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Hello I put a post on Is he/she a sociopath on behalf of my friend as he really wants some feed back, can I have some feedback please & thank you.
What is difference between commitment-phobe and sociopath? Seem to have some similar traits/characteristics.
A commitmentphobe is scared of true commitment. Fear of being hurt. Will be ok with you until they feel true emotions. These emotions will make them back off, either temporarily or permanently. A sociopath does not feel true emotions and will fake emotions to get what they want from you. The sociopath will ruin your life and it is deliberate. Commitmentphobe might want to be in a long term relationship but feels fear being in one.
Do you think my ex was a sociopath…we were together for 16 months, everything was perfect in the beginning I was totally swept of my feet, showered with gifts etc and made to feel like this was the person I was meant to be with, what literally felt like overnight she said she had switched her feelings off and felt confused and scared and wanted space (after already 5 weeks apart) i then found out by chance she was cheating with someone she had met when away. I have since found out she has done this with 7 people over 8 years and when describing her exs to me they were also the psychos or crazy ex. Do you think this is sociopath behaviours!?!?
Also I am truely struggling that she has moved onto someone else and is happier with someone else without giving me a second thought and can’t help but think maybe this new person is the one or her “soul mate” ????
Replied via email Chelle
I have been with my husband for 14 years. Since the beginnning of our committed relationship, he changed from being a persons who understood me, listened, never judged me, always there mentally & financially to controlling, violent, mental, physical, verbally abisive. We argue all the time about the most insignificant things. Every situation that needs to be resolved by a couple talking about it ends up a blow up verbal, belittling and somtimes it even escalate to physical abuse. He behaves like even in front of our 2 kids. He has also manifested this behavior with family, and close friends and neighbors. I’m so embarrassed by his behavior and we have lost a lot of friends. When we get into a full blown argument even when it’s not my fault he confuses me to think that I’m crazy about whet we are arguing about and says that I over exaggerate. It’s so exhausting when we tried to iron things, we can last hours & hours justifying how he’s right! Sometimes I think that maybe I’m crazy like he tells me to my face and tells others too. He tell our kids how bad of a mother I am and that he behaves in a violent way because I push him to do bars things. When I ignore him he gets more mad and starts breaking doors, furniture, walls, what’s er is in his way. His violent behavior torments me and the kids. So we will lock ourselves in the bedroom while he continues to rage about how awful and stupid I am. He will continue weeks without talking to me or the kids until he apologizes and promises that he will get help and he will change. Then it will happen all over again.
How long can Sociopaths go on tormenting you after the relationship is over? Will it ever end? I have had no contact for a year and it STILL continues with voicemails saying he hopes I crash my car and die. The only good thing is that the smear campaign was so ridiculous that everyone that knows either of us is now convinced that his is crazy. I even sold my home and moved but he still continues. I feel like I’m losing my mind.
As long as you allow it for. Mine after we had really split up and there was nothing left to take it was 2 years after.
My boyfriend of one year and three months just told me that he is a sociopath. I don’t know if he truly is a sociopath just because from what I read online is a little different from him as a person. He does share some traits of a sociopath but not all of them. He is very secretive. He is afraid of scaring me off by telling me everything about who he was before he met me. Long story short we met online. Met in person instant connection. He has always treated me right, with respect and has never hurt my physically or mentally. He reacently left for schooling. He wasn’t gone for more than three months before cheating on me. Which I found of about by hacking his Facebook. (I know I shouldn’t have done that but I had a feeling because he became distant and I just knew he was hiding something and something happensed) I confronted him about it over the phone and he acted as if he had no idea what the big deal was. But he was willing to do everything I laid down so we could try and work things out. He has never done anything like that when he was home and living with me. He just started acting different as soon as he left for school. Which is out of state. I know he is very influenced by those around him because I am the same way. But he does lie a lot. Small white lies and other some big lies but he eventually tells me the truth and explains what happen (depending the situation). I don’t think he is a sociopath. Maybe he is and I don’t want him to be because then that just means I mean nothing to him and he is only using me for a temporary “high”. Please I need answers please.
