I feel about this situation. I don’t know what I should do. I want my daughter to have a father. Its so sad. What are your thoughts?
I think it is so normal, to want to be a family and to want your child to have a father in their life. I took one back in pregnancy, after I was forced to sell my home at a huge financial loss, to support her… it was all about him, as he didn’t want to pay child maintenance.
You need to think about what is in the best interests of your child. If he cannot be a good father to the children he already has, he wont be a good father to yours either. Sadly. Nothing will change, they do not change, they simply repeat the pattern of behaviour over and over again.
Hi, I put my real name on these last two posts by accident. Is it possible to remove them, please?
I would be happy to see the silver lining if I can actually
escape! I am trying but it doesn’t look good.
My life is in literal danger and I cannot find help.
I wish I could find someone in this situation to correspond
with so at least there would be emotional support…
Thanks so much for this website!
It has helped me alot. I only wish I had read it a year or
more ago! But I was planning my escape and I got dumped
before that. They wouldn’t have let me escape anyways if
I had said I wanted to leave. I have to do all kinds of legal things.
I am beyond exhausted and overwhelmed, filled with panic and anxiety as each day is a challenge…
I don’t know if I have the energy to keep going…
Hi welcome to the site. When you say you are in literal danger does this mean you are still with him and he is threatening you physically?
Yes, I am still with them. They are not physically abusing me.
They were verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative.
Since dumping, now it is strategies to take over my life and even
make me homeless. My health is going downhill.
I am in constant panic and anxiety. I rent an apartment on the property
(I wish this could be more confidential as I can’t say too much here) and they are owner/landlord. I cannot file any reports as there is no evidence, just my word, and I am trying to get out and keep my social services, I need to survive.
although it is looking more and more bleak. There’s a car issue and they are going to take the car away, leaving me stranded here.
And I am given ultimatums with very short time lines…
I want to give notice and leave. It will take time to find a place
with my financial situation and disability, I don’t know if they
wlll (well likely) jeopardize that. If they try to evict me, then I have to run around to free clinics, etc. and try to stop that. Nitemare!
It’s just all piling up as they want to hasten my demise.
It’s a mess and they have all the power and know it.
I am frantically rushing around trying to get things done before
car is taken from me. I literally have just weeks to get things
done.
Is there anyway to respond off the site?
I am so scared.
Thanks.
Thank you for writing. I am completely in a panic, cuz I keep finding ways that they have taken over more and more. They are going to take the car from me, then possibly make me homeless. There’s an animal too. I don’t have money, so where am I to go?
Also, they can lock me out of the house. Did that happen to you?
I can’t borrow money to buy another car, and if I spend the little money I have on another car, then I could be devasted financially, not to mention be stuck with bad used car. Buying a car under duress is not a good thing. I am nervous about these posts cuz can’t Abusers see them?
So far the legal advice I have been given won’t protect me at all and will likely cause a worse scenario. I better pack a bag. I’m disabled too.
What a nitemare. No matter where I turn I see devastation.
Hi d welcome to the site. The first thing is not to panic.
I know that Is easier said than done but it is true. I lost my car my job almost my home finances social life. Everything. I was also traumatised when a lot of it happened.
Ok you say that you are disabled but do not say how. Do you ha’ve any support left. Family friends?
If not, you say that you are disabled. Could you access support through a support organisation, that supports people with disability? As you would be considered vulnerable. Please don’t panic. It is now important to look at what you can do not what you can’t.
I can’t get into my disability status, don’t have time or energy.
But it limits me from doing normal activities, taking public transportation, working.
I have no family and no friends that can take me in.
I am alone and they know that.
Yes, I could try Dis orgs, but I have to try and get help
in other ways first, as Dis orgs
are not nec educated in Abuse. I have already
had them say unhelpful things. They will poss be next
if I can find support for abuse and the legal side of things.
I need both. If I find that, they can work with
the dis orgs. It’s just not easy, and being low-income.
I am panicking cuz
anything could happen at any minute, and experience has shown
that it does!!!!! I’ve been in a state of panic for months now.
My disability is part of why it’s hard to calm down.
I cannot tolerate this kind of stress….
I understand. The reason that I say don’t panic as often the worse that we fear, rarely happens. Fear will keep you in a state of paralysis. You need help. Try women’s dv unit support. What is available is different where you are in the world. If you were in UK I could advise you better.
P.S. I am going to lose my home if they get their way.
Being disabled and low income one cannot just go out and
rent a place to live. It’s very complicated, and they know that too.
Sometimes the worst things that happen can set us free and be the very best thing. Although we cannot see this at the time. You need to ask for help from people who can practically help you. There is a commenter here a few months ago who also has a disaability. She feared she would lose her home and what she would do. The charitable organisation for her disability is now helping her and paid a months rent so she wouldn’t lose her home. I know it is difficult but when things are at crisis it is important to focus on solutions and not the problems if you are struggling to do this and it is affecting your health you should speak to an organisation that can provide practical help and support.
This does not address poverty and disability issues, really
IMHO.
Things are at a very critical point.
Yes, I am searching for help like crazy!!!
It takes tons of energy and tons of time, both in
short supply.
The clock is ticking on the next ambush here….
Which could have the most serious repercussions of all.
My health is not doing well. You need a lot of
normal energy (which I don’t have)
and resources to fight. I am doing the best I can.
I am about to get stranded without transportation, and
stranded with my abuser living right over me.
so many things. I have read the posts where people have lost
EVERYTHING. I have everything to lose, and no income,
or health ability to recover if it comes to the worst.
I pray that indeed you are right and unexpected good things
will happen. I know they are going to steal my animal, which
they do not give any love or attention and who is being traumatized.
It is killing me as we love each other so much and could have a happy life together. I feel so guilty and ashamed, like abandoning one’s child. How to get over that?
A poster wrote that her abuser took her dog.
I am taking steps and fighting the best I can.
There is huge time pressure and my energy is waning.
So hopefully a miracle of support soon!
I pray that i am not too late.
I hope that I can find support and that
taking steps won’t do me harm. But I have no choice now.
My Abuser has much power and control in the community.
I have to take steps. If I get support, hopefully, hopefully,
I can get out and move on in a good way. While having to deal with the all the PTSD… in the future.
We all deserve better.
Yes you do deserve better. I am not belittling how you are feeling.
When it was happening to me, I had severe post traumatic shock, my brain was literally frozen in shock. I was unable to defend myself. I couldn’t do anything at all.
This is why I say you need help from someone who can offer practical help for you. You can also call your local domestic violence support in your area, they might be able to provide a support worker, or signpost you to someone who can help.
I know that nothing I can write here, can offer practical help.I also know that when it was happening to me (well I was so traumatised, I couldn’t even go online to ask for help) -at least not initially. Things got worse. I did almost lose my home.
You know what… I DIDN’T lose my home…. I did get support. I had gone (due to the trauma) from a strong independent woman to a vulnerable person with her brain in shock who was unable to defend herself or stop what was happening to her….. I had to call in someone to help. When this happens and you are vulnerable it is important to ask for help from someone you can trust, please do this…. I did, and it did help me.
Hi Pos, hope ur feeling much better. Phoenix’s story can’t be found on my phone, I received the post,done searches, but no luck. Thank you love an peace. The spath is back in jail, not sure you’ve read my story.. 💙😄
Ah sorry bewildered. I did put it there but need to edit so took it down as it didn’t match the title of post.
He is back in jail well. At least he cannot cause any more problems 🙂
Hi positivagirl,
I tried to email you because there is something I wanted to request. However, the email on your website bounced back as undeliverable. Is there an alternate email I can write to you?
Hello, I am 16 years old and going out with a 19 year old sociopath. I’ve been thought so much pain this past two months. We have been going out for 1 year and 2 months. We both lost our virginity to each other. He was so sweet and amazing but that changed. I know I’m young and I shouldn’t of done that with him but I just don’t know. I’m so confused and basically don’t know what to do with him. I love him so much but I can’t get myself of leave him. He makes me feel horrible and depressed. How can he bring my happiness and depression. I would like some advice. That will be very helpful. Thanks.
