If there is something that you would like to know and I haven’t yet written about it, please add your question here 🙂
-
Subscribe
Subscribed
Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
If there is something that you would like to know and I haven’t yet written about it, please add your question here 🙂
Dating a Sociopath 
Hi Nick, they don’t ever change from cheating and lying. My ex Glenn Ratcliffe of Wayne,NJ is a cheater and liar who recycles old girlfriends as well as finds new ones remains the same. He never deletes my piemails with pics from his phone. The woman who’s his girlfriend (Lizzette) still goes snooping through his cell phone to view his text messages and emails to see is he cheating on her. How I know is I get an read message alert every time my old emails are re-opened. I know its her because the times its open; he’s not awake at those times. She’s pathetic because she’s a married woman anyway. I don’t know why she think he would give her any loyalty. In his mind, she’s perfect for. Him because he doesn’t have to stay commited to her. In my opinion, he’s probably become bored with her. Now finding someone new online. Lizzette thought she was such a prize to him. In my opinion, she don’t feel like she’s his prize now because Lizzette wouldn’t be up at 2:04am tonight opening up my old emails on his phone. LOL!! I heard he suppose to had move to West Milford, NJ. That will be new hunting ground for him. I’m so happy to not be in his girlfriend’s shoes! LOL!! I’m so happy with a man who loves and respects me.
HI NIKKI ITS KAREN CHECK OUT MY LIL BLOG..HUGS GIRL
Done looks good 🙂 x
thanks hun not many read it but i was so sad i had to write something.
Hi there! I haven’t posted for a while, but again I wanted to thank you for this great resource. I have a friend who was recently approached by a guy who was “suspicious” to say the least, and from hearing about my own experience and the information on this site, I think she has managed to avoid an SP. I did refer her to this site as well, and she was blown away by the similarities between her experience and everyone on this site.
So, thanks again. I will keep referring people to this site and hopefully open their eyes to the wolves in sheep’s clothing.
I believe my wife is a sociopath, I have read throughout this article and it matches her personality.
Now I feel stuck in a horrible marriage of 9 months.
What makes you think that she is a sociopath Johnny?
Ok, so after 6 months of being broken up I met with my SP ex bf last week. Oh my gosh what was I thinking . This whole week I have been crying on and off and sick to my stomach.
It wasn’t like the past times when we meet up after being broken up. Usually he is really nice for a period of time. This person owes me so much money and abused me in every way other than physical.
This time he has already started the verbal abuse. Tells me he just wants a casual relationship. Which he knows I don’t go for, and doesn’t miss the “stress” of me. I mean who caused who stress? He also says he would never ask me for anything again (money) bc it caused problems. Yeah he owes me thousands of US dollars. If our turbulent past is brought up or the money he owes me. ” he doesn’t want to talk about it.” Convenient huh?
My question to you is and if I sound naive I am sorry. His games has changed. What do you feel he is trying to do here.
Our history is two years together with two bad break ups. Not including this last break up. We are not back together. Oh he has to also add in to me that he still has to go to a food pantry and not to worry about him he is fine.
Thanks any advice is appeciated
Hi heather, I can’t give you any advice because I’m not an expert in this, but I would just like to say, I could of written your comment, it sounded almost exactly the same as my situation!…….the abuse, the money owed, never talking about it, I’m the one accused of causing stress, etc, etc!! But I was with my SP ex partner for 4 yrs & I have a 2 yr old son with him, which means he will always have an excuse to be in contact with me, but at the moment he doesn’t want anything to do with him!! I also found put he’d been on dating web sites while we were together, & the last split he made out he still wanted to try to make us work but in reality he was setting up a new life!!
My SP ex partner knows I don’t have any money left to give him, & he can’t keep pretending (lying) to me now because he’s done so much & I know about it all, like having no intention of paying me back a penny of the money he owes me, so I think I’m no use to him anymore because he can’t manipulate me or con me anymore because I know what he’s doing, so now he’s changed & isn’t nice to me anymore, he’s just abusive & blames me for everything. This might be why your ex partner has changed!!
But I still have bad days, where I’m angry or sad or furious at being deceived! But I also have days where I cry because I miss him!! Don’t get me wrong, I defiantly don’t want him back, & I’m so pleased I found out who he really was so I can move on, because once you take away all the excuses & allowances I was giving him, he was just abusing me, ripping me off & had his own agenda for our relationship!!……but I miss the nice person he pretended to be who isn’t actually real!! But that will go over time.
So I now have NO contact unless he decideds he wants regular contact with his son (but I’ve had advice on that & will do it thru the authorities so he can’t play games with me or his son) but he doesn’t want anything to do with his son at the moment which suits me, so I ignored everything from him & it’s working cos I haven’t heard from him for a while. So whatever his game is, I ignore it because I know it will be a game for his own agenda, & then he can’t hurt me or manipulate me or upset me or make me feel anything at all!!!
They are nasty people, & all they deserve is to ignored by everyone!!
Good luck
Good for you Liz. You sound like you’re handling this well. Its sad to say but sometimes its a blessing when the father of your child wants nothing to do with his child. Just ask yourself if anything positive will come out of it when/if he wants to be an active parent and how will you handle this in the future. Keep looking up.
I dont really know what to say Heather? He was abusive in the past, he wasn’t going to be a different guy in the future.
Maybe now you see through him and you are no longer blind. He is being exactly who he is. He sounds ugly.
Manipulation playing games. He tells you he is going to a food pantry to test you to see if he can get money from you. Your reaction will be important.
