Did you feel like you were going crazy? You were losing your mind? This is all part of the sociopath’s crazy making behaviour.
The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.
Examples of this are
- Accusing you of cheating
- Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
- Accusing you of talking about them
- Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves
The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.
You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering about the sociopath.
Bullshit Bingo
It’s all a game to the sociopath. Life is a game. With little inside themselves they spend most of their life playing stupid mind games.
Accusing you of things that they have done themselves, is something that they will do over and over again. The result for you, the victim is
- Feeling confused
- Feeling violated
- Feeling misunderstood
- Feeling unheard
- Feeling guilty
- Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’ – so you feel isolated too
Afterwards, after wasted hours, protesting your innocence, you think
How did that happen?
The truth is right there, you are relieved that the constant questions and accusations have stopped. There is peace again.
Once again, the sociopath has managed to manipulate the situation, and deflect blame back onto you. You have spent another few hours of your time, stressed, anxious and defending your corner.
You feel that yet again there was yet another problem that didn’t need to be there. Some other issue, that didn’t need to be there.
But for the sociopath, it isn’t like that. He is playing a game. Playing a game with your mind and your heart. There are two things that are important to the sociopath
- Winning
- Control
If you were to catch him out in a lie, he would neither win, or be in control. So he will do anything that he can do, to win the game, and control the game.
That is all that it is.
The sociopath probably doesn’t even realise the effect that this has on you. After all, he never thinks about your needs, and this is in terms of both good and bad things. He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.
It is all just a game. A stupid, mindless game. That could continue for the rest of your life if you let it.
Isn’t it time to move forward? To stop playing the stupid game with the sociopath, who could play forever. If you let him. The sociopath doesn’t feel too much, but he does feel satisfaction from
- Winning
- Being in control
Maybe right now it is time to stop playing the game. To finish the game. Stop playing. It is now time to focus on you. On your needs and your welfare. After all when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.
Endless stress and endless drama. that is the relationship with the sociopath. There comes a time, when the only thing to do, is to put in place no contact rules, stick to them, and focus on you, and loving yourself and creating your own beautiful world. A world where there isn’t someone constantly trying to pull you apart.
You deserve so much better 🙂
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
Both man and woman alike want an ambitious person. Ambitious qualities, pioneering qualities are found attractive in both genders. Would someone care to explain the inevitable demons that latches onto those with this particular mindset. Perhaps Transgenders have the answer, or maybe now would be a good time for all of the feminist to step forward and cut the incognito bullshit out. The NEXT generation (both genders or all 3 genders) need the answers. The YOUTH needs the answers, not you old women and men and not this generation. Give them the enlightenment, and guidance.
I guess for people who have dated a psycho or sociopath, a person who has their own ambitions is preferable to one who wants a partner as a career option.
Most sociopaths unless they are high-functioning are simply looking for a meal ticket and someone to fight their personal battles. The lower functioning paths typically can’t hold a job long and expect others to carry them through life.
The answers are in the bible. Ignore at your oun peril…
Those of us who are guilty of this have nothing to worry about. Pardon my projection, but such accusations and such a scenario demands for some type of defense mechanism be it projection or detachment. I’ve never abused a woman, I’ve yet to execute the behavior of such a person.
Good for you! 🙂
I am in a relationship for 4 years now with this woman who I know fits this description to the tee. My gut tells me that she is seeing someone else. And I’m scared to find out. I have caught her before and I just want to be happy and have someone who will love me and not cheat . How do I break it off with her.
just leave her all by herself, she will mess with your head until life wil lmake no sense at all, like my now ex did with me, shes not worth it, leave her. now.
They will always cheat if they have done it before.Believe me they dont know love and will always give you a sense that you mean something to them but in reality you are nothing more than a door mat to these Sociopaths.The only way to move on with your life is with a complete break with no contact.
Surely you’re mistaken – according to this article, only a man can be a sociopath…. #everydaysexism
But seriously, it doesn’t matter if she’s cheating or not – if you’re not happy, you have to leave because the only person responsible for your happiness is YOU. Don’t look for a trigger, or something that you can use to blame the relationship failing on her. If this relationship isn’t working for you, then go. There is ALWAYS something better waiting, and that could be a person, some space, or just the person growth you get for making a decision and following it through. Go for it.
Probably best to assume that “he” is being used instead of “they” as a non gender specific pronoun. An obsolete 19th century idea you can still find in some writing style guides.
Wow! This article sound like it’s describing Donald Trump.
What makes u think that crazy?
I looked into my narcissists eyes and said I love you.
Her only response I know.
That was as affectionate as she ever got in five years.
There is always one idiot who thinks there the wise guy!
No it sounds just like Hillary Clinton!
I thought so too. Especially, the phrases:
1) “He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.”
2) “The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.”
3) “Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’
Its not always HE. My gf fits this to a t.