Hello
I am new to this site and am so happy I ran across it. It has been eye-opening and made me aware of so much. I dated a sociopath for 5 years. He was a compulsive liar and manipulated me to the extreme. I took him back so many times because of the “illusion” and was hoping he was a changed man. After 4 years, we broke up for a 14 months and I had No Contact. I changed my numbers, blocked his emails, all of it. The only way he could contact me was mailing letters to my home or leaving voicemails at my job. He did this for the ENTIRE 14 moths we were apart. I broke after 14 months and gave him another chance. Very foolish, I know and I had a feeling he would hurt me again. We talked and wanted to give it one more chance because he claimed to have loved me so much and was so wrong and really wanted us to work.
Well, this time he had a chick on the side. I guess this is the time I knew about a chick on the side. He met her online and he was to terminate ALL contact with her but he did not. I found out that he was going to fly her into town and spend his birthday weekend with her. He planned to lie to me and tell me he was going out of town to visit his brother. I was in complete shock. I couldn’t believe he would stoop to that. Lie to me that he is out of town while remaining in town to entertain another woman. I found this out by going through his emails. I saw the plane ticket he purchased for her. So he was going to try to string along both of us.
He tried to lie but realized I had evidence of the truth. He NEVER admitted his wrongdoing but sent an email to me accusing me of my wrongdoing and blaming everything on me. I basically told him I was DONE and to never contact me again. Of course, he had to email me back telling me to never contact him since I am the CRAZY one.
How do you know when they are DONE? I feel as if he is going to try to contact me again. I know he has another victim but she lives 6 hours away and I live in town.
Hi denise, welcome to the site. You have to be the one to establish no contact (see the post how to do no contact in healing and recovery section) otherwise he will keep boomeranging back for as long as you allow It to continue.
Do they ever really leave you alone or do they always try to come back to regain control? Why do they like to have multiple women (victims)? Is this for more control?
@ Denise
Mine waited 25 years before re entering my life by ” random chance ” . I was stupid enough to fall for it hook line & sinker for 8 months .
They should round them all up and toss them in a volcano 👀
Nick
My SP was trying to fly another woman in town, entertain her, and maek me think he would be out of town. I am trying so hard NOT to feel as if it was something about me that led him to do this. But it is so hard. The fact that he will sleep with her makes me sick inside; like he is going to share a special bond with her when he was just trying to sleep with me!
This is not your fault Denise. It is nothing that you did. You didn’t do anything wrong. He just makes you feel that way. Its a clever mind trick to make you feel worthless.
When the truth is the worthless person – is him, not you!
Hi there. How do I post on here? This is a fabulous site 👍😊 xx
Found it 🙂
When a sociopath is cought in a lie and they still lie about it do they know they are lying or do they truly think that’s reality
Hi Allison it depends. Sometimes they can get so caught up in the lie that they become the lie. They convince themselves that it is true throwing themselves fully into character. At other times yes they know they are lying but protecting the lie is more important than your feelings.
Hi I found your site while searching help for being left suddenly an without notice by a man who had promised me the world and forever. I thought that we were happy and everything was wonderful. In fact the last night that we were together he held me closer than ever before. He would not let go of me and continued to tell me how much he loved me. I had noticed that the had gone from the most attentive man that I had ever known. Staring into my eyes with promises of never having loved anyone like me before, stares that were so sincere that there were tears behind them. Calling and texting constantly telling me he could not get me off his mind and that I was the love of his life. I had not dated in years due to a horrible relationship with an absolute and adept sociopath. He was actually still hanging on when the new man stepped in despite us not having anything romantic for years. I guess I should have followed the no contact rule, but he moved next door to me so that was hard. I suppose it left me ripe for the next one. I was so happy to have someone new who really loved me and actually got rid of the last one. He finally moved once he saw the seriousness of the new relationship and I would no longer allow him to take from me. He was still always asking me for things and taking whatever he could get. So the new man came in and swept me off my feet. The first night he was literally all over me in public. Actually made me uncomfortable. He was very flattering and already telling me that I was amazing. I felt uncomfortable with the forcing of too much intimacy and almost ended it there. It felt wrong, like just too much. I had a little too much to drink and so did he, so I blamed it on that and agreed to another date. He works as a bus driver for a band. He was gone a lot. He spent the first few months of our relationship courting me over the phone with non stop flooding of affection and compliments of how I was the best thing he had ever known and how special we were. I caught him in his first lie pretty early on. He was in my town, but had told me he couldn’t see me this layover because he would be with his sons. He was actually in town and eating with friends who posted on fb and busted him. When I called him on it, told him that in the beginning I established that I had just ended a horrible relationship with a chronic liar and lying would not be tolerated period and to leave me alone. He of course instantly called and explained that a friends mom had died and this had just come up. They were all meeting unexpectedly for lunch and he didn’t tell me because it happened so suddenly and he didn’t have time to see me while in town. I forgave him, but that nagging intuition remained. It turns out that one of the girls in the photo, he was sleeping with throughout our entire relationship. He treated me very attentively and adoringly with those intense stares and promises that I was the love of his life and he had never felt anything like this before. I noticed that the attention started to wane and we spoke about it.He told me that I was being silly and he was just busy. He would never get too close emotionally. Except for the intense staring and promises of other worldy love, he didn’t really share any substantial emotional feelings with me. He said he had never been able to do that with anyone. He just didn’t like to open up about things that he could deal with himself. This bothered me because I wanted a close emotional friend as my life partner. I was starting to notice that his calls and wooing me was getting less intense, but he told me he was just busy and I was the only woman he would ever want or be with again. He told me I was imagining things. Then I got a fb notification that he was tagged with his ex wife. I was stunned, he said she was a user and what they had was crazy, she was crazy and he didn’t have any contact with her anymore. When I asked about the tag with him he said he had talked to her on the phone on her birthday and that she was going through some major health issues and that her friend was crazy and just started tagging him in unrelated photos. He assured me I was the only and most beautiful woman in his life and he would never get back with her, that he loved me. I accepted this ridiculous statement, but asked him to remove her from his page as it made it look like he was dating her. He said he didn’t know how, but when he got in town I could show him how and he would. When he got in town and I asked him about it he kept putting it off. Alarms started going off in me. I said when we erase her from your page I would also like you to add me as your girlfriend on fb, since I am the love of your life and you want to be with me forever. He said he did not like to have his personal life on fb. Another huge flag goes up. I am ashamed to admit that while he slept I went through his phone. I know it is an invasion of privacy and I would normally never do this, but something told me to do so. I found his text with the girl from the first lie I caught him in. (Having dinner with friends in town while lying and saying he was out of town with his sons). It spelled everything out that the two of them had been having an affair. I immediately came in and showed him the messages and told him to get the f*c* out. He first got on his knees and said he was ending it and would it help if he told me that I was the love of his life, he had fallen in love with me, and was ending it with her. I told him no, that should have already been done and nothing he could say would change my feelings now. He was a lying, cheating creep and I wanted nothing more to do with me. I avoided his text and did not answer. Then he got to me on fb with a very good message. That if I would ever find it in my heart to give him a chance to make it up to me, he would always treat me right and never hurt me again. I gave in and gave him a chance to apologize to me in person. I would have done anything at that point to stop the excruciating stabbing pain in my chest and the incessant memories of the intense stares and vows of forever love. He tried to come right away, but luckily I had family with me and we had to schedule it for the next week. We talked over the next week where he told me he would do anything to get things back like they were and was heart broken. He still felt the same about me and always would. One night while he was drunk I noticed that it seemed like he was talking to someone else because his text seemed to be to someone else. He said I was being silly and he would call me because there was just too much to say. He was very loving and said he couldn’t wait to see me face to face again. He said he would be here as soon as he could. That was to be Tuesday. On Sunday morning I awoke to a text from the ex in the