Heather, have you declared a NO CONTACT in writing with your ex before? Maybe you have since its been six months. I know that’s what helped me to heal my wounded self esteem after he moved out. He’s still sending me texts about random things and I don’t respond with anything but the copy and paste DO NOT CONTACT me that I originally sent. I know it drives him bananas but eventually he gets bored with it and I won’t receive anything for a while lol. If you haven’t declared no contact, I urge you to do that and stay strong when he tries to make contact. This sends the message that he no longer has control over you.
I admit, I still think about my ex husband. We’ve been divorced since February 5th and he moved about 10 blocks away. My neighbor next door has told me that he’s been trying to invite himself over to have a beer. But thankfully, he just keeps saying no and finding some excuse not to. He’s a good neighbor lol. I saw my ex in passing on the road in our neighborhood and I couldn’t help but feel dirty and wanna puke. Like you Heather, I thought what was I thinking, to think that I could trust him to be his true, real and genuine self like I was being for him. My biggest mistake was not being duped by a sociopath. My biggest mistake was that I didn’t get away sooner when I saw who he really was just because I didnt want to start over….UGH! I feel so empowered to be in control of ONLY me.
Hi there. I love your blog and so appreciate all the education you are giving us. I haven’t read some of the topics, but most of them. I can’t seem to find the topic of keeping in contact with the now ex-in-laws and how jealous this contact can make the sociopath. They have made it clear that they want to “support” my son and I. But we’ve had no children together (thank goodness), and my son has become close with many of the socio’s family members, especially the kids. My ex has said many times that he doesn’t want me to contact his friends and family. He said it falls under third party harassment. Ummm…no it doesn’t. I’m not sure what he’s telling them and I’m not concerned about that either. I know that his family members don’t trust him and he is close with no one.
My question is how should I handle this time in my son’s life where he’s losing out on relationships that he’s built with these people and now we’re forced to walk away. I want to keep some contact with them for my son’s enjoyment if they are sincere about wanting to also. I guess if I don’t hear from them about getting together this summer, then….I don’t know. What do you think?
You are right. I haven’t written about this. You say that they don’t trust him and were good with your son you can have a relationship with them and not him. Let him whine like a baby as it’s not his business. As for harassment they love to yell this one. Realistically looking out for what is in best interests of your Child isn’t harassment. What I would urge you to think about is if you would or could keep the arrangement up, if you met someone new.
Thanks for replying so quickly. I think I wasn’t sure about continuing contact with his fam cuz a close friend of mine says when you divorce, you divorce the whole family. I don’t think its that way especially when the in-laws got along better with my ex when I was around. They acknowledged me as the stable addition to their son’s life.
But we have our own relationship outside of him. I never intentionally excluded him if we made plans. But he often would choose not to participate, like a making a trip to the cabin, especially towards the end of our marriage.
Do you think the socio is so jealous of this contact because he thinks that we get together and talk about him? That’s what I figure it is. But when we got together for his sister’s baby shower, nothing was mentioned about the divorce. Just put it in the corner of my mind and enjoyed the event. When they came to see my son in the school band and again to perform in the school musical, again there was no mention of my ex husband. And that’s how I want to keep it, strictly positive environment for the kids.
So I will have Easter with my fam. Then I will plan to make dinner around my MIL’s bday and have a lil get-together.
Regarding your comment about being able to keep up the arrangement with them when I meet someone new, I think its possible. When we were married, it seemed we got together for major holidays, some bdays and more often during the summertime. So I think that is something that is reasonable, without expecting too much.
Thanks again for your insights.
I think like always it’s about control. You having a relationship with his family away from him, would make him blow as 1. It’s a situation he cannot control 2. He sees his family as HIS possessions (not yours). 3. He thinks everyone thinks like him and therefore you would be disclosing his secret information or smearing his name 4. He would see this as you winning. They hate not losing and they especially hate losing control.
Thank you Gibsonlady, I have 3 children (only one is his) so now I’ve found out what he’s really like, & all the lies he’s told & his own agenda on our relationship, I have to do what’s right for all my children………& that’s another thing………..my eldest boy has cerebral palsy, my middle boy got so close to my ex SP & adored him……..and my ex knew all of this but none of it stopped him from what he did to us, & how he’s left us, owing me thousands of pounds, which obviously affects all my children as well, cos now I’m broke…….but they really don’t care about anybody!
He also told me to never contact his family, but I have a child that is related to them, so I thought very hard about it & how to go about it, & I’ve just been in contact with them, & I was astounded cos they knew exactly what he’s like & avoid him as much as possible because he’s ripped them off & abused them also, but they thought he must of changed as I’d stayed with him for so long!!!! But it’s not just for the son we have together, it’s also for my other 2 boys who have built a relationship with his family as well, so just like Positivagirl has said, he can whine like a baby, cos he has no control over any of us anymore & as we all know his lies & games & manipulating, none of us will take any notice of what he says when he tries to play us off against each other!! And now we all know this, we can have lovely get togethers without having to mention him again. And none of us want him to ruin it, so we’ll never tell him where or when we all get together.
And I do hope he just disappears, because he is no role model for our son, & I’m terrified what his agenda will be for their relationship if he doesn’t care what he does to me, my boys & even his own family!! But I have made sure I’ve got a lot of help & support from friends, the authorities, solicitor, etc, so I know our rights, etc, ready for when/if he wants contact with his son!
I think this blog is great, but I also think it’s appalling that a blog like this is needed!! But thank you for all the advice, & somewhere I don’t feel embarrassed that I’ve been conned & deceived & manipulated, etc……cos I’m not the only one!!
You are exactly right . In fact he told me he hadn’t changed. His tactic has changed this time though. He doesn’t usually start so abrasive like this. Oh well it is wage it is. He is what he is. I fully know that. I also fully know that I can have nothing to do with him if I want to live an actual life. Yes, I know that .
