The one thing that a sociopath is good at is playing victim. When you first meet the sociopath they will tell you stories, about how horrific their ex was.You will not know it, but often the sociopath will accuse the ex of what they were guilty of doing themselves. If the sociopath cheated, he will tell you that she did. He will tell you that his ex was a psycho and how difficult it was.
Whatever lies you are fed, the sociopath will be sure to ensure that he paints himself in a good light and the victim in the story. He is great at turning on the waterworks and giving a good sob story. You will be made to feel, just how much the sociopath trusts you, with this painful information. How special you are that they have chosen you to confide this information. You will be manipulated to think ‘I wouldn’t treat you in this way‘. The sociopath can use this to test how giving you are, how caring you are and how easily he can manipulate and control you.
Often, displaying this victim mentality is exactly what throws people off of the scent of detecting that their partner is a sociopath. The sociopath can display weakness,and fragility whilst also appearing to be so kind and caring. Do not be deceived. The sociopath will always tell you exactly what they think you need to hear.
Yiou will hear great tales of how awful his childhood was. All of this is designed for you to pity him, for it is natural human behaviour for us to want to take care of someone that is needy. And this is what the sociopath plays on. And he plays this role well.
A sociopath is extremely intelligent. He is clever, and creative, and without the burden of conscience, he can weave lies, saying whatever he feels like, to deceive and manipulate whoever is his latest victim.
You will be left with the feeling that the sociopath has had a raw deal. You will be manipulated into thinking that you are special to this person, that you wouldn’t do these things, you wouldn’t cheat, you wouldn’t behave in that way, you will treat him better. This is all part of the manipulation, designed to lure you in and control you.
By opening up and disclosing personal information (which you do not realise are lies), it creates a sense of intimacy. What it also does, is create an environment where you will disclose personal information about yourself. Whilst the sociopaths stories of being a victim are false, the ones that you will tell him, will be true. The sociopath now has a list of your weaknesses, this is information that he can now use to control you, and later it is information that he will destroy you with.
When the relationship comes to an end. You will be amazed, that despite all the sociopath has done to you, he still plays victim. Only this time, he would have found a new source of supply to play victim to, to lure in. This time the person that he was a victim of is you. Lies are now told about you, all designed to portray you the real victim in a bad light, and the sociopath in a good one. This enables the sociopath to lure in new victims, to gain support for his actions against you. The sociopath will also tell these tales to people that you know, so that you becom isolated from support.
When the lies unravel, you will learn that most of what he said to you, whilst relaying his victims tales, was as fictional as a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale.
You will learn, that the sociopath was never a victim. He was the maker of his own chaos. He will go on to create further chaos in others lives, just as he has created chaos in all of his previous victims lives. You were the last victim, but there will be plenty more in the future.
Copyright © datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
You have just described my ex SPOT ON, more alarming, my 16 year old daughter has the same characteristics. I feel I’m the only person in the world with this problem, It’s so isolating and lonely, the guilt, fear, anxiety that goes with being abused by your own child. I feel like the confusion is driving me crazy.
I know they all follow the same characteristics. It isn’t something that you can get a diagnosis for until the age of 18. So try not to worry. All teenagers can display sociopathic characteristics. They are selfish and self centred. Thats normal. Type into google daily strength victims of psychopaths and sociopaths you will find a fantastic forum . The women there will help you through. I know how lonely and isolating it can be, finding that place was my godsend, as no matter how crazy what has happened to you sounds, they will understand, for all of our stories are the same. It will give you strength and empowerment. I hope that you see this!! 🙂
It describes my ex to a tee as well. Ironically, he has been a single dad to a now 16 year old daughter who, no doubt, is also a narcissist. She respects no boundaries and is cruel, verbally disrespectful and constantly playing the victim. She was the “other” woman in our relationship. You are not crazy. Living with a narcissist is constant chaos and drama…they like it that way as to divert the attention away from their dysfunctional behavior. Get counseling FAST!
