You know the drill, if you have broken up with a sociopath, likely is, that you could have broken up lots of times. And then you sit in silence and wonder… usually it is enforced silence from the sociopath, to control you. You wonder, this has happened so many times before,….
Is the sociopath coming back?
You wonder this for lots of reasons:
- Can you move on? (safely without risk of carnage)
- Will you get back what the sociopath owes you?
- How can he/she just walk as if you meant nothing?
It is an empty space, that quite frankly makes you feel empty, abandoned, alone. It makes everything about the relationship a fraud (it was) fake (it was). It makes you feel worthless.
The answer to the question is that sociopaths almost ALWAYS come back, if they think that there is further use of supply from you. If they think that you will be willing to give them what they want. They will come back.
First of all, there has to be silence. They do this deliberately, just cut you dead. So that you miss them. So that you think in your mind that this is YOUR fault. So that you feel rejected and abandoned.
It is, like everything with the sociopath all a mind trick and a game. Well, actually at the time when they have ‘moved on’ they might not be thinking that it is mind trick or a game. They just are with another source of supply.
This is why no contact is so important. If you keep contacting the sociopath, asking what is going on, what is happening, they will continue with their life, as they know that you are ready and waiting to be source of supply when they want you next (and you deserve better). If they hear nothing from you, after a bit you will get the call which will say
Are you seeing somebody else?
Hi, how are you?
This might feel like a bit of a joke, especially considering that often he/she is off with someone else.
Take control before the sociopath boomerangs back!
During the time that the sociopath has gone, it is time to take control of you and your life. Focus on you, and healing and recovery. I know that is easier said than done, when you are hurting and feeling desperate for answers.
There are other ways to get answers than to get them from the sociopath. This is the one time when the last person you want to go to for answers is the partner (if your partner is a sociopath) as they will only use this as an opportunity to manipulate you further.
Instead, read all you can. Understand all you can. Let go of fear and focus on things that make you smile. Knowledge is power. Use this time, to rebuild your own life. Find new friends, or old ones. Spend time on you. This is good, at least you are not being controlled, you are FREE!!
Word of warning
Just as you are about to set off on your new life, and are feeling liberated and free, the sociopath will turn up in your life. Often this is a random call, asking how you are, or some other stupid excuse for contacting you.
At this point you might feel bad or guilty for not responding. After all, in your mind there has been no closure.
Truthfully the sociopath doesn’t really care how you are. He/she is really asking
Are you still there for me?
Can I still use you as source of supply?
How is your life now, do I still have control over you?
Have you moved on?
You might think, ‘but why?’ the sociopath has moved on. Made out that they didn’t care about you. Hurt you. You might ask, why are they back?
There is only one answer. Because they can. So, use that time apart to empower you. Make the no contact YOUR choice! Catch up with old people in your life, build a life that the sociopath can’t come back to. Start loving you, and create a life that you love.
When you get the call or text,
Hi, how are you?
Just ignore it and get on with your day. No matter how bad your day is being, the one thing that is true, is that the sociopath cannot make your days better. In fact they will only serve to make your days worse.
You want better? You deserve better? Of course you do. So don’t worry when the sociopath has left your life, and your heart is hurting. Enjoy that space, as one thing is for sure, almost always, they will be back. Even if it is just to fulfill their own narcissistic supply to know that you are not moving on, and are still there pining after them.
You deserve so much better.
It might be silent…. but remember, what healing there is in silence. Do not feel guilty ignoring the sociopath. I am sure they didn’t feel guilty abandoning you. Think of you, think of your own needs. You are worth it.
One thing is for sure with sociopaths, almost always, if they can, they will turn back up in your life at a later date!…. even if this is just a call, to tell you how wonderful their life is, how they are really happy now, thank you for all you taught them…… 🙂
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