I hope you listen to yourself!!
Hi,
Once again you have helped me so much! It has been a complete adventure!!! My question: What to expect when they lost control. My Spath is lashing out (calling them every name in the book) at other women (some in their 70’s) and expecting a reaction. He’s my age 48! I told them just smile, laugh at him or report him to the police. When he is around me I don’t acknowledge him nor talk to him (a little reverse psychology). Pretty much what he does to me. But when he does says something towards me he comes off as an ass! LMAO! I have been told that I sort of intimidate him now. We live in the same neighborhood and I’m having fun. Now I heard some nail-tech he was doing is telling everyone he stole from her. Just add that to the list of people he has stolen from including myself. Yet, a lot of people love him in the neighborhood, being the con-artist that he is. He does home-improvement, and known as the traveling penis. Physically he looks sick, I’ve never seen him like this. But still I do miss what was real to me even-though was just a fake image reflected back to me. Thankfully, I am meeting new men with my guard up and having fun. Back to my original question what to expect when they lost control?
When they lose control is the WORST time ANYTHING can happen, when they lose control of you they lose control of themselves (see the post about narcissistic rage). So, your question what to expect? Expect the unexpected. Expect the worst that you have seen, expect rages and fits of temper, threats and…. Unsanity. There is nothing more ugly than a socio who has lost control.
Pos- what makes a Sociopath wait 6 months until they decide they want dealings with you again. When we ended he had lost control, actually I called him a Sociopath. Anyways is it basically the need you fill a need? That’s how I take it.
Thanks so much
They get bored heather. If you didn’t respond or be available, he would have found something else to do, someone else to bother. I hope that doesnt sound harsh? It isn’t meant to be.
I have to see this person at work . Daily. How do I break addiction if I have to keep seeing this person?
This is a tough one Hope. It comes under the same category of those who have children with a sociopath. Although, in some senses it is worse as you have to see him every day, and your income relies upon it. I would say never display emotion towards him, treat it only as a business transaction. don’t let him know how you are feeling. Make sure that you do nothing wrong, and keep records of what you are doing…. as awful as it sounds, hope he moves onto someone you (But you would still be a risk to him even if he did) – worst case senario, is to try to get another job. Unless you really love your job, it might not be worth the stress of working alongside him. He will constantly try to destabilize you – deliberately.
Nothing is too harsh too me. He financially, emotionally/mentally , verbally and sexually abused me. I went to hell and back. I had two unexplained miscarriages within a years time. I have been thru hell. It took me almost 4 months to be able to sleep thru the night after our last break up. I even sought the advice of clergy. So believe me I know and nothing is harsher than what I have been thru.
I know… and you know that I tell you it straight like it is, so that you won’t delude yourself. You can’t figure him out as he doesn’t really think the same way that you do. Always there is his own motive. He is just very bad news for you. Nothing is going to change this.
I know you tell me straight like it is and I appreciate that! Last night he left me a message saying “goodnight sweet dreams.” Yep, that right there told me he thinks he could be back in.
I realize he is a pathological liar and adapts for his benefit.
The one mistake I did make was to tell him how I suffered and had to go to counseling after our last break up. Why I trusted him with that info (that he will only use to his benefit.) I do not know. Here is the joke. He told me ” I know and I don’t want you to hurt like that ever again.” He is for himself and does not care how his actions affect me.
He really is awful person. But they all are aren’t they…
yes…. I wonder how many other people have had that ‘goodnight sweet dreams’ text.
I have had that one and when you are in love with someone, this can be the ‘hook’ that they are going to be nice now.
Its just bait and a lure to lure you back in.
No, not everyone is like this.
Pos-my Aunt, my confidant also said the SAME thing. He is just trying to lure me back in. Sad thing is I know EXACTLY why. He is a school but driver and the school year ends at the end of May. Who do you think paid his rent all last summer ? Yep , me. ALSO, he knows that now I work for the same comps as him. What do you think that means to him? Yep more $$. I know what it is. Am I thinking the right way now?
Yes you are spot on Heather…. keep a journal, and write it down, it might help you later if you start to fall down the well of lies and deceit.
I would get that, “goodnight sweet dreams”, or “goodnight sweet dreams when they come”.
Nice huh? Not !
Hi Pos, I think I might have deleted my subscription by accident. I wanna have a new e -maul address and password, how do I go about that. I tried e-mailing you but It came back to me. Also this page pops up about a certificate not being trusted. Just need to change everything. Thank you, bewildered .😍
I don’t know about it having a cert of not being trusted? As its just wordpress server? So that should be ok, they have robust security (otherwise everyone’s sites would go down). I don’t know though about your question, As I use wordpress, I don’t get too much into the mechanics of things. I would imagine to sign up again, using a different email? If you are having problems then delete cookies from your computer? I hope this helps.
Hello there, my ex is a sociopath i moved from the uk to south africa to be with him anyway long story short i finally escaped his controlling brainwashing ways and came home to find out i was pregnant. My son is now 3 his farther still lives in s.a. He is a meth addict and i very much doubt he will ever come over to the uk as he already overstayed his visa when he was here before i moved to sa and got he got a 10 year ban. I have began phone contact between him and my son (they have never met) once a month. he calls and speaks with him. I have purely done this through guilt as my little boy was coming home from nursery saying dad and calling every man he met dad so i figured its only fair for him to have contact with his dad, but as you all know these are dangerous people and i know for a fact he does not love him he has seen as a gateway to begin his manipulation tactics anyway my question is, should i keep this contact up or should i just run for hills and never look back and explain to my son when hes older his dad is ill or whatever…i am confused at the moment i feel guilty for my son and want him to have a dad but another part of me wants to run block him in every way and never contact him again..any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Hi Nicci,
Welcome to the site. The first thing that I would say, is ‘is a meth head’ ….ANY meth head a good person to have around your son? But also, as he lives in another country, and is unlikely to come to the UK (particularly if he has a ban for 10 years) is it fair to your son to have a connection with him? How is this for you? It can’t be good for you? I wonder what real benefit this is for your son also?