The thing is about sociopaths. Is that they appear very normal. Nice. Charming. Charismatic. You would never know the damage that they have done until long after they have gone. even then you might never know. They are pathological liars. Confessing to lies can be part of the manipulative game as it builds false sense of trust. You say about him leaving school. How old is he? As they cannot be diagnosed until aged 18. Before 18 it is conduct disorder.
Sweetie you just don’t want him to be. Keep in mind that even if someone wasn’t a sociopath it’s not OK to cheat on somebody. And like you said he’s easily influenced by people around him but so are you however, you choose to contain yourself. I’m sorry that this is it something that you should have in your life and I don’t like to pass judgment right up front but I’ve been in your shoes and I know that it’s not right
If have read sociopaths target married women for affairs, especially nurses. If a sociopath finds and targets a married woman, how often is he successful in seducing that woman?
I would imagine that they like nurses as they are caring and could therefore manipulate them. Probably by faking illnesses.
Hi, can a sociopath love their children? I am just learning if I might be living with one…he fits perfectly into the description of a sociopath, but he is an extremely good father, spends lots of time with his son, entertains him a lot, doesn’t abuse him,an ideal dad (part time dad)! What I have noticed, the child is a bit scared of him sometimes, especially if the child does something wrong, there is panic in his eyes looking at his dad…as the child is scared to disappoint him!!!!!!!!!!! I heard once his dad looking at him and saying:” You do not want your dad to be disappointed, do you?!” and the kid replied with tears in his eyes:”no dad!” But this can be said by any dad to any kid and the reaction probably will be the same….
Hi Sunny, how much time does he spend with him alone? Or are you always in his company? It can be common for Sociopaths to be excellent with anyone that they think will further their own agenda. However, you wouldn’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Perhaps a more important question, is why do you think he is a Sociopath? Your child could be displaying fear to upset the father if you have split up, and not wanting him to go away forever if he is very young. Or there could be more to the story. What makes you think that he is a Sociopath?
it is his child from his ex….he has him 2 days per week, and I do not get involved much at all on my own initiative. It is his time with his son. I still question either he is a sociopath or not…and I refuse to admit/believe he might be one, as I want him to be Normal. So maybe I live in this delusional world and try to protect myself from being hurt more…A few months ago one of my friends told me to google Sociopath as she believed my boyfriend might be one after hearing all my stories. I read. And OMG, I couldn’t stop reading and processing my life from the time I met him, other women’s lives who either left the relationship or were dumped by sociopaths. My boyfriend is very charming, I fell in love from first sight, he told me he loved me in the first week, we moved in together after 1 year and living together now.I have never felt so much love and attention from a man and sex!!!!! best EVER!! He knows he is very good in bed and keeps telling me all this time that nobody will love or fuck or touch me better than him, which i believe by now %100, as he brainwashed me! We have been together for 3 years and probably at least 15 times he told me that we were done, after throwing his tantrums for no reason known to me. I was apologizing for things for no reason just to calm him down. Our fights did not last longer than 24 hours and after he would let “steam off” we were again in a loving relationship.I never wanted him to leave me as I would be devastated! I have suspected him cheating on me several times, i confronted him about it, but he never admitted anything, just kept repeating:”it is only me and you baby”, “if I wanted to fuck somebody, I would end up a relationship first”, “please trust me, I haven’t done anything wrong”. And maybe he hasn’t!!!!! He was threatening to end the relationship if I did not start trusting him in what he says! I have no proof, just my gut feeling and some side evidence. He lies. He lies about little things that are not even worth lying about….I started writing down whenever i think he is lying…it helps. On many occasions I felt that I was crazy, I am loosing my mind, but after educating myself how sociopaths behave, I am pretty sure, I am OK))). He doesn’t like being questioned or confronted, he looses it and starts twisting the situation to accuse me, and everything turns out to be my fault….These are his negative features and the ones that make me think he is a sociopath. Funnily enough, he even admitted it himself, but as a joke! He said that he was one gen away from being a sociopath, as he did not kill people (again, as a joke). He is well aware who sociopaths are, I asked him “how do you know about them?” he said-he was interested in phycology. We ( I ) are very careful when we talk about sociopaths (happened a few times in the last 2 months), as i do not want to accuse him, but I hint indirectly at him:)). My biggest concern is that he might be cheating on me….. On a positive note, he has a couple of good friends, he is a good son and brother, he cares for his children, he helps me if needed, he showers me with compliments, he works, he doesn’t ask me for money, has no criminal records, doesn’t hit me, cooks sometimes. Oh, just remembered something else-he is very controlling and he knows this. I know this too. He cut off all male friends from my life, we spend all our time together, which I actually love and I feel i do not need anybody else in this world. HE became MY WORLD……
Sunny I would imagine that you probably don’t even know the half of it. Sociopaths are pathological liars. Good at it too. They also remove any competition. They don’t like anyone else trampling on their sentimental property. They are very controlling. But unlike the narcissist they are intelligent funny entertaining. And can appear to be very kind and caring. One question . What does he get from you? What has he cost you so far? What do you not have in your life today that you did have before meeting him?
