All sociopaths lie. Most people tell the odd white lie. You might lie about why you are late for work to your boss. You might embellish the truth sometimes. You might lie to save somebody else’s feelings and to not hurt them.
The sociopath is in another category of lying. The sociopath is a compulsive, pathological liar. The sociopath lies about EVERYTHING. In fact, the sociopath lies more often than they tell the truth. They find it easier to lie, than they do to be honest.
Sociopaths lie for the following reasons
- For protection – to create a false persona of who they really are
- So that you do not find out about them and their past
- So that they can manipulate and deceive you, for their own gain
- To be in control
- To lure you into a false sense of security, so that you become addicted to them
- Telling you all that you want to hear
- They don’t care about you or your feelings, winning and being in control, is the most important thing
- They suffer from boredom easily
- To gain sympathy and play victim
- They find it easier to lie than to tell the truth
- The sociopath feels safer behind the lie. The lie is the sociopaths friend and is the sociopaths mask of protection
Sociopaths lie to deceive, manipulate and to get what they want. They lie to obtain things from people by deception. Their lies can be outrageous. It is true that the more outrageous the lie, the more likely it is that it will be believed. At the end, when the truth comes out, the victim is left spinning, and absolutely confused.
The sociopath will start lying from day one. You, to the sociopath are a target. The sociopath is the predator. The sociopath will assess you to see if you have what they want. If you do, they will mirror you, to be the person that you are looking to find, to build false trust, so that you will allow them close.
Here is a list of the lies that were told to me by the last person I was with.
1. He had a job, which was a professional job earned a lot of money.
Truth – he was unemployed. He got out of this one, by elaborate fake calls in front of me, that he was losing his job
2. He was going to get a large payment of money – and that he had temporarily lost his bank card. He wore clothes that looked like they cost money.
Truth – he never had any money in the entire time I knew him
3. He had no debts
Truth – if this was true it was because he had never taken financial responsibility
4. He owned his last house. He bought it outright and left it in a trust fund for his daughter
Truth – he never owned a house. The last house was rented from a social housing landlord. His ex almost lost the house when he didn’t pay the rent.
5. He is getting £3,000 put into his bank account and was buying an Alfa Romeo car.
Truth – There was no money – he couldn’t drive either
6. His last house was burgled
Truth – this never happened
7. He would pay 3 months rent in advance if he moved in with me
Truth – He never paid a penny
8. He was a very moral man. He mirrored my values. Would tell me what a good father he was. His phone would ring and he would take calls from his daughter every other day. He told me he had her to stay every other weekend.
Truth – He hadn’t seen his daughter in years. The calls were faked. He would set the alarm on his phone to ring to have fake calls (in front of my face) fake father to daughter caring conversations his daughter. None of this was true. He was talking to himself, and as his phone rang, I didn’t suspect that he was lying. These fake calls were designed to give the illusion that he was a trustworthy, reliable, down to earth man.
9. He had another 3 fake jobs. That he was always going to get paid for, (so I was forced to financially support him as he was living in my house). There was always the story that there was going to be money in the bank on Friday. He would get up, at 6am to go to work all day, returning home at 5.30pm. He would wander the streets all day – or sit in the library. He never had a job. He didn’t know anybody in my city either. He had dupers delight from conning me, and getting me further into debt. It would have been easier for him to have said that he didn’t have a job. Instead, he faked them, and the more that he got away with it, the more he enjoyed the elaborate art of conning and getting away with it.
10. The most outrageous and elaborate lie, that he kept up for months, before running away was that he told me that the mother of his child was dying of cancer. He would make fake calls in front of me, to the hospital, his ex, his daughter, to solicitors. He told me that his daughter was coming to live with us, the mother would be dead in a week, then she would be dead imminently within 2 days, it was so much drama. At the time, it was also incredibly upsetting, and so very dramatic. He cried real tears. He really threw himself into actor in this position and carried it out for months. When I suspected that he might be lying and faking the whole thing, he would yell at me “how could I be so heartless, his daughters mother was dying, his daughter would be without a mother”
Truth – She was alive, not in hospital, and was home and well and not dying of cancer. She was probably at home watching tv, having a regular day.
This is just a selection of lies that were told, in a short space of time. All of it was designed to manipulate and to deceive.