Hi there thanks for the reply. This is exactly what im asking for help and advice on. You see I try speak with family members but I cant even begin to try and explain it all if yoy know what I mean him been a sociopath and what kt actually means a person to be like and what he did to me. So when I ask for advice about what to do they just black and white a son has a right to have contact with his farther..I need someone who truly understanda the evil behind what he is to advise me on what to do im at a loss. My heart tells me my son has a right to know his farther but then my head tells me to stay completley away. After reading up on co parenting with a sociopath I feel like im exposing me and my son to a life of hell..but then he has a right to know his farther right? What shoukd I do before I let this contact get too deep in. Hes only had two calls so far…its killing me inside already as I can already hear small warnings of manipulation with what hes saying for instace he knows my son likes dogs so when hes called hes made sure the dogs have been barking in the background much to my sons delight he loved hearimg them but I know excatly what his games is..do I just sit back amd let this happen. …my instincts tell me I should run for the hills and never contact him again but then I fear for the effect it may have on my son later on in life..what do I say when he ask where is his daddy and can he fimd him? Im desperate for some guidance from someone who truly understands what im dealing with here.
Hi Nikki
Cut all ties, tell your son he’s ill and in hospital in sa. Cut him out of your life don’t ring change your number, I used to feel the same my heart told me who am i to stop my daughter seeing her father, but now after 3 years of child custody and he has actually gained residence now so i am fighting for her return, i wish to god that i could have got away.
but my story is different, he’s on the birth certificate lives not far from me and has parental rights, Please listen to me, there is no benefit of him having anything to do with his father as these sociopaths do not love, they never change and end up using your child to abuse you, they cause so much damage emotionally, you know what he does with having the dogs barking in the background. then he will start telling your son all kinds of crap. Please don’t let him, cut him off now whilst your son is young, i know it’s hard but it really isn’t in his best interest, The court should be removing their parental rights but it’s a fucked up system we have. Be careful that even though he lives there he could apply to the courts for contact?
Tina
Tina, thank you for your comment. I was hoping that someone who is/has been going through this could answer. As you know, the reality is not good. And he will turn your world upside down.
Only you can choose what to do. You say that your son has a right to know his father. At 3 he wouldn’t know any different (probably not).
Your son also has the right to a life, that doesn’t include sick games being played with this head. If he is a sociopath, this would include compulsive pathological lying (yes they lie to their children too).
He will suck him in….the truth is, your son is not of the age to make this decision for himself. As a mother you have to decide for him, and what is right for him. Long term. When your son is older he can make the decision for himself. Decide for himself.
Right now, it probably wouldn’t do any harm for him not to be in his life. He is three, and if he is banned from the UK for the next ten years – he would be 13 by the time he could ever see him? ….
After I had given birth to my son I was involved with sure start for some support them seen the mess I was in because of what he has done to me/treated me so referred me to do the freedom program this woke me up and I cut all ties with him…he has pestered me thru emails sending parcels to my mums address not giving in really but I was advised by the freedom project women to go for fukl residency so I went to a solicitor started court proceedings cafcass sent him a letter he never replied so they granted me full residency..im not sure if he can still apply from s.a. im so sorry to hear about you and you girl it must be a living nightmare it is my owm worst nightmare the fear of losing my son he has even threatened me in the past he will do everything in his power to get my son over there I guess that says it all really. ..Ive had a moment of weakness and guilt. Seeing my som calling any man dad and saying it broke my heart but In that moment of weakness amd surrender I have now learnt I cannot let the guilt weaken me back into that evil cunts life..sorry for the choice of word. So its safe to say I need to change my number first thing tomorrow morning and never look back. I just hope I have the right words to say to my son without pushing him away from me and have him searching for his dad…my son is my life I have no real family around me it would destroy me if he was hate me for not having his dad in his life.
I am really pleased that you began work with the freedom programme Nicci, I know that they do good work. They are also experienced, and work with this kind of thing every day. I am sure, that if you are a good parent, your son won’t hate you for not having his dad in his life – but…. it is possible that in later life, the father could play games to alienate your son from you (they can do this, power control and winning).
he was banned for 10 years in 2007 I followed him over to s.a experienced the worst 18 months of my life then got out…he made sure I was going back pregnant though. His ban will.be up when my son is 6or 7 he has a sister here who married a british man so he does have family ties now. Your so right about me protecting my son as he doesn’t have a voice and I know he is going to destroy our lives..im so relieved and truly thankful to have been led to this site and to be reminded of what lies ahead if I give in to the guilt. Thank you for your advice I know what to do thank god I came here now and not later.
Your answers are within you. Listen to your heart, and follow your intuition.
If he put you through hell…. do you want him to do this to your son too? Just listen to yourself and trust your own judgement. You cannot go far wrong when you do this.
I want to say you wouldn’t believe the torture he put me through on every level possible but then you all probaly do otherwise we wouldnt be here. Thank you and i well and turly awake now I jus haf a weak moment and thank god I mli listened to my Instinct to search out some support cause now ive found understanding support its helped me find my strength and common sense again.