How similar are they to psychopaths? My cousellor said that was what mine was but there seems to be an overlap of behavior.
Very similar. There are a couple of schools of thought. Even today I don’t know if the one I was with was a psychopath or a sociopath. The two schools of thought are.. 1. Some say that psychopaths are born that way, despite childhood environment and background. Sociopaths are created by often childhood trauma. Others say they are one and the same, only difference is psychiatrists use the term psychopath, psychologists sociopath. Personally I believe the former. I ran polls and it was a significantly high amount of people who said that their psycho had witnessed childhood trauma. Perhaps a combination of the two is realistic. Sociopaths are more clumsy. Psychopaths are more still (I found). Cold. Cool. But you are right, they are very similar. Impact to the victim would be too. So read and understand about both. I do know that some diagnosed psychopaths had written here that I was describing a psychopath not sociopath. 6 years after working on this. I haven’t found a definitive answer. So I don’t think it exists they are one and the same very different to the narcissist
I have also heard the born that way vs made that way difference. Shannon Thomas wrote Healing from Hidden Abuse and explained it this way:
A Narcissist will run you over and scold you for being in their way. They
will endlessly complain about how you damaged their car.
A Sociopath will run you over, scold you for being in their way, and have
a smirk because secretly they get entertainment out of the chaos they’ve
A Psychopath will go to great lengths and take calculated steps to ensure they run you over, laugh while doing it, and back up to make sure the most damage is done.
She also explains that they are either diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD) and that the difference in ASPD is the intensity of toxicity.
My ex-husband wasn’t given a specific Sociopath/Psychopath diagnosis, he was given ASPD. It was confusing to me at the time because it is not what it sounds like to someone who doesn’t have a degree in psychology. I initially brushed it off because he was a very extroverted person and loved social settings because he was so grandiose. Had he been given a Sociopath/Psychopath diagnosis, I would have taken it way more seriously!
I don’t really think it matters to get a specific Sociopath/Psychopath diagnosis specification. Just run!
Why are sociopaths ALWAYS characterized as being bad aren’t there some who can feel empathy and have a moral code. I mean most are probably bad but not all…
No what makes a sociopath and psychopath who they are, is that they are without conscience. They do not have the same range of emotions. So they fake it. There are some who feel empathy for a small group of people who are close to them. But usually those people are used and are serving their needs, even if they don’t believe that they are.
Well… um I show sociopathic/psychopathic traits. I mean I wouldn’t trust me fully either I generally avoid people I don’t feel love I feel my version of “love” I just want romantic attention and sexual pleasure if someone actually musters up the courage to be around me… well I’d cherish it, I’d be vulnerable and I’d try not to break it granted I want attention from this person a lot… the people I don’t care about hurting are other people with antisocial traits and complete strangers the people I won’t hurt are empaths, small children, autistic people, and schizophrenics even though most would be easily taken advantage of and can be annoying I still won’t hurt society’s most vulnerable. I felt kinda bad when I did do it so I stopped (and I’ve also been diagnosed with autism, I’m high functioning). I also don’t get much of a kick out of it wasn’t really any fun. Causing chaos and ruining other sociopaths now that’s fun. Life is like a game of chess to me I often try to protect people that I trust. Sometimes it feels good to take off my mask not all the time… but sometimes.