photo he was tagged in that he said was crazy and just tags people in photos randomly. She was very mean and told me he was her husband, they were back together and were getting remarried and I was to leave him alone or she would find me. Needless to say I was in shock. Turns out he was with her in that photo, he took it. He had asked her father for her hand in marriage. All the while coming home to me and telling me I have nothing to worry about with her, he would never go there again. So the girl I caught on his phone as a result of the photo of his ex and the tag that he was with her was just the tip of the iceberg. He had also been carrying on an affair with her for almost a month, and had actually gotten engaged to her. I had broken up with him over the other woman, and totally ignored his texts. We were through, he begged me to give him another chance to make things right. However, you could tell that once I agreed to give him a chance to change my mind, he lost respect and started trying less. Nonetheless he was still texting the love of my life, I will do anything to get things back, I will always treat you right, I will never let this happen again. All of this while with her and having already asked her to remarry him. I am in shock. Why did he not just leave me alone, he had a new woman already? Why did he continue to pursue me? Then after she text such a horrible mean thing to me, I got a text from him “You are gonna get a text from my ex, sorry shit happens. You shouldn’t have rejected me, I don’t handle rejection well.” So cold and uncaring. The first cold and uncaring thing from him besides the emotional distance and lessening of text and calls while away. But no overt cold and uncaring statements, as if I meant nothing. She had totally crushed me and it was as if they were laughing about it. He tried to say it was because I broke up with him because he cheated, when actually he had been seeing her a few weeks before I found out about the cheating and broke up with him. He then wrote a long text about how I just wanted more than him and I should have understood that he had just gone through a long divorce and didn’t want a commitment. I guess it was for her sake, because they were together when he wrote it. He made me feel like I meant nothing and it did not bother him in the least to hurt me. He said that he was happy with her and that they had the same connection as before and he had to follow it because it was so intense. Said he was gonna tell me when he saw me.(The night before on the phone he said he wanted to have sex, but he knew I probably would not trust him yet for that) Never said he was sorry. Still blamed it on me not talking to him when he tried to get me back and that I shouldn’t have let him go. Ended it with Always have my heart. This just happened less than a week ago. I am still in shock. I ended up talking to his new girlfriend because she would not leave me alone with her mean text. I just sent her a copy of the ones where he had been begging me back and telling me I was the love of his life. Well since she was engaged to him while he was sending them she changed her tune. She suddenly wanted to talk to me. I told her everything, that we had been actively in a relationship and having sex for weeks since they were engaged and he told me I had nothing to worry about with her. I luckily had everything on text and sent her all the proof. She of course forgave him and they are still getting married. She now seems to really feel for me, she text me often thanking me for my honesty. I figured it was the least I could do since I was in the dark the whole relationship. So I know that this is a long and ridiculous story. I am sorry to take up so much of your time, but I just needed to tell someone who understood the dynamics of what I had just gone through. I have couple of questions for you. I told you the whole story so you could answer them with full knowledge. He has a good job, and makes a lot of money. He often showered me with gifts. He made grand offers in the beginning, but I turned them down because I like my independence and because we were too new for me to take such extravagant gifts. So he is not a parasitic person, he does not live off of his conquest. Does that mean he is not a sociopath? I see that as one of the descriptive qualities of a sociopath. Second, I immediately unfriended him on fb and stopped texting or answering his text. However his new fiancee text me daily. She is very flattering and seems to just want to check on me. I think maybe though it is not good for me to continue to talk to her. Is this breaking the no contact rule. I told her I did not want to talk about him anymore, just about us and how we are doing. She is already trying to fix me up with men. It is weird. Anyway I feel that I should cut this off too. I do not need to be constantly reminded of him, and that is what it does. So after a long novel that I put you through, it comes down to those two questions. Can a sociopath not be a financial user? And should I use the no contact rule with his new girlfriend as well? I am sorry it was so long, but I cannot sleep and just needed to tell the story to someone who really got it. Thank you so much for your time. Love and light, Janine
Hi Janine, thank you for sharing your story (if you also copy and paste in on the share your story post, you will have a lot of response from others too).
Ok, well if he ISN’T a sociopath, then the one I dated wasn’t either!!! …. He follows the typical pattern of sociopathic behaviour, I would say absolutely.
With regard to his girlfriend, you know that he doesn’t tell the truth, is a compulsive pathological liar. So of course he is lying to her about you. No doubt, he has lied and said that it wasn’t him…. or that you harassed him…. and he tried to tell you no, that you are crazy. This is likely why she is being so nice to you, because she feels for you. He probably would have sold it what a nice guy he is, and that he cares for you. You have a history of this etc etc….. whatever lies he can think of to get himself out of his situation. He will tell those lies so prolifically he can almost believe them himself and becomes the lie!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Where you are at right now, is the worst time, so absolutely heartbreaking, when you realise that everything is a lie. Nothing is true. The confusion that you experience….I went through all that you describe. I can promise that you can come out the other side.
Yes I think that you should cut off the contact with his ex, as what you will be doing (without realising it) is actually reinforcing HIS lies…. he will be calm (as he is without feeling) and you will be emotional, because you are hurt and NORMAL…. he will use this, to discredit you. Who knows what he has said? But it will be put in the way that he is ‘caring’ about you…. and concerned about you. This is why she is being like this.
Its all part of the game, and part of the lie.
Really – stay with us, read through the posts in order back from Feb 2013…. (they are in order on right hand side in terms of old posts)….. everything that you write here, I have also wrote about. But also explained why.
I am so sorry that you are going through this…. please cut contact with both of them, as he is now using you, to play the game with his partner. I know it is sick…. but it is the way that they operate and the way that they work.
Not all sociopaths live off their partners, low functioning ones do, high functioning ones work, and can have very powerful successful jobs… and earn a lot of money. They use what they earn to get their way.
Remember it is always about what they WANT as source of supply, he might not need money – but it looks like he needed something else…. someone else massaging his ego.
Welcome to the site. I am sorry to read that you are going through this.
First stage is shock….. denial almost. Disbelief, coming to terms with everything that has happened…. (read the post the five stages of grief and the healing process)
You have the confusion about who he was…. to …. who he really is, and then grieving the person that you thought he once was…. it is hard…. but ….please remember that confusion is always a prelude to clarity. Read as much as you can, here and elsewhere on the net, talk to others who understand what you are going through
If you copy and paste your story on tell my story page….. more people will see it in their in box and respond to you too.
Thank you so much for your attention to my pain. You cannot know how much I really needed it. I am still in shock. Absolutely confused, but clarity is coming as I am here now, so there ya go. I knew enough to get to a site that describes the true person he is.
I am definitely grieving the loss of the person that up until 2 weeks ago I thought I would be with forever. (I thought his emotional distance was just due to his ugly divorce a few years ago, so I thought he would trust me and then start to open up.) I am definitely through the bargaining and denial stages of grief. Kind of stuck at anger right now.
I will definitely copy and paste my story on the tell my story page as I need all the help I can get. Thank you again so much for your help, it has been an immense relief to get some answers as to how and why he could just not care at all about how hurt I am by what he did to me. Now it all makes sense. I do feel a little sorry for his new victim, as she is a 2 time cancer survivor who now has been diagnosed with MS. Can you imagine the tools that is gonna give him. However, I do not think that it is healthy for me to continue to have any contact with his life in any way. Thank you so much again for your time, care and advice.
Love and light, Janine
Hi Janine,
So very sorry to hear of what you have gone through and continue to go through. Know that it will get better and you will come out of this tailspin you’re in.
With respect to your first question, I think if being with this completely callous deceiver has taught you anything it’s that you can’t trust anything you think you may know about him. Money could come from a trust, he may work part-time or not at all, he could be a dealer, a theif, or much worse with a history of widows. Alarming, I know, but because you are in this fog still, I want to impress that what you think is true of this man may be another long series of fabrications you know nothing about.