Dear Nicci
i am really pleased you realise you need to protect your son and just want to say please remember these reasons and take precautions for when he comes in 2007 because he may? so change your address and contact details please don’t let him find you, best wishes to you and your boy
Tina xx
This is exactly what I need to do remember remember remember and to not let the guilt of my son not having a dad eat me up..I need to see it as my son having a dad and us both living a nightmare or him not and living in peace…I mustn’t let my weakness put us at risk…ive had a clos call..im currently waiting till 8 so I can change my phone number.
Nicci, your son is far better off without his father in his life. Would you like him to pick up his dads behavior towards women? Or, suffer with your ex mind games? My father was a SP and my mother took us away from. It was the best thing she did for her and my siblings.
Not at all its only been two phones calls and hes already subtly at it with a 3 year ood for god sakes! How did your mother let you and your siblings know the reson for her choice and what your dads like? This haunts me as I dont want to push him into his dads arms while im teyimgu to protect him..u know I don’t want bad mouth him but how do explain all this to a child..is there any books I can read to prepar me?
Hi, I have a big question. Has anyone here ever had their ex SP have a conversation with them regarding them not understanding what is wrong with them. I was told I was the only girl who stayed and didn’t go away. That he has no feelings for anything. That everyday he feels different. He has no emotional attachment. That he doesn’t even feel sad when someone dies. That when he called me names he was joking. That he thinks he belongs in a mental hospital.
Later this same person told me he cared for me. Was he telling me all of this as a tactic? I believe so.
Thanks,
Heather
Heather, they all say the same line. My ex Glenn Ratcliffe of Wayne, NJ use to tell me the similar. Glenn was telling me the truth that he was a dog and not a relationship type of guy. He didn’t lie about it. Yours is telling you the truth about his coldness but he is playing on your sympathy to keep a hold on you. Don’t entertain the BS games.
I just have a quick question… I’m on my way out of a 7 year relationship with a sociopath. As a result, I have literally lost everything except for a suitcase of clothes. I’m back at my parents house at 26 years old, with my 5 year old, and 38 weeks pregnant. How do I express to my parents that he is indeed a sociopath? I won’t go into his actions; let’s just say I devoured every page of this website before deciding to ask for help, and that he waved at me from every page. Every time I try to express to my parents how hard it is to get away, or the mind games he plays, etc, they just blame me for being weak. They just don’t seem to understand.
I think in this case Stephanie, all that you can do, is do what is right for your children. You will never be able to make someone else understand, unless they have been through it themselves, as how do you explain crazy without looking slightly crazy yourself? You know that they appear so very normal, so you trying to explain their crazy, people just won’t get it. I don’t think you have to explain to your parents do you? Maybe if you just say, it wasn’t right and I don’t want to explain further, he is my childrens father. Focus on bringing your new baby into the world, and trying to rebuild your life. I am sorry that you have lost so much, particularly being pregnant and with a small child. It is good that you have the support of your parents, just assume that they wouldn’t understand, and reason that this is because it is very difficult to explain crazy – without looking crazy yourself.
First off Stephanie, you are not weak and its not your fault. You were brained washed by your SP. Secondly, your parents don’t sound like a good support system as well as they will never understand the affects of being with a SP. Third, you need to find a good support group meeting with others that have experienced this encounter. Contact a women in domestic violence organization like “COPE”. Google it online to find their contact information. Chatting on this site is good but you need to have an in person support to help assist in rebuliding your life. Forth, don’t beat yourself up over this. You are still young enough to regain all what you’ve lost. Concentrate on improving your skills and enhance your education to find a higher paying job. Fifth, If you are not going to church, start going to rebuild your soul. Find one that has a reputation of friendly members. Six, establish limited contact with your SP. Only keep it to issues with the kids. Lastly, don’t feel that you need to make others understand why this happened. IT’s NOT YOUR FAULT! I get so angry at people who say “Well, you allowed it. So, take some of the blame.” This is not true because an SP is a master of manipulation. The love to mind fuck their victims. When you are under mental stress as well as being conditione, it renders you mentally unstable to make logical choice. Stephaine, look on the bright side; you are still young and able to continue to grow. Just focus on You and your KIDs. Don’t consider dating at this stage of your life. Work on rebuilding YOU! You can always come on here for support too at the oddest hours. There is always someone here to chat with. Peace be with you.
Positive, that advice to Stephanie is true to the bone. I just gave her similar suggestion. Yeah, the SPs have a way to make us look crazy to others. However, SP’s friends and family should notice; if the woman is so crazy why do they still keep pictures of them? This should be a red flag to their friends and family. My ex continues to open my old emails that I sent to him. Some have old pictures of me. He knows I get email alerts that let me know an email is being re-opened. Its all designed to get me to contact him but I won’t do it. My husband says my SP and his new SP gf are sick people. He’s using his gf to rile me up with the crazy email forwarding stuff. I’m so glad to be with a real man.
Oh Stephanie, just so you known, SPs all love to find their victims on dating sites. So, when you are ready to date again, don’t use these dating sites. Its a waste.
I have every trait of a sociopath except that I love my girl and about 4 others people of which I hold above myself but I have no interest in anyone else I’ve seen 2 people I know die and only felt that yep that will kill you and moved on I’m 22 now and a year ago I meet the girl of my dreams and I will become what ever makes her happy I’m funny not the brightest but smarter then almost everyone I know and the ones I know to be smarter then me I respect beyond reason i don’t know if I am a sociopath in every description I am except that I do love my girl and will never hurt her which is why I’m saying this the more people that tell me I’m not messed up the better i don’t want to hurt my girl ether on purpose or by accident she means more then me.