Is being a sociopath a totally social thing? Meaning, if you were dropped off by yourself on a desert island for a year with whatever creature comforts you wanted, would you react differently than other people?
Also, if you had a child or a partner who you loved, and they got hurt, would your reaction to that be different than a non-sociopath?
Sociopaths manipulate control and deceive other people for their own entertainment. If they were dropped off on a desert island by themselves, I guess they would go out of their minds with boredom.
Haha I would probably die of boredom if I couldn’t do anything on the island but I’d also occupy myself by trying to find a way off the island. I’d plan and calculate with all the time I have but I’ve been known to keep calm under extreme pressure It’s kind of like a defense mechanism and if anything the challenge would stimulate me and I’d also try to make the best of it just to keep myself stimulated I’ve granted I’m not about to go out and try it
I have just officially ended a 6 year old relationship with a sociopath! What do I need to do to be strong enough not to return back to the sociopath as previously done?! Literally the memories both good and bad ones seem to be whispering me to relive everything all over but I nearly went blind hence I mustered enough courage this time but still memories weaken me easily, anytime!
honestly I don’t Get it
Sociopathy often known in the clinical profession as ASPD is something people commonly use to call neurotypicals or people with other mental disorders that have undesirable or rule breaking behavior
this does not necessarily indicate ASPD its a very serious disorder brought about in childhood by neglect or trauma its a person logical response to the abuse they feel as if they need power to manipulate people hide fear because of insecurities they do these things because in their eyes it will insure that they never feel the pain again
and if you’re wondering why everyone doesn’t react that way to trauma well that answer lies in complex neuroscience different people have different brains and will react differently to the same thing
now the disorders that people like to call “sociopathy” as a way to make them seem undesirable can include
any one of these disorders can have some form of antisocial behavior but the reasons and the way it is carried out is much different than ASPD most of which can feel bad for what they have done
we need to stop using the term sociopath its something the medical community dropped years ago because it was a loosely defined label that could encompass any sort of behavior that breaks societal norms
so I guess sociopath can be referred to as anyone who breaks social norms
but the thing most people don’t understand about ASPD is that its rare for people to be born that way while it is true that there is a genetic susceptibility to it people don’t just come out of the womb like that and while it is true that individuals who display these traits can be successful solely because of their anti social behavior this isn’t always true a lot of them struggle with substance abuse poverty depression and anxiety and often feel lonely they need some sort of justification this feeling is it they want to prevent feeling that way so they hide it and throw it out these people have a higher rate of dying at a young age and suicide
Don’t get me wrong their behavior is not acceptable but destigmatizing it could help them and find better treatment options for them
the first step towards healing is compassion for those who suffer
and just because someone acts like a sociopath doesn’t mean they are they could just be a terrible person
so please stigmatizing this disorder I wouldn’t like it if someone (which they have many times) treated me that way because I have autism
Oh please, I don’t have any sympathy at all for sociopaths. None at all. If they rounded them all up and placed them on sociopath island., the world would be a better place.