You were caught in his web and then discarded. He will do the same to the “fiance”. She is hoping against hope this is not true but clinging to you with the intent of discovering something you did to make your situation different from hers. They aren’t different. And yes, it is unhealthy for you to be expected to shore her up when you are experiencing trauma. She only wants to play friend and fix you up with other men to clear her own path. Disconnect.
The guy is a real piece of work to be formally going back to his ex-wife. She must be better able to sustain and put up with all his nonsense, and there will be unbearable loads of that for the rest of her life. It is a very confused mind and some deep-seated self-hate that has to keep someone with an abuser, after they’ve distanced enough to wake up from what’s really going on, then choose to return to it. I don’t know if these people ever really come out right and with clear view to experience a real richness in life, as opposed to this type of fake, hopeful, punishing existence. I do know you have barely escaped with you life.
I know you are in tremendous pain and that you will have to work through that. For your sake, Janine, I really encourage you to dissect what’s been happening to you. It is concerning that you’ve met two such men, suggesting a pattern that needs to be broken. I have the same problem so, I’m right there with you. I won’t date again until some things with me are “fixed” to sustain something authentic. I wish you all the best.
I cant begin to tell you how thankful I am for coming upon this site. It’s only been a couple of days since I found out my sociopath boyfriend has been living a double life. I have been with him for a year and all the signs were there and I feel absolutely ridiculous for not running for the hills about 30times. I caught him red handed telling another woman he loved her and as I dug deeper I found out they have been dating for months. So as he is being intimate with me, making dinner, going out, laughing, spending time with each of our children, he has been doing the same thing with someone else.
The betrayal is so beyond anything I could ever comprehend. He made me feel like I was the only person in the entire world that he needed. Well he made her feel the same way, and the gf before me feel the same way. I’m sure it was totally unhealthy but the three of us girls got together and put the shattered pieces of his 10 million lies together to form a puzzle that was our lives.
I am so devastated that sometimes I just fall on the ground and cry and ask myself over and over again how he could do this to me?
Even after he was caught he continued to tell each of us that we were the ones he really loved and that it was over with the person, what he didn’t know is that her and I were trapping him in every way… Busting his lies wide open, and STILL he couldn’t admit to what he was doing.
And here I am alone going through withdrawal… I have officially read every article on this site over the last 4 hours and still I want to feel his loving hands… My guilty pleasure… The one thing I know will kill me but I still want so bad…. I’m so scared that I will never find anyone else to really love me as good as he has fake loved me. I’m broken because the last year of my life has been a complete sham. He has cried in my arms and begged and pleaded to fix things because I’m the only one for him and I was stupid enough to believe him every single time…
I have blocked and deleted him in every way possible I know in my head that no contact is obviously with out a shadow of a doubt the correct step…. But I just don’t know if I am strong enough not to relapse…
I look for award to your response and thank you so much for this site… Without it… I might be getting high on him right now.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Betrayal is the most awful feeling in the world. I described it as being stabbed in the heart and the back at the same time. Good for you for blocking him. It will allow you time to process everything that has happened and to heal.
So…Coming from the Sociopath’s perspective this whole site makes me look like on evil son of a bitch. I’ve read all of these and I do think that most of the people on this site have been wronged one way or another. Was it by a sociopath or a psychopath? Maybe, but besides the point I just think that there is a gross over generalization here. I don’t feel like I NEED to constantly manipulate people. Do I? Sure, maybe a bit more than a regular guy, but hey not my problem. Do I lie every now and again? I try to implement some self-control in that regard, but I do find myself lying every now and again. Can I love? I think I can, what I feel for my girlfriend I think is love, I hope it is at least that would be great. To boil things down, I don’t feel like an evil guy, I’m sure I could be if I put my mind to it, but I’m not. Anyways, I’m leaving soon just wanted to voice some concerns I had about this site.
P.S Keep leaving funny videos
I am freshly alone after a 3.5 year relationship with a sociopath. He lived with my children and I for 3 of those years. He is literally a textbook sociopath. I noticed about 1.5 years ago, and he and I discussed my findings. He broke up with me exactly the way the readings said he would. I am clearly spinning through all of the normal emotions, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to institute “no contact” yet. I know that I need to, and I know it would be the best thing, but I cannot get myself to follow through with it. Does anyone have any helpful advice?
Hello freshalone,
Welcome to the site and know that you are not alone. What these SP do to us is shattering and so painful. We could fall in love with them and give them our hearts and they just stomp all over it and walk away. I was with a SP for 4 years when I finally walked away. It was the HARDEST thing EVER to do and the pain was unbearable. I HAD to do it because my life was out of control. I had totally lost myself and all he continued to bring me was heartache, pain, disappointment, false accusations and a bunch of other headaches. I went cold turkey. FOr the first 4-5 months, I probably cried every day. It was so hard and so lonely but my pain was grieving the death of the relationship and not from his mean, selfish ways. I was finally able to see how sick and toxic and unhealthy the relationship was. I finally had peace of mind and the freedom to live my life. After awhile, it felt great because I started to feel like me again. I made the awful mistake of reconnecting with him again after 14 months of No Contact. He still found ways to contact me every month, sometimes multiple times a month for the 14 months of NC. THAT WAS MY WORST MISTAKE. He seduced me again and then conned me again with another woman. I kick myself for letting him back in because my life was better without him. He hurt my heart once again as the site says they will do. He is a compulsive liar and a cheat who is incapable of the truth. I have to go cold turkey NC again and it is hard. They are truly like a drug and we are addicted. This drug can really ruin your life. We have to find the strength within us to completely fight this addiction and let go of this. This will only keep you from moving on with your life and on to healthier relationships. Every time I let my SP back into my life, he hurt me worse each time. I now truly see he has no value or place in my life. It feels as if he has sucked it dry. I am tired of feeling like this and the only way this feeling can go away is if I kick him out of m life for good. It is hard but you can do it. If not, your life will be this endless cycle of abuse and heartache. You and your children deserve better. The longer you wait, the harder it is. Each time you let him back in, the harder it is. You can do it. Take it one day at a time and remember that you and your children deserve so much better.
Hi,
I need some advice please, i was with my sociopath for 5 years and now 3 years after our seperation we are still going through the family courts and he manipulated the ss and has gained custody, i have to see my child at a supervised contact centre because he says he has to protect her from me and because he has been brainwashing her she told them that i hit smack her she was only 4 when we seperated and she not has been living with him for a year, i have not been able to have proper legal representation as i’m broke and unable to get legal aid, The more i try to tell social services what he is doing the more they say we are just arguing and not getting on and now they want to apply for a care order. We saw a psychologist but i annoyed her by telling her what he is and she said i cann’t diagnose him, so she litened to his pile of lies and didn’t think he manipulates or lies and that i must be paranoid, even when our girl and drawn pictures of me smacking and he’d written all over them and even drawn tears. i am waiting to hear if i can have a volenteer barristor and court hearing for contact is in march, i’m stressing out again. It has been more than horrentas as i have my rights taken and can’t protect her, i’ve been blamed for loads of stuff i haven’t done, treated like a dangerous criminal and humiliated, i cry everyday and don’t know if this ever be sorted out, i’m heart broken and she has lost her relationship with me as her mummy
all the advise organisations such as womensaid have not helped me and all just pass me on to some other helpline. the social have vistimised me and been bias on his side. there is no evidence of anything, they have lied and said i’m emotionally abusing her and no proof, they are corrupt and there is no justice in the courts, he never gets caught, when he strangled and threatened to kill me he told the police i was on drink and drugs and crazy and that i had strangled him so i was then arrested and so i have no evidence of what he done. he did you to brag about it and other things he done in the past and said he was too clever for the police
he does all the traits of a sociopath: no empathy, pathalogical liar, exagerated fabrigated lies, smirks, fiddles tax ect, likes danger sports, womanizer, no respect bad attitude for women, domineering, controlling, mind games, gas lighting, parential allienation, naccastic, caused totall distruction in my whole family
any advice welcome
xx
Hi Tina when you mention womensaid. I presume you are in the UK? I am too.