Does it ever truly end? My Ex left his car at my house 2 months ago. I’ve tried contacting him on several occasions; no luck. He stole and lied several times; including lying on my daughter. I contacted the finance company about his car, they tell me he called them 3 months ago claiming to have been laid off from his job. I explain to them that is an incredible lie and that the car has been at my house for the last 2 months. I need to have it removed as I am moving and don’t want to be charged by my landlord. This thing has been ridiculous with him.
can the finance company remove it? It’s their property If he isn’t making payments. Tell them your moving and are worried it might be considered an abandoned car. Don’t tell him where you are moving to though.
That’s exactly what I did. I’m hoping they will have someone out ASAP. I’m so ready to be done with all of his mess. I have no plans to ever tell him anything. I’m praying that he doesn’t suddenly re-appear after being gone this time.
Hopefully he won’t find you, or come back for the car before you move. How long is it before removal day?
Awesome News! When I got home that day, the finance company had already removed the car. I’m truly thankful. We move the end of the month. I’m pretty sure he has moved on to his next victim of supply as I noticed that he hasn’t tried to make any contact with me. I’m praying that it stays that way.
Hi, I thought these lyrics describes a charismatic sociopath perfectly!
The Who, Behind Blue Eyes!
No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it’s like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free
No one knows what it’s like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams
They aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Feel free to post!
Becky1st, my SP had blue eyes and that song always made me think of him. He’s never happy.
I am having such a hard time moving on….my ex sociopath moved out after 4 years about two months ago. It feels like a terrible addiction. I cannot stop thinking him, and I have still been having sex with him off and on. I have always been a very outgoing person and I feel so empty and lost. Socially I am not able to enjoy anything….I know I need to go no contact, and I’ve tried and failed at it. I’m a smart girl, I totally get it all, but can’t bring myself to follow through. It’s so depressing. He did terrible things; cheated, lied, stole, but here I am still thinking about him. I don’t understand how it’s possible. My closest friends, like me, can’t believe the way it’s all unfolded.
I feel hopeless about it, and want my old self back. The outgoing, funny, spontaneous girl that was there. I feel like I lost me.
Why would a sociopath admit to being what they are? Not calling themselves one but desctribing themselves to the point of calling themselves “broken ” and saying they need to be in a mental hospital? This is my ex bf I was with on and off for two years. We are not speaking he told me he was “done” with me and my crap. Done with me for the 5th time. Also, I am a single mom. He owes me over 6000 US dollars and mentally and verbally abused me. He knows all of the therapy I went thru as a result of him could that be why? Also maybe he doesn’t think he could manipulate me again now? Thanks
Hi Favoritet, it takes time to get over being with a SP. You’ve been conditioned and dependent on him for a long time. You must make strides to get out and enjoy being with others. Find a woman’s shelter for counseling and group meetings for co-dependents. First, its important to not contact him and you will heal faster. You will smile again and resist him trying to come back to you. My ex SP tries to find a means to get in touch with me. He opens my old emails to him with pictures; knowing that I get alerts. I tell him keep looking because you won’t get this ever again. I’m so glad I have Mr. Right now. He emails back saying “The truth is I care about you and glad you found someone.”. Please I know he cares only about himself. That line is to bait me back and ask him more questions. Just keep your head up.
What I really need to understand is if the Sociopath gets it? Do they understand what they are doing while they are doing it, do they realize that they are truly mentally disturbed? I get it that they do not care, but do they recognize their behaviour as evil and contriving, or do they think they are not wrong?. Also, what if I actually called him out on it by telling him that I think he fits the clinical definition of a sociopath in one of our last conversations? Does he already know that he is a sociopath? Will he leave me alone completely, since he knows that I see what he really is, or might he still try contacting me? Obviously his source has run dry, so I am thinking he may just go away for good….
What I really need to understand is if the Sociopath gets it? Do they understand what they are doing while they are doing it, do they realize that they are truly mentally disturbed? I get it that they do not care, but do they recognize their behaviour as evil and contriving, or do they think they are not wrong?. Also, what if I actually called him out on it by telling him that I think he fits the clinical definition of a sociopath in one of our last conversations? Does he already know that he is a sociopath? Will he leave me alone completely, since he knows that I see what he really is, or might he still try contacting me? Obviously his source has run dry, so I am thinking he may just go away for good….
There is another post that I tried to find, but couldn’t find. I am unsure if this post answers your question?
@ Deb Wilson – yeah I believe they know they are not “normal.” Honestly SP’s generally fit the profile of a social misfit when you eventually get to know them. They themselves know this to be true. Of all the SP’s i have been with, and there have been 3, they all knew they were SP’s. Call one out to their faces and see what their reactions are? The worst SP I ever dated actually looked me in the eyes and said they agreed that they were an SP. Shocking but not so shocking because at that level of disfunction, anything and everything is possible and remember they think that if they play the whole ‘I am so afraid of losing you,’ or ‘I am in pain,’ they will win you back. They others looked at me in the face with emotion and tears and said that i was the problem. They know…trust me they know!!!
Could you answer this?
What I really need to understand is if the Sociopath gets it? Do they understand what they are doing while they are doing it, do they realize that they are truly mentally disturbed? I get it that they do not care, but do they recognize their behaviour as evil and contriving, or do they think they are not wrong?. Also, what if I actually called him out on it by telling him that I think he fits the clinical definition of a sociopath in one of our last conversations? Does he already know that he is a sociopath? Will he leave me alone completely, since he knows that I see what he really is, or might he still try contacting me? Obviously his source has run dry, so I am thinking he may just go away for good….