Counseling never helped, well I should say it never helped her, after her latest assault on me she went back to her Dad’s. Here is a link to some of what we had to go through
http://mrstarnished.wordpress.com/2013/03/03/lost-and-alone-needing-advice/
I have no contact and prefer it that way, (with the occasional harassing me with her comments here on my blog site, for attention I am sure) maybe if she apologizes I might change my mind, but for now I am still trying to get over what we went through. My house is a whole lot calmer for sure
Well lol its been 2 years but the deal is sociopaths don’t do this sort of stuff, people who are emotionally challenged do this sort of stuff. A good sociopath wouldn’t even mention things that were bad because they would turn you off. Not to mention if you were dating this dude for a year why the hell would he say you sucked 100%? I mean my ex doesn’t suck, it was the last moments in our relationship that sucked but you know what I mean. It makes him look stupid if he dates someone he thinks sucks for a year I mean what did you stick a gun to his head? Why can’t anyone else think like this, is it so hard to think that being an emotional needy sociopath makes one look retarded?
Gosh, I know it’s 4 years later, but i really hope you found the support you needed and while I’ll never know how bad your situation feels (bc i am free to walk away–in theory), I can imagine the pain; it is so wrenching to be abused by people you think you can trust. And even when you know you can’t anymore, the cycle of abuse is so insidious that at least for me, it caused a lot of denial about trusting this mf-er emotionally. He had moved away, so there was nothing vulnerable of mine left but my psyche. And i gave that readily away month after month on the phone during a honeymoon period that seemed to go on forever. It didn’t.
I pray that youre situation better. youre not alone ive been with my mate for 22 yrs and for yrs. saw early signs thinking if I only loved him more things would get better but after so many yrs things have only gotten worse. now im seeking help to better me and be a stronger me so that I can end this cycle. BTW his dad treated his mother the same way. sadden generational curse
Have edited your name for privacy. As I know they do searches to find people. I am so pleased that you are getting outside help. 22 years is a long time to be trapped. I wrote a post about childhood on this site. I ran some polls, the results were astonishing, how similar childhood backgrounds were. I hope you get out. It can take some time to heal once you do, but absolutely worth it. Possibly you are doing it the right way, building you with support, and then out. Otherwise they often lure you back. But don’t feel sorry for him, he plays on this, and knows that this manipulates you.
So true. Thank you for your articles. But, lt is SO hard to figure out that they are lying etc… as they are so skilled manipulators. Many victims never find out. I was in a web of lies for 4 years. I am not feeling guilty to say that I got to know the truth only when I managed to get into his computer remotely without his knowledge… I was in a shock. Never before I thought he could be a liar at all . Then I saw he was not an ordinary liar… that he lies all the time…. so I googled ‘people who lie all the time’ (funny I didn’t even know for the expression pathological liar before)… so the google lead me to the term ‘sociopath’. It is amazing. He tried to keep me as a ‘source supply’ but after I got to know what a monster he is, I cut all contacts. I must say I have been ‘following’ his behavior through his very active email (dozen of women ‘supplies’) and it is amazing to have this opportunity to ‘see’ inside the sociopath. How he lies, he writes one email to one woman, puts another mask and writes another email to another woman. Its amazing to see how ‘religiously’ he is following every sociopath rule that I read about them. Now I am beginning to feel ‘burdened’ by watching all this (but you must understand it’s hard to resist not to check) but I am thankful I got this insight. I think that otherwise I would give in to his manipulation and let myself be dragged in again or completely lose my mind of sorrow and grief not knowing his true face. In one of his emails he was writing ‘how could you cut me out like this completely, I am confused, hurt… I thought we were friends above all..” I read your Grief 5 stages article and I think I have been for a month now in a depression phase… I think I saw enough of his sick ‘inside’, so now when I check in, I feel ‘burden’, negativity… and all the same sickness all the time…I noticed that I find myself more often lately thinking about positive activities in my life in contrast to spending even minute checking his sick inside world…so I am hopeful that I am closer to let go of it completely and turn to things that bring me joy in my life… Thank you again for your website. It was SO helpful for me to read it…
Oh you are more than welcome!!! That is exactly how I learned about sociopath too!! I looked up ‘compulsive liar’ The thing is that they look (because of the lies and deception) so very very normal. But it is all fake and a mask.
Do you know what though……I know you have to go through a tough time with the stages of bereavement after the relationship with them. But you are lucky – many leave and have no clue who they were with, so it damages them. (I have had more than one relationship with a psycho)…… the last one undid the damage not only of him, but he freed me from others that I had been with which had damaged me, as I was traumatised when it happened (my child died).
What you have learned, is going to empower you, and give you strength. We are moving into times which are going to be difficult. There are many high functioning psychopaths who are in government, and the people will be affected (many are starting to be very affected right now.
By seeing and understanding, you will understand what is going on around you!!! And this will give you strength in the future. Knowledge is power…. and this is wisdom, which will be invaluable in the future, if not today. thank you for writing to me, and thanking me, it really does mean a lot. I hope that we can all help each other! 🙂
For you to heal you must stop checking in to view your ex sociopath. You know he is a liar, con man, and user. Why would you continue to observe the con man at his game. To find happiness you MUST find new friends and put distance between the sociopath He will never change!!!!! He is a master at his game. You don’t stand a chance unless you withdraw and find a new life.
Whoever wrote this seems to think all sociopaths are male. It also sounds a bit angry and not at all objective.
Hi Ben,
Yes you are right. This is one of my earliest posts. Back then this was just a blog. The sociopath was still in my life every day. As he did things I wrote about it. I didn’t realise at that time, how popular it would be?
You are right, and a lot of guys do comment about it. It means going back through around 100,000 words, its quite difficult to write gender neutral (it becomes really difficult to read, or you write sociopath every other line). I probably need to go back through posts and edit. I am going to put this into a book, and will make it gender neutral, as I go through each post, and edit into the book, I will copy back here.
It is the same. I wrote about female sociopaths here – guys have commented here too https://datingasociopath.com/2013/05/22/dating-a-female-sociopath/
Hey, I was gonna say that
Why? It was a blog back in 2013 it was written as a true account of my dating a sociopath or even if i wasnt i couldnt get rid of him so he was around daily. I just wrote as i saw it often written TO him. This is one of those posts as were most in 2013
Hi
Thanks so much for your insights, they have been a real help as I’ve recently ended a 4 year relationship with a woman who was very abusive and manipulative to me and my kids. Looking back over the relationship after reading some of your posts, I should have seen the signs alot earlier but i got so caught up in trying to make her happy and not be like the other guys she had been with, trying to show her what a good and loving relationship could be like (I see now this was just a ploy on her part). It wasn’y until she started to aggressively pursue my parents family farm as an inheritance for her children from a previous relationship, that I started to notice the warnings, and they were everywhere.
Alot of her accusations still float around in my head, but thanks to your posts, I’m sloly seeing them for what they really are. Thanks.
Ooh, sounds like like you had a lucky escape to realise once she went after your parents inheritance. Remember that the horrible things she said about you, were likely how she felt about herself. To make you feel better, write a list of all those things she said to lure you in in the beginning…..that is probably nearer to the true you!! 🙂
Ahhhh, they come in women also, I dumped three women for being recognized as sociopaths
Hi Jim, yes they do. This started as my personal blog. Which became successful. This is one of my earliest posts (I began in Feb) I haven’t had time to go back and make it gender neutral. Newer posts are gender neutral.
Im get so upset when i t hink about how late i am to learn this. Then i look back and realized that even if i did knew this info i wouldnt tag it to my ex sociopath becuz he was wearing a mask . He is now pretending that he is breaking up with me becuz i gamble too much. He is the one in the casino every night betting with 5.00 so he say. Of course he’s lying but his ammo is to envite me out to gamble then turn around and say he’s treating me like shit becuz i gamble too much. I know he found another victim becuz suddenly im getting wrong number calls from a woman . This happens every time he disappear . Im his supply when he need to come back to leave these women . Im his rescue and tool to use against them to make them feel he moved on . Im sure he accused them of cheating to getaway with coming back to me for a couple of weeks yet calling me daily complaining how pathetic i am. He is trying to manipulate my emotions to sit and wait for his love that never existed until its time for his excape and new victim capture. My ex fits every description on this site . I suffered terribly for 4yrs in the last 2 i had to recover from this experience after learning this info. My first step was excepting him for he is so i can forgive him. After i took the first yr of to study his behavior to make sure he was really sick. I tried the friend thing and he cant maintain that. Its the same behavior across the board of any type of relationship. I finally letting it go completely he knew it but he made sure he charmed me before he make an exit to make it look like he was good to me and im messy so he can impress this new victim. These sociopaths are predictive if u stay focus and pay attention to them. Mine make his moves seasonal. His goal is to impress them around the holidays for income tax refund time. Then around the summer he start acting like an ass all over the place . Then close to fall he is on a hunt again and thats when the disappearing acts and blame starts yet holding on to my heart to supply his agenda in case of an emergency or future profit. I finally text him and told him he need to google sociopath so he can know he is sick. And i told him to stay away from me i am happy to move on so no need to use me fo your dirty work. Im sure he test me and will see my number changed . He would just say bad things about me and find a new victim.
Hey shannon how great they are at accusing you of exactly what they are guilty of themselves. I hope you are ok, but know that you are not alone on this site, we all understand and we all really get what you are saying.
I just had to add this.. Sociopaths create a lot if head games confusion. I can remember conversations with him that used have me responding with huh’s and whats? and what da hell are you talking about? complaints and excuses was childish asinine and off timing. They talk over you and its a rude shut down communication experience. They go behind your back to impress your family set you in a bad mood before you meet ppl with a smile on their face so ppl can think you evil and antisocial. I remember i saw signs in his roommate that my ex was giving him bad news about me until one he notice contradiction in my ex behavior that he had to tell my ex …man if you not going to treat her right then let her stay where she was. Meaning if im so bad why is he driving thru two counties to pick me up and bring me to your home? Sociopath will team with you then embarrass you in front of your enemies to gain favor and leave you looking like the crazy one . They will make friends with your enemy behind your back. Its to keep you from your support because your true friends will wonder if you really crazy. Or that much in love with these ppl and went crazy. Sociopaths will lie like a victim in your face and witnesses either against or about you like its a joke. I believe all of them murdered before. Either by slow poisoning hired hit men or prescription drugs
Yes they do cause a lot of confusion and they do this deliberately to disorientate you. Sociopaths make a drama out of nothing so that you are so busy firefighting the drama you don’t have the time to notice what they are really doing. They create smoke screens….I have experienced everything that you describe. Not only embarrass you in front of your enemies then they will make out that they are ‘on your side’ and supporting you. It is so clever what they do and it is all to alienate and isolate you and make you look like you are crazy. Thanks for you comment so absolutely spot on!
I have only just seen this comment. Great comment Shannon!!
I met one do and boy or they good I found out he had hilters birthday wow he thought I had wealth and money it turned him on but he played me like a flute and I thought the love was real in tell he knock me up then he ran that’s what they do they don’t want reponibility there selfish they don’t care about nothen in less it serve s them they will destroy families hurt children with no remorse and I actually loved one wow
Hi I am just going through your comments to edit – as you posted with your email. For your privacy I have removed this 🙂
Nice post. I am reminded of an Alan Parsons song from the 80’s:
Don’t leave false illusion behind
Don’t cry, I ain’t changing my mind
So find another fool like before
‘Cause I ain’t gonna live anymore
Believing
Some of the lies
While all of the signs are deceiving
— Alan Parsons Project, “Eye in the Sky”
“When the relationship comes to an end.. lies are now told about you, all designed to portray you the real victim in a bad light, and the sociopath in a good one. This enables the sociopath to lure in new victims, to gain support for his actions against you.”
Thanks again. It was hard for me to figure why she was so repetitive about running down her other “friends”, and then found out when she left me (over and over) she was just as repetitive and boring about calling me names and telling ugly lies about me to everyone who would listen (and she’d undress to get people to listen, if she needed to). It is less painful to understand it wasn’t pure meanness, she’s just doing what an addict does to fulfill her “needs”.