It is not easy but police should be checking and providing support. On what grounds are they making you see your child in a child protection centre? If you are in UK I might be able to offer some support as I worked for a long time with child protection cases. All that social services want is for everything to be in the best interests of the Child. So always prresent this to them. I am presuming as contact is through contact center that this is through social services? Try to get your child’s social worker on side. Whatever they ask you to do then do it. (I know this can be tough) but it’s important. He is better at lying than you Re at defending those lies. Try to work as a team with the social worker not as a team with sociopath it will get you further as truthfully as you know he can and will stab you in the back whenever life isn’t going his way and he needs a scape goat. I am sorry that you have lost custody of your child that must be heartbreaking. Does he now have full custody?
Hi positivagirl
Yes i’m in kent in uk, basically the social have been on his side and has made many allegations against me and he manipulated our child whom told the school that i smack her and thats why i have to be supervised and yes he has residence. the police are not involved as i wanted to obtain a non-molistation order but i don’t have evidence because he twists it round everytime police were called. last year he threatened to cut me and my mums face up and they even think i am lying about that cause i didn’t record it. they said if i’m supervised he wont be able to blame me, that hasn’t stopped him. they have lied on their report saying that i told my daughter her dad was going to die. whilst in contact. i would never say that and they say i’m emotionally abusing her, she has emotional therapy at her school and she told them that she doesn’t want her brothers, nanny in her life and she said something about me, they told her but that happened a long time ago but then they think she’s still upset with me. They can’t see that he has been constantly reminding her such as ”mummy got rid of your cat”’ i did about 2.5 years ago because he was kicking it around the room and not feeding it. but he keeps reminding her of things that have happened or exaggerates stories such as she placed a clothes peg on her chin after seeing a tv program, then it became a big story about how me and my mum placed pegs all over her face and laughed at her whilst she was crying, and he says it so much that she ends up believing that happened, and social believe it. I have had enough of being blamed for things i haven’t done. the social just have an opinion and its all standard cases but this is not one of those cases. i cannot work with him it’s impossible. for example it was recommended that i have more time outside centre but he wanted to supervise i am not going to allow him to do that to me or his friends and especially when he has done in the past say that i was abusive to him and nasty to my daughter when i wasn’t, his friends would do the same. i have recommended my mum but they say because he has made this peg allegation she can’t. so i recommended a foster lady that is my sons girlfriends mother but he said only if he supervises aswell so what’s the point of being supervised by someone else then?
i shouldn’t even be supervised they shouldn’t have given her to him he’s dangerous and he planned it all, he asked for her birth certificate and got a flat before she even lived with him. and they haven’t done proper investigations into him or his girlfriend or his past. they have only listen to what he says and what our daughter has said and she was 4 years old, she’s now 7 and he has been brainwashing her all her life.
i feel very angry that they have place my daughter with a nutter, taken my rights as her mum and humiliated and treated me bad, against our human rights and blaming me for things i haven’t done, i’m too humiliated to even see her in school, he don’t let me know where she is whom she’s with or if she’s ill, He’s the one that is harming her emotionally and she’s going to be psychologically disturbed very badly
What is your relationship like with your daughters social worker? Do you get on well with him/her? Perhaps try to build a good relationship with him/her. Always talk what is in the interests of your daughter. This is how to make social services listen.
Perhaps you could tell the social worker, that you would love to have contact with your daughter outside the centre and that this would be beneficial for her, but as things are not good between you and your ex, that this might adversly affect her, and that she has already been through too much, is there anybody that could come with you to supervise the visit (take the control away from him, and put it back into social services control – put it as in the interests of the child).
Always do this, and try to build a good relationship with social worker. Try not to get hung up on what he is saying and trying to prove this. Box clever, and instead – if you have someone nominated by social services to come with you and your daughter for visits outside of the centre, build a relationship with this person too. this person can then report back, when there is a case conference or core group meeting, how you are with your daughter.
If you need any further support, please don’t hesitate to mail me datingasociopath@hotmail.co.uk I really feel for you as losing your child has to be the worse feeling in the world for any mother. From my experience (and I worked on a lot of CP cases) was part of core group for a lot of cases attended case conferences etc, you always have to act in what is the best interests of the child. It might be in your interests to work more with social services – and always sell it that it for your own daughters interests. Social services will probably appreciate this, and you won’t get wound up having to deal with him.
Hello Postivagirl and friends,
Yesterday, my Readnotify.com alerted that my ex-socio was opening up old emails I sent to him and forwarding them to another computer. I mean not just a few emails but it was like up to ten of my old emails. The strangest thing the emails would be the same one open over and over. Then, opened on another computer. If it’s not him going through my old emails, it’s probably the woman he’s with now. You know the one that called me and sent nasty emails as well. My question….if it is him, why does he keep opening my old emails and forwarding them to another computer? Also, opening the same email over and over? If it’s his current socio girlfriend doing it, why does she keep opening the same emails over and over again?
My x got his mate to forward my conversation with his mate on facebook when i was asking him where my daughter was, so he then printed it and used part of it against me in court, who know what they do? they sit there and plan what they can do to either create a reaction from you, upset you or use against you and their friends become part of their sick games. i always think when i’m chatting on these websites he is finding them and sitting there laughing as he knows he effects me
Don’t worry as she won’t be laughing when it happens to her….
People are bastards, i would never put anyone through what i wouldn’t like done to me, i have compassion and care about people even if they are my enemy. That’s the difference they don’t give a dam do they? just pure evil and their mates are stupid idiots
I think that this is common to think that they can read everything that you write. They do track you, this is why I wrote a blog and was quite open about it, it meant he could read whatever I was thinking at the time. Sociopaths love to capture and control, by whatever means possible.
People who participate in games, self-compromise and unjustified meanness are just as broken as the sociopath. Nothing to worry about though… they all get more than their share of pain in this life.
Yes, But they also fear being found out? in a way i’m letting him know i know his game and i already told him when the truth is found out he will go to hell, he can dig his hole deeper. They have to be exposed so they don’t have the control.
I am seeing the social worker on wednesday so i hope to get through to her whats going on and anwsering your past question he has residence. he’s stopping her from talking to me on the phone and he’s demanding her passport without even telling me he’s booked a holiday or anything. he’s threatened in past should he get her from me i would not see her as he will give her to his sister in france. he’s also place on facebook all dads fight for 2 years and the man from del monti say yes she now has a home. this proves she’s an object and it’s to destroy me
Hi Absoffice101, thank God I didn’t have a kid with him. You are so right about them being pure evil. His gf would be getting on his phone snooping his phone. Then, write me nasty emails because she knows his ass will cheat on her just like he did me. She’s so dumb to use the energy to scare off any women he gets on the side. She’s going to connect to the right one who’s going to find her address and commence an ass beating. I know should she steal my photos from his phone turn up somewhere; I will sue her ass. He would be the one harassing me because I’ve been sticking to no contact. Its becoming much easy to maintain no contact.
i wish i could have no contact but thats not possible because of our child and i have to keep doing what i can to get her back, she needs me i’m her mum. if the social recognized what he is then she would have been protected. i love my daughter with all my heart and will continue to try and have have her returned and he should be locked up for what he has done
I am headed to a lengthy divorce trial with my ex who is a brilliant sociopath and lawyer. I am financially depleted, and have been abused in all ways for years. He is till fooling people on a daily basis. I do to know how to get through this trial. There is no way I can testify for hours on the sexual abuse and show no emotion. Does anybody have guidance on how to get through this?
Hi,
I haven’t slept or eaten for days, I am terrified.