Hi Deb,
These are my thoughts to this question.
https://datingasociopath.com/2013/05/27/do-sociopaths-realise-that-they-are-sociopaths/
I would like to ask a question regarding SP behavior. I have always seemed to end up with SP’s however over the last 2-3 years I have been single purposely in order to collect my thoughts, get whole and avoid attracting the crazies out there. I am very soft and kind hearted and this is where the problems have come in in the past.
Back to the question, so I meet this guy who, when I was first introduced, came across as damaged. I know this seems a harsh word but this is the only way I know how to explain it. You know when you look at someone and know something? Yes that! Now the unusual thing with this situation is that I have actually done the running, not him. I knew by the look on his face when he first laid eyes on me that there was something there. Like a knowing look? Anyone else experienced this before? But even with that look he avoided me rather than came running to me which is what I have been used to. The SP’s tend to flock to you and want to be all up in your space. This was different. The thing is that there is something odd about him. Like he seems very hard. Not together and balanced but hard and will entertain conversations regarding us “being together” but I don’t know if he is joking and playing ‘silly buggers’ or whether he is genuine. The problem is he lives far from me and so we generally chat on FB chat but i don’t know if I am heading for a whole new different kind of SP. One that plays it cool and then when they have you, open their whole underground garage of crazy on you. While reading all the comments on this page though, it would seem that I know am acting like the SP in the situation because I am portraying all the traits that my ex’s portrayed while running after me. I’m so confused. I also believe that the abused becomes the abuser but I am a good person and wouldn’t want to ever be that to anyone but there is something dark there. Not sure if this makes sense???
Not really sure what your question is bug?
I also wanted to add that there was no physical attraction from my side at first. From the look on his face, it was like he knew instantly that he liked me but then hasn’t per sued anything. He drops hints at me and I honestly believe he thinks I will hurt him but I’m also worried that this is another trap. The thing is he is ALWAYS on my mind. ALWAYS and we never discuss anything deep. As soon as i try, the conversation is diverted. It is like he knows me already, he knew I was coming. I know I sound super spiritual but this is something on a whole other level and I would like to know if anyone has dealt with this type of SP? Maybe i am portraying SP behavior now? Maybe it has rubbed off?
One thing iv learnt for myself is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS. Your gut feeling is never wrong. If you feel theres something dark and sinister there, there probaly is.
@positivagirl – my question really is, have you come across a SP who portrays rather introverted behavior, not the general in your face type of behavior. Makes you run after them and then ends up being crazy in the end? I am just worried because like i said, I have always attracted the crazies so now there is this person who isn’t running after me and i am intrigued because I know they do want me?! Understand much? Sorry I am deep but I don’t know how much more to explain…
My question to you, i why would you want to run after someone.
The lesson with this is to listen to yourself. trust your own gut intuition.
You are saying that you think that this person is ‘damaged’…. already there are games? ….
Do you think that this could possibly good for you? Already before it has begun you are confused, and asking questions. You are asking these questions for a reason, because it doesn’t feel right. Your alarm bells are going off.
Trust yourself. Listen to yourself. You know the answer to this one.
Thanks positivagirl! Good advice. The only thing I often worry about is because we have been so hurt and in the same way so many times, our minds can also play tricks on us. We can be so ready to see the bad because we are afraid to get hurt again but I may just be dodging a bullet here anyway. x
I know what you are saying, about being extra cautious especially after you have been hurt. I know that you can see it potentially everywhere. However, I still think that someone you have to ‘chase after’ isn’t really someone that you want. You cant make excuses for him. As you know, us making excuses for the behaviour, and having ‘leeway’ is what sometimes gets us here in the beginning. We allow things to pass. We ignore our own judgement and do not listen to ourselves. It doesn’t feel right because it isn’t. While this person might have been hurt in the past and is wary – this could also bring with it, lots of other issues. Really, right now, after all that you have been through – do you want more? Or do you want to heal? When you are whole, healed, feeling good about you – you wouldn’t consider yet another broken soul who needs fixing, because your own life will be too busy, and you wouldn’t take the risk of damaging all that you have worked so hard to build.
@ Nicci – thanks! Do you think it is possible to start portraying SP signs yourself after having so many SP’s mess you around? I know that obviously as humans we go through stages, but this guy seems very cautious around me. Like he doesn’t want to get hurt….
That,I cannot give you a definitive answer. Maybe you could do some research on the side effects so to say of been in a sp relationship. My understanding of sp so far is that they are born or conditioned at a young age either through abuse or neglect etc or have a family history of s.p personality disorders. I havent come across as of yet so to speak someone becoming a sociopath from adulthood but then I have only just myself started to research SP personalty disorder as my son’s father is one and apparently my son has now a gentic tendency to becoming one himself. Im reading ‘just like his farther’ at the moment. Maybe you should search for answers through websites and books and as I said before trust your instincts they never ever fail you. Only you fail yourself by ignoring them.
@ Nicci – thanks so much for the advice. Life is just not always a walk in the park. I hope you find your answers with your son. Unconditional love and especially love and affection from a mother should definitely help. I am studying Psychology and this is a major. Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job!
Thankfully he has never come into contact with his farther so the ongoing debate of nature vs nurture will really shine through here as so far my son is a loving, caring sensitive little boy who loves the world and everyone it (his friends and family) I hope you too find the answers your looking for.
Oh yeah another question….FB stalking, like looking up someone’s profile that you are interested in, is that deemed as abnormal? I mean I often do that to kind of get an idea of who they are but the thing that did freak me out was that I changed my number so that he couldn’t contact me as I felt I would like to put an end to contact before a relationship materialized and he contacted a friend behind my back to find out if I had changed my number. Like why would you think someone would change their number as soon as you can’t get through to them especially if you are in contact usually and you haven’t had an arguments etc. The scary thing is I had only given my number to a few friends. All friends including the friend in question confirmed they had not given him my new number. I asked him how he got it and he said I gave it to him so I said no i didn’t and his response was “yes you didn’t.” Madness!!!!
