Once you have escaped the madness that is being in the relationship with the sociopath, you might look back with rose coloured glasses, at the ‘love’ you miss. ‘
While, ‘love’ might how the sociopath has described it to you. Let me tell you it isn’t love.
Love isn’t ownership
Love isn’t possession
Love isn’t control
Love isn’t deceptive
You might look back on the relationship and remember the ‘good times’ the ‘fun times’, how that person was there for you more than anyone else ever had been.
Remember, this is not the reality. It isn’t that the sociopath was there for you more than anyone else, or even that they loved you more than anyone else.
The truth is that the sociopath:
MONITORED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
It isn’t that you were LOVED MORE
You were MONITORED MORE
There is a difference.
Monitoring and keeping tabs, is what the sociopath does best. Once they have a partner that they want to KEEP, they seduce that person and once captured will keep them hostage. In the sociopaths mind, this is love.
Sociopaths will take ownership, possession and control of a person. To me, this isn’t love.
Loving someone is to love that person for who they are. Sociopaths cannot resist the desire to mould others, and shape them into a person that they want. They do all they can to keep their partner contained, monitored and under control. There is no real loving a person for who they are. Instead they mould their partner into who they want them to be.
There can be no personal growth being with a sociopath
Sociopaths cannot tolerate their victims trying to escape. They are jealous of their partners success and will do all that they can to sabotage their partners success. This allows them to keep control. in the sociopaths mind, once they have taken possession over you, you are theirs to keep.
They believe that you belong to them, and only them, and woe betide anyone who tries to trample on what they perceive as THEIR sentimental property.
This often creates confusion for victims who can sometimes miss the attention received from the sociopath. Not realising that this attention was simply being placed not on a pedestal as they would suggest, but rather under a microscope, constantly monitoring your every move to minimise the chance that you will escape from them.
Sociopaths ‘love’ in their own way
It can be confusing when leaving the relationship with the sociopath. Yes you can remember so many good times. Yes you can remember the person that was ALWAYS THERE. They are not always there because they loved you more than anyone else has. They are always there, because they are always monitoring you.
These are the lyrics by Sting – Every breath you take. It was written after he split with his wife. The sociopath in my life said that this should be the sociopath love song. He had been drinking that day, or I am sure he wouldn’t have told me. But it was a good indicator of how they really think – how they really see their partner, who is really just somebody that they own, and to keep control they MONITOR…. they do not like their own sentimental property to escape
“Every Breath You Take”
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching youEvery single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you
O can’t you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you
Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it’s you I can’t replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I’ll be watching you
What am I really missing?
Being monitored is NOT being loved!!!
If you miss the love that you had with the sociopath, try to swap that word from ‘love’ to ‘monitored’ …. think about it! this is exactly what they were doing, simply monitoring you. So that you wouldn’t escape.
They weren’t spending all of their time with you, because they were ‘in love’ like perhaps you were, they were spending all of their time with you to ensure that you didn’t escape and to keep control.
If you hear from them after you have split no this doesn’t mean that they ‘love you’ it is more that they want to know what you are doing, and especially they want to know that nobody else has managed to ‘capture’ you.
Sociopaths see relationships differently than non sociopaths. They give the persona that it is the same, but it isn’t the same.
You can try all you like to apply your own reason and logic to why this happen, but the truth is, that there is no reason and logic, it is the way that their brain operates and works.
The truth is
- They see their partners as objects to keep
- They do not love people they own people
- They do not spend time with you because they are ‘in love’ they spend time with you to monitor you
- It isn’t interest in you and your life, Its a form of domination, ownership and control
No – it never gets better. It will always be that way, its the way that their brain works, and the way that they think. When you are with a sociopath… you are… quite literally ‘hijacked’… in every way.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2014