A few days ago I just happened to watch a programme about a sociopath, & was amazed that it sounded like my partner that hasn’t lived with me for a while now. So I immediately read up about sociopaths on the internet, & every single point is exactly how my partner had behaved. I was with him for 4 years. He left me so many times after having huge arguments about things he’d decided I’d done or said or even thought! His anger was extreme, but now I know this was the real him. In arguments he’s accused me of everything, criticised everything about me & even my past that he knows hardly anything about because he never asked a question or wanted to know anything about me, he put me down, insulted me, etc, etc. He was never interested in my feelings, or explanations etc after an argument. Everything was about him. He never listened or responded to anything I said in an argument, he just kept going AT me with all the things he wanted to say, & it was never about the actual thing we were arguing about, which was usually very small & could of been sorted with a discussion…….it very very quickly turned into a personal slagging match against me!! He played the victim so often. He was never to blame for anything. He treated me so appallingly at times, & then expected me to just brush it under the carpet like nothing had happened! He always had so many issues & problems that he always needed to talk about, & I am so caring & so giving, I was always there to listen, because that’s what normal people do in relationships, But as soon as I needed to talk about anything, he always changed the subject, or had something else he needed to do. I had a car accident & was in pain quite often, but I’ve always been the type of person that generally keeps it to myself & gets on with it, but I learnt very quickly that even if I was having a really bad day, I could never say anything because I’d never get any sympathy from him, & he said many times how it was impossible to really be able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes!!! He owes me thousands, because I paid for a lot of things that he promised I’d get back, I put the finance to HIS car in my name so he could get a car, & now I’ve been left paying for it for over a year now, as well as many other things I’ve paid out for! And he’s never apologised for doing that to me, or even felt that he needed to explain why he’d done any of it. And his emotions were so immature!
The amount of times I’ve told him that he has no sympathy or empathy or feelings for anyone else except himself, & that he’s selfish, a hypocrite & our relationship is so one sided! But all of that was when he was angry or we’d had an argument! And our arguments always went on for days, & it was usually me that sorted it, approached him, gave him all the reassurance he needed, but he never gave me any.
He’s also been told by family members & the counsellor that he needs to separate himself from his mother to have a chance of changing, (their relationship is bizarre), but he told me that she made him feel guilty she was now all on her own, etc, but now I know it is because she constantly hands out money, (because she has no emotion to give, & that is how she keeps him!!)
His past also makes sense now, because it was all about money, why his relationships ended, but he obviously lied to me & blamed his ex partners……of course.
But he’s been so clever, because all the other times he’s so charming, funny, great with my family & friends, will apologise & show sadness for what he’d done & want to put it right, & even went to a counsellor for his anger…….but now I know that the times he did this was when he really had to! We’d go out a lot, he did work very hard (well so I think) & was very good at his job & brought a wage in, but I always had my suspicions that he earned more than he was letting on to me. But he changed his job A LOT, but then always seemed to get another one fairly quickly.
The 1st half of our relationship, I’d given him so much understanding & patience & allowances for all of his behaviour because he had come from an horrendous abusive background, (which I know is true from his brother & sister) & he’d talk about wanting to be different & knowing that he’s just learnt to survive & how he behaves now is wrong. But after a period of time, this abuse was affecting me, & I started to fight back, & stand up for myself, & thats when it all got a lot worse, because I realised I was going to get NO understanding or allowances back. He never met me half way, & he left more often because he wasn’t going to ‘put up’ with my behaviour, & had no understanding that I’d put up with his & a hell of a lot worse for so much longer. Yet I still put this down to his upbringing & his background!! Because he was so lovely all of the other times. And he’s say that the things he said to me in the arguments were just argument talk because that is what he’d learnt as a child & how they always argue at home, & he didn’t mean any of it!!
But now I know, he was with me because I had a big payout coming from my car accident. And he’d be happy to plan how we were going to spend it. But it came & went very quickly because of a lot of debt I already had to pay off. But he did make sure he was out of work all over that xmas, so I’d pay for his car, & repairs to his car, because I had the money. Then at the same time as I was fighting back the money ran out, so when we had arguments this time, he left for a lot longer, & eventually got his own flat, always blaming it all on me that he couldn’t deal with my behaviour, or he felt I hated him & couldn’t live with that, etc, etc. Which is where he is now, but I’ve always kept in contact, thinking that eventually he would want to get help & sort things out. (Because before he always had reason/excuses why he didn’t, because he worked such long hrs, etc!!)
He even came back not very long ago, all caring & calmed down to talk, & we saw a bit of each other again, & things looked better, & I ended up paying off hiss credit card! And then another argument has happened & he’s not putting up with me again!!!
I also found out he’s been on a dating website for many many months, after he’d got his flat, so he’s obviously looking for the next victim. When I confronted him, because I thought we were apart until we’d both got our relationship sorted & in a better place, he couldn’t see what the problem was to start with, then he said he’d signed up before we met, but not used it, & then started using it again this January because I’d made it clear at christmas how I felt about him. Well I know from a friend whos on the same site that he’s been using it since August last year, & what I said at christmas was that we need to make some serious changes before we can be together! So now I don’t know if he’s been using the site, the whole time we’ve been together!!!!
And now, I’ve found out about sociopaths, I don’t know this person at all! But I do know his rages, all the threats he’s made in his rages & that all the things he said in arguments were the real things he DID mean, & when he was being nice that was the bits that weren’t real!!
I have even had thoughts that maybe I’m wrong & it really is because of his upbringing, but there are too many things that are sociopathic, (& I’ve only brushed the surface with what I’ve written here)!!
It is laughable really, because I am intelligent, but I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a sociopath, or that what he was doing was planned, etc!! Now I look at it all, I can’t believe I let it go on this long, I would of left a long time ago. I can see it all so clearly now, but before, I always thought it was because of his upbringing & he could get it sorted out, & he said he wanted to!! So I do not want him back, & I really do hope he’s gone……I haven’t heard from him for a week or so.
But I am terrified, for a number of reasons. He’s threatened me with ruining me, etc, so I am very concerned if & how he’ll do that. I’m also very worried about the number of things I’ve read about the extent they’ll go to, to ruin & harass people. Because I have 2 boys from my previous 15 year marriage, & they are both vulnerable. My eldest has cerebral Palsy, which my sociopath ex partner knew about before we got together, but looking back there has been problems all along with selfishness when my son needed things, & in an argument before he left this last time, he said he hated my son, but has made excuses for saying that ever since! My other son adored my ex partner, & my ex partner made out he adored him back, but now I know it was all false, & this son is really sensitive & struggling at school very vulnerable. I also have a very small child with my ex partner. He was the one that said he really wanted a child, so i agreed. But now I think, the only reason for this, is because he knows that I stayed with my ex husband for longer than I normally would because of the children, I thought I’d do the same with him. He goes hot & cold about seeing his son. He lays on the guilt that the reason he can’t see him is because of me & he can’t deal with me, & we’ve had such big arguments over this. And then he calms down, sends txts asking how he is, & comes to see him, but briefly. I understand why he came a few times before, because he got money out of me for his credit cards, but I don’t understand why he’s been the last couple of times, because he knows my money has all gone & I’m now in debt because I’m still paying for HIS car!
I am terrified what he’s up to, what he’s planning, what he’s going to do next! As he has no feelings for me, my children & his own child, & also has no guilt or remorse or conscience for what he’s done so far to ALL of us, so will have none for what he might do in the future.
My mum, dad & friends now know everything (which they didn’t before, & he knew I was the type of person that was very private & never told anyone about my private life & what was happening. But he told his family all sorts of things about me, to get them on side ready for this time I expect!!) He doesn’t know I have found him out, & I’ve made sure the few people I have told know how important it is that they don’t tell anyone else so it doesn’t get back to him, because I now know that, that could be dangerous for us, because his reputation is extremely important to him. (So I’m scared that is going to happen as well!) My dad has already secured my house a lot more. I am changing all my passwords today, & I’m coming off Facebook, to try to stop any slandering he might decide to do!
I would love to have no contact, but if he wants to start seeing his son again, I really don’t know what to do. If I let him, I know he’s not here to really see his son, there’s another reason for it. But I stop him, he’ll guess something has happened. So I’m terrified what he’ll do either way!!
I am so sorry this is such a long message. I’ve only found out about sociopaths a couple of days ago, I’m still in shock, & this is the first time I’ve written to someone about it all.