It is absolutely shattering when you realise that the person that you were with, the person that you trusted, that you thought was your soul mate, that almost everything that has been told to you is a lie. This is when you realise that you have been dating a compulsive pathological liar. A person who finds it easier to lie than to tell the truth, a person that has no respect for you, your life, your welfare, or your needs. All that they are thinking is ‘what is in it for me’
Uncovering the lies at the end, brings another kind of grief. A grief of the person that you THOUGHT you were with. A realisation that the person that you thought you loved, does not exist. As the lies are unravelled, it is also a very confusing time. When the sociopath knows that their lies will be found out. They will take off and move onto the next victim
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265 thoughts on “Compulsive Pathological Lying”
This is so crazy and so accurate. I wish i knew this from day one. I have no idea how to gst out of it! I’m married to one and we have two kids together. I promise this is almost my same line of excuses.
Hello lost child. This is for you and anyone who has the occasion to read this. I have read and reread anything I can find concerning sociopaths. I have come to an understanding of who they are and what they do. I don’t understand how, what, and why they do what they do. Truth is nobody will ever ever understand. You, me, and anybody that has been tortured by a sociopath will understand. Best that can happen is you slowly start to understand that they have no feelings and you can’t stop yourself from having compassion, morality, remorse, love, sympathy and any of the feelings normal people have. You are fortunate. They will never have feelings. Sad but true. But you don’t, and shouldn’t feel sorry for them. They will continue doing what they do and will hurt people. We just have to keep as much distance from them as possible and never allow them into our lives.
I know several prominent politicians that fits these descriptions to a T.
I too am worried with 2 kids. I can’t take it anymore. It feels like I am in an alternate universe. I’ve hung in there for 15 years for the kids. But I can’t anymore. When we met I was a happy,fit, and ambitious. TODAY I am depressed, over weight, and uninspired. The sad thing is I don’t have the courage to leave despite the fact that is litteraly killing me. He’s as carefree as ever.
How old are your children hostage? Are they his children too?
Oh my god that’s so true. Mine hurt me so bad in so many ways and then showed up so many ways like nothing had ever happened. Like we were best friends and just got busy with life..he’s so sick
Yes, they do that. Act like nothing has happened 😦
I just don’t understand how his own family doesn’t see how sick he is. He hurt me so much but at the same time all I want for him is to get better. I’m so worried about him. How do I stop obsessing over how worried I am for him?
Because he is a compulsive liar and a good one at that. Has painted you as the bad one and him as the victim…or they do see he just wont let you know. Or they are equally as disfunctional.
Paula and Positivegirl we all must be talking about the same person. Wow…the lies that I have been told and then how they go ghost once they been exposed. Then come back like Nothing ever happened, meanwhile you sitting back trying to understand what the freak happened and why they tell such a Big lie to you.
I’m praying that when he resurface, God has sent my Soulmate. I can’t go back….Noooo!!!
No, you don’t want to go back. It would only hold you back in life, and bring further destruction.
A week ago I found out the man I dated and all but lived with for six months was just this situation. I am a professional, 59 years old, intelligent, and all my friends and coworkers adored him too and none of them questioned anything either. He is so good at what he does. I am still reeling. It is helpful to read blogs such as this. I am grieving but also grateful I found out after only six months. Turns out the wife who he told me passed away from cervical cancer in fact suicided after a lengthy marriage to this piece of work. Heartbreaking.
Omg, that must have been shocking to hear about the wife. I am sorry that you are going through such trauma, 6 months with a psycho can feel like a very very long time.
It appears that more women than men are posting comments. I understand, and the pain and anxiety and other associated feelings you are feeling.
I had a long term relationship with my ex off and on for 17 years. I’m pretty certain that she cheated on me but if I confronted her she would tell me I was delusional and then tell me I was the one that was probably cheating. She would always turn the conversation around. When something happened to her that was upsetting she never cried. I just thought she was able to control her emotions. I think I knew almost from the start, having read some notes I had written periodically during our relationship, and how little I paid attention to my own thoughts and advice….to myself! Until I guessed that she might be a sociopath and read more and more, did it become very clear. She is controlling, manipulative, no morals, no remorse, no shame, no guilt. For example, before I met her she had sex with several married men and never thought there was anything wrong with that. When her father died in 2000 I only saw her shed a few tears, once. I thought it was strange that she wasn’t broken up about the man she so adored. There are loads of other examples, but enough for now. After many disappointments I broke it off with her in December 2015 . In the following 8 months I had managed to stop thinking about her. Then in August I saw her at our city celebration downtown. I saw her and turned around and walked away. I continued to walk around and unintentionally walked right in to her again. I should have turned around again and ran. I didn’t and thought I could handle it. She told me she was seeing a guy but was going to “dump him because he was an alcoholic and used cocaine”. This was in the first few minutes that we talked. That day she was babysitting her nephews son. The following day she called and asked me if she could stop by my house with the her nephews son. She and I had babysat him in the past to help her nephew out before I broke up with her. I allowed her to stop. When she stopped she again said she was breaking up with this guy. To make a long story short she said she was going to break up that day with him. She sent me a text and said she wasn’t going to see either one of us. “I’m going to clear my head”. I sent her a text saying that it wasn’t fair to meet him to break up and send me a text. She didn’t answer my text so I drove over to her house to find out why. When I got to her house the boyfriend was there. She used me to get back with him. I am hurt and angry that she lied and that she used me. I was keeping a journal the whole time this was going on and I told myself not to get involved…. I disregarded myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!