@ positivagirl – you are right! I just need to get this guy out my head once and for all and take charge. I am a levelheaded person so when something sticks, I’m like why? It is usually unnatural and bad. Anyway I shall stop complaining now:-) Hope you are all having an amazing day/night wherever you are! x
I just wrote a post for you Bug x
Thanks positivagirl :-*
It says ‘page not found’? This is when I clicked on the link emailed to me. Also not seeing it show up on the side bar. Where would i find it? xx
I am not sure I was in a relationship with a sociopath or perhaps I don’t want to believe it.
My question is, if they are a sociopath would they treat their next relationship like they did ours?
The reason for my confusion is I have witnessed my ex’s new relationship from a far and it seems as though he treats her better than he used to treat me. I saw photos of them together, him giving her flowers. And she appears extremely happy. The other reason is because I know the girl he dated before me and he treated her well too. I even emailed her when I was dating him to ask if he ever hurt her or had a temper when thy dated and she seemed shocked.
He used to tell me that I was the only person he was ever that angry with. is it possible that he wasn’t a sociopath but just hated me and never respected me enough to give me love?
Hi holly, well first of all, can you remember in the beginning how he was with you? Mirroring you? Being everything that you wanted him to be? The illusion… The illusion to the outside world. She is the latest victim he is ‘grooming’ her.
I can’t seem to establish no contact – we have broken up .. Again.. And he wants to be “friends” and to have the bits from the relationship he likes .. Sex.. Being cooked and cleaned up after .. And I find myself going back again and again and again .. I know it’s wrong ? But I just can’t stop ? It’s like a drug addiction
Yes it is like drug addiction look up the post ‘the relationship is over so why can’t you let go? Take me to your drug dealer’
How can I know if my ex is really crazy or if it was all just me?? Here’s a brief summary of our relationship.
We met about a yr ago. I am married but seperated and I told him everything about myself and my situation at the very beginning. He was a good friend of my father. Well the night after I met him he called and asked me out but I said no things in my life were just to messed up to get anyone else involved or to even think of dating someone new. He seemed ok with the fact that I only wanted to be friends. We talked thru text messages on and off for a couple weeks and then I stopped messaging him. He told my parents that he was in love with me and that he knew I was the woman he wanted to be with well that scared me cuz I couldn’t see how he could feel so much for me when he didn’t even kniw me really but in time I gave in and listened to my parents and friends and we started talking and seeing each other more and more again I wanted it to just be friends until we got to knuw each other better and I got my life straightened out but he somehow got me to fall in love with him. I believed I was all he needed to be happy and that he truly loved me and wanted all the samethings in life and a relationship that I did. Things moved so fast but I didn’t know how to slow them down cuz honestly when I tryed he woukd get upset with me and say well then let’s just end things then and at that point I didn’t want to loss him. He did everything to try and get me to want go be with only him. He didn’t like me spending time with my friends or he would get angry if I wanted to go shopping with my kids cuz it took time away from him and he said that I wasn’t giving him enough of me as it was. Even tho I was at his apartment 2 to 3 days a week and every weekend. He’s get angry if I didn’t call or text him right away and always was threatening me to come to my house which he did a few times. When I finally started to pull away he woukd end things with me but go to my parents house and my friends house begging them to tell him if he did the right thing and how could he get me to come back. He always turned thjngs around to make me feel like I was always the one doing wrong or messing things up but would say I was the one turning things around. He woukd drive by my house all the time. After we finally did end things, (I stopped contacting him) he dropped off in the middle of the night personal pictures of me and a ten page letter and most of my belongings to my in laws house, I at that point tried to contact him to see why he would do that ESP after we had talked for 5 hours a few weeks before and he convinced me that he still loved me and that he was never gonna be w anyone else and left me believing we were ok and there was no hard feelings between us. He called my mother in law and told her all these lies about me and yes I contacted him again but he has yet to answer any of my calls or my two messages. I found out that he started a new relationship in April which was almost a month before he dropped those things off at my in laws house, so I’m so confused on why a normal seeming guy woukd go to that extreme if he wanted nothing to do with me and was with a new partner. He blocked me on his iphone but somehow was still able to see my messages which I found out that if he had my passwords he could log into my iMessages and see what I am messaging. He called my mother in law again a few days ago and I finally snapped and messaged him again to please stop all this and to just leave me alone well shortly after I sent him that message I got a call from the local police dept where he lives and they told me that he doesn’t want me to contact him and they also told him the same bout me. I tried to file a Pfa against him because my kids a scared of what he may do next but it got denied. I know I probably sound like a unhappy ex girlfriend but I truly am not a confused and scared ex girlfriend. I just don’t know if I’m the one who made him turn this way towards me if I somehow didn’t love him enough or if it’s something I did. I just don’t understand how he could have convinced so many people that he is this wonderful, caring, great guy and that he loved me so truly and wanted to marry me and then all this. I should mention that he put on his FB page that he was engaged (meaning to me) and he had never asked me to marry him also he still has a few pictures of me that I had given him and other personal belongings of mine that he didn’t send to them and I can’t understand why he woukd want anything of mine when he clearly hates me so much. I guess what I’m wondering is if it’s possible he was always crazy or if it’s something I did??
Hey irt is nothing you did. All the signs were there. He was abusing you. Using other people to make you feel bad. Remember sociopaths deliberately create dependency and addictiion to them. It’s mind control. Yes they are experts at playing nice guy. Making u out to be bad guy. No. He doesn’t hate you. He hates himself