My first love, my first everything, kiss, virginity, broken heart, came back into my life after 28 years 10 months ago. I had recently come out of a very bad marriage & was not interested in starting up any new relationship but he got in touch with me on Facebook & chased & chased me until I relented after weeks & agreed to meet up with him for 1 drink, 1 drink turned into a 13 hour very lovely & no expense spared date & him telling me he loved me & I was always the one, he even texted his Mum to say he had fell in love that night. We quickly had our kids all meeting up & him reintroducing me to his (very lovely) family 2 weeks later. (They had only just reconnected with him weeks this before after years and hadn’t even met his kids because he said his ex wife who really IS a narcissistic sociopath wouldn’t let them) . We had the most amazing sex that night, so passionate, 8 hours with cuddling & love in between whilst listening to songs we used to listen to as teenagers. To cut a very long story short, the guy is in a lot of trouble because of 3 failed businesses, in a LOT of debt, him & his ex wife basically lived a life of exuberance, kids at private school, 15k holidays several times a year, designer clothes, the life a very wealthy family would have. He tells me he has changed, he says he has never been honest with anyone in his life but I am the one & he will tell me the truth, and he did, or so I thought, he told me very bad stories, how he cheated on his wife with over 50 women, even having several serious long term relationships during their marriage, how he betrayed all his family & friends but how none of this would have happened had his wife been loving & normal but she just demanded so much from him (which btw I know is true & have saw this evidence). So I fall deeply in love with this guy all over again even though I was warned by many to stay clear. But he loved me so much, gave me lovely gifts & love letters, was always there if I needed him, was so very upset when I told him of physical abuse from my ex, it broke his heart. And for 9 months I lived in a total heaven I had never had before when we were together & when we weren’t we spoke at least 20 times a day, texted probably over 30 times a day minimum. He had told me in many of our heart to heart conversation (which he said he’d never had with anyone else) that if he ever stayed out all night then I should know 100% that he had cheated. And guess what, a month ago he stayed out all night, ignored my calls & texts all night and I knew something was off, I called him first thing at 8:30 am and he said he was at the school playground seeing his kids & he’d been out late with an old workmate & fell asleep there but then went home & slept at his own house the rest of the night. So I drove to his (10 min drive & I have keys for his house). He comes into his house at 9:30 still dressed in clothes from night before, looks at me with no feelings as I cry my eyes out & am obviously in a mess and lies on the sofa and starts to sleep, I shake him and ask if he has anything to say to me, he looks at me as though I am crazy and says “eh no” so I leave in tears & head to his sisters who I already had arranged to have coffee with previously. She tells me he has been out of order but there is no way he would have cheated & he is going through a hard time after escaping his sociopathic ex wife. He convinced me the same & we stay together but he gradually got more & more distant after that. Telling me we have been too intense & I never go out with friends like other girls & he is dealing with a lot so I should give him space, I tell him if he wants out then tell me but don’t just ghost me & treat me bad until I finish with him as I don’t deserve it after everything I have done for him (got him a car & a flat on my credit, taken out credit cards to pay his staff and basically gave up my whole life to help him escape his evil ex wife). So I start trying to sort my own life (which is very messy) and try to chill with him but still see him a few times a week and we have lovely times. Then last Friday night, we went for a lovely meal but came home early and snuggled up on sofa, I put on some lovely lingerie and sit beside him & he tells me I look like a prostitute & should put one of his t shirts on which I did. He then went to bed early so I sat up and finished the movie alone as he was obviously exhausted. The next morning he jumped out of bed and said he was going to the gym, fair enough, he came home 2 hours later & was acting so off, I tried to hug him & day we should have sex, he said no, maybe that’s just the way my mind is feeling right now. Then he said he was taking his kids out for the day (on our kids free weekend which we treasured & always spent together) and I said fine I will come (as I have grown close to his kids and he mine, been on holiday together & everything) and the says “no I don’t want you there”. So this breaks my heart & I can’t help but cry which he hates, and he hugs me & tells me he loves me & because I stayed up drinking when he went to bed that I should go home & sleep off my hangover & we would head to his family party that night. So I did, got myself all ready then at 6:30pm still no sign off him picking me up to go to his families for a big party night, I text him to ask what time he is getting me at and response I got is “not going anymore” and he doesn’t answer my calls so I head through to his families home (I am or was very very close to them) and I cry on their