It’s been several months now since that day. I have seen her out and have not made any attempt to talk to her. Since this all happened I have read everything I can on sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths and all the stories about these conditions and they all say run away, make no contact. I have listened to the advice and have to consistently remind myself to stay away and not think about her. Easier said than done. I Think about her less every day but I think it will still be a while before she is out of my mind.
This is the first time I have ever posted anything. I am still sorting things out . I needed to vent and I used this opportunity to do it.
just delete everything about her.. 3 months and you will be fine… find a hobby you like….
I think it takes longer than 3 months if psychopathic abuse Nbookz. It can take that long to even begin to accept reality. Perhaps longer. Then to undo the mind control, brain washing. Then you have the ruining, smear campaigns and 3rd party abuse. Likely you also have to pick up the pieces of your shattered life, perhaps huge debts, ruined career…. many victims end up with PTSD, and in therapy. It can take a long time to undo the type of damage that they can do to a victim.
It’s sick –I’m sick. Four years now and I can’t stop this ride. We have a two year old daughter. You wouldn’t believe our story. Unreal.
9 months ago I was in a hospital reeling from a relationship with a “friend” who lied to me for 6 months or more about a girlfriend that he was grieving (who “died” after becoming paralyzed during an operation. None of this happened.)over. MY husband was deployed when he began telling me this story. He was a close friend of our family at their time e (had been for at least 6 months BEFORE my husband deployed, so I trusted him more than I would most people from the beginning ) God was I stupid. He lied about EVERYTHING .I’m talking hours and hours of talking about what songs they were were planning to play at their wedding, her birthday passing, stories upon stories about this girl , whom he apparently worshipped and would never get over. He had pictures of her and a sad back story for her as well. I bought every word. I started feeling like we were getting too close at one point and said so, but then felt silly because he didn’t seem to think there was anything to worry about, and said he didn’t feel attracted to me that way sooooo… I went against my better judgement to help him through his “grief”. I genuinely fell in love with him over time, thinking we were so alike (he was great at mirroring) and feeling so close to him (although I now know that there person I thought he was , wasn’t even real at all) I trusted him around my kids, and with my most personal memories and experiences (which I would share in attempt to show him that life can be bad but things can get better.I have been through a lot and try to use my past to help others when I can) I really thought he was making progress and would be ok. Then I found out he lied to me. I was in shock for a while after that.I really didn’t know how to handle it. At their time I thought he had just lied about her being dead (which was bad enough) but he insisted that he still loved her and so I was trying get to make sense of what my role was in all of it. I decided to try to find her and see if she would talk to him. I found her on Facebook and to make a long story less long, through several conversations with “her”, I came to realize that he not only invented this story but also had made a fake profile and I was actually talking to him. By then I was so emotionally invested in him that i couldnt detach without hurting myself too. I knew how I felt but knew it was wrong and based on lies , not to mention how much i was hurting my family by giving him all my energy. I became suicidal , was self harming.. eventually ended up in the hospital for 7 days. I was a mes.Outpatient for a month of therapy. My poor husband could not make sense of any of it since i had not been honest with him about how i had been feeling those last few months and he did not realize the extent to which the story went and how i was being manipulated.Months of grief (over the loss of a friend that never truly existed , the intense guilt of what i had done to my family by prioritizing him and his fake problems.. feeling completely lost and wondering how i would ever reconcile with my sweet and patient husband.) I cant even describe how much knowing this person messed me up. I used to homeschool my children and was a good mom and wife, I had worked very very hard to get to that point to in my life and was extremely vulnerable when he began telling me his sad story (alone with 4 young kids in a city I had only lived in less than a year with my husband having just left for a 4 month deployment when this started)and roping me into his rollercoaster world where dead girlfriends are “real to him” and everything is risk vs reward everyone is out to get him poor him …blah blah blah.He knew exactly what he was doing. This man works for them military and plays war games for a living.He is educated and predatory. I was so blind and stupid for befriending him. I have no idea what his motivations were and I never understand why he did this to me and my family. It nearly destroyed my marriage and my life, I have been inpatient twice since I ended my relationship with him. That is saying something because I am 37 and been through a lot when I was younger without once being in a hospital for anything I was recovering from. I AM RECOVERING THOUGH. And my marriage is recovering from my mis steps and poor judgement. I was really hurt and angry and depressed. But I am getting better, finally . I ran into him once before we moved and he told me he was glad I was OK and he “thought I was dead”. He knew I wasn’t dead because he talked to people and asked about me and was told I was fine only a couple weeks before. It scares me to think that he will probably incorporate details of my life that I shared with him into lies he tells future targets. I hope I can ultimately just forget about this whole thing and never see or hear from him again. After all this though, he still has my pity.Just not for the reasons he set out to win it with.