I don’t know if there is anything you can do to help, because they are so unpredictable & impulsive. But any advice would be very appreciated. Many thanks.
Sometimes, the right person to help parent your child isn’t the biological person. I speak from experience.
I will tell you what a court official told me long ago when I made my decision … If the person isn’t interested in the child, he may just use them as currency to get his money back. If you love your child, you will not want the agony of not knowing what he’s doing while he has her.
His disinterest may be a blessing because you have an option. Find a better co-parent or shore up your own life and parent singly. It has worked for me.
I completely agree & that is what I’m worried about. He doesn’t want our son, but I’m worried he’ll try to get him, get custody of him, etc, for his own agenda, which I’ve heard is happening, on many sites like this! And over the last few days, I’ve been going over & over our relationship, & realised just how clever/sly/manipulative, etc, etc he was, & just how good his lies have been. He might just disappear, I don’t know! But it worries me, what his reason was to have our son in the 1st place, & I now know he’s been planning to not be in our relationship & to find another one, for a long time now, & our son is not even 2 years old yet!! So I don’t know how to protect my children from the lies he could use in the future. He knows my children are everything to me, so all his threats were about taking the children away from me. I’m still not sleeping or eating, I’m terrified what he will do next. I even thought I should let my other 2 boys live with their dad, which is absolutely heartbreaking, but I have to make sure they are safe.
Stand strong to him Liz. Always put the interests of your child first. They see their children same way as they do their partnerships. Something that they own, their possession. Never give him ammunition to use against you. As hard as it is try not to react or display emotion this is what he wants. As far as he know’s you are strong and you don’t need him anyway.
As he has lied to you. He will also lie to his child. You have every right to protect him from this.
Remember they threat to cause fear. Most of the time (not always) they don’t follow through as once they do their ace card is gone. Remember they are merely ‘words’ to the sociopath words are their swords. Tell him to go through court and refuse to budge on this. When he realises he has to pay for legal his interest might wane.
Hi! Haven’t been on here in awhile. But this goes in response to you saying their “ace card is gone.” I was recently on a dating site and my ex was on there and viewed my profile. I made a bad decision and looked at his. He had a pic of ours with me of course cropped out and that he was looking for a serious relationship which is a joke, he is only serious when he wants something. Yes I made a comment to him regarding our pic on there and what a joke it was that he wanted a serious relationship. That was not smart I know. He then took that pic off and changed that he was looking for a casual relationship. My friends said I was being a “player ” in his game. He periodically looks at my profile but doesn’t say a word. Again that is a game right? In everyday life he acts like I don’t exist. Not too mention he owes me like 6,000 US dollars and abused me in every way other than physical. I know being involved with him is like driving your car full force into a brick wall. I did go off of the site. What was he trying to do, looking at my profile, taking our pic off of there, but ignores me? It has been almost 5 months. He tried to break contact once, but I the wronged person broke it numerous times. People tell me he is trying to keep the door cracked open . For my own sanity and life I could never be involved with him. I know. Thoughts?
They are just nosey Heather. He probably hates that you can see his profile. As you know they like to keep their own life private while knowing everything about yours.
I guess you going off the site was what he wanted as he strives for his own freedom while curtailing yours.
Yes they do keep the door ajar just in case they want to come back as in their mind they are the best in the world and you couldn’t live without them.
Why I care I do not know. Why do you think he changed what he was looking for and took off that pic? Also he could easily block me on there but did not.
Does he like the attention? So it probably bothers him I went off. Why do my friends think he will be back to try and take more? So sorry for all of the questions and thanks!
Yes he would love the attention. Feeding you the thought that he didn’t need you anyway. If you had any communication (don’t) he would also tell you how many people are contacting him and he is going on dates etc etc etc….
Sad truth is that they cannot be on their own. He didn’t block you as he wants you to know. Your friends might be right. But only if you allow this.
So me being off of the site bothers him. Yes I have given him too much attention. Everyone tells me be off the the site just got him off period. I mean of any information or to be privy to me. I can get so angry at myself to have wanted contact with an individual who took and did so much to me. I know in his mind he feels he can do whatever to him. Yes, he is cut off. He took and did enough repeatedly. Yes Pos you are SO right because I ALLOWED it. Repeatedly. I allowed it. I take accountability for it.
Heather– I feel your pain! I am only a few weeks out and haven’t successfully maintained the no contact yet. Like you I am so disappointed that I would even give two seconds of my life to this guy after knowing all that he’s done.
It’s an addiction at this point. I read all of the things on here and know what I should do, but following through is so hard, and so disappointing. The not sleeping and eating unless he’s around doesn’t help.
Long road ahead for all of us.
I was a victim of a sociopath (I will write my story later – I am male) Who can answer a fundamental: Does a sociopath know that she is a sociopath ? Thanks
I would say no, they do not. Unless you’re educated, do research, or someone else told them, how would they? I started researching when all the puzzle pieces were falling into place…..especially his behavior with his children. I sat down with him and showed him all the evidence and he was very open about it. He was shocked, at the age of 39 to see what I was showing him. He’s never fought the label I gave him. The sad part is they really don’t care the slightest bit that they are.
Thank you very much. Your response is really appreciated.
‘Why victims/survivors have a better understanding of sociopathic behaviour than most psychologists’ is what is written on the side bar on your site.
You claim to know an unbelievable amount about sociopaths. But you are completely wrong. In every one of your posts, you and your commenters are plain wrong.
You know nothing about the minds of sociopaths nor will you ever.
I saw one particular comment on your site saying you’ve done the internet world a favour by giving an insight into sociopaths, yet you’re merely clouding it.
You want justice and peace in the world? The problem doesn’t lie with sociopaths, the problem lies with people like you who create stereotypes.
People argue against stereotypes to race, gender, religion – about everything under the sun – except sociopaths.
So many women here need to realise, your ex who cheated on you and left your little heart all broken, is a dick. NOT. A sociopath. The two are not interchangeable.
Sociopaths wouldn’t have to lie and hide if people like you didn’t make the word sociopath have such a negative connotation.
They’re simply more advanced. More intelligent, logical, and evolved than the empaths on this site with more emotion than they can hold.
The whole world is selfish. It’s selfish to deny you are and put all the selfishness onto people who think differently.
My ex didn’t cheat on me. I am still friends with the last one. I write his behaviour often as it happens. I don’t hate sociopaths. I dont hate anyone. I spent more than two decades working with homeless people so I tend not to judge.
I love your ‘moral outrage’ though. What makes you think you are more intelligent, advanced and evolved than me then?? Is that not slightly narcissistic??
Why don’t you point out some things that are wrong?? As right now you are generalising. Telling lies is to me…. A sign of weakness not strength. I can be accountable for my actions. How about you??
LOL Are you angry? your a sociopath and you don’t like being found out!! i met a sociopath and had a child and he has put me through hell with his pure evil ways for 9 years and exposing him is the only way to stop his sick games so i don’t care what you say its rubbish and you are showing your true colours your deluded
@ Lyss
Think I will stay an empath if its all the same with you friend . Hope one day something can be done for you so that you can feel proper emotions
👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅
Cheers
Nick
Riiiiiight… those poor, mistreated, neglected, cheated, denied, and gamed sociopaths. “More intelligent and logical”, indeed. Wrong room, dear?
Positivagirl, I agree with you that person sounds slightly narcissistic. Further, it appears that he/she is trying to discredit your knowledge of sociopaths and so forth. For all we know this person could be one of our ex socios who heard they were written about on here. Now, trying to prevent from being further expose through accusing this site provides inaccurate information on the subject. They’re pathetic.
The truth often leaves a bitter taste in their mouth .. sigh…
Your description of a sociopath describes my daughter in-law. Please confirm my suspicions. (or not)
The first incident occured two years ago when my daughter and I were invited for dinner at my son’s house. When we arrived she was in the tub relaxing. My son was with me and my daughter in the kitchen when the house phone rang and it was “her” calling from the bathtub telling him to bring her another glass of wine. He did. Then another. When she came out she hardly acknowledged me or my daughter, but instead she made a phone call and sat in the living room. I was fuming. Big to do over that one. No aplogy, just an explanation that her back hurt and she was relaxing. Of course my son’s feelings were sympathy for her pain.