should but we end up having a great night. The next day once I get home he keeps phoning but ignore and he starts texting me calling me a psycho & that because I was hungover the day before & initially said I wasn’t up for a big party (although subsequently he talked me into going home for the sleep & I would feel ok by 7pm to which I agreed, in fact his last words to me were ‘see you tonight, love you’”) so he cancelled with his family. So he went through to see his family the following night for dinner (normally I would ALWAYS be invited) and he texted me to say that I was crazy & totally had blown everything out of proportion & why did I bitch to his family about him the night before. So admittedly I sent him some horrid texts asking how he could hurt me this way & that since the night he stayed out all night he had distanced himself & that I thought he was a liar & a cheat. He basically told me to get to bed & grow up. So I did and after a whole night of reflecting & crying my eyes out I didn’t contact him the next day but by lunchtime I had a niggling feeling & logged into his fb messenger where I saw a message that morning to a girl asking how she was, does she still have the flat & would she like to meet for a drink & catch up. I called him going crazy & he said it was his broken phone (true his phone has just broke and was very hard to see anything on the screen) and he never knew this girl & that he was at work & he absolutely didn’t and wouldn’t do such a thing. He then said not to bother his family anymore as I am stressing them out with my crazy behaviour (there was only 1 weekend the days previously where I had acted crazy in 10 months). He Called my sister a day later to justify everything and said he thought I needed to see my friends & family more & that I was acting crazy, then he turned up at my house 2 data later to take me for a coffee & to sort things as he didn’t want us splitting up over absolutely nothing & he convinced me that he never sent the message asking a girl out, that he has never ever cheated & why the hell would he as it makes no sense when he has everything in me. I forgot to add that the whole time we gave been together he told me that if I was skinnier, blonder & more tanned then he would never go anywhere else. Even if no one replies to this or ever reads it, just typing it and putting it out there makes me see exactly what it is and how I’ve been played. I’ve been reading up on sociopaths and he ticks every single box yet still I was thinking I am being paranoid & over sensitive as I know I am like that anyway, but if even 1 person comes back to confirm that to me then it will help me move on so much easier 😪
The “why the break up with the sociopath can be psychologically damaging”-post really got to me. I am stuck at a place, after the discard, where Im devastatingly confused about love, and truly believe I will never love anyone again. I have,-though I know with him falsely-, experienced my “dream”. The strongest feeling of happiness, completeness and love I’ve ever felt. So how can -anyone- else now measure up? I feel like I will be forever searching for something that is impossible to find and end up alone?
Do you know what the secret is? The answer is to love yourself. I know that this sounds simple, and I know this sounds like it comes from a text book. I promise you, when you love you, you won’t allow someone else in, to disturb your peace. Unless, they can love you, as well as you love you.
I dont know if anyone still reads these but I believe I have been discarded by a sociopath that has just faked his own death thru the help of his parents who have lied to him in the past. This was a 10 year relationship. Thing is..is that he is across the pond and I have no way of proving this.
This only happened a week ago and my head and heart are spinning. I can’t prove if this is another lie or not and i dont know how to feel. Any advise? Im numb.
Hi Angel, I apologise for the HUGE delay in reply. How are things going today? Are you ok?
This more rhetoric than a question how do these people even sleep at night? More importantly how do they get away doing the same thing over and over again? Playing victim , continuously lying , making stupid excuses ,shifting the blame , ruining everyone’s happiness, treating people like dirt . The high functioning ones are intelligent so why can’t they use their brains in a better way . What if down the road their near and dear ones are subjected to the same treatment by some other person like them. The pathetic part is there is not only no remorse but they are so arrogant that they can’t even hold a communication if some one wants to help them.I speak from seeing first hand experience , My friend wants to help her best friend / ex boyfriend and I honestly think it is crazy idea and I don’t think this trait can be cured but she can’t see him wasting his life away. I don’t think he even cares as he is already with the next victim. I do want to know that how is that they are so much at peace and normal when they are in the wrong and on the other hand the real victims are the ones who have to bear the brunt of a heavy conscience . Not to forget the fools who hover around me such individuals and think they are impeccable . Let me know your thoughts
I think they are better at lying, hiding behind the mask than we are at detecting them. Also they move on too, moving area, moving to a place where they know nobody. Where there is no past trace, so they begin again by mirrroring someone new.