I’ve started dating this guy, we’ve been together since June, I’ve caught him lying to me me so many times, even the smallest of things, like… we got a 300 ruppes fine and he tells the world it was 3000rupees, he tells everyone he worked in the lions park in south africa with my dad, he’s in a group chat with a couple but it’s only with her! I watch him lie to everyone around us everyday and I know he spins me these big elaborate stories! I love him but I can’t take the lying anymore! he lies about the girls he’s been with and I find out through friends that he wasnt, he does it to make me jealous and he really hurts me when he tells me all these things. but most of all he has a massive temper! he always says really nasty things to me including calling me a c#$t, I’m pulling my hair out because I do love him, he can be such an awesome guy when he wants to be, I’m in 2 minds but, if you had to ask me what to do about it, I have no clue! because, I want to leave but I don’t 😢
I have recently contacted an old classmate from college that I saw ONLINE. We knew each other back in the 70’s ; the days of Sex, Drugs, and more Sex and Drugs. He never did drugs. His addiction was lying. I’m looking forward to seeing him again. We have lots of laughs, and flirt endlessly, (most flirting is just a good lie anyway). I just know not to ask him ANY QUESTIONS. NOTHING that requires a YES, a NO or a description. No Opinions. Nothing. I’ll do the talking. I give directions. He can talk if he wants to, but mostly; I’ll just make him laugh. I don’t care if it’s a fake laugh or a real laugh. I live alone, he doesn’t have to make a date or keep one. He can show up whenever he likes, if I’m not home… oh well, that’s the price you pay for never telling the truth. If he stops coming around. He’s Dead To Me. If I meet someone else, and he get’s kicked to the curb: oh well… At our age; everything is going to end at some point. And THAT is the TRUTH.
If he is a sociopath, he steers the conversation. Always.
I love that. So true. The sociopath always steers the conversation! No matter how awesome my flirting is or my day was, his day was more important and blah blah…
Wow. Your man sounds just like mine. I call mine “mother goose” because he has more fake stories than her books!! Always lying and exaggerating. He can be so loving, and sweet for two days then say nasty things to me and lie and disappear on the third day. I love him. We’ve been together almost four years and have a beautiful daughter. It’s so hard…
Lol jessica 🙂 i know how hard it is. They can be so charismatic too. Think of it like this what u have is probably best anyone is going to have.
They don’t have a conscience which makes it difficult for normal people to understand. They use us as objects and once we figure that out…they move on. They can become dangerous once you expose them. Get away and do not speak to them. I mean it because I lived it.
How can i put a stop to lying to my wife im tired of hurting her but i just keep lying over stupid stuff
I don’t know the answer to that Josh, only you can develop your own moral code of conduct. Being lied to, is absolutely devastating.
I’m 18 mths out of a 4 year lie fest. Everything his name even – all a lie and I dated him and talked of marriage for years.
Hes now with someone else amd blocked me a year ago. Like a ghost yes but one who will never try to talk to me again. I know that’s a good thing but still makes me sad some days. But yes _ they are all apiece of work 🙂
It’s commendable that you are trying. You probably need a therapist.
All the best
Hey Joelene how are you doing?
I feel this pain and I don’t know what to do. Confronted her about all of this, no explanations. Cheated on me, sent inappropriate pics to other guys, told me she would change time and time again. Has made rash decisions. Has said things, asked questions that seem ludicrous. What would I do if she cheated, etc. Lies on top of lies. Gives me bits or information here and there, holds back information, leaving me with so much anxiety. Meanwhile, I’ve given her so much love. I’m lost.
You will never get an explanation from her. She likes to play the game and would always keep you hanging to retain control.
It is just so hard to get over. Like I can’t believe he could tell me he loved me over and over and act like we were a couple, and then out of nowhere tell me i was not the one and discard me and move on to the next one. Trying to let it go, but fearful now of meeting men. Lonely, but not really ready to date.
Dating right now, is probably not a great idea. I stayed single for 2.5 years I needed to take time out to focus on me (or risk meeting another).