A few more incidents since then,
July 4th my youngest son and I were invited there, Connecticut, I live in New York. Her father, sister, brother in law, niece, friend were also there. She received a text message from her friend down the street where the kids had gone to swim. Her friend told her to come there for a “cocktail”, she laughed. Not long after that she picked herself up along with her sister and neice and went to her friends house. I was highly insulted and this led to a major problem. About an hour and half later my son and I announced that we were leaving because he had a headache.
On July 24th I received a message via Facebook as follows.
Karen, Let me explain why I went down to Nanette’s on the 4th. She text me the day before to tell my guest to bring their suits so they can use her pool. When she text me that day to come down I wasn’t going to leave my company so I told the kids to go. I sent 4 kids down to her house with no adult supervision. When she text me again to tell me to come I felt I should go to at least check on the kids. I don’t believe I was down there that long. When Toniann and I saw our chance to leave we saw my dad, Chris and Anthony in front of Nanette’s house, I asked Chris where you & Matt were and he told me that you left. I thought it was to early but Chris said Matt still had a headache. The next day I realized you must have been upset because you didn’t tell Chris to come get me so we can say goodbye and I can thank you but that’s on you. If you were mad then you should have called me the next day. Please accept my apology. Life’s to short so is Summer
Chat Conversation End
(a little sarcasm at the end)
Since then I have hardly had any contact with my son which has left me broken hearted. I’ve called and talked to him a few times and he has done the
In your article you describe how the sociopathic person (she) makes the other person (he) feel they must do what she asks because he is such a good person, and he is the one with the conscience. It is my obervation that he does whatever she asks. He loves to cook so he cooks the meals for her and their 15 year old son. Last year he started makeing a 7 course New Orleans brunch for her and her girlfriends, which they have on her “New Orleans” patio that my son built for her, in the spring. I’ve seen pictures of the 7 courses and they are mouth watering and creative.
I would appreciate your comments.
Karen
Hi Karen, from what you describe I am unsure if you are describing sociopathic behaviour. ..
Its very specific. They are compulsive pathological liars. Manipulative and deceptive. Rather than being someone you didn’t like they are incredibly charming and charismatic. Most people are charmed by sociopaths. They a’re very clever and intelligent. I dont see from what you are describing sociopathic behaviour.
Is she a compulsive pathological liar? Is she manipulative? Is she very charming (and likeable)? Sociopaths give the image to the outside world as perfect partner. Usually anyway.
I do believe she has a sociopathic personality. I felt what I was trying to say was taking too long and I didn’t want to ramble, as a result I omitted some details. I don’t want to believe that she is a pathological liar, however,I believe she would lie if it was to get what she aimed for. Her explanation of the 4th of July wasn’t 100% truthful. But only her and I know what she said to me. She is definately manipulative. She is very charming and likable in the eyes of her friends. I believe they are in awe of her. In regards to giving the outside world the perfect partner image, she does that very well. To be honest, I always thought of them as the perfect couple. I think I understand better now as to why I thought that. She uses my son’s willingness to please her, to her own advantage.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read my comment and to respond. You have been a tremendous help.
Karen
Hi,
I have recently come out of a relationship with someone that I always suspected there was something not quite right with – but as I’m very young (20), I was completely blinded by his charisma, charm and intelligence, and I am completely and utterly heartbroken. It’s only since we have broken up, and I’ve had time (two weeks) to reflect on what has happened to my character over the last year, that I have realised that he might be a sociopath. There are so many of the signs (charisma, charm, lack of direction or goals, no moral compass, little empathy for people, need for excitement/ danger), but I’m not sure if he is a full-on sociopath and whether or not to feel sorry for him? Because, there are some things that make me think the contrary – he has a lovely family and a great group of lifetime friends, which I was very much part of, and has had a lovely upbringing. I see him show kindness towards those that are kind to him, and also lots of kindness towards animals. He is also only 21, which makes me think he may be in the early stages of the disorder.
The main reason I feel sorry for him is that he said he has done it for my benefit. There were perhaps 3 or 4 times in the 18 months I knew him where I saw actual insanity in his eyes, and a genuine disgust in himself and his character. This would come out in flashes and he did not want me to look at him or be near me in these moments. I feel that he is beginning to realise that he is a sociopath, and that there is nothing he can do to stop it. He said to me in these moments ‘please stay away from me I will hurt you/ I’m a bad person’, but then hours later he would go out of his way to say sorry, and make me feel like he needed me, worshipped me, I was the only person that mattered. He moved very quickly, very soon we were living together, spending every moment together, he said I was his soul mate and that he wanted to marry me. Very quickly I became isolated and only cared about spending my time with him. I thought everything he did and believed in was amazing. But a year later, he became distant, began making me feel small, insignificant, dependent and almost his slave. But I feel I was willingly doing this, I wanted him to love me as he did before. I recognise exactly, from the other blogs, the pattern of idealise, devalue and discard. Out of no where he said he didn’t love me anymore, but that I am a wonderful person, and that I deserve so much better than him.
So I cannot work out if he has broken up with me because he knows he is a sociopath and that I deserve better – but is he a sociopath if he’s performing an act of kindness, and freeing me from him? He has not tried to contact me, and on the one occasion I’ve seen him in public he was pleasant and considerate, and did not try and engage me into a manipulative conversation. He said he will leave me alone until I’m ready to speak to him again (although I fear I’ll always be in love with him). At the moment I am trying ‘No contact’, and succeeding.
Very recently he mentioned to me that he thinks he may have a personality disorder, but I just laughed it off. I fear now that I should have listened to him trying to reach out to me. Please help. I care for him deeply and wish to help him through what he is going through.
Thank you so much for this page.
Hi. I think I’ve emailed you before but I can’t find the email address. Prob bc I deleted it so “he” wouldn’t question it. I have been discarded yet again. I foolishly thought maybe things would be different. He told me about two weeks ago that we shouldn’t see each other anymore with no warning. I asked him if he loved me and he said “yes” (lie) but that I didn’t understand what he was going through and that he needed time and space. So I’m confused. Does this sound like he’s done with me or has he still left me with no closure so that he can come back. I am at a point where I am “ok “. I have been thru the “I need time and space” crap so much that I’m numb. I need to prepare myself if and when he might come back so that I can ignore him and continue no contact. So does it sound like he is gone for good from what his response?? And can a narcisisst/sociopath suffer from bipolar or depression as well?
I don’t know if they are ever “gone for good.” If you still offer or have something they need/want….could be anything, they will try and come back. They always want a spot open for them.
The sudden abrupt exit from the relationship is also very typical. They do that on purpose. Try hard to walk away! Things will never “be different” because he can’t change. He never will. I found this passage I had saved from somewhere earlier this year. It’s so fitting for most of us here…
“He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….
When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove — I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.”
Oh how I true that poem is. I have realized that they don’t seem to want to burn a bridge with you in case they are too want to come back for more. Does that make sense? I let my ex back twice even after awful things. This last time he let me in his world further, having me meet his family who he doesn’t have much to do with. He knew every thing he was doing. I ultimately couldn’t take it anymore. YET I was the fool who wanted contact with him for 5 months. He has ignored me. Completely. I suffer from PTSD due to his abuse, lost 6,000 US dollars and still shudder at some of the things he said and names he called me. I made a fool of myself. I finally realized have no contact was me being in control. I finally wake up to an alarm clock rather than walk up for the day at 3 in the am with a panic attack. Crying every morning. I finally go thru days without thinking of him. Do you know what is scary though. I still miss him at times. I don’t know what his next move will be. He got so much from me he has to think about that at times. Could I be of use again. It scares me. Could he break in again? I know life with him is the equivalent to running your car full force, head on into a brick wall. That is truth. But in response are they ever done?
Yes this makes sense Heather!