We know this. This is a blog called ‘dating a sociopath’. It was about the sociopath i was with at the time. The majority are male. Not always though. Many of the female counterparts are often diagnosed BPD or Histrionic. Although again, not always.
If you can relate.. that is great.
Yes, having no contact. Tired of the put-downs and gaslighting. Trying to let him go and move on with my life. It’s hard because he was/is so hurtful.
My ex won’t leave me alone. He stalks me & monitors me all the time.
He monitors my phone to 🙁
Smear campaign. You name it he does & all I get is people saying ignore him.
Easier said than done !!
It is easier said than done to just ‘ignore’ That would be like sitting in a room where a wasp was flying in your face and might sting you. Ignoring is not always an option and can, in fact escalate and make things worse.
Yes & I think it has really. Him & his girlfriend are allways plotting & planning something. There ‘smear campaign never ends. I’ve had enough !!
Aw Sue, I feel for you. It is an impossible situation to be in. The best advise I can offer is to give no attention or energy to it, they feed off of that, hopefully they will soon get bored and leave you alone. It can be exhausting having to constantly defend yourself.
Thank you. X
From the post:”…when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.”
This was my childhood. My parents and siblings were all psychopaths. I believed for over forty years that I was the worthless person who seemed too sensitive and I’d been conditioned to always blame myself. One expert on p’s pointed out that if you were raised by them and had never had this explained to you, you’d end up marrying one. Certainly true for me.
Is there one single psychopath you were glad you met? If you could have been taught the truth about them in a class or a book and then the laws were set up to protect you when you accidentally got abused by one, would you feel like one second wasted in there presence was worth it?
What about those involved with the sociopath who’ve found evidence such as accidentally finding a message from a woman in his phone while he has been telling you he loves you and wants to marry you and comes up with several different bogus stories that are inconsistent even earasing the message before you have the chance to ask to read the conversation and keeps his phone out of site within your presence though you’ve seen him check it when he thinks you are out of the room and is enraged if you touch it or need to use it for any reason. That is when the constant accusations and badgering begin as you take into account that his last relationship where the woman (of course was off her meds) was found rummaging through his gym bag. His long history of secret relationships though he stays cool, calm and collected as you try to expose his lies hoping he will finally come clean though he never does. So, someone who is constantly accusing the cheater of cheating is not a deflection from themselves engaing in the same behavior just as someone accusing the liar of lying isn’t lying themselves…they are desperate to expose the truth…afterall, we’ve trusted that this person is faithful and genuine and when caught, we can choose to ignore it enabling the behavior or call it out causing a considerable amount of stress and anguish, completely draining you emotionally, mentally and physically.
Feeding into any variety of the “path” is a deeper symptom of what is going on in “our mind” currently. When we feel strong and positive about ourselves we do not put up with behavior like this from anyone much less a romantic interest. It’s really not about the loser it’s about why we chose that loser to begin with and kept ignoring red flag after red flag with excuses for their behavior. Healthy people run at the first few signs of a dysfunctional person man or woman.
Truth. Good comment.
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It’s a she more often than a he. Interesting you slanted it towards men. You practice what you preach.
Um, no this was my website ‘dating a sociopath’, I was dating a male sociopath. I was writing to him. Thanks for your comment (this is a post from 2013, 7 years ago). My baby had died in 2010, and i was pretty traumatised. Good though that even seven years later, people read my traumatised thoughts. Thanks for your comments.
I know with my Ex even 8 years later still nothing has changed. My daughter who was 15 years old at the time had an accident in Highschool in woodshop where she amputated two of her fingers on a saw. She had them reattached and while she was recovering My Ex’s boyfriend had been either drugging her or something and had been sexually assaulting my daughter. The police caught this guy on a child porn site and broke the doors down to their house and took all the computers and phones. when they searched the phones and found pictures of my daughter on them sleeping with this guy doing things to her. The Coward was arrested and made bail and when I talked to the lead investigator I was told he was looking at 15 years in jail. The coward ended up taking off and eventually Hung himself because he was afraid of going to Jail.Its been three years since and every year my Ex wife posts on this piece of garbages birthday a big long write up on Facebook about how he meant the world to him and how much she misses him and how she will see him in Heaven. She write have a drink for me in heaven and you were my world and were taken far to soon. This bothers my daughter and she send me the post this year. My daughter is now 18 years old and has been through so much in her life and with Bullying and we had her at a Crisis counselor because she was cutting herself and talking about suicide at school and it was over heard. At the time in the area there were about 7 or 8 teenagers who had taken their life.But even though this never Fazed my Sociopath ex wife and still until this day she has made what happened to my Daughter about her and she has become the Victim and not my Daughter. She has no Sympathy for what my daughter has been though yet its all about her and she is the Victim. Nothing changes with Sociopaths. They are who they are and you have to get away from them completely.