My ex lied to me for 2 years, destroyed me and turned it around saying that I had a part to play. Which sure, I get. I’m 24. I have a bit of a temper and could learn to communicate better. No one is perfect and I acknowledge that I have things to work on. We all do. But I always felt something was off. I tried to confront him early on by just talking and asking questions but as time went by he got angrier and angrier and would turn it around on me or say he couldn’t remember. I stuck by his side through dark times and helped him overcome a lot of personal issues. Never left him. How does he repay me? He pushes me away and says that he wants nothing to do with me, saying horrible things to get me to go. But then tells me he is letting me go so I can find someone better and have the life I want. I’m left dealing with the broken pieces and I’m anxious beyond belief. It’s affecting everything. How do they do it so easily and act like nothing is wrong- just go about their life? Does it ever come back around so that they get what they deserve? Maybe that’s the wrong way to see it. I’m just so angry, it isn’t fair. I love so deeply and care so much…I’m just shocked.
Yes it does come back to bite them. You need to understand this a never ending cycle. They will always go through women and never experience a genuine relationship, therefore will be forever lonely. One day their looks will be gone, they will have gone through women and their mates will all be married – they will be totally alone!
You will move on, find someone and settle down and if you allow yourself to look back for one moment, he will be in exactly the same place he is today.
Hey there girls,
I am in same trouble.
my bf is a compulsive lier and we are together for 1year and 4 months.
When we met everything was perfect,he seems like the dream boyfriend.Was very carrying,romantic (sometimes even too much). In the beginning I trusted in everything he told me.But all was a lie.He lied about studying as a pilot when he wasn’t studying at all.Lied about being vegan for about 2months.About his age even. Those kind of lies didn’t scare me in a beginning.They just seemed childish.
But later he went level up and lied to me that his cousin died,so I would feel sorry for him.
Or when I would be busy working he would call me and lie that he is in a hospital or nearly dying so I rush to the apartment.
One time I left for a short trip and when I came back my MacBook with all my works was missing.He was lying for two months that it got stolen from his car,but than finally told me the truth that he sold it!!!!!!Than I got mad and asked him to leave me alone and he went to the roof saying that he is going to kill himself if we separate …
There were many more lies…
But what happened a month ago totally destroyed me…we had a fight and he literally beaten me up…I left him for two weeks… but one week ago we start seeing each other again.I cry every day and I feel stupid for returning with him…I don’t know how to turn around and accept the truth that he won’t ever change.
I’m just finding out my husband is a sociopathic liar. Even when I confront him with hard evidence, he says its not true, and I’m the liar. He blames me for everything and makes me feel like I’m the crazy one. We have 2 kids together and have been married for 12 years. This is a new feeling for me and I don’t know how to leave or walk away. I can’t eat or sleep, and I’m constantly crying. I know the longer I stay it’s just going to get worse. Our kids adore him and I’m afraid of hurting them by leaving the only home they’ve known.
Hi utterly broken. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It sounds like he is gaslighting you. Making you question your reality.
It can be difficult to leave when you have children together. Particularly if your children are close. You will be painted the bad guy, the one who broke up a family. But you are right it won’t get better. How old are your children ?
Wow, these posts are interesting and I’m sorry to say, comforting to know that I’m not alone in this situation. For starters, I found out over the years that my husband lied about nearly everything, big and small. He is a professional guy and earns a lot of money, but spends ten times his earnings, so has nothing to show for it. He blamed his ex for stealing his mail which ruined his credit. The fact is, he was a huge gambler and big spender and dabbled in anything that brought him pleasure first and foremost, no matter the consequences. He would financially support family members despite having huge debts and bills he couldn’t pay and then deny ever giving them money. He would lie about who he went to lunch with and even what he ate! Who does that?? !! He is now older and has health issues, but still lies. We just got back from a wedding and he told me his friend called him this morning to thank us for going to the wedding. I later found out my husband called him this morning. Why lie about that??????
On another note, my brother is a sociopathic, pathological, narcissistic liar. He is a well rehearsed, prolific performer who can deliver a believable dialogue to anyone to get what he wants. He has been faking a medical condition for over a year and told my parents he has mounting medical bills and he is getting thousands of dollars a month. He lies about his daughters unpaid doctor bills and makes up various situations to score sympathy and cash from my parents. He told his second wife that his first wife died in his arms. Wife number one is remarried with kids and living a nice life, the bizarre list goes on and on. Honestly, being around liars has made me very leary of people. I only hope and pray my coming years are filled with honest, good living people. I hope this for all people who have been through this🙏❤️
I feel for you. It is